January 10, 2024 • 43 mins
In this emotionally charged episode, Curly and Maya dive deep into the complexities of friendship and love, exploring the delicate balance when one friend doesn't really see eye-to-eye with the other's romantic choice.
Maya Murillo and Curly Velásquez are the hosts of the Super Secret Bestie Club with production support by Karina Riveroll of Sonoro Media in partnership with iHeart Radio's My Cultura Podcast network. If you want to support the podcast, please rate and review our show!
Follow Maya Murillo on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok @mayainthemoment
Follow Curly Velásquez on Instagram and TikTok @thecurlyvshow and on Twitter @CurlyVee
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What do you do and you don't like your best
friend's boyfriend?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
What? That's not a song.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
He's just not a good person and you don't like
his boyfriend? What I don't like your boyfriend?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
No?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I don't must.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Okay, man, just just get in here.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
It's fine, guine. My name is Curly and I'm Maya,
and welcome to the Super Secret Bestie Club podcast A
super secret club where we talk about super secret things.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Yeah, like secrets that are super That's what it is.
In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets. Get in here. There's
a catchy song though, What you do when you don't
like your best buttons? Oh my god?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Well, welcome to another episode of the Super Secret Bestie
Club podcasts. The Super Sacred Besday Club, Super Secret Besday Club.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Super.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Club, Super Secret bestI Club.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
On wing, hands on her knees, hands on her knees,
hands on your knees, to your jugs, to chugs.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Now, clut those thighs overhead, now clup.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Everybody clapped their hands.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Check them titties and shake this ease and whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
It's the holiday.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
It's okay, time this comes out, not anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Oh yeah, we're technically in the past right now, and
you guys are in the future.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah, hopefully you've shut you shook your titties at some
point during this holiday season.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
You shook your titties. You you've shot them.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Shook those titties. Just you sit.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Is it titties with D's or t's, titties or titties?
I like titties with d'sis anyway, So today today we're
talking about well, first of all, how's your spirit, curly?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
My spirit's good. Actually, it's like the you know, almost
the end of twenty twenty three, by the time you
guys hear this to probably twenty twenty four. I feel
so good. I feel so blessed, like I've had a
lot of growth, as you know, this year, and I'm
just happy to be alive. You know, how about you?
How's your spirit?
Speaker 1 (02:41):
I feel good just reflecting and this is like I
have this and then tomorrow I have one meeting and
then I'm done with work for the rest of the
year and i can just melt in my parents' couch
like I've been doing already. So I feel really good.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I love that. I'm like I want to melt in
the couch, but then I get to much anxiety and
I'm like I have to do something.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Oh yeah, well yeah, I've made some videos too, and
you know you have to like supplement.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I wish I was like, like, I wish that my
anxiety told me to create, because my anxiety tells me
to go and refold laundry that's already folded. I think
that's my OCD, to be honest, because it's like, oh,
you know, it's like so much fun. Let's go refold
our sweaters. Like it's weird, but it's me.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
No. I have the opposite where I'm like, how about
we just do nothing? Like on SIMS where it's like
it's like you get the loner status, where it's like,
have your sim do nothing for twenty four hours. That's
me every day when I'm home in Arizona with my parents.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Well, speaking of being alone for twenty four hours, we're
here exactly well, not liking your best friend's boyfriend, which
seems to kind of be the story of our lives. Mine, well, okay,
these are the storys wait. Okay, I would like to
(04:05):
say for the record my husband with me through three
actual relationships, several if not many like crushes, and I
don't think you've ever been like that's the one, Curly,
that's this is you really did it well?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Is it bad to have high expectations for your bestie,
for your homegirl? Like? Is that bad? Shame on me
for wanting the best for you.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Sorry, it's not bad. But you know, there was one
point we talked about this too that I was like,
are you gonna like like any of my boyfriends? Like
I was like, is this like like a little sister
syndrome where like, you know, when I was younger and
my sister would bring a new boy, I'd be like no.
And then finally she did have a boyfriend that I liked.
But you know, when I was a kid, I just
felt kind of like betrayed a little bit when she
(04:59):
got like her boyfriends, because it was supposed to be
and I'm not saying this is you, but this is me.
It was supposed to be me and her. And when
she got her boyfriend, I was like, eh.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Yeah, like one of my friends, who is a little
brother their sister got married and I remember them telling
me they were crying all the way down the aisle
being the ring bearer, like please don't marry Oh my god. Yeah,
but you know, just a little kid thing, you know,
(05:29):
brother sister.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Thing when they were younger.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Okay, yeah, no, no, no, no, no sorry. He was like
super super young and she was like older, the sister
was older. But that kind of reminds me of but
I we'll get into it. But yeah, I had my reasons.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
It's so funny because on our outline that we always
read from, I always say, like, so mind line is
like I feel like my haus never liked any of
my partners. Explain that's me going to say that and explain.
Maya's next line is whoa explanation.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Explanation, Yes, yes, listen, Like here's the thing when you
when your best friend gets into a relationship, like you know,
you also you have to look at like where you're
at in your life and your relationships, where they're at,
(06:25):
where you guys are both at, where a society at,
and like kind of take all of that into account.
You know, this is higher self, Maya. You know, I
used to be very much like like exactly how you described,
like it's supposed to be us against the world. You know,
but and and you know, a part of that was
(06:47):
because I was lonely or was too afraid to go
get my own thing. This has nothing to do with that.
This is solely you know, not saying the guys that
you choose are bad, just saying that you've learned a
lot of lessons. And I've never told you to break
up with them, have I? No, I've never told you.
(07:10):
I've never been like you need to break up with them.
I've never been abrasive. I have said I do not
like that man.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, three times. But here's today's episode. You know, we'll
be talking about, you know, not liking your bff's partner.
But this also applies to your in laws, family members,
like basically a significant other for somebody that you love
a lot, Like what do you do if it's your
I don't know your cousin's new boyfriend or your sister's
(07:38):
new husband or vice versa, Like you don't like your
brother's boyfriend girlfriend wife, and you're like, ugh, Like what
do you do? And how we know we're to talk about
how relatable it is and what it feels like.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Are they just a hating ass bitch and they're lonely?
And bitter or so put the some life.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
But does that song go down Asaverian? Just me and man?
Me and man? Okay, well what do you think? Like
if you think back, what makes you start not liking
my partners?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Who do we start with? Okay? So with A, it
was the jealousy. I saw A being jealous and A
had said some stuff to us, to your friends and me,
trying to pit you against us, like, oh, did you
(08:38):
see Curly has this branded deal or Curly has this
blah blah blah blah. Aren't you guys jealous? And we're like, actually,
we're not. That's our homeboy, like we love him, like
we're still.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Happy for him.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Like it was. It was the jealousy part of that
that I didn't like. I'm like, I'm pretty sure I'm
not being a hating ass bitch. I'm pretty sure your
partner shouldn't be jealous of you. We're talking shit about
their partner to their best friends or coworkers. Yeah, Like,
call me a hating ass bitch, then be wo to B.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Yeah, go to be re drag me.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
B was very passive aggressive and would also talk shit
about you right in front of me, like on the phone.
As we were all on the phone and be like.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
We do that thing that like, okay, yeah, he would.
A lot of couples do this where like they'll be
like like Bob or whatever, like don't you think that
Maya can sometimes blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah,
like they do that kind of like.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
But it was it was it was things that were
like I'm like, I shouldn't be involved in this. It
wasn't funny or cute. It was like serious topics or
like stuff that I was like, I don't And then
and then we like they wanted me to like hang
out and watch drag Race with you guys. I was like,
how no, dude, Like I know a lot in front
(10:03):
of you. Is the bickering part that I'm like, Oh,
I feel like I'm a child. I feel like I'm
a third wheel. You know. Yeah, And it just felt
very elitist, and it felt like they were trying to
make you a trophy wife. And I mean, you know,
and I think that relationship on both sides and same
thing with A like you know, there's a lot to
(10:25):
learn and grow from and stuff like. But I just
didn't my reasonings are I don't like the way that
they treated you, not because of the things you would
tell me the things I experience with my own ears
in my eyes.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Okay, yeah, I mean look, I think that that's true. Right.
