November 18, 2025 • 55 mins
Amanda Kloots has lived many lives — Broadway dancer, Rockette, author, TV host, wife and now, single mom — and she’s still redefining what resilience looks like.
Amanda opens up about juggling loss and enduring grief with newfound joy and reinvention, She also shares hard-won insights on healing, creativity, and the quiet courage it takes to begin again.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to work in progress, high
Web smarties. I know we're all itching for some inspiration
(00:21):
and perhaps a reminder that no matter how hard things get,
there's always an opportunity for healing, for reinvention, and for creation,
and today's guest is a shining example of all of
those things. We are joined today by none other than
Amanda Clutes. You might know her as an incredible former
(00:42):
Broadway dancer and radio city rock cat, a fitness entrepreneur,
a television host from CBS's The Talk to being a
best selling author. Her memoir Live Your Life, My Story
of Loving and Losing Nick Cordero, is centered on her
storyory of her life as a new mom and a
(01:03):
wife in twenty twenty, losing her partner to COVID in
early days, and managing to be such an incredible advocate
who took so many of us along, learning how to
stay safe, learning how to protect our families and communities,
and learning how to protect ourselves. Her memoir about that
(01:26):
time is truly a lifeline for readers that are navigating
grief and now, as a single mom to her young son, Elvis,
Amanda has really continued to channel her loss into creativity.
She wrote a gorgeous children's book called tell Me Your
Dreams as a love letter to memory, connection and hope.
(01:47):
And now she is here in her incredible wellness element
with a new supplement line that is honestly solving problems
I know, myself and so many of you have been
begging to have solved. She always manages to see a
problem and figure out how to fix it, and it's
something that I really admire about her as a creative,
(02:08):
as a woman and a mom and a friend. So
let's dive in today and talk with Amanda about her
journey to realize that healing is not really about moving on.
It's about moving forward and loving every version of you
that you're carrying with you.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Let's dive in with Amanda Clutes. How are you like?
Before we, you know, get.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Dive in to interview things, I just like, I just
adore you and I never get to see you, and
I'm just so happy I'm seeing you now.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
I know, it's so nice to see you too. I'm good.
I'm really good.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
El of a sudden, I have the best summer ever.
We traveled for like over a month together, and yeah,
I can't complain. So feel life is really nice right now.
I'm like good, feeling good about a lot of stuff,
and it's just nice to be in that place, you know.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
You know, yeah, when you're really in the thick of
it and in something that feels so dark like there
will never be light again, and then your life feels light.
It's not that I think people can't love their life
or be grateful or really be tapped into goodness if
(03:32):
they haven't gone through heavy grief. But there's some there's
a different degree of goodness I think after you've processed
heavy grief.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:42):
Yeah, And it's been like I think, because it's been
five years now, five years was a weird mark and
we can talk about it if you want to. But
I was with Nick for five years, so now that
five years has passed like a weird I don't know,
it just it hit.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Me like that, it hit me that timeline.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Okay, well, before we get into all the amazing things
happening now and what's what we're doing now and perhaps
our spiritual practices now. I always really like to go
backwards with people because your audience knows you your life,
your career, sometimes your personal life, as this adult doing
great things out in the world. But I'm always really
(04:25):
curious if you could go back in time and spend
time with your younger self, if you if you would
see yourself in her, like if you could rewind in
nineteen ninety two. Can't Knowhio, what would you say to
ten year old you?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
You know, I think I do see myself in her.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
I had a therapist a couple of years ago, and
she was the first person.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
That made me do this.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
But she said, put your ten year old self in
a chair and look at her and talk to her.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
And it was the first time that I had to
do that.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
And at first I thought it was really dumb, and
I was like, this is dumb.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Am I doing this?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
I don't want to like I you know, it was
the whole process, and then I really started to see
like the benefits from it, and.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I do.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
I do see the little girl that just loves to
ride her bike around the neighborhood and get Dairy Queen
ice cream cones and go hang out with her friends
and just had this like free spirit of adventure and
curiosity and dreaming and literally believing I could do whatever
I would want to do in life and just dancing
(05:45):
every day and loving it.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
And yeah, I really do connect with her.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
I think the poor little girl has no idea what's
coming up for her.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
But I'm also, yeah, really proud of all the different
versions of myself.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
I feel like I've had like nineteen versions of myself.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Oh me too, Yeah, yeah, I think it was, if
I'm not mistaken, I think it was Chryl Strad who
wrote about how in our lives as women, we almost
become nesting dolls. You carry every version of the woman
you were inside yourself, and I just I love that
(06:25):
as a metaphor, and I think it is so true
because sometimes you'll talk about, you know, the versions of
life you've lived, and I think I've watched that bump.
For some people, people be like, no, I don't like that.
It sounds like then what are you saying you didn't
know yourself, or like I didn't know myself when I
(06:45):
did this, or I was somehow a different person. And
I actually think it's not that you've been trying on
versions of yourself that weren't authentic. It's the journey of
life where you lean into something and explore it, and
can you love yourself? Enough can you learn to love
yourself enough to listen to whether your inner self says
(07:09):
yes or no to that thing and then continue growing
around it. Yeah, And I don't know, I think that's
really special that you can sit and say, yeah, I
like all the women I've been before, and I care
about the younger versions of myself that are in me.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
I like that too.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
And I think what I love to do is like
look back, like retrospect, you know, like I love looking
back at my life and being like, you know, oh wow,
that was interesting or how that affected me. I think
of it as lately, like my life is chapters. Like
I feel like I just have these different chapters of
my life, and I do feel like I'm in now
(07:49):
a different chapter, or or I feel like I'm on
the precipice of a new chapter. Like if you ever
felt within yourself where you're like, yes, they're changing and
like and it's good, and I just have to like
I'm almost on board because I know it's coming, but
I'm kind of holding onto dear life, but also like, okay,
(08:10):
I feel it and I know I want it and
I know it's there. I just like I just have
to like be brave enough to turn the page to
jump into that next chapter. Yes.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Absolutely, It's like it's like when you're driving somewhere you've
never been and you can tell that you're only five
miles from there based on your GPS, but you still
have no idea where you are. Yeah, you know, you
can feel it getting close to the destination, but you
don't know what it's going to look like yet, and
it's so surreal to be in that place.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah, it is. It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I have a question and it may seem unrelated, but
just talking about your younger self and the younger youse
and the change coming, I'm so curious about this because
I grew up and only and you're one of five kids,
and I know you're really close to your family. Do
you think that change, you know, impending shifts, those things
(09:05):
that you can feel. Do you think because you have
such a close relationship with your siblings, you have maybe
a little more practice at that, because not only are
you going through those life moments, but your siblings are
so at least you know, you're not like totally on
a path alone or insane.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Yeah, that's an interesting question.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
I you know what's funny though, is just to like
oppose that a little bit. So close to my siblings
and my mom and dad, we really are each other's
best friends. But we all live in different cities. The
closest siblings my brother in San Francisco, Yana. My youngest
(09:47):
sister lives in Paris, so we are literally all over
the place.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
And I just said.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
In my mom and dad because I was home in
Ohio spending a week with them, and I was like,
you guys, because again we were talking about like just
change in life and stuff. And I said to them,
I was like, you guys have to like really just
at this point in my life, support and trust me.
