June 14, 2021 • 49 mins
Jana is trying to balance all the new responsibilities that come with single life and she’s not sure she can handle it all. She talks to life coach Cherie Healey about how to adjust without going over the edge.
Jana reveals the truth about giving Mike one more chance.
And find out how Jana is surviving with a “Rent-A-Husband”
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Okay, so I have the amazing Cherie joining the podcast
today because we had asked people to send in their
questions and Shuri is incredible, so obviously we wanted to
get her back on to go through these questions since
I am not an expert and she is so CHERI.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Hi, so good to see you. Good to see you too.
Are you doing good? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Yeah, yeah good. I am like it's one of those
things where I didn't realize how much I depended on
the other person in my life to like help, you know,
And it was one of those things where it's like, uh,
I hired a nanny and she quit, and so now
(00:52):
I have zero help. And it's one of those things
where I'm like, I had just a total meltdown there night.
I'm like, I did not ask for this to be
like doing.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
This alone, you know, it's so hard.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
So I think I'm just like in a little funk.
I'm being totally honest, but I'm.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Gonna tell you though, I'm so sorry that she quit,
but you're gonna get used to it.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Yeah, And I honestly like, I don't even need anybody.
I think I just needed someone and like for that
first month just to like help me with like things
that like you know, when I was struggling with like
depression and stuff. But now I'm like, Okay, I really
just need help on like I only really need help
(01:34):
like maybe one day a week because the other day
is like Jolie's going to school and but yeah it is,
but it's you know, it's just I have to Now
I'm like the woman in the man of the house, right,
so it's like I have to like, oh, crap, I
forgot to take like I forgot to take out the
trash can this morning, and like I'm like, yeah, you know,
like those are things that like weren't my responsibility. Yeah,
(01:57):
and you know, I'm like I was calling one of
my girlfriends, a Pamelin who I've had on the show
a bunch. I'm like, like the air filters in the house,
like I don't know what, Like I don't know what
I'm doing. And then I'm like how often do I
have to? So it's like learning all the like things
that usually a man would take care of. And again,
like I like the fact that I can now do
(02:19):
things on my time and like when I like stuff
gets done around the house, which I love now because
I'm I'm in control of it. It's great. At the
same time, the other day, my poor neighbor. I called
one of my neighbor husbands and I was like bawling
and I was just like, there's a sprinkler like spewing
out and I don't even know who to call.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
And like the same day, like.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
My water heater, like I was trying to give Jason bath.
He's screaming. Jolie's crying about like because she didn't want
to take a shower, and I'm like trying to turn
the water on hot and it wouldn't get hot, and
I'm like, well, I can't, you know, You're just like
to like the I was like, God, seriously, like I
(03:03):
don't know how to turn the water heater back on.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
But it's like learning those things now.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I'm like, I'm like, I'm a total I'm a total
catch because I'm a man and a woman.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
That's what I was gonna say. Seriously, because you can
I've never met somebody who is so capable like you,
who's just like running all the things. And we've talked
about that even before You're getting divorced, so you can.
And I think you're brilliant that you called the neighbor
husband because I was gonna say, I did things like, look,
(03:31):
I know that I have an equal masculine and we
all do and I can. I can do it all,
but I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
I don't want to.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
Take out the trash. So I started, like I hired
man cleaners. So the man cleaners came to my house,
all dudes, because I was just like, oh, it's testosterone around.
It just has a different impact, you know, So task rabbit,
runt a husband, they're all out there for these reasons.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
I had some I had a few people over in
one of the guys the hut, like the husband's.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
I was like, they're like, you know, anything you needed
me to do?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
And I was like, I mean, if you want to
pick up the dog poop, like I'm like, and he's like, absolutely,
where's the bag? So I'm like but yeah, but it's
like some of those things, I'm like, I don't know
how to do it. Having said that, I called my
mom because my mom went through a divorce when she
was well, when I was a freshman in high school,
(04:31):
and you know, I called her freaking out about the
water heater, and I'm like, how do I relight it?
How do I know if it's broken if I need
a new one? I was like, you know, meanwhile, like
Jason's screaming in my arm, because the last thing I
wanted to do was like call my ex or calls
you know, Like, I was like, I got to figure
this out like myself, you know. So I called my
mom because I remember my mom when my parents got divorced.
(04:54):
She's fixing the washer and dryer and getting the part
and like getting dirty, like you know, like she's like
she like she became the man too, and you know,
to this day, she's like, you know, she lasts like
her husband isn't like the handiest of men. So she's
like she's like, yeah, she's like I can do all
of this. And so she told me how to like
(05:14):
relight it, and it was it was a nice little
bonding moment, but it's it is very interesting and you forget,
like you forget how much you do lean on that
other person.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Yeah, and then I start to go.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Oh, I hope, I like, man, maybe I should have
been more appreciative of like those moments since then I
start to like be upset about that, So I'm like, shoot,
like maybe I didn't show enough appreciation before those things.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
There's another blessing for this whole thing, right there. I
always talk to you about, like what's the good reason
and what's the gift in all of this. You're just
becoming a better human moment by moment, And this is
like a note to all of us that we need
to teach our girls these things, because I don't think
it needs to be a gender role. It should be
that whoever enjoys this task the most, whoever is the
(05:58):
best person for the job, or whoever doesn't get diminished
by it, you know, like I get diminished by taking
out the trash or picking out the boop. So there
should be a way to outsource to whoever would enjoy
and not be taken out by these roles, not dependent
on our.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Gender for sure.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
No, I ended up even saying like I can't because
I thought I was gonna be able to like keep
both dogs, you know, because I have the kids, and
I was like, I ended up saying like I can't
keep the dogs anymore. Like I'm like they're they're sending
me over the edge. Like I have too much to
take care of that like the fact that like the
dog dug up the sprinkler and broke it and then
dug up underneath. I was like, I like, I don't.
(06:41):
I don't have another ounce in my like or second
in my day to deal and I felt I feel terrible,
but at the same time and I'm like, I just
I can't. I can't have them around right now because
it's like the last thing I want is for me
to be yelling at my kids because my dogs are
not pissing me off.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
No, sincerely, And I would take away the feeling terrible
right now because I've said it to you before. The
more you want to give, the more you need. And
you have a high bar for how you want to
run your business and your life and be a mama.
And if the dogs are leaking energy and there's an
equally lovely home for them to go to that would
have you be able to be the mom you want
(07:17):
to be, then that's a brilliant move.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
And I was thinking it kind of could be cute.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
To like surprise the kids with a smaller dog, like,
you know, maybe Christmas time when I have time and
I'm you know, I like want one dog not to
and not that destroy right, you know, but then again
a puppy wolf. I don't know, but maybe maybe I'll
be in a different spot and you know, however, many
months the way that is, we'll see. Yeah, yeah, okay,
(07:43):
So Shari, we have some listener questions and I want
to just dive in if that's cool. This is from Christina.
I'm currently going through a separation and I'm going through
a similar situation to Eu Jana and would love to
get your advice.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
A little background.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
My daughter is four and my son is nice eighteen months,
and I have no idea what to say to my
daughter when I move out in a few weeks. Has
Jana talked to Jolie about anything going on or why
things are the way they are? If you feel comfortable,
I would love to know what you have said to
her or done to understand, help her understand, and I
would love to sre like what I had said to
(08:19):
Jolie was I said, you know, mommy and daddy are
are not going to be married anymore. I was like,
but we're going to be great friends and we still
love each other and we love you, and we're going
to have separate houses, and so you're going to have
a bet at Daddy's and you're going to have a
bed here, and this is your home and that's your home.
(08:40):
And like I just kept saying like we love you,
we love you, we love you, we love you. And
then I asked her, like, you know, is there anything
you want to talk about or like do you have feelings?
And the only thing that she I think she said
it was like can I watch my iPad? Now? I'm like,
like I didn't know if like I didn't know, I
like it like a registered to her. But then my
(09:02):
friends were like, apparently she's telling everyone that like mommy
and Daddy don't live together anymore, Mommy and Daddy have
like separate houses. So I it now I know that
she gets it. And like last night was the first
night that it was overnights and that was so incredibly
painful because that was, yeah, the first time that I've
(09:23):
experienced not having the kids in my home and in
our house. And but I wonder, like, you know, is
it something because I've talked to a few people that
said that they send their kids to a place to
you know, talk to someone about it or and it's
so hard for me, and sure you like maybe for
this other person too, like she gets excited about Dad's
(09:48):
house and like a part of me like dies inside
and I'm like, that's great.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Like, oh my goodness, you love your room.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
And then in my mind, I'm like, what do you
want in your room? Do you want new bump beds?
Like you know what I mean? And obviously I can't
do that because I'm like, how do you do that healthy?
Like obviously I would never like I'm always like, oh,
that's great. I'm so glad you love it so much,
but it kills me so help us out here?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
How do we do it?
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Ye?
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Did I do it? That's so normal?
Speaker 4 (10:18):
No, no, I think And you know, I'd love to
just tell everybody.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
I don't think there's a wrong. There's no right or wrong.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
For each one of us, with our children who chose
us in this life, We're going to go through this
at our own pace in a way that with the
best you know, with the best intentions, with all that
we have to give. So I just I want to
like have everybody take a deep breath about that. And
I think it's different for every home. So what you
(10:48):
did it was very similar to what I did is
I think we did a slow, you know, a sort
of slow transition, and I think that's always helpful when
it can be slow. It can't always be, but to
have the kids get used to they my kids were
already used to distance. Their dad didn't always he worked
(11:08):
in la and so he wasn't always home, so there
was some slow getting used to not having him around
as much. And then when we decided that we were
actually going to separate and that it would that it
would be permanent, we told them that we loved them,
and the exact same way that you did, like drenching
them with love. We both love you. We do still
love each other, because I think at the end of
(11:31):
the day, when you meet somebody, no matter what happens,
like I went through a lot of hard times with him,
but you can reduce, like a good reduction sauce the
relationship back to the feeling that was there in the
beginning that brought you together. And so we could genuinely
say we love each other, but we know we're better
as friends and we're going to have two households. And
(11:52):
it was exactly what and I think what they need
is as they're ready as they ask questions because it
they never can absorb at all, and they really don't
know the impact that it's going to have at the beginning.
But to tell them what's not going to change. Here
are all the things that are going to stay the same,
you know, and you can just lay it out in
(12:13):
great detail, like you're still going to have your favorite
and cheese. You know, you're still going to go to
the same school. We're still going to have all the
same friends, you know, all the things that they really
wonder about. And then to give them a chance to feel,
like you said, to grieve. If they need professional support,
there are so many great humans that focus on little
(12:34):
ones that can work on this with them. And maybe
you go with them and you have some time to
throw it together. They will show you if they need that.
