October 28, 2019 • 52 mins
Jana and Mike have a new neighbors that aee causing trouble but they’re not sure how to handle the situation.
Kanye West mentioned his struggle with sex addiction after the release of his new album. We hear Mike’s thoughts on what addiction actually means and what he thinks about Kanye’s comments.
Plus Jana and Mike open up about some serious pet peeves.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind down trailer and I from radio podcast Happy Monday. Yeah,
so I learned something new about Mike and sure we
were on we were in New York last week and
(00:23):
Mike leaned over to me and he goes, are you
guys there, Yes, yes, we're here of course ready. Yes.
So he leans over and he's just like, you know
what just drives me crazy? And I was like, what done?
(00:44):
What was it? I don't remember? The Southwest? Oh yeah,
I don't know why. It just when people that are
maybe not foreign and live in America and get onto
a Southwest airplane or our boarding a Southwest airplane and
they ask a million questions because they don't understand how
(01:07):
to board situation on Southwest? What's because you don't have
an assigned seat? Is that the issue? And people? It
just blows people's minds. I'm granted we travel so much,
I mean, but it made me think. I'm like, when
when was the first time I took a Southwest flight?
Like my first experience? I don't remember. I think I
(01:30):
was super young when I took my first one. But
how long has Southwest been doing that? That's actually a
really good question. I don't know. I'm going to look
that up. How long is Southwest? Mark? You gotta you
gotta see how long I can take care of that. Yeah,
but you know a great thing about Southwest if I may,
because I know some people are a little bit hunked
off seat yourself, Like, yeah, they don't charge bag fees. Yeah,
(01:56):
I understand, but I'm baffled by that because at this point,
if they did, no one would get mad at them.
But they don't, and I love that. Let's see, they
opened the nineteen seventy one, but when did they start
doing the seat yourself thing? I think it's always been
seeing yourself? Really, I don't I think so, but I mean,
obviously I don't remember remember. But it's funny though, because
(02:20):
Mike said that if it was an American he gets
angry at But then he said that he saw these
like two Chinese people not knowing where to sit, and
he's like, oh, just someone someone who's foreign who doesn't
maybe isn't from America and it's new to them. I
empathize with that, but someone who, I guess, And it's
just wrong for me to assume that everybody flies all
(02:40):
the time and should understand it. It's not just asking
one question it's just I experienced these these group of
like three people the other day when we're flying back
from New York that just asked like ten questions and
just couldn't wrap their heads around it. And I just
wanted to be like, just get on the plane, set
where you want. Ye, I can't imagine what questions to
through ten would eat because the first so I can
(03:01):
sit wherever I want. Yes, Right, It's just funny what
you get, because like you can be very um, it's
just funny what you get upset about. Like I think
stupid people that are stupid You don't mind, like I
think stupidity really bothers you, because I know you get
a little bit more annoyed with me when I say
(03:22):
things that are wrong or I say they're wrong grammar,
and so I think you it's just it's just funny
because I think I think it's just stupid people you
don't like. But then on the flip side, though, you'll
do some stupid things and but it's like you don't
see that. But it's like, you know what I mean,
it's just about seeing other people. It's about my perspective
and how I view the world. If you don't view
(03:44):
it my way, then it's oh, I'm kidding. No, it's
just one of those things what bothers you mark pet
peeves of mine well or just like not even pet peeves,
but just like yeah, what what kind of just annoys
you like a wife? But people on This is what
my wife and I disagree on. Okay, let's say I'm
(04:05):
gonna give you a specific example, but it's a general thing.
And like you're on the four or five and you're
going north and you're approaching the one on one. So
the left, the right, two lanes are just backed up
forever with cars who want to get one freeway right.
So my wife believes that it is our duty to
get in the back of that line and wait, because
(04:26):
who are in the world are we to jump the line?
I say, I go along that line at full speed
until there's an opening. And that's the key. I make
sure there's an opening. There's always going to be an
opening in front of a truck. Trucks are going to
give you an opening in front of them because they're
slower to start moving. There's gonna ben opening. And by
the way, if there is no opening, I'm not going
(04:46):
to be that jerk that just sits there in that
lined off Merge Triangle and wait for someone to let
me in. I'm gonna go on and I'm gonna get
off a burr Bank Boulevard because that's my bad. I
took a cable and I lost, But I know I'm
going to get in there. I think only once, if
I ever had to go to Burbank Boulevard, I always
find a way in there. The key is you do
(05:07):
not want to hold up the traffic behind you in
the line I'm going fast in and you don't want
to cut anybody off when you jump into the line.
One thousand percent, I totally agree with you, because I
would do the same thing on Laurel Canyon, where I
wouldn't and sometimes I had to take your right in
the holland because I screwed up and I didn't get
in there. But there's always that one car that doesn't
start faster. You can just kind of go right in always,
(05:28):
And I hate the people that don't get in and
then you say, well, I'm going to get in now,
and they just put on the blinker and sit there
until somebody lets him in. That's terrible. You can't do that.
But is that wrong of me, because I wouldn't do
that in line to get into a concert. I would
get to the end of the line. It's every man
for himself on the road. But there's a difference I
think when you're standing in line in a concert, because
that's something that we've learned all the way from elementary school.
(05:50):
You stand in the line. But in cars, we don't
stand in the line. We look for any advantages. If
we were to do that, it's like we're passing people
because it's I mean, I totally a year point, especially
in l A. It's there's gonna be so many people
that do that. So it's frustrating when uh like fifty
colors go past you and get in front of you
and then you're just farther and farther back into line.
(06:12):
And how about this one? And this is I think
this is common nationwide maybe worldwide. Um, when it says
right lane closed ahead, everyone starts getting in the left
lane and there's a left lane is stopped. I maintain
that you should stay in that right lane until it stops,
and then you emerge left right, left, right, left right.
That's gonna be the quickest flow of traffic. People don't
know how to emerge. They seem to not. The people
(06:35):
do not know how. That is the one thing nationwide
that people cannot do. They can't do it here in Nashville.
They definitely can't do it. In l A. They can't merge.
It's impossible for people speaking of alternate it's not that hard,
I know. I mean that's yeah. Well, I mean I
don't like driving an expressway. I don't emerging just like
I don't like it. So I guess I'm that that
(06:57):
percentage that doesn't like to merge. But I thought you'd
be annoyed with how I'm your Like when when I'm
in the passenger, Oh my god, there could be a
car three yards ahead of us and they put on
their brake light if I don't put my brakes on
immediately g And it's like and so I was like
putting her hands up on the dash or making a
(07:17):
movement and just so frustrated with me. I'm like and
like then and now I know it bothers him. I'm like,
I'll turn it into it. So she's like, I don't
know if you saw those cars. I'm like, I see
them three hundred yards ahead of me, stopping one time,
though that I know for sure you did not know
those cars stopped because you sometimes look off in wonderland. Yeah,
(07:40):
because I never get to look out the window because
I'm always driving. Sometimes I've offered, now that I have
a new car, I love driving. But no. The one
time I did offer to drive his chocolate like, baby,
i'll drive, you're always driving. I kinto car accident. Yeah,
leaving l a X. She's like, baby, I'll drive home.
And we're not even out of L a X. And
(08:01):
she gets in a crack. Yeah, that was the last
time I let her drop my truck. But I get
some of that too from the passenger seat. And I
always wondered, does she think that when she's not in
the car, I just smashed everything, That's what I think
they think. Yeah, absolutely, like a pinball. But I think
sometimes you just look around so much that I'm like,
are you not noticing this very fast stopping Because it's
(08:23):
my situational awareness. I was talking to your mom about this,
about situational awareness, and it's funny because she always says
that your dad is situational awareness and preaches it, and
I'm like, oh, yeah, Mike, just too. But you guys
have the worst situational awareness when it comes to everything
by you what do you mean, Oh gosh, I wish
I could remember the example. UM, I can't remember it now,
(08:44):
but we were just talking about it, and you know,
it's just funny because they preach situational awareness and then
they don't have the awareness when it comes to certain
things like do not see something. So it's it's interesting.
Situational awareness is outside of the household. Inside the household,
we're in a safe place. I think it's I think
it was outside. I have to remember a chance, No
(09:08):
way I know everything that's going on around me. I
have an interesting topic. I don't even know if actually
I can talk about it if you knew, because I
don't know who listens to the podcast. I think if
it was someone that listens, and I don't want to
be offensive, I think you have to go for it
now now, yeah, just genericize it. Okay. Let's say there's
(09:32):
someone in the neighborhood that has a problem child and
they were kind of known from the last neighborhood, for example,
like lighting things on fire, um, vandalizing. Um, I mean
to the point of like really gross stuff that would
(09:54):
you know, it's throwing rocks and then also I mean
bullying kids in a pro brightly touching younger children. Um,
and then you find out they moved to your neighborhood.
What do you think? Because Michael and I've had this
conversation now because now we're on more of a high
alert if that's someone certain person moved into our neighborhood,
(10:18):
and it's do you do you make you're are you nice?
Or I mean I don't know how to because I'm
now a little bit scared because of the things that
I've heard that are not great? Or do you petition
to kick them out of the neighborhood? But can you
even you don't do that? No, you can't do that.
(10:39):
You can't think we don't have the power to. I
would never want a kid, but I'm just like, what
what do you like? Do you talk to the kid
that's in high school or high school? I was picturing
a much younger child. This is a high school it's
a teenager. I believe it's a freshman in high school.
And you've got like they have a lot of issue
(11:00):
is and I empathized and I want to be there,
but also I have the things that I've heard is scary.
They basically we were worn stay away, So it's do
we make ourselves? Does he? You know? Mikel like, do
I talk to him? And but I'm like, but I
don't want him to get scared and then do something
to the house or or bully. Our kids are young.
(11:21):
But it's just something to be aware of. I think,
you know, I think you were going to say something
to the mom, which I was like, I don't think
you should say. I don't know. It's one of those
I want to where my heart is. I want to
kind of treat it as innocent until proven guilty. Yeah,
but the cops have already been over there. They were
(11:42):
already in. He was already in like one of the
other houses. I understand that, Mark. Well, the other element
is is what is this kid missing in his life?
Like if this kid has been labeled as a problem,
as a juvenile delinquent, and if from every single school
kicked out a boarding school, I mean every single school
(12:03):
under I know this is very pace nick of me.
