November 27, 2023 • 48 mins
Jana is hanging out with Grey's Anatomy star Sarah Drew! She wrote Jana's new Christmas movie and has plenty of stories to share from behind the scenes!
Sarah tells the story of how a devastating career change helped lead her to a longtime passion.
And Sarah opens up about how she got out of a “rut” with her husband.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of wind Own
Emotionally Stable today.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
Uh you feel there? You feel we would just start
with a temperture check.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
What's funny is that? Hannah? Sweet Hannah. She texted me
yesterday going, Hey, just checking Anya to see how you're
feeling about this week. Listen, it was way too soon
to record. How many days was it Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
three days post giving or four because we record on Friday. Yeah,
(00:38):
so but four days post having a C section. The
problem is nobody could have told you differently though. Sure
I actually thought was how are we podcasting?
Speaker 4 (00:48):
But don't tell her that because she's convinced she's got this,
Which you did?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
I mean, you did great.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I did until the very end of the show. Well,
I canceled Thursday therapy because I really that morning that
I just I wasn't really ready. But I also wanted
to do the birth story and have you girls over.
So I texted Hannah right before the episode and I said, hey, girl,
I'm just not feeling good. I cannot do because the
therapy one just felt like this us girls, it is
(01:17):
just fun, us hanging out. We got to chill, tell
tell a story. But then the therapy in the back
of my mind it felt like work, and then I
started to get anxiety, like I'm just not ready yet,
and then so I had canceled that, and then I
felt good about that. But the second I started reading
the ads when you guys left, y'all, this is so embarrassing.
(01:37):
But Hannah and Easton we're on We're on the zoom
obviously with us, and I'm in the middle of reading
like butcher Box, like get Your Year Fore of Fun,
and I was like, I was like, I'm literally crying
during the middle of a butcher Box app but I
just go I don't know why I'm crying. It was
(01:58):
so speak because you came down and Ken are like okay, no,
I just started crying and we both are like okay,
fair enough, and then Kat goes, so, what was it
about the ad that really brought me the tears? And
I thought, yeah, I guess I was for the Free
Range Show.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Maybe there was some aspect of it that actually but no, literally,
it was just like get Your.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Beach was very passionate about animal rights.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I bow it out.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I was like it's okay. Well, and then I didn't
I didn't even know. I just was maybe it felt
wired and I just didn't want to be I don't
know that was a maybe it just gave birth and
maybe don't need to have a reason. But I was
just reading it and then I just started crying. And
then Hannah's like that's part. Hannah's like, it's okay, we
(02:47):
can we can just stop, like you don't, you don't
have to, like like, I'm like covering my face beause
I get embarrassed, you know, moments like that. And then
Easton goes, if you could just stop record on the record.
Euston's so tenderhearted, and I was like, poor people, and
I was like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. And
then I go downstairs and I cry even more because
(03:07):
I'm like it was a butcher box ad. There's nothing
against the beef for the eggs, but I show to
do it.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
For people that who have not given birth to a baby.
It is the weirdest thing to me. I mean, I
can remember, I don't know why I'm crying. It's the
strangest feeling, like there's no.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
This time specifically, it has been harder for me to
have those moments because I'm I feel like I'm such
a more well human, like a whole human that normally
if I'm like losing it, I can go Okay, Kristen,
like what is the pit of this? Like why? What?
Speaker 5 (03:39):
What?
Speaker 3 (03:40):
There's no pit? So you just get your sendless emotion.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Fine, anyways, you're feeling good. Yeah, So today I was like, Okay,
now I feel ready to podcast. We can talk about
beef and chicken and talk about all the beef to
wait a week a week yes, which y'all suggested, and
I was like, no, that'll be fine, totally good. Well,
it does feel, I will say, like some normalcy, you know,
like when you were like why are you jumping on?
(04:06):
And I don't know that I even contributed anything. It
just felt good to feel like a person again quickly,
because you know, it's very your body just goes through
a lot. You feel a little sacrificial for a minute,
and it's like, where do I land in all this
besides caregiver?
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
The crying though has uh. Obviously I cried when the
kids left for Virginia and that was a very strange.
That was the first time leaving or the kids leaving
and then having this sweet baby. It was a very weird.
I felt a little guilt little like yeah, like the
mom guilt.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I think you had him here with the baby and.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
You would have probably felt that no matter what though,
oh for you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Yeah, I felt justified those tears.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, and then you know, uh yeah that, like you said,
like that piece is hard. But it's that weird balance.
But then also, I've really enjoyed this time. I'm just
with me, Rowman and Alan, you know, just that. But
then that makes me feel a little guilty, don't, don't.
But it's been really nice just to have like, okay,
(05:10):
some quiet.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
I'm so glad to hear you say that.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
I mean, we talked about this last week when I
was like I wanted to stay at the hospital because
I wanted time just us and the third baby, and like,
don't feel bad about that.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
That's okay, Yeah, it just it feels. Ashley Houston texted me,
She's like, hey, girl, checking in, like how you feeling.
And I'm like very peaceful actually with just the three
and just laying there and we don't have to get
up and yeah, and again I missed the bigs more
than anything. But also I'm and I'm enjoying, you know,
this special time with the three of us because I
even said, Allan, we're going to get the kids back
(05:43):
in five days now, like when he comes back, Like
we get the kids. So this is with five days
that we get to really just hunger out.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
And you're really not going to get that much.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
No, besides the week I mean after Christmas, and that's.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yeah, it's few and far between. So enjoy it. Don't
feel guilt about it. Yeah, just enjoy it.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
But like you said, and you can miss your children, yeah,
and I kind of wish they were here, but also
enjoy this time.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Just make the most of it. And they're having a
great time too.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I think some of the photo of the kids and
I just I sat like a little cry face heart
like so happy, and I go, man, they're so loved
and they're so happy. Yeah that makes me. Yeah, because
they need that this time as well.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Yeah, absolutely well, and they're getting because also when a
new baby is here, like you know, to see the
positive side of it. Also, like other the older kids
do kind of get the shaft when a new baby's around.
There's not much you can do about it. You've got
a crying newborn, that's whatever. So they actually are getting
such one on one time and they are getting so
(06:47):
just the time they probably wouldn't have had if they
were here.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
For what it's worth.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yea, yes to that.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I have done a few. I don't know if you
did this, have done this too, and you probably same
when when Ramsey came home, but when the be he
does cry too, and the kids are here, I'm like,
he's fine, Like what do you need, Jolie, what do
you need Jason? So I'm like, I'm always making sure
I am tending to them because I don't want them
to feel shafted.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Yeah you know.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
So I also asked them what they think the baby
needs because they like to try to figure it out. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Have them help is huge, especially the older ages when
you have a little bit of a gap. I just
made them so a part of it, like okay, great,
can you do diapers? Can you get the diaper? Can
you get the formula? I just like had them help
and they just felt and they always wanted to be
there and help, and it was great.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Jolie wants to help, but because she had that stomach book,
I'm just like, wait one more week, honey. Well yeah,
and Jason's just like always passes him and goes, oh,
you're so cute, but then wants nothing else to do.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
So I'm like, that's okay. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Well, Leggie's a little aggressive lover, which I is probably genetic,
but it gets a little like Lenny and the Rabbits
with her. So I'm like a little calm, you know,
like a little less because he's.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Like, I'm.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
All right, but about me, how are you girls?
Speaker 6 (08:05):
Well?
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Wed?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well, I think it's I think it's worth noting since
we're talking about new babies and all the things we
are starting to see a little bit, and I didn't
want to. I'm very I run very tight defense for
our little peace of the world, my little corner of
the world. I don't like people's opinions a lot. I
don't like people saying, oh, you know, he's going to
be like this, or they're going to be like that.
(08:29):
I just you don't like furry things.
Speaker 7 (08:31):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
I don't like people telling me that, like, somebody's going
to be this way, right, And so I just let
our experience unfold as it will.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Sure we are starting to.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
I'm starting to see the middle child moment with Legend,
which I had strong Like, I never said it wasn't
going to happen to us, but I have been so
intentional about it that I was kind of praying it
wouldn't happen. Also, Legend the only boy, and he is
a very alpha personality too, so without anything, he demands
(09:06):
a certain amount of attention. I think in the long run,
having a new baby is great for him because he
needs someone he can lead and it's going to be
really special to him. Right now, we are in a
really interesting season. I'm watching a few things happen like
he did. Start to I don't. I always am careful
(09:27):
about what I share with him too, because I don't
want him like later thirty years listening to wind down
more than our husbands do and able to like check
back in. But like you know, there were some accidents happening.
There's some really just kind of like lousy choices, Like
yesterday an entire bottle of essential oil, which is not inexpensive,
was dumped all over my bedroom. Smells like a dream
in there. However, just like you know, I can just
(09:48):
tell we're needing a certain different type of attention and
when he asks for it in his non asking way.
It's hard to like get compassionate in the moment, right
cleaning a boil and all the things. That's just prime examples.
But we're in the thick of middle kid right now.
Well so you say that, and I was. I told
(10:09):
this to you off air, But when you had spoken
about how Legend was acting a little middle child, in
my mind, I thought, well, Jason isn't going to do that.
He's i know, not at all, like we're good, perfect,
And then yeah, and then two days in, you know,
he's looking for more attention by the loud you know,
(10:34):
uh singing that he's doing that. He never sings in
the in This is My Life in the bathroom, I'm
glad he's singing, but I also know he's trying to
look for attention the chorus. He's burping at the table
very loudly, and usually he doesn't do that. If he burps,
he always has excuse me. But his burps are now
exaggerated and so, and then there's that, and then so
(10:56):
I'm just I'm trying to love on him in certain
ways and talk to him, but I can also see, Okay,
I look like I'm following. Now you're lead and going.
All right, Christen, there was something to this. Yeah, it's
strange because I feel like company morel as a whole
is at an all time high. Like we all like her.
I'm so thankful We've had mutual friends that have had
really tough experiences with one of the big kids not
liking the baby at all, oh and very vocal about it,
(11:18):
and so I'm so thankful that's not the case.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
And it does. It has been harder.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Presen's been traveling a lot, so by myself pretty often,
and I think, like I feel kind of divided. And
as she gets older, she needs more. She's awake longer
and she needs more attention, and she's rolling and trying
to scoot, and so I can't just like put her
somewhere and then give him the attention. So we're just
learning altogether right now.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
Well, I think it's such a balance for us.
Speaker 4 (11:43):
We really went through it more when Ramsey was more
all over the place, not really a newborn newborn stage.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Everyone wanted to help.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
But then when she was all over the place and
you were like making her sure she doesn't die every second,
you know, that's when we kind of had more of it.
But I think it's such a bad balance to give
them one on one time but then also not give
into that like don't worry, I'm I'm not doing anything
with the baby like I'm here. It's just such a
balance because they have to learn that it is now three.
(12:14):
You do have to you can't be everywhere. A mom
cannot do everything at once, you know. So it's like
such a balance of really showing them that. But I
know it's hard for you because you don't president is
in home a lot. But I do think it's also
important to do the one on one stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Yeah, Like a the other day, sorry it's called them
Alan Jayce was like, Mommy, will you played legs with me?