And I think you just being available for all the
questions as they process, you know, your sense of confidence
in the decision and knowingness is going to be like
(12:57):
a warm blanket for them. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I definitely hear that. And I'm curious too, because I
have this a situation just arise and this is going
to make me sound really like mean and probably bitchy,
and I and I hate that and that I'm even
going to like admit this, but you know, it's all
about trying to learn a little growth here. But there
(13:21):
was because you know, I'm in charge of like, you know,
the kids schooling and this and that and the other.
But a part of me and he was like, well,
let me know when you know it's her first day
or this or that and the other.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
And a part of me wants to be like, it's online,
look it up.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Like why do I have to be in charge to
tell you when your daughter's first day school is or
when her first half day or when she has to
take Like I don't know why it bothers me, but
like the bigger person than me should be like, hey,
here's the calendar of all this stuff. But at the
same time, I'm like, go online, it's online.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Google it.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Yeah, that's a recipe for some resentment to build up,
because if you find, like I did, go through I
found I was absolutely doing everything the lion's share of
all of it, you know, And I think in the
beginning I wanted that control and I wanted you know,
that freedom, and I knew I could do it. But
after a while I was like, hey, sir.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Can you like take over dunist stuff?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You know something well, and so I don't want to
mean much of that. It's more like he wont like like, hey,
I want to know when this is, but I'm like,
it's it's public knowledge, like go on, go on their
school's website and find it out. Like and so is
it okay for me to be like hey or is
that bitchy of me to be like to say like,
this is what this is?
Speaker 4 (14:32):
And that is no, not at all bitchy. It's it's
the bitchy part is saying this is giving more than
I have to give. That's a need in you that
you want to recognize and go, ah, that feels too much.
And to have your own back all the way along
is the greatest way to get through this. To know,
like what we've talked about this, you know, to put
(14:54):
yourself to bed, to get extra support, to say I've
that on me and I'm going to take care of
me to get through this. So what it looks like
is if you're in charge of education, Let's say you're
in charge of.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
That, I mean all of it, doctor, yeah, all of it,
the activities, you're in charge all of it.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
Too much until you don't want to be in charge
of all the things. You can say, I can take education,
and I can happily give you the schedule and all
the things related to education. If you can take doctors
and other things like, think about the other things in
their life that he could take over that you would
gladly want to give up or bit by bit if
(15:34):
you say, I can do all the school stuff, but
I'm going to rely on you to keep yourself up
to date on the dates. It's got to be what
feels right. Don't try to like steamroll the feeling that
that's telling you it's too much. I don't want to
do that. Yeah, it's about making a deal, you know,
Like if I do this and I take on all
(15:55):
the updates for you and everything, then what about the
life like Kenny come and always be on poop duty
when he comes to pick up the kids?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
What parts do you want to give up so that
you don't feel like you're doing at all?
Speaker 2 (16:08):
No, that makes sense, Danielle. I am loving this vibe
and energy you have lately now that you're single. What
is something you enjoy more now than when you were married? Also,
(16:30):
how have the kids been doing this seems so happy
as well. Now that you're single, what is something you
enjoy more now than when you were married. Sure, it's interesting.
I love my alone time, huh. And I have never
liked alone time. I love it, like love it.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
If this was going to kick in when you were
so worried about the overnights, and I know, it's really,
really really last.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Night was awful.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
It was terrible, and I think it was because it
was the first time. But I'll get into a routine
of like, okay, like I'll do my like Bible study
stuff on Wednesday nights or whatever, like.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
Oh, beauty, you will your friends will be like, I'm sorry,
you are living the dream. You get every other weekend off,
you know, you.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Start to get used to it, and I get that,
and but then also I'm like, but I didn't want
every other weekend off. I didn't want every Wednesday off,
you know. So it's like having said that though, because
I do spend so much time with them, because I'm
with seventy thirty is our custody seventy percent of the time,
is like I need that, and now when I don't
(17:33):
have that, I have help.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
I'm like Okay, I do.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
I know I need that like day because I'm starting
to get like short or I'm starting to like my
you know, my my wheels need a little grease.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
And yeah, I think one hundred percent for anybody is
really really hard, and a seventy thirty arrangement gives you
this now ability to see who you emerge as in
that space. I think space is vital for all of us.
Most of us don't get enough Srea.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
This next question I definitely want to talk to you
about because I hadn't mentioned, I would say it's from Angela.
Last week on your podcast, you mentioned that you haven't
been happy and so long? Can you expand on that?
Was it you just going through the emotions but not
truly happy? And I realized when I said that, I'm like, man,
this is going to come off harsh to people that
probably follow us, because I did, like I should I was,
(18:25):
you know, I was, and and you know, the week
that I found out everything, Mike and I both were like, man,
we're so good right now, like we're so happy and
like in love and like and I did feel that
having and then when I said, you know, I've been
unhappy for so long, that I am that I am
open to having that new maybe potential partner because I
(18:51):
have been miserable.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
But and people are like, yeah, but you.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Want another baby, and I was like, I think I
said that because yes, like's it was a for seven years,
it was a struggle, like always wondering when the next
shoe is going to you know, like when the next
explosion was going to happen, or and it was always
like this this constant battle and this constant work. And yes,
(19:15):
we had moments where we were happy and and I
believed in the book that we wrote and I but
there was also I don't think. I think all of
that stuff and all of the things that happened in
the marriage was such a weight on me that once
it was lifted, was like, wow, I was really unhappy,
Like I was being held down by all that energy
(19:38):
and it really affected like me, and like that's why
people now are like, oh, you look seem so happy,
and I'm like in light and like because I like
feel that way, and I'm like, oh my god, Like
I actually was like really unhappy. But I was just
like I wanted to I wanted to fight for it's
so bad because it was my kids, and it was
my family and it's like, God, this is what we've like,
you know, we were the good fight, you know, so
(19:59):
it's like, what a failure if I if like we
don't end up together And it was just all this
like stuff, and I'm like, is is it possible to
be unhappy but also coasting through and having moments of happiness?
Like because it confused me too even when I said.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
It, Yeah, well it's a big admission. You know, we're
all here trying to experience happiness in life. That's the
whole point of it, I think. And then when you're
not and you say it's been seven years, it's a
big it's a big thing to say, you know. And
I think it rocks people because we're all doing a
really good job on surface on social media looking like
(20:37):
we are, you know. But you were brave enough to
be honest about the weight. And I think that's it,
the heaviness. You're such a good coper. You are tolerating
and coping and doing your best despite this giant weight,
rise up and do all the things. And I think
a lot of us are a lot of us, in
(20:58):
different areas of our life, can probably admit that there's
there are a lot of obstacles and heaviness that we'd
love to remove, and you just showed everybody that you
can and that it doesn't have to mean that it's
a failure. Because what I'm interested in seeing now is
what's possible for you in the lightness. You know, when
(21:18):
you give someone actually freedom like that what they need
and you remove fear and the stress. I think you're
going to see that your soul actually did call this
all in because who you emerge as and the amazing
amounts of love that are going to come into Jason
Jolly's life, you know, through you, through Mike, through just
(21:40):
the extended community. Now you see neighbor husbands coming over,
friends coming over, like there's a whole lot added, not
just being lost.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I don't know if I want to, Ashley, I don't know,
she wrote she was Does Mike I feel sorry for
what he did?
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Did he want to try with you? Again?
Speaker 2 (22:02):
For so long now we have heard both of you
talk on the podcast about relationship and have gotten both of
your points of view.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
You know, Hm, I think.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
We both realized that it wasn't this relationship wasn't serving
either one of us, and I think there comes a
time where he knew that if something were to happen
to this extent that I said, I was done. And
for the first time in my life, I have threatened
it many times. I mean, you know, I separated from
him and I had to follow through with because if not,
(22:44):
I would have kept happening. And so I think I
think he realizes that. And I think here's something too
sure that I I think. I mean, he has said sorry,
but there's something in me that I don't feel that
(23:04):
certain women actually get the sorry that they deserve. And
I told my therapist, you know, I was just like,
if I got a sorry that really felt off, like
really just like and that that's what I've like, I'm like,
then I can like, okay, move on and heal. But
(23:25):
I'm like, I will I don't think I'll ever get
that because I don't think people in that situation will
ever fully grasp what I actually and what other people
actually feel in that situation.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Yeah, and may I hope maybe one, but I can't wait.
I can't.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I have I have learned that I have to walk
away knowing I'll never get the sorry that I believe
that I deserve, so.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
And that's really hard because I'm like, it baffles me.
I'm like, I would be on my knees, like you know.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
But I think that just is evidence though that if
there was the self awareness and the health and well
being enough to say a real.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Sorry like that, that.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
You might not be here, you know, because then that
would suggest that person is really aware and deeply aware
and healed, you know, not going through the struggle. Like
I think I've heard those words. We've been divorced over
ten years, and I think I've heard attempts, but I
(24:32):
still don't feel like there's a true awareness of what
this did and the pain that it caused. And where
I get my sorry, where I get closure and peace
is knowing that my soul called this in, knowing who
(24:54):
I've become because of it, Knowing that I work through
all my own childhood traumas through this man, that he
the perfect man to work it through. And you know,
the idea that we accomplished what we were here to
do in a ten year marriage versus a lifetime, Yeah,
sure that we did it.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Yeah, we need to have.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Like I was talking to another girl too about this,
It's like we need to for the women that haven't
gotten sorry they deserve. I want to be able to
say like, I am sorry like that you had to
go through this, yes, because you like, hey, I want
that for you know. And it's like I would love
that if someone did that for me, you know. So
it's like there's something I think that could be really
cool around that.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
For sure, beauty, you should because this is something I
actually learned a long time ago that you know, when
you let's got into a car crash, you wouldn't go
to the person who hit you in the car to
put you back together.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
You'd go to a doctor.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
You know that we can go to each other and say,
I am so sorry that you're going through this. I
am so sorry for your pain and for the hurt
when your kids leave, for their pain, and just do
a really good, generous I'm sorry for each other and
that is deeply healing.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
It sure is. Sure, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I know you have to run, but thank you for
coming on and we'll definitely have you come back on
again very soon.
Speaker 4 (26:20):
All right, I want to give you one more thing, okay,
on the note of the competition, you know, feeling like
I want my room or room to be better than
it likes, or I want to have a better time
here at my house. Just remember that this whole idea
that every child has two parents, there is only one, Jenna.
