#437 More Tom Brady Roast Stories, Nicest Compliments, How To Construct A Good Joke

Nikki and Brian return to the studio to talk more about the Tom Brady Roast and what jokes stood out. Both discuss their process and how much time and effort go into preparation. They both acknowledge the tremendous help that goes on behind the scenes like changing jokes on the fly or having to deliver a joke that someone has already said (looking at you Kevin Hart!) Nikki has been the talk of the town post roast and discusses how she handles compliments and major bookings. Whether it's Howard Stern or Conan, she knows it will be a good time. For final thought, Nikki may be too old for Bill Belichick.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nikki Glazer PODCASTO.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Nik Glazer posy.

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hello here I am, It's Sticky Glazer podcast. Welcome to
the show. It's Sticky Glazer. My voice is scratchy. I've
been talking a lot. This is a busy week. But
I got some sleep last night. Thank you Melatonin. Shout
out to twenty milligrams of melatonin getting me through, calming
me down at night, easing the thoughts in my head.
I really recommend it. People always say melotonin doesn't work

(00:33):
for me. I fall asleep and then I get up later,
or it makes me have weird dreams. First of all,
who doesn't want weird dreams? And second of all, stop
telling yourself that story. I don't mean the doctor Phillipp,
but like, if you keep telling yourself the story of
the time eight years ago where you took melatonin and
it woke you up and then you couldn't get back
to sleep. If you tell yourself that's what's gonna happen,

(00:55):
that's what's gonna happen. Because I know that when I
have to wake up for something in the morning and
I set my alarm for seven nine, I literally so
often will wake up at seven o eight. Your body
will like do what you tell it to do before
you go to bed, Brian, do you relate?

Speaker 3 (01:10):
I can relate, well, I can partially relate. I know
that I tried magnesium before bed, which is something that
a lot of people also try to, Yeah, relax your muscles,
and that thing made me fucking crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yeah, that didn't do shit for me.

Speaker 3 (01:22):
Yeah, it's like an electrolyte. And I think if your
electrolytes are balanced, then taking an electrolyte supplement just throws
your electrolyte balance off. Like I felt, I felt jittery,
and I was like, why do I feel so jittery
after taking magnesium? And then I looked up online, you know,
the internet, and it said that a side effect of
having an electrolyte in balance is feeling jittery.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
That's so so great when your like symptoms are confirmed. Yeah,
oh my god, it feels so good. Like I ram
someone through a psychopath test the other day. I'm not
going to say who, but they passed with flying colors.
And I was with other people that I was like
reading it too, and it was like lack of remorse
doesn't share, doesn't It was like, let me just say.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah, I didn't get to beat him.

Speaker 1 (02:10):
I did kim Wa yesterday and he just like was
interviewed before me, and then we passed in the hallway
and he was just like good luck out there, and
I was like, thank you. He said the same thing
to Tom Brady said to me, good luck.

Speaker 3 (02:20):
What's that all good about?

Speaker 2 (02:22):
Good luck?

Speaker 1 (02:22):
Isn't like when Tom said it to me? It felt like,
you know, I said thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
Tom.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
I just ran, you know into him the hallway and yeah,
I said down the podcast before. It just felt like
a take.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
Care, that's the end of this relationship.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Have a nice life. It's that's really what it is.
It's like I will never see you again. I hope
you well in everything you do until the day your
heart stops beating, but like we will never cross paths again,
and that's okay.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
I don't think there.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
You know, there was a part of me in my
mind that was like Tom Brady's gonna like love what
I do so much that it's gonna like I'm gonna
get pulled into his world and he's gonna want to
do I don't. I don't even want to do tiktoks
with him. Like I don't even like there was no
goal in hand. But I think right as the roads started,
when I saw his first reaction to Jeff Set, I
was like, this isn't a guy who's.

Speaker 2 (03:07):
Going to be like whoa, you were so good at
like tearing me.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
Down that I want to pull you in yeah to
me and kiss your neck.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
No, I really I had to.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
I wasn't.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah, I'm doing Edelman's podcast. He reached his his people
reached out to me, and we're like, oh no. My
publicist reached out and was like, there is a podcast
hosted by Julian Edelman. He's a football player. I'm like, yeah,
I know, and they're like, they're interested in having you on.
I go, okay, yeah, we do.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
We know the connection to this.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
No. I think they just had to send it that
way because that's the way they send things.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
But I was like, oh, yeah, I'm aware.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
So I'm so excited to do that squinty ed fuck
Boys podcast.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
I think that's what they're renaming it too.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
We got Spade yesterday and we were like, I did
David Spade and Dana Carvey's podcast Fly on the Wall,
which is so fun. I love them both so much,
and they're just it's so sweet. I just I love
them and uh they were Oh. Spade was texting me
afterwards kind of going over what we were just talking about,
and he's like, yeah, the Rose jokes like they really

(04:11):
stay with you. Like he was like, I bet you anything.
He was like someone called Julian Edeman's squinty ad and
I can't I bet you anything. He's like, wait, am
I Like he had it like no one else was
saying that. Whereas when we were working on jokes for this, Brian,
you and I and others, we thought squinty id would
be like I thought, there's there's so many I thought
it would be a fabric of the roast, like I

(04:32):
thought would be one of many people calling him squinty.
I'd saying like like one of the jokes was why
why do your eyes look like that? Are you trying
to understand why Andrew Schultz is funny? Like there was
stuff like that, are you trying to find out why
I'm here tonight?

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Like whatever? It was, like I think there was a.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
Gilbert Godfrey joke of like something one year like Greg
Giraldo said, are you why why are your eyes like that?
Are you trying to see Jeff Ross Jeff Ross's dick
or something like, you know, like squinting to look at something.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
So yeah, he was like in vein.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
So when I called him a squinty ed fuck boy,
I thought it would be like in the air, but
it was the only there were so many jokes like that.
Do you relate to that that we wrote so many
jokes that were like I thought would be treading on
things that were so tread on already, And then there
are a lot that we didn't tell that I'm like,
oh my god, that could have been said and wasn't.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
Like I have so.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Many more jokes about things that like and I think
we did the perfect thing. We are all in agreement,
me and my team that did a great job.

Speaker 3 (05:29):
Made was was the correct decision. It's almost remarkable that
we didn't make an incorrect decision.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
It's I've been saying it like I ran that set
so much and there was never once the time that
I did it that it was as perfect as the
time that I did. Like it's like one of those
Olympic stories where it's like she never landed the triple
sawcow and she did it once in practice, but she
stumbled a little bit, but she's going for it tonight,
and it's like, why would she go for it if

(05:54):
she's never landed it? And the fact of the matter is,
I you can't really land these sets. I can't land
the Triple Souco at the Laugh Factory on eleven o'clock
that night when that when Drew Bledsoe is not there
to you know, there's no imprecedent for who that is,
so my jokes about him will not ever work.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
Yeah, Like what was great about the Kia Forum is
not only were they there, but the audience knew who
you were talking about.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
Where.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
Yeah, we would do shows that like the Store or
the Belly Room or at the Store, and it's like, oh,
you guys don't know even who Gronk is, Like what
the fuck? And so it's hard to tell, like are
these jokes gonna work? Are they not gonna work? You
kind of have to just like take a cold like
accumulative effect of all of the sets to see like
what's like the percentage of how many times it's hit

(06:39):
and not hit.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah, it was really it was so rewarding. But I
just was so surprised at so many areas that I
had written to or we had written to that were
like I just thought would be, Oh, this is gonna
be so well tread that we shouldn't even say this
because it's just like we're gonna be Like even the
Bridget moynihan joke that I did, which I was the
I think, was the only one that referenced him leaving

(07:00):
his pregnant girlfriend for Gizelle.

Speaker 3 (07:02):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
I may be wrong, but I think I was the
only one. And I thought that was gonna be like
one of the top ten overdone.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
You know.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
I thought they would have mentioned her name by like
the time I went up there. But did I talk
about how Kevin Hart did the same joke as me?

Speaker 3 (07:18):
Yet? Well you talked about it on Stern I think.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
I know, but I didn't talk about it here. So
everyone has.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
Struck and that when he said that, I was like,
what the fuck are we I turned to what are
we going to do?