And I'm like yes, because that was one on one time.
Julie was at her friends and so and I just
you know, gave the baby Alan and the little rocker
thing and sat up there and played legos and that.
And I think it was doctor Amon that he said,
spend ten minutes alone each day with the kids something
(12:51):
that they want to do for ten minutes, and that's
going to be something that they're going to remember and
that helps that relationship too. So That's been something I've
always thought about as well. We part of like when
the baby is just like there and I can see
Leggie out of the corner of my eye, I'll say, like,
are you looking for Legend? Where is he? I bet
he's looking for you? And then he's like, I'm right here,
and I'm like, well, thank goodness. We were just wondering
(13:13):
were you know, just trying to like validate, and I
think they all feel it to a certain extent.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
They all are, and it's so normal and you're gonna
mess up and you're gonna yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
And it's just we're doing all. We're all done the
best we can do.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
I have any Grays Anatomy fans here, Yes, I knew Kat.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Was, of course I am.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
I've watched. I stopped the twentieth season. I don't know,
I was like twenty one maybe, Yeah, I watched a
lot of it, and uh, but we're I'm really excited
to have Sarah Drew come on the show. So she's
obviously she's been a Madman, Glee, uh, everything, but she's
best known as her part in Grey's Anatomy, and she's
(13:55):
just she also, which I didn't find out until way later,
but she wrote, so I have a movie coming out
on Lifetime December ninth, she wrote a Cowboy Christmas romance.
So I'm excited to talk to her about that too.
You uh, but let's get her on. I feel like
(14:35):
I know you well obviously. I I I know of you.
I've watched you on Grades Anatomy million years, like for
for so many years. And then Ryan McPartland talks about
you all the time, and Brian and Herzlinger. I'm just like,
I feel like Margaret, I know, I'm like, I just
am like I feel like, you know, kind of a
(14:56):
stalker psycho. But I'm like, I like, I know so
much of her, and I just feel like we're friends.
And I don't even know you.
Speaker 6 (15:01):
But Hi, well, Hi, and girl.
Speaker 5 (15:03):
I watched every single take on all the dailies, and.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
So I really, oh, one hundred percent.
Speaker 5 (15:10):
I was shooting movie in Canada when you were shooting
in Arizona, and so I would get the dailies every night.
I would come home from shooting and I would sit
in my bathtub because that's what I do when I'm
on set shooting. I have to have a bathtub because
that's like my wine down time, and I'd have my
iPad and I would be watching your gorgeous, beautiful, talented
face and you you were so good in this. You
(15:32):
are so good in this. I could not have asked
for anyone else. It was such beautiful work. I hope
you have you seen it.
Speaker 6 (15:42):
I hope you're so proud of it.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
So I actually haven't watched it yet. I've only you know,
I would obviously did the ADR and I've seen little
pieces of it. It's it's honestly okay. So when I
got the script and I read or I got I'm like,
it said untitled. What was it untitled? Would you have?
Speaker 6 (16:01):
There were so many names.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
I named it Cowboy Christmas, but then it became Christmas
on the Ranch, and then it became a cowboy Christmas Romance.
Speaker 6 (16:08):
So it's gone to many iterations.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
But when I got it, and this is not against
you at all, but as you probably know this too,
and you get I'm like, oh, I'm not a Christmas movie.
I'm like, I can't.
Speaker 6 (16:18):
We've done just like we've done so many.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yeah Christmas in Mississippi, Tennessee, Michigan, just like I've got
it in every state. So I'm just like, Okay, here's
another one, and I'm like, this is gonna be the
same thing. And I'm reading it and I'm going, this
is nothing like any Christmas. I'm like, you barely mention
the word Christmas. There's no gingerbread bake off, there's no
(16:45):
festival that town. That's going to hell. And then you
got to save it. Like the only thing was like hey,
coming back and seeing you know Adam or his character.
And but I'm reading it and I'm like, I'm crying
when I read it. And so I back to my
agent and I was like, this is nothing. I mean,
I was I don't even know how this is a
Christmas movie. This is so good. I'm like, it's so good,
(17:07):
and I'm like I'm literally reading the script crying and
I was like a blown Oh I was blown away.
And so I was like, I'm doing this movie. Oh,
I have to do this movie. Yeah, because it was
so different. It's not and that's everyone's like, well, I
don't understand. It's on Lifetime ago. Yeah, but this is
nothing like any of the other ones.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
No, it's so different. I thank you so much for
saying all of that. I the interesting. You know. I've
done a lot of these Christmas movies too, and they're
so sweet and fun, but I also like in it's
the same for me, real and real true holiday times,
for real, true family dynamics. It's always stressful and heightened.
(17:48):
There's drama that comes out, and we never explore that
stuff in the Christmas movies. It's always just about the
cozy feelings, and those cozy feelings happen, but it's all
mixed up with real family stuff and identity stuff and
relationship stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
But I'm yelling at Bruce's Tom and my dad, Bruce
Thomas's character, I'm like, oh, this is like meat, you know,
like something to like grab onto, Like this is so cool.
I get to like yell at my dad like you
weren't there. I'm like, that's everything I wanted to like
say in one of those movies. You know. But yeah,
it's like you gave that, You gave it bones.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
Ah, thank you for saying that, and thank you for
just owning it so amazingly well and diving so fully in.
Speaker 6 (18:27):
Like you you you.
Speaker 5 (18:29):
Brought such power to all of those scenes. That scene
with you and Bruce is one of my favorites. In
the whole movie when you finally have that face off
and then he and it's like, you guys are just still,
You're not. There's no moving around, there's no hoopla Christmas hoopla.
It's just two people really wanting to connect and finally
(18:50):
saying all of the things that need to be said,
and like there's a beautiful like redemption and you guys
played it so well.
Speaker 6 (18:58):
I got goosebumps in my back watching.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
For saying that. That was the one of the scenes
where uh so I was pregnant obviously in the movie, yes,
and so that was these words. It was hard because
I felt sick and that scene I was so bummed
because I felt I had just like gotten sick right
before that scene, and so I was just kind of
felt a little. I was like, no, it was like
like the most important scene of the freaking movie. So
(19:23):
but I think, yeah, you were talk to Jake and
I'm like, all right, well we can, we can. I
like the top half hated the bottom, like the bottom
of the second take it, so I'm like, oh, we
I was like, you know, when you're just those scenes
are tough to yes, but.
Speaker 5 (19:37):
No, but you totally but by the way like you'd
be nauseous in a moment like that, like you were
able to fully use all of that.
Speaker 6 (19:47):
It's so, it's so good.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
It's so good, and he Jake or the directors is
so great. And but the last week of filming that
he's like, please don't take this the wrong way. He's like,
but uh, you're gonna have to suck in just a
little bit now. I was not pregnant that I would
have obviously, I don't think you could ever gottens no
because I'm double shanks and really like I will because
(20:11):
I popped that last week of filming. But I'm like,
this is the only time you can ever say that
to an actual hook. Totally.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Wait, I can't wait to watch it and see if
I can tell.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
You can I think I look.
Speaker 6 (20:23):
You're looking at you're like hunting for it.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
Of course you are, but but I feel like, y'all
hit it really really well.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Thank you, Sarah. You you have like, okay, so you
have a really big career before this epic Christmas movie.
And we are all excited for December ninth on Lifetime
to watch Jana star in this cowboy Christmas Room. Amazing.
That's right, So you have this really wild, really wild
(20:51):
and wide resume of show business that started.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Are you a Jersey kid or Rhode.
Speaker 6 (20:57):
Island now in New York?
Speaker 5 (20:58):
I grew up on Long Island, Okay, long area, Yeah,
an island comes to Jerseys So you're in the right place.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Yeah, but we all know East Coast.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
That does matter.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
We can just be tossing around islands and putting people
in places has left the zoom. Yeah, so not great geography.
Super love you. So then you started in theater first, correct,
and that took off like a wild ride for you.
That was crazy and amazing. And then agents came knocking
because you're incredible. Okay, so I'll just stay here forever.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
I need your I need your brush over here.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I'm a little shiny, so will you Okay, So tell
me a little bit about how you make this, how
you go from because you're not writing a lot of things,
which has got to be pretty cool. And I feel like,
as I'm not an actress by any means obviously, but
I feel like for people like Jana that are actually,
you know, like acting these movies out, it's gotta they've
(21:55):
got to be able to feel that in those scripts.
That someone that has played the other side of that
is really looking out for them or identifying in certain areas.
So tell me how you go, Well, just tell me everything,
but tell me how you go from I am theater,
I'm acting, I'm doing Gray's Anatomy, and these are big,
big things in projects you're doing, and now you're writing
(22:16):
a lot. Does that feel more comfortable? Does it feel
like it's on brand or just like, of course very organic.
Speaker 6 (22:22):
So thank you for that question.
Speaker 5 (22:25):
That's it's so fun because it's just firing up different
parts of my brain and different parts of my creative expression.
And I got a little taste of the creative process
when I produced. I was an executive producer on a
movie I did Like in twenty eighteen, and I got
obsessed with all of the how the sausage is made
(22:47):
and all the creative pieces of it. I was tracking
every character's emotional journey so that I could be like,
answer a question or you know, help anybody in the
journey I was helping. I rewrote some of the scenes
for that movie because I was like, I'm saying it
out loud and the words don't make sense in a
kind way. I just mean I just mean, like in
(23:11):
the sometimes when you're a writer and you're not an actor,
you haven't put it to the test. You haven't said
the thing out loud, you haven't tracked this beat to
this beat to this beat to know whether it's making
sense in your brain right. But I've been doing that
my whole life. I've been acting my whole life, And
so when and all during Gray's Anatomy, I was I
had a really beautiful collaborative relationship with the writers where
(23:33):
it was like they were very open to suggestion, to pitches,
if anything didn't feel exactly authentic to who you were
in that moment as a character, whatever, you go and
you hash it out and you talk about it.
Speaker 6 (23:45):
So I had a lot of practice.
Speaker 5 (23:47):
Of like, I know where you're going in this scene.
I think we can get there if I say it
like this, or I think there's one little piece that's
missing between point A and points B for me to
make that whole emotional arc and journey. So I've always
been in my career thinking through it and have read it,
like you, Jenna, a billion scripts, and you know which
(24:10):
ones are great, you know which roles you want to play,
and you know which ones are like just surfacey cookie cutter,
you know you can tell. And so for me, whenever
I'm deciding to do a project, it's always about the
meat of it, like where does this character get to
have an arc?
Speaker 6 (24:27):
Does this character get to have a journey? So it
wound up.
Speaker 5 (24:31):
So my first one that I wrote, I had just
come back from shooting the movie with Ryan McPartland Who's
the Best, The Best, Best, Best Best, with Ryan and
Brian and Stephen Margaret. We had just done Twinkle All
the Way and we were all on set. We had
the best time, and we were all just like geeking
out over creativity, and they really Ryan really inspired me
(24:52):
to start thinking about my own stories.