Those babies will only be able to get what they
(26:43):
need from you, through you and the way that you
give it. So love on yourself for wanting to meet
their needs and make them happy, like, oh, that's just
coming from a longing to give them the greatest life,
which is so unbelievably dear, And then just root down
and know that Mike is Mike. You or you. They
called in you both and they're going to get all
(27:05):
they need from you.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Yeah, I love that. Thanks Serie. I appreciate you. All right,
I appreciate you, Honey. Talks soon, all right, talk soon,
all right.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
We're going to take a break, and then why have
some more questions?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Hi?
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Mark?
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Hi?
Speaker 2 (27:34):
First of all, how are you tell me about your
life because I'm kind of sick of talking about mine.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
I'm fine, everything's fine here. We had family in town
over the weekend, and we made up for a year
and a half of an activity in one weekend.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
So you're exhausted.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
You know, when you lived in La I'm sure you
had this people coming to visit, and so you have
to do all of the touristy things and everything you
can imagine.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
You know what I would do though, I would just
like get car and be like there's the Hollywood Walk
of Fame. There's like never get out, which is it's
a drive.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
We got out. We did a dodgery game. We did
the beach, we did the Walk of Fame, we did
the Observatory, we did the Santa Barbara Zoo like we
were ever.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
That's a that's a cute zoo q zoo.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
We did the Brady Bunch House, the Golden Girls House,
the Back to the Future house wow in three days.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Yeah, well, I've never seen the Brady Bunch, this all
the other ones. So maybe when I come to LA
next week, you can do a round two and show
me a.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Rrady Bunch is great. Okay, the Future is great. They
look just like it. They're unchanged. Golden Girls was disappointed.
They've painted it, they put a fence up. They want
no part of the pop culture history that they're living.
And so that's too.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Bad, right, that is a bummer. Yeah, all right, do
we have any more questions?
Speaker 4 (28:54):
All right?
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Melissa asks, I also have just ended things with my husband.
It did not expect to feel lost and fused like
I do. We were together for so long and jured
every part of our lives together. Is there anything I
can do to feel like myself again without having him
part of my life? What does help you?
Speaker 2 (29:11):
So I have redone pretty much the entire house. I'm
about to do the podcast room. This is the last room.
But I've I've sold a bunch of stuff on Facebook Marketplace,
and I have just rearranged. I gotten new pieces, and
I actually I sold my ring, and that money from
(29:32):
the ring was the furniture and the the new additions
to the house and like the new new chairs and this.
So that was like kind of my because I debated.
I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna sell this ring and then
I'm gonna maybe buy myself something like a bag or
like my divorce present. And I was like, honestly, what
would make me happiest is to have new energy in
(29:55):
the house. And so I just I took that money
and then I gave it to my I heard these
entire design ladies and said, this is the budget and
redo the rooms. And so it's nice to feel because
this is our house, and we made memories here and
and I needed to create a new space that felt
(30:17):
like me and felt like mine. And so now I
have someone actually over right now painting the bar room
and I'm going to make it this really cool, little
like girly you know, you know, wine bar, and so
I'm that's helped me a lot. And then also, I
mean I the first month, like I again, because I
liked that companionship. I was just you know, stared at
(30:38):
the walls and didn't move until I basically fell asleep.
But now it's like, okay, I'm gonna you know, call
a friend, or I'm starting to make my own traditions
at night and you know, I'm reading books or I'm
watching shows and and not and not letting myself kind
of sit there. So the more that you kind of
get yourself out and start doing things, you start to
feel like yourself. And then you're like, what do I
(31:00):
like to do? Like, oh, I actually enjoy sitting out
here by myself, or I like, you know, I like
catching up with old friends. So just I would just
find something that you try to create new spaces and
also you know, go through the emotions. But then also
figure out something that will make you happy and what
you want to do.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Sorry to jump back to this, Okay, the emotion of
selling the ring. Was it a get this away from me?
Or was it a pretty difficult thing or both.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
I mean, it's the second ring I've had to get
rid of from him, because the first ring, I was like,
I will never put this back on my hand. And
so he had reproposed to me in Napa a few
years ago with this now new ring, and I took
every diamond he ever bought me and I sold them
because I didn't want to look at them ever again
(31:56):
because to me, like, for example, he brought me this
be beautiful, I mean beautiful. It's actually made me sad.
It's a beautiful bracelet for our book to congratulate on
the best time seller, and you know, just like you know,
he thanked me for you know, the work that I
put in in our relationship, and I wanted to keep
(32:19):
it so bad because it was such a pretty bracelet,
but it represented something that was not true, you know.
For it was true that I, you know, worked very
hard for the relationship, but I just didn't like the
to me, it represented our book and the and it
(32:39):
hurt me too much to keep that. So I mean
I took every ear ring, I took every bracelet, I
took the wedding ring, and I had my two girlfriends,
Shane Grimes and Sarah Gretzky, and we went to the
jeweler and I said take it, leton know how much?
And they yeah, you know, they called the guy and
(33:00):
it felt I mean, it was sad, but at the
same time, they could be the most beautiful things in
the world. But if it doesn't, what they represented made
them the ugliest things I've ever seen, right.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
And they would It's almost like a curse or something
like every time you saw them, all these negative things
would come to mind. Getting them away from you, I
think is cathartic.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
And then that's when I'm like, okay, and now I've
got this check and that was well, I'm like, what
am I going to do with it? Well, I'm gonna
represent you know that, have cleaned the house with it,
and get new new stuff, new furniture, and then get
rid of the other stuff because I don't want that reminder.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
We get rid of the plane pictures behind you.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Yes it's actually someone just got that today on Facebook.
Mark Place for fifty bucks, so nice, and the food done,
so I've got a hole, Like this room is going
to look sick, it's going to look so cool. So yeah,
this is the last room that needs to be done,
so excellent.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Yeah all right, Kyle says, I'm curious where you are
currently with your anxiety, with anxiety and myself and you
had said it has calmed down so much since you
went your separate ways. Has this kept up and do
you have advice for me and how I can call mine.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Relationally or like it was okay, So.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
I mentioned this on the podcast a few weeks ago,
But my anxiety has been.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
Amazing.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Like, I haven't really had anxiety. The one time that
I had anxiety was obviously the first day, the morning
of because when I was reading all the stuff on
like Twitter and Instagram, it was like China Grammar files
for divorce and it set me just like into a
tail span of anxiety and it was really really bad
and that was hard, and we talked about that previously.
But so since then, my anxiety has been great. It
(34:50):
only gets bad when, honestly, when when there's communication with
Mike and it's heated, it just it good brings me
right back to like those moments of just our relationship
and so limiting communication has been really helpful for my anxiety.
And then, honestly, like what helps for me is if
(35:13):
you're struggling, there's a lot of grounding exercises that you
can do sometimes, like I'll put my feet out, I'll
go outside and put my feet like you know, it's grounding,
like your literally your feet to the to the concrete
or grass or whatever. But there's a lot of tips
on how to ground yourself. And then, I mean, I
have no shame in it. I take medicine, and honestly,
(35:35):
though I was thinking the other day, I'm like, man,
I'm like, I'm I have.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
Such a weight lifted up.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And then because I don't have anxiety and wake up
in the middle of the night anymore, like I almost
don't even feel like I I.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
Need it anymore.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
But I'm gonna I'm gonna slow step that because maybe
I'm just maybe that's just the beginning.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
So we'll see. But just give yourself grace.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
And I will say this too, don't hide from the
fact that there's been plenty of times when I've been
afraid to talk to someone I'm like, oh, they're going
to think I'm ridiculous. I'm having a panic attack. The
more I say I'm having a panic attack right now,
like most of the times, people can be like, Okay,
how can I help you? And it helps me like
know that I'm all right, And I.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Think that that's a reason, like you were talking about
with Shari to send him the school calendar, you know.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
But it makes me feel bitchy though, But you can
do it.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
A different way, like you don't have to do it
bitch Like, here you go. I think this will help
you know whatever, try to spin it positively. But anything
that limits the communication I think is going to be
beneficial to you.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yeah, yeah, yes, all right, Lauren.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
How have you navigated learning the things your partner used
to be in charge of? Oh, we hit on this
a little bit earlier. For example, my partner was in
charge of maintenance around the house, and the other day
I had to fix a broken air conditioner. I had
no idea where to start. I want to learn to
do things on my own, but sometimes it's just too much.
It's been exciting or stressful or overwhelming for you. Are
there times you're stubborn asking for help from others.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Oh yeah, I'm like, I have the hardest time asking
for help, and you know, I think you have to.
I think it's one of those things. Is as hard
as it is for me to ask for help.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Well, I don't even know the best thing. I don't
even have help anymore. I need help, but you know, Okay.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
So, for example, I was with Pamela on the other
day and I was like, I'm so stressed out. I
need help, and She's like, how can I help you?
And I was like, no, no, no, I'm fine, and she's like,
you just said you need help. So I'm offering, like
saying like how can I help you? And then I
was like, well, okay. For example, like I need someone
to watch the kids next Friday because Mike's out of
(37:52):
town and I'm a town and I don't have anyone
that can help. She's said, great, what time do you
need me over there? I can bring the kids over,
And instantly I was like, oh, really, like okay, thank you.
But I'm like I don't want to burden any of
my friends too, right, But at the same time, I'm
like I'm I'm I'm at my like limit, Like I
feel like I'm going to have like a nervous breakdown.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Jackie says, You're doing it all and it's so amazing
to see. How do you juggle your kids, your work,
your friends, your family, and yourself and your healing. Where
do you put the priority and are there times you're
torn and what to focus on? Is this easier or
more difficult to do since ending.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Things with your Rex, I mean, I kind of.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
It talks about that with Schui where my focus is
And I wrote this to an email with Mike. I
was like, I need you to take the dogs because
they're setting me over the edge and my focus is
the kids and the kids only, and I don't have
I don't have a second at the end of the day.
I don't because I'm with the kids and then I
work when they go down. So by like ten o'clock,
(38:53):
I'm exhausted. Do I want to go outside and pick
up dog poop?
Speaker 1 (38:55):
No?
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Do I want to?
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Like, yeah, I'm like I can't. I'm like, or fix
the sprinkler head that was just broken. Like so I
think it's about knowing like my limitations and knowing that
like I can't handle an extra set of two dogs,
and it's like I so again, maybe down the road,
like I'll figure out a rhythm, but I'm not there
and I need and I need help. But I think,
(39:17):
you know, back to the question, which.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Was how do you balance it all?