Speaker 1 (07:32):
What are we gonna There's nothing anyone can do, literally nothing.
So I wrote a joke that I masturbated so hard
to Tom Brady. He's on my fantasy team. My clit
has CT now. So Kevin Hart, you know, three people
before me goes up and he does a joke that
Tom is fucking so much after his divorce that his
dick has ct and when he said it, I wish

(07:54):
if you can find footage you can just see. I
would love to see what my face did in that moment,
because I just don't.

Speaker 3 (07:58):
I did not see.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
I really I had gronk face. I just started just
so confused, looking around, like considering all the options because
I cannot talk to a producer because the show is live,
there's no one to call up to help me.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
There's no one to talk to.

Speaker 1 (08:15):
Jeff comes back after his set because it's Kevin opened.
Then Jeff comes out, Jeff after his set, sits down.
I go, they did Kevin did a joke I have
in the prompter saying it like this, like Jeff, Kevin
did a joke I have? And he goes which one?
And I go, like, Clint has CTE. He said his
dick has ct and he goes, just do it, and

(08:37):
I go, yeah, I'm then I'm like, yeah, I'm just
gonna do it like I did the math already that
it was enough time in between me and or Kevin
and me him telling that joke in me was enough
time for the audience to forget the specifics of the joke.
It was never gonna kill his heart because they subconsciously
know that they've heard it before, but they don't consciously

(08:58):
know it. But it was enough to build that sub
that's only the subconscious would really understand that they'd heard
it before. It was enough time that maybe like probably
a tenth of the room was like, wait, that good
joke hasn't done.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
I would say, nine tenths of the room would be.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
Like, that's I guess it's not that funny, and it's
kind of funny.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
It's not as funny as it would have crushed so hard.
I mean it was.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
That was one of my best lines, and it became
it went from a ten to a five and a
half because it had been said before in a different way.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
But then I had the tag of I would.

Speaker 3 (09:27):
Show the reason why it was saved because it had
three jokes, three parts do joke.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
What if I didn't have that tag that that was
you know my clip has CT now and the NFL
is making me I would show you, but the NFL
is making me cover it up. If I didn't have
that tag, I would because it used to not have
that tag and it was working well enough, just like
my clid has CT now, Like it was a big
enough line that it would have stood on its own,
I would have. I couldn't have skipped it in the prompter.
There was no like communication, like I couldn't have at

(09:53):
any point gone prompter guy like can we go through?

Speaker 2 (09:56):
And I didn't.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
Really I couldn't remember what was after that joke because
we had changed the order so much. So. Kim Congdon,
who worked with us as well, and brilliant comedic writer roaster,
she's on Kill Tony all the time. She fucking destroys.
But she was in the front row, thank god. And
I looked at her face and she is as shell
shocked as I am. She knows exactly what's going through

(10:19):
my head. And I go, what do I do? I
don't even have to say like did you hear? I
just go what do I do? And she goes and
she's looking at the ground and her foot's shaking, like
I can see she's in this beautiful dress, but she's
just like we're both writing, like I'm trying to figure
out another line that I can say, you are on
my fantasy team last night, like what else? And she
just looks up and she goes, just do it. She
said that she's mouthed that just do it. I could

(10:41):
see her mouth.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
She was so.

Speaker 3 (10:43):
Thank god for Yeah. I think I love her.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
I think I do too.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
She said she's moving to Austin. I'm very sad, but
she's awesome.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
Kim congdon cog d wait co o ng d e
n c o n g d e n kim d
o n sorry d o N. I don't know why
I was saying it like a bear den, but she
is so funny. And she has a podcast with.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
Why am I not? I'm so sorry, I'm.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
So Sarah, Yes, duh because that Sarah Sarah.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
I love Sarah so much too. I'm so sorry blanked
on your name. That is not because I don't like
you and know you so much. I really can't remember
my own middle name today. Yeah, they have a podcast.
It's so funny. I watch any clips that they have up.
There's only so many podcasts that I like. Anytime a
clip comes up, I watch it and there's just one
of them.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
They're so cool. But she was amazing and hermo's was amazing. Rashidi.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
We had so many good people, Bob kas Strone, Sean O'Connor,
shout out to my team, Dan Saint Germain, Mike Lawrence,
Ari Findling. These are all the people that if I
was to win an award, Brian Franjie over and over again,
Chris conn Andrew Colin, duh Andrew Colin. It was so

(12:05):
fun We like, you know, last week Monday through Friday,
no Monday through Saturday, we met every single day as
like a group with at least three or four of
us and would hang out for two hours and just
talk about it's funny, if it's funnier to say retard
or retarded, if we should call him a date rapist

(12:25):
or say he looks like a date rapist. Like these
were the really intellectual discussions we were getting out about,
like is it funnier to say gronkuts puts the tard
and retarded or is it funnier to say gronk puts
the tard and retard?

Speaker 2 (12:37):
And I think I went with retarded.

Speaker 3 (12:40):
That was the correct answer. Yes, you know, correct answer.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah, I mean we we just had to. You just
don't know.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
But these are like the these are the discussions comedians
get into really seriously, and like these really, we're not
at all aware of how ridiculous it is until after
the until someone walks in and goes, is this really
what I'm walking into?

Speaker 3 (13:02):
Is this like, yeah, heated.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
Discussion about the word retard or retarded, But that's what
comedy is. It's very I was learning, like in the
aftermath of this, I really always hate when people talk
about comedy ist like it's an art, Like, I mean,
I know that it is, but I just I'm always like,
get off your high horse. But it felt like putting
this performance together felt like an an Olympic ice skating

(13:24):
routine m hm, or a gymnastics beam routine.

Speaker 3 (13:28):
Yeah, I mean, well because it was live especially, it
felt like a sporting event. It felt like. And also,
roasts are inherently competitive, even if you're not battling, everyone
in the audience is comparing your sets, which.

Speaker 2 (13:40):
Is everyone's ranking everyone.

Speaker 3 (13:41):
It's on like a showcase show, even where you just
have maybe people talk about who is your favorite, but
in a roast, it's like who's number one, two and three,
who was the worst? And that's what the internet did
and NICKI was overwhelmingly number one.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
Yes, it's been nice. My life has changed. I haven't
been out enough to really sense it. But it's just like,
you know, even being at the comedy store last night
and Netflix's a joke as festivals happening in town, and
there's so many comedians in town, and it's.

Speaker 2 (14:09):
Just like it's been so sweet. Everyone is just so.

Speaker 1 (14:14):
I've never done something where when someone sees me they
just start going and they like, come on, bring it
in for a hug, and they just start get they
go amazing, amazing, like we don't even know, we're not
even they don't even have to say what it is.
It's literally every single person and they're even going, I
don't have to tell you, You've heard it a million times.
I've gotten more text messages than I've ever had anything

(14:35):
in my life. I mean, I mean, this is unprecedented.
I'm the luckiest woman in the world. I really, I
think I'm the luckiest person in the world this week
because everyone is an agreement that I did great. No,
there's no criticism there, which is usually whenever there's like

(14:56):
even Taylor Swift released her album, She's on top of
the world, but there's like so many critics, Like no
one's weighing negatively on this yet, there is just it's
only trace now one point is it too?

Speaker 3 (15:08):
One point too? Oh?

Speaker 2 (15:10):
I just got to one point two.

Speaker 1 (15:11):
Yeah, after two hundred thousand followers in.

Speaker 3 (15:15):
Two days happened, It'll happen to two Mandelas is coming.
Holy shit, we got to scratch the surface of the
whatever is going to come out of this. I mean,
who knows you might get an HBO special after this?

Speaker 1 (15:29):
Well, who knows I might be having an HBO special
come out this Saturday, which is like.

Speaker 3 (15:34):
That fast, that's how successful.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
Yeah, well dude, everyone, even Kimmel last night was like
did you plan this? And I'm like, no, it is coincidental. Yeah,
Like I remember HBO not being that thrilled that I
was going to be doing the roast this week when
they found out, and vice versa. Netflix is like, really,
you have an HBO special? Like both were kind of
like yeah, I said on a podcast it was like.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
This week was like I'm.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
Fucking two different guys and it's fine because it's like
all legal that I'm doing it, Like we're not exclusive
with each other. But they went to the same party
and now I have to like dance with both of them.

