March 7, 2022 • 32 mins
In 1930’s San Francisco a boy named JD Belzell is shoved into a washing machine by a bully named Charlie Evans and vanishes. JD’s friends, the Laundronauts, fail to intervene. Wracked with guilt, two of the children, Nick and Mona, go into the washer to try and rescue him, only to discover a magical world beyond the machine where everything that gets buried in the soil blooms to life. They also discover that JD is now the master of this strange world and has grown older, more powerful, and very angry at the people that failed to help him. Them! Nick and Mona barely escape back to San Francisco with their lives. Upon return The Laundronauts pledge to rescue JD and bring him back home no matter what the cost. But who goes next into the machine? And what the heck happened to JD?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Laundronauts is a production of I Heart Radio. This
is what we remember and remember, this is what it
sounded like. What we couldn't hear, we made up. The
rest of it is untrue. Dois? Yeah? Oh please you do?
(00:30):
I'm given such headache. Guiana the Guiana cutting Sir man children,
(01:00):
We're back, not a stitch wiser. It's been the entire
weekful into my puddles and purposer. I kept dropping pizza
in my land. Yes, we all have our causes to
bear and our bears to cross. No, no, nevertheless, time gallops. Indeed,
Now what follows next, my citchlings, are the seven Londron Articles.
(01:25):
The words you are able to hear come directly from
each of our first person written accounts. These are the
sacred texts, whence all knowledge of the London Arts is derived.
So what was that first story? Then? The one with
Nick and Nona, That, my dear, was what we called
the beginning of the beginning, called the beatim from our
group general. Our goal with the London Articles was never
(01:47):
to confuse or confound with more kid do Hunsel and
gotels read clubs a tail if you will back so tired,
So the next generation could correctly the stakes we would
inevitable they make or carry on if we never returned,
never returned, well, mistakes, sir, all will be made down
(02:08):
in its own time and proper order. Shishlings now listen
as I unspooled the Londronautical Pariakayama Hennigan code named the
rabbitma that his middle name, Sir is Perry Japanese. I
thought I didn't submitted into the londron Out annuals. On Thursday,
November second, nineteen, we reconvene next at Nick Gorski's family
(02:37):
mansion and Northy, Are you sure we're supposed to be Unick?
I mean, has anyone ever been here? It's so cool.
We haven't made, Jonica, you sure do haven't made? And yes,
we're supposed to be here. My parents suggested it strongly.
You don't have a lot of friends, do Unich. Funny?
(03:00):
Since their return, Nick and Mona's relationship has grown increasingly complicated.
Is this what happens when you grow two sizes? Yes? No,
I've got pink lemon for the king, my queen. My
(03:20):
lush could stand to lose. The po though has bruised
my flesh and my pride to be to Chase and
new woman. Sorry next parents were filthy, rich and completely
(03:42):
not but they were just so darned giddy and generous
all the time. It was hard not to like them.
But why would you ever? I don't hear you. Hear you?
Our next mission shall be one of reconnaissance and reconnaissance
alone if you knew with that word manly agreed. The
(04:06):
big question is who goes well? I think that's obvious Me, Benny, valuable,
And I know what valuable means. Okay, I'm coming back.
I'm a soda pup. I meant me. I'm the only
one who knows what raisin sauce means, what scout gang,
I'm clearly the best burglar, not in like Billbill Baggins
(04:27):
in my favorite book, The Hobbit. And I'm the one
who's folks just bought the least to the washingtarium from
Nick's pop What when? Why do you think I was
there Nick when it happened. Once the paperwork's done, i'll
have easiest access to the joint. Think you can handle it, Perry, Yeah,
you've got a little frazzled. Last time you crawled in there,
(04:48):
I had to take a little net didn't. I am
clearly the best choice, and I agree that the next
mission should be one of Project Raisin Sauce and Project
Raisin Sauce alone. What It's not raisins Auset's Raisin Sauces,
Raisin Sauce, Recon sas and Sauce Sauce. We ultimately succumbed
(05:11):
to Perry's tsunami of stupidity. Perry would go next into Absentia.
That was voted as our name for the world beyond
the Jumble trump. Other choices were presented, the Land of
Lost Objects or LOLA for short, the Land of Lost
and Living Objects or La la Leaf for shorts, or
(05:32):
Absentia it meant in his absence, Mona made his vote
on every including our code name, all in favor of
the rabbit. Nay, how about the Burmese Python voted Cobra slinky.
(05:52):
Perry ultimately relented his code name. While annoying was not
his top priority getting big watch. He kept this secret
motivation hidden the other but in private, you're going in next, Perry,
and you're going to get big No more getting stuffed
into trash cans and jim lockers and washing machinets never again,
(06:16):
not in my watch, and Perry will go in alone.
What didn't we agree that traveling in pears might be safer,
but Perry project Raisin Sauce calls for the best billboat
back and Spurgler and the barn. What other choice could
there be? But the Project Raisin Sauce was quickly defined.
(06:39):
Get into absentia unnoticed, gather info unnoticed, get out of
absentia unnoticed, sess the lay of the land, a feel
for the natives, and most importantly, the whereabouts of Sludge himself.
We thought it would to focus to have an enemy
with a more villainous sounding name than j D. It
(07:01):
help us defeat him, even though we were trying to
save him. Other suggestions included the Great Lord of the
oily Army of Darkness, or Glad for short, howbulous the
gap in month or sludge Benny immediately because there's only six?
(07:21):
Could you shriek that again into my other ear? Dear,
I think you've blown the cockley out of this one.
There are only six laundronots. That's true, sir, There's you, Jonica, Benny, Perry, Mona,
and nic At six. You said there were seven, L Yes,
I did. Is there another to join, sir? Perhaps is
(07:43):
j D the seven? Perhaps? Or maybe Kelly Evans? Perhaps?
