March 28, 2022 • 32 mins
Perry escapes Absentia with Jonica’s help. They encounter a homeless man with wet blankets who seems to know something about Absentia. Benny is voted next to go into the Jumbotron. Jonica is not happy about the choice. Charlie delivers a message given to him by JD in his dreams: they have been summoned to the Jumbotron at midnight. Charlie rouses the others while Jonica rushes to the Washaterium. They arrive to discover Jonica is nowhere to be found.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Laundronauts is a production of I Heart Radio. This
is what we remember and remember, this is what it
sounded like. What we couldn't hear, we made up. The
rest of it is true. Hello, mother's appear taking to
(00:37):
you and yours. I'm all well at the homestead. I hope.
Who's the broguish vanche friend of the family. He's no friends, sir,
She's a vice principal at our school. You can't say
(01:00):
that about a nun. Yes, well, Losa, And where is
her father? He's on a business trip. He's been gone
two weeks, sir, must be a very important business trip.
Then sister aunt has been visiting, sir. Oh the monkett.
(01:22):
I'm sure she's a great help with spells, curses and
crucibles in the love How how did we fair in
our ongoing London odd chillers children? I failed, sir, Nothing
mud sleepy forgetful nights, my dear Well, Yes, I heard
a song, a song. I was walking along and I
(01:48):
noticed one of the houses in our neighborhood looked very tasty.
So I took a bite out of it. It was
very taste. Then I remembered houses aren't normally very tasty,
and I said, wait a second, here, everything up brighter
and sharper. I heard music from inside the house, so
I went in. I searched all over. Every time I
(02:08):
thought I found the music in a closet or just
around the corner, it was gone. So I stopped, took
a breath, and listened hard. I heard words, sing them,
sing the words you heard. Please, sir, you don't want
to hear that. Hey, I've heard to sing at church.
It's not a pleasant experience, sir. I've heard you tune
(02:30):
at church. That's not so pleasant either. No, no, no,
beauty is in the ear of the Eda fire. Please,
my dear, the Foremarca is all yours. No, But why
I won't be able to do it? Right, my dear,
you learn nothing else from me in our time together.
(02:51):
Learn this. There is no right, there's no wrong. There's
only the songs. Professor, Yes, why do you stare at me?
So those were the words in my dream. Interesting, remember
Jonaica's words. Breathe about to them. Now let their music
(03:14):
come through you sing. There is no right, there is wrong,
There is allly the song. There is no light before
(03:39):
the there is no night that nat too long. There
is all right. There is no wrong. There is aly
the song Thank you well Uni. Indeed, my lady, I
(04:10):
pronounce your first Londoner challenge accepted in some mountain. What
about you, squire? You don't earn achievement by mirror association.
He was put in the work, back to the dreaming board. Yes, sir,
I don't mean to be harsh, but these are not
(04:33):
trivial matters. Children are. Obstacle is not your enemy. It
is an ally, such as the case with Jonica. As
you may recall, when last we left our story, she
had failed to appear at the washer Tiium. Midnight approached.
(04:53):
As Jonica was weaving her way through the back allies
of the Tenderlin, a man stepped out of the far
and cut off her path. In the murky lights, she
could see he was tall and seen and see that
he wearing a long, thick cake. Jonica struck a fighter
suppose and shouted the battle cry she had learned from
(05:14):
a great granny. Manny you mayes and a handbasket, mr.
But I'm going to take something if yours with me.
The man chuckled, or rather hawked up something resembling a
chuckle more of a chocoal and stepped into the lamplight.
He wasn't wearing a cap at all, but a double
(05:38):
smelling old man for the washingari. His face contorted inward
behind his filthy whiskers. Well observed, my dear. He nonchillantly
flipped the blankets over his shoulders. Somehow they were still wept.
You don't go anywhere without splotch and splurt. There, it's
(06:00):
splotch and split the fate, I hear by w sibling
splotch and split. Magnificent. You are quite the word spirit,
my dear, Why are you falling? I need your help?
Sorry only She tried to slip pass him, but again
he cut her off. Late for a midnight ROUNDE. How
(06:21):
do you know that you really are the north Star,
aren't you? Mona? Maybe the brains, but you are the heart,
my dear, you are the true leader, Jonica felt. Strange.
Waves of armies crash against two rips. Leader, But it
is you I wish to enlist. I'm dizzy again. She
(06:43):
tried to slip past him. Again he blocked her path.
You wish to help, j d yes, maybe, so let's
make it to you. What kind of deal you go
next into Absentia. If you do, I will help you
retrieve j D. Yes going next. We voted, and yet
it wasn't your choice. That's the way the cookie cumbles. Yes,
(07:06):
and if Benny goes next, he will be the cookie
that crambles. How do you know that? Because Sludge wants
Benny to go next, My dear, he has designs on
the boy, asked Barry. He chuckled, whore, his hand vanished
(07:27):
into the tumble weed of his face. Let's just say
I've been tangled and I'd like to become an entangled
What does they have to do with me? All I
can say is that it will resolve all of our problems,
yours mine, j D s, the laundronknots, but most importantly, absentious.
(07:50):
What do you care about, Absentia? She is my home.
The waves of unees crashed. You are trying to hurt
me hard wink hood wink, hood wink, glorious hood wink perfect.