Speaker 6 (24:55):
So I went.
Speaker 5 (24:56):
Home and came up with like a pitch and presented
the pitch to set, Stephan Margaret and they were like,
and I was like, we should probably hire a writer,
and they're like, or you should buy final draft and
write it yourself, because you've already clearly you've just told
us the entire world and we see it as if
we're living in it right now, Like there's no other
you should write it. Just go got buy final draft
(25:16):
and write it. And I needed that kick in the
pants from those women, because I would not have done
it if they hadn't.
Speaker 6 (25:22):
Told me to.
Speaker 5 (25:23):
And I wrote it and then we wound up selling
it to Lifetime, so we made that last year, and
then I was just like and then I went and
shot a Western last fall, and I fell in love
with Jesse Bell.
Speaker 6 (25:34):
And his whole family. Sanna, yes they were.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
They were my wranglers on my western. And I had
so many conversations like Abby is based on Abby?
Speaker 6 (25:44):
Yeah yeah?
Speaker 5 (25:45):
And she so his daughter horse wrangler's daughter was the
girl who plays Abby.
Speaker 6 (25:51):
Was her like stunt rider?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Oh yeah?
Speaker 6 (25:53):
She was on set?
Speaker 5 (25:54):
And I and I'd had all these conversations with Jesse
and his son partner, and some of the dinner table
conversations came straight out of conversations I had with partner
about about like training horses. So I was like, Okay,
how about let's uh, let's jump into this world a
little bit because I'm obsessed with this world. Let's sprinkle
(26:14):
a little Christmas in. Let's like put some roots down
in let me write a character I would want to
take a journey on as an actor, and let me
make sure as I'm writing it that every moment makes
sense to the next, to the next, to the next.
And that's kind of so it ended up being sorry,
it is a very long winded answer.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
No, I do. I want it all.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
I want all of it.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
I'm in it.
Speaker 6 (26:37):
The story. Yeah, you actually.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
She knows the stories. We don't know all the stories,
partner Navvy and all the things. You better tell us everything.
Speaker 6 (26:47):
That family is magic, just magic.
Speaker 5 (26:52):
Yeah. So, and I was so thrilled that once once
I like reached out to Autumn and she was like, well,
I think we might shoot in Arizona.
Speaker 6 (27:00):
Uh. And I was like, oh my gosh, Jesse Bell.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
You have to you have to reach out to Jesse Bell,
like that's who these characters are based on.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Okay, I didn't know that. That's really cool. Yeah. I
do think it's incredible though, that you're giving the human
experience mixed in with this like even and I haven't
seen the movie, but just the honesty of like it
isn't always Christmas and wonderful and because it's not quite honestly,
Sarah Drew No, especially, it's like, yeah, it's like layered
(27:29):
and it's human and there's relationships and and sometimes I
love a good Christmas, like give it to me, you know,
like a beautiful let's decorate cookies, but also I need
some real raw honesty because that's not my life. She
also wrote a very uh it's the first Christmas movie
that has a sex scene.
Speaker 6 (27:49):
Oh yeah, well.
Speaker 5 (27:50):
Look at you just said give it to me, And
I was like, you mean, Adamson, I'll give you.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
But I was like, I'm also but I read out
this is gonna be interesting. I'm like, how are we
gonna to do this with the baby belly? And so
we're on this spoiler alert or spoiler alert. He lays
me down on some hay and then I'm like and
then we you know, and then you what you know?
(28:18):
And then uh, you know. Obviously it's still a lifetime
and still family. Yeah, but it was pushing limits there too.
But when we when they cut and then the next
morning out take, I was.
Speaker 6 (28:30):
Like, we made a baby.
Speaker 5 (28:35):
Right that scene, I mean, it's it all came out
so beautifully, but especially the scene in the kitchen I
had written into the stage directions. He pulls her up
onto the counter, he shoves things off the table. No,
I put it all in there. So I was like,
(28:56):
don't take the steam and the sex away from me,
I wrote it on purpose.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Well, this is not like a Christmas. I'm like, and
al I's like, how's the script? Like that's great a Christmas.
A little add and ho ho ho that never hurt anybody.
We all need a little and now we're talking real life.
But yeah, I mean, and I was I was like, well,
that's why I kept saying, this is nothing like anything.
(29:22):
And I was actually surprised at Lifetime but they didn't
cut anything. I was so happy that they really left
it all in there.
Speaker 5 (29:31):
I like, I I Tiama, Jeanie is amazing and she
was just like, give it all to me.
Speaker 6 (29:37):
I want all of it.
Speaker 5 (29:39):
Yes, And I just I was so thrilled that she
said yes to all of it.
Speaker 6 (29:44):
I would not have been at that scene just got cut.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Well that that is where I was again. I love
Lifetime so much and I'm so thankful for them and
they're fantastic and what they've done and helped me with.
But when I also knew that they picked it up,
I was like, oh, I hope they don't cut anything,
because so special, like all of it, you know, every
piece that needs to be in there that made that
script why I want to do it because you know
(30:09):
people that don't know they obviously when they acquire a movie,
then they go in and they put they give the
director and editors.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
And their notes, right, no notes, that's awesome.
Speaker 5 (30:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
So yeah, they were just like, yes, can I ask
you about Grays really fast?
Speaker 3 (30:37):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Okay? So what was the what was that? So we
do sad part of the day, happy part of the day,
but what's it to pit in a peak? A peak? Okay?
So what was the pee pit of Grays? And what
was the peak?
Speaker 5 (30:50):
You know, it's such a great question. And my pit
and peak are this are one and the same. And
it was and it's actually been the thing that has
Like someone asked me recently, what's the engine that drives
your life? And for me, it's about holding pain and
hope together at the same time, intertwined and all. And
(31:11):
my engine is looking for the beauty and the joy
in the pain. So for me, when I was written
off the show, it came as a total shock and
it was very, very devastating, Like I was blindsided by it.
Speaker 6 (31:26):
It didn't make any sense to me.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And as I watch a viewer, I agree, and honestly
that's when I stopped watching because I it did not
make sense at all, like literally, and I'm like, well, no,
they have to be to get like what, like, what
are you doing? I did not understand that at all.
So sorry. That was the viewer anger too.
Speaker 5 (31:46):
And I think you are echoing what everybody was echoing.
Speaker 6 (31:50):
I mean, like nobody understood it.
Speaker 5 (31:52):
It was so confusing, which is why I say that
it was so painful, but like piercingly joyful because because
I had another couple of weeks still on the show
after knowing that I was going, and the outpouring of
love from the fans. The fans, yes, I mean they
got a plane to fly over the studio with a
(32:14):
banner saying we love you, Sarah Drew and Jessica Capshaw
like but you know, so the fan outpouring of love
was bananas. But even more for my heart, it was
my crew and my cast. They put together these boxes
for us on our last day. Everybody had written a
letter to us, and I was getting and I was
(32:36):
having crew members come up to me to be like,
there was this one moment five years ago when we
had this conversation. It meant so much to me and
I want to say thank you. You know, before you
go right. And if I had stayed on the show
forever and I'd left when everybody else did, I would
not have experienced the visceral love bomb that was the experience. So,
(32:58):
I mean, I remember even when and Betsy called me
just to tell me they love me and you know,
wish me the best or whatever.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
But aren't they the ones that also wrote you.
Speaker 5 (33:07):
No, it was a different it was a different showrunner
at that point in that choice. Yeah, okay, but when
they called me just to say we love you and
you know, best of luck and everything, and it was
still very fresh and very wrong.
Speaker 6 (33:18):
It was like the day after whatever.
Speaker 5 (33:20):
I was so overcome with how loved I was on
that set that all I could do was weep. I
was literally just weeping on the phone with joy, like
thanking them for the opportunity they'd given me to be
a part of this family and be a part of
this legacy, Like that's the end. That's truly the only
thing I was feeling.
Speaker 6 (33:39):
I was overcome.
Speaker 5 (33:40):
So you talk about like highs and lows, it was
it felt so sad.
Speaker 6 (33:45):
I was hurt so much.
Speaker 5 (33:46):
I've never been fired or written off of anything, or
I'm such a hard worker. I know my value, I
know I'm good at what I do, so.
Speaker 6 (33:55):
It hurts so bad.
Speaker 5 (33:58):
And then it also I was so intensely loved in
it that I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.
I'm so glad I had it together. And then and
then that reality of holding those two things pain and
joy is just that's what life is. We are just
in that all the time. That is the journey and
(34:18):
the drive and the engine that I am just on
all the time. Is Okay, this is painful. I'm feeling it,
I'm looking at it, I'm experiencing it. Where do I
find the glory in it? Like I'm a huntress for
the glory right now? I hear the beauty and for
the joy, and I love that piece.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
I think when I'm listening to that, I go to
the place where, yes I could. I love the end
and all that. I also want to know the why
in it too, And so though I appreciate the end,
I would go, but why, Like I just want to
know why you chose to do that, Like did you
have that kind of conversation afterwards or did you just
(34:58):
let it kind of go?
Speaker 5 (34:59):
I never really got a real why, and I kind
of had to more in that and let it go.
I mean, I got a why.
Speaker 6 (35:05):
But I I'm not. I don't.
Speaker 5 (35:09):
It was just like, we don't really we put you
through so much that we don't know what else to
write for you. And I'm like, but you've been able
to do that for everybody else, so I don't.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
And You're like, and I'll write it myself. Actually i'll
write it better. Yeah, I'll show you.
Speaker 5 (35:23):
But but my why, my the why actually that I've
been answering over the last five years is the why
is so that I could go and expand in the
ways I've been expanding as a creator, as a producer,
as a writer. I'm now I'm about to go direct
to radio play and like all of these things that
I'm entering into, it was like it was time.
Speaker 6 (35:47):
I didn't know that it was time.
Speaker 5 (35:48):
But that's where my my faith comes in to play
in that, because I wouldn't have left on my own volition.
The money's too good, it's too stable of a job, family,
you know, Like, I wouldn't have gone.
Speaker 6 (36:02):
And I loved it there.
Speaker 5 (36:03):
I mean, that's the other thing. Was a beautiful time
and experience, so I wouldn't have gone. But if I
hadn't gone, I wouldn't be writing, I wouldn't be producing,
I wouldn't be activating my brain and my heart on
all these other layers and levels. That is like fed
my soul and brought me so much joy, And that,
to me is the why.
Speaker 6 (36:24):
That's the why. The why is that God.
Speaker 5 (36:26):
Was like, it's time for you to go over here,
and I know it's gonna be painful, but you're gonna
get it later.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
And you can't do it for yourself, so I'm gonna
do it right.
Speaker 6 (36:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
Yeah, And you were in a comfortable place.
Speaker 4 (36:36):
You just sit in that comfort sometimes and sometimes it
takes God to take us out of that to say, okay,
this is what I need.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
I mean, it was what nine years of your life.
Speaker 6 (36:44):
I was on the show for nine years.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Yeah, I mean that is in that industry specifically.
