November 13, 2024 • 57 mins
A caller contemplates their life at 35 and questions what they can do to better spend their finite time on earth.
Later a caller speaks about how hard times have strengthened their relationship and a final caller contracts an Victorian disease.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Yeah, I can hear you.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, what's up. What's your name? My name is Dylan Dylan.
Have we ever talked before? Dylan?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
No, we haven't, not at all.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
What's up, man?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
How you doing A few times?
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Well? You doing?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yeh? I'm looking for meaning, looking for meaning in life.
I kind of want to not find myself waking up
at the end of my life and looking back and
realizing that I didn't live it along the way. I
just kind of waited.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Yeah, yeah, I would be happy to talk about that.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
How old are you?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Thirty five?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Okay, what do you do? You do you think you've
been well?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I guess that would start with, like, as, what in
the first thirty five years of your life have you
been doing or or valuing?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
You know?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Yeah, well flash summary of thirty five years deck. I
was raised hyper religious and a pseudo kind of cult
like branch of Christianity. I came to like the west
Boro Baptistricts. Got out of that. Whoa, yeah, you can.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Keep keep keep going.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
No no, no, top, I'm gonna sit back and shut up
keep going.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
So eighteen ran Off joined the army, went to Iraq
so in love with dow in my unit we were
together during our deployment, talked under the stars in the
desert and thought that it was going to be forever
and if we could get through war, then we could
(02:00):
the rest. And didn't it turn out to be what
I thought. We were just young, and you know, she
wanted to go in and see what other options life has.
And I don't blame her for that, you know, Like
I said, we were both kids, but I took it
hard for the first fifteen years after that, and I
(02:24):
haven't had a relationship since working Can I can?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I can? I?
Speaker 4 (02:30):
Can?
Speaker 3 (02:30):
I stop you for I want to hear the rest
of your life story, but you say okay. To sum
it up, Yeah, you met this lady in your unit,
and you guys really fell in love with each other
and things didn't work out. She tried to pursue other options,
which I and you guys met when you were eighteen, Right,
(02:51):
that's what you say? Uh? You kind of alluded to
saying that it hit you pretty hard for the for
fifteen years after that.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Tell me more about that.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yeah, yeah, Well, but basically my entire twenties in the
last I guess, like nineteen in the twenty and in
my entire twenties. I just was in a deep depression,
you know, working dead end jobs, and I ended up
(03:22):
in factory in the back room for six years, just
kind of going through the motions of getting money to
pay the bills and then going home and watching YouTube.
And I finally woke up when I had a very
close friend to past and I kind of got faced
(03:45):
with a decision where I was like, well, I could
either kind of give up or I could try, And
so I chose to try. But now I'm there. Now
that's where I'm at. I met this place where I'm like,
it's like I'm paralyzed, existential paralyzed, pterialism.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I don't know why I'm not trying, why I'm not
doing this thing.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
I want to.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Let me let me, let me ask you to clarify
something you said. You woke up one day and then
decided you wanted to You said you had a friend
pass away and that was kind of like catalyst for you,
as you say, trying.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
How long ago was this.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
In July twenty one? Yeah, Well, the only real friends
person I talked to about everything. We're just friends friends, friends.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Yeah, not romantic.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah, but it was the surprise that happened fast.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
When you said you were just working back a little bit,
you said that there's this thing with this girl hit
you hard for fifteen years. When you say you were
in a depression, are you not saying you were in
a depression? I was thinking about that relationship for fifteen years.
Would you were you?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
I think it was it was a mix of things.
I ended up losing my state that I had in
my childhood around that time, and just like I just
fell into a deep stage depression.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
I think it was.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Caused by a lot of different things, but one big
thing was definitely Yeah, I felt pretty worthless and not
worthy of people's time. I guess after that relationship so apart,
I didn't deal with it very healthily for those for
(05:52):
that period of time.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
And you say you lost you say you lost your faith,
like religious faith.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Right, Yeah. I got exposed to more things in the world,
you know, when I went overseas and I was in
a part of the downtown bank Dad and we were
rolling through and I saw people shopping and people eating,
kids playing with a soccer ball in particular, and just
kind of hit me that for the most part, they
(06:22):
were just people there. They weren't the evil Islamic other
you know, I mean, I don't know, it's.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Well, I mean, I mean, yeah, you said, you said
you grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church, right.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
You know, kind of a branch of uh what'd call
the first Baptist Northern Baptist Church that idolized the west
Bureo Baptist Ric's not actually part of the west Boro baptistricts.
But we looked at them guys as like heroes on
the front line.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
But but you you know, yeah, you're going up in
a church that's basically like telling you, like those guys
over there, you know are are are? You know that
you're they're fucked up.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Right exactly? That they're evil in some way. And then
they were just people when I.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Got right right now?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Yea, you you said in twenty twenty one, you woke
up and you were like, I'm gonna start trying.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I guess it. It meant like I looks for a
better job. I got in at the male clinic insecurity,
and you know, it paid better and had more opportunities
as a career path. I thought that that was trying more.
(07:52):
I was hoping to maybe try writing. I don't know,
I guess, I guess I felt like I put my
life on pause during the depression and didn't really try
much of anything beyond just going through a dead end job,
getting enough to pay for necessities in my rent and
(08:17):
then that was it, you know, not a lot of
social activity and not a lot of anything other than
consuming YouTube content that are going on Wikipedia.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
So when you said, when you say that you're you're
like looking for meaning and you don't want to wake
up at the end of your life and feel like
it was unlived. There's a power, there's a powerful uh
desires what but so you cut like to audit yourself
and audit your brain? I mean what, like what do
(08:55):
you value? I mean that's the thing, is like you
can't really search for meeting you like kind of create
it from within and decided, uh, you know, for yourself.
So what what?
Speaker 1 (09:09):
What?
Speaker 3 (09:09):
When you are thinking about these things, have you like
decided for yourself is meaningful?
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Yeah? I guess that's yeah, I mean, I've I mean
that's literally I guess. The question the existential crisis part
of it is just like how do you create meaning?
How do I create self value? Or work, you know,
without like trying to find validation from other people, because
that's been like my stumbling block because I do die
(09:40):
your validation from other people that I don't get it.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah no no at a certain point. God,
it's so hard to like fucking mentally get there. But
I'm also having the some epiphanies of like, you truly
have to build you if you if you if your
car runs on the engine of other people's validation, you you, uh,
(10:07):
you're just fucked. You know. You have to kind of build,
you have to really build like a solid foundation of
like deciding that your fucking life matters and that do
your you care about your having a good life?
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Uh? But again, like I, uh, well, what makes what
would make you have a good life? Like what do
you what do you want? My dog?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I think connection with some people would be good. But
it feels like this herculean task, you know, because now
I'm got so much life baggage, you know, how do
I just show up and dump that on somebody's laugh,
you know, or expect as an adult? You know, it's
just like you just bring so much more to it.
(10:57):
When we were on the playground as kid, you had nothing.
He just walked up and said, I want to be friends. Yeah,
and now we're friend cool.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
You know, Oh man, you know, I totally feel where
you're coming from.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Dude, I really do, I really feel where you're coming from.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
And uh, I'm I can off.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
I'm I'm gonna off for a thought to you, Why
do you do you feel like it is so necessary
to let that baggage, uh define you? Why?
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Like?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Why like why are you holding onto it? Why?
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Like in your brain you're talking about like I I
like even just the way that you've mentally set up
your existence is is by putting your baggage first and
realizing and and just saying like you've like kind of
mentally decided for yourself that your baggage is a defining
element of who you are and so therefore to make
(12:07):
new connections you have to put it at the at
the forefront of who you are.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And that won't work.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
It's hard to I wanted you know, the whole I
can't release sit here and uh rant about how you
should you know, just let it go, because I really
know that that's It's not that easy.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
But I think it's kind of very interesting.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
It's a but it's a I just know in my
even though like, uh, I think I've done it in
in like my life and I think it's a makes sense,
but you you just it's a mistake to let it
define you and put it at the you know, your
(12:54):
mental forefront image of who you are. It's a real mistake,
and it is it is something that you have control
over because you kind of get to define your own
perspective of who you are. And so you're you're a
control of whether or not you want to let yeah, yeah, yeah,
(13:15):
you got to change the story.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Well that's so I am to answer some of the
questions in the chat. I do go to the VIA
center and see it therapist, a real counselor too.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Oh oh sorry, do me a favorite? Do me a favorite?
Can you not? Can you not look at the chat?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Sure, sure, sorry what we're saying.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
So I was just gonna say that changing the story
I tell myself. I guess I had seen my baggage
of something that I thought I had to sit, you know,
but you think like could literally just set it down
and move forward without it, you know, just like say
scrap it the first thirty five and let's just go
(13:57):
from here. No, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
I don't I don't know if that's what I'm few.
I don't know if that's I mean, maybe I'm really no. Uh,
I'm again. I'm not like I'm not advising on anything.
I'm just kind of thinking about these things alongside you.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I think there's something.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
To be said, there's something to be said about like
you don't have to Huh. You thought you had to
fix it first before it's an interesting idea.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I have to fix this baggage.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
I have need to fix these things about myself before
I'm able to have connections with people.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Yeah, I've been in my.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Personal life and I've really been thinking a lot about Uh,
this idea that you can kind of accept the I
used to be afraid of, like accepting certain things about
myself because then it meant I wouldn't work on them, right,
Like that's the fallacy. It's like, what's like like like
like if I accept that I don't like the way
(15:04):
if I accept that I don't like the way I
live my life, or I accept it for what it is,
I'll stop working on it, and then I'll just continue
to sink more in a misery. That's kind of the
fallacy I was working off of, and I've kind of
begin to understand it more as I get older, which
is like no acceptance is like I ecept is that
(15:26):
you can accept things about yourself that you don't like
and still work to fix them. It's just that you
you don't have to like fucking hate yourself in order
to fix yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
I don't think do you know that makes sense?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
It does make sense, but yeah, I do believe, like
I thought the same thing that like, if I accept
the shit parts, then I'm not going to fix them,
or I'm not going to improve on them. Then if
I accept them, I'll just let it go, right, So
I believe I think I believe that same thing.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
But that's.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah, I guess that is a fallacy. So give it.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
It's really hard, it is, Yes, it is, it is.