As you know, any villain with his weight means an
appropriately menacing monica perfect. Why are you crying in front
(08:12):
of Harry's Hardware store? Where? Why did you come to
my aid? I was paying and your first impulse was
to help. It's not hard to be decent. His whiskers parted,
revealing a grinning gate of green glashes. But it's very
difficult to be indecent, my dear, especially when indecency is required.
(08:35):
On decency, it's never run along midnight approaches. But don't
forget to bring the carrot. You'll need it in ABSENTI
I told you, I know you vanished into the fault.
Joannaka pulled up a collar and ran. She arrived at
(09:01):
exactly eleven fifty nine PM. We were already in mid prep.
I call it the diamond formation. It was my idea, Yes,
it was Nick's idea. It's like a baseball diamond. Benny
your catcher. You stand here and grab whatever comes out
of the machine. I'm pitcher and we'll leave from the center.
Nick as shortstop, roams the infield, picks up grounders. Perry
(09:22):
and I took our field duties, pop flies being a responsibility.
Jonico was designated taking a position atop the JumboTron. Charlie's
role in the TDF was more problematic. Grads, crew, your
job is to protect the integrity of the environment. Charlie
got it. I guess we're quickly locked into positions. Our
(09:47):
watchers stuck from midnight. We taste nothing happened. I'm going
to open the machine. Mona stood forward and opened the door.
When she did, it was as if the machine had
finally eaten one too many socks and just needed to vomit.
(10:07):
Mona took the first hitch and patuy and went keistra
over kissing. Benny took the next wave and the chops
and spun like a top pulled. Positions were locked back
into formation. No new enemy appeared, just sucks, wave after wave.
(10:28):
After Joannica turned Perry was right washer Cherian was already
four ft deep with socks and rising. Perry hopped on
Benny's shoulder. They pushed towards the front door, but the
current of socks was relentless, piling up in the corners,
(10:51):
blocking all the exits. Benny Funny had to stop the
Benny hoisted Harry up onto the s Perry tugged on
the la but the window wouldn't butch. The rest of
us scrabbled for the higher ground. J Johonica could get
near the door was almost pulled off by the curtains.
(11:12):
She managed to dragged herself back to the top, arms
thrubbing lungs, bursting socks piling up over her feet. She
cut her hands to her mouth and screamed. The room
exploded with orange light as the pen came soaring out
(11:33):
of the swamp. Johnicle leap caught the pen and vanished
under the torrent of socks. The pressure sucked her down,
but she fought to stay afloat, got her head above
the surface, gulped in some air, jump back under, and
swam like trying to dig through a bowl of day
olver oatfield. Her hand touched Steve To stabbed the carrots
(11:58):
into the machine during its metal skime. She squeezed, but
washed her weeds, coughed and died to suck her and
cut out. Jonaka broke the surface. The air hit her
like loved and chocolate. She gulped in big helping and
searched for her friends. Nick was hanging from a pipe.
(12:21):
In the series, Perry was still crouched on the windows.
Mona and I had found resued at the top of
two machines. Bernie was still submerged and sucked. Hoodwin's words
echoed in Jonaka's hand, don't forget to bring the carriage
you'll need it. In absentition, Jonica stared at the pin
(12:42):
in her hand. I have to tell you guys something
on Cuba Vomitron, formerly the JumboTron, became in the halotron.
Jonaker was gone in an instant, sucked back into the
machine for a sudden for city of the Socker curage.
(13:03):
Within minutes, the room was again utterly devoid of sucks
and minus one Landernois. Jonica remembered only tumbling chaos, then darkness.
When she awoke, she was looking up at the sunder
substantious sky through a circle of giant socks peering down
(13:26):
at her. Jonica shrieked. The socks leaped back, and for
a moment Jonica could see all of the sky, suck Mountain,
the keyhole, the socks tumbling out. Then the sucklings bent
over her again and her window was shut. The smallest
(13:46):
of the bunch kicked her, not hard, more like someone
poking the dead dog lying in the gutter. It was
enough to trigger the puma inside. Jonica sprang to her
feet with a yeah, vanishing the carrot like a sword.
The sucklings leaped back, but maintained their perimeter. Jonica turned
(14:09):
in a slow circle. One of the giants, Chuckling, the
largest of the bunch, reached out and slapped the chuckler sharply. Hi,
I'm Jonica. I'm a luntiner. We're here to help you.
The sucklings searched everywhere for the other laundronots. Well, i'm
(14:31):
here to help you. Please take me to Slutch whatever
you call him. It's okay, we're friends. Sucklings took a
menacing step towards her. Jonica returned the character her knapsack
and offered her empty palms out of them no harm.
The sucklings relaxed. The sucklings leaped into the air. Jonica
(14:56):
always had gifts, usually candies or snacks, always a pouch
of cinnamon sticks her favorite of all the spaces. She
laid the items on the ground as it, presenting the
rarest of gems and the softest of silks. None of
these caught the suckling's attention. There was a collective shudder
(15:17):
amongst them, and they bent towards something else that had
spilled from the knapsack. Jonica was instantly bumped aside and forgotten. Miffed,
she muscled her way back through and saw a piece
of drinking I rescued from the Washtaria. It was growing
(15:37):
like a lizarding boy from the untouched hip, said a sockling.
There shivered, stretched tatan and shot straight under the air
like a Champagne cork. This in turn caused the other
socklings to leap ecstatically. The landing almost killed her. Gift
(16:00):
was squashed. The ground shook jonicas stumbled. The little suckling
glided beneath her, caught her, held her, gazed into her eyes.