But maybe the kid just needs a male mentor maybe
the kid needs somebody to be nice to him, to
include him in something. Maybe I've been ostracized since he
was little, and I thought about that, maybe taking the
other route instead of saying something to the mother and
being like, hey, basically, if anything happens, there's gonna be
a problem. But that scares me that game anxiety. I
(12:25):
was like, no, no, no no, no, no, that's just maybe
go to him and just be like, I don't know,
I finished off, I'd love to be there something with
the kid. Hey let's go play basketball or I don't know,
you know what I mean. If everyone treats you like
a criminal, you're going to be a criminal, right, But
if somebody treats you like a human being, And maybe
he hasn't gotten a lot of that because the first
(12:47):
school to get kicked out of, then the next school
he's already kind of pre labeled that way, and then
it's becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I know this is
all kind of like a Hollywood movie that you spend
some time with a kid and it becomes the next
senator from your stay. But I don't know, I feel
like everybody's got that humanity in them. I don't think
that everyone's just a psychopath. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.
(13:07):
Here's the thing, and I met he seems so nice.
But when I I mean my text or our friend
will stay away. He is bad news. He's the kid
that would potentially go into a school and do some
bad stuff, and that terrifies me for you know, other people,
especially the kids in the neighborhood. But I don't I
don't want to be that person either. I would love
(13:27):
to be able to help, but then you also hear
the stories when you help, they are also the ones
that hurt you too. So my wife, you know, teachers
pe and one of the things she has found is
with some of these kids that are real problems in class,
giving them a responsibility really causes them to rise to
the occasion. These are kids that don't want to participate.
(13:48):
They sit out there, mean to everybody, they're nasty to
the teacher. But one day, a couple of years ago,
my wife said him, Hey, I needs to do me
a favor. I needs to go to the kindergarten yard.
You are a fourth grader. You go to the kindergart
yard and bring them out for PE because they don't
know where we're going and I'm really busy, right, Okay,
you meet them out there and guide them. He was like,
oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and he went
into they had a great job and things were a
(14:09):
little better after that. I just think we assume certain
things about kids and we don't give them a chance. Yeah,
I like that, But at what age? At what age
do you think kind of like a dog, right, you know,
you can't teach the old dog new tricks. What age
do you think it is that if if a kid
is a problem child, that they can actually change their
(14:31):
ways of don't they say the brain doesn't stop maturing
until somewhere you know what I mean. I read that recently. Yeah,
I think you're right. It's mid twenties when everything kind
of locks into place. I think, certainly high school, there's
plenty of kids to turn their life around. Oh that's
when you're the most impressionable. Yeah, for sure. So I
(14:52):
think you should let the kid live with you for
a while and just like give him some chores and
mentor him, live him in our house. That kind it Sorry,
never gonna happen. It's happening, but no, It's just one
of those things that you, you know, you want to
have a we have a good heart about, but at
the same time, ultimately you have to protect your family
and your kids. So it's it's being able to be
(15:14):
empathetic and helpful but also keep our kids away. I
think that's where we have to stand with it. Yeah
we can be opened open to it, but are not
with our kids involved. You know what my problem is
I I play too much scary movies in my head.
You do, I mean you definitely go like worst case scenario. Yeah,
(15:35):
because our house is kind of like a fish bowl.
We don't have really many shades. So when it's a
nighttime and he's gone, it's just you know the movie
Strangers where I feel like I'm just gonna look to
the to the all the open windows in the house
and just see these faces appears. And that's why we
have an alarm and guns in the house and maybe shades.
(15:57):
Maybe before you get the alarm of the asked for shades,
but Mike said it's going to ruin the aesthetic of
the house. I put my foot down on that one.
I was like, give me some shades. I feel like
I'm in a fish bowl. It's great. I wonder if
there's a way to tint the windows. Yeah, don't they
have like that? You can bring the tinting down it
(16:17):
was like a sheet, a tinted shade. You just hit
a button, it comes down. But even having the reservoir
above the windows wouldn't Oh, I think we have some
good emails we should dive into. No, we definitely have
good emails, I think, but first let's take a break.
(16:39):
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(18:11):
How are weeen week? Oh? Yeah, what are we doing?
What do you mean? What are we doing? We just
trying on our costumes like we just but I appreciate
the the surprise factor. But we can't tell people what
we're doing yet. But again, I'm very much the family themed.
So everyone were all about the family theme. So we're
(18:34):
all a part of a Princess fairy tale. Will say that,
would you like to guess? I would like to guess
because one year right after Brooklyn and my youngest was born,
my daughter, my oldest was snow white, and I was
Prince Charming and my wife was Doc and the little
one was the tiny little wharf who was a baby,
(18:56):
was dopey and it was the cutest. I'm going to
send you that picture here today because you will make
its beautiful. Yeah, I'm gonna send you that. So I'm
gonna guess. Let me think you said Princess fairy tales.
That what you said? Yes? Of course? Are you gonna
tell me if I get it right? Or now? Sure?
Think about this? You get one guests though, since you're
doing that, you get one guest because you know, if not,
(19:16):
you'll keep going. And then if we told you that,
we're gonna tell you that was right there? Two boys
and two girls. Oh yeah, okay, I got it, I
got it. Yeah, here's what I'm saying. Okay, Elsa for Janna,
Anna for Jolie. Mike's gonna be uh what's his name,
the guy with the donkey christof, Yeah, you're gonna be
(19:42):
Christoff and then old Off. That's the family right there. Well,
you know what, I guess you don't follow us on
Instagram because Mike was a seven ft old Off two
years ago. Sorry, we were we were chosen. Two years ago.
I ordered this old Off cost by the way, you
still have it because I want you to surprise the kids. No,
I wish remember we left because paled into Jolie's classroom.
(20:04):
That would have been so good. I mean, I'll reorder it. Anyways, Mark,
I found this costume from straight up from China. You
got it two years ago, sent to our house in
l A. It was a legit, a lot legit. I
mean the head was like three ft high itself and
I'm six ft five, so I was literally nine ft tall,
huge round costume, legs, slippers, everything. We go to Luca
(20:27):
Lake to trick or treat, which you know it's a
crazier place to go. Oh, they're showing me a picture. Now, Wow,
you are tall and the best part about it. Mark,
walking through to Luca Lake. I mean, you would have
thought I was paid to be there. Everyone wanted a
picture with me. Every day. It was it was a
meet and greet. I mean everyone was high fiving him,
and it was it was that will go down. I
(20:50):
mean it's hard to beat that. It is real hard
to beat that. But now I would I love that.
I do you still have it? No? Really, it's humongous.
So we threw it away in l A because we
already did it. You can't even have shades. How could
you have a giant olof costume to that house? Right?
I don't know it, but it's gonna be fun though.
(21:12):
It'll it'll be Jason's first Halloween. He's gonna be so cute. Oh,
he's the best round. He's almost walking. That's crazy. He's
standing up by himself and he kind of gives that
Oh my gosh, I'm standing up and then he falls down. Mark,
where are your girl's going to be for Halloween? Um?
It's sad this year my oldest is not trick or
(21:33):
treating for the first time. I think is the magic age.
Eighth grade is when it kind of all falls apart
and uh and then my youngest, of course, is going
to be a Visco girl, a Disco Visco v s
c O. We were just discussing this in the room.
Here is that. Um, if you have teenagers or younger,
you're aware of the Visco girl phenomenon. I guess it
(21:54):
hasn't hit you guys yet. Visco first of all, is
some sort of photo editing app up. A Visco girl
meets the following criteria. Giant sweatshirt, short shorts that you
can't tell they're wearing because the sweatshirt is so big,
berken stocks or crocs. They have scrunches around their wrist.
They carry a hydro flask wherever they go. Am I
(22:17):
forgetting anything? It's about it. Possibly Eastern is going to
be a Bisco girl. It's kind of a lazy costume.
It's not a lot to it, and if you didn't
know someone was in costume, you might not be able
to tell their a Visco girl. Tiny is also gonna
do that this weekend. So that's what Brooklyn is going
(22:39):
to be interesting. Hey Easton, what's up with the crocs? Uh?
What's what's up with the crocs? Um? Well, it's croctober um.
Is that a thing or is that a thing that
you made up? It's a thing, it's it's it's a
thing that Croc Crocs made it up. Um, but I'm
celebrating it in a really big way. Do you have
(22:59):
Crocs on? I don't have Crocs on at the moment
because I'm at work and I'm a professional and Crocs
are a leisure shoe. I was I've been wearing them
a lot this month, though. Why I saw you hiking
with them, and I was like, I don't know if
you should be hiking with Crocs on. I mean, I
love Crocs. Julie calls them her alligator shoes. But I mean,
you've really every time I've watched your stories this week,
(23:20):
it's or this month, it's been c October. Yeah, I've
you know, I was gonna do every night of the month.
I was going to profile different pair of Crocs from
my collection, but I only have three. I I ran
out of ideas after day three. But I you know,
I took it as a creative challenge and I've just
been doing original Croc content every single day of the month.
(23:40):
That's huge. And he finally heard from Crocs. Oh yeah,
I've been messing with ros. I've been trying to get Crocs.
I don't want like money or anything. I just want
them to know that I'm a passionate fan and I
have some questions for them. Actually, I've been trying to
get them to interview with me. No, no answer, no answer.
And then, um, finally Ben Higgins from the Almost Famous
podcast reposted one of my stories and CROCS came reaching
(24:02):
out huge your celebrity. Hey, I'm just trying to spread
the good word. Crocs are comfortable shoe. Hey. Did anyone
read the Kanye West story? By the way, Yes? Yeah? Interesting?
What are um? Hey, Tori, do you wanna give the
brief rundown of what the article said? Yeah, So basically
(24:22):
it's him kind of saying that he's redirecting his life. Um,
there was a lot in the article about him, um
like starting a church, doing a faith based Christian album,
But his struggle with sex addiction has been something he's
been dealing with for a really long time, and so
he's been opening up about that. And basically, I don't know,
(24:43):
I just I think it's a really interesting article to
hear that Kanye West, and I guess that he's kind
of opened up about it prior. I was looking at
some other articles, but it was never to this extent
of him being like, here's where I'm at and here's
where I struggle with um and yeah, so that's basically
kind of a little and he read it too, right, Mike. Yeah.
The thing is it's Kanye West. So I feel like
(25:04):
anything he says kind of has to be taken with
a grain of salt, because he just he says outlandish
thing and outlandish things, and he just has is he
still running for president? Did he say he was running
twenty Exactly my point. So the fact that that even
came out of his mouth, it's hard to take everything
he says. And you know, if he claims that he
(25:27):
suffers from sex addiction, then you know, that's such a
that's such a big thing to just come out and say, right,
I mean that it's kind of like when Dak Shepherd
said something about that and he said, I used to
suffer from sex addiction. He said that, yeah, your sex addict, right,
I know. But and he's even I'm pretty sure he's
(25:48):
in the top step program for drugs or something like that.
