November 3, 2022 • 46 mins
This week, Chelsea teams up with 23andMe for a very spit-ful episode. Chelsea and Catherine discover their real lineage, who’s most likely to get gout, and are shocked at how much their reports can tell them about themselves. Then: A listener with two moms discovers a number of new siblings - that reaches into double-digits. A cousin wonders if she should spill the beans about a secret sister before a big wedding. And an adoptee learns that it’s important to understand your genes before you make out with strangers at a party.
Executive Producer Nick Stumpf
Produced by Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert
**The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Have you ever thought about how incredibly complex I spit is.
It may only be water, but just aliva isn't simple.
That remaining one percent holds incredibly meaningful information that could
change everything. And I'm not just talking about your family
treat Hi. I'm Barrett to Day Thurston, and on this
(00:23):
season of Spit and I Heart Radio podcast with twenty
three and Me, we explore how DNA isn't just about ancestry,
it can also be key to understanding your health. Hello, Hello,
and welcome back. On today's show, the one and only
Chelsea Handler, comedian author host of the podcast Dear Chelsea,
(00:46):
is here to talk about her experience with twenty three
and Me. Chelsea's always been obsessed with getting healthier, from
going to therapy to sharpen her mental health to getting
in the best shape of her life in her forties.
She leaves no stone unturned as she explores ways to
improve her well being. So one natural next step in
her health care journey is taking control of her future,
(01:08):
Arming herself with the knowledge that genetic testing can help provide.
Chelsea is surprised at just how much there is to
learn from your DNA, from your likelihood to get gout
all the way to your likelihood to hate the sound
of chewing. There's so much to learn from twenty three
and Me and Chelsea has some thoughts with her co host, Katherine.
(01:29):
Chelsea shares some of the most interesting things she learned
about her health with some minimal swearing and the actions
you can take in your own life to help develop
a healthier lifestyle. And it wouldn't be an episode of
Dear Chelsea without taking a few questions along the way.
So you're gonna hear listeners share their own life changing
surprises after using twenty three and Me themselves. And let
(01:49):
me tell you, you you don't want to miss that part.
So let's listen in Hi, Catherine H. Chelsea tell USA
today we teamed up with twenty three in Me and
we're doing a very special episode with them. We're gonna
(02:10):
talk about some of the discoveries we made as far
as our health reports and our ancestry goes. We're going
to talk to some colors and answer some advice emails.
We had so many crazy responses. This is gonna be
so much fun. Yes, we both did our twenty three
in Me and to find out, it covers a bevy
of things right, your ancestry, your health markers, if you
(02:34):
have a slightly increased risk for something or increased likelihood,
or if there's a variant detected, or if you have
irritable bowel syndrome, which apparently there's an increased likelihood that
I will have that. Okay, that's my result summary. Irritable
bowel syndrome. That explains a lot. Actually, is that something
you feel like you have. I don't know. I mean,
I've had episodes. I'm not sure I have LDL cholesterol
(02:57):
increased likelihood. I definitely have an issue with that at
it says I have a slightly increased risk for Celiac disease.
But I was comparing my results with my sisters this
weekend in San Francisco, and I was under the impression.
When we were in Mariamorca, we were talking about how
much Ashkenazi jew I was, what the percentage of Ashkenazi
(03:18):
jew I was, and I remember the number sixty four percent.
And then when I told Simone that, she says, that's
impossible because our father was Jewish and our mother was
Western European. And I was like, no, I'm sixty And
then when I pulled up my results on my app
it said fifty percent Oshkenazi. So I want to know
who put that sixt into my head or where I
(03:38):
read that number. Yeah, I I also wonder, I mean,
can your ratios be a little bit different for siblings
of their full siblings? Well, you can't get sixty four percent.
When I realized for my sisters that you can't get
sixty percent Oshkenazi from one parent when the other parents,
it's like straight down the middle fifty fifty. So the
genes meet and then whichever the stronger ge are the
(04:01):
dominant gene, we'll take over. But you're never going to
get more than fift from one parent, is the way
that my sister explained it to me. She's a health
attorney and works for Genentech, so I'm gonna I'm gonna
believe her. I mean, I don't know that that's right,
but I think that makes sense because we were both
(04:21):
exactly fifty percent Askenazi. But I had different sides of
my mother than she did. I have like part Scandinavian
and part German, and more German than she has, which
explains my good looks. I was actually pretty surprised by mine.
I thought I definitely take after my like the side
(04:41):
of my family that's very British, very Irish. I'm very fair,
have a little British turned up nose, all of that
kind of stuff. But I was actually surprised to find
I'm very heavily German, which I knew, but also French,
which I guess that's a nice little touch. Yeah, that
makes me feel fancy. I'm like a little bit French.
French is good. I thought I was Safardic Jewish, which
(05:04):
doesn't make any sense at all because, as my sister
also explained to me, Ashkenazi are like lighter skinned and
you know, more blonde hair, blue eyed, where Safartic is
darker skinned, dark hair, dark eyes, and so I don't
know why I had that confusion. Also well, because you
got all that German blood, so maybe that's where the
blonde and everything that comes from. I mean, it wouldn't
(05:26):
be great, though, like to do it and find out
you have like ten percent Japanese or something like that.
That would be something like WHOA, I have a very
small percent of Senegambian and Guinean. So I think that's black.
Ye's African. And I do know that I have one
(05:48):
ancestor who was like several generations back, who was passing
quote unquote as they used to say for white, both
he and his sister. And so that's part of our ancestry.
And I thought that was really interesting. It's like, Okay,
it's actually real, it's true. Wow, that it is cool.
I think it's interesting that you can test for things
(06:10):
like irritable bowel syndrome, like that's a genetic marker. I
would not have thought that, Like I get the cholesterol,
I get heart disease. Did you what about the bcr
age a gene the mind mind did not show that.
And this test it tests for a couple of the
variants that you know lead to the b r c aging,
(06:30):
but not all of them. So you know, one of
the things they said is if you do see stuff
like that, go talk to your doctor and like check
that out. I have also, this is a good one
to highlight increased likelihood for gout. That sounds about right.
That sounds like something I would come across and at
some point in my life I just associate gout with
(06:52):
like Henry the Eighth and like eating a lot of
roast chicken. This one says drug metabolism predicted rapid metabolizer.
That makes a lot of fun. I mean that is
very on the nose. I had something. I have a
slightly increased risk for macular degeneration, which makes sense with
(07:13):
my family history. Oh yeah, I have that too. I
think that's just isn't that age related? Like most people
that Yeah, but you know, it's this sort of thing
that makes it a little easier to say, like, Okay,
here's something for me to watch out for, here's something
to talk to my my eye doctor about, and that
sort of thing. I was less likely to have a
fear of public speaking. I thought that was interesting. Are
(07:34):
you serious the stuff they can it's crazy. Yeah, do
you have a fear of public speaking? Uh? Not really? No? Oh,
here he is speaking to us. And then you can
also find your neandrethal and do you have some Well,
let's look, I bet that makes a lot of sense too.
I sometimes feel like a Neanderthal. You have Oh shit, hey, Chelsea,
(07:58):
you have more Neandrethal DNA than of other customers. What
the fund does that mean? I have more Neanderthal than
Thank god? Okay, okay, so I'm on the lower end
of Neandrethal. Here, let's remember that, okay, okay, okay, I
inherited a small amount of DNA from your Neanderthal ancestors.
(08:19):
Out of the seven thousand, four hundred variants we tested,
we found two hundred and twenty variants in your DNA
that traced back to Neadrethal's. Wow, I know. Brad's markers
said something along the lines of his bloodline could be
traced back to a single male two hundred and fifty
thousand years ago. Like single males, well, obviously there was
(08:40):
a woman involved after that, but like they could trace
his lineage back two hundred fifty thousand years. I don't
know how, Wow, but they did. That's it's crazy, you
know what. I just can't believe that so many people
are able to I guess you can opt to be
public on this right and that way I have an
increased likelihood for rosation. That's true. My whole family has rosatia.
(09:03):
Actually not my whole family, but both of my brothers
have it. Oh, here was another very interesting one from
Brad's So Brad by trade as a drummer, he's a musician.
He's also constantly shaking his leg, just like when we're
sitting at the dinner table. I always think there is
a random earthquake. He has a gene that is common
(09:23):
in people who have fast twitch muscle fibers, so it's
like he was born to be an amazing drummer. That's like,
is that restless legs syndrome also? Or no, maybe it's related.
It said something about the muscle fibers and the way
that it's common in people who are athletes and runners
(09:44):
and that kind of stuff. Mine says I have an
increased likelihood for resting bitch face. Wow, they can tell
so much. That's amazing. Do either of you have the
increased likelihood to hate the sound of chewing? No, it's
a thing. I hate that. What's it called misoponia? That
(10:07):
is a really gross sound chewing. That's in one of
my results. It's amazing. That's so funny. I can't believe
they can measure things like that and that or that
that stuff is genetic. I mean it should should be measurable.
What about the sound of forks and knife scraping on
a plate that's chewing, but usually the to go hands
(10:28):
in hand. Katherine's dad likes to cut his eggs with
a steak knife. So yeah, so it's just like it's terrible.
It's terrible, so annoying. Yes, but Chelsea, we actually have
a ton of amazing questions for today. We're callers some emails.
I had the hardest time picking which emails to use. Yeah,
(10:53):
we did a call for submissions for twenty three and
me or you know, other genetic testing things people found out,
and we've got some crazy responses. So should we launch
in after Yeah, we'll take a quick break and we'll
be right back. All right, Chelsea, are you ready for
(11:13):
some email from we bean? So our first email comes
from Kyle Elizabeth. She says, good morning. My name is
Kyle Elizabeth. I'm a thirty two year old woman living
in Austin, Texas. I was gifted a twenty three and
ME test in October of and when the results came back,
the surprises started. I'm the child of lesbian mothers, so
(11:35):
I've known since I was eleven that my father was
a sperm donor, but I was told that he was
Puerto Rican and in med school at the time he donated.
I was also told that he had only donated enough
for one family, mine, so I was the only child
created with his seamen. Well, turns out he was not
Puerto Rican, not a med student, and quote donated a lot.
