June 14, 2021 • 51 mins
Jana is trying to balance all the new responsibilities that come with single life and she’s not sure she can handle it all. She talks to life coach Cherie Healey about how to adjust without going over the edge.
Jana reveals the truth about giving Mike one more chance.
And find out how Jana is surviving with a “Rent-A-Husband”
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wine Down with Janne Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. Okay,
so I have the amazing Sharie Um joining the podcast
today because we had asked people to send in their
questions and Sharie is incredible, so obviously we wanted to
get her back onto to go through these questions since
I am not an expert and she is so Shari, Hi,
(00:25):
so good to see you. Good to see you too.
Are you're doing good? Yeah? Yeah, yeah good. I am
like it's one of those things where I didn't realize
how much I depended on the other person in my
life to like help, you know, um. And it was
one of those things where it's like, uh, I I
(00:48):
hired a nanny and she quit, um, and so now
I have zero help. And it's one of those things
where I'm like, I had just a total melt down
their night. I'm like, I did not ask for this
to be like doing this alone. You know, it's so
had So I think I'm just liking a little funk.
I'm being totally honest, but I'm gonna tell you though,
(01:10):
I'm so sorry that she quit, but you're going to
get used to it. Yeah, And honestly, like I don't
even need anybody. I think I just needed someone in
like for that first month, um, just to like help
me with like things that like's you know, when I
was struggling with depression and stuff. But now I'm like, Okay,
(01:30):
I really just need help on like I only really
need help like maybe one day a week because the
other day is like Jolie's going to school and um,
but yeah it is. But it's you know, it's just
I have to Now I'm like the woman in the
man of the house, right, So it's like I have
to like, oh, crap, I forgot to take like I
forgot to take out the trash cans this morning, and
like I'm like, you know, like those are things that
(01:53):
like weren't my responsibility. Um, and you know, I'm like
I was calling one of my girlfriends, Pamelina I've had
on the show a bunch. I'm like, like the air
filters in the house, like I don't know what, Like
I don't know what I'm doing. And then how often
do I have to So it's like learning all the
like things that usually a man would take care of.
(02:14):
And again, like I like the fact that I can
now do things on my time and like when I
like stuff gets done around the house, which I love
now because I'm control, I'm in control of it. It's great.
At the same time, the other day, my my poor neighbor. UM.
I called one of my neighbor husbands and I was
like bawling and I was just like there's a sprinkler
(02:36):
like spewing out and I don't even know who to call.
And like the same day, like my water heater, um,
like I was trying to give Jason bath. He's screaming.
Jolie's crying about like because she didn't want to take
a shower, and UM, I'm like trying to turn the
water on hot and it wouldn't get hot. And I'm like, well,
I like, I'm I can't, you know, You're just like
(02:59):
to like the I was like, God, seriously, like I
don't know, turn the water heater back on. But it's
like learning those things now. I'm like, I'm like, I'm
a total I'm a total catch because I'm a man
and a woman. That's what I was gonna say. Seriously,
because you can I've never met somebody who was so
capable like you, who's just like running all the things.
(03:19):
And we've talked about that even before you're getting divorced,
so you can. And I think you're brilliant that you
called the neighbor husband, because I was gonna say I
did things like, look, I know that I have an
equal masculine and we all do and I can. I
can do it all, but I don't want to. I
don't want to take out the trash. So I started,
(03:41):
like I hired man cleaners. So the man cleaners came
to my house, all dudes, because I was just like, oh,
to toustern around, it just has a different impact, you know,
So task rabbit, rent a husband. They're all out there
for these reasons. Yeah, it was. I had some I
had a few people over and one of the guys
(04:03):
um like the husband's um. I was like, they're like,
you know, anything you needed me to do? And I
was like, I mean, if you want to pick up
the dog poop, like I'm like, and he's like, absolutely,
where's the bag? So I'm like but yeah, but it's
like some of those things, I'm like, I don't know
how to do it. Having said that, I called my
(04:24):
mom because my mom went through a divorce when she
was well, when I was a freshman in high school,
and you know, I called her freaking out about the
water heater, and I'm like, how do I read light it?
How do I know if it's broken if I need
a new one? I was like, you know, meanwhile, like
Jays's screaming in my arm because the last thing I
wanted to do was like call my ex or calls
(04:44):
you know, like I was like, I gotta figure this out,
like myself. You know. Um So I called my mom
because I remember my mom when my parents got divorced.
She's fixing the washer and dryer and getting the part
and like getting dirty, like you know, like she's like
she like she became the man too, and you know,
to this day she's like, you know, she laughs because
(05:06):
like her husband isn't like the handiest of men. So
she's like she's like, um yeah, She's like I can
do all of this. And so she told me how
to like relight it, and it was a it was
a nice little bonding moment, but it's it is very
interesting and you forget, like you forget how much you
do lean on that other person. And then I start
to go, oh, I hope, I like, man, maybe it
(05:27):
should have been more appreciative of like those moments. Since
then I start to be upset about that. I like, shoot,
like maybe I didn't show enough appreciation before those things.
There's another blessing for this whole thing, right there. I
always talk to you about, like what's the good reason
and what's the gift and all of this. You're just
becoming a better human moment by moment. And this is
(05:48):
like a note to all of us that we need
to teach our girls these things, because I don't think
it needs to be a gender role. It should be
that whoever enjoys this task the most, whoever is the
best person for the job, or whoever doesn't get diminished
by it, you know, like I get diminished by taking
out the trash. We're picking up the boot was. So
(06:09):
there should be a way to outsource to whoever would
enjoy and not be taken out by these roles, not
dependent on our gender for sure. No, I ended up
even saying like I can't because I thought I was
gonna be able to like keep both dogs, you know,
because I have the kids, and I was like, I
ended up saying like I can't keep the dogs anymore.
(06:30):
Like I'm like they're they're sending me over the edge,
like I have too much to take care of that
like the fact that like the dog dug up the
sprinkler and broke it and then dug up underneath. I
was like, I like, I don't. I don't have another
ounce in my like or second in my day to
to deal And I felt I feel terrible but at
the same time and I'm like, I just I can't.
I can't have them around right now because it's like
(06:52):
the last thing I want is for me to be
yelling at my kids because my dogs are not pissing
me off, no, sincerely, And I would take away the
feeling terrible right now because I've said it to you before.
The more you want to give, the more you need.
And you have a high the bar for how you
want to run your business and your life and be
a mama. And if the dogs are leaking energy and
(07:12):
there's an equally lovely home for them to go to,
that would have you be able to be the mom
you want to be. And that's a brilliant move. And
I was thinking it kind of could be cute to
like surprise the kids with a smaller dog, like, you know,
maybe Christmas time when I have time, and I you know,
I I like want one dog not to and not
that destroy, you know, but then again a puppy wolf.
(07:34):
I don't know. Well maybe maybe I'll be in a
different spot in you know, however many months away that is,
we'll see. Yeah, yeah, okay, so sure we have some
listener questions and I want to just dive in if
that's cool. Ums from Christina, I'm currently going through a
separation and I'm going through a similar situation to Jena
(07:56):
and would love to get your advice. A little background,
my daughter is four and my son is eighteen months,
and I have no idea what to say to my
daughter when I move out in a few weeks. Has
Janna talked to Jolie about anything going on or why
things are the way they are, If you feel comfortable,
I would love to know what you have said to
her or done to understand help her understand, And I
would love to tree like what I had said to
(08:19):
Jolie was I said, you know, mommy and daddy are
are not going to be married anymore about like, but
we're going to be great friends and we still love
each other and we love you, and we're going to
have separate houses, and so you're gonna have a bet
at daddy's and you're going to have a bet here,
and this is your home and that's her home. And
(08:40):
like I just got saying that we love you, we
love you, we love you, we love you. Um, and
then I asked her, like, you know, is there anything
you want to talk about or like do you have feelings?
And and the only thing that she I think she
said it was like can I watch my iPad now?
Like like I didn't know if like I don't know,
I like it like a registered to her. But then
(09:02):
my friends were like, apparently she's telling everyone that like
mommy and daddy don't live together anymore. Mom and Daddy
have like separate houses. So I it now I know
that she gets it. And like last night was the
first night that it was overnights and that was so
incredibly painful because that was, yeah, the first time that
(09:23):
I've experienced not having the kids in in my home
and in our house. And um, but I wonder, like,
you know, is it something because I've talked to a
few people that said that they send their kids to
a place to you know, talk to someone about it
or and and it's so hard for me and surely
like maybe for this other person to like she gets
(09:47):
excited about Dad's house and like a part of me
like dies inside and I'm like, that's great, Like, oh
my goodness, you love your room. And then in my mind,
I'm like, what do you want in your room? Do
you want new bump beds? Like you know what if
you even like? And obviously I can't do that because
I'm like, how do you do that healthy? Like? And
obviously I would never like I'm always like, oh, that's great,
(10:09):
I'm so glad you love it so much, but it
kills me so help us out here? How do we
do it normal? No? No, I think, And you know,
I'd love to just tell everybody. I don't think there's
a a wrong. There's no right or wrong for each
one of us, with our children who chose us in
this life, we're going to go through this at our
(10:31):
own pace in a way that with the best you know,
with the best intentions, with all that we have to give.
So I just I want to like have everybody to
take a deep breath about that. And I think it's
different for every home. So what what you did it
was very similar to what I did is. I think
(10:51):
we did a slow, you know, a sort of slow transition,
and I think that's always helpful when it can be
slow can't always be, but to have the kids get
used to they My kids were already used to distance.
Their dad didn't always um he worked in l A
and so he wasn't always home, so there was some
(11:12):
slow getting used to not having him around as much.
And then when we decided that we were actually going
to separate and that it would that it would be permanent,
we told them that we we loved them in the
exact same way that you did, like drenching them with love.
We both love you. We do still love each other
because I think at the end of the day, when
(11:32):
you meet somebody, no matter what happens, like I went
throughout a hard times with him, but you can reduce,
like a good reduction sauce the relationship back to the
feeling that was there in the beginning that brought you together.
And so we could genuinely say we love each other,
but we know we're better as friends and we're going
to have two households. And it was exactly what And
(11:54):
I think what they need is as they're ready, as
they asked questions because it they never can absorb at all,
and they really don't know the impact that it's going
to have at the beginning. But to tell them what's
not going to change. Here are all the things that
are going to stay the same, you know, and you
can just lay it out in great detail, like you're
(12:15):
still gonna have your favorite and cheese. You know, you're
still going to go to the same school. We're still
going to have all the same friends, you know, all
the things that they really wonder about. And then to
give them a chance to feel, like you said, to grieve.