Speaker 3 (36:48):
Yeah, that's like it's crazy, that's dog years.
Speaker 5 (36:51):
I got to have both my babies on that show
where they took such good care of me, and you know,
it's like a matriarchy were there, right, So like I
kept working. I never you know, missed a paycheck. I
got to and they worked it. They did that like
everybody says, if you want to have a baby, go
(37:12):
get on the show.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
On the show's that's right because it was a scandal.
Speaker 7 (37:17):
Carry Yeah, she was also compliment right now. Yeah, it's
just such a compliment. I feel like, how.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Long have you been married for?
Speaker 6 (37:36):
Twenty one years?
Speaker 5 (37:37):
Oh? Wow?
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Okay, yes, that's my that's yeah. That's also because wind down,
we always talk a lot about relationships, So what has
been what's been the peach of that? Like within the
hardest piece and then you know how obviously you know
your faith I'm sure plays a big piece in that too,
but yeah.
Speaker 5 (37:53):
So probably we had a really dark season seven years
into our relationship, about five years into.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
A ranch that Evan was terrible for us here, as
Janna likes to say, well.
Speaker 6 (38:05):
I think for us it was.
Speaker 5 (38:09):
We had always been long distance all through dating and
even in the first like five years of our marriage,
like crazy, like we we would always come together, but
we would be he was working here, and then I
was working there, and then we would come together part
of every week and then go our separate ways.
Speaker 6 (38:23):
Again.
Speaker 5 (38:24):
It was just we never were living and working in
the same space and hadn't yet until we moved to
la and planted down in la and then we were like, oh,
there's some shit we got to work out because you're
able to like get the space and ignore it and
then and then once you're face to face with it,
you're like, there's a lot of stuff. And for us,
(38:44):
it was all about communication. It was learning the script
of like, when you did this one thing, it made
me feel this way. What I'm hearing from you is
that when I did this one thing, it made.
Speaker 6 (38:55):
You feel that way. Is that correct? Yes, that is correct.
That is how you validating my feelings in this moment.
Speaker 5 (39:02):
Okay, I'm so sorry for making you feel that way
so much.
Speaker 6 (39:06):
I appreciate the apology. Can I now explain to you
what I meant when I said that thing?
Speaker 5 (39:10):
It?
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Can I explain to you why I want to lose
my mind?
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Because yeah, yes.
Speaker 5 (39:17):
And the funny thing is it's the weirdest little script
and it's the thing that completely made our marriage make sense.
We were just love our love language. We were missing
each other entirely. I did not could not receive it
from him, even though he was giving it. He was
piling it onto me, but in a language I didn't understand.
And then he wouldn't give the thing that I did
(39:39):
understand to me, and so I just felt unloved and
he felt unheard and he felt like I was accusing
him all the time. And we just had to learn
the script to be like, oh, when you did that.
Speaker 6 (39:50):
Thing, you were actually trying to enter into my world,
tell me what to do? Interesting, you know?
Speaker 5 (39:56):
And so and I also believe that was like it
was like a god thing. I also, I mean, another
really big thing in my marriage was that I had
like a liar living inside of me telling me I
wish all the time. I had a lot of shame
and a lot of like you're bad, You're just not good,
(40:18):
And I had the script in my head that was
like my husband, I was very charming when we dated.
He didn't know what he was getting himself into. And
now that he really knows me and he's seen all
my ship, he's too good of a man.
Speaker 6 (40:32):
To leave me. But it's like he's living with an
invalid wife.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Well, that's not fair to the girl that I'm talking to.
Speaker 5 (40:39):
No no, And I remember saying all that out loud
in therapy and our counselor being like, Peter, how do
you receive that he's like, I don't.
Speaker 6 (40:48):
I just love this woman so much. I don't. I
don't know.
Speaker 5 (40:51):
I don't know what to do.
Speaker 6 (40:53):
And he's like, I think you got a liar living
inside you. You got to tell that liar to shut them up.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Yeah, yeah, that's amazing. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 6 (41:02):
And I was like, well how do I do that?
Speaker 5 (41:04):
And I remember I had a lot like an army
of women praying for me because I was like, I
don't know how to reprogram my brain to look at
myself the way God looks at me and the way
my husband looks at me, because all I see is
like on top of ship.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
That was probably old childhood stuff or teens or whatever. Yeah,
that just or old boyfriends or whoever, and.
Speaker 5 (41:25):
Twisted theology stuff sometimes, like sometimes it's interesting sometimes that's
the theology stuff creeps in in a way that affected
me but didn't affect my brother, just because of the
way that we received messaging, you know, and by nobody
and nobody's fault. Just I'm pre wired predisposed to think
(41:46):
everything is my fault, you know, so and I and
it's weird. It's like not something my parents modeled. I
don't know where it came from. My brother doesn't experience it,
but but I had to. I had to really work
on that. And I I remember this one morning waking
up in our home and I've been praying about this,
like liar, who's telling me that I'm not valuable and
(42:09):
not worthy? And my husband comes into the kitchen and
he looks at me and he goes, morning, honey, I
love you. And I felt this like fire from my
toes all the way up my whole body to the
top of my head. I felt it in every cell
of my body. And all I could think.
Speaker 6 (42:31):
Was I believe you.
Speaker 5 (42:35):
And it was just like I'm somebody's favorite person forever.
He chooses me daily and he does love me. He's
not just saying it.
Speaker 6 (42:47):
It's real.
Speaker 5 (42:48):
And that for me was a god thing. That was
just like a that was a changing of my heart
that needed to happen. So it was the communication and
it was the self worth, so again darkest, but also
they all come in pairs. To me, it was also
the most brilliant moment of entering into a new journey
(43:09):
and a new chapter of my marriage and my relationship.
And that was before we had kids, and now we
have these two kids, and we have this life and
I and we know how to talk to each other,
and we know how to show each other our love
and and we're I just feel like we're kind of
unshakable at this point after going through that. So that
would be my peak as well.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
No, I love that, and yeah, now twenty years, dang,
girl'll keep going. I love it. That's beautiful. I do
think though, don't would you agree that? And I think
we're kind of all similar to like when you talk
about things all being your fault. I wonder sometimes I've
learned in this journey I've been on that if I
take it on, if it's my fault, then I can
(43:49):
go ahead and get it fixed too, because if I'm
waiting for someone else to own it, well, and we
all know how that plays out, Yeah, that could be exhausting.
So if we just take it, we'll just go ahead
and take that and we can fix it.
Speaker 6 (44:01):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
But then we're just taking on a bunch of stuff
that's not even ours to happen.
Speaker 5 (44:04):
It's not even ours exactly, it's not my responsibility, and
it's not even real.
Speaker 6 (44:09):
It's not even real, Like that's the thing.
Speaker 5 (44:12):
It's like a false reality of Okay, Well, maybe I
can get ahead of a thing. I mean, part of
it is also just the thought of hurting someone is
my worst nightmare.
Speaker 6 (44:25):
I'm so.
Speaker 5 (44:26):
I'm such a people pleaser. I hate conflict more than anything,
and I want people to feel seen and known and
loved when they're in my presence.
Speaker 6 (44:35):
It's very important to me.
Speaker 5 (44:37):
And if someone is hurt by something I've done, I
spin in my brain to try to get ahead of
it so that I can pre apologize, just in case
maybe I did something's.
Speaker 3 (44:50):
Head, would you really like to come down?
Speaker 2 (44:56):
I just had the same discussion as I didn't want to.
I didn't need to, like I didn't know, because we
never intend to ever. We never want people to hurt,
and that was not my intention that it was. You know,
it's like the ripple effect of wanting to. I don't
wanna say people please, but just you want people to
feel loved and seen and heard and anything like I
didn't need to like that. I hope you know I
(45:16):
take it like that. I would never because I want
you to be happy. And so we also live in
a very like living in offense society. So for people
like us, the big feelers, the big huggers, the big Oh,
we just want to love on you and like swaddle
you and carry you around. Like it's extra tricky for
our people right now because everyone's got a chip on
their shoulder, not everyone some version of you Like that's
(45:39):
not like you're that's not it at all, like that
I would never intended to do that or hurt like no, right,
And so then and then you just feel terrible because
you're like, that's not who I am, and they think
that this this is who I am, and that's that.
Speaker 5 (45:51):
But that's also part Like that was honestly what happened
in my marriage too. It was like I would accuse.
Speaker 6 (45:58):
And he was like, but that's not who I am.
You're saying something that that's like not my identity. I
didn't intend.
Speaker 5 (46:03):
Like my husband would never want to hurt a fly,
and he doesn't. He's like such a good man, he's
such a sweet good man and like never would intentionally
hurt anyone. But but he doesn't think about he's not
thinking nine steps ahead like I am. He's just living
his life in peace and being who he is.
Speaker 3 (46:22):
You know, I got a way to live.
Speaker 6 (46:26):
What is that you spinning ahead of the game.
Speaker 2 (46:32):
And then one.
Speaker 5 (46:32):
Because like the thought of being surprised with a you
hurt me?
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Oh yeah, oh god, I was walking around with an
I'm sorry shirt on all of the time.
Speaker 3 (46:41):
We've got it.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Well, Sarah, thank you so much for coming on. Please
let us know whenever you're in Nashville, because you are
welcome here. I was just in Nashville. I know, was
it last week because she was busy? She had a baby?
Speaker 6 (46:56):
Oh of course, yes, you having.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
A baby last week. I had him last week. How
is he? He's amazing. He's a little squash. He love him. Actually,
the most handsome baby I've ever seen. And I have
a son. He's a prince.
Speaker 6 (47:11):
I mean, look at his parents, can you?
Speaker 2 (47:13):
I mean, well, next time you're in Nashville, let us know, please,
And thank you for coming on and sharing all of it.
Thanks for writing an amazing script and we can't wait
to follow him with everything.
Speaker 6 (47:26):
Thank you, guys.
Speaker 3 (47:27):
So girl, Sarah's nice to meet you.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
I need to know how old Sarah Drew is because
she literally looks like she's thirty.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
Beautiful.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Yeah, I think I think she's our age. She's been
married for twenty one years. Trying to do the math,
and I'm like it doesn't add up.
Speaker 3 (47:41):
Add up to your face.
Speaker 4 (47:43):
How does it feel to know that Kepner was in
her bathtub watching you in.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
A movie twenty three? I was like, I love you.
Speaker 7 (47:55):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (47:56):
Yeah, I loved her on the show, so I mean,
I was like, that's just so cool. And I'm like, thanks, girl,
so cool. And now I'm like, sh she saw that.
Those some of those things you're probably going through. Good
you pre apologize for anything, well, because that one scene
was I was so bummed because it was the scene
where I'm telling Bruce Thomas's character, I'm like, you were
(48:19):
You've never seen me, Dad, You've never And that's the
big emotional scene that I cried. And when I was
reading the script, but I can't wait, and then I
was second, I was like, oh, but I did get
the top in the end. I just like to have
one full pass where it's.
Speaker 3 (48:30):
Like perfectionism coming in.
