August 31, 2024 • 44 mins
Morgan and Eddie have a hard, but important and vulnerable conversation this weekend as they help each other talk about their grief. Eddie shares details around his family’s loss and how he’s been coping. Morgan admits how she’s really feeling following her break up.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Best Bits of the Week with Morgan.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Part one behind the scene with a member of the show.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Here we are. It is part one this weekend of
Best Bits and Eddie is joining me.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi, Eddie.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
I just told Eddie before we came on, I have
absolutely nothing planned for this because, honestly, like I am
in a mode right now where I'm just surviving. Yeah,
and I'm doing the bare minimum. Normally That's not my
personality at all, but it's the only way I'm able
to survive.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Ran Yeah, same here.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
I mean, one step at a time, one day at
a time, right, Like, it's just kind of what you do.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Yeah, how are you? How? Like how's the family? Like,
give me a little check in if you can.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Yeah, the family's good. I mean we, like I said,
it's just one day at a time. Some days are good,
some days are better than others, you know. Just to
kind of catch people up. At the start of August,
my brother had a stroke. My brother, my older brother,
he's been in this podcast. He's on the he called
(01:03):
in talk about his feedex days he was he's fifty
one years old, and he had a stroke and it's
a little brain brain bleed in his head and it
paralyzed the left side of his body mainly limbs, not
so much his his face.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Or anything like his speat or anything.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Just like his left arm he couldn't move it, his
left leg couldn't move it and really had a hard
time just moving.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
So that happened, and then.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Two three three days later, my dad had a freak accident,
fell down some stairs, and you know, he ended up
passing away. And it was just kind of like a boom.
It was a huge bomb in my life because everything
was just so sudden, like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
None of it was planned for nothing.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
You could be nothing nothing, So yeah, it's it's that was.
It's been a few weeks and we've kind of I
have personally kind of just gone back into the routine
of my life, which is chaotic and busy. My brother
his whole rehab and like his recovery was kind of
(02:13):
priority one after my dad passed, Like, all right, so
Dad's gone, what do we do with my brother? Like
we got to figure his stuff out because he didn't
have health insurance and.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
That was a whole other deal.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
And luckily my sister and I we were kind of
we're wired differently, my sister and I her and I
are wired the same, but weird wired differently than the
rest of our family, where like, all right, we got
to get crap done.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Let's get it done.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
So he kind of went into action versus the emotional
side of things.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Yes, we went into like how do how do we
get through this? My mom obviously has been a wreck,
and and my mom and my sister are really close,
so my mom's like, let me take care of mom.
You take care of bro, got it? Those are our
assignments and so so yeah, so my brother other, you know,
didn't have health insurance, so immediately we had to just
(03:03):
kind of go like, how are we going to pay
for this stuff? And we kind of got our money
together and we're like, well, that's not gonna that's not
going to do anything. So my sister kind of made
the hard, hard decision to be like should we do
a GoFundMe? Like it's just not our style, and I said,
you do whatever you think we need to do, and
she's like okay, So she set up a GoFundMe and
(03:27):
Morgan the amount of money that we were able to
raise from that GoFundMe, I mean just from friends and
family and the B Team Facebook page, which I didn't
even know it made it to the B Team Facebook
page like it had gotten on there somehow. And then
my sister texted me, She's like, hey, we're getting like
a lot of money from B Team members. Did you
(03:48):
say something? And I'm like, what were I say? Said
something like I haven't even gone on Instagram. I haven't
said anything, and she's just like, well, it's like B
Team stepping up.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Yeah, And I was like, oh my gosh, this is
a maze.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
So it was a huge, huge, huge, huge blessing in
that time where we really didn't know what we're gonna
do too, where like, holy crap, this is actually possible
where my brother can get some good treatment. And because
he's all alone, he's not married, he doesn't have family,
he's all alone in Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
And so that happened. And then my cousin who lives
in Florida.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
He was there for my dad. He's very close to
our family and he was there for my dad when
he passed and he said, listen, man, like my wife
is a occupational therapist, so what she does for a living,
he's going to need some occupational therapy after a stroke. Aunt,
just send it to Florida with me and we'll kind
of set up what he needs, physical therapy, cognitive therapy,
(04:42):
occupational therapy. Like my wife knows all these people, so
let's just do it that way. That way you can
get back to work and mom can get back to
Texas and we can kind of figure everything out. I'm
telling you, man, I'm getting emotional just thinking about it, because.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
It was in a hard, hard time.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
It was a light a very very dark time, and
we're just so thankful for the way everything's playing out,
Like it's just great.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
You just had a lot of people stepping up and
showing up for you. Huge when you're in such a
dark moment and you see people showing up and you're like,
where are you coming from? Why are you here? You
don't have to be It's okay, Like we'll figure it out, yeah,
you know, but you were like no, we're you know,
people were like, no, we're going to step in and
we're going to do this right because you guys deserve that.
That's so awesome. And I remember you telling me that
(05:28):
story when when you had first gotten back, and I
think it's so awesome of your cousin who have stepped
up and done that. So is your brother's recovery going well?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Then, So while we record this in a couple of days,
I'm going to pick him up in Florida and we're
going to take him back home because he's made significant improvements.
He's been able to walk on his own without a
walker his uh, he's able to write and do everything
or not right because he's right handed, but you know everything,
(05:56):
he's got motion. He's got motion. You can move his limbs,
he can kind of he's a little slower, he can't
do everything at full speed. But he's been cleared to
go back home, which he has stairs, and again he's
by himself, so he's gonna have to drive places. And
they've cleared him. Like, Okay, I think we're at the moment,
we're at the point where he's able to do all
that stuff a little bit.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah, So I'm gonna take him back and once.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Set them up, ready to go back to or is
he like he's so.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Ready to go back?
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (06:24):
I mean he has two cats, Oh he hasn't and
they weren't able to come with him. Yeah, So the
like priority one for him is like I need to
get back to my cats and we're like, Priority one
is you need to get walking and driving again, Like
that's what you need to.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Get somebody out there to take care imagine again.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
And he's been telling me about his neighbors and his
friends that are like, man, everyone's stepping up. Everyone's been
able to go to.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
The house, they take videos of the cats, they hang
out with them.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
He's like, it's just everything everyone's just been doing being
so great to us at this moment, and we're just
very very thankful for everyone.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Well, I think it's really hard to like when you
you go in day to day life and you get
used to your life right and something just comes and
blows it up, and you're like, I have to lean
on people that I haven't been leaning on because life
was just working for all of us, you know, the
motion was happening. I didn't need anything or they didn't
need anything. And then when you see like the community
(07:15):
that you have around you, that you did build along
the way of your life start to show up for you.
When that moment does come, because it's inevitably going to
like that's insane, that feeling and that experience emits something
really dark, You're like, Okay, I really want to cry
right now, but like thank you at the same time,
and like my heart feels happy, but like it's not. Yeah,
(07:38):
it's a weird emotion too.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
It is, it is, And you're right, you do see
you see it from a different perspective because we're all
just a little selfish and we live our life just
thinking of you know, what I do every day and
how am I going to do this every day? And
but when something like that happens and you have no
control and you're just like I have no control, and
everyone steps up, you start saying like, wow, we have
(08:01):
created a community of people. We have affected people in
different ways where they want to help us. And after
this is done, I'm going to look at that differently
when someone else, when someone needs help, it's like, guys,
we need to all step in and help them.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Now.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
It's a beautiful thing. And unfortunately it takes something really
really bad in our lives for us to realize that.
And I hate that part, but we kind of need
it for it to happen for us to even think
about that.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
So well, And I don't know if you're like this too,
but I don't like asking for help.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
I don't And that's what I'm saying. My sister and
I were like I don't want to do this, Like
I really don't. Is there any way we can get
a credit card and pay for all this stuff? And
my sister's like, we can, but we want to do that,
and like Mom's gonna need help too after this, and like, oh,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
And it becomes overwhelming and you become so overwhelmed that
you're like, Okay, I don't have any other option but
to utilize option like my resources that I have. Yeah,
it is that, Like it's certainly an overwhelming feeling to
be like, my life is really hard, but I know
your life is really hard, and I don't want to
ask you for anything, and I don't want you to
stop what you're doing to fix me or to do
(09:10):
things for me, like I'll figure it out. That's a
constant thing that I battle whenever I'm in like a
really hard places, like I can't ask for help. I'm
not good at it. Yeah, people just kind of have
to force it. Like I had a girlfriend literally force
for me a grilled cheese or sitting in the Sonic
parking lot eat the freaking girl cheese. I'm like, I
(09:31):
don't want to, Like there's no part of me that
wants to. And she's like, just eat it please, and
like that's the stuff that like people show up to do.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Sure, And you're laughing in the moment, but you're like,
what is wrong with me? You know, I don't know
if you had any of those that have happened to
you recently where you're like, what is going on with
my brain and my body?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
You know, it's funny because yes, I don't know. I
don't really know how to like grieve. Obviously no one
really does, but and I don't normally do this.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
It was just weird.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
And it was at the hospital in Pennsylvania because so
the hospital my brother lives in Pennsylvania, like maybe an
hour outside of Philadelphia, and so a lot of Philadelphia
Eagles fans and we had been in the hospital for
four days, like just back and forth. My brother was
on the seventh floor, my dad was on the second floor,
and it was just just every day, back and forth,
(10:22):
back and forth, crying a lot, and joking a little
bit with family, crying again, and it's just like it.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Was just that kind of like week.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
And one day I decided to wear a Dallas Cowboy
shirt in Philadelphia Eagles territory, and I just thought it
would be funny.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
And I'm Morgan. I would never do this ever.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Ever.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
I'm not that kind of fan to go up to
a Rando stranger and be like, hey, look at my shirt.