If they need professional support. There's so many great humans
that that focus on little ones that can work on
(12:35):
this with them. And maybe you go with them and
you have some time to throw it together. Um that
will they will show you if they need that. And
I think you just being available for all the questions
as they process, you know, your sense of confidence in
the decision and knowingness is going to be like a
(12:57):
warm blanket for them. I yeah, I definitely hear that.
And I'm curious too, because I have this a situation
just arise and this is gonna make me sound really
like mean and probably bitchy and I and I hate
that and that I'm even gonna like admit this, but um,
you know, it's all about trying to learn a little
(13:19):
growth here. But there was because you know, I'm in
charge of like, you know, the kids schooling and this
and that and the other. But a part of me
and he was like, well, let me know when you
know it's her first day or this or that the other,
and a part of me wants to be like, it's online,
look it up. Like why do I have to be
in charge to tell you when your daughter's first day
(13:39):
of school is or when her first half day or
when she has to take Like I don't know why
it bothers me, but like the bigger person in me
should be like, hey, here's the calendar of all this stuff.
But at the same time, I'm like, go online, it's online.
Google it. Yeah, that's a recipe for some resentment to
build up, because if you find, like I did, go
through I found I was absolutely doing everything the lion's
(14:00):
share of all of it, you know. And I think
in the beginning I wanted that control and I wanted
you know, that freedom, and I knew I could do it.
But after a while, I was like, hey, sir, can
you like take over dentist stuff? You know something well,
And so I don't want to mean much of that.
It's more like he won't like like, hey, I want
(14:20):
to know when this is, but I'm like, it's it's
public knowledge, like go on, go on their school's website
and find it out. Like and so is it okay
for me to be like hey, or is that bitchy
of me to be like to to say like, this
is what this says? And that is no, not at
all bitchy. It's it's the bitchy part is saying this
is giving more than I have to give. That's a
(14:41):
need in you that you want to recognize and go
that feels too much and to have your own back
all the way along is the greatest way to get
through this. To know, like we've talked about this, you know,
to put yourself to bed, to get extra support, to
say I've bet on me and I'm going to take
care of me to get through this. So what it
looks like is if you're in charge of education, Let's
(15:03):
say you're in charge of all of it, the activities,
you're in charge too much until you don't want to
be in charge of all the things. You can say
I can take education, and I can happily give you
the schedule and all the things related to education. If
you can take doctors and other things like, think about
(15:26):
the other things in their life that he could take
over that you would gladly want to give up or
bit by bit if you say, I can do all
the school stuff, but I'm going to rely on you
to keep yourself up to date on the dates. It's
got to be what feels right. Don't try to like
steamroll the feeling that that's telling you that's too much.
(15:47):
I don't want to do that. Yeah, it's about making
a deal, you know, Like if I do this and
I take on all the updates for you and everything,
then what about the life Like Kenny come and always
be on book duty when he comes to pick up
the kids? Do you know what I mean? What parts
do you want to give up so that you don't
feel like you're doing at all? No, that makes sense, Danielle.
(16:22):
I am loving this vibe and energy you have lately
now that you're single. What is something you enjoy more
now than when you were married? Also, how have the
kids been doing this seems so happy as well. Um,
now that you're single, what is something you enjoy more
now than when you were married? Um? Sure, it's interesting.
I love my alone time, uh huh. And I have
(16:45):
never liked alone time. I love it, like love it.
If this was going to kick in when you were
so worried about the overnights, and I know, it's really,
really really last night was awful. It was terrible, and
I think it was because it was the first time.
But I'll get it into a routine of like, okay,
like I'll do my Bible study stuff on Wednesday nights
or whatever like beauty and you will your friends will
(17:08):
be like, I'm sorry, you are living the dream you
get every other weekend, you know, you start to get
used to it, and I get that. But then also
I'm like, but I didn't want every other weekend off.
I didn't want every Wednesday off, you know. So it's
like having said that though, because I do spend so
much time with them, because I'm with seventy thirty is
our custody. Se time is like I need that, and
(17:33):
now when I don't have that, I have help. I'm like, okay,
I do I know I need that like day because
I'm starting to get like short or I'm starting to
like my my you know, my my wheels need a
little reason. Yeah. I think for anybody is really really hard,
and a seventy thirty arrangement gives you this now ability
(17:53):
to see who you emerge as in that space. I
think space is vital for all of us. Most of
us don't get enough. Sure you this next question I
definitely want to talk to you about. Because I hadn't mentioned,
I would say it's from Angela. Last week on your podcast,
you mentioned that you haven't been happy and so long?
Can you expand on that? Was it you just going
through the emotions but not truly happy? And I realized
(18:16):
when I said that, I'm like, man, this is going
to come off harsh to people that probably follow us,
because I did, like I should. I was, you know,
I was and and and you know, the week that
I found out everything, Mike and I both were like, man,
we're so good right now, like we're so happy and
like in love and like and I did feel that
(18:39):
having and then when I said, you know, I've been
unhappy for so long that I am that I am
open to having that new maybe potential partner because I
have been miserable. But and people are like, yeah, but
you want another baby, and I was like, I think
I said that because yes, like it's it was for
(19:02):
seven years. It was a struggle, like always wondering when
the next shoe is gonna you know, when the next
explosion was going to happen, or and it was always
like this this constant battle and this constant work. And yes,
we had moments where we were happy and and I
believed in the book that we wrote and I but
there was also I don't think. I think all of
(19:24):
that stuff and all of the things that happened in
the marriage was such a weight on me that once
it was lifted, was like, wow, I was really unhappy,
Like I was being held down by all that energy
and it really affected like me, and like that's why
people now are like, oh, you seem so happy. I'm
like enlightened because I feel that way, and I'm like,
(19:45):
oh my god, Like I actually was like really unhappy,
but I was just like I wanted to I wanted
to fight for it so bad because it was my
kids and was my family and it's like, God, this
is what we've like you know, we we were the
good fight, you know, so it's like, what a failure
if I if like we don't end up together and
it was just all this like stuff, and I'm like,
(20:06):
is is it possible to be unhappy but also coasting
through and having moments of happiness? Like because it confused
me to even when I said it, Yeah, Well it's
a big admission. You know. We're all here trying to
experience happiness in life. That's the whole point of it,
I think. And then when you're not and you say
(20:27):
it's been seven years, it's a big it's a big
thing to say, you know. And I think it rocks
people because we're all doing a really good job on
surface on social media looking like we are, you know.
But you were brave enough to be honest about the weight.
And I think that's it, the heaviness. You're such a
good coper. You were tolerating and coping and doing your
(20:51):
best despite this giant weight. Dries up and do all
the things. And I think a lot of us are
a lot of us in different areas of our life
can probably admit that there's there are a lot of
obstacles and heaviness that we'd love to remove, and you
just showed everybody that you can and that it doesn't
have to mean that it's a failure. Because what I'm
(21:13):
interested in seeing now is what's possible for you in
the lightness. You know, when you give someone actually freedom
like that what they need and you remove fear and
the stress. I think you're going to see that your
soul actually did call this all in because who you
emerge as and the amazing amounts of love that are
(21:36):
going to come into Jason Jolie's life, you know, through you,
through Mike, through just the extended community. Now you see neighbor,
husband's coming over, friends coming over, like there's a whole
lot added, not just being lost. Uh. I don't know
if I want to Ashley, I don't know, she wrote,
(21:59):
she was just my feel sorry for what he did?
Did he want to try with you? Again? For so
long now we have heard both of you talk on
the podcast about relationship and gotten both of your points
of view, you know, mm hmmm. I think we both
(22:20):
realized that it wasn't this relationship wasn't serving either one
of us. And I think there comes a time where
he knew that if something were to happen to this
extent that I said I was done, and for the
first time in my life, I have threatened it many times.
I mean, you know, I separated from him and and
(22:42):
I had to follow through with because if not, I
would have kept happening. Um. And so I think I
think he realizes that. And I think here's something too
sure that I I think he has said sorry, but
there's something in me that m I don't feel that
(23:04):
certain women actually get the sorry that they deserve. Mm hmm.
And I told my therapist, you know, I was just like,
if I got a sorry that really felt off, like
really just like and that that's sort of I'm like,
I'm like, then I can like, okay, move on and heal.
(23:25):
But I'm like, I will I don't think I'll ever
get that because I don't think people in that situation
will ever fully grasp what I actually and what other
people actually feel in that situation. Yeah, and maybe I
hope maybe one, but I can't wait. I can't. I
have I have. I have learned that I have to
walk away knowing that I'll never get the sorry that
(23:46):
I believe that I deserve. So that makes sense, and
that's really hard because I'm like, it baffles me. I'm like,
I would be on my knees like you know. But
I think that just is evidence though, that if there
was the self awareness and the health and well being
(24:07):
enough to say a real story like that, that you
might not be here, you know, because then that would
suggest that person is really aware and deeply aware and healed,
you know, not going through the struggle like I think.
I I think I've heard those words. We've been divorced
(24:29):
over ten years, and I think I've heard attempts, but
I still don't feel like there's a true awareness of
what this did and the pain that it caused. And
where I get my sorry, where I get like closure
and peace is knowing that my soul called this and
(24:54):
knowing who I've become because of it, knowing that I
worked through all my own childhood traumas through this man,
that he is the perfect man to work it through.
And you know, the idea that we accomplished what we
were here to do in a tenure marriage versus a
lifetime sure that we we did it. Yeah, we need
(25:16):
to have Like I was talking to another girl too
about this, It's like we need to for the women
that haven't gotten sorry they deserve. I want to be
able to say like, I am sorry like that you
had to go through this, because I want that for
you know. And it's like I would love that if
someone did that for me, you know. So it's like
there's something I think that could be really cool around that.
For sure, beauty, you should because this is something I
(25:39):
actually learned a long time ago that you know, when
you let's got into a car crash, you wouldn't go
to the person who hit you in the car to
put you back together. You'd go to a doctor. You
know that we can go to each other and say,
I am so sorry that you're going through this. I
am so sorry for your pain and for the hurt
(26:01):
when your kids leave for their pain, I and just
do a really good, generous I'm sorry for each other
and that is deeply healing. Sure, sure, thank you so much.