It's really.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
I mean, I've written a few short things about that
feeling looking in the mirror.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yeah, hm hmm, yeah, I don't Uh, it's a whole
it's a whole thing. I think this is the plot
of the movie Surfs Up. Have you ever seen that movie?
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I'll have not Now I can't say it, but.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
I think there's some messages in there about hating yourself
and trying to overcome that.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I have to check it out. I've seen surf Ninjas.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
What is that? What is that movie?
Speaker 2 (17:05):
It's uh shipes movie about these three brothers that it
turns out they are ninjas.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
I want you, I just can we?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Can we?
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I just for your own I don't know? Can we?
I want to think of something for you to do.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Is there do you want to do any like? Like
you want you You're just looking for meaning like I
I think you're like you're due for like a Walter
Midty fucking adventure.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
You're done that that.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
I I'm not sure who Walter Mitty is, but the
idea of an adventure that hits home. I've been looking
into Ernest Hemingway recently as a right just dove.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Do you do you have kids?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
No?
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Give well, wife or a girlfriend or anything?
Speaker 5 (18:03):
No?
Speaker 2 (18:03):
My only of real Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Would you have any responsibility? Oh? You have a cat?
You can get a cat? Go go go? Did go do?
When's the last time you left the country.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Uh Iraq?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Back when you were eighteen ago?
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Yeah, a long time ago.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Do you have any savings?
Speaker 2 (18:25):
I have a little bit.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Yeah, you could, you should do something I know. It's
not like, yeah, I gotta solve your problems by traveling,
but like if you're if you're looking to like be like,
oh I want to make something out of my life.
I mean you should go do something on a weird adventure,
go to is there anywhere that you've ever thought of?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
So I like the whimsical ideas of doing random things
that so like. I bought Babbel a year and a
half ago because I was like, I'll learn a second language.
I tried to learn Spanish because it would be so
useful to know Spanish for so many reasons, but it
was like eating my vegetables. So I didn't get into it,
didn't do it. Just recently I found out that the
(19:04):
creator of my favorite show, Pushing Daisies, his favorite movie
and inspiration was Amaali. It's a French movie from two
thousand and one about a gal. It's really great, recommend
it to anybody. Amazingly shot, very visual. But I was like, hey,
wouldn't be funny to buy it watch it in French
without subtitles. I don't know French, but I did that
(19:26):
and it was great. It's awesome. It's cool to watch
a movie. In a different language without subtitles, because then
you don't pay attention to the words and you get
to see everything else about it. But I was said
Ernest Teman way loved France. Wouldn't it be cool to
buy a ticket, fly to France, have dinner, after dinner,
(19:46):
get on the plane, fly back.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Why do you hold on? Why would? Why the fuck would?
Why the fuck would you do that? Why do you
just go to France?
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Why do you have to make it a crazy Why
don't I just go for a bit, just go so
for a spend a little bit more than a I'll
just go and go on a little adventure.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Man, Yeah I could.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
I guess that's the whimsical part about it. It's just like,
how ridiculous would that be to spend all that money
to go have dinner and come right back? You know,
I don't know that.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
I'm very I'm very nervous about that being the way
that your brain works.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
What's your name? Your tsurnam again?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Man, Dylan?
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Dylan?
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Why don't you go instead of making it a cartoon,
why don't you actually just go to France and do
things and try to meet people and like put yourself
out there a little bit.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
If you why didn't you do that?
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I think it's, you know, I think it's fear of
trying to do that and then getting rejected. You know,
here's what I been rejecting.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Dylan Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, you want to know
something crazy want I'm gonna tell you. So I'm gonna
tell you something crazy. I believe this sort of. I
believe it in the moment that I'm saying it to you,
because I'm I'm I'm just hyped up talking to you,
and I'm getting a hype.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
I feel hype.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
I feel hyped up right now. So I believe this
in this very moment that I'm saying it. Okay, Dylan,
the second you tried, you were successful.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
If you So that's the thing is if you if
you go to France.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
And you're there and you're look at you're standing and
you're eating You're sorry, you're at dinner and you're eating
a snail, or like you're walking around town and you're
looking to people, You're gonna feel so great that you tried,
because that's part of the is Like if you you're
you're sitting here and you're going like, Oh, I'm trying
to get more meaning out of my life. I'm trying
(21:55):
to feel like I made something out of myself. And
when you just sit in your house and you fester
with that, you're failing. Is because you're sitting and you're festering.
But the fact that you traveled and you like you tried,
you made some effort against this thing that you're festering with,
(22:20):
that's gonna make you feel really good. Not whether or
not your try was quote unquote successful in whatever you
want your crazy definition of success to be, but just
the fact that you tried, You put yourself out there,
you did something outside of your normal routine. You tried
to talk to someone maybe you wanted to talk to.
(22:41):
You tried to go somewhere, maybe you wanted to go to.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
You try.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Not so much that any of these efforts were successful,
but that they were efforts ever at all in the
first place.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Well, yeah, that feels really I mean I'm really hyped,
doc and get right now too, but that feels really true. Well,
it resonates with me what you're saying, like the trying,
because my fear is the looking back at having not
tried anything.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
Right, right, So that so there, So all you gotta
do is fucking try something. Man, it might not work.
You might get to you might get to Paris and
be looking at the Eiffel Tower and go. You know,
it's kind of it's actually kind of lame, small and
life is meaningless but ut less you, but at least
(23:29):
you you push yourself far enough to figure out that
that wasn't the answer.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
You know, that'll feel good you exactly.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
So I just I can't. I you know, I hope,
I hope. I hope that this got through to you
in some meaningful way. Thanks for sharing all this stuff
with me, Dylan. I really hope that.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
You find so you find some kind of meaning in
your in your life.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
It's really cool.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
I'll pop in the chat after my trip when I
make it happen.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Dude, please please please do please, dear God, please dear God.
If you if you're if.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
You do do this, which I hope you do, look
give me some kind of follow up.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
And whether it's in the chat or in one of
my in one, in an email.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Episode or something like that. I'd love to hear that.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
You don't know when oh, well, let me h, we
don't know when when is there? What are you waiting for?
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Well, I guess i'd have to just you know, make
the plan and set it up and.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
Do the travel.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Okay, what do you have to take time off work?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Yeah? I take some time off the work, you know.
All right?
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Do you have any oh you run a Do you
have any pt O left this year?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (24:52):
I do?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (24:53):
All right, fucking do that ship, dude, God damn, do
it and then let me know how when.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
All right, I'm going to I'm gonna go to Paris.
I don't know for how long, A couple of days.
I won't just have dinner.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Cool. Yeah, that was terrible.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
I don't know why I think that it wouldn't be
it'd be if I.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Mean, if your goal is if your goal is for
it to be funny. Yes, it was funny. Well, I
don't think this is what you want to do. Yeah,
go and walk around and just look at just go
and just just go and stand there.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
And see if it feels fucking any difference at all.
Speaker 5 (25:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I don't know why I think the idea of telling somebody, oh,
I had dinner in France yesterday and just be like what.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
You know, what you know what you know what. Maybe
you know what you know what? You know what? Maybe
that really is all you need. Maybe you do. Maybe
I actually take back everything.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I actually take everything I said about your going there
to eat lunch and coming and METI to the back idea.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
I take it back. I actually don't think it's a
stupid idea.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
I actually think if you did that it would accomplish
the same as if you went for four days. It's
just again, it's just comes back to the fact that
you took some form of action to try and deal
with this.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
So maybe maybe you do do that. I don't know.
I I take back what I said.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Well, whatever you do, let me let me send therapy
Gecko mail at gmail dot com. Send me an email.
Uh if you if you have an update on this,
I'm very curious about it. Uh, Dylan, is there anything
else you want to say to the people of the
computer before we go?
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Not at all. Just keep trying and and you know,
tell yourself a better story in your head.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I like that. I like that.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
I like I'm gonna try to I'm gonna try to
take some of the fucking advice that I talk about
on this plane. This is why I I'm sorry to
I'm end this on the rap, but I tell everything
I say to callers on this podcast is just me
trying to convince myself of things.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
So you know that thanks for that. Man, you have
a going Dylan.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
You too get thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
It is funny the idea of him going, and I
had to look back. I had to be like, well,
why do I.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Think that's a stupid idea?
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I still do.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
I still kind of do think it's a stupid idea.
But again, the core is that he tried, he went
and did something maybe that could make him just the
core I think the idea behind obviously you know, we
all know that, like and I've had this same conversation
with people on this podcast with obviously, like a travel
(27:36):
and going to new places isn't in and of itself,
is not going to like change make you happy, Like
I mean, I well, okay, in this case scenario, it's
just like.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
If he hadn't done it forever and he.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Tried something he was uncomfortable with in an effort to
find more meaning to his life, I think this was
actually something to that that could be kind of powerful
about that, and you could achieve that by literally going
to France for dinner and then coming right home.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
But it is a waste of money. Why would you
do that? Hello?
Speaker 5 (28:13):
Can you hear me?
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah, Hi? What's your name?
Speaker 5 (28:17):
Marcy?
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Marcie? What's up? Marci?
Speaker 4 (28:19):
What?
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (28:20):
How?
Speaker 1 (28:20):
What?
Speaker 3 (28:21):
What brings you to want to talk on the Therapy
iCal podcast today?
Speaker 5 (28:27):
Well, I've actually wanted to talk to you for a
long time. Cool. A little nervous, but otherwise I'm good. Sorry,
I was just feeding my cat's got a little out
of breath because I'm fair.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
No, no, no worries, no worries.
Speaker 5 (28:45):
I actually wanted to talk a little bit about, uh,
like something positive that's going on in my tumultuous world.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Cool. Yeah, let me hear it.
Speaker 5 (28:56):
Yeah. So, going through a few, you know, pretty big
hardships between my husband and I, but he and I
are like stronger than we've ever been. Ohay, yeah, and
it feels really great. It was one of those like
(29:16):
I'm high in the shower thoughts that kind of piqued
my interest yesterday because we were just we've just been
going through it and with our families and just catastrophes
you know, here and there. And we live in Florida,
so we also deal with you know.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Yeah, did you guys get hit Did you guys get
hit by by Hurricane big Boy?