But there was a guy walking towards me. And the
hospital is not a place to joke like, it's just not.
But for some reason, I was like, watch this, this
will be funny. And I was with my whole family
and I had my cow underneath my sweatshirt. I had my
cowboy shirt and there was a guy walking with an
(11:00):
Eagle's shirt and I say, hey, man, watch this.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
And my whole family's like, what is that he doing?
And the guy is like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (11:10):
And so I pick up my sweatshirt and it's the
Cowboys star and I go boom and he goes okay,
I don't care, and he walks off, and my whole
family's like, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
And I said, I don't know, honestly, I don't know
why I did that.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
And then my cousin goes bro that wasn't even a
Philadelphia Eagles shirt. I think that was like an elementary school,
you know, So it.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Was like, that's probably why he didn't understand what with that?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
No, we had no idea.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
And in my mind, I'm like, and my sister, I think,
is the one that said, you know what, just pain
makes you do weird things. So yes, that was my
moment of like what am I doing? I feel like
I don't have no control over my body right now?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yeah, like out of body experience.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Yes, it was so weird, Morgan, you know what it is.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
And I want us to take a quicker little break here,
but when we come back, I'm gonna ask you, like,
how how the grieving process has been going for Okay,
because we can get to my grieving too.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
It's been interesting. Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
We have the two parallels here, right, You are grieving
somebody very important to you that's no longer here, my dad.
I'm grieving somebody that's still alive that I'm probably never
going to speak to again.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Both grief just different kinds.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Different ways, right, It's life, just different ways of doing things.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Yeah, and grief comes in a whole lot of different forms.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
How have you has your process of been grieving?
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Go?
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Like, maybe there's been funny moments, sad moments, like what
has that grieving process been like for you so far?
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Gosh, I don't know if I have completely grieved. I
think that the process of, well, my dad was in
the hospital for five days, you know, just nothing was
getting better was the main grieving process, because it's like
(13:00):
so much sadness but fun to see family members. Then
sat again, and just the roller coaster ride of like
I think I said bye to my dad, probably I
don't know, twenty times, you know, and then and then
the nurses would come in and be like, hey, his
heart beats getting strong again, like okay, okay, and then
(13:23):
I would come back, you know, a few hours later
and like, no, it's not.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It's getting worse.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Roller coaster ride of like not knowing what's.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Going to happen, morgan.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
And it was like that for five days, and so
maybe even seven days, use I don't remember. But so
I think at the end of it there was a
big feeling of peace of like, Okay, he's no longer suffering.
(13:52):
What happened has happened, and he's in a better place,
and so many things kind of came together, you know.
There's a weird part of all this that was that
just kind of resonated in me while it was happening,
was that my mom told me when my brother was
in the hospital after he had a stroke. My mom
(14:13):
said that my dad said, you know what he told
my brother. He said, for some reason, I feel like
Eddie's going to come and see you. And my brother
was like you think and he's like, yeah, I don't know.
Something's telling me that Eddie's going to come visit you. No,
and not one there wasn't one thought in my mind
here in Nashville thinking like I'm going to go see
(14:35):
my brother because I knew he was in stable condition
and that he was just he was okay, yeah, and
that all he needed was therapy to get back to normal.
So I thought like, maybe I'll go see him in
a month or so, but not I didn't even think
about coming to visit him in the hospital.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
But somehow my dad knew that I was going to
be there, and so there was also that feeling of
like like, look, look how it's all kind of coming together.
Dad knew that I needed to be here. I didn't
know that I needed to be here. Now we're all here,
and so that's.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Also hard because it's not the reason you wanted.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
To be there, absolutely not. But it's almost like my
dad knew and I do. I do believe that God
tells us things and we don't know what they mean
at the time, but he knows. And by my dad
saying that, it's like God was telling him, like, this
is going to happen, but it's going to be a
(15:33):
good thing because your family's going to get together. And
my family we've always been just we were close at
the beginning, and then as we got older, I moved
to Nashville. My sister lived in Texas, and my brother
lived in Pennsylvania, so just we kind of separated a
little bit, and I would talk to my parents maybe twice,
(15:54):
maybe once every two or three weeks, but not as
much as I wanted to.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
My dad and I didn't talk that that much. I
would text him.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
We would text each other little things back and forth,
but never like real good conversations for a lot. That
just wasn't our thing. So like, I think my dad
always wanted us to be closer, you know. I think
he always wanted us to be a close family, live
close together, help each other out.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Because he would say that too, just like.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Why don't you guys, Like, why don't you guys move
like in the same town so you guys can be
there for each other and.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Be like, Nah, Dad, I live in Nashville. Are you
talking about? Like?
Speaker 3 (16:25):
But I think he wanted us to be closer, and
this has definitely brought us all closer. Not a great way,
not the ideal way. But I talk to my brother
every day now, twice a day, three times a day.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
My sister and I talk.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Way more than we've ever talked, you know, my mom,
I'm like, come on, come stay with us for three weeks.
I stayed with for three months. I don't care, you know,
So I don't know. It's just a lot of the
grieving process has been thinking that this happened for a reason.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
How long did it take you to be like this
happened for a reason.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I would say pretty quick. I would say pretty quick.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
I mean the shock of what had happened and kind
of just being there for that. There was a lot
of confusion, why did this happen? Like I don't understand,
like what doesn't make any sense? But then once you
passed and everyone started telling stories, I'll be like, you know,
your dad said this, and then my sister sayings like
you know Dad always said this, and you know, like
(17:30):
there were too many stories, and even when my cousins
came in, they were just like, did you know your
dad like said this. We're like, ah, this is all
making sense a little bit. You know, in the darkness
of all this, a lot of stuff is making sense here.
So with that, I think it's brought a lot of
us a lot of peace. My mom is having the
(17:53):
hardest hardest time because she's lost her a little you know,
her partner.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
And she's all alone and she doesn't know.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
What to do, and so she has her days where
she's just like, really, you know what, it's I'm having
a good day. I saw my sister, she came to
visit me, and then later on that night she's like,
I'm having such a hard time.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It's just tough.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Those ups and downs. Man, when you think you're doing
really well and then it just comes out of nowhere,
yeah and hits you and you're like, I was fine,
why why is this happening in this moment right now?
And you're like you want to be mad at yourself
because you're like, no, no, no, no, we're moving forward, right,
But then you're like, Okay, well some reason I have
(18:33):
to feel that I don't like it. Does it feel good?
Go away?
Speaker 2 (18:37):
And that's that's the thing too.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
When I talk to my mom, it's like I want
to tell her, like, Mom, it's gonna be okay, Like
you're gonna be good. It's just it's gonna take time,
but you're gonna eventually know how to do things by
yourself and it's gonna feel okay and it's gonna feel normal.
But she doesn't understand that right now, and she doesn't
need to understand that right now. She's going through her
thing and it's really really hard, and all we can
do is just be there for her well in her.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
The heartache of that. Like, if there's something that I
wish as humans we never experienced, it's heartache, I know,
you know, Like you want to talk about one of
the worst feelings in the world that you have zero
control over and your whole body feels it. Is heartache
of any kind, whether you've lost somebody in your life,
lost a partner, lost a pet, like the heartache of
(19:22):
losing because you can't the only thing that mends it
is time, and time never comes fast enough. When you're hurting,
you can know in your mind that two years down
the road, this will be a blip on my radar,
I'll be okay, and I'll be able to move past this.
But in that moment, in like the suck of all
of it, you can't even see two feet in front
(19:45):
of you, let alone think that this is going to
get over anytime soon.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Impossible.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
And that's what's the hardest part about any type of heartache.
Like I genuinely just wish as humans we didn't have
to experience, but we have to in order to know
what's good and to your point, what is important, what matters,
and how to appreciate those things. We have to have
loss to appreciate the things that are in our lives.
(20:12):
And that sucks.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I don't know that there's anything that will ever make
it okay in my mind.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Isn't it weird that the heart hurts?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Like, how does the heart hurt? Why does the heart hurt?
But it really does feel like your heart is breaking.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Oh yeah, And they do say people die of heartbreak.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
That's what I worry about my mom.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
I think because you guys are surrounding her with so
much love. It will be different for her. But I
do think that exists with those couples who they're the
only two they have left. It's just them and one
of them is left behind. And I think that's when
that happens. I think when there's family involved and you
have a community around you, it makes it really hard
(20:52):
for that to happen because you have so many people
pushing to be like checking in, are you okay? How's today?
And I can't not think. I can't not respond because
I want to make sure they know that like I'm here.
I'm just I'm not great, but I'm here. Yeah, you
know what I mean. Having support is everything, and so like,
on that further extensive level, it's like those people who
don't have support and experience.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
That I do want to say this too, you know,
because I had a buddy of mine who lost a son,
I don't know, four years ago or so somewhere around there,
and I remember thinking I don't know what to say
to him, I don't know what to do for him.
And now being on this kind of this end of it,
(21:32):
it shouldn't be an awkward thing when anyone still today
comes and says, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. How's
everything going, Like, how's your brother doing, I'm so sorry
about your dad, how's your mom doing?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
All this stuff?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
It's it actually feels good to talk about it and
not forget it and be like thanks for asking. Like
she is, she's doing okay, she still has hard time
whatever it is. But I remember thinking like I don't
know what to say, and I think now I understand
what to say, Like just check to see how they're doing,
(22:05):
because anyone going through that really does not want to
feel alone.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
But they're gonna push everything away because they're hurting. It's
natural to push everything away because you just you want
to You're barely getting out of the bed in the morning,
you're barely eating the food, putting your clothes on, brushing
your hair, brushing your teeth, existing as a day to
day human, yeah, let alone wanting to bother anybody with
that much heaviness. Yeah, you know, besides the direct people
(22:33):
like I'm sure your wife and kids have been great
support and distraction for you, for sure, but like they're
still existing with you in day to day and like,
how do we manage this with him every day and
make sure that he knows like we're here, but also
trying to not make him talk about it all the time.