I know you have to run um, but thank you
for coming on and we'll definitely have you come back
on again very soon. All right, I want to give
you one more thing on the note of the competition,
(26:25):
you know, feeling like I want my room or room
to be better than at Mike's or I want to
have a better time here at my house. Just remember
that this whole idea that every child has two parents,
there is only one Janna. Those babies will only be
able to get what they need from you through you
in the way that you give it. So love on
(26:47):
yourself for wanting to meet their needs and make them happy,
like that's just coming from a longing to give them
the greatest life, which is so unbelievably dear, And then
just route down and know that Mike is Mike. You
or you they called in you both and they're going
to get all that they need from you. Yeah, I
love that. Thanks, Sherrie. I appreciate you, all right, I
(27:10):
appreciate you, honey. Toxin alright, toxiny all right. We're gonna
take a break and then, um, I have some more questions. Hi, Mark, Hi,
(27:34):
First of all, how are you tell me about your
life because I'm kind of sick of talking about mine.
I'm fine, everything's fine here. We had family in town
over the weekend, and we made up for a year
and a half of an activity in one weekend. So
you're exhausted. You know, when you lived in l A,
I'm sure you had this people who coming to visit,
and so you have to do all of the tour
(27:55):
rifty things, maybe everything you can imagine. You know what
I would do though, I would just like get a
car and be like, there's the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
There's like never get out, just it's a drive. We
got out. We did a dodgery game, we did the Beach,
we did the Walk of Fame, we did the Observatory,
we did um, the Santa Barbara Zoo like we were
(28:15):
that's a that's a cute zou Zoo. Did the Brady
Bunch House, the Golden Girl's House, Back to the Future
House three days. Well, I've never seen the Brady Bunch,
this all the other ones. So maybe when I come
to l A next week you can do around too
and show me. Pretty Bunch is great, back to the
(28:38):
Future is great. They looked just like it. They're unchanged.
Golden Girls was disappointed. They've painted it. They put a
fence up. They want no part of the pop culture
history that they're living. And so that's too bad, right that? Yeah? Wow, Well, um,
I'm glad you're able to have a lone time because
it's very it's very fun to have family come in
town for the first you hours, and then you're like,
(29:01):
oh my god, I've got four days of this. And
then when they leave, it's like, oh, I love the
empty house, but I mean I wish I would have
enjoyed it a little bit more. Yeah, And it's been
a week of putting everything back together again. Pretty much?
Al right, do we have any more questions? All right?
Melissa asks, I also have just ended things with my
husband and did not expect to feel lost and confused
(29:23):
like I do. We alreadygether for so long and you'ed
every part of our lives together. Is there anything I
can do to feel like myself again without having him
part of my life? What has helped you? So? I
have redone pretty much the entire house. Um, about to
do the podcast room. This is the last room. But
I've I've sold a bunch of stuff on Facebook Marketplace,
(29:46):
and I have just rearranged gotten new pieces and um,
actually I sold my ring, and that money from the
ring was the furniture and the the the new additions
to the house and like the new chairs and this.
(30:06):
So that was like kind of my because I debated,
I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna sell this ring, and then
I'm gonna maybe buy myself something like a bag or
like my divorce present. And I was like, honestly, what
would make me happiest is to have new energy in
the house. And so I just I took that money
and then I gave it to my UM, hired these
entire design ladies and said, this is the budget and
(30:26):
redo the rooms. And so it's nice to feel because
this is our house and we made memories here and
UM and I needed to create a new space that
felt like me and felt like mine. And so now
I have someone actually over right now painting the bar
room and I'm gonna make it this really cool, little
like girly you know, um, you know, wine bar, and
(30:50):
so I'm that's helped me a lot. And then also, um,
I mean I the first month, like I again, because
I like that companionship. I was just you know, stared
at the walls and didn't move until I basically fell asleep.
But now it's like, okay, I'm gonna you know, call
a friend or I'm starting to make my own traditions
at night, and you know, I'm reading books or I'm
(31:13):
watching shows and and not and not letting myself kind
of sit there. So the more that you kind of
get yourself out and start doing things, you start to
feel like yourself. And then you're like, what do I
like to do? Like, oh, I actually enjoy sitting out
here by myself, or I like, you know, I like
catching up with old friends. So just I would just
find something that you try to create new spaces and
(31:36):
also you know, go through the emotions, but then also
figure out something that will make you happy and what
you want to do. Sorry to jump back to this,
the emotion of selling the ring. Was it a get
this away from me? Or was it a pretty difficult
thing or both? I mean it's the second ring I've
(31:59):
had to get rid of from him, because the first ring,
I was like, I will never put this back on
my hand. And so he had reproposed to me in
Napa a few years ago, um with this now new ring,
and I took every diamond he ever bought me and
I sold them because I didn't want to look at
them ever again because to me, like, for example, he
(32:22):
brought me this beautiful I mean beautiful, it's actually an
he sad um, it's a beautiful bracelet for our book
to congratulate on the best time seller, and you know,
just like you know, he thanked me for you know,
the work that I put in in our relationship. And
I wanted to keep it so bad because it was
(32:43):
such a pretty bracelet, but it represented something that was
not true, you know. For it was true that I,
you know, worked very hard for the relationship, but I
just didn't like the To me, it represented our book
and the and it hurt me too much to keep that.
(33:03):
So I mean, I took every earring, I took every bracelet,
I took the wedding ring, and I had my two girlfriends,
Shane Grimes and um Sarah Gretzky, and we went to
the jeweler and I said, take it, let me know
how much. And they, you know, they called the guy
and it felt I mean, it was sad, but at
(33:25):
the same time, they could be the most beautiful things
in the world. But if it doesn't what what they
represented made them the ugliest things I've ever seen, right,
And they would It's almost like a curse or something
like every time you saw them, all these negative things
would come to mind. Getting them away from you, I
(33:47):
think is cathartic. Yeah, it was, and then that's when
I'm like, okay, and now I've got this check and
that was what I'm like, what am I gonna do
with it? Well, I'm gonna represent you know, they have
cleaned the house with it, and and and get new
new stuff new front sure, and then get rid of
the other stuff because I don't want that reminder. We
get rid of the plane pictures behind you. Yes, it's
(34:07):
actually someone just got that today on Facebook my place
for fifty bucks and the foods on. So I've got
a hold Like this room is gonna look sick, It's
gonna look so cool. So yeah, this is the last
room that needs to be done. Yeah, alright, Kyle says,
I'm curious where you are currently with your anxiety with
(34:29):
anxiety and myself and you had said it has calmed
down so much since you went your separate ways. Has
this kept up? And you have advice for me and
how I can call mine it relationally or like it
was okay, So I mentioned this on the podcast a
few weeks ago, But my anxiety has been like I
(34:50):
haven't really had anxiety. Um, the one time that I
had anxiety was obviously the first day, the morning of
because when I was reading all this stuff on like
Twitter and Instagram was like train of camera files for
divorce and it set me just like into a tailspin
of anxiety and it was really really bad and that
was hard, and UM, we talked about that previously. But UM,
(35:11):
so since then, my anxiety has been great. It only
gets bad when, honestly, when when there's communication with Mike
and it's um, he did it. Just it brings me
right back to like those moments of just our relationship,
and so limiting communication has been really helpful for my anxiety. UM.
(35:32):
And then honestly, like what helps for me is, UM,
if you're struggling, there's a lot of grounding exercises that
you can do. UM. Sometimes like I'll put my feet out,
I'll go outside and put my feet like, um, you
know it's grounding, like you're literally your feet to the
to the concrete or grass or whatever. And um, but
there's a lot of tips on how to ground yourself.
And then I mean, I have no shame in it.
(35:54):
I take medicine. UM, And honestly that I was thinking
the other day, I'm like and I'm like, I'm I
have such a weightlifted. And then because I don't have
anxiety and wake up in the middle of night anymore,
Like I almost don't even feel like I I need
it anymore. But I'm gonna I'm gonna slow step that
(36:14):
because maybe I'm just maybe that's just the beginning. So
we'll see. But just give yourself grace and I will
say this too, don't hide from the fact, like there's
been plenty of times when I've been afraid to um
talk to someone like other good thing, I'm ridiculous from
having a panic attack. The more I say I'm having
a panic attack right now, like most of the times,
(36:35):
people can be like, Okay, what can how can I
help you? And it helps me like know that I'm
all right, And I think that that's a reason like
you were talking about with Shari to um send him
the school calendar, m you know. But it makes me
feel bitchy though, But you could do it in a
different way, like you don't have to do it like
(36:56):
here you go. I think this will help you, know whatever,
try to find it positively. Anything that limits the communication,
I think it's gonna beneficial to you. Yeah, yeah, yes,
all right, Lauren, How have you navigated learning the things
your partner used to be in charge of Oh, we
hit on this a little bit earlier. For example, my
partner was in charge of maintenance around the house and
the other day I had to fix a broken air conditioner.
(37:17):
I had no idea where to start. I want to
learn to do things on my own, but sometimes it's
just too much. That's been exciting or stressful or overwhelming
for you. Are there times you're stubborn asking for help
from others? Oh yeah, I'm like I have the hardest
time asking for help. Um and uh, you know, I
think you have to. Um, I think it's one of
(37:41):
those things. Is as hard as it is for me
to ask for help. Well, I don't even the thing.
I don't even help anymore. I need help, but you know, Okay, So,
for example, I was with Pamlin the other day and
I was like, I'm so stressed out. I need help,
And she's like, how can I help you? And I
(38:02):
was like no, no, no no, I'm fine, and she's like,
you just said you need help. So I'm offering, like
saying like how can I help you? And then I
was like, well, okay. For example, like I need someone
to watch the kids next Friday because Mike's out of
town and I I'm a town and I don't have
anyone that can help. She said, great, what time do
you need me over there? I can bring the kids
over And instantly I was like, oh really, like okay,
(38:26):
thank you. But I'm like, I don't want to burden
any of my friends too. But at the same time,
I'm like, I'm I'm at my like limit, Like I'm
I feel like I'm going to have like a nervous breakdown.
Flip that if you can't, like, if she asked you
to watch her kids, you would do it in a heartbeat.
And I said that to my wife sometimes because she
feels the same way, like, oh, you know, our daughter
has to get dance and we're not gonna be able
(38:47):
to take her for whatever reason. Oh no, And I said, well,
can't Megan make her? And she goes, I don't want
to ask her? Well why not? If Megan asked us,
we'd be there in a heartbeat. So why wouldn't we
ask Megan. It's fine if you flip it. I think
it makes you feel a little bit better about it.