Speaker 2 (39:24):
It's hard to balance, but I think I'm just I'm
figuring out the new normal. I'm figuring out, Okay, what
can I handle and what can I not handle? Well,
right now, I can't handle the dogs, so they got
to go.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
And you know that.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Some people might say I'm mean for that, but I'm
doing them a favor because honestly, I would love to
keep Waffles, but they love each other so much that
I don't want to separate the two sure Chance and Waffles,
so that's not fair for them.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
So I'm actually being selfless and saying you're keeping them together.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
So yeah, I'm with you. I understand how that could be.
There's always going to be one way thing too many. Yeah,
Jazzy says, your girl's trip looked like so much fun.
Did you have to get into the mindset of having
fun and letting loose or was that easy to get
into that mode? Were you nervous at all about how
you would feel? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I was.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
I thought i'd be I was. I thought I would
be a lot sadder, but I was.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
It was fun, like I really like just had a
good time. And there was moments where I got a
little sad, but my girlfriends were like, snap out of it,
like you got this, like we're good, we're good, we're
having fun. You're letting your little girls out like like
you know, we're like or you know, like we're we're
we're doing this. And honestly, again, the only time that
(40:44):
I had a tough time was when I communicated with
Mike and Catherine took my phone and she goes, no
communication because I know exactly who you're talking to right now,
and I'm like, well but like and you know, she's
like nope, he's not gonna like no, you guys are
not talking right now. So yeah, that was that was
the only time that I had was the communication.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
So did you get hit on?
Speaker 3 (41:11):
Yeah, like I still got it.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Yeah, you know that's the whole point of the weekend.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Right, Yeah, it felt nice.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
It was Yeah, but then he lost me at the
he like we're at this bar and he's like, you know,
he was cute, he's tall, he was cute and like
he came up and started talking to me, and I
was like, all right, like I'm you know, I'm just
gonna enjoy the flirt. And he was like he was
(41:46):
cute until he was like, can I come to Nashville
and play the ukulele for you?
Speaker 3 (41:49):
And I'm like, I.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
Don't really think a ukulele isn't really like a sexy instrument.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
No, Like I think I'm good.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Yeah, So I turned that one down. And then yeah,
there was one other one who was like so the
night of my anniversary or would have been my anniversary,
there was these like married men, all married and but
they were like fun, you know, and they they were
(42:22):
kind of like having fun with us, and they're like
you should come on this yacht.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
So that so that they sent over wine to us and.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
We're like thanks, you know, and then after we got
done having our wine, they're like, come come sit with us,
and like they again they were like good guys. It
actually kind of made me sad because I'm like, you know,
they're like showing me pictures of their wives and their kids.
The one was like on the verge of a divorce.
So he was the one that started the like, you know,
the fun flirtatious thing going on, and you know they
(42:52):
were there was funny because they were all at the
table like trying to set me up.
Speaker 3 (42:55):
They're like, oh, what about this guy? Oh what about
this guy?
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Like, oh what about like my friend here, and they're
like showing me photos and I'm like, guys like and
then they're like, what about this guy.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
He's got a big yacht.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
And we're going on the yacht tomorrow. And I was like,
I Am not going on a yacht. I was like, well,
who's going these They're like, oh, these like twenty like
some like twenty girls, and like I'm like not happening,
Like I'm not, I don't care how much of money
he has, like, and they're like, yeah, he's like a billionaire.
Speaker 3 (43:18):
I was like, I don't care.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
It does not like genuinely like I am self made
and I never want to rely on a man or
anything Like I'm fine, I can take care of myself.
I don't need to like go on this dude's yacht.
So we end up my friend Pamelain ends up finding
her friend was in town and she was on a yacht.
Well it happened to be at the same yacht. Uh,
(43:40):
you know, whatever harbor or whatever that they took off from.
So we are on another person's yacht and we were
texting the one of the guys and we're like hey,
like we basically see their boat. And the one guy
that they were trying to set me up with was like,
what are you doing on that boat? And I was like,
I don't need your boat.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
I got my own boat. And it was like epic
because I'm like, dude, I don't give it. I don't
care like that. I'm like, you don't care.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
But what if he was an awesome dude? Like take
the money out of it?
Speaker 3 (44:14):
I mean, we ended up.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
I ended up seeing him at the They invited us
to drinks the night that I got hit on by
yukulele boy, and and he was he was very nice,
like very nice guy. You know, it wasn't it was again,
it was nice to flirt, but it wasn't saying yes, yeah,
well I.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Think that was the time for flirting. It's not time
to go past flirting, right.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
Unless I meet someone that like I really like, I don't,
I don't know, like I I'm open to it.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Good, Yeah, all right, I think we have one more.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
He really is there one more, Corey.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
I need some advice on how to handle a touchy subject,
how I feel about it. I broke up with my
ex a few months ago, and I'm starting to feel
like I want to talk to other guys again. I'm
more finding someone new and what my ex will think
about me dating again. We share a little girl together,
so he's still in my life and I don't want
any negative opinions to ruin potential data relationships. Do I
tell him first or tell him only when I'm in
(45:13):
a future relationship. Well this segues nicely to what we
were just talking about.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
Yeah, so I've definitely like I don't want to know
who Mike is hanging out with. I don't want him
to know who I'm hanging out with. But when it's serious,
that's then the conversation to be like, hey, you know,
this person is someone i've been seeing for six months
plus maybe whatever time, and there's someone that I would.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
Like the kids to meet.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
I think you have to have that conversation and respect
your spouse or partner or whatever, because I would be
very upset if he introduced the kids to a girl
without my knowledge, for sure, and we had a we're
very on the same page with that, So you know,
I think it's again one of those things where if
(45:58):
it's serious and you can see yourself being in a
long term relationship with that person and it's involving the kids,
that's when you should say something. But until that point,
I don't think you have to say anything. None of
their business and all I don't want to know, So like,
only come to me when like you're about to introduce
the kids to the next maybe mom, stepmom, yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
You're going to date a lot of yukulele boys and
ex boyfriend doesn't need to know about every one of them.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
That's fine, exactly like me and are going to go
out and yeah, like it's none of their business, is right.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Until the kids were involved? Then it becomes their business.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Yeah, because you know that person is essentially and you know,
whoever is in my life is going to have the
kids seventy percent of the time, So they're going to
have more time with my kids than their own dad,
which I could not handle if that was the first
But I mean.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
You're gonna have a hard time with a thirty percent.
But we'll cross that bridge, will we come to it?
Speaker 3 (46:55):
Yeah, I want a hundred, but I guess it's not
fair for the kids.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
I'm actually thinking about my children and it's very hard
when I'm like, they're my kids. Oh anyways, well, fun show.
I opened up about Miami.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
That was fun.
Speaker 3 (47:14):
Oh lord yeah, mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (47:18):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (47:18):
Also, my friends tried to get me to sign up
for a dating app and I went on there and
I was like, guys, I have had zero hits. And
my friend's like, well, let me see the photo.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
And they're like, because it's with you and your two kids,
and I was, oh gosh, what, I'm like, it's my kids.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
My friend's like, you will not get any hits, and
I was like, well then, I like, then I'm getting
off of this thing.
Speaker 3 (47:45):
Like then like if they don't like.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
No, so I'm never I'm never going on a dating
app again. It lasted for one day.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
I don't know a lot about dating apps, obviously, but
I do think it's I think protocol is you could
include that as one of your sub photos, so your
main photo cannot be that.
Speaker 3 (48:04):
But I'm a mom. I wanted them to know I understood.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
I'm a mom and I love my kids, and I
thought I looked cute in the photo. But apparently like
I mean, like me, Jolie and Jay's like are really
rocking it, but like yeah, but no, I immediately got off,
like within that day. I was like, f this, Like
I'm not taking a picture of my kids down as
my main profile, because that is who I am.
Speaker 3 (48:27):
You know, I suppose I see your.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Side too, Like I see your side too, Like hey,
but like I would want to know that they're a parent,
But maybe that's because I'm in this situation. So anyone
that's probably looking maybe the kids.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
Saying hide that you don't want to hide it, and
it's just not the main first thing they seek because look,
they're going to be I already number three in your
life no matter what. And yes it's good to know that,
but no one wants to hear that the first thing. Wow,
fun swiping. I think swiping's fun just on somebody else's phone.
Speaker 2 (49:02):
Yeah, it's great, But when nobody likes you back and
it really hurts the ego, like genuinely hurts the ego,
and they're like, put this picture up and then like
then you'll get a bunch I was like, no, again,
I'm off this thing, like I'm if I'm going to
meet someone you know.
Speaker 3 (49:20):
It'll be through friends or you know.
Speaker 1 (49:23):
Uh, that black and white Instagram photo from just a
few weeks ago. It's going to get you a lot
of swipe rights on it, on whatever dating app you choose.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
I'm not doing anymore dating it. Okay, not happening. Oh
my goodness.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
Okay, well now I'm blushing and getting sweaty, so I'm
getting off now.
Speaker 3 (49:36):
I love you guys. We'll talk next week.
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Okay, so I have the amazing Cherie joining the podcast
today because we had asked people to send in their
questions and Shuri is incredible, so obviously we wanted to
get her back on to go through these questions since
I am not an expert and she is so CHERI.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Hi, so good to see you. Good to see you too.
Are you doing good? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Yeah, yeah good. I am like it's one of those
things where I didn't realize how much I depended on
the other person in my life to like help, you know,
And it was one of those things where it's like, uh,
I hired a nanny and she quit, and so now
(00:52):
I have zero help. And it's one of those things
where I'm like, I had just a total meltdown there night.
I'm like, I did not ask for this to be
like doing.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
This alone, you know, it's so hard.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
So I think I'm just like in a little funk.
I'm being totally honest, but I'm.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Gonna tell you though, I'm so sorry that she quit,
but you're gonna get used to it.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Yeah, And I honestly like, I don't even need anybody.
I think I just needed someone and like for that
first month just to like help me with like things
that like you know, when I was struggling with like
depression and stuff. But now I'm like, Okay, I really
just need help on like I only really need help
(01:34):
like maybe one day a week because the other day
is like Jolie's going to school and but yeah it is,
but it's you know, it's just I have to Now
I'm like the woman in the man of the house, right,
so it's like I have to like, oh, crap, I
forgot to take like I forgot to take out the
trash can this morning, and like I'm like, yeah, you know,
like those are things that like weren't my responsibility. Yeah,
(01:57):
and you know, I'm like I was calling one of
my girlfriends, a Pamelin who I've had on the show
a bunch. I'm like, like the air filters in the house,
like I don't know what, Like I don't know what
I'm doing. And then I'm like how often do I
have to? So it's like learning all the like things
that usually a man would take care of. And again,
like I like the fact that I can now do
(02:19):
things on my time and like when I like stuff
gets done around the house, which I love now because
I'm I'm in control of it. It's great. At the
same time, the other day, my poor neighbor. I called
one of my neighbor husbands and I was like bawling
and I was just like, there's a sprinkler like spewing
out and I don't even know who to call.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
And like the same day, like.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
My water heater, like I was trying to give Jason bath.