You know, it's that delicate balance. But back to your
(22:53):
point of like, just just reach out. It doesn't have
to be anything special to say hi.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
It really doesn't, like I'm here, Hi, and and too.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
I always wonder, like, oh, do we want to talk
about him anymore? But I love talking about my dad.
I love thinking about my dad. I love it when
people tell me, like, man, your dad one time he
did this and it was so funny, like it, I
love it.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
And I think that when you're on the other side
of it, you're don't you really don't even know?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Do we want to talk about him or her?
Speaker 1 (23:25):
You want to keep their memory alive?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
You really do?
Speaker 3 (23:27):
I love it, Like I love hearing stories about my
dad now from people.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Do you have any of your stories you want to
share about him? Oh?
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Man, I mean my dad was just a jokes jokester.
I think one of the stories that always sticks out
is I don't even know if I can say this, because.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
I don't know what that means.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
We're going. He was just I don't even know if
I can say this.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
He would take an awkward situment, situation and put a
spotlight on it and be like this is funny. I'm
going to take advantage of it. We were all, oh,
my gosh, I don't even know if I can say,
I will say it. We were at a Japanese restaurant
and you know where they cook in front of you. Yeah,
and the guy that was cooking had a very thick accent,
(24:13):
and one of us at the table didn't even realize
that we had repeated what the chef said in that accent.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
No, and we were like, what did you just say?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
And the person didn't realize they said it, Oh my gosh,
Oh my gosh, I can't believe I said that out loud.
And so my dad was like, this is great. So
my dad got the waiter, the server and said, hey,
I will pay you, you know, twenty bucks if you
can come back to the table and tell this person
that the cook heard you and he wants a verbal apology.
(24:49):
And so so the server came back and said, did
somebody mock our our cook? And the person's like, yes,
I did. No, yeah, he heard you and he would
like for you to apologize to him. And like the
person was like, okay, just tell me, where do I
go to the kitchen? Yeah, follow me to the kitchen.
(25:10):
And they started walking to the kitchen till the start
was like, I'm just joking your dad, Your dad, you know,
he faded to do this or whatever, and it's like,
oh my god, and my dad was cracking up.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
That's the kind of stuff he would do all the time.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
He's like, I'm just going to make so much fun
out of this, and he would like I think every
time anyone talks about my dad, like, oh my gosh,
he's just that type. At the time he did this,
it's ridiculous. It was so dumb, but we all laugh.
We've been laughing for years about it.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Like he was just always making people laugh different.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
That's what he did. He was a jokester. He was
just a big clown.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
So he did And that's hard. That's it. That's a
big personality. Especially for your mom. Oh yeah, you know,
she had this huge light in her life and to
fill that is going to be really difficult.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
What's really cool is that my dad towards the when
he was younger, I would say maybe when he was
like thirty or forty, he had bought a children's home
in South Texas and this was like an orphanage in
South Texas.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
I didn't know this. I had no idea.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
I was still young back then, so I had no
idea that he did this. But he had enough money
to buy a children's home and he would go and
like hang out with the kids and do whatever, play
games with them. And there was a kid that he
kind of just connected with all the time. Well he
grew up, and I guess they never really saw each
other anymore. It was just kind of one of those
(26:31):
things like I remember him, he was cool. Well, later on,
like i'd say, like ten years ago or five years ago,
my dad had to stay he had kind of like
goes in financial problems, financial trouble, and him and my
mom had to stay at a hotel. They didn't have
a lot of money, so they're like, we need to
stay at a hotel. Well, the manager of that hotel
was one of the kids that was at the children's home,
(26:51):
and he says, Oh, my gosh, I don't know if
you remember me.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I'm so and so, and he's like, yeah, I remember you,
of course.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
And it's just like wow, this is so crazy staying
here at the hotels, Like yeah, we may be staying
here for a while. Don't really know what our situation is.
And so the guy was like, you know what, you
stay here as long.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
As you want.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Like I'm the manager of this hotel. I run this hotel,
like you have a place to stay. Wow, it's stuff
like that where it's just like, God, one, I didn't
know Dad had bought a children's home, Like that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Yeah, I'm surprised him or your mom never like.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
No, I lied that, never talked about that.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
And I'm like, Dad, no, wonder you liked when I
adopted when I was a foster parent, Like he would
always be like this is awesome, But I've never told
me that this is what he enjoyed that and that
was like something that he liked to do too.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
But like, Dad, talk to me like you missed a
whole chapter of y'all's life that he never Yeah unformed. Yeah, wow, Okay,
that's a really cool story. And those are some really
really good stories to share, Eddie.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Thank you, Yeah, thank you, Mary.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
I'm glad we could have have it. On a on
a positive note, We're going to take a quick break
and then I think I need your help.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Come on, I'm here for you after these two here
we're here for each other.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Like you're going through the most difficult thing you've been
through and you're okay and you're not emotional, And I'm
sitting over here just like emotional. Right, how are you
doing it?
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Like?
Speaker 1 (28:18):
I like, if I'm being honest with you any today.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
It's been so hard I could tell.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I could tell like I can't even tell you that
without crying. Yeah, Like, I'll just go to the bathroom.
You guys make fun of our couch in the bathroom.
This time we have couches in the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Couch.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I didn't lay down, but I sat there and I
just cried in the bathroom instead of having to sit
on a toilet because I don't It just comes out
of nowhere. And like, but you're going you went through
so much and you're you're doing so incredible with how
strong you are, And I don't know that this is
(28:56):
such a stupid thing to feel so sad about, like
because it was somebody who just said, you know this
isn't going to work.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
Well, one, it's not stupid. Two you are you went
all in and that's that's a hard thing for you
to go all in into. Something and then it not
work and it be it blindside slight side you too,
like something to blindside you like that is you don't
know how to prepare yourself for it, and that's why
(29:25):
it's going to take you a while.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
You know.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
It was It's like.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
My dad, like, if it would have been cancer, I
guess I could have really just like known that this
was coming or it was something like that. But since
it was just an accident, I wasn't ready for this.
None of us were ready for this. Same with you.
You were blindsided. You weren't ready for this, and you
had opened up everything. You're like, I haven't heard you
(29:49):
on Caroline Hobbies podcast, you know, like yeah, you're like
all out, this is the best thing in the world,
like he is blah blah blah blah blah. But and
that just came to a quick halt. Yeah, that's not
gonna be easy, Morgan. It's not gonna be easy. And
you're not stupid for feeling this way or acting like this.
(30:09):
This is completely understandable.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
No, But I also just you know, you get mad
at yourself. You're like, why do I care that much?
You know, like it's one of those where I'm like,
just stop. Just he did it. Why can't you do it?
You know, like other people can just turn it on
and off. And I'm sitting here like, Okay, I'm gonna
(30:31):
be a little blubber mess because I don't know how
else to get all these feelings out. This is how
I exist in the world, and it makes me mad
at myself. So then I'm like sad, and then I'm
mad on top of it, you know, like I should
be able to just talk about these things and be.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Okay, No, no, you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. And
we're all different, you know, we're all different.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
But you are so strong in everything that's going on,
and I'm like, you're literally looking at me, and I
look like I'm a kid that somebody just like really
hurt my dog. Basically, what's what it feels like.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Min Own is a different, complete, different situation. Like if
you would have seen me three weeks ago, two weeks ago, yeah,
I wouldn't have been like this. But I've prayed really
really hard, and I've.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
You know, I just.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
Like I said, I've just I've come. I feel a
complete piece with all of it. I don't like it,
but I'm at peace with it. You're gonna be there too.
You will get there. You will get there too. And
this is so hard right now. And you know what,
our job is really hard when you're going through something
like this, which is I'm so thankful to Bobby and
(31:45):
Scuba and everyone letting me have my time, because there's
no way I could have even thought about coming back
or even doing videos because I thought about while I
was over there. I was like, let me text Morgan
to see you know what, there's a lot of downtime.
I don't need to be hanging out with my brother
for this long, Like, let me just step away and
do videos for two hours. But then really, when it
came down and I'm like, I'm gonna cry over this keyboard,
(32:06):
I'm not gonna do a video like one of the
spell stuff.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
The emotional capacity like it wasn't there.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
It wasn't there, you know. So like our job, while
you're going through something like this is hard. You have
to sit there tell your opinion about something where you're
like like you know, like you really do care when
all you're thinking about is my life is crumbled right now.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Yeah, Like I just want to be crying in the
bathroom please don't ask me what I feel about this time? Right,
And I think Bobby does send some of that, which
is really awesome about him. They'll like, look, I'm just
like down. I'm like, please don't come to me, Please
don't come to me, because I might just cry and
it's not even a crying subject.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
Does Lunchbox help you, you know with his ridiculous questions
and does he help you laugh a little bit about that?
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Yeah, you know, the comedic relief, especially at the end
of the announcement really helped, cause I was just like,
it's also like I'm back in therapy and I'm like,
having to relive it in my head is what I
think is hard because I'm like I just keep getting
more sad and then more angry, and those those keep
the emotions keep paling on. And so like when you
(33:17):
when that happens, you feel so emotionally exhausted after having
to share that much of who you are, and so
like when lunch Fox comes in and makes a joke,
I'm like, Okay, I can breathe for a second, you
know what I mean, Like, is he probably making find Yeah, sure,
and just give it on me right now. But like
it at least allows, I think, my heart to breathe
(33:38):
from the vulnerability that I'm exposing myself to.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
How hard was that for you to come on here
and tell everyone what was going on?