Speaker 6 (48:33):
I am.
Speaker 3 (48:33):
But I love you, guys, I love you so much.
This was fine, good job, this was good.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Next week
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of wind Own
Emotionally Stable today.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
Uh you feel there? You feel we would just start
with a temperture check.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
What's funny is that? Hannah? Sweet Hannah. She texted me
yesterday going, Hey, just checking Anya to see how you're
feeling about this week. Listen, it was way too soon
to record. How many days was it Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
three days post giving or four because we record on Friday. Yeah,
(00:38):
so but four days post having a C section. The
problem is nobody could have told you differently though. Sure
I actually thought was how are we podcasting?
Speaker 4 (00:48):
But don't tell her that because she's convinced she's got this,
Which you did?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
I mean, you did great.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I did until the very end of the show. Well,
I canceled Thursday therapy because I really that morning that
I just I wasn't really ready. But I also wanted
to do the birth story and have you girls over.
So I texted Hannah right before the episode and I said, hey, girl,
I'm just not feeling good. I cannot do because the
therapy one just felt like this us girls, it is
(01:17):
just fun, us hanging out. We got to chill, tell
tell a story. But then the therapy in the back
of my mind it felt like work, and then I
started to get anxiety, like I'm just not ready yet,
and then so I had canceled that, and then I
felt good about that. But the second I started reading
the ads when you guys left, y'all, this is so embarrassing.
(01:37):
But Hannah and Easton we're on We're on the zoom
obviously with us, and I'm in the middle of reading
like butcher Box, like get Your Year Fore of Fun,
and I was like, I was like, I'm literally crying
during the middle of a butcher Box app but I
just go I don't know why I'm crying. It was
(01:58):
so speak because you came down and Ken are like okay, no,
I just started crying and we both are like okay,
fair enough, and then Kat goes, so, what was it
about the ad that really brought me the tears? And
I thought, yeah, I guess I was for the Free
Range Show.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Maybe there was some aspect of it that actually but no, literally,
it was just like get Your.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Beach was very passionate about animal rights.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
I bow it out.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I was like it's okay. Well, and then I didn't
I didn't even know. I just was maybe it felt
wired and I just didn't want to be I don't
know that was a maybe it just gave birth and
maybe don't need to have a reason. But I was
just reading it and then I just started crying. And
then Hannah's like that's part. Hannah's like, it's okay, we
(02:47):
can we can just stop, like you don't, you don't
have to, like like, I'm like covering my face beause
I get embarrassed, you know, moments like that. And then
Easton goes, if you could just stop record on the record.
Euston's so tenderhearted, and I was like, poor people, and
I was like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. And
then I go downstairs and I cry even more because
(03:07):
I'm like it was a butcher box ad. There's nothing
against the beef for the eggs, but I show to
do it.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
For people that who have not given birth to a baby.
It is the weirdest thing to me. I mean, I
can remember, I don't know why I'm crying. It's the
strangest feeling, like there's no.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
This time specifically, it has been harder for me to
have those moments because I'm I feel like I'm such
a more well human, like a whole human that normally
if I'm like losing it, I can go Okay, Kristen,
like what is the pit of this? Like why? What?
Speaker 5 (03:39):
What?
Speaker 3 (03:40):
There's no pit? So you just get your sendless emotion.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Fine, anyways, you're feeling good. Yeah, So today I was like, Okay,
now I feel ready to podcast. We can talk about
beef and chicken and talk about all the beef to
wait a week a week yes, which y'all suggested, and
I was like, no, that'll be fine, totally good. Well,
it does feel, I will say, like some normalcy, you know,
like when you were like why are you jumping on?
(04:06):
And I don't know that I even contributed anything. It
just felt good to feel like a person again quickly,
because you know, it's very your body just goes through
a lot. You feel a little sacrificial for a minute,
and it's like, where do I land in all this
besides caregiver?
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
The crying though has uh. Obviously I cried when the
kids left for Virginia and that was a very strange.
That was the first time leaving or the kids leaving
and then having this sweet baby. It was a very weird.
I felt a little guilt little like yeah, like the
mom guilt.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I think you had him here with the baby and.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
You would have probably felt that no matter what though,
oh for you, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Yeah, I felt justified those tears.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, and then you know, uh yeah that, like you said,
like that piece is hard. But it's that weird balance.
But then also, I've really enjoyed this time. I'm just
with me, Rowman and Alan, you know, just that. But
then that makes me feel a little guilty, don't, don't.
But it's been really nice just to have like, okay,
(05:10):
some quiet.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
I'm so glad to hear you say that.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
I mean, we talked about this last week when I
was like I wanted to stay at the hospital because
I wanted time just us and the third baby, and like,
don't feel bad about that.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
That's okay, Yeah, it just it feels. Ashley Houston texted me,
She's like, hey, girl, checking in, like how you feeling.
And I'm like very peaceful actually with just the three
and just laying there and we don't have to get
up and yeah, and again I missed the bigs more
than anything. But also I'm and I'm enjoying, you know,
this special time with the three of us because I
even said, Allan, we're going to get the kids back
(05:43):
in five days now, like when he comes back, Like
we get the kids. So this is with five days
that we get to really just hunger out.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
And you're really not going to get that much.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
No, besides the week I mean after Christmas, and that's.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yeah, it's few and far between. So enjoy it. Don't
feel guilt about it. Yeah, just enjoy it.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
But like you said, and you can miss your children, yeah,
and I kind of wish they were here, but also
enjoy this time.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Just make the most of it. And they're having a
great time too.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I think some of the photo of the kids and
I just I sat like a little cry face heart
like so happy, and I go, man, they're so loved
and they're so happy. Yeah that makes me. Yeah, because
they need that this time as well.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Yeah, absolutely well, and they're getting because also when a
new baby is here, like you know, to see the
positive side of it. Also, like other the older kids
do kind of get the shaft when a new baby's around.
There's not much you can do about it. You've got
a crying newborn, that's whatever. So they actually are getting
such one on one time and they are getting so
(06:47):
just the time they probably wouldn't have had if they
were here.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
For what it's worth.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yea, yes to that.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I have done a few. I don't know if you
did this, have done this too, and you probably same
when when Ramsey came home, but when the be he
does cry too, and the kids are here, I'm like,
he's fine, Like what do you need, Jolie, what do
you need Jason? So I'm like, I'm always making sure
I am tending to them because I don't want them
to feel shafted.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Yeah you know.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
So I also asked them what they think the baby
needs because they like to try to figure it out. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Have them help is huge, especially the older ages when
you have a little bit of a gap. I just
made them so a part of it, like okay, great,
can you do diapers? Can you get the diaper? Can
you get the formula? I just like had them help
and they just felt and they always wanted to be
there and help, and it was great.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Jolie wants to help, but because she had that stomach book,
I'm just like, wait one more week, honey. Well yeah,
and Jason's just like always passes him and goes, oh,
you're so cute, but then wants nothing else to do.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
So I'm like, that's okay. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Well, Leggie's a little aggressive lover, which I is probably genetic,
but it gets a little like Lenny and the Rabbits
with her. So I'm like a little calm, you know,
like a little less because he's.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Like, I'm.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
All right, but about me, how are you girls?
Speaker 6 (08:05):
Well?
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Wed?
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well, I think it's I think it's worth noting since
we're talking about new babies and all the things we
are starting to see a little bit, and I didn't
want to. I'm very I run very tight defense for
our little peace of the world, my little corner of
the world. I don't like people's opinions a lot. I
don't like people saying, oh, you know, he's going to
be like this, or they're going to be like that.
(08:29):
I just you don't like furry things.
Speaker 7 (08:31):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
I don't like people telling me that, like, somebody's going
to be this way, right, And so I just let
our experience unfold as it will.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Sure we are starting to.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
I'm starting to see the middle child moment with Legend,
which I had strong Like, I never said it wasn't
going to happen to us, but I have been so
intentional about it that I was kind of praying it
wouldn't happen. Also, Legend the only boy, and he is
a very alpha personality too, so without anything, he demands
(09:06):
a certain amount of attention. I think in the long run,
having a new baby is great for him because he
needs someone he can lead and it's going to be
really special to him. Right now, we are in a
really interesting season. I'm watching a few things happen like
he did. Start to I don't. I always am careful
(09:27):
about what I share with him too, because I don't
want him like later thirty years listening to wind down
more than our husbands do and able to like check
back in. But like you know, there were some accidents happening.
There's some really just kind of like lousy choices, Like
yesterday an entire bottle of essential oil, which is not inexpensive,
was dumped all over my bedroom. Smells like a dream
in there. However, just like you know, I can just
(09:48):
tell we're needing a certain different type of attention and
when he asks for it in his non asking way.
It's hard to like get compassionate in the moment, right
cleaning a boil and all the things. That's just prime examples.
But we're in the thick of middle kid right now.
Well so you say that, and I was. I told
(10:09):
this to you off air, But when you had spoken
about how Legend was acting a little middle child, in
my mind, I thought, well, Jason isn't going to do that.
He's i know, not at all, like we're good, perfect,
And then yeah, and then two days in, you know,
he's looking for more attention by the loud you know,
(10:34):
uh singing that he's doing that. He never sings in
the in This is My Life in the bathroom, I'm
glad he's singing, but I also know he's trying to
look for attention the chorus. He's burping at the table
very loudly, and usually he doesn't do that. If he burps,
he always has excuse me. But his burps are now
exaggerated and so, and then there's that, and then so
(10:56):
I'm just I'm trying to love on him in certain
ways and talk to him, but I can also see, Okay,
I look like I'm following. Now you're lead and going.
All right, Christen, there was something to this. Yeah, it's
strange because I feel like company morel as a whole
is at an all time high. Like we all like her.
I'm so thankful We've had mutual friends that have had
really tough experiences with one of the big kids not
liking the baby at all, oh and very vocal about it,
(11:18):
and so I'm so thankful that's not the case.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
And it does. It has been harder.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Presen's been traveling a lot, so by myself pretty often,
and I think, like I feel kind of divided. And
as she gets older, she needs more. She's awake longer
and she needs more attention, and she's rolling and trying
to scoot, and so I can't just like put her
somewhere and then give him the attention. So we're just
learning altogether right now.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
Well, I think it's such a balance for us.
Speaker 4 (11:43):
We really went through it more when Ramsey was more
all over the place, not really a newborn newborn stage.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Everyone wanted to help.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
But then when she was all over the place and
you were like making her sure she doesn't die every second,
you know, that's when we kind of had more of it.
But I think it's such a bad balance to give
them one on one time but then also not give
into that like don't worry, I'm I'm not doing anything
with the baby like I'm here. It's just such a
balance because they have to learn that it is now three.
(12:14):
You do have to you can't be everywhere. A mom
cannot do everything at once, you know. So it's like
such a balance of really showing them that. But I
know it's hard for you because you don't president is
in home a lot. But I do think it's also
important to do the one on one stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Yeah, Like a the other day, sorry it's called them
Alan Jayce was like, Mommy, will you played legs with me?
And I'm like yes, because that was one on one time.