Why do you keep saying? Perhaps? Perhaps because I haven't
finished my story? Pre cance If you continued, sir, well bridged, commador,
Why are you used between sides? You're a benedic donald.
(08:03):
I am not a bent in norld. I'm a large logical,
logical beyond your lotitude, sir, never mind, proceed proceeding all
wordsla of Saint Xavier's Elementary Then the immediately began preparing
(08:26):
what he called Harry's incursion plan. In the Absentia by
Benjamin Franklin King Gold gain information that will help us
extract j D from absential obstacles. One j D himself
a k a sludge. Two sludge is army of oily darkness,
and three unknown steps prepare enter hid, explore map, exit report,
(08:55):
or hammer for sure? What if I have to urinate?
Put urinate between explore in map that would make it
put humor? Your innate is part of prepare the hammer.
A good incursion plan on seven steps got six missing,
you got eight. Benny had a special way of breaking
(09:16):
things down like a carpenter or a mechanic. His father, Mr. Kinglin,
was trained to be part of the fifty four Coast
Artillery Regiment, the first all black unit of its kind.
Then he whishped his father, soaking up everything he did,
and said, Benny's brand was a machine. He could see
how things fit this, then this, then this, until you
(09:39):
had a whole. He came up with the sock suit.
Nick and Mona were attacked because they were not by
sluds the keys to get an absentially unnoticed in the
way to do that used to go and camouflaged as
a suck. But it's foot layer. Would you rather be
a jock struck? Perry had to appreciate the practicality of
the plat. He also had to appreciate the extra alone
(10:04):
time he got with Jonica, the seamstress, haberdasher Taylor and
all around master craftswoman of the group. She was tasked
with darning Perry into his new skins. I never knew
there could be so many pockets in a sock. Perry
was able to carry his canteen, compass, flashlight, petzels, Swiss
(10:25):
army pen knife, yo yo catch bad pencils. Lucky Walden
with picture of Grandpa Hockey inside petzels, and most importantly
the carrots and plum. These were voted the code names
for the first pen and pucket watch pluffed in absential.
The other two were now known as Karrot too and
plum too. Hump to to receive signal fifteen minutes to
(10:47):
get to gumber, try too to complete extraction, plumb to
send signal fifteen minutes to get to the keyhole, carrot
to complete extraction. Jonica also offered Perry techniques to help
cool when under dress decompress. You just have to breathe
and stay open to what everything. Like this morning, I'm
(11:09):
pushing my mom along in her wheelchair, right coming back
from our daily visit to the war, just whistling and
skipping along, and I see this old guy across the
street with these blankets hanging off him like he's some
Roman emperor or something. He's staring into the window of
Harry's Hardware, but it's not even open. Then he starts
crying sobbing, he crumples. Next thing I know, I'm across
(11:32):
the street tugging on his shirt and telling him to
buck up. Then mother yelled at me. Anyway, I wouldn't
have noticed him and been able to help if I
wasn't open to the moment. Wait, why blankets or just
make up a silly rhyme? Really do you have one? Sure?
(11:54):
Most people do? Can I hear it you first? Fine?
A teeny we be so gleefully free sees thee and
me sneeze and flees to these trees. Brother, Now, when
you feel anxious, just say it over and over and
it'll put a butterfly in your heart and a puppy
dog in your head. What about a kitten up my nose, Harry,
(12:18):
let's hear yours maybe when you get back. Unfair? How
easy with the needle? Well stop moving. A date was
set for Perry's and kursh His parents, hold her son
and Ocasan were visiting relations in Okinawa. Perry would stay
with the course keys while they were gone. Mom Poborsky
had no knowledge of this arrangement. Of course they very did,
(12:42):
but we're always happy to help. Jonica was voted Perry's
liason between the worlds you mostly to your homes foximity
to the washing Tior, and was given charge of plump
to and care of but Perry. This made Jonica is
guardian angel, but John Nica. This made Perry her daily burden.
(13:05):
Once Perry overcame his initial fear of the JumboTron, using
Jonica's new comic technique, be so gleefully free, He's beaten
me feed. His experience of entering Absentia was bubble, bubble, flash, slash,
and falling in the sky pillows. He could have bounced
(13:28):
around in that marshallow loveliness flowers, but he was on
a mission, so he let the current carry him down
through the bowels of the mountain, spit him out of
crevice down a flowing succulent for he was finally sprayed
out onto the foothills. With the rest of the footwear
he made like suck. Absentia was just as Nick and
(13:51):
Mona had described. At the foot of the slope, the
ground leveled off and ran across a rainbow striped plane.
That meant an ominous looking forest. That was where sludge
had come from with his army of oil. That was
where Perry would need to go. Perry spun to the sound.
(14:14):
There was no one our swords, even years of hide
and seek with his siblings, and it tuned Perry to
something beyond sight beyond sound. It was more like smell
or taste. Perry called it smaced once activated, never wrong.
Perry was being watched. He slowly reached into his socks
(14:39):
and spun back, brandishing his Swiss army tweezers. Damn it,
I can never make Perry could neither complete the sentence
nor the thought for. Standing in front of him was
a fifteen foot living, breathing, or as it's known in
the English for nack suck. This was the first time
(15:02):
Perry had spoken Japanese and three years such was his
suck shock. The giant creature was plaid patterned, thatched, and tweety.
