April 9, 2020 • 37 mins
During quarantine we all have to try and create special moments and this week Jana has a BIG surprise for Mike! We’re hanging face to face (virtually of course) with Shawn Stockman from Boyz II Men!
We hear about how he’s been keeping busy during quarantine, the challenges of becoming his kid’s teacher at home and we get all the info on the music he’s working on!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down and radio podcast bonus episode, We got our girls, Sarah,
you're back. Um, okay, so, um, we're gonna get to
your wedding and stuff. But I feel like we should
save all of that for Monday's episode, don't you think so?
(00:24):
I think we should keep him waiting a little bit. Um,
keep them waiting on that, because I think, Um, do
you know how many people? I don't know, Sarah if
you listen to the last episode, But Michael and I
got into a fight about a shelf, and so I
asked it really wasn't about the shelf, you know, but
I asked some people about like what they thought, and
(00:46):
you know it was because I asked a lot of questions.
Do you ask questions or no, no, you're not a question?
Does I ask questions? Oh? He does? Okay, so it's reversed.
And so do you get annoyed when he asked questions? Yeah,
you're just like, yeah, I try, but I'm very conscious
of it, Like I know that I get snappy, so
(01:08):
I try to not and then I just end up
ignoring him. But that doesn't work because then he keeps
asking over and over and over again. Um, someone just
goes uh. I completely understand both sides, but mainly Jannah side,
it's it's because I'm guilty of doing the same thing.
I question what my boyfriend does all the time when
it comes to handiwork or cooking or something I'm used
(01:30):
to do. She goes, I'm used to doing all of
the handiwork, so when he does it, I question him constantly.
I think it's an anxiety that I have about not
being in control. Since quarantine, we moved into a new apartment.
We had to put up all the shelves and mirrors,
and we've been fighting constantly about it. I think even
when I'm just curious, he goes into defense mode and
thinks I'm questioning his capability. You're not the only one
(01:52):
that this quarantine has been rough, you know. But I
will What I will defend on her side is she said,
he's normally the one that does the handywork and cooks,
So I can understand that a little bit more. I
can understand if you know I was doing something that's
in your realm and you're asking me questions, But when
(02:12):
you're questioning something that you wouldn't do, that's more in
my world. That's where I'm like trust my judgment. I'm
not going to steer you wrong. I'm not someone else
because I'm laughing so hard this week's podcast, I saw
my husband repeats things that I say to him in
the bitchiest voice, and I get so frustrated because in
my mind it was a normal comment and he filters
(02:34):
it so mean. And I love this. I love that
that comments so much because it's so true, because I
feel like when we say things you like the filter
that you guys filter our voices. It's like, oh, and
you guys don't do that to us. I will literally
be like, I'm gonna put my phone over there and
record the next hour because your delusional the way you talk.
(02:54):
I'm like, I never said that. He's like, no, I'm
doing it. He always is, like, God, I wish I
could just follow you around again. I've referenced this book
a thousand times now, but the Love and Respect Book
he even starts by talking about how women here and
see through a pink filter, and men here and see
through a blue filter, so we just here and see
things differently and pink and blue. I'm not being sexist
(03:16):
or gender whatever, it's just the way the example he
uses these whatever colors you want out there. I see
through about like a black filter. But it's just you're feeling,
and so you filter things differently. Even though I mean
we say that, we both try to say that the
other one was like passive attitude, and when we say it,
we're like, no, I said it like like this. Like
(03:38):
I was totally just like, oh my gosh, what are
you doing when I heard, like what are you doing myself?
And I'm like, wait, I need to I'm gonna lie
right now and I'm gonna do a different voice, even
though I know I didn't say it in that voice,
but I'm like, no, I didn't. I actually said it
like this, and I'm like, you're such a liar. It's
so funny though, because but I do feel a lot
(03:59):
of times you don't know your harsh tone. So like
when it comes to something, you'll say no, and to
you that means no, but you say it no. You're
way more of a direct person than I am, so
I don't want to hear it about tone. You. Yes,
(04:21):
I can say yes today because I am more direct,
but I feel like you should know my intention, just
like it's totally it's a double standard. I'm calling it
out right now, I'm a I'm a thousand percent double
standarding it. I want you to be softer, but yet
I can say no, a total double standard. Someone just
(04:42):
goes I'd have to say, I'm team Mike on this one.
I'm I'm over time. Being overly inquisitive can make it
appear as though you don't trust his ability to complete tasks.
I know that's how I would feel if I was
constantly being questioned. It's one thing if he's showing you
how to do something that you may do yourself in
the future. Um, but if he's completing a task that
you're not assisting with or need to do in the future,
(05:05):
there's no point in asking whoever that is okay? No,
I agree. I did ask for um some people to
sending some questions too, and uh, I'm curious to see
if anyone came through. So we're on our wind Down podcast.
Um it's the wind Down Podcast Instagram. If you guys
(05:27):
have any questions, just um email not into our d M. Yeah,
if you guys have any questions, just d M s
at the wind Down Podcast. It's up and running. We're
going back through old episodes and please d ms wind
down podcast. Um, someone just says hit me up on
my fake Instagram Michael c cost someone. Uh, I guess
(05:53):
that's when you know you've made it. Huh Oh, there's
a fake you out there or is it really his? Is?
I'm just thinking it's funny, like why why why me? Hey?
Someone just goes because you're nothing. Don't say you're nothing,
You're everything. How do you maintain connections with your extended
(06:14):
friends in the area because of the situation. How do
you maintain your therapy sessions in these times? Do you
continue to practice the skills you have learned already? Rob,
We just skyped our therapist yesterday, which I think went
really well. Yeah, it was great. I was supposed to
have individual therapy last night and I was like, hey man,
(06:36):
we had a great couple of session, which isn't the
reason not to have an individual but we just met
last week, so should we tell them what we learned
in therapy yesterday? Yes, do tell it. It is on
this topic. Actually it would help in situations. It's very
much on this topic. And we told a couple of
therapists about the shelf argument, so our therapists actually this
(06:59):
goes along with it. Um, gave us a really good
thing that we can do next time when we're in
that shelf argument. So for all the people that are
maybe asking questions are really connected to this week's podcast, UM,
this is maybe how they can deal with it. Do
you want to tell them? Make sure? So he um
gave us the idea to create characters for this other
(07:23):
part of ourselves. So for Janna, the the inquisitive part
of her personality that asked questions like oh is this
gonna like for the shelf thing like is this gonna
is it sturdy enough? Is this yeah? The part of
her that's just genuinely curious, that doesn't have any strategic
(07:45):
reason behind the question. UM. I thought of that as
being like tweety bird. So if we're in the middle
of something and I'm working on a project in Joanna,
I started to ask me a question or two, and
I start to get heightened and I want to feel defensive.
I can be like, Hey, is this tweety bird or
is there something behind this? Like are you just asking?
(08:07):
Because it's just you're curious and it's just you just
being like a little bird flying around my head, just
like Hey, what's that? What's that? What's this, dude? What's
that get in my head? Right? Um? Or is it
Janna who has some feelings behind something and is asking
for a reason. So she says, no, this is tweete
birds like, all right, yeah, so then he won't get up,
he won't get as, he won't be defensive, yeah, because
(08:30):
I don't think there's an ulterior motive behind it. And
then on my side, it's my character is the negative
side of me. So you know, if we start to
have a conversation and she feels me getting heightened her defensive,
she can be like, hey, you know what I'm seeing
is so I'm like the Tasmanian devil. So I'm like,
are you being tas right now? So he can check himself.
