January 3, 2022 • 46 mins
Happy New Year! It’s always daunting to set goals at the start of the year and then struggle to keep them up, so Jana called in certified life coach Cherie Healey to help us set REALISTIC goals and find ways to start off 2022 in a healthy place.
Cherie shares some powerful exercises to put yourself in the right mindset for the year. You’ll want to listen to this episode over and over!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast
Happy New Year, We're here, I think whatever get here. Yeah.
Have you feel like you've been living in a twilight
though for the past a couple of years. Two years
someone I was trying my furnace broke and so I was, um,
(00:26):
I was calling and they're like, well, really backed up.
We can't see you until April. I was like, April,
your furnace so the gas, yeah, it's like not turning on.
And I was like until April. And they're like, yeah,
we're really sorry. And I was like, okay. I called
three of their places and they say April. I'm like,
(00:46):
I'm not gonna meet it in April. I would like
it because they probably don't have anybody to work well either.
My point, I guess to that is like I just
feel like, I'm like, have we been backed up since?
Probably we just never caught up. Yeah, So what happens
when it gets cold? I mean I still have a
(01:09):
Heater's just my gas or electric? This is a trick question.
I don't think of these things. If it's gas, you're
going to force my rent? Where force my rent to husbands?
Electric heat? Yeah? My heat works I think I'm gonna
go with my heat still works, Okay, I guess we'll
find out. Well that doesn't make sense. Then, well some
(01:30):
people have gas heat and some people have electric heat.
Mm hmm, we have gas, I think, Oh, I don't know.
I think we have gas. See you don't even know. No,
I'm not like you. I'm just asking. So it's like
your your stoves not working. No, my stove is working great,
it's my my okay, ready for champagne problems. My my,
(01:55):
my spa is not heating up. Your spat, your spa spa.
It makes it sound way more like problem. No, yes,
my my hot tub is not heating up, and neither
is my um my, my fireplace won't turn on. And
I've had two of my I've had two rental husbands
(02:16):
come over to try to figure it out. My neighbor
Jason came over and it's like, my gas isn't even
like there's no gas coming out. And because I'm like
real scared of gas, because I'm like, if I were
to light a match right now, we'd blow up. If
like that's that's what I think of gas. I get
scared of gas, you know, I get it. Um so
(02:36):
I just I'm like, I need a man to come
over and do this. So I call my neighbor Jason,
and I was like, Jason, it's Jana. I was like,
I can't figure out my gas, Like my fireplace isn't
turning on like you know I want. I like, I'm
a romantic with a fireplace. Well that's a bummer, but
it doesn't sound like it's a full gas problem. If
you're stove is working because you have a gas stove,
(02:58):
don't you night it? Yes, So it's branding there. Oh,
so there can be different lines. There's gonna I guess
there has to be if that one's not working and
then your show is working. Interesting interesting, I mean I
mean all all you know, I don't know. But anyways,
going into I just feel like what like because I
(03:21):
feel like no one knew it was going to be hard,
and then it was hard and the one was like
a recovery of So it's like, what's two going to be?
It's got to be good. I need we naturally has to.
I don't think we can afford for it not to be.
If I'm being just completely honest, it's got to turn up.
(03:41):
I mean flu like like like I have to say this,
it sucked. I'm like, I got a divorce in I
think was definitely a rough It couldn't get any more.
I don't think I can get. I'm not going to
say what could be worse, but you know, death, but um,
(04:03):
it's gonna be great. I'm feeling I feel like we
say that every time. No, we did. I think every
single one of us is like, it's gonna be our year,
It's gonna be everyone's year. We were definitely duped, but
I don't want to It's like January and then all
of a sudden February March, Yeah, exactly. And then they
said the same thing about so it's like does every year, Like,
(04:24):
I feel like you have to say every year, it's
going to be your year because if not, like, who's
going to go into it going it's not gonna be
this year's gonna suck. I think this year is just
going to be the same. Well that sucks. But if
I'm being but how do we change that? That's why
I want to talk to Shari about because because we
(04:45):
have a Shari coming on Healey, who's obviously she's a
fan favorite on the show. But I want to ask
her that because it's like you can't go into it
being like, well, it's not going to be your year,
but you also can't go into me like it's gonna
be my year and then have your expectations to be like,
this is the worst year of my life. Forgot divorced,
this happened. But covid, I think that's the problem with
people like us, because we set high expectations and we
(05:07):
get disappointed really easily. Well yeah, so it's like if
you just go in like it's just gonna be normal,
it's gonna be just how do you set goals when
it's just I think you can set goals, but it
just is another freaking year. Oh it's kind of like
it sounds to domestic, but it it just doesn't sound exciting, No,
Like it just sounds like you're just living. And I'm like,
(05:27):
I don't want to just live. I want to live. No, right,
I understand, Do you know what I mean? Chase that Joy,
I get it, Chasing joy saying yes, okay, I get
a hashtag, Chase Joy. You think radical race Chasing Joys,
it's all fair, and I agree, But I feel like
every January is like started off like that. So again,
(05:49):
I guess the question is how do you carry that
through the year, not just like have this excitement at
the beginning of the year and then let it all fall. Yeah. Like,
I'm staring at a piano right now in our little studio.
It's Jolie's, but it's also the little do you know,
I also got it for me too. I also would
(06:12):
like to relearn piano from when I was jolling stage.
So like I was thinking of getting a teacher coming over. Okay,
they teach the kids, they teach me. We learned to
play piano because I only know one one song, this
is less song, and they have a good thing about
cheese less. So yeah, so that's the only song I
(06:34):
can play a piano, and I'd like to learn another one.
I think that's a great goal, right, it would have,
but but we're most likely going to be sitting here
in another year going still only know the less. So
the good thing about you, I think it's prioritizing. That's
the word goals, and you have a million goals and
(06:58):
not enough hours in the day. You're good at that.
It's prioritizing what the goals are. Mm hmmm. Soana was
a goal, prioritize it. That's my advice for Yeah, so
we've got shrey. I'm gonna blow my nose because you
(07:19):
know what did come into two my cold. So um,
we're gonna take a break, blown the nose and we'll
get sure you on ask for all these questions. Hello,
(07:40):
it's so good to see you. Good to see you too,
um katn I were just talking about how like I
feel like, Okay, I feel like, you know, everyone's like,
this is going to be our year, and obviously it wasn't.
And then it's like, all right, this is gonna be
our year. And then one was like the recovery too,
and now it's twenty going to one. And then I
(08:02):
was like, but now I'm kind of like, is it?
Are we psyching ourselves out? Every time we say this
is gonna be your year? Because I'm like, is it though?
Because I'm like, well, last year I got divorced, and
like something bad probably is going to happen this year
or you know, like not as worse as that. I
don't know who knows, but like, but it's just one
of those things where I feel like, are we like
psyching ourselves out? Are we are this is this kind
(08:24):
of like I am so happy about being positive and
mean like, yeah, this is our year, but I'm almost like,
why are we setting it ourselves up to like be like, oh, yeah,
I know this year sucked. Well, here's the really important
question to ask. I'm a possibilitarian, you know that, Like,
I think anything is possible, and I do say that
every year like this is going to be the year.
(08:45):
And I don't know if all of us go about
designing the year in the way that would make it
our year, or that we end the year with the
right meaning, the right understanding of how the year went right.
So it's tricky. It's it's I'm not about doing what
a lot of people do to imagine the worst, prepare
(09:08):
for the worst so that you don't get disappointed, you know,
to just set your bar low and be like, yeah,
this is probably going to be a rough year like
the last two. I'm not about that. I'm more about Okay,
so we went through some really hard times the last
couple of years. Why why is it just that it
was like all of our power and freedom was taken
(09:29):
from us? Was it just a ship show or is
it this global awakening? Are we about to enter into
a renaissance era, a golden age, the imagination age, right,
like people are saying, and I believe this, that we
are now in a in a world where anything truly
is possible. The great Resignation happened, right, people have really
(09:53):
come to reevaluate and reset how they were living. And
I think this year we've learned a lot. We've learned
a lot going through the hard times. I mean, I,
as a kid, never wanted to go through the hard times.
I thought life is supposed to be a joy ride.
And then I grew up and realized that we can
only learn and grow when things are tough, when there's pain.
(10:16):
So I have high hopes for this year, really high
hopes because of that. And then what you do to
set yourself up to have the year of your life
is what we should talk about. You know, that you
don't just cruise into this year like a passenger, you know,
in your life, waiting for whatever is going to come,
(10:38):
you know, sort of. I think a lot of people's
belief in what's possible has been shattered, you know, and
that's what needs to be restored. That just because we've
been so disconnected and had to go through such hard times.
