October 19, 2023 • 34 mins
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and Jana sits down with Chloe Panta, an author, transformational coach and a domestic violence survivor.
Jana opens up to Chloe about the shame she felt from her abusive relationship, and how she struggles with it today. When you experience something traumatic like domestic violence, the body still remembers long after it ends.
Plus, Chloe shares advice on how to cut toxic people out of your life.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
This Thursday Therapy, We've got Chloe Panta coming on. She
has a book coming out next year. It's called Untapped
Magic Manifestation Methods for Living a Limitless Life. She's worked
with countless men, women, and teens to help them cultivate
their limitless life. She's an expert in helping her clients
overcome limiting beliefs and low self worth. Also, October is
National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. She herself is a survivor
(00:30):
of domestic violence abuse. We wanted to make sure to
get her on to talk about that for this month
and then to talk about her new books. So let's
get her on. Hey. Hello, Okay, Chloe, Kristin just told
me a fun fact about you.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
You're from Michigan.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Yeah, I'm from Detroit.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
You're so are we?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Well?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I guess I can't really claim I say Detroit because
we Detroit because it sounds more badass.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I can't feel like Register Hills. You definitely get Detroit.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I mean I was Washington Township, So I say that
because Rochester was like the rich kids, and I'm like, yeah, we.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Do right, right, right right?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Like I was an ann arbor, which has its idea,
but it also was not in the greatest part of
an arbor.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
So do you still live in Michigan.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
No, I'm actually in La so been out in LA
for the past six years now. Yeah, But I grew up,
born and raised in Detroit. So I thought that was
really cool that you guys are both from the metro
Detroit area.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
So way to frame it for us, Chloe, we really
needed you the metro Detroit area. Are you a Tigers
fan Alliance fan all still? I'm bo runs deep right, yes,
forever I know.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Yes, and have the new stadium, the Caesars Palace. If
you've been to Detroit recently, yeah, and it's just downtown
is phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I love It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
There's such a resurgence.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Thank you. Yep. And it was a re something usually.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
You feel my words, you fill my gap. But so, okay,
obviously I want to jump into your book. But because
October is National Domestic Violencewareness Month, you did you speak
about your abuse in the book or is a separate entity?
Speaker 3 (02:19):
This is separate. I do touch on it a little bit,
but in the book I do talk about toxic relationships,
abuse of relationships and how people can get out of it,
because I think it's really important, especially because I mean,
one in three women are victims of physical abuse, rape,
domestic violence, and it's just I want to get the
(02:41):
word out there to help people to know that there
is help, there is hope, and you can get out
of that situation. So yeah, definitely talk about that.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Would you mind sharing some of yours what you're comfortable
to share around that piece with us?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
For sure?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Was it was someone? Was it a relationship? How did
it start? What was the you know, the how did
how did you get out?
Speaker 3 (03:08):
So this was my very first relationship. I mean I
was a teenager sixteen, seventeen years old, and I stayed
with this person for a long time because I was
manipulated to This was when I had known. It was
my first everything. So in that situation, for me, I
didn't know, Hey, you can get out of this. You
(03:29):
don't have to stay with this person. They're brainwashing you.
There is a way out, You're not stuck. It took
me a long time to kind of get out of it.
So I met this person through a friend of a friend.
We went to high school together. He was older than me,
So I was a freshman in high school. This person was,
you know, out of out of high school. They were
(03:51):
basically first year in college, so much older. That was
attractive because you're young. So it's like, oh, yeah, you
know my friend or I'm dating this guy. He's a
college a college freshman, and I'm a freshman in high school.
So that was something that was impressive to me and
my friends at that time. And little did I know
(04:11):
that this person was just kind of grooming me in
a way where they could mold me to become whatever
they wanted me to become their little puppet. And it
took me a long time. Like I said, I was sixteen,
seventeen years old when I first started dating him. I
didn't break free from this until my early twenties when
I realized that there is something better. But I was
(04:34):
mentally abused, physically and also verbally abused. I remember one night,
this was senior year in high school for me at
this point, and I was coming back from something and
I stopped over to his house because he asked me
to stop over. We got into an argument and it
(04:57):
was nighttime and I was on my way to kind
of leave the situation. He wouldn't let me leave. He
threw me down. Were outside arguing in the neighborhood. He
threw me down on the ground and we were in
an altercation where he broke all of my fingernails. So
I had at this time, I used to wear fake fingernails.
(05:18):
I used to get my nails sent every couple of weeks,
and in this altercation, my nails were bleeding. I looked down,
I'm like, oh my gosh, my nails, my fingers are bleeding.
I can't go home like this. My face was swollen,
my fingers were bleeding, my nails were broken off. So
I struggled to drive to my best friend's house at
(05:38):
that time because I knew my mother, my brother they
would do something terrible to this guy, and I didn't
want to get them involved. I was ashamed. I felt embarrassed.
I didn't feel like I wanted them to know I
was struggling in that way. So I went to my
best friend's house and I told her what happened. I
stayed at her house or the night until I got
(06:01):
myself together because I couldn't explain to my mom, well,
why is your face messed up? Why do you have
a bruise under your eye? Why are your fingernails You
just got your nails done the other day, why are
they broken off? And you know, I felt as if
I was trying to protect my family from what I
was going through. So after a bit of time, I
(06:22):
realized this wasn't safe. Sometimes people will tell us they're
going to change, they're going to be a different person,
but that's lies. We can't make anybody change. And once
I realized that, I knew that I had no power
over this person, and I couldn't continue to give my
power away. So once I realized that that I have
the power to take back what's mine and get out
(06:45):
of that situation, I did. It took me eight years
to leave this person. And I know, Jane, that you
went through something similar, and I know you know what
you went through was terrible, And it took me five
additional years after you got out of your situation before
I would get out of mind. So it took me
(07:05):
that long to realize that this isn't the life that
you want to live. If you continue down the path
with this person, you're going to end up hurt. You're
going to end up in a situation where you may
not be able to get out of or walk away from.
So it took me that long to realize that and
to really just kind of break free from what was
(07:27):
keeping me stuck in a really deep dark place at
such a young age for me to experience that.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Did you slowly allow your family to know what was
happening and to like, where do you?
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Then?
Speaker 4 (07:40):
I mean that's young.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Clearly that's a young I mean.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
You're a baby, And so you start to feel like
this is not good, this is not correctly you're knowing,
it's like you know that, And then who do you
wet in first? To say something's not right? And I
need to make a change, because making change is with
people like that feel nearly impossible. They feel impossible, and
(08:05):
it is nearly impossible.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
So how did you what was your first step? Who's
your first person? Who do you? When did you go?