You're split or splirt. I don't know, but you're definitely
one of the blankets from the wash. It harrium. The
little suckling nodded and hugged her, But before they could
(16:22):
revel any further, they were snatched up by the other
sucklings and wished the way in a stampede of roll
again ferocity and unbridledling. Sir put it. Pancakes were flocking
for what could that possibly mean? Would oh my apologies, captain.
(16:46):
One of the many indignities of becoming ancient is the
deterioration of one's natural capacity of sound. Exactly how old
are you? You were saying, captain, suckling, Sir apparently so
so they were like earth worms. Have you caught a keef?
We grow an apt comparison, may become blankets in their
(17:10):
own world. The suckling, by a chemistry, is in need
a wonder system keptain all things, ah, the nature of
old things. We will get to that soon enough, counselor.
But first we must rejoined them and she and her
new phone suckling companions splotch. We're still whisking their way
(17:31):
to parts as yet unknown atopt the shoulders of their
giant escorts. Jonica jumped at the sketch up sensious landmarks.
She Splotch pumped along. She had decided Splots would be
(17:53):
her new friend's name and sworth and for them are
a decision. The suckling seemed perfectly fined with. Jonica checked
her sketchings against Perry's map for accuracy and scale, but
it was like trying to play pinochle on a roller coaster.
After pumping along for what appeared to be ours, air
sports began to descend into a valley, a valley that
(18:16):
grew steeper and deeper and thicker for the cold, biting fog,
Although they finally burst out of the vary edge of
a steep precipice. Below them was a vast green valley
floor filled with thousands of giant, colorful fluffy bunny butts.
A city of the City of what the wasn't a
(18:41):
city per se was simply the first sounds came out
of Jonica when she saw the place. The giant, colorful
fluffy bunny butts, or clumps, as Jonica henceforth proclaimed them,
with a suckling home. Each clump consisted of clumps of
suckling who were chosen to accumulatively clump for whatever reason.
(19:03):
Suckling's club shared affection, fear of rejection, a base for insurrection.
Whatever the case, the suckling's clumped and in clumping formed
the infra clumps structure of the city of what the itself.
I want clump slots peter to the bound straight as
(19:24):
an arrow into a currel a twist. I have been
several front flips, transitioning into a full fledged gravity defying
spread eagle upon non existent winds, before dive bombing into
a colorful fluffy bunny but with a mighty The enchantment
of absentia had overtaken her. Forgotten was her mission forgotten
(19:47):
were her friends. She just wanted to fly. She climbed
out on the rock, cracked her knuckles, stretched her legs,
spit over her shoulder, and was rudely snatched from her
her by the suckling leader and bowled down into the
valley like a bag of brand muffins. She hit a clump,
(20:08):
leaped to her feet and shot the suckling her best
tenderloin glare. No need for the rough stuff. He was
already ignoring her and leading the other sucklings onto the
vast valley floor. Janica followed, growling from ground level. The
city of what the was like a towering forest of
(20:31):
cotton ball. She noticed other sucklings detaching from their respective
clumps and joining their caravan. Why suckling leader bumped her
roughly forward. Rickie signs for the beast, bumped her forward again.
Jonica stumped ahead of the pack. I decline, you need
(20:51):
to be such because you like such my nicks. She
noticed more sucklings joining their caravan, leading to where she
had no idea, and yet they were following her. Never
before he Jonica let a mighty army or anyone the
enchantment of the absentia had again overtaken her. She began
(21:11):
to sing her silly rhyme, as E were a battling home,
gone moon jone, blown zones of tone, telephone bones and
tones and their moons alone. In response, the ground began
to shake, became a beat, became melody, harmony song. What's
(21:46):
her little girl? Pre say? What's the place in love?
When shuldar event spicy he saw that twice facist Jonaica
(22:19):
was brusquely halted by start and a song cut out?
Why did he do that? What was that music? That voice?
Where is g? D? Starts was already ignoring her, gazing
up into the sky. They were standing in what appeared
to be the center of everywhere, gone with the clumps,
(22:42):
nothing but three hundred and sixty degrees of open green space,
space that was filling up with the thousands of sucklings
that had joined their caravans. Within minutes, Jonaka and her
escorts were surrounded by notion of fluculent footwear of every
save size and stitch pettern. How Starts continued to igdore her.
(23:06):
She looked at the surrounding throne. All the supplings were
gazing up into the sky, there was no sign of
splots anywhere. Jonaka turned back to start, but he was gone,
only sky. It took a moment of her to realize
she was skyrocketing upwards on a tiny saucer of green earth.
She crouched into a ball. The wind roared, the sky darkened,
(23:32):
a mist gathered. The earth elevator came to a sudden halt,
catapulting her into the air for a second before she
landed on her feet like a puma. She whipped out
the carrot. No one, no moon, no stars, no light,
nothing except the glow of earth at her feet. She
(23:55):
knelt and peered over the edge. Her green saucer was
hovering in the air miles above the ground. She dialed
it down a notch. How another notch. Her name was
the flame to the fuse. Thousands of green sauces skyrocketed
(24:20):
into the sky, surrounding Jonica below. Above beside her, a
suckling a stride each emerald star riders becoming sucking skying.
