“WE MOVED IN FAST”

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, it is me. It is Lyle. Welcome to the
Therapy Gecko podcast. I don't normally record intros for these
because the calls just kind of speak for themselves, but
I don't know, I felt like doing it today. I
felt like addressing the people who listen to this show.
I don't know, I just wanted to say thank you,
thank you for listening to this show. It's this summer,

(00:22):
it'll be five years of being the Therapy Gecko, and
it's been a really wild ride. It's had a lot
of ups and downs for me, you know, personally, and
it's just so cool that this is, that this has
lasted this long, and that I've gotten to do this.
And so I just I maybe wanted a public record

(00:46):
of myself so that I can know when I'm fifty
whatever years old, that in the moment that I was
doing this, I recognized how cool it was. So yeah,
I don't know, I just wanted to do that. And
today I am ready to talk to people on the phone.

(01:10):
I am currently recording this in my mom's basement, where
the whole thing started five years ago. I am home
for the Jewish holiday of Passover, so I'm gonna be
eating Matza and saying saying stuff. I'm into my mom's

(01:31):
basement and I'm ready to take phone calls like it's
twenty twenty again, except with all the bad twenty twenty stuff.
So let's do it. Therapy GEcho Podcast Today. Hello, Hey,
what's up man? What's your name?

Speaker 2 (01:48):
My name's Cody, Cody.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
What's happening Cody? What's life looking like for you? Today?

Speaker 2 (01:56):
Life's been going great, man. I graduated school, I'm going
to become an EMT next week. Getting engaged. I got engaged.
I'm getting married September. I what else is now? Got
a house, watching love on the spectrum. Everything's going great, man.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
That's a wonderful goddamn. Yeah, you sound like life is
going good. I talk a lot about real jobs on
this podcast. EMT is such a super real job. It's
like such a necessary thing. Although are you Are you worried?

(02:41):
I don't know why. I don't know why. I'm going
to the negative here, but are you worried about seeing
fucked up shit as an EMT?

Speaker 2 (02:48):
So so somewhat. I mean, I guess I'll cross that
bridge when I get to it. But I had bride alongs.
I had four ride alongs, and both honestly weren't that bad.
I saw her shooting. I well, I didn't see him
get sat but he got shot in the leg. Somebody

(03:11):
got like cut up in his stomach. But other than that,
I mean I reacted signed to that. I do have
a funny story though. So I was nervous on my
first ride along and they were like, oh, give her
some aspirin and I was like, okay, cool. So I
had like four like little little pills of aspirin and

(03:35):
she had a free hand and I don't I don't
know why I did this, but I won by one
just kind of popped the pills in her mouth. I
was like one and two and three, and uh just
I was like that was weird. I did it in
front of like four paramedics and they just all just

(03:56):
I popped up and they all looked at me, and
I was like, yeah, that was something weird I did.
They didn't, they didn't call me on it.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
Just counting the pills while you were popping them in
her mouth.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
Yeah, yeah. And then I looked at her and I
was like, I guess swallow no, please.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
I guess that's not that weird, right, I mean, someone's
got to keep track of how many pills we're going
in there.

Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah, but I mean I could have handed it to
her in her.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
Hand, oh, instead of pop popping it in her mouth.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, it was a little odd.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
How old.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
She was, like sixty sixty? Oh?

Speaker 1 (04:35):
Okay, all right? You know, madam, maybe maybe maybe maybe
she maybe was helpful. I don't know, maybe it made
her feel so.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
Yeah, was it something you wanted to talk specifically about?
I sent a few texts over Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
Sure, man. Let's see, well you sent me a couple
of things. I think you sent me something about how
you moved in with this lady after two months of
knowing her, and now you guys are engaged. That's uh.
I want to hear your story. You sound like you

(05:15):
have like a pretty cool, stable, good life. You seem
like a good member of society, and I want to
hear your tale.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
I'd try to be so. Yeah. We met off tender
of all places. So whoever says you can't find love's
off timber. You just got to look hard. But we
my lease was coming up, and we were just riding

(05:48):
around in the car. About a month into knowing each other.
We barely even said hey, we're boyfriend and girlfriend. And
I don't even think we said that we were boyfriend
and girlfriend and we uh. She was just like, hey,
your least is coming up. I kind of want to
move out of my parents. How how about we move

(06:12):
into a two bedroom apartment house type deal. And I'm like,
that sounds that sounds pretty sick, man. And ever since that,
it's just been been pretty good. We uh, it's been amazing. Actually,
we got we got three cats, two ferrets. Then I

(06:37):
within like four months after that, I I bought an
engagement ring and re enacted like our first date. Our
first date was an escape room and we did not
pass it. So I I hid the ring in like

(06:58):
the end of the escape room, and I made sure
that we would actually pass it this time. I ran
through the whole escape room with the escape room people
and popped the question there. And ever since then, it's
just been it's been going great. We we got invitations, ready,
we got we got a whole we got a whole

(07:21):
little life here. And ever so, I don't think we
ever had like one fight. We haven't even had a
fight yet. We're going on two years.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
Wow, that's awesome. How soon? How long? Ago was this
like like moving into getting engaged. How long was that?

Speaker 2 (07:44):
About four months? Five months or so? Actually my anniversary
present for her was to go see you.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
Oh there's no ship really yeah?

Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yeah, it was in it was in Charlotte.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
Oh which was it? Twenty twenty three, twenty twenty four.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
The one that just happened.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
Okay, cool before I think cool? Helly did? Did did
she have fun?

Speaker 2 (08:10):
You had a great time? Yeah? Yeah. I tried to
get her to send a message, but see uh yeah
see the little stage fright. I wanted to definitely go
on stage. But it was an interesting show. I had
a good time there.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
Fuck yeah, fuck yeah, that's awesome.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Especially the second guy that popped up there.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
Oh god, who was who was the second guy?

Speaker 3 (08:32):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Was this the guy who talked about like how slavery
is good?

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Yeah, and then he got into a fight with somebody
across the stadium and was just like, uh something about
like I'm not on drugs, and he was clearly like
his friends were holding him back. Yeah I don't, ye.

Speaker 1 (08:51):
Know, no yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah no. You know,
look that's at the therapy Gecko. Live shows characters do
make make appearances, you know, that's I guess that's part
of the it's part of the shindig. But no, that's
fucking that's fucking sweet man, that's fucking sweet. Well, that's awesome.
That's interesting. I always feel like I learn a lot

(09:12):
about love through this uh podcast, because there's a lot
of different stories and a lot of different timelines that
people have with each other. How old are you, guys?

Speaker 2 (09:25):
Uh? She just had a birthday yesterday. She's twenty three.
I'm twenty two.

Speaker 1 (09:30):
Well, fuck, you guys are young.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
Yeah, we moved in and we were like twenty twenty one.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
Oh fuck, everything's going good.

Speaker 2 (09:41):
Yeah, everything's going good. Honestly, Without her, I don't know
if my relationship with my mom would be as good
as it is. I I have a lot of so
I don't know how deep I should get into that.
But she, uh, my mom came down because I lived

(10:06):
states away and my mom came down to come see me,
and she I wanted to bring my fiance with me,
and I was like, I really, I would really appreciate
it if you come see me. She took if you
came with me to come see her. She took off

(10:29):
a couple of days of work, so that I wouldn't
be alone because I have I haven't seen my mom
in like eight years, and I only talked to her
like a year before that, So it was, I will
I owe a lot to her. She's she's an amazing person.
But you know, I got a a younger brother and

(10:51):
a younger sister, so I I definitely owe a lot
to uh my fiance.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
Mm hmm. How was it reconnecting with your mom?

Speaker 2 (11:03):
So honestly, it was, I was. I was oddly calm
up into because we planned to come see each other. Ah,
like a month before. She was like, oh, I'm going
to Is that okay if I come see you? And

(11:25):
I'm like, yeah, of course, of course. So I was
oddly calmed the whole way. And then like immediately when
I was there, it was like I felt my hands shaking.
It was. It was definitely weird. Definitely had some uh
some emotions turning. That was it was. It was definitely

(11:47):
a little hard because we didn't end on on very
good terms and we're working on it. It's kind of
like getting to know your parents. It's getting it's like
getting to know a stranger, which is weird, right because

(12:10):
I haven't seen her since I was like sixteen, and
then she just drops that I have a whole sibling
and the whole she has a whole life, and she
she's like talking about stuff that I knew back when

(12:30):
I was like sixteen, Like she's like, oh, do you
still like The Walking Dead? And I'm like, I don't
really no, because I haven't. I haven't seen that selling years.
So right, it's it's it's a little hard, but it's, uh,
we're we're we're getting there. We're getting to uh as

(12:52):
long as she supports me. She actually just sent my
financial cupcakes for her.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
Birthday, so that's nice. So did you just have the
one kind of meeting with her or have you been
recurringly seeing her.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
I will be seeing her on my wedding, and I'm
nervous about that because she doesn't really get along with
my dad. So it's, uh, it's it's definitely hard because
I I don't know how to bring it up to

(13:28):
my dad, and I think a part of me is
nervous that my dad would be almost upset that I
know her again.