Speaker 4 (08:11):
I can't do this anymore and this is what I'm
about to do.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
When I was twenty two, So this was back in
two thousand and eight, and I was at a breaking point.
I kept trying to like get out. He would try
to come back, I'm change, take me back, and I
kept being vulnerable and gullible to allow that, and I
told my mom, I'm like, you know what, Mom, this
person they're not who they say they are to you.
(08:35):
You know, because when it's just us and it's just
around the family, the friends, perfect angel, nothing ever could
be wrong with him, just the most perfect gentleman in
the world. But as soon as we're alone, it's like
a completely different person has transformed. And she never saw
that side of him. It was really difficult for her
(08:56):
to imagine that this was going on. So when I
had my breaking point at twenty two, I told my mom, like, listen,
he isn't who he says he is. He's not who
he portrays to be around you and we're you know,
at family functions or gatherings, He's not that person. And
he's been abusing me for this many years. So my
(09:16):
mother was very upset because she works in the court,
you know, like she works alongside a judge, she works
alongside officers who can put people away, and she's like, Chloe,
you have all these resources, why didn't you tell me, Like,
you know what, I was afraid. I was afraid that
I had failed my mom as being gullible and I
(09:38):
let this happen to me I was afraid because I
thought everything was my fault, because in that situation, everything
was my fault according to this person, and I felt
as if it was and I felt I let my
mother down because I allowed myself to kind of be
trapped in this situation. So I told my mother first,
(09:59):
and and when I told her that, I felt as
if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders because
I had a support group in her. But it took
me seven years to tell her this is what has
been happening to me for this long because I was
just in a situation where he told me, if you
(10:19):
tell anybody, I will hurt you so that you won't
be able to tell anybody. And because of that threat,
I didn't want to have my family be in jeopardy
of him doing something to them or not, so in
my mind and like, I'm protecting them from his threats
and I don't want him to hurt them, so I
can't tell anybody. But once I just got the courage
(10:42):
to do so, my mother and myself we got a
restraining order placed against him, and everything seemed to just
kind of fall into place where I was able to
finally close that chapter and move on but those were
the darkest years of my life that propelled me to
know that if this is the worst that can happen,
(11:05):
then I am so deserving and so worthy of the
complete opposite of that. And that's what I focused on
going forward, because I knew that I never ever wanted
to deal with that ever again in my life.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I think too, like, just thank you for sharing your story,
and I'm sorry you had to go through that, but
I also think for me, and I don't want to
put this on you as yours, but for me, there
was a lot of shame around it. So that's why
I didn't tell people, because I felt like, again like
you felt, they make it seem like you're the problem,
(11:54):
You're the reason the abuse is validated because of what
they said we did, and there was then that's the
shame piece. And even when I have a book coming
out next week and it's that abuse chapter was the
hardest one to write because I still felt shame around it.
(12:16):
And then I also felt it not embarrassed, but like girl,
why were you hiding in the bushes?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Like why did you think so little of yourself to
not get up and get out of a situation. And
there's so many times when women will DM me and go,
you know, I'm in an abusive situation.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
How do I get out?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
And it's like I could tell you now, but you're
it's it has to be the thing that clicks inside
of you. And I struggle with what I even respond
with because I'm like, they're not going to change. I
know they're going to tell you everything, but when a
man hits you or emotionally abuses you or any things
like that's that is literally who they are. And it's
hard because they I remember the girl going, oh no,
(12:58):
but he says he's going to change. Everys going to
be fine, and you know, but I'm like, you will
end up in a dumbster most likely because he will
hurt you and continue to hurt you. But it's like
I don't like when someone reaches out to you. It's like,
what are the words that you say? Because I sometimes
I'm just like I remember being in that cycle and
continuing to go back to the abuser over and over
(13:19):
and over again because we are made to feel like
it was our fault and then the shame piece around
it not telling people no one knew. My mom still
doesn't know half of the stuff, like she will read
about it in the book. All she saw was just
the bruises and the cuts, you know, and that he
abused me. But for I didn't have open dialogue of
(13:39):
throwing me out of a car, X Y and Z.
So it's like, what do you like? What is your advice?
When women go, how do I get out?
Speaker 3 (13:48):
You have to first know your worth? The thing with me,
and I know this is it's different for everybody. I
didn't know my worth. I had low self confidence. You know.
I went from a happy teenager, happy child to this
person that had low self esteem, thoughts of suicide, thoughts
of I don't want to be here anymore because of
(14:08):
what someone else put into my mind to believe was
true for me. So I would have to say, and
what I do say to some women who have reached
out to me, is that you have to understand your worth.
That person's worth is nothing compared to yours. But if
you believe, if your limiting beliefs allow you to believe
(14:28):
that this is all you're worthy of, this is all
that's going to continue to loop into your life. So
for me, I had to understand that I am worthy
of more, but not only saying that, but believing wholeheartedly
that I am deserving and worthy of more. Men are
not all like this person, this person.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
That's so hard to do though, when you're in the
moment and you have someone telling you that that is
the opposite of what you are, it is.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Very difficult to do. But if you've been doing it
for years, years and years in years, and you know
this is not going to change, you have to come
to realize this is never going to change. So you
have to make the change, and the change has to
be you need to get out, because if I didn't
get out, I don't know where I'd be right now,
either incarcerated or dead, one of the two, because that's
(15:18):
the only option. When you're dealing with someone who is
an abuser to you. They only do that because they can,
because they are allowed to do that, and it's to
you suple to get out.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
Do you realize how absolutely brave, profound and big that is.
Do you look back on younger you and go, I mean, says,
twenty two is still young. So for a twenty two
year old woman who has learned what a relationship is,
all she knows of what a relationship is is this.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Do you have.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
Moments where you just go, I'm super proud of myself
because you really should be. I mean that is it's
not only brave, but it's just a huge perspective and
shift for someone that is young. I mean, I have
to be careful on how much I share of a situation.
But I grew up in a very tumultuous upbringing, and
I would say my dad passed away two years ago,
(16:15):
and I would say that my mom maybe still has
not had that realization. And so it's really profound and
huge to me that at twenty two years old, you
say this has got to change. So do you deeply
like you Chloing now the woman? Do you go, I'm
proud of myself.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
You know, it's still hard because I've closed that part
off of me and I've locked it away and threw
away the key. All these years later, it's difficult for
me to go back and say I'm proud of you.
I look at it as an experience I had to
go through and this life to get where I am today.