The sucklings began flinging themselves across the sky, stretching out
(24:43):
and latching onto nearby saucer, forming an our gummy bridge
in the sky leading directly to Jonica. She couldn't help
but giggle as a final suckling stretched out and latched
under her so whether resounding, she followed the heavenly highway back.
(25:07):
It vanished in the misty sky ahead of her. Who
here goose everything? She stepped down onto the suckling bridge.
It was solid. It's sponges. My mother would love you guys.
You're so multiple and stretchy. Jonica froze, Hello, Is that
(25:33):
you no answer? Because I would never dream of turning
these creatures into a lush pair of mens. Jonica quickened
her pace, huffing a saucer to saucer, maybe a soldier
of roots. Quiet about? Why are you yelling at me?
I told you to be quiet. I didn't say anything, Jonica.
(25:56):
I'm not Jonica, I know that. What do you what?
Are you all right? Yes? I thought I'm all right. Captain?
Why do you ask? I think you just lost your
way A little bit in the story, sir, lost my
way bogger dash somewhat enhanced suddenly, yeah, tad customized perhaps,
(26:19):
but these are the exact words of John cavaronical a
fleet unvarnished, unused, and underminished. I would never try to
embellish such finally spun gold mine is a much more
leathery tale yours. Why my Londern article? Of course, when
(26:42):
do we get to your batcher in his own time
and propara ordered? Captain? I am laying these out as
their currens, who as not to incur the rancor of
the canker. Would we cannot afford to miss a thing
what happened? It would be like a boat in the mist, dear,
(27:02):
once the causes alter never corrected. I don't understand Jonica
was being infiltrator, dear, infiltrat? Yes? Who was indeed? And
why I was home doing the infiltrating? And went? Was
whose infiltration emanating? And was it actually an infiltration at all?
(27:25):
These are the questions shouldn't and the Andrews can only
be going back at the watcher, cheer him, just after
Jonaka was rudely inhaled by the machine, leaving the rest
of us a gape and a gasping Why didn't she
look after her? We were busy janning and facts was here?
(27:48):
Excuse chuckles, I was stuck in the boiler room. What
do we do? I asked frantically. She has both carrots.
Does she need one on this side to get back?
I'll go get her. Charlie whipped off his chucket. Too dangerous, Charlie,
I don't care. I should go? Why should you go?
Pit squeak. Perry stepped up defiantly, and we all noticed.
(28:11):
Though he still wasn't quite as tall as Charlie, he
had definitely gained some girth on the older boy, because
I've been there, rockhead. Nick pulled them apart, which is
exactly why you shouldn't go, Perry or Hugh, Charlie. Look, guys,
Jonica is no girl scout. Actually she is, Nick. I
buy cookie strom her every year. Whatever. The point is
(28:33):
that Puma knows how to handle herself. Is that her
code name? I don't think we've officially it doesn't matter.
The thing is, I wasn't supposed to go. Next. I
was am Curson playing Ready Ready, placed her hand on
Benny's arm. We're all upset. Then he pulled away from
her and kicked the JumboTron angrily. Perry Sludge told you
(28:57):
he could hear us in his dreams, right, yeah so,
And that he was looking for another way in and
out of absentia. Yeah so, Mona pointed to Charlie's head.
What if there's one in there? We all turned to Charlie.
It was the first time I had ever looked him
squarely in the face. He had two different colored eyes.
(29:20):
I'd always thought his eyes were basically fully blue. Was
seen squirreling. His right eye was definitely gully blue, but
the left was decidedly gang gonness screen. You mean in
my head they switched color, his left wind blue and
the right wind green. Did everyone just see that? I asked,
(29:42):
in disbelief. Everyone nodded, and we all pushed him closer
to Charlie. Easy, that's funny, looking utterly into continental. We
could happen again. Charlie is because he bring his half
empty Charlie, everybody back up. We oba, first of all,
what's absential? That's where j D is? Second, who sludge?
(30:07):
Who do you think? Huh? So the sludge is visiting
me in my dreams? That means you can get from
there to here somehow? Yes, so I have a door
in my head. If it was a door, sludge would
have found a way through by now. Maybe he doesn't
want to come all the way through yet. Maybe he can't. Okay,
(30:28):
let's say it's a window. Maybe we can contact Jonica
through it. Okay, how do we do that? We all
looked at Charlie. What town for nine night jackals? Let's go?
Mona was out the door before Charlie could protest any further.
I was the last to leave the washing cheeriot, feeling
(30:49):
throughly dazed and confused. Apparently we were going on an
expedition to rescue Jessica from absentia and Charlie Evans head
The Laundronauts, a potentially untrue tale based on actual events, conceived,
(31:09):
written and directed by Colin mackenzie Mitchell, original music, sound
design and editing by Dave McKeever, Produced by Monica Michless
and Dave McKeever. Script supervision and editorial assistants by Christina Bryan.
Casting by Mary Claire Sweeters. Executive producers John Cameron Mitchell,
ed Asner and Colin Mackenzie Mitchell, starring in order of appearance,
(31:35):
Isaac Robinson Smith as the Man, Alison Frazier as the Woman,
and Great Granny Nanny ed Asner as the narrator. Evan
Took as the sister, Max Mitchell as the brother, Blue
Bill Sarasina as Jonica, Stephen Kieran as Hoodwin, Lilly Resto
(31:59):
as Mona, Nirvon Paul as Nick, Noah Bentley as Johnny,
Trevor Bernardino as Perry London Johnson as Ben John, Cameron
Mitchell as Absentia, Corey Kruger as Jane Do. The Laundronauts
is a collaboration between I Heart Media and Little brother
Sam Productions. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit
(32:32):
the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
get your podcasts. The Laundronauts is a production of I
Heart Radio
The Laundronauts is a production of I Heart Radio. This
is what we remember and remember, this is what it
sounded like. What we couldn't hear, we made up. The
rest of it is true. Hello, mother's appear taking to
(00:37):
you and yours. I'm all well at the homestead. I hope.