(11:57):
My father is actually an ashke Nazi Jewish Man who
draw opped out of college and donated once a week
for ten years. So far, I have connected with my
new siblings, seventeen of them, to be exact, I'm the
third oldest. One is six weeks older than me, and
another is less than twenty four hours older than me.
(12:19):
Oh my god. All of our parents were lied to
by the clinic we were created in and told different
stories about our father. We also have many siblings that
didn't know they were donor conceived until they tested their DNA.
Wait wait, wait, she said, we all were lied to
about the clinic, just like, told them all different stories
about this dad. Who oh the clinic lie? Okay, because
(12:43):
I don't you pick who you're getting your sperm from.
Guess and maybe not in those days, Yeah you right,
You flipped through a book and you're like, this one
looks nice. So they were lied to, Okay, I say
so many of them didn't know they were donor conceived
until they tested their d n A, which is so
important because we had a couple other people email in
like I thought I was one race and I'm another one,
(13:05):
and for you know, family health history, that's super important
to know. So great to have a bunch of white
racist find out that they're black, you know, or any
sort of minority do their twenty three in me and
be like, oh, whoopsie doodle looks like you know that.
Actually that actually kind of happened with one side of
my family besides you, and you're besides you and your heritage.
(13:28):
Of yes it there, of yes, is that Papa New
Guinea or Guinea? I think Guinea. I think just playing Guinea,
because otherwise you would be Papa New Gay in which
I like the sound of that. But nother side of
the family they had been I mean, they're a little
more open now, but I bet they are sucking assholes.
(13:49):
Yeah now, I mean to the point where like one
of my uncles was dating a woman who had a
biracial child and they didn't want them to get married,
like really a shitty stuff. And so we found out
a few years ago that we had this ancestor who
is you know, only a few great greats back, but
(14:10):
they were passing for white, and you know, had to
sort of exist in the world in that way, and
turns out we all have that ancestry. So you know,
you learned some new things. Well, Kyle Elizabeth says, being
an entirely different race than previously thought changes our medical
history and that's incredibly important. Best, Kyle Elizabeth, So we
(14:32):
do have a caller calling in. Her name is Molly.
She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in a very weird situation
and I hope you can help. To start from the beginning,
my mother was told by my grandmother that her biological
father was a certain someone from their hometown and that
he'd left when my grandmother found out she was pregnant.
This was fifty plus years ago, about five years ago.
(14:53):
My mom, knowing that her biological father had died years prior,
decided that if she couldn't meet him, she'd like to
meet her Blas she reached out to the oldest a woman.
My new aunt had no idea her father had another child,
and took a little while to warm up to the idea,
but eventually they decided to meet. My mother asked me
to come with her as a buffer. I'm hilarious and friendly.
(15:15):
We all hit it off and my new aunt was
thrilled to have a sister and my mother and a
new niece in me. We have made it a priority
to have girls weekend at least once a year. Ever,
since I can't deny there were things that made us
question if we were in fact related to this family,
But mom and my new aunt were growing closer and closer.
Two years ago, while having dinner with my grandmother, my
(15:36):
mother asked her again and again, are you sure that
man is my father? There wasn't anyone else. After a while,
my grandmother shared that there was one other person who
it could be. After investigating and a DNA test, my
mother found she was in fact fathered by another person
and had an additional totally different sibling. So this like
(15:57):
new aunt was like not an aunt at all. She
is just a random woman. The issue is we have
a girl's weekend coming up with this new aunt. My
mom doesn't want to cancel and also doesn't want to
tell her what she's found out. She fears because this
formerly nu aunt has little to no family, that this
would shatter her. I, on the other hand, feel like
(16:18):
she should be honest with her, not only because she
should know, but because I have a busy enough schedule
as it is, and finding time to do these trips
has become difficult. It's once a fucking year. What's so
difficult about that? I'll go on vacation with this woman
to keep her happy. What should I do? I don't
feel like it's right for me to break the news
(16:38):
to the woman who's no longer my aunt, but my
mother won't help help Chelsea. Hi, Molly, how are you? Yeah?
You nice? We're good, We're good. We're just reading your submission, right.
I just reread that and saw all the typos, so sorry,
it's all right. Don't worry. I didn't see the typos,
otherwise we wouldn't be talking right now. Katherine reads all
(17:01):
the submission, so she takes care of that for us.
Thank god. I know where are you? Well, we can't
give away her precise location, but she is in the Midwest. Oh.
I was gonna say, it looks so pretty outside. I
know it is. It's like sunny and beautiful, nice, nice window.
It's like the three days we have where it's it's
like pretty and yeah, and then it all goes to
(17:24):
hell in a handbasket, really does for the rest of
the year. So your new aunt that's not really your aunt.
How old is she? I think, like, and you feel
like and okay, so I have a couple of things
to say. How many times have you guys had your
girls weekends together? Like multiple? Okay, I mean they like
(17:44):
came to my wedding. I feel, honestly, in this instance,
if this is making this woman happy, why take that
away from her? Like if she doesn't have a lot
of family, and this gives her comfort, and they've you've
developed this relationship. You saying that you're bid, Like you said,
you go away on a week like once a year
with her. That's not that much You can suck that
(18:06):
up in the name of giving off good vibes to somebody,
and you know, like she doesn't need to know the truth.
It's not like it's going to have any impact, really
no good impact anyway. And so I don't know. I
just think of it as being I always like to
be honest about most things. But there's really no harm
being done. And it sounds like they've developed this really
(18:26):
nice relationship. And if your mom also feels like she
doesn't want to tell her why I burst her bubble, well, right,
And I don't know if I would tell her without
my mom's permission or anything like that. But I just
feel weird about it. I don't know why. I just
feel weird about being dishonest. I feel like, if anything,
Mom just tell her. Hey, So, actually I found out
(18:48):
that we're not biologically related. I still want you in
my life, and I think that's fine. But I don't know,
there's kind of like this pressure on me anyway. And
I know once a year it doesn't sound like that
big of a deal, but it's always like something that
we have to travel for. And I don't know, I
would look at it as like your community service, you
know what I mean. I would look at it as
a gift that you're giving to another person, because, yeah,
(19:10):
if your mom does decide to be honest with her,
that's her prerogative, and like great, and yes, of course
you can continue a relationship with her without being biologically related.
But I don't think you should let it bother you
that much, you know what I mean. You're not fronting this,
you're not being you're not in charge of the relationship,
you know, and it's giving people pleasure. I don't know,
I don't feel strongly about the dishonesty of it okay, okay, yeah,
(19:33):
and that's what my mom stances too. She was like,
she needs us, she loves us. I don't know, I'm
just an asshole. No, well yeah, what about we're so
are you now? Is your mom gonna go find the
other one? So they've talked and the father is alive
and he has her contact information and it's like the
balls in his court. Now, wow, so her your mother's
(19:57):
father is alive? Yes? Oh interesting twist. Well right, And
so that's another thing my mom my mom is like
so fearful that my new aunt is going to be
furious with my grandmother who was just having fun is
an eighteen year old like whatever, and couldn't name who
were the father of her baby was. And she so
(20:19):
she was like so worried that this new aunt is
going to be upset that, you know, they like went
through all of this, But like you said, maybe she
wouldn't because of the relationships that we've made up sex. Yeah.
I think it sounds like a nice relationship. I don't know.
Some people need you. There are a lot of people
in our lives that aren't family, but our family. I
know in my life there were always people either living
(20:43):
with us, or who were just very close friends who
were kind of always around for a long time or
a period of time, and we can sort of them
like family. I like to think of that, and like
a lot of people in my life, like I just
feel like, oh they need me, I'm there for them
because that's my giving back giving someone. And so I think,
look at it like that, don't worry about the morality
(21:04):
of the lie because you're not doing anything bad. It
feels like a white lie. Yeah, well, big white lie,
a big white lie. I would just say, you know,
if this grandfather of yours contact your mother, you better
open up your travel schedule, sister, because it looks like
you're gonna have a lot more trips coming up. I know. Well, luckily,
I'm pretty sure he's in the same state, So okay,
(21:27):
oh that's great. The other family, the new not family,
is somewhere else. I'm like, just think about it. It's
pretty funny. Actually, if you think about it, it would
make a really good sort of story. You know, you've
participating in a fake relationship for the next fifteen years.
We'll have to like sit with our parents sometimes when
(21:49):
they're like with their friends and maybe think of it
that way. It's your mom's friend, so I do. I
guess that's maybe why I've been dragging my feet because
I'm like, Okay, I have another sister who like doesn't
have to do these things, and it's only because she's
not as fun as me. And I'm like, Mom, why
do you do this? Sometimes? Like take her, take somebody else.
(22:10):
But but that's the burden you carry by being fun,
you know what I mean, You're carry more responsibility, it
really is. Yeah, So suck it up. I guess I'll
make people laugh and feel loved. All right, Well, thanks
for calling in, Thank you so much. Enjoy your sunny weather.
Thank you. All right, by ladies, she's exhausted from being fun.
(22:36):
I'm sure you feel this way a lot too, because
it is hard to be the fun one in the
group all the time, you know, Sometimes you just want
to be Yeah, sometimes you're just like, fuck off. That's
when my new Jersey comes out, fuck off. Did you
have to overcome an accent? Uh? Yeah, I mean sometimes
I have an accent when I say call all our
(22:57):
talk or something if I'm drinking, especially come out interesting.
But no, I didn't have a bad New Jersey accent. No,
but my brother does one of my brothers, which is weird. Yeah,
it's like a randomly has Warman accent. Well. Our next
email comes from Sylvan. Sylvan says, my story is a
little different. And then I knew that my biological father
had another family. My entire life, it had been made
(23:20):
clear to me that both he and his wife didn't
want my mother or me intruding on their perfect families lives.
This caused me a great deal of pain and affected
how I felt about myself for as long as I
can remember. In two thousand five, shortly after Hurricane Katrina,
I briefly got in touch with my father and stepfather.