(16:55):
If I never would have experienced that, I probably would
have struggled to find the perfect person for me, because
I would not have known what was available, what was
worthy of my time, my attention, what I'm deserving of.
So I think that that experience was just a learning lesson.
As difficult as it is to say that, I look
(17:17):
at it as an experience that has allowed me to
grow and morphed into who I am today. But I
don't look back and say I'm a hero or I'm
proud of myself. I look back and I get sad.
I just feel like I wish I would have done
so many different things at that time that I never
would have done before. And I don't know, I just
(17:38):
I don't feel proud of myself. For some reason. I
feel as if it's a part of me that I
don't want to visit ever again. I look at it
as I've dealt with the inner child. I've dealt with
having to, you know, unblock that part of me to
get to where I am today. But it's still a
painful experience because I can't even explain how I felt
(18:04):
waking up at sixteen or seventeen years old. You're supposed
to be excited to go to school, right you're high schooler,
you want to die, or you're like I don't want
to live anymore. That's how I felt. So for me
to have to go back and say, am I proud
of that? I'm not. I feel that I'm grateful that
I listened to small pings and intuition that got me
(18:27):
out of that situation. But I'm proud of you clearly, sadly, Yeah,
thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah, that's just a I mean, that's just young. Well
it's young, but it's also so real.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Locking it away is one thing, and I hear you
when you say I've done the childhood stuff.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
I've done this.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I've done so much emdr around abuse and everything, and
there's still moments in therapy when it still goes back
to that because my body still remembers and I'm like,
damn it, Amy, I don't. I've dealt with this. I've
moved on from this piece. And she's like, you have,
but your body still remembers you feeling trapped and unsafe,
and that is something that though I want to lock away, right,
(19:09):
it's still a piece of us that will always be
there and we have to remember that, you know, moving forward.
And the messages that I had to really find out
was like, oh wait, I don't deserve abuse. I was
made to feel like I deserve abuse, but I actually don't,
and I think that was the piece that was hard
(19:30):
for me. And I'm curious with what you went through.
Is that how you with your new book and what
you do now is for a living. Did that then
propel you to go? Okay, I'm going to help people
find their worth because I might have struggled with it
in the past.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Absolutely. I mean the reason that I wrote my book
on tapped Magic is because there are so many people
that struggle on all levels of life, and particular really
with toxic relationships and abuse. People feel that they're only
worthy or deserving this person because this person showed interest
(20:09):
in them, or oh yeah, they have a little bit
of things I don't like, but whatever they're they're okay.
I'm just going to see how things go. We'll get
over the hump. But it's only because we're dealing with
people that are not within what we want to truly
call in because we don't feel worthy of having that.
So for me, I had to do a lot of
(20:30):
mindset work, and once I got my mind together, I
knew I needed to help other people to get their
minds right and calling in whatever they want, the perfect partner,
the perfect career, business life in general, whatever. And I
really dived deep into doing the mindset work so that
I not only could excel and be a master of
(20:53):
the way that I think, but also to help other people.
And you know, I know that you mentioned Jana that
when you do your therapy, you feel as if you
know your body hasn't fully healed from that, and for me,
I felt the same way. So one thing that I
do is that I always tell myself when I wake
up before I go to bed at night, right when
(21:15):
I'm in the bed getting ready to go to sleep,
I tell myself that I am safe, I am protected,
I am loved, I am secure, And I just imagine
this beautiful white light surrounding my entire home, my community,
and I believe that I am safe, I am protected,
I am loved, I am secure. And I say that
(21:36):
because that gives me calm, It calms my body, and
it lets me know that I have the power to
live a happy life. I'm the co creator of my happiness.
Or if I'm feeling sad or whatever, I am the
one that can change that. And that's helped me tremendously
throughout my life and a lot of my clients as well,
(21:57):
because we all deserve to be and just to live
a wonderful life, you know. And that's what I've been
just cultivating since then. Is I am happy every single
day when I wake up, I am ecstatic to get
my day started. I love what I do. I love
my life, and I love that I've been able to
transform from a really low point in my life to
(22:19):
going to somewhere that is just magical. And that is
why I wrote the book, because I want people to realize,
no matter where you are in this life, you can
make your life amazing. And that's what prompted me to
change to help other people.
Speaker 4 (22:49):
I do think the gift of hope is just something
that is like irreplaceable for people. I think, you know,
it's biblical like hope defer makes a heartsick. And so
when people like you, Jana, you know, just it's incredible
to me because anybody that can go through what you
go through and then still find hope or want a
gift hope, I mean that to me is like that's
(23:09):
just what we're all supposed to do down here. To me,
that's the old saying walking each other home.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
That's that's that for me.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
So I think it's incredible that you've decided to take
what you went through and heal through it and then
create a life that you say you love. I mean,
that's a really exceptional that's an exceptional place to be.
Some people will live their whole lives and never be
able to say that sentence.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I know, and my heart goes out to them because
it's an amazing life. You know, life is supposed to
be fun. And the thing I had to realize is
that our purpose here on earth is to come back
to our whole, authentic, worthy selves. We go through layers
of pain and shame and programming, but our whole purpose
in this world is just to have a life that
(23:55):
is stilled of happiness and abundance and joy and prosperity.
That is the purpose of our life. And that's what
I believe in and that's what I've been cultivated to
do every single day.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
So what do you think the biggest thread that you've
seen that causes the self esteem.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Other people? I mean, like you know, someone can say, hey,
do you like my hair? Is it okay? Do you
think it looks good? We need external validation and I
think that when we try to get external validation, we're
giving away our power and we're not accepting ourselves for
who we are. We don't value our own opinion of ourselves.
(24:35):
We've given in a way to so many other people.
The media, our spouse, our friends, our family. We always
have to ask for permission, and I feel as if
when we do that, we're giving away our God given
gift to understand that the power that we seek it
already lies within us. So low self worth, low confidence,
(25:00):
limiting beliefs, they stem from other people programming us and
telling us, well, I think you should go and do
that job, or maybe change your dress to something else,
or I don't like your hair that way, or you
should lose about twenty pounds or whatever. It shouldn't matter
what someone else says about us. We only should allow
in what we think is best for us. Now, it's
(25:22):
very difficult to do that in this type of culture,
this day and age. But once we understand that we
are the ones that need to validate ourselves and not
get that to external people, we'll live a much happier
life and limiting beliefs will be the thing of the past.
So that's something that is a big issue the lot
of people in the same age.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
I think I screwed myself early on, because I'll never forget.