Who's the broguish vanche friend of the family. He's no friends, sir,
She's a vice principal at our school. You can't say
(01:00):
that about a nun. Yes, well, Losa, And where is
her father? He's on a business trip. He's been gone
two weeks, sir, must be a very important business trip.
Then sister aunt has been visiting, sir. Oh the monkett.
(01:22):
I'm sure she's a great help with spells, curses and
crucibles in the love How how did we fair in
our ongoing London odd chillers children? I failed, sir, Nothing
mud sleepy forgetful nights, my dear Well, Yes, I heard
a song, a song. I was walking along and I
(01:48):
noticed one of the houses in our neighborhood looked very tasty.
So I took a bite out of it. It was
very taste. Then I remembered houses aren't normally very tasty,
and I said, wait a second, here, everything up brighter
and sharper. I heard music from inside the house, so
I went in. I searched all over. Every time I
(02:08):
thought I found the music in a closet or just
around the corner, it was gone. So I stopped, took
a breath, and listened hard. I heard words, sing them,
sing the words you heard. Please, sir, you don't want
to hear that. Hey, I've heard to sing at church.
It's not a pleasant experience, sir. I've heard you tune
(02:30):
at church. That's not so pleasant either. No, no, no,
beauty is in the ear of the Eda fire. Please,
my dear, the Foremarca is all yours. No, But why
I won't be able to do it? Right, my dear,
you learn nothing else from me in our time together.
(02:51):
Learn this. There is no right, there's no wrong. There's
only the songs. Professor, Yes, why do you stare at me?
So those were the words in my dream. Interesting, remember
Jonaica's words. Breathe about to them. Now let their music
(03:14):
come through you sing. There is no right, there is wrong,
There is allly the song. There is no light before
(03:39):
the there is no night that nat too long. There
is all right. There is no wrong. There is aly
the song Thank you well Uni. Indeed, my lady, I
(04:10):
pronounce your first Londoner challenge accepted in some mountain. What
about you, squire? You don't earn achievement by mirror association.
He was put in the work, back to the dreaming board. Yes, sir,
I don't mean to be harsh, but these are not
(04:33):
trivial matters. Children are. Obstacle is not your enemy. It
is an ally, such as the case with Jonica. As
you may recall, when last we left our story, she
had failed to appear at the washer Tiium. Midnight approached.
(04:53):
As Jonica was weaving her way through the back allies
of the Tenderlin, a man stepped out of the far
and cut off her path. In the murky lights, she
could see he was tall and seen and see that
he wearing a long, thick cake. Jonica struck a fighter
suppose and shouted the battle cry she had learned from
(05:14):
a great granny. Manny you mayes and a handbasket, mr.
But I'm going to take something if yours with me.
The man chuckled, or rather hawked up something resembling a
chuckle more of a chocoal and stepped into the lamplight.
He wasn't wearing a cap at all, but a double
(05:38):
smelling old man for the washingari. His face contorted inward
behind his filthy whiskers. Well observed, my dear. He nonchillantly
flipped the blankets over his shoulders. Somehow they were still wept.
You don't go anywhere without splotch and splurt. There, it's
(06:00):
splotch and split the fate, I hear by w sibling
splotch and split. Magnificent. You are quite the word spirit,
my dear, Why are you falling? I need your help?
Sorry only She tried to slip pass him, but again
he cut her off. Late for a midnight ROUNDE. How
(06:21):
do you know that you really are the north Star,
aren't you? Mona? Maybe the brains, but you are the heart,
my dear, you are the true leader, Jonica felt. Strange.
Waves of armies crash against two rips. Leader, But it
is you I wish to enlist. I'm dizzy again. She
(06:43):
tried to slip past him. Again he blocked her path.
You wish to help, j d yes, maybe, so let's
make it to you. What kind of deal you go
next into Absentia. If you do, I will help you
retrieve j D. Yes going next. We voted, and yet
it wasn't your choice. That's the way the cookie cumbles. Yes,
(07:06):
and if Benny goes next, he will be the cookie
that crambles. How do you know that? Because Sludge wants
Benny to go next, My dear, he has designs on
the boy, asked Barry. He chuckled, whore, his hand vanished
(07:27):
into the tumble weed of his face. Let's just say
I've been tangled and I'd like to become an entangled
What does they have to do with me? All I
can say is that it will resolve all of our problems,
yours mine, j D s, the laundronknots, but most importantly, absentious.
(07:50):
What do you care about, Absentia? She is my home.
The waves of unees crashed. You are trying to hurt
me hard wink hood wink, hood wink, glorious hood wink perfect.
As you know, any villain with his weight means an
appropriately menacing monica perfect. Why are you crying in front
(08:12):
of Harry's Hardware store? Where? Why did you come to
my aid? I was paying and your first impulse was
to help. It's not hard to be decent. His whiskers parted,
revealing a grinning gate of green glashes. But it's very
difficult to be indecent, my dear, especially when indecency is required.