I also met an emailed most of my siblings. One
of my half sisters told me her version of the
(23:41):
story that she had found a baby picture of me
and had been shocked when her mother told her I existed. However,
we really never got to know each other because of
the geographic distance. A couple of weeks ago, my half
sister facebooked me to let me know she'd be passing
through my area and asked if I would meet her,
her boyfriend, and my two year old niece for dinner.
I eagerly agreed. And couldn't believe it when they told
(24:02):
me they were planning to sleep in their car that night.
I insisted that they come to my place, and we
had the start of a good conversation, but it wasn't
enough time to really start unpacking our separate histories and
our desire to know each other. They unfortunately had to
keep driving back to Louisiana and I needed to get
to work the next day. I want to get to
know my family, but I'm so afraid of doing or
saying the wrong thing. I'm wondering if you have any
(24:25):
ideas of how we can try to get to know
each other, whether we can start in the present, or
if the only way to proceed is to address the past. Chelsea,
I know you're a compassionate person, and you're also a
lot braver than me, so I'm reaching out to you
about this. I'm attaching a picture of me, my sister,
her boyfriend, and their daughter. Thanks for any advice you
can offer, Sylvan, Oh, that is sweet. Yeah, I mean,
(24:48):
I don't think you have to rehash the past, especially
if it's uncomfortable for any of anybody. It's about being related, right,
It's about having a blood relation. And then working off
of that and building off of that, And I think
that you should start from the present and just getting
to know each other, and you know, not being overbearing
(25:08):
about it, but being giving people space to warm up
to the idea, and also just being available for when
there is space and meeting the moment when the appropriate
moments arise, and also just keeping an open door letting
them know that you're always available, they're welcome to stay
with you if you're comfortable with that, and getting to
know them in that way. But yeah, I guess I
(25:31):
wouldn't push it too hard. Yeah, I think it's just
a natural progression. You know, it's not something you can
like instantly change and have a relationship with someone like
that when there's that kind of history. But it's obviously
so many people do it, so like, use that as
your compass, Like it's been done so many times, where
people can have relationships with other family members they hadn't
(25:53):
known about or had it known about them, or you know,
all of the circumstances that are kind of encapsulated in
these kinds of things. Yeah, I agree. I think I
would treat it just like you're getting to know anybody,
just like a normal friendship. Of course you're going to
touch on like where did you go to high school?
And what was your favorite type of music, those sorts
of things from the past. But I don't necessarily think
unless she brings it up, it's necessary to like really
(26:17):
dive into family drama stuff. Just treat it like a
normal friendship. And I also think this is sort of
echoing what Chelsea said, but sort of bite sized interactions
might be good so that you can like have a
little time together, maybe go to dinner or coffee, and then,
like you know, maybe in a few weeks or a month,
you see them again, depending on how far away they live. Yeah, yeah,
(26:40):
take it slow. Yeah, take it slow, just like you're
getting to know anybody. But I do think there's an
interesting connection that sisters can have, and it's really exciting
that you got to meet a niece as well, very
cute little baby niece. While Sylvan, let us know how
it goes, and thank you for emailing in. Our next
question comes from Katie. Katie says, Dear Chelsea, about two
(27:02):
years ago, my dad told me that when he was
a teenager, one of my uncles had a baby that
got put up for adoption. No one in the family
knows about this. This past spring, my dad's youngest sister
did twenty three and me and found a d n
a match with a woman that puts her in the
realm of a niece. No one in the family said
anything about this, but my dad is positive this is
(27:23):
the daughter that was put up for adoption. My uncle
went on to Mary and have three kids, one of
whom is my cousin who I'm very close with, and
I consider her a sister. I'm going to be a
bridesmaid in her wedding in a few weeks, and I'm
wondering if you think I should tell her about this
half sister she has. On the one hand, I feel
guilty keeping something so big from her. On the other hand,
I don't want to be the one that spills the
(27:43):
beans and causes the family drama, especially right before her wedding.
I don't know if it's necessarily my place to tell her.
What are your thoughts and advice? Katie? Hi, Katie, Hi, Chelseie.
How are you good? How are you her good? Thanks? So?
When is the wedding? It's in a week and a
half now, it's coming up. Yeah, I definitely would not
(28:05):
tell her before the wedding. Yeah, I don't think that's
a good idea because the half sister is a big deal.
And I don't know, Katherine, what do you think, Like,
I don't know if that's your place to tell her.
Is there anyone else in the family who feels like
a natural fit for the person to tell her, Like,
maybe it's your dad, maybe it's the uncle sort of thing. Yeah,
(28:27):
So it's funny you mentioned that because my dad has
been meaning to have a conversation with the uncle, especially
since my aunt found out about this on the DNA thing,
got it, So, but they haven't had that conversation yet. Yeah,
I would encourage them to have that conversation after the
wedding and after everything's died down. I would encourage your
(28:48):
dad to do it, and you know, and also let
him know, like if he doesn't, you will. I Like,
I like the threatening people. I think that's a great approach.
That's a good tactic. Yeah, it's just throw them into action. No,
but I mean I understand like it can feel a little,
you know, guilt inducing to you're so close with her
and you have this enormous secret that you know, you
(29:09):
just probably is at the front of your brain all
the time when you're talking to her lately. But are
you in the wedding? I am, Yeah, I'm a bridesmaid.
Oh that's wonderful. That's wonderful. It is annoying to know, like,
I don't like that burden that you know, something that
she doesn't like. That's not fair either, you know. And
that's what you have to impress upon your father that
(29:29):
that's why he's got to like pull the trigger and
have the conversation either with his brother or with your cousin. Yeah.
I think it's good to push them, but like let
them get through the honeymoon and everything first and get settled.
And one thing about these sorts of revelations is that
they seem urgent, but they're actually not as time sensitive
(29:51):
as we maybe think that they are. I know, when
my dad found out that the man he thought was
his dad was not his biological father, he actually figured
it out on his own and went back out into
the other room where his family was, and I didn't
say a word, And in fact, he didn't say a
word to my mom for a full year because he
(30:13):
needed time to process things and deal with this new
information and this new discovery before he could really like
talk to other people about it. And I know the
situation is a little bit different than that. But you know,
this information feels so big because it is such a
big thing, but it's not actually something that's super super urgent. Right.
(30:33):
That's a good point. But we're also talking about men,
and men take a much longer time to process things
than women. We're like fax machines and they're like fucking
meat lockers. I guess that is true. Have a good
time at that way. That sounds fine. Yeah, absolutely, Thanks
(30:54):
for joining us, keep us Posted by h Okay Dear Chelsea. Hello.
When I heard you were looking for people who done
genetic testing and ended up with a unique finding, I
started laughing out loud. I was adopted at birth by
the doctor who delivered me. His best friend at the
time was an attorney, and hey, it was seventy three,
(31:15):
so I guess that's just how ship got done. Anyhow,
I always knew I was adopted, and don't ever remember
being sat down for the talk. It was just common
knowledge in my family, no big deal. I didn't really
think much of it until one night my dad was
bourbon drunk and told me my birth mother's name. I
was probably about ten at the time and never forgot it.
(31:36):
I always wondered what my birth parents were, like, what
kind of music they listened to, was it a one
night stand, etcetera. Flash forward to the day I decided
to take a twenty three and me test. I spit
into the test tube, which took me a couple hours
to fill because it was fucking gross and I kept gagging.
As a nurse, I'd rather have someone vomit on me
than deal with flegm and spit. But hey, we all
have our thing. That's weird that it took her that
(31:58):
long to do it, because I able to do this
in like five minutes, and I have no patience for anything. Yes,
she's a nurse, I'm a barmacologist. I'm a guynecologist. As
you spent right and to that too. I it took me, like,
I don't know, maybe ten fifteen moves to like get
this because you haven't had anything to drink, so you're
kind of dry. Brad like filled it all the way
(32:20):
up and ago horrified and impressed. But so then she says,
a few weeks later, I got an email and my
results were in. Within days, my biological aunt reached out
to me. She was convinced I was a child of
her other sister she had three, and told me all
about when I was born, in this big, dramatic story
(32:41):
that didn't align with what my parents had told me. Again,
it was the seventies. She also said that I would
not be hearing from my birth mother because she wasn't
in great health mentally or physically. I was a bit shocked,
but relieved. I didn't want to have a big, weird reunion.
Then she told me about another child. I had, an
older brother, so she reached out to him to see
if he wanted to connect. She sent me his name
(33:02):
and number, and I nervously planned to text him the
next day. It sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it.
I was laying in bed that night and almost asleep
when I suddenly sat up in bed and realized, Oh,
my fucking god, that's the guy I met at Jason
Davidson's party in high school and drunkenly made out with
on Jason's mom's new couch. But then I somehow talked
(33:24):
myself out of it being the same guy, even though
his last name is not very common. It's fine, it's fine,
it's fine. The next day, I texted him and I
just said, hey, there, this is crazy but pretty interesting.
If you ever want to catch up, let me know. Immediately,
the three dots pop up and I wanted to die.
He texted, I'm available right now if you are so.
I paced around saying funk like seventeen times and just
(33:47):
called him. You know when you can hear in someone's
voice that they're smiling so uncomfortably and awkwardly because they
have no idea what to do, That's how Chad sounded.
I asked if we had friends in commons since we
went to rival high school, and he simply blurted out,
Jason Davidson is my best friend. And then we both
sat in silence for what seemed like forever, and then
(34:07):
I blurted out, oh my god, did we make out
at that party? He uncomfortably said yeah, we did, and
I asked, oh Jesus, was that all God? He reassured
me that that was all we did. The next few
weeks consisted of us calling each other and just laughing
uncomfortably on the phone together. He told his wife, who
(34:29):
thought it was hilarious, and we both did as well.
Turns out, he was born almost three hours away from
our hometown, was adopted and brought back to live about
four miles away from me. One summer in high school,
we had both loosely hung around in the same circle
of people. It was so bizarre. We finally did meet
up and have a beer when he came back to
our hometown to visit at Christmas. Thank god, his wife
(34:50):
came to break the ice. We had a great time
and both decided that even though it was super weird
to say, things really couldn't have turned out better because
we already knew each other and didn't have to worry
about some crazy half siblings showing up in the middle
of the night asking for money. If you're still reading this,
thank you. I tried for brevity, but it didn't happen.