But so it's I don't know, it's just one of
those things that as someone who's opened and out about it,
it's frustrating at times because I feel like in situations
like this, it's just it just feels thrown around, but
almost if they're not making it, because when you say
(26:10):
like I U when Dax says like I used to
be a sex addict, that's almost devaluing what the addiction
is from someone who has a big um platform to
to be able to talk about addiction. So saying like
I used to that means that you can just get
over sex addiction, which that's not true when you're an addict.
You're always addict, right, Yeah, I mean, maybe his not
(26:31):
to make this about Dax, but maybe his thing was
more of something else alcoholic drugs or something that was
and maybe the sex aspect was just a product of that.
So I can understand maybe someone focusing more on another
addiction if they if they qualify for multiple addictions, so
I can understand that maybe that's what he was saying. Um,
(26:52):
But for like Kanye West, it's you know, it's just like, yeah,
you know, suffer from sex addiction. Two and then what
he's talking about out with just a Playboy magazine out
and and everything he doesn't really talk anymore about It's
just I don't know. Again, it's Kanye. It's kind of confusing.
I'm just afraid of someone just saying it just to
(27:14):
say it, but not understanding or not living in recovery,
or just saying that was a part of their life
at some point, because it doesn't say anything that he
currently still does or he goes to meetings or anything
like that. So it's just I don't know. Do you
think people can recover from sex addiction? Like when people
say that? So, I think Jada Pinkett also don't want
(27:35):
to misquote it, but I believe she also said too
that she had a sex addiction. She had, I don't
I don't see how it's a past tense thing. It's
an addiction, just like anything anything else. People don't say
I was an alcoholic, right, I mean, I agree with you. Yeah, No, So,
I mean I think that's just a little frustrating because again,
(27:58):
of someone who's trying to, you know, educate people out
there that it is a real thing. When it's thrown
around like that, it just feels like it's undermining it
for sure. Yeah, And you're right about the doubt and
he might have realized, Okay, this is where the actually
stronger addiction is and that could have maybe played a
part of it with the sex. But to say to
(28:19):
say that, especially when sex addiction is still not a accepted, exception,
socially accepted, accepted addiction, Yeah, it's hard when talked about
when people are just kind of throw it around, especially
people in the limelight or whatever. It's it just kind
of gives me a bad taste in my mouth because
I'm like, you're not helping the cause, you're not helping anything,
(28:40):
because then next thing, you know, is it is it
going to turn into some fad? Right? You know, we're
just nowadays people are more open and there's more you know,
sexual controversy and headlines a lot with me too stuff
and abuse and all this, and it's oh, well sex addiction.
And then you did say and then yeah, part saying
like but I'm not anymore, It's like no, you still
(29:04):
an addiction is something that you have to continue to
work on because when you start to become weak, I
think that's what scares me to and people are like,
but I'm in control of it now, Well, you need
to have those steps right to be able to continue
to not let it overpower you. Yeah, I mean that's
what that's my belief. If someone else believes that there's
a cure to addiction, then okay, fine, But there isn't
(29:27):
anybody that in any kind of twelve step program out
there is going to say that anything else works other
than twelve steps. No one else, no one in twelve steps,
thinks that anything. And you're not more powerful. You're not
more powerful than the disease or because you might feel
that you're healthy right now in this moment, but come
if you don't practice it and practice the twelve steps,
(29:47):
you're gonna end up maybe falling back to the addiction. Yeah.
And I mean some things may seem simpler than others
to change about your life. I mean there's some aspects
of you know, me being a program that are easier
to handle than they used to be. But that's because
I'm being you know, deeper and deeper into recovery. But
(30:08):
it's uh, as we saw with recent events, it's still
there's still things looming that I have to continue to
work through. And you know, gippy, So yeah, I just
I don't know. It's just again, it's Kanye West, who
who knows what he's gonna come out and say next week.
You know that he wants to be the pope or something.
So did he ever say anything about the election that
(30:31):
he remember how he has made a whole thing about it.
He has a while. No, he said on the actually
on the article, um that he still has something planned,
like he's still planning his campaign. It is what it said. Um.
But yeah, I don't know, Mark, do you have anything
to add or I mean, well, I was gonna give
you his quote where he said that when he was
five years old, Uh, playboy was a gateway to a
(30:53):
full on pornography addiction. His dad at a playboy left
out at age five, and it's effected almost every choice
I've made for the rest of my life. To me,
that just sounds like a guy because the first time
we see that image, it affects everything from there on
and that becomes the goal is to see more of that. Well,
and I think to like what Mike was saying, like,
you know, obviously has started to at a young age
(31:15):
with porn addiction, but it became something where over time
he just kept feeding that addiction. So that's when it
becomes didn't start with porn sex the Yeah, I thought
you also like watched a young age too. Not. I
was actually late in the game into that. It was
more about because I was already sexually active. But it just,
(31:36):
I mean, like you said, Mark, the way he describes
it, it it sounds like, Okay, any male you start to
see that you want to have that, you know you
want to have sex or be sexually active. Okay, Well
that's different than being powerless over something in it running
your life or ruining your life. And you're basing your
day every day around sex and it just controls every
(31:59):
aspect of you mentally, physically and emotionally, or you use
it as a you know, a crutch in handling other
emotions or issues that you're dealing with. So for him
just to say yes, I'll play, but when it shaped
my life, well, what guy out there isn't gonna say that. Well,
at some point, yeah, I saw you know a pair
of boobs, and I was like, yep, I like those.
(32:21):
It is quite a moment when a guy first sees
a pair of boots, especially their grandma. Can I play?
Can I play Devil's Advocate a little bit? So I
feel like this guy has a whole family. He has
what four or five kids. Now, I don't see him
coming out and saying, hey, I'm a sex addict just
to make a point and like be Kanye West. I
(32:42):
think that's him kind of being like, here's where I
was and now he's like starting a church. He obviously
sounds like he found he has a relationship with God
now that has really changed his life. Um, and I
just feel like, why are we Why are we trying
to judge the way he's telling his story, Like it
may not be on a podcast, it may not be
(33:02):
on a sit down interview, but to him, this is
him expressing something because he has like kids. Again, you know,
he's not going to just say something he says sex
addict or is he says on a sex addiction from
age till now having to kick the habit. It just
presents itself in the open like it's okay, and I
stand up for it. And he's more addicted to inspiration
(33:24):
as much as he is. I could have been, like
he says he's addicted to porn um and that could
have been something that inspired his music and now he
wants to change that direction. Yeah, I think you know
what I mean. How I don't know. I'll let you
because you're again it's a great point, Tory, and I
totally understand that. Again, Unfortunately, because it's Kanye West, and
because he's had periods of just outlandish comments and everything
(33:48):
where it's until there's consistency, it's hard for me personally
to believe what he's saying or that if if I
think what you're saying too is because of the sex
addiction not being a very socially did addiction yet that
it's just like oh I was one and maybe i'm
not now, which is not the true sex addiction. That's
not right. Yeah, again, that's fine if he's if he's
(34:13):
saying he's changing his ways and all that, because he
is a family man and he's a man of God
and all that. I'm not. I'm not questioning that. Just
don't just don't throw something on top of it, and
obviously it impacts me more personally. Don't throw something like
an addiction on top of it if you're not gonna
take it seriously and you're just going to kind of
throw it. Oh yeah, and the shake my life and yes,
(34:37):
sex addiction, but it was my inspiration. Like you said,
why It's like, wait what, They're just gonna go right
over that. Every time he talks, I say, wait what,
so exactly exactly? I don't know. I'm kind of I
think it was pretty cool for him to open up
with it being the Kardashians, because I think that's a
very interesting dynamic to have your wife be kind of
a sex symbol and then have him open up on that.
(34:58):
I think it's a very interesting dynamic. Yeah, I'm just
more curious to understand the what he meant by either
he was or he is, because I think that's it.
That's the big difference. And that's where I would have
more of an opinion too, because I do know that,
like you have to be in the program and working
it so to maybe hear more on that. But again,
it's his how he shares it. And yeah, let's try
(35:21):
to get him on sure. Tell Shari heally we need
to hold off for a week. We're gonna get Kanye
West instead. All right, Well, let's take a quick break
and do some emails. Mark Riven emails got some good
(35:45):
ones this week. This is from v She's wondering if
she's a bad person, and here's why I'm separated. And single,
and I've been seeing someone I don't know off since
my separation. We've been intimate. I'm starting to grow feelings
for him, but he's technically my husband's cousin by marriage,
not a blood relative of my husband's cousin by marriage.
I feel like I'm doing something wrong by seeing him,
(36:06):
But at the same time, I like spending time, and
the time we do you spend together wonderful, We get
along grade I'm smiling the entire time I'm with him.
Am I horrible for continuing to see him? The chemistry
is there. I don't want to stop, but maybe I
should stop now before it gets even more serious, or
maybe I just see where things go wait time out.
Is she married still or that's her separated? She's not divorced?
(36:28):
Are they So they're separated, but they're getting divorced. She
did not say that necessarily. In my opinion, this might
be the not the popular opinion. I think you should
wait until you get divorced, especially since it's a family person.
But I think you like who you like, and it's
(36:48):
okay to that your ex husband's cousin. I'm not saying
it's okay. I'm saying I think it's okay to like
who you like and your feelings. You know, that's just
like I mean, look at Schennaia Twain is married to
her best friend's husband and they swapped basically husband's when
you're so close, and I'm sure there's so many times
when someone has fallen in love with their brother, their
their husband's brother because you're so close with them, you
(37:11):
know them, you get them, you have this connection. But
because it is family, that could get really bad. I
don't think she's a bad person. I think that's normal
to have feelings because you're so close with these people,
especially with women, because they have that emotion, they're more
emotionally connected to people. So I just think that maybe
you should hold off until you guys get divorced and
(37:31):
then have a conversation, but don't do it in secret,
in secrecy, because that'll then drive more of a wedge
in the family. That's my unpopular position. Who I'm trying
to I'm trying to do the family tree. Here a
cousin for cousin by marriage, So let's talk that out.
Mm hmmm. That's a good point because I would think
the way I would the way it sounds to me
(37:52):
is that it would be okay, it's his cousin's husband
or something. Right, So right if if unless he's married
and having an affair with with her, the one who
emailed us, how else would it be his cousin by marriage? Um,
(38:15):
it could be his cousin by marriage. See what I mean.