I said, because we're at a point with our family
that we all see each other maybe once or twice
(10:17):
a year, like when we're all together, and I said,
you know, all come home to Ohio maybe once or
twice a year Christmas and a summer, you know maybe,
but it just always depends, right, And I said, like,
you aren't.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Around me every day.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
You don't know what my life is every day, and
so I have to like it's just different than when
we were younger and we saw it because we weren't
all married or we didn't all have kids, and it
was easy to just like, you know, go and now
different it's like, oh, it's not my Christmas, or it's
not my Thanksgiving, or no, we can't travel, or mom
(10:55):
has knee surgery so.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
She can't travel. So it's like it's it's I think
we're at a part right now where.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
I think life is changing and for me especially, and
I actually am asking for my family just to support
and trust me, because you're not going to actually know
or understand fully where I am in life totally.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
It's hard for a family to do that when you're
so close.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Yeah, of course, but I think you're right. The intrinsic
knowledge you have about your people when you're around them,
you observe so much, it's impossible to get that same
deep knowing when you're in separate places because you have
to explain everything. Yeah, you have to tell people the
(11:43):
story of your day or your week, and it's hard.
It's like, it's actually one of the things that as
much as I love, you know, being a creative and
doing the things we all get to do in our work,
my greatest morning from that comes from the fact that
I'm always somewhere else to my most important people and
(12:06):
my family. I'm always the absent person. And yeah, I'll
jump on a plane for a Saturday to make sure
i can be you know, at somebody's baby shower and
then get on the red eye and go right back
so I can go to work or you know, I'll
do whatever I can. Yeah, but man, it does like
smart when you just miss that close proximity.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
For sure, You're right, the everyday things just change.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
Yeah, and it's hard, you know, you try to relate
to Like I try to understand and relate to my
sisters and my brother's life as much as possible, and
I think they try to relate to mine.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
But it's like it's just it's impossible.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Right.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Like my sister's in Houston. She's a stay at home mom.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
She has three kids, and she lives out of her car,
driving her kids everywhere she goes.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
And it's like it's it's so hard.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
To relate, you know, for her to relate to me,
a single mom who is you know, a widow and
you know, living the life I'm living, So like it's
possible to relate. That's why I think like this new
idea of like.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Support and trust totally, we just have to support address
each other totally.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
And now for our sponsors. Do you think that sort
of support system when you were young, when you all
did get to be together and it was like easier
to be in the jumble, did that help you with
the confidence to get out and pursue this crazy dream
(13:43):
because you know, I know you wanted to be a roquette.
The jumping into that world of performance and dance and Broadway,
in the auditions and the rehearsals. I mean, it's so
big and so hard. So how did you decide to
go for it? And what was it like, you know,
moving and getting into this whole new pace and whole
(14:07):
new way of life for you.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Yeah, no, so true. I mean the support I had
from my family doing that. I was the first of
five kids to not go to regular college four year
degree and move to New York City. You know. My
brother and my sisters all went to Ohio colleges and
they were studying you know, marketing or business or literature,
(14:29):
you know, And I was.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Like, I want to dance.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
And I have to say, my choir director, my choir
teacher in high school. My parents were so they were
on board, but they were like not really on board.
My dad was still convinced that I should go to
this performing on Dayton, Ohio and get a four year degree.
And we sat down with my choir teacher and he
was like, I know she can do this.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
You got to, you know, believe in her.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
And it was that that my It was only then,
sorry that my mom and dad were like, okay.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
We will. You can go to New York, go to
this two year conservatory.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
And I remember my dad being like that two years
equals what I spent on your siblings four years of college.
So after those two years, Amanda like, if something doesn't happen,
like you're on your own where your siblings had two
more years of college.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
And I was like, okay, I could do it, don't worry.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
And I mean, Sophia, I still can't believe that my
mom and dad drove me to New York and dropped
me off in New York City at eighteen years old.
Like if Elvis asked me to do that, I'd be
like hell now, or I'm going to like it's like
not happening.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
But yeah, they just they just believed in me.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
And I mean still to this day, you know they'll
say an audition like, how'd your interview go? And I'm like, audition,
this is so cute, but like, but they've always supported me,
and they were always at everything from high school you know,
practices and performances to Broadway shows and rocket shows.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
I mean they've always there.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
So yeah, that support I think definitely helped me think
that I could do it, where like, you know, the
stats to be on Broadway are insane, and at that
point it was a dancer.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
I really wasn't even a singer. I could sing, but
I couldn't sing.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
I learned how to sing in college and then kind
of as I was performing on Broadway, learned how to
really sing. So I really went into it with just
being like I can dance. I didn't even do drama
in high school. So yeah, I mean it doesn't make sense,
you know what I mean, you think out rounded in
thinking I could just go on be on Broadway, but
(16:44):
I really was just a dancer.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
But it's amazing, and I think the I think that's
sort of youthful freedom to pursue your dreams, just to
be like this is gonna work. I'm gonna make it work.
I mean, god, imagine if it could be bottled and sold.
You know, it's so cool. What was it like to
be on that Rocket stage for the first time. It's like,
(17:08):
it's such an iconic thing. It fills me with such
wonder and this feeling of nostalgia because I remember going
like with my mom and my grandpa to see the
Rockets when I was little at Radio City. It's like
so iconic. Do you still get a little a little
nostalgia for it?
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Oh, one hundred percent.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
I try to take Elvis every year, and this is
the one hundred years celebration of the Rocket legacy. So
they're doing like a big thing, but I'll never forget it.
We my first season was two thousand and three. The
opening costume was this it's still to this day probably
one of my favorite costumes I've ever worn. Velvet green,
(17:51):
long sleeves, fur on the cuffs, a big fur hat,
fur around like the and a big holly thing right here.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
It was gorgeous.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
You were all lined up backstage and you come flapping
the tap move a flap and we came two by
two flapping out of the Rockefeller Christmas Tree set and
my whole family was there and the first step was
jump kick bevel so like my first move as a
(18:20):
Radio City rocket, like was just like a jump kick, right,
and I was dead center because I was center girl,
because I'm the tallest and rockets, the tallest girls are
in the center and then the shortest girls are out
to the side.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
It gives the illusion. And I'll never forget it.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
I was so nervous because they just, you know, drew
perfection in you, and when you're a rookie, they just
make you know you're a rookie.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
At least at that time.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
You know, I don't know, it's probably different now, but
in that era, it was definitely a hierarchy and you
knew that you were one of the new pies.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
But yeah, it was amazing. It was so amazing. Never
forget love that.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Yeah, And I love that you guys go together when
you when you come out this way and you go
to Broadway musicals.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Now, Like what goes through your mind?
Speaker 1 (19:09):
You know, you you have this whole other career now
and when you come back, what is that like?
Speaker 4 (19:16):
And I see shows a lot, like I try to
take Elvis to see shows here in LA and on Broadway.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
It's I'm always like, how did I do this? Like
it's so it's so much.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Like eight shows a week and you start your work
day at eight pm and you know you're dancing till eleven,
and then you come back the next day and you
do two shows, and it's like and it's such a
it's such a drill, and it's constant competition and never
feeling settled, and you never know if you have a
job the next day.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
When I think.
Speaker 4 (19:48):
About how I did that for sixteen years, I'm very
proud of myself, but I'm also like, how did I.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
How did I do that?
Speaker 4 (19:56):
But I'm also I'm so glad I did it, and
I'm so glad that I did it at the age
I did it, And I think Broadway teaches you everything
in life, especially resilience and belief in yourself.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
So I'm very proud of it, but I'm also just like,
oh my god, how did I do that? Have you
done Broadway?
Speaker 1 (20:17):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I haven't done Broadway. I did a show on the
West End.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Okay, and it it was so incredible. I had the
time of my life and I will never forget. Before
I went, I got all excited because you know, I'm
used to like network TV hours, I'm used to being
at work sixteen hours a day, seventeen hours a day
sometimes like by the time I've left my home and
(20:43):
then gotten back, and I was like eight shows a week.
I mean, the show's two and a half hours. I'm
going to have all the time in the world. I'm
to have my whole day to myself. There's gonna be
a day off a week, Like this is so incredible.