I now refer to Chad as my makeout brother because
(35:10):
it sounds hilarious and inappropriate. He wasn't even a very
good kisser from what I remember, thank god. But don't
tell his wife that take care Hillary. You know what, Hillary,
Not a lot of people can talk about what kind
of kiss are their brother is so Maltov that's a
pretty funny story. You know. It's funny when you said
did anything more happen? It's like, you know, thank goodness
(35:33):
you didn't have sex with your brother. I mean right, yeah,
thank goodness because that is disgusting and making out is
who gives a ship about that? You know? Like, I mean,
there are I would rather make out with my brother
over some men that are out there, you know. So yeah,
that's a that's a funny story. It's funny that it
didn't lead to anything else. That's almost like the universe
protecting you, especially in moments when you're drunk and you
(35:55):
don't remember and and then things don't take that course.
It's almost like you have like a fairy godmother or
some someone upstairs looking at for you don't continue. Yeah,
isn't it? Is it Iceland where they all have to
have sex with each other basically is the capital of Iceland,
And that's what Wait? Is it Iceland? Where what where
(36:17):
they have to where they have to like follow a
registry so they make sure they don't marry their own cousins.
I think it is. They're beautiful in Iceland, so it
would be hard not to have sex with everybody even
if you're related. Yeah, well that's a recurring theme on
this shows, you know, making out with relatives and on
Game of Thrones and on Game of Thrones. I mean,
no spoilers, but just getting pretty hot this season. Are
(36:39):
you watching the new one? Oh? I? Oh, I haven't
watched it yet. Yeah. I mean it's it's good. I'm
ready for it to get even better, but I'm sticking
with it. I'm sticking with it. My sister started watching
the original Game of Thrones and she just started watching
that and she was telling me about it, and she's like,
what's your favorite part. I'm like, all I remember is
the incest. Like that's the one thing thing that I
(37:00):
just cannot get passed about that show. And I don't
know that I'm if it grossed me out or I
liked it, because I'm like, why is that the one
memory I have of that show? It's like sticks out
more than anything is the incests. I Mean, one of
the most exciting parts is where like two people who
are related finally hook up and you're like, yeah, oh God.
(37:21):
Brought to you by So. Our next email comes from Lori.
Loria says, love the show listen every week. I found
out at forty seven, via twenty three and me kit
that I did for fun, that I was not my
dad's biological child. Long story short, my parents used a
sperm donor and kept it a secret. I've since discovered
(37:44):
multiple donor siblings or quote dipplings dim sum let's just
call them dim Sum, and I'm quite close to two
of them. In fact, we're having our first dibbling meet
up in just a couple of weeks. I'm very nervous
to meet them in person, despite the fact that we
text each other every day. My half sister in particular
(38:04):
looks just like me, and I'm scared it will freak
me out in person. I crave closeness with them. They're
not strangers, but more than friends, but not quite actual siblings.
It's all very confusing. I've also had to grapple with
learning that my medical history was not what I thought
it was, specifically that there's alcoholism and mental health issues
on my paternal side that I was completely unaware of. Unfortunately,
(38:28):
I'm seeing some of those issues play out with my
older daughter, who's fifteen. How should I make sense of
these new relationships and what do you think I should expect? Lorie. Oh,
I first of all, I think that this is so exciting.
You already have a good attitude, and they're gonna be
just as nervous as you are. Laurie. Like, if your
sister half sister looks so much like you, you also
look so much like her, she's thinking the same thing,
(38:50):
and it's gonna be weird for both of you. But like,
what a great opportunity. And you know, I mean, I'm
sorry about the mental health and as alcoholism a marker
that comes up. I do think it runs in family. Oh,
I don't know that it's like specifically a marker, but yeah,
it's it's genetic because it doesn't run in my family,
so I must have started it. Um but and that's
why I'm not reproducing. But I'm sorry to hear about
(39:12):
that aspect of things. But also that's not insurmountable either.
I know that you said she's having trouble with her
own daughter. Actually, you know what, having these relationships with
your half siblings may shed some light on all of
this for you because they may have had some experiences
that are similar with their own children or more of
your you know, diblings may have had that same experience
so it would be it's good to have that cohort,
(39:33):
you know, where you guys can discuss it together and
and maybe like share your experience and glean some knowledge
from that. But I think this is a great opportunity.
And yeah, it's totally normal to be nervous. Nervous means
you care, that's good. Yeah. My dad always says, like
when he was growing up, he was different than what
he now knows are his half siblings, um, and he
(39:53):
just thought he was very unique and totally his own person.
And then when he met his other half siblings when
he was in his twenties, he was like, I am
it's it's all. It's all nature. It's all Like even
the way we held our mugs, like our coffee mugs
was the same. They look the same, Like my one
uncle is literally my dad but with red hair, completely
(40:14):
the same. Yeah, it's amazing. There was this Time magazine
cover years ago about twins where it talked about it
found like successive twins that were separated at birth, and
like there was one set of twins that were both
truck drivers. They were both married to a woman with
the same first name. They both named their baby the
same first name. They both watched the same television shows.
They were identical twins, and you're like, holy shit, it's
(40:37):
so crazy. I find twins. Yeah, and that's so fascinating
the difference between fraternal twins and yeah, yeah, my two
cousins are identical twins. And they decided they wanted to
like not do the twin thing in college, so they
didn't talk to each other at all about what they
wanted to major in or where they wanted to go.
(40:57):
They like refused because they were like, let's go there
and bawl. And of course they both wanted to be nurses,
and they picked the same college, so one of them
had to, like, you know, they decided for the benefit
of being their own people, one of them would go
to the second choice college. But I know, I know,
how do you decide which one gets the second choice?
I don't know. I would just say, stick together. Who
(41:19):
gives a ship? I feel like each other? Stick together? Yeah,
they're both cool. Well. Our last email comes from Kara.
Dear Chelsea, I had a sneaking suspicion and fear that
my parents might be related when my mom told me
the story of how right after I was born, she
had my baby book open filling in the family tree.
Both my grandma's were there with her. When she asked, okay,
(41:42):
great great grandmother, they said the same name. Turns out
three or fourth cousins don't share that much. D n
A whoopsie doodle. Now that we know I'm fairly normal,
I can joke about this. I'm fifty three years old
and just fine. We also discovered that one of my
great uncle's apparently had a baby with a woman we
didn't know about. We're now in touch with that new
side of the family. And she came to your show
(42:05):
at the Mountain Winery. She said, I can't wait to
see Chelsea tonight for the first time at the Mountain Winery.
I think she'll truly love it there. I mean, it's
a concert venue on a mountain with a winery. What
could be better? Kara. I love these happy endings. It
would be nice if everybody just had this happy attitude.
I know it's not easy for everybody to have a
good outlook towards it because sometimes it involves cheating and
(42:26):
secrets and lies, so that adds a layer of you know,
betrayal and drama. Yeah, yeah, but it would be nice
to just kind of accept what the reality is because
like to think about all the connections people get to
make and like the new family members, and when you
have a positive outlook towards it, you can like act
in love and kindness with new people. And and then
(42:46):
you have another person you know in your corner and
you can be in someone's corner. It's nice when there's
a happy response. Yeah, and blood, I do think is
thicker than water, Like they're just is something something different
with a cousin or a sibyling that you have that
you know, even sometimes it might be awkward, but you
relate to them in a way that you can't relate
to any new friend. I think. One of the really
(43:09):
interesting things that I heard when I was researching this
episode was the founder of twenty three and Me. She said, basically,
everybody's got some mystery person in their lineage here, there, wherever.
But she said life is long, and people enjoy sex,
So everybody's just a random person out there in their family. Yeah,
(43:30):
some people enjoy sex, and some people like masturbating and
then artificially seminating the wrong women, So that's not really sex,
but that's also sadistic in a sick way six six six.
Some people are sick, they don't forget that part. Yes,
And some people like to make up with their own brothers.
Yeah yeah, well some people accidentally make out with their
own brothers, Like we should say that's true, Chelsea. This
(43:52):
was I think a very fun episode and we had there. Honestly,
there were so many other emails that we couldn't even
get to, but it was pretty exciting to learn some
different things. Yeah yeah, yeah, so I I yeah, I
mean why wouldn't anybody get this testing done? I mean,
it just gives you more information. Even if you don't
want to do the genealogy part, just do the health
part so you can find out what you have a
propensity for. Here's a question, would you So this is
(44:15):
a separate thing that you would have to like upload
your results too. It's separate from twenty three and me.
But there is a program called jet match where you
can upload your DNA that you've received two help with
solving crimes. Is that something that you would ever do? Well?
What does that mean? Exactly? Like so, so basically it
(44:35):
helps law enforcement, like whittled down it. Let's say they
have DNA from a rapist or a murderer and you
submit your DNA. It might not be like your uncle,
but it might be your second cousin once removed, and
that helps law enforcement build family trees to help solve crimes.
Oh yeah, of course I would do that. I think
I'm going to do it. Oh you are some indict
(44:57):
true crime and that sort of thing. I think I
just have to make sure I haven't done anything like that.
You know, I don't want to murder. I mean, I've
wanted to murder so many people, but I've never pulled
the trigger, so to speak. But who knows what my
family has been sucking up to. But this would be
a good way to pin everybody in a corner exactly, exactly,
(45:17):
Amen to that. Yeah, okay, well this has been a
very informative, very nice, lighthearted episode. Yes, thanks for writing
in everybody. Thank you guys. We'll see you next week
or you'll hear us by Okay, so my stand up dates,
I have some dates coming up in California October one,
I'm Impassa Robels and then I'm in Vegas at the
Mirage Saturday October and then Wheatland, California October. And then
(45:44):
you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for more
dates when I'll be performing, and uh yeah, that's pretty
much what's happening right now. So if you'd like advice
from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear Chelsea
project at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production
of I Heart Radio executive produced by Nick Stump, produced
(46:06):
by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dicker.