Speaker 1 (13:44):
You know, I don't know if that makes sense.

Speaker 3 (13:48):
I'm still I'm close.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
I'm still close with my dad. But I I noticed
me getting very sometimes I want to impress him too much,
But I just don't know how to bring it up

(14:10):
to my dad that hey, the your ex wife is
going to be there that you thought I didn't talk to.
So I just I need to figure out how to
bring that up as well.

Speaker 1 (14:24):
So are you are you looking forward to having your
mom at your wedding?

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah, yeah, she's going to be She's going to be
super proud. I'm looking forward to both of them being there.
I just and I don't think anything will happen. I
just I'm not entirely sure why I'm nervous, except like,

(14:55):
I don't think any drama is going to pop off.
I don't think any uh. I don't think anybody is
gonna get into a fight or to talk to each other.

Speaker 3 (15:06):
I just.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
I want I want everybody to be as comfortable as
they can. And I don't know, I don't know, I
don't know. It's just it's it's weird too explain, because yeah,
it's it's hard. But I'm definitely looking forward to all

(15:32):
all people being there.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
Mm hmm. Do you uh you know, by the way,
you can get as deep or not deep into this
as you uh want to you know, we can talk
about any number of things, but you know, is there
is there is there a reason why you stopped talking
to her like eight years ago.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
She she said that she didn't want to talk to
me basically, see that there was a really messy, uh
divorce with my dad and really the whole family. But uh, yeah,

(16:24):
it was just it was just really it was just
really messy. She just I just you just said she
didn't really want to talk to me, so I just.

Speaker 4 (16:37):
I let it be.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
And then she said she wanted to but I was
I was too hurt to obviously say, hey, yeah that
that that stuff never happened, what happened, what what you
said before never happened? You know, mm hmmm mm hm.

(17:02):
But I mean, I'm I'm working past it. She's she's
genuinely working, she's genuinely trying, and she's one hundred and
ten percent like she was already a good mom, and
I think that just she had she had a lot

(17:22):
of stuff on her plate. And I'm not taking anything
personally from what she said. It did well what anybody
said or did, But.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
What is uh, what's the deal with your You said
you have a lot of siblings. What is their deal
are they? Are they cool with your mom?

Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yeah? Yeah, so my my younger brother, he uh, he
saw her for the first time with me too. I
was like, hey, in I went and I went to
go see her, but I am and if you don't

(18:00):
want to go see her, because he was down here
for a couple of days, I was like, hey, man,
I want to go see her. If you don't want to,
it's totally okay, but I'll be right there with you.
And he I only have like the one biological sibling.
But yeah, he's he's working his way there. He's he's

(18:26):
not as far as me because I don't I I
don't know if he can. I don't know. I don't
know what the right word is. But he's not as

(18:47):
I guess he's just not as as far as me
as like and like forgiving or understanding. But he might
be who knows. He's he's a he's a hard book
to read sometimes, but yeah, he uh, he's he's becoming
cool with her too. Really likes my uh, my younger sibling.
We went had a good time there.

Speaker 1 (19:09):
But and so this is this is a half sibling,
like your mom went and had someone else.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
Well she adopted.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
Okay, is your mom is around with someone new?

Speaker 2 (19:23):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (19:24):
Yeah, yeah, okay, do you like him? And do you
like uh their adopted kid? Like have you have you
chilled with them?

Speaker 2 (19:32):
Adopted to kid?

Speaker 5 (19:33):
Was?

Speaker 2 (19:34):
It was pretty cool? He was He was a handful,
He was very active. He was like I think like four.

Speaker 6 (19:42):
Yeah, yeah he was.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
He was crazy, but yeah, he he was. He was
a fun time and her boyfriend or husband. He's pretty cool.
I think he was just nervous to meet me the
first time because he was a he was a chatter.
He would you really like to talk? But I was like,

(20:05):
at some point I was just like, okay, man, and
I'd like to speak to to.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
My mother, but yeah, he's not.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah, it's like it's like you already don't really like
if you if your mom already feels like a stranger,
your mom's new boyfriend is going to feel like you know,
why do I give a fuck about talking to this guy?

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Right? No? No, he was. He was cool.

Speaker 4 (20:27):
He was a cool guy.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
But at some point I was just like, Okay, okay, you're.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
Not You're not the main events at this table.

Speaker 2 (20:36):
Right No. I think he just wanted to like impress
us or whatever.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
Sure it was yeah, which I guess is it's nice
that they it's nice that they they as a couple
want you guys, you know, in in their life, they
want you to like them. I guess it's nice.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
Yeah. I'd rather he do that than just sit in
the corner on his phone.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
Or sure yeah, yeah, I can fuck some else. Yeah, man,
you know that's uh. Yeah, I gotta say, you're on
You're twenty three, twenty twenty two. You're so god. I
don't know how this feels for you to hear, but
you're just you're dealing with so much like you know,

(21:19):
I know, twenty two isn't fucking fourteen or whatever, but
you're you're dealing with so much adults shit, you know
what I mean. Like you're there, you're the real adults
in the room, like doingny MT shit, getting no fucking house,

(21:39):
getting married, doing the whole like you're a real you're
very grown up twenty two year old. You know, do
you how does that like? How do yeah? How does
that feel for you? Because I'm twenty seven, I feel
like I'm I'm sixteen years old?

Speaker 2 (21:56):
Well, I mean, yeah, I don't always feel like an adult.
I kind of sometimes feel sometimes feel like I'm like
behind it a little bit. But I think that's that's
everybody because I got some point like I'm like, oh,
I joined emt too late, because some people get into

(22:18):
it when they're like eighteen nineteen. I saved up so
I co go to school because I was living on
my own. I'm like, oh, I'm a little bit behind
on that, or like, oh, I'm buying fucking Pokemon cards
when I'm twenty two years old. It's sometimes I feel
like I'm behind, but then sometimes I feel like I'm
a little bit ahead of the curves. But I appreciate

(22:39):
you saying that.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
I trust me, there are many men in their thirties,
forties and beyond who are who are also buying Pokemon cards.

Speaker 2 (22:50):
I know those scalpies are crazy nowadays.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
Yeah, no, I got I got a lot of uh,
I got a lot of respect for you, brother, You're me,
you know, because that's the thing is all this stuff
is hard now. But I just have a feeling for
you that, like, I don't know, you're gonna life's gonna
continue to be good for you just because you're fucking

(23:14):
you know, not insane.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Not insane what I try to be.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
I appreciate that. Well, let's see, man, I know you
texted me a bunch of other stuff. Maybe I could
get into that. You said, Well, you just texted me
saying I'm playing WE Sports right now. I don't know
if you have anything to say about that. You texted
me that over a year ago. I'm just looking at

(23:45):
all now.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
Yeah, I think I was. I remember that day. We
already eating brownies and we were playing these sports. And
then I was like, hey, man, Gek is Gek is
streaming right now. I need to try to get on.
But I know, I know what else to say. I
was like, we sports man, what's your favorite sport?

Speaker 1 (24:08):
Uh? Probably uh bowling, because it is I think it
is the easiest. It's probably the most stationary of all
the WE sports.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
Bowling's good? Oh good? I like Uh. I like golf.
There's a lot of stuff to do in golf. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
I used to have the little uh plastic attachments that
you put on the Wii for the WE Sports and
you know, I used it once and then they went.
Now they're in a in a landfill somewhere. What's your
name again?

Speaker 2 (24:45):
My name is?

Speaker 1 (24:45):
My name is Cody, Cody, Cody, is is there anything
else you want to say to the people of the
computer before we go, or anything else you want to
talk about?

Speaker 2 (24:57):
Not not too not too much? Man. H Yeah, you're invited.
You're invited to the wedding.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
Where's the wedding.

Speaker 2 (25:08):
Where?

Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (25:10):
Uh? North Carolina?

Speaker 1 (25:12):
North Carolina? Oh Man? When is Yeah? Free pizza September September.
If I I I truly hate making promises that I
can't keep so about, I'll make you this. I'll make
you this promise if for some reason I happen to

(25:33):
be in Charlotte, for some other reason that the weekend
that you're having your wedding, I'll have one hundred go.
If I have some other reason that I am there,
I'll go the wedding.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
We'd love to have you there. Free pizza and beer
and wine for you.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
Okay, okay, all right? Where's it from? Where you get
it from?