It's confusing and I'm mad at this is such a
thing as cousin. You know it would be it would
be like if if my cousin Eric would be his
so cousin through marriage to be Jessica. Right, That's what
I'm saying. So like you dating Jessica. But but Jessica
is married to Eric. That's how she's a cousin. Maybe
(38:38):
they're separated and get a divorce. You might see my
point here, but we don't know that backstory. Can she
give Can you email us again next week? We might
need some more information on this, but also information. I mean,
the heart wants. What it wants is a very convenient
excuse to people for really horrible agents. Right, but yes,
(39:03):
and it's also the heart is something you should always
listen to. But you know, there's so many questions you
can go so deep with this is okay? Is the
attraction to the cousin by marriage, is that maybe part
of what caused the separation without the husband knowing, you know,
I mean like why are they separated? Are they in
agreement that why they're separated, that they can see other people?
(39:27):
Are they living under the same roof? Like, there's a
lot of questions to know how close is your husband
with this cousin by marriage, because some cousins are like
brother and sister, and some like I have cousins, I
wouldn't know if they walk past me on the street,
see my first cousins, they're they're like my brother and sister.
Same Yeah, first cousins. We both grew up the same way,
where like our first cousins were like our siblings. So
(39:52):
there's just a lot of questions here on what to know.
I think ultimately, again it's it depends on if you
handle the situation with integrity, then it doesn't have to
be that bad. So again, if her and the current
separated husband under agreement of what they can do, what
the boundaries are right now where they're separated, if when
(40:13):
they do get divorced, she doesn't be sneaky about it,
and she explains that this is the person that she's seen,
so I think it's also a female thing too. And
we always said this in our relationship. If I was
ever to cheat, it would be someone close to us,
because I'm just that emotional that I'm I'm more of
(40:33):
an emotional cheater, if that makes sense. I think that
is more of a woman thing and guys, at least
for me person maybe, but for me personally, that would
make me uncomfortable if it was somebody that we knew.
M Mark, all right, this is from Calin. I'm super
closs actually actually flows nicely from that one. I'm super
close with my parents, my brother, my extended family, cousins, aunts,
(40:56):
and uncles. My fiance is from a broken family and
only talk to them if times a month. I talked
with my family multiple times a day. We've been living
together for four years. I moved across the country with him,
and now we're engaged. He still he still feels like
he's second to my family. I want him to feel
like he's my priority. He is. I'm absolutely in love
with him, but I don't want to change the relationship
(41:16):
with my family to prove it. I don't think she
has to. She shouldn't just include him. So if you're
having family this is something that I'll say, you know,
if they're having family group messages, just include him in
the text message, include him in the family messages. And
I think that could help him feel a part of things.
I know it always a part of things when i'm
(41:37):
when you know, your mom includes me in the messages,
and probably vice versa. We don't really do group messages
on my side, but you know, I think that would
help maybe that situation. But I don't think she should
ever stop. No and Just and Just I can understand
his insecurity because he doesn't have that relationship, so it's
probably it's for it's foreign to him. So if she
(42:01):
just continues to include him like Janistain and then also
reassure him, hey, you are my family, You are a
part of this family, like this is you know, everybody
loves you too, or just something to kind of make
him feel better or more comfortable around it, but also
have empathy for what he doesn't. He didn't doesn't and
didn't have to so to be like you know that
must because I think that's more self reflection on his part.
(42:23):
Why he's maybe projecting it is because he didn't have
because he's insecure about it. He didn't have it. This
is me in a lot of ways. My dad is
the way oldest of his siblings, and my mom is
the way youngest of her siblings. So all of my
siblings are way older than me or way younger than me,
and so I never was close with any of them
growing up. It was just me and my sister and
my parents. My wife has this incredible extended family because
(42:45):
her dad is one of seven, so there's just nothing
but but aunts and uncles and cousins all over the place.
And I have found that I love it. I found
that when there's a party in her parents backyard and
all the families invited, I think it's a really neat
thing and something that I've been missing out on my
whole life was that kind of massive family. And it's
really great. So I agree with you. I think if
you including him more and making him feel like more
(43:06):
part of the family, he'll realize what he has been missing.
And maybe that's making him uncomfortable just because it's foreign
to him, But once he figures out the joys in it,
I think he's really gonna like it. That's and yeah,
and for he should definitely try to embrace it and
maybe change his mindset because for me, I know, just
even from dating people, you know, as a young adult
or younger person, I always knew I wanted my future
(43:28):
wife to have like an awesome family. So I wanted
great in laws. I wanted I love spending time with
my significant other, and so like Mary and Janna, I
like hit a home run with that because I love
her family. I love the things we all do together.
We have so much fun and like that. I've always
wanted that. That's something that's always been important and I valued.
So I mean that's something he should definitely try to embrace,
(43:49):
like you're saying, Mark, and just like enjoy that. So
if my family sucked you in to married me, No,
I'm not saying that. It was just definitely something that
was important to me that I wanted to be able
to have. In law is not just in laws, but
in law family. Yeah, a fun family that enjoyed things,
and I mean, we have so much fun every time
we get together. Yeah, but that's an issue for some
(44:10):
people you love them, but their family is a nightmare.
When that comes up quite a bit, that's that would
I don't know, I wouldn't be I don't know if
I'll be able to do that. That would be hard. Yeah,
it would be really hard. I have one more, really
juicy one about infertility. But before we do that, tell
me about Noemi because I'm excited to have them on
the podcast. Some are calling at the Amazon prime of
(44:31):
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(44:54):
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(45:17):
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(46:19):
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your first purchase. I'm going to get this right now.
This is so cute. Can you wait till I do
one more email? And then oh? Yeah, absolutely. This is
from Christine, my husband. I've been married for almost three
years and together almost eleven. We've been trying to get
(46:39):
pregnant for a year and a half. After the year mark,
I'm thirty one, we went to a fertility specialist. He
had a Seaman analysis and I had an h s
G and several other tests. The results came back that
I'm good. His overall sperm count is good, but the
viable sperm are very low. We've also we've started talking
about artificial insemination, but he doesn't want to go that way.
Every Michael, we get another negative test and we're both
(47:01):
devastated and he feels like it's his fault. I do
my best not to blame him, but the clock is
ticking and he's still not coming around to insemination. I
met a loss. I met a loss. There's nothing in
this world that I want more than to be a mom.
And adding to it, we're getting immense pressure from his
mother to have kids. She's very negative to him and
nasty to me about it. Well, that's awful that the
(47:22):
in laws are pressuring, especially when it's already such a
stressful situation to begin with. Um, Michael, let you speak
on this because I know that you had a tough
time with all of this. I mean I personally didn't
have a tough time. God and stuff like that. Oh yeah,
well yeah, but that's also because my account was fine,
(47:46):
so there wasn't an issue there. But I can I
definitely empathize with him because you know, when it comes
to pregnancy and stuff, essentially we have one job, right
and from a scientist scientific point of view, we have
one job, and when we aren't able to do that job,
if we aren't able to do that job, I can
(48:08):
imagine that feeling really uh degrading as a man being like, man,
this is the one thing I have to do to
give you a child, and I can't do that. So
if he's able to look at it from a different
mindset and just be like, you know what, this is
just a different way I can give my wife the
gift of child of a child, I would do whatever
(48:29):
it took. Ultimately, sure would weigh on me a little bit,
but just changing my mindset and being like, well, this
is what I have to do. I want a family
with you, you want to be pregnant, you want a child.
Let's do this. However we have to do it. Granted,
we had options to do artificial insemination. When we did IVF,
that was a little different. That's more. Is that what
(48:49):
they're talking about doing or is it just like Turkey based?
I think both so well, what I didn't like about
the I VF thing is when they took one individual
sperm and injecting the egg. I liked it where they
basically put u syringeful of sperm in the petri dish
with the eggainst like what the best man win. I
(49:10):
didn't like selecting one sperm. That's when I felt like
he was playing god because of the sperm that was
supposed to go. Maybe wasn't That wasn't that one. But
with if it's just still you can still artificially inseminate
by not doing that. So I don't think that's necessarily
necessarily an issue with playing god. I think you gotta
do what you gotta do to get pregnant, and if
(49:31):
they've tried this much and they felt that devastation, then
it's like, hey, this is what I have to do.
I agree, so, but it's hard. He's going to feel
like a failure. I think that's what he's going through,
is the feeling like a failure, and if you do
the artificial insemination, you've given up like it's like so
many so many people have to though, and so hopefully
he can get past that to know that it's not
(49:51):
just him that deals with this. Well, everyone's going to know.
If you guys have a baby together, you don't have
to announce in the birth announcement that she was done
via artificial insemina. No one has to know that except
you and your wife. I bet the I bet the
statistics are a lot higher now too, with people that
have to do that. Sure, definitely it's not likely, I
(50:12):
would think. And I think what he needs to also
maybe to help his mindset is to realize, well, like
for me, I would rather it be me than Janna,
because the women feel so much pressure, right, because that's
literally like what women maybe think they were put on
(50:32):
this earth to do was to bear a child, right,
So I can't imagine the height and emotions that a
woman may feel if they're not able to be fertile
and have kids. So as a man, it's like, I'll
take that burden for you. If it was on me, cool, great,
I'll do whatever I have to do to give you
a child, because I don't. I wouldn't want Jane to
feel that. So for him, he should be like, you
(50:53):
know what, better me than you. I got you money,
whatever we have to do, I got you. I'm just
glad it's not you. You don't have to deal with this.
Let me take his burden and let me give you
a child in any way that I can. So if
he can change his mindset like that and just just
still be able to show up for her, I think
he would have a much better time mentally and emotionally
processing it. I mean, I was super off on the percentage.
(51:14):
It's only two, but still I think that's still two.
Is artificial insemination the disease The Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention reports about four million births per year in
the US, meaning one of all us births are annually
are are via IVF. Really, wow, that seems very shockingly
low in my opinion. But yeah, but there's also like
(51:34):
three fifty million people in this country, So think about
the two and then it takes us back to the
other one. There's three million people in this country, and
maybe you don't have to date your husband's cousin way
to bring it back there. Love is love, Love is love.
What a good note. I love you guys, Happy Halloween.
(51:56):
Be safe out there.
Wind down trailer and I from radio podcast Happy Monday. Yeah,
so I learned something new about Mike and sure we
were on we were in New York last week and
(00:23):
Mike leaned over to me and he goes, are you
guys there, Yes, yes, we're here of course ready. Yes.
So he leans over and he's just like, you know
what just drives me crazy? And I was like, what done?