If we don't believe that something better is on the
other side of this, then we'll continue to be in
that spin cycle. I think. Well. Also, I was like
(10:59):
kind of telling calth her and she's like, it's just
another year. I'm like, I don't want it to be
just another year, you know me, Like I can't. I
need to, like I and I love like bring me
the highs and lows, Like the lows have made me,
you know, high and helped this and like grow and
learn and shape. That's fine. Like I'm I'm not saying
I want the perfect, best, amazing year, and I know
(11:20):
that's not reality. But I also know, like I can
like last year, as hard as one was for me
with the divorce, I still learned so much about myself
and I healed and I grew and I'm going to
continue to grow and them and continue to heal. So
it's like, I like I want those things. I just
how do you stay positive and how do you not
(11:41):
get not saying cat not saying you're complacent, but I'm
just saying, like, how do you not just be like
it's just another year, like whatever, I'm just gonna go
every day and whatever. Well, think about this, if if
any of us got a diagnosis you know that said
we had dirty days or a year to live, if
this was it, that's something to think about. What would
you do. Would you say it's just another year if
you knew it was your last? You know, probably not.
(12:05):
And I think that's a good place to start to
just say what what we did learn? One of those
big lessons is life is precious, and we lost a
lot of people in the last couple of years, and
so if we if we really hold and that's an
ancient way of being right in Buddhism and in the
Contra and many cultures, this awareness of death is is
(12:26):
such a gift because in that then you live with
greater awareness and gratitude, like for every little moment in
life that it could be your last. And that could
sound morbid to some people, but it's actually really lovely
if you think about, you know, the gift that we're
all still here. We made it, so we're here for
a reason. There's a great you know, I love Dr
(12:48):
Zach Bush and he always says, if you're alive at
this moment in human history, it's for a big reason
that we all are here for this craziness, you know,
and to just side who do you want to be
this year? You know, Like you're so great at goals, Jenna.
We've talked so much about the way you just crush
it and you decide what you want. And I think
(13:09):
we're all very aware of setting goals and intentions at
the beginning of the year. I think I do it
differently this year. I think I would put the what
you want at the end, think about who do you
want to be this year? Who do you want to become?
You know, what were you born for to become fully
Janna in this life? Like what kind of Janna are
(13:31):
you going to be this year? And put the who first,
and then the how? How do I want to experience
this year? How do I want to feel? How am
I going to let myself be helped and supported? If
we learned anything in these last two years, we're not
supposed to do this alone. You know, we're all disconnected
and we need to get reconnected and be in circles
(13:51):
and supported by friends and all the great you know helpers.
There's coaches, therapists, but there's energy alers, and there's breath work,
and there's like psychics and astrologers. I mean, there's so
many people that you could turn to to be supported,
and I don't think people get supported. Well, you know,
we're in this individualistic culture that says we have to
(14:13):
do everything on our own, and that's too rough. We're
not going to do that anymore. And then after the
who and the how, then I'd start to look at
what and place your order with the universe, you know,
and set the goals and things. But the who and
the how would really define your experience of this year,
no matter what happens. Right at the end of the
(14:34):
year next year, you could say, did I become a
greater version of myself? And how has I helped and supported?
Like maybe you call in all these new friends and
community and beautiful things and you experienced feelings you've never experienced.
Then the what takes care of itself. Hmm. I love that.
(14:58):
It's great. Yeah, yeah, we could do a little exercise
you want on this, but I thinks would be I love,
I love taking you through little experiences and then the
people can do this along with us, and I think
it will help us start on the who, you know,
because it's a big question. It's like who do I
want to be. That's like pretty big, but we can
make it really tangible with this. So this is going
(15:21):
to feel like left field, but it's not so sting me.
You'll just imagine if I gave you the superpower to
grant the people that you love the most a lifetime
of one thing, Like think about your baby's Jenna. If
you could grant them a lifetime of one thing, what
would you give them to know that they'd have the
(15:43):
sweetest life. I would do happiness, right, okay, and no hesitation,
you know that that's so important. And then let's say
you could do one more thing. You could do happiness
and something else to become this amazing secret sauce for
the great life love, right, okay, because we can, let's health. Okay,
(16:08):
happiness is the first one in my head, but then
health okay, all right, and then let's add one more
because we can, so they get this blend of happiness, health, happiness, love.
What else? I would say? Bravery? But oh so good?
What would you say? Cat for me to be salvation?
(16:31):
Because I'm a believer, so I'd want them to be Yeah, saved,
beautiful okay, And let's do one more just to top
it off, so we have a little set of four
things we're giving them. It's bravery. I was gonna say strength.
That's kind of same thing as bravery, I think, right. Compassion, Yeah, empathy, compassion,
(17:00):
how about you cat, Oh that's a good one. Um,
he said, happiness. I don't say joy. Um oh, happiness, health, salvation,
and one more. Um. I think if you weren't here
(17:20):
and you needed them to be okay without you, health, happiness.
Can I say one that she already said, yeah, I
think it's true for you. I mean you said yeah.
I mean I think for me it would definitely be. Um,
would be compassion for others for sure, right, like giving
(17:40):
up being giving something like that. Okay, cool. So this
is the trick that we just got at. This is
who you both are. These four things are the gift
that you are here to give in everything you do
as a mama, as a friend, as a sister, as
these great leaders that you are on this podcast, right,
(18:02):
this is your give off that And I know you
well enough Jiana, that happiness is what you fight for.
You want that for the kids. That was one of
the things that was so hard and divorce is thinking
am I going to rob them? Of this and love
that the family would be separate. You know that it's
so these these are you your highest values. That's what
we just got out is your core values. That you
(18:25):
are one of the bravest women I know, and that
you want for everyone to experience this compassion and empathy
for each other. You're a big lover, so this should
be what you say is who I am here to
be is these four things. I'm here to live my
core values full on this year and think about this
(18:47):
is the number one reason why people leave their jobs,
that they don't have people around them who respect or
share their values. It's not surprising that you two have
shared values. You both want happiness at the top and compassion.
That's why you're a great pair. Mm hm alright, So
you would design your days so that you could live
(19:09):
these values. I think that was one of the reasons
that people really reevaluated their lives these last couple of years,
because being at home and really taking a look at
what you stand for and who you want to be,
and maybe not having the freedom to live these things.
I think has us all really doubling down to live
(19:30):
these more better this year than we have been, and
to be able to be free to give them to others.
I mean, think about if you didn't have a life
where you were able to experience and teach the kids bravery.
You know, that's a beautiful thing for you to think
about the last two years and what you went through
last year. Really you got to model bravery. So was
(19:56):
it a horrible year? Was it a bad thing? It
was hard, you know, but this is actually what's making
you you and having your kids learn in your presence.
So that's that's the who who you need to be,
who you're here to be. I think that that if
(20:16):
everybody just went through that exercise with us, you take
a look at your life and you say, am I
really living these values day to day? I think everybody
took a big hit on the happiness and joy front,
right we all want that. We all want happiness and
love and so what needs to change in our lives
this year so that we can have more of that? Mm?
(20:38):
I like you flipping it too, because it's like, oh,
it's saying one was the worst year ever. It's like, well,
what was the positive? Like I was able to be
braver and you know, you were able to cap for you,
like you wouldn't started therapy, like you were able to
grow and be you know. So I think there's things
you can look at from like that seemed negative, but
it's like, okay, spin it, like what's the what's the positive?
(20:58):
Where's the growth? And like what you went through and
always see I see the positive anything, you know, if
you write would and Adele, you know you saw that
Adele interview when she talked about her divorce and that
it was that, you know, because she did that so
that she could be loved at the highest count. She's
fighting for love and that's your second value right there.
(21:20):
It's mine too, And I think to just have come
through this to say no, I want more love and
I will have it. You know, it's important to look
at the full spectrum of why all of this is happening,
I think, and then after that to think about the
how an exercise for how I want this year to go?
(21:40):
What is my the quality of my experience? I think
like our younger generation, my kids are nineteen and seventeen,
you know, they look at what we've done as an
older generation and they're like, I would never live my
life like this, Like the way you guys work or
the things that you've put up with, you know, or
the way the world is. They have such high hopes
(22:00):
to change things, and so they value the how I think,
more than some generations before us, the quality of our lives.
And so I would say, decide on like four to
six core desired feelings. How do I want to feel
this year? You know, maybe a lot of people showed
up to last year thinking I'm going to feel these feelings,
(22:23):
or or maybe they didn't even consider that and then
they just got swept away by all the fear, you know,
and I think the media wants us to be afraid.
But if we say no, I'm actually here to feel
ecstasy this year, you know, then it would define how
you what your choices are, how you make your plans,
(22:45):
what your goals are. M hmm. It puts you back
in the driver's seat, which I think, no matter what
craziness happens this year, if you're intentional about how you
want to feel, you will have that. Yeah, intentional it
is good. And I'm writing I'm writing all this time
in my notes right now because I'm like I want
(23:06):
to look at that, like I think, yeah, every morning
being like all right, who did I say I wanted
to how did I want to feel? You know? Yeah?