(08:52):
And but it's like a funny way to like see
these cartoon characters instead of her saying why are you
being defensive? Or stop being defensive, because it's just like
as soon as she says stop being defensive, I'm like,
I'm not being defensive. I'm only defensive because you're calling
me defensive. So really we're looking forward to using that
um in the next time this comes up, because I
(09:14):
really do think it'll help, especially I know in my
situation for her not to say stop being defensive or
why are you being defensive? For her being like, hey,
I'm I'm getting like tazz right now? Are is that you?
Or so I can be I can check myself or
I can be like, oh no, I'm sorry if my
just energy was up a little bit, but no, let
me bring it back down. Yeah, so we that was
(09:35):
a that was a good thing that we learned. Um,
but yeah, have you have you and t I gotten
into any quarantine riffs at all? Or I mean I
feel like you guys don't fight at all, But I mean,
is there anything that's kind of like been bugging youre
They're like, oh, I so I've been fine honestly because
I'm such an introvert that like, I don't really I'm
(09:56):
living a normal life. I don't really like to leave
my house any ways. And I think that that's annoying
him because multiple times he'll say he said it to
me multiple times. I feel like you're like okay with this,
Like I feel like you're not going crazy because he's
going crazy. He has to be out of the house
all day, like he doesn't do well in this And
I am reading books, I'm watching all my shows, Like
(10:19):
we don't have kids, so you know, I'm I'm for
the most part, I'm still cooking, I'm still cleaning, like
I do that anyways. For him, So my life besides
the fact that I haven't seen anyone from the outside world,
isn't that crazy? But that really bothers him that it
that I'm okay, And so he keeps getting snappy with me,
being like, why is this not bothering you? Like what
(10:41):
you're used to this, Like you don't even care, And
I'm like, calm down, Like I know that this is
hard for you, but that's really been the most thing.
It's hard for him, and he just takes it out
and get snappy. I'm with you. I could be high.
I could hibernate like a bear right now. Literally, you
don't even leave the bed with your I pad And
I'm like, well, that's because that's where I feel the
safest in with my iPad watching my shows. I can
(11:01):
read my books and watch my shows on my iPad.
Like and it's he's he's he's also I mean like
Tie is very much like me. He's very he's high, strong,
he's got really he's got a lot of anxiety, and
he's he's guys casting his anxieties out on you because
he's so anxious and uncomfortable. So I'm doing what I
can to make him feel better. We've been going on
(11:23):
bike rides and walks, and right now in Colorado, Colorado,
so right before l A like or the California issued
like the stay at home whatever, what's it called stay
at home? We had left like four hours earlier and
we're literally on our way and it's like we got
the notification. So we just were planning on getting out
(11:44):
because he gets sick really easily. He has a really
bad immune system, and there was a bunch of cases
where we lived in l A. And so we were like,
let's just get out because he was really things like
this keep him up late at night. Like he's very
very and we are. We're all scared. We're all petrified,
but I try and think of other things and this
is really a lot. This isn't its head a lot?
(12:07):
For sure. Well, I'm glad that you recognize you know
his uh, you know what's what's happening. And you guys,
you guys are going to be just fine because you're newlyweds.
But hey, are we have a special guest for this
week's surprise episode. So let's take a break and then
let's bring our special guest on check one too. Hey, sorry,
(12:40):
my wife is taking care of our daughter right now.
She's this is her screen time. While Oh that's more,
that's more important. I can always call it back later. No,
you're good, You're good, You're good. How you doing, man,
I'm good. How about yourself? Man, can't complain, you know,
just trying to stay safe like everybody else. Yeah, yeah,
well you know, at least it only requires us staying
(13:04):
at home. Right, Oh my goodness, Hello, Michael, do you
want to do the intro? Since you're you're the biggest
fan on earth and we got this is a second
time now being exactly being amazed. Alright, So Janna namy
(13:24):
and everyone's decided to surprise me again with our boys,
Sean Stockman from Boyson Man. So give it up for
Sean guarantee. Are you in your pajamas? Yeah? I am
that he isn't read polos on man. I mean you're
(13:45):
just living your best life right now. Just in in
your in yourbating suit, in your pj's all day. I mean,
what else is there to do? Listen, I haven't shaved
in about two weeks. It's like, you know, yeah, I
just did yesterday because I couldn't take it anymore. I'll
try to keep it going. I reached my point. I
was like, I'm just I'm just I'm just going, you know,
(14:08):
I'll match around, man, like, you know, just kind of whatever.
How old are the kids again? How old are the
kids again? My kids? My my boys are sixteen, they're twins,
and my daughter's ten. So are you doing the homeschooling?
I am? And it is frustrating? So okay, yeah, so
(14:29):
how do you? How are you doing that? Because I
was just we're just talking about it, like our daughter.
It's just it can be very frustrating because I'll tell
her and then she says it right, but then two
seconds later, I'll point to the letter of the number
and then she'll say a different one. I'm like, you
just said it a second ago. Well, well here's my issue. Um,
I'm not a PC guy, right, So, UM, I use
(14:53):
Apple computers. You know, most singers and artists, we all
were Apple people. So our school hands us all all
the students these PC computers right where we have to
log on and get my daughter's lessons. You know, she's
in the fourth grade, So a lot of the tabs
and the steps. You gotta click on this and gotta
(15:13):
go to this, and then go to that, and then
when you see that, you gotta click this document and
then you gotta hit that, and then you gotta and
just that alone. There's no muscle memory. You're learning the
whole thing systems. It is annoying, is all hell and
and and then it's a lot of work. So I'm
(15:36):
doing the homework. I'm literally you know what I mean, Like,
you know, my daughter is writing this stuff down, but
I'm literally walking it through because she gets frustrated because
she's like, you know, I want to play roadblocks with
my friends, and and I'm like, until, yeah, yeah, me too.
I got call of duty, like right behind, like listen,
I gotta you know what I mean, Like, listen, this
(15:57):
is what I want to do, you know what I mean.
So I'm like, okay, So I find myself doing homework
literally for two hours, three hours a day because of
the workloads. So you know, my wife and I were
frustrated because we're calling the teacher from home and we're
texting there and we're like, yo, we don't understand what
this is that so she's walking us through it. Yo,
(16:21):
God bless the teachers absolutely really don't understand how much
they go through until you have to home school and
you're like, whoa, what are they going back? Right? Right,
that's gonna be a celebration paid. Yeah, done the school
(16:42):
years over, especially in California like that. You know, the
governor basically said it's it's a rap superintendent, and you
know L A U. S D. There's basically like it's over,
so you know, we'll be homeschooling. So fortunately a spring
break so there's no homework now. Yeah, man, but yeah,
it's it's been. It's spend nuts. Guys, you're not the
only ones. You're not alone. Well, I just go back
(17:03):
because our four year old is just I mean, I'm
trying to just you know, it's just four, so it's
it wouldn't sound like we're learning math and multiplication at
the same time, Like, how do you not know that's
a it's a you say they say through Z that's
a right, right, and that's why are you calling it
K It's not that you don't know the answer, it's
you have to make sure that they understand the why so, yeah,
(17:26):
why so you have to go into a teacher mode
that I don't know how to teach. You know what
I'm saying. I just know it four plus four is eight.
It is because but but because that's why it is.
Because that's why. And I've got it's frustrated to say
because even with multiplication, how I learned multiplication, kid was memorizing.
(17:48):
I didn't have to do the common Core where you
had to get six apples and the four pas in
the pod and then you know, three bananas and you
gotta put this together and then you gotta switch it,
and then you gotta do it in some sort of
weird like it's crazy. No, six times four four, that's it.