I think for a lot of people's situations, it is
a mixture of things that they hear and things that
they see with their ears and their eyes. Because even
for me, like in my situation my personal stuff, whether
it's friends or family, I have seen incidents where somebody
close to me has a significant other that speaks them
(11:00):
in a way that I think is kind of like
you let them talk to you like that, Like right, why,
like you know, if they're like you know. An example
that I have is I saw somebody say like, yeah,
what does it look like? Kind of a thing like oh,
you know when people go like, oh is that are
you going to pick that up? And they go like, yeah,
what do you think like that kind of a thing.
(11:22):
Or when I hear about kind of like somebody not
being considerate, or I hear about somebody being selfish and
not giving my friend the same sort of love not reciprocating,
or I hear them doing something problematic, I'm like, that's
not normal, that's not.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Yeah, and there's a difference between that being their dynamic
because you know, like my parents will talk like that sometimes,
but because they're a married couple over thirty years. Yeah,
they respect each other and they'll they'll call each other
out on those things. However, it was also how you
were feeling about the relationship that was a red flag
to me of like all the combination things. It's like
(12:02):
when you're a best friend and you hear your best
friend talk about these things, where do you hold it? Yeah,
you have to hold it somewhere. And if you don't
have a great processing system, filtering system or like protection
bubble to not feel that, you will feel it because
you care so much about your best friends, not in
(12:24):
a possessive or obsessive way. It's like your family to me,
you know, like we're family.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
I mean it's kind of hard because like even with
me and like a certain situation in my life, like
I'm very you that other person who's like closest to
me and who their partner is, I'm very like you're
an adult. I'm going to tell you what I think.
I'm going to hold space for you. I'm going to
talk to you about it, and I'm going to be
as honest as I can, but I will always leave
(12:53):
it up to you, like I will always be like,
but you, as an adult, decide what it is that
you want to do and if you you want to
stay in your patterns, I have like a lot of
people that I'm like, if you want to stay in
your patterns and this is who you are, you also
need to understand that as well, like, yes we can
have conversations, Yes I can hold space for you, but
(13:14):
also I will remind you this is a pattern that
you absolutely have the power to walk away from, and
you're choosing not to. And so and my thing, you know,
has always been like I had a friend who I
didn't fuck with their significant other for a very long
time because of things that I would hear, and I
would be like, I'm your friend, and I don't want
(13:38):
to be friends with them because I know that I'm
a really nice individual, and I will befriend them and
I will make them and I will want to be
friends with them, and I want to hear their side
of the story and I want to hear what's on
their thing. And I'm very much like, oh yeah, well,
I could see how you could. I could see where
you guys are gonna say yelling match because of that,
you know, so I have to put like I also
(14:00):
have to put rule as ounce on as where I'm like,
I don't want to meet your person. I don't. I'm
your friend, so if something happens, I'm bouncing with you,
like you get me in the divorce.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
You know, For me, it took. It feels like what
(14:29):
you're explaining took a lot of work to develop that
mental strategy. Right, maybe it comes natural to you. For me,
it didn't.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Like.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Growing up, I had a lot of friends who were
with terrible, horrible boyfriends, horrible boyfriends, and I would just
have to listen to them, and sometimes I would get
too involved and they're like, Maya, we just want you
to be supportive, like just be supportive. I'm like, how
am I being supportive? How can I be supportive when
and today you're okay about him, and then tomorrow we
(15:03):
don't like him, and then the next day literally day
by day.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Yeah, yeah, day by day.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
This is in high school. Yeah yeah, this is in
high school, and you know, and so it was. And
I even had like a bigger blow up with like
one of my other friends where I just had to
be like, you know what, like don't talk to me
about them, don't talk to me about them, like because
(15:31):
you see how how it makes me like and no
matter what, like if you were choosing, like it's just
at some point you have to put up a boundary. Yeah,
you know, like, friend, go do your thing. That's your man, godspeed.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
I'm very much like the type to go. It's funny. Oh,
by the way, I did want to say this is
for if you don't like your person's significant other for
a good reason, like if it's something shallow, like you're
like they're not for you, they don't make enough enough
money for you, or like they're corny, they're not this,
they're not that. Like you can do better, Like we're
not talking to you like you're fucked up, Like let
(16:08):
your friend love who they want to love, like you
stop being a hater, like loosen up that booty hole
and let people love Like that is not what we're
talking about. We're talking about basically toxic.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Relationships, fundamental things.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I feel like for me, right, I
can hold space in a lot of different ways that
are not I can hold space with relationships. If you
want to call me and talk about something, you know this,
it's actually like a passion of mind to learn about
relationships and love and talk about them. So hearing about
people's dynamic, whether that's friendships or or like platonic or
(16:44):
romantic relationships, I can hold space. I can't hold space
for people who are like considering going sober and then
they come to me every time and they're like, oh,
I want to stop drinking and blah blah blah blah blah,
like and then I see them getting drunk, like I can't. Like,
I'm like, I that is a boundary for me. It is.
It's not that it's triggering, but it's just like it
puts some thoughts in my head sometimes where I'm like, damn,
(17:06):
I haven't had a relapse, Like is that something that
happens like and I'd rather just not deal with someone's
shit that's not mine. So do you feel like maybe
that's what happens to you a little bit? Or I
don't know, Like I'm not equating love with alcoholism, but
do you feel like maybe.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
You Oh, yeah, sometimes it affects me personally for sure,
and then it makes you think of like well, I
feel like a loser because I should be experiencing these things.
They're growing at a rapid pace and because they're they're
in a relationship with someone and I'm not because I'm alone.
And yet I feel like I invalidate myself because I
(17:42):
haven't had that experience to give advice to people when
they ask me what I think you know? So it
does affect me, but then it's it's kind of like
you have to separate yourself and like they're bound Everyone
has different boundaries. But like I think I've learned to
be like I've really worked on my protection bubble to
(18:06):
be like nothing that you're saying is going to stick
to me and it's going to make me feel like
shit later, Yeah, because because that's your energy, that's your
deal that you're going through, it's not mine. I can
hold space for you. And if I don't feel like
it that day, then we'll say, like I just I
can't handle like you know, uh, I can't handle one
of these talks like or updates, like you know, I'm
(18:28):
going through my own thing. But I think I think
boundaries are a big thing when it comes to any
any sort of conversation that is like potentially triggering.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Yeah, it's funny because I had my sister when I
was very young said to me that she was talking
to her best friend about a relationship and her best
friend kind of put set boundaries with her. And I
remember my sister and we were young, and this is
the early two thousands, and maybe her opinion has changed
since then, I don't know, but it's a lesson that
kind of It's something that she said to me that
has never left me. And she was like, your place
(19:02):
is a best friend is to hold space basically for
your best friend is to hear your best friend out
like that is That's what makes your best friend. And
the fact that I can't go to her makes me
feel kind of like sad that I can't do that.
And so that's something that I've always really been mindful of.
I do get mad though, when people that I've held
(19:23):
spaceport can't do the same for me, And then it
becomes like a thing where I'm like, hold up, I'll
listen to you ruminate and talk about things for it's
been six years now that we've been talking about you know, God,
get that nova whatever, whatever, And I'm in this weird
situation with this current relationship, and I need to be reassured,
(19:46):
and if you can't give it to me, I do
get a little like huffy. I'm like, are doing Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
I would drive me freaking crazy because it also makes
you feel like you are the crazy one too, or
like just like holding all this space for the other
person and you're like, okay, well I have also like
you also need to let it go and let it out.
And when you're just like you just end the call
and they're like, okay, well bye, I talk to you later,
(20:14):
and you're.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Like or like, oh gotta go. I'm like, yeah, I
gotta go. Okay, I'm like I'm out, Like I'm not
even gonna talk. I will distance myself when people do
that to me. I'm like it's cool, Like I'm okay,
I know what's up. I know what's happening. I don't
want to impose on you. It's totally fine. I also
have a therapist, so I'm like, I'll just talk to
my therapist, right.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
And how do you feel on the other side of
like you, I mean, you know, I think we've all
experienced when we've had road bumps with a friend or
with a relationship, romantic relationship or not, and we tell
our friends and our family about it, like where is
the line of not wanting them to create resentment or
(20:59):
hate towards your partner? Because relationships change all the freaking time,
and people change, and you have to give people grace.