And who am I becoming? I mean, I just think
that gives us such freedom to go through all the
highs and lows, like you said, to be brave. Like
my metaphor for life is surfing. You know, nobody goes
out into the water to have a bad time, so
(23:27):
you think I'm here to have a good time. I
believe that we all took a body in this life
to have a great ride. And if the waves get
really big, that's the whole point. You want to ride it.
We just need to learn how to ride well. And
hopefully you're out there in the water with your friends,
you know. So it's consider that too. Is is what's
(23:48):
the flavor of this this year gonna be? Is it
going to be like art? Are you making your life?
Like art is your metaphor for life? A dance you're
do in the chatch house some days? You know, like
if you have that kind of frame for it, then
I think there's freedom about how it shows up. Yeah, thinking, yeah,
(24:16):
I mean it's it's it's good. It's just it's the unknown.
But it's also there's something so beautiful and the unknown,
Like I was that's that's such a church. When I
was telling you should watch UM with one of the
pastors she was she was basically saying like, if we
(24:36):
were to follow ways, it's She's like, it's nice. She's like,
you can see where a police car is and you
can see where an accident's heading. She's like, if that's
what our life was like, She's like, how boring would
that be? You know, she's basically saying like God ways,
God's ways are better than our ways in a sense
where she's like it's hard and it's you know, it's um,
it's it's unknown, but like, how how boring would it
(24:58):
be if we're like, Okay, this is this, this is that,
this is how our years gonna look and you're gonna
have heartbreak here and this is this is going to
be here and then there's gonna be something. You're gonna
lose your job here. It's like and it's like, that's
what a boring life to live? You know, any way
you would live up to that, you're living like you know,
you only have thirty days. You're living like, oh, I'm
gonna lose my job in six months. Yeah that's a
(25:20):
good point. Yeah, So I just like that really like
stuck out to me too, where it's like, okay, is
if you have this um you know, you look at
your thing in the morning and say, sorry, who do
I want to be? How do I want to live today?
Like that's then you know you're it's not gonna be perfect,
but at least you've set some some you know, stuff
(25:41):
out there. Whatever. Yeah, well you're saying like if you
both are about compassion and so on any given day,
you say, all right, I want to really know myself
as compassion. I want to be the source of compassion
for all beings. Today. You could get cut off on
the road, you know, you could have something bad news,
all kinds of things, but you've already set the flavor
(26:02):
of the day to be I am a vessel for compassion,
you know, then then you can handle anything. That's what
would compassion do? You know? And that's how you respond
to everything, and you learn and grow that day and
you are such a blessing for others. What you talked about,
Jenna and the and the uncertainty of life is we
have equal needs for certainty and uncertainty. We don't want
(26:25):
to read the last page of the book or fast
forward the movie to know how it ends. First we
need surprise and excitement and unknown. It keeps us engaged,
it keeps relationships interesting. It's so it's so true. But
I'm also the person that went to the last episode
of if WT together like the second I did. Absolutely
(26:48):
I did. And then I was like, Okay, good they
end up together, because I was like, I can't handle Like,
but what if they didn't? Would you have just not
gone through it? No? I was still want to watch it,
but I've been upset, Like it's honestly, you would have
been upset the whole time. I would have. Yeah, this
is so interesting because see, that's how you can only
handle uncertainty if you have enough certainty. Right, people who
(27:08):
do the best in life, who can handle what is
life is unknown, life has changed, that's the nature of it.
So the people who have enough certainty in life will
handle all that uncertainty really well. So you both have faith, right,
That's where you get a lot of your certainty is
knowing that you are being held by God or by
your beliefs. Right. Everyone needs to go into this year
(27:30):
figuring out where is my certainty coming from? So I
can route down in that, you know, in the surfing metaphor,
it's like I know that I've got enough skill or
enough fearlessness bravery to handle the unknown of the ocean.
You know. So you did that and then bridgertain when
you got your certainty in a different way. But I
(27:50):
think in two terms, and it's totally darling. It's great
however you want to get it. I think it's really
important to spend a lot of time visualizing how you
want this year to go. And I mean, like playing
the movie full technicolor. This is what I know I'm
going to experience, like place your order with the universe
by seeing the movie, seeing it daily, even like just
(28:15):
before you know you do a podcast, seeing how it's
going to go. It's like so much science behind this,
Like yeah, but then what happens when it doesn't work?
And let's say let's say I'm I'm I'm praying for
this like relationship and the I'm like, oh, we broke up,
Like what then? What? Because I'm like, well, I just
did what you said for the last six months and
(28:35):
now I'm heartbroken. I know. Well, there's there's a co
creation I all the time, right, But here's here's how
it goes for me is I see it, see it,
see it, see it, see it. I placed the order
with the universe, right, this is how I wanted to go.
That means I'm stoking the field, like I'm putting my
energy and my frequency which is equally powerful out there
(28:58):
for what I want happen. And then there's this, ever
so subtle at the end of it all surrender to
But if you've got something better for me, may it
be so? Right? Like let me be surprised. I just
was in a relationship that I thought was my person.
I was like, this is it? I have found him
not so much. I had to let it go. And
(29:21):
who still knows what's going to happen next, you know,
but I know that my clarity around the kind of
way I want to help you. M No, yes, I'm sorry.
I know it's okay though, I'm like, all right, I
guess there's it's either him later or somebody who can
(29:41):
love the way I want to love. I'm listening to
that adult song Think so I'm like, but I know
how I want to experience relationship in this life and
I'm not going to compromise, you know, so seeing it
as better not Yeah, like didn't happen because it's going
to be better, which is a good point. Yeah, which
(30:02):
I that's my belief is so strong that I'm being
so guided and held. And I know, you know, we've
talked about desires, like if you have a desire in
life that's so strong, you know, for the kind of
life that you want to have or the kind of
love you want to have, I think that's in us
because that's what our soul is here to experience, you know.
So if that got pulled out of my life, that
(30:24):
relationship right now, I believe it's because he's either going
to go and get more prepared for what we're supposed
to have together, or there's somebody else who's in the
wings waiting to experience that with me, because the desire
is just too strong, you know. And I think the
timelines are speeding up. I don't know if you guys
(30:46):
are experiencing this, but when you want something, it feels
like things are coming much faster. Lessons are blowing through
much more quickly, you know. So I'm open just staying
open a friend. My heart hurts for you. I mean,
I know, you know, it's the positive outlook but I
still like, I love you, and you know, we've been
on a journey together, so I just in my heart
(31:09):
empathize I'm sorry, I love you. Mm hmm. I'm kind
of excited though we're like, okay, well is somebody cute
or more amazing? Okay? How long was it? Oh, it's
a long story. It was like a two year kind
of an amazing thing, and then it was like six months,
(31:32):
you know, really going for it at this moment um
this year, which felt right on, you know, but I
think there were huge gifts that we gave each other,
so it's not like I'm coming away without like armfuls
good things. Well, what dating apple are we going to
put you on? I know? God, I'm actually I'm like,
(31:55):
let's be set up this time, Like I want to
put all my friends and family, like they're already two
really good friends who are like, wait a minute, I
have somebody for you, and I feel like that's the
ultimate dating app. And that's true, you know, when your
people really know you so much better than an algorithms
one percent true. So for you then like for the people,
(32:19):
for all of us, not everyone, but that you like,
how do you go in? Because I don't know. Maybe
this is just because this isn't how my mom was,
but she's like, I'm gonna be alone forever. And I
have those fears, you know, where it's like I'm going
to be alone forever, and it's like can you turn
it and go, Okay, well what if I what if
(32:39):
I am? And one thousand percent this is very important
because I've also had this feeling because you know, I
was divorced stages ago, and I've been where you are
and I was like, oh, dear, and so we'll have
these thoughts that were like the worst fear of thoughts.
I'm in my forties, I'm like whatever, I'm in how
it's like, yeah, I'm done. Yeah, no, I fifty one,
(33:00):
for God's sakes, I'm like hello. So you have to
look at the fear the thought comes up. You look
at square in the face like you could almost take
it by the shoulders, and you go, Okay, what if
I am alone for the rest of my life? What
will I do? How will it be? Who will I become?
You ask these same questions, who am I going to be?