My high school boyfriend was like, like, I like you
with your hair up. I wore my hair up every day,
and that is when I should have noticed the big
red flag in me.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
That's like, love me. I'll wear my hair up every day.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Yeah, my high school boyfriend said that my feet weren't cute,
So I mean, girl, I mean, now, I know those cute.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
They're picked, they're so cute.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
But tell me this if you had if someone's listening
to this today, because a lot of people tune in
and they the therapy sessions like mean a lot to
them because they don't have the resources or they're just overwhelmed.
I know I was super overwhelmed for a long time.
And how do I find the right person to like
walk me through as a therapist?
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Tell me?
Speaker 4 (26:25):
If I'm a person driving in a car taking kids
to school, whatever, how do I what's your what's the
step one you give them? What's where can they start
today to get towards this light life that they love? Like,
if you had to pick a maybe there isn't one step,
But if you had to say, like here's my two
second pep rally for you, what is that for them today?
Speaker 3 (26:48):
First, what I would say is we have to identify
and challenge our belief systems. So when I say the
belief systems, I'm talking about whatever we believe in, whatever
we've been taught or programmed or a conditioned to believe
as true, even though it may not be the truth.
So if we're feeling just icky, or just not happy,
(27:10):
or just unfulfilled in some way, I would say, start
with identifying what is it that makes you feel that way?
Is it someone who's telling you something, is it something
internally that you're going through, what's happening? And I would say,
identify those beliefs and then work on changing them by
challenging your belief systems. The other thing I would do,
(27:32):
or what I would recommend, is I would tell people
that you need to first understand your worth and know
that you're worthy of everything. It can be anything. Maybe
you want to buy a bigger house, maybe you want
to get a better paying career, but you don't feel
worthy of having it. I would say start with a
smaller goal, maybe a smaller house or maybe it's a
(27:54):
step above your current career right now, and work towards
growing that and making it a bigger, more challenging goal
until it feels comfortable for you, where you can sit
in that space and feel as if you belong there,
and just keep practicing with bigger and better goals until
the big, better goals become your normal, everyday goals. That's
(28:15):
something I would say for people who are struggling or
just don't know where to start or where to go.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
What in the book, what was one of your favorite
chapters that you wrote.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
I would say probably chapter eight. It's about toxic people,
and it's about how you can actually get rid of them.
And if you're in a situation, where.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Can you tell us how?
Speaker 2 (28:39):
I know we're going to wait to read it, but
can you just give us, like, can you just give
us most of the tips on that one?
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
Points.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Oh, I mean it's a big deal. You know, toxic
people all around. So for some people, a lot of
people they work with people they can't get rid of
them because this is what they have to do their job.
But these people they feel like they drain their day,
they're not happy, they're unfulfilled, and they have to tolerate
these people. So a tip that I tell people to
(29:10):
do is to get a glass of water or a
cup of water, put it on your desk. If you
work remotely, this works as well, and leave that water
there for the rest of your day. At the end
of the day, what will happen is that all of
that toxicity, all of that negative energy, will go into
that water attracts all types of energy, but it'll pull
(29:35):
in the negative energy into that cup of water. At
the end of the day, pour that water down the toilet,
flush it, don't drink it, don't do anything with it.
So that way, instead of people's emotions and toxicity transforming
into you and your energy, you then repel that to
go somewhere else away from your body. Another tip that
(29:56):
I have for people that are, let's say with the
family member or a partner that is toxic to them,
if you can't sit down and talk to them in
a fashion that's going to be comfortable for you, maybe
you just are triggered by them or whatever, I would say,
what I would recommend is to write them a letter
(30:18):
and in that letter list out everything that you've been
trying to tell them that they haven't been able to
get through to you, or you haven't been able to
get through to them. This letter can simply be to
your partner or your mom, or whoever. I've been trying
to do X, Y and Z, but I just feel
as if this isn't working out for me, and right
(30:39):
now what I need is space. I need space to
kind of decompress and digest what's happening in my life
right now, and I need time to understand this is
going to work out for me. If you feel triggered
by talking to them or texting or whatever in that letter,
feel free to just write down everything that's bothering you
(31:00):
with that person and give them the letter. That way,
it's a non confrontational exchange, so that they can really
sit down and understand what you're going through. If they're
able to talk to you in a non confrontational way
that isn't triggering at that time, have a conversation, talk
to them. If you absolutely cannot talk to them and
(31:21):
it's a confrontational something that's going to happen, block them,
let them know I'm ending this relationship it isn't working
out for me. You block them, delete their contact information,
you block them on social media, you erase them from
your life. It's difficult for some people to go turkey
like that because when you're dealing with someone, especially if
(31:45):
you've had years and years of a connection with them,
it can be really hard. But once you close that door,
know that you're not able to go back through that door.
Stepping back in time is impossible. We can't go back
in time. Treat any closed door for any person that
you've dealt with in the present right now, be treated
(32:06):
as if it's someone who's in the past, and you
never can go back to that door. You'll never look
back again, and you'll always go forward. So that's some
tips that I have in the book for people that
are just in a situation where they can't get out
of a relationship with someone, or they're dealing with a coworker,
(32:29):
a friend, a family member that they have to have
some kind of contact with. This is the best way
to protect your peace. I love that, Yeah, And that's
just something where people can in a non confrontational way,
confront that person. Another tip, if you have to face
people in person, I always say, imagine that you're you know,
(32:53):
before you leave your house or wherever, you're going to
the event or whatever. Imagine you taking out your energy
from your body, putting it in an imaginary box, closing
that box, locking it up. You go to your event,
go to wherever. So that way, that person has no
power over you. They can't penetrate your energy or make
(33:14):
you feel affected in any way. When you come back home,
you say I am safe, I am protected, I am secure,
and you put your energy back into your body. And
that way, if that person has anything connected to you,
it has not affected you in any way. So those
(33:35):
are some tips that can help people to go through
their daily lives or whatever and not have anyone who's
toxic affect them. How they think, how they feel won't
be able to affect you.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
If you do that, I love that, Chloe.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Where can our listeners find you?
Speaker 3 (33:53):
You can find me on my website It's Chloeponta dot co.
And if you pre order my book because it is
out now on tap Magic, I am giving away a
free meditation audio on exactly how you can unblock limiting beliefs,
overcome low self worth, and get rid of toxic people
(34:13):
from your life once and for all.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
So everybody go pre order Untapped Magic right now. Thank
you so much Chloe for coming on Wine Down and
sharing your story and just being open to everything you said.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
So thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
It's a pleasure to be here.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
I know.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
Go Detroit Lions A Lions all right.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Thanks girl, You're very strong. Thank you very much coming on.