And I think in the relationship see with you, I
really practiced a lot of grace.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Yeah, it's hard. It's really hard because one of the
lessons that I'm very open. I am an open book.
I'm with anyone. You meet me at the supermarket and
You'll be like, how was your last relationship, and I'll
spill my guts right, Like, I'm very open, So it's
hard for me to I'm like the rowing rapids, I'm
raging waters. I am a proud river that just just
(21:39):
flows with information right when it comes to my own stuff.
But it's hard because so that means my best friends know,
my family know, my cousins know. Like and I also
that one of the things that I learning how to
practice with me myself is like how do you feel
about that? Like, yes, you can check in with other
people in relationship, but like, how do you feel about that?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
First and foremost?
Speaker 2 (22:03):
First and foremost, Yeah, I mean for me personally, because
I grew up in somewhat of an abusive household, my
threshold for bullshit is rather large. My ability to have
patience is kind of incredible, to the point where I'd
be like, well, he didn't hit me, so I think
we're okay.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Yeah, So it's hard. So I check in with my
community a lot, and I do feel like my community
has saved me in a lot of different ways. And
so it's hard. But I think that it's also can
be isolating, to be honest, like when you want to
(22:44):
turn to people in terms of something that feels like
you want your best friends or you want them there,
but your best friend doesn't like them, or they don't
want to hear it, or your family like my dad
did that to me. My dad was like I don't
want to hear it anymore. And I was like, if
I can't talk to the man who I whose opinion
I hold like dearest to me, who like I need
(23:08):
that I want that opinion? And then it makes me
isolate and it made me kind of like not want
to tell anybody at all. And and you know, we
kind of talked about with us, we kind of did
get a little distant with one of my relationships because
you were you were kind of like I could tell
that you were over it and I just needed to
figure shit out, you know.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yeah, I remember that point where it was kind of
like I felt a little burnt out and exhausted, and
I don't want it to be like you were suffering
so much through this relationship, and I'm like, well, I
suffer too, but it's just like it's the burnout, you know,
It's the burnout of like when you're like, let's say hypothetically,
(23:54):
you're bestie is dating someone who's a raging narcissist who's horrible,
mean and truly malicious, and you hear about it all
the time, and then they have a good week and
then you just have to kind of like where do
you put that? You have to be like, oh, that's good,
that's good, Like, you know, you don't want to be like, well,
just make sure that blah blah blah blah, you know,
(24:16):
because I have family members who are like that, who
are man haters no matter what, you know, And I
knew that this last time. I'm like, go figure it out, friend,
you know, go figure it out.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yeah, Yeah, I mean I was telling you earlier when
we were writing this that there's a song by the
Supremes that's like, uh, oh my god, what is it?
I forget what it's called, but it's like, how can
Mary tell me what to do when she lost her love?
Speaker 3 (24:43):
So true?
Speaker 2 (24:44):
And then she drags the other Supremes. She's like and
flo she don't know because the boy she loves is
a row meo oh sorry, So she drags both of
them and then she's like, I listened once to my
friend's advice and it's not gonna happen twice because all
advice has ever gotten me was really long and sleepless nights.
So sometimes, oh, because all advice ever gotten me was
(25:10):
really long as sleepless nights. All she goes it's like
a higher but like that's kind of the thing where
it happens, right, like you do start to go into
you kind of it gets like I said, like you
get kind of like, well, so and so has this opinion,
but they don't know because they're not in the same
(25:30):
sex relationship, right or so and so has this but
they don't know because I know this person more than
they do.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Right, like I or they're not in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
They're not in the relations is in it all the things.
They don't love them the way that I love them.
And it's hard because, yes, you can see that you're
exhausting your friendships, you can see all that, But I
do believe that I do. I have to believe that.
Me myself, with my energy, I would have to be like,
(26:06):
I will be here for as long as you want
me here, but if you push me out, then I
can't do anything about that. Like I'll give you my opinion.
I'll be like I don't like that. I don't think
that's cool. Have you tried this or have you gone
to therapy? Or what are the things? Or da da
da da dah, But like, I don't know. I can
understand the exhaustion. But it is kind of this thing
where I would hope that I would be more open
(26:27):
to listening and holding space for something that you're just
so confused about because you're so in love. Like it's
almost like if you're addicted and you have an addiction,
which we know love is, and I'm asking you to
make a rash decision, like a rational decision, and you're
like super high and you just or it just is hard.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
When you hear them say like Maya, I'm done, he's crazy,
I'm never going back, like all of these really clear,
clear things, and then the next month it's like you
never said that, and you have to. I don't ever
want to call anyone crazy. I don't want anyone call
(27:11):
anyone like, I don't ever want to, you know, say anything.
But what the fuck.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Do you do?
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Yeah? Yeah, like I mean.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
I mean I feel like I would say, like, remember
last month, like you did say your face it's very gentle.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
These are real conversations that mine I've had. Those are
real best the like trials and tribulations that we have
gone through. Quality of a friendship is not determined by
how well you get along, but by what y'all can survive,
you know, So, like we have been together through so
many different things at this point, career moves, career choices,
(27:49):
like everything, different relationships, different people coming in and out,
and you know, I think this one kind of rocked
us a little bit because we were like not rocked
us that hard. I don't think it rocked us that hard.
I think it just rocked us for like a month,
because that's how long that shit lasted.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Because I knew, I knew my third eye was telling
me it is not over. And I said, I know,
so I knew, I knew, I just I and I
know things.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Huh yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
But this is what I always say too with my
own personal stuff. I'm like, if you need to go
and touch the flame to find out that something is hot,
that something is not for you, go and touch the
flame because you know it'll burn you over and over again.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
And you're like, and how many times have I talked
about the same person for five years?
Speaker 2 (28:59):
I mean literally, go and listen to any other episode on.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
We're Stopping Today, We're Stopping Today.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Somebody so much it makes me know. But look, I
think that, like on the flip for people who are
kind of stuck where you were at where you are
watching somebody that you said something to me once. I
remember you said. It's something like you didn't say it
like this, but you were like I was scared, I
(29:31):
thought you were a goner or something like that. What
did you say you were like, I was, I was
really worried, Like I was scared that you weren't going
to come to your senses or something. What did you say?
Speaker 3 (29:41):
I don't know it.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Was something to the effect of that was close. I
thought you were going to be a goner. Like I
wasn't sure what was going to happen, because it was
fucking with my mentality and fucking.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
With like my oh yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think
I It was just kind of like I was very
burnt out by you know, this whole situation, because I
also wasn't really liking who you were with this person
and how much you were crying, confused, upset, like being
(30:19):
gaslet would have to write down your notes like all
this stuff. I didn't like it. Oh, I did not
like that, And I was like, you know what, I
was ready. Honestly, I was like, if you were choosing
this person, if you say to me, Maya, this is
the man that I love, this is who I'm going
to marry, I would be like, Okay, that's the man
(30:40):
you're going to marry, all right, Like I would accept it.
But a part of us, I think would have been
a little bit gone because I felt like I would
have had to compromise a little bit because I do
not like that man, and I will stand on that
for the day I die.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Well. The thing is too is that that's kind of
one of the things that I will say that going
into what would we say to somebody who was in
the situation, It's kind of unfortunate, but that's kind of
the name of the game. It is absolutely a compromisation.
It is absolutely a compromisation of the self and the
things that you might be able to say to your
(31:21):
best friend or the person that you love. But you
can choose what your boundaries are. I think you can
choose exactly what you were saying earlier, exactly what I
was saying earlier, what my friend said, what my sister's
friend said to her years ago. It's just a thing
of like you can decide what your boundaries are and
what are good for, what's good for like your mental health,
(31:42):
in terms of what is it that you can hold.