(33:21):
And how will I do it? What's the flavor of
the experience going to be? Like and you know what
my answer is, if that's my plan, B I'm very
clear there's this person coming. But if for some reason
you get hit by a truck where I know this
aunt of mine, this great aunt who came into it
(33:42):
with my husband's aunt, call her Aunt Betty. She was
like eighty something when I met her, and the hottest
little cookie on the golf course, and she had all
the lovers, all the guys who were after her until
her very last day. And I would say, maybe I'm
so much woman that I have to have all the lovers,
(34:04):
and that that would be the way that I would
know love would be through all the lovers, and that
I would just have this incredible, amazing, different kind of
inexperience of love, maybe a more expanded view of not
just one person but the many and I would have
I can already see it, like all the travel and
all the gypsying and all the freedom. Right. So that's
(34:26):
my worst case scenario. Now I means scenario sounds kind
of fine, thank you, thank you exactly. I remember Angelina
Jolie said that before Brad Pitt. She was like, I'm
just going to be fine in my hotel rooms with
my lovers just have much children. I don't need a man.
(34:47):
I mean it's true, like once you have, and that's
kind of like what I've noticed, like you dating now
that I have my kids, and like I ain't settling
for sure, you know, there's no there's no point like
because I you know, I've got my friends and sure,
do I want to live the rest of my life alone? No?
Do I think that's going to happen. No, But like
it's like because I won't because I'll have my kids
(35:07):
and we'll have our we'll have our bed of lovers,
we will have all the things, all the things, and
it's like, you know, it's like it's like I don't
need anything. I've got two beautiful children. But I don't
know sometimes did you this is probably like a really
bad way of thinking, But did you ever think back
(35:28):
and go like, oh, man, maybe I should just stayed
with my ex because it's like Lisa, I have somebody,
because there's nobody perfect out there. There's nobody perfect. However, No,
I mean I haven't either, But I'm just saying like
there are times and when I'm just like, well, I mean,
like I guess I could have turned a blind eye
but like, how is that living? You know it's not no,
(35:50):
no way, no, because you came in this life with
this really high bar for all the things. You know,
you're a goal set realistic. I'm realistic. You you are
actually listening. You've got embedded patriarchy, and you like that's
the culture saying listen, lady, get in line, be like
(36:11):
everyone else. Calm down. That's not who you're here to
be in this life. Do not. I will not let
you lower that bar. You're here to be a leader,
and you're here to have mad experiences like I'm here
to have an epic love affair and I have to
do it maybe with many people. I love many, But no,
(36:32):
I'm not lowering the bar. And I you know, you
know the story. My X and I did what we
needed to do in ten years now. We didn't need
a lifetime. There's no going back. He's just a good
friend now and it's lovely. But I grew too much,
too fat, like it just yeah, you gotta be with
people who are continuing at your pace. Yeah, any more
(36:56):
words of advice anymore, just just just shoot me up
down my hair. I'm just like, just give me everything.
I just shouldn't you do a little exercise. I love you.
Let's do another and I think this will be like
a great way to just part and we'll take people
through this and then and it's a tool that I
want you to use all the time, because when we
(37:20):
talk about who do you want to be? Sometimes it's
really hard if you're triggered, or you're hurt, or you're
down and you can't like pull yourself back up. This
is what I do to bring it back online. And
it's pretty fast, Okay, So you can close your eyes
if you want. Sometimes it's easier that way. And what
you're gonna do is bring your attention to your feet
(37:41):
and you're gonna start there and you're gonna connect to
the earth. I forget all the time that there's this
giant globe, this nature that's holding us. And just throw
roots down from the base of your feet down into
the earth, like you reconnected, re estab wishing that that
support is there for you. And then imagine you can
(38:04):
pull earth into your feet. It's always green to me,
like you'll see a color, you'll feel a feeling and
maybe tingle, and you pull in that earth energy and
then you can just ask like Earth, what do you
want me to know today? What are you here to
give me today? And then keeping that bring fire from
(38:29):
your ankles all the way up to like just below
the belly button, fill your legs and your pelvis with fire.
It just turns you back on in every way and
reminds you of your power. The warmth, the heat, the
energy that's here to create in this life. That is you.
(38:51):
And you ask fire, what are you here to give me?
What do you have to teach me today? And then
keeping that earth and that fire, like you can already
feel yourself coming back online from the belly button up
to the base of the throat, become the ocean. So
(39:13):
you're on the super grounded place with the feet fired
up alive, and then you're floating. You're just the expansiveness
of the ocean, the depth, the wisdom, the vastness on
top of fire. This is who you are. And you
(39:33):
can let the ocean open your heart and remind you
of who you are. You can ask the ocean, what
are you here to give me today? And then on
top of earth and fire and all of this vastness
(39:54):
the water, then from your throat up to the top
of your head, open up your head, and you fill
with air, fresh air, like you can come down into
your mind and just clear out like a gentle breeze,
all the thoughts, all the doubts, all the fears, fresh reset,
open up your throat, open up your voice, your truth,
(40:19):
and then you just ask air, what are you here
to give me today? And then know that all four
of these things, this is the entire universe, This is
who you are. You have all of these elements at
your service every moment. That's it. Yes, and now here
(40:48):
you are. Anything is possible, Anything is possible your year, everybody, Okay,
right here and uh you see Sharie with like ten dudes.
Just give her a little way, girl, friend, get it.
(41:12):
I love you, I love you. We'll see in a
few months. You know, I'll have something mental breakdown. In
a few months. I'll need you, and it'll be all
in the service of your becoming, all according to plan. Okay,
all right, thanks girl, alright talk bye. Hey guys and
(41:35):
Ashley from the almost famous podcast, It's that time of
year where drama fills the air. The Bachelor was back
with an all new season, premiering January three. There's a
new host, Jesse Palmer and a brand new bachelor, Clayton.
Clayton is a Midwest boy that has that great smile,
nice teeth, and he's really tall as let's call it
(41:57):
what it is, he's a beefcake. Okay, Well, Clayton seems
to be a good guy though, and he can't wait
to find love, get married, and have kids. And he
believes more than anything that his future wife is on
this show. It sounds like a fairy tale but also
a bit of an emotional world coaster because Clayton tells
(42:18):
three different women he's falling in love with him. Technically,
he told one, I couldn't be more sure that I'm
falling in love with him, and another one I'm falling
in love with you, and the third one, I am
in love with you. You don't miss a thing. It's
some years of over analyzing everything that guys say, but
(42:39):
his heart is in the right place. But other parts
of him as we find out what he admits that
two different women that he was intimate with both of them. Yeah,
I don't think it's gonna go over well, we'll be
breaking down it all on the Almost Famous podcast. Ben
is married now Well, Ashley is a mom will change
our opinions of what we think is acceptable. Single behavior
(43:03):
good question. Listen to Almost Famous on the I Heart
Radio app, on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
(43:27):
I am obsessed with Oh I just love her so much.
All the lovers, it's so good. My heart like broke.
But again it's um, it's kind of things. It's wasn't
the one and that's okay, better out there? Do you?
By the way, do I feeling therapy, Like, God, don't ask,
(43:48):
don't ask me what what I just thought I thought about?
Because it's like I don't ask me because I'm like,
I did dream somewhere else and then like I lose it.
But that was so like good though, I'm gonna actually
the back to that and do that because I need
to start practicing because I feel so much better when
I do meditate. I really do. My mind definitely wanders
and I'm like, oh crap, she's gonna ask yeah, and
(44:09):
I'm like, what was the question? What was that sposed
to feel fire? I don't know. I feel I feel
stability that just like at least in therapy, it's kind
of like it can be nothing. I can't because they
got nothing I know, but no, I love I love
doing like I have the I do headspace on there
and there's like a three minute guided Once times I
(44:30):
do that, there's a balloon one usually have some anxiety,
but it's good. I need to do it more like
it's like the last time I was like, oh, I
haven't seen us in October. Thanks for calling me. I
need your energy though. I want to be like that positive,
that energetic about you know, and not just complacent. I'm not.
(44:52):
I wasn't calling because no, but I can be for
sure it's made great here. I didn't know that was.
I do believe that though, no, no, I really do
think it will be a great year. Yeah, what are
you looking forward? I know we talked about this, but like,
how are you not going to be complacent? So I
(45:14):
think what I took the most from today is the
whole compassion thing. I want to just be more compassionate,
do things for others, not talk about other people, just
like who I want to be. I'm going to take that.
And I loved that that she said, start with who
you want to be, because I think I think about
that a lot when I'm being somebody I don't want
to be UM, so I'm gonna start there, and that's
(45:37):
how I'm going to make it a good year, not
based on what happens in that year, but who I
become and who I am. That was really encouraging to
me when she said that this is one of the
podcasts I'm definitely gonna listen back to. Yeah for sure,
because I want to go through all that again. Yes,
she's great, God, I love her. I'm just less everyone.