I can't wait and I will never forget. I randomly
(21:05):
was at a thing right before I left for London
with Brian Cranston and after Breaking Bad, he did LBJ
on Broadway and then he did Network Fabulous in both
shows of course, and I was like, oh, I'm so geeked,
and what advice do you have for me? Like, I'm
really nervous, but I'm really excited. I love theater. And
(21:25):
he said, well, what are your plans while you're there?
And I kind of talked about like, oh, well, you know,
I have lists every Monday, I'm going to go to
a new art exhibition and I'm going to and he goes, oh, kid,
I hate to tell you, you're not He said, Sophia,
You're just not. You are going to be the most
exhausted you have ever been. You're going to sleep all
day because it's going to take you hours when you
(21:49):
get home at night for the adrenaline and the cortissoul
to pass through your body. You're not going to be
in You're not going to be sleeping by twelve thirty.
You're going to be asleep at three or four in
the morning, and you're going to go to work the
next day. And on Monday, he said, when when are
your two show days? And I said, oh, Saturday and Sunday.
And he goes, so you're doing a five show weekend.
He said, Monday, You're going to be a corpse. And
(22:11):
I was like, oh, oh, I just never considered the
difference in the kind of hours. Yeah, and I loved
it and I can't wait to do it again. And
I hope to do it, you know, in New York
when the right show comes up.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
But yeah, you surely crap.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Yeah, it's such a different skill set.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
And it's so funny because he's so right, like Monday
is complete rest massage and that's about it. I mean, especially,
I did three national tours and now is almost even
worse because you're on the road. Yeah, you're on the road.
You're in a hotel traveling. It's like it's so hard
(23:01):
and you can't really understand it unless you're in it.
Because even you said, it's like you think it's like
this glamorous, but you never have a weekend, you never
have a night, you never have a holiday.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
It's really really tough.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
Funny because you know, doing Broadway first and then going
more over to like film and TV. I remember when
I did my Christmas movie and we like shot the
first scene. It hit me that I was like, oh,
I can forget those lines, like I don't have to Yeah.
I was like, I don't ever have to do that again.
And they're like, no, I'm so trained to do the
(23:37):
same thing every day and the same.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
Lines and having to remember. I was like, oh, I
can just delete that, and they're like, hmm, tomorrow's scene
two oh one. I'm like oh yeah, like and I
was like, this is amazing film.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
But I'm like, oh my god, I never have to
have that fight scene again. I don't don't have to
do it eight times a week.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
What do you do it for that day? And then
you've done?
Speaker 4 (24:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
I was like, I love film.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
It's just so funny how you get used to one
thing and then you transfer over and then yeah, started
off with film and.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Then went to Broadway. It would be a whole different,
Like I mean, I have to do this all the time, like, yeah,
it's so funny.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Oh it's crazy. And and when you talk about.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
You know, I mean even just the what a cool
thing that you got to start vocal training in college
and then really open up as a singer because you
were working on Broadway.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Was you know, when I.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Think about obviously the last couple of years, it seemed
like an outsider, like music was such an important part
of your life and career, of Nick's life and career,
and then became something so important to the two of
you together. Was was this sort of early overlap in
(25:02):
your working worlds when you guys were like getting to
know each other. Were you just like, oh my god,
this man and his music.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Yes, but it was it was it was like a twofold.
So when we started dating, I was ending my first marriage,
so we had to like we were very like secret
about our relationships. So after the show we were doing
bullets over Broadway, we would each go home and then
we would skype.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
For my gosh.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
Five in the morning.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
And Nick would just play me music over Skype. But
it was a twofold because there were some things like
he would play me some of his original stuff. You know,
that moment of being a girl where you're like, you've
seen the Barbie movie, right, like the guy is playing
music and you're like and then you're just say.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Like I get it, I adore you and I get it,
you know.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
And so it was like part part part, you know.
Speaker 4 (26:08):
But that is very much the dynamic of Nick and
I and Nick's music, and you know, he he was
constantly making music and a lot of it never had lyrics,
and then stop lyrics, and then some had jumbled lyrics,
and then and then all of a sudden, he would
you know, be doing a show and they'd all have lyrics.
(26:30):
And one song sounded like rock and roll, the next
song sounded like a country song, the next song sounded
like Broadway like, and then the next one sounded like
Frank Sinatra, like he was.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
All over the place. And so it just now it
makes me laugh.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
It used to frustrate me, but now it just makes
me laugh because it's just very much him.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
He just he did. He loved music.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
I yet to meet anyone that knew more about music
than Nick Cordero.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
He would wake.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
Listening to BBC podcasts. He would read Rolling Stones cover
to cover. I remember.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
One of my favorite stories he early early dating years.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
I'm in his apartment in Washington Heights and he's like, Babe,
there's this girl and she's making music in her bedroom
with her brother and they are going to be huge.
And I was like, oh, okay, and he was like,
she's like sixteen years old or like fourteen years old,
and they I'm telling you now, they're gonna be huge.
(27:32):
And I was like okay, and he was like, her
name's Billie Eilish, and I was like okay.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
And years later, what's so beautiful.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
About this story is years later, during Nick's battle with COVID,
Phineas writes me a song, and after Nick passes away,
he DMS me and I don't see it, and my
realtor friend, who's his real litter friend, is like, I
think Phineas O'Connell sent you a DM and I was like, okay.
(28:05):
So I looked at my DMS. There it was I
wrote your song. I've been following your story and I
was like, what I listened to this song. It is
the most beautiful song I've ever heard, and it's like
very cold play. Ask which I love, and I write
him back. Immediately We become instant friends. He ends up
(28:28):
singing me this song live many times in his concept
It's like and I if I could.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
I ended up telling him, I'm like, you don't understand.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
Nick told me about you guys when we first started writing,
like he clocked you guys in your bedroom in Echo
Park or Highway. I was like, and the how the
world works? You've written a song now about He would
roll over in his grave, like if he knew that
you wrote me a song like it just that's life.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Though it's so beautiful, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
And now a word from our sponsors that I really
enjoy and I think you will too. What a wild
experience it must have been. I mean, both of you,
you know, with your gorgeous careers in your own rights.
You know, you were both known people. But then his
(29:31):
COVID battle it I remember, you know, we have so
many friends in common. We hadn't met yet at the time,
but I remember hearing what you guys were going through,
and suddenly it seemed like every single person I knew
anywhere was like, do you know what's going on with
(29:51):
this Nick and Amanda couple in La And I mean,
you were so generous, with so much pain, you had
every right not to take time out of your day
to try to help other people. But while you guys
(30:12):
were going through this battle of his sickness, you you
tried to tell so many people you know, you you became,
at least for me as again someone who didn't know
you personally yet such a guidepost, like a beacon, because
(30:33):
you just told the truth and everyone was so scared
and people didn't know what was happening, and it was
so hard to know where we were going to get
any sort of information. And then you know, you had
all this disinformation happening, people claiming, you know, oh, don't worry,
it's like the flu. No it's not, and you were like,
(30:56):
let me tell you what's happening to my husband, Like,
let me explain what this does to someone's body. It
it struck me as being.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Oh, I'm gonna get emotional.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Sorry.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
It struck me that you took something so.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Tragic and chose to give to other people like it
was such a profound active service to watch in a
time when like everyone should have been serving you. You know,
I'm like you you should have had someone like make
you a meal train and you were like trying to
(31:41):
tell people how to get vaccinated.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
Yeah, that chains thanks to tell Geller. Actually she set
up that meal chain.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Anyway, sorry, I thank you, that's it.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Thank You're just a gem of a human. And I
I know you've.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
You've talked about it and shared about it, and you
don't have to repeat anything you.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Don't want to.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
But I just I guess I wonder, like, looking back
on five years, what, how do you kind of process
that journey?