(08:35):
On decency, it's never run along midnight approaches. But don't
forget to bring the carrot. You'll need it in ABSENTI
I told you, I know you vanished into the fault.
Joannaka pulled up a collar and ran. She arrived at
(09:01):
exactly eleven fifty nine PM. We were already in mid prep.
I call it the diamond formation. It was my idea, Yes,
it was Nick's idea. It's like a baseball diamond. Benny
your catcher. You stand here and grab whatever comes out
of the machine. I'm pitcher and we'll leave from the center.
Nick as shortstop, roams the infield, picks up grounders. Perry
(09:22):
and I took our field duties, pop flies being a responsibility.
Jonico was designated taking a position atop the JumboTron. Charlie's
role in the TDF was more problematic. Grads, crew, your
job is to protect the integrity of the environment. Charlie
got it. I guess we're quickly locked into positions. Our
(09:47):
watchers stuck from midnight. We taste nothing happened. I'm going
to open the machine. Mona stood forward and opened the door.
When she did, it was as if the machine had
finally eaten one too many socks and just needed to vomit.
(10:07):
Mona took the first hitch and patuy and went keistra
over kissing. Benny took the next wave and the chops
and spun like a top pulled. Positions were locked back
into formation. No new enemy appeared, just sucks, wave after wave.
(10:28):
After Joannica turned Perry was right washer Cherian was already
four ft deep with socks and rising. Perry hopped on
Benny's shoulder. They pushed towards the front door, but the
current of socks was relentless, piling up in the corners,
(10:51):
blocking all the exits. Benny Funny had to stop the
Benny hoisted Harry up onto the s Perry tugged on
the la but the window wouldn't butch. The rest of
us scrabbled for the higher ground. J Johonica could get
near the door was almost pulled off by the curtains.
(11:12):
She managed to dragged herself back to the top, arms
thrubbing lungs, bursting socks piling up over her feet. She
cut her hands to her mouth and screamed. The room
exploded with orange light as the pen came soaring out
(11:33):
of the swamp. Johnicle leap caught the pen and vanished
under the torrent of socks. The pressure sucked her down,
but she fought to stay afloat, got her head above
the surface, gulped in some air, jump back under, and
swam like trying to dig through a bowl of day
olver oatfield. Her hand touched Steve To stabbed the carrots
(11:58):
into the machine during its metal skime. She squeezed, but
washed her weeds, coughed and died to suck her and
cut out. Jonaka broke the surface. The air hit her
like loved and chocolate. She gulped in big helping and
searched for her friends. Nick was hanging from a pipe.
(12:21):
In the series, Perry was still crouched on the windows.
Mona and I had found resued at the top of
two machines. Bernie was still submerged and sucked. Hoodwin's words
echoed in Jonaka's hand, don't forget to bring the carriage
you'll need it. In absentition, Jonica stared at the pin
(12:42):
in her hand. I have to tell you guys something
on Cuba Vomitron, formerly the JumboTron, became in the halotron.
Jonaker was gone in an instant, sucked back into the
machine for a sudden for city of the Socker curage.
(13:03):
Within minutes, the room was again utterly devoid of sucks
and minus one Landernois. Jonica remembered only tumbling chaos, then darkness.
When she awoke, she was looking up at the sunder
substantious sky through a circle of giant socks peering down
(13:26):
at her. Jonica shrieked. The socks leaped back, and for
a moment Jonica could see all of the sky, suck Mountain,
the keyhole, the socks tumbling out. Then the sucklings bent
over her again and her window was shut. The smallest
(13:46):
of the bunch kicked her, not hard, more like someone
poking the dead dog lying in the gutter. It was
enough to trigger the puma inside. Jonica sprang to her
feet with a yeah, vanishing the carrot like a sword.
The sucklings leaped back, but maintained their perimeter. Jonica turned
(14:09):
in a slow circle. One of the giants, Chuckling, the
largest of the bunch, reached out and slapped the chuckler sharply. Hi,
I'm Jonica. I'm a luntiner. We're here to help you.
The sucklings searched everywhere for the other laundronots. Well, i'm
(14:31):
here to help you. Please take me to Slutch whatever
you call him. It's okay, we're friends. Sucklings took a
menacing step towards her. Jonica returned the character her knapsack
and offered her empty palms out of them no harm.
The sucklings relaxed. The sucklings leaped into the air. Jonica
(14:56):
always had gifts, usually candies or snacks, always a pouch
of cinnamon sticks her favorite of all the spaces. She
laid the items on the ground as it, presenting the
rarest of gems and the softest of silks. None of
these caught the suckling's attention. There was a collective shudder
(15:17):
amongst them, and they bent towards something else that had
spilled from the knapsack. Jonica was instantly bumped aside and forgotten. Miffed,
she muscled her way back through and saw a piece
of drinking I rescued from the Washtaria. It was growing
(15:37):
like a lizarding boy from the untouched hip, said a sockling.
There shivered, stretched tatan and shot straight under the air
like a Champagne cork. This in turn caused the other
socklings to leap ecstatically. The landing almost killed her. Gift
(16:00):
was squashed. The ground shook jonicas stumbled. The little suckling
glided beneath her, caught her, held her, gazed into her eyes.