Loose threads jangled from it like tufts of hair. Hi,
I'm a lad. The suck archdown loading. Perry stayed still
(15:22):
as I twisted around him like a corkscreote python, examining
him from every possible angle. It reached out a tendroom
and touched his arm. A tiny bolt of lightning leaped
between them. Perry jumped, the sock recoiled like a tape picture. WHOA,
(15:42):
that was utterly intercontinental. Hey you know I do that
lightning thing in my bed sometimes put the sheet over
my head, rub it with my fingers. It's a little
electrical story, you know. It was at that moment that
Perry realized he'd barely been in absentia for five minutes
and he had already failed in his primary directive, no
(16:03):
engagement attainey, we be so gleefully free sees the This
thing thinks from a sock. It hasn't even seen my face.
It's only heard my voice. And maybe socks don't speak
in absension. That puts me in a position of power, right, right, right.
Mostly satisfied with the results of his internal debate, Perry
(16:26):
took a residute step towards the creature name and rank soldier.
Sucks sprang to attention, tremor ran through its scenes. Are
you mute? I wish I had a mute button. Sometimes
it's like I have to say every little thing that
comes into my head, even when I have no idea
what it is. I'm actually like the Christian began to quiver.
(16:46):
Are you laughing at me? Sucks stopped and shrub as
much as a sock shrub happens all the time. I'm
a friend of your leader. J D. Sludge swir old
buddies actually sock began quivering again. This time it was
not from lefter, but not good buddies, What's what's wrong?
(17:12):
Verry activated the snake. Something was approaching. The sock collapsed
the little pile of laundry. There's a cold shadow crept over.
Perry released a nicey breath and slowly turned. Nick and
Mona were right. J D was much older. His hair
was long and gray, draped over his shoulders. His thick
(17:33):
silver whiskers moved as if they had a will of
their own, but he was still wearing those stupid glasses
with tape on the frames. Perry brandished the Swiss Army tweezers. Hey, JD,
it's me, remember Perry, pack me in a true one
(17:53):
ship to Kalamazoo. Perry, Hey, easy, buddy. Verry did not
even realized he was walking backwards until he slammed into
something solid behind him. He looked up. It was the sock.
It had again stretched to its full height and was trembling. Sludge.
Pointed his oily finger at the creature. You're already in
(18:16):
deep trouble, suckling, don't mind it, he worse. The suckling
looked don at Perry. Perry looked up. He could have
sworn it, smiled as much as a sock and smile.
Then the suckling punched you. Perry been used as a
substitute for many inanimate objects in his life second vase,
door stop, toilet puncher, but never before had he been
(18:39):
used as a football. For a moment, Perry was one
with the air. Then he hit the canopy of the
forest and smashed through it. He landed, and landed and
landed some more. Fortunately Jonica had some own sock absorbers
into his suit. Perry activated the space no one. The
(19:00):
gloom was thick around him except for muted globe beneath
his feet. A faint hum in the air. Perry placed
his ear against the ground, a vibration like an approaching
trolley on a train track. You're gonna find the source
of that sound, Perry, You're gonna blaze this true for
the laundronauts like Sharascio Boom, you rascally rabbit. You so
(19:25):
I think he's written down? Or what excuse me? These
laundron articles? Are they actually written down somewhere? Are you
just making them up as you go along? Because it
sounds like the unabashed audacity to challenge the voracity of
my where are the pages? I certainly can't be tripishing
(19:49):
about with them on my person, can I? There is
I thereabout? And whereabouts? Is thereabouts? Thereabouts? Is whereabouts they
per happenstand? Might be that doesn't make any sense. Neither
does your lack of faith. She's like a honey badger.
So I've ascertained, Yes, they are written down, that they
(20:11):
are currently beyond our reach, which is why I have
committed them to the most trusted vault in all the land.
My brain, I need to see them. I'm sorry. I'm
a very literal little girl. According to the entire planet
that would be our mother. Sure, quiet, literally, you are
a scientist, my dear, You're a beacon of hypothesis, evidence, conclusion.
(20:37):
Let us pledge to retrieve the nauticles together. I can
think of no better protective for them. Yes, I guess
you guess. There's no time for the washing of a wishy.
If you had the text in your hands, you would
protect them with life and limb if necessary, Yes or no? Yes?
(20:58):
Why I would? They were real and once knowing, there's
no not knowing. Indeed, it's not always like that, though,
What do you mean, dude, what do you do when
what you thought you knew is no longer true? Did
(21:18):
you be more specific? No? I can't swer, Mom and Dad.
I think I understand myself. Not only are you are
stitchling of the highest order, you're a guardian of the
gate and a knight of the broken table. Yeah, I
(21:39):
guess I am trying to tell your shoe because I'm happy.
I'm attempting to bow me warriors sister's meticulous magnificence. It'll
have to wait. Perry was equally the tickets with his mapping.
(22:01):
He had so failed in his non engagement and hide
orders that he's more determined than ever to make a difference.
Using his flashlight encompass, he began tying purple twine to
a tree every minute, noting down the direction, counting off
the seconds, checking his accuracy against the plum, which continued
(22:24):
to take off real world seconds and minutes and two
hours it feels like two months. Perry went socks still,
clicked off his flashlight. The sound came again, followed by
a rumbling, followed by a clanging. Perry dumped behind a rock.
(22:45):
Sounds surrounded him. A basket weaver the ground beneath his
feet was rising. Something smooth, huge, rounded the rocks and
trees rolled off its surface. Perry started to slide with
the breath. It looked down glass. He was sliding down
a dome of glass, like the face of a giant
(23:07):
pocket watch. He could see the city below, a city
shaped like the inner workings of a Perry hit solid
ground and everything went swirly stars. The dome was hinged.
It was now opening towards Perry. He curled up into
a sock ball, closed his eyes and prayed, continuing, be
(23:32):
so bleefully freezes these and free. Perry opened his eyes.