Speaker 1 (33:47):
So hard? Any I wanted to like literally cry a river,
but so much of my healing, Like the only way
that I was going to move on, or at least
start my process moving on, was to tell everybody, because
I had already shared multiple times like this is a
guy that I cared so much about and now that's
(34:10):
not happening. So like, I had people that were in
my damns, like kind people who were like, you're so
happy You're glowing over the weekend of like the breakup
that happened, and I was like, oh god, yeah, I
was like, this is so bad. I can't keep getting
these messages because I'm not I'm like literally not okay.
And I was like, I have to share this so
(34:32):
that I can they can move on with me, you
know what I mean? Because I had led him into
that part. I hadn't shown him and I you know,
nobody knew his name or anything, but like I had
posted about him and I had shared really happy stories
about all of that. So of course they were going
to think that I was continually to be happy until
I told.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Him I wasn't.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
So I was like, regardless of how much this is
going to suck, I have, I have to stop this
because I can't move on and I can't process this
until I'm no longer getting messages of like I'm so
happy for you and you you finally found it. You
know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Is that a big part of your process to just
be open with everyone, tell everyone what's up, and get
rid of everything and just clear him from your life?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
I think so, because I don't. It's this is also
so unique, Eddie. I've never exited a relationship that wasn't horrible.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. I didn't think about that.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
So, like all of them have, I've had a reason.
I had good reasons to get out, to hate them,
to be mad, to be and just like move forward.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
This one was like what the no?
Speaker 1 (35:37):
And this one I'm still trying to understand and come
out of. So like I get that, I don't think
my body even knows how to process what I'm going through.
So that's also like an extra layer on that. But yeah,
I mean, I if I don't be open and vulnerable.
(35:57):
I will shut down and I will legitimately be depressed.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Like we're not going to do that.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
I'm trying not to like not doing that. I'll text
my friends. I'm like, I am not doing great right now.
Please put something on my schedule so I don't go
here because.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Oh no, Broadway Morgan's Oh gosh, no.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
That I refuse to go to. I'm not drinking Eddie,
like I haven't. I haven't drank anything since because I
know that it's going to make this worse.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Good call, good job, Good for you, that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Like one, I'll this is so mature of you. Well
because also I don't. I'm not super hungry anyway, and
I'm not I don't even want to like drink water.
So like I'm just like, okay, I need to not
be adding alcohol to this process.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
We've got to work on that part. Though. I know
you need your friend to feed you.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
It's more forced Jesus. But yeah, it's like I'll just go.
I will literally go into a depression. And so I
realized the only way I don't is if it's like
I have people holding me accountable. So if I'm so
open and honest, about it. I can't lie to myself,
you know, I can't lie that this isn't happening, and
I can't take it back. So if I just tell everybody,
(37:06):
then everybody's going to be around me and say, hey,
how you doing today? And I have to face it
because I will. You know, I live by myself. I
have my dog and my cab. But like I live
by myself, I could go into a hole if I
wanted to.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Oh my gosh, this is the same thing I was
talking about with when someone loses a loved one, like
check on you. You want people to check on you.
You need people to check on you again. But I
sit right next to you and you walk in and
I'm like, oh no, Morgan's having a bad day. Do
I leave her alone? Like really, I think, like, do
I leave her alone? And I've you noticed I tapped
you kind of on the shoulder, rubbed, just give you
(37:39):
a little love tap on your shoulder, a little bit
heelty if everynoun now and then because I know that
like I don't have the words right now. Again, I
don't have the words for you, but I want you
to know that I'm here for you.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
It's like even just you doing that. I was like, Okay,
it was like a call.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Mean, yeah, you know what I mean. But again, most
people think, like, let me just give her a space.
Morgan does need your space, Morgan needs the love.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Yeah, and I did. I mean just to your point
you were talking about earlier, how you just felt like
you just felt so much around you. And I have,
I mean people have shown up. I have. I've had
multiple people stay the night with me. I've had neighbors
dropping off wine dudes, no, go forst It's good, all right, No, no, no,
I'm not. I'm not spiraling an alcohol hooking up. And
(38:27):
I'm not. Even the idea of dating again literally makes
me sick to my stomach. I can imagine. So I have.
I've had people surrounding me. But like when you have
a history of depression, it's going to come back no
matter what you want to do. You know, you can
have the whole world around you and you're still going
to be like, yeah, no, I want to you know,
(38:49):
John off a cliff real quick.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Your therapist good.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Yeah, she's amazing, But like it's just still hard. It's
it's fine. You have to find your own ways to
manage it.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
So yeah, because it's just like, you know, you go
to church, go to therapist, whatever it is. You know,
you feel good at that moment, or you're learning so
much that moment, but you're gonna walk out those doors
and you're gonna face it again. Yeah, back to real
life waiting for you. So that's where you need to
take over.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
You have to. You have to find ways to manage
it because otherwise you don't exist. I wouldn't be at work,
I wouldn't be coming in every day if I didn't.
So I'm managing it good, but it hurts, like hell yeah,
like just like I want to take a pay away
the pain for you that you felt and that you're feeling,
like I take that on from everybody else, but for mine,
(39:39):
I just let it stay there, you know what I mean?
And why I do that to myself, I don't know,
but that's just what it is. It's good. I suppose
the healing will come quicker that way.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
But it'll take time. It just takes time.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Time is the one thing I don't like, I know.
I don't like that we get older. I don't like
that we lose people. I don't like that time is
the thing that heals all the wounds. There's this component
of our lives time that we literally can't control.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
It's really patience because all that's going to happen, Everything
that we've talked about is just going to happen to everyone.
I literally taught thought about a year ago. I was like, wow, man,
I really haven't lost anyone in my life because I've
seen like a lot of my friends lately kind of
just like, oh, my parents, my dad passed, and we're
(40:30):
just at that I'm at that age where like our
parents are getting older, they're getting to that age.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
It's funny.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
My dad would talk a lot too about all his buddies, Like, man,
all my buddies are dying around me. You would wake up,
look at the obituarys and be like, God, I lost
another buddy. Like that's just kind of the age he
was at and he wasn't that old. But you know,
if you just you're at that time where you're like,
this is just going to happen everyone, and we're never
gonna be ready for it.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
But it's just this life.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
I know. I've kind of suck sometimes, doesn't it does?
Speaker 2 (41:01):
It does?
Speaker 3 (41:01):
My sister and I were saying that a lot. We
were saying that a lot.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
The only thing that I can say to be like,
you know, it's just it's hard.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
It's hard.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Being a human is hard, really really hard, like the
whole human experience. It's just and we choose to do
it every day. Yep, isn't that crazy?
Speaker 2 (41:19):
It is crazy. But we're good. We're good, Morgan, Yeah
we are.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
We're knocking feet right now. Thank you for coming on
Eddie of course and crying with me and opening up
about your family and stuff.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
You know, I hadn't really talked about it really, you know,
you can't talk about on the show. That's part of
it too, right, Like my job here is not to
be sad like and I like being happy. Like, don't
get me wrong, I'm not acting happy. I like being happy.
I like feeling happy, and I really couldn't wait to
get back to feel happy with everyone, with all you guys,
(41:55):
because that's just a part of I Just when there's
a stressful situation or a negative situation, I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah, I want to get out well because it out
is healing. Yeah, you know, you stay in it, there's
no healing.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
Yeah, So I like we're playing games again. I like
winning easy trivia rude.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
I like all that you had to throw that one
in there. You just came back and why I had to,
I had to, I know, I know. But you also
deserve to talk about it, you know, because that's also
something that I had to learn a lot later in
my life now, within probably the last few years of
like I can't always put on a grave face. Yeah
(42:38):
I can't. It was killing me, Like everybody constantly wanted
to think that I was okay and I wasn't. And
so you as a human, even though you are happy
laughing Eddie, just had a really crappy thing happen. Yeah,
and you get to be sad. You get to come
in here and like not be okay.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
You know, I might need your couch a few times.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
You can use my couch as much as you want.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
We'll sign out there, like don't go on there, Eddies
on the couch.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
You can have the couch, like because it's it's going
to hit you out of nowhere and you can't stop it,
and you shouldn't stop it. But you deserve to have
that too. Don't forget that when you're you know, you're
in here and you're being strong and it does make
you feel good to be back, like because you feel
so strong right now. But life just has a funny
(43:30):
way of making you face your crap.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Yep, right in the face.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Don't be too strong, okay, and I'll try and get stronger.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
There we got meet in the mill.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
Yeah, okay, we're good at end this thing.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Yea, thank you Morgan.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Thanks for coming on. Of course, it was good to
have a conversation with you and you know, grief of
all kinds.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Sorry, guys, this wasn't the happiest podcast, but.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
That's why Part two and Part three are happy. You're lighthearted.
I had a feel and I just needed to chat.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Yeah, we haven't. We haven't chatted.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
I just heard it.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Other than the videos are in.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Eddie and I have been on like survival levels of
just like different proportions. And that's okay, all right, everybody.
I hope you have a great weekend. Eddie, thank you again.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Yes, you're so welcome. Everyone have a great weekend. Bye bye.
That's the best bits of the week with Morgan.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
Thanks for listening. Be sure to check out the other
two parts this weekend.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
Go follow the show on all social platforms and followed
web Girl Morgan to submit your listener questions for next
week's episode.