Speaker 5 (29:40):
No, Thankfully, we've actually made it been really really lucky
the last couple of years. Our area is kind of
isolated and off to the side, like we live. I
don't want to say exactly where, but we live very
close to Jacksonville, and we just somehow have totally been
(30:02):
missed by at least two of the hurricanes. And then
we got like, you know, extreme outer bands and a
lot of like flooding and stuff where we live. But
other than that, we got really really lucky. It was
all of them this year.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
How long have you and your husband been together.
Speaker 5 (30:21):
We just celebrated our fifth anniversary in September five five.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Yep, that's cool. That's cool. And so you said, you
said you have been through it tumultuous times, but you're
stronger than ever.
Speaker 5 (30:38):
Stronger than ever. Like even even when we fight, which
is very rare, we always come out like learning something
new about one another, as if we Sometimes I feel
like we're just meeting each other for the first time
over and over and over again, and it feels really
cool because you know, he and I were a pretty homebody.
(31:00):
You know, we don't do a whole lot, We don't
have a whole lot of friends outside of our jobs
because we were kind of we work a lot and
we're kind of isolated. We live away from his family,
which sucks. So on on all sides, we're just going
through it. But like everything else between him and I
is just like we just feel like we can take
(31:22):
on the whole world together and fuck everybody else.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Uh. That's that's Uh, that's so beautiful. That's that is.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
That's like an incredibly uh valuable one could say rare
one could say a rare valuable thing to have in
your life. Uh.
Speaker 5 (31:48):
Yeah, particularly how you know, before we met, in like
our past relationships, they were pretty bad. And you know,
when you're we're kind of both kind of empathed, so
we end up taking a lot on from other people.
And so in those relationships, we had a lot of
people that were like taking from us and never giving
(32:12):
in return.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
But we're just those type of people who are just like, Okay.
Speaker 5 (32:15):
Well if we keep giving, you know, maybe the person
will give back.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Can you ask, can I how old you guys are?
I'm just curious where you're at in your life? Journey.
Speaker 5 (32:25):
So I am thirty three cool and he is thirty
seven cool.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
That's cool.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
I'm I'm about to turn twenty seven, and I keep
I don't know why, I'm always thinking.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
I'm always thinking.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
About what my life is going to be like in
like ten years, and I'm kind of obsessed with I'm
kind of obsessed with the idea that, like I could
my life could be like really awesome when I'm like
thirty seven, like very different, weird.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
It's cool to just imagine like different.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
They can think about how radically different your life was
ten years ago and you're like, oh shit, my lift
you radically different ten years from now.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
I think about it.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
What is you said you wanted to specifically talk about
something positive? What was the specific positive thing you wanted
to you wanted to share?
Speaker 5 (33:27):
Well, I guess that really was the positive thing. It's
just because we have so many negative things going on,
it just feels like at least my at least my
relationship is you know, on a forward path and feels
like it's it feels like it's genuine, you know. I never,
I very rarely feel unseen by him and being that
(33:52):
And I'm going to go with this a tiny tangent.
He and I both have late diagnosed ADHD, like pretty
pretty severe for him, and I have like a my
attention desk that is definitely.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Like the issue for me.
Speaker 5 (34:10):
But we're both really strong speakers, like him especially, he's
very articulate and he's also bilingual. He's from d R
and so he's very intelligent person and he's gotten himself
into conversations with people and made it so that he
(34:31):
could like enlighten someone. He's very spiritual in that way.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
We're both Buddhists.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Cool.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
Yeah, so yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
It's uh, where'd you how'd you guys be.
Speaker 5 (34:48):
Tender?
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Actually that's cool. Yeah, that's cool. I like that.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
I would have thought there's because there's like, what's the
Christian mingle of Buddhism.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
I was thinking maybe it could be something like that,
it's tender? Do you guys? I have I have a
few questions.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
I have a few questions for you, just because I'm curious,
because you sound like you've found a thing that's very
special and good.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
So I have questions about it. Where did you do you? Guys?
Feel like.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
A lot of your because you from the way you
talk about him, it sounds like you're both very like
spiritually aligned and like worldview.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
It sounds like you have a lot.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Of like aligned values, is yes, And so I'm curious
when you two first met, do you feel like you
came into the relationship both independently possessing those values on
which you're aligned, or do you feel like the the
alignment developed over the course of of the relationship.
Speaker 5 (35:51):
So both yes and yes. So the way we met
regardless of Tender. So we started on the app, of course,
you know, talked on the app for a few days
and it was just, you know, just surface level shit
like I like Star Wars, you like Star Wars, blah
blah blah, that kind of bullshit. And then by the
(36:13):
towards the end of the week, he asked if he
could call me. And if you know anything about tender,
that's pretty rare that anyone actually wants to call you.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
It's a it's a it's a good idea because it's
you can really get gauged so much more about a
person by talking to them on the phone than you
can over the right next.
Speaker 5 (36:34):
Accurate number one number one, making sure they're a real person,
right and then and then hopefully end up not being
a serial killer or whatever. But so I was like, sure,
you know, I get off at five, call me at
five thirty.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
I should be.
Speaker 5 (36:50):
Getting home around then, and I have twenty nine twenty
or nine fifty nine whatever on the dot. He was
calling me, and I was just like trying to get
into my uh, into my room with all my ship
in my hands. So I was like, oh, prompt, boy,
And then we proceeded to have a conversation for seven
(37:14):
and a half hours. Yeah, we just talked the whole
time and talked about our lives, talked about our you know,
things that we liked and things that they disliked. At
the time, I was very involved with politics. I was
a sitting chair for the Libertarian Party of Semuel County
(37:38):
and I was very involved with stuff like that. And
I was working for real estate company and basically running
the office on my own and he, unfortunately at the time,
was in between in between jobs. But but he was
like on the way to getting a job and we
(38:02):
just clicked like overnight, and I felt like I knew
him better than I knew like the last boyfriend I
had before and.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
Within so I'm really, really, really really uh that's a fascinating,
fascinating story. I'm really curious about your take on something.
This is something I really think about a lot in
you know, my personal life. You know, when I've been
like dating, and I was actually talking a lot about
(38:37):
my friends a lot about this with my friend last night.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
You know, do you do you think two people?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (38:45):
In my head, there's and it doesn't actually one.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
Or the other, but there's kind of like two schools
of thought you could say, with relationships, where it's like
you either kind of pick some one, you catch a
wave of some kind like your two people meet, they
decide to make it work, and then kind of gradually
over time they develop their relationship with each other and
(39:14):
they their love for each other kind of becomes deeper,
versus kind of the other school of thought, which is
like you get lucky or you search really really really
hard and really really really intentionally until you find that
person with whom you just kind of immediately feel like
(39:39):
you click and like you, as you just said, know
them almost pretty soon, pretty immediately you feel like you
know them almost as well as you know somebody that
you did the whole other dance with for many years.
You know, and I think it seems like it's kind
of on the The answer lies somewhere between those two
(40:02):
schools of thought. But I'm curious about your perspective because
the way that it sounds like things worked out for
you and this guy is that you felt it so
immediately that you had this this seven hour connection with
each other.
Speaker 5 (40:18):
Yeah, I wish I knew the actual answer, but I
definitely think it does. It's somewhere in between. You know,
it's luck definitely, because I mean, like I said, I
met him on tender so I'm basically just you know,
rolling the dice there totally. But you know, I also
(40:39):
believe that, you know, I'm not like totally four soulmates,
but I also kind of am and and he is
just one of those people that I feel like, you know,
if I hadn't.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Passed life, he was there.
Speaker 5 (40:51):
You know, I felt like he was in my life,
my whole life. Like we were just kind of talking
about that last night, where we both kind of feel like,
you know, if we had met a long time ago,
like in our you know, high school years, that we
would have been like obsessed with one another back then.
I was like, yeah, probably wouldn't have been fun for
(41:13):
our friends because we would have never had friends.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
Interesting. Interesting.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
Well, so that's so interesting too because you say that
you two would have been obsessed with each other in
high school?
Speaker 1 (41:24):
Do you think that?
Speaker 3 (41:25):
I mean, and you're both in your thirties and there's
a lot of change that happens between eighteen to thirty.
And because there's another like kind of also like in
when I'm like thinking about the schools of thought of
how two people come to form a strong relationship, is like,
do you ever feel.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Like two people? Maybe if two people, you.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
Kind of have to become not a different person, but
maybe like like a better version of yourself in order
to truly be there and the way that you need
to be there for the person that you're with. And
it takes a long time to kind of to I guess,
become that version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
Uh.
Speaker 5 (42:10):
Yeah, So I think it's important that those two people
have you know, like common interests for sure, common values.
I mean, I mean the biggest one for us is,
you know, we we grew up you know, metal heads.
You know, I grew up in Las Vegas and he
grew up in d r and then in Orlando when
(42:32):
he came to the States, and we both were like
goths and you know, stupid, but also we had fun.
But you know, we've gone to metal shows together, We've
gone to electronics shows together.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
We really love music.
Speaker 5 (42:48):
We both play music. I sing, I love dancing. Like
we were really into music in general, and that for
me is huge. That's been a that's been a key
factor in most of my relationships in general, Like if
we don't have music at common, then I can't hang
out with.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
You that much.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
So what's, uh, what's what's next for your guys' uh lives?
Are you gonna you think getting married? Do you think
it about going to moving to Portugal? What's uh, what's happening?
Speaker 4 (43:21):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (43:22):
No, So we're we've been trying to have a baby
for a couple of years. We've unfortunately had a couple
of failures, but in one kind of recent which is
one of the tumultuous things that has been going on.
But that but we are that's okay, We're getting through it,
and that's that's the next step. We're actually getting ready
(43:46):
to move in with my family because we're you know,
we're trying to combine bills and we've got older, My
my grandmother's getting older and my mom's getting older and
everybody just kind of needs to be together. So that's
also a very is going to happen this month.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
So yeah, are both of are both of you very
like family oriented, like you're like his his family's your family,
Your family, His family kind of vibes absolutely.