Speaker 3 (16:04):
And it's somehow each one of their dicks has made
them like, I can't think of a good analogy, like
they're they're coming more because you suck them both.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yes, somehow HBO is gonna come more and Netflix, and
I think HBO is coming more off of the hbos.

Speaker 3 (16:21):
HBO is your husband and Netflix was the fuck boy
that you you plowed on the weekend.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
That made me feel like a woman again and like
made me really feel like confident and hot leading into
it and back to your husband him up so hard,
so hard. Yeah, all eyes are going to be on
the HBO special U this Saturday.

Speaker 2 (16:39):
I hope yours are on it as well. You guys.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
Someday You'll Die And then my title track, Someday You'll
Die will be on Spotify. I think tomorrow, maybe today
because this episode comes out Thursday, so check on Spotify iTunes.
Someday You'll Die my first single ever, which is so
exciting and fun and and you, guys, I talk to
you about the process of writing it, so you you're

(17:02):
all squared in on that, but it really is. I can't.
I feel like I'm living a dream. I am Taylor
Swift for a couple days. My face is literally everywhere
people are this sounds like I'm bragging, but it's just
the truth.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
I'm not, I promise I'm not.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
I'm I really am not letting it get to my
head at all, in fact, and I feel really proud
of myself for not being like I'm just I like it.
It's gonna go away at some point. I know that,
so I'm not letting in too much. But you couldn't
open your phone without my face popping up. I felt
like Taylor Swift, Like that's what Taylor Swift's life is like.
She's not safe anywhere without someone with an earshot talking

(17:39):
about her. Like I'm passing by people in the street
they're talking about the roast. I'm everywhere. I'm getting so
many texts about I was at the hairdresser today. They
were talking about it. I heard a guy on his
phone talking about it. They were talking about on the
radio show. My therapist, I was with you I had
a obsession with yesterday and she was like, I don't
usually say this, but I couldn't avoid it. I was
in the car with my husband. He was listening to

(18:00):
the Dan Patrick Show or whatever. Some kind of a
part in the eruption, not part of the rich one
of those shows, and she was like and they were talking,
they said your name, and he has no idea I
even am your therapist. And I had to just like
keep my mouth shut. And I'm like, no, tell him.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
Like, that's that's my girl.

Speaker 3 (18:17):
I do that all the time today. Huh what your
old therapist would do? I wonder what she would do.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
Oh, it's not that big of a deal, No, Nikki's
it's just oh, it'll come and go. It's like, this
isn't She's no different than anyone else. She's not better
than anyone else. She's not you're You're not worse than
anyone else. You're the same as the homelest man on
the street. Like she would just like diminish it as
like it'll go away. Like she would be like the
person you know, my inner critic.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
That is a voice.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
You do not need to amplify that voice. You have
enough of that in your own head.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
I really do. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (18:48):
Maybe she put it there, I don't know, but but yeah,
it was like, it's just I'm just going to the
store last night. There is a vibe, I will say,
of people that were never nice to me being nice
to me now that kind of like would not me
and now.

Speaker 2 (19:01):
They're like girl rubbing my arm gently?

Speaker 3 (19:08):
Do I you can't say who they are. You can't
say who they are.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
No, I wouldn't say who they are.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
But it's but it's not a ton of that, like
I will say, it's just what I'm really touched by
more than anything is the female empowerment that I'm feeling.
Like I feel like women are not jealous, Like there
is a vibe when you kill it and women are
you know, just they're like good job, Like there's like
this like like yeah, girl, you said what we want
to fuck? It's like you there was like a women

(19:33):
empowerment thing to it that I didn't plan on, and
that has felt really special that women are just like
psyched for me, like there's not a jealousy about it,
which I don't know that if I could, I think
I would be very jealous of me this week if
I was, of.

Speaker 3 (19:46):
Course, because I mean if it's something else maybe, but
if it was a roast and.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
Yeah that's true, I don't know. I just was.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
I just feel I feel so like special and like
like and you know what a lot of people have
just acknowledged the whole hard work that went into it,
which is really what I am proud of as well,
Like I just did the I made the right decisions,
I had the right delivery, did the right timing, I
hired the right people to help me. Like it was just, uh,

(20:13):
I'm taking I'm taking credit for that.

Speaker 3 (20:15):
I am, And I also want you to take credit
for your performance, because yeah, the same person, a different person,
with the same exact jokes would not have crushed as
hard as you did. You delivered those jokes x professionally expertly.
It wasn't just even if like Tony Hinchcliffe, who had

(20:35):
an amazing set made see if he had the same
jokes as you, it wouldn't have gotten the same pop
because you added this like emotional response to each of
your jokes, like you would smile, Like when Kevin stood
up and gave you a standing elevation after you said
he got five pounds of common him, you paused, then
you said, oh, thank you for you know, laughing at that,

(20:56):
and you smiled and laughed at him. And uh, there
were a few times where you would have these like
after you would tell your joke, you would have just
a line of like, oh my god, I can't believe
I said that, or it's true. And that's that's why
you were so successful, is because of that delivery really

(21:19):
connected with the audience on like more than just you
were a true star performing this piece and it connected
with us on an emotional level. Whereas Tony's stuff was
I think just as good writing wise, but he's like
a deadpan delivery and so that on an emotional level totally.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
So it's just a different style. But yeah, I ran
into him last night.

Speaker 1 (21:43):
He's also we're both like we will said to each other,
like we are the only two people that understand what
this is, what we're going through right now, because he's
having a big pop too this week, Like it's his
name is on the fucking map after what he did,
and so he was.

Speaker 3 (21:56):
Already on the map, but now even more.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, yeah, like even like you, he was on a
map in a way, and now it's it's a more
that's a bigger wrap, a bigger map. I just saw
the word wrap and speaking of rap, let's go to
let's wrap this up and go to commercial and we'll
be back right up with this with just more of everything.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
All right, we're back.

Speaker 1 (22:16):
I woke up this morning to Andrew Collins sent me
a clip from New Heights, you know, the Travis Kelsey
Jason Kelse podcast. Yeah, and they said, Travis Kelsey said,
Nicki Glazers fucking hilarious. If I ever do a roast,
Nicky's gotta be there.

Speaker 3 (22:31):
Yeah, Like I couldn't have.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
If I would have written a script for him to read,
it couldn't have been better. Like there was like some
mention about him doing the roast, like we were just
kind of all riffing. Some people involved with the roast
were riffing like oh my god, if he would be next,
that would be amazing, And I.

Speaker 2 (22:46):
Go, please, please, God, I have to do that one.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
And everyone's just like yeah, of course. Like I'm like, really,
you will let me. I would be so sad to not.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
But no, there cannot be a roast without Nicki Glazer
in it.

Speaker 2 (22:58):
I helped that go so fun. It was so fun
this time. It did not kill me.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
No, you said time.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
Yeah, I had the best time preparing for it. There
were there was maybe like maybe a twenty minute altogether
chunk of me feeling like, oh my god, is this
gonna be okay? But I didn't really like have a
breakdown like I've had in the past where I was
really like I just remember being spraytnd and dripping like
sweat and spraytand naked, being like I need to go
to this event, but I'm not ready for the roast,

(23:27):
like I remember, just like having meltdowns all the time
leading up to the Rose, feeling it wasn't gonna be
good enough, it's not tight enough. And this time I
was just like, it's gonna it's gonna work, It's gonna
be okay, and it was, and really just not letting
Oh there was Oh, there was a thing that happened.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
What had happened?