(18:08):
They're complicating it with all this new stuff. I just
pray that this does not come around when it hits
that age because I'm like them out because I don't
even know my Oh no, it's gonna it's gonna be
even crazier when they get older. I can't even help
my sons with their homework, Like they're learning like stuff
I don't I don't even learn in high school. So
it's like, all right, you guys. So he has a
(18:29):
tutor and he basically buries his face and he's a
good student, thank god. But like I'm like, I can't
even help him, Like I can't even help him. Right,
he's teaching you, Yeah, I'm use so when you're not
dealing with the kids and all that stuff. I know
you got your your solo album right forward coming out Friday.
(18:50):
Is that correct? That's awesome? Congratulations. Do you professionally, do
you think this is a is beneficial to the business
of because of the quarantine or do you think it's
not affecting music in any way? I hate to say it,
but yes, I think, you know, the music business is
(19:11):
not suffering because now people are able to stay home
and discover new things musically, like music. The music business
and Netflix are kicking right now because there's, yeah, there's
nothing else to do but sit at home watch documentaries.
I just saw Tiger King. We're about to start it.
(19:33):
I don't know if I can. I don't know. It's
it's bananas, it's it's it's good. I'll give you one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Tiger King is crazy, is crazy. But okay, I gotta
I gotta finish that I gotta I'm finishing the third
(19:54):
season of Stranger Things. I'm way behind. Yeah, And and
again you get to watch Netflix and Prime Video and
discover music. So I hate to say it, but it's
to my advantage that I'm releasing a record at this
time because people will get an actual chance to sit
and listen to it. And this is the type of
album that I created it and my attention behind it.
(20:17):
I didn't want to reinvent the wheel. I wanted to
create good soul for music that you can play in
environments such as this. And it's a perfect backdrop. So
if you're doing homework with your kids, or if you're
cooking dinner, or if you're preparing certain things, or just
kind of sitting around lounge and you can play my
album and it's not intrude in any way, shape or form.
(20:39):
It's just good music behind your ears. And and that's
all I wanted to create. That's amazing. I I always
have music on when I'm cooking in the kitchen, so
Friday is definitely gonna be listening to Forward as I'm cooking.
Then I gotta playing a good meal Friday. Then while
I'm while I'm cooking that there you go, and I
had to look out for the couples like yourselves. I
did create a nice little sexy red man. When the
(21:01):
kids go to sleep and you want to create, you know,
procreate some more so, Sarah's trying to make a quarantine baby,
so she's sean, Are there are there any any tracks
on that album that maybe stand above the rest. I'm
sure all of them are are fantastic, but maybe just
some that hit home to to you personally a little
bit more. Well. There there Um is a song that
(21:24):
I kind of it's based on a true story or
inspired by a true story, in the sense of it's
not necessarily all true, but it's the intent behind it
created the story for me. And sometimes when I write songs,
I it's not always my personal experiences, but what I
might have seen someone else go through, and I put
(21:47):
myself in it. There's a an acoustic song called Don't
Spare My Heart where um, it's literally talking about a
guy you know, who's doing the typical guy thing, which
is basically busy with so many other things except the relationship,
and it's gotten so much, so bad, to the point
(22:07):
where the woman is just fed up. But she wants
to leave. So the chorus is basically, don't spare my heart,
tell me everything, rip me apart with all your truths.
We know we're at the point of now or never.
If you still care, please don't spare my heart. Basically saying,
tell me everything because I don't want you to go
(22:29):
tell me everything that I did, every bad thing, that
everything I neglected, whatever, because I need to hear the truth,
no matter how painful it is. So don't spare me.
You know what I'm saying, tell me everything because I
want this to work out. How many times have you
basically said that to me? I've lost I can't wait
(22:53):
to listen. I don't spare my heart. Please. Yeah, that's it.
That's amazing. So that so that's one that sticks out
for me. That's awesome. Well, I hope everyone goes out
and takes advantage of this time to really dive, dive
deep into that. And are you still going to be
doing any tour stuff later this year? I mean, I
know a lot of stuff is pushed back, but are
(23:14):
you and the boys going back out or I mean
as soon as we can. Um, you know, I just
talked to my manager yesterday and the way it looks, man,
and this is kind of daunting, but you know, it
is what it is for people to really feel comfortable
(23:34):
and safe. I don't see us going out back out
until maybe September. Yeah, I've heard, I've heard August September,
you know, yeah, yeah, Sean. I'm sure you're a sports
fan as well, and you know watching all this stuff
and just you know, every day they're they're playing with
these theories of you know, these bio almost bio city
(23:56):
where just athletes are in there and they just play
games with no fans and all this off. And I
understand the idea behind getting sports back on television, but
all it takes is one person to get sick and
it blows up everything. And so it's like, why is
it even worth, like you're talking about with the Torrent,
It's like, until people feel safe, why even do that?
(24:16):
What's what's the rush? Don't you know exactly? Well? I urge, yeah,
I urge everybody to just stay home because the truth is,
we still really don't know what this virus is. Like,
there's still new things coming out. A lot of people said, oh,
your animals can't get it. Just yesterday my wife told
me that it was a cat in New York, a tiger.
(24:38):
Tiger has the coronavirus. So it's it's it's not. It's
still very very much in its early stage as far
as like what the virus is let alone, it's so
many unknown. So the best thing for all of us
to do is to just sit at home and just
buy the Forward album and just one. There's a repeat.
(25:03):
There's a repeat button for a reason, there is play
it again. I mean, you're an artist. It's you know,
true and true because you just you know, circled that
all up and wrapped it together in a little tiny bow.
I mean, I love that so much. And everyone go
get your album on Friday, and um, I want to help.
(25:25):
That's that's the best thing you can do. I mean,
you're your your your soulful, Your music is amazing. Um,
you're an incredible artist and I'm really excited to listen
to your music on your album that comes out on Friday,
and just see my handsome husband cook and going to
bed to me. You're awesome. You know what I'm saying,
(25:46):
Hey man, you know, just use it accordingly. You know
you feel me absolutely absolutely, Sean. We appreciate your time
as always, brother, it will always be a surprise to
me to talk to you. So thank you so much
for taking time out of your day. Man, good to
see you. Thank you bye. All right, Oh, make love
(26:10):
to you like you want me to. Boys to Men
Dave's happening. It's like a cup of coffee. Man, I'm
re energized right now. He loves voice to men like obsessed.
Did you did you even intro him as being a
part of the Boys to Men? Yeah? He did? Okay,
I think I'm like, it don't even matter. He's just
(26:30):
if you don't know, you don't deserve to like your
little bonus episode surprised. But I mean, you guys get
me every time, and it's amazing. And like I said,
it'll always be a surprise to be able to talk
to him. And he's been so super sweet to us,
and you just want to be down on bended knees.
(26:51):
And I should have gotten this game or tag so
we can play Call of Duty or something together. You
missed it, babe, I can I can get Jane slide
into his d M. I'd be like, Hi, this is
actually not hey, my husband wants to know what your
game tag is that's funny. Hey, let's do a couple
(27:23):
of emails, actually not emails, their d M s. Now,
let's do that. If you d M d M s
at the Wine Down podcast, Um, you can find us
there and d M s. And we're going to read
some dams today. So, UM, we have How long did
it take for you guys to have Jolie? My husband
and I've been married for two years and I finally
(27:45):
starting to try. I don't want to get my hopes
at but I'm also hoping it doesn't take forever. And
this is actually you know, for Sarah too, because I
know you're going to be trying or trying right now. Um.