And that's it on another dope show. Did this episode
inspire you to take a closer look at your health history,
your genetic makeup? Who new DNA could reveal so much
about our past while also holding the keys to certain
health insights that may impact our future. I continue to
(46:29):
be inspired by these stories, and I hope you do
as well. Catch you next time. Listen to Spit, an
original podcast from I Heart Radio and twenty three in
the on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or
wherever you get your podcast.
Have you ever thought about how incredibly complex I spit is.
It may only be water, but just aliva isn't simple.
That remaining one percent holds incredibly meaningful information that could
change everything. And I'm not just talking about your family
treat Hi. I'm Barrett to Day Thurston, and on this
(00:23):
season of Spit and I Heart Radio podcast with twenty
three and Me, we explore how DNA isn't just about ancestry,
it can also be key to understanding your health. Hello, Hello,
and welcome back. On today's show, the one and only
Chelsea Handler, comedian author host of the podcast Dear Chelsea,
(00:46):
is here to talk about her experience with twenty three
and Me. Chelsea's always been obsessed with getting healthier, from
going to therapy to sharpen her mental health to getting
in the best shape of her life in her forties.
She leaves no stone unturned as she explores ways to
improve her well being. So one natural next step in
her health care journey is taking control of her future,
(01:08):
Arming herself with the knowledge that genetic testing can help provide.
Chelsea is surprised at just how much there is to
learn from your DNA, from your likelihood to get gout
all the way to your likelihood to hate the sound
of chewing. There's so much to learn from twenty three
and Me and Chelsea has some thoughts with her co host, Katherine.
(01:29):
Chelsea shares some of the most interesting things she learned
about her health with some minimal swearing and the actions
you can take in your own life to help develop
a healthier lifestyle. And it wouldn't be an episode of
Dear Chelsea without taking a few questions along the way.
So you're gonna hear listeners share their own life changing
surprises after using twenty three and Me themselves. And let
(01:49):
me tell you, you you don't want to miss that part.
So let's listen in Hi, Catherine H. Chelsea tell USA
today we teamed up with twenty three in Me and
we're doing a very special episode with them. We're gonna
(02:10):
talk about some of the discoveries we made as far
as our health reports and our ancestry goes. We're going
to talk to some colors and answer some advice emails.
We had so many crazy responses. This is gonna be
so much fun. Yes, we both did our twenty three
in Me and to find out, it covers a bevy
of things right, your ancestry, your health markers, if you
(02:34):
have a slightly increased risk for something or increased likelihood,
or if there's a variant detected, or if you have
irritable bowel syndrome, which apparently there's an increased likelihood that
I will have that. Okay, that's my result summary. Irritable
bowel syndrome. That explains a lot. Actually, is that something
you feel like you have. I don't know. I mean,
I've had episodes. I'm not sure I have LDL cholesterol
(02:57):
increased likelihood. I definitely have an issue with that at
it says I have a slightly increased risk for Celiac disease.
But I was comparing my results with my sisters this
weekend in San Francisco, and I was under the impression.
When we were in Mariamorca, we were talking about how
much Ashkenazi jew I was, what the percentage of Ashkenazi
(03:18):
jew I was, and I remember the number sixty four percent.
And then when I told Simone that, she says, that's
impossible because our father was Jewish and our mother was
Western European. And I was like, no, I'm sixty And
then when I pulled up my results on my app
it said fifty percent Oshkenazi. So I want to know
who put that sixt into my head or where I
(03:38):
read that number. Yeah, I I also wonder, I mean,
can your ratios be a little bit different for siblings
of their full siblings? Well, you can't get sixty four percent.
When I realized for my sisters that you can't get
sixty percent Oshkenazi from one parent when the other parents,
it's like straight down the middle fifty fifty. So the
genes meet and then whichever the stronger ge are the
(04:01):
dominant gene, we'll take over. But you're never going to
get more than fift from one parent, is the way
that my sister explained it to me. She's a health
attorney and works for Genentech, so I'm gonna I'm gonna
believe her. I mean, I don't know that that's right,
but I think that makes sense because we were both
(04:21):
exactly fifty percent Askenazi. But I had different sides of
my mother than she did. I have like part Scandinavian
and part German, and more German than she has, which
explains my good looks. I was actually pretty surprised by mine.
I thought I definitely take after my like the side
(04:41):
of my family that's very British, very Irish. I'm very fair,
have a little British turned up nose, all of that
kind of stuff. But I was actually surprised to find
I'm very heavily German, which I knew, but also French,
which I guess that's a nice little touch. Yeah, that
makes me feel fancy. I'm like a little bit French.
French is good. I thought I was Safardic Jewish, which
(05:04):
doesn't make any sense at all because, as my sister
also explained to me, Ashkenazi are like lighter skinned and
you know, more blonde hair, blue eyed, where Safartic is
darker skinned, dark hair, dark eyes, and so I don't
know why I had that confusion. Also well, because you
got all that German blood, so maybe that's where the
blonde and everything that comes from. I mean, it wouldn't
(05:26):
be great, though, like to do it and find out
you have like ten percent Japanese or something like that.
That would be something like WHOA, I have a very
small percent of Senegambian and Guinean. So I think that's black.
Ye's African. And I do know that I have one
(05:48):
ancestor who was like several generations back, who was passing
quote unquote as they used to say for white, both
he and his sister. And so that's part of our ancestry.
And I thought that was really interesting. It's like, Okay,
it's actually real, it's true. Wow, that it is cool.
I think it's interesting that you can test for things
(06:10):
like irritable bowel syndrome, like that's a genetic marker. I
would not have thought that, Like I get the cholesterol,
I get heart disease. Did you what about the bcr
age a gene the mind mind did not show that.
And this test it tests for a couple of the
variants that you know lead to the b r c aging,
(06:30):
but not all of them. So you know, one of
the things they said is if you do see stuff
like that, go talk to your doctor and like check
that out. I have also, this is a good one
to highlight increased likelihood for gout. That sounds about right.
That sounds like something I would come across and at
some point in my life I just associate gout with
(06:52):
like Henry the Eighth and like eating a lot of
roast chicken. This one says drug metabolism predicted rapid metabolizer.
That makes a lot of fun. I mean that is
very on the nose. I had something. I have a
slightly increased risk for macular degeneration, which makes sense with
(07:13):
my family history. Oh yeah, I have that too. I
think that's just isn't that age related? Like most people
that Yeah, but you know, it's this sort of thing
that makes it a little easier to say, like, Okay,
here's something for me to watch out for, here's something
to talk to my my eye doctor about, and that
sort of thing. I was less likely to have a
fear of public speaking. I thought that was interesting. Are
(07:34):
you serious the stuff they can it's crazy. Yeah, do
you have a fear of public speaking? Uh? Not really? No? Oh,
here he is speaking to us. And then you can
also find your neandrethal and do you have some Well,
let's look, I bet that makes a lot of sense too.
I sometimes feel like a Neanderthal. You have Oh shit, hey, Chelsea,
(07:58):
you have more Neandrethal DNA than of other customers. What
the fund does that mean? I have more Neanderthal than
Thank god? Okay, okay, so I'm on the lower end
of Neandrethal. Here, let's remember that, okay, okay, okay, I
inherited a small amount of DNA from your Neanderthal ancestors.
(08:19):
Out of the seven thousand, four hundred variants we tested,
we found two hundred and twenty variants in your DNA
that traced back to Neadrethal's. Wow, I know. Brad's markers
said something along the lines of his bloodline could be
traced back to a single male two hundred and fifty
thousand years ago. Like single males, well, obviously there was
(08:40):
a woman involved after that, but like they could trace
his lineage back two hundred fifty thousand years. I don't
know how, Wow, but they did. That's it's crazy, you
know what. I just can't believe that so many people
are able to I guess you can opt to be
public on this right and that way I have an
increased likelihood for rosation. That's true. My whole family has rosatia.
(09:03):
Actually not my whole family, but both of my brothers
have it. Oh, here was another very interesting one from
Brad's So Brad by trade as a drummer, he's a musician.
He's also constantly shaking his leg, just like when we're
sitting at the dinner table. I always think there is
a random earthquake. He has a gene that is common
(09:23):
in people who have fast twitch muscle fibers, so it's
like he was born to be an amazing drummer. That's like,
is that restless legs syndrome also? Or no, maybe it's related.
It said something about the muscle fibers and the way
that it's common in people who are athletes and runners
(09:44):
and that kind of stuff. Mine says I have an
increased likelihood for resting bitch face. Wow, they can tell
so much. That's amazing. Do either of you have the
increased likelihood to hate the sound of chewing? No, it's
a thing. I hate that. What's it called misoponia? That
(10:07):
is a really gross sound chewing. That's in one of
my results. It's amazing. That's so funny. I can't believe
they can measure things like that and that or that
that stuff is genetic. I mean it should should be measurable.
What about the sound of forks and knife scraping on
a plate that's chewing, but usually the to go hands
(10:28):
in hand. Katherine's dad likes to cut his eggs with
a steak knife. So yeah, so it's just like it's terrible.
It's terrible, so annoying. Yes, but Chelsea, we actually have
a ton of amazing questions for today. We're callers some emails.
I had the hardest time picking which emails to use. Yeah,
(10:53):
we did a call for submissions for twenty three and
me or you know, other genetic testing things people found out,
and we've got some crazy responses. So should we launch
in after Yeah, we'll take a quick break and we'll
be right back. All right, Chelsea, are you ready for
(11:13):
some email from we bean? So our first email comes
from Kyle Elizabeth. She says, good morning. My name is
Kyle Elizabeth. I'm a thirty two year old woman living
in Austin, Texas. I was gifted a twenty three and
ME test in October of and when the results came back,
the surprises started. I'm the child of lesbian mothers, so
(11:35):
I've known since I was eleven that my father was
a sperm donor, but I was told that he was
Puerto Rican and in med school at the time he donated.
I was also told that he had only donated enough
for one family, mine, so I was the only child
created with his seamen. Well, turns out he was not
Puerto Rican, not a med student, and quote donated a lot.
(11:57):
My father is actually an ashke Nazi Jewish Man who
draw opped out of college and donated once a week
for ten years. So far, I have connected with my
new siblings, seventeen of them, to be exact, I'm the
third oldest. One is six weeks older than me, and
another is less than twenty four hours older than me.