The Best Bits of the Week with Morgan.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Part one behind the scene with a member of the show.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Here we are. It is part one this weekend of
Best Bits and Eddie is joining me.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi, Eddie.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
I just told Eddie before we came on, I have
absolutely nothing planned for this because, honestly, like I am
in a mode right now where I'm just surviving. Yeah,
and I'm doing the bare minimum. Normally That's not my
personality at all, but it's the only way I'm able
to survive.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Ran Yeah, same here.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
I mean, one step at a time, one day at
a time, right, Like, it's just kind of what you do.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Yeah, how are you? How? Like how's the family? Like,
give me a little check in if you can.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Yeah, the family's good. I mean we, like I said,
it's just one day at a time. Some days are good,
some days are better than others, you know. Just to
kind of catch people up. At the start of August,
my brother had a stroke. My brother, my older brother,
he's been in this podcast. He's on the he called
(01:03):
in talk about his feedex days he was he's fifty
one years old, and he had a stroke and it's
a little brain brain bleed in his head and it
paralyzed the left side of his body mainly limbs, not
so much his his face.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Or anything like his speat or anything.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Just like his left arm he couldn't move it, his
left leg couldn't move it and really had a hard
time just moving.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
So that happened, and then.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Two three three days later, my dad had a freak accident,
fell down some stairs, and you know, he ended up
passing away. And it was just kind of like a boom.
It was a huge bomb in my life because everything
was just so sudden, like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
None of it was planned for nothing.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
You could be nothing nothing, So yeah, it's it's that was.
It's been a few weeks and we've kind of I
have personally kind of just gone back into the routine
of my life, which is chaotic and busy. My brother
his whole rehab and like his recovery was kind of
(02:13):
priority one after my dad passed, Like, all right, so
Dad's gone, what do we do with my brother? Like
we got to figure his stuff out because he didn't
have health insurance and.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
That was a whole other deal.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
And luckily my sister and I we were kind of
we're wired differently, my sister and I her and I
are wired the same, but weird wired differently than the
rest of our family, where like, all right, we got
to get crap done.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Let's get it done.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
So he kind of went into action versus the emotional
side of things.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Yes, we went into like how do how do we
get through this? My mom obviously has been a wreck,
and and my mom and my sister are really close,
so my mom's like, let me take care of mom.
You take care of bro, got it? Those are our
assignments and so so yeah, so my brother other, you know,
didn't have health insurance, so immediately we had to just
(03:03):
kind of go like, how are we going to pay
for this stuff? And we kind of got our money
together and we're like, well, that's not gonna that's not
going to do anything. So my sister kind of made
the hard, hard decision to be like should we do
a GoFundMe? Like it's just not our style, and I said,
you do whatever you think we need to do, and
she's like okay, So she set up a GoFundMe and
(03:27):
Morgan the amount of money that we were able to
raise from that GoFundMe, I mean just from friends and
family and the B Team Facebook page, which I didn't
even know it made it to the B Team Facebook
page like it had gotten on there somehow. And then
my sister texted me, She's like, hey, we're getting like
a lot of money from B Team members. Did you
(03:48):
say something? And I'm like, what were I say? Said
something like I haven't even gone on Instagram. I haven't
said anything, and she's just like, well, it's like B
Team stepping up.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Yeah, And I was like, oh my gosh, this is
a maze.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
So it was a huge, huge, huge, huge blessing in
that time where we really didn't know what we're gonna
do too, where like, holy crap, this is actually possible
where my brother can get some good treatment. And because
he's all alone, he's not married, he doesn't have family,
he's all alone in Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
And so that happened. And then my cousin who lives
in Florida.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
He was there for my dad. He's very close to
our family and he was there for my dad when
he passed and he said, listen, man, like my wife
is a occupational therapist, so what she does for a living,
he's going to need some occupational therapy after a stroke. Aunt,
just send it to Florida with me and we'll kind
of set up what he needs, physical therapy, cognitive therapy,
(04:42):
occupational therapy. Like my wife knows all these people, so
let's just do it that way. That way you can
get back to work and mom can get back to
Texas and we can kind of figure everything out. I'm
telling you, man, I'm getting emotional just thinking about it, because.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
It was in a hard, hard time.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
It was a light a very very dark time, and
we're just so thankful for the way everything's playing out,
Like it's just great.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
You just had a lot of people stepping up and
showing up for you. Huge when you're in such a
dark moment and you see people showing up and you're like,
where are you coming from? Why are you here? You
don't have to be It's okay, Like we'll figure it out, yeah,
you know, but you were like no, we're you know,
people were like, no, we're going to step in and
we're going to do this right because you guys deserve that.
That's so awesome. And I remember you telling me that
(05:28):
story when when you had first gotten back, and I
think it's so awesome of your cousin who have stepped
up and done that. So is your brother's recovery going well?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Then, So while we record this in a couple of days,
I'm going to pick him up in Florida and we're
going to take him back home because he's made significant improvements.
He's been able to walk on his own without a
walker his uh, he's able to write and do everything
or not right because he's right handed, but you know everything,
(05:56):
he's got motion. He's got motion. You can move his limbs,
he can kind of he's a little slower, he can't
do everything at full speed. But he's been cleared to
go back home, which he has stairs, and again he's
by himself, so he's gonna have to drive places. And
they've cleared him. Like, Okay, I think we're at the moment,
we're at the point where he's able to do all
that stuff a little bit.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah, So I'm gonna take him back and once.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Set them up, ready to go back to or is
he like he's so.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Ready to go back?
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (06:24):
I mean he has two cats, Oh he hasn't and
they weren't able to come with him. Yeah, So the
like priority one for him is like I need to
get back to my cats and we're like, Priority one
is you need to get walking and driving again, Like
that's what you need to.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Get somebody out there to take care imagine again.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
And he's been telling me about his neighbors and his
friends that are like, man, everyone's stepping up. Everyone's been
able to go to.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
The house, they take videos of the cats, they hang
out with them.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
He's like, it's just everything everyone's just been doing being
so great to us at this moment, and we're just
very very thankful for everyone.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Well, I think it's really hard to like when you
you go in day to day life and you get
used to your life right and something just comes and
blows it up, and you're like, I have to lean
on people that I haven't been leaning on because life
was just working for all of us, you know, the
motion was happening. I didn't need anything or they didn't
need anything. And then when you see like the community
(07:15):
that you have around you, that you did build along
the way of your life start to show up for you.
When that moment does come, because it's inevitably going to
like that's insane, that feeling and that experience emits something
really dark, You're like, Okay, I really want to cry
right now, but like thank you at the same time,
and like my heart feels happy, but like it's not. Yeah,
(07:38):
it's a weird emotion too.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
It is, it is, And you're right, you do see
you see it from a different perspective because we're all
just a little selfish and we live our life just
thinking of you know, what I do every day and
how am I going to do this every day? And
but when something like that happens and you have no
control and you're just like I have no control, and
everyone steps up, you start saying like, wow, we have
(08:01):
created a community of people. We have affected people in
different ways where they want to help us. And after
this is done, I'm going to look at that differently
when someone else, when someone needs help, it's like, guys,
we need to all step in and help them.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Now.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
It's a beautiful thing. And unfortunately it takes something really
really bad in our lives for us to realize that.
And I hate that part, but we kind of need
it for it to happen for us to even think
about that.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
So well, And I don't know if you're like this too,
but I don't like asking for help.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
I don't And that's what I'm saying. My sister and
I were like I don't want to do this, Like
I really don't. Is there any way we can get
a credit card and pay for all this stuff? And
my sister's like, we can, but we want to do that,
and like Mom's gonna need help too after this, and like, oh,
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
And it becomes overwhelming and you become so overwhelmed that
you're like, Okay, I don't have any other option but
to utilize option like my resources that I have. Yeah,
it is that, Like it's certainly an overwhelming feeling to
be like, my life is really hard, but I know
your life is really hard, and I don't want to
ask you for anything, and I don't want you to
stop what you're doing to fix me or to do
(09:10):
things for me, like I'll figure it out. That's a
constant thing that I battle whenever I'm in like a
really hard places, like I can't ask for help. I'm
not good at it. Yeah, people just kind of have
to force it. Like I had a girlfriend literally force
for me a grilled cheese or sitting in the Sonic
parking lot eat the freaking girl cheese. I'm like, I
(09:31):
don't want to, Like there's no part of me that
wants to. And she's like, just eat it please, and
like that's the stuff that like people show up to do.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Sure, And you're laughing in the moment, but you're like,
what is wrong with me? You know, I don't know
if you had any of those that have happened to
you recently where you're like, what is going on with
my brain and my body?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
You know, it's funny because yes, I don't know. I
don't really know how to like grieve. Obviously no one
really does, but and I don't normally do this.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
It was just weird.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
And it was at the hospital in Pennsylvania because so
the hospital my brother lives in Pennsylvania, like maybe an
hour outside of Philadelphia, and so a lot of Philadelphia
Eagles fans and we had been in the hospital for
four days, like just back and forth. My brother was
on the seventh floor, my dad was on the second floor,
and it was just just every day, back and forth,
(10:22):
back and forth, crying a lot, and joking a little
bit with family, crying again, and it's just like it.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Was just that kind of like week.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
And one day I decided to wear a Dallas Cowboy
shirt in Philadelphia Eagles territory, and I just thought it
would be funny.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
And I'm Morgan. I would never do this ever.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Ever.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
I'm not that kind of fan to go up to
a Rando stranger and be like, hey, look at my shirt.
But there was a guy walking towards me. And the
hospital is not a place to joke like, it's just not.