For us, it took us a while. UM had some
fertility issues and I wouldn't have known about that if
(28:06):
I didn't get an HSG done, which is basically a
test that your gynecologists can do. They flush your fallopian
tubes to see if your Filippian tubes are blocked. UM
and mine. It doesn't hurt, Sarah, Um, I see your face.
It doesn't. Um, you know, it doesn't. It doesn't. Yeah,
it doesn't, it doesn't hurt. They just put this little
die in there and and it Basically what I saw
(28:29):
was that, yeah, one of my tubes was blocked, and
they're like, you're not going to be able to get pregnant.
And I just remember being just like so devastated, and
what I have done hystoscopy hysteroscopy to remove the scarring um.
And then when we were doing that, we were also
doing I was like, all right, well let's do some
(28:51):
IVF and get some eggs out. And yeah, long story short,
Um got pregnant. Lost. But then the next cycle we
had Joe, so UM it kind of all um worked
out there. But you know, it's it's some people get
pregnant really easy, some people don't. And so I would
just say to those trying, there's no there's no good
(29:11):
time to get pregnant. And if you think that you're
gonna plan it out perfectly, you're not like that. There's
like a one percent of you actually planning it out.
It's a lot harder to get pregnant, um than you think. Mike,
you have an email or a D this is yeah,
this is a D m Um. It's just from she
(29:32):
said Canadian Girl. The title is Nudity on TV. I've
been married for a few years and recently had our
second baby three months ago, and I'm slowly making my
way back to my babyweight, oh to my pre baby weeight.
My husband and I have a very healthy and strong
marriage with no infidelity, but I can't help to feel
jealous and insecure when nudity comes on TV and the movies.
(29:53):
I'm not a jealous person begin with, but when nudity
comes on, I feel upset that my husband is looking
at another woman. I've mentioned this to him. He's and
he was so incredibly great at saying that he isn't
a twelve year old boy who gets excited when he
sees a naked girl. How do I get over my
own insecurities? Shannah? Do you feel this way about nudity? Mike?
Is my husband being sincere when he says the nudity
(30:13):
doesn't excite him? So for my part of the question, um, yes,
he is being sincere, And especially with you guys having
no infidelity issues or anything like that, he, I mean,
even me with our history and you know the title
(30:35):
of being in recovery for sex addiction, seeing something on
TV isn't taboo, if that makes sense, And a lot
of you know, the addiction side is things that are
that are not public. Now it's it's all about secret
everything with like addictions secret, like no matter what kind
(30:55):
of addiction. So that's there's nothing out of the ordinary
for that. So that's never for me personally, never done anything.
I don't know if I know a man that it
necessarily gets him excited or anything like that. It's just
you're watching a movie. It's part of culture and it's different. Yeah,
and I feel like a lot of time, I mean, actually,
I guess girls are different. I'm gonna say a lot
(31:15):
of times, I guess they do show boobs like you
can show radar, you can show boobs, because I'm like,
what kind of nudity. But I guess like sex scenes
she can do like a full frontal. I mean, there
are definitely some scenes that I've gotten uncomfortable and um,
just because it's a trigger from the past. But I
usually do a good job just being like I feel
(31:36):
unomfortable or can we fast forward this part or yeah,
and I share those feelings with you when we're together.
And honestly, even I've noticed myself doing that and this
is just completely being completely honest. Um, watching things on
Netflix and if there's a scene that comes up, I
(31:59):
guess excene or whatever, and it's going on longer than
it really needs to. I hit the little you know,
thirty seconds fast forward. And that's just because I'm uncomfortable too.
And I'm not saying it's bad to sit there and watch.
I'm not saying anything anyone has to do, but just
that's just me. I've noticed that I've gotten more uncomfortable,
and I think it's out of the issues that Jan
(32:20):
and I have dealt with. I'm like, uh, I don't
I don't really need to be watching this. Yeah, I
don't need this. I get the point. Okay, there, I
get the point. Move on. You know, I'm not in
it to watch it for that. So yeah, I mean
I think we all agree. In sex scenes, I'm usually like, okay,
that was moving on. Yeah, right, it's okay. Yeah, I'm
(32:42):
going off of what you just said about sex addiction.
Someone um DM just saying my question is about how
to best support a family member who's struggling with sex addiction.
My brother in law has just recently told my husband
UM and I that he's a sex addict. He's going
to therapy and taking steps to recovery. My husband and
I have made it clear to him that we are
proud of him for facing this and we are here
(33:03):
to support him through this. Mike and Jannah, do you
have any advice on um? What are some ways that
we can support him during this time? Specifically, I'm curious
how to support him when he's not my significant other,
so I know he's not going to tell me everything
or it's easier to lie to us about things. But
from a family's members standpoint, Mike, what are some things
your family or friends did to help support you? That's
(33:25):
a good question. That's a really good question. I feel like,
especially during now, during like quarantine, I got addiction is
like ten times harder for people to be dealing well.
And I'm sure maybe a porn addiction too is even
just yeah, I'm saying, stuck at home. Yeah, all of it. Um,
that's actually a really good question. And my answer to
(33:47):
that is actually ask him questions. Oh interesting, So from
a man who doesn't like questions, ask you questions. It
all comes yeah yeah, yeah. Um. The reason I say
that is because as someone in in a program, and
(34:12):
in that program, when I've been more moved, when I've
had friends or family ask me about it, and you
almost want to talk about it too. I do, only
because then it kind of normalizes it more. It's probably
(34:33):
therapeutic for Yeah, And it's not that I want to.
I don't want to vent to my friends or my
family about it because it's they're not there for that.
I don't. I'm not going to unload on them with
things that they might not understand. But by them asking questions,
it allows me to feel more comfortable with who I am,
(34:53):
and I don't feel like I have to make up
stories that they're a shamed or there they think it's
years or they don't understand or so ask him questions
to know that you're truly there for him and that
you're interested in helping and that he can talk to
you about it. Because I'm not just gonna start talking
(35:13):
to friends or family about it that haven't said anything,
you know. But but those friends and family members that
have asked questions, I feel more comfortable around them, And
I almost feel like a lot of times too, you're like, hey,
I kind of want to say something so that they
know that they can ask me questions. And then it's
not uncomfortable because and so I don't know I feel
(35:35):
like the people that if you're friends that you have
talked to, you all have a greater understanding and a
greater um. It just seems like a stronger relationship. YEA.
From an outsider's point of view, it is. I mean,
even some of my closest buddies, when I was on
a trip with them last year and I don't know,
(35:55):
I don't remember how it came up, the topic of
master reading or something came up, and I think one
of them saying, Oh, I haven't you know massurbating like
a week or something. I don't remember how it came up.
I was like, oh, it's been however many you know,
days or whatever, like what And I'm like, yeah, I'm
(36:16):
like I am a sex head of guys Like surprise,
you guys have like you know all of this information. Um,
you're like four of my closest friends. But this is
part of my program. I don't do that. And so
even just that breaking that ice, even with guys who
know me so well and know a lot of my story,
(36:37):
know most of my story, are still learning things about
it because not all of them asked questions. And that's okay,
they don't have to, but I just want to know
that they can. I want them to know that they can,
and I want to know that I can feel comfortable
around them. Yeah, I like that. Um. Well, this is
a really fun little bonus episode. I hope all of
you guys are staying healthy, staying at home. UM and Sarah, Yeah,
(37:00):
you want to come back next week for because I
want to give everybody just a wedding recap and see
how everything is. I've got time. Check your calendar, check
macaw alright, they wash your hands, stay home, wash your hands,
don't touch your eyes. Face knows everything. Just stay home. Okay.