Speaker 2 (32:17):
You know the fact that.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
We were all so isolated and yet you were having
this incredibly intimate moment with so many people. I don't know.
I just I guess I wonder, like how it I
don't want to say how it feels to you now
that's a stupid word, but you know how how it settles?
Speaker 2 (32:36):
I guess, m h.
Speaker 4 (32:39):
I It's like the oddest thing, to be honest, like
it I've processed it so many times, and yet I
as like I have never processed it. And what was
I I was watching something the other day I think
I was watching a movie and something will just trigger something,
and then like I can't even focus because I'm like
(33:02):
back in that world. And then when I think about it,
I'm like so completely like I can't believe that happened,
that I get kind of like pulled away, and then
I try to process it again in that respect, and
then sometimes I feel like I've processed it so much
(33:23):
that it's not near to me anymore, and then I
feel bad that you am moving away from it, and
then I feel guilty about that. And then the times
where I'm too close to it and I feel guilty
about being holding on to it, I think that's just trauma, though,
I think, yeah, which is why I think it's so
(33:46):
important to understand that healing is such a journey and
it never stops because and you have to keep treating it,
because it's going to process so many times in so
many different ways, because keep growing and I keep living,
and I have done that keeps growing and keeps living, so.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
Our lives are moving forward.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
So it's impossible not to love and attach myself to
that time in my life. But also I have to
learn how to separate myself from that time in my life.
Both feel wrong. So it's very it's it's a very
hard it's a very hard thing to process. And and
(34:31):
I think that's when like any kind of anniversary, be
at our wedding anniversary or Knick's birthday, or Elvis's birthday
or his death anniversary or my birthday, are very very
hard because it's just a remembrance of time, and any
time you can clock that time is I think, just
(34:52):
also a trigger.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
So I don't know, I think it's.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
It's it's I don't know if I'll ever not be
healing from that. And I also think that, hey, you know,
it's just it's just life. It's a part of my life.
It's a scar that is in me, that will always
be in me. And there's a lot of beautiful parts
about that scar, and there's a lot of really hard
parts about that scar. Yeah, I still can't believe it happened.
(35:19):
Like I mean, there's so many times where I cannot
believe that happened.
Speaker 3 (35:24):
And it's like talk about that little girl.
Speaker 4 (35:29):
I look back on that chunk of my life, that
COVID part of my life, and all even like I have,
you know, Instagram saves everything, so like there's times where
something will pop up and then I'll see something. It's like,
I don't even recognize that version of myself. Like it's
such a fight or flight moment in life. And I
think that you talked about my honesty and thank you
(35:52):
so much for everything you said. I think that in
our lives when you're going through like severe trauma or
life and death situations, it's just all the bullshit is removed.
You're just being honest. There's nothing else to talk about.
Is just it's just pure honesty and truth. That's it,
Like that nothing matters other than that when death is
(36:13):
on the table. So I think that was just a
version of myself that came out because nothing else mattered
right to the world. I mean, we were all worried
about death at that moment in our lives. You know,
you got COVID that means you could die possibly. Yeah,
it was just such a weird time in our world
(36:34):
and life.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Yeah, And you know, I think what you just said
reminds me. I heard you say something recently that I
thought was so beautiful that you haven't had a fight
with anyone since Mack past, because what's the point in
fighting with anybody? And it almost feels like that's one
(36:57):
of those everything's whittled death to just what's necessary things
that you took from that journey. And again, just as
an observer, you know, I've watched you write a memoir
that has also been so incredibly honest, Find joy again,
(37:20):
like get back into your dance, which I imagine is
so healing for you. You know, doing Dancing with the Stars,
we were all like so geeked and excited. You know,
You've you've shared really beautiful stories with your audience on
the talk. It's really interesting to watch you share the
honest truth and also really courageously. I would say, find
(37:43):
your joy again. I just wonder about in this place
where you're so tender and you also have no bulsh left,
I would imagine it actually takes some like ferocious courage
to claim your joy in public out loud.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Yeah, it does. You're absolutely right, it really does. Because
I think in a beautiful way, the world got to
know me and my story, but also in a very
hard way. It's like they're still attached to that story.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
And I'm very grateful for it.
Speaker 4 (38:21):
And I have a beautiful community of people that support
me that I know and that I don't know. At
the same time, yeah, like, I'm also a forty three
year old woman that has a lot of life to live,
and it would want me to live that life as
beautiful and big and as full as possible. I know
(38:44):
that I would want the same thing for him if
the roles are reversed, And yeah, I do. I have
a gorgeous son, And like, I'm gonna still like I'm
not perfect. I'm gonna make mistakes, I'm gonna do silly things,
I'm gonna do smart things.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
But yeah, I think you're right. People do get attached
to who they think you should be or what they
think you should do.
Speaker 4 (39:06):
And you know, it's also like, well, no one actually
lives my life except for me and I and I'm
I am proud of how I'm living my life.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
So yeah, we'll be back in just a minute after
a few words from our favorite sponsors. You are a
generative person. You know, even when you think about every
every step of your career, you know, dance to Broadway
(39:40):
to moving up through that world to you know, film
and TV and the show and the and the writing.
I mean, it's like you you continue to gather creative
inspiration forms of expression, and to me goes that says
(40:02):
to me like, oh, that my friend is like a
very entrepreneurial person like you are. You always want to
learn something and then learn another thing. And I feel
like when I saw the announcement that you were expanding
into wellness, you know again as a dancer, as a mom,
and creating supplements, I was like, I'm obsessed with that
(40:24):
for her, you know, like it just felt it felt
like the next right thing for you to get your
hands on something completely brand new and completely your own
and completely creative. Where do you think the idea came from?
I mean, does it go way back to early days
of career or does it also track to the fact
(40:44):
that a public health crisis was so incredibly personal for
you and your family, and health has become wealth essentially.
Speaker 4 (40:54):
Yeah, well, definitely health is so wealth, you know. It's
I've always loved creating things. My first creation was my
jump rope with my fitness company, and then I created
a fitness Oh my god, I created this matt that
I sold for a while, and then I created a
(41:15):
CBD muscle relief pain cream.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
I love creating products that I believe.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
Will be beneficial and helpful to people, and so cut
to you know, this chapter.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
In my life, I do many things.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
One of them is I'm an influencer, so I, you know,
get paid to influence products or things or whatever. And
the amount of supplements I have influenced over the years
I can imagine.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
And some of them I love, and some of them,
you know, I don't like. And a lot of them.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
Though, are you know, extremely expensive pills or powders that
I would try and then sit on my counter and
I would get over them, you know, because like how
many pills can we take? And I think that powder
tasted good, but now I think it tastes like grass.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
And I.
Speaker 4 (42:05):
Just got to the point where as a mom, and
as a single mom and somebody that's just trying to
find things in the day to make me feel like
a whole human being and that I can keep moving
in life, I just felt like there was a need
for a supplement company that allowed a woman or a
(42:28):
man or anyone to be able to take five minutes
put a powder and water, have it taste great, have
it be affordable, have it be accessible, and have them
feel good about what they just did.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
And yeah, so I created proper there it is.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
It's so cutie.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
I got my box. Oh god, I've brought it anywhere
from the kitchen.
Speaker 4 (42:54):
But the point of it is is that I truly
believe I'm not the same person every day. I don't
need the same supplement every day. Some days I'm feeling
under the weather, so I want to boost my immunity.
Some days I'm not eating great, so I want to
have my greens. Some days I'm super anxious and I
need a power that'll call my anxiety. So I created
(43:16):
five powders, and then we just launched our Daily Glow,
which is the six powder, so that you can it's
like it's your fun, like.