Speaker 2 (26:01):
It's like this, like homemade pizza place, low Ki, It's
like five minutes down the street somewhere.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
Are getting married, mazeletove to you, Cody. You got a
good life, dot don't yeah?

Speaker 5 (26:15):
Be uh.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
I hope you're at peace. I hope you're at peace.
You deserve some fun. You deserve some motherfucking piece. You
got a peaceful life, my friend. I'll I'll talk to
you again around the universe, dude.

Speaker 2 (26:29):
I'll see you man do some more stand up. I
appreciate it.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
Okay, well wait you were oh wait just oh at
the show. Yeah, I'm planning to do. I've been going
to fucking open mics and stuff. That's been fun. All right,
Take care man, you too.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
Bye.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
What a sweet fucking guy. This happens on the show
all the time. Dude. I'll meet like a twenty one,
twenty two year old, twenty year old calls in and
they're just like their fucking whole all their shit is
so is so uh to get there. You know, it's fascinating.
It's fascinating because I'm always I don't know, I always

(27:05):
bring it back to myself, but I'm like always on
the I think I do it in my regular life,
but I also do it on this show. Is like,
you know, when you're I think on like a journey
for peace or a journey for like the life. Life
doesn't really come with a handbook or anything, so he
just look at what other people do with their lives

(27:26):
and you're like, did that Is that a way to
get peace? You know? And I don't know. I liked
I liked Cody a lot. He's you know, he had
a job that means something. He seems to be in
a nice relationship. You see. He seemed calm when I
talked to him, And that's a difficult it's achieving piece,

(27:47):
I think is difficult. So I'm happy for him. And
if if I have some other I'm not. I'm not
gonna go to Charlotte just for his wedding. I'm I'm
I'm not going to go just for his wedding. But
if I if, if I if there's two weddings going
on in Charlotte, maybe I'll go. I need I need

(28:10):
a If anyone has a second thing, it's really compelling
for me to go to Charlotte in September, maybe I'll
do it. I want to go back there for a
live show. I love the comedy club there, the Charlotte
Comedies on that place is awesome. I've had great, great
fun shows there. But yeah, shout out Cody Mazeltov. Hello,

(28:33):
how are you?

Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah? How are you? Can you hear me?

Speaker 1 (28:35):
Yeah? I can hear you. What's up man? What's your name?

Speaker 2 (28:39):
Uh?

Speaker 6 (28:40):
My name's crazy.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
Crazy. That's a good name. What's up, crazy? Why are
you crazy?

Speaker 6 (28:48):
Oh? That that's a that's my artist name. Uh, it's
my rap name. And uh it's just uh it's because
I think that crazy it gets a bad rep.

Speaker 4 (29:00):
Like.

Speaker 6 (29:01):
Uh, so I'm trying to represent and uplift the name crazy.

Speaker 1 (29:06):
Hmm. Do you do you feel as though you are crazy?

Speaker 6 (29:11):
Oh? I mean people have called me crazy before, but
I think that crazy is such a like it's such
like a broad term. So yeah, I would categoryize myself
as crazy, but I think that any like, I don't know.
I've never really met somebody who I don't think is
crazy unless they're like super boring.

Speaker 1 (29:30):
Bro, you and I are are built of the same Uh,
we're cut from the same cloth. I was in a
car with my best friend the other day and he
was telling me about like, uh, he was like, you
think everyone is crazy. You've gone on so many rants
about how all things are crazy, all people are crazy.

(29:54):
You talk about how you don't shut the fuck up,
about how life is crazy, and it's it's true. I
am so with you. I feel like I've found a
kindred spirit in you crazy because I'm I'm with you.
I think, uh, life is I try not to think.
I'm trying not think about it less because I don't
think it's fun to think about you know, as your

(30:14):
default way of thinking. But yeah, life is crazy. Everybody
is crazy, Consciousness is crazy, all people every Yeah, I'm
with you, I'm with you crazy, everything's crazy. Thank you, finally,
finally a god. I am so happy and excited to
talk to you crazy because for a while, for a
for a while crazy. I'm telling you, Yeah, I thought

(30:35):
I was crazy for thinking that everything was crazy. And
here you are crazy and you're like, yeah, no, everything
is crazy. You're I feel very validated by you crazy.
So let's let's talk about things being crazy.

Speaker 6 (30:48):
Hey, let's let's do it.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
Well.

Speaker 6 (30:50):
Yeah, no, I've been. I've been. I've been a fan
of your your stumper like a little bit. Now. I
just I just started watching it randomly. But I think
it's cool.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
Man.

Speaker 6 (31:00):
See people calling, Yeah, I mean I'm down. I'm definitely
down to talk with you.

Speaker 2 (31:05):
Man.

Speaker 6 (31:06):
Yeah, basically, I'm just I'm just calling because I've moved
to La like about a year ago to pursue music.
And I'm just kind of at like a like a
turning point in my life because I've just messed up
my leg, and uh so I can't work right now.

(31:28):
And well, I mean I'm trying to get jobs where
I can work with a mess up leg. But yeah, basically,
like I'm like debating whether or not I should just
like take out a bunch of student loans and live
off those or or just like give up. I don't know,
but I don't know. Yeah, that's or just try and
make it happen some other way. I guess those are

(31:48):
like my three options.

Speaker 1 (31:49):
Okay, sorry, I I I want let me let me
backtrack here. Your three options recount them again? Is to
take out student loans to go to a school, or
to just take out long.

Speaker 6 (32:02):
Yeah yeah yeah, to to go to school, go to
school to do what? Audio production?

Speaker 1 (32:09):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (32:10):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (32:10):
What are the other ones?

Speaker 6 (32:13):
The other one is I give up and fly back home?

Speaker 1 (32:17):
Okay, live in Okay? Is living intent option three? Or
if you went back home, you'd live in a Yeah,
I live in Okay. Are Are you serious about living
in a tent or do you have like family you
could go back home with?

Speaker 6 (32:32):
Well, I'm serious about living a tent because like, if
I went back home, I'd be living in a tent
on my my dad's er.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
Your dad would let you live. Your dad would let
you live in the in like the house part of
the property.

Speaker 6 (32:46):
He doesn't, he doesn't have a house. He just has lands.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
Where does he live?

Speaker 6 (32:52):
Uh, he lives with a roommate right now, But he's
trying to he's trying to make it happen in like
a van and build back a shack up there.

Speaker 1 (32:59):
All right, cool? All right, so you would live in
a tent, and then what's option three?

Speaker 6 (33:06):
Option three is just try and just try and hope
for the best with what I'm already doing, just trying
to like make money do jobs. And then like I
started a studio at my house is called a fuck
around and find out studio. And I'm only charging people
twenty five an hour to record songs. And I've been

(33:28):
doing this for like ten years recording, so I'm like
confident in my skills as like a recording engineer, but
I still need to work on mixing and mastering. That's
why I want to go to school for audio profession.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
Oh kah, So you've been doing this for ten years
in this, and where where is home for you? Like
what state?

Speaker 7 (33:49):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (33:49):
Hawaii?

Speaker 1 (33:50):
Hawaii? Oh cool? Okay, And so you have like the
past ten years, have you been in LA or have
you been in Hawaii? Because you still me just moved
right yeah?

Speaker 3 (34:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (34:01):
So so I just got here to LA on April
fool Day last year, well technically April second, but my
I moved into my new spot. Yeah, it was like, yeah,
it's basically been April second because I missed the greyhound
I caught like a greyhound from Seattle because me and
my friends moved from Seattle. I only lived in Seattle

(34:22):
for like four months ago.

Speaker 1 (34:26):
So when you say you've been doing this for ten years,
like you've been doing it on your laptop for ten
years doing like Mexican Master and shit.

Speaker 6 (34:34):
Yeah yeah yeah at least eight eight seriously, but around ten?

Speaker 1 (34:39):
And why did you go to.

Speaker 6 (34:41):
LA to make music? There's like a lot of opportunities
to make music here. There's a lot of creative people here.
It just feels like a place that I fit in
more than in Hawaii.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
Okay, So you I mean you like being there?

Speaker 3 (35:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (35:03):
Okay. So option one is to take a bunch of
student loans and go to music school in la Option
two is to go live in a tent in Hawaii.
Option three is to keep doing what you're doing right now,
which tell me again what that looks like.