But for some reason, I was like, watch this, this
will be funny. And I was with my whole family
and I had my cow underneath my sweatshirt. I had my
cowboy shirt and there was a guy walking with an
(11:00):
Eagle's shirt and I say, hey, man, watch this.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
And my whole family's like, what is that he doing?
And the guy is like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3 (11:10):
And so I pick up my sweatshirt and it's the
Cowboys star and I go boom and he goes okay,
I don't care, and he walks off, and my whole
family's like, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (11:22):
And I said, I don't know, honestly, I don't know
why I did that.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
And then my cousin goes bro that wasn't even a
Philadelphia Eagles shirt. I think that was like an elementary school,
you know, So it.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Was like, that's probably why he didn't understand what with that?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
No, we had no idea.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
And in my mind, I'm like, and my sister, I think,
is the one that said, you know what, just pain
makes you do weird things. So yes, that was my
moment of like what am I doing? I feel like
I don't have no control over my body right now?
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yeah, like out of body experience.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Yes, it was so weird, Morgan, you know what it is.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
And I want us to take a quicker little break here,
but when we come back, I'm gonna ask you, like,
how how the grieving process has been going for Okay,
because we can get to my grieving too.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
It's been interesting. Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
We have the two parallels here, right, You are grieving
somebody very important to you that's no longer here, my dad.
I'm grieving somebody that's still alive that I'm probably never
going to speak to again.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Both grief just different kinds.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
Different ways, right, It's life, just different ways of doing things.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Yeah, and grief comes in a whole lot of different forms.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
How have you has your process of been grieving?
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Go?
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Like, maybe there's been funny moments, sad moments, like what
has that grieving process been like for you so far?
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Gosh, I don't know if I have completely grieved. I
think that the process of, well, my dad was in
the hospital for five days, you know, just nothing was
getting better was the main grieving process, because it's like
(13:00):
so much sadness but fun to see family members. Then
sat again, and just the roller coaster ride of like
I think I said bye to my dad, probably I
don't know, twenty times, you know, and then and then
the nurses would come in and be like, hey, his
heart beats getting strong again, like okay, okay, and then
(13:23):
I would come back, you know, a few hours later
and like, no, it's not.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It's getting worse.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Roller coaster ride of like not knowing what's.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Going to happen, morgan.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
And it was like that for five days, and so
maybe even seven days, use I don't remember. But so
I think at the end of it there was a
big feeling of peace of like, Okay, he's no longer suffering.
(13:52):
What happened has happened, and he's in a better place,
and so many things kind of came together, you know.
There's a weird part of all this that was that
just kind of resonated in me while it was happening,
was that my mom told me when my brother was
in the hospital after he had a stroke. My mom
(14:13):
said that my dad said, you know what he told
my brother. He said, for some reason, I feel like
Eddie's going to come and see you. And my brother
was like you think and he's like, yeah, I don't know.
Something's telling me that Eddie's going to come visit you. No,
and not one there wasn't one thought in my mind
here in Nashville thinking like I'm going to go see
(14:35):
my brother because I knew he was in stable condition
and that he was just he was okay, yeah, and
that all he needed was therapy to get back to normal.
So I thought like, maybe I'll go see him in
a month or so, but not I didn't even think
about coming to visit him in the hospital.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
But somehow my dad knew that I was going to
be there, and so there was also that feeling of
like like, look, look how it's all kind of coming together.
Dad knew that I needed to be here. I didn't
know that I needed to be here. Now we're all here,
and so that's.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Also hard because it's not the reason you wanted.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
To be there, absolutely not. But it's almost like my
dad knew and I do. I do believe that God
tells us things and we don't know what they mean
at the time, but he knows. And by my dad
saying that, it's like God was telling him, like, this
is going to happen, but it's going to be a
(15:33):
good thing because your family's going to get together. And
my family we've always been just we were close at
the beginning, and then as we got older, I moved
to Nashville. My sister lived in Texas, and my brother
lived in Pennsylvania, so just we kind of separated a
little bit, and I would talk to my parents maybe twice,
(15:54):
maybe once every two or three weeks, but not as
much as I wanted to.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
My dad and I didn't talk that that much. I
would text him.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
We would text each other little things back and forth,
but never like real good conversations for a lot. That
just wasn't our thing. So like, I think my dad
always wanted us to be closer, you know. I think
he always wanted us to be a close family, live
close together, help each other out.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Because he would say that too, just like.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Why don't you guys, Like, why don't you guys move
like in the same town so you guys can be
there for each other and.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Be like, Nah, Dad, I live in Nashville. Are you
talking about? Like?
Speaker 3 (16:25):
But I think he wanted us to be closer, and
this has definitely brought us all closer. Not a great way,
not the ideal way. But I talk to my brother
every day now, twice a day, three times a day.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
My sister and I talk.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Way more than we've ever talked, you know, my mom,
I'm like, come on, come stay with us for three weeks.
I stayed with for three months. I don't care, you know,
So I don't know. It's just a lot of the
grieving process has been thinking that this happened for a reason.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
How long did it take you to be like this
happened for a reason.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I would say pretty quick. I would say pretty quick.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
I mean the shock of what had happened and kind
of just being there for that. There was a lot
of confusion, why did this happen? Like I don't understand,
like what doesn't make any sense? But then once you
passed and everyone started telling stories, I'll be like, you know,
your dad said this, and then my sister sayings like
you know Dad always said this, and you know, like
(17:30):
there were too many stories, and even when my cousins
came in, they were just like, did you know your
dad like said this. We're like, ah, this is all
making sense a little bit. You know, in the darkness
of all this, a lot of stuff is making sense here.
So with that, I think it's brought a lot of
us a lot of peace. My mom is having the
(17:53):
hardest hardest time because she's lost her a little you know,
her partner.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
And she's all alone and she doesn't know.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
What to do, and so she has her days where
she's just like, really, you know what, it's I'm having
a good day. I saw my sister, she came to
visit me, and then later on that night she's like,
I'm having such a hard time.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It's just tough.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Those ups and downs. Man, when you think you're doing
really well and then it just comes out of nowhere,
yeah and hits you and you're like, I was fine,
why why is this happening in this moment right now?
And you're like you want to be mad at yourself
because you're like, no, no, no, no, we're moving forward, right,
But then you're like, Okay, well some reason I have
(18:33):
to feel that I don't like it. Does it feel good?
Go away?
Speaker 2 (18:37):
And that's that's the thing too.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
When I talk to my mom, it's like I want
to tell her, like, Mom, it's gonna be okay, Like
you're gonna be good. It's just it's gonna take time,
but you're gonna eventually know how to do things by
yourself and it's gonna feel okay and it's gonna feel normal.
But she doesn't understand that right now, and she doesn't
need to understand that right now. She's going through her
thing and it's really really hard, and all we can
do is just be there for her well in her.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
The heartache of that. Like, if there's something that I
wish as humans we never experienced, it's heartache, I know,
you know, Like you want to talk about one of
the worst feelings in the world that you have zero
control over and your whole body feels it. Is heartache
of any kind, whether you've lost somebody in your life,
lost a partner, lost a pet, like the heartache of
(19:22):
losing because you can't the only thing that mends it
is time, and time never comes fast enough. When you're hurting,
you can know in your mind that two years down
the road, this will be a blip on my radar,
I'll be okay, and I'll be able to move past this.
But in that moment, in like the suck of all
of it, you can't even see two feet in front
(19:45):
of you, let alone think that this is going to
get over anytime soon.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Impossible.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
And that's what's the hardest part about any type of heartache.
Like I genuinely just wish as humans we didn't have
to experience, but we have to in order to know
what's good and to your point, what is important, what matters,
and how to appreciate those things. We have to have
loss to appreciate the things that are in our lives.
(20:12):
And that sucks.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I don't know that there's anything that will ever make
it okay in my mind.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Isn't it weird that the heart hurts?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Like, how does the heart hurt? Why does the heart hurt?
But it really does feel like your heart is breaking.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Oh yeah, And they do say people die of heartbreak.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
That's what I worry about my mom.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
I think because you guys are surrounding her with so
much love. It will be different for her. But I
do think that exists with those couples who they're the
only two they have left. It's just them and one
of them is left behind. And I think that's when
that happens. I think when there's family involved and you
have a community around you, it makes it really hard
(20:52):
for that to happen because you have so many people
pushing to be like checking in, are you okay? How's today?
And I can't not think. I can't not respond because
I want to make sure they know that like I'm here.
I'm just I'm not great, but I'm here. Yeah, you
know what I mean. Having support is everything, and so like,
on that further extensive level, it's like those people who
don't have support and experience.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
That I do want to say this too, you know,
because I had a buddy of mine who lost a son,
I don't know, four years ago or so somewhere around there,
and I remember thinking I don't know what to say
to him, I don't know what to do for him.
And now being on this kind of this end of it,
(21:32):
it shouldn't be an awkward thing when anyone still today
comes and says, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. How's
everything going, Like, how's your brother doing, I'm so sorry
about your dad, how's your mom doing?
Speaker 2 (21:43):
All this stuff?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
It's it actually feels good to talk about it and
not forget it and be like thanks for asking. Like
she is, she's doing okay, she still has hard time
whatever it is. But I remember thinking like I don't
know what to say, and I think now I understand
what to say, Like just check to see how they're doing,
(22:05):
because anyone going through that really does not want to
feel alone.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
But they're gonna push everything away because they're hurting. It's
natural to push everything away because you just you want
to You're barely getting out of the bed in the morning,
you're barely eating the food, putting your clothes on, brushing
your hair, brushing your teeth, existing as a day to
day human, yeah, let alone wanting to bother anybody with
that much heaviness. Yeah, you know, besides the direct people
(22:33):
like I'm sure your wife and kids have been great
support and distraction for you, for sure, but like they're
still existing with you in day to day and like,
how do we manage this with him every day and
make sure that he knows like we're here, but also
trying to not make him talk about it all the time.