I think that like what we said here is like
if if your reasons for not liking your friend's significant
others rooted in protection and how much you love them
and not because of your own you have to ask
yourself to as is it's not rooted in your own
bullshit and your own stuff and your own insecurities, like
(32:05):
and U like, oh I just don't want to be
seen with him, or I don't want to be the
third wheel, Like what is the uh how do you
then move forward with continuing your life and your journey
with somebody that you love, because.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
We're a mirror, you know, So if you feel like, man,
it was supposed to be me, my bestie against the world,
it's like, well, you guys are going to get married
and have families one day. And it's I mean most
of the time. Sometimes you know, people have their own
lives and they live it and it's not because they're
maybe a little distant, and it's not because they don't
(32:39):
love you anymore, they don't like you. It's because it
is It's just life, you know. So like, what is
it in you that you can't let your best friend
figure this thing out? Like, you know, because if you
were in that situation, you would want to figure it
out too, because you when you're lost in the sauce
when you were in love, like it is hard to
(33:03):
get out, is hard to listen to anyone. Like you said,
I'm definitely one of those people who has to touch
the flame and be like out. Yeah, well I touched
it with my right hand. I wonder if the left
hand would be different.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Oh yeah, oh, will be her. I yeh, feel like
in the same ways that I would would talk to
somebody who's dealing with addiction, right, Like, I have to
let you do your thing. Adults will, adult people will people.
I have to let you do your thing, but I
can choose to take a step back and be like,
(33:39):
I'm going to let you do that.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
One of the most important things that my mom did
with me when I dated like a raging narcissist when
I was nineteen was she had to tell my dad,
like the more we push her away, or the more
we tell her we don't like these things or we
don't like him, whatever, the more she'll push away from us.
Like you want your best friend or whoever it is,
(34:02):
to feel comfortable enough to come to you when they
don't feel safe, you know. And I think that was
the biggest thing with like our situation, because I know
I'm feeling I know this sounds very intense, but this
was an intense situation, you know what I'm saying. Like,
this wasn't just like a like a little annoying thing.
It was it was like something that I feel like,
(34:25):
I don't know, it was weird, but you yeah, and
you have to make sure that the other person, whoever
it is, feels comfortable to come to you when they
don't feel safe, you know, because otherwise, like they could
be in a situation I feel like they have nobody
around them because a narcissist has literally like made them
(34:46):
annihilate their whole support group in some.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Way, which can absolutely happen, you know. That's why people
dating abusive partners like lose out on connections because their
partners will manipulate the situation.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
So coming from the like best friend's side, like be
gentle when you were talking to whoever it is about
their partner, but also be true to yourself, Like I think,
don't be fake about it if you have to walk
on eggshells with them, Like that is the biggest red flag.
If you're not able to tell your best friend the
truth and if they're not able to take it, and
(35:22):
if they're super defensive about it, I think there's something
rooted in there as well. I think the great thing
with like us is that we've established like feedback in
many different ways and not get defensive, but also we've
told each other like thank you for your feedback, Gonna
do my own thing, you know, but be gentle, you know,
(35:44):
have grace, Like this isn't something that is like I
know it could be really triggering for both parties, but
this isn't something that you can just get over like that,
Like it's easier said than done, and sometimes you just
have to let them figure it out, like let people
people be open with your emotions, Like yeah, I think the.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Other thing too, is like you know, be open with
your emotions. And I like what you said too about
we have developed channels where we can talk to each other.
We have already done that, so we're very open. I
want to be there as much as I can for
the individual. And this is assuming that it's not abusive, right,
This is assuming that it's not endangering your life, because
(36:24):
if that's the case, then I would be like girl,
like come on, like I will be straight up with you.
This is just kind of assuming, like it is what
it is, Like, I don't know, like if if I
have to fake the funk for you though, or somebody
that I love even though they annoy the shit, I
(36:44):
don't mean, even though I'm like, damn girl, out of
all the people you could have been with, you picked
the most annoying one, Like I will absolutely fake the funk.
I will find something to talk about.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
I will be like, hey, and it's also like how
close are you with this person?
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Too?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Yeah? The thing is too is like I feel like
at the end of the day, I would hope that
you would have this conversation with your best friend and
if that and if this was something that was important
to your best friend, for you to be able to
hold space, to honor the relationship, to be kind to
the other individual despite things that you may have heard
you as hopefully you were giving the relationship and these
(37:28):
people the space to grow into better versions of themselves.
And if you just so happen to witness the rocky
parts of it, you can also change your opinion on it.
I think that at the end of the day, have
a conversation with your best friend. It is worth having
open communication with the people that you love in order
(37:48):
to save it, in order to save yourself. And if
that's not possible, then like the great aris Maya Angelo said,
love liberates, and.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Like the Great Mayamu, you'll say says, it's not your life.
You're not getting You're not getting fuc k edi, why
do you care?
Speaker 2 (38:10):
But what I was gonna say like, like the Great
Mind video said, wouldn't be me. It's not me? Oh
my god.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Welcome to the astrology portion of the podcast. Okay, we
have some juicy questions. Which signs would we be annoyed
if we dated them?
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Which signs would annoy me if you dated that sign?
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Oh that's right, Okay, so yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I said that I would get annoyed if you dated
another Burgo, I'd be like number one, drop it.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
I would get annoyed too. I think it's time to
go to Libras. I think because it's in my seventh
and eighth house. I haven't tried. I've maybe had a
crush on when Libra, but they goes to me. They
were like during the pandemic, we were talking all throughout
the pandemic. It was super cute. And then he's like, hey,
when this thing is over, you know, we should go
(39:11):
out for a drink or something. And then the thing
was over and I was like, where'd.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
You go.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Gone?
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Do you want to have that drink?
Speaker 3 (39:27):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (39:27):
For me, I wouldn't want you to date another cancer,
an unhealed cancer.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
You need to date an unhealed cancer.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
No, I wouldn't want you to date another unhealed cancer
because they're passive aggressive that you need someone who's going
to be able to hold space, but also you need
someone's going to be very guttioso to you and straight
up like grab you, hug you, pinch your little booty butt,
(39:57):
kiss you, and then push you away. You know, yes,
you want that, you need to be You need to
go with your shoulder up like I.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Just like play that whole thing out of my head
where they like to see me in bed and let
me and then they push me and I roll.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
That's the kind of love that you and I don't
feel like unhealed cancers can do that for you. I
feel like a healed cancer can with a little like
scripio something undertone.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. I feel like for you,
I would love for you to just like just date
a fire sign like fire signs do well with fire signs,
like you guys can live life. You guys can have passion,
like go out there like you know, go hard for it.
I feel like for me, Virgos, I'm just like Virgos,
shut up like me, and you know, I talked for
a full half hour. I talked for a living Virgos
(40:47):
have too many opinions. Virgos talk too much, and yes
we know what we're talking about a lot of times,
but also shut up. You need it. You need to
get roughed up by some big ass fire sign that's
like get on.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Fire signs are scary because like they're you know, fire signed.
Males and females are different. And I kind of have
a crushable fire sign female right now, and I'm scared.
I'm scared, girl. I'm scared. Like she's so beautiful, she's
(41:24):
like so like hell yeah, and I'm like, ah, like
I'm scared, shaking in my freaking boots, dude, like I
have no game.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Well, the thing with every sign is that the less
you take them seriously, the.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
More that being a fire sign and approaching a fire
sign is different. Like you can't, you can't, it's shaking
with me.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
I do well with virgos, though for some reason, I've
had great success in dating virgos and the burgos that
I've dated, even when we didn't work out, we end
up being like really good friends and being like I
get it. I understand.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
That concludes the zodiac section of the podcast. Well, Curly,
he do you plead you know.
Speaker 2 (42:17):
It's situations like this that I really feel like we'll
test the friendship or the bond that you have with people.
I really hope that you can continue to hold space
for the people that you love and understand that as
long as you have an open channel with somebody, you
can communicate with them your own boundaries, but just tell
(42:38):
them like you will always be a safe space for them.
I think that that's the most important thing that you
can offer another human that despite whatever you're going through,
I will always be here. You are so loved in
this house.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
I just don't like your men, and it's as simple
as that. How can they find you? On social media? Curly?
Speaker 2 (42:58):
You can find me at the Curly, on Instagram and
TikTok Maya, where can people find you?
Speaker 1 (43:03):
You can find me at I don't like your boyfriend
and I never will dot com. I'm just kidding, Ao
aerl dot org, dot CoV. You can find me at
Maya in the Moment, m A y A in the
moment on Everywhere. Thank you so much for listening. Make
sure to hits up on our social media to let
(43:24):
us know what you want to hear. In a future
episode of the podcast have you make sure to hit
that subscribe button to hear more episodes every single week.