I love you guys, and we're thinking of you guys,
(37:21):
and see you next week. I
Wind Down and radio podcast bonus episode, We got our girls, Sarah,
you're back. Um, okay, so, um, we're gonna get to
your wedding and stuff. But I feel like we should
save all of that for Monday's episode, don't you think so?
(00:24):
I think we should keep him waiting a little bit. Um,
keep them waiting on that, because I think, Um, do
you know how many people? I don't know, Sarah if
you listen to the last episode, But Michael and I
got into a fight about a shelf, and so I
asked it really wasn't about the shelf, you know, but
I asked some people about like what they thought, and
(00:46):
you know it was because I asked a lot of questions.
Do you ask questions or no, no, you're not a question?
Does I ask questions? Oh? He does? Okay, so it's reversed.
And so do you get annoyed when he asked questions? Yeah,
you're just like, yeah, I try, but I'm very conscious
of it, Like I know that I get snappy, so
(01:08):
I try to not and then I just end up
ignoring him. But that doesn't work because then he keeps
asking over and over and over again. Um, someone just
goes uh. I completely understand both sides, but mainly Jannah side,
it's it's because I'm guilty of doing the same thing.
I question what my boyfriend does all the time when
it comes to handiwork or cooking or something I'm used
(01:30):
to do. She goes, I'm used to doing all of
the handiwork, so when he does it, I question him constantly.
I think it's an anxiety that I have about not
being in control. Since quarantine, we moved into a new apartment.
We had to put up all the shelves and mirrors,
and we've been fighting constantly about it. I think even
when I'm just curious, he goes into defense mode and
thinks I'm questioning his capability. You're not the only one
(01:52):
that this quarantine has been rough, you know. But I
will What I will defend on her side is she said,
he's normally the one that does the handywork and cooks,
So I can understand that a little bit more. I
can understand if you know I was doing something that's
in your realm and you're asking me questions, But when
(02:12):
you're questioning something that you wouldn't do, that's more in
my world. That's where I'm like trust my judgment. I'm
not going to steer you wrong. I'm not someone else
because I'm laughing so hard this week's podcast, I saw
my husband repeats things that I say to him in
the bitchiest voice, and I get so frustrated because in
my mind it was a normal comment and he filters
(02:34):
it so mean. And I love this. I love that
that comments so much because it's so true, because I
feel like when we say things you like the filter
that you guys filter our voices. It's like, oh, and
you guys don't do that to us. I will literally
be like, I'm gonna put my phone over there and
record the next hour because your delusional the way you talk.
(02:54):
I'm like, I never said that. He's like, no, I'm
doing it. He always is, like, God, I wish I
could just follow you around again. I've referenced this book
a thousand times now, but the Love and Respect Book
he even starts by talking about how women here and
see through a pink filter, and men here and see
through a blue filter, so we just here and see
things differently and pink and blue. I'm not being sexist
(03:16):
or gender whatever, it's just the way the example he
uses these whatever colors you want out there. I see
through about like a black filter. But it's just you're feeling,
and so you filter things differently. Even though I mean
we say that, we both try to say that the
other one was like passive attitude, and when we say it,
we're like, no, I said it like like this. Like
(03:38):
I was totally just like, oh my gosh, what are
you doing when I heard, like what are you doing myself?
And I'm like, wait, I need to I'm gonna lie
right now and I'm gonna do a different voice, even
though I know I didn't say it in that voice,
but I'm like, no, I didn't. I actually said it
like this, and I'm like, you're such a liar. It's
so funny though, because but I do feel a lot
(03:59):
of times you don't know your harsh tone. So like
when it comes to something, you'll say no, and to
you that means no, but you say it no. You're
way more of a direct person than I am, so
I don't want to hear it about tone. You. Yes,
(04:21):
I can say yes today because I am more direct,
but I feel like you should know my intention, just
like it's totally it's a double standard. I'm calling it
out right now, I'm a I'm a thousand percent double
standarding it. I want you to be softer, but yet
I can say no, a total double standard. Someone just
(04:42):
goes I'd have to say, I'm team Mike on this one.
I'm I'm over time. Being overly inquisitive can make it
appear as though you don't trust his ability to complete tasks.
I know that's how I would feel if I was
constantly being questioned. It's one thing if he's showing you
how to do something that you may do yourself in
the future. Um, but if he's completing a task that
you're not assisting with or need to do in the future,
(05:05):
there's no point in asking whoever that is okay? No,
I agree. I did ask for um some people to
sending some questions too, and uh, I'm curious to see
if anyone came through. So we're on our wind Down podcast.
Um it's the wind Down Podcast Instagram. If you guys
(05:27):
have any questions, just um email not into our d M. Yeah,
if you guys have any questions, just d M s
at the wind Down Podcast. It's up and running. We're
going back through old episodes and please d ms wind
down podcast. Um, someone just says hit me up on
my fake Instagram Michael c cost someone. Uh, I guess
(05:53):
that's when you know you've made it. Huh Oh, there's
a fake you out there or is it really his? Is?
I'm just thinking it's funny, like why why why me? Hey?
Someone just goes because you're nothing. Don't say you're nothing,
You're everything. How do you maintain connections with your extended
(06:14):
friends in the area because of the situation. How do
you maintain your therapy sessions in these times? Do you
continue to practice the skills you have learned already? Rob,
We just skyped our therapist yesterday, which I think went
really well. Yeah, it was great. I was supposed to
have individual therapy last night and I was like, hey man,
(06:36):
we had a great couple of session, which isn't the
reason not to have an individual but we just met
last week, so should we tell them what we learned
in therapy yesterday? Yes, do tell it. It is on
this topic. Actually it would help in situations. It's very
much on this topic. And we told a couple of
therapists about the shelf argument, so our therapists actually this
(06:59):
goes along with it. Um, gave us a really good
thing that we can do next time when we're in
that shelf argument. So for all the people that are
maybe asking questions are really connected to this week's podcast, UM,
this is maybe how they can deal with it. Do
you want to tell them? Make sure? So he um
gave us the idea to create characters for this other
(07:23):
part of ourselves. So for Janna, the the inquisitive part
of her personality that asked questions like oh is this
gonna like for the shelf thing like is this gonna
is it sturdy enough? Is this yeah? The part of
her that's just genuinely curious, that doesn't have any strategic
(07:45):
reason behind the question. UM. I thought of that as
being like tweety bird. So if we're in the middle
of something and I'm working on a project in Joanna,
I started to ask me a question or two, and
I start to get heightened and I want to feel defensive.
I can be like, Hey, is this tweety bird or
is there something behind this? Like are you just asking?
(08:07):
Because it's just you're curious and it's just you just
being like a little bird flying around my head, just
like Hey, what's that? What's that? What's this, dude? What's
that get in my head? Right? Um? Or is it
Janna who has some feelings behind something and is asking
for a reason. So she says, no, this is tweete
birds like, all right, yeah, so then he won't get up,
he won't get as, he won't be defensive, yeah, because
(08:30):
I don't think there's an ulterior motive behind it. And
then on my side, it's my character is the negative
side of me. So you know, if we start to
have a conversation and she feels me getting heightened her defensive,
she can be like, hey, you know what I'm seeing
is so I'm like the Tasmanian devil. So I'm like,
are you being tas right now? So he can check himself.