(45:57):
Let's just take that energy and go freaking crush. Yet,
I've got some updates on some things that we can
update the next next show. Okay, you know, because it's
like going into the New Year's like, like you said, uh,
with compassion yet not um not letting people in that
(46:18):
kind of way you down. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm there
for sure. Um all right, we'll see guys next week.
By
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast
Happy New Year, We're here, I think whatever get here. Yeah.
Have you feel like you've been living in a twilight
though for the past a couple of years. Two years
someone I was trying my furnace broke and so I was, um,
(00:26):
I was calling and they're like, well, really backed up.
We can't see you until April. I was like, April,
your furnace so the gas, yeah, it's like not turning on.
And I was like until April. And they're like, yeah,
we're really sorry. And I was like, okay. I called
three of their places and they say April. I'm like,
(00:46):
I'm not gonna meet it in April. I would like
it because they probably don't have anybody to work well either.
My point, I guess to that is like I just
feel like, I'm like, have we been backed up since?
Probably we just never caught up. Yeah, So what happens
when it gets cold? I mean I still have a
(01:09):
Heater's just my gas or electric? This is a trick question.
I don't think of these things. If it's gas, you're
going to force my rent? Where force my rent to husbands?
Electric heat? Yeah? My heat works I think I'm gonna
go with my heat still works, Okay, I guess we'll
find out. Well that doesn't make sense. Then, well some
(01:30):
people have gas heat and some people have electric heat.
Mm hmm, we have gas, I think, Oh, I don't know.
I think we have gas. See you don't even know. No,
I'm not like you. I'm just asking. So it's like
your your stoves not working. No, my stove is working great,
it's my my okay, ready for champagne problems. My my,
(01:55):
my spa is not heating up. Your spat, your spa spa.
It makes it sound way more like problem. No, yes,
my my hot tub is not heating up, and neither
is my um my, my fireplace won't turn on. And
I've had two of my I've had two rental husbands
(02:16):
come over to try to figure it out. My neighbor
Jason came over and it's like, my gas isn't even
like there's no gas coming out. And because I'm like
real scared of gas, because I'm like, if I were
to light a match right now, we'd blow up. If
like that's that's what I think of gas. I get
scared of gas, you know, I get it. Um so
(02:36):
I just I'm like, I need a man to come
over and do this. So I call my neighbor Jason,
and I was like, Jason, it's Jana. I was like,
I can't figure out my gas, Like my fireplace isn't
turning on like you know I want. I like, I'm
a romantic with a fireplace. Well that's a bummer, but
it doesn't sound like it's a full gas problem. If
you're stove is working because you have a gas stove,
(02:58):
don't you night it? Yes, So it's branding there. Oh,
so there can be different lines. There's gonna I guess
there has to be if that one's not working and
then your show is working. Interesting interesting, I mean I
mean all all you know, I don't know. But anyways,
going into I just feel like what like because I
(03:21):
feel like no one knew it was going to be hard,
and then it was hard and the one was like
a recovery of So it's like, what's two going to be?
It's got to be good. I need we naturally has to.
I don't think we can afford for it not to be.
If I'm being just completely honest, it's got to turn up.
(03:41):
I mean flu like like like I have to say this,
it sucked. I'm like, I got a divorce in I
think was definitely a rough It couldn't get any more.
I don't think I can get. I'm not going to
say what could be worse, but you know, death, but um,
(04:03):
it's gonna be great. I'm feeling I feel like we
say that every time. No, we did. I think every
single one of us is like, it's gonna be our year,
It's gonna be everyone's year. We were definitely duped, but
I don't want to It's like January and then all
of a sudden February March, Yeah, exactly. And then they
said the same thing about so it's like does every year, Like,
(04:24):
I feel like you have to say every year, it's
going to be your year because if not, like, who's
going to go into it going it's not gonna be
this year's gonna suck. I think this year is just
going to be the same. Well that sucks. But if
I'm being but how do we change that? That's why
I want to talk to Shari about because because we
(04:45):
have a Shari coming on Healey, who's obviously she's a
fan favorite on the show. But I want to ask
her that because it's like you can't go into it
being like, well, it's not going to be your year,
but you also can't go into me like it's gonna
be my year and then have your expectations to be like,
this is the worst year of my life. Forgot divorced,
this happened. But covid, I think that's the problem with
people like us, because we set high expectations and we
(05:07):
get disappointed really easily. Well yeah, so it's like if
you just go in like it's just gonna be normal,
it's gonna be just how do you set goals when
it's just I think you can set goals, but it
just is another freaking year. Oh it's kind of like
it sounds to domestic, but it it just doesn't sound exciting, No,
Like it just sounds like you're just living. And I'm like,
(05:27):
I don't want to just live. I want to live. No, right,
I understand, Do you know what I mean? Chase that Joy,
I get it, Chasing joy saying yes, okay, I get
a hashtag, Chase Joy. You think radical race Chasing Joys,
it's all fair, and I agree, But I feel like
every January is like started off like that. So again,
(05:49):
I guess the question is how do you carry that
through the year, not just like have this excitement at
the beginning of the year and then let it all fall. Yeah. Like,
I'm staring at a piano right now in our little studio.
It's Jolie's, but it's also the little do you know,
I also got it for me too. I also would
(06:12):
like to relearn piano from when I was jolling stage.
So like I was thinking of getting a teacher coming over. Okay,
they teach the kids, they teach me. We learned to
play piano because I only know one one song, this
is less song, and they have a good thing about
cheese less. So yeah, so that's the only song I
(06:34):
can play a piano, and I'd like to learn another one.
I think that's a great goal, right, it would have,
but but we're most likely going to be sitting here
in another year going still only know the less. So
the good thing about you, I think it's prioritizing. That's
the word goals, and you have a million goals and
(06:58):
not enough hours in the day. You're good at that.
It's prioritizing what the goals are. Mm hmmm. Soana was
a goal, prioritize it. That's my advice for Yeah, so
we've got shrey. I'm gonna blow my nose because you
(07:19):
know what did come into two my cold. So um,
we're gonna take a break, blown the nose and we'll
get sure you on ask for all these questions. Hello,
(07:40):
it's so good to see you. Good to see you too,
um katn I were just talking about how like I
feel like, Okay, I feel like, you know, everyone's like,
this is going to be our year, and obviously it wasn't.
And then it's like, all right, this is gonna be
our year. And then one was like the recovery too,
and now it's twenty going to one. And then I
(08:02):
was like, but now I'm kind of like, is it?
Are we psyching ourselves out? Every time we say this
is gonna be your year? Because I'm like, is it though?
Because I'm like, well, last year I got divorced, and
like something bad probably is going to happen this year
or you know, like not as worse as that. I
don't know who knows, but like, but it's just one
of those things where I feel like, are we like
psyching ourselves out? Are we are this is this kind
(08:24):
of like I am so happy about being positive and
mean like, yeah, this is our year, but I'm almost like,
why are we setting it ourselves up to like be like, oh, yeah,
I know this year sucked. Well, here's the really important
question to ask. I'm a possibilitarian, you know that, Like,
I think anything is possible, and I do say that
every year like this is going to be the year.
(08:45):
And I don't know if all of us go about
designing the year in the way that would make it
our year, or that we end the year with the
right meaning, the right understanding of how the year went right.
So it's tricky. It's it's I'm not about doing what
a lot of people do to imagine the worst, prepare
(09:08):
for the worst so that you don't get disappointed, you know,
to just set your bar low and be like, yeah,
this is probably going to be a rough year like
the last two. I'm not about that. I'm more about Okay,
so we went through some really hard times the last
couple of years. Why why is it just that it
was like all of our power and freedom was taken
(09:29):
from us? Was it just a ship show or is
it this global awakening? Are we about to enter into
a renaissance era, a golden age, the imagination age, right,
like people are saying, and I believe this, that we
are now in a in a world where anything truly
is possible. The great Resignation happened, right, people have really
(09:53):
come to reevaluate and reset how they were living. And
I think this year we've learned a lot. We've learned
a lot going through the hard times. I mean, I,
as a kid, never wanted to go through the hard times.
I thought life is supposed to be a joy ride.
And then I grew up and realized that we can
only learn and grow when things are tough, when there's pain.
(10:16):
So I have high hopes for this year, really high
hopes because of that. And then what you do to
set yourself up to have the year of your life
is what we should talk about. You know, that you
don't just cruise into this year like a passenger, you know,
in your life, waiting for whatever is going to come,
(10:38):
you know, sort of. I think a lot of people's
belief in what's possible has been shattered, you know, and
that's what needs to be restored. That just because we've
been so disconnected and had to go through such hard times.