(00:44):
What was it? I don't remember? The Southwest? Oh yeah,
I don't know why. It just when people that are
maybe not foreign and live in America and get onto
a Southwest airplane or our boarding a Southwest airplane and
they ask a million questions because they don't understand how
(01:07):
to board situation on Southwest? What's because you don't have
an assigned seat? Is that the issue? And people? It
just blows people's minds. I'm granted we travel so much,
I mean, but it made me think. I'm like, when
when was the first time I took a Southwest flight?
Like my first experience? I don't remember. I think I
(01:30):
was super young when I took my first one. But
how long has Southwest been doing that? That's actually a
really good question. I don't know. I'm going to look
that up. How long is Southwest? Mark? You gotta you
gotta see how long I can take care of that. Yeah,
but you know a great thing about Southwest if I may,
because I know some people are a little bit hunked
off seat yourself, Like, yeah, they don't charge bag fees. Yeah,
(01:56):
I understand, but I'm baffled by that because at this point,
if they did, no one would get mad at them.
But they don't, and I love that. Let's see, they
opened the nineteen seventy one, but when did they start
doing the seat yourself thing? I think it's always been
seeing yourself? Really, I don't I think so, but I mean,
obviously I don't remember remember. But it's funny though, because
(02:20):
Mike said that if it was an American he gets
angry at But then he said that he saw these
like two Chinese people not knowing where to sit, and
he's like, oh, just someone someone who's foreign who doesn't
maybe isn't from America and it's new to them. I
empathize with that, but someone who, I guess, And it's
just wrong for me to assume that everybody flies all
(02:40):
the time and should understand it. It's not just asking
one question it's just I experienced these these group of
like three people the other day when we're flying back
from New York that just asked like ten questions and
just couldn't wrap their heads around it. And I just
wanted to be like, just get on the plane, set
where you want. Ye, I can't imagine what questions to
through ten would eat because the first so I can
(03:01):
sit wherever I want. Yes, Right, It's just funny what
you get, because like you can be very um, it's
just funny what you get upset about. Like I think
stupid people that are stupid You don't mind, like I
think stupidity really bothers you, because I know you get
a little bit more annoyed with me when I say
(03:22):
things that are wrong or I say they're wrong grammar,
and so I think you it's just it's just funny
because I think I think it's just stupid people you
don't like. But then on the flip side, though, you'll
do some stupid things and but it's like you don't
see that. But it's like, you know what I mean,
it's just about seeing other people. It's about my perspective
and how I view the world. If you don't view
(03:44):
it my way, then it's oh, I'm kidding. No, it's
just one of those things what bothers you mark pet
peeves of mine well or just like not even pet peeves,
but just like yeah, what what kind of just annoys
you like a wife? But people on This is what
my wife and I disagree on. Okay, let's say I'm
(04:05):
gonna give you a specific example, but it's a general thing.
And like you're on the four or five and you're
going north and you're approaching the one on one. So
the left, the right, two lanes are just backed up
forever with cars who want to get one freeway right.
So my wife believes that it is our duty to
get in the back of that line and wait, because
(04:26):
who are in the world are we to jump the line?
I say, I go along that line at full speed
until there's an opening. And that's the key. I make
sure there's an opening. There's always going to be an
opening in front of a truck. Trucks are going to
give you an opening in front of them because they're
slower to start moving. There's gonna ben opening. And by
the way, if there is no opening, I'm not going
(04:46):
to be that jerk that just sits there in that
lined off Merge Triangle and wait for someone to let
me in. I'm gonna go on and I'm gonna get
off a burr Bank Boulevard because that's my bad. I
took a cable and I lost, But I know I'm
going to get in there. I think only once, if
I ever had to go to Burbank Boulevard, I always
find a way in there. The key is you do
(05:07):
not want to hold up the traffic behind you in
the line I'm going fast in and you don't want
to cut anybody off when you jump into the line.
One thousand percent, I totally agree with you, because I
would do the same thing on Laurel Canyon, where I
wouldn't and sometimes I had to take your right in
the holland because I screwed up and I didn't get
in there. But there's always that one car that doesn't
start faster. You can just kind of go right in always,
(05:28):
And I hate the people that don't get in and
then you say, well, I'm going to get in now,
and they just put on the blinker and sit there
until somebody lets him in. That's terrible. You can't do that.
But is that wrong of me, because I wouldn't do
that in line to get into a concert. I would
get to the end of the line. It's every man
for himself on the road. But there's a difference I
think when you're standing in line in a concert, because
that's something that we've learned all the way from elementary school.
(05:50):
You stand in the line. But in cars, we don't
stand in the line. We look for any advantages. If
we were to do that, it's like we're passing people
because it's I mean, I totally a year point, especially
in l A. It's there's gonna be so many people
that do that. So it's frustrating when uh like fifty
colors go past you and get in front of you
and then you're just farther and farther back into line.
(06:12):
And how about this one? And this is I think
this is common nationwide maybe worldwide. Um, when it says
right lane closed ahead, everyone starts getting in the left
lane and there's a left lane is stopped. I maintain
that you should stay in that right lane until it stops,
and then you emerge left right, left, right, left right.
That's gonna be the quickest flow of traffic. People don't
know how to emerge. They seem to not. The people
(06:35):
do not know how. That is the one thing nationwide
that people cannot do. They can't do it here in Nashville.
They definitely can't do it. In l A. They can't merge.
It's impossible for people speaking of alternate it's not that hard,
I know. I mean that's yeah. Well, I mean I
don't like driving an expressway. I don't emerging just like
I don't like it. So I guess I'm that that
(06:57):
percentage that doesn't like to merge. But I thought you'd
be annoyed with how I'm your Like when when I'm
in the passenger, Oh my god, there could be a
car three yards ahead of us and they put on
their brake light if I don't put my brakes on
immediately g And it's like and so I was like
putting her hands up on the dash or making a
(07:17):
movement and just so frustrated with me. I'm like and
like then and now I know it bothers him. I'm like,
I'll turn it into it. So she's like, I don't
know if you saw those cars. I'm like, I see
them three hundred yards ahead of me, stopping one time,
though that I know for sure you did not know
those cars stopped because you sometimes look off in wonderland. Yeah,
(07:40):
because I never get to look out the window because
I'm always driving. Sometimes I've offered, now that I have
a new car, I love driving. But no. The one
time I did offer to drive his chocolate like, baby,
i'll drive, you're always driving. I kinto car accident. Yeah,
leaving l a X. She's like, baby, I'll drive home.
And we're not even out of L a X. And
(08:01):
she gets in a crack. Yeah, that was the last
time I let her drop my truck. But I get
some of that too from the passenger seat. And I
always wondered, does she think that when she's not in
the car, I just smashed everything, That's what I think
they think. Yeah, absolutely, like a pinball. But I think
sometimes you just look around so much that I'm like,
are you not noticing this very fast stopping Because it's
(08:23):
my situational awareness. I was talking to your mom about this,
about situational awareness, and it's funny because she always says
that your dad is situational awareness and preaches it, and
I'm like, oh, yeah, Mike, just too. But you guys
have the worst situational awareness when it comes to everything
by you what do you mean, Oh gosh, I wish
I could remember the example. UM, I can't remember it now,
(08:44):
but we were just talking about it, and you know,
it's just funny because they preach situational awareness and then
they don't have the awareness when it comes to certain
things like do not see something. So it's it's interesting.
Situational awareness is outside of the household. Inside the household,
we're in a safe place. I think it's I think
it was outside. I have to remember a chance, No
(09:08):
way I know everything that's going on around me. I
have an interesting topic. I don't even know if actually
I can talk about it if you knew, because I
don't know who listens to the podcast. I think if
it was someone that listens, and I don't want to
be offensive, I think you have to go for it
now now, yeah, just genericize it. Okay. Let's say there's
(09:32):
someone in the neighborhood that has a problem child and
they were kind of known from the last neighborhood, for example,
like lighting things on fire, um, vandalizing. Um, I mean
to the point of like really gross stuff that would
(09:54):
you know, it's throwing rocks and then also I mean
bullying kids in a pro brightly touching younger children. Um,
and then you find out they moved to your neighborhood.
What do you think? Because Michael and I've had this
conversation now because now we're on more of a high
alert if that's someone certain person moved into our neighborhood,
(10:18):
and it's do you do you make you're are you nice?
Or I mean I don't know how to because I'm
now a little bit scared because of the things that
I've heard that are not great? Or do you petition
to kick them out of the neighborhood? But can you
even you don't do that? No, you can't do that.
(10:39):
You can't think we don't have the power to. I
would never want a kid, but I'm just like, what
what do you like? Do you talk to the kid
that's in high school or high school? I was picturing
a much younger child. This is a high school it's
a teenager. I believe it's a freshman in high school.
And you've got like they have a lot of issue
(11:00):
is and I empathized and I want to be there,
but also I have the things that I've heard is scary.
They basically we were worn stay away, So it's do
we make ourselves? Does he? You know? Mikel like, do
I talk to him? And but I'm like, but I
don't want him to get scared and then do something
to the house or or bully. Our kids are young.
(11:21):
But it's just something to be aware of. I think,
you know, I think you were going to say something
to the mom, which I was like, I don't think
you should say. I don't know. It's one of those
I want to where my heart is. I want to
kind of treat it as innocent until proven guilty. Yeah,
but the cops have already been over there. They were
(11:42):
already in. He was already in like one of the
other houses. I understand that, Mark. Well, the other element
is is what is this kid missing in his life?
Like if this kid has been labeled as a problem,
as a juvenile delinquent, and if from every single school
kicked out a boarding school, I mean every single school
(12:03):
under I know this is very pace nick of me.
But maybe the kid just needs a male mentor maybe
the kid needs somebody to be nice to him, to
include him in something. Maybe I've been ostracized since he
was little, and I thought about that, maybe taking the
other route instead of saying something to the mother and
being like, hey, basically, if anything happens, there's gonna be
a problem. But that scares me that game anxiety. I
(12:25):
was like, no, no, no no, no, no, that's just maybe
go to him and just be like, I don't know,
I finished off, I'd love to be there something with
the kid. Hey let's go play basketball or I don't know,
you know what I mean. If everyone treats you like
a criminal, you're going to be a criminal, right, But
if somebody treats you like a human being, And maybe
he hasn't gotten a lot of that because the first
(12:47):
school to get kicked out of, then the next school
he's already kind of pre labeled that way, and then
it's becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I know this is
all kind of like a Hollywood movie that you spend
some time with a kid and it becomes the next
senator from your stay. But I don't know, I feel
like everybody's got that humanity in them. I don't think
that everyone's just a psychopath. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.
(13:07):
Here's the thing, and I met he seems so nice.