He's screaming. Jolie's crying about like because she didn't want
to take a shower, and I'm like trying to turn
the water on hot and it wouldn't get hot, and
I'm like, well, I can't, you know, You're just like
to like the I was like, God, seriously, like I
(03:03):
don't know how to turn the water heater back on.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
But it's like learning those things now.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I'm like, I'm like, I'm a total I'm a total
catch because I'm a man and a woman.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
That's what I was gonna say. Seriously, because you can
I've never met somebody who is so capable like you,
who's just like running all the things. And we've talked
about that even before You're getting divorced, so you can.
And I think you're brilliant that you called the neighbor
husband because I was gonna say, I did things like, look,
(03:31):
I know that I have an equal masculine and we
all do and I can. I can do it all,
but I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
I don't want to.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
Take out the trash. So I started, like I hired
man cleaners. So the man cleaners came to my house,
all dudes, because I was just like, oh, it's testosterone around.
It just has a different impact, you know, So task rabbit,
runt a husband, they're all out there for these reasons.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
I had some I had a few people over in
one of the guys the hut, like the husband's.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
I was like, they're like, you know, anything you needed
me to do?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
And I was like, I mean, if you want to
pick up the dog poop, like I'm like, and he's like, absolutely,
where's the bag? So I'm like but yeah, but it's
like some of those things, I'm like, I don't know
how to do it. Having said that, I called my
mom because my mom went through a divorce when she
was well, when I was a freshman in high school,
(04:31):
and you know, I called her freaking out about the
water heater, and I'm like, how do I relight it?
How do I know if it's broken if I need
a new one? I was like, you know, meanwhile, like
Jason's screaming in my arm, because the last thing I
wanted to do was like call my ex or calls
you know, Like, I was like, I got to figure
this out like myself, you know. So I called my
mom because I remember my mom when my parents got divorced.
(04:54):
She's fixing the washer and dryer and getting the part
and like getting dirty, like you know, like she's like
she like she became the man too, and you know,
to this day, she's like, you know, she lasts like
her husband isn't like the handiest of men. So she's
like she's like, yeah, she's like I can do all
of this. And so she told me how to like
(05:14):
relight it, and it was it was a nice little
bonding moment, but it's it is very interesting and you forget,
like you forget how much you do lean on that
other person.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Yeah, and then I start to go.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Oh, I hope, I like, man, maybe I should have
been more appreciative of like those moments since then I
start to like be upset about that, So I'm like, shoot,
like maybe I didn't show enough appreciation before those things.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
There's another blessing for this whole thing, right there. I
always talk to you about, like what's the good reason
and what's the gift in all of this. You're just
becoming a better human moment by moment, And this is
like a note to all of us that we need
to teach our girls these things, because I don't think
it needs to be a gender role. It should be
that whoever enjoys this task the most, whoever is the
(05:58):
best person for the job, or whoever doesn't get diminished
by it, you know, like I get diminished by taking
out the trash or picking out the boop. So there
should be a way to outsource to whoever would enjoy
and not be taken out by these roles, not dependent
on our.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Gender for sure.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
No, I ended up even saying like I can't because
I thought I was gonna be able to like keep
both dogs, you know, because I have the kids, and
I was like, I ended up saying like I can't
keep the dogs anymore. Like I'm like they're they're sending
me over the edge. Like I have too much to
take care of that like the fact that like the
dog dug up the sprinkler and broke it and then
dug up underneath. I was like, I like, I don't.
(06:41):
I don't have another ounce in my like or second
in my day to deal and I felt I feel terrible,
but at the same time and I'm like, I just
I can't. I can't have them around right now because
it's like the last thing I want is for me
to be yelling at my kids because my dogs are
not pissing me off.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
No, sincerely, And I would take away the feeling terrible
right now because I've said it to you before. The
more you want to give, the more you need. And
you have a high bar for how you want to
run your business and your life and be a mama.
And if the dogs are leaking energy and there's an
equally lovely home for them to go to that would
have you be able to be the mom you want
(07:17):
to be, then that's a brilliant move.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
And I was thinking it kind of could be cute.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
To like surprise the kids with a smaller dog, like,
you know, maybe Christmas time when I have time and
I'm you know, I like want one dog not to
and not that destroy right, you know, but then again
a puppy wolf. I don't know, but maybe maybe I'll
be in a different spot and you know, however, many
months the way that is, we'll see. Yeah, yeah, okay,
(07:43):
So Shari, we have some listener questions and I want
to just dive in if that's cool. This is from Christina.
I'm currently going through a separation and I'm going through
a similar situation to Eu Jana and would love to
get your advice.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
A little background.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
My daughter is four and my son is nice eighteen months,
and I have no idea what to say to my
daughter when I move out in a few weeks. Has
Jana talked to Jolie about anything going on or why
things are the way they are? If you feel comfortable,
I would love to know what you have said to
her or done to understand, help her understand, and I
would love to sre like what I had said to
(08:19):
Jolie was I said, you know, mommy and daddy are
are not going to be married anymore. I was like,
but we're going to be great friends and we still
love each other and we love you, and we're going
to have separate houses, and so you're going to have
a bet at Daddy's and you're going to have a
bed here, and this is your home and that's your home.
(08:40):
And like I just kept saying like we love you,
we love you, we love you, we love you. And
then I asked her, like, you know, is there anything
you want to talk about or like do you have feelings?
And the only thing that she I think she said
it was like can I watch my iPad? Now? I'm like,
like I didn't know if like I didn't know, I
like it like a registered to her. But then my
(09:02):
friends were like, apparently she's telling everyone that like mommy
and Daddy don't live together anymore, Mommy and Daddy have
like separate houses. So I it now I know that
she gets it. And like last night was the first
night that it was overnights and that was so incredibly
painful because that was, yeah, the first time that I've
(09:23):
experienced not having the kids in my home and in
our house. And but I wonder, like, you know, is
it something because I've talked to a few people that
said that they send their kids to a place to
you know, talk to someone about it or and it's
so hard for me, and sure you like maybe for
this other person too, like she gets excited about Dad's
(09:48):
house and like a part of me like dies inside
and I'm like, that's great.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Like, oh my goodness, you love your room.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
And then in my mind, I'm like, what do you
want in your room? Do you want new bump beds?
Like you know what I mean? And obviously I can't
do that because I'm like, how do you do that healthy?
Like obviously I would never like I'm always like, oh,
that's great. I'm so glad you love it so much,
but it kills me so help us out here?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
How do we do it?
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Ye?
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Did I do it? That's so normal?
Speaker 4 (10:18):
No, no, I think And you know, I'd love to
just tell everybody.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
I don't think there's a wrong. There's no right or wrong.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
For each one of us, with our children who chose
us in this life, We're going to go through this
at our own pace in a way that with the
best you know, with the best intentions, with all that
we have to give. So I just I want to
like have everybody take a deep breath about that. And
I think it's different for every home. So what you
(10:48):
did it was very similar to what I did is
I think we did a slow, you know, a sort
of slow transition, and I think that's always helpful when
it can be slow. It can't always be, but to
have the kids get used to they my kids were
already used to distance. Their dad didn't always he worked
(11:08):
in la and so he wasn't always home, so there
was some slow getting used to not having him around
as much. And then when we decided that we were
actually going to separate and that it would that it
would be permanent, we told them that we loved them,
and the exact same way that you did, like drenching
them with love. We both love you. We do still
love each other, because I think at the end of
(11:31):
the day, when you meet somebody, no matter what happens,
like I went through a lot of hard times with him,
but you can reduce, like a good reduction sauce the
relationship back to the feeling that was there in the
beginning that brought you together. And so we could genuinely
say we love each other, but we know we're better
as friends and we're going to have two households. And
(11:52):
it was exactly what and I think what they need
is as they're ready as they ask questions because it
they never can absorb at all, and they really don't
know the impact that it's going to have at the beginning.
But to tell them what's not going to change. Here
are all the things that are going to stay the same,
you know, and you can just lay it out in
(12:13):
great detail, like you're still going to have your favorite
and cheese. You know, you're still going to go to
the same school. We're still going to have all the
same friends, you know, all the things that they really
wonder about. And then to give them a chance to feel,
like you said, to grieve. If they need professional support,
there are so many great humans that focus on little
(12:34):
ones that can work on this with them. And maybe
you go with them and you have some time to
throw it together. They will show you if they need that.
And I think you just being available for all the
questions as they process, you know, your sense of confidence
in the decision and knowingness is going to be like
(12:57):
a warm blanket for them. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I definitely hear that. And I'm curious too, because I
have this a situation just arise and this is going
to make me sound really like mean and probably bitchy,
and I and I hate that and that I'm even
going to like admit this, but you know, it's all
about trying to learn a little growth here. But there
(13:21):
was because you know, I'm in charge of like, you know,
the kids schooling and this and that and the other.
But a part of me and he was like, well,
let me know when you know it's her first day
or this or that and the other.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
And a part of me wants to be like, it's online,
look it up.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Like why do I have to be in charge to
tell you when your daughter's first day school is or
when her first half day or when she has to
take Like I don't know why it bothers me, but
like the bigger person than me should be like, hey,
here's the calendar of all this stuff. But at the
same time, I'm like, go online, it's online.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Google it.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Yeah, that's a recipe for some resentment to build up,
because if you find, like I did, go through I
found I was absolutely doing everything the lion's share of
all of it, you know, And I think in the
beginning I wanted that control and I wanted you know,
that freedom, and I knew I could do it. But
after a while I was like, hey, sir.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Can you like take over dunist stuff?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You know something well, and so I don't want to
mean much of that. It's more like he wont like like, hey,
I want to know when this is, but I'm like,
it's it's public knowledge, like go on, go on their
school's website and find it out. Like and so is
it okay for me to be like hey or is
that bitchy of me to be like to say like,
this is what this is?
Speaker 4 (14:32):
And that is no, not at all bitchy. It's it's
the bitchy part is saying this is giving more than
I have to give. That's a need in you that
you want to recognize and go, ah, that feels too much.