(08:52):
And but it's like a funny way to like see
these cartoon characters instead of her saying why are you
being defensive? Or stop being defensive, because it's just like
as soon as she says stop being defensive, I'm like,
I'm not being defensive. I'm only defensive because you're calling
me defensive. So really we're looking forward to using that
um in the next time this comes up, because I
(09:14):
really do think it'll help, especially I know in my
situation for her not to say stop being defensive or
why are you being defensive? For her being like, hey,
I'm I'm getting like tazz right now? Are is that you?
Or so I can be I can check myself or
I can be like, oh no, I'm sorry if my
just energy was up a little bit, but no, let
me bring it back down. Yeah, so we that was
(09:35):
a that was a good thing that we learned. Um,
but yeah, have you have you and t I gotten
into any quarantine riffs at all? Or I mean I
feel like you guys don't fight at all, But I mean,
is there anything that's kind of like been bugging youre
They're like, oh, I so I've been fine honestly because
I'm such an introvert that like, I don't really I'm
(09:56):
living a normal life. I don't really like to leave
my house any ways. And I think that that's annoying
him because multiple times he'll say he said it to
me multiple times. I feel like you're like okay with this,
Like I feel like you're not going crazy because he's
going crazy. He has to be out of the house
all day, like he doesn't do well in this And
I am reading books, I'm watching all my shows, Like
(10:19):
we don't have kids, so you know, I'm I'm for
the most part, I'm still cooking, I'm still cleaning, like
I do that anyways. For him, So my life besides
the fact that I haven't seen anyone from the outside world,
isn't that crazy? But that really bothers him that it
that I'm okay, And so he keeps getting snappy with me,
being like, why is this not bothering you? Like what
(10:41):
you're used to this, Like you don't even care, And
I'm like, calm down, Like I know that this is
hard for you, but that's really been the most thing.
It's hard for him, and he just takes it out
and get snappy. I'm with you. I could be high.
I could hibernate like a bear right now. Literally, you
don't even leave the bed with your I pad And
I'm like, well, that's because that's where I feel the
safest in with my iPad watching my shows. I can
(11:01):
read my books and watch my shows on my iPad.
Like and it's he's he's he's also I mean like
Tie is very much like me. He's very he's high, strong,
he's got really he's got a lot of anxiety, and
he's he's guys casting his anxieties out on you because
he's so anxious and uncomfortable. So I'm doing what I
can to make him feel better. We've been going on
(11:23):
bike rides and walks, and right now in Colorado, Colorado,
so right before l A like or the California issued
like the stay at home whatever, what's it called stay
at home? We had left like four hours earlier and
we're literally on our way and it's like we got
the notification. So we just were planning on getting out
(11:44):
because he gets sick really easily. He has a really
bad immune system, and there was a bunch of cases
where we lived in l A. And so we were like,
let's just get out because he was really things like
this keep him up late at night. Like he's very
very and we are. We're all scared. We're all petrified,
but I try and think of other things and this
is really a lot. This isn't its head a lot?
(12:07):
For sure. Well, I'm glad that you recognize you know
his uh, you know what's what's happening. And you guys,
you guys are going to be just fine because you're newlyweds.
But hey, are we have a special guest for this
week's surprise episode. So let's take a break and then
let's bring our special guest on check one too. Hey, sorry,
(12:40):
my wife is taking care of our daughter right now.
She's this is her screen time. While Oh that's more,
that's more important. I can always call it back later. No,
you're good, You're good, You're good. How you doing, man,
I'm good. How about yourself? Man, can't complain, you know,
just trying to stay safe like everybody else. Yeah, yeah,
well you know, at least it only requires us staying
(13:04):
at home. Right, Oh my goodness, Hello, Michael, do you
want to do the intro? Since you're you're the biggest
fan on earth and we got this is a second
time now being exactly being amazed. Alright, So Janna namy
(13:24):
and everyone's decided to surprise me again with our boys,
Sean Stockman from Boyson Man. So give it up for
Sean guarantee. Are you in your pajamas? Yeah? I am
that he isn't read polos on man. I mean you're
(13:45):
just living your best life right now. Just in in
your in yourbating suit, in your pj's all day. I mean,
what else is there to do? Listen, I haven't shaved
in about two weeks. It's like, you know, yeah, I
just did yesterday because I couldn't take it anymore. I'll
try to keep it going. I reached my point. I
was like, I'm just I'm just I'm just going, you know,
(14:08):
I'll match around, man, like, you know, just kind of whatever.
How old are the kids again? How old are the
kids again? My kids? My my boys are sixteen, they're twins,
and my daughter's ten. So are you doing the homeschooling?
I am? And it is frustrating? So okay, yeah, so
(14:29):
how do you? How are you doing that? Because I
was just we're just talking about it, like our daughter.
It's just it can be very frustrating because I'll tell
her and then she says it right, but then two
seconds later, I'll point to the letter of the number
and then she'll say a different one. I'm like, you
just said it a second ago. Well, well here's my issue. Um,
I'm not a PC guy, right, So, UM, I use
(14:53):
Apple computers. You know, most singers and artists, we all
were Apple people. So our school hands us all all
the students these PC computers right where we have to
log on and get my daughter's lessons. You know, she's
in the fourth grade, So a lot of the tabs
and the steps. You gotta click on this and gotta
(15:13):
go to this, and then go to that, and then
when you see that, you gotta click this document and
then you gotta hit that, and then you gotta and
just that alone. There's no muscle memory. You're learning the
whole thing systems. It is annoying, is all hell and
and and then it's a lot of work. So I'm
(15:36):
doing the homework. I'm literally you know what I mean, Like,
you know, my daughter is writing this stuff down, but
I'm literally walking it through because she gets frustrated because
she's like, you know, I want to play roadblocks with
my friends, and and I'm like, until, yeah, yeah, me too.
I got call of duty, like right behind, like listen,
I gotta you know what I mean, Like, listen, this
(15:57):
is what I want to do, you know what I mean.
So I'm like, okay, So I find myself doing homework
literally for two hours, three hours a day because of
the workloads. So you know, my wife and I were
frustrated because we're calling the teacher from home and we're
texting there and we're like, yo, we don't understand what
this is that so she's walking us through it. Yo,
(16:21):
God bless the teachers absolutely really don't understand how much
they go through until you have to home school and
you're like, whoa, what are they going back? Right? Right,
that's gonna be a celebration paid. Yeah, done the school
(16:42):
years over, especially in California like that. You know, the
governor basically said it's it's a rap superintendent, and you
know L A U. S D. There's basically like it's over,
so you know, we'll be homeschooling. So fortunately a spring
break so there's no homework now. Yeah, man, but yeah,
it's it's been. It's spend nuts. Guys, you're not the
only ones. You're not alone. Well, I just go back
(17:03):
because our four year old is just I mean, I'm
trying to just you know, it's just four, so it's
it wouldn't sound like we're learning math and multiplication at
the same time, Like, how do you not know that's
a it's a you say they say through Z that's
a right, right, and that's why are you calling it
K It's not that you don't know the answer, it's
you have to make sure that they understand the why so, yeah,
(17:26):
why so you have to go into a teacher mode
that I don't know how to teach. You know what
I'm saying. I just know it four plus four is eight.
It is because but but because that's why it is.
Because that's why. And I've got it's frustrated to say
because even with multiplication, how I learned multiplication, kid was memorizing.
(17:48):
I didn't have to do the common Core where you
had to get six apples and the four pas in
the pod and then you know, three bananas and you
gotta put this together and then you gotta switch it,
and then you gotta do it in some sort of
weird like it's crazy. No, six times four four, that's it.