But when I I mean my text or our friend
will stay away. He is bad news. He's the kid
that would potentially go into a school and do some
bad stuff, and that terrifies me for you know, other people,
especially the kids in the neighborhood. But I don't I
don't want to be that person either. I would love
(13:27):
to be able to help, but then you also hear
the stories when you help, they are also the ones
that hurt you too. So my wife, you know, teachers
pe and one of the things she has found is
with some of these kids that are real problems in class,
giving them a responsibility really causes them to rise to
the occasion. These are kids that don't want to participate.
(13:48):
They sit out there, mean to everybody, they're nasty to
the teacher. But one day, a couple of years ago,
my wife said him, Hey, I needs to do me
a favor. I needs to go to the kindergarten yard.
You are a fourth grader. You go to the kindergart
yard and bring them out for PE because they don't
know where we're going and I'm really busy, right, Okay,
you meet them out there and guide them. He was like,
oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and he went
into they had a great job and things were a
(14:09):
little better after that. I just think we assume certain
things about kids and we don't give them a chance. Yeah,
I like that, But at what age? At what age
do you think kind of like a dog, right, you know,
you can't teach the old dog new tricks. What age
do you think it is that if if a kid
is a problem child, that they can actually change their
(14:31):
ways of don't they say the brain doesn't stop maturing
until somewhere you know what I mean. I read that recently. Yeah,
I think you're right. It's mid twenties when everything kind
of locks into place. I think, certainly high school, there's
plenty of kids to turn their life around. Oh that's
when you're the most impressionable. Yeah, for sure. So I
(14:52):
think you should let the kid live with you for
a while and just like give him some chores and
mentor him, live him in our house. That kind it Sorry,
never gonna happen. It's happening, but no, It's just one
of those things that you, you know, you want to
have a we have a good heart about, but at
the same time, ultimately you have to protect your family
and your kids. So it's it's being able to be
(15:14):
empathetic and helpful but also keep our kids away. I
think that's where we have to stand with it. Yeah
we can be opened open to it, but are not
with our kids involved. You know what my problem is
I I play too much scary movies in my head.
You do, I mean you definitely go like worst case scenario. Yeah,
(15:35):
because our house is kind of like a fish bowl.
We don't have really many shades. So when it's a
nighttime and he's gone, it's just you know the movie
Strangers where I feel like I'm just gonna look to
the to the all the open windows in the house
and just see these faces appears. And that's why we
have an alarm and guns in the house and maybe shades.
(15:57):
Maybe before you get the alarm of the asked for shades,
but Mike said it's going to ruin the aesthetic of
the house. I put my foot down on that one.
I was like, give me some shades. I feel like
I'm in a fish bowl. It's great. I wonder if
there's a way to tint the windows. Yeah, don't they
have like that? You can bring the tinting down it
(16:17):
was like a sheet, a tinted shade. You just hit
a button, it comes down. But even having the reservoir
above the windows wouldn't Oh, I think we have some
good emails we should dive into. No, we definitely have
good emails, I think, but first let's take a break.
(16:39):
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(18:11):
How are weeen week? Oh? Yeah, what are we doing?
What do you mean? What are we doing? We just
trying on our costumes like we just but I appreciate
the the surprise factor. But we can't tell people what
we're doing yet. But again, I'm very much the family themed.
So everyone were all about the family theme. So we're
(18:34):
all a part of a Princess fairy tale. Will say that,
would you like to guess? I would like to guess
because one year right after Brooklyn and my youngest was born,
my daughter, my oldest was snow white, and I was
Prince Charming and my wife was Doc and the little
one was the tiny little wharf who was a baby,
(18:56):
was dopey and it was the cutest. I'm going to
send you that picture here today because you will make
its beautiful. Yeah, I'm gonna send you that. So I'm
gonna guess. Let me think you said Princess fairy tales.
That what you said? Yes? Of course? Are you gonna
tell me if I get it right? Or now? Sure?
Think about this? You get one guests though, since you're
doing that, you get one guest because you know, if not,
(19:16):
you'll keep going. And then if we told you that,
we're gonna tell you that was right there? Two boys
and two girls. Oh yeah, okay, I got it, I
got it. Yeah, here's what I'm saying. Okay, Elsa for Janna,
Anna for Jolie. Mike's gonna be uh what's his name,
the guy with the donkey christof, Yeah, you're gonna be
(19:42):
Christoff and then old Off. That's the family right there. Well,
you know what, I guess you don't follow us on
Instagram because Mike was a seven ft old Off two
years ago. Sorry, we were we were chosen. Two years ago.
I ordered this old Off cost by the way, you
still have it because I want you to surprise the kids. No,
I wish remember we left because paled into Jolie's classroom.
(20:04):
That would have been so good. I mean, I'll reorder it. Anyways, Mark,
I found this costume from straight up from China. You
got it two years ago, sent to our house in
l A. It was a legit, a lot legit. I
mean the head was like three ft high itself and
I'm six ft five, so I was literally nine ft tall,
huge round costume, legs, slippers, everything. We go to Luca
(20:27):
Lake to trick or treat, which you know it's a
crazier place to go. Oh, they're showing me a picture. Now, Wow,
you are tall and the best part about it. Mark,
walking through to Luca Lake. I mean, you would have
thought I was paid to be there. Everyone wanted a
picture with me. Every day. It was it was a
meet and greet. I mean everyone was high fiving him,
and it was it was that will go down. I
(20:50):
mean it's hard to beat that. It is real hard
to beat that. But now I would I love that.
I do you still have it? No? Really, it's humongous.
So we threw it away in l A because we
already did it. You can't even have shades. How could
you have a giant olof costume to that house? Right?
I don't know it, but it's gonna be fun though.
(21:12):
It'll it'll be Jason's first Halloween. He's gonna be so cute. Oh,
he's the best round. He's almost walking. That's crazy. He's
standing up by himself and he kind of gives that
Oh my gosh, I'm standing up and then he falls down. Mark,
where are your girl's going to be for Halloween? Um?
It's sad this year my oldest is not trick or
(21:33):
treating for the first time. I think is the magic age.
Eighth grade is when it kind of all falls apart
and uh and then my youngest, of course, is going
to be a Visco girl, a Disco Visco v s
c O. We were just discussing this in the room.
Here is that. Um, if you have teenagers or younger,
you're aware of the Visco girl phenomenon. I guess it
(21:54):
hasn't hit you guys yet. Visco first of all, is
some sort of photo editing app up. A Visco girl
meets the following criteria. Giant sweatshirt, short shorts that you
can't tell they're wearing because the sweatshirt is so big,
berken stocks or crocs. They have scrunches around their wrist.
They carry a hydro flask wherever they go. Am I
(22:17):
forgetting anything? It's about it. Possibly Eastern is going to
be a Bisco girl. It's kind of a lazy costume.
It's not a lot to it, and if you didn't
know someone was in costume, you might not be able
to tell their a Visco girl. Tiny is also gonna
do that this weekend. So that's what Brooklyn is going
(22:39):
to be interesting. Hey Easton, what's up with the crocs? Uh?
What's what's up with the crocs? Um? Well, it's croctober um.
Is that a thing or is that a thing that
you made up? It's a thing, it's it's it's a
thing that Croc Crocs made it up. Um, but I'm
celebrating it in a really big way. Do you have
(22:59):
Crocs on? I don't have Crocs on at the moment
because I'm at work and I'm a professional and Crocs
are a leisure shoe. I was I've been wearing them
a lot this month, though. Why I saw you hiking
with them, and I was like, I don't know if
you should be hiking with Crocs on. I mean, I
love Crocs. Julie calls them her alligator shoes. But I mean,
you've really every time I've watched your stories this week,
(23:20):
it's or this month, it's been c October. Yeah, I've
you know, I was gonna do every night of the month.
I was going to profile different pair of Crocs from
my collection, but I only have three. I I ran
out of ideas after day three. But I you know,
I took it as a creative challenge and I've just
been doing original Croc content every single day of the month.
(23:40):
That's huge. And he finally heard from Crocs. Oh yeah,
I've been messing with ros. I've been trying to get Crocs.
I don't want like money or anything. I just want
them to know that I'm a passionate fan and I
have some questions for them. Actually, I've been trying to
get them to interview with me. No, no answer, no answer.
And then, um, finally Ben Higgins from the Almost Famous
podcast reposted one of my stories and CROCS came reaching
(24:02):
out huge your celebrity. Hey, I'm just trying to spread
the good word. Crocs are comfortable shoe. Hey. Did anyone
read the Kanye West story? By the way, Yes? Yeah? Interesting?
What are um? Hey, Tori, do you wanna give the
brief rundown of what the article said? Yeah, So basically
(24:22):
it's him kind of saying that he's redirecting his life. Um,
there was a lot in the article about him, um
like starting a church, doing a faith based Christian album,
But his struggle with sex addiction has been something he's
been dealing with for a really long time, and so
he's been opening up about that. And basically, I don't know,
(24:43):
I just I think it's a really interesting article to
hear that Kanye West, and I guess that he's kind
of opened up about it prior. I was looking at
some other articles, but it was never to this extent
of him being like, here's where I'm at and here's
where I struggle with um and yeah, so that's basically
kind of a little and he read it too, right, Mike. Yeah.
The thing is it's Kanye West. So I feel like
(25:04):
anything he says kind of has to be taken with
a grain of salt, because he just he says outlandish
thing and outlandish things, and he just has is he
still running for president? Did he say he was running
twenty Exactly my point. So the fact that that even
came out of his mouth, it's hard to take everything
he says. And you know, if he claims that he
(25:27):
suffers from sex addiction, then you know, that's such a
that's such a big thing to just come out and say, right,
I mean that it's kind of like when Dak Shepherd
said something about that and he said, I used to
suffer from sex addiction. He said that, yeah, your sex addict, right,
I know. But and he's even I'm pretty sure he's
(25:48):
in the top step program for drugs or something like that.
But so it's I don't know, it's just one of
those things that as someone who's opened and out about it,
it's frustrating at times because I feel like in situations
like this, it's just it just feels thrown around, but
almost if they're not making it, because when you say
(26:10):
like I U when Dax says like I used to
be a sex addict, that's almost devaluing what the addiction
is from someone who has a big um platform to
to be able to talk about addiction. So saying like
I used to that means that you can just get
over sex addiction, which that's not true when you're an addict.
You're always addict, right, Yeah, I mean, maybe his not
(26:31):
to make this about Dax, but maybe his thing was
more of something else alcoholic drugs or something that was
and maybe the sex aspect was just a product of that.