Speaker 6 (35:26):
What that looks like is hoping that my knee recovers quickly,
signing up for more jobs, and trying to freelance a
studio business.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
Out of my house.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
Can't you just okay? I have a few questions about
your options, right is like, okay, Well, number one with
the school thing is like, you know more about this
industry than than I do. But is there anything, uh
in the universe of music production that you can't just

(36:05):
fucking oh, there's a fire truck on Is there anything
in the world of music production that you can't just learn?
I feel like we're in a We're in a song
right now that has the police sirens in the background.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 6 (36:24):
Okay, sorry, No, you're good, you got that's just my house.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
Yeah, I was okay, sorry, I was gonna say, why
can't okay, why can't you just learn this on the internet?
Why do you have to spend a billion dollars to.

Speaker 6 (36:37):
School, because well, I can learn it on the internet.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
To a degree.

Speaker 6 (36:43):
It's just that I'm I'm limited by the type of
equipment that I can use. So you know, I have
like an okay setup, but if I went to school,
then I could learn how to use like a million
dollars uh like equipment.

Speaker 1 (37:02):
Okay, what's your ultimate like goal? Is it to like,
do you want to do like your own artist project
or you want to be a producer for other people?

Speaker 6 (37:13):
Well, I want to make music and I want to
be a recording engineer for other people.

Speaker 1 (37:18):
Okay, do you think that how much would it cost
for you to go to school? Oh?

Speaker 6 (37:29):
Man, it's like eighty eight thousand, but I could probably
get some like student aids.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
Here's the thing, I'm not a bit I've gone on
this rant on this show a billion times, but like
I'm not a huge fan of like going eighty eight
thousand dollars into debt for you know, like something that's
not like a hot guarantee. You know, I'm not if
you were to tell me, like, yeah, I'm investing money

(37:59):
into equipment, you know, that would that would make sense?
Or you're investing money into like online courses. But I
just don't think that the absolute best way to invest
in this is like through school. I mean, I guess,
I guess if I were you, you're already out in
LA I assume you have your cost of living as

(38:21):
low as it can go with you know, roommates and whatever.

Speaker 6 (38:26):
I don't know, I kind of screwed myself, how Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
I had to screw yourself.

Speaker 6 (38:30):
Well, I signed a year lease and then the like
literally the day before uh my like whole year started
for the least, or like two days before, I really
messed up my leg. Uh it's like my knee, it
was all messed up.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
Why did that screw Why did that screw you in
your living situation?

Speaker 6 (38:55):
Well, because now I don't have the three jobs that
I had anymore.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

Speaker 6 (39:06):
I mean I technically still have two of them, but
they're just I just have to figure out how I
can go back to them, and yeah, all that stuff.

Speaker 3 (39:18):
Mm hm.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
Hm hmmmmmmm. I don't know. Maybe I'm a boomer about
all of this, but I don't know how the music
industry works. It just it just seems like something that
has like a low barrier to entry in terms of

(39:43):
the making of the stuff, right, Like, and I'm sure
I'm sure that Uh, DJs and music producers will get
furious with me for saying that, you know, just as
just as I I say, I say that, you know,
you can make a great movie on your iPhone, right.

(40:04):
But I think when it comes to wanting to be
a producer for the people, it's like, well, well, you know,
make a list of the twenty fucking people that you
really want to do it for, or a hundred people
you really want to do it for, and find out
how to reach out to them and find a sample,
make a sample that you're really proud of. And there's

(40:29):
a lot of kind of you know whatever, hustly entrepreneury
ways you can go about it other than just like
going to school.

Speaker 2 (40:40):
I absolutely agree.

Speaker 6 (40:42):
You know, I think you convinced me, manuck. I never
wanted to go to college genery, so yeah, you convinced me.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
Man.

Speaker 6 (40:53):
I'm just trying to make it happen probably here. I mean,
I don't I really don't want.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
To go back to life.

Speaker 6 (40:58):
I just don't. Yeah, oh yeah, try and make it here.
But yeah, man, I mean I just yeah, I realized,
like when my leg got messed up like that, I
was just, uh, you know, all my jobs, like we're
almost like zero skill involved in them, unfortunately.

Speaker 2 (41:22):
I mean I was I'm like a.

Speaker 6 (41:23):
Delivery writer and uh I work at a grocery store
and a restaurant, and I was just like, dang, like
I just realized that like if I didn't have my leg,
like my job just doesn't give a fuck about me,
like or they just don't really have a room for me,
and like I don't know, yeah, just kind of like

(41:47):
well it did make me. It made me depressed, like
the first day, to be honest, I was like I
was a little bit depressed. I mean the doctor asked
me if I was depressed off like no, because I
don't know. I from it like kind of quickly.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
Yeah, but.

Speaker 6 (42:04):
Like I just tried to catch myself. I was like
I just noticed that I was I was starting to
do like bad habits that I've like since like moved
on from in my life. And I felt like that
was like a sign to me. I was like, Okay,
like I'm feeling a little bit depressed because yeah, I
was just bummed out because like I wasn't really even

(42:26):
appreciating my life. And I didn't even tell you the
worst part, man, I don't even tell you like how
I messed up my leg. Man, that's like the most
embarrassing part. Well, I messed up my leg because I
went to this concert. It was like a NASCAR a concert,
so it was like chat metal music and metal music,

(42:48):
and I was like dancing in the mastrap for like
the whole night. But then once nascar Al comes in
because he was the headliner, he was the last artist.
He started playing his song move to Moved to America,
and and when he was playing that song, they they
messed up my leg pretty bad.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (43:09):
The mosh pit, yeah, yeah, I got distracted because I
was just busney dancing, like I don't even like mash
in the moshpit. I just was like dancing and dodging people.
But I got distracted because nascar Ala was going going
off and then oh my leg just got messed up.

Speaker 1 (43:29):
Yeah, I mean yeah, the mosh pit is a bit
of a fuck around and find out kind of place.

Speaker 2 (43:35):
I was.

Speaker 6 (43:36):
Yeah, that's why I named my studio that.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
Yeah, oh you named your studio the mash pit.

Speaker 6 (43:43):
I named my studio fuck around and find out studio.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
That's fun. I yeah, dude, some people I was I
don't know why, but I was at a like as
was four months ago. I was at a punk show
in Baltimore with my friends and and I hadn't been
to like something like that in a long time. And
the mosh pit is crazy. People are doing full three

(44:09):
sixty degree wheels with both arms, just like beating, just
just a tornado of fists, and they're running all around.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
It is. It is.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
An orgy of kinetic energy and violence. It is a
lot of fun. It's fun to go near, but you don't.
You don't want to toe the line because you will
get punched in the fucking face. Unapologetically.

Speaker 6 (44:37):
Yeah, luckily I didn't get punched in the face.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
That's what I was thankful for.

Speaker 6 (44:42):
But I did get either kicked or just upper cut
it in the nme and the doctor said I might
have torn my miniscu.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
But yeah, I don't know what's your name again?

Speaker 4 (44:55):
I try to too crazy?

Speaker 1 (44:58):
Crazy all right? Of course, how could I forget crazy? Okay?
A couple of things. One is, you know, if if
you decide you don't want to go to college and
you want to save the money, you know, I think
that's cool. If you have to go back to well, yeah,
if you don't have any if you don't have any money.

(45:20):
You don't want to have negative money, you know, with debt.

Speaker 6 (45:24):
Yeah, I guess that's true.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
So I think, yeah, yeah, I mean that's that's the
If you're going to go into debt, I think it
should be for a real, real, fucking good reason. But also,
but like, look, man, here's a if you have to
go back and live in the tent in Hawaii, don't uh,
don't consider the dream dead.

Speaker 3 (45:49):
No.

Speaker 1 (45:51):
Look, look here, here's something. Here's what I'm saying. I
don't think you're gonna have to go back to the tent.
I don't think you're gonna have to go back to
the tent. I think you can make it in Los Angeles.
I think you can. I'm holding out for you to
hold out. But if you're looking around and you're just
financially leg lee whatever, you got to go back and

(46:12):
live in the tent for a second. It's not over.
If you have to go live in the tent, you
can make music and be around other creative people making
things in really any major city in the world and
just on or just fucking you know, in the world

(46:34):
we live in on the fucking computer, so you know what,
you can twitch, stream you can twitch stream sets from
the fucking tent. You know, there's ways to do all this,
So just I encourage you to just, I guess, try
to be creative and trying not to count yourself out,

(46:55):
and you know, keep keep doing your shit. Crazy. You're
you're you're fucking crazy. I'm crazy. Everything's everything's fucking crazy.

Speaker 6 (47:05):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm crazy, all right, And and uh yeah,
I mean yeah, I mean that that was mostly, uh
mostly the reason called I'm gonna have it like a
house warming party to night. But yeah, it's just like
it's just it's just nerve wracking and stuff. But I
mean I think that I think I'll make it too.