That's true. Yeah, And I would help him one out
in a heartbeat. Obviously, with everything and anything. So yeah,
I mean that makes total sense. But yeah, but I
(39:09):
get it. I get the I get not wanted to
bring other people. I totally understand. You know, it's it's
so hard. I have this thing where I don't like, like,
you know, my wife has the things and she does
every week. I think that I do every week, and
sometimes like if she'll do one of the things that's
normally my job, like I changed the air conditioning filter,
I'll be like, well, that's my job and I don't
(39:30):
have that many and I like to feel needed, like
I want to like I'm like the man and like
I don't want you do this whole thing without me. Yeah,
I mean because because she can't, well she can, she can,
she can, So like I've realized I can do it
without you can, but I don't want to. Right. Yes,
(39:51):
that's a lot. Jackie says, You're doing it all and
it's so amazing to see. How do you juggle your kids,
your work, your friends and your family and yourself and
your heal Where do you put the priority and are
there times you're torn and what to focus on? Is
this easier or more difficult to do? Since ending things
with your Rex I mean, I kind of it. Talked
(40:11):
about that with SERI where my focus is, and I
wrote this to an email with Mike. I was like,
I need you to take the dogs because they're setting
me over the edge. And my focus is the kids
and the kids only and I don't have I don't
have a second. At the end of the day, I
don't because I'm with the kids and then I work
when they go down. So by like ten o'clock, I'm exhausted.
(40:32):
Do I want to go outside and pick up dog poop? No?
Do I want to? Like yeah, I'm like I can't.
I'm like, or fix the sprinkler head that was just broken.
Like so I think it's about knowing like my limitations
and knowing that like I can't handle an extra set
of two dogs. And it's like so again maybe down
the road, like I'll figure out a rhythm, but I'm
(40:54):
not there and I need and I need help. But
I think, you know, back to the question, which is
how do you balance it all? It's hard to balance.
But I think I'm just I'm figuring out the new normal.
I'm figuring out, Okay, what what can I handle and
what can I not handle? Well? Right, now I can't
handle the dogs, so they gotta go. And you know that.
(41:14):
Some people might say I'm mean for that, but well,
I'm doing them a favor because honestly, I would love
to keep Waffles, but they love each other so much
that I don't want to separate the two Chance and Waffles,
so that's not fair for them. So I'm actually being
selfless and saying you're keeping them together. So yeah, I'm
(41:35):
with you. I understand how that could be. There's always
gonna be one one thing too many. Jazzy says, your
girl's troup looked like so much fun. Did you have
to get into the mindset of having fun and letting
loose or was that easy to get into that mode?
Were you nervous at all about how you would feel? Yeah,
I was. I thought i'd be. I was. I thought
I would be a lot sadder. Um, but I was. Yeah.
(42:01):
It was fun, like I really like just had a
good time. And there was moments where I got a
little sad. But my girlfriends were like, it's not out
of it, Like you got this like we're good, we're good,
we're having fun. You're letting your little girls out, like
like like you like or you know, like we're we're
we're doing this. Um And honestly, again, the only time
(42:23):
that I had a tough time was when I communicated
with Mike and Catherine took my phone and she goes,
no communication because I know exactly who you're talking to
right now, and I'm like, well but like and you know,
she's like nope, he's not gonna like no, you guys
are not talking right now. So um, yeah, that was
that was the only time that I had was the communication.
(42:46):
So did you get hit on? Yeah, like I still
got it. Yeah, that's the whole point of the weekend, right, Yeah,
it felt nice. It was yeah, But then he lost
me at the he like we're at this bar and
(43:10):
he's like, you know, he was cute. He's tall, he
was cute and like he came up and started talking
to me and I was like all right, like I'm
you know, I'm just gonna enjoy the flirt and he
was like he was cute until he was like, can
I come to Nashville and play the ukulele for you?
And I'm like, I don't really like a ukulele isn't
(43:32):
really like a sexy instrument? Um No, Like I think
I'm good. Yeah, so I turned that one down. Um.
And then yeah, there was one other one who was
like so the night of my anniversary or would have
been the anniversary. Um, there was these like married men,
(43:55):
all married and but they were like fun you know,
and they they were kind of like having fun with us,
and they're like you should come on this yacht. Um.
So that so that they sent over wine to us
and we're like thanks, you know, and then um, after
we got done having our wine, they're like, come come
sit with us, and like they again they were like
good guys. We actually kind of made me sad because
(44:17):
I'm like, you know, they're like showing me pictures of
their wives and their kids. The one was like on
the verge of a divorce, so he was the one
that started the like, you know, the fun flirtatious thing
going on. Um, and you know they were there was
funny because they were all at the table like trying
to set me up. They're like, oh what about this guy?
Oh what about this guy? Like oh what about like
my friend here? And they're like showing me photos and
(44:38):
I'm like, guys, like and then they're like what about
this guy? He's got a big yacht and we're going
on the yacht tomorrow and I was like, I am
not going on a yacht. I was like, well, who's going?
Because they're like, oh, these like twenty like some like
twenty girls and like I'm like not happening, Like I'm not.
I don't care how much of money is like, and
they're like, yeah, he's like a billionaire. I was like,
I don't care. It does not like genuinely like I
(45:01):
am self made and I never want to rely on
a man or anything like I'm fine, I can take
care of myself. I don't need to go on this
dude's yacht. So we end up my friend Pamela and
ends up finding her friend was in town and she
was on a yacht. Well what happened to be at
the same yacht? Uh, you know whatever harbor or whatever
(45:22):
that they took off from. So we're on another person's
yacht and we were texting the one of the guys
and we're like hey, like we we basically see their boat.
And the one guy that they were trying to set
me up with was like, what are you doing on
that boat? And I was like I don't need your
boat I got my own boat and it was like
(45:45):
epic because I'm like, dude, I don't care, I don't
care like that. I'm like, you don't care about what
if you were an awesome dude? Like take the money
out of it. I mean we ended up. Um. I
ended up seeing him at the they invited us to
drinks um the night that I got hit by ukulele
boy and um, and he was he was very nice,
(46:05):
like very nice guy. Um. You know, it wasn't it
was again. It was nice to flirt, but it wasn't
my thing. Yeah, well, I think now was the time
for flirting. It's not time to go past flirting, right
unless I meet someone that like I really, I don't know,
like I'm I'm open to it. Good. Yeah, all right?
(46:27):
I think we have one more? Really? Is there one more? Corey?
I need some advice on how to handle a touchy subject,
how I feel about it. I broke up with my
X a few months ago, and I'm starting to feel
like I want to talk to other guys again. I'm
more finding someone new and what my ex will think
about me dating again. We share a little girl together,
so he's still in my life and I don't want
negative opinions to ruin potential data relationships. Do I tell
(46:50):
him first or tell them only when I'm in a
future relationship. Well, this segway is nicely to what we
were just talking about. Yeah, so I've definitely like, I
don't want to know who Mike is hanging out with.
I don't want him to know who I'm hanging out with.
But when it's serious, that's then the conversation to be like, hey,
you know, this person is someone I've been seeing for
six months plus maybe whatever time, and there's someone that
(47:14):
I would like the kids to meet. I think you
have to have that conversation in respect your spouse or
partner or whatever, because I would be very upset if
he introduced the kids to a girl without my knowledge. Um,
and we had a we're very on the same page
with that, so um, you know. I think it's again
(47:35):
one of those things where if it's serious and you
can see yourself being in a long term relationship with
that person and it's involving the kids, that's when you
should say something. But until that point, I don't think
you have to say anything. Nonday business and I like,
I don't want to know so like, only come to
me when like you're about to introduce the kids to
(47:57):
the next maybe mom, stepmom, whatever. You're gonna date a
lot of ukulele boys, and that boyfriend doesn't need to
know about every one of them. It's exactly like me
and ukulele are going to go out and yeah, like
it's none of their business. The kids were involved, then
it becomes their business. Yeah, because you know that person
is essentially and you know, whoever is in my life
(48:20):
is going to have the kids seventy percent of the time.
So they're going to have more time with my kids
than their own dad, which I could not handle. If
that wasn't the worst, but I mean, you're gonna have
a hard time with But we'll cross that bridge when
we come into it. Yeah, I want a hundred, but
it's not fair for the kids. I'm actually thinking about
(48:40):
my children and it's very hard when I'm like, they're
my kids. Anyways, Well, fun show. I opened up about Miami.
That was fun. Oh lord yeah, m hm. Oh. Also,
my friends tried to get me to sign up for
a dating app and I went on there and I
(49:06):
was like, guys, I have had zero hits and my
friends like, well, let me see the photo. And they're like,
because it's with you and your two kids, and I was, oh, what,
I like, it's my kids. My friends like you will
not get any hits and I was like, well then,
I like and then I'm getting off of this thing,
like then like if they don't like, no, so I'm
(49:29):
I'm I'm never I'm never going on a dating app again.
It was lasted for one day. I don't know a
lot about dating apps, obviously, but I do think it's
a I think protocol is you could include that as
one of your sub photos. Your main photo cannot be that.
But I'm a mom. I wanted them to know I'm
a mom and I love my kids, and I mean
I thought I looked cute in the photo, but apparently,
(49:49):
like I mean, like me, Jolian Jay's were really rocking it,
but like yeah, but no, I immediately got off, like
within that day. I was like, f this, Like, I'm
not I'm not taking a picture of my kids down
as my main profile because that is who I am,
you know, but I see your side too, Like I
(50:10):
see your side too, like heay, but like I would
want to know that they're a parent. But maybe that's
because I'm in a situation. So anyone that's probably looking,
maybe that's a kid hide that you don't want to
hide it, and it's just not the main first thing
they see, because look, they're going to be the already
number three in your life no matter what. And yes,
it's good to know that, but no one wants to
(50:31):
hear that the first thing I think is fun just
on somebody else's phone. Yeah, it's great. But when nobody
likes you back and really hurts the ego, like genuinely
hurts the ego, and they're like, put this picture up
(50:52):
and then like then you'll get a bunch, I was like,
no again, I'm off this thing. Like if I'm going
to meet someone, you know, it'll be through friends or
you know that black and white Instagram photo from just
a few weeks ago. I was gonna get you a
lot of wipe rights on it, on whatever dating gap
you choose. I'm not doing anymore dating it, Okay, not happening,
Oh my goodness. Okay, well now I'm blushing and getting sweaty,
(51:14):
so I'm getting off now. I love you guys. We'll
talk next week.