The dome was standing at an I degree angle, rising
up through the tree tops, a huge hole and opening
the ground. On the other side of the dome, something
was approaching the whole, rumbling through the trees. As Perry
(23:52):
described him upon his return, watches the size of tanks.
A caravan of watches cooking together as they rumbled forward
like years playing meat frock to mean looking clock guards appeared,
and the caravan came to a halt. One of the
watches rolled forward and clicked open its body. Inside was
(24:12):
a cycling bound and stretched on its inerts like on
a medieval torture rack. The watch snapped shut, swallowing suckling again.
Caravan rumbled forward and vanished into the city below. The
clock guards followed, and the whole process reversed itself. The
dome closed, sunk back into the ground. The earthen trees
(24:35):
rolled back over the top utterly intercontinental Perry the n
mapping like a crhotographer on cracker jacks. The encircled the
area with purple twine and sketched down all the landmarks,
noted every detail. Hours later, exhausted, Perry stopped to admire
(24:56):
his work. Hot bad. He slipped out his lucky wallet
and took out the weathered photo of his grandfather, his
father's father, a Kiakira Akiyama, as a boy. This is
as good a final resting spot as any Grandpa. You
put the photo back in the wallet, bowed to it,
knelt and buried the wallet in the ground. I pronounce
(25:17):
you a state of cataclysmia. Flowering bush of crimson wallets
sprouted from the ground. The wallets took flight, fluttering like butterflies,
swirling around Perry. They won't be able to miss that.
Then Perry gathered up his things, fought every instinct to
(25:38):
explore the city further, and resumed his mapping of the
forest projects. Raisin sauce was not yet complete. Onwards. Hours later,
hours that felt like days, Perry reached the edge of
the ominous forest and poked his nose out of the
trees to discover nothing. Everything was gone, suck mountain, the
(26:02):
invisible keyhole, the rainbow striped playing gone. He'd emerged into
a tundra of utter absence. He turned back, but the
forest had also vanished. His heart began thumping like a
bunny caught in a bear trap. You are a laund
or not. You are a great explorer like Sharassi Nobu.
(26:24):
You are Perry Akiyama Hanagan. Perry turned defiantly and held
out the carrot. He closed his eyes, took a deep
breath and spoke a teeny wee be so gleefully free
sees thee and he sneeze and flees to these trees.
And answer that came with a voice, melody songs Basco
(26:52):
and the gamma. Then again hand again, everybody Halla, sir Francis,
and again begin again to quivering quick rasty you knew
what sits A Starctic was not too far for him
or for you. Rass No give you what to do.
That Darctic was not too far for him for you.
(27:15):
JOSSI are Actiamna. Make you want to shake your little
body atiam a preemdonna. I am i be JAROSSI had
a hankering for polar exploration of a ninety ten, settled
(27:39):
on a plus for himsel nation, and I did wellthy
raised just like okay, Edward laugh noways away for all
the people of Japan. Noble place to wait for all
the people of Japan. You know what to do. Etarctica
was anti far for him, all for you. She from
(28:04):
him for you. Perry opened his eyes. The carrot glowed
in his hand like an orange sun about to go supernova,
Utterly intercontinental. He stabbed the pen into the nothingness and
squeezed a delta of orange rivulates shut out. Bonsai trees
(28:29):
sprouted from the rivulets. Roots snaked out from below the
Bontaie trees, filling the ground with dimension and depth. The
cobalt blue exploded from out of the bonsaide branches, filling
the sky with hue and hype. Just strange feeling is
a Jane Barry. Perry searched for the source of the
(28:52):
thunderclap that had just rattled his molars. Noah, he engaged
the space. I felt the same when I first arrived
at Absent Shan. Nice name, by the way, Absana. Funny
How I never thought your name this place. I just
(29:16):
didn't see The boy very heldly carried out of the sword,
his hand trimming. Is that you hello? Sludge? Please? I
prefer sudge? Come on? Were you sludge? That's your name
(29:37):
for me? Sad sludge? Sluge? Su Hey, it wasn't my choice, okay,
yours was worse gloved. How could he know that? How
could he know wh his name is? Sludge? How could
he know? Around you? Pary p? He did and swooned
(30:01):
his bonds. I forest, it stopped growing, The trees barely
reached his waist. He could see suck Martain in the distance,
the sucks falling from the indivisible keyhole. In the sky.
He could see the ominous forest, the rainbow striped plane,
and beyond. Did you see everything? I'm I'm big, Yes,
(30:23):
you are very ki Yama head again a k a.
The rabbit? Hey, how do you know my middle name?
I've never told in you in my middle name. I've
never even told anyone I had a middle name, and
answered J. D. Belzel. The one time punching bag of
(30:45):
Saint Xavier's Elementary rose out of the ground like a
mountain of coal until he and Perry were standing eye die,
nose to nose, giant to giant, hi sludge. Hello, Perry,
you ready for what? The Laundronauts a potentially untrue tale
(31:17):
based on actual events, Conceived, written and directed by Colin
mackenzie Mitchell. Original music, sound design and editing by Dave McKeever,
Produced by Monica Michless and Dave McKeever. Script supervision and
editorial assistants by Christina Brian, Casting by Mary Claire Sweeters.
(31:37):
Executive producers John Cameron Mitchell ed Asner and Colin mackenzie Mitchell,
starring in order of appearance, Isaac Robbins and Smith as
the Man, Alison Fraser as the Woman, London Johnson as
Benny Bluebell, Saracino as Jonica, Kate Prendergast as morg Whiskey
(32:00):
and Mother La Fleete, Lilly Resto as Mona Narvon Paul
as Nick, Trevor Bernardino as Perry, Trent Mills at Pop
Gorski ed Asner as the Narrator, Evan tok as the Sister,
Max Mitchell as the Brother, Corey Krueger as Sludge, John
(32:24):
Kara Mitchell as Absentia. The laundron Outs is a collaboration
between I Heart Media and Little Brother Sam Productions. For
more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart
Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
(32:47):
The Laundronauts is a production of I Heart Radio.