(12:19):
Oh my god. All of our parents were lied to
by the clinic we were created in and told different
stories about our father. We also have many siblings that
didn't know they were donor conceived until they tested their DNA.
Wait wait, wait, she said, we all were lied to
about the clinic, just like, told them all different stories
about this dad. Who oh the clinic lie? Okay, because
(12:43):
I don't you pick who you're getting your sperm from.
Guess and maybe not in those days, Yeah you right,
You flipped through a book and you're like, this one
looks nice. So they were lied to, Okay, I say
so many of them didn't know they were donor conceived
until they tested their d n A, which is so
important because we had a couple other people email in
like I thought I was one race and I'm another one,
(13:05):
and for you know, family health history, that's super important
to know. So great to have a bunch of white
racist find out that they're black, you know, or any
sort of minority do their twenty three in me and
be like, oh, whoopsie doodle looks like you know that.
Actually that actually kind of happened with one side of
my family besides you, and you're besides you and your heritage.
(13:28):
Of yes it there, of yes, is that Papa New
Guinea or Guinea? I think Guinea. I think just playing Guinea,
because otherwise you would be Papa New Gay in which
I like the sound of that. But nother side of
the family they had been I mean, they're a little
more open now, but I bet they are sucking assholes.
(13:49):
Yeah now, I mean to the point where like one
of my uncles was dating a woman who had a
biracial child and they didn't want them to get married,
like really a shitty stuff. And so we found out
a few years ago that we had this ancestor who
is you know, only a few great greats back, but
(14:10):
they were passing for white, and you know, had to
sort of exist in the world in that way, and
turns out we all have that ancestry. So you know,
you learned some new things. Well, Kyle Elizabeth says, being
an entirely different race than previously thought changes our medical
history and that's incredibly important. Best, Kyle Elizabeth, So we
(14:32):
do have a caller calling in. Her name is Molly.
She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in a very weird situation
and I hope you can help. To start from the beginning,
my mother was told by my grandmother that her biological
father was a certain someone from their hometown and that
he'd left when my grandmother found out she was pregnant.
This was fifty plus years ago, about five years ago.
(14:53):
My mom, knowing that her biological father had died years prior,
decided that if she couldn't meet him, she'd like to
meet her Blas she reached out to the oldest a woman.
My new aunt had no idea her father had another child,
and took a little while to warm up to the idea,
but eventually they decided to meet. My mother asked me
to come with her as a buffer. I'm hilarious and friendly.
(15:15):
We all hit it off and my new aunt was
thrilled to have a sister and my mother and a
new niece in me. We have made it a priority
to have girls weekend at least once a year. Ever,
since I can't deny there were things that made us
question if we were in fact related to this family,
But mom and my new aunt were growing closer and closer.
Two years ago, while having dinner with my grandmother, my
(15:36):
mother asked her again and again, are you sure that
man is my father? There wasn't anyone else. After a while,
my grandmother shared that there was one other person who
it could be. After investigating and a DNA test, my
mother found she was in fact fathered by another person
and had an additional totally different sibling. So this like
(15:57):
new aunt was like not an aunt at all. She
is just a random woman. The issue is we have
a girl's weekend coming up with this new aunt. My
mom doesn't want to cancel and also doesn't want to
tell her what she's found out. She fears because this
formerly nu aunt has little to no family, that this
would shatter her. I, on the other hand, feel like
(16:18):
she should be honest with her, not only because she
should know, but because I have a busy enough schedule
as it is, and finding time to do these trips
has become difficult. It's once a fucking year. What's so
difficult about that? I'll go on vacation with this woman
to keep her happy. What should I do? I don't
feel like it's right for me to break the news
(16:38):
to the woman who's no longer my aunt, but my
mother won't help help Chelsea. Hi, Molly, how are you? Yeah?
You nice? We're good, We're good. We're just reading your submission, right.
I just reread that and saw all the typos, so sorry,
it's all right. Don't worry. I didn't see the typos,
otherwise we wouldn't be talking right now. Katherine reads all
(17:01):
the submission, so she takes care of that for us.
Thank god. I know where are you? Well, we can't
give away her precise location, but she is in the Midwest. Oh.
I was gonna say, it looks so pretty outside. I
know it is. It's like sunny and beautiful, nice, nice window.
It's like the three days we have where it's it's
like pretty and yeah, and then it all goes to
(17:24):
hell in a handbasket, really does for the rest of
the year. So your new aunt that's not really your aunt.
How old is she? I think, like, and you feel
like and okay, so I have a couple of things
to say. How many times have you guys had your
girls weekends together? Like multiple? Okay, I mean they like
(17:44):
came to my wedding. I feel, honestly, in this instance,
if this is making this woman happy, why take that
away from her? Like if she doesn't have a lot
of family, and this gives her comfort, and they've you've
developed this relationship. You saying that you're bid, Like you said,
you go away on a week like once a year
with her. That's not that much You can suck that
(18:06):
up in the name of giving off good vibes to somebody,
and you know, like she doesn't need to know the truth.
It's not like it's going to have any impact, really
no good impact anyway. And so I don't know. I
just think of it as being I always like to
be honest about most things. But there's really no harm
being done. And it sounds like they've developed this really
(18:26):
nice relationship. And if your mom also feels like she
doesn't want to tell her why I burst her bubble, well, right,
And I don't know if I would tell her without
my mom's permission or anything like that. But I just
feel weird about it. I don't know why. I just
feel weird about being dishonest. I feel like, if anything,
Mom just tell her. Hey, So, actually I found out
(18:48):
that we're not biologically related. I still want you in
my life, and I think that's fine. But I don't know,
there's kind of like this pressure on me anyway. And
I know once a year it doesn't sound like that
big of a deal, but it's always like something that
we have to travel for. And I don't know, I
would look at it as like your community service, you
know what I mean. I would look at it as
a gift that you're giving to another person, because, yeah,
(19:10):
if your mom does decide to be honest with her,
that's her prerogative, and like great, and yes, of course
you can continue a relationship with her without being biologically related.
But I don't think you should let it bother you
that much, you know what I mean. You're not fronting this,
you're not being you're not in charge of the relationship,
you know, and it's giving people pleasure. I don't know,
I don't feel strongly about the dishonesty of it okay, okay, yeah,
(19:33):
and that's what my mom stances too. She was like,
she needs us, she loves us. I don't know, I'm
just an asshole. No, well yeah, what about we're so
are you now? Is your mom gonna go find the
other one? So they've talked and the father is alive
and he has her contact information and it's like the
balls in his court. Now, wow, so her your mother's
(19:57):
father is alive? Yes? Oh interesting twist. Well right, And
so that's another thing my mom my mom is like
so fearful that my new aunt is going to be
furious with my grandmother who was just having fun is
an eighteen year old like whatever, and couldn't name who
were the father of her baby was. And she so
(20:19):
she was like so worried that this new aunt is
going to be upset that, you know, they like went
through all of this, But like you said, maybe she
wouldn't because of the relationships that we've made up sex. Yeah.
I think it sounds like a nice relationship. I don't know.
Some people need you. There are a lot of people
in our lives that aren't family, but our family. I
know in my life there were always people either living
(20:43):
with us, or who were just very close friends who
were kind of always around for a long time or
a period of time, and we can sort of them
like family. I like to think of that, and like
a lot of people in my life, like I just
feel like, oh they need me, I'm there for them
because that's my giving back giving someone. And so I think,
look at it like that, don't worry about the morality
(21:04):
of the lie because you're not doing anything bad. It
feels like a white lie. Yeah, well, big white lie,
a big white lie. I would just say, you know,
if this grandfather of yours contact your mother, you better
open up your travel schedule, sister, because it looks like
you're gonna have a lot more trips coming up. I know. Well, luckily,
I'm pretty sure he's in the same state, So okay,
(21:27):
oh that's great. The other family, the new not family,
is somewhere else. I'm like, just think about it. It's
pretty funny. Actually, if you think about it, it would
make a really good sort of story. You know, you've
participating in a fake relationship for the next fifteen years.
We'll have to like sit with our parents sometimes when
(21:49):
they're like with their friends and maybe think of it
that way. It's your mom's friend, so I do. I
guess that's maybe why I've been dragging my feet because
I'm like, Okay, I have another sister who like doesn't
have to do these things, and it's only because she's
not as fun as me. And I'm like, Mom, why
do you do this? Sometimes? Like take her, take somebody else.
(22:10):
But but that's the burden you carry by being fun,
you know what I mean, You're carry more responsibility, it
really is. Yeah, So suck it up. I guess I'll
make people laugh and feel loved. All right, Well, thanks
for calling in, Thank you so much. Enjoy your sunny weather.
Thank you. All right, by ladies, she's exhausted from being fun.
(22:36):
I'm sure you feel this way a lot too, because
it is hard to be the fun one in the
group all the time, you know, Sometimes you just want
to be Yeah, sometimes you're just like, fuck off. That's
when my new Jersey comes out, fuck off. Did you
have to overcome an accent? Uh? Yeah, I mean sometimes
I have an accent when I say call all our
(22:57):
talk or something if I'm drinking, especially come out interesting.
But no, I didn't have a bad New Jersey accent. No,
but my brother does one of my brothers, which is weird. Yeah,
it's like a randomly has Warman accent. Well. Our next
email comes from Sylvan. Sylvan says, my story is a
little different. And then I knew that my biological father
had another family. My entire life, it had been made
(23:20):
clear to me that both he and his wife didn't
want my mother or me intruding on their perfect families lives.
This caused me a great deal of pain and affected
how I felt about myself for as long as I
can remember. In two thousand five, shortly after Hurricane Katrina,
I briefly got in touch with my father and stepfather.
I also met an emailed most of my siblings. One
of my half sisters told me her version of the
(23:41):
story that she had found a baby picture of me
and had been shocked when her mother told her I existed. However,
we really never got to know each other because of
the geographic distance. A couple of weeks ago, my half
sister facebooked me to let me know she'd be passing
through my area and asked if I would meet her,
her boyfriend, and my two year old niece for dinner.