Speaker 1 (23:44):
Oh okay, So I did this weird OCD superstitious thing
that I'm so glad didn't happen. But I was trying
to remember the lyrics to this new tailor So song
Guilty as Sin, and I said, if you can't remember
this one lyric, that's just like on the it's like
on the tip of your tongue. If you can't remember
it before you're gonna play the song. If you can't
remember the lyric before she gets the lyric, then you

(24:07):
will not do great at.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
The tomb reef Roast. It just would. It just entered
my head.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
And once it enters my head, I lock into that
agreement with God, like I can't go no, that's a
dumb one and you can't live up to that. And
You're like, it just was what that was written in stone.
And so I'm in the shower. It's playing and it
was like uh and I got to h top lip
kiss slip in them, like I kept saying, like the

(24:32):
sloppy the top slip kiss. I couldn't think of the
dun dun dun dun dud duh. I couldn't remember it.
But it's like how I long for artists and I
couldn't figure it out. So I'm in the shower and
I'm like, oh, no, it's done. I had to learn
the lyric from Taylor that means that is said in Stone,
I'm not gonna do as well as I'm gonna do
on the roast. And then I just said to myself,

(24:54):
this is so dumb and this is not true.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
It's just not true.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
That was like a dumb little thing that I did,
a little that was only me that has no power
in the world. Like I was able to overcome this,
like OCD set in stone. Now because you didn't do
the thing that you said you were gonna do, the
world things are gonna fall apart and you failed yourself,
and that I so often follow and it worked out

(25:19):
fine and it wasn't true. So if you are someone
that has OCD that thinks if I don't touch this
door knob, if I don't knock on this thing, if
I like, it's very possible that that has nothing to
do with how your life's going to go at all,
because I proved it to myself because this was one
of those one hundred percent If you don't come up
with this lyric in time, things aren't gonna go well
and they couldn't have gone better. So I'm I'm proof

(25:40):
positive that OCD is in It's not real, yes, and
not that that helps anyone, but like, just try to
get through the pain of thinking, maybe this is set
in stone, but also maybe that is just so make
believe and not a real thing.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
I think people can.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
Relate to that of like making these little I think
it's OCD challenges for yourself.

Speaker 3 (25:59):
You know, it's an aspect of it, probably.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
But I think it's I've been doing it since I
was a kid of like, if you can't get to
the porch, run to the porch from the mailbox in
point in three seconds, yep, then your.

Speaker 2 (26:11):
Mom will die. Yeah, kind of things. And then I
just start walking.

Speaker 3 (26:15):
Yeah, you don't even go home. I have. I just
wanted to show people, for the YouTube viewers who can
see that, I have the cookies from the roast, right
from the after party, and I thought it would be
good to show them. You know, we were talking about
the cookies yesterday.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
Yeah, there was one with his head on it too.

Speaker 3 (26:37):
They have to make these by hand. This was not
a machine. This. Can you imagine how many having to
do that?

Speaker 2 (26:45):
Do you think one person did it?

Speaker 1 (26:46):
Or someone was like I got the top, I'm the white,
the white frosting, I'm the red frosting, and you pass
it down.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
Oh yeah, that one's pretty interest.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
My favorite one, the goat with the twelve on it.

Speaker 1 (26:56):
Oh it's a goat. I thought it was a jersey
because mine. We're all crumbled and I don't pay attention
to detail.

Speaker 3 (27:01):
Yeah, and then this one's just a little odd.

Speaker 2 (27:03):
The oh yeah, his face.

Speaker 3 (27:05):
No eyes, no nose, What the hell?

Speaker 1 (27:07):
I think the those the eye frosting person took off
that day called in sick. Yeah, that was a little
like the fact that they didn't have ice. I bet
they tried with eyes and they were like it's too
creepy or they were like, it looks more human than
he does, and so we can't have Yeah, yeah, but

(27:28):
uh yeah, some thought.

Speaker 3 (27:31):
That Julian Edelman, Uh the joke we had a funny
discussion about. We were just we wanted to call we
wanted to point out a squinty eyes. And at first
it kind of went in waves where at first we
were like, we he doesn't even have squinty eyes, and
then we look at pictures of him and you'd have
squinty eyes like when he was outside, and we're like,
maybe he's just squinting because he's in the sun, but
whenever he's inside. But no, at the roast, his eyes

(27:54):
are fu I saw him in person, his eyes are squinty.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
He's a beautiful man.

Speaker 3 (27:57):
He's a beautiful man, and so Randy Moss is a man.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
There were so many beautiful men.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
Yes, I thought I thought Zach Effron was supposed to
be there and dropped out of the last second.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
And then and I love Zac Effron.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
And it's been like a funny joke between me and
Chris that I have this like crush on zac Effron,
and you know, so when I found out he was
gonna be on the roast, I held up the sign.
Chris was at my rehearsal and I held up this.
I turned, I saw it out in the chair and
I go Chris, like it's gonna be here, and we
were laughing about it, but then he dropped out. I'm
like and Chris was like, oh, so good to me,
and I was like, damn it. And then we're backstage

(28:28):
and I saw who I saw, Danny Amandola Ya.

Speaker 2 (28:34):
I didn't know like I didn't. I don't know who
that is.

Speaker 1 (28:36):
I know that name very well, and I remember being like, oh,
he's a hot guy. Like I remember clocking that, but
I didn't.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
I thought he was Zach.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
I go, zac Effron is here, and I said to Chris.
I was like, he's right over there, and Chris is like,
I don't see him. I'm like, he's the guy over there.
He's kind of like kind of your I was like,
he's like your height, babe, but he looked he looked
like him. And then and then Chris, I don't want
to Chris and Danny Amadola dated the same person, and
then afterwards after the show, they both had a moment

(29:07):
where they talked about it, and I think Danny and
Amadola told Chris that they were Eskimo brothers.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
Oh yeah, that's and.

Speaker 2 (29:12):
I was like, do you want to be Eskimo brothers again?

Speaker 3 (29:18):
Hey, he's great.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
Do you want to be Eskimo twins? Add another brother?
Yeah he is.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
He great.

Speaker 3 (29:25):
He's the same position as Julian Edelman. It's just a
funny coincidence. There's not a lot of white wide receivers
that are successful in the NFL, and Tom Brady has
thrown to three of the most successful white wide receivers
in NFL history, probably at least in the That's.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
A good area for us to go to for this rest.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
Like, oh, I didn't really understand that, Like that was
touched on a lot that there's no like the Brandy
Mussel is the only black guy there on the day,
or like the black football player. But yeah, I just uh,
doing so many I had already booked so many podcasts
and pressed things this week because of the special, but

(30:06):
now they're like piling up even more because of the
roast and like things are coming in again. It's good
for these special but I'm talking it's so funny. They're like,
let's talk about the rostro shows. Okay, now, let's get
to your special when we have one second left, which
is fine because it will all.

Speaker 3 (30:22):
Be okay, all feed into each other, it do. I
do want to point out two things that you were
mentioned on that were really like, really made me happy.
One of them was the Pat McAfee show. They talked
about you. We saw Pat McAfee when we were at
the Super Bowl radio row and I tried to get
a picture with him in the background. Across the board

(30:43):
all agree that you were the best one. And Pat
McAfee punter of the Colts. He's, you know, probably the
most famous sports broadcaster right now, and they also punter.
He was a punter, the coolest position I think nowadays.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
Oh cool. I didn't know he played I'm this how out.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
Of it punter for the Colts. Pat mcas you.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
Know him as a broadcaster, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:05):
Yeah, and yeah they were. It was just cool to
hear them talk about you. It was just like, oh my,
It's like it would be like if you know Peyton
and Eli on the Monday night football broadcast mentioned dude,
it's like so cool for me to hear, and then
I really loved that clip that you shared on the
Rich Eisen Show with Todd Bowles, the coach of the Bucks.

(31:25):
Now why this was so cool was because Todd Bowles,
who's the coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, hadn't yet watched.

Speaker 2 (31:32):
The roast, hadn't seen it.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
Unbelievable, and rich Eisen had the pleasure of saying, well,
you're in for a treat because she stole the show.