You're split or splirt. I don't know, but you're definitely
one of the blankets from the wash. It harrium. The
little suckling nodded and hugged her, But before they could
(16:22):
revel any further, they were snatched up by the other
sucklings and wished the way in a stampede of roll
again ferocity and unbridledling. Sir put it. Pancakes were flocking
for what could that possibly mean? Would oh my apologies, captain.
(16:46):
One of the many indignities of becoming ancient is the
deterioration of one's natural capacity of sound. Exactly how old
are you? You were saying, captain, suckling, Sir apparently so
so they were like earth worms. Have you caught a keef?
We grow an apt comparison, may become blankets in their
(17:10):
own world. The suckling, by a chemistry, is in need
a wonder system keptain all things, ah, the nature of
old things. We will get to that soon enough, counselor.
But first we must rejoined them and she and her
new phone suckling companions splotch. We're still whisking their way
(17:31):
to parts as yet unknown atopt the shoulders of their
giant escorts. Jonica jumped at the sketch up sensious landmarks.
She Splotch pumped along. She had decided Splots would be
(17:53):
her new friend's name and sworth and for them are
a decision. The suckling seemed perfectly fined with. Jonica checked
her sketchings against Perry's map for accuracy and scale, but
it was like trying to play pinochle on a roller coaster.
After pumping along for what appeared to be ours, air
sports began to descend into a valley, a valley that
(18:16):
grew steeper and deeper and thicker for the cold, biting fog,
Although they finally burst out of the vary edge of
a steep precipice. Below them was a vast green valley
floor filled with thousands of giant, colorful fluffy bunny butts.
A city of the City of what the wasn't a
(18:41):
city per se was simply the first sounds came out
of Jonica when she saw the place. The giant, colorful
fluffy bunny butts, or clumps, as Jonica henceforth proclaimed them,
with a suckling home. Each clump consisted of clumps of
suckling who were chosen to accumulatively clump for whatever reason.
(19:03):
Suckling's club shared affection, fear of rejection, a base for insurrection.
Whatever the case, the suckling's clumped and in clumping formed
the infra clumps structure of the city of what the itself.
I want clump slots peter to the bound straight as
(19:24):
an arrow into a currel a twist. I have been
several front flips, transitioning into a full fledged gravity defying
spread eagle upon non existent winds, before dive bombing into
a colorful fluffy bunny but with a mighty The enchantment
of absentia had overtaken her. Forgotten was her mission forgotten
(19:47):
were her friends. She just wanted to fly. She climbed
out on the rock, cracked her knuckles, stretched her legs,
spit over her shoulder, and was rudely snatched from her
her by the suckling leader and bowled down into the
valley like a bag of brand muffins. She hit a clump,
(20:08):
leaped to her feet and shot the suckling her best
tenderloin glare. No need for the rough stuff. He was
already ignoring her and leading the other sucklings onto the
vast valley floor. Janica followed, growling from ground level. The
city of what the was like a towering forest of
(20:31):
cotton ball. She noticed other sucklings detaching from their respective
clumps and joining their caravan. Why suckling leader bumped her
roughly forward. Rickie signs for the beast, bumped her forward again.
Jonica stumped ahead of the pack. I decline, you need
(20:51):
to be such because you like such my nicks. She
noticed more sucklings joining their caravan, leading to where she
had no idea, and yet they were following her. Never
before he Jonica let a mighty army or anyone the
enchantment of the absentia had again overtaken her. She began
(21:11):
to sing her silly rhyme, as E were a battling home,
gone moon jone, blown zones of tone, telephone bones and
tones and their moons alone. In response, the ground began
to shake, became a beat, became melody, harmony song. What's
(21:46):
her little girl? Pre say? What's the place in love?
When shuldar event spicy he saw that twice facist Jonaica
(22:19):
was brusquely halted by start and a song cut out?
Why did he do that? What was that music? That voice?
Where is g? D? Starts was already ignoring her, gazing
up into the sky. They were standing in what appeared
to be the center of everywhere, gone with the clumps,
(22:42):
nothing but three hundred and sixty degrees of open green space,
space that was filling up with the thousands of sucklings
that had joined their caravans. Within minutes, Jonaka and her
escorts were surrounded by notion of fluculent footwear of every
save size and stitch pettern. How Starts continued to igdore her.
(23:06):
She looked at the surrounding throne. All the supplings were
gazing up into the sky, there was no sign of
splots anywhere. Jonaka turned back to start, but he was gone,
only sky. It took a moment of her to realize
she was skyrocketing upwards on a tiny saucer of green earth.
She crouched into a ball. The wind roared, the sky darkened,
(23:32):
a mist gathered. The earth elevator came to a sudden halt,
catapulting her into the air for a second before she
landed on her feet like a puma. She whipped out
the carrot. No one, no moon, no stars, no light,
nothing except the glow of earth at her feet. She
(23:55):
knelt and peered over the edge. Her green saucer was
hovering in the air miles above the ground. She dialed
it down a notch. How another notch. Her name was
the flame to the fuse. Thousands of green sauces skyrocketed
(24:20):
into the sky, surrounding Jonica below. Above beside her, a
suckling a stride each emerald star riders becoming sucking skying.
The sucklings began flinging themselves across the sky, stretching out
(24:43):
and latching onto nearby saucer, forming an our gummy bridge
in the sky leading directly to Jonica. She couldn't help
but giggle as a final suckling stretched out and latched
under her so whether resounding, she followed the heavenly highway back.
(25:07):
It vanished in the misty sky ahead of her. Who
here goose everything? She stepped down onto the suckling bridge.