And to have your own back all the way along
is the greatest way to get through this. To know,
like what we've talked about this, you know, to put
(14:54):
yourself to bed, to get extra support, to say I've
that on me and I'm going to take care of
me to get through this. So what it looks like
is if you're in charge of education, Let's say you're
in charge of.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
That, I mean all of it, doctor, yeah, all of it,
the activities, you're in charge all of it.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
Too much until you don't want to be in charge
of all the things. You can say, I can take education,
and I can happily give you the schedule and all
the things related to education. If you can take doctors
and other things like, think about the other things in
their life that he could take over that you would
gladly want to give up or bit by bit if
(15:34):
you say, I can do all the school stuff, but
I'm going to rely on you to keep yourself up
to date on the dates. It's got to be what
feels right. Don't try to like steamroll the feeling that
that's telling you it's too much. I don't want to
do that. Yeah, it's about making a deal, you know,
Like if I do this and I take on all
(15:55):
the updates for you and everything, then what about the
life like Kenny come and always be on poop duty
when he comes to pick up the kids?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
What parts do you want to give up so that
you don't feel like you're doing at all?
Speaker 2 (16:08):
No, that makes sense, Danielle. I am loving this vibe
and energy you have lately now that you're single. What
is something you enjoy more now than when you were married? Also,
(16:30):
how have the kids been doing this seems so happy
as well. Now that you're single, what is something you
enjoy more now than when you were married. Sure, it's interesting.
I love my alone time, huh. And I have never
liked alone time. I love it, like love it.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
If this was going to kick in when you were
so worried about the overnights, and I know, it's really,
really really last.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Night was awful.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
It was terrible, and I think it was because it
was the first time. But I'll get into a routine
of like, okay, like I'll do my like Bible study
stuff on Wednesday nights or whatever, like.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
Oh, beauty, you will your friends will be like, I'm sorry,
you are living the dream. You get every other weekend off,
you know, you.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Start to get used to it, and I get that,
and but then also I'm like, but I didn't want
every other weekend off. I didn't want every Wednesday off,
you know. So it's like having said that though, because
I do spend so much time with them, because I'm
with seventy thirty is our custody seventy percent of the time,
is like I need that, and now when I don't
(17:33):
have that, I have help.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
I'm like Okay, I do.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
I know I need that like day because I'm starting
to get like short or I'm starting to like my
you know, my my wheels need a little grease.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
And yeah, I think one hundred percent for anybody is
really really hard, and a seventy thirty arrangement gives you
this now ability to see who you emerge as in
that space. I think space is vital for all of us.
Most of us don't get enough Srea.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
This next question I definitely want to talk to you
about because I hadn't mentioned, I would say it's from Angela.
Last week on your podcast, you mentioned that you haven't
been happy and so long? Can you expand on that?
Was it you just going through the emotions but not
truly happy? And I realized when I said that, I'm like, man,
this is going to come off harsh to people that
probably follow us, because I did, like I should I was,
(18:25):
you know, I was, and and you know, the week
that I found out everything, Mike and I both were like, man,
we're so good right now, like we're so happy and
like in love and like and I did feel that
having and then when I said, you know, I've been
unhappy for so long, that I am that I am
open to having that new maybe potential partner because I
(18:51):
have been miserable.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
But and people are like, yeah, but you.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Want another baby, and I was like, I think I
said that because yes, like's it was a for seven years,
it was a struggle, like always wondering when the next
shoe is going to you know, like when the next
explosion was going to happen, or and it was always
like this this constant battle and this constant work. And yes,
(19:15):
we had moments where we were happy and and I
believed in the book that we wrote and I but
there was also I don't think. I think all of
that stuff and all of the things that happened in
the marriage was such a weight on me that once
it was lifted, was like, wow, I was really unhappy,
Like I was being held down by all that energy
(19:38):
and it really affected like me, and like that's why
people now are like, oh, you look seem so happy,
and I'm like in light and like because I like
feel that way, and I'm like, oh my god, Like
I actually was like really unhappy. But I was just
like I wanted to I wanted to fight for it's
so bad because it was my kids, and it was
my family and it's like, God, this is what we've like,
you know, we were the good fight, you know, so
(19:59):
it's like, what a failure if I if like we
don't end up together And it was just all this
like stuff, and I'm like, is is it possible to
be unhappy but also coasting through and having moments of happiness?
Like because it confused me too even when I said.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
It, Yeah, well it's a big admission. You know, we're
all here trying to experience happiness in life. That's the
whole point of it, I think. And then when you're
not and you say it's been seven years, it's a
big it's a big thing to say, you know. And
I think it rocks people because we're all doing a
really good job on surface on social media looking like
(20:37):
we are, you know. But you were brave enough to
be honest about the weight. And I think that's it,
the heaviness. You're such a good coper. You are tolerating
and coping and doing your best despite this giant weight,
rise up and do all the things. And I think
a lot of us are a lot of us, in
(20:58):
different areas of our life, can probably admit that there's
there are a lot of obstacles and heaviness that we'd
love to remove, and you just showed everybody that you
can and that it doesn't have to mean that it's
a failure. Because what I'm interested in seeing now is
what's possible for you in the lightness. You know, when
(21:18):
you give someone actually freedom like that what they need
and you remove fear and the stress. I think you're
going to see that your soul actually did call this
all in because who you emerge as and the amazing
amounts of love that are going to come into Jason
Jolly's life, you know, through you, through Mike, through just
(21:40):
the extended community. Now you see neighbor husbands coming over,
friends coming over, like there's a whole lot added, not
just being lost.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I don't know if I want to, Ashley, I don't know,
she wrote she was Does Mike I feel sorry for
what he did?
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Did he want to try with you? Again?
Speaker 2 (22:02):
For so long now we have heard both of you
talk on the podcast about relationship and have gotten both of
your points of view.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
You know, Hm, I think.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
We both realized that it wasn't this relationship wasn't serving
either one of us, and I think there comes a
time where he knew that if something were to happen
to this extent that I said, I was done. And
for the first time in my life, I have threatened
it many times. I mean, you know, I separated from
him and I had to follow through with because if not,
(22:44):
I would have kept happening. And so I think I
think he realizes that. And I think here's something too
sure that I I think. I mean, he has said sorry,
but there's something in me that I don't feel that
(23:04):
certain women actually get the sorry that they deserve. And
I told my therapist, you know, I was just like,
if I got a sorry that really felt off, like
really just like and that that's what I've like, I'm like,
then I can like, okay, move on and heal. But
(23:25):
I'm like, I will I don't think I'll ever get
that because I don't think people in that situation will
ever fully grasp what I actually and what other people
actually feel in that situation.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Yeah, and may I hope maybe one, but I can't wait.
I can't.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I have I have learned that I have to walk
away knowing I'll never get the sorry that I believe
that I deserve, so.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
And that's really hard because I'm like, it baffles me.
I'm like, I would be on my knees, like you know.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
But I think that just is evidence though that if
there was the self awareness and the health and well
being enough to say a real.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Sorry like that, that.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
You might not be here, you know, because then that
would suggest that person is really aware and deeply aware
and healed, you know, not going through the struggle. Like
I think I've heard those words. We've been divorced over
ten years, and I think I've heard attempts, but I
(24:32):
still don't feel like there's a true awareness of what
this did and the pain that it caused. And where
I get my sorry, where I get closure and peace
is knowing that my soul called this in, knowing who
(24:54):
I've become because of it, Knowing that I work through
all my own childhood traumas through this man, that he
the perfect man to work it through. And you know,
the idea that we accomplished what we were here to
do in a ten year marriage versus a lifetime, Yeah,
sure that we did it.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Yeah, we need to have.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Like I was talking to another girl too about this,
It's like we need to for the women that haven't
gotten sorry they deserve. I want to be able to
say like, I am sorry like that you had to
go through this, yes, because you like, hey, I want
that for you know. And it's like I would love
that if someone did that for me, you know. So
it's like there's something I think that could be really
cool around that.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
For sure, beauty, you should because this is something I
actually learned a long time ago that you know, when
you let's got into a car crash, you wouldn't go
to the person who hit you in the car to
put you back together.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
You'd go to a doctor.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
You know that we can go to each other and say,
I am so sorry that you're going through this. I
am so sorry for your pain and for the hurt
when your kids leave, for their pain, and just do
a really good, generous I'm sorry for each other and
that is deeply healing.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
It sure is. Sure, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I know you have to run, but thank you for
coming on and we'll definitely have you come back on
again very soon.
Speaker 4 (26:20):
All right, I want to give you one more thing, okay,
on the note of the competition, you know, feeling like
I want my room or room to be better than
it likes, or I want to have a better time
here at my house. Just remember that this whole idea
that every child has two parents, there is only one, Jenna.
Those babies will only be able to get what they
(26:43):
need from you, through you and the way that you
give it. So love on yourself for wanting to meet
their needs and make them happy, like, oh, that's just
coming from a longing to give them the greatest life,
which is so unbelievably dear, And then just root down
and know that Mike is Mike. You or you. They
called in you both and they're going to get all
(27:05):
they need from you.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Yeah, I love that. Thanks Serie. I appreciate you. All right,
I appreciate you, Honey. Talks soon, all right, talk soon,
all right.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
We're going to take a break, and then why have
some more questions?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Hi?
Speaker 3 (27:32):
Mark?
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Hi?
Speaker 2 (27:34):
First of all, how are you tell me about your
life because I'm kind of sick of talking about mine.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
I'm fine, everything's fine here. We had family in town
over the weekend, and we made up for a year
and a half of an activity in one weekend.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
So you're exhausted.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
You know, when you lived in La I'm sure you
had this people coming to visit, and so you have
to do all of the touristy things and everything you
can imagine.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
You know what I would do though, I would just
like get car and be like there's the Hollywood Walk
of Fame. There's like never get out, which is it's
a drive.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
We got out. We did a dodgery game. We did
the beach, we did the Walk of Fame, we did
the Observatory, we did the Santa Barbara Zoo like we
were ever.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
That's a that's a cute zoo q zoo.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
We did the Brady Bunch House, the Golden Girls House,
the Back to the Future house wow in three days.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Yeah, well, I've never seen the Brady Bunch, this all
the other ones. So maybe when I come to LA
next week, you can do a round two and show
me a.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Rrady Bunch is great. Okay, the Future is great. They
look just like it. They're unchanged. Golden Girls was disappointed.
They've painted it, they put a fence up. They want
no part of the pop culture history that they're living.
And so that's too.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Bad, right, that is a bummer. Yeah, all right, do
we have any more questions?
Speaker 4 (28:54):
All right?
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Melissa asks, I also have just ended things with my husband.
It did not expect to feel lost and fused like
I do. We were together for so long and jured
every part of our lives together. Is there anything I
can do to feel like myself again without having him
part of my life? What does help you?
Speaker 2 (29:11):
So I have redone pretty much the entire house. I'm
about to do the podcast room. This is the last room.