If we don't believe that something better is on the
other side of this, then we'll continue to be in
that spin cycle. I think. Well. Also, I was like
(10:59):
kind of telling calth her and she's like, it's just
another year. I'm like, I don't want it to be
just another year, you know me, Like I can't. I
need to, like I and I love like bring me
the highs and lows, Like the lows have made me,
you know, high and helped this and like grow and
learn and shape. That's fine. Like I'm I'm not saying
I want the perfect, best, amazing year, and I know
(11:20):
that's not reality. But I also know, like I can
like last year, as hard as one was for me
with the divorce, I still learned so much about myself
and I healed and I grew and I'm going to
continue to grow and them and continue to heal. So
it's like, I like I want those things. I just
how do you stay positive and how do you not
(11:41):
get not saying cat not saying you're complacent, but I'm
just saying, like, how do you not just be like
it's just another year, like whatever, I'm just gonna go
every day and whatever. Well, think about this, if if
any of us got a diagnosis you know that said
we had dirty days or a year to live, if
this was it, that's something to think about. What would
you do. Would you say it's just another year if
you knew it was your last? You know, probably not.
(12:05):
And I think that's a good place to start to
just say what what we did learn? One of those
big lessons is life is precious, and we lost a
lot of people in the last couple of years, and
so if we if we really hold and that's an
ancient way of being right in Buddhism and in the
Contra and many cultures, this awareness of death is is
(12:26):
such a gift because in that then you live with
greater awareness and gratitude, like for every little moment in
life that it could be your last. And that could
sound morbid to some people, but it's actually really lovely
if you think about, you know, the gift that we're
all still here. We made it, so we're here for
a reason. There's a great you know, I love Dr
(12:48):
Zach Bush and he always says, if you're alive at
this moment in human history, it's for a big reason
that we all are here for this craziness, you know,
and to just side who do you want to be
this year? You know, Like you're so great at goals, Jenna.
We've talked so much about the way you just crush
it and you decide what you want. And I think
(13:09):
we're all very aware of setting goals and intentions at
the beginning of the year. I think I do it
differently this year. I think I would put the what
you want at the end, think about who do you
want to be this year? Who do you want to become?
You know, what were you born for to become fully
Janna in this life? Like what kind of Janna are
(13:31):
you going to be this year? And put the who first,
and then the how? How do I want to experience
this year? How do I want to feel? How am
I going to let myself be helped and supported? If
we learned anything in these last two years, we're not
supposed to do this alone. You know, we're all disconnected
and we need to get reconnected and be in circles
(13:51):
and supported by friends and all the great you know helpers.
There's coaches, therapists, but there's energy alers, and there's breath work,
and there's like psychics and astrologers. I mean, there's so
many people that you could turn to to be supported,
and I don't think people get supported. Well, you know,
we're in this individualistic culture that says we have to
(14:13):
do everything on our own, and that's too rough. We're
not going to do that anymore. And then after the
who and the how, then I'd start to look at
what and place your order with the universe, you know,
and set the goals and things. But the who and
the how would really define your experience of this year,
no matter what happens. Right at the end of the
(14:34):
year next year, you could say, did I become a
greater version of myself? And how has I helped and supported?
Like maybe you call in all these new friends and
community and beautiful things and you experienced feelings you've never experienced.
Then the what takes care of itself. Hmm. I love that.
(14:58):
It's great. Yeah, yeah, we could do a little exercise
you want on this, but I thinks would be I love,
I love taking you through little experiences and then the
people can do this along with us, and I think
it will help us start on the who, you know,
because it's a big question. It's like who do I
want to be. That's like pretty big, but we can
make it really tangible with this. So this is going
(15:21):
to feel like left field, but it's not so sting me.
You'll just imagine if I gave you the superpower to
grant the people that you love the most a lifetime
of one thing, Like think about your baby's Jenna. If
you could grant them a lifetime of one thing, what
would you give them to know that they'd have the
(15:43):
sweetest life. I would do happiness, right, okay, and no hesitation,
you know that that's so important. And then let's say
you could do one more thing. You could do happiness
and something else to become this amazing secret sauce for
the great life love, right, okay, because we can, let's health. Okay,
(16:08):
happiness is the first one in my head, but then
health okay, all right, and then let's add one more
because we can, so they get this blend of happiness, health, happiness, love.
What else? I would say? Bravery? But oh so good?
What would you say? Cat for me to be salvation?
(16:31):
Because I'm a believer, so I'd want them to be Yeah, saved,
beautiful okay, And let's do one more just to top
it off, so we have a little set of four
things we're giving them. It's bravery. I was gonna say strength.
That's kind of same thing as bravery, I think, right. Compassion, Yeah, empathy, compassion,
(17:00):
how about you cat, Oh that's a good one. Um,
he said, happiness. I don't say joy. Um oh, happiness, health, salvation,
and one more. Um. I think if you weren't here
(17:20):
and you needed them to be okay without you, health, happiness.
Can I say one that she already said, yeah, I
think it's true for you. I mean you said yeah.
I mean I think for me it would definitely be. Um,
would be compassion for others for sure, right, like giving
(17:40):
up being giving something like that. Okay, cool. So this
is the trick that we just got at. This is
who you both are. These four things are the gift
that you are here to give in everything you do
as a mama, as a friend, as a sister, as
these great leaders that you are on this podcast, right,
(18:02):
this is your give off that And I know you
well enough Jiana, that happiness is what you fight for.
You want that for the kids. That was one of
the things that was so hard and divorce is thinking
am I going to rob them? Of this and love
that the family would be separate. You know that it's
so these these are you your highest values. That's what
we just got out is your core values. That you
(18:25):
are one of the bravest women I know, and that
you want for everyone to experience this compassion and empathy
for each other. You're a big lover, so this should
be what you say is who I am here to
be is these four things. I'm here to live my
core values full on this year and think about this
(18:47):
is the number one reason why people leave their jobs,
that they don't have people around them who respect or
share their values. It's not surprising that you two have
shared values. You both want happiness at the top and compassion.
That's why you're a great pair. Mm hm alright, So
you would design your days so that you could live
(19:09):
these values. I think that was one of the reasons
that people really reevaluated their lives these last couple of years,
because being at home and really taking a look at
what you stand for and who you want to be,
and maybe not having the freedom to live these things.
I think has us all really doubling down to live
(19:30):
these more better this year than we have been, and
to be able to be free to give them to others.
I mean, think about if you didn't have a life
where you were able to experience and teach the kids bravery.
You know, that's a beautiful thing for you to think
about the last two years and what you went through
last year. Really you got to model bravery. So was
(19:56):
it a horrible year? Was it a bad thing? It
was hard, you know, but this is actually what's making
you you and having your kids learn in your presence.
So that's that's the who who you need to be,
who you're here to be. I think that that if
(20:16):
everybody just went through that exercise with us, you take
a look at your life and you say, am I
really living these values day to day? I think everybody
took a big hit on the happiness and joy front,
right we all want that. We all want happiness and
love and so what needs to change in our lives
this year so that we can have more of that? Mm?
(20:38):
I like you flipping it too, because it's like, oh,
it's saying one was the worst year ever. It's like, well,
what was the positive? Like I was able to be
braver and you know, you were able to cap for you,
like you wouldn't started therapy, like you were able to
grow and be you know. So I think there's things
you can look at from like that seemed negative, but
it's like, okay, spin it, like what's the what's the positive?
(20:58):
Where's the growth? And like what you went through and
always see I see the positive anything, you know, if
you write would and Adele, you know you saw that
Adele interview when she talked about her divorce and that
it was that, you know, because she did that so
that she could be loved at the highest count. She's
fighting for love and that's your second value right there.
(21:20):
It's mine too, And I think to just have come
through this to say no, I want more love and
I will have it. You know, it's important to look
at the full spectrum of why all of this is happening,
I think, and then after that to think about the
how an exercise for how I want this year to go?
(21:40):
What is my the quality of my experience? I think
like our younger generation, my kids are nineteen and seventeen,
you know, they look at what we've done as an
older generation and they're like, I would never live my
life like this, Like the way you guys work or
the things that you've put up with, you know, or
the way the world is. They have such high hopes
(22:00):
to change things, and so they value the how I think,
more than some generations before us, the quality of our lives.
And so I would say, decide on like four to
six core desired feelings. How do I want to feel
this year? You know, maybe a lot of people showed
up to last year thinking I'm going to feel these feelings,
(22:23):
or or maybe they didn't even consider that and then
they just got swept away by all the fear, you know,
and I think the media wants us to be afraid.
But if we say no, I'm actually here to feel
ecstasy this year, you know, then it would define how
you what your choices are, how you make your plans,
(22:45):
what your goals are. M hmm. It puts you back
in the driver's seat, which I think, no matter what
craziness happens this year, if you're intentional about how you
want to feel, you will have that. Yeah, intentional it
is good. And I'm writing I'm writing all this time
in my notes right now because I'm like I want
(23:06):
to look at that, like I think, yeah, every morning
being like all right, who did I say I wanted
to how did I want to feel? You know? Yeah?