Julie was at her friends and so and I just
you know, gave the baby Alan and the little rocker
thing and sat up there and played legos and that.
And I think it was doctor Amon that he said,
spend ten minutes alone each day with the kids something
(12:51):
that they want to do for ten minutes, and that's
going to be something that they're going to remember and
that helps that relationship too. So That's been something I've
always thought about as well. We part of like when
the baby is just like there and I can see
Leggie out of the corner of my eye, I'll say, like,
are you looking for Legend? Where is he? I bet
he's looking for you? And then he's like, I'm right here,
and I'm like, well, thank goodness. We were just wondering
(13:13):
were you know, just trying to like validate, and I
think they all feel it to a certain extent.
Speaker 4 (13:17):
They all are, and it's so normal and you're gonna
mess up and you're gonna yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
And it's just we're doing all. We're all done the
best we can do.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
I have any Grays Anatomy fans here, Yes, I knew Kat.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Was, of course I am.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
I've watched. I stopped the twentieth season. I don't know,
I was like twenty one maybe, Yeah, I watched a
lot of it, and uh, but we're I'm really excited
to have Sarah Drew come on the show. So she's
obviously she's been a Madman, Glee, uh, everything, but she's
best known as her part in Grey's Anatomy, and she's
(13:55):
just she also, which I didn't find out until way later,
but she wrote, so I have a movie coming out
on Lifetime December ninth, she wrote a Cowboy Christmas romance.
So I'm excited to talk to her about that too.
You uh, but let's get her on. I feel like
(14:35):
I know you well obviously. I I I know of you.
I've watched you on Grades Anatomy million years, like for
for so many years. And then Ryan McPartland talks about
you all the time, and Brian and Herzlinger. I'm just like,
I feel like Margaret, I know, I'm like, I just
am like I feel like, you know, kind of a
(14:56):
stalker psycho. But I'm like, I like, I know so
much of her, and I just feel like we're friends.
And I don't even know you.
Speaker 6 (15:01):
But Hi, well, Hi, and girl.
Speaker 5 (15:03):
I watched every single take on all the dailies, and.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
So I really, oh, one hundred percent.
Speaker 5 (15:10):
I was shooting movie in Canada when you were shooting
in Arizona, and so I would get the dailies every night.
I would come home from shooting and I would sit
in my bathtub because that's what I do when I'm
on set shooting. I have to have a bathtub because
that's like my wine down time, and I'd have my
iPad and I would be watching your gorgeous, beautiful, talented
face and you you were so good in this. You
(15:32):
are so good in this. I could not have asked
for anyone else. It was such beautiful work. I hope
you have you seen it.
Speaker 6 (15:42):
I hope you're so proud of it.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
So I actually haven't watched it yet. I've only you know,
I would obviously did the ADR and I've seen little
pieces of it. It's it's honestly okay. So when I
got the script and I read or I got I'm like,
it said untitled. What was it untitled? Would you have?
Speaker 6 (16:01):
There were so many names.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
I named it Cowboy Christmas, but then it became Christmas
on the Ranch, and then it became a cowboy Christmas Romance.
Speaker 6 (16:08):
So it's gone to many iterations.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
But when I got it, and this is not against
you at all, but as you probably know this too,
and you get I'm like, oh, I'm not a Christmas movie.
I'm like, I can't.
Speaker 6 (16:18):
We've done just like we've done so many.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yeah Christmas in Mississippi, Tennessee, Michigan, just like I've got
it in every state. So I'm just like, Okay, here's
another one, and I'm like, this is gonna be the
same thing. And I'm reading it and I'm going, this
is nothing like any Christmas. I'm like, you barely mention
the word Christmas. There's no gingerbread bake off, there's no
(16:45):
festival that town. That's going to hell. And then you
got to save it. Like the only thing was like hey,
coming back and seeing you know Adam or his character.
And but I'm reading it and I'm like, I'm crying
when I read it. And so I back to my
agent and I was like, this is nothing. I mean,
I was I don't even know how this is a
Christmas movie. This is so good. I'm like, it's so good,
(17:07):
and I'm like I'm literally reading the script crying and
I was like a blown Oh I was blown away.
And so I was like, I'm doing this movie. Oh,
I have to do this movie. Yeah, because it was
so different. It's not and that's everyone's like, well, I
don't understand. It's on Lifetime ago. Yeah, but this is
nothing like any of the other ones.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
No, it's so different. I thank you so much for
saying all of that. I the interesting. You know. I've
done a lot of these Christmas movies too, and they're
so sweet and fun, but I also like in it's
the same for me, real and real true holiday times,
for real, true family dynamics. It's always stressful and heightened.
(17:48):
There's drama that comes out, and we never explore that
stuff in the Christmas movies. It's always just about the
cozy feelings, and those cozy feelings happen, but it's all
mixed up with real family stuff and identity stuff and
relationship stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
But I'm yelling at Bruce's Tom and my dad, Bruce
Thomas's character, I'm like, oh, this is like meat, you know,
like something to like grab onto, Like this is so cool.
I get to like yell at my dad like you
weren't there. I'm like, that's everything I wanted to like
say in one of those movies. You know. But yeah,
it's like you gave that, You gave it bones.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
Ah, thank you for saying that, and thank you for
just owning it so amazingly well and diving so fully in.
Speaker 6 (18:27):
Like you you you.
Speaker 5 (18:29):
Brought such power to all of those scenes. That scene
with you and Bruce is one of my favorites. In
the whole movie when you finally have that face off
and then he and it's like, you guys are just still,
You're not. There's no moving around, there's no hoopla Christmas hoopla.
It's just two people really wanting to connect and finally
(18:50):
saying all of the things that need to be said,
and like there's a beautiful like redemption and you guys
played it so well.
Speaker 6 (18:58):
I got goosebumps in my back watching.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
For saying that. That was the one of the scenes
where uh so I was pregnant obviously in the movie, yes,
and so that was these words. It was hard because
I felt sick and that scene I was so bummed
because I felt I had just like gotten sick right
before that scene, and so I was just kind of
felt a little. I was like, no, it was like
like the most important scene of the freaking movie. So
(19:23):
but I think, yeah, you were talk to Jake and
I'm like, all right, well we can, we can. I
like the top half hated the bottom, like the bottom
of the second take it, so I'm like, oh, we
I was like, you know, when you're just those scenes
are tough to yes, but.
Speaker 5 (19:37):
No, but you totally but by the way like you'd
be nauseous in a moment like that, like you were
able to fully use all of that.
Speaker 6 (19:47):
It's so, it's so good.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
It's so good, and he Jake or the directors is
so great. And but the last week of filming that
he's like, please don't take this the wrong way. He's like,
but uh, you're gonna have to suck in just a
little bit now. I was not pregnant that I would
have obviously, I don't think you could ever gottens no
because I'm double shanks and really like I will because
(20:11):
I popped that last week of filming. But I'm like,
this is the only time you can ever say that
to an actual hook. Totally.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Wait, I can't wait to watch it and see if
I can tell.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
You can I think I look.
Speaker 6 (20:23):
You're looking at you're like hunting for it.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
Of course you are, but but I feel like, y'all
hit it really really well.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Thank you, Sarah. You you have like, okay, so you
have a really big career before this epic Christmas movie.
And we are all excited for December ninth on Lifetime
to watch Jana star in this cowboy Christmas Room. Amazing.
That's right, So you have this really wild, really wild
(20:51):
and wide resume of show business that started.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Are you a Jersey kid or Rhode.
Speaker 6 (20:57):
Island now in New York?
Speaker 5 (20:58):
I grew up on Long Island, Okay, long area, Yeah,
an island comes to Jerseys So you're in the right place.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Yeah, but we all know East Coast.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
That does matter.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
We can just be tossing around islands and putting people
in places has left the zoom. Yeah, so not great geography.
Super love you. So then you started in theater first, correct,
and that took off like a wild ride for you.
That was crazy and amazing. And then agents came knocking
because you're incredible. Okay, so I'll just stay here forever.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
I need your I need your brush over here.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I'm a little shiny, so will you Okay, So tell
me a little bit about how you make this, how
you go from because you're not writing a lot of things,
which has got to be pretty cool. And I feel like,
as I'm not an actress by any means obviously, but
I feel like for people like Jana that are actually,
you know, like acting these movies out, it's gotta they've
(21:55):
got to be able to feel that in those scripts.
That someone that has played the other side of that
is really looking out for them or identifying in certain areas.
So tell me how you go, Well, just tell me everything,
but tell me how you go from I am theater,
I'm acting, I'm doing Gray's Anatomy, and these are big,
big things in projects you're doing, and now you're writing
(22:16):
a lot. Does that feel more comfortable? Does it feel
like it's on brand or just like, of course very organic.
Speaker 6 (22:22):
So thank you for that question.
Speaker 5 (22:25):
That's it's so fun because it's just firing up different
parts of my brain and different parts of my creative expression.
And I got a little taste of the creative process
when I produced. I was an executive producer on a
movie I did Like in twenty eighteen, and I got
obsessed with all of the how the sausage is made
(22:47):
and all the creative pieces of it. I was tracking
every character's emotional journey so that I could be like,
answer a question or you know, help anybody in the
journey I was helping. I rewrote some of the scenes
for that movie because I was like, I'm saying it
out loud and the words don't make sense in a
kind way. I just mean I just mean, like in
(23:11):
the sometimes when you're a writer and you're not an actor,
you haven't put it to the test. You haven't said
the thing out loud, you haven't tracked this beat to
this beat to this beat to know whether it's making
sense in your brain right. But I've been doing that
my whole life. I've been acting my whole life, And
so when and all during Gray's Anatomy, I was I
had a really beautiful collaborative relationship with the writers where
(23:33):
it was like they were very open to suggestion, to pitches,
if anything didn't feel exactly authentic to who you were
in that moment as a character, whatever, you go and
you hash it out and you talk about it.
Speaker 6 (23:45):
So I had a lot of practice.
Speaker 5 (23:47):
Of like, I know where you're going in this scene.
I think we can get there if I say it
like this, or I think there's one little piece that's
missing between point A and points B for me to
make that whole emotional arc and journey. So I've always
been in my career thinking through it and have read it,
like you, Jenna, a billion scripts, and you know which
(24:10):
ones are great, you know which roles you want to play,
and you know which ones are like just surfacey cookie cutter,
you know you can tell. And so for me, whenever
I'm deciding to do a project, it's always about the
meat of it, like where does this character get to
have an arc?
Speaker 6 (24:27):
Does this character get to have a journey? So it
wound up.
Speaker 5 (24:31):
So my first one that I wrote, I had just
come back from shooting the movie with Ryan McPartland Who's
the Best, The Best, Best, Best Best, with Ryan and
Brian and Stephen Margaret. We had just done Twinkle All
the Way and we were all on set. We had
the best time, and we were all just like geeking
out over creativity, and they really Ryan really inspired me
(24:52):
to start thinking about my own stories.
Speaker 6 (24:55):
So I went.