(47:27):
My friend he moved out here too. He's like he
just like doubled his rent and stuff. But I don't know,
I'm not gonna put his information out too much.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
You're having you're having a house party tonight.

Speaker 6 (47:41):
Housewarming party. Yeah, but it's just two of my friends.
It's not really a party.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
That's fucking fun. Man, got to have fun, don't. Well
look whatever, here's the thing. Uh, worry and stressed and
be out, I mean worry and stress out during the day,
but once it hits around seven PM, just clock out
and hang out with your friends, because you know that's
the only fucking real thing.

Speaker 6 (48:04):
Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right man. Well yeah, man, yeah,
uh that's definitely been helpful and and and yeah, like
uhh yeah, man, appreciate your help.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
You want to plug, you can plug if you want.
I want to hear your ship.

Speaker 6 (48:22):
I mean it's just uh, it's crazy spelt like k
r a y e.

Speaker 3 (48:27):
Z y o k r a.

Speaker 1 (48:32):
Y e y z Oh, cray cray easy.

Speaker 6 (48:38):
Yeah yeah, some people say cray easy.

Speaker 1 (48:40):
Yeah yeah, Cray easy. Why yeah, yeah, Like what do
you want? R A y is your name? Okay? You're okay,
you're Kyle? Is that you?

Speaker 6 (48:55):
Oh yeah, well you're on Instagram or somewhere?

Speaker 3 (48:58):
Yeah? Oh is that?

Speaker 1 (48:59):
Should we not? Is that bad to have?

Speaker 6 (49:02):
Oh no, no, it's fine. I mean I don't really
care that people.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
I don't really Oh no, I'm just looking for it.
I'm just I was just like, what are you okay?
I'm on your okay? SoundCloud? Is that where you have
most of your ship? I mean you have one you
have one song. You have one song. Listen to it.
It's not it's not gonna be able to play on
the podcast. I'll just live reaction listen to it.

Speaker 6 (49:27):
Oh, thanks man, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:29):
All right, this is Cray all right. If the people
at home want to listen to this, this is Cray easy.
The song is antiseptic, so you can probably find it
on his if you can find it if you go
on the internet. All right, I'm gonna blind listen to this.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
Yeah, well crazy, Yeah, I like it, thanks.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
Man, Yeah, for sure, I like. I think people check
it out. I just realized that I wasn't. I just
realized that if I can't put it on the podcast,
I was gonna be staring standing there in silence.

Speaker 6 (50:30):
For oh yeah, yeah, that would be awkward twenty seconds.

Speaker 1 (50:33):
But I didn't want to talk over it. But uh,
I like it. I like, I'm not I'm not Anthony
Fantana or anything, but I I uh uh I like.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
I like.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
It's definitely crazy. I sound like I sound like I'm
trying to come up with something nice to say, but
I genuinely do. I genuinely do like it.

Speaker 6 (50:55):
No, no, yeah, yeah, I'm just saying you tell me
of treasure.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
Yeah, we'll tell you if it's if it's trash.

Speaker 6 (51:02):
If it was trash, then i'd be I'd be on
the plane back to the wife.

Speaker 2 (51:06):
Probably.

Speaker 6 (51:07):
No, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2 (51:08):
I don't.

Speaker 6 (51:09):
I don't take one person's opinion that seriously. But like,
if enough people convince me that it's trash, then like,
I mean, I guess I'm like, I'm still gonna make music,
but I'm probably not gonna try and like make it
in a major city because it's a little bit tough.
I don't know, you know what, I screw other people.

Speaker 2 (51:28):
I don't know. I don't.

Speaker 6 (51:29):
I don't care what other people think of should but
it does make it easier if people are like, Okay, yeah,
you're going in the right direction. Like, I respect everybody's opinion,
but I don't think that I should let it affect
my actions.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
I guess, you know, uh, getting validation on your life?
You know what the scariest fucking thing about uh being
like an adult with free will is is that no
one can really give you some sort of final validation

(52:03):
on any of your life choices.

Speaker 6 (52:07):
No, yeah, that's true, that's true.

Speaker 3 (52:10):
It's what it is.

Speaker 1 (52:11):
It is one of the uh most terrifying parts of
being being an adult. But but you know what it's
that's it's a tax on having the freedom to make
those decisions. But anyway, crazy, is there anything else you
want to say to the people of the computer before
we go?

Speaker 6 (52:30):
Oh yeah, yeah, okay, So to the people of the computer,
I just want to say that, you know, always love yourself,
always stay positive no matter Oh and well, I mean
I would just say to all the atheists out there,
I would just say, reconsider.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
That you're a man. You're a man of God.

Speaker 6 (52:56):
I believe in a higher power.

Speaker 3 (52:57):
Yeah, I believe.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
I don't know if I believe in like, uh, Christianity
so much, but uh, I think a higher power. I'm
starting to I'm starting to kind of think there's gotta
be uh some I don't know if I don't know
about Jesus, but there's almost certainly some form of higher

(53:19):
consciousness or something like that.

Speaker 2 (53:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (53:23):
I respect that.

Speaker 6 (53:24):
I respect that.

Speaker 2 (53:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (53:25):
That's why I like, I'm not hating on the atheist
out there. I'm just I'm just asking them to to
maybe reconsider, because you know, why why commit to to
not believing and on afterlife or and you know, anything
greater than this world.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
Because I don't know.

Speaker 6 (53:44):
Sometimes like, uh, if you get super depressing, if you
think like, oh, yeah, this is it, this is the
this is the meaning of it all. We're just you know,
here doing this because like, uh, I mean at the
same time though, I mean, while you're here on earth,
I think that uh, spreading positivity is the best thing
that we can do because we can, we can list

(54:05):
everybody around us up and we can give other people
the motivation to chase their dreams. Uh if we just
uh yeah, if we just don't give up on ourselves
then if we if we don't do things that because
I feel like everybody has the conscious and like sometimes
you ignore your conscious and and that's when, uh, that's

(54:25):
when you start taking negatively at those times.

Speaker 1 (54:29):
Uh crazy, Thanks for calling, and good luck on your journey. Brother.

Speaker 6 (54:35):
Thanks, well, it's super good talking with you. And yes,
stay stay crazy, bro.

Speaker 1 (54:42):
Hopefully hopefully I'll be less crazy next time you talk
to me. But you you you stay crazy to you
stay crazy too.

Speaker 6 (54:51):
Yeah, I'm gonna be crazy and then I'm gonna be
a little crazy eventually, because yeah, I feel like, yeah,
but you'll yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
You'll be you'll be a little crazy. You'll be a
little crazy because you're a little less crazy, all right. See,
you're crazy fuck. I hung up on him, but I
didn't ware to hang up on him. A conversation was over.
I liked that guy a lot, I really did. I
liked that guy a lot.

Speaker 2 (55:16):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
He was talking about, well, okay, what is an atheist?
I'm gonna actually google this. A theist definition A person
who lacks belief in the existence of God. But what, like,
what is God? God is like a supreme being, creator,

(55:38):
principal object of faith? Yeah, I think like the concept
of like God is like, uh, A is sort of
like there's a supreme being who is like and like
and like existence is is a monarchy ruled by God.

(56:06):
I don't know. I don't think I believe in that,
but uh, there's gotta be some kind of higher power.
I was thinking a lot about like. I'm sure I've
talked about this on the fucking podcast before, but I
have to think it a lot about just like WHOA,
what we are all experiencing is quite psychedelic and bizarre

(56:32):
and miraculous and beyond comprehension even if you, I guess,
even if you study stuff. Someone in the someone in
the in the in the stream chat said you could

(56:52):
even say that life is crazy and that's I believe that.
So I don't know if I believe in like there
is a God and he is watching and all that,
you know, Jesus and stuff. But uh, you know, when
we die or was just when we die, it's probably
exactly how it was before we were born. That makes

(57:15):
a lot of sense. But then what the fuck is
our consciousness? Where does that go? Does that go anywhere?
I don't know, I don't know what. Look I also
will also also you know what I was, I'm gonna
all right, I'm gonna keep going on this rant because

(57:37):
it's I'm enjoying it, like.

Speaker 3 (57:41):
You ever.

Speaker 1 (57:41):
Uh Like, sometimes you'll be walking and you'll see someone
and maybe they're like, I don't Like I'll be in
New York and I'll see somebody like sleeping on the street,
and I'll just be like, there's no like, tell me
if this makes sense to folks. There's no real reason

(58:05):
at all whatsoever why I am me and that guy
is him. There's no real reason, you know. I mean
people make arguments about like, you know, making different choices
and people make and you know, but but yeah, yeah,

(58:29):
this is the thing. You grow up in different circumstances
that are completely utterly fucking random. You know, your brain chemistry,
even if you and someone else do make different decisions,
your brain chemistry is completely fucking random.