Speaker 3 (43:25):
What do I need today?
Speaker 4 (43:26):
And mix some and you can use two or three
of them in a day whatever you need. But it's
all about They're twenty eight dollars, which is so affordable,
available at Target, Amazon and on our website. But like,
they not only are affordable, but they taste so good
that it's like you you don't even mind getting all
(43:47):
the greens in your day because it's like a bright
green apple and it's so refreshing. So it was more
so just that Sophia just being like at a point
in my life that where I've I've influenced a lot
of things. Mom, I'm just doing things in my day
to try to make me feel better. I do love health,
I do love wellness. I'm obsessed with longevity. So it's yeah,
(44:08):
just giving. I always think about, because I'm from Ohio,
I always think about, like Linda in Ohio, what does
Linda in Ohio need? Yes, you know, she doesn't live
in New York City or LA. She's not getting NAD injections,
she's not sitting under red lamps.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
She's going to Target and.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
She's trying to find one thing that will help her
feel better in her day.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
And so that's why I created Brockberd.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
I love it and what I think is so I
mean for me, as you know, your friend and a recipient.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Of the line. What I love.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
About what you're talking about is the simplicity of it.
I will never forget After a show that I'd worked on,
my sweet writer had went on this like old Twitter thread.
We've we've created this series together that was supposed to
be about like foreign adversarial espionage in the NSSA, And
it turned out that when we made it, some things
(45:07):
had shifted in our landscape and suddenly that seemed like
American reality. And yeah, the network was like, we're not
going to become targets of the most powerful people in
the country.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
So this show's not going to go on the air.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
We laugh about it now, but we were very sad.
And the backstory matters because my sweet writer was like,
here's what I'm going to talk about, the amazing people
who put this show together.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
And he went on this like.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
Gorgeous thread rampage on Twitter and was talking about like
our collaboration and our writing, and he goes, and You've
never slept better or felt better than when you work
with this woman because she carries around a bag with
thirty five potions and things and bottles and whatever, and
she makes you take all your vitamins every day. And
it turned into like a little bit of a thing
(45:58):
for a while with people being like what's in the
pack and like what are the thirty five things you take?
Speaker 2 (46:02):
And I hit a point where I just was like I.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
Can't do this, Like I yes, I feel better when
I make sure I'm getting everything I need and I'm
getting the vitamins and minerals I need, But I don't
have it in me to figure out what to take
with what food so it doesn't make me nauseous, and
to figure out how to carry all this shit around
with me all the time, Like at least when I
go to set, I have like a little read and
(46:26):
this is an hour after you yeah, and it's like
what And you know when I go to set, I
wheel around a little bag like a grandma like a trolley,
so I can do it. But in my life I
don't have time for this. And when I got your line,
I was like, oh, I have time for this, And
I love that I can say this is most of
(46:46):
everything I need and if I want a combo, I
can double down on this. I can, you know, to
your point, energy and greens and whatever it is. And
it just feels like somebody solved a problem that I
know I have.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
I didn't know how to solve.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
So on behalf of myself and everyone nodding along to
this conversation, thank you.
Speaker 4 (47:06):
Well. I think that it's important that in wellness we
don't make ourselves feel guilty. Like good fitness too, Like,
don't feel guilty if today you can only do five
or ten minutes, that's not tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (47:21):
You know, don't feel guilty if you didn't. Don't.
Speaker 4 (47:24):
I don't ever want anybody to look at my supplement
line Proper on your countertop and walk by and feel guilty.
I want you to feel inspired. So I hate when
pills just look at me. I call it my supplement graveyard, yes,
where I'm like, I know I should take them, but
it's four pills and it's like I already took three weeks,
(47:46):
like I.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Just can't do it, and so you.
Speaker 4 (47:49):
Feel guilty about not doing something good for yourself. And
I just never want that to be the case. And
so Proper isn't about like you have to take your
daily greens on a daily baby. Sure you can, but
you can also just take it when you need it
so that you feel good about that choice at that
moment on that day.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
I love that so much.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
When you think about, you know, all of these projects
you've brought into the world, they're all things that it
strikes me that you mother, you know, you create something
and you get it ready to release out to people.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
And I think.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
Raising kids is kind of like that, you know. I
had a conversation on the show a few months ago,
what an insane thing I'm about to say. It was
Michelle Obama, and she talked about how her mom's best
advice was that she was raising adults, not raising babies. Like, yeah,
you raise your babies, but you want them to be
adults when they go out into the world. And I
(48:50):
guess I wonder you know now, I'm at the stage
where everyone in my life has littles and it's so
much fun to be surrounded by kids all the time.
Speaker 2 (49:00):
And yours is six, and like he's still a.
Speaker 1 (49:05):
Baby, but he's on his way to adulthood, right, Like
what do you see in him? Are there things in
the same way that you can look back at your
ten year old self and see yourself in her. Are
there things you can see in him now by six
where you go, oh, that's how you're going to be
when you're fifteen, Or oh, I see something about you
(49:26):
that you'll take out into the world as an adult
man someday.
Speaker 4 (49:30):
Yeah, yes, Like perfect example, is this happened I don't
know about a month ago, but he still sleeps with me,
and we climb into bed and.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
I had had I had just like had a night.
I was I was sad.
Speaker 4 (49:47):
So we got into bed and I said to Elvis.
I was like, I was like, Elvis, I'm really sorry.
I was like, Mommy was on her phone a lot
tonight and I was like, I'm sorry about that, buddy.
I was like, I I feel like I didn't spend
any time with you tonight. And I was like, I
just I miss dad. And he goes he lifts up
(50:10):
his arm and he goes, come here, mom, and like
asked me to like come in and cuddle like I
do to him. Yeah, I entertained the thought, and I
like got under his little arm and like put my
head gently on his chest, his little chest and he's
so tall and skinny right now that he's like, you know,
(50:30):
just bones and so like I gently laid down.
Speaker 3 (50:32):
He was like, mom, you're heavy. And I was like
adult and he's like, you're like a ten cop fleet
and I was like okay, right, and then I was
like and he like but he.
Speaker 4 (50:44):
Was trying to like console like he knew that I
was sad, and he knew that I needed like a
hug and love. And so then I pulled his arm
away and I was like, get in here. I was like,
you'll be bigger than me one day, and you can
you can hug me then and then he's so sweet hot.
But like, I think it's those things where I just
(51:07):
I hopefully am seeing like who he will be at
fifteen kind of man he'll be, you know at twenty five.
Speaker 3 (51:14):
Yeah, a partner.
Speaker 4 (51:16):
So I just, yeah, I treasure that little kid. He's
a good little boy.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Oh it's so so sweet. Well, when you think about.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
All these things, you know, all the all the things
you hold, your family and your work and your company.
Speaker 2 (51:32):
And you know, your.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Navigation of the sort of ends of the spectrum of
all of this experience as you look forward, because you've
done so much, what feels like it's ahead, what feels
like you're work in progress out on the horizon.
Speaker 4 (51:56):
Yeah, well, you know, like you said before, I love creating.
So I have like I have, I'm very much it's
and I think it's from Broadway, never feeling like completely stable,
you know, it's an actor performing, you know, And so
I kind of cast a net of like ten different things,
and I kind of have them all like burning, so
(52:17):
that if one goes out, I still have nine, and
then if one like starts really getting hot, then like
I can kind of fine tune the others so you know,
I'm really excited about Proper and all the fun things
that we have in store for that, and there's a
lot coming down the pipeline. So that's like my entrepreneurial
business side. I get to travel a lot for fitness
(52:40):
and teach, and I love teaching fitness so much because
I love what fitness community is, and I love helping people,
and I love challenging people, and I love helping people
understand that fitness can be fun and filled with joy
and filled with gratitude instead of yes please yeah, instead
of you know, pushing hard and hurting your body and
(53:04):
all that stuff. So I love I love all of
the things on the horizon for just teaching and connecting
with people all over the world with that. And then yeah,
my you know, creative brain is always you know, trying
to do more movies and TV shows and hosting and
all that stuff. So there's fun things pipeline with that.