The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast is a production of
Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael Tha podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
What do you do and you don't like your best
friend's boyfriend?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
What? That's not a song.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
He's just not a good person and you don't like
his boyfriend? What I don't like your boyfriend?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
No?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I don't must.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Okay, man, just just get in here.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
It's fine, guine. My name is Curly and I'm Maya,
and welcome to the Super Secret Bestie Club podcast A
super secret club where we talk about super secret things.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Yeah, like secrets that are super That's what it is.
In each episode, we'll talk about love, friendship, heartbreaks, men,
and of course our favorite secrets. Get in here. There's
a catchy song though, What you do when you don't
like your best buttons? Oh my god?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Well, welcome to another episode of the Super Secret Bestie
Club podcasts. The Super Sacred Besday Club, Super Secret Besday Club.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Super.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Club, Super Secret bestI Club.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
On wing, hands on her knees, hands on her knees,
hands on your knees, to your jugs, to chugs.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Now, clut those thighs overhead, now clup.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Everybody clapped their hands.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Check them titties and shake this ease and whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
It's the holiday.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
It's okay, time this comes out, not anymore.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Oh yeah, we're technically in the past right now, and
you guys are in the future.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah, hopefully you've shut you shook your titties at some
point during this holiday season.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
You shook your titties. You you've shot them.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Shook those titties. Just you sit.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Is it titties with D's or t's, titties or titties?
I like titties with d'sis anyway, So today today we're
talking about well, first of all, how's your spirit, curly?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
My spirit's good. Actually, it's like the you know, almost
the end of twenty twenty three, by the time you
guys hear this to probably twenty twenty four. I feel
so good. I feel so blessed, like I've had a
lot of growth, as you know, this year, and I'm
just happy to be alive. You know, how about you?
How's your spirit?
Speaker 1 (02:41):
I feel good just reflecting and this is like I
have this and then tomorrow I have one meeting and
then I'm done with work for the rest of the
year and i can just melt in my parents' couch
like I've been doing already. So I feel really good.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I love that. I'm like I want to melt in
the couch, but then I get to much anxiety and
I'm like I have to do something.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Oh yeah, well yeah, I've made some videos too, and
you know you have to like supplement.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I wish I was like, like, I wish that my
anxiety told me to create, because my anxiety tells me
to go and refold laundry that's already folded. I think
that's my OCD, to be honest, because it's like, oh,
you know, it's like so much fun. Let's go refold
our sweaters. Like it's weird, but it's me.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
No. I have the opposite where I'm like, how about
we just do nothing? Like on SIMS where it's like
it's like you get the loner status, where it's like,
have your sim do nothing for twenty four hours. That's
me every day when I'm home in Arizona with my parents.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Well, speaking of being alone for twenty four hours, we're
here exactly well, not liking your best friend's boyfriend, which
seems to kind of be the story of our lives. Mine, well, okay,
these are the storys wait. Okay, I would like to
(04:05):
say for the record my husband with me through three
actual relationships, several if not many like crushes, and I
don't think you've ever been like that's the one, Curly,
that's this is you really did it well?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Is it bad to have high expectations for your bestie,
for your homegirl? Like? Is that bad? Shame on me
for wanting the best for you.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Sorry, it's not bad. But you know, there was one
point we talked about this too that I was like,
are you gonna like like any of my boyfriends? Like
I was like, is this like like a little sister
syndrome where like, you know, when I was younger and
my sister would bring a new boy, I'd be like no.
And then finally she did have a boyfriend that I liked.
But you know, when I was a kid, I just
felt kind of like betrayed a little bit when she
(04:59):
got like her boyfriends, because it was supposed to be
and I'm not saying this is you, but this is me.
It was supposed to be me and her. And when
she got her boyfriend, I was like, eh.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Yeah, like one of my friends, who is a little
brother their sister got married and I remember them telling
me they were crying all the way down the aisle
being the ring bearer, like please don't marry Oh my god. Yeah,
but you know, just a little kid thing, you know,
(05:29):
brother sister.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Thing when they were younger.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Okay, yeah, no, no, no, no, no sorry. He was like
super super young and she was like older, the sister
was older. But that kind of reminds me of but
I we'll get into it. But yeah, I had my reasons.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
It's so funny because on our outline that we always
read from, I always say, like, so mind line is
like I feel like my haus never liked any of
my partners. Explain that's me going to say that and explain.
Maya's next line is whoa explanation.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Explanation, Yes, yes, listen, Like here's the thing when you
when your best friend gets into a relationship, like you know,
you also you have to look at like where you're
at in your life and your relationships, where they're at,
(06:25):
where you guys are both at, where a society at,
and like kind of take all of that into account.
You know, this is higher self, Maya. You know, I
used to be very much like like exactly how you described,
like it's supposed to be us against the world. You know,
but and and you know, a part of that was
(06:47):
because I was lonely or was too afraid to go
get my own thing. This has nothing to do with that.
This is solely you know, not saying the guys that
you choose are bad, just saying that you've learned a
lot of lessons. And I've never told you to break
up with them, have I? No, I've never told you.
(07:10):
I've never been like you need to break up with them.
I've never been abrasive. I have said I do not
like that man.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, three times. But here's today's episode. You know, we'll
be talking about, you know, not liking your bff's partner.
But this also applies to your in laws, family members,
like basically a significant other for somebody that you love
a lot, Like what do you do if it's your
I don't know your cousin's new boyfriend or your sister's
(07:38):
new husband or vice versa, Like you don't like your
brother's boyfriend girlfriend wife, and you're like, ugh, Like what
do you do? And how we know we're to talk about
how relatable it is and what it feels like.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Are they just a hating ass bitch and they're lonely?
And bitter or so put the some life.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
But does that song go down Asaverian? Just me and man?
Me and man? Okay, well what do you think? Like
if you think back, what makes you start not liking
my partners?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Who do we start with? Okay? So with A, it
was the jealousy. I saw A being jealous and A
had said some stuff to us, to your friends and me,
trying to pit you against us, like, oh, did you
(08:38):
see Curly has this branded deal or Curly has this
blah blah blah blah. Aren't you guys jealous? And we're like, actually,
we're not. That's our homeboy, like we love him, like
we're still.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Happy for him.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Like it was. It was the jealousy part of that
that I didn't like. I'm like, I'm pretty sure I'm
not being a hating ass bitch. I'm pretty sure your
partner shouldn't be jealous of you. We're talking shit about
their partner to their best friends or coworkers. Yeah, Like,
call me a hating ass bitch, then be wo to B.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Yeah, go to be re drag me.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
B was very passive aggressive and would also talk shit
about you right in front of me, like on the phone.
As we were all on the phone and be like.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
We do that thing that like, okay, yeah, he would.
A lot of couples do this where like they'll be
like like Bob or whatever, like don't you think that
Maya can sometimes blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah,
like they do that kind of like.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
But it was it was it was things that were
like I'm like, I shouldn't be involved in this. It
wasn't funny or cute. It was like serious topics or
like stuff that I was like, I don't And then
and then we like they wanted me to like hang
out and watch drag Race with you guys. I was like,
how no, dude, Like I know a lot in front
(10:03):
of you. Is the bickering part that I'm like, Oh,
I feel like I'm a child. I feel like I'm
a third wheel. You know. Yeah, And it just felt
very elitist, and it felt like they were trying to
make you a trophy wife. And I mean, you know,
and I think that relationship on both sides and same
thing with A like you know, there's a lot to
(10:25):
learn and grow from and stuff like. But I just
didn't my reasonings are I don't like the way that
they treated you, not because of the things you would
tell me the things I experience with my own ears
in my eyes.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Okay, yeah, I mean look, I think that that's true. Right.
I think for a lot of people's situations, it is
a mixture of things that they hear and things that
they see with their ears and their eyes. Because even
for me, like in my situation my personal stuff, whether
it's friends or family, I have seen incidents where somebody
close to me has a significant other that speaks them
(11:00):
in a way that I think is kind of like
you let them talk to you like that, Like right, why,
like you know, if they're like you know. An example
that I have is I saw somebody say like, yeah,
what does it look like? Kind of a thing like oh,
you know when people go like, oh is that are
you going to pick that up? And they go like, yeah,
what do you think like that kind of a thing.