Speaker 5 (58:52):
And so.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
The reason, so the reason why you make the decision
that you make is completely random. Like it's just so rare.
There's no fucking reason why I am me and anyone
else is anyone else? There's no I can't like you.
And again, you sure, at a certain point you can
argue it's like I had I intrinsically made different decisions,

(59:22):
but there's but what is it in my head that
causes me to make decisions that negatively impact my life
or positively impact my life? And I'm not talking about
specifically me? And it's like, yeah, it's a fucking singularity.
We're all one. So I think that is God. That's

(59:44):
kind of God to me in a sense. Is answering
that question, why is anyone who they are? Why am
I me random? I'm so I'm I'm myself so randomly
it's insane. There's no fucking reason why I am I

(01:00:08):
am me and anyone else is who they are? Why
am I not a fucking dog?

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
Dude?

Speaker 1 (01:00:19):
I think about this too much?

Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (01:00:24):
All right, anyway I got. Yeah, that's my god. I think,
all right, that's it. I'm gonna stop rantic about this
because I'm gonna stop parrantic about this because I missed that.
I missed the times in my life where I just
fucking played Super Mario and I didn't think about any
of this shit. I'm glad I do think about this

(01:00:47):
shit sometimes. I think if I went through this, this
ride of life and I never thought about any of
this shit once, I'd probably have an awesome time. I'd
probably have so much more fun. But whatever, I am,
who I am, this is these thoughts come into my brain.

(01:01:08):
I accept it. It could be worse, all right, whatever,
let's keep going. Hello, Hi, what is your name?

Speaker 4 (01:01:15):
No way, dude, lyle my name? Oh my gosh, wow,
my name is Lufa. Let's go with Lufa.

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
Lufah, good to talk to you, Lufa. How are you
doing this evening.

Speaker 4 (01:01:32):
It's good to talk to you, man. I'm I'm doing
all right. Uh. Just got home from work, had some
Chinese food. I was about to go ride my bike
to get my car fixed, and I saw that you're streaming,

(01:01:53):
so I thought i'd hit you up.

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Man.

Speaker 4 (01:01:56):
So it's super cool to be on. You know, I've
sen for a for a hot minute and uh yeah, yeah,
it's cool to catch you. How are you doing tonight?

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
You know? Uh, I'm not just saying this, but I'm
actually doing better now that I'm here recording. Uh you know,
idle hands are are? They belong to the devil? The
devil uses idle hands two to jerk him off and
come devil fire on your face. That wasn't that funny?

(01:02:34):
But I tried. You sound like you're having a chill night.
I love a chill night. You're getting Chinese food and
you're gonna ride a bike.

Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
That's the plan.

Speaker 4 (01:02:48):
I am gonna ride a bike. Are you?

Speaker 1 (01:02:52):
You know the chill guy meme like with the like
dog with yeah, with the dog with hands. That's who
I imagine you as. Are you what do you identify
with that?

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:03:09):
Really no, Like, for.

Speaker 4 (01:03:13):
One, typically phone calls are like horrible, Like for me personally,
I actually have a stutter, but right now I'm pretty fluent,
which is kind of funny. But yeah, like phone calls

(01:03:33):
for work and just even talking to like my parents
and stuff. Sometimes like I just like, oh no, I'm
not very chill, but yah, yeah, yeah, but I feel
all right today it's Friday.

Speaker 1 (01:03:50):
What about in uh real life? Are you better in
real life or is it? Is it just the phones.

Speaker 4 (01:03:57):
For sure? Better in real life?

Speaker 2 (01:04:01):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:04:02):
Like I feel like phones like the only medium of
conversation is you know, voice and like audio and so
like every queue, like every non verbal queue that you
have with talking in person, it's just not there, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:04:25):
So yeah, m hmm, Well what are you?

Speaker 4 (01:04:33):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
Oh oh oh, I know what I was gonna say.
Was there anything in particular that you wanted to talk
about today? It's okay if notlge continue talking about nothing.

Speaker 4 (01:04:46):
No, I kind of do have something to talk about.
I kind of like big picture in my life. I
feel like I'm just kind of out of crossroads with
where I want to take my life, you know, I

(01:05:09):
I don't know or exactly to begin. I recently moved
to Montana, which I'm loving. It's such a cool state,
and I moved here to be in a smaller town
but also be near the mountains. But also because there's

(01:05:31):
a girl.

Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
I am.

Speaker 4 (01:05:38):
Who is Canadian. She is in Canada, and we're both
like in this really strong like situationship where we both
like really love each other, like we both like go
and visit each other and go on hikes and go
rock climbing and do all these awesome adventures together.

Speaker 2 (01:06:00):
And but she's.

Speaker 4 (01:06:07):
Living in a current like work living situation where she
doesn't want to leave and I kind of don't really
want to leave either to like try and get my
Canadian citizenship, and like at the same time, it's just
like this weird disconnect of poor conversation or like poor

(01:06:32):
communication her and I have, and I just don't know
if I should try and move to Canada to be
closer to her and like jump through all these hoops
to try and be with her, and you know, like
maybe her and I don't work out in the long run,
and then I'm in Canada and I don't really want

(01:06:53):
to be in Canada anymore, but I've like worked so
hard to get there. Or do I just stay here
and keep living separate from her and you know, keep
seeing each other like maybe once a month and I
don't know, yeah, yeah, So it's just kind of like

(01:07:17):
general broad terms of I don't know where to go
from here, and like, uh, like if I should be Canadian.

Speaker 1 (01:07:30):
I don't know if I should become Canadian. Yeah, so
you moved to Montana to be closer to this girl
because Montana is near Canada? Is she near Montana?

Speaker 2 (01:07:46):
Ish?

Speaker 4 (01:07:48):
Yes? Yeah, We're five hours drive away from each other.
So I'm like like an hour south of the border.
She's like four hours north of the border.

Speaker 1 (01:08:00):
But then, how can't you hang out in Canada for
a fair amount of time? Like don't isn't there a
tourist visa you can get? Same with you know, to
the US?

Speaker 4 (01:08:11):
Yeah, yeah, like there is like a visa. Well there's
like a really expensive travel visa. I think that like
you can only like that's only good for like two years,

(01:08:33):
and after that, I think you just have to leave.
But I think I could like get my permanent residency
through my work maybe, But yeah, I guess, like I

(01:08:59):
don't know, like like one of the big like cruxes
of it all. And it's like I just don't know
if if like if I moved and you know, did
all this work, if she would be like like committed
to like stay with me, I don't know.

Speaker 6 (01:09:24):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:09:25):
It's just something that I need to talk with her about.

Speaker 1 (01:09:29):
Uh, how old are you guys?

Speaker 4 (01:09:32):
We're both twenty eight.

Speaker 1 (01:09:35):
And had you meet her?

Speaker 4 (01:09:38):
We met hiking on the Arizona Trail in Arizona.

Speaker 1 (01:09:42):
Cool. Cool? How long have you guys known each other?

Speaker 4 (01:09:48):
Like two years now? Uh so we met, yeah, in
twenty twenty three in the middle of the desert.

Speaker 1 (01:09:58):
And this is not like a girlfriend kat with a
capital G.

Speaker 4 (01:10:07):
No no, which is another confusing thing. Like, we haven't
made anything like official, but we really enjoy seeing each other,
Like we plan to meet each other very often, and
we do see each other very often, but it's nothing
like official, like she says, if I were to be

(01:10:30):
able to live with her, then we would, like she
would be comfortable with like being official.

Speaker 1 (01:10:40):
So do you really do you really like this girl?
Do you see a future with her?

Speaker 4 (01:10:47):
I really do?

Speaker 2 (01:10:49):
Yeah, I do.

Speaker 4 (01:10:52):
Like we have like similar I guess. Well, for sure
things that we love to do. We love to be
outside and adventure together and bird watching like, but more
than that, like we just have similar you know, humors,

(01:11:14):
and just have similar values and you know, want kind
of the same thing out of life. So I do
like really love her, and she, you know, says that
she loves me.

Speaker 1 (01:11:34):
What is it that you guys both want out of life?

Speaker 4 (01:11:40):
I guess really just too have like a base camp
somewhere that's like in like nature, you know, not have kids,
but to just have some kind of base camp where we.

Speaker 3 (01:11:59):
Can and.

Speaker 4 (01:12:02):
You know, make just enough money to have a lot
of free time to go explore and do cool things,
and then to come back, you know, to our headquarters
and just yeah, like live life there and like do

(01:12:27):
it all over again, you know, go and leave for
six months and go like hike and explore and yeah, yeah,
and just do that.