Speaker 1 (31:45):
I just like, I feel like my life is a
simulation because everything that could happen is happening. Everything good,
everything good that someone could say Kevin Hart coming up
afterwards and telling everyone, I got a standing ovation, like
people just like Travis Kelsey saying exactly the words that
I would want him to say. That it's not too
effusive or over the top. It's just like a perfect,
like just mention that that that rich Eieson thing of like,

(32:09):
well you're in for a treat, because she had the
like these just things keep happening where I've just never
done anything where it's just everyone is just saying the
nicest things over and over. It's just it's just wild,
and I'm so sad. It will never I'm like having
this thing of like it. This won't ever happen again.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
It can't. This isn't a repeatable thing in the It just.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
Even if you do the next roast and you crush
just as hard, people will just be like, yeah, that's NICKI.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
Of course that's what she does best. It will not
be the same ever. Again, I've said it already. Unless
I get slapped at the Oscars is the only way
comedian will ever get talked about on this scale.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
Ever, I'm not joking you there.

Speaker 1 (32:45):
Slide in my DMS and tell me another way and
don't be joking about it unless I die tragically, in
which case I'll never be around to read it, or
unless I get assaulted at the Oscars on stage. I'lla
Chris Rock there. That's the only other time a comedian's
talked about this much. Even Chris Rocks Lives Special wasn't
talked about this much. The next day SNL, If I
host SNL and have the most amazing monologue that's ever

(33:06):
been had on the SNL, it will not get Can
you think of a most amazing monologue that's been talked
about the next day. I mean, there have been monologues
that are the you know, incredible that aren't being discussed
on this level.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
There isn't there isn't this much attention on comedy.

Speaker 3 (33:19):
Problem a few people. You probably have to murder a
few people.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
I have to.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
Bob Saget was talked about this much the day he died, like,
if you die tragically young, you will get talked about.
Your face will be everywhere in this way. Or if
you get something horrible happens to you.

Speaker 3 (33:34):
The good news is someday you'll die.

Speaker 2 (33:36):
So oh my god, it all comes back around.

Speaker 3 (33:40):
I'm doing a boom thing with my hand.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
If you're not watching, that's so true.

Speaker 3 (33:44):
So I do want to talk about your on Kimmel
and I watched that and you're on Stern, Yeah, and
I thought it was I love that your tradition is
to go on Stern after a roast and then reveal
the jokes that you did not tell.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
Yeah, I wish I would have told more.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Document was so jumbled that I didn't put the best
ones at top, and so I was kind of just
I thought I would have time to scroll, but I just.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
Didn't, So I'm to be honest.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
With you, I'm very upset with myself and not really
letting myself off the hook for like all the jokes
that I didn't tell him that I should have.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
Well, it was still good. It was still good to
see you on there, and and and what I appreciated
about the Stern stuff was online with all the clips
that were posted, the comments. You know, his his audience
is probably like fifty year old men, right, yeah, and women, yeah,
and women. The comments were all like, so happy to

(34:37):
see you know, Nicki Glazer is a Stern product or whatever.
They take away the ship over you, and they all
love they should yes, and they all love that Nikki
is just watching watching you crushes another.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
That's so cute.

Speaker 1 (34:49):
Yes, God, because I you know, Stern is my favorite
thing that I do up there with Conan Kimmel is
up there now too, because he's just iconic and so
nice and but there are certain things you do in
your career that you're like, I always want to do
that in Stern, I think is like, you know, always
been my favorite person. I moved to New York to
even be to do my serious show in New York,

(35:10):
so I could be in the same building as Stern.
I didn't have to do it there. I was supposed
to do it in LA And I was like, guys,
can I move to New York? Would I still be
able to.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
Do it there?

Speaker 1 (35:17):
And they were like okay, And but I was It
was really all to just get close to Stern and
to get in that world. And I was able to
get in that world, not by like being manipulative or
like doing any I just was like I became friends
with people from his show, and I never you guys
know me. I never want someone to have me who
doesn't actually want me. So like I wasn't like you
need to have me on Can I be on? They
just like it naturally led to that it over the

(35:39):
course of a really long time and then and I
still like will do anything for them, Like yes, they've
had me on it for these kind of serious interviews twice.
But I also judge Penis competitions. I will like simulate
a blowjob with one of their whack packers. They call
me up sometimes and they're like, can you just do
this voiceover where you're like giving fillatio to Mark the Bagger,
And I'm like, sure, you know I'm doing I'm doing

(36:02):
Conan's podcast in a second.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
But let me just step off into.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
This alley and be like, oh, Mark, like I will
give them anything, Like I'm a whore for Howard Stern,
much like I was a write a sippy and I
would do anything.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
So that was really nice too. That's nice. I don't
read any comments, so that's nice to hear that they
were saying that.

Speaker 3 (36:19):
Yeah, And then on Kimmel, I really like that you
got to say the artificial intelligence joke, yeah, which we
cut mirror seconds set before you went out there. Yes,
it was like that was the last one out, and.

Speaker 1 (36:31):
Our decision to cut that was that Tom Brady wasn't
being set up as like an idiot, you know, like
we weren't proving that thesis like a lot of these jokes,
Like I think a lot of people who don't get it,
and I've worked with some like you know, writers who
are just not who just write amazing jokes, but they
don't understand the structure of a set. Will be like,
well this is the best joke, and I go, well,

(36:52):
that is the best joke, but you don't understand. We
haven't set up that he is dumb. And so it
isn't the best joke. We need in order for a
joke about his you know, him being like AI, but
without the intelligence for that to work, we need to
give some kind of and I know you think that
they that you don't need that, but it would work
so much better if you just lay the foundation. There's

(37:14):
there is an art to it, like of setting the
stage subconsciously so people are ready for that joke to
hit in a different way. And you can't just like
shoot just because a joke is just great, Nikki, just
do a joke about like I think some people proatroth
set where they're just like, let me just stack the
best jokes. Just grab all the best jokes and just
stack them. That does not work. That will not even
if you have jokes that are all better than mine.

(37:35):
Let's say all of my jokes are nines, and you
get a bunch of tens in there, and you just
stack them on top of each other and buy each individually.
They are better than each other than all of my jokes,
literally better. Anyone would rate them better. It will not
be a better set than one that I've used with
less good jokes that I have structured in order for
those jokes to actually sing as it will never be

(37:55):
as good. It's a and you wouldn't you wouldn't think
that way, And I didn't think that way. If you
look back earlier Rose sets of mine, there was the
glimmer of me trying to pull a narrative into it
and find a perspective. But I was more a back
stacking jokes earlier on. And now it's like, what do
I want to say? How do I actually feel about
this person? How do I get the audience to understand

(38:16):
how I feel about this person? Okay, yeah, I want
to say that Tom was on my fantasy team and
I my clip has CT now and that I would
shoot my boyfriend in the fucking face to you know,
have him. I need to set up though, that he's
so hot that it's not a doesn't make sense. How
do we communicate that, Well, there's not really a joke
to do that. Why don't you just say he's hot?
Why don't you just literally have a real moment of
you're so hot. I shouldn't even be talking to you

(38:38):
like that really will convey that. It doesn't take a
lot of time. It's okay that it's not a punchline
that will set the stage for all this.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
Boom boom boom boom boom.

Speaker 1 (38:45):
Without that, it's out of the fucking blue that you
want to fuck him. And yes, it's still funny, but
it doesn't have precedent like you need it needs for play,
and I think people don't understand that sometimes for play
for a joke is is it's subconscious stuff Like I
talked about it before with the seat to E joke,
Like subconsciously you lay a foundation and then you build

(39:06):
upon that, and that's why stuff can be so much
funnier than you would think it ever would be.

Speaker 2 (39:10):
There is an art to it, and I.

Speaker 1 (39:13):
Just I just know, though I don't know if I'm
so sorry if I'm repeating myself on this. I know
that I am because I've done so many different podcasts
and you guys know that I love you the most,
But that I was thinking about, how you know, did
I talk about that it took a month of it
took two weeks of extreme hard foot laser focus work
to perfect this, and then let's add on a month

(39:36):
before that of.

Speaker 3 (39:37):
Still just collect for that month of yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
But that's how long it took to get six minutes.

Speaker 1 (39:43):
Right, So if I want to do an hour special
that has this much precision, I have to work ten.

Speaker 2 (39:49):
That's time six times ten. I have to work ten.

Speaker 1 (39:55):
I have to work probably a year and a month,
thirteen months.