Speaker 5 (24:56):
Home and came up with like a pitch and presented
the pitch to set, Stephan Margaret and they were like,
and I was like, we should probably hire a writer,
and they're like, or you should buy final draft and
write it yourself, because you've already clearly you've just told
us the entire world and we see it as if
we're living in it right now, Like there's no other
you should write it. Just go got buy final draft
(25:16):
and write it. And I needed that kick in the
pants from those women, because I would not have done
it if they hadn't.
Speaker 6 (25:22):
Told me to.
Speaker 5 (25:23):
And I wrote it and then we wound up selling
it to Lifetime, so we made that last year, and
then I was just like and then I went and
shot a Western last fall, and I fell in love
with Jesse Bell.
Speaker 6 (25:34):
And his whole family. Sanna, yes they were.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
They were my wranglers on my western. And I had
so many conversations like Abby is based on Abby?
Speaker 6 (25:44):
Yeah yeah?
Speaker 5 (25:45):
And she so his daughter horse wrangler's daughter was the
girl who plays Abby.
Speaker 6 (25:51):
Was her like stunt rider?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Oh yeah?
Speaker 6 (25:53):
She was on set?
Speaker 5 (25:54):
And I and I'd had all these conversations with Jesse
and his son partner, and some of the dinner table
conversations came straight out of conversations I had with partner
about about like training horses. So I was like, Okay,
how about let's uh, let's jump into this world a
little bit because I'm obsessed with this world. Let's sprinkle
(26:14):
a little Christmas in. Let's like put some roots down
in let me write a character I would want to
take a journey on as an actor, and let me
make sure as I'm writing it that every moment makes
sense to the next, to the next, to the next.
And that's kind of so it ended up being sorry,
it is a very long winded answer.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
No, I do. I want it all.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
I want all of it.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
I'm in it.
Speaker 6 (26:37):
The story. Yeah, you actually.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
She knows the stories. We don't know all the stories,
partner Navvy and all the things. You better tell us everything.
Speaker 6 (26:47):
That family is magic, just magic.
Speaker 5 (26:52):
Yeah. So, and I was so thrilled that once once
I like reached out to Autumn and she was like, well,
I think we might shoot in Arizona.
Speaker 6 (27:00):
Uh. And I was like, oh my gosh, Jesse Bell.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
You have to you have to reach out to Jesse Bell,
like that's who these characters are based on.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Okay, I didn't know that. That's really cool. Yeah. I
do think it's incredible though, that you're giving the human
experience mixed in with this like even and I haven't
seen the movie, but just the honesty of like it
isn't always Christmas and wonderful and because it's not quite honestly,
Sarah Drew No, especially, it's like, yeah, it's like layered
(27:29):
and it's human and there's relationships and and sometimes I
love a good Christmas, like give it to me, you know,
like a beautiful let's decorate cookies, but also I need
some real raw honesty because that's not my life. She
also wrote a very uh it's the first Christmas movie
that has a sex scene.
Speaker 6 (27:49):
Oh yeah, well.
Speaker 5 (27:50):
Look at you just said give it to me, And
I was like, you mean, Adamson, I'll give you.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
But I was like, I'm also but I read out
this is gonna be interesting. I'm like, how are we
gonna to do this with the baby belly? And so
we're on this spoiler alert or spoiler alert. He lays
me down on some hay and then I'm like and
then we you know, and then you what you know?
(28:18):
And then uh, you know. Obviously it's still a lifetime
and still family. Yeah, but it was pushing limits there too.
But when we when they cut and then the next
morning out take, I was.
Speaker 6 (28:30):
Like, we made a baby.
Speaker 5 (28:35):
Right that scene, I mean, it's it all came out
so beautifully, but especially the scene in the kitchen I
had written into the stage directions. He pulls her up
onto the counter, he shoves things off the table. No,
I put it all in there. So I was like,
(28:56):
don't take the steam and the sex away from me,
I wrote it on purpose.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Well, this is not like a Christmas. I'm like, and
al I's like, how's the script? Like that's great a Christmas.
A little add and ho ho ho that never hurt anybody.
We all need a little and now we're talking real life.
But yeah, I mean, and I was I was like, well,
that's why I kept saying, this is nothing like anything.
(29:22):
And I was actually surprised at Lifetime but they didn't
cut anything. I was so happy that they really left
it all in there.
Speaker 5 (29:31):
I like, I I Tiama, Jeanie is amazing and she
was just like, give it all to me.
Speaker 6 (29:37):
I want all of it.
Speaker 5 (29:39):
Yes, And I just I was so thrilled that she
said yes to all of it.
Speaker 6 (29:44):
I would not have been at that scene just got cut.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Well that that is where I was again. I love
Lifetime so much and I'm so thankful for them and
they're fantastic and what they've done and helped me with.
But when I also knew that they picked it up,
I was like, oh, I hope they don't cut anything,
because so special, like all of it, you know, every
piece that needs to be in there that made that
script why I want to do it because you know
(30:09):
people that don't know they obviously when they acquire a movie,
then they go in and they put they give the
director and editors.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
And their notes, right, no notes, that's awesome.
Speaker 5 (30:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
So yeah, they were just like, yes, can I ask
you about Grays really fast?
Speaker 3 (30:37):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Okay? So what was the what was that? So we
do sad part of the day, happy part of the day,
but what's it to pit in a peak? A peak? Okay?
So what was the pee pit of Grays? And what
was the peak?
Speaker 5 (30:50):
You know, it's such a great question. And my pit
and peak are this are one and the same. And
it was and it's actually been the thing that has
Like someone asked me recently, what's the engine that drives
your life? And for me, it's about holding pain and
hope together at the same time, intertwined and all. And
(31:11):
my engine is looking for the beauty and the joy
in the pain. So for me, when I was written
off the show, it came as a total shock and
it was very, very devastating, Like I was blindsided by it.
Speaker 6 (31:26):
It didn't make any sense to me.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And as I watch a viewer, I agree, and honestly
that's when I stopped watching because I it did not
make sense at all, like literally, and I'm like, well, no,
they have to be to get like what, like, what
are you doing? I did not understand that at all.
So sorry. That was the viewer anger too.
Speaker 5 (31:46):
And I think you are echoing what everybody was echoing.
Speaker 6 (31:50):
I mean, like nobody understood it.
Speaker 5 (31:52):
It was so confusing, which is why I say that
it was so painful, but like piercingly joyful because because
I had another couple of weeks still on the show
after knowing that I was going, and the outpouring of
love from the fans. The fans, yes, I mean they
got a plane to fly over the studio with a
(32:14):
banner saying we love you, Sarah Drew and Jessica Capshaw
like but you know, so the fan outpouring of love
was bananas. But even more for my heart, it was
my crew and my cast. They put together these boxes
for us on our last day. Everybody had written a
letter to us, and I was getting and I was
(32:36):
having crew members come up to me to be like,
there was this one moment five years ago when we
had this conversation. It meant so much to me and
I want to say thank you. You know, before you
go right. And if I had stayed on the show
forever and I'd left when everybody else did, I would
not have experienced the visceral love bomb that was the experience. So,
(32:58):
I mean, I remember even when and Betsy called me
just to tell me they love me and you know,
wish me the best or whatever.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
But aren't they the ones that also wrote you.
Speaker 5 (33:07):
No, it was a different it was a different showrunner
at that point in that choice. Yeah, okay, but when
they called me just to say we love you and
you know, best of luck and everything, and it was
still very fresh and very wrong.
Speaker 6 (33:18):
It was like the day after whatever.
Speaker 5 (33:20):
I was so overcome with how loved I was on
that set that all I could do was weep. I
was literally just weeping on the phone with joy, like
thanking them for the opportunity they'd given me to be
a part of this family and be a part of
this legacy, Like that's the end. That's truly the only
thing I was feeling.
Speaker 6 (33:39):
I was overcome.
Speaker 5 (33:40):
So you talk about like highs and lows, it was
it felt so sad.
Speaker 6 (33:45):
I was hurt so much.
Speaker 5 (33:46):
I've never been fired or written off of anything, or
I'm such a hard worker. I know my value, I
know I'm good at what I do, so.
Speaker 6 (33:55):
It hurts so bad.
Speaker 5 (33:58):
And then it also I was so intensely loved in
it that I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.
I'm so glad I had it together. And then and
then that reality of holding those two things pain and
joy is just that's what life is. We are just
in that all the time. That is the journey and
(34:18):
the drive and the engine that I am just on
all the time. Is Okay, this is painful. I'm feeling it,
I'm looking at it, I'm experiencing it. Where do I
find the glory in it? Like I'm a huntress for
the glory right now? I hear the beauty and for
the joy, and I love that piece.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
I think when I'm listening to that, I go to
the place where, yes I could. I love the end
and all that. I also want to know the why
in it too, And so though I appreciate the end,
I would go, but why, Like I just want to
know why you chose to do that, Like did you
have that kind of conversation afterwards or did you just
(34:58):
let it kind of go?
Speaker 5 (34:59):
I never really got a real why, and I kind
of had to more in that and let it go.
I mean, I got a why.
Speaker 6 (35:05):
But I I'm not. I don't.
Speaker 5 (35:09):
It was just like, we don't really we put you
through so much that we don't know what else to
write for you. And I'm like, but you've been able
to do that for everybody else, so I don't.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
And You're like, and I'll write it myself. Actually i'll
write it better. Yeah, I'll show you.
Speaker 5 (35:23):
But but my why, my the why actually that I've
been answering over the last five years is the why
is so that I could go and expand in the
ways I've been expanding as a creator, as a producer,
as a writer. I'm now I'm about to go direct
to radio play and like all of these things that
I'm entering into, it was like it was time.
Speaker 6 (35:47):
I didn't know that it was time.
Speaker 5 (35:48):
But that's where my my faith comes in to play
in that, because I wouldn't have left on my own volition.
The money's too good, it's too stable of a job, family,
you know, Like, I wouldn't have gone.
Speaker 6 (36:02):
And I loved it there.
Speaker 5 (36:03):
I mean, that's the other thing. Was a beautiful time
and experience, so I wouldn't have gone. But if I
hadn't gone, I wouldn't be writing, I wouldn't be producing,
I wouldn't be activating my brain and my heart on
all these other layers and levels. That is like fed
my soul and brought me so much joy, And that,
to me is the why.
Speaker 6 (36:24):
That's the why. The why is that God.
Speaker 5 (36:26):
Was like, it's time for you to go over here,
and I know it's gonna be painful, but you're gonna
get it later.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
And you can't do it for yourself, so I'm gonna
do it right.
Speaker 6 (36:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
Yeah, And you were in a comfortable place.
Speaker 4 (36:36):
You just sit in that comfort sometimes and sometimes it
takes God to take us out of that to say, okay,
this is what I need.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
I mean, it was what nine years of your life.
Speaker 6 (36:44):
I was on the show for nine years.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Yeah, I mean that is in that industry specifically.
Speaker 3 (36:48):
Yeah, that's like it's crazy, that's dog years.