Speaker 5 (44:13):
I love his family, he loves my family. We all
get along great and and his family so much so
different from mine, but also not because they're we're all
just very loving families, which is it's a blessing.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
And how do you feel as though you got you guys?
Your families are different?
Speaker 4 (44:33):
Well?
Speaker 5 (44:33):
His his are all Dominican and uh and mine are
I only live know my like white side of my family,
my my Irish side, but I'm half Mexican as well.
But and I grew up in Las Vegas, so you know,
I grew up with Mexican origin around me all the time.
(44:55):
But I grew up with my Irish family and uh,
so it's definitely different dynamic, Like you know, when we
go to holidays and stuff like that, Like his family
they do uh karaoke and they dance and they make
big meals and there's everybody shouting and having a wonderful time,
and then at my my house it's a little more calm,
(45:17):
you know, it's a little more uh reserved, I guess,
but it's still loving and like kids are running around,
and you know, we're kind of a white trash family too,
so it's it all kind of is the same for us.
It's just love everywhere.
Speaker 1 (45:35):
That's uh, that's really that's nice. I'm very I'm uh,
I'm touched by you, guys, I really am. This is uh,
that's cool.
Speaker 3 (45:44):
I think I do think that a good life probably
has uh a lot of other people in it.
Speaker 4 (45:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
Yeah, well this is all good.
Speaker 5 (45:58):
We've been talking for a long time.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
They're all good things. I'm trying to think if if
I have any of the question, is there anything else
that you wanted to to talk about?
Speaker 5 (46:10):
No, I think we probably should give someone else a
chance to talk.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
What's your name is, Mercy?
Speaker 5 (46:17):
Mercy Mercy.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Uh, I'm very happy for you, uh, Mercy, I'm glad
that you It's kind of cool.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
Well, because a lot of people, I'm sure. First of all,
this is this is all this whole phone call has
been sponsored by Tinder. They paid this caller to call
in and talk about her experience. No, that's not true
at all.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
But it does.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
This is a good This is an advert to because
a lot of people are getting fed up with.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
Uh dating apps. But it's like you know, sometimes sometimes
sometimes if you're patient enough, I feel like you just
you get lucky.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (47:02):
Yeah, I mean it's definitely not what it used to be.
And and I was. It was my last ditch effort
at the time. So what can you do?
Speaker 4 (47:13):
It worked out?
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Uh, Mercy is or anything else you want to say before.
Speaker 5 (47:17):
We go, Nope, thank you for your time, and I
really appreciated your conversation.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
Thank you for calling Mercy. I have a good rest
of the night.
Speaker 5 (47:28):
You too, Bye bye.
Speaker 1 (47:31):
Well that was that was nice. See see you guys.
Well you gotta do.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
You just gotta keep trying. Maybe hopefully, maybe you'll get
lucky and you'll meet you'll meet somebody who you have
a you call them and you guys have a seven
hour conversation.
Speaker 1 (47:55):
That's cool. There's hope. I feel there's hope out there
that fall in love.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
And not and to look at stuff and eat food,
and uh yeah, this is hope.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
There is hope.
Speaker 3 (48:14):
But I think, oh god, I feel I'm trying to
like if I've been speaking. I've said this a bunch
of times already, but if I've been speaking too sincerely
for too long, I'll really want to think of something
stupid to say. But I couldn't think of anything that
was remotely funny. So I just had to put a
period at the end of my sincerity, which is which
(48:38):
is fine, which is fine.
Speaker 4 (48:41):
Hello, Hello, how are you doing well?
Speaker 1 (48:44):
Hello? How are you doing sir? What's your name? My
name is Griffin, Griffin? What can I what can I
do you for this evening? What's going on?
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Well?
Speaker 4 (48:55):
I I was curious if if you were or anyone,
you know, maybe it has had any sort of like
uh weird, I guess uncommon uh like health issues.
Speaker 3 (49:15):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (49:18):
That like that that aren't common. I myself have had
scarlet fever.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
Oh that's like from the eighteen hundreds, right, I didn't
know that was still a thing.
Speaker 4 (49:36):
Yeah, until the doctor told me that's what I had.
Speaker 3 (49:40):
I have the other the other day, my asshole was bleeding,
which to me feels like a very twenty twenty four illness.
Speaker 4 (49:50):
Yeah, that's actually uh yeah, they didn't start doing that
until I think this year.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
Yeah, Yeah, it's a very gen z thing. To have
a to have a bleed asshole? How did you get
scarlet fever?
Speaker 4 (50:03):
So, I mean this is years and years ago, but
I like through middle and high school. I'm thirty one now,
but I got strapped throughout like I countless times, like
(50:24):
over and over and over again. Apparently I was really
prone to getting it, and I guess one of the
times it ended up going dormant. So I felt fine
and I wasn't showing any symptoms of anything, and then
(50:47):
I started getting like rash all over my body and
just like feeling miserable and had no idea what it
was from. Yeah, apparently the whatever the like virus of
(51:09):
that causes strep throat, I guess had gone dormant and
turned itself into scarlet fever. Uh. The funny, the funniest
part is you brought up assholes actually, uh because they
they they swabbed my throat like they do for strep throat,
and it came up negative. And I was like, well,
(51:32):
like one of like one of the main places that
I have this rash is like is on my ass,
and so they swabbed that and then that's when it
came up positive.
Speaker 3 (51:42):
So how many you when's the last time somebody had
scarlet fever in America? Are you like the only guy
who has it now? Or like, what's the deal with this?
Speaker 4 (51:50):
I have absolutely no idea. I mean I've never even
looked it up. That's why I was like curious, like,
you know, I could I I have no idea.
Speaker 3 (52:00):
I thought like, wait, wait, wait, wait, you haven't you
haven't looked it up?
Speaker 4 (52:07):
How many people have had it?
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Or like, have you like looked into it?
Speaker 4 (52:13):
I mean, well I had it years ago. I mean
I looked into it after that, but it's.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
Been a while.
Speaker 3 (52:19):
Scarlet fever, Okay, there are a few there. Scarlet fever
is very Scarlet fever says, according to Google, is very rare.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
There are fewer.
Speaker 3 (52:28):
Than twenty thousand US cases per year. But it does
say that it resolves within days two weeks.
Speaker 4 (52:37):
Oh yeah, I mean it wasn't. Uh yeah, once they
gave once they realized I had it, I mean I was.
I was good after that.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
But I'm going to look it up on Wikipedia see
scarlet fever Wikipedia. When did it start? Who invented it?
When did it start?
Speaker 5 (52:55):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (52:55):
Is this a lady with a weird tone? Oh this
is I'm never you know what.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
Never look up disease on Wikipedia. You won't like what
you Oh wait, okay, hold on, I'm on the Wikipedia
page for scarlet fever. On history.
Speaker 3 (53:07):
Under history it says the dick test. Did you know
there's a dick? This is real. If you go to
the scarlet fever Wikipedia page and go to history, it's
there's a there's a it says the dick test.
Speaker 1 (53:19):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (53:19):
The dick test, developed in nineteen twenty four by George
and Gladdie's Dick, was used to identify those susceptible to
scarlet fever. The dick test involved injecting a diluted strain
of the streptinoch known to cause scarlet fever, and if
(53:42):
no reaction was seen in the skin. Have you have
you tried in injecting yourself with a diluted strain of streptinok.
Speaker 4 (53:52):
Uh no, I can't say that I have. I have
not tried that.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
Now, well, you should try the dick test, dude, I
don't know if that's what you're doctor did on Yeah.
Speaker 4 (54:02):
Well, they brought a bunch of griffin.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
Go ahead, Griffin finished. I wanted to finish what you're
gonna say.
Speaker 4 (54:10):
They brought a bunch of like nurses and doctors. Uh
in uh because none of them had ever seen it.
And I remember the doctor was like, you might not
ever be someone that had this again. And they were
all like examining my body. It was a very weird experience.
Speaker 1 (54:28):
Well, the good news about having an old disease is
that they figured out how to cure it by now,
and you and you and you were able to get
through it all without having to take the Dick test.
Speaker 2 (54:39):
Correct.
Speaker 4 (54:40):
I might be sterile because of it, though, That's what
they told me.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
Is there anything else you want to say to the
people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 4 (54:48):
Uh, go to your doctors, get things checked out if
you're if you have symptoms of anything. I guess I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (54:57):
See you later, Griffin have on? Did you say his
name was Griffin or Griffith? Hello, folks, it's Lyle here.
That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm
releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire
extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to
(55:18):
by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at
therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access
to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad free podcast
feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my
live shows, members only streams, and they help support my
ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip
(55:42):
from this week's members only bonus episode.
Speaker 4 (55:45):
My ex hy to me that his mom was dead.
Speaker 1 (55:50):
Oh jesus, how long ago is this?
Speaker 3 (55:53):
I'm like dating this dude for like two years?
Speaker 4 (55:55):
Right?
Speaker 2 (55:56):
I plan a trip to Jersey to.
Speaker 5 (55:59):
Go back home with him to meet his family, and
he like.
Speaker 4 (56:03):
Planned this trip out with me and didn't waited until
the very last fucking second to tell me that it
was all a lie.
Speaker 2 (56:13):
We would you do?
Speaker 1 (56:15):
What would you do when you found out that it
was a lie? Oh? My god?
Speaker 5 (56:19):
I shut the fuck down.
Speaker 2 (56:21):
He gave me a fucking fifteen minute Uber ride.
Speaker 4 (56:24):
To process that.
Speaker 2 (56:25):
The first person I was going to meet with his
mom who's actually alive.
Speaker 1 (56:30):
That's really crazy, that's wild. God, damn, what'd you What
was it like meeting was his mom nice? What was
it like meeting his mom? If you want to hear
this full conversation, you can sign up to become a
premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com, or
find the link in the episode description, that's therapy Gecko
dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing else
(56:54):
to say.
Speaker 3 (56:56):
Goes on the line, take every night.
Speaker 2 (57:00):
Never be get gostin his eyes, who is.
Speaker 1 (57:02):
Teaching him to how to have your life?
Speaker 3 (57:04):
But he's not really an expert.