(11:22):
Or when I hear about kind of like somebody not
being considerate, or I hear about somebody being selfish and
not giving my friend the same sort of love not reciprocating,
or I hear them doing something problematic, I'm like, that's
not normal, that's not.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Yeah, and there's a difference between that being their dynamic
because you know, like my parents will talk like that sometimes,
but because they're a married couple over thirty years. Yeah,
they respect each other and they'll they'll call each other
out on those things. However, it was also how you
were feeling about the relationship that was a red flag
to me of like all the combination things. It's like
(12:02):
when you're a best friend and you hear your best
friend talk about these things, where do you hold it? Yeah,
you have to hold it somewhere. And if you don't
have a great processing system, filtering system or like protection
bubble to not feel that, you will feel it because
you care so much about your best friends, not in
(12:24):
a possessive or obsessive way. It's like your family to me,
you know, like we're family.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
I mean it's kind of hard because like even with
me and like a certain situation in my life, like
I'm very you that other person who's like closest to
me and who their partner is, I'm very like you're
an adult. I'm going to tell you what I think.
I'm going to hold space for you. I'm going to
talk to you about it, and I'm going to be
as honest as I can, but I will always leave
(12:53):
it up to you, like I will always be like,
but you, as an adult, decide what it is that
you want to do and if you you want to
stay in your patterns, I have like a lot of
people that I'm like, if you want to stay in
your patterns and this is who you are, you also
need to understand that as well, like, yes we can
have conversations, Yes I can hold space for you, but
(13:14):
also I will remind you this is a pattern that
you absolutely have the power to walk away from, and
you're choosing not to. And so and my thing, you know,
has always been like I had a friend who I
didn't fuck with their significant other for a very long
time because of things that I would hear, and I
would be like, I'm your friend, and I don't want
(13:38):
to be friends with them because I know that I'm
a really nice individual, and I will befriend them and
I will make them and I will want to be
friends with them, and I want to hear their side
of the story and I want to hear what's on
their thing. And I'm very much like, oh yeah, well,
I could see how you could. I could see where
you guys are gonna say yelling match because of that,
you know, so I have to put like I also
(14:00):
have to put rule as ounce on as where I'm like,
I don't want to meet your person. I don't. I'm
your friend, so if something happens, I'm bouncing with you,
like you get me in the divorce.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
You know, For me, it took. It feels like what
(14:29):
you're explaining took a lot of work to develop that
mental strategy. Right, maybe it comes natural to you. For me,
it didn't.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Like.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Growing up, I had a lot of friends who were
with terrible, horrible boyfriends, horrible boyfriends, and I would just
have to listen to them, and sometimes I would get
too involved and they're like, Maya, we just want you
to be supportive, like just be supportive. I'm like, how
am I being supportive? How can I be supportive when
and today you're okay about him, and then tomorrow we
(15:03):
don't like him, and then the next day literally day
by day.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Yeah, yeah, day by day.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
This is in high school. Yeah yeah, this is in
high school, and you know, and so it was. And
I even had like a bigger blow up with like
one of my other friends where I just had to
be like, you know what, like don't talk to me
about them, don't talk to me about them, like because
(15:31):
you see how how it makes me like and no
matter what, like if you were choosing, like it's just
at some point you have to put up a boundary. Yeah,
you know, like, friend, go do your thing. That's your man, godspeed.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
I'm very much like the type to go. It's funny. Oh,
by the way, I did want to say this is
for if you don't like your person's significant other for
a good reason, like if it's something shallow, like you're
like they're not for you, they don't make enough enough
money for you, or like they're corny, they're not this,
they're not that. Like you can do better, Like we're
not talking to you like you're fucked up, Like let
(16:08):
your friend love who they want to love, like you
stop being a hater, like loosen up that booty hole
and let people love Like that is not what we're
talking about. We're talking about basically toxic.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Relationships, fundamental things.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I feel like for me, right, I
can hold space in a lot of different ways that
are not I can hold space with relationships. If you
want to call me and talk about something, you know this,
it's actually like a passion of mind to learn about
relationships and love and talk about them. So hearing about
people's dynamic, whether that's friendships or or like platonic or
(16:44):
romantic relationships, I can hold space. I can't hold space
for people who are like considering going sober and then
they come to me every time and they're like, oh,
I want to stop drinking and blah blah blah blah blah,
like and then I see them getting drunk, like I can't. Like,
I'm like, I that is a boundary for me. It is.
It's not that it's triggering, but it's just like it
puts some thoughts in my head sometimes where I'm like, damn,
(17:06):
I haven't had a relapse, Like is that something that
happens like and I'd rather just not deal with someone's
shit that's not mine. So do you feel like maybe
that's what happens to you a little bit? Or I
don't know, Like I'm not equating love with alcoholism, but
do you feel like maybe.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
You Oh, yeah, sometimes it affects me personally for sure,
and then it makes you think of like well, I
feel like a loser because I should be experiencing these things.
They're growing at a rapid pace and because they're they're
in a relationship with someone and I'm not because I'm alone.
And yet I feel like I invalidate myself because I
(17:42):
haven't had that experience to give advice to people when
they ask me what I think you know? So it
does affect me, but then it's it's kind of like
you have to separate yourself and like they're bound Everyone
has different boundaries. But like I think I've learned to
be like I've really worked on my protection bubble to
(18:06):
be like nothing that you're saying is going to stick
to me and it's going to make me feel like
shit later, Yeah, because because that's your energy, that's your
deal that you're going through, it's not mine. I can
hold space for you. And if I don't feel like
it that day, then we'll say, like I just I
can't handle like you know, uh, I can't handle one
of these talks like or updates, like you know, I'm
(18:28):
going through my own thing. But I think I think
boundaries are a big thing when it comes to any
any sort of conversation that is like potentially triggering.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Yeah, it's funny because I had my sister when I
was very young said to me that she was talking
to her best friend about a relationship and her best
friend kind of put set boundaries with her. And I
remember my sister and we were young, and this is
the early two thousands, and maybe her opinion has changed
since then, I don't know, but it's a lesson that
kind of It's something that she said to me that
has never left me. And she was like, your place
(19:02):
is a best friend is to hold space basically for
your best friend is to hear your best friend out
like that is That's what makes your best friend. And
the fact that I can't go to her makes me
feel kind of like sad that I can't do that.
And so that's something that I've always really been mindful of.
I do get mad though, when people that I've held
(19:23):
spaceport can't do the same for me, And then it
becomes like a thing where I'm like, hold up, I'll
listen to you ruminate and talk about things for it's
been six years now that we've been talking about you know, God,
get that nova whatever, whatever, And I'm in this weird
situation with this current relationship, and I need to be reassured,
(19:46):
and if you can't give it to me, I do
get a little like huffy. I'm like, are doing Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
I would drive me freaking crazy because it also makes
you feel like you are the crazy one too, or
like just like holding all this space for the other
person and you're like, okay, well I have also like
you also need to let it go and let it out.
And when you're just like you just end the call
and they're like, okay, well bye, I talk to you later,
(20:14):
and you're.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Like or like, oh gotta go. I'm like, yeah, I
gotta go. Okay, I'm like I'm out, Like I'm not
even gonna talk. I will distance myself when people do
that to me. I'm like it's cool, Like I'm okay,
I know what's up. I know what's happening. I don't
want to impose on you. It's totally fine. I also
have a therapist, so I'm like, I'll just talk to
my therapist, right.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
And how do you feel on the other side of
like you, I mean, you know, I think we've all
experienced when we've had road bumps with a friend or
with a relationship, romantic relationship or not, and we tell
our friends and our family about it, like where is
the line of not wanting them to create resentment or
(20:59):
hate towards your partner? Because relationships change all the freaking time,
and people change, and you have to give people grace.
And I think in the relationship see with you, I
really practiced a lot of grace.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Yeah, it's hard. It's really hard because one of the
lessons that I'm very open. I am an open book.