Bye Chloe, Bye bye girl,
Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
This Thursday Therapy, We've got Chloe Panta coming on. She
has a book coming out next year. It's called Untapped
Magic Manifestation Methods for Living a Limitless Life. She's worked
with countless men, women, and teens to help them cultivate
their limitless life. She's an expert in helping her clients
overcome limiting beliefs and low self worth. Also, October is
National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. She herself is a survivor
(00:30):
of domestic violence abuse. We wanted to make sure to
get her on to talk about that for this month
and then to talk about her new books. So let's
get her on. Hey. Hello, Okay, Chloe, Kristin just told
me a fun fact about you.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
You're from Michigan.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Yeah, I'm from Detroit.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
You're so are we?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Well?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I guess I can't really claim I say Detroit because
we Detroit because it sounds more badass.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I can't feel like Register Hills. You definitely get Detroit.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I mean I was Washington Township, So I say that
because Rochester was like the rich kids, and I'm like, yeah, we.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Do right, right, right right?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Like I was an ann arbor, which has its idea,
but it also was not in the greatest part of
an arbor.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
So do you still live in Michigan.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
No, I'm actually in La so been out in LA
for the past six years now. Yeah, But I grew up,
born and raised in Detroit. So I thought that was
really cool that you guys are both from the metro
Detroit area.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
So way to frame it for us, Chloe, we really
needed you the metro Detroit area. Are you a Tigers
fan Alliance fan all still? I'm bo runs deep right, yes,
forever I know.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Yes, and have the new stadium, the Caesars Palace. If
you've been to Detroit recently, yeah, and it's just downtown
is phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I love It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
There's such a resurgence.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Thank you. Yep. And it was a re something usually.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
You feel my words, you fill my gap. But so, okay,
obviously I want to jump into your book. But because
October is National Domestic Violencewareness Month, you did you speak
about your abuse in the book or is a separate entity?
Speaker 3 (02:19):
This is separate. I do touch on it a little bit,
but in the book I do talk about toxic relationships,
abuse of relationships and how people can get out of it,
because I think it's really important, especially because I mean,
one in three women are victims of physical abuse, rape,
domestic violence, and it's just I want to get the
(02:41):
word out there to help people to know that there
is help, there is hope, and you can get out
of that situation. So yeah, definitely talk about that.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Would you mind sharing some of yours what you're comfortable
to share around that piece with us?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
For sure?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Was it was someone? Was it a relationship? How did
it start? What was the you know, the how did
how did you get out?
Speaker 3 (03:08):
So this was my very first relationship. I mean I
was a teenager sixteen, seventeen years old, and I stayed
with this person for a long time because I was
manipulated to This was when I had known. It was
my first everything. So in that situation, for me, I
didn't know, Hey, you can get out of this. You
(03:29):
don't have to stay with this person. They're brainwashing you.
There is a way out, You're not stuck. It took
me a long time to kind of get out of it.
So I met this person through a friend of a friend.
We went to high school together. He was older than me,
So I was a freshman in high school. This person was,
you know, out of out of high school. They were
(03:51):
basically first year in college, so much older. That was
attractive because you're young. So it's like, oh, yeah, you
know my friend or I'm dating this guy. He's a
college a college freshman, and I'm a freshman in high school.
So that was something that was impressive to me and
my friends at that time. And little did I know
(04:11):
that this person was just kind of grooming me in
a way where they could mold me to become whatever
they wanted me to become their little puppet. And it
took me a long time. Like I said, I was sixteen,
seventeen years old when I first started dating him. I
didn't break free from this until my early twenties when
I realized that there is something better. But I was
(04:34):
mentally abused, physically and also verbally abused. I remember one night,
this was senior year in high school for me at
this point, and I was coming back from something and
I stopped over to his house because he asked me
to stop over. We got into an argument and it
(04:57):
was nighttime and I was on my way to kind
of leave the situation. He wouldn't let me leave. He
threw me down. Were outside arguing in the neighborhood. He
threw me down on the ground and we were in
an altercation where he broke all of my fingernails. So
I had at this time, I used to wear fake fingernails.
(05:18):
I used to get my nails sent every couple of weeks,
and in this altercation, my nails were bleeding. I looked down,
I'm like, oh my gosh, my nails, my fingers are bleeding.
I can't go home like this. My face was swollen,
my fingers were bleeding, my nails were broken off. So
I struggled to drive to my best friend's house at
(05:38):
that time because I knew my mother, my brother they
would do something terrible to this guy, and I didn't
want to get them involved. I was ashamed. I felt embarrassed.
I didn't feel like I wanted them to know I
was struggling in that way. So I went to my
best friend's house and I told her what happened. I
stayed at her house or the night until I got
(06:01):
myself together because I couldn't explain to my mom, well,
why is your face messed up? Why do you have
a bruise under your eye? Why are your fingernails You
just got your nails done the other day, why are
they broken off? And you know, I felt as if
I was trying to protect my family from what I
was going through. So after a bit of time, I
(06:22):
realized this wasn't safe. Sometimes people will tell us they're
going to change, they're going to be a different person,
but that's lies. We can't make anybody change. And once
I realized that, I knew that I had no power
over this person, and I couldn't continue to give my
power away. So once I realized that that I have
the power to take back what's mine and get out
(06:45):
of that situation, I did. It took me eight years
to leave this person. And I know, Jane, that you
went through something similar, and I know you know what
you went through was terrible, And it took me five
additional years after you got out of your situation before
I would get out of mind. So it took me
(07:05):
that long to realize that this isn't the life that
you want to live. If you continue down the path
with this person, you're going to end up hurt. You're
going to end up in a situation where you may
not be able to get out of or walk away from.
So it took me that long to realize that and
to really just kind of break free from what was
(07:27):
keeping me stuck in a really deep dark place at
such a young age for me to experience that.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Did you slowly allow your family to know what was
happening and to like, where do you?
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Then?
Speaker 4 (07:40):
I mean that's young.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Clearly that's a young I mean.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
You're a baby, And so you start to feel like
this is not good, this is not correctly you're knowing,
it's like you know that, And then who do you
wet in first? To say something's not right? And I
need to make a change, because making change is with
people like that feel nearly impossible. They feel impossible, and
(08:05):
it is nearly impossible.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
So how did you what was your first step? Who's
your first person? Who do you? When did you go?
Speaker 4 (08:11):
I can't do this anymore and this is what I'm
about to do.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
When I was twenty two, So this was back in
two thousand and eight, and I was at a breaking point.