Speaker 1 (01:12:37):
Again, you know, So you want to live yeah, like
a little like six months traveling, six months hanging out
at your base camp.

Speaker 4 (01:12:48):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 (01:12:51):
Sounds awesome.

Speaker 4 (01:12:53):
Yeah, kind of a random segue, But I remember when
you and the oh my gosh, what's his name, uh
something Merlin, the guy that you went to Japan.

Speaker 1 (01:13:10):
With, uh Jason Jason Sense Martian.

Speaker 4 (01:13:16):
Martian. Yeah, I was watching y'all stream on the last
day of y'all walk.

Speaker 1 (01:13:24):
Yeah yeah, and.

Speaker 4 (01:13:27):
I was the one that mentioned Heally's If you by
chance to.

Speaker 1 (01:13:31):
Remember that, I do. I vaguely remember that.

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
Yeah, yeah, hell yeah, uh.

Speaker 4 (01:13:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:13:43):
That had nothing that had nothing to do with uh
the rest of our conversation, did it.

Speaker 4 (01:13:49):
Correct?

Speaker 1 (01:13:49):
Okay, that's totally fine. I was just making sure. I
was just making sure. I don't know if you had
anything else, you know, so this base can't would it
be in Canada?

Speaker 4 (01:14:07):
Probably?

Speaker 6 (01:14:08):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:14:09):
Yeah, Like she's kind of turned off on the idea
of being American, like especially right now. But and also
like it'd be cool to not pay for expensive health care,
you know, like in the US.

Speaker 1 (01:14:31):
Yeah you yeah, you becoming Canadian is the better the better.

Speaker 4 (01:14:35):
Deal, right yeah, Like, and mainly just not having to
be tied down to a job for health care, you know,
uh yeah, like a pretty lucrative thing.

Speaker 1 (01:14:50):
That's so sick that they just do that. They just
don't have to pay for health care.

Speaker 4 (01:14:56):
Right right, Like that sounds amazing, Like I guess there
are like some way that you do pay for it
that everybody pays for it, like your taxes, right, but
it it must be much cheaper than you know, getting
injured and breaking your leg without insurance being slapped at
the bill for a bajillion dollars here m.

Speaker 1 (01:15:18):
Hm, I feel I feel for you on this situation, brother.
Love is is difficult, and and making things like this
work is difficult, and it's and and everything you described
to me, like being so aligned on the future that
you guys want to have and everything is it sounded
really uh, really compelling and really really touching, and so

(01:15:44):
you're worried about going through the whole process and then
it just doesn't work out. Uh what does that mean?
It just doesn't work out?

Speaker 2 (01:15:54):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:15:54):
Man?

Speaker 5 (01:15:57):
Like I just feel like.

Speaker 4 (01:16:01):
She, I don't know, Like, for one, we just have
kind of not the best like communication. Like we'll talk
like like I will typically bring up the fact that like, hey,
like it's kind of weird telling everyone that I know
that you're just my friend when like it's kind of obvious,

(01:16:24):
you know, like we're more than friends. Like it's uh,
and like you know, whenever we whenever I bring up
kind of that and just have try to start harder
conversations like she just kind of has no input, just

(01:16:45):
kind of like bottles up and doesn't really want to
talk about it.

Speaker 1 (01:16:50):
Yeah you know.

Speaker 6 (01:16:52):
Yeah, And.

Speaker 4 (01:16:56):
Like it's hard too because I honestly don't I haven't
talked to anyone about this, and like it like it
does you know, just seem like kind of like there
are some general red flags and like I don't know, like.

Speaker 2 (01:17:17):
Like I'm just.

Speaker 4 (01:17:20):
I've just had this like gut feeling of you know,
maybe she might go meet someone else who you know,
like has a situation like her, like like where they
can take off months at a time, and like, you know,
she just leaves me for for them, and you know,

(01:17:45):
like her not being committed to me, like like would
seem like a validation for her to just go and
do that, you know, to just leave me for someone else.

Speaker 2 (01:18:00):
Mm hmm. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:18:05):
And I don't know if I want to. Uh, I've
gone like back and forth with like, I don't know,
I don't, I don't. Yeah, there's just some other things

(01:18:30):
to it that is like we're both not proud of. Yeah,
yeah is it?

Speaker 1 (01:18:39):
Uh, you know whatever. You don't have to talk about it,
but you know, do you feel like you've expressed all
your honest feelings to this person?

Speaker 4 (01:19:02):
I feel like I have not told her what I
just told you. I've not told her, but I just
told you.

Speaker 1 (01:19:12):
What specifically, what specifically that you feel like she's the communication.

Speaker 2 (01:19:16):
Is bad.

Speaker 4 (01:19:18):
That and that she would just leave me for someone
else if she were to meet someone that she likes more.

Speaker 1 (01:19:28):
Well, that's more of like I get I'm playing complete
armchair psychologist and I'm truly, actually horrible with relationships and
relationship matters and whatnot. But just from my gut, it's like,
I do know something about that is like that's more

(01:19:50):
of like a insecurity I think than it is like
a actual like oh this this is like a thing
that we need to communicate on and get an answer about,
right hm hm, you know, because just just saying like, oh,
I'm worried you're gonna leave me for someone else, it's like, uh,

(01:20:13):
you know, I don't know how she's supposed to respond.

Speaker 5 (01:20:17):
To that like it.

Speaker 1 (01:20:18):
But like like the thing, the thing that you said
where you're like, hey, listen, are we you know how
the thing the thing where you're basically like, look, how
committed are you to actually fucking doing this shit? You
know that that prompts a response, So I mean that's
worth talking about whether. But yeah, the other the other thing,
I guess again I'm no what what what's the fucking

(01:20:41):
lady's name who says stuff? But I'm not her? But yeah,
the other one seems seems just kind of like an insecurity,
Like I don't know if it needs to explicitly be
brought up unless if you like actively have like ever
believe that she is like cheating on you. You know,

(01:21:02):
like you don't want to be like accusatory. You don't
you don't want to be like accusatory, but you do
want to be like hey, right, you don't have you
don't to be accusatory, but you do kind of want
to be like hey, look, if we're gonna do this,
I kind of need this. What do you think about that?

Speaker 4 (01:21:19):
That's a good point. Yeah, yeah, that maybe the specific
thing of her being with someone else is just kind
of a like more of like an insecurity maybe on
my part where it doesn't prompt like a response.

Speaker 2 (01:21:40):
M hmm, yeah, but.

Speaker 4 (01:21:43):
I mean okay, And then here's another kind of twist
to it. She definitely has been with someone else, like
last year, like she just like hooked up with someone
and she told me, and like I you know, like asked,

(01:22:08):
and it hurt, like and it's like a complicated thing
because she's like not even talking to him anymore, and.

Speaker 3 (01:22:24):
And like.

Speaker 4 (01:22:26):
You know, like we're like I know, like we're not
like you know, officially dating, but we also you know,
like both like don't want to stop seeing each other.
You know. It's just like I don't know. I don't know.

(01:22:46):
It's all very complex but but simple.

Speaker 1 (01:22:52):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, now I get you on the complex
but simple, My brother, we have all been in situations
like this where we're like, yeah, this is not a
movie romance. This is a fucking a formoist thing, unlabeled

(01:23:14):
and undefined, and you know, yeah, being in purgatory with
someone sucks. It sucks ass, It's not fun, it's not
really fulfilling, and it's it is filled with tons of
emotional drain and pain. So you know, I feel you

(01:23:39):
on that, I would say again in this situation. Okay,
so she hooked up with another guy, But so she
looked up with another guy because there was no formal
or even informal understanding of exclusivity between the two, which
you do you agree upon that or is that not true?

Speaker 2 (01:24:03):
No?

Speaker 4 (01:24:05):
Ther question is she hooked up with him because her
and I are not exclusive, right, like because of that?

Speaker 1 (01:24:16):
Well not because of not not because but she felt
that it was not a problem because of that.

Speaker 2 (01:24:24):
Yeah maybe, And like.

Speaker 4 (01:24:30):
That's what I don't know, you know, like if she
she thought it wasn't a problem because of that, Look.

Speaker 1 (01:24:42):
Man, let me ask you, because we could go in
circles about this ship right is like do you what
information do you need from from this lady? Or is
it a matter of like what information do you need
from this lady right now that you don't have?

Speaker 4 (01:25:03):
I I don't know. I guess just like some kind
of like commitment that like if I were to work
towards moving to Canada and being to Canada, that she

(01:25:23):
wouldn't just like leave me for someone else.