I'm with anyone. You meet me at the supermarket and
You'll be like, how was your last relationship, and I'll
spill my guts right, Like, I'm very open, So it's
hard for me to I'm like the rowing rapids, I'm
raging waters. I am a proud river that just just
(21:39):
flows with information right when it comes to my own stuff.
But it's hard because so that means my best friends know,
my family know, my cousins know. Like and I also
that one of the things that I learning how to
practice with me myself is like how do you feel
about that? Like, yes, you can check in with other
people in relationship, but like, how do you feel about that?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
First and foremost?
Speaker 2 (22:03):
First and foremost, Yeah, I mean for me personally, because
I grew up in somewhat of an abusive household, my
threshold for bullshit is rather large. My ability to have
patience is kind of incredible, to the point where I'd
be like, well, he didn't hit me, so I think
we're okay.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Yeah, So it's hard. So I check in with my
community a lot, and I do feel like my community
has saved me in a lot of different ways. And
so it's hard. But I think that it's also can
be isolating, to be honest, like when you want to
(22:44):
turn to people in terms of something that feels like
you want your best friends or you want them there,
but your best friend doesn't like them, or they don't
want to hear it, or your family like my dad
did that to me. My dad was like I don't
want to hear it anymore. And I was like, if
I can't talk to the man who I whose opinion
I hold like dearest to me, who like I need
(23:08):
that I want that opinion? And then it makes me
isolate and it made me kind of like not want
to tell anybody at all. And and you know, we
kind of talked about with us, we kind of did
get a little distant with one of my relationships because
you were you were kind of like I could tell
that you were over it and I just needed to
figure shit out, you know.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yeah, I remember that point where it was kind of
like I felt a little burnt out and exhausted, and
I don't want it to be like you were suffering
so much through this relationship, and I'm like, well, I
suffer too, but it's just like it's the burnout, you know,
It's the burnout of like when you're like, let's say hypothetically,
(23:54):
you're bestie is dating someone who's a raging narcissist who's horrible,
mean and truly malicious, and you hear about it all
the time, and then they have a good week and
then you just have to kind of like where do
you put that? You have to be like, oh, that's good,
that's good, Like, you know, you don't want to be like, well,
just make sure that blah blah blah blah, you know,
(24:16):
because I have family members who are like that, who
are man haters no matter what, you know, And I
knew that this last time. I'm like, go figure it out, friend,
you know, go figure it out.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yeah, Yeah, I mean I was telling you earlier when
we were writing this that there's a song by the
Supremes that's like, uh, oh my god, what is it?
I forget what it's called, but it's like, how can
Mary tell me what to do when she lost her love?
Speaker 3 (24:43):
So true?
Speaker 2 (24:44):
And then she drags the other Supremes. She's like and
flo she don't know because the boy she loves is
a row meo oh sorry, So she drags both of
them and then she's like, I listened once to my
friend's advice and it's not gonna happen twice because all
advice has ever gotten me was really long and sleepless nights.
So sometimes, oh, because all advice ever gotten me was
(25:10):
really long as sleepless nights. All she goes it's like
a higher but like that's kind of the thing where
it happens, right, like you do start to go into
you kind of it gets like I said, like you
get kind of like, well, so and so has this opinion,
but they don't know because they're not in the same
(25:30):
sex relationship, right or so and so has this but
they don't know because I know this person more than
they do.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Right, like I or they're not in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
They're not in the relations is in it all the things.
They don't love them the way that I love them.
And it's hard because, yes, you can see that you're
exhausting your friendships, you can see all that, But I
do believe that I do. I have to believe that.
Me myself, with my energy, I would have to be like,
(26:06):
I will be here for as long as you want
me here, but if you push me out, then I
can't do anything about that. Like I'll give you my opinion.
I'll be like I don't like that. I don't think
that's cool. Have you tried this or have you gone
to therapy? Or what are the things? Or da da
da da dah, But like, I don't know. I can
understand the exhaustion. But it is kind of this thing
where I would hope that I would be more open
(26:27):
to listening and holding space for something that you're just
so confused about because you're so in love. Like it's
almost like if you're addicted and you have an addiction,
which we know love is, and I'm asking you to
make a rash decision, like a rational decision, and you're
like super high and you just or it just is hard.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
When you hear them say like Maya, I'm done, he's crazy,
I'm never going back, like all of these really clear,
clear things, and then the next month it's like you
never said that, and you have to. I don't ever
want to call anyone crazy. I don't want anyone call
(27:11):
anyone like, I don't ever want to, you know, say anything.
But what the fuck.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Do you do?
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Yeah? Yeah, like I mean.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
I mean I feel like I would say, like, remember
last month, like you did say your face it's very gentle.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
These are real conversations that mine I've had. Those are
real best the like trials and tribulations that we have
gone through. Quality of a friendship is not determined by
how well you get along, but by what y'all can survive,
you know, So, like we have been together through so
many different things at this point, career moves, career choices,
(27:49):
like everything, different relationships, different people coming in and out,
and you know, I think this one kind of rocked
us a little bit because we were like not rocked
us that hard. I don't think it rocked us that hard.
I think it just rocked us for like a month,
because that's how long that shit lasted.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Because I knew, I knew my third eye was telling
me it is not over. And I said, I know,
so I knew, I knew, I just I and I
know things.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Huh yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
But this is what I always say too with my
own personal stuff. I'm like, if you need to go
and touch the flame to find out that something is hot,
that something is not for you, go and touch the
flame because you know it'll burn you over and over again.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
And you're like, and how many times have I talked
about the same person for five years?
Speaker 2 (28:59):
I mean literally, go and listen to any other episode on.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
We're Stopping Today, We're Stopping Today.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Somebody so much it makes me know. But look, I
think that, like on the flip for people who are
kind of stuck where you were at where you are
watching somebody that you said something to me once. I
remember you said. It's something like you didn't say it
like this, but you were like I was scared, I
(29:31):
thought you were a goner or something like that. What
did you say you were like, I was, I was
really worried, Like I was scared that you weren't going
to come to your senses or something. What did you say?
Speaker 3 (29:41):
I don't know it.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Was something to the effect of that was close. I
thought you were going to be a goner. Like I
wasn't sure what was going to happen, because it was
fucking with my mentality and fucking.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
With like my oh yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think
I It was just kind of like I was very
burnt out by you know, this whole situation, because I
also wasn't really liking who you were with this person
and how much you were crying, confused, upset, like being
(30:19):
gaslet would have to write down your notes like all
this stuff. I didn't like it. Oh, I did not
like that, And I was like, you know what, I
was ready. Honestly, I was like, if you were choosing
this person, if you say to me, Maya, this is
the man that I love, this is who I'm going
to marry, I would be like, Okay, that's the man
(30:40):
you're going to marry, all right, Like I would accept it.
But a part of us, I think would have been
a little bit gone because I felt like I would
have had to compromise a little bit because I do
not like that man, and I will stand on that
for the day I die.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Well. The thing is too is that that's kind of
one of the things that I will say that going
into what would we say to somebody who was in
the situation, It's kind of unfortunate, but that's kind of
the name of the game. It is absolutely a compromisation.
It is absolutely a compromisation of the self and the
things that you might be able to say to your
(31:21):
best friend or the person that you love. But you
can choose what your boundaries are. I think you can
choose exactly what you were saying earlier, exactly what I
was saying earlier, what my friend said, what my sister's
friend said to her years ago. It's just a thing
of like you can decide what your boundaries are and
what are good for, what's good for like your mental health,
(31:42):
in terms of what is it that you can hold.
I think that like what we said here is like
if if your reasons for not liking your friend's significant
others rooted in protection and how much you love them
and not because of your own you have to ask
yourself to as is it's not rooted in your own
bullshit and your own stuff and your own insecurities, like
(32:05):
and U like, oh I just don't want to be
seen with him, or I don't want to be the
third wheel, Like what is the uh how do you
then move forward with continuing your life and your journey
with somebody that you love, because.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
We're a mirror, you know, So if you feel like, man,
it was supposed to be me, my bestie against the world,
it's like, well, you guys are going to get married
and have families one day. And it's I mean most
of the time. Sometimes you know, people have their own
lives and they live it and it's not because they're
maybe a little distant, and it's not because they don't
(32:39):
love you anymore, they don't like you. It's because it
is It's just life, you know. So like, what is
it in you that you can't let your best friend
figure this thing out? Like, you know, because if you
were in that situation, you would want to figure it
out too, because you when you're lost in the sauce
when you were in love, like it is hard to
(33:03):
get out, is hard to listen to anyone. Like you said,
I'm definitely one of those people who has to touch
the flame and be like out. Yeah, well I touched
it with my right hand. I wonder if the left
hand would be different.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Oh yeah, oh, will be her. I yeh, feel like
in the same ways that I would would talk to
somebody who's dealing with addiction, right, Like, I have to
let you do your thing. Adults will, adult people will people.