Hello.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Yeah, I can hear you.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, what's up. What's your name? My name is Dylan Dylan.
Have we ever talked before? Dylan?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
No, we haven't, not at all.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
What's up, man?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
How you doing A few times?
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Well? You doing?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yeh? I'm looking for meaning, looking for meaning in life.
I kind of want to not find myself waking up
at the end of my life and looking back and
realizing that I didn't live it along the way. I
just kind of waited.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Yeah, yeah, I would be happy to talk about that.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
How old are you?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Thirty five?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Okay, what do you do? You do you think you've
been well?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I guess that would start with, like, as, what in
the first thirty five years of your life have you
been doing or or valuing?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
You know?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Yeah, well flash summary of thirty five years deck. I
was raised hyper religious and a pseudo kind of cult
like branch of Christianity. I came to like the west
Boro Baptistricts. Got out of that. Whoa, yeah, you can.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Keep keep keep going.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
No no, no, top, I'm gonna sit back and shut up
keep going.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
So eighteen ran Off joined the army, went to Iraq
so in love with dow in my unit we were
together during our deployment, talked under the stars in the
desert and thought that it was going to be forever
and if we could get through war, then we could
(02:00):
the rest. And didn't it turn out to be what
I thought. We were just young, and you know, she
wanted to go in and see what other options life has.
And I don't blame her for that, you know, Like
I said, we were both kids, but I took it
hard for the first fifteen years after that, and I
(02:24):
haven't had a relationship since working Can I can?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I can? I?
Speaker 4 (02:30):
Can?
Speaker 3 (02:30):
I stop you for I want to hear the rest
of your life story, but you say okay. To sum
it up, Yeah, you met this lady in your unit,
and you guys really fell in love with each other
and things didn't work out. She tried to pursue other options,
which I and you guys met when you were eighteen, Right,
(02:51):
that's what you say? Uh? You kind of alluded to
saying that it hit you pretty hard for the for
fifteen years after that.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Tell me more about that.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yeah, yeah, Well, but basically my entire twenties in the
last I guess, like nineteen in the twenty and in
my entire twenties. I just was in a deep depression,
you know, working dead end jobs, and I ended up
(03:22):
in factory in the back room for six years, just
kind of going through the motions of getting money to
pay the bills and then going home and watching YouTube.
And I finally woke up when I had a very
close friend to past and I kind of got faced
(03:45):
with a decision where I was like, well, I could
either kind of give up or I could try, And
so I chose to try. But now I'm there. Now
that's where I'm at. I met this place where I'm like,
it's like I'm paralyzed, existential paralyzed, pterialism.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I don't know why I'm not trying, why I'm not
doing this thing.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
I want to.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Let me let me, let me ask you to clarify
something you said. You woke up one day and then
decided you wanted to You said you had a friend
pass away and that was kind of like catalyst for you,
as you say, trying.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
How long ago was this.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
In July twenty one? Yeah, Well, the only real friends
person I talked to about everything. We're just friends friends, friends.
Speaker 4 (04:44):
Yeah, not romantic.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah, but it was the surprise that happened fast.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
When you said you were just working back a little bit,
you said that there's this thing with this girl hit
you hard for fifteen years. When you say you were
in a depression, are you not saying you were in
a depression? I was thinking about that relationship for fifteen years.
Would you were you?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
I think it was it was a mix of things.
I ended up losing my state that I had in
my childhood around that time, and just like I just
fell into a deep stage depression.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
I think it was.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Caused by a lot of different things, but one big
thing was definitely Yeah, I felt pretty worthless and not
worthy of people's time. I guess after that relationship so apart,
I didn't deal with it very healthily for those for
(05:52):
that period of time.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
And you say you lost you say you lost your faith,
like religious faith.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Right, Yeah. I got exposed to more things in the world,
you know, when I went overseas and I was in
a part of the downtown bank Dad and we were
rolling through and I saw people shopping and people eating,
kids playing with a soccer ball in particular, and just
kind of hit me that for the most part, they
(06:22):
were just people there. They weren't the evil Islamic other
you know, I mean, I don't know, it's.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Well, I mean, I mean, yeah, you said, you said
you grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church, right.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
You know, kind of a branch of uh what'd call
the first Baptist Northern Baptist Church that idolized the west
Bureo Baptist Ric's not actually part of the west Boro baptistricts.
But we looked at them guys as like heroes on
the front line.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
But but you you know, yeah, you're going up in
a church that's basically like telling you, like those guys
over there, you know are are are? You know that
you're they're fucked up.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Right exactly? That they're evil in some way. And then
they were just people when I.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Got right right now?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Yea, you you said in twenty twenty one, you woke
up and you were like, I'm gonna start trying.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
I guess it. It meant like I looks for a
better job. I got in at the male clinic insecurity,
and you know, it paid better and had more opportunities
as a career path. I thought that that was trying more.
(07:52):
I was hoping to maybe try writing. I don't know,
I guess, I guess I felt like I put my
life on pause during the depression and didn't really try
much of anything beyond just going through a dead end job,
getting enough to pay for necessities in my rent and
(08:17):
then that was it, you know, not a lot of
social activity and not a lot of anything other than
consuming YouTube content that are going on Wikipedia.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
So when you said, when you say that you're you're
like looking for meaning and you don't want to wake
up at the end of your life and feel like
it was unlived. There's a power, there's a powerful uh
desires what but so you cut like to audit yourself
and audit your brain? I mean what, like what do
(08:55):
you value? I mean that's the thing, is like you
can't really search for meeting you like kind of create
it from within and decided, uh, you know, for yourself.
So what what?
Speaker 1 (09:09):
What?
Speaker 3 (09:09):
When you are thinking about these things, have you like
decided for yourself is meaningful?
Speaker 2 (09:18):
Yeah? I guess that's yeah, I mean, I've I mean
that's literally I guess. The question the existential crisis part
of it is just like how do you create meaning?
How do I create self value? Or work, you know,
without like trying to find validation from other people, because
that's been like my stumbling block because I do die
(09:40):
your validation from other people that I don't get it.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah no no at a certain point. God,
it's so hard to like fucking mentally get there. But
I'm also having the some epiphanies of like, you truly
have to build you if you if you if your
car runs on the engine of other people's validation, you you, uh,
(10:07):
you're just fucked. You know. You have to kind of build,
you have to really build like a solid foundation of
like deciding that your fucking life matters and that do
your you care about your having a good life?
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Uh? But again, like I, uh, well, what makes what
would make you have a good life? Like what do
you what do you want? My dog?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I think connection with some people would be good. But
it feels like this herculean task, you know, because now
I'm got so much life baggage, you know, how do
I just show up and dump that on somebody's laugh,
you know, or expect as an adult? You know, it's
just like you just bring so much more to it.
(10:57):
When we were on the playground as kid, you had nothing.
He just walked up and said, I want to be friends. Yeah,
and now we're friend cool.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
You know, Oh man, you know, I totally feel where
you're coming from.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
Dude, I really do, I really feel where you're coming from.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
And uh, I'm I can off.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
I'm I'm gonna off for a thought to you, Why
do you do you feel like it is so necessary
to let that baggage, uh define you? Why?
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Like?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Why like why are you holding onto it? Why?
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Like in your brain you're talking about like I I
like even just the way that you've mentally set up
your existence is is by putting your baggage first and
realizing and and just saying like you've like kind of
mentally decided for yourself that your baggage is a defining
element of who you are and so therefore to make
(12:07):
new connections you have to put it at the at
the forefront of who you are.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And that won't work.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
It's hard to I wanted you know, the whole I
can't release sit here and uh rant about how you
should you know, just let it go, because I really
know that that's It's not that easy.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
But I think it's kind of very interesting.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
It's a but it's a I just know in my
even though like, uh, I think I've done it in
in like my life and I think it's a makes sense,
but you you just it's a mistake to let it
define you and put it at the you know, your
(12:54):
mental forefront image of who you are. It's a real mistake,
and it is it is something that you have control
over because you kind of get to define your own
perspective of who you are. And so you're you're a
control of whether or not you want to let yeah, yeah, yeah,
(13:15):
you got to change the story.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Well that's so I am to answer some of the
questions in the chat. I do go to the VIA
center and see it therapist, a real counselor too.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Oh oh sorry, do me a favorite? Do me a favorite?
Can you not? Can you not look at the chat?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Sure, sure, sorry what we're saying.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
So I was just gonna say that changing the story
I tell myself. I guess I had seen my baggage
of something that I thought I had to sit, you know,
but you think like could literally just set it down
and move forward without it, you know, just like say
scrap it the first thirty five and let's just go
(13:57):
from here. No, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
I don't I don't know if that's what I'm few.
I don't know if that's I mean, maybe I'm really no. Uh,
I'm again. I'm not like I'm not advising on anything.
I'm just kind of thinking about these things alongside you.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I think there's something.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
To be said, there's something to be said about like
you don't have to Huh. You thought you had to
fix it first before it's an interesting idea.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I have to fix this baggage.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
I have need to fix these things about myself before
I'm able to have connections with people.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Yeah, I've been in my.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Personal life and I've really been thinking a lot about Uh,
this idea that you can kind of accept the I
used to be afraid of, like accepting certain things about
myself because then it meant I wouldn't work on them, right,
Like that's the fallacy. It's like, what's like like like
like if I accept that I don't like the way
(15:04):
if I accept that I don't like the way I
live my life, or I accept it for what it is,
I'll stop working on it, and then I'll just continue
to sink more in a misery. That's kind of the
fallacy I was working off of, and I've kind of
begin to understand it more as I get older, which
is like no acceptance is like I ecept is that
(15:26):
you can accept things about yourself that you don't like
and still work to fix them. It's just that you
you don't have to like fucking hate yourself in order
to fix yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
I don't think do you know that makes sense?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
It does make sense, but yeah, I do believe, like
I thought the same thing that like, if I accept
the shit parts, then I'm not going to fix them,
or I'm not going to improve on them. Then if
I accept them, I'll just let it go, right, So
I believe I think I believe that same thing.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
But that's.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yeah, I guess that is a fallacy. So give it.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
It's really hard, it is, Yes, it is, it is.