Wine Down with Janne Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. Okay,
so I have the amazing Sharie Um joining the podcast
today because we had asked people to send in their
questions and Sharie is incredible, so obviously we wanted to
get her back onto to go through these questions since
I am not an expert and she is so Shari, Hi,
(00:25):
so good to see you. Good to see you too.
Are you're doing good? Yeah? Yeah, yeah good. I am
like it's one of those things where I didn't realize
how much I depended on the other person in my
life to like help, you know, um. And it was
one of those things where it's like, uh, I I
(00:48):
hired a nanny and she quit, um, and so now
I have zero help. And it's one of those things
where I'm like, I had just a total melt down
their night. I'm like, I did not ask for this
to be like doing this alone. You know, it's so
had So I think I'm just liking a little funk.
I'm being totally honest, but I'm gonna tell you though,
(01:10):
I'm so sorry that she quit, but you're going to
get used to it. Yeah, And honestly, like I don't
even need anybody. I think I just needed someone in
like for that first month, um, just to like help
me with like things that like's you know, when I
was struggling with depression and stuff. But now I'm like, Okay,
(01:30):
I really just need help on like I only really
need help like maybe one day a week because the
other day is like Jolie's going to school and um,
but yeah it is. But it's you know, it's just
I have to Now I'm like the woman in the
man of the house, right, So it's like I have
to like, oh, crap, I forgot to take like I
forgot to take out the trash cans this morning, and
like I'm like, you know, like those are things that
(01:53):
like weren't my responsibility. Um, and you know, I'm like
I was calling one of my girlfriends, Pamelina I've had
on the show a bunch. I'm like, like the air
filters in the house, like I don't know what, Like
I don't know what I'm doing. And then how often
do I have to So it's like learning all the
like things that usually a man would take care of.
(02:14):
And again, like I like the fact that I can
now do things on my time and like when I
like stuff gets done around the house, which I love
now because I'm control, I'm in control of it. It's great.
At the same time, the other day, my my poor neighbor. UM.
I called one of my neighbor husbands and I was
like bawling and I was just like there's a sprinkler
(02:36):
like spewing out and I don't even know who to call.
And like the same day, like my water heater, um,
like I was trying to give Jason bath. He's screaming.
Jolie's crying about like because she didn't want to take
a shower, and UM, I'm like trying to turn the
water on hot and it wouldn't get hot. And I'm like, well,
I like, I'm I can't, you know, You're just like
(02:59):
to like the I was like, God, seriously, like I
don't know, turn the water heater back on. But it's
like learning those things now. I'm like, I'm like, I'm
a total I'm a total catch because I'm a man
and a woman. That's what I was gonna say. Seriously,
because you can I've never met somebody who was so
capable like you, who's just like running all the things.
(03:19):
And we've talked about that even before you're getting divorced,
so you can. And I think you're brilliant that you
called the neighbor husband, because I was gonna say I
did things like, look, I know that I have an
equal masculine and we all do and I can. I
can do it all, but I don't want to. I
don't want to take out the trash. So I started,
(03:41):
like I hired man cleaners. So the man cleaners came
to my house, all dudes, because I was just like, oh,
to toustern around, it just has a different impact, you know,
So task rabbit, rent a husband. They're all out there
for these reasons. Yeah, it was. I had some I
had a few people over and one of the guys
(04:03):
um like the husband's um. I was like, they're like,
you know, anything you needed me to do? And I
was like, I mean, if you want to pick up
the dog poop, like I'm like, and he's like, absolutely,
where's the bag? So I'm like but yeah, but it's
like some of those things, I'm like, I don't know
how to do it. Having said that, I called my
(04:24):
mom because my mom went through a divorce when she
was well, when I was a freshman in high school,
and you know, I called her freaking out about the
water heater, and I'm like, how do I read light it?
How do I know if it's broken if I need
a new one? I was like, you know, meanwhile, like
Jays's screaming in my arm because the last thing I
wanted to do was like call my ex or calls
(04:44):
you know, like I was like, I gotta figure this out,
like myself. You know. Um So I called my mom
because I remember my mom when my parents got divorced.
She's fixing the washer and dryer and getting the part
and like getting dirty, like you know, like she's like
she like she became the man too, and you know,
to this day she's like, you know, she laughs because
(05:06):
like her husband isn't like the handiest of men. So
she's like she's like, um yeah, She's like I can
do all of this. And so she told me how
to like relight it, and it was a it was
a nice little bonding moment, but it's it is very
interesting and you forget, like you forget how much you
do lean on that other person. And then I start
to go, oh, I hope, I like, man, maybe it
(05:27):
should have been more appreciative of like those moments. Since
then I start to be upset about that. I like, shoot,
like maybe I didn't show enough appreciation before those things.
There's another blessing for this whole thing, right there. I
always talk to you about, like what's the good reason
and what's the gift and all of this. You're just
becoming a better human moment by moment. And this is
(05:48):
like a note to all of us that we need
to teach our girls these things, because I don't think
it needs to be a gender role. It should be
that whoever enjoys this task the most, whoever is the
best person for the job, or whoever doesn't get diminished
by it, you know, like I get diminished by taking
out the trash. We're picking up the boot was. So
(06:09):
there should be a way to outsource to whoever would
enjoy and not be taken out by these roles, not
dependent on our gender for sure. No, I ended up
even saying like I can't because I thought I was
gonna be able to like keep both dogs, you know,
because I have the kids, and I was like, I
ended up saying like I can't keep the dogs anymore.
(06:30):
Like I'm like they're they're sending me over the edge,
like I have too much to take care of that
like the fact that like the dog dug up the
sprinkler and broke it and then dug up underneath. I
was like, I like, I don't. I don't have another
ounce in my like or second in my day to
to deal And I felt I feel terrible but at
the same time and I'm like, I just I can't.
I can't have them around right now because it's like
(06:52):
the last thing I want is for me to be
yelling at my kids because my dogs are not pissing
me off, no, sincerely, And I would take away the
feeling terrible right now because I've said it to you before.
The more you want to give, the more you need.
And you have a high the bar for how you
want to run your business and your life and be
a mama. And if the dogs are leaking energy and
(07:12):
there's an equally lovely home for them to go to,
that would have you be able to be the mom
you want to be. And that's a brilliant move. And
I was thinking it kind of could be cute to
like surprise the kids with a smaller dog, like, you know,
maybe Christmas time when I have time, and I you know,
I I like want one dog not to and not
that destroy, you know, but then again a puppy wolf.
(07:34):
I don't know. Well maybe maybe I'll be in a
different spot in you know, however many months away that is,
we'll see. Yeah, yeah, okay, so sure we have some
listener questions and I want to just dive in if
that's cool. Ums from Christina, I'm currently going through a
separation and I'm going through a similar situation to Jena
(07:56):
and would love to get your advice. A little background,
my daughter is four and my son is eighteen months,
and I have no idea what to say to my
daughter when I move out in a few weeks. Has
Janna talked to Jolie about anything going on or why
things are the way they are, If you feel comfortable,
I would love to know what you have said to
her or done to understand help her understand, And I
would love to tree like what I had said to
(08:19):
Jolie was I said, you know, mommy and daddy are
are not going to be married anymore about like, but
we're going to be great friends and we still love
each other and we love you, and we're going to
have separate houses, and so you're gonna have a bet
at daddy's and you're going to have a bet here,
and this is your home and that's her home. And
(08:40):
like I just got saying that we love you, we
love you, we love you, we love you. Um, and
then I asked her, like, you know, is there anything
you want to talk about or like do you have feelings?
And and the only thing that she I think she
said it was like can I watch my iPad now?
Like like I didn't know if like I don't know,
I like it like a registered to her. But then
(09:02):
my friends were like, apparently she's telling everyone that like
mommy and daddy don't live together anymore. Mom and Daddy
have like separate houses. So I it now I know
that she gets it. And like last night was the
first night that it was overnights and that was so
incredibly painful because that was, yeah, the first time that
(09:23):
I've experienced not having the kids in in my home
and in our house. And um, but I wonder, like,
you know, is it something because I've talked to a
few people that said that they send their kids to
a place to you know, talk to someone about it
or and and it's so hard for me and surely
like maybe for this other person to like she gets
(09:47):
excited about Dad's house and like a part of me
like dies inside and I'm like, that's great, Like, oh
my goodness, you love your room. And then in my mind,
I'm like, what do you want in your room? Do
you want new bump beds? Like you know what if
you even like? And obviously I can't do that because
I'm like, how do you do that healthy? Like? And
obviously I would never like I'm always like, oh, that's great,
(10:09):
I'm so glad you love it so much, but it
kills me so help us out here? How do we
do it normal? No? No, I think, And you know,
I'd love to just tell everybody. I don't think there's
a a wrong. There's no right or wrong for each
one of us, with our children who chose us in
this life, we're going to go through this at our
(10:31):
own pace in a way that with the best you know,
with the best intentions, with all that we have to give.
So I just I want to like have everybody to
take a deep breath about that. And I think it's
different for every home. So what what you did it
was very similar to what I did is. I think
(10:51):
we did a slow, you know, a sort of slow transition,
and I think that's always helpful when it can be
slow can't always be, but to have the kids get
used to they My kids were already used to distance.
Their dad didn't always um he worked in l A
and so he wasn't always home, so there was some
(11:12):
slow getting used to not having him around as much.
And then when we decided that we were actually going
to separate and that it would that it would be permanent,
we told them that we we loved them in the
exact same way that you did, like drenching them with love.
We both love you. We do still love each other
because I think at the end of the day, when
(11:32):
you meet somebody, no matter what happens, like I went
throughout a hard times with him, but you can reduce,
like a good reduction sauce the relationship back to the
feeling that was there in the beginning that brought you together.
And so we could genuinely say we love each other,
but we know we're better as friends and we're going
to have two households. And it was exactly what And
(11:54):
I think what they need is as they're ready, as
they asked questions because it they never can absorb at all,
and they really don't know the impact that it's going
to have at the beginning. But to tell them what's
not going to change. Here are all the things that
are going to stay the same, you know, and you
can just lay it out in great detail, like you're
(12:15):
still gonna have your favorite and cheese. You know, you're
still going to go to the same school. We're still
going to have all the same friends, you know, all
the things that they really wonder about. And then to
give them a chance to feel, like you said, to grieve.