(18:08):
They're complicating it with all this new stuff. I just
pray that this does not come around when it hits
that age because I'm like them out because I don't
even know my Oh no, it's gonna it's gonna be
even crazier when they get older. I can't even help
my sons with their homework, Like they're learning like stuff
I don't I don't even learn in high school. So
it's like, all right, you guys. So he has a
(18:29):
tutor and he basically buries his face and he's a
good student, thank god. But like I'm like, I can't
even help him, Like I can't even help him. Right,
he's teaching you, Yeah, I'm use so when you're not
dealing with the kids and all that stuff. I know
you got your your solo album right forward coming out Friday.
(18:50):
Is that correct? That's awesome? Congratulations. Do you professionally, do
you think this is a is beneficial to the business
of because of the quarantine or do you think it's
not affecting music in any way? I hate to say it,
but yes, I think, you know, the music business is
(19:11):
not suffering because now people are able to stay home
and discover new things musically, like music. The music business
and Netflix are kicking right now because there's, yeah, there's
nothing else to do but sit at home watch documentaries.
I just saw Tiger King. We're about to start it.
(19:33):
I don't know if I can. I don't know. It's
it's bananas, it's it's it's good. I'll give you one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Tiger King is crazy, is crazy. But okay, I gotta
I gotta finish that I gotta I'm finishing the third
(19:54):
season of Stranger Things. I'm way behind. Yeah, And and
again you get to watch Netflix and Prime Video and
discover music. So I hate to say it, but it's
to my advantage that I'm releasing a record at this
time because people will get an actual chance to sit
and listen to it. And this is the type of
album that I created it and my attention behind it.
(20:17):
I didn't want to reinvent the wheel. I wanted to
create good soul for music that you can play in
environments such as this. And it's a perfect backdrop. So
if you're doing homework with your kids, or if you're
cooking dinner, or if you're preparing certain things, or just
kind of sitting around lounge and you can play my
album and it's not intrude in any way, shape or form.
(20:39):
It's just good music behind your ears. And and that's
all I wanted to create. That's amazing. I I always
have music on when I'm cooking in the kitchen, so
Friday is definitely gonna be listening to Forward as I'm cooking.
Then I gotta playing a good meal Friday. Then while
I'm while I'm cooking that there you go, and I
had to look out for the couples like yourselves. I
did create a nice little sexy red man. When the
(21:01):
kids go to sleep and you want to create, you know,
procreate some more so, Sarah's trying to make a quarantine baby,
so she's sean, Are there are there any any tracks
on that album that maybe stand above the rest. I'm
sure all of them are are fantastic, but maybe just
some that hit home to to you personally a little
bit more. Well. There there Um is a song that
(21:24):
I kind of it's based on a true story or
inspired by a true story, in the sense of it's
not necessarily all true, but it's the intent behind it
created the story for me. And sometimes when I write songs,
I it's not always my personal experiences, but what I
might have seen someone else go through, and I put
(21:47):
myself in it. There's a an acoustic song called Don't
Spare My Heart where um, it's literally talking about a
guy you know, who's doing the typical guy thing, which
is basically busy with so many other things except the relationship,
and it's gotten so much, so bad, to the point
(22:07):
where the woman is just fed up. But she wants
to leave. So the chorus is basically, don't spare my heart,
tell me everything, rip me apart with all your truths.
We know we're at the point of now or never.
If you still care, please don't spare my heart. Basically saying,
tell me everything because I don't want you to go
(22:29):
tell me everything that I did, every bad thing, that
everything I neglected, whatever, because I need to hear the truth,
no matter how painful it is. So don't spare me.
You know what I'm saying, tell me everything because I
want this to work out. How many times have you
basically said that to me? I've lost I can't wait
(22:53):
to listen. I don't spare my heart. Please. Yeah, that's it.
That's amazing. So that so that's one that sticks out
for me. That's awesome. Well, I hope everyone goes out
and takes advantage of this time to really dive, dive
deep into that. And are you still going to be
doing any tour stuff later this year? I mean, I
know a lot of stuff is pushed back, but are
(23:14):
you and the boys going back out or I mean
as soon as we can. Um, you know, I just
talked to my manager yesterday and the way it looks, man,
and this is kind of daunting, but you know, it
is what it is for people to really feel comfortable
(23:34):
and safe. I don't see us going out back out
until maybe September. Yeah, I've heard, I've heard August September,
you know, yeah, yeah, Sean. I'm sure you're a sports
fan as well, and you know watching all this stuff
and just you know, every day they're they're playing with
these theories of you know, these bio almost bio city
(23:56):
where just athletes are in there and they just play
games with no fans and all this off. And I
understand the idea behind getting sports back on television, but
all it takes is one person to get sick and
it blows up everything. And so it's like, why is
it even worth, like you're talking about with the Torrent,
It's like, until people feel safe, why even do that?
(24:16):
What's what's the rush? Don't you know exactly? Well? I urge, yeah,
I urge everybody to just stay home because the truth is,
we still really don't know what this virus is. Like,
there's still new things coming out. A lot of people said, oh,
your animals can't get it. Just yesterday my wife told
me that it was a cat in New York, a tiger.
(24:38):
Tiger has the coronavirus. So it's it's it's not. It's
still very very much in its early stage as far
as like what the virus is let alone, it's so
many unknown. So the best thing for all of us
to do is to just sit at home and just
buy the Forward album and just one. There's a repeat.
(25:03):
There's a repeat button for a reason, there is play
it again. I mean, you're an artist. It's you know,
true and true because you just you know, circled that
all up and wrapped it together in a little tiny bow.
I mean, I love that so much. And everyone go
get your album on Friday, and um, I want to help.
(25:25):
That's that's the best thing you can do. I mean,
you're your your your soulful, Your music is amazing. Um,
you're an incredible artist and I'm really excited to listen
to your music on your album that comes out on Friday,
and just see my handsome husband cook and going to
bed to me. You're awesome. You know what I'm saying,
(25:46):
Hey man, you know, just use it accordingly. You know
you feel me absolutely absolutely, Sean. We appreciate your time
as always, brother, it will always be a surprise to
me to talk to you. So thank you so much
for taking time out of your day. Man, good to
see you. Thank you bye. All right, Oh, make love
(26:10):
to you like you want me to. Boys to Men
Dave's happening. It's like a cup of coffee. Man, I'm
re energized right now. He loves voice to men like obsessed.
Did you did you even intro him as being a
part of the Boys to Men? Yeah? He did? Okay,
I think I'm like, it don't even matter. He's just
(26:30):
if you don't know, you don't deserve to like your
little bonus episode surprised. But I mean, you guys get
me every time, and it's amazing. And like I said,
it'll always be a surprise to be able to talk
to him. And he's been so super sweet to us,
and you just want to be down on bended knees.
(26:51):
And I should have gotten this game or tag so
we can play Call of Duty or something together. You
missed it, babe, I can I can get Jane slide
into his d M. I'd be like, Hi, this is
actually not hey, my husband wants to know what your
game tag is that's funny. Hey, let's do a couple
(27:23):
of emails, actually not emails, their d M s. Now,
let's do that. If you d M d M s
at the Wine Down podcast, Um, you can find us
there and d M s. And we're going to read
some dams today. So, UM, we have How long did
it take for you guys to have Jolie? My husband
and I've been married for two years and I finally
(27:45):
starting to try. I don't want to get my hopes
at but I'm also hoping it doesn't take forever. And
this is actually you know, for Sarah too, because I
know you're going to be trying or trying right now. Um.