You know, it's that delicate balance. But back to your
(22:53):
point of like, just just reach out. It doesn't have
to be anything special to say hi.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
It really doesn't, like I'm here, Hi, and and too.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
I always wonder, like, oh, do we want to talk
about him anymore? But I love talking about my dad.
I love thinking about my dad. I love it when
people tell me, like, man, your dad one time he
did this and it was so funny, like it, I
love it.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (23:18):
And I think that when you're on the other side
of it, you're don't you really don't even know?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Do we want to talk about him or her?
Speaker 1 (23:25):
You want to keep their memory alive?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
You really do?
Speaker 3 (23:27):
I love it, Like I love hearing stories about my
dad now from people.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Do you have any of your stories you want to
share about him? Oh?
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Man, I mean my dad was just a jokes jokester.
I think one of the stories that always sticks out
is I don't even know if I can say this, because.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
I don't know what that means.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
We're going. He was just I don't even know if
I can say this.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
He would take an awkward situment, situation and put a
spotlight on it and be like this is funny. I'm
going to take advantage of it. We were all, oh,
my gosh, I don't even know if I can say,
I will say it. We were at a Japanese restaurant
and you know where they cook in front of you. Yeah,
and the guy that was cooking had a very thick accent,
(24:13):
and one of us at the table didn't even realize
that we had repeated what the chef said in that accent.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
No, and we were like, what did you just say?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
And the person didn't realize they said it, Oh my gosh,
Oh my gosh, I can't believe I said that out loud.
And so my dad was like, this is great. So
my dad got the waiter, the server and said, hey,
I will pay you, you know, twenty bucks if you
can come back to the table and tell this person
that the cook heard you and he wants a verbal apology.
(24:49):
And so so the server came back and said, did
somebody mock our our cook? And the person's like, yes,
I did. No, yeah, he heard you and he would
like for you to apologize to him. And like the
person was like, okay, just tell me, where do I
go to the kitchen? Yeah, follow me to the kitchen.
(25:10):
And they started walking to the kitchen till the start
was like, I'm just joking your dad, Your dad, you know,
he faded to do this or whatever, and it's like,
oh my god, and my dad was cracking up.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
That's the kind of stuff he would do all the time.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
He's like, I'm just going to make so much fun
out of this, and he would like I think every
time anyone talks about my dad, like, oh my gosh,
he's just that type. At the time he did this,
it's ridiculous. It was so dumb, but we all laugh.
We've been laughing for years about it.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Like he was just always making people laugh different.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
That's what he did. He was a jokester. He was
just a big clown.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
So he did And that's hard. That's it. That's a
big personality. Especially for your mom. Oh yeah, you know,
she had this huge light in her life and to
fill that is going to be really difficult.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
What's really cool is that my dad towards the when
he was younger, I would say maybe when he was
like thirty or forty, he had bought a children's home
in South Texas and this was like an orphanage in
South Texas.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
I didn't know this. I had no idea.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
I was still young back then, so I had no
idea that he did this. But he had enough money
to buy a children's home and he would go and
like hang out with the kids and do whatever, play
games with them. And there was a kid that he
kind of just connected with all the time. Well he
grew up, and I guess they never really saw each
other anymore. It was just kind of one of those
(26:31):
things like I remember him, he was cool. Well, later on,
like i'd say, like ten years ago or five years ago,
my dad had to stay he had kind of like
goes in financial problems, financial trouble, and him and my
mom had to stay at a hotel. They didn't have
a lot of money, so they're like, we need to
stay at a hotel. Well, the manager of that hotel
was one of the kids that was at the children's home,
(26:51):
and he says, Oh, my gosh, I don't know if
you remember me.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I'm so and so, and he's like, yeah, I remember you,
of course.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
And it's just like wow, this is so crazy staying
here at the hotels, Like yeah, we may be staying
here for a while. Don't really know what our situation is.
And so the guy was like, you know what, you
stay here as long.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
As you want.
Speaker 3 (27:09):
Like I'm the manager of this hotel. I run this hotel,
like you have a place to stay. Wow, it's stuff
like that where it's just like, God, one, I didn't
know Dad had bought a children's home, Like that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Yeah, I'm surprised him or your mom never like.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
No, I lied that, never talked about that.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
And I'm like, Dad, no, wonder you liked when I
adopted when I was a foster parent, Like he would
always be like this is awesome, But I've never told
me that this is what he enjoyed that and that
was like something that he liked to do too.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
But like, Dad, talk to me like you missed a
whole chapter of y'all's life that he never Yeah unformed. Yeah, wow, Okay,
that's a really cool story. And those are some really
really good stories to share, Eddie.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Thank you, Yeah, thank you, Mary.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
I'm glad we could have have it. On a on
a positive note, We're going to take a quick break
and then I think I need your help.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Come on, I'm here for you after these two here
we're here for each other.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Like you're going through the most difficult thing you've been
through and you're okay and you're not emotional, And I'm
sitting over here just like emotional. Right, how are you
doing it?
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Like?
Speaker 1 (28:18):
I like, if I'm being honest with you any today.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
It's been so hard I could tell.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I could tell like I can't even tell you that
without crying. Yeah, Like, I'll just go to the bathroom.
You guys make fun of our couch in the bathroom.
This time we have couches in the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Couch.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
I didn't lay down, but I sat there and I
just cried in the bathroom instead of having to sit
on a toilet because I don't It just comes out
of nowhere. And like, but you're going you went through
so much and you're you're doing so incredible with how
strong you are, And I don't know that this is
(28:56):
such a stupid thing to feel so sad about, like
because it was somebody who just said, you know this
isn't going to work.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
Well, one, it's not stupid. Two you are you went
all in and that's that's a hard thing for you
to go all in into. Something and then it not
work and it be it blindside slight side you too,
like something to blindside you like that is you don't
know how to prepare yourself for it, and that's why
(29:25):
it's going to take you a while.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
You know.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
It was It's like.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
My dad, like, if it would have been cancer, I
guess I could have really just like known that this
was coming or it was something like that. But since
it was just an accident, I wasn't ready for this.
None of us were ready for this. Same with you.
You were blindsided. You weren't ready for this, and you
had opened up everything. You're like, I haven't heard you
(29:49):
on Caroline Hobbies podcast, you know, like yeah, you're like
all out, this is the best thing in the world,
like he is blah blah blah blah blah. But and
that just came to a quick halt. Yeah, that's not
gonna be easy, Morgan. It's not gonna be easy. And
you're not stupid for feeling this way or acting like this.
(30:09):
This is completely understandable.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
No, But I also just you know, you get mad
at yourself. You're like, why do I care that much?
You know, like it's one of those where I'm like,
just stop. Just he did it. Why can't you do it?
You know, like other people can just turn it on
and off. And I'm sitting here like, Okay, I'm gonna
(30:31):
be a little blubber mess because I don't know how
else to get all these feelings out. This is how
I exist in the world, and it makes me mad
at myself. So then I'm like sad, and then I'm
mad on top of it, you know, like I should
be able to just talk about these things and be.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Okay, No, no, you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be. And
we're all different, you know, we're all different.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
But you are so strong in everything that's going on,
and I'm like, you're literally looking at me, and I
look like I'm a kid that somebody just like really
hurt my dog. Basically, what's what it feels like.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Min Own is a different, complete, different situation. Like if
you would have seen me three weeks ago, two weeks ago, yeah,
I wouldn't have been like this. But I've prayed really
really hard, and I've.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
You know, I just.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
Like I said, I've just I've come. I feel a
complete piece with all of it. I don't like it,
but I'm at peace with it. You're gonna be there too.
You will get there. You will get there too. And
this is so hard right now. And you know what,
our job is really hard when you're going through something
like this, which is I'm so thankful to Bobby and
(31:45):
Scuba and everyone letting me have my time, because there's
no way I could have even thought about coming back
or even doing videos because I thought about while I
was over there. I was like, let me text Morgan
to see you know what, there's a lot of downtime.
I don't need to be hanging out with my brother
for this long, Like, let me just step away and
do videos for two hours. But then really, when it
came down and I'm like, I'm gonna cry over this keyboard,
(32:06):
I'm not gonna do a video like one of the
spell stuff.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
The emotional capacity like it wasn't there.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
It wasn't there, you know. So like our job, while
you're going through something like this is hard. You have
to sit there tell your opinion about something where you're
like like you know, like you really do care when
all you're thinking about is my life is crumbled right now.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Yeah, Like I just want to be crying in the
bathroom please don't ask me what I feel about this time? Right,
And I think Bobby does send some of that, which
is really awesome about him. They'll like, look, I'm just
like down. I'm like, please don't come to me, Please
don't come to me, because I might just cry and
it's not even a crying subject.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
Does Lunchbox help you, you know with his ridiculous questions
and does he help you laugh a little bit about that?
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Yeah, you know, the comedic relief, especially at the end
of the announcement really helped, cause I was just like,
it's also like I'm back in therapy and I'm like,
having to relive it in my head is what I
think is hard because I'm like I just keep getting
more sad and then more angry, and those those keep
the emotions keep paling on. And so like when you
(33:17):
when that happens, you feel so emotionally exhausted after having
to share that much of who you are, and so
like when lunch Fox comes in and makes a joke,
I'm like, Okay, I can breathe for a second, you
know what I mean, Like, is he probably making find Yeah, sure,
and just give it on me right now. But like
it at least allows, I think, my heart to breathe
(33:38):
from the vulnerability that I'm exposing myself to.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
How hard was that for you to come on here
and tell everyone what was going on?