I kept trying to like get out. He would try
to come back, I'm change, take me back, and I
kept being vulnerable and gullible to allow that, and I
told my mom, I'm like, you know what, Mom, this
person they're not who they say they are to you.
(08:35):
You know, because when it's just us and it's just
around the family, the friends, perfect angel, nothing ever could
be wrong with him, just the most perfect gentleman in
the world. But as soon as we're alone, it's like
a completely different person has transformed. And she never saw
that side of him. It was really difficult for her
(08:56):
to imagine that this was going on. So when I
had my breaking point at twenty two, I told my mom, like, listen,
he isn't who he says he is. He's not who
he portrays to be around you and we're you know,
at family functions or gatherings, He's not that person. And
he's been abusing me for this many years. So my
(09:16):
mother was very upset because she works in the court,
you know, like she works alongside a judge, she works
alongside officers who can put people away, and she's like, Chloe,
you have all these resources, why didn't you tell me, Like,
you know what, I was afraid. I was afraid that
I had failed my mom as being gullible and I
(09:38):
let this happen to me I was afraid because I
thought everything was my fault, because in that situation, everything
was my fault according to this person, and I felt
as if it was and I felt I let my
mother down because I allowed myself to kind of be
trapped in this situation. So I told my mother first,
(09:59):
and and when I told her that, I felt as
if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders because
I had a support group in her. But it took
me seven years to tell her this is what has
been happening to me for this long because I was
just in a situation where he told me, if you
(10:19):
tell anybody, I will hurt you so that you won't
be able to tell anybody. And because of that threat,
I didn't want to have my family be in jeopardy
of him doing something to them or not, so in
my mind and like, I'm protecting them from his threats
and I don't want him to hurt them, so I
can't tell anybody. But once I just got the courage
(10:42):
to do so, my mother and myself we got a
restraining order placed against him, and everything seemed to just
kind of fall into place where I was able to
finally close that chapter and move on but those were
the darkest years of my life that propelled me to
know that if this is the worst that can happen,
(11:05):
then I am so deserving and so worthy of the
complete opposite of that. And that's what I focused on
going forward, because I knew that I never ever wanted
to deal with that ever again in my life.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I think too, like, just thank you for sharing your story,
and I'm sorry you had to go through that, but
I also think for me, and I don't want to
put this on you as yours, but for me, there
was a lot of shame around it. So that's why
I didn't tell people, because I felt like, again like
you felt, they make it seem like you're the problem,
(11:54):
You're the reason the abuse is validated because of what
they said we did, and there was then that's the
shame piece. And even when I have a book coming
out next week and it's that abuse chapter was the
hardest one to write because I still felt shame around it.
(12:16):
And then I also felt it not embarrassed, but like girl,
why were you hiding in the bushes?
Speaker 1 (12:23):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Like why did you think so little of yourself to
not get up and get out of a situation. And
there's so many times when women will DM me and go,
you know, I'm in an abusive situation.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
How do I get out?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
And it's like I could tell you now, but you're
it's it has to be the thing that clicks inside
of you. And I struggle with what I even respond
with because I'm like, they're not going to change. I
know they're going to tell you everything, but when a
man hits you or emotionally abuses you or any things
like that's that is literally who they are. And it's
hard because they I remember the girl going, oh no,
(12:58):
but he says he's going to change. Everys going to
be fine, and you know, but I'm like, you will
end up in a dumbster most likely because he will
hurt you and continue to hurt you. But it's like
I don't like when someone reaches out to you. It's like,
what are the words that you say? Because I sometimes
I'm just like I remember being in that cycle and
continuing to go back to the abuser over and over
(13:19):
and over again because we are made to feel like
it was our fault and then the shame piece around
it not telling people no one knew. My mom still
doesn't know half of the stuff, like she will read
about it in the book. All she saw was just
the bruises and the cuts, you know, and that he
abused me. But for I didn't have open dialogue of
(13:39):
throwing me out of a car, X Y and Z.
So it's like, what do you like? What is your advice?
When women go, how do I get out?
Speaker 3 (13:48):
You have to first know your worth? The thing with me,
and I know this is it's different for everybody. I
didn't know my worth. I had low self confidence. You know.
I went from a happy teenager, happy child to this
person that had low self esteem, thoughts of suicide, thoughts
of I don't want to be here anymore because of
(14:08):
what someone else put into my mind to believe was
true for me. So I would have to say, and
what I do say to some women who have reached
out to me, is that you have to understand your worth.
That person's worth is nothing compared to yours. But if
you believe, if your limiting beliefs allow you to believe
(14:28):
that this is all you're worthy of, this is all
that's going to continue to loop into your life. So
for me, I had to understand that I am worthy
of more, but not only saying that, but believing wholeheartedly
that I am deserving and worthy of more. Men are
not all like this person, this person.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
That's so hard to do though, when you're in the
moment and you have someone telling you that that is
the opposite of what you are, it is.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Very difficult to do. But if you've been doing it
for years, years and years in years, and you know
this is not going to change, you have to come
to realize this is never going to change. So you
have to make the change, and the change has to
be you need to get out, because if I didn't
get out, I don't know where I'd be right now,
either incarcerated or dead, one of the two, because that's
(15:18):
the only option. When you're dealing with someone who is
an abuser to you. They only do that because they can,
because they are allowed to do that, and it's to
you suple to get out.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
Do you realize how absolutely brave, profound and big that is.
Do you look back on younger you and go, I mean, says,
twenty two is still young. So for a twenty two
year old woman who has learned what a relationship is,
all she knows of what a relationship is is this.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Do you have.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
Moments where you just go, I'm super proud of myself
because you really should be. I mean that is it's
not only brave, but it's just a huge perspective and
shift for someone that is young. I mean, I have
to be careful on how much I share of a situation.
But I grew up in a very tumultuous upbringing, and
I would say my dad passed away two years ago,
(16:15):
and I would say that my mom maybe still has
not had that realization. And so it's really profound and
huge to me that at twenty two years old, you
say this has got to change. So do you deeply
like you Chloing now the woman? Do you go, I'm
proud of myself.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
You know, it's still hard because I've closed that part
off of me and I've locked it away and threw
away the key. All these years later, it's difficult for
me to go back and say I'm proud of you.
I look at it as an experience I had to
go through and this life to get where I am today.
(16:55):
If I never would have experienced that, I probably would
have struggled to find the perfect person for me, because
I would not have known what was available, what was
worthy of my time, my attention, what I'm deserving of.