(53:25):
I don't know, I just feel like we're in a
day and age where and I feel like you probably
related to this too, is like I feel very lucky
that I get to do a lot of things, and
there's times where I feel lost, and there's times where
I feel like I can't do this and I don't
know what I'm thinking, And then there's times where I'm like, I.
Speaker 3 (53:43):
Can absolutely do this. I can Yeah, who's going to
tell me no?
Speaker 4 (53:47):
You know? And if they tell me no, one day,
they'll tell me yes, So like we'll just keep pushing
and it's fun, so that like keeps me going. So
I don't know. I just love all the different things.
And I am equally passionate about all of them. If
you see me teaching a fitness class or you see
me like acting in the show or hosting a red carpet, like,
(54:07):
I'm equally passionate about all.
Speaker 3 (54:09):
Of those things. Yeah, I love them all equally. I
don't want to choose, like I just I want to
do them all.
Speaker 1 (54:16):
I love that I will never forget, you know. Really
early in my career being told like you have to
pick a lane. Yeah, and I remember thinking, why am
I supposed to reduce the subjects that I'm interested in
the things I find fascinating? Why shrink that? And I
(54:38):
think we're really lucky that through our adulthood, the ability
for people to be multi hyphenets really feels like it's shifted. Yeah,
I'm happy we're here.
Speaker 3 (54:49):
I think so too. Yeah. I think still needs some shifting,
but we're getting there.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
Yeah, we're on our way.
Speaker 3 (54:56):
Yeah, definitely
Hi, everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to work in progress, high
Web smarties. I know we're all itching for some inspiration
(00:21):
and perhaps a reminder that no matter how hard things get,
there's always an opportunity for healing, for reinvention, and for creation,
and today's guest is a shining example of all of
those things. We are joined today by none other than
Amanda Clutes. You might know her as an incredible former
(00:42):
Broadway dancer and radio city rock cat, a fitness entrepreneur,
a television host from CBS's The Talk to being a
best selling author. Her memoir Live Your Life, My Story
of Loving and Losing Nick Cordero, is centered on her
storyory of her life as a new mom and a
(01:03):
wife in twenty twenty, losing her partner to COVID in
early days, and managing to be such an incredible advocate
who took so many of us along, learning how to
stay safe, learning how to protect our families and communities,
and learning how to protect ourselves. Her memoir about that
(01:26):
time is truly a lifeline for readers that are navigating
grief and now, as a single mom to her young son, Elvis,
Amanda has really continued to channel her loss into creativity.
She wrote a gorgeous children's book called tell Me Your
Dreams as a love letter to memory, connection and hope.
(01:47):
And now she is here in her incredible wellness element
with a new supplement line that is honestly solving problems
I know, myself and so many of you have been
begging to have solved. She always manages to see a
problem and figure out how to fix it, and it's
something that I really admire about her as a creative,
(02:08):
as a woman and a mom and a friend. So
let's dive in today and talk with Amanda about her
journey to realize that healing is not really about moving on.
It's about moving forward and loving every version of you
that you're carrying with you.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Let's dive in with Amanda Clutes. How are you like?
Before we, you know, get.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Dive in to interview things, I just like, I just
adore you and I never get to see you, and
I'm just so happy I'm seeing you now.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
I know, it's so nice to see you too. I'm good.
I'm really good.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
El of a sudden, I have the best summer ever.
We traveled for like over a month together, and yeah,
I can't complain. So feel life is really nice right now.
I'm like good, feeling good about a lot of stuff,
and it's just nice to be in that place, you know.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
You know, yeah, when you're really in the thick of
it and in something that feels so dark like there
will never be light again, and then your life feels light.
It's not that I think people can't love their life
or be grateful or really be tapped into goodness if
(03:32):
they haven't gone through heavy grief. But there's some there's
a different degree of goodness I think after you've processed
heavy grief.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:42):
Yeah, And it's been like I think, because it's been
five years now, five years was a weird mark and
we can talk about it if you want to. But
I was with Nick for five years, so now that
five years has passed like a weird I don't know,
it just it hit.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Me like that, it hit me that timeline.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Okay, well, before we get into all the amazing things
happening now and what's what we're doing now and perhaps
our spiritual practices now. I always really like to go
backwards with people because your audience knows you your life,
your career, sometimes your personal life, as this adult doing
great things out in the world. But I'm always really
(04:25):
curious if you could go back in time and spend
time with your younger self, if you if you would
see yourself in her, like if you could rewind in
nineteen ninety two. Can't Knowhio, what would you say to
ten year old you?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
You know, I think I do see myself in her.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
I had a therapist a couple of years ago, and
she was the first person.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
That made me do this.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
But she said, put your ten year old self in
a chair and look at her and talk to her.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
And it was the first time that I had to
do that.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
And at first I thought it was really dumb, and
I was like, this is dumb.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Am I doing this?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
I don't want to like I you know, it was
the whole process, and then I really started to see
like the benefits from it, and.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I do.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
I do see the little girl that just loves to
ride her bike around the neighborhood and get Dairy Queen
ice cream cones and go hang out with her friends
and just had this like free spirit of adventure and
curiosity and dreaming and literally believing I could do whatever
I would want to do in life and just dancing
(05:45):
every day and loving it.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
And yeah, I really do connect with her.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
I think the poor little girl has no idea what's
coming up for her.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
But I'm also, yeah, really proud of all the different
versions of myself.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
I feel like I've had like nineteen versions of myself.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Oh me too, Yeah, yeah, I think it was, if
I'm not mistaken, I think it was Chryl Strad who
wrote about how in our lives as women, we almost
become nesting dolls. You carry every version of the woman
you were inside yourself, and I just I love that
(06:25):
as a metaphor, and I think it is so true
because sometimes you'll talk about, you know, the versions of
life you've lived, and I think I've watched that bump.
For some people, people be like, no, I don't like that.
It sounds like then what are you saying you didn't
know yourself, or like I didn't know myself when I
(06:45):
did this, or I was somehow a different person. And
I actually think it's not that you've been trying on
versions of yourself that weren't authentic. It's the journey of
life where you lean into something and explore it, and
can you love yourself? Enough can you learn to love
yourself enough to listen to whether your inner self says
(07:09):
yes or no to that thing and then continue growing
around it. Yeah, And I don't know, I think that's
really special that you can sit and say, yeah, I
like all the women I've been before, and I care
about the younger versions of myself that are in me.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
I like that too.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
And I think what I love to do is like
look back, like retrospect, you know, like I love looking
back at my life and being like, you know, oh wow,
that was interesting or how that affected me. I think
of it as lately, like my life is chapters. Like
I feel like I just have these different chapters of
my life, and I do feel like I'm in now
(07:49):
a different chapter, or or I feel like I'm on
the precipice of a new chapter. Like if you ever
felt within yourself where you're like, yes, they're changing and
like and it's good, and I just have to like
I'm almost on board because I know it's coming, but
I'm kind of holding onto dear life, but also like, okay,
(08:10):
I feel it and I know I want it and
I know it's there. I just like I just have
to like be brave enough to turn the page to
jump into that next chapter. Yes.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Absolutely, It's like it's like when you're driving somewhere you've
never been and you can tell that you're only five
miles from there based on your GPS, but you still
have no idea where you are. Yeah, you know, you
can feel it getting close to the destination, but you
don't know what it's going to look like yet, and
it's so surreal to be in that place.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah, it is. It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I have a question and it may seem unrelated, but
just talking about your younger self and the younger youse
and the change coming, I'm so curious about this because
I grew up and only and you're one of five kids,
and I know you're really close to your family. Do
you think that change, you know, impending shifts, those things
(09:05):
that you can feel. Do you think because you have
such a close relationship with your siblings, you have maybe
a little more practice at that, because not only are
you going through those life moments, but your siblings are
so at least you know, you're not like totally on
a path alone or insane.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Yeah, that's an interesting question.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
I you know what's funny though, is just to like
oppose that a little bit. So close to my siblings
and my mom and dad, we really are each other's
best friends. But we all live in different cities. The
closest siblings my brother in San Francisco, Yana. My youngest
(09:47):
sister lives in Paris, so we are literally all over
the place.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
And I just said.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
In my mom and dad because I was home in
Ohio spending a week with them, and I was like,
you guys, because again we were talking about like just
change in life and stuff. And I said to them,
I was like, you guys have to like really just
at this point in my life, support and trust me.