Speaker 1 (33:47):
So hard? Any I wanted to like literally cry a river,
but so much of my healing, Like the only way
that I was going to move on, or at least
start my process moving on, was to tell everybody, because
I had already shared multiple times like this is a
guy that I cared so much about and now that's
(34:10):
not happening. So like, I had people that were in
my damns, like kind people who were like, you're so
happy You're glowing over the weekend of like the breakup
that happened, and I was like, oh god, yeah, I
was like, this is so bad. I can't keep getting
these messages because I'm not I'm like literally not okay.
And I was like, I have to share this so
(34:32):
that I can they can move on with me, you
know what I mean? Because I had led him into
that part. I hadn't shown him and I you know,
nobody knew his name or anything, but like I had
posted about him and I had shared really happy stories
about all of that. So of course they were going
to think that I was continually to be happy until
I told.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Him I wasn't.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
So I was like, regardless of how much this is
going to suck, I have, I have to stop this
because I can't move on and I can't process this
until I'm no longer getting messages of like I'm so
happy for you and you you finally found it. You
know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (35:07):
Is that a big part of your process to just
be open with everyone, tell everyone what's up, and get
rid of everything and just clear him from your life?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
I think so, because I don't. It's this is also
so unique, Eddie. I've never exited a relationship that wasn't horrible.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. I didn't think about that.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
So, like all of them have, I've had a reason.
I had good reasons to get out, to hate them,
to be mad, to be and just like move forward.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
This one was like what the no?
Speaker 1 (35:37):
And this one I'm still trying to understand and come
out of. So like I get that, I don't think
my body even knows how to process what I'm going through.
So that's also like an extra layer on that. But yeah,
I mean, I if I don't be open and vulnerable.
(35:57):
I will shut down and I will legitimately be depressed.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Like we're not going to do that.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
I'm trying not to like not doing that. I'll text
my friends. I'm like, I am not doing great right now.
Please put something on my schedule so I don't go
here because.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Oh no, Broadway Morgan's Oh gosh, no.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
That I refuse to go to. I'm not drinking Eddie,
like I haven't. I haven't drank anything since because I
know that it's going to make this worse.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Good call, good job, Good for you, that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Like one, I'll this is so mature of you. Well
because also I don't. I'm not super hungry anyway, and
I'm not I don't even want to like drink water.
So like I'm just like, okay, I need to not
be adding alcohol to this process.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
We've got to work on that part. Though. I know
you need your friend to feed you.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
It's more forced Jesus. But yeah, it's like I'll just go.
I will literally go into a depression. And so I
realized the only way I don't is if it's like
I have people holding me accountable. So if I'm so
open and honest, about it. I can't lie to myself,
you know, I can't lie that this isn't happening, and
I can't take it back. So if I just tell everybody,
(37:06):
then everybody's going to be around me and say, hey,
how you doing today? And I have to face it
because I will. You know, I live by myself. I
have my dog and my cab. But like I live
by myself, I could go into a hole if I
wanted to.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Oh my gosh, this is the same thing I was
talking about with when someone loses a loved one, like
check on you. You want people to check on you.
You need people to check on you again. But I
sit right next to you and you walk in and
I'm like, oh no, Morgan's having a bad day. Do
I leave her alone? Like really, I think, like, do
I leave her alone? And I've you noticed I tapped
you kind of on the shoulder, rubbed, just give you
(37:39):
a little love tap on your shoulder, a little bit
heelty if everynoun now and then because I know that
like I don't have the words right now. Again, I
don't have the words for you, but I want you
to know that I'm here for you.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
It's like even just you doing that. I was like, Okay,
it was like a call.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Mean, yeah, you know what I mean. But again, most
people think, like, let me just give her a space.
Morgan does need your space, Morgan needs the love.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Yeah, and I did. I mean just to your point
you were talking about earlier, how you just felt like
you just felt so much around you. And I have,
I mean people have shown up. I have. I've had
multiple people stay the night with me. I've had neighbors
dropping off wine dudes, no, go forst It's good, all right, No, no, no,
I'm not. I'm not spiraling an alcohol hooking up. And
(38:27):
I'm not. Even the idea of dating again literally makes
me sick to my stomach. I can imagine. So I have.
I've had people surrounding me. But like when you have
a history of depression, it's going to come back no
matter what you want to do. You know, you can
have the whole world around you and you're still going
to be like, yeah, no, I want to you know,
(38:49):
John off a cliff real quick.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
Your therapist good.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Yeah, she's amazing, But like it's just still hard. It's
it's fine. You have to find your own ways to
manage it.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
So yeah, because it's just like, you know, you go
to church, go to therapist, whatever it is. You know,
you feel good at that moment, or you're learning so
much that moment, but you're gonna walk out those doors
and you're gonna face it again. Yeah, back to real
life waiting for you. So that's where you need to
take over.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
You have to. You have to find ways to manage
it because otherwise you don't exist. I wouldn't be at work,
I wouldn't be coming in every day if I didn't.
So I'm managing it good, but it hurts, like hell yeah,
like just like I want to take a pay away
the pain for you that you felt and that you're feeling,
like I take that on from everybody else, but for mine,
(39:39):
I just let it stay there, you know what I mean?
And why I do that to myself, I don't know,
but that's just what it is. It's good. I suppose
the healing will come quicker that way.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
But it'll take time. It just takes time.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Time is the one thing I don't like, I know.
I don't like that we get older. I don't like
that we lose people. I don't like that time is
the thing that heals all the wounds. There's this component
of our lives time that we literally can't control.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
It's really patience because all that's going to happen, Everything
that we've talked about is just going to happen to everyone.
I literally taught thought about a year ago. I was like, wow, man,
I really haven't lost anyone in my life because I've
seen like a lot of my friends lately kind of
just like, oh, my parents, my dad passed, and we're
(40:30):
just at that I'm at that age where like our
parents are getting older, they're getting to that age.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
It's funny.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
My dad would talk a lot too about all his buddies, Like, man,
all my buddies are dying around me. You would wake up,
look at the obituarys and be like, God, I lost
another buddy. Like that's just kind of the age he
was at and he wasn't that old. But you know,
if you just you're at that time where you're like,
this is just going to happen everyone, and we're never
gonna be ready for it.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
But it's just this life.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
I know. I've kind of suck sometimes, doesn't it does?
Speaker 2 (41:01):
It does?
Speaker 3 (41:01):
My sister and I were saying that a lot. We
were saying that a lot.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
The only thing that I can say to be like,
you know, it's just it's hard.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
It's hard.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Being a human is hard, really really hard, like the
whole human experience. It's just and we choose to do
it every day. Yep, isn't that crazy?
Speaker 2 (41:19):
It is crazy. But we're good. We're good, Morgan, Yeah
we are.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
We're knocking feet right now. Thank you for coming on
Eddie of course and crying with me and opening up
about your family and stuff.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
You know, I hadn't really talked about it really, you know,
you can't talk about on the show. That's part of
it too, right, Like my job here is not to
be sad like and I like being happy. Like, don't
get me wrong, I'm not acting happy. I like being happy.
I like feeling happy, and I really couldn't wait to
get back to feel happy with everyone, with all you guys,
(41:55):
because that's just a part of I Just when there's
a stressful situation or a negative situation, I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah, I want to get out well because it out
is healing. Yeah, you know, you stay in it, there's
no healing.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
Yeah, So I like we're playing games again. I like
winning easy trivia rude.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
I like all that you had to throw that one
in there. You just came back and why I had to,
I had to, I know, I know. But you also
deserve to talk about it, you know, because that's also
something that I had to learn a lot later in
my life now, within probably the last few years of
like I can't always put on a grave face. Yeah
(42:38):
I can't. It was killing me, Like everybody constantly wanted
to think that I was okay and I wasn't. And
so you as a human, even though you are happy
laughing Eddie, just had a really crappy thing happen. Yeah,
and you get to be sad. You get to come
in here and like not be okay.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
You know, I might need your couch a few times.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
You can use my couch as much as you want.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
We'll sign out there, like don't go on there, Eddies
on the couch.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
You can have the couch, like because it's it's going
to hit you out of nowhere and you can't stop it,
and you shouldn't stop it. But you deserve to have
that too. Don't forget that when you're you know, you're
in here and you're being strong and it does make
you feel good to be back, like because you feel
so strong right now. But life just has a funny
(43:30):
way of making you face your crap.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Yep, right in the face.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Don't be too strong, okay, and I'll try and get stronger.
Speaker 2 (43:39):
There we got meet in the mill.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
Yeah, okay, we're good at end this thing.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Yea, thank you Morgan.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Thanks for coming on. Of course, it was good to
have a conversation with you and you know, grief of
all kinds.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Sorry, guys, this wasn't the happiest podcast, but.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
That's why Part two and Part three are happy. You're lighthearted.
I had a feel and I just needed to chat.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Yeah, we haven't. We haven't chatted.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
I just heard it.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Other than the videos are in.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Eddie and I have been on like survival levels of
just like different proportions. And that's okay, all right, everybody.
I hope you have a great weekend. Eddie, thank you again.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
Yes, you're so welcome. Everyone have a great weekend. Bye bye.
That's the best bits of the week with Morgan.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
Thanks for listening. Be sure to check out the other
two parts this weekend.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
Go follow the show on all social platforms and followed
web Girl Morgan to submit your listener questions for next
week's episode.
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