It was solid. It's sponges. My mother would love you guys.
You're so multiple and stretchy. Jonica froze, Hello, Is that
(25:33):
you no answer? Because I would never dream of turning
these creatures into a lush pair of mens. Jonica quickened
her pace, huffing a saucer to saucer, maybe a soldier
of roots. Quiet about? Why are you yelling at me?
I told you to be quiet. I didn't say anything, Jonica.
(25:56):
I'm not Jonica, I know that. What do you what?
Are you all right? Yes? I thought I'm all right. Captain?
Why do you ask? I think you just lost your
way A little bit in the story, sir, lost my
way bogger dash somewhat enhanced suddenly, yeah, tad customized perhaps,
(26:19):
but these are the exact words of John cavaronical a
fleet unvarnished, unused, and underminished. I would never try to
embellish such finally spun gold mine is a much more
leathery tale yours. Why my Londern article? Of course, when
(26:42):
do we get to your batcher in his own time
and propara ordered? Captain? I am laying these out as
their currens, who as not to incur the rancor of
the canker. Would we cannot afford to miss a thing
what happened? It would be like a boat in the mist, dear,
(27:02):
once the causes alter never corrected. I don't understand Jonica
was being infiltrator, dear, infiltrat? Yes? Who was indeed? And
why I was home doing the infiltrating? And went? Was
whose infiltration emanating? And was it actually an infiltration at all?
(27:25):
These are the questions shouldn't and the Andrews can only
be going back at the watcher, cheer him, just after
Jonaka was rudely inhaled by the machine, leaving the rest
of us a gape and a gasping Why didn't she
look after her? We were busy janning and facts was here?
(27:48):
Excuse chuckles, I was stuck in the boiler room. What
do we do? I asked frantically. She has both carrots.
Does she need one on this side to get back?
I'll go get her. Charlie whipped off his chucket. Too dangerous, Charlie,
I don't care. I should go? Why should you go?
Pit squeak. Perry stepped up defiantly, and we all noticed.
(28:11):
Though he still wasn't quite as tall as Charlie, he
had definitely gained some girth on the older boy, because
I've been there, rockhead. Nick pulled them apart, which is
exactly why you shouldn't go, Perry or Hugh, Charlie. Look, guys,
Jonica is no girl scout. Actually she is, Nick. I
buy cookie strom her every year. Whatever. The point is
(28:33):
that Puma knows how to handle herself. Is that her
code name? I don't think we've officially it doesn't matter.
The thing is, I wasn't supposed to go. Next. I
was am Curson playing Ready Ready, placed her hand on
Benny's arm. We're all upset. Then he pulled away from
her and kicked the JumboTron angrily. Perry Sludge told you
(28:57):
he could hear us in his dreams, right, yeah so,
And that he was looking for another way in and
out of absentia. Yeah so, Mona pointed to Charlie's head.
What if there's one in there? We all turned to Charlie.
It was the first time I had ever looked him
squarely in the face. He had two different colored eyes.
(29:20):
I'd always thought his eyes were basically fully blue. Was
seen squirreling. His right eye was definitely gully blue, but
the left was decidedly gang gonness screen. You mean in
my head they switched color, his left wind blue and
the right wind green. Did everyone just see that? I asked,
(29:42):
in disbelief. Everyone nodded, and we all pushed him closer
to Charlie. Easy, that's funny, looking utterly into continental. We
could happen again. Charlie is because he bring his half
empty Charlie, everybody back up. We oba, first of all,
what's absential? That's where j D is? Second, who sludge?
(30:07):
Who do you think? Huh? So the sludge is visiting
me in my dreams? That means you can get from
there to here somehow? Yes, so I have a door
in my head. If it was a door, sludge would
have found a way through by now. Maybe he doesn't
want to come all the way through yet. Maybe he can't. Okay,
(30:28):
let's say it's a window. Maybe we can contact Jonica
through it. Okay, how do we do that? We all
looked at Charlie. What town for nine night jackals? Let's go?
Mona was out the door before Charlie could protest any further.
I was the last to leave the washing cheeriot, feeling
(30:49):
throughly dazed and confused. Apparently we were going on an
expedition to rescue Jessica from absentia and Charlie Evans head
The Laundronauts, a potentially untrue tale based on actual events, conceived,
(31:09):
written and directed by Colin mackenzie Mitchell, original music, sound
design and editing by Dave McKeever, Produced by Monica Michless
and Dave McKeever. Script supervision and editorial assistants by Christina Bryan.
Casting by Mary Claire Sweeters. Executive producers John Cameron Mitchell,
ed Asner and Colin Mackenzie Mitchell, starring in order of appearance,
(31:35):
Isaac Robinson Smith as the Man, Alison Frazier as the Woman,
and Great Granny Nanny ed Asner as the narrator. Evan
Took as the sister, Max Mitchell as the brother, Blue
Bill Sarasina as Jonica, Stephen Kieran as Hoodwin, Lilly Resto
(31:59):
as Mona, Nirvon Paul as Nick, Noah Bentley as Johnny,
Trevor Bernardino as Perry London Johnson as Ben John, Cameron
Mitchell as Absentia, Corey Kruger as Jane Do. The Laundronauts
is a collaboration between I Heart Media and Little brother
Sam Productions. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit
(32:32):
the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
get your podcasts. The Laundronauts is a production of I
Heart Radio
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