And who am I becoming? I mean, I just think
that gives us such freedom to go through all the
highs and lows, like you said, to be brave. Like
my metaphor for life is surfing. You know, nobody goes
out into the water to have a bad time, so
(23:27):
you think I'm here to have a good time. I
believe that we all took a body in this life
to have a great ride. And if the waves get
really big, that's the whole point. You want to ride it.
We just need to learn how to ride well. And
hopefully you're out there in the water with your friends,
you know. So it's consider that too. Is is what's
(23:48):
the flavor of this this year gonna be? Is it
going to be like art? Are you making your life?
Like art is your metaphor for life? A dance you're
do in the chatch house some days? You know, like
if you have that kind of frame for it, then
I think there's freedom about how it shows up. Yeah, thinking, yeah,
(24:16):
I mean it's it's it's good. It's just it's the unknown.
But it's also there's something so beautiful and the unknown,
Like I was that's that's such a church. When I
was telling you should watch UM with one of the
pastors she was she was basically saying like, if we
(24:36):
were to follow ways, it's She's like, it's nice. She's like,
you can see where a police car is and you
can see where an accident's heading. She's like, if that's
what our life was like, She's like, how boring would
that be? You know, she's basically saying like God ways,
God's ways are better than our ways in a sense
where she's like it's hard and it's you know, it's um,
it's it's unknown, but like, how how boring would it
(24:58):
be if we're like, Okay, this is this, this is that,
this is how our years gonna look and you're gonna
have heartbreak here and this is this is going to
be here and then there's gonna be something. You're gonna
lose your job here. It's like and it's like, that's
what a boring life to live? You know, any way
you would live up to that, you're living like you know,
you only have thirty days. You're living like, oh, I'm
gonna lose my job in six months. Yeah that's a
(25:20):
good point. Yeah, So I just like that really like
stuck out to me too, where it's like, okay, is
if you have this um you know, you look at
your thing in the morning and say, sorry, who do
I want to be? How do I want to live today?
Like that's then you know you're it's not gonna be perfect,
but at least you've set some some you know, stuff
(25:41):
out there. Whatever. Yeah, well you're saying like if you
both are about compassion and so on any given day,
you say, all right, I want to really know myself
as compassion. I want to be the source of compassion
for all beings. Today. You could get cut off on
the road, you know, you could have something bad news,
all kinds of things, but you've already set the flavor
(26:02):
of the day to be I am a vessel for compassion,
you know, then then you can handle anything. That's what
would compassion do? You know? And that's how you respond
to everything, and you learn and grow that day and
you are such a blessing for others. What you talked about,
Jenna and the and the uncertainty of life is we
have equal needs for certainty and uncertainty. We don't want
(26:25):
to read the last page of the book or fast
forward the movie to know how it ends. First we
need surprise and excitement and unknown. It keeps us engaged,
it keeps relationships interesting. It's so it's so true. But
I'm also the person that went to the last episode
of if WT together like the second I did. Absolutely
(26:48):
I did. And then I was like, Okay, good they
end up together, because I was like, I can't handle Like,
but what if they didn't? Would you have just not
gone through it? No? I was still want to watch it,
but I've been upset, Like it's honestly, you would have
been upset the whole time. I would have. Yeah, this
is so interesting because see, that's how you can only
handle uncertainty if you have enough certainty. Right, people who
(27:08):
do the best in life, who can handle what is
life is unknown, life has changed, that's the nature of it.
So the people who have enough certainty in life will
handle all that uncertainty really well. So you both have faith, right,
That's where you get a lot of your certainty is
knowing that you are being held by God or by
your beliefs. Right. Everyone needs to go into this year
(27:30):
figuring out where is my certainty coming from? So I
can route down in that, you know, in the surfing metaphor,
it's like I know that I've got enough skill or
enough fearlessness bravery to handle the unknown of the ocean.
You know. So you did that and then bridgertain when
you got your certainty in a different way. But I
(27:50):
think in two terms, and it's totally darling. It's great
however you want to get it. I think it's really
important to spend a lot of time visualizing how you
want this year to go. And I mean, like playing
the movie full technicolor. This is what I know I'm
going to experience, like place your order with the universe
by seeing the movie, seeing it daily, even like just
(28:15):
before you know you do a podcast, seeing how it's
going to go. It's like so much science behind this,
Like yeah, but then what happens when it doesn't work?
And let's say let's say I'm I'm I'm praying for
this like relationship and the I'm like, oh, we broke up,
Like what then? What? Because I'm like, well, I just
did what you said for the last six months and
(28:35):
now I'm heartbroken. I know. Well, there's there's a co
creation I all the time, right, But here's here's how
it goes for me is I see it, see it,
see it, see it, see it. I placed the order
with the universe, right, this is how I wanted to go.
That means I'm stoking the field, like I'm putting my
energy and my frequency which is equally powerful out there
(28:58):
for what I want happen. And then there's this, ever
so subtle at the end of it all surrender to
But if you've got something better for me, may it
be so? Right? Like let me be surprised. I just
was in a relationship that I thought was my person.
I was like, this is it? I have found him
not so much. I had to let it go. And
(29:21):
who still knows what's going to happen next, you know,
but I know that my clarity around the kind of
way I want to help you. M No, yes, I'm sorry.
I know it's okay though, I'm like, all right, I
guess there's it's either him later or somebody who can
(29:41):
love the way I want to love. I'm listening to
that adult song Think so I'm like, but I know
how I want to experience relationship in this life and
I'm not going to compromise, you know, so seeing it
as better not Yeah, like didn't happen because it's going
to be better, which is a good point. Yeah, which
(30:02):
I that's my belief is so strong that I'm being
so guided and held. And I know, you know, we've
talked about desires, like if you have a desire in
life that's so strong, you know, for the kind of
life that you want to have or the kind of
love you want to have, I think that's in us
because that's what our soul is here to experience, you know.
So if that got pulled out of my life, that
(30:24):
relationship right now, I believe it's because he's either going
to go and get more prepared for what we're supposed
to have together, or there's somebody else who's in the
wings waiting to experience that with me, because the desire
is just too strong, you know. And I think the
timelines are speeding up. I don't know if you guys
(30:46):
are experiencing this, but when you want something, it feels
like things are coming much faster. Lessons are blowing through
much more quickly, you know. So I'm open just staying
open a friend. My heart hurts for you. I mean,
I know, you know, it's the positive outlook but I
still like, I love you, and you know, we've been
on a journey together, so I just in my heart
(31:09):
empathize I'm sorry, I love you. Mm hmm. I'm kind
of excited though we're like, okay, well is somebody cute
or more amazing? Okay? How long was it? Oh, it's
a long story. It was like a two year kind
of an amazing thing, and then it was like six months,
(31:32):
you know, really going for it at this moment um
this year, which felt right on, you know, but I
think there were huge gifts that we gave each other,
so it's not like I'm coming away without like armfuls
good things. Well, what dating apple are we going to
put you on? I know? God, I'm actually I'm like,
(31:55):
let's be set up this time, Like I want to
put all my friends and family, like they're already two
really good friends who are like, wait a minute, I
have somebody for you, and I feel like that's the
ultimate dating app. And that's true, you know, when your
people really know you so much better than an algorithms
one percent true. So for you then like for the people,
(32:19):
for all of us, not everyone, but that you like,
how do you go in? Because I don't know. Maybe
this is just because this isn't how my mom was,
but she's like, I'm gonna be alone forever. And I
have those fears, you know, where it's like I'm going
to be alone forever, and it's like can you turn
it and go, Okay, well what if I what if
(32:39):
I am? And one thousand percent this is very important
because I've also had this feeling because you know, I
was divorced stages ago, and I've been where you are
and I was like, oh, dear, and so we'll have
these thoughts that were like the worst fear of thoughts.
I'm in my forties, I'm like whatever, I'm in how
it's like, yeah, I'm done. Yeah, no, I fifty one,
(33:00):
for God's sakes, I'm like hello. So you have to
look at the fear the thought comes up. You look
at square in the face like you could almost take
it by the shoulders, and you go, Okay, what if
I am alone for the rest of my life? What
will I do? How will it be? Who will I become?
You ask these same questions, who am I going to be?