I said, because we're at a point with our family
that we all see each other maybe once or twice
(10:17):
a year, like when we're all together, and I said,
you know, all come home to Ohio maybe once or
twice a year Christmas and a summer, you know maybe,
but it just always depends, right, And I said, like,
you aren't.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Around me every day.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
You don't know what my life is every day, and
so I have to like it's just different than when
we were younger and we saw it because we weren't
all married or we didn't all have kids, and it
was easy to just like, you know, go and now
different it's like, oh, it's not my Christmas, or it's
not my Thanksgiving, or no, we can't travel, or mom
(10:55):
has knee surgery so.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
She can't travel. So it's like it's it's I think
we're at a part right now where.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
I think life is changing and for me especially, and
I actually am asking for my family just to support
and trust me, because you're not going to actually know
or understand fully where I am in life totally.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
It's hard for a family to do that when you're
so close.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Yeah, of course, but I think you're right. The intrinsic
knowledge you have about your people when you're around them,
you observe so much, it's impossible to get that same
deep knowing when you're in separate places because you have
to explain everything. Yeah, you have to tell people the
(11:43):
story of your day or your week, and it's hard.
It's like, it's actually one of the things that as
much as I love, you know, being a creative and
doing the things we all get to do in our work,
my greatest morning from that comes from the fact that
I'm always somewhere else to my most important people and
(12:06):
my family. I'm always the absent person. And yeah, I'll
jump on a plane for a Saturday to make sure
i can be you know, at somebody's baby shower and
then get on the red eye and go right back
so I can go to work or you know, I'll
do whatever I can. Yeah, but man, it does like
smart when you just miss that close proximity.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
For sure, You're right, the everyday things just change.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
Yeah, and it's hard, you know, you try to relate
to Like I try to understand and relate to my
sisters and my brother's life as much as possible, and
I think they try to relate to mine.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
But it's like it's just it's impossible.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
Right.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Like my sister's in Houston. She's a stay at home mom.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
She has three kids, and she lives out of her car,
driving her kids everywhere she goes.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
And it's like it's it's so hard.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
To relate, you know, for her to relate to me,
a single mom who is you know, a widow and
you know, living the life I'm living, So like it's
possible to relate. That's why I think like this new
idea of like.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Support and trust totally, we just have to support address
each other totally.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
And now for our sponsors. Do you think that sort
of support system when you were young, when you all
did get to be together and it was like easier
to be in the jumble, did that help you with
the confidence to get out and pursue this crazy dream
(13:43):
because you know, I know you wanted to be a roquette.
The jumping into that world of performance and dance and Broadway,
in the auditions and the rehearsals. I mean, it's so
big and so hard. So how did you decide to
go for it? And what was it like, you know,
moving and getting into this whole new pace and whole
(14:07):
new way of life for you.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Yeah, no, so true. I mean the support I had
from my family doing that. I was the first of
five kids to not go to regular college four year
degree and move to New York City. You know. My
brother and my sisters all went to Ohio colleges and
they were studying you know, marketing or business or literature,
(14:29):
you know, And I was.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Like, I want to dance.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
And I have to say, my choir director, my choir
teacher in high school. My parents were so they were
on board, but they were like not really on board.
My dad was still convinced that I should go to
this performing on Dayton, Ohio and get a four year degree.
And we sat down with my choir teacher and he
was like, I know she can do this.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
You got to, you know, believe in her.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
And it was that that my It was only then,
sorry that my mom and dad were like, okay.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
We will. You can go to New York, go to
this two year conservatory.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
And I remember my dad being like that two years
equals what I spent on your siblings four years of college.
So after those two years, Amanda like, if something doesn't happen,
like you're on your own where your siblings had two
more years of college.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
And I was like, okay, I could do it, don't worry.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
And I mean, Sophia, I still can't believe that my
mom and dad drove me to New York and dropped
me off in New York City at eighteen years old.
Like if Elvis asked me to do that, I'd be
like hell now, or I'm going to like it's like
not happening.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
But yeah, they just they just believed in me.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
And I mean still to this day, you know they'll
say an audition like, how'd your interview go? And I'm like, audition,
this is so cute, but like, but they've always supported me,
and they were always at everything from high school you know,
practices and performances to Broadway shows and rocket shows.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
I mean they've always there.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
So yeah, that support I think definitely helped me think
that I could do it, where like, you know, the
stats to be on Broadway are insane, and at that
point it was a dancer.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
I really wasn't even a singer. I could sing, but
I couldn't sing.
Speaker 4 (16:23):
I learned how to sing in college and then kind
of as I was performing on Broadway, learned how to
really sing. So I really went into it with just
being like I can dance. I didn't even do drama
in high school. So yeah, I mean it doesn't make sense,
you know what I mean, you think out rounded in
thinking I could just go on be on Broadway, but
(16:44):
I really was just a dancer.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
But it's amazing, and I think the I think that's
sort of youthful freedom to pursue your dreams, just to
be like this is gonna work. I'm gonna make it work.
I mean, god, imagine if it could be bottled and sold.
You know, it's so cool. What was it like to
be on that Rocket stage for the first time. It's like,
(17:08):
it's such an iconic thing. It fills me with such
wonder and this feeling of nostalgia because I remember going
like with my mom and my grandpa to see the
Rockets when I was little at Radio City. It's like
so iconic. Do you still get a little a little
nostalgia for it?
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Oh, one hundred percent.
Speaker 4 (17:27):
I try to take Elvis every year, and this is
the one hundred years celebration of the Rocket legacy. So
they're doing like a big thing, but I'll never forget it.
We my first season was two thousand and three. The
opening costume was this it's still to this day probably
one of my favorite costumes I've ever worn. Velvet green,
(17:51):
long sleeves, fur on the cuffs, a big fur hat,
fur around like the and a big holly thing right here.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
It was gorgeous.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
You were all lined up backstage and you come flapping
the tap move a flap and we came two by
two flapping out of the Rockefeller Christmas Tree set and
my whole family was there and the first step was
jump kick bevel so like my first move as a
(18:20):
Radio City rocket, like was just like a jump kick, right,
and I was dead center because I was center girl,
because I'm the tallest and rockets, the tallest girls are
in the center and then the shortest girls are out
to the side.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
It gives the illusion. And I'll never forget it.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
I was so nervous because they just, you know, drew
perfection in you, and when you're a rookie, they just
make you know you're a rookie.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
At least at that time.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
You know, I don't know, it's probably different now, but
in that era, it was definitely a hierarchy and you
knew that you were one of the new pies.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
But yeah, it was amazing. It was so amazing. Never
forget love that.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Yeah, And I love that you guys go together when
you when you come out this way and you go
to Broadway musicals.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Now, Like what goes through your mind?