The Laundronauts is a production of I Heart Radio. This
is what we remember and remember, this is what it
sounded like. What we couldn't hear, we made up. The
rest of it is untrue. Dois? Yeah? Oh please you do?
(00:30):
I'm given such headache. Guiana the Guiana cutting Sir man children,
(01:00):
We're back, not a stitch wiser. It's been the entire
weekful into my puddles and purposer. I kept dropping pizza
in my land. Yes, we all have our causes to
bear and our bears to cross. No, no, nevertheless, time gallops. Indeed,
Now what follows next, my citchlings, are the seven Londron Articles.
(01:25):
The words you are able to hear come directly from
each of our first person written accounts. These are the
sacred texts, whence all knowledge of the London Arts is derived.
So what was that first story? Then? The one with
Nick and Nona, That, my dear, was what we called
the beginning of the beginning, called the beatim from our
group general. Our goal with the London Articles was never
(01:47):
to confuse or confound with more kid do Hunsel and
gotels read clubs a tail if you will back so tired,
So the next generation could correctly the stakes we would
inevitable they make or carry on if we never returned,
never returned, well, mistakes, sir, all will be made down
(02:08):
in its own time and proper order. Shishlings now listen
as I unspooled the Londronautical Pariakayama Hennigan code named the
rabbitma that his middle name, Sir is Perry Japanese. I
thought I didn't submitted into the londron Out annuals. On Thursday,
November second, nineteen, we reconvene next at Nick Gorski's family
(02:37):
mansion and Northy, Are you sure we're supposed to be Unick?
I mean, has anyone ever been here? It's so cool.
We haven't made, Jonica, you sure do haven't made? And yes,
we're supposed to be here. My parents suggested it strongly.
You don't have a lot of friends, do Unich. Funny?
(03:00):
Since their return, Nick and Mona's relationship has grown increasingly complicated.
Is this what happens when you grow two sizes? Yes? No,
I've got pink lemon for the king, my queen. My
(03:20):
lush could stand to lose. The po though has bruised
my flesh and my pride to be to Chase and
new woman. Sorry next parents were filthy, rich and completely
(03:42):
not but they were just so darned giddy and generous
all the time. It was hard not to like them.
But why would you ever? I don't hear you. Hear you?
Our next mission shall be one of reconnaissance and reconnaissance
alone if you knew with that word manly agreed. The
(04:06):
big question is who goes well? I think that's obvious Me, Benny, valuable,
And I know what valuable means. Okay, I'm coming back.
I'm a soda pup. I meant me. I'm the only
one who knows what raisin sauce means, what scout gang,
I'm clearly the best burglar, not in like Billbill Baggins
(04:27):
in my favorite book, The Hobbit. And I'm the one
who's folks just bought the least to the washingtarium from
Nick's pop What when? Why do you think I was
there Nick when it happened. Once the paperwork's done, i'll
have easiest access to the joint. Think you can handle it, Perry, Yeah,
you've got a little frazzled. Last time you crawled in there,
(04:48):
I had to take a little net didn't. I am
clearly the best choice, and I agree that the next
mission should be one of Project Raisin Sauce and Project
Raisin Sauce alone. What It's not raisins Auset's Raisin Sauces,
Raisin Sauce, Recon sas and Sauce Sauce. We ultimately succumbed
(05:11):
to Perry's tsunami of stupidity. Perry would go next into Absentia.
That was voted as our name for the world beyond
the Jumble trump. Other choices were presented, the Land of
Lost Objects or LOLA for short, the Land of Lost
and Living Objects or La la Leaf for shorts, or
(05:32):
Absentia it meant in his absence, Mona made his vote
on every including our code name, all in favor of
the rabbit. Nay, how about the Burmese Python voted Cobra slinky.
(05:52):
Perry ultimately relented his code name. While annoying was not
his top priority getting big watch. He kept this secret
motivation hidden the other but in private, you're going in next, Perry,
and you're going to get big No more getting stuffed
into trash cans and jim lockers and washing machinets never again,
(06:16):
not in my watch, and Perry will go in alone.
What didn't we agree that traveling in pears might be safer,
but Perry project Raisin Sauce calls for the best billboat
back and Spurgler and the barn. What other choice could
there be? But the Project Raisin Sauce was quickly defined.
(06:39):
Get into absentia unnoticed, gather info unnoticed, get out of
absentia unnoticed, sess the lay of the land, a feel
for the natives, and most importantly, the whereabouts of Sludge himself.
We thought it would to focus to have an enemy
with a more villainous sounding name than j D. It
(07:01):
help us defeat him, even though we were trying to
save him. Other suggestions included the Great Lord of the
oily Army of Darkness, or Glad for short, howbulous the
gap in month or sludge Benny immediately because there's only six?
(07:21):
Could you shriek that again into my other ear? Dear,
I think you've blown the cockley out of this one.
There are only six laundronots. That's true, sir, There's you, Jonica, Benny, Perry, Mona,
and nic At six. You said there were seven, L Yes,
I did. Is there another to join, sir? Perhaps is
(07:43):
j D the seven? Perhaps? Or maybe Kelly Evans? Perhaps?
Why do you keep saying? Perhaps? Perhaps because I haven't
finished my story? Pre cance If you continued, sir, well bridged, commador,
Why are you used between sides? You're a benedic donald.