(33:21):
And how will I do it? What's the flavor of
the experience going to be? Like and you know what
my answer is, if that's my plan, B I'm very
clear there's this person coming. But if for some reason
you get hit by a truck where I know this
aunt of mine, this great aunt who came into it
(33:42):
with my husband's aunt, call her Aunt Betty. She was
like eighty something when I met her, and the hottest
little cookie on the golf course, and she had all
the lovers, all the guys who were after her until
her very last day. And I would say, maybe I'm
so much woman that I have to have all the lovers,
(34:04):
and that that would be the way that I would
know love would be through all the lovers, and that
I would just have this incredible, amazing, different kind of
inexperience of love, maybe a more expanded view of not
just one person but the many and I would have
I can already see it, like all the travel and
all the gypsying and all the freedom. Right. So that's
(34:26):
my worst case scenario. Now I means scenario sounds kind
of fine, thank you, thank you exactly. I remember Angelina
Jolie said that before Brad Pitt. She was like, I'm
just going to be fine in my hotel rooms with
my lovers just have much children. I don't need a man.
(34:47):
I mean it's true, like once you have, and that's
kind of like what I've noticed, like you dating now
that I have my kids, and like I ain't settling
for sure, you know, there's no there's no point like
because I you know, I've got my friends and sure,
do I want to live the rest of my life alone? No?
Do I think that's going to happen. No, But like
it's like because I won't because I'll have my kids
(35:07):
and we'll have our we'll have our bed of lovers,
we will have all the things, all the things, and
it's like, you know, it's like it's like I don't
need anything. I've got two beautiful children. But I don't
know sometimes did you this is probably like a really
bad way of thinking, But did you ever think back
(35:28):
and go like, oh, man, maybe I should just stayed
with my ex because it's like Lisa, I have somebody,
because there's nobody perfect out there. There's nobody perfect. However, No,
I mean I haven't either, But I'm just saying like
there are times and when I'm just like, well, I mean,
like I guess I could have turned a blind eye
but like, how is that living? You know it's not no,
(35:50):
no way, no, because you came in this life with
this really high bar for all the things. You know,
you're a goal set realistic. I'm realistic. You you are
actually listening. You've got embedded patriarchy, and you like that's
the culture saying listen, lady, get in line, be like
(36:11):
everyone else. Calm down. That's not who you're here to
be in this life. Do not. I will not let
you lower that bar. You're here to be a leader,
and you're here to have mad experiences like I'm here
to have an epic love affair and I have to
do it maybe with many people. I love many, But no,
(36:32):
I'm not lowering the bar. And I you know, you
know the story. My X and I did what we
needed to do in ten years now. We didn't need
a lifetime. There's no going back. He's just a good
friend now and it's lovely. But I grew too much,
too fat, like it just yeah, you gotta be with
people who are continuing at your pace. Yeah, any more
(36:56):
words of advice anymore, just just just shoot me up
down my hair. I'm just like, just give me everything.
I just shouldn't you do a little exercise. I love you.
Let's do another and I think this will be like
a great way to just part and we'll take people
through this and then and it's a tool that I
want you to use all the time, because when we
(37:20):
talk about who do you want to be? Sometimes it's
really hard if you're triggered, or you're hurt, or you're
down and you can't like pull yourself back up. This
is what I do to bring it back online. And
it's pretty fast, Okay, So you can close your eyes
if you want. Sometimes it's easier that way. And what
you're gonna do is bring your attention to your feet
(37:41):
and you're gonna start there and you're gonna connect to
the earth. I forget all the time that there's this
giant globe, this nature that's holding us. And just throw
roots down from the base of your feet down into
the earth, like you reconnected, re estab wishing that that
support is there for you. And then imagine you can
(38:04):
pull earth into your feet. It's always green to me,
like you'll see a color, you'll feel a feeling and
maybe tingle, and you pull in that earth energy and
then you can just ask like Earth, what do you
want me to know today? What are you here to
give me today? And then keeping that bring fire from
(38:29):
your ankles all the way up to like just below
the belly button, fill your legs and your pelvis with fire.
It just turns you back on in every way and
reminds you of your power. The warmth, the heat, the
energy that's here to create in this life. That is you.
(38:51):
And you ask fire, what are you here to give me?
What do you have to teach me today? And then
keeping that earth and that fire, like you can already
feel yourself coming back online from the belly button up
to the base of the throat, become the ocean. So
(39:13):
you're on the super grounded place with the feet fired
up alive, and then you're floating. You're just the expansiveness
of the ocean, the depth, the wisdom, the vastness on
top of fire. This is who you are. And you
(39:33):
can let the ocean open your heart and remind you
of who you are. You can ask the ocean, what
are you here to give me today? And then on
top of earth and fire and all of this vastness
(39:54):
the water, then from your throat up to the top
of your head, open up your head, and you fill
with air, fresh air, like you can come down into
your mind and just clear out like a gentle breeze,
all the thoughts, all the doubts, all the fears, fresh reset,
open up your throat, open up your voice, your truth,
(40:19):
and then you just ask air, what are you here
to give me today? And then know that all four
of these things, this is the entire universe, This is
who you are. You have all of these elements at
your service every moment. That's it. Yes, and now here
(40:48):
you are. Anything is possible, Anything is possible your year, everybody, Okay,
right here and uh you see Sharie with like ten dudes.
Just give her a little way, girl, friend, get it.
(41:12):
I love you, I love you. We'll see in a
few months. You know, I'll have something mental breakdown. In
a few months. I'll need you, and it'll be all
in the service of your becoming, all according to plan. Okay,
all right, thanks girl, alright talk bye. Hey guys and
(41:35):
Ashley from the almost famous podcast, It's that time of
year where drama fills the air. The Bachelor was back
with an all new season, premiering January three. There's a
new host, Jesse Palmer and a brand new bachelor, Clayton.
Clayton is a Midwest boy that has that great smile,
nice teeth, and he's really tall as let's call it
(41:57):
what it is, he's a beefcake. Okay, Well, Clayton seems
to be a good guy though, and he can't wait
to find love, get married, and have kids. And he
believes more than anything that his future wife is on
this show. It sounds like a fairy tale but also
a bit of an emotional world coaster because Clayton tells
(42:18):
three different women he's falling in love with him. Technically,
he told one, I couldn't be more sure that I'm
falling in love with him, and another one I'm falling
in love with you, and the third one, I am
in love with you. You don't miss a thing. It's
some years of over analyzing everything that guys say, but
(42:39):
his heart is in the right place. But other parts
of him as we find out what he admits that
two different women that he was intimate with both of them. Yeah,
I don't think it's gonna go over well, we'll be
breaking down it all on the Almost Famous podcast. Ben
is married now Well, Ashley is a mom will change
our opinions of what we think is acceptable. Single behavior
(43:03):
good question. Listen to Almost Famous on the I Heart
Radio app, on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
(43:27):
I am obsessed with Oh I just love her so much.
All the lovers, it's so good. My heart like broke.
But again it's um, it's kind of things. It's wasn't
the one and that's okay, better out there? Do you?
By the way, do I feeling therapy, Like, God, don't ask,
(43:48):
don't ask me what what I just thought I thought about?
Because it's like I don't ask me because I'm like,
I did dream somewhere else and then like I lose it.
But that was so like good though, I'm gonna actually
the back to that and do that because I need
to start practicing because I feel so much better when
I do meditate. I really do. My mind definitely wanders
and I'm like, oh crap, she's gonna ask yeah, and
(44:09):
I'm like, what was the question? What was that sposed
to feel fire? I don't know. I feel I feel
stability that just like at least in therapy, it's kind
of like it can be nothing. I can't because they
got nothing I know, but no, I love I love
doing like I have the I do headspace on there
and there's like a three minute guided Once times I
(44:30):
do that, there's a balloon one usually have some anxiety,
but it's good. I need to do it more like
it's like the last time I was like, oh, I
haven't seen us in October. Thanks for calling me. I
need your energy though. I want to be like that positive,
that energetic about you know, and not just complacent. I'm not.
(44:52):
I wasn't calling because no, but I can be for
sure it's made great here. I didn't know that was.
I do believe that though, no, no, I really do
think it will be a great year. Yeah, what are
you looking forward? I know we talked about this, but like,
how are you not going to be complacent? So I
(45:14):
think what I took the most from today is the
whole compassion thing. I want to just be more compassionate,
do things for others, not talk about other people, just
like who I want to be. I'm going to take that.
And I loved that that she said, start with who
you want to be, because I think I think about
that a lot when I'm being somebody I don't want
to be UM, so I'm gonna start there, and that's
(45:37):
how I'm going to make it a good year, not
based on what happens in that year, but who I
become and who I am. That was really encouraging to
me when she said that this is one of the
podcasts I'm definitely gonna listen back to. Yeah for sure,
because I want to go through all that again. Yes,
she's great, God, I love her. I'm just less everyone.
(45:57):
Let's just take that energy and go freaking crush. Yet,
I've got some updates on some things that we can
update the next next show. Okay, you know, because it's
like going into the New Year's like, like you said, uh,
with compassion yet not um not letting people in that
(46:18):
kind of way you down. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm there
for sure. Um all right, we'll see guys next week.
By
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