So I think that that experience was just a learning lesson.
As difficult as it is to say that, I look
(17:17):
at it as an experience that has allowed me to
grow and morphed into who I am today. But I
don't look back and say I'm a hero or I'm
proud of myself. I look back and I get sad.
I just feel like I wish I would have done
so many different things at that time that I never
would have done before. And I don't know, I just
(17:38):
I don't feel proud of myself. For some reason. I
feel as if it's a part of me that I
don't want to visit ever again. I look at it
as I've dealt with the inner child. I've dealt with
having to, you know, unblock that part of me to
get to where I am today. But it's still a
painful experience because I can't even explain how I felt
(18:04):
waking up at sixteen or seventeen years old. You're supposed
to be excited to go to school, right you're high schooler,
you want to die, or you're like I don't want
to live anymore. That's how I felt. So for me
to have to go back and say, am I proud
of that? I'm not. I feel that I'm grateful that
I listened to small pings and intuition that got me
(18:27):
out of that situation. But I'm proud of you clearly, sadly, Yeah,
thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah, that's just a I mean, that's just young. Well
it's young, but it's also so real.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Locking it away is one thing, and I hear you
when you say I've done the childhood stuff.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
I've done this.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I've done so much emdr around abuse and everything, and
there's still moments in therapy when it still goes back
to that because my body still remembers and I'm like,
damn it, Amy, I don't. I've dealt with this. I've
moved on from this piece. And she's like, you have,
but your body still remembers you feeling trapped and unsafe,
and that is something that though I want to lock away, right,
(19:09):
it's still a piece of us that will always be
there and we have to remember that, you know, moving forward.
And the messages that I had to really find out
was like, oh wait, I don't deserve abuse. I was
made to feel like I deserve abuse, but I actually don't,
and I think that was the piece that was hard
(19:30):
for me. And I'm curious with what you went through.
Is that how you with your new book and what
you do now is for a living. Did that then
propel you to go? Okay, I'm going to help people
find their worth because I might have struggled with it
in the past.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Absolutely. I mean the reason that I wrote my book
on tapped Magic is because there are so many people
that struggle on all levels of life, and particular really
with toxic relationships and abuse. People feel that they're only
worthy or deserving this person because this person showed interest
(20:09):
in them, or oh yeah, they have a little bit
of things I don't like, but whatever they're they're okay.
I'm just going to see how things go. We'll get
over the hump. But it's only because we're dealing with
people that are not within what we want to truly
call in because we don't feel worthy of having that.
So for me, I had to do a lot of
(20:30):
mindset work, and once I got my mind together, I
knew I needed to help other people to get their
minds right and calling in whatever they want, the perfect partner,
the perfect career, business life in general, whatever. And I
really dived deep into doing the mindset work so that
I not only could excel and be a master of
(20:53):
the way that I think, but also to help other people.
And you know, I know that you mentioned Jana that
when you do your therapy, you feel as if you
know your body hasn't fully healed from that, and for me,
I felt the same way. So one thing that I
do is that I always tell myself when I wake
up before I go to bed at night, right when
(21:15):
I'm in the bed getting ready to go to sleep,
I tell myself that I am safe, I am protected,
I am loved, I am secure, And I just imagine
this beautiful white light surrounding my entire home, my community,
and I believe that I am safe, I am protected,
I am loved, I am secure. And I say that
(21:36):
because that gives me calm, It calms my body, and
it lets me know that I have the power to
live a happy life. I'm the co creator of my happiness.
Or if I'm feeling sad or whatever, I am the
one that can change that. And that's helped me tremendously
throughout my life and a lot of my clients as well,
(21:57):
because we all deserve to be and just to live
a wonderful life, you know. And that's what I've been
just cultivating since then. Is I am happy every single
day when I wake up, I am ecstatic to get
my day started. I love what I do. I love
my life, and I love that I've been able to
transform from a really low point in my life to
(22:19):
going to somewhere that is just magical. And that is
why I wrote the book, because I want people to realize,
no matter where you are in this life, you can
make your life amazing. And that's what prompted me to
change to help other people.
Speaker 4 (22:49):
I do think the gift of hope is just something
that is like irreplaceable for people. I think, you know,
it's biblical like hope defer makes a heartsick. And so
when people like you, Jana, you know, just it's incredible
to me because anybody that can go through what you
go through and then still find hope or want a
gift hope, I mean that to me is like that's
(23:09):
just what we're all supposed to do down here. To me,
that's the old saying walking each other home.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
That's that's that for me.
Speaker 4 (23:17):
So I think it's incredible that you've decided to take
what you went through and heal through it and then
create a life that you say you love. I mean,
that's a really exceptional that's an exceptional place to be.
Some people will live their whole lives and never be
able to say that sentence.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I know, and my heart goes out to them because
it's an amazing life. You know, life is supposed to
be fun. And the thing I had to realize is
that our purpose here on earth is to come back
to our whole, authentic, worthy selves. We go through layers
of pain and shame and programming, but our whole purpose
in this world is just to have a life that
(23:55):
is stilled of happiness and abundance and joy and prosperity.
That is the purpose of our life. And that's what
I believe in and that's what I've been cultivated to
do every single day.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
So what do you think the biggest thread that you've
seen that causes the self esteem.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Other people? I mean, like you know, someone can say, hey,
do you like my hair? Is it okay? Do you
think it looks good? We need external validation and I
think that when we try to get external validation, we're
giving away our power and we're not accepting ourselves for
who we are. We don't value our own opinion of ourselves.
(24:35):
We've given in a way to so many other people.
The media, our spouse, our friends, our family. We always
have to ask for permission, and I feel as if
when we do that, we're giving away our God given
gift to understand that the power that we seek it
already lies within us. So low self worth, low confidence,
(25:00):
limiting beliefs, they stem from other people programming us and
telling us, well, I think you should go and do
that job, or maybe change your dress to something else,
or I don't like your hair that way, or you
should lose about twenty pounds or whatever. It shouldn't matter
what someone else says about us. We only should allow
in what we think is best for us. Now, it's
(25:22):
very difficult to do that in this type of culture,
this day and age. But once we understand that we
are the ones that need to validate ourselves and not
get that to external people, we'll live a much happier
life and limiting beliefs will be the thing of the past.
So that's something that is a big issue the lot
of people in the same age.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
I think I screwed myself early on, because I'll never forget.