(08:03):
I am not a bent in norld. I'm a large logical,
logical beyond your lotitude, sir, never mind, proceed proceeding all
wordsla of Saint Xavier's Elementary Then the immediately began preparing
(08:26):
what he called Harry's incursion plan. In the Absentia by
Benjamin Franklin King Gold gain information that will help us
extract j D from absential obstacles. One j D himself
a k a sludge. Two sludge is army of oily darkness,
and three unknown steps prepare enter hid, explore map, exit report,
(08:55):
or hammer for sure? What if I have to urinate?
Put urinate between explore in map that would make it
put humor? Your innate is part of prepare the hammer.
A good incursion plan on seven steps got six missing,
you got eight. Benny had a special way of breaking
(09:16):
things down like a carpenter or a mechanic. His father, Mr. Kinglin,
was trained to be part of the fifty four Coast
Artillery Regiment, the first all black unit of its kind.
Then he whishped his father, soaking up everything he did,
and said, Benny's brand was a machine. He could see
how things fit this, then this, then this, until you
(09:39):
had a whole. He came up with the sock suit.
Nick and Mona were attacked because they were not by
sluds the keys to get an absentially unnoticed in the
way to do that used to go and camouflaged as
a suck. But it's foot layer. Would you rather be
a jock struck? Perry had to appreciate the practicality of
the plat. He also had to appreciate the extra alone
(10:04):
time he got with Jonica, the seamstress, haberdasher Taylor and
all around master craftswoman of the group. She was tasked
with darning Perry into his new skins. I never knew
there could be so many pockets in a sock. Perry
was able to carry his canteen, compass, flashlight, petzels, Swiss
(10:25):
army pen knife, yo yo catch bad pencils. Lucky Walden
with picture of Grandpa Hockey inside petzels, and most importantly
the carrots and plum. These were voted the code names
for the first pen and pucket watch pluffed in absential.
The other two were now known as Karrot too and
plum too. Hump to to receive signal fifteen minutes to
(10:47):
get to gumber, try too to complete extraction, plumb to
send signal fifteen minutes to get to the keyhole, carrot
to complete extraction. Jonica also offered Perry techniques to help
cool when under dress decompress. You just have to breathe
and stay open to what everything. Like this morning, I'm
(11:09):
pushing my mom along in her wheelchair, right coming back
from our daily visit to the war, just whistling and
skipping along, and I see this old guy across the
street with these blankets hanging off him like he's some
Roman emperor or something. He's staring into the window of
Harry's Hardware, but it's not even open. Then he starts
crying sobbing, he crumples. Next thing I know, I'm across
(11:32):
the street tugging on his shirt and telling him to
buck up. Then mother yelled at me. Anyway, I wouldn't
have noticed him and been able to help if I
wasn't open to the moment. Wait, why blankets or just
make up a silly rhyme? Really do you have one? Sure?
(11:54):
Most people do? Can I hear it you first? Fine?
A teeny we be so gleefully free sees thee and
me sneeze and flees to these trees. Brother, Now, when
you feel anxious, just say it over and over and
it'll put a butterfly in your heart and a puppy
dog in your head. What about a kitten up my nose, Harry,
(12:18):
let's hear yours maybe when you get back. Unfair? How
easy with the needle? Well stop moving. A date was
set for Perry's and kursh His parents, hold her son
and Ocasan were visiting relations in Okinawa. Perry would stay
with the course keys while they were gone. Mom Poborsky
had no knowledge of this arrangement. Of course they very did,
(12:42):
but we're always happy to help. Jonica was voted Perry's
liason between the worlds you mostly to your homes foximity
to the washing Tior, and was given charge of plump
to and care of but Perry. This made Jonica is
guardian angel, but John Nica. This made Perry her daily burden.
(13:05):
Once Perry overcame his initial fear of the JumboTron, using
Jonica's new comic technique, be so gleefully free, He's beaten
me feed. His experience of entering Absentia was bubble, bubble, flash, slash,
and falling in the sky pillows. He could have bounced
(13:28):
around in that marshallow loveliness flowers, but he was on
a mission, so he let the current carry him down
through the bowels of the mountain, spit him out of
crevice down a flowing succulent for he was finally sprayed
out onto the foothills. With the rest of the footwear
he made like suck. Absentia was just as Nick and
(13:51):
Mona had described. At the foot of the slope, the
ground leveled off and ran across a rainbow striped plane.
That meant an ominous looking forest. That was where sludge
had come from with his army of oil. That was
where Perry would need to go. Perry spun to the sound.
(14:14):
There was no one our swords, even years of hide
and seek with his siblings, and it tuned Perry to
something beyond sight beyond sound. It was more like smell
or taste. Perry called it smaced once activated, never wrong.
Perry was being watched. He slowly reached into his socks
(14:39):
and spun back, brandishing his Swiss army tweezers. Damn it,
I can never make Perry could neither complete the sentence
nor the thought for. Standing in front of him was
a fifteen foot living, breathing, or as it's known in
the English for nack suck. This was the first time
(15:02):
Perry had spoken Japanese and three years such was his
suck shock. The giant creature was plaid patterned, thatched, and tweety.
Loose threads jangled from it like tufts of hair. Hi,
I'm a lad. The suck archdown loading. Perry stayed still
(15:22):
as I twisted around him like a corkscreote python, examining
him from every possible angle. It reached out a tendroom
and touched his arm. A tiny bolt of lightning leaped
between them. Perry jumped, the sock recoiled like a tape picture. WHOA,
(15:42):
that was utterly intercontinental. Hey you know I do that
lightning thing in my bed sometimes put the sheet over
my head, rub it with my fingers. It's a little
electrical story, you know. It was at that moment that
Perry realized he'd barely been in absentia for five minutes
and he had already failed in his primary directive, no
(16:03):
engagement attainey, we be so gleefully free sees the This
thing thinks from a sock. It hasn't even seen my face.