For us, it took us a while. UM had some
fertility issues and I wouldn't have known about that if
(28:06):
I didn't get an HSG done, which is basically a
test that your gynecologists can do. They flush your fallopian
tubes to see if your Filippian tubes are blocked. UM
and mine. It doesn't hurt, Sarah, Um, I see your face.
It doesn't. Um, you know, it doesn't. It doesn't. Yeah,
it doesn't, it doesn't hurt. They just put this little
die in there and and it Basically what I saw
(28:29):
was that, yeah, one of my tubes was blocked, and
they're like, you're not going to be able to get pregnant.
And I just remember being just like so devastated, and
what I have done hystoscopy hysteroscopy to remove the scarring um.
And then when we were doing that, we were also
doing I was like, all right, well let's do some
(28:51):
IVF and get some eggs out. And yeah, long story short,
Um got pregnant. Lost. But then the next cycle we
had Joe, so UM it kind of all um worked
out there. But you know, it's it's some people get
pregnant really easy, some people don't. And so I would
just say to those trying, there's no there's no good
(29:11):
time to get pregnant. And if you think that you're
gonna plan it out perfectly, you're not like that. There's
like a one percent of you actually planning it out.
It's a lot harder to get pregnant, um than you think. Mike,
you have an email or a D this is yeah,
this is a D m Um. It's just from she
(29:32):
said Canadian Girl. The title is Nudity on TV. I've
been married for a few years and recently had our
second baby three months ago, and I'm slowly making my
way back to my babyweight, oh to my pre baby weeight.
My husband and I have a very healthy and strong
marriage with no infidelity, but I can't help to feel
jealous and insecure when nudity comes on TV and the movies.
(29:53):
I'm not a jealous person begin with, but when nudity
comes on, I feel upset that my husband is looking
at another woman. I've mentioned this to him. He's and
he was so incredibly great at saying that he isn't
a twelve year old boy who gets excited when he
sees a naked girl. How do I get over my
own insecurities? Shannah? Do you feel this way about nudity? Mike?
Is my husband being sincere when he says the nudity
(30:13):
doesn't excite him? So for my part of the question, um, yes,
he is being sincere, And especially with you guys having
no infidelity issues or anything like that, he, I mean,
even me with our history and you know the title
(30:35):
of being in recovery for sex addiction, seeing something on
TV isn't taboo, if that makes sense, And a lot
of you know, the addiction side is things that are
that are not public. Now it's it's all about secret
everything with like addictions secret, like no matter what kind
(30:55):
of addiction. So that's there's nothing out of the ordinary
for that. So that's never for me personally, never done anything.
I don't know if I know a man that it
necessarily gets him excited or anything like that. It's just
you're watching a movie. It's part of culture and it's different. Yeah,
and I feel like a lot of time, I mean, actually,
I guess girls are different. I'm gonna say a lot
(31:15):
of times, I guess they do show boobs like you
can show radar, you can show boobs, because I'm like,
what kind of nudity. But I guess like sex scenes
she can do like a full frontal. I mean, there
are definitely some scenes that I've gotten uncomfortable and um,
just because it's a trigger from the past. But I
usually do a good job just being like I feel
(31:36):
unomfortable or can we fast forward this part or yeah,
and I share those feelings with you when we're together.
And honestly, even I've noticed myself doing that and this
is just completely being completely honest. Um, watching things on
Netflix and if there's a scene that comes up, I
(31:59):
guess excene or whatever, and it's going on longer than
it really needs to. I hit the little you know,
thirty seconds fast forward. And that's just because I'm uncomfortable too.
And I'm not saying it's bad to sit there and watch.
I'm not saying anything anyone has to do, but just
that's just me. I've noticed that I've gotten more uncomfortable,
and I think it's out of the issues that Jan
(32:20):
and I have dealt with. I'm like, uh, I don't
I don't really need to be watching this. Yeah, I
don't need this. I get the point. Okay, there, I
get the point. Move on. You know, I'm not in
it to watch it for that. So yeah, I mean
I think we all agree. In sex scenes, I'm usually like, okay,
that was moving on. Yeah, right, it's okay. Yeah, I'm
(32:42):
going off of what you just said about sex addiction.
Someone um DM just saying my question is about how
to best support a family member who's struggling with sex addiction.
My brother in law has just recently told my husband
UM and I that he's a sex addict. He's going
to therapy and taking steps to recovery. My husband and
I have made it clear to him that we are
proud of him for facing this and we are here
(33:03):
to support him through this. Mike and Jannah, do you
have any advice on um? What are some ways that
we can support him during this time? Specifically, I'm curious
how to support him when he's not my significant other,
so I know he's not going to tell me everything
or it's easier to lie to us about things. But
from a family's members standpoint, Mike, what are some things
your family or friends did to help support you? That's
(33:25):
a good question. That's a really good question. I feel like,
especially during now, during like quarantine, I got addiction is
like ten times harder for people to be dealing well.
And I'm sure maybe a porn addiction too is even
just yeah, I'm saying, stuck at home. Yeah, all of it. Um,
that's actually a really good question. And my answer to
(33:47):
that is actually ask him questions. Oh interesting, So from
a man who doesn't like questions, ask you questions. It
all comes yeah yeah, yeah. Um. The reason I say
that is because as someone in in a program, and
(34:12):
in that program, when I've been more moved, when I've
had friends or family ask me about it, and you
almost want to talk about it too. I do, only
because then it kind of normalizes it more. It's probably
(34:33):
therapeutic for Yeah, And it's not that I want to.
I don't want to vent to my friends or my
family about it because it's they're not there for that.
I don't. I'm not going to unload on them with
things that they might not understand. But by them asking questions,
it allows me to feel more comfortable with who I am,
(34:53):
and I don't feel like I have to make up
stories that they're a shamed or there they think it's
years or they don't understand or so ask him questions
to know that you're truly there for him and that
you're interested in helping and that he can talk to
you about it. Because I'm not just gonna start talking
(35:13):
to friends or family about it that haven't said anything,
you know. But but those friends and family members that
have asked questions, I feel more comfortable around them, And
I almost feel like a lot of times too, you're like, hey,
I kind of want to say something so that they
know that they can ask me questions. And then it's
not uncomfortable because and so I don't know I feel
(35:35):
like the people that if you're friends that you have
talked to, you all have a greater understanding and a
greater um. It just seems like a stronger relationship. YEA.
From an outsider's point of view, it is. I mean,
even some of my closest buddies, when I was on
a trip with them last year and I don't know,
(35:55):
I don't remember how it came up, the topic of
master reading or something came up, and I think one
of them saying, Oh, I haven't you know massurbating like
a week or something. I don't remember how it came up.
I was like, oh, it's been however many you know,
days or whatever, like what And I'm like, yeah, I'm
(36:16):
like I am a sex head of guys Like surprise,
you guys have like you know all of this information. Um,
you're like four of my closest friends. But this is
part of my program. I don't do that. And so
even just that breaking that ice, even with guys who
know me so well and know a lot of my story,
(36:37):
know most of my story, are still learning things about
it because not all of them asked questions. And that's okay,
they don't have to, but I just want to know
that they can. I want them to know that they can,
and I want to know that I can feel comfortable
around them. Yeah, I like that. Um. Well, this is
a really fun little bonus episode. I hope all of
you guys are staying healthy, staying at home. UM and Sarah, Yeah,
(37:00):
you want to come back next week for because I
want to give everybody just a wedding recap and see
how everything is. I've got time. Check your calendar, check
macaw alright, they wash your hands, stay home, wash your hands,
don't touch your eyes. Face knows everything. Just stay home. Okay.
I love you guys, and we're thinking of you guys,
(37:21):
and see you next week. I
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