My high school boyfriend was like, like, I like you
with your hair up. I wore my hair up every day,
and that is when I should have noticed the big
red flag in me.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
That's like, love me. I'll wear my hair up every day.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Yeah, my high school boyfriend said that my feet weren't cute,
So I mean, girl, I mean, now, I know those cute.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
They're picked, they're so cute.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
But tell me this if you had if someone's listening
to this today, because a lot of people tune in
and they the therapy sessions like mean a lot to
them because they don't have the resources or they're just overwhelmed.
I know I was super overwhelmed for a long time.
And how do I find the right person to like
walk me through as a therapist?
Speaker 1 (26:25):
Tell me?
Speaker 4 (26:25):
If I'm a person driving in a car taking kids
to school, whatever, how do I what's your what's the
step one you give them? What's where can they start
today to get towards this light life that they love? Like,
if you had to pick a maybe there isn't one step,
But if you had to say, like here's my two
second pep rally for you, what is that for them today?
Speaker 3 (26:48):
First, what I would say is we have to identify
and challenge our belief systems. So when I say the
belief systems, I'm talking about whatever we believe in, whatever
we've been taught or programmed or a conditioned to believe
as true, even though it may not be the truth.
So if we're feeling just icky, or just not happy,
(27:10):
or just unfulfilled in some way, I would say, start
with identifying what is it that makes you feel that way?
Is it someone who's telling you something, is it something
internally that you're going through, what's happening? And I would say,
identify those beliefs and then work on changing them by
challenging your belief systems. The other thing I would do,
(27:32):
or what I would recommend, is I would tell people
that you need to first understand your worth and know
that you're worthy of everything. It can be anything. Maybe
you want to buy a bigger house, maybe you want
to get a better paying career, but you don't feel
worthy of having it. I would say start with a
smaller goal, maybe a smaller house or maybe it's a
(27:54):
step above your current career right now, and work towards
growing that and making it a bigger, more challenging goal
until it feels comfortable for you, where you can sit
in that space and feel as if you belong there,
and just keep practicing with bigger and better goals until
the big, better goals become your normal, everyday goals. That's
(28:15):
something I would say for people who are struggling or
just don't know where to start or where to go.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
What in the book, what was one of your favorite
chapters that you wrote.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
I would say probably chapter eight. It's about toxic people,
and it's about how you can actually get rid of them.
And if you're in a situation, where.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
Can you tell us how?
Speaker 2 (28:39):
I know we're going to wait to read it, but
can you just give us, like, can you just give
us most of the tips on that one?
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
Points.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
Oh, I mean it's a big deal. You know, toxic
people all around. So for some people, a lot of
people they work with people they can't get rid of
them because this is what they have to do their job.
But these people they feel like they drain their day,
they're not happy, they're unfulfilled, and they have to tolerate
these people. So a tip that I tell people to
(29:10):
do is to get a glass of water or a
cup of water, put it on your desk. If you
work remotely, this works as well, and leave that water
there for the rest of your day. At the end
of the day, what will happen is that all of
that toxicity, all of that negative energy, will go into
that water attracts all types of energy, but it'll pull
(29:35):
in the negative energy into that cup of water. At
the end of the day, pour that water down the toilet,
flush it, don't drink it, don't do anything with it.
So that way, instead of people's emotions and toxicity transforming
into you and your energy, you then repel that to
go somewhere else away from your body. Another tip that
(29:56):
I have for people that are, let's say with the
family member or a partner that is toxic to them,
if you can't sit down and talk to them in
a fashion that's going to be comfortable for you, maybe
you just are triggered by them or whatever, I would say,
what I would recommend is to write them a letter
(30:18):
and in that letter list out everything that you've been
trying to tell them that they haven't been able to
get through to you, or you haven't been able to
get through to them. This letter can simply be to
your partner or your mom, or whoever. I've been trying
to do X, Y and Z, but I just feel
as if this isn't working out for me, and right
(30:39):
now what I need is space. I need space to
kind of decompress and digest what's happening in my life
right now, and I need time to understand this is
going to work out for me. If you feel triggered
by talking to them or texting or whatever in that letter,
feel free to just write down everything that's bothering you
(31:00):
with that person and give them the letter. That way,
it's a non confrontational exchange, so that they can really
sit down and understand what you're going through. If they're
able to talk to you in a non confrontational way
that isn't triggering at that time, have a conversation, talk
to them. If you absolutely cannot talk to them and
(31:21):
it's a confrontational something that's going to happen, block them,
let them know I'm ending this relationship it isn't working
out for me. You block them, delete their contact information,
you block them on social media, you erase them from
your life. It's difficult for some people to go turkey
like that because when you're dealing with someone, especially if
(31:45):
you've had years and years of a connection with them,
it can be really hard. But once you close that door,
know that you're not able to go back through that door.
Stepping back in time is impossible. We can't go back
in time. Treat any closed door for any person that
you've dealt with in the present right now, be treated
(32:06):
as if it's someone who's in the past, and you
never can go back to that door. You'll never look
back again, and you'll always go forward. So that's some
tips that I have in the book for people that
are just in a situation where they can't get out
of a relationship with someone, or they're dealing with a coworker,
(32:29):
a friend, a family member that they have to have
some kind of contact with. This is the best way
to protect your peace. I love that, Yeah, And that's
just something where people can in a non confrontational way,
confront that person. Another tip, if you have to face
people in person, I always say, imagine that you're you know,
(32:53):
before you leave your house or wherever, you're going to
the event or whatever. Imagine you taking out your energy
from your body, putting it in an imaginary box, closing
that box, locking it up. You go to your event,
go to wherever. So that way, that person has no
power over you. They can't penetrate your energy or make
(33:14):
you feel affected in any way. When you come back home,
you say I am safe, I am protected, I am secure,
and you put your energy back into your body. And
that way, if that person has anything connected to you,
it has not affected you in any way. So those
(33:35):
are some tips that can help people to go through
their daily lives or whatever and not have anyone who's
toxic affect them. How they think, how they feel won't
be able to affect you.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
If you do that, I love that, Chloe.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Where can our listeners find you?
Speaker 3 (33:53):
You can find me on my website It's Chloeponta dot co.
And if you pre order my book because it is
out now on tap Magic, I am giving away a
free meditation audio on exactly how you can unblock limiting beliefs,
overcome low self worth, and get rid of toxic people
(34:13):
from your life once and for all.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
So everybody go pre order Untapped Magic right now. Thank
you so much Chloe for coming on Wine Down and
sharing your story and just being open to everything you said.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
So thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
It's a pleasure to be here.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
I know.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
Go Detroit Lions A Lions all right.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Thanks girl, You're very strong. Thank you very much coming on.
Bye Chloe, Bye bye girl,
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