If they need professional support. There's so many great humans
that that focus on little ones that can work on
(12:35):
this with them. And maybe you go with them and
you have some time to throw it together. Um that
will they will show you if they need that. And
I think you just being available for all the questions
as they process, you know, your sense of confidence in
the decision and knowingness is going to be like a
(12:57):
warm blanket for them. I yeah, I definitely hear that.
And I'm curious too, because I have this a situation
just arise and this is gonna make me sound really
like mean and probably bitchy and I and I hate
that and that I'm even gonna like admit this, but um,
you know, it's all about trying to learn a little
(13:19):
growth here. But there was because you know, I'm in
charge of like, you know, the kids schooling and this
and that and the other. But a part of me
and he was like, well, let me know when you
know it's her first day or this or that the other,
and a part of me wants to be like, it's online,
look it up. Like why do I have to be
in charge to tell you when your daughter's first day
(13:39):
of school is or when her first half day or
when she has to take Like I don't know why
it bothers me, but like the bigger person in me
should be like, hey, here's the calendar of all this stuff.
But at the same time, I'm like, go online, it's online.
Google it. Yeah, that's a recipe for some resentment to
build up, because if you find, like I did, go
through I found I was absolutely doing everything the lion's
(14:00):
share of all of it, you know. And I think
in the beginning I wanted that control and I wanted
you know, that freedom, and I knew I could do it.
But after a while, I was like, hey, sir, can
you like take over dentist stuff? You know something well,
And so I don't want to mean much of that.
It's more like he won't like like, hey, I want
(14:20):
to know when this is, but I'm like, it's it's
public knowledge, like go on, go on their school's website
and find it out. Like and so is it okay
for me to be like hey, or is that bitchy
of me to be like to to say like, this
is what this says? And that is no, not at
all bitchy. It's it's the bitchy part is saying this
is giving more than I have to give. That's a
(14:41):
need in you that you want to recognize and go
that feels too much and to have your own back
all the way along is the greatest way to get
through this. To know, like we've talked about this, you know,
to put yourself to bed, to get extra support, to
say I've bet on me and I'm going to take
care of me to get through this. So what it
looks like is if you're in charge of education, Let's
(15:03):
say you're in charge of all of it, the activities,
you're in charge too much until you don't want to
be in charge of all the things. You can say
I can take education, and I can happily give you
the schedule and all the things related to education. If
you can take doctors and other things like, think about
(15:26):
the other things in their life that he could take
over that you would gladly want to give up or
bit by bit if you say, I can do all
the school stuff, but I'm going to rely on you
to keep yourself up to date on the dates. It's
got to be what feels right. Don't try to like
steamroll the feeling that that's telling you that's too much.
(15:47):
I don't want to do that. Yeah, it's about making
a deal, you know, Like if I do this and
I take on all the updates for you and everything,
then what about the life Like Kenny come and always
be on book duty when he comes to pick up
the kids? Do you know what I mean? What parts
do you want to give up so that you don't
feel like you're doing at all? No, that makes sense, Danielle.
(16:22):
I am loving this vibe and energy you have lately
now that you're single. What is something you enjoy more
now than when you were married? Also, how have the
kids been doing this seems so happy as well. Um,
now that you're single, what is something you enjoy more
now than when you were married? Um? Sure, it's interesting.
I love my alone time, uh huh. And I have
(16:45):
never liked alone time. I love it, like love it.
If this was going to kick in when you were
so worried about the overnights, and I know, it's really,
really really last night was awful. It was terrible, and
I think it was because it was the first time.
But I'll get it into a routine of like, okay,
like I'll do my Bible study stuff on Wednesday nights
or whatever like beauty and you will your friends will
(17:08):
be like, I'm sorry, you are living the dream you
get every other weekend, you know, you start to get
used to it, and I get that. But then also
I'm like, but I didn't want every other weekend off.
I didn't want every Wednesday off, you know. So it's
like having said that though, because I do spend so
much time with them, because I'm with seventy thirty is
our custody. Se time is like I need that, and
(17:33):
now when I don't have that, I have help. I'm like, okay,
I do I know I need that like day because
I'm starting to get like short or I'm starting to
like my my you know, my my wheels need a
little reason. Yeah. I think for anybody is really really hard,
and a seventy thirty arrangement gives you this now ability
(17:53):
to see who you emerge as in that space. I
think space is vital for all of us. Most of
us don't get enough. Sure you this next question I
definitely want to talk to you about. Because I hadn't mentioned,
I would say it's from Angela. Last week on your podcast,
you mentioned that you haven't been happy and so long?
Can you expand on that? Was it you just going
through the emotions but not truly happy? And I realized
(18:16):
when I said that, I'm like, man, this is going
to come off harsh to people that probably follow us,
because I did, like I should. I was, you know,
I was and and and you know, the week that
I found out everything, Mike and I both were like, man,
we're so good right now, like we're so happy and
like in love and like and I did feel that
(18:39):
having and then when I said, you know, I've been
unhappy for so long that I am that I am
open to having that new maybe potential partner because I
have been miserable. But and people are like, yeah, but
you want another baby, and I was like, I think
I said that because yes, like it's it was for
(19:02):
seven years. It was a struggle, like always wondering when
the next shoe is gonna you know, when the next
explosion was going to happen, or and it was always
like this this constant battle and this constant work. And yes,
we had moments where we were happy and and I
believed in the book that we wrote and I but
there was also I don't think. I think all of
(19:24):
that stuff and all of the things that happened in
the marriage was such a weight on me that once
it was lifted, was like, wow, I was really unhappy,
Like I was being held down by all that energy
and it really affected like me, and like that's why
people now are like, oh, you seem so happy. I'm
like enlightened because I feel that way, and I'm like,
(19:45):
oh my god, Like I actually was like really unhappy,
but I was just like I wanted to I wanted
to fight for it so bad because it was my
kids and was my family and it's like, God, this
is what we've like you know, we we were the
good fight, you know, so it's like, what a failure
if I if like we don't end up together and
it was just all this like stuff, and I'm like,
(20:06):
is is it possible to be unhappy but also coasting
through and having moments of happiness? Like because it confused
me to even when I said it, Yeah, Well it's
a big admission. You know. We're all here trying to
experience happiness in life. That's the whole point of it,
I think. And then when you're not and you say
(20:27):
it's been seven years, it's a big it's a big
thing to say, you know. And I think it rocks
people because we're all doing a really good job on
surface on social media looking like we are, you know.
But you were brave enough to be honest about the weight.
And I think that's it, the heaviness. You're such a
good coper. You were tolerating and coping and doing your
(20:51):
best despite this giant weight. Dries up and do all
the things. And I think a lot of us are
a lot of us in different areas of our life
can probably admit that there's there are a lot of
obstacles and heaviness that we'd love to remove, and you
just showed everybody that you can and that it doesn't
have to mean that it's a failure. Because what I'm
(21:13):
interested in seeing now is what's possible for you in
the lightness. You know, when you give someone actually freedom
like that what they need and you remove fear and
the stress. I think you're going to see that your
soul actually did call this all in because who you
emerge as and the amazing amounts of love that are
(21:36):
going to come into Jason Jolie's life, you know, through you,
through Mike, through just the extended community. Now you see neighbor,
husband's coming over, friends coming over, like there's a whole
lot added, not just being lost. Uh. I don't know
if I want to Ashley, I don't know, she wrote,
(21:59):
she was just my feel sorry for what he did?
Did he want to try with you? Again? For so
long now we have heard both of you talk on
the podcast about relationship and gotten both of your points
of view, you know, mm hmmm. I think we both
(22:20):
realized that it wasn't this relationship wasn't serving either one
of us. And I think there comes a time where
he knew that if something were to happen to this
extent that I said I was done, and for the
first time in my life, I have threatened it many times.
I mean, you know, I separated from him and and
(22:42):
I had to follow through with because if not, I
would have kept happening. Um. And so I think I
think he realizes that. And I think here's something too
sure that I I think he has said sorry, but
there's something in me that m I don't feel that
(23:04):
certain women actually get the sorry that they deserve. Mm hmm.
And I told my therapist, you know, I was just like,
if I got a sorry that really felt off, like
really just like and that that's sort of I'm like,
I'm like, then I can like, okay, move on and heal.
(23:25):
But I'm like, I will I don't think I'll ever
get that because I don't think people in that situation
will ever fully grasp what I actually and what other
people actually feel in that situation. Yeah, and maybe I
hope maybe one, but I can't wait. I can't. I
have I have. I have learned that I have to
walk away knowing that I'll never get the sorry that
(23:46):
I believe that I deserve. So that makes sense, and
that's really hard because I'm like, it baffles me. I'm like,
I would be on my knees like you know. But
I think that just is evidence though, that if there
was the self awareness and the health and well being
(24:07):
enough to say a real story like that, that you
might not be here, you know, because then that would
suggest that person is really aware and deeply aware and healed,
you know, not going through the struggle like I think.
I I think I've heard those words. We've been divorced
(24:29):
over ten years, and I think I've heard attempts, but
I still don't feel like there's a true awareness of
what this did and the pain that it caused. And
where I get my sorry, where I get like closure
and peace is knowing that my soul called this and
(24:54):
knowing who I've become because of it, knowing that I
worked through all my own childhood traumas through this man,
that he is the perfect man to work it through.
And you know, the idea that we accomplished what we
were here to do in a tenure marriage versus a
lifetime sure that we we did it. Yeah, we need
(25:16):
to have Like I was talking to another girl too
about this, It's like we need to for the women
that haven't gotten sorry they deserve. I want to be
able to say like, I am sorry like that you
had to go through this, because I want that for
you know. And it's like I would love that if
someone did that for me, you know. So it's like
there's something I think that could be really cool around that.
For sure, beauty, you should because this is something I
(25:39):
actually learned a long time ago that you know, when
you let's got into a car crash, you wouldn't go
to the person who hit you in the car to
put you back together. You'd go to a doctor. You
know that we can go to each other and say,
I am so sorry that you're going through this. I
am so sorry for your pain and for the hurt
(26:01):
when your kids leave for their pain, I and just
do a really good, generous I'm sorry for each other
and that is deeply healing. Sure, sure, thank you so much.