Speaker 3 (40:00):
Yeah, I would add just because.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
A year and a half of like every chunk being that,
And it's I don't know if I'd have that in
me because I am so tired at the end of this,
like it really is. It's you can't compare the six
minute set to a special like because it's just it
would almost be I'm going to attempt it at some
point to do a special that is that tight. But

(40:25):
also it's not the nature of a special special. It
is more conversation. It has more ebbs and flows. There's
more time for it to breathe that you're telling a
you're weaving.

Speaker 2 (40:34):
A narrative that is like longer. But I've been perfecting
this style.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
I realized from the get go, Like I my first
Tonight show out of the gate was like, I've always
been good at late night sets. I've always been good
at putting together tiny tight sets, always been good at
doing panel and panels a little differently. Panel is when
you sit on a couch on a talk show like
with Jimmy Kimmel, Like I had so many jokes prepared,
but then the conversation can steer away. It's not like

(40:58):
I have control over I'm going to do this joke,
and then this joke and this show, this conversation goes
different places. So you know, obviously I was spial spiling
out last night, being like, oh my god, I didn't
do this or this. I had so many plans, Like
I printed up a bunch of jokes that were written
about me that I paid people to write for me,
because I thought it'd be funny to go like, okay,
you know, I went hard on Tom and everyone. But

(41:19):
it didn't really. I didn't get the brunt of many jokes.
So actually, why don't we take a break right now,
and then when we come back, I'll read to you, Brian,
some of the jokes that were written about me, and
we'll talk about how they make me feel inside.

Speaker 2 (41:34):
Oh, it looks like I just got asked to do
a some panel.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
I just said that I was good at panel, and
another panel opportunity came up. I don't want to say
who it is, but it's on the East coast and
that'll be very fun.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
Okay, so these are some of the jokes that can
Oh you got it?

Speaker 3 (41:50):
Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
I wrote to the head writer, Mike Gibbons Yester I
was doing Kimmel and I was like, oh, that's a
funny ideas. Just instead of reading roast jokes that I
didn't do, I'll read jokes that weren't that weren't done
about me. And I kind of regret asking for them
because it was just so it was a little some
of them hurt my feelings and I really am not
gonna read the ones that are really really mean because

(42:12):
I don't even want people to think these things about me,
because some of them were like, oh I see in
my this in myself. Uh okay, so this is this
is like jokes that Kevin Hart could have done. Hey, Nikki,
I'm not gonna mess with you, girl, because you've worked
hard and you deserve to be here. Plus how many
she's a beaky blonde who wrote a parade of dicks

(42:34):
to get to the middle jokes?

Speaker 2 (42:35):
Are there?

Speaker 1 (42:37):
I like, beaky blonde? That would have been fun for
whoever wrote that. Shout out to the Writer's Roast Writer's
Room there were so many great comics on it. I
can't even begin to list you all. Benji Aflalo, Nicole Buchannan,
Ben Hoffman Sorry he had used to have a showing
conge Central.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
He's so funny, Mike.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
Lawrence, Kevin sheeney mm hmm, Sarah Tiana, and there's so
many more.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
I'm sorry, I'm forgetting all of you. I really apologize.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
If you hear this and you're like, why didn't she
say me, I'm fucking sorry.

Speaker 3 (43:09):
And these are the writers for the roast. So they
were riding this stuff for all the football players. They
were making sure for the.

Speaker 1 (43:14):
For the comedians as well, Like they they gave me up.
They were definitely handing me jokes. When I would ask
for him, I'd be like, oh, I need let's let's
look at this angle. And then they would send a
sheet of stuff, so they were yes. So every roast
hires a team of writers for the show. So they're
writing Kevin's, they're writing everyone's stuff. So if you go,
you can literally show up empty handed and they will

(43:36):
have great jokes for you. But you know that's not
how the comedians approach it. The comedians all also write
their own jokes and have their own kind of groups
of people if you're doing it right. In my opinion,
Kevin is still sore from riding Nikki here tonight. That's
like me looking like a horse. Okay, Nikki, I'm not
saying you look like a horse, but clearly you are broken.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
I like that because you break in horses. I didn't.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
I kind of didn't get them for a second. Nicki
is Jewish, that's just the joke.

Speaker 3 (44:06):
Now.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
They did think I was Jewish, though, which is always
a compliment. I'm not, though, Nicki's Jewish, which means Palestinians
can hate her as much as Hollywood does. I couldn't
decide whether Hollywood likes me, and everyone's mad about it
because Tony Hinchcliff had a joke where like shoving Nicky,
yeah they're Nikki is Hollywood shoving Nikki down our throats

(44:28):
like she does her hand after every meal, And.

Speaker 3 (44:32):
So I couldn't.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
I was flattered by that. I was like, oh, Tony
thinks that, Like I'm in a lot of stuff.

Speaker 3 (44:36):
That's not. One of my My favorite Tony Hinchcliff joke,
which there were many, was Jeff Ross is such a
big jew that he watches football just for the coin toss.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Incredible.

Speaker 3 (44:47):
I love that one.

Speaker 2 (44:48):
Incredible.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
Yeah, yeah, he had so many great ones. Ye well,
I'm trying to think of one on my wait, what
is what was one of he said that I fucking
loved so much.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
I don't have it listed here, but some more were.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
NICKI think you were taking time off making the breisas
at Starbucks. Miserable to be here tonight? You know a
Karen joke?

Speaker 3 (45:11):
Yeah, I'll take it, sure, guilty. And I actually am
very nice of an enigma here in these days, because
you know, back when you were in your twenties or whatever,
whenever you did your first roast, it was like easy
to say slut or whatever, and now you're you're like
a little bit more nebulous than that. Like it's kind
of like a lot of the stuff that was said

(45:32):
was not correct, and the stuff that wasn't correct that
doesn't ring true doesn't get as big of a laugh.
And so it's like, what do you make fun of, Nicky?

Speaker 2 (45:41):
For you look like Brittany mahome wrecker?

Speaker 1 (45:44):
I thought maybe Brittany Homely would be better. Showtime is
paying Nikki to do a special on HBO.

Speaker 3 (45:57):
That's pretty funny.

Speaker 1 (45:59):
As a true beat to Taylor Swift. Here is a
blonde to take attention away from football.

Speaker 2 (46:03):
That's good.

Speaker 1 (46:04):
I really liked that one ever Ever, being compared to
Taylor Swift, I'll take it. Nobody could have sex as
much as Nicky claims, especially not with her.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
Oh man, that makes me sad.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
NICKI looks like a trophy wife in the xfl Uh huh,
let's see, NICKI looks like Nicole Brown sim Simpson. Thank
you very much with an unlimited Sephora budget. Okay, I
think that means like I'm not as pretty as her,
so I've stepped it up with makeup, which I'll listen.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
I agree with you. Sam j and Nicki Glazer are here.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
It's so nice to see two totally different eating disorders
come together.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
I like that I got a lot of eating.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
Disorder jokes, which was really I was flattered by, Thank
you so much. But then I did I talk about
how I questioned whether or not it was like, does
it mean that I fluctuate too much? And people have
noticed like I go up and down? So I even
took it as a fat joke, even though I think
it was because they were saying I was so skinny.
I was like, maybe it's a fat joke of saying
I'm too fat.

Speaker 3 (47:02):
Sometimes, what you've talked about having an eating disorder, you know.

Speaker 2 (47:06):
All the time everywhere.

Speaker 3 (47:08):
Yeh.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
The problem is is like I know that I'm going
to people are gonna start making fun of me for like,
we get it, you had an eating disorder.

Speaker 2 (47:15):
But when people ask me how I got.

Speaker 1 (47:16):
Into stand up, I can't not It's like it would
be like saying, it's just part of the story. It's
it's I don't even want to talk about it, but
it is the only reason I did stand up. It
is part of my origin story. So I just I
don't know how to stop. I'm just trying to say
more flippantly, like, oh, I was dying of anorexia, so
I did. Like I'm not trying to be like, this
is my story. I think I'm so cool because I
have this tragic story. It just is the story. So

(47:38):
it's it's I know that I'm going to get roasted
for uh in certain circles for like we get it, Nikki.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
Marvel Superhero, You're right, syphilis and there, Nikki.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
I didn't like all those jokes about you being a slut.
I heard enough of them in your first four specials.