Speaker 5 (36:51):
I got to have both my babies on that show
where they took such good care of me, and you know,
it's like a matriarchy were there, right, So like I
kept working. I never you know, missed a paycheck. I
got to and they worked it. They did that like
everybody says, if you want to have a baby, go
(37:12):
get on the show.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
On the show's that's right because it was a scandal.
Speaker 7 (37:17):
Carry Yeah, she was also compliment right now. Yeah, it's
just such a compliment. I feel like, how.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Long have you been married for?
Speaker 6 (37:36):
Twenty one years?
Speaker 5 (37:37):
Oh? Wow?
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Okay, yes, that's my that's yeah. That's also because wind down,
we always talk a lot about relationships, So what has
been what's been the peach of that? Like within the
hardest piece and then you know how obviously you know
your faith I'm sure plays a big piece in that too,
but yeah.
Speaker 5 (37:53):
So probably we had a really dark season seven years
into our relationship, about five years into.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
A ranch that Evan was terrible for us here, as
Janna likes to say, well.
Speaker 6 (38:05):
I think for us it was.
Speaker 5 (38:09):
We had always been long distance all through dating and
even in the first like five years of our marriage,
like crazy, like we we would always come together, but
we would be he was working here, and then I
was working there, and then we would come together part
of every week and then go our separate ways.
Speaker 6 (38:23):
Again.
Speaker 5 (38:24):
It was just we never were living and working in
the same space and hadn't yet until we moved to
la and planted down in la and then we were like, oh,
there's some shit we got to work out because you're
able to like get the space and ignore it and
then and then once you're face to face with it,
you're like, there's a lot of stuff. And for us,
(38:44):
it was all about communication. It was learning the script
of like, when you did this one thing, it made
me feel this way. What I'm hearing from you is
that when I did this one thing, it made.
Speaker 6 (38:55):
You feel that way. Is that correct? Yes, that is correct.
That is how you validating my feelings in this moment.
Speaker 5 (39:02):
Okay, I'm so sorry for making you feel that way
so much.
Speaker 6 (39:06):
I appreciate the apology. Can I now explain to you
what I meant when I said that thing?
Speaker 5 (39:10):
It?
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Can I explain to you why I want to lose
my mind?
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Because yeah, yes.
Speaker 5 (39:17):
And the funny thing is it's the weirdest little script
and it's the thing that completely made our marriage make sense.
We were just love our love language. We were missing
each other entirely. I did not could not receive it
from him, even though he was giving it. He was
piling it onto me, but in a language I didn't understand.
And then he wouldn't give the thing that I did
(39:39):
understand to me, and so I just felt unloved and
he felt unheard and he felt like I was accusing
him all the time. And we just had to learn
the script to be like, oh, when you did that.
Speaker 6 (39:50):
Thing, you were actually trying to enter into my world,
tell me what to do? Interesting, you know?
Speaker 5 (39:56):
And so and I also believe that was like it
was like a god thing. I also, I mean, another
really big thing in my marriage was that I had
like a liar living inside of me telling me I
wish all the time. I had a lot of shame
and a lot of like you're bad, You're just not good,
(40:18):
And I had the script in my head that was
like my husband, I was very charming when we dated.
He didn't know what he was getting himself into. And
now that he really knows me and he's seen all
my ship, he's too good of a man.
Speaker 6 (40:32):
To leave me. But it's like he's living with an
invalid wife.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Well, that's not fair to the girl that I'm talking to.
Speaker 5 (40:39):
No no, And I remember saying all that out loud
in therapy and our counselor being like, Peter, how do
you receive that he's like, I don't.
Speaker 6 (40:48):
I just love this woman so much. I don't. I
don't know.
Speaker 5 (40:51):
I don't know what to do.
Speaker 6 (40:53):
And he's like, I think you got a liar living
inside you. You got to tell that liar to shut them up.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Yeah, yeah, that's amazing. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 6 (41:02):
And I was like, well how do I do that?
Speaker 5 (41:04):
And I remember I had a lot like an army
of women praying for me because I was like, I
don't know how to reprogram my brain to look at
myself the way God looks at me and the way
my husband looks at me, because all I see is
like on top of ship.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
That was probably old childhood stuff or teens or whatever. Yeah,
that just or old boyfriends or whoever, and.
Speaker 5 (41:25):
Twisted theology stuff sometimes, like sometimes it's interesting sometimes that's
the theology stuff creeps in in a way that affected
me but didn't affect my brother, just because of the
way that we received messaging, you know, and by nobody
and nobody's fault. Just I'm pre wired predisposed to think
(41:46):
everything is my fault, you know, so and I and
it's weird. It's like not something my parents modeled. I
don't know where it came from. My brother doesn't experience it,
but but I had to. I had to really work
on that. And I I remember this one morning waking
up in our home and I've been praying about this,
like liar, who's telling me that I'm not valuable and
(42:09):
not worthy? And my husband comes into the kitchen and
he looks at me and he goes, morning, honey, I
love you. And I felt this like fire from my
toes all the way up my whole body to the
top of my head. I felt it in every cell
of my body. And all I could think.
Speaker 6 (42:31):
Was I believe you.
Speaker 5 (42:35):
And it was just like I'm somebody's favorite person forever.
He chooses me daily and he does love me. He's
not just saying it.
Speaker 6 (42:47):
It's real.
Speaker 5 (42:48):
And that for me was a god thing. That was
just like a that was a changing of my heart
that needed to happen. So it was the communication and
it was the self worth, so again darkest, but also
they all come in pairs. To me, it was also
the most brilliant moment of entering into a new journey
(43:09):
and a new chapter of my marriage and my relationship.
And that was before we had kids, and now we
have these two kids, and we have this life and
I and we know how to talk to each other,
and we know how to show each other our love
and and we're I just feel like we're kind of
unshakable at this point after going through that. So that
would be my peak as well.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
No, I love that, and yeah, now twenty years, dang,
girl'll keep going. I love it. That's beautiful. I do
think though, don't would you agree that? And I think
we're kind of all similar to like when you talk
about things all being your fault. I wonder sometimes I've
learned in this journey I've been on that if I
take it on, if it's my fault, then I can
(43:49):
go ahead and get it fixed too, because if I'm
waiting for someone else to own it, well, and we
all know how that plays out, Yeah, that could be exhausting.
So if we just take it, we'll just go ahead
and take that and we can fix it.
Speaker 6 (44:01):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
But then we're just taking on a bunch of stuff
that's not even ours to happen.
Speaker 5 (44:04):
It's not even ours exactly, it's not my responsibility, and
it's not even real.
Speaker 6 (44:09):
It's not even real, Like that's the thing.
Speaker 5 (44:12):
It's like a false reality of Okay, Well, maybe I
can get ahead of a thing. I mean, part of
it is also just the thought of hurting someone is
my worst nightmare.
Speaker 6 (44:25):
I'm so.
Speaker 5 (44:26):
I'm such a people pleaser. I hate conflict more than anything,
and I want people to feel seen and known and
loved when they're in my presence.
Speaker 6 (44:35):
It's very important to me.
Speaker 5 (44:37):
And if someone is hurt by something I've done, I
spin in my brain to try to get ahead of
it so that I can pre apologize, just in case
maybe I did something's.
Speaker 3 (44:50):
Head, would you really like to come down?
Speaker 2 (44:56):
I just had the same discussion as I didn't want to.
I didn't need to, like I didn't know, because we
never intend to ever. We never want people to hurt,
and that was not my intention that it was. You know,
it's like the ripple effect of wanting to. I don't
wanna say people please, but just you want people to
feel loved and seen and heard and anything like I
didn't need to like that. I hope you know I
(45:16):
take it like that. I would never because I want
you to be happy. And so we also live in
a very like living in offense society. So for people
like us, the big feelers, the big huggers, the big Oh,
we just want to love on you and like swaddle
you and carry you around. Like it's extra tricky for
our people right now because everyone's got a chip on
their shoulder, not everyone some version of you Like that's
(45:39):
not like you're that's not it at all, like that
I would never intended to do that or hurt like no, right,
And so then and then you just feel terrible because
you're like, that's not who I am, and they think
that this this is who I am, and that's that.
Speaker 5 (45:51):
But that's also part Like that was honestly what happened
in my marriage too. It was like I would accuse.
Speaker 6 (45:58):
And he was like, but that's not who I am.
You're saying something that that's like not my identity. I
didn't intend.
Speaker 5 (46:03):
Like my husband would never want to hurt a fly,
and he doesn't. He's like such a good man, he's
such a sweet good man and like never would intentionally
hurt anyone. But but he doesn't think about he's not
thinking nine steps ahead like I am. He's just living
his life in peace and being who he is.
Speaker 3 (46:22):
You know, I got a way to live.
Speaker 6 (46:26):
What is that you spinning ahead of the game.
Speaker 2 (46:32):
And then one.
Speaker 5 (46:32):
Because like the thought of being surprised with a you
hurt me?
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Oh yeah, oh god, I was walking around with an
I'm sorry shirt on all of the time.
Speaker 3 (46:41):
We've got it.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Well, Sarah, thank you so much for coming on. Please
let us know whenever you're in Nashville, because you are
welcome here. I was just in Nashville. I know, was
it last week because she was busy? She had a baby?
Speaker 6 (46:56):
Oh of course, yes, you having.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
A baby last week. I had him last week. How
is he? He's amazing. He's a little squash. He love him. Actually,
the most handsome baby I've ever seen. And I have
a son. He's a prince.
Speaker 6 (47:11):
I mean, look at his parents, can you?
Speaker 2 (47:13):
I mean, well, next time you're in Nashville, let us know, please,
And thank you for coming on and sharing all of it.
Thanks for writing an amazing script and we can't wait
to follow him with everything.
Speaker 6 (47:26):
Thank you, guys.
Speaker 3 (47:27):
So girl, Sarah's nice to meet you.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
I need to know how old Sarah Drew is because
she literally looks like she's thirty.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
Beautiful.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Yeah, I think I think she's our age. She's been
married for twenty one years. Trying to do the math,
and I'm like it doesn't add up.
Speaker 3 (47:41):
Add up to your face.
Speaker 4 (47:43):
How does it feel to know that Kepner was in
her bathtub watching you in.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
A movie twenty three? I was like, I love you.
Speaker 7 (47:55):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (47:56):
Yeah, I loved her on the show, so I mean,
I was like, that's just so cool. And I'm like, thanks, girl,
so cool. And now I'm like, sh she saw that.
Those some of those things you're probably going through. Good
you pre apologize for anything, well, because that one scene
was I was so bummed because it was the scene
where I'm telling Bruce Thomas's character, I'm like, you were
(48:19):
You've never seen me, Dad, You've never And that's the
big emotional scene that I cried. And when I was
reading the script, but I can't wait, and then I
was second, I was like, oh, but I did get
the top in the end. I just like to have
one full pass where it's.
Speaker 3 (48:30):
Like perfectionism coming in.
Speaker 6 (48:33):
I am.
Speaker 3 (48:33):
But I love you, guys, I love you so much.
This was fine, good job, this was good.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Next week
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