I know you have to run um, but thank you
for coming on and we'll definitely have you come back
on again very soon. All right, I want to give
you one more thing on the note of the competition,
(26:25):
you know, feeling like I want my room or room
to be better than at Mike's or I want to
have a better time here at my house. Just remember
that this whole idea that every child has two parents,
there is only one Janna. Those babies will only be
able to get what they need from you through you
in the way that you give it. So love on
(26:47):
yourself for wanting to meet their needs and make them happy,
like that's just coming from a longing to give them
the greatest life, which is so unbelievably dear, And then
just route down and know that Mike is Mike. You
or you they called in you both and they're going
to get all that they need from you. Yeah, I
love that. Thanks, Sherrie. I appreciate you, all right, I
(27:10):
appreciate you, honey. Toxin alright, toxiny all right. We're gonna
take a break and then, um, I have some more questions. Hi, Mark, Hi,
(27:34):
First of all, how are you tell me about your
life because I'm kind of sick of talking about mine.
I'm fine, everything's fine here. We had family in town
over the weekend, and we made up for a year
and a half of an activity in one weekend. So
you're exhausted. You know, when you lived in l A,
I'm sure you had this people who coming to visit,
and so you have to do all of the tour
(27:55):
rifty things, maybe everything you can imagine. You know what
I would do though, I would just like get a
car and be like, there's the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
There's like never get out, just it's a drive. We
got out. We did a dodgery game, we did the Beach,
we did the Walk of Fame, we did the Observatory,
we did um, the Santa Barbara Zoo like we were
(28:15):
that's a that's a cute zou Zoo. Did the Brady
Bunch House, the Golden Girl's House, Back to the Future
House three days. Well, I've never seen the Brady Bunch,
this all the other ones. So maybe when I come
to l A next week you can do around too
and show me. Pretty Bunch is great, back to the
(28:38):
Future is great. They looked just like it. They're unchanged.
Golden Girls was disappointed. They've painted it. They put a
fence up. They want no part of the pop culture
history that they're living. And so that's too bad, right that? Yeah? Wow, Well, um,
I'm glad you're able to have a lone time because
it's very it's very fun to have family come in
town for the first you hours, and then you're like,
(29:01):
oh my god, I've got four days of this. And
then when they leave, it's like, oh, I love the
empty house, but I mean I wish I would have
enjoyed it a little bit more. Yeah, And it's been
a week of putting everything back together again. Pretty much?
Al right, do we have any more questions? All right?
Melissa asks, I also have just ended things with my
husband and did not expect to feel lost and confused
(29:23):
like I do. We alreadygether for so long and you'ed
every part of our lives together. Is there anything I
can do to feel like myself again without having him
part of my life? What has helped you? So? I
have redone pretty much the entire house. Um, about to
do the podcast room. This is the last room. But
I've I've sold a bunch of stuff on Facebook Marketplace,
(29:46):
and I have just rearranged gotten new pieces and um,
actually I sold my ring, and that money from the
ring was the furniture and the the the new additions
to the house and like the new chairs and this.
(30:06):
So that was like kind of my because I debated,
I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna sell this ring, and then
I'm gonna maybe buy myself something like a bag or
like my divorce present. And I was like, honestly, what
would make me happiest is to have new energy in
the house. And so I just I took that money
and then I gave it to my UM, hired these
entire design ladies and said, this is the budget and
(30:26):
redo the rooms. And so it's nice to feel because
this is our house and we made memories here and
UM and I needed to create a new space that
felt like me and felt like mine. And so now
I have someone actually over right now painting the bar
room and I'm gonna make it this really cool, little
like girly you know, um, you know, wine bar, and
(30:50):
so I'm that's helped me a lot. And then also, um,
I mean I the first month, like I again, because
I like that companionship. I was just you know, stared
at the walls and didn't move until I basically fell asleep.
But now it's like, okay, I'm gonna you know, call
a friend or I'm starting to make my own traditions
at night, and you know, I'm reading books or I'm
(31:13):
watching shows and and not and not letting myself kind
of sit there. So the more that you kind of
get yourself out and start doing things, you start to
feel like yourself. And then you're like, what do I
like to do? Like, oh, I actually enjoy sitting out
here by myself, or I like, you know, I like
catching up with old friends. So just I would just
find something that you try to create new spaces and
(31:36):
also you know, go through the emotions, but then also
figure out something that will make you happy and what
you want to do. Sorry to jump back to this,
the emotion of selling the ring. Was it a get
this away from me? Or was it a pretty difficult
thing or both? I mean it's the second ring I've
(31:59):
had to get rid of from him, because the first ring,
I was like, I will never put this back on
my hand. And so he had reproposed to me in
Napa a few years ago, um with this now new ring,
and I took every diamond he ever bought me and
I sold them because I didn't want to look at
them ever again because to me, like, for example, he
(32:22):
brought me this beautiful I mean beautiful, it's actually an
he sad um, it's a beautiful bracelet for our book
to congratulate on the best time seller, and you know,
just like you know, he thanked me for you know,
the work that I put in in our relationship. And
I wanted to keep it so bad because it was
(32:43):
such a pretty bracelet, but it represented something that was
not true, you know. For it was true that I,
you know, worked very hard for the relationship, but I
just didn't like the To me, it represented our book
and the and it hurt me too much to keep that.
(33:03):
So I mean, I took every earring, I took every bracelet,
I took the wedding ring, and I had my two girlfriends,
Shane Grimes and um Sarah Gretzky, and we went to
the jeweler and I said, take it, let me know
how much. And they, you know, they called the guy
and it felt I mean, it was sad, but at
(33:25):
the same time, they could be the most beautiful things
in the world. But if it doesn't what what they
represented made them the ugliest things I've ever seen, right,
And they would It's almost like a curse or something
like every time you saw them, all these negative things
would come to mind. Getting them away from you, I
(33:47):
think is cathartic. Yeah, it was, and then that's when
I'm like, okay, and now I've got this check and
that was what I'm like, what am I gonna do
with it? Well, I'm gonna represent you know, they have
cleaned the house with it, and and and get new
new stuff new front sure, and then get rid of
the other stuff because I don't want that reminder. We
get rid of the plane pictures behind you. Yes, it's
(34:07):
actually someone just got that today on Facebook my place
for fifty bucks and the foods on. So I've got
a hold Like this room is gonna look sick, It's
gonna look so cool. So yeah, this is the last
room that needs to be done. Yeah, alright, Kyle says,
I'm curious where you are currently with your anxiety with
(34:29):
anxiety and myself and you had said it has calmed
down so much since you went your separate ways. Has
this kept up? And you have advice for me and
how I can call mine it relationally or like it
was okay, So I mentioned this on the podcast a
few weeks ago, But my anxiety has been like I
(34:50):
haven't really had anxiety. Um, the one time that I
had anxiety was obviously the first day, the morning of
because when I was reading all this stuff on like
Twitter and Instagram was like train of camera files for
divorce and it set me just like into a tailspin
of anxiety and it was really really bad and that
was hard, and UM, we talked about that previously. But UM,
(35:11):
so since then, my anxiety has been great. It only
gets bad when, honestly, when when there's communication with Mike
and it's um, he did it. Just it brings me
right back to like those moments of just our relationship,
and so limiting communication has been really helpful for my anxiety. UM.
(35:32):
And then honestly, like what helps for me is, UM,
if you're struggling, there's a lot of grounding exercises that
you can do. UM. Sometimes like I'll put my feet out,
I'll go outside and put my feet like, um, you
know it's grounding, like you're literally your feet to the
to the concrete or grass or whatever. And um, but
there's a lot of tips on how to ground yourself.
And then I mean, I have no shame in it.
(35:54):
I take medicine. UM, And honestly that I was thinking
the other day, I'm like and I'm like, I'm I
have such a weightlifted. And then because I don't have
anxiety and wake up in the middle of night anymore,
Like I almost don't even feel like I I need
it anymore. But I'm gonna I'm gonna slow step that
(36:14):
because maybe I'm just maybe that's just the beginning. So
we'll see. But just give yourself grace and I will
say this too, don't hide from the fact, like there's
been plenty of times when I've been afraid to um
talk to someone like other good thing, I'm ridiculous from
having a panic attack. The more I say I'm having
a panic attack right now, like most of the times,
(36:35):
people can be like, Okay, what can how can I
help you? And it helps me like know that I'm
all right, And I think that that's a reason like
you were talking about with Shari to um send him
the school calendar, m you know. But it makes me
feel bitchy though, But you could do it in a
different way, like you don't have to do it like
(36:56):
here you go. I think this will help you, know whatever,
try to find it positively. Anything that limits the communication,
I think it's gonna beneficial to you. Yeah, yeah, yes,
all right, Lauren, How have you navigated learning the things
your partner used to be in charge of Oh, we
hit on this a little bit earlier. For example, my
partner was in charge of maintenance around the house and
the other day I had to fix a broken air conditioner.
(37:17):
I had no idea where to start. I want to
learn to do things on my own, but sometimes it's
just too much. That's been exciting or stressful or overwhelming
for you. Are there times you're stubborn asking for help
from others? Oh yeah, I'm like I have the hardest
time asking for help. Um and uh, you know, I
think you have to. Um, I think it's one of
(37:41):
those things. Is as hard as it is for me
to ask for help. Well, I don't even the thing.
I don't even help anymore. I need help, but you know, Okay, So,
for example, I was with Pamlin the other day and
I was like, I'm so stressed out. I need help,
And she's like, how can I help you? And I
(38:02):
was like no, no, no no, I'm fine, and she's like,
you just said you need help. So I'm offering, like
saying like how can I help you? And then I
was like, well, okay. For example, like I need someone
to watch the kids next Friday because Mike's out of
town and I I'm a town and I don't have
anyone that can help. She said, great, what time do
you need me over there? I can bring the kids
over And instantly I was like, oh really, like okay,
(38:26):
thank you. But I'm like, I don't want to burden
any of my friends too. But at the same time,
I'm like, I'm I'm at my like limit, Like I'm
I feel like I'm going to have like a nervous breakdown.
Flip that if you can't, like, if she asked you
to watch her kids, you would do it in a heartbeat.
And I said that to my wife sometimes because she
feels the same way, like, oh, you know, our daughter
has to get dance and we're not gonna be able
(38:47):
to take her for whatever reason. Oh no, And I said, well,
can't Megan make her? And she goes, I don't want
to ask her? Well why not? If Megan asked us,
we'd be there in a heartbeat. So why wouldn't we
ask Megan. It's fine if you flip it. I think
it makes you feel a little bit better about it.