I eagerly agreed. And couldn't believe it when they told
(24:02):
me they were planning to sleep in their car that night.
I insisted that they come to my place, and we
had the start of a good conversation, but it wasn't
enough time to really start unpacking our separate histories and
our desire to know each other. They unfortunately had to
keep driving back to Louisiana and I needed to get
to work the next day. I want to get to
know my family, but I'm so afraid of doing or
saying the wrong thing. I'm wondering if you have any
(24:25):
ideas of how we can try to get to know
each other, whether we can start in the present, or
if the only way to proceed is to address the past. Chelsea,
I know you're a compassionate person, and you're also a
lot braver than me, so I'm reaching out to you
about this. I'm attaching a picture of me, my sister,
her boyfriend, and their daughter. Thanks for any advice you
can offer, Sylvan, Oh, that is sweet. Yeah, I mean,
(24:48):
I don't think you have to rehash the past, especially
if it's uncomfortable for any of anybody. It's about being related, right,
It's about having a blood relation. And then working off
of that and building off of that, And I think
that you should start from the present and just getting
to know each other, and you know, not being overbearing
(25:08):
about it, but being giving people space to warm up
to the idea, and also just being available for when
there is space and meeting the moment when the appropriate
moments arise, and also just keeping an open door letting
them know that you're always available, they're welcome to stay
with you if you're comfortable with that, and getting to
know them in that way. But yeah, I guess I
(25:31):
wouldn't push it too hard. Yeah, I think it's just
a natural progression. You know, it's not something you can
like instantly change and have a relationship with someone like
that when there's that kind of history. But it's obviously
so many people do it, so like, use that as
your compass, Like it's been done so many times, where
people can have relationships with other family members they hadn't
(25:53):
known about or had it known about them, or you know,
all of the circumstances that are kind of encapsulated in
these kinds of things. Yeah, I agree. I think I
would treat it just like you're getting to know anybody,
just like a normal friendship. Of course you're going to
touch on like where did you go to high school?
And what was your favorite type of music, those sorts
of things from the past. But I don't necessarily think
unless she brings it up, it's necessary to like really
(26:17):
dive into family drama stuff. Just treat it like a
normal friendship. And I also think this is sort of
echoing what Chelsea said, but sort of bite sized interactions
might be good so that you can like have a
little time together, maybe go to dinner or coffee, and then,
like you know, maybe in a few weeks or a month,
you see them again, depending on how far away they live. Yeah, yeah,
(26:40):
take it slow. Yeah, take it slow, just like you're
getting to know anybody. But I do think there's an
interesting connection that sisters can have, and it's really exciting
that you got to meet a niece as well, very
cute little baby niece. While Sylvan, let us know how
it goes, and thank you for emailing in. Our next
question comes from Katie. Katie says, Dear Chelsea, about two
(27:02):
years ago, my dad told me that when he was
a teenager, one of my uncles had a baby that
got put up for adoption. No one in the family
knows about this. This past spring, my dad's youngest sister
did twenty three and me and found a d n
a match with a woman that puts her in the
realm of a niece. No one in the family said
anything about this, but my dad is positive this is
(27:23):
the daughter that was put up for adoption. My uncle
went on to Mary and have three kids, one of
whom is my cousin who I'm very close with, and
I consider her a sister. I'm going to be a
bridesmaid in her wedding in a few weeks, and I'm
wondering if you think I should tell her about this
half sister she has. On the one hand, I feel
guilty keeping something so big from her. On the other hand,
I don't want to be the one that spills the
(27:43):
beans and causes the family drama, especially right before her wedding.
I don't know if it's necessarily my place to tell her.
What are your thoughts and advice? Katie? Hi, Katie, Hi, Chelseie.
How are you good? How are you her good? Thanks? So?
When is the wedding? It's in a week and a
half now, it's coming up. Yeah, I definitely would not
(28:05):
tell her before the wedding. Yeah, I don't think that's
a good idea because the half sister is a big deal.
And I don't know, Katherine, what do you think, Like,
I don't know if that's your place to tell her.
Is there anyone else in the family who feels like
a natural fit for the person to tell her, Like,
maybe it's your dad, maybe it's the uncle sort of thing. Yeah,
(28:27):
So it's funny you mentioned that because my dad has
been meaning to have a conversation with the uncle, especially
since my aunt found out about this on the DNA thing,
got it, So, but they haven't had that conversation yet. Yeah,
I would encourage them to have that conversation after the
wedding and after everything's died down. I would encourage your
(28:48):
dad to do it, and you know, and also let
him know, like if he doesn't, you will. I Like,
I like the threatening people. I think that's a great approach.
That's a good tactic. Yeah, it's just throw them into action. No,
but I mean I understand like it can feel a little,
you know, guilt inducing to you're so close with her
and you have this enormous secret that you know, you
(29:09):
just probably is at the front of your brain all
the time when you're talking to her lately. But are
you in the wedding? I am, Yeah, I'm a bridesmaid.
Oh that's wonderful. That's wonderful. It is annoying to know, like,
I don't like that burden that you know, something that
she doesn't like. That's not fair either, you know. And
that's what you have to impress upon your father that
(29:29):
that's why he's got to like pull the trigger and
have the conversation either with his brother or with your cousin. Yeah.
I think it's good to push them, but like let
them get through the honeymoon and everything first and get settled.
And one thing about these sorts of revelations is that
they seem urgent, but they're actually not as time sensitive
(29:51):
as we maybe think that they are. I know, when
my dad found out that the man he thought was
his dad was not his biological father, he actually figured
it out on his own and went back out into
the other room where his family was, and I didn't
say a word, And in fact, he didn't say a
word to my mom for a full year because he
(30:13):
needed time to process things and deal with this new
information and this new discovery before he could really like
talk to other people about it. And I know the
situation is a little bit different than that. But you know,
this information feels so big because it is such a
big thing, but it's not actually something that's super super urgent. Right.
(30:33):
That's a good point. But we're also talking about men,
and men take a much longer time to process things
than women. We're like fax machines and they're like fucking
meat lockers. I guess that is true. Have a good
time at that way. That sounds fine. Yeah, absolutely, Thanks
(30:54):
for joining us, keep us Posted by h Okay Dear Chelsea. Hello.
When I heard you were looking for people who done
genetic testing and ended up with a unique finding, I
started laughing out loud. I was adopted at birth by
the doctor who delivered me. His best friend at the
time was an attorney, and hey, it was seventy three,
(31:15):
so I guess that's just how ship got done. Anyhow,
I always knew I was adopted, and don't ever remember
being sat down for the talk. It was just common
knowledge in my family, no big deal. I didn't really
think much of it until one night my dad was
bourbon drunk and told me my birth mother's name. I
was probably about ten at the time and never forgot it.
(31:36):
I always wondered what my birth parents were, like, what
kind of music they listened to, was it a one
night stand, etcetera. Flash forward to the day I decided
to take a twenty three and me test. I spit
into the test tube, which took me a couple hours
to fill because it was fucking gross and I kept gagging.
As a nurse, I'd rather have someone vomit on me
than deal with flegm and spit. But hey, we all
have our thing. That's weird that it took her that
(31:58):
long to do it, because I able to do this
in like five minutes, and I have no patience for anything. Yes,
she's a nurse, I'm a barmacologist. I'm a guynecologist. As
you spent right and to that too. I it took me, like,
I don't know, maybe ten fifteen moves to like get
this because you haven't had anything to drink, so you're
kind of dry. Brad like filled it all the way
(32:20):
up and ago horrified and impressed. But so then she says,
a few weeks later, I got an email and my
results were in. Within days, my biological aunt reached out
to me. She was convinced I was a child of
her other sister she had three, and told me all
about when I was born, in this big, dramatic story
(32:41):
that didn't align with what my parents had told me. Again,
it was the seventies. She also said that I would
not be hearing from my birth mother because she wasn't
in great health mentally or physically. I was a bit shocked,
but relieved. I didn't want to have a big, weird reunion.
Then she told me about another child. I had, an
older brother, so she reached out to him to see
if he wanted to connect. She sent me his name
(33:02):
and number, and I nervously planned to text him the
next day. It sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it.
I was laying in bed that night and almost asleep
when I suddenly sat up in bed and realized, Oh,
my fucking god, that's the guy I met at Jason
Davidson's party in high school and drunkenly made out with
on Jason's mom's new couch. But then I somehow talked
(33:24):
myself out of it being the same guy, even though
his last name is not very common. It's fine, it's fine,
it's fine. The next day, I texted him and I
just said, hey, there, this is crazy but pretty interesting.
If you ever want to catch up, let me know. Immediately,
the three dots pop up and I wanted to die.
He texted, I'm available right now if you are so.
I paced around saying funk like seventeen times and just
(33:47):
called him. You know when you can hear in someone's
voice that they're smiling so uncomfortably and awkwardly because they
have no idea what to do, That's how Chad sounded.
I asked if we had friends in commons since we
went to rival high school, and he simply blurted out,
Jason Davidson is my best friend. And then we both
sat in silence for what seemed like forever, and then
(34:07):
I blurted out, oh my god, did we make out
at that party? He uncomfortably said yeah, we did, and
I asked, oh Jesus, was that all God? He reassured
me that that was all we did. The next few
weeks consisted of us calling each other and just laughing
uncomfortably on the phone together. He told his wife, who
(34:29):
thought it was hilarious, and we both did as well.
Turns out, he was born almost three hours away from
our hometown, was adopted and brought back to live about
four miles away from me. One summer in high school,
we had both loosely hung around in the same circle
of people. It was so bizarre. We finally did meet
up and have a beer when he came back to
our hometown to visit at Christmas. Thank god, his wife
(34:50):
came to break the ice. We had a great time
and both decided that even though it was super weird
to say, things really couldn't have turned out better because
we already knew each other and didn't have to worry
about some crazy half siblings showing up in the middle
of the night asking for money. If you're still reading this,
thank you. I tried for brevity, but it didn't happen.