Speaker 3 (47:55):
That is so good.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
Don't get excited.

Speaker 1 (47:59):
I didn't actually watch your specials, but I got the
gist from the comments section. That one hurt because I
know what the comment section is on it. Literally until
this roast, I have any any clip with my face
in it is going to have the meanest comments and
you will see how people feel about me. Please never
read it, busties, if you like me, I doubt Nicky
would have lasted long with me as her coach.

Speaker 2 (48:20):
Oh this is for Belichick.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
She'd be smiling on the outside, but just like every
time a man doesn't like her, she would cut herself. Wow,
I'm glad he didn't do that. I don't think that
would have gone well. But it's not wrong. And whoever
wrote that joke definitely like did their research on me,
because definitely feel that way when boys don't like me.

Speaker 3 (48:38):
It was a good thing because Bill Bill Belichick shouldn't
have said a joke about really any comedian. He should
have just focused on the football players. That's why he
was there.

Speaker 1 (48:46):
Final thought, Bill Belichick. The joke was made by Gronk
that Bill belit should be dating someone his age, Picky Glazer,
that's pretty good.

Speaker 2 (48:57):
It's so fucked up, man, it was.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
It's like that really got me because first of all,
I'm forty Bill Belichick.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
Is how old is he?

Speaker 3 (49:06):
Like seventy nine or something?

Speaker 1 (49:08):
Yeah, And but the truth is like that is probably
the age rage. Like if he was dating me, people
wouldn't mind. I think the girl that he was hooking
up with was much younger than me. Yeah, and so
I am age appropriate for him. Yeah, seventy two and
nearly forty three weeks away from being forty is a
normal age gap in Hollywood for a man to woman.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
It is fucking insane.

Speaker 3 (49:31):
YEA.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
I really remember turning thirty five. I wanted to work
on a bit about it turning thirty five, and suddenly
I went to go see a matchmaker that like had
written to me. This was when I was living in
New York. It was twenty eighteen nineteen. A matchmaker wrote
to me and said that we have like a celebrity client,
or like not a celebrity client, like one of our
millionaire billionaire clients that like wants to meet you. And
I was like, this would be good as story for
the radio. I was doing the radio show every day,

(49:54):
and I'm not like opposed to a matchmaker situation. Okay,
let's go, So we go. I just talked to the girl.
He's not there. She's just like telling me about him,
won't show me a picture. And I'm like, Okay, this
guy seems nice enough, probably not gonna be anything, but
I'll go on the date. And at the very end,
I was like, how old is he? And she was
like fifty seven and I was thirty four at the time,
and I go no, yeah, and she goes what and

(50:17):
I go no, like that's too old, and she was shocked,
like it was as if I was saying thirty six
was too old, Like that's how she was reacting.

Speaker 2 (50:26):
I'm like what and I go.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
I'm thirty four, maybe thirty five. And she goes, well,
how old was your ex boyfriend? And I go, I
think he's thirty nine and she goes, m young, and I'm.

Speaker 2 (50:37):
Like, he's still older than me, bitch, And you're acting
like I'm grobbing the cradle. Ye.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
But it's like when you reach a certain age as
a woman, as a there are people. My joke was
that people when you're thirty four, people are like, you
should meet my brother's roommate. He's great, and you go, okay, great,
and he's like of your age. And then you turn
thirty five and people are like, I have someone for you,
and you go awesome, and they're like, it's my great
uncle Lucas. And you're like, why is this And they're like,

(51:03):
but you're thirty five, so you should lower your standards.
And suddenly this is okay for you to date very
old men. And I will say that I would be
open to it if I was a single girl, like
I don't really care about an age gap, because but
I was. Even we were making a joke about how
Bill Belichick isn't old enough for me, because if I'm
gonna go old, I want them closer to death so
I can have like a second life after.

Speaker 2 (51:22):
Them with all of their money I wanted.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
I want it to be like I want to be
hospice side at our wedd Like I want our wedding
to happen in a hospital room. I want when they
say to you, you can now kiss the bride, I
want them to have to take out his ventilator, like
that's how old I want him to be if I
really go go old.

Speaker 3 (51:40):
If you go that old, though, then you're gonna have
to deal with his original children, who are going to
contest your claim.

Speaker 1 (51:47):
I don't need his money. I really would not be
in it for the money. I would be in it for,
like just see what would I be in it for,
Like just to say I had married this really old guy,
just be funny.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
Maybe I don't know. I think I would do things
for the joke.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
Yeah, let's see a couple more jokes. The most impressive
stat here tonight is Nicki's monastat. It's working very hard.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
Let's see. Uh.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
People call Niki ugly, but she Oh, this fucking hurt.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
Dude, are you ready for this one? This hurt?

Speaker 3 (52:23):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (52:23):
And this is such a good joke.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
Thank you so much to the writers who gave me
these jokes or like to read these jokes about myself
that make me want to cut myself, even though that
was part of the joke. But this joke fucking hurt
and is so funny. But wouldn't work, And we'll talk
about why it wouldn't work on a dais. People called
Nikki ugly, but she has some really great features. Unfortunately
she can't follow them on stage. So features meaning my

(52:49):
feature act, which is the middle act, which is the
person I bring on the before me. So that joke
wouldn't work on this kind of platform. It would work
in like a roast battle at a comedy club, because
everyone talks in that language, but no one knows what
like outside of the comedy world. If you know what
a feature act is, you are a savvy person. If
you're not a comedian, you're very comedy savvy. And it
was also follow her like people don't know that either.

Speaker 3 (53:12):
Really right, There was another great joke we had with
a similar reasoning why we cut it even though it
felt so great.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
Oh yeah, okay, it was Bert and Tom the only
comedy duo without a straight man.

Speaker 3 (53:24):
Yeah, great joke, but.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
It was it was in my act.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
It was in the like ready to send in the
script because it was a last minute edition. I forget
who wrote it someone. I think it was Douglas Fager,
I think wrote it. I'm sorry if I got maybe
Nathan Orton, but the last minute line, and I was like,
that's perfect because we were looking for just something that
brought Tom in a little bit, addressed them both. I

(53:52):
ended up going with like Burt and Tom. You know,
you guys are presenting together later like two peas in
each other's mouth. But I did think thet one was
a better joke, but couldn't be used because my makeup
artist right before I'm like with my laptop in hand
backstage at the Kia Forum, and I said to my
makeup artist, I go, do you know that there's a
thing called a straight man in a comedy duo? And

(54:13):
she goes, no, I'm sorry, I don't know that. And
I go, well, then it's like you're a person that
I want to appeal to. That is like you're not dumb.
I know you're paying attention. If you don't know that,
it's it's not looking good for other people. And she goes,
I'm really sorry, I don't know what. I go, don't
be sorry. That's not like I'm not like, how do
you not know that? It's like that was just me
testing how many people kind of know that idea? And

(54:34):
I think most people that listen to this podcast would
probably know that thing. But if you don't know it,
you're the reason I didn't tell it, and you need
to fucking do your research. Okay, Like there's a straight man,
and then there is a what's the other person? And
I'm kidding when I say crazy person, there's not a
name for it, like the straight.

Speaker 3 (54:49):
Man, though, well, no, crazy, it really is.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
It's crazy.

Speaker 3 (54:53):
Yeah, well, at least an improv and sketch it is.

Speaker 1 (54:55):
Okay, Okay, I didn't know that. Okay, So there's a
crazy person, there's a straight person. But the straight person
is always the one that's confused by the crazy person,
you know, like who's on first? That classic bit, like
the guy that's saying, well, who's on first, and the
other person's.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
Like, no, who I'm saying who is on first?

Speaker 1 (55:11):
That's that sounds really it might be a scrazy person,
but that's a straight man.

Speaker 3 (55:14):
You know what's a straight man because the last thing
they always say is something in the realm of I
can't believe this guy.

Speaker 2 (55:22):
Yeah, Jerry Seinfeld.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
Seinfeld is the straight man for most of the Sometimes
he is the crazy person when he's when there's a
straighter man than he is, But he's mostly the straight
person that's like observing the chaos around him.