It's really.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
I mean, I've written a few short things about that
feeling looking in the mirror.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yeah, hm hmm, yeah, I don't Uh, it's a whole
it's a whole thing. I think this is the plot
of the movie Surfs Up. Have you ever seen that movie?
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I'll have not Now I can't say it, but.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
I think there's some messages in there about hating yourself
and trying to overcome that.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I have to check it out. I've seen surf Ninjas.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
What is that? What is that movie?
Speaker 2 (17:05):
It's uh shipes movie about these three brothers that it
turns out they are ninjas.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
I want you, I just can we?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Can we?
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I just for your own I don't know? Can we?
I want to think of something for you to do.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
Is there do you want to do any like? Like
you want you You're just looking for meaning like I
I think you're like you're due for like a Walter
Midty fucking adventure.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
You're done that that.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
I I'm not sure who Walter Mitty is, but the
idea of an adventure that hits home. I've been looking
into Ernest Hemingway recently as a right just dove.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Do you do you have kids?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
No?
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Give well, wife or a girlfriend or anything?
Speaker 5 (18:03):
No?
Speaker 2 (18:03):
My only of real Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Would you have any responsibility? Oh? You have a cat?
You can get a cat? Go go go? Did go do?
When's the last time you left the country.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Uh Iraq?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Back when you were eighteen ago?
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Yeah, a long time ago.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Do you have any savings?
Speaker 2 (18:25):
I have a little bit.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Yeah, you could, you should do something I know. It's
not like, yeah, I gotta solve your problems by traveling,
but like if you're if you're looking to like be like,
oh I want to make something out of my life.
I mean you should go do something on a weird adventure,
go to is there anywhere that you've ever thought of?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
So I like the whimsical ideas of doing random things
that so like. I bought Babbel a year and a
half ago because I was like, I'll learn a second language.
I tried to learn Spanish because it would be so
useful to know Spanish for so many reasons, but it
was like eating my vegetables. So I didn't get into it,
didn't do it. Just recently I found out that the
(19:04):
creator of my favorite show, Pushing Daisies, his favorite movie
and inspiration was Amaali. It's a French movie from two
thousand and one about a gal. It's really great, recommend
it to anybody. Amazingly shot, very visual. But I was like, hey,
wouldn't be funny to buy it watch it in French
without subtitles. I don't know French, but I did that
(19:26):
and it was great. It's awesome. It's cool to watch
a movie. In a different language without subtitles, because then
you don't pay attention to the words and you get
to see everything else about it. But I was said
Ernest Teman way loved France. Wouldn't it be cool to
buy a ticket, fly to France, have dinner, after dinner,
(19:46):
get on the plane, fly back.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Why do you hold on? Why would? Why the fuck would?
Why the fuck would you do that? Why do you
just go to France?
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Why do you have to make it a crazy Why
don't I just go for a bit, just go so
for a spend a little bit more than a I'll
just go and go on a little adventure.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Man, Yeah I could.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
I guess that's the whimsical part about it. It's just like,
how ridiculous would that be to spend all that money
to go have dinner and come right back? You know,
I don't know that.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
I'm very I'm very nervous about that being the way
that your brain works.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
What's your name? Your tsurnam again?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Man, Dylan?
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Dylan?
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Why don't you go instead of making it a cartoon,
why don't you actually just go to France and do
things and try to meet people and like put yourself
out there a little bit.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
If you why didn't you do that?
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I think it's, you know, I think it's fear of
trying to do that and then getting rejected. You know,
here's what I been rejecting.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Dylan Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, you want to know
something crazy want I'm gonna tell you. So I'm gonna
tell you something crazy. I believe this sort of. I
believe it in the moment that I'm saying it to you,
because I'm I'm I'm just hyped up talking to you,
and I'm getting a hype.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
I feel hype.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
I feel hyped up right now. So I believe this
in this very moment that I'm saying it. Okay, Dylan,
the second you tried, you were successful.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
If you So that's the thing is if you if
you go to France.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
And you're there and you're look at you're standing and
you're eating You're sorry, you're at dinner and you're eating
a snail, or like you're walking around town and you're
looking to people, You're gonna feel so great that you tried,
because that's part of the is Like if you you're
you're sitting here and you're going like, Oh, I'm trying
to get more meaning out of my life. I'm trying
(21:55):
to feel like I made something out of myself. And
when you just sit in your house and you fester
with that, you're failing. Is because you're sitting and you're festering.
But the fact that you traveled and you like you tried,
you made some effort against this thing that you're festering with,
(22:20):
that's gonna make you feel really good. Not whether or
not your try was quote unquote successful in whatever you
want your crazy definition of success to be, but just
the fact that you tried, You put yourself out there,
you did something outside of your normal routine. You tried
to talk to someone maybe you wanted to talk to.
(22:41):
You tried to go somewhere, maybe you wanted to go to.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
You try.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Not so much that any of these efforts were successful,
but that they were efforts ever at all in the
first place.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Well, yeah, that feels really I mean I'm really hyped,
doc and get right now too, but that feels really true. Well,
it resonates with me what you're saying, like the trying,
because my fear is the looking back at having not
tried anything.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
Right, right, So that so there, So all you gotta
do is fucking try something. Man, it might not work.
You might get to you might get to Paris and
be looking at the Eiffel Tower and go. You know,
it's kind of it's actually kind of lame, small and
life is meaningless but ut less you, but at least
(23:29):
you you push yourself far enough to figure out that
that wasn't the answer.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
You know, that'll feel good you exactly.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
So I just I can't. I you know, I hope,
I hope. I hope that this got through to you
in some meaningful way. Thanks for sharing all this stuff
with me, Dylan. I really hope that.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
You find so you find some kind of meaning in
your in your life.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
It's really cool.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
I'll pop in the chat after my trip when I
make it happen.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Dude, please please please do please, dear God, please dear God.
If you if you're if.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
You do do this, which I hope you do, look
give me some kind of follow up.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
And whether it's in the chat or in one of
my in one, in an email.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Episode or something like that. I'd love to hear that.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
You don't know when oh, well, let me h, we
don't know when when is there? What are you waiting for?
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Well, I guess i'd have to just you know, make
the plan and set it up and.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
Do the travel.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Okay, what do you have to take time off work?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Yeah? I take some time off the work, you know.
All right?
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Do you have any oh you run a Do you
have any pt O left this year?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (24:52):
I do?
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (24:53):
All right, fucking do that ship, dude, God damn, do
it and then let me know how when.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
All right, I'm going to I'm gonna go to Paris.
I don't know for how long, A couple of days.
I won't just have dinner.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Cool. Yeah, that was terrible.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
I don't know why I think that it wouldn't be
it'd be if I.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Mean, if your goal is if your goal is for
it to be funny. Yes, it was funny. Well, I
don't think this is what you want to do. Yeah,
go and walk around and just look at just go
and just just go and stand there.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
And see if it feels fucking any difference at all.
Speaker 5 (25:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I don't know why I think the idea of telling somebody, oh,
I had dinner in France yesterday and just be like what.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
You know, what you know what you know what. Maybe
you know what you know what? You know what? Maybe
that really is all you need. Maybe you do. Maybe
I actually take back everything.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I actually take everything I said about your going there
to eat lunch and coming and METI to the back idea.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
I take it back. I actually don't think it's a
stupid idea.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
I actually think if you did that it would accomplish
the same as if you went for four days. It's
just again, it's just comes back to the fact that
you took some form of action to try and deal
with this.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
So maybe maybe you do do that. I don't know.
I I take back what I said.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Well, whatever you do, let me let me send therapy
Gecko mail at gmail dot com. Send me an email.
Uh if you if you have an update on this,
I'm very curious about it. Uh, Dylan, is there anything
else you want to say to the people of the
computer before we go?
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Not at all. Just keep trying and and you know,
tell yourself a better story in your head.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I like that. I like that.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
I like I'm gonna try to I'm gonna try to
take some of the fucking advice that I talk about
on this plane. This is why I I'm sorry to
I'm end this on the rap, but I tell everything
I say to callers on this podcast is just me
trying to convince myself of things.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
So you know that thanks for that. Man, you have
a going Dylan.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
You too get thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
It is funny the idea of him going, and I
had to look back. I had to be like, well,
why do I.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Think that's a stupid idea?
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I still do.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
I still kind of do think it's a stupid idea.
But again, the core is that he tried, he went
and did something maybe that could make him just the
core I think the idea behind obviously you know, we
all know that, like and I've had this same conversation
with people on this podcast with obviously, like a travel
(27:36):
and going to new places isn't in and of itself,
is not going to like change make you happy, Like
I mean, I well, okay, in this case scenario, it's
just like.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
If he hadn't done it forever and he.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Tried something he was uncomfortable with in an effort to
find more meaning to his life, I think this was
actually something to that that could be kind of powerful
about that, and you could achieve that by literally going
to France for dinner and then coming right home.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
But it is a waste of money. Why would you
do that? Hello?
Speaker 5 (28:13):
Can you hear me?
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah, Hi? What's your name?
Speaker 5 (28:17):
Marcy?
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Marcie? What's up? Marci?
Speaker 4 (28:19):
What?
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (28:20):
How?
Speaker 1 (28:20):
What?
Speaker 3 (28:21):
What brings you to want to talk on the Therapy
iCal podcast today?
Speaker 5 (28:27):
Well, I've actually wanted to talk to you for a
long time. Cool. A little nervous, but otherwise I'm good. Sorry,
I was just feeding my cat's got a little out
of breath because I'm fair.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
No, no, no worries, no worries.
Speaker 5 (28:45):
I actually wanted to talk a little bit about, uh,
like something positive that's going on in my tumultuous world.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Cool. Yeah, let me hear it.
Speaker 5 (28:56):
Yeah. So, going through a few, you know, pretty big
hardships between my husband and I, but he and I
are like stronger than we've ever been. Ohay, yeah, and
it feels really great. It was one of those like
(29:16):
I'm high in the shower thoughts that kind of piqued
my interest yesterday because we were just we've just been
going through it and with our families and just catastrophes
you know, here and there. And we live in Florida,
so we also deal with you know.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Yeah, did you guys get hit Did you guys get
hit by by Hurricane big Boy?