I now refer to Chad as my makeout brother because
(35:10):
it sounds hilarious and inappropriate. He wasn't even a very
good kisser from what I remember, thank god. But don't
tell his wife that take care Hillary. You know what, Hillary,
Not a lot of people can talk about what kind
of kiss are their brother is so Maltov that's a
pretty funny story. You know. It's funny when you said
did anything more happen? It's like, you know, thank goodness
(35:33):
you didn't have sex with your brother. I mean right, yeah,
thank goodness because that is disgusting and making out is
who gives a ship about that? You know? Like, I mean,
there are I would rather make out with my brother
over some men that are out there, you know. So yeah,
that's a that's a funny story. It's funny that it
didn't lead to anything else. That's almost like the universe
protecting you, especially in moments when you're drunk and you
(35:55):
don't remember and and then things don't take that course.
It's almost like you have like a fairy godmother or
some someone upstairs looking at for you don't continue. Yeah,
isn't it? Is it Iceland where they all have to
have sex with each other basically is the capital of Iceland,
And that's what Wait? Is it Iceland? Where what where
(36:17):
they have to where they have to like follow a
registry so they make sure they don't marry their own cousins.
I think it is. They're beautiful in Iceland, so it
would be hard not to have sex with everybody even
if you're related. Yeah, well that's a recurring theme on
this shows, you know, making out with relatives and on
Game of Thrones and on Game of Thrones. I mean,
no spoilers, but just getting pretty hot this season. Are
(36:39):
you watching the new one? Oh? I? Oh, I haven't
watched it yet. Yeah. I mean it's it's good. I'm
ready for it to get even better, but I'm sticking
with it. I'm sticking with it. My sister started watching
the original Game of Thrones and she just started watching
that and she was telling me about it, and she's like,
what's your favorite part. I'm like, all I remember is
the incest. Like that's the one thing thing that I
(37:00):
just cannot get passed about that show. And I don't
know that I'm if it grossed me out or I
liked it, because I'm like, why is that the one
memory I have of that show? It's like sticks out
more than anything is the incests. I Mean, one of
the most exciting parts is where like two people who
are related finally hook up and you're like, yeah, oh God.
(37:21):
Brought to you by So. Our next email comes from Lori.
Loria says, love the show listen every week. I found
out at forty seven, via twenty three and me kit
that I did for fun, that I was not my
dad's biological child. Long story short, my parents used a
sperm donor and kept it a secret. I've since discovered
(37:44):
multiple donor siblings or quote dipplings dim sum let's just
call them dim Sum, and I'm quite close to two
of them. In fact, we're having our first dibbling meet
up in just a couple of weeks. I'm very nervous
to meet them in person, despite the fact that we
text each other every day. My half sister in particular
(38:04):
looks just like me, and I'm scared it will freak
me out in person. I crave closeness with them. They're
not strangers, but more than friends, but not quite actual siblings.
It's all very confusing. I've also had to grapple with
learning that my medical history was not what I thought
it was, specifically that there's alcoholism and mental health issues
on my paternal side that I was completely unaware of. Unfortunately,
(38:28):
I'm seeing some of those issues play out with my
older daughter, who's fifteen. How should I make sense of
these new relationships and what do you think I should expect? Lorie. Oh,
I first of all, I think that this is so exciting.
You already have a good attitude, and they're gonna be
just as nervous as you are. Laurie. Like, if your
sister half sister looks so much like you, you also
look so much like her, she's thinking the same thing,
(38:50):
and it's gonna be weird for both of you. But like,
what a great opportunity. And you know, I mean, I'm
sorry about the mental health and as alcoholism a marker
that comes up. I do think it runs in family. Oh,
I don't know that it's like specifically a marker, but yeah,
it's it's genetic because it doesn't run in my family,
so I must have started it. Um but and that's
why I'm not reproducing. But I'm sorry to hear about
(39:12):
that aspect of things. But also that's not insurmountable either.
I know that you said she's having trouble with her
own daughter. Actually, you know what, having these relationships with
your half siblings may shed some light on all of
this for you because they may have had some experiences
that are similar with their own children or more of
your you know, diblings may have had that same experience
so it would be it's good to have that cohort,
(39:33):
you know, where you guys can discuss it together and
and maybe like share your experience and glean some knowledge
from that. But I think this is a great opportunity.
And yeah, it's totally normal to be nervous. Nervous means
you care, that's good. Yeah. My dad always says, like
when he was growing up, he was different than what
he now knows are his half siblings, um, and he
(39:53):
just thought he was very unique and totally his own person.
And then when he met his other half siblings when
he was in his twenties, he was like, I am
it's it's all. It's all nature. It's all Like even
the way we held our mugs, like our coffee mugs
was the same. They look the same, Like my one
uncle is literally my dad but with red hair, completely
(40:14):
the same. Yeah, it's amazing. There was this Time magazine
cover years ago about twins where it talked about it
found like successive twins that were separated at birth, and
like there was one set of twins that were both
truck drivers. They were both married to a woman with
the same first name. They both named their baby the
same first name. They both watched the same television shows.
They were identical twins, and you're like, holy shit, it's
(40:37):
so crazy. I find twins. Yeah, and that's so fascinating
the difference between fraternal twins and yeah, yeah, my two
cousins are identical twins. And they decided they wanted to
like not do the twin thing in college, so they
didn't talk to each other at all about what they
wanted to major in or where they wanted to go.
(40:57):
They like refused because they were like, let's go there
and bawl. And of course they both wanted to be nurses,
and they picked the same college, so one of them
had to, like, you know, they decided for the benefit
of being their own people, one of them would go
to the second choice college. But I know, I know,
how do you decide which one gets the second choice?
I don't know. I would just say, stick together. Who
(41:19):
gives a ship? I feel like each other? Stick together? Yeah,
they're both cool. Well. Our last email comes from Kara.
Dear Chelsea, I had a sneaking suspicion and fear that
my parents might be related when my mom told me
the story of how right after I was born, she
had my baby book open filling in the family tree.
Both my grandma's were there with her. When she asked, okay,
(41:42):
great great grandmother, they said the same name. Turns out
three or fourth cousins don't share that much. D n
A whoopsie doodle. Now that we know I'm fairly normal,
I can joke about this. I'm fifty three years old
and just fine. We also discovered that one of my
great uncle's apparently had a baby with a woman we
didn't know about. We're now in touch with that new
side of the family. And she came to your show
(42:05):
at the Mountain Winery. She said, I can't wait to
see Chelsea tonight for the first time at the Mountain Winery.
I think she'll truly love it there. I mean, it's
a concert venue on a mountain with a winery. What
could be better? Kara. I love these happy endings. It
would be nice if everybody just had this happy attitude.
I know it's not easy for everybody to have a
good outlook towards it because sometimes it involves cheating and
(42:26):
secrets and lies, so that adds a layer of you know,
betrayal and drama. Yeah, yeah, but it would be nice
to just kind of accept what the reality is because
like to think about all the connections people get to
make and like the new family members, and when you
have a positive outlook towards it, you can like act
in love and kindness with new people. And and then
(42:46):
you have another person you know in your corner and
you can be in someone's corner. It's nice when there's
a happy response. Yeah, and blood, I do think is
thicker than water, Like they're just is something something different
with a cousin or a sibyling that you have that
you know, even sometimes it might be awkward, but you
relate to them in a way that you can't relate
to any new friend. I think. One of the really
(43:09):
interesting things that I heard when I was researching this
episode was the founder of twenty three and Me. She said, basically,
everybody's got some mystery person in their lineage here, there, wherever.
But she said life is long, and people enjoy sex,
So everybody's just a random person out there in their family. Yeah,
(43:30):
some people enjoy sex, and some people like masturbating and
then artificially seminating the wrong women, So that's not really sex,
but that's also sadistic in a sick way six six six.
Some people are sick, they don't forget that part. Yes,
And some people like to make up with their own brothers.
Yeah yeah, well some people accidentally make out with their
own brothers, Like we should say that's true, Chelsea. This
(43:52):
was I think a very fun episode and we had there. Honestly,
there were so many other emails that we couldn't even
get to, but it was pretty exciting to learn some
different things. Yeah yeah, yeah, so I I yeah, I
mean why wouldn't anybody get this testing done? I mean,
it just gives you more information. Even if you don't
want to do the genealogy part, just do the health
part so you can find out what you have a
propensity for. Here's a question, would you So this is
(44:15):
a separate thing that you would have to like upload
your results too. It's separate from twenty three and me.
But there is a program called jet match where you
can upload your DNA that you've received two help with
solving crimes. Is that something that you would ever do? Well?
What does that mean? Exactly? Like so, so basically it
(44:35):
helps law enforcement, like whittled down it. Let's say they
have DNA from a rapist or a murderer and you
submit your DNA. It might not be like your uncle,
but it might be your second cousin once removed, and
that helps law enforcement build family trees to help solve crimes.
Oh yeah, of course I would do that. I think
I'm going to do it. Oh you are some indict
(44:57):
true crime and that sort of thing. I think I
just have to make sure I haven't done anything like that.
You know, I don't want to murder. I mean, I've
wanted to murder so many people, but I've never pulled
the trigger, so to speak. But who knows what my
family has been sucking up to. But this would be
a good way to pin everybody in a corner exactly, exactly,
(45:17):
Amen to that. Yeah, okay, well this has been a
very informative, very nice, lighthearted episode. Yes, thanks for writing
in everybody. Thank you guys. We'll see you next week
or you'll hear us by Okay, so my stand up dates,
I have some dates coming up in California October one,
I'm Impassa Robels and then I'm in Vegas at the
Mirage Saturday October and then Wheatland, California October. And then
(45:44):
you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for more
dates when I'll be performing, and uh yeah, that's pretty
much what's happening right now. So if you'd like advice
from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear Chelsea
project at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production
of I Heart Radio executive produced by Nick Stump, produced
(46:06):
by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dicker.
And that's it on another dope show. Did this episode
inspire you to take a closer look at your health history,
your genetic makeup? Who new DNA could reveal so much
about our past while also holding the keys to certain
health insights that may impact our future. I continue to
(46:29):
be inspired by these stories, and I hope you do
as well. Catch you next time. Listen to Spit, an
original podcast from I Heart Radio and twenty three in
the on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or
wherever you get your podcast.
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