So I can understand maybe someone focusing more on another
addiction if they if they qualify for multiple addictions, so
I can understand that maybe that's what he was saying. Um,
(26:52):
But for like Kanye West, it's you know, it's just like, yeah,
you know, suffer from sex addiction. Two and then what
he's talking about out with just a Playboy magazine out
and and everything he doesn't really talk anymore about It's
just I don't know. Again, it's Kanye. It's kind of confusing.
I'm just afraid of someone just saying it just to
(27:14):
say it, but not understanding or not living in recovery,
or just saying that was a part of their life
at some point, because it doesn't say anything that he
currently still does or he goes to meetings or anything
like that. So it's just I don't know. Do you
think people can recover from sex addiction? Like when people
say that? So, I think Jada Pinkett also don't want
(27:35):
to misquote it, but I believe she also said too
that she had a sex addiction. She had, I don't
I don't see how it's a past tense thing. It's
an addiction, just like anything anything else. People don't say
I was an alcoholic, right, I mean, I agree with you. Yeah, No, So,
I mean I think that's just a little frustrating because again,
(27:58):
of someone who's trying to, you know, educate people out
there that it is a real thing. When it's thrown
around like that, it just feels like it's undermining it
for sure. Yeah, And you're right about the doubt and
he might have realized, Okay, this is where the actually
stronger addiction is and that could have maybe played a
part of it with the sex. But to say to
(28:19):
say that, especially when sex addiction is still not a accepted, exception,
socially accepted, accepted addiction, Yeah, it's hard when talked about
when people are just kind of throw it around, especially
people in the limelight or whatever. It's it just kind
of gives me a bad taste in my mouth because
I'm like, you're not helping the cause, you're not helping anything,
(28:40):
because then next thing, you know, is it is it
going to turn into some fad? Right? You know, we're
just nowadays people are more open and there's more you know,
sexual controversy and headlines a lot with me too stuff
and abuse and all this, and it's oh, well sex addiction.
And then you did say and then yeah, part saying
like but I'm not anymore, It's like no, you still
(29:04):
an addiction is something that you have to continue to
work on because when you start to become weak, I
think that's what scares me to and people are like,
but I'm in control of it now, Well, you need
to have those steps right to be able to continue
to not let it overpower you. Yeah, I mean that's
what that's my belief. If someone else believes that there's
a cure to addiction, then okay, fine, But there isn't
(29:27):
anybody that in any kind of twelve step program out
there is going to say that anything else works other
than twelve steps. No one else, no one in twelve steps,
thinks that anything. And you're not more powerful. You're not
more powerful than the disease or because you might feel
that you're healthy right now in this moment, but come
if you don't practice it and practice the twelve steps,
(29:47):
you're gonna end up maybe falling back to the addiction. Yeah.
And I mean some things may seem simpler than others
to change about your life. I mean there's some aspects
of you know, me being a program that are easier
to handle than they used to be. But that's because
I'm being you know, deeper and deeper into recovery. But
(30:08):
it's uh, as we saw with recent events, it's still
there's still things looming that I have to continue to
work through. And you know, gippy, So yeah, I just
I don't know. It's just again, it's Kanye West, who
who knows what he's gonna come out and say next week.
You know that he wants to be the pope or something.
So did he ever say anything about the election that
(30:31):
he remember how he has made a whole thing about it.
He has a while. No, he said on the actually
on the article, um that he still has something planned,
like he's still planning his campaign. It is what it said. Um.
But yeah, I don't know, Mark, do you have anything
to add or I mean, well, I was gonna give
you his quote where he said that when he was
five years old, Uh, playboy was a gateway to a
(30:53):
full on pornography addiction. His dad at a playboy left
out at age five, and it's effected almost every choice
I've made for the rest of my life. To me,
that just sounds like a guy because the first time
we see that image, it affects everything from there on
and that becomes the goal is to see more of that. Well,
and I think to like what Mike was saying, like,
you know, obviously has started to at a young age
(31:15):
with porn addiction, but it became something where over time
he just kept feeding that addiction. So that's when it
becomes didn't start with porn sex the Yeah, I thought
you also like watched a young age too. Not. I
was actually late in the game into that. It was
more about because I was already sexually active. But it just,
(31:36):
I mean, like you said, Mark, the way he describes
it, it it sounds like, Okay, any male you start to
see that you want to have that, you know you
want to have sex or be sexually active. Okay, Well
that's different than being powerless over something in it running
your life or ruining your life. And you're basing your
day every day around sex and it just controls every
(31:59):
aspect of you mentally, physically and emotionally, or you use
it as a you know, a crutch in handling other
emotions or issues that you're dealing with. So for him
just to say yes, I'll play, but when it shaped
my life, well, what guy out there isn't gonna say that. Well,
at some point, yeah, I saw you know a pair
of boobs, and I was like, yep, I like those.
(32:21):
It is quite a moment when a guy first sees
a pair of boots, especially their grandma. Can I play?
Can I play Devil's Advocate a little bit? So I
feel like this guy has a whole family. He has
what four or five kids. Now, I don't see him
coming out and saying, hey, I'm a sex addict just
to make a point and like be Kanye West. I
(32:42):
think that's him kind of being like, here's where I
was and now he's like starting a church. He obviously
sounds like he found he has a relationship with God
now that has really changed his life. Um, and I
just feel like, why are we Why are we trying
to judge the way he's telling his story, Like it
may not be on a podcast, it may not be
(33:02):
on a sit down interview, but to him, this is
him expressing something because he has like kids. Again, you know,
he's not going to just say something he says sex
addict or is he says on a sex addiction from
age till now having to kick the habit. It just
presents itself in the open like it's okay, and I
stand up for it. And he's more addicted to inspiration
(33:24):
as much as he is. I could have been, like
he says he's addicted to porn um and that could
have been something that inspired his music and now he
wants to change that direction. Yeah, I think you know
what I mean. How I don't know. I'll let you
because you're again it's a great point, Tory, and I
totally understand that. Again, Unfortunately, because it's Kanye West, and
because he's had periods of just outlandish comments and everything
(33:48):
where it's until there's consistency, it's hard for me personally
to believe what he's saying or that if if I
think what you're saying too is because of the sex
addiction not being a very socially did addiction yet that
it's just like oh I was one and maybe i'm
not now, which is not the true sex addiction. That's
not right. Yeah, again, that's fine if he's if he's
(34:13):
saying he's changing his ways and all that, because he
is a family man and he's a man of God
and all that. I'm not. I'm not questioning that. Just
don't just don't throw something on top of it, and
obviously it impacts me more personally. Don't throw something like
an addiction on top of it if you're not gonna
take it seriously and you're just going to kind of
throw it. Oh yeah, and the shake my life and yes,
(34:37):
sex addiction, but it was my inspiration. Like you said,
why It's like, wait what, They're just gonna go right
over that. Every time he talks, I say, wait what,
so exactly exactly? I don't know. I'm kind of I
think it was pretty cool for him to open up
with it being the Kardashians, because I think that's a
very interesting dynamic to have your wife be kind of
a sex symbol and then have him open up on that.
(34:58):
I think it's a very interesting dynamic. Yeah, I'm just
more curious to understand the what he meant by either
he was or he is, because I think that's it.
That's the big difference. And that's where I would have
more of an opinion too, because I do know that,
like you have to be in the program and working
it so to maybe hear more on that. But again,
it's his how he shares it. And yeah, let's try
(35:21):
to get him on sure. Tell Shari heally we need
to hold off for a week. We're gonna get Kanye
West instead. All right, Well, let's take a quick break
and do some emails. Mark Riven emails got some good
(35:45):
ones this week. This is from v She's wondering if
she's a bad person, and here's why I'm separated. And single,
and I've been seeing someone I don't know off since
my separation. We've been intimate. I'm starting to grow feelings
for him, but he's technically my husband's cousin by marriage,
not a blood relative of my husband's cousin by marriage.
I feel like I'm doing something wrong by seeing him,
(36:06):
But at the same time, I like spending time, and
the time we do you spend together wonderful, We get
along grade I'm smiling the entire time I'm with him.
Am I horrible for continuing to see him? The chemistry
is there. I don't want to stop, but maybe I
should stop now before it gets even more serious, or
maybe I just see where things go wait time out.
Is she married still or that's her separated? She's not divorced?
(36:28):
Are they So they're separated, but they're getting divorced. She
did not say that necessarily. In my opinion, this might
be the not the popular opinion. I think you should
wait until you get divorced, especially since it's a family person.
But I think you like who you like, and it's
(36:48):
okay to that your ex husband's cousin. I'm not saying
it's okay. I'm saying I think it's okay to like
who you like and your feelings. You know, that's just
like I mean, look at Schennaia Twain is married to
her best friend's husband and they swapped basically husband's when
you're so close, and I'm sure there's so many times
when someone has fallen in love with their brother, their
their husband's brother because you're so close with them, you
(37:11):
know them, you get them, you have this connection. But
because it is family, that could get really bad. I
don't think she's a bad person. I think that's normal
to have feelings because you're so close with these people,
especially with women, because they have that emotion, they're more
emotionally connected to people. So I just think that maybe
you should hold off until you guys get divorced and
(37:31):
then have a conversation, but don't do it in secret,
in secrecy, because that'll then drive more of a wedge
in the family. That's my unpopular position. Who I'm trying
to I'm trying to do the family tree. Here a
cousin for cousin by marriage, So let's talk that out.
Mm hmmm. That's a good point because I would think
the way I would the way it sounds to me
(37:52):
is that it would be okay, it's his cousin's husband
or something. Right, So right if if unless he's married
and having an affair with with her, the one who
emailed us, how else would it be his cousin by marriage? Um,
(38:15):
it could be his cousin by marriage. See what I mean.
It's confusing and I'm mad at this is such a
thing as cousin. You know it would be it would
be like if if my cousin Eric would be his
so cousin through marriage to be Jessica. Right, That's what
I'm saying. So like you dating Jessica. But but Jessica
is married to Eric. That's how she's a cousin. Maybe
(38:38):
they're separated and get a divorce. You might see my
point here, but we don't know that backstory. Can she
give Can you email us again next week? We might
need some more information on this, but also information. I mean,
the heart wants. What it wants is a very convenient
excuse to people for really horrible agents. Right, but yes,
(39:03):
and it's also the heart is something you should always
listen to. But you know, there's so many questions you
can go so deep with this is okay? Is the
attraction to the cousin by marriage, is that maybe part
of what caused the separation without the husband knowing, you know,
I mean like why are they separated? Are they in
agreement that why they're separated, that they can see other people?
(39:27):
Are they living under the same roof? Like, there's a
lot of questions to know how close is your husband
with this cousin by marriage, because some cousins are like
brother and sister, and some like I have cousins, I
wouldn't know if they walk past me on the street,
see my first cousins, they're they're like my brother and sister.