Speaker 5 (29:40):
No, Thankfully, we've actually made it been really really lucky
the last couple of years. Our area is kind of
isolated and off to the side, like we live. I
don't want to say exactly where, but we live very
close to Jacksonville, and we just somehow have totally been
(30:02):
missed by at least two of the hurricanes. And then
we got like, you know, extreme outer bands and a
lot of like flooding and stuff where we live. But
other than that, we got really really lucky. It was
all of them this year.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
How long have you and your husband been together.
Speaker 5 (30:21):
We just celebrated our fifth anniversary in September five five.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Yep, that's cool. That's cool. And so you said, you
said you have been through it tumultuous times, but you're
stronger than ever.
Speaker 5 (30:38):
Stronger than ever. Like even even when we fight, which
is very rare, we always come out like learning something
new about one another, as if we Sometimes I feel
like we're just meeting each other for the first time
over and over and over again, and it feels really
cool because you know, he and I were a pretty homebody.
(31:00):
You know, we don't do a whole lot, We don't
have a whole lot of friends outside of our jobs
because we were kind of we work a lot and
we're kind of isolated. We live away from his family,
which sucks. So on on all sides, we're just going
through it. But like everything else between him and I
is just like we just feel like we can take
(31:22):
on the whole world together and fuck everybody else.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Uh. That's that's Uh, that's so beautiful. That's that is.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
That's like an incredibly uh valuable one could say rare
one could say a rare valuable thing to have in
your life. Uh.
Speaker 5 (31:48):
Yeah, particularly how you know, before we met, in like
our past relationships, they were pretty bad. And you know,
when you're we're kind of both kind of empathed, so
we end up taking a lot on from other people.
And so in those relationships, we had a lot of
people that were like taking from us and never giving
(32:12):
in return.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
But we're just those type of people who are just like, Okay.
Speaker 5 (32:15):
Well if we keep giving, you know, maybe the person
will give back.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Can you ask, can I how old you guys are?
I'm just curious where you're at in your life? Journey.
Speaker 5 (32:25):
So I am thirty three cool and he is thirty
seven cool.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
That's cool.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
I'm I'm about to turn twenty seven, and I keep
I don't know why, I'm always thinking.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
I'm always thinking.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
About what my life is going to be like in
like ten years, and I'm kind of obsessed with I'm
kind of obsessed with the idea that, like I could
my life could be like really awesome when I'm like
thirty seven, like very different, weird.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
It's cool to just imagine like different.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
They can think about how radically different your life was
ten years ago and you're like, oh shit, my lift
you radically different ten years from now.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
I think about it.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
What is you said you wanted to specifically talk about
something positive? What was the specific positive thing you wanted
to you wanted to share?
Speaker 5 (33:27):
Well, I guess that really was the positive thing. It's
just because we have so many negative things going on,
it just feels like at least my at least my
relationship is you know, on a forward path and feels
like it's it feels like it's genuine, you know. I never,
I very rarely feel unseen by him and being that
(33:52):
And I'm going to go with this a tiny tangent.
He and I both have late diagnosed ADHD, like pretty
pretty severe for him, and I have like a my
attention desk that is definitely.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Like the issue for me.
Speaker 5 (34:10):
But we're both really strong speakers, like him especially, he's
very articulate and he's also bilingual. He's from d R
and so he's very intelligent person and he's gotten himself
into conversations with people and made it so that he
(34:31):
could like enlighten someone. He's very spiritual in that way.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
We're both Buddhists.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Cool.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
Yeah, so yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
It's uh, where'd you how'd you guys be.
Speaker 5 (34:48):
Tender?
Speaker 1 (34:48):
Actually that's cool. Yeah, that's cool. I like that.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
I would have thought there's because there's like, what's the
Christian mingle of Buddhism.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
I was thinking maybe it could be something like that,
it's tender? Do you guys? I have I have a
few questions.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
I have a few questions for you, just because I'm curious,
because you sound like you've found a thing that's very
special and good.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
So I have questions about it. Where did you do you? Guys?
Feel like.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
A lot of your because you from the way you
talk about him, it sounds like you're both very like
spiritually aligned and like worldview.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
It sounds like you have a lot.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Of like aligned values, is yes, And so I'm curious
when you two first met, do you feel like you
came into the relationship both independently possessing those values on
which you're aligned, or do you feel like the the
alignment developed over the course of of the relationship.
Speaker 5 (35:51):
So both yes and yes. So the way we met
regardless of Tender. So we started on the app, of course,
you know, talked on the app for a few days
and it was just, you know, just surface level shit
like I like Star Wars, you like Star Wars, blah
blah blah, that kind of bullshit. And then by the
(36:13):
towards the end of the week, he asked if he
could call me. And if you know anything about tender,
that's pretty rare that anyone actually wants to call you.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
It's a it's a it's a good idea because it's
you can really get gauged so much more about a
person by talking to them on the phone than you
can over the right next.
Speaker 5 (36:34):
Accurate number one number one, making sure they're a real person,
right and then and then hopefully end up not being
a serial killer or whatever. But so I was like, sure,
you know, I get off at five, call me at
five thirty.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
I should be.
Speaker 5 (36:50):
Getting home around then, and I have twenty nine twenty
or nine fifty nine whatever on the dot. He was
calling me, and I was just like trying to get
into my uh, into my room with all my ship
in my hands. So I was like, oh, prompt, boy,
And then we proceeded to have a conversation for seven
(37:14):
and a half hours. Yeah, we just talked the whole
time and talked about our lives, talked about our you know,
things that we liked and things that they disliked. At
the time, I was very involved with politics. I was
a sitting chair for the Libertarian Party of Semuel County
(37:38):
and I was very involved with stuff like that. And
I was working for real estate company and basically running
the office on my own and he, unfortunately at the time,
was in between in between jobs. But but he was
like on the way to getting a job and we
(38:02):
just clicked like overnight, and I felt like I knew
him better than I knew like the last boyfriend I
had before and.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
Within so I'm really, really, really really uh that's a fascinating,
fascinating story. I'm really curious about your take on something.
This is something I really think about a lot in
you know, my personal life. You know, when I've been
like dating, and I was actually talking a lot about
(38:37):
my friends a lot about this with my friend last night.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
You know, do you do you think two people?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (38:45):
In my head, there's and it doesn't actually one.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
Or the other, but there's kind of like two schools
of thought you could say, with relationships, where it's like
you either kind of pick some one, you catch a
wave of some kind like your two people meet, they
decide to make it work, and then kind of gradually
over time they develop their relationship with each other and
(39:14):
they their love for each other kind of becomes deeper,
versus kind of the other school of thought, which is
like you get lucky or you search really really really
hard and really really really intentionally until you find that
person with whom you just kind of immediately feel like
(39:39):
you click and like you, as you just said, know
them almost pretty soon, pretty immediately you feel like you
know them almost as well as you know somebody that
you did the whole other dance with for many years.
You know, and I think it seems like it's kind
of on the The answer lies somewhere between those two
(40:02):
schools of thought. But I'm curious about your perspective because
the way that it sounds like things worked out for
you and this guy is that you felt it so
immediately that you had this this seven hour connection with
each other.
Speaker 5 (40:18):
Yeah, I wish I knew the actual answer, but I
definitely think it does. It's somewhere in between. You know,
it's luck definitely, because I mean, like I said, I
met him on tender so I'm basically just you know,
rolling the dice there totally. But you know, I also
(40:39):
believe that, you know, I'm not like totally four soulmates,
but I also kind of am and and he is
just one of those people that I feel like, you know,
if I hadn't.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Passed life, he was there.
Speaker 5 (40:51):
You know, I felt like he was in my life,
my whole life. Like we were just kind of talking
about that last night, where we both kind of feel like,
you know, if we had met a long time ago,
like in our you know, high school years, that we
would have been like obsessed with one another back then.
I was like, yeah, probably wouldn't have been fun for
(41:13):
our friends because we would have never had friends.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
Interesting. Interesting.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
Well, so that's so interesting too because you say that
you two would have been obsessed with each other in
high school?
Speaker 1 (41:24):
Do you think that?
Speaker 3 (41:25):
I mean, and you're both in your thirties and there's
a lot of change that happens between eighteen to thirty.
And because there's another like kind of also like in
when I'm like thinking about the schools of thought of
how two people come to form a strong relationship, is like,
do you ever feel.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Like two people? Maybe if two people, you.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
Kind of have to become not a different person, but
maybe like like a better version of yourself in order
to truly be there and the way that you need
to be there for the person that you're with. And
it takes a long time to kind of to I guess,
become that version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
Uh.
Speaker 5 (42:10):
Yeah, So I think it's important that those two people
have you know, like common interests for sure, common values.
I mean, I mean the biggest one for us is,
you know, we we grew up you know, metal heads.
You know, I grew up in Las Vegas and he
grew up in d r and then in Orlando when
(42:32):
he came to the States, and we both were like
goths and you know, stupid, but also we had fun.
But you know, we've gone to metal shows together, We've
gone to electronics shows together.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
We really love music.
Speaker 5 (42:48):
We both play music. I sing, I love dancing. Like
we were really into music in general, and that for
me is huge. That's been a that's been a key
factor in most of my relationships in general, Like if
we don't have music at common, then I can't hang
out with.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
You that much.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
So what's, uh, what's what's next for your guys' uh lives?
Are you gonna you think getting married? Do you think
it about going to moving to Portugal? What's uh, what's happening?
Speaker 4 (43:21):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (43:22):
No, So we're we've been trying to have a baby
for a couple of years. We've unfortunately had a couple
of failures, but in one kind of recent which is
one of the tumultuous things that has been going on.
But that but we are that's okay, We're getting through it,
and that's that's the next step. We're actually getting ready
(43:46):
to move in with my family because we're you know,
we're trying to combine bills and we've got older, My
my grandmother's getting older and my mom's getting older and
everybody just kind of needs to be together. So that's
also a very is going to happen this month.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
So yeah, are both of are both of you very
like family oriented, like you're like his his family's your family,
Your family, His family kind of vibes absolutely.