But I've I've sold a bunch of stuff on Facebook Marketplace,
and I have just rearranged. I gotten new pieces, and
I actually I sold my ring, and that money from
(29:32):
the ring was the furniture and the the new additions
to the house and like the new new chairs and this.
So that was like kind of my because I debated.
I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna sell this ring and then
I'm gonna maybe buy myself something like a bag or
like my divorce present. And I was like, honestly, what
would make me happiest is to have new energy in
(29:55):
the house. And so I just I took that money
and then I gave it to my I heard these
entire design ladies and said, this is the budget and
redo the rooms. And so it's nice to feel because
this is our house, and we made memories here and
and I needed to create a new space that felt
(30:17):
like me and felt like mine. And so now I
have someone actually over right now painting the bar room
and I'm going to make it this really cool, little
like girly you know, you know, wine bar, and so
I'm that's helped me a lot. And then also, I
mean I the first month, like I again, because I
liked that companionship. I was just you know, stared at
(30:38):
the walls and didn't move until I basically fell asleep.
But now it's like, okay, I'm gonna you know, call
a friend, or I'm starting to make my own traditions
at night and you know, I'm reading books or I'm
watching shows and and not and not letting myself kind
of sit there. So the more that you kind of
get yourself out and start doing things, you start to
feel like yourself. And then you're like, what do I
(31:00):
like to do? Like, oh, I actually enjoy sitting out
here by myself, or I like, you know, I like
catching up with old friends. So just I would just
find something that you try to create new spaces and
also you know, go through the emotions. But then also
figure out something that will make you happy and what
you want to do.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Sorry to jump back to this, Okay, the emotion of
selling the ring. Was it a get this away from me?
Or was it a pretty difficult thing or both.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
I mean, it's the second ring I've had to get
rid of from him, because the first ring, I was like,
I will never put this back on my hand. And
so he had reproposed to me in Napa a few
years ago with this now new ring, and I took
every diamond he ever bought me and I sold them
because I didn't want to look at them ever again
(31:56):
because to me, like, for example, he brought me this
be beautiful, I mean beautiful. It's actually made me sad.
It's a beautiful bracelet for our book to congratulate on
the best time seller, and you know, just like you know,
he thanked me for you know, the work that I
put in in our relationship, and I wanted to keep
(32:19):
it so bad because it was such a pretty bracelet,
but it represented something that was not true, you know.
For it was true that I, you know, worked very
hard for the relationship, but I just didn't like the
to me, it represented our book and the and it
(32:39):
hurt me too much to keep that. So I mean
I took every ear ring, I took every bracelet, I
took the wedding ring, and I had my two girlfriends,
Shane Grimes and Sarah Gretzky, and we went to the
jeweler and I said take it, leton know how much?
And they yeah, you know, they called the guy and
(33:00):
it felt I mean, it was sad, but at the
same time, they could be the most beautiful things in
the world. But if it doesn't, what they represented made
them the ugliest things I've ever seen, right.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
And they would It's almost like a curse or something
like every time you saw them, all these negative things
would come to mind. Getting them away from you, I
think is cathartic.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
And then that's when I'm like, okay, and now I've
got this check and that was well, I'm like, what
am I going to do with it? Well, I'm gonna
represent you know that, have cleaned the house with it,
and get new new stuff, new furniture, and then get
rid of the other stuff because I don't want that reminder.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
We get rid of the plane pictures behind you.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Yes it's actually someone just got that today on Facebook.
Mark Place for fifty bucks, so nice, and the food done,
so I've got a hole, Like this room is going
to look sick, it's going to look so cool. So yeah,
this is the last room that needs to be done,
so excellent.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Yeah all right, Kyle says, I'm curious where you are
currently with your anxiety, with anxiety and myself and you
had said it has calmed down so much since you
went your separate ways. Has this kept up and do
you have advice for me and how I can call mine.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Relationally or like it was okay, So.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
I mentioned this on the podcast a few weeks ago,
But my anxiety has been.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
Amazing.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Like, I haven't really had anxiety. The one time that
I had anxiety was obviously the first day, the morning
of because when I was reading all the stuff on
like Twitter and Instagram, it was like China Grammar files
for divorce and it set me just like into a
tail span of anxiety and it was really really bad
and that was hard, and we talked about that previously.
But so since then, my anxiety has been great. It
(34:50):
only gets bad when, honestly, when when there's communication with
Mike and it's heated, it just it good brings me
right back to like those moments of just our relationship
and so limiting communication has been really helpful for my anxiety.
And then, honestly, like what helps for me is if
(35:13):
you're struggling, there's a lot of grounding exercises that you
can do sometimes, like I'll put my feet out, I'll
go outside and put my feet like you know, it's grounding,
like your literally your feet to the to the concrete
or grass or whatever. But there's a lot of tips
on how to ground yourself. And then, I mean, I
have no shame in it. I take medicine, and honestly,
(35:35):
though I was thinking the other day, I'm like, man,
I'm like, I'm I have.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
Such a weight lifted up.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And then because I don't have anxiety and wake up
in the middle of the night anymore, like I almost
don't even feel like I I.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
Need it anymore.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
But I'm gonna I'm gonna slow step that because maybe
I'm just maybe that's just the beginning.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
So we'll see. But just give yourself grace.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
And I will say this too, don't hide from the
fact that there's been plenty of times when I've been
afraid to talk to someone I'm like, oh, they're going
to think I'm ridiculous. I'm having a panic attack. The
more I say I'm having a panic attack right now,
like most of the times, people can be like, Okay,
how can I help you? And it helps me like
know that I'm all right, And I.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Think that that's a reason, like you were talking about
with Shari to send him the school calendar, you know.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
But it makes me feel bitchy though, But you can
do it.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
A different way, like you don't have to do it
bitch Like, here you go. I think this will help
you know whatever, try to spin it positively. But anything
that limits the communication I think is going to be
beneficial to you.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yeah, yeah, yes, all right, Lauren.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
How have you navigated learning the things your partner used
to be in charge of? Oh, we hit on this
a little bit earlier. For example, my partner was in
charge of maintenance around the house, and the other day
I had to fix a broken air conditioner. I had
no idea where to start. I want to learn to
do things on my own, but sometimes it's just too much.
It's been exciting or stressful or overwhelming for you. Are
there times you're stubborn asking for help from others.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Oh yeah, I'm like, I have the hardest time asking
for help, and you know, I think you have to.
I think it's one of those things. Is as hard
as it is for me to ask for help.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Well, I don't even know the best thing. I don't
even have help anymore. I need help, but you know, Okay.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
So, for example, I was with Pamela on the other
day and I was like, I'm so stressed out. I
need help, and She's like, how can I help you?
And I was like, no, no, no, I'm fine, and she's like,
you just said you need help. So I'm offering, like
saying like how can I help you? And then I
was like, well, okay. For example, like I need someone
to watch the kids next Friday because Mike's out of
(37:52):
town and I'm a town and I don't have anyone
that can help. She's said, great, what time do you
need me over there? I can bring the kids over,
And instantly I was like, oh, really, like okay, thank you.
But I'm like I don't want to burden any of
my friends too, right, But at the same time, I'm
like I'm I'm I'm at my like limit, Like I
feel like I'm going to have like a nervous breakdown.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Jackie says, You're doing it all and it's so amazing
to see. How do you juggle your kids, your work,
your friends, your family, and yourself and your healing. Where
do you put the priority and are there times you're
torn and what to focus on? Is this easier or
more difficult to do since ending.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Things with your Rex, I mean, I kind of.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
It talks about that with Schui where my focus is
And I wrote this to an email with Mike. I
was like, I need you to take the dogs because
they're setting me over the edge and my focus is
the kids and the kids only, and I don't have
I don't have a second at the end of the day.
I don't because I'm with the kids and then I
work when they go down. So by like ten o'clock,
(38:53):
I'm exhausted. Do I want to go outside and pick
up dog poop?
Speaker 1 (38:55):
No?
Speaker 3 (38:55):
Do I want to?
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Like, yeah, I'm like I can't. I'm like, or fix
the sprinkler head that was just broken. Like so I
think it's about knowing like my limitations and knowing that
like I can't handle an extra set of two dogs,
and it's like I so again, maybe down the road,
like I'll figure out a rhythm, but I'm not there
and I need and I need help. But I think,
(39:17):
you know, back to the question, which.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Was how do you balance it all?
Speaker 2 (39:24):
It's hard to balance, but I think I'm just I'm
figuring out the new normal. I'm figuring out, Okay, what
can I handle and what can I not handle? Well,
right now, I can't handle the dogs, so they got
to go.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
And you know that.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Some people might say I'm mean for that, but I'm
doing them a favor because honestly, I would love to
keep Waffles, but they love each other so much that
I don't want to separate the two sure Chance and Waffles,
so that's not fair for them.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
So I'm actually being selfless and saying you're keeping them together.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
So yeah, I'm with you. I understand how that could be.
There's always going to be one way thing too many. Yeah,
Jazzy says, your girl's trip looked like so much fun.
Did you have to get into the mindset of having
fun and letting loose or was that easy to get
into that mode? Were you nervous at all about how
you would feel? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I was.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
I thought i'd be I was. I thought I would
be a lot sadder, but I was.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
It was fun, like I really like just had a
good time. And there was moments where I got a
little sad, but my girlfriends were like, snap out of it,
like you got this, like we're good, we're good, we're
having fun. You're letting your little girls out like like
you know, we're like or you know, like we're we're
we're doing this. And honestly, again, the only time that
(40:44):
I had a tough time was when I communicated with
Mike and Catherine took my phone and she goes, no
communication because I know exactly who you're talking to right now,
and I'm like, well but like and you know, she's
like nope, he's not gonna like no, you guys are
not talking right now. So yeah, that was that was
the only time that I had was the communication.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
So did you get hit on?
Speaker 3 (41:11):
Yeah, like I still got it.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Yeah, you know that's the whole point of the weekend.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Right, Yeah, it felt nice.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
It was Yeah, but then he lost me at the
he like we're at this bar and he's like, you know,
he was cute, he's tall, he was cute and like
he came up and started talking to me, and I
was like, all right, like I'm you know, I'm just
gonna enjoy the flirt. And he was like he was
(41:46):
cute until he was like, can I come to Nashville
and play the ukulele for you?
Speaker 3 (41:49):
And I'm like, I.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
Don't really think a ukulele isn't really like a sexy instrument.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
No, Like I think I'm good.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Yeah, So I turned that one down. And then yeah,
there was one other one who was like so the
night of my anniversary or would have been my anniversary,
there was these like married men, all married and but
they were like fun, you know, and they they were
(42:22):
kind of like having fun with us, and they're like
you should come on this yacht.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
So that so that they sent over wine to us and.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
We're like thanks, you know, and then after we got
done having our wine, they're like, come come sit with us,
and like they again they were like good guys. It
actually kind of made me sad because I'm like, you know,
they're like showing me pictures of their wives and their kids.