Same Yeah, first cousins. We both grew up the same way,
where like our first cousins were like our siblings. So
(39:52):
there's just a lot of questions here on what to know.
I think ultimately, again it's it depends on if you
handle the situation with integrity, then it doesn't have to
be that bad. So again, if her and the current
separated husband under agreement of what they can do, what
the boundaries are right now where they're separated, if when
(40:13):
they do get divorced, she doesn't be sneaky about it,
and she explains that this is the person that she's seen,
so I think it's also a female thing too. And
we always said this in our relationship. If I was
ever to cheat, it would be someone close to us,
because I'm just that emotional that I'm I'm more of
(40:33):
an emotional cheater, if that makes sense. I think that
is more of a woman thing and guys, at least
for me person maybe, but for me personally, that would
make me uncomfortable if it was somebody that we knew.
M Mark, all right, this is from Calin. I'm super
closs actually actually flows nicely from that one. I'm super
close with my parents, my brother, my extended family, cousins, aunts,
(40:56):
and uncles. My fiance is from a broken family and
only talk to them if times a month. I talked
with my family multiple times a day. We've been living
together for four years. I moved across the country with him,
and now we're engaged. He still he still feels like
he's second to my family. I want him to feel
like he's my priority. He is. I'm absolutely in love
with him, but I don't want to change the relationship
(41:16):
with my family to prove it. I don't think she
has to. She shouldn't just include him. So if you're
having family this is something that I'll say, you know,
if they're having family group messages, just include him in
the text message, include him in the family messages. And
I think that could help him feel a part of things.
I know it always a part of things when i'm
(41:37):
when you know, your mom includes me in the messages,
and probably vice versa. We don't really do group messages
on my side, but you know, I think that would
help maybe that situation. But I don't think she should
ever stop. No and Just and Just I can understand
his insecurity because he doesn't have that relationship, so it's
probably it's for it's foreign to him. So if she
(42:01):
just continues to include him like Janistain and then also
reassure him, hey, you are my family, You are a
part of this family, like this is you know, everybody
loves you too, or just something to kind of make
him feel better or more comfortable around it, but also
have empathy for what he doesn't. He didn't doesn't and
didn't have to so to be like you know that
must because I think that's more self reflection on his part.
(42:23):
Why he's maybe projecting it is because he didn't have
because he's insecure about it. He didn't have it. This
is me in a lot of ways. My dad is
the way oldest of his siblings, and my mom is
the way youngest of her siblings. So all of my
siblings are way older than me or way younger than me,
and so I never was close with any of them
growing up. It was just me and my sister and
my parents. My wife has this incredible extended family because
(42:45):
her dad is one of seven, so there's just nothing
but but aunts and uncles and cousins all over the place.
And I have found that I love it. I found
that when there's a party in her parents backyard and
all the families invited, I think it's a really neat
thing and something that I've been missing out on my
whole life was that kind of massive family. And it's
really great. So I agree with you. I think if
you including him more and making him feel like more
(43:06):
part of the family, he'll realize what he has been missing.
And maybe that's making him uncomfortable just because it's foreign
to him, But once he figures out the joys in it,
I think he's really gonna like it. That's and yeah,
and for he should definitely try to embrace it and
maybe change his mindset because for me, I know, just
even from dating people, you know, as a young adult
or younger person, I always knew I wanted my future
(43:28):
wife to have like an awesome family. So I wanted
great in laws. I wanted I love spending time with
my significant other, and so like Mary and Janna, I
like hit a home run with that because I love
her family. I love the things we all do together.
We have so much fun and like that. I've always
wanted that. That's something that's always been important and I valued.
So I mean that's something he should definitely try to embrace,
(43:49):
like you're saying, Mark, and just like enjoy that. So
if my family sucked you in to married me, No,
I'm not saying that. It was just definitely something that
was important to me that I wanted to be able
to have. In law is not just in laws, but
in law family. Yeah, a fun family that enjoyed things,
and I mean, we have so much fun every time
we get together. Yeah, but that's an issue for some
(44:10):
people you love them, but their family is a nightmare.
When that comes up quite a bit, that's that would
I don't know, I wouldn't be I don't know if
I'll be able to do that. That would be hard. Yeah,
it would be really hard. I have one more, really
juicy one about infertility. But before we do that, tell
me about Noemi because I'm excited to have them on
the podcast. Some are calling at the Amazon prime of
(44:31):
high end jewelry. Oh well, I would love to tell
you about no Emmy. So, shopping for fine jewelry can
be more than a little bit overwhelming. Um. It can
be hard to find that gorgeous piece that perfectly compliments
your style, and it can be even harder to know
whether you're getting the best value for the price. So
especially considering the fact that most fine jewelry retailers mark
up by five hundred to a thousand percent. But um,
(44:54):
no Emy believes that luxury jewelry doesn't have to be
over priced. And that's oh my gosh, I love that. Um.
That's why they've cut the middleman to deliver exceptional products
without the insane markup. So their designs and manufacturers everything
in the house, and they only sell directly to consumers.
So you get the finest quality jewelry and save an
average of fifty compared to other luxury brands, which, again,
(45:17):
it's really nice to be able to know that you're
getting great quality at a lower price. UM. I love
that they use eighteen cure of gold, a sustainable option
with the ideal balance of strength and purity. The attention
to detail is fantastic, just like a luxury jewelry brand
without the luxury price tag. Nowemy also offers a lifetime
(45:37):
warranty and free shipping and returns on every single product,
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(45:58):
your first purchase with AMO code Janna. That's an even
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you pay for other luxury brands. Oh, by the way,
I want this the petite diamond band ring. This is
so cute and rose gold. My whole second look at
that Christmas present? What up? That looks so good? Um? Okay,
So go to Hello H E L L O N
(46:19):
O E M I E dot com slash Janna and
don't forget to use promo code Janna for fifty off
your first purchase. I'm going to get this right now.
This is so cute. Can you wait till I do
one more email? And then oh? Yeah, absolutely. This is
from Christine, my husband. I've been married for almost three
years and together almost eleven. We've been trying to get
(46:39):
pregnant for a year and a half. After the year mark,
I'm thirty one, we went to a fertility specialist. He
had a Seaman analysis and I had an h s
G and several other tests. The results came back that
I'm good. His overall sperm count is good, but the
viable sperm are very low. We've also we've started talking
about artificial insemination, but he doesn't want to go that way.
Every Michael, we get another negative test and we're both
(47:01):
devastated and he feels like it's his fault. I do
my best not to blame him, but the clock is
ticking and he's still not coming around to insemination. I
met a loss. I met a loss. There's nothing in
this world that I want more than to be a mom.
And adding to it, we're getting immense pressure from his
mother to have kids. She's very negative to him and
nasty to me about it. Well, that's awful that the
(47:22):
in laws are pressuring, especially when it's already such a
stressful situation to begin with. Um, Michael, let you speak
on this because I know that you had a tough
time with all of this. I mean I personally didn't
have a tough time. God and stuff like that. Oh yeah,
well yeah, but that's also because my account was fine,
(47:46):
so there wasn't an issue there. But I can I
definitely empathize with him because you know, when it comes
to pregnancy and stuff, essentially we have one job, right
and from a scientist scientific point of view, we have
one job, and when we aren't able to do that job,
if we aren't able to do that job, I can
(48:08):
imagine that feeling really uh degrading as a man being like, man,
this is the one thing I have to do to
give you a child, and I can't do that. So
if he's able to look at it from a different
mindset and just be like, you know what, this is
just a different way I can give my wife the
gift of child of a child, I would do whatever
(48:29):
it took. Ultimately, sure would weigh on me a little bit,
but just changing my mindset and being like, well, this
is what I have to do. I want a family
with you, you want to be pregnant, you want a child.
Let's do this. However we have to do it. Granted,
we had options to do artificial insemination. When we did IVF,
that was a little different. That's more. Is that what
(48:49):
they're talking about doing or is it just like Turkey based?
I think both so well, what I didn't like about
the I VF thing is when they took one individual
sperm and injecting the egg. I liked it where they
basically put u syringeful of sperm in the petri dish
with the eggainst like what the best man win. I
(49:10):
didn't like selecting one sperm. That's when I felt like
he was playing god because of the sperm that was
supposed to go. Maybe wasn't That wasn't that one. But
with if it's just still you can still artificially inseminate
by not doing that. So I don't think that's necessarily
necessarily an issue with playing god. I think you gotta
do what you gotta do to get pregnant, and if
(49:31):
they've tried this much and they felt that devastation, then
it's like, hey, this is what I have to do.
I agree, so, but it's hard. He's going to feel
like a failure. I think that's what he's going through,
is the feeling like a failure, and if you do
the artificial insemination, you've given up like it's like so
many so many people have to though, and so hopefully
he can get past that to know that it's not
(49:51):
just him that deals with this. Well, everyone's going to know.
If you guys have a baby together, you don't have
to announce in the birth announcement that she was done
via artificial insemina. No one has to know that except
you and your wife. I bet the I bet the
statistics are a lot higher now too, with people that
have to do that. Sure, definitely it's not likely, I
(50:12):
would think. And I think what he needs to also
maybe to help his mindset is to realize, well, like
for me, I would rather it be me than Janna,
because the women feel so much pressure, right, because that's
literally like what women maybe think they were put on
(50:32):
this earth to do was to bear a child, right,
So I can't imagine the height and emotions that a
woman may feel if they're not able to be fertile
and have kids. So as a man, it's like, I'll
take that burden for you. If it was on me, cool, great,
I'll do whatever I have to do to give you
a child, because I don't. I wouldn't want Jane to
feel that. So for him, he should be like, you
(50:53):
know what, better me than you. I got you money,
whatever we have to do, I got you. I'm just
glad it's not you. You don't have to deal with this.
Let me take his burden and let me give you
a child in any way that I can. So if
he can change his mindset like that and just just
still be able to show up for her, I think
he would have a much better time mentally and emotionally
processing it. I mean, I was super off on the percentage.
(51:14):
It's only two, but still I think that's still two.
Is artificial insemination the disease The Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention reports about four million births per year in
the US, meaning one of all us births are annually
are are via IVF. Really, wow, that seems very shockingly
low in my opinion. But yeah, but there's also like
(51:34):
three fifty million people in this country, So think about
the two and then it takes us back to the
other one. There's three million people in this country, and
maybe you don't have to date your husband's cousin way
to bring it back there. Love is love, Love is love.
What a good note. I love you guys, Happy Halloween.
(51:56):
Be safe out there.
Host
Jana Kramer
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