Speaker 1 (01:25:31):
It's like, yeah, if I'm going on the fucking uh
website and I'm converting American dollars to your you know,
fucking Canada money, and I'm like submitting applications and doing
papers and going to the embassy, and if I'm doing
all this shit, you are my girlfriend. I'm not doing
all this stuff for a uh you know, friends with
benefits situation. This is just seems yeah, sort of what

(01:25:55):
I'm hearing.

Speaker 4 (01:25:57):
For sure.

Speaker 1 (01:25:58):
Yeah, so I mean, ship brother, let me tell you.
I I I know that uh making these kinds of
decisions and and uh identifying deal breakers is fucking really
scary and hard because you're like, well, what if she
doesn't want to do that? It's like, well, then am
I gonna have the strength to walk away. It's fucking

(01:26:23):
insanely difficult. You form a strong attachments to people and
and you you look back at uh you don't, you
don't really it's time you don't be alone all this stuff, Like,
I get it, I've been there, but a bunch of
everyone's fucking listening that's probably been there.

Speaker 3 (01:26:44):
But uh.

Speaker 1 (01:26:47):
Yeah, I mean it sounds like you know kind of
what you want from this lady, and then it's just
a matter of telling her, seeing how she responds, and
deciding whether or not you're satisfied with her response.

Speaker 4 (01:27:02):
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, just you know, it'd be
a huge life change, and you know there's some big
conversations that go with that.

Speaker 1 (01:27:14):
You know, well, yeah, dude, I mean being being like, hey,
I'll do this for you if you actually are like
committed to making this life that we've been talking about
wanting to live together. But if you're just like, oh,
it would be cool if you came. I'm not gonna
fucking I'm not going to change my nationality for that,

(01:27:35):
right right, Like.

Speaker 4 (01:27:38):
And like I've even told her too, like nothing would
change if we were like, you know, dating, you know,
like it would still be cool to be like in
you know, an open relationship where we like communicated and
you know, told each other what was going on. Yeah, like,

(01:28:05):
I don't know, spye some some things up times.

Speaker 2 (01:28:10):
Dum like, but.

Speaker 1 (01:28:14):
Well well well look look look look look hm hmm.
Someone in the chat said, do not, under any circumstances
move to Canada chasing a woman. Then someone said Gordon
Lightfoot had whole albums about this. I don't know what

(01:28:40):
that means.

Speaker 6 (01:28:42):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:28:43):
Man, Listen, here's here's I think we've been going a
little bit in circles on this, but I'll say that, Yeah,
you know, it sounds like you have some It sounds
like you have some some conversations that you gotta have
with this lady. And then after those conversations, you gotta
fucking you.

Speaker 2 (01:29:00):
Got a.

Speaker 1 (01:29:01):
Deep breathe, uh, get high, look yourself in the mirror,
and go what do I actually want? What do I
actually want my fucking stupid life to be?

Speaker 2 (01:29:12):
Like?

Speaker 1 (01:29:15):
Those are hard questions to answer, is a really hard
question to answer. But from from everything, if my life
was your life, that's what I would be doing is
asking myself those questions. And and with my life being
my life, I'm asking myself these kinds of questions, so

(01:29:37):
you're not alone in your imperfect navigation of the scary universe.
I hope that makes you feel any bit better about
the decision making process. Is there anything else you want
to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Speaker 4 (01:29:54):
Man, Man, gosh, uh, it's so strange to hear you
say that, and now I'm responding to it. Man, I
just want to say that your podcast has been just

(01:30:15):
to really just well for one, like really entertaining platform,
you know, like it's really just gotten me through some
hard times and it's just been.

Speaker 3 (01:30:32):
Fun to.

Speaker 4 (01:30:34):
Hear you continue, you know, everything that you've been doing.
Do you travel and yeah, yeah, it's been awesome to
follow along. And I guess what I'd like to finish
with is that just remember that everything is temporary, you know,

(01:30:57):
like everything like the good and the bad times throughout life.
Like if there's some shitty thing that is happening, like
just know that it's going to end. And if there's
some awesome times that you're going through, just you know,
like remember that times won't always be awesome and just

(01:31:18):
just enjoy the good times while they're here and know
that the bad times will eventually end as well.

Speaker 1 (01:31:32):
What's your name again?

Speaker 2 (01:31:33):
Man?

Speaker 4 (01:31:35):
My trail name is Lufa.

Speaker 1 (01:31:37):
That's my name, Lufa. Good luck with your life, buddy.
I'll talk to you later.

Speaker 4 (01:31:43):
He thanks, Lyle. Have a good night.

Speaker 1 (01:31:46):
Thank you, Lufa. Thank you for sharing cool.

Speaker 4 (01:31:49):
See you have it going man, goodnight.

Speaker 1 (01:31:54):
Fuck man. I feel for that guy I called him,
but because that felt Canadian. Uh, you know, I I
feel for that guy. I feel for that guy. It's
so hard to I don't know, it's hard to make decisions.

(01:32:22):
Sometimes I wonder about that though. Sometimes I wonder if
if a decision is hard to make, maybe that kind
of informs your answer a bit, right, Does that make sense?
Is that a stupid thing to say? Because some decisions
are easy to make. There's an easy decision to Well,

(01:32:44):
what's the less easy decision I made? Oh, they were
giving out samples of Costco today ice cream with a
cookie in it. That was an easy decision to make
to eat that because it was just a little scoop
of ice cream. It wasn't anything crazy. Yeah, that was

(01:33:09):
a horrible example, but you know what I mean, Some
decisions are easy to make, So maybe if a decision's
hard to make, that's that's your answer. I don't know.
I'm a gecko. Thank you for listening to my Therapy
Gecko podcast. Thank you for your continued support of my
Lizard endeavors. I feel really good today. I feel really

(01:33:32):
good about continuing to do this podcast, and I'm extremely
grateful to you guys for listening to the show. And
I'm gonna keep doing the show, and I'm gonna keep
trying to do other things. That's my goal right now.
I'm like trying so fucking hard to figure out other
stuff to keep doing with my life. I'm always chasing.

(01:33:55):
I'm always wanting to do more shit. I'm always wanting
to chase more. I'm editing a video right now about
the fifty mile walk I took. It was referenced in
the episode with Jason aka sense Martian. Uh So that'll

(01:34:15):
be out when I finish it. I'm working on continuing
to not go insane. We had some pretty good progress
on that recently over the past three days. I'm back
to smoking weed, which actually is good. It means that
my brain is in a place where I can handle it.

(01:34:40):
I'm I still have dreams and hopes for the future
that I want to do. I have business ideas that
I want to do and events that would be cool.
And I was hanging out with my dad last night.

(01:35:01):
My dad's sixty seven years old, and he showed me
this big list of projects that he wants to get done,
and I was like, oh fuck, I'm gonna be, like
it's in my dna to wanna do stuff. I'm gonna

(01:35:22):
be thirty years from now still trying to be doing
stuff and making YouTube videos and whatever. And the reason
I said, oh fuck, is because I don't know why
I associate with I associate that with like never being satisfied.
But maybe you know what, which is a blessing and
a curse, because it kind of curses you with like
forever is never ending sense that you didn't do your

(01:35:48):
homework and it's due tomorrow night, and you know kind
of that feeling every day. But you know, look, that
feeling causes you to kind of lights a fire under
your ass to be a present and conscious contributor to
your own life and to hopefully the world. So I'm

(01:36:10):
gonna try to embrace it instead of letting it drive
me completely fucking insane. All Right, thank you for listening
to the podcast. Ghek bless you. Uh catch you in
a few days by Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's
the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing
a bonus episode this week that's right at an entire

(01:36:33):
extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to
by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at
therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access
to bonus episodes, They get a completely ad free podcast
feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my
live shows, members only streams, and they help support my

(01:36:57):
ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip
from this week's members only bonus episode.

Speaker 7 (01:37:04):
Well, I want to talk about my oldest daughter. Mainly,
it's just my wife and I. For the past couple
of years, we just feel like like maybe we babied
her too much. He just seems like at this age
she still isn't able to get a hold of her emotions.
You know, we have a five year old as well.
My oldest is eight, my youngest is five.

Speaker 5 (01:37:24):
And like you know, you're not supposed to pick favorites,
but it's hard not to think of the other one
as the good one and and not that we love
the other one more, but it's very hard for us
to like not have this space here.

Speaker 1 (01:37:37):
Okay, if you love one of your children more than
the other, you can tell us. If you want to
hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become
a premium member at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com
or find the link in the episode description that's therapy
Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing
else to say. Taking your phone calls every night, everythin

(01:38:03):
goes doing his eyes.

Speaker 6 (01:38:04):
He's teaching you to.

Speaker 1 (01:38:05):
A house over your life, but he's not ready an expert.

Speaker 4 (01:38:09):
After do

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Lyle Drescher

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