The one was like on the verge of a divorce.
So he was the one that started the like, you know,
the fun flirtatious thing going on, and you know they
(42:52):
were there was funny because they were all at the
table like trying to set me up.
Speaker 3 (42:55):
They're like, oh, what about this guy? Oh what about
this guy?
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Like, oh what about like my friend here, and they're
like showing me photos and I'm like, guys like and
then they're like, what about this guy.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
He's got a big yacht.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
And we're going on the yacht tomorrow. And I was like,
I Am not going on a yacht. I was like, well,
who's going these They're like, oh, these like twenty like
some like twenty girls, and like I'm like not happening,
Like I'm not, I don't care how much of money
he has, like, and they're like, yeah, he's like a billionaire.
Speaker 3 (43:18):
I was like, I don't care.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
It does not like genuinely like I am self made
and I never want to rely on a man or
anything Like I'm fine, I can take care of myself.
I don't need to like go on this dude's yacht.
So we end up my friend Pamelain ends up finding
her friend was in town and she was on a yacht.
Well it happened to be at the same yacht. Uh,
(43:40):
you know, whatever harbor or whatever that they took off from.
So we are on another person's yacht and we were
texting the one of the guys and we're like hey,
like we basically see their boat. And the one guy
that they were trying to set me up with was like,
what are you doing on that boat? And I was like,
I don't need your boat.
Speaker 3 (44:01):
I got my own boat. And it was like epic
because I'm like, dude, I don't give it. I don't
care like that. I'm like, you don't care.
Speaker 1 (44:11):
But what if he was an awesome dude? Like take
the money out of it?
Speaker 3 (44:14):
I mean, we ended up.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
I ended up seeing him at the They invited us
to drinks the night that I got hit on by
yukulele boy, and and he was he was very nice,
like very nice guy. You know, it wasn't it was again,
it was nice to flirt, but it wasn't saying yes, yeah,
well I.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
Think that was the time for flirting. It's not time
to go past flirting, right.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
Unless I meet someone that like I really like, I don't,
I don't know, like I I'm open to it.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Good, Yeah, all right, I think we have one more.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
He really is there one more, Corey.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
I need some advice on how to handle a touchy subject,
how I feel about it. I broke up with my
ex a few months ago, and I'm starting to feel
like I want to talk to other guys again. I'm
more finding someone new and what my ex will think
about me dating again. We share a little girl together,
so he's still in my life and I don't want
any negative opinions to ruin potential data relationships. Do I
tell him first or tell him only when I'm in
(45:13):
a future relationship. Well this segues nicely to what we
were just talking about.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
Yeah, so I've definitely like I don't want to know
who Mike is hanging out with. I don't want him
to know who I'm hanging out with. But when it's serious,
that's then the conversation to be like, hey, you know,
this person is someone i've been seeing for six months
plus maybe whatever time, and there's someone that I would.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
Like the kids to meet.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
I think you have to have that conversation and respect
your spouse or partner or whatever, because I would be
very upset if he introduced the kids to a girl
without my knowledge, for sure, and we had a we're
very on the same page with that, So you know,
I think it's again one of those things where if
(45:58):
it's serious and you can see yourself being in a
long term relationship with that person and it's involving the kids,
that's when you should say something. But until that point,
I don't think you have to say anything. None of
their business and all I don't want to know, So like,
only come to me when like you're about to introduce
the kids to the next maybe mom, stepmom, yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
You're going to date a lot of yukulele boys and
ex boyfriend doesn't need to know about every one of them.
Speaker 2 (46:25):
That's fine, exactly like me and are going to go
out and yeah, like it's none of their business, is right.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Until the kids were involved? Then it becomes their business.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Yeah, because you know that person is essentially and you know,
whoever is in my life is going to have the
kids seventy percent of the time, So they're going to
have more time with my kids than their own dad,
which I could not handle if that was the first
But I mean.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
You're gonna have a hard time with a thirty percent.
But we'll cross that bridge, will we come to it?
Speaker 3 (46:55):
Yeah, I want a hundred, but I guess it's not
fair for the kids.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
I'm actually thinking about my children and it's very hard
when I'm like, they're my kids. Oh anyways, well, fun show.
I opened up about Miami.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
That was fun.
Speaker 3 (47:14):
Oh lord yeah, mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (47:18):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (47:18):
Also, my friends tried to get me to sign up
for a dating app and I went on there and
I was like, guys, I have had zero hits. And
my friend's like, well, let me see the photo.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
And they're like, because it's with you and your two kids,
and I was, oh gosh, what, I'm like, it's my kids.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
My friend's like, you will not get any hits, and
I was like, well then, I like, then I'm getting
off of this thing.
Speaker 3 (47:45):
Like then like if they don't like.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
No, so I'm never I'm never going on a dating
app again. It lasted for one day.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
I don't know a lot about dating apps, obviously, but
I do think it's I think protocol is you could
include that as one of your sub photos, so your
main photo cannot be that.
Speaker 3 (48:04):
But I'm a mom. I wanted them to know I understood.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
I'm a mom and I love my kids, and I
thought I looked cute in the photo. But apparently like
I mean, like me, Jolie and Jay's like are really
rocking it, but like yeah, but no, I immediately got off,
like within that day. I was like, f this, Like
I'm not taking a picture of my kids down as
my main profile, because that is who I am.
Speaker 3 (48:27):
You know, I suppose I see your.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Side too, Like I see your side too, Like hey,
but like I would want to know that they're a parent,
But maybe that's because I'm in this situation. So anyone
that's probably looking maybe the kids.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
Saying hide that you don't want to hide it, and
it's just not the main first thing they seek because look,
they're going to be I already number three in your
life no matter what. And yes it's good to know that,
but no one wants to hear that the first thing. Wow,
fun swiping. I think swiping's fun just on somebody else's phone.
Speaker 2 (49:02):
Yeah, it's great, But when nobody likes you back and
it really hurts the ego, like genuinely hurts the ego,
and they're like, put this picture up and then like
then you'll get a bunch I was like, no, again,
I'm off this thing, like I'm if I'm going to
meet someone you know.
Speaker 3 (49:20):
It'll be through friends or you know.
Speaker 1 (49:23):
Uh, that black and white Instagram photo from just a
few weeks ago. It's going to get you a lot
of swipe rights on it, on whatever dating app you choose.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
I'm not doing anymore dating it. Okay, not happening. Oh
my goodness.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
Okay, well now I'm blushing and getting sweaty, so I'm
getting off now.
Speaker 3 (49:36):
I love you guys. We'll talk next week.
Host
Jana Kramer
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The Burden
The Burden is a documentary series that takes listeners into the hidden places where justice is done (and undone). It dives deep into the lives of heroes and villains. And it focuses a spotlight on those who triumph even when the odds are against them. Season 5 - The Burden: Death & Deceit in Alliance On April Fools Day 1999, 26-year-old Yvonne Layne was found murdered in her Alliance, Ohio home. David Thorne, her ex-boyfriend and father of one of her children, was instantly a suspect. Another young man admitted to the murder, and David breathed a sigh of relief, until the confessed murderer fingered David; “He paid me to do it.” David was sentenced to life without parole. Two decades later, Pulitzer winner and podcast host, Maggie Freleng (Bone Valley Season 3: Graves County, Wrongful Conviction, Suave) launched a “live” investigation into David's conviction alongside Jason Baldwin (himself wrongfully convicted as a member of the West Memphis Three). Maggie had come to believe that the entire investigation of David was botched by the tiny local police department, or worse, covered up the real killer. Was Maggie correct? Was David’s claim of innocence credible? In Death and Deceit in Alliance, Maggie recounts the case that launched her career, and ultimately, “broke” her.” The results will shock the listener and reduce Maggie to tears and self-doubt. This is not your typical wrongful conviction story. In fact, it turns the genre on its head. It asks the question: What if our champions are foolish? Season 4 - The Burden: Get the Money and Run “Trying to murder my father, this was the thing that put me on the path.” That’s Joe Loya and that path was bank robbery. Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. In season 4 of The Burden: Get the Money and Run, we hear from Joe who was once the most prolific bank robber in Southern California, and beyond. He used disguises, body doubles, proxies. He leaped over counters, grabbed the money and ran. Even as the FBI was closing in. It was a showdown between a daring bank robber, and a patient FBI agent. Joe was no ordinary bank robber. He was bright, articulate, charismatic, and driven by a dark rage that he summoned up at will. In seven episodes, Joe tells all: the what, the how… and the why. Including why he tried to murder his father. Season 3 - The Burden: Avenger Miriam Lewin is one of Argentina’s leading journalists today. At 19 years old, she was kidnapped off the streets of Buenos Aires for her political activism and thrown into a concentration camp. Thousands of her fellow inmates were executed, tossed alive from a cargo plane into the ocean. Miriam, along with a handful of others, will survive the camp. Then as a journalist, she will wage a decades long campaign to bring her tormentors to justice. Avenger is about one woman’s triumphant battle against unbelievable odds to survive torture, claim justice for the crimes done against her and others like her, and change the future of her country. Season 2 - The Burden: Empire on Blood Empire on Blood is set in the Bronx, NY, in the early 90s, when two young drug dealers ruled an intersection known as “The Corner on Blood.” The boss, Calvin Buari, lived large. He and a protege swore they would build an empire on blood. Then the relationship frayed and the protege accused Calvin of a double homicide which he claimed he didn’t do. But did he? Award-winning journalist Steve Fishman spent seven years to answer that question. This is the story of one man’s last chance to overturn his life sentence. He may prevail, but someone’s gotta pay. The Burden: Empire on Blood is the director’s cut of the true crime classic which reached #1 on the charts when it was first released half a dozen years ago. Season 1 - The Burden In the 1990s, Detective Louis N. Scarcella was legendary. In a city overrun by violent crime, he cracked the toughest cases and put away the worst criminals. “The Hulk” was his nickname. Then the story changed. Scarcella ran into a group of convicted murderers who all say they are innocent. They turned themselves into jailhouse-lawyers and in prison founded a lway firm. When they realized Scarcella helped put many of them away, they set their sights on taking him down. And with the help of a NY Times reporter they have a chance. For years, Scarcella insisted he did nothing wrong. But that’s all he’d say. Until we tracked Scarcella to a sauna in a Russian bathhouse, where he started to talk..and talk and talk. “The guilty have gone free,” he whispered. And then agreed to take us into the belly of the beast. Welcome to The Burden.