It's only heard my voice. And maybe socks don't speak
in absension. That puts me in a position of power, right, right, right.
Mostly satisfied with the results of his internal debate, Perry
(16:26):
took a residute step towards the creature name and rank soldier.
Sucks sprang to attention, tremor ran through its scenes. Are
you mute? I wish I had a mute button. Sometimes
it's like I have to say every little thing that
comes into my head, even when I have no idea
what it is. I'm actually like the Christian began to quiver.
(16:46):
Are you laughing at me? Sucks stopped and shrub as
much as a sock shrub happens all the time. I'm
a friend of your leader. J D. Sludge swir old
buddies actually sock began quivering again. This time it was
not from lefter, but not good buddies, What's what's wrong?
(17:12):
Verry activated the snake. Something was approaching. The sock collapsed
the little pile of laundry. There's a cold shadow crept over.
Perry released a nicey breath and slowly turned. Nick and
Mona were right. J D was much older. His hair
was long and gray, draped over his shoulders. His thick
(17:33):
silver whiskers moved as if they had a will of
their own, but he was still wearing those stupid glasses
with tape on the frames. Perry brandished the Swiss Army tweezers. Hey, JD,
it's me, remember Perry, pack me in a true one
(17:53):
ship to Kalamazoo. Perry, Hey, easy, buddy. Verry did not
even realized he was walking backwards until he slammed into
something solid behind him. He looked up. It was the sock.
It had again stretched to its full height and was trembling. Sludge.
Pointed his oily finger at the creature. You're already in
(18:16):
deep trouble, suckling, don't mind it, he worse. The suckling
looked don at Perry. Perry looked up. He could have
sworn it, smiled as much as a sock and smile.
Then the suckling punched you. Perry been used as a
substitute for many inanimate objects in his life second vase,
door stop, toilet puncher, but never before had he been
(18:39):
used as a football. For a moment, Perry was one
with the air. Then he hit the canopy of the
forest and smashed through it. He landed, and landed and
landed some more. Fortunately Jonica had some own sock absorbers
into his suit. Perry activated the space no one. The
(19:00):
gloom was thick around him except for muted globe beneath
his feet. A faint hum in the air. Perry placed
his ear against the ground, a vibration like an approaching
trolley on a train track. You're gonna find the source
of that sound, Perry, You're gonna blaze this true for
the laundronauts like Sharascio Boom, you rascally rabbit. You so
(19:25):
I think he's written down? Or what excuse me? These
laundron articles? Are they actually written down somewhere? Are you
just making them up as you go along? Because it
sounds like the unabashed audacity to challenge the voracity of
my where are the pages? I certainly can't be tripishing
(19:49):
about with them on my person, can I? There is
I thereabout? And whereabouts? Is thereabouts? Thereabouts? Is whereabouts they
per happenstand? Might be that doesn't make any sense. Neither
does your lack of faith. She's like a honey badger.
So I've ascertained, Yes, they are written down, that they
(20:11):
are currently beyond our reach, which is why I have
committed them to the most trusted vault in all the land.
My brain, I need to see them. I'm sorry. I'm
a very literal little girl. According to the entire planet
that would be our mother. Sure, quiet, literally, you are
a scientist, my dear, You're a beacon of hypothesis, evidence, conclusion.
(20:37):
Let us pledge to retrieve the nauticles together. I can
think of no better protective for them. Yes, I guess
you guess. There's no time for the washing of a wishy.
If you had the text in your hands, you would
protect them with life and limb if necessary, Yes or no? Yes?
(20:58):
Why I would? They were real and once knowing, there's
no not knowing. Indeed, it's not always like that, though,
What do you mean, dude, what do you do when
what you thought you knew is no longer true? Did
(21:18):
you be more specific? No? I can't swer, Mom and Dad.
I think I understand myself. Not only are you are
stitchling of the highest order, you're a guardian of the
gate and a knight of the broken table. Yeah, I
(21:39):
guess I am trying to tell your shoe because I'm happy.
I'm attempting to bow me warriors sister's meticulous magnificence. It'll
have to wait. Perry was equally the tickets with his mapping.
(22:01):
He had so failed in his non engagement and hide
orders that he's more determined than ever to make a difference.
Using his flashlight encompass, he began tying purple twine to
a tree every minute, noting down the direction, counting off
the seconds, checking his accuracy against the plum, which continued
(22:24):
to take off real world seconds and minutes and two
hours it feels like two months. Perry went socks still,
clicked off his flashlight. The sound came again, followed by
a rumbling, followed by a clanging. Perry dumped behind a rock.
(22:45):
Sounds surrounded him. A basket weaver the ground beneath his
feet was rising. Something smooth, huge, rounded the rocks and
trees rolled off its surface. Perry started to slide with
the breath. It looked down glass. He was sliding down
a dome of glass, like the face of a giant
(23:07):
pocket watch. He could see the city below, a city
shaped like the inner workings of a Perry hit solid
ground and everything went swirly stars. The dome was hinged.
It was now opening towards Perry. He curled up into
a sock ball, closed his eyes and prayed, continuing, be
(23:32):
so bleefully freezes these and free. Perry opened his eyes.
The dome was standing at an I degree angle, rising
up through the tree tops, a huge hole and opening
the ground. On the other side of the dome, something
was approaching the whole, rumbling through the trees. As Perry
(23:52):
described him upon his return, watches the size of tanks.