Speaker 5 (44:13):
I love his family, he loves my family. We all
get along great and and his family so much so
different from mine, but also not because they're we're all
just very loving families, which is it's a blessing.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
And how do you feel as though you got you guys?
Your families are different?
Speaker 4 (44:33):
Well?
Speaker 5 (44:33):
His his are all Dominican and uh and mine are
I only live know my like white side of my family,
my my Irish side, but I'm half Mexican as well.
But and I grew up in Las Vegas, so you know,
I grew up with Mexican origin around me all the time.
(44:55):
But I grew up with my Irish family and uh,
so it's definitely different dynamic, Like you know, when we
go to holidays and stuff like that, Like his family
they do uh karaoke and they dance and they make
big meals and there's everybody shouting and having a wonderful time,
and then at my my house it's a little more calm,
(45:17):
you know, it's a little more uh reserved, I guess,
but it's still loving and like kids are running around,
and you know, we're kind of a white trash family too,
so it's it all kind of is the same for us.
It's just love everywhere.
Speaker 1 (45:35):
That's uh, that's really that's nice. I'm very I'm uh,
I'm touched by you, guys, I really am. This is uh,
that's cool.
Speaker 3 (45:44):
I think I do think that a good life probably
has uh a lot of other people in it.
Speaker 4 (45:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
Yeah, well this is all good.
Speaker 5 (45:58):
We've been talking for a long time.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
They're all good things. I'm trying to think if if
I have any of the question, is there anything else
that you wanted to to talk about?
Speaker 5 (46:10):
No, I think we probably should give someone else a
chance to talk.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
What's your name is, Mercy?
Speaker 5 (46:17):
Mercy Mercy.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Uh, I'm very happy for you, uh, Mercy, I'm glad
that you It's kind of cool.
Speaker 3 (46:26):
Well, because a lot of people, I'm sure. First of all,
this is this is all this whole phone call has
been sponsored by Tinder. They paid this caller to call
in and talk about her experience. No, that's not true
at all.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
But it does.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
This is a good This is an advert to because
a lot of people are getting fed up with.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
Uh dating apps. But it's like you know, sometimes sometimes
sometimes if you're patient enough, I feel like you just
you get lucky.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (47:02):
Yeah, I mean it's definitely not what it used to be.
And and I was. It was my last ditch effort
at the time. So what can you do?
Speaker 4 (47:13):
It worked out?
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Uh, Mercy is or anything else you want to say before.
Speaker 5 (47:17):
We go, Nope, thank you for your time, and I
really appreciated your conversation.
Speaker 3 (47:25):
Thank you for calling Mercy. I have a good rest
of the night.
Speaker 5 (47:28):
You too, Bye bye.
Speaker 1 (47:31):
Well that was that was nice. See see you guys.
Well you gotta do.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
You just gotta keep trying. Maybe hopefully, maybe you'll get
lucky and you'll meet you'll meet somebody who you have
a you call them and you guys have a seven
hour conversation.
Speaker 1 (47:55):
That's cool. There's hope. I feel there's hope out there
that fall in love.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
And not and to look at stuff and eat food,
and uh yeah, this is hope.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
There is hope.
Speaker 3 (48:14):
But I think, oh god, I feel I'm trying to
like if I've been speaking. I've said this a bunch
of times already, but if I've been speaking too sincerely
for too long, I'll really want to think of something
stupid to say. But I couldn't think of anything that
was remotely funny. So I just had to put a
period at the end of my sincerity, which is which
(48:38):
is fine, which is fine.
Speaker 4 (48:41):
Hello, Hello, how are you doing well?
Speaker 1 (48:44):
Hello? How are you doing sir? What's your name? My
name is Griffin, Griffin? What can I what can I
do you for this evening? What's going on?
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Well?
Speaker 4 (48:55):
I I was curious if if you were or anyone,
you know, maybe it has had any sort of like
uh weird, I guess uncommon uh like health issues.
Speaker 3 (49:15):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (49:18):
That like that that aren't common. I myself have had
scarlet fever.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
Oh that's like from the eighteen hundreds, right, I didn't
know that was still a thing.
Speaker 4 (49:36):
Yeah, until the doctor told me that's what I had.
Speaker 3 (49:40):
I have the other the other day, my asshole was bleeding,
which to me feels like a very twenty twenty four illness.
Speaker 4 (49:50):
Yeah, that's actually uh yeah, they didn't start doing that
until I think this year.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
Yeah, Yeah, it's a very gen z thing. To have
a to have a bleed asshole? How did you get
scarlet fever?
Speaker 4 (50:03):
So, I mean this is years and years ago, but
I like through middle and high school. I'm thirty one now,
but I got strapped throughout like I countless times, like
(50:24):
over and over and over again. Apparently I was really
prone to getting it, and I guess one of the
times it ended up going dormant. So I felt fine
and I wasn't showing any symptoms of anything, and then
(50:47):
I started getting like rash all over my body and
just like feeling miserable and had no idea what it
was from. Yeah, apparently the whatever the like virus of
(51:09):
that causes strep throat, I guess had gone dormant and
turned itself into scarlet fever. Uh. The funny, the funniest
part is you brought up assholes actually, uh because they
they they swabbed my throat like they do for strep throat,
and it came up negative. And I was like, well,
(51:32):
like one of like one of the main places that
I have this rash is like is on my ass,
and so they swabbed that and then that's when it
came up positive.
Speaker 3 (51:42):
So how many you when's the last time somebody had
scarlet fever in America? Are you like the only guy
who has it now? Or like, what's the deal with this?
Speaker 4 (51:50):
I have absolutely no idea. I mean I've never even
looked it up. That's why I was like curious, like,
you know, I could I I have no idea.
Speaker 3 (52:00):
I thought like, wait, wait, wait, wait, you haven't you
haven't looked it up?
Speaker 4 (52:07):
How many people have had it?
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Or like, have you like looked into it?
Speaker 4 (52:13):
I mean, well I had it years ago. I mean
I looked into it after that, but it's.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
Been a while.
Speaker 3 (52:19):
Scarlet fever, Okay, there are a few there. Scarlet fever
is very Scarlet fever says, according to Google, is very rare.
Speaker 1 (52:27):
There are fewer.
Speaker 3 (52:28):
Than twenty thousand US cases per year. But it does
say that it resolves within days two weeks.
Speaker 4 (52:37):
Oh yeah, I mean it wasn't. Uh yeah, once they
gave once they realized I had it, I mean I was.
I was good after that.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
But I'm going to look it up on Wikipedia see
scarlet fever Wikipedia. When did it start? Who invented it?
When did it start?
Speaker 5 (52:55):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (52:55):
Is this a lady with a weird tone? Oh this
is I'm never you know what.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
Never look up disease on Wikipedia. You won't like what
you Oh wait, okay, hold on, I'm on the Wikipedia
page for scarlet fever. On history.
Speaker 3 (53:07):
Under history it says the dick test. Did you know
there's a dick? This is real. If you go to
the scarlet fever Wikipedia page and go to history, it's
there's a there's a it says the dick test.
Speaker 1 (53:19):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (53:19):
The dick test, developed in nineteen twenty four by George
and Gladdie's Dick, was used to identify those susceptible to
scarlet fever. The dick test involved injecting a diluted strain
of the streptinoch known to cause scarlet fever, and if
(53:42):
no reaction was seen in the skin. Have you have
you tried in injecting yourself with a diluted strain of streptinok.
Speaker 4 (53:52):
Uh no, I can't say that I have. I have
not tried that.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
Now, well, you should try the dick test, dude, I
don't know if that's what you're doctor did on Yeah.
Speaker 4 (54:02):
Well, they brought a bunch of griffin.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
Go ahead, Griffin finished. I wanted to finish what you're
gonna say.
Speaker 4 (54:10):
They brought a bunch of like nurses and doctors. Uh
in uh because none of them had ever seen it.
And I remember the doctor was like, you might not
ever be someone that had this again. And they were
all like examining my body. It was a very weird experience.
Speaker 1 (54:28):
Well, the good news about having an old disease is
that they figured out how to cure it by now,
and you and you and you were able to get
through it all without having to take the Dick test.
Speaker 2 (54:39):
Correct.
Speaker 4 (54:40):
I might be sterile because of it, though, That's what
they told me.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
Is there anything else you want to say to the
people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 4 (54:48):
Uh, go to your doctors, get things checked out if
you're if you have symptoms of anything. I guess I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (54:57):
See you later, Griffin have on? Did you say his
name was Griffin or Griffith? Hello, folks, it's Lyle here.
That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm
releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire
extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to
(55:18):
by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at
therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access
to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad free podcast
feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my
live shows, members only streams, and they help support my
ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip
(55:42):
from this week's members only bonus episode.
Speaker 4 (55:45):
My ex hy to me that his mom was dead.
Speaker 1 (55:50):
Oh jesus, how long ago is this?
Speaker 3 (55:53):
I'm like dating this dude for like two years?
Speaker 4 (55:55):
Right?
Speaker 2 (55:56):
I plan a trip to Jersey to.
Speaker 5 (55:59):
Go back home with him to meet his family, and
he like.
Speaker 4 (56:03):
Planned this trip out with me and didn't waited until
the very last fucking second to tell me that it
was all a lie.
Speaker 2 (56:13):
We would you do?
Speaker 1 (56:15):
What would you do when you found out that it
was a lie? Oh? My god?
Speaker 5 (56:19):
I shut the fuck down.
Speaker 2 (56:21):
He gave me a fucking fifteen minute Uber ride.
Speaker 4 (56:24):
To process that.
Speaker 2 (56:25):
The first person I was going to meet with his
mom who's actually alive.
Speaker 1 (56:30):
That's really crazy, that's wild. God, damn, what'd you What
was it like meeting was his mom nice? What was
it like meeting his mom? If you want to hear
this full conversation, you can sign up to become a
premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com, or
find the link in the episode description, that's therapy Gecko
dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing else
(56:54):
to say.
Speaker 3 (56:56):
Goes on the line, take every night.
Speaker 2 (57:00):
Never be get gostin his eyes, who is.
Speaker 1 (57:02):
Teaching him to how to have your life?
Speaker 3 (57:04):
But he's not really an expert.
Host
Lyle Drescher
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