That's true. Yeah, And I would help him one out
in a heartbeat. Obviously, with everything and anything. So yeah,
I mean that makes total sense. But yeah, but I
(39:09):
get it. I get the I get not wanted to
bring other people. I totally understand. You know, it's it's
so hard. I have this thing where I don't like, like,
you know, my wife has the things and she does
every week. I think that I do every week, and
sometimes like if she'll do one of the things that's
normally my job, like I changed the air conditioning filter,
I'll be like, well, that's my job and I don't
(39:30):
have that many and I like to feel needed, like
I want to like I'm like the man and like
I don't want you do this whole thing without me. Yeah,
I mean because because she can't, well she can, she can,
she can, So like I've realized I can do it
without you can, but I don't want to. Right. Yes,
(39:51):
that's a lot. Jackie says, You're doing it all and
it's so amazing to see. How do you juggle your kids,
your work, your friends and your family and yourself and
your heal Where do you put the priority and are
there times you're torn and what to focus on? Is
this easier or more difficult to do? Since ending things
with your Rex I mean, I kind of it. Talked
(40:11):
about that with SERI where my focus is, and I
wrote this to an email with Mike. I was like,
I need you to take the dogs because they're setting
me over the edge. And my focus is the kids
and the kids only and I don't have I don't
have a second. At the end of the day, I
don't because I'm with the kids and then I work
when they go down. So by like ten o'clock, I'm exhausted.
(40:32):
Do I want to go outside and pick up dog poop? No?
Do I want to? Like yeah, I'm like I can't.
I'm like, or fix the sprinkler head that was just broken.
Like so I think it's about knowing like my limitations
and knowing that like I can't handle an extra set
of two dogs. And it's like so again maybe down
the road, like I'll figure out a rhythm, but I'm
(40:54):
not there and I need and I need help. But
I think, you know, back to the question, which is
how do you balance it all? It's hard to balance.
But I think I'm just I'm figuring out the new normal.
I'm figuring out, Okay, what what can I handle and
what can I not handle? Well? Right, now I can't
handle the dogs, so they gotta go. And you know that.
(41:14):
Some people might say I'm mean for that, but well,
I'm doing them a favor because honestly, I would love
to keep Waffles, but they love each other so much
that I don't want to separate the two Chance and Waffles,
so that's not fair for them. So I'm actually being
selfless and saying you're keeping them together. So yeah, I'm
(41:35):
with you. I understand how that could be. There's always
gonna be one one thing too many. Jazzy says, your
girl's troup looked like so much fun. Did you have
to get into the mindset of having fun and letting
loose or was that easy to get into that mode?
Were you nervous at all about how you would feel? Yeah,
I was. I thought i'd be. I was. I thought
I would be a lot sadder. Um, but I was. Yeah.
(42:01):
It was fun, like I really like just had a
good time. And there was moments where I got a
little sad. But my girlfriends were like, it's not out
of it, Like you got this like we're good, we're good,
we're having fun. You're letting your little girls out, like
like like you like or you know, like we're we're
we're doing this. Um And honestly, again, the only time
(42:23):
that I had a tough time was when I communicated
with Mike and Catherine took my phone and she goes,
no communication because I know exactly who you're talking to
right now, and I'm like, well but like and you know,
she's like nope, he's not gonna like no, you guys
are not talking right now. So um, yeah, that was
that was the only time that I had was the communication.
(42:46):
So did you get hit on? Yeah, like I still
got it. Yeah, that's the whole point of the weekend, right, Yeah,
it felt nice. It was yeah, But then he lost
me at the he like we're at this bar and
(43:10):
he's like, you know, he was cute. He's tall, he
was cute and like he came up and started talking
to me and I was like all right, like I'm
you know, I'm just gonna enjoy the flirt and he
was like he was cute until he was like, can
I come to Nashville and play the ukulele for you?
And I'm like, I don't really like a ukulele isn't
(43:32):
really like a sexy instrument? Um No, Like I think
I'm good. Yeah, so I turned that one down. Um.
And then yeah, there was one other one who was
like so the night of my anniversary or would have
been the anniversary. Um, there was these like married men,
(43:55):
all married and but they were like fun you know,
and they they were kind of like having fun with us,
and they're like you should come on this yacht. Um.
So that so that they sent over wine to us
and we're like thanks, you know, and then um, after
we got done having our wine, they're like, come come
sit with us, and like they again they were like
good guys. We actually kind of made me sad because
(44:17):
I'm like, you know, they're like showing me pictures of
their wives and their kids. The one was like on
the verge of a divorce, so he was the one
that started the like, you know, the fun flirtatious thing
going on. Um, and you know they were there was
funny because they were all at the table like trying
to set me up. They're like, oh what about this guy?
Oh what about this guy? Like oh what about like
my friend here? And they're like showing me photos and
(44:38):
I'm like, guys, like and then they're like what about
this guy? He's got a big yacht and we're going
on the yacht tomorrow and I was like, I am
not going on a yacht. I was like, well, who's going?
Because they're like, oh, these like twenty like some like
twenty girls and like I'm like not happening, Like I'm not.
I don't care how much of money is like, and
they're like, yeah, he's like a billionaire. I was like,
I don't care. It does not like genuinely like I
(45:01):
am self made and I never want to rely on
a man or anything like I'm fine, I can take
care of myself. I don't need to go on this
dude's yacht. So we end up my friend Pamela and
ends up finding her friend was in town and she
was on a yacht. Well what happened to be at
the same yacht? Uh, you know whatever harbor or whatever
(45:22):
that they took off from. So we're on another person's
yacht and we were texting the one of the guys
and we're like hey, like we we basically see their boat.
And the one guy that they were trying to set
me up with was like, what are you doing on
that boat? And I was like I don't need your
boat I got my own boat and it was like
(45:45):
epic because I'm like, dude, I don't care, I don't
care like that. I'm like, you don't care about what
if you were an awesome dude? Like take the money
out of it. I mean we ended up. Um. I
ended up seeing him at the they invited us to
drinks um the night that I got hit by ukulele
boy and um, and he was he was very nice,
(46:05):
like very nice guy. Um. You know, it wasn't it
was again. It was nice to flirt, but it wasn't
my thing. Yeah, well, I think now was the time
for flirting. It's not time to go past flirting, right
unless I meet someone that like I really, I don't know,
like I'm I'm open to it. Good. Yeah, all right?
(46:27):
I think we have one more? Really? Is there one more? Corey?
I need some advice on how to handle a touchy subject,
how I feel about it. I broke up with my
X a few months ago, and I'm starting to feel
like I want to talk to other guys again. I'm
more finding someone new and what my ex will think
about me dating again. We share a little girl together,
so he's still in my life and I don't want
negative opinions to ruin potential data relationships. Do I tell
(46:50):
him first or tell them only when I'm in a
future relationship. Well, this segway is nicely to what we
were just talking about. Yeah, so I've definitely like, I
don't want to know who Mike is hanging out with.
I don't want him to know who I'm hanging out with.
But when it's serious, that's then the conversation to be like, hey,
you know, this person is someone I've been seeing for
six months plus maybe whatever time, and there's someone that
(47:14):
I would like the kids to meet. I think you
have to have that conversation in respect your spouse or
partner or whatever, because I would be very upset if
he introduced the kids to a girl without my knowledge. Um,
and we had a we're very on the same page
with that, so um, you know. I think it's again
(47:35):
one of those things where if it's serious and you
can see yourself being in a long term relationship with
that person and it's involving the kids, that's when you
should say something. But until that point, I don't think
you have to say anything. Nonday business and I like,
I don't want to know so like, only come to
me when like you're about to introduce the kids to
(47:57):
the next maybe mom, stepmom, whatever. You're gonna date a
lot of ukulele boys, and that boyfriend doesn't need to
know about every one of them. It's exactly like me
and ukulele are going to go out and yeah, like
it's none of their business. The kids were involved, then
it becomes their business. Yeah, because you know that person
is essentially and you know, whoever is in my life
(48:20):
is going to have the kids seventy percent of the time.
So they're going to have more time with my kids
than their own dad, which I could not handle. If
that wasn't the worst, but I mean, you're gonna have
a hard time with But we'll cross that bridge when
we come into it. Yeah, I want a hundred, but
it's not fair for the kids. I'm actually thinking about
(48:40):
my children and it's very hard when I'm like, they're
my kids. Anyways, Well, fun show. I opened up about Miami.
That was fun. Oh lord yeah, m hm. Oh. Also,
my friends tried to get me to sign up for
a dating app and I went on there and I
(49:06):
was like, guys, I have had zero hits and my
friends like, well, let me see the photo. And they're like,
because it's with you and your two kids, and I was, oh, what,
I like, it's my kids. My friends like you will
not get any hits and I was like, well then,
I like and then I'm getting off of this thing,
like then like if they don't like, no, so I'm
(49:29):
I'm I'm never I'm never going on a dating app again.
It was lasted for one day. I don't know a
lot about dating apps, obviously, but I do think it's
a I think protocol is you could include that as
one of your sub photos. Your main photo cannot be that.
But I'm a mom. I wanted them to know I'm
a mom and I love my kids, and I mean
I thought I looked cute in the photo, but apparently,
(49:49):
like I mean, like me, Jolian Jay's were really rocking it,
but like yeah, but no, I immediately got off, like
within that day. I was like, f this, Like, I'm
not I'm not taking a picture of my kids down
as my main profile because that is who I am,
you know, but I see your side too, Like I
(50:10):
see your side too, like heay, but like I would
want to know that they're a parent. But maybe that's
because I'm in a situation. So anyone that's probably looking,
maybe that's a kid hide that you don't want to
hide it, and it's just not the main first thing
they see, because look, they're going to be the already
number three in your life no matter what. And yes,
it's good to know that, but no one wants to
(50:31):
hear that the first thing I think is fun just
on somebody else's phone. Yeah, it's great. But when nobody
likes you back and really hurts the ego, like genuinely
hurts the ego, and they're like, put this picture up
(50:52):
and then like then you'll get a bunch, I was like,
no again, I'm off this thing. Like if I'm going
to meet someone, you know, it'll be through friends or
you know that black and white Instagram photo from just
a few weeks ago. I was gonna get you a
lot of wipe rights on it, on whatever dating gap
you choose. I'm not doing anymore dating it, Okay, not happening,
Oh my goodness. Okay, well now I'm blushing and getting sweaty,
(51:14):
so I'm getting off now. I love you guys. We'll
talk next week.
Host
Jana Kramer
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