Speaker 3 (55:34):
That's his whole stand up personas to be the straight
man in life and observed, Yeah things.

Speaker 2 (55:39):
Is Larry David the straight man on.

Speaker 3 (55:41):
Curb No No, no No.

Speaker 2 (55:43):
I think sometimes he is when he's dealing with Lea Himes,
but he's or Susie.

Speaker 3 (55:47):
He is a crazy person. It's like that's a show.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
Oh yeah, you're right, there are all the straight people.

Speaker 3 (55:51):
You're right, there's so many crazy people on that show
at times, but Larry David is almost always the crazy person.

Speaker 2 (55:58):
And Tom and Bert, Tom is the straight man.

Speaker 3 (56:01):
Tom seems like, yeah, taking off his shirt. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:07):
Liked.

Speaker 3 (56:08):
Occasionally Larry David interacts with someone who's so brutally mean
for no reason that Larry becomes the straight man, but
that happens only every once in a while, and the
joke there is almost like, can you believe someone's acting
even crazier Larry.

Speaker 2 (56:22):
David and I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
Just the joke I really liked about Tom and Bert
is that if you know Tom and Burt, which it
was like, you have to really explain their dynamic for
this to work. But I felt like, I feel like
when I watched Tom and Bert, sometimes Tom seems so
exhausted by Bert and almost like, what's he pulling me into?
Because that's there, that's their dynamic he's the straight man
and Bert's the crazy one, and he's like Bert, what

(56:45):
are you doing?

Speaker 2 (56:46):
What are you saying?

Speaker 1 (56:47):
Where are we going? Like why is Bert taking off
a shirt and running up on stage? I guess I
have to go. And I said that sometimes Tom looks
like like the conjoined twins that just got married, the
one that didn't get married, who's just hanging off and
as they're like slow dancing, and it's like Tom in
most of their scenarios of like why am I.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
Here right now? This is not this is so uncomfortable.
And I thought that was like a funny visual.

Speaker 1 (57:08):
But again, like there's so many factors you have to
like consider when writing these things that like should we
even address Burton and Burt and Tom?

Speaker 2 (57:20):
They haven't been up yet.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
Like if you noticed the first joke about Sam Jay
did not work because she had not been introduced. Yep,
you forget what the first line someone said about her.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
I didn't say anything about her.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
I had jokes about her, but I decided to cut
them because I knew that I would have to set
up who she was so much at that point that
the first time someone referenced her, no one really understood it.
Even for me, Like before I got brought to stage
and had my moment, the jokes about me were not
doing well because people are like, who is that? Like
we don't know what to feel about.

Speaker 3 (57:48):
Her, and you were still on twenty sixteen Comedy Central.
That's the token whore, you know, Yes, and that's not
the case anymore.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
But it was.

Speaker 1 (57:58):
Funny that I got up there and I said, I'd
shoot my boyfriend in the fucking face, have a lottery
ticket to suck Tom Brady's dick. So I kind of
was the tokenhore. I mean, I don't mind that, but
I do.

Speaker 3 (58:07):
You want to talk about like nitpicking your set? You
know how after your set you watched it and you're like,
that's a mistake. That's a mistake. That's a mistake. That
was the one moment where I felt like this little
tiny change would have made it five percent funnier.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
No, don't do this, what are you doing? It was great,
I do What could I have done?

Speaker 3 (58:27):
It's just so small that it probably would, but it's
just like this, you can't help. But it was I
would whatever, I would pay this amount of money to
suck this guy's dick. I think it would have been
slightly funnier to say this man's dick.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
I'm so glad I disagree with you, because that would
be devastating if I agreed with you, Like I couldn't
handle the regret this guy I think calling him a
guy is.

Speaker 3 (58:54):
So we might have actually discussed that anyway.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
No, I don't think we did, but I don't think
you're wrong, and that is truly like, and you don't
even listeners might go like, who cares about that? It's like,
what's the difference between those A five percent on that joke?
Would have like I would have done anything to get
five percent harder on that joke, you know, like I
would have literally done anything I could to get even
to like I would have well, you know what I

(59:18):
was the next day when I was freaking out about
my makeup, Chris was like, would you have done like
would you have sacrificed your beauty that night to make
your set funnier? And I was like one hundred percent.
He was like, then that's what happened here, okay. So
like if you would have been focused on having your
eye look as perfect as you wanted it to your
eye makeup, your jokes would have suffered to just consider that,
like you, they didn't look as good because they was

(59:40):
going into the comedy and like it was no other
way it could be. Yeah, so that is, but that's
I'm so glad I disagree with you. And don't you
ever do that to me again? Did you ever say that?

Speaker 3 (59:49):
Can I just say though, that that joke particularly high
bar for delivery. The delivery on that joke was perfect.

Speaker 1 (59:57):
I practiced it so much and we only wrote that
jo the day before, right, like Jimmy Carr was the
one that wrote that joke and convinced me that I
should say it. He said it at the Netflix brunch
and I was like, I'm not gonna say.

Speaker 2 (01:00:09):
I can't say that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
I just was laughing at it, as like that would
be the funniest thing to say, but like it's horrifying.
First of all, it's throwing Chris under the bus in
a way that I'm just not comfortable with, even though
it's totally a joke.

Speaker 2 (01:00:19):
But Chris was just like do it, and.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
I was like really, And then it was like starting
to be like, Okay, if I did do it, what
would it look like? And I wrote you I was like,
I think we have a new closer, So it didn't
quite be the It didn't end up being the closer,
but I was. I saw Jimmy Carr last night and
gave him like the deepest hug of my life because
of that lot, Like, there were so many people that
just like came in last minute with amazing ideas, and it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
Just I loved.

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
I loved the collab of it, Like I really want
to do something that I can just hire all of
my friends and we just work on something, and then
I go out and I do my little routine and
everyone feels like they they were a part of it.
Like it feels really good to perform and have everyone
feel like, oh, she did that joke that I wrote,
or like she nailed she like I I cause I
know what it feels like when someone tells your joke

(01:01:04):
or something like I didn't. There's usually so much pride
on my part of like I have to write all
the jokes. But I liked nailing jokes that other people
wrote in ways that like made them feel so good
because I also know what it's like to write a
joke and have someone deliver it and they fucking blow
this joke so far that could have been.

Speaker 3 (01:01:19):
I have to have faith in the and you know,
we have faith in Nikki to deliver the joke, and
like everything it felt like it felt like at points
I felt just as good as if I was up
there doing this. And that's why I felt I felt
much better than if I was up there, because I
know if I was up there, I wouldn't have done
as well because.

Speaker 1 (01:01:38):
I can't relate to that because I want to be men.
The only person I want to be in this process
is me, and I have been other people before coming up,
but like, I'm so glad that people really did feel
as if they were like me, Like people were so
our team. Those people I listened before were so happy
for me. We were all in a group chat like
it felt it was the best feeling in the world.
Like the pride that I felt for you guys in

(01:02:00):
my performance that was like I'm not trying to be
like humble of like it was about making you guys happy,
but it was it feels what is what's the point
of doing any of this if you aren't like like
for me, it gave me a solution to like, when
my parents die, I feel very scared about, like what
will keep me going what's going to give me motivation
to impress people? And now I just have the answers
like you assemble a team that are all very invested

(01:02:23):
in this. They're not just like writing on a show
for a paycheck. They are like they They are mostly
here because they just want they they feel like it
is them too, and that is what it felt like
that night. And I'm like, Okay, now I have something
in place for when my parents do pass away, and
that will still motivate me to really perform and do
a good job for that like satisfaction.

Speaker 2 (01:02:44):
So that was a good feeling.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
So now my parents can die and someday you'll die
out on this Saturday. Watch it when it comes out.
If you could watch it live, that would be the best,
but definitely stream it within the first twenty four hours
would be amazing for ratings and for me. And I
appreciate your support, Bussies so much. I'll never forget you.
I'll never get too big for you. I love you
so much. You're my ogs, You're my number ones and

(01:03:07):
you know that. So let's just all have a great weekend.
Don't be Kit, and I will see you. We'll see
you next week.

Speaker 2 (01:03:14):
Bie guys,