I have to let you do your thing, but I
can choose to take a step back and be like,
(33:39):
I'm going to let you do that.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
One of the most important things that my mom did
with me when I dated like a raging narcissist when
I was nineteen was she had to tell my dad,
like the more we push her away, or the more
we tell her we don't like these things or we
don't like him, whatever, the more she'll push away from us.
Like you want your best friend or whoever it is,
(34:02):
to feel comfortable enough to come to you when they
don't feel safe, you know. And I think that was
the biggest thing with like our situation, because I know
I'm feeling I know this sounds very intense, but this
was an intense situation, you know what I'm saying. Like,
this wasn't just like a like a little annoying thing.
It was it was like something that I feel like,
(34:25):
I don't know, it was weird, but you yeah, and
you have to make sure that the other person, whoever
it is, feels comfortable to come to you when they
don't feel safe, you know, because otherwise, like they could
be in a situation I feel like they have nobody
around them because a narcissist has literally like made them
(34:46):
annihilate their whole support group in some.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Way, which can absolutely happen, you know. That's why people
dating abusive partners like lose out on connections because their
partners will manipulate the situation.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
So coming from the like best friend's side, like be
gentle when you were talking to whoever it is about
their partner, but also be true to yourself, Like I think,
don't be fake about it if you have to walk
on eggshells with them, Like that is the biggest red flag.
If you're not able to tell your best friend the
truth and if they're not able to take it, and
(35:22):
if they're super defensive about it, I think there's something
rooted in there as well. I think the great thing
with like us is that we've established like feedback in
many different ways and not get defensive, but also we've
told each other like thank you for your feedback, Gonna
do my own thing, you know, but be gentle, you know,
(35:44):
have grace, Like this isn't something that is like I
know it could be really triggering for both parties, but
this isn't something that you can just get over like that,
Like it's easier said than done, and sometimes you just
have to let them figure it out, like let people
people be open with your emotions, Like yeah, I think the.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Other thing too, is like you know, be open with
your emotions. And I like what you said too about
we have developed channels where we can talk to each other.
We have already done that, so we're very open. I
want to be there as much as I can for
the individual. And this is assuming that it's not abusive, right,
This is assuming that it's not endangering your life, because
(36:24):
if that's the case, then I would be like girl,
like come on, like I will be straight up with you.
This is just kind of assuming, like it is what
it is, Like, I don't know, like if if I
have to fake the funk for you though, or somebody
that I love even though they annoy the shit, I
(36:44):
don't mean, even though I'm like, damn girl, out of
all the people you could have been with, you picked
the most annoying one, Like I will absolutely fake the funk.
I will find something to talk about.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
I will be like, hey, and it's also like how
close are you with this person?
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Too?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Yeah? The thing is too is like I feel like
at the end of the day, I would hope that
you would have this conversation with your best friend and
if that and if this was something that was important
to your best friend, for you to be able to
hold space, to honor the relationship, to be kind to
the other individual despite things that you may have heard
you as hopefully you were giving the relationship and these
(37:28):
people the space to grow into better versions of themselves.
And if you just so happen to witness the rocky
parts of it, you can also change your opinion on it.
I think that at the end of the day, have
a conversation with your best friend. It is worth having
open communication with the people that you love in order
(37:48):
to save it, in order to save yourself. And if
that's not possible, then like the great aris Maya Angelo said,
love liberates, and.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Like the Great Mayamu, you'll say says, it's not your life.
You're not getting You're not getting fuc k edi, why
do you care?
Speaker 2 (38:10):
But what I was gonna say like, like the Great
Mind video said, wouldn't be me. It's not me? Oh
my god.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
Welcome to the astrology portion of the podcast. Okay, we
have some juicy questions. Which signs would we be annoyed
if we dated them?
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Which signs would annoy me if you dated that sign?
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Oh that's right, Okay, so yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I said that I would get annoyed if you dated
another Burgo, I'd be like number one, drop it.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
I would get annoyed too. I think it's time to
go to Libras. I think because it's in my seventh
and eighth house. I haven't tried. I've maybe had a
crush on when Libra, but they goes to me. They
were like during the pandemic, we were talking all throughout
the pandemic. It was super cute. And then he's like, hey,
when this thing is over, you know, we should go
(39:11):
out for a drink or something. And then the thing
was over and I was like, where'd.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
You go.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Gone?
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Do you want to have that drink?
Speaker 3 (39:27):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (39:27):
For me, I wouldn't want you to date another cancer,
an unhealed cancer.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
You need to date an unhealed cancer.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
No, I wouldn't want you to date another unhealed cancer
because they're passive aggressive that you need someone who's going
to be able to hold space, but also you need
someone's going to be very guttioso to you and straight
up like grab you, hug you, pinch your little booty butt,
(39:57):
kiss you, and then push you away. You know, yes,
you want that, you need to be You need to
go with your shoulder up like I.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Just like play that whole thing out of my head
where they like to see me in bed and let
me and then they push me and I roll.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
That's the kind of love that you and I don't
feel like unhealed cancers can do that for you. I
feel like a healed cancer can with a little like
scripio something undertone.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. I feel like for you,
I would love for you to just like just date
a fire sign like fire signs do well with fire signs,
like you guys can live life. You guys can have passion,
like go out there like you know, go hard for it.
I feel like for me, Virgos, I'm just like Virgos,
shut up like me, and you know, I talked for
a full half hour. I talked for a living Virgos
(40:47):
have too many opinions. Virgos talk too much, and yes
we know what we're talking about a lot of times,
but also shut up. You need it. You need to
get roughed up by some big ass fire sign that's
like get on.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Fire signs are scary because like they're you know, fire signed.
Males and females are different. And I kind of have
a crushable fire sign female right now, and I'm scared.
I'm scared, girl. I'm scared. Like she's so beautiful, she's
(41:24):
like so like hell yeah, and I'm like, ah, like
I'm scared, shaking in my freaking boots, dude, like I
have no game.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Well, the thing with every sign is that the less
you take them seriously, the.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
More that being a fire sign and approaching a fire
sign is different. Like you can't, you can't, it's shaking
with me.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
I do well with virgos, though for some reason, I've
had great success in dating virgos and the burgos that
I've dated, even when we didn't work out, we end
up being like really good friends and being like I
get it. I understand.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
That concludes the zodiac section of the podcast. Well, Curly,
he do you plead you know.
Speaker 2 (42:17):
It's situations like this that I really feel like we'll
test the friendship or the bond that you have with people.
I really hope that you can continue to hold space
for the people that you love and understand that as
long as you have an open channel with somebody, you
can communicate with them your own boundaries, but just tell
(42:38):
them like you will always be a safe space for them.
I think that that's the most important thing that you
can offer another human that despite whatever you're going through,
I will always be here. You are so loved in
this house.
Speaker 1 (42:50):
I just don't like your men, and it's as simple
as that. How can they find you? On social media? Curly?
Speaker 2 (42:58):
You can find me at the Curly, on Instagram and
TikTok Maya, where can people find you?
Speaker 1 (43:03):
You can find me at I don't like your boyfriend
and I never will dot com. I'm just kidding, Ao
aerl dot org, dot CoV. You can find me at
Maya in the Moment, m A y A in the
moment on Everywhere. Thank you so much for listening. Make
sure to hits up on our social media to let
(43:24):
us know what you want to hear. In a future
episode of the podcast have you make sure to hit
that subscribe button to hear more episodes every single week.
The Super Secret Bestie Club podcast is a production of
Sonodo in partnership with iHeartRadio's Michael Tha podcast Network.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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