A caravan of watches cooking together as they rumbled forward
like years playing meat frock to mean looking clock guards appeared,
and the caravan came to a halt. One of the
watches rolled forward and clicked open its body. Inside was
(24:12):
a cycling bound and stretched on its inerts like on
a medieval torture rack. The watch snapped shut, swallowing suckling again.
Caravan rumbled forward and vanished into the city below. The
clock guards followed, and the whole process reversed itself. The
dome closed, sunk back into the ground. The earthen trees
(24:35):
rolled back over the top utterly intercontinental Perry the n
mapping like a crhotographer on cracker jacks. The encircled the
area with purple twine and sketched down all the landmarks,
noted every detail. Hours later, exhausted, Perry stopped to admire
(24:56):
his work. Hot bad. He slipped out his lucky wallet
and took out the weathered photo of his grandfather, his
father's father, a Kiakira Akiyama, as a boy. This is
as good a final resting spot as any Grandpa. You
put the photo back in the wallet, bowed to it,
knelt and buried the wallet in the ground. I pronounce
(25:17):
you a state of cataclysmia. Flowering bush of crimson wallets
sprouted from the ground. The wallets took flight, fluttering like butterflies,
swirling around Perry. They won't be able to miss that.
Then Perry gathered up his things, fought every instinct to
(25:38):
explore the city further, and resumed his mapping of the
forest projects. Raisin sauce was not yet complete. Onwards. Hours later,
hours that felt like days, Perry reached the edge of
the ominous forest and poked his nose out of the
trees to discover nothing. Everything was gone, suck mountain, the
(26:02):
invisible keyhole, the rainbow striped playing gone. He'd emerged into
a tundra of utter absence. He turned back, but the
forest had also vanished. His heart began thumping like a
bunny caught in a bear trap. You are a laund
or not. You are a great explorer like Sharassi Nobu.
(26:24):
You are Perry Akiyama Hanagan. Perry turned defiantly and held
out the carrot. He closed his eyes, took a deep
breath and spoke a teeny wee be so gleefully free
sees thee and he sneeze and flees to these trees.
And answer that came with a voice, melody songs Basco
(26:52):
and the gamma. Then again hand again, everybody Halla, sir Francis,
and again begin again to quivering quick rasty you knew
what sits A Starctic was not too far for him
or for you. Rass No give you what to do.
That Darctic was not too far for him for you.
(27:15):
JOSSI are Actiamna. Make you want to shake your little
body atiam a preemdonna. I am i be JAROSSI had
a hankering for polar exploration of a ninety ten, settled
(27:39):
on a plus for himsel nation, and I did wellthy
raised just like okay, Edward laugh noways away for all
the people of Japan. Noble place to wait for all
the people of Japan. You know what to do. Etarctica
was anti far for him, all for you. She from
(28:04):
him for you. Perry opened his eyes. The carrot glowed
in his hand like an orange sun about to go supernova,
Utterly intercontinental. He stabbed the pen into the nothingness and
squeezed a delta of orange rivulates shut out. Bonsai trees
(28:29):
sprouted from the rivulets. Roots snaked out from below the
Bontaie trees, filling the ground with dimension and depth. The
cobalt blue exploded from out of the bonsaide branches, filling
the sky with hue and hype. Just strange feeling is
a Jane Barry. Perry searched for the source of the
(28:52):
thunderclap that had just rattled his molars. Noah, he engaged
the space. I felt the same when I first arrived
at Absent Shan. Nice name, by the way, Absana. Funny
How I never thought your name this place. I just
(29:16):
didn't see The boy very heldly carried out of the sword,
his hand trimming. Is that you hello? Sludge? Please? I
prefer sudge? Come on? Were you sludge? That's your name
(29:37):
for me? Sad sludge? Sluge? Su Hey, it wasn't my choice, okay,
yours was worse gloved. How could he know that? How
could he know wh his name is? Sludge? How could
he know? Around you? Pary p? He did and swooned
(30:01):
his bonds. I forest, it stopped growing, The trees barely
reached his waist. He could see suck Martain in the distance,
the sucks falling from the indivisible keyhole. In the sky.
He could see the ominous forest, the rainbow striped plane,
and beyond. Did you see everything? I'm I'm big, Yes,
(30:23):
you are very ki Yama head again a k a.
The rabbit? Hey, how do you know my middle name?
I've never told in you in my middle name. I've
never even told anyone I had a middle name, and
answered J. D. Belzel. The one time punching bag of
(30:45):
Saint Xavier's Elementary rose out of the ground like a
mountain of coal until he and Perry were standing eye die,
nose to nose, giant to giant, hi sludge. Hello, Perry,
you ready for what? The Laundronauts a potentially untrue tale
(31:17):
based on actual events, Conceived, written and directed by Colin
mackenzie Mitchell. Original music, sound design and editing by Dave McKeever,
Produced by Monica Michless and Dave McKeever. Script supervision and
editorial assistants by Christina Brian, Casting by Mary Claire Sweeters.
(31:37):
Executive producers John Cameron Mitchell ed Asner and Colin mackenzie Mitchell,
starring in order of appearance, Isaac Robbins and Smith as
the Man, Alison Fraser as the Woman, London Johnson as
Benny Bluebell, Saracino as Jonica, Kate Prendergast as morg Whiskey
(32:00):
and Mother La Fleete, Lilly Resto as Mona Narvon Paul
as Nick, Trevor Bernardino as Perry, Trent Mills at Pop
Gorski ed Asner as the Narrator, Evan tok as the Sister,
Max Mitchell as the Brother, Corey Krueger as Sludge, John
(32:24):
Kara Mitchell as Absentia. The laundron Outs is a collaboration
between I Heart Media and Little Brother Sam Productions. For
more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart
Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
(32:47):
The Laundronauts is a production of I Heart Radio.
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