Speaker 1 (19:09):
You know, you you have this whole other career now
and when you come back, what is that like?
Speaker 4 (19:16):
And I see shows a lot, like I try to
take Elvis to see shows here in LA and on Broadway.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
It's I'm always like, how did I do this? Like
it's so it's so much.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Like eight shows a week and you start your work
day at eight pm and you know you're dancing till eleven,
and then you come back the next day and you
do two shows, and it's like and it's such a
it's such a drill, and it's constant competition and never
feeling settled, and you never know if you have a
job the next day.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
When I think.
Speaker 4 (19:48):
About how I did that for sixteen years, I'm very
proud of myself, but I'm also like, how did I.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
How did I do that?
Speaker 4 (19:56):
But I'm also I'm so glad I did it, and
I'm so glad that I did it at the age
I did it, And I think Broadway teaches you everything
in life, especially resilience and belief in yourself.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
So I'm very proud of it, but I'm also just like,
oh my god, how did I do that? Have you
done Broadway?
Speaker 1 (20:17):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I haven't done Broadway. I did a show on the
West End.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Okay, and it it was so incredible. I had the
time of my life and I will never forget. Before
I went, I got all excited because you know, I'm
used to like network TV hours, I'm used to being
at work sixteen hours a day, seventeen hours a day
sometimes like by the time I've left my home and
(20:43):
then gotten back, and I was like eight shows a week.
I mean, the show's two and a half hours. I'm
going to have all the time in the world. I'm
to have my whole day to myself. There's gonna be
a day off a week, Like this is so incredible.
I can't wait and I will never forget. I randomly
(21:05):
was at a thing right before I left for London
with Brian Cranston and after Breaking Bad, he did LBJ
on Broadway and then he did Network Fabulous in both
shows of course, and I was like, oh, I'm so geeked,
and what advice do you have for me? Like, I'm
really nervous, but I'm really excited. I love theater. And
(21:25):
he said, well, what are your plans while you're there?
And I kind of talked about like, oh, well, you know,
I have lists every Monday, I'm going to go to
a new art exhibition and I'm going to and he goes, oh, kid,
I hate to tell you, you're not He said, Sophia,
You're just not. You are going to be the most
exhausted you have ever been. You're going to sleep all
day because it's going to take you hours when you
(21:49):
get home at night for the adrenaline and the cortissoul
to pass through your body. You're not going to be
in You're not going to be sleeping by twelve thirty.
You're going to be asleep at three or four in
the morning, and you're going to go to work the
next day. And on Monday, he said, when when are
your two show days? And I said, oh, Saturday and Sunday.
And he goes, so you're doing a five show weekend.
He said, Monday, You're going to be a corpse. And
(22:11):
I was like, oh, oh, I just never considered the
difference in the kind of hours. Yeah, and I loved
it and I can't wait to do it again. And
I hope to do it, you know, in New York
when the right show comes up.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
But yeah, you surely crap.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Yeah, it's such a different skill set.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
And it's so funny because he's so right, like Monday
is complete rest massage and that's about it. I mean, especially,
I did three national tours and now is almost even
worse because you're on the road. Yeah, you're on the road.
You're in a hotel traveling. It's like it's so hard
(23:01):
and you can't really understand it unless you're in it.
Because even you said, it's like you think it's like
this glamorous, but you never have a weekend, you never
have a night, you never have a holiday.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
It's really really tough.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
Funny because you know, doing Broadway first and then going
more over to like film and TV. I remember when
I did my Christmas movie and we like shot the
first scene. It hit me that I was like, oh,
I can forget those lines, like I don't have to Yeah.
I was like, I don't ever have to do that again.
And they're like, no, I'm so trained to do the
(23:37):
same thing every day and the same.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
Lines and having to remember. I was like, oh, I
can just delete that, and they're like, hmm, tomorrow's scene
two oh one. I'm like oh yeah, like and I
was like, this is amazing film.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
But I'm like, oh my god, I never have to
have that fight scene again. I don't don't have to
do it eight times a week.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
What do you do it for that day? And then
you've done?
Speaker 4 (24:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
I was like, I love film.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
It's just so funny how you get used to one
thing and then you transfer over and then yeah, started
off with film and.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Then went to Broadway. It would be a whole different,
Like I mean, I have to do this all the time, like, yeah,
it's so funny.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Oh it's crazy. And and when you talk about.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
You know, I mean even just the what a cool
thing that you got to start vocal training in college
and then really open up as a singer because you
were working on Broadway.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Was you know, when I.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Think about obviously the last couple of years, it seemed
like an outsider, like music was such an important part
of your life and career, of Nick's life and career,
and then became something so important to the two of
you together. Was was this sort of early overlap in
(25:02):
your working worlds when you guys were like getting to
know each other. Were you just like, oh my god,
this man and his music.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Yes, but it was it was it was like a twofold.
So when we started dating, I was ending my first marriage,
so we had to like we were very like secret
about our relationships. So after the show we were doing
bullets over Broadway, we would each go home and then
we would skype.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
For my gosh.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
Five in the morning.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
And Nick would just play me music over Skype. But
it was a twofold because there were some things like
he would play me some of his original stuff. You know,
that moment of being a girl where you're like, you've
seen the Barbie movie, right, like the guy is playing
music and you're like and then you're just say.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Like I get it, I adore you and I get it,
you know.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
And so it was like part part part, you know.
Speaker 4 (26:08):
But that is very much the dynamic of Nick and
I and Nick's music, and you know, he he was
constantly making music and a lot of it never had lyrics,
and then stop lyrics, and then some had jumbled lyrics,
and then and then all of a sudden, he would
you know, be doing a show and they'd all have lyrics.
(26:30):
And one song sounded like rock and roll, the next
song sounded like a country song, the next song sounded
like Broadway like, and then the next one sounded like
Frank Sinatra, like he was.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
All over the place. And so it just now it
makes me laugh.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
It used to frustrate me, but now it just makes
me laugh because it's just very much him.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
He just he did. He loved music.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
I yet to meet anyone that knew more about music
than Nick Cordero.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
He would wake.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
Listening to BBC podcasts. He would read Rolling Stones cover
to cover. I remember.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
One of my favorite stories he early early dating years.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
I'm in his apartment in Washington Heights and he's like, Babe,
there's this girl and she's making music in her bedroom
with her brother and they are going to be huge.
And I was like, oh, okay, and he was like,
she's like sixteen years old or like fourteen years old,
and they I'm telling you now, they're gonna be huge.
(27:32):
And I was like okay, and he was like, her
name's Billie Eilish, and I was like okay.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
And years later, what's so beautiful.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
About this story is years later, during Nick's battle with COVID,
Phineas writes me a song, and after Nick passes away,
he DMS me and I don't see it, and my
realtor friend, who's his real litter friend, is like, I
think Phineas O'Connell sent you a DM and I was like, okay.
(28:05):
So I looked at my DMS. There it was I
wrote your song. I've been following your story and I
was like, what I listened to this song. It is
the most beautiful song I've ever heard, and it's like
very cold play. Ask which I love, and I write
him back. Immediately We become instant friends. He ends up
(28:28):
singing me this song live many times in his concept
It's like and I if I could.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
I ended up telling him, I'm like, you don't understand.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
Nick told me about you guys when we first started writing,
like he clocked you guys in your bedroom in Echo
Park or Highway. I was like, and the how the
world works? You've written a song now about He would
roll over in his grave, like if he knew that
you wrote me a song like it just that's life.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Though it's so beautiful, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah, it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
And now a word from our sponsors that I really
enjoy and I think you will too. What a wild
experience it must have been. I mean, both of you,
you know, with your gorgeous careers in your own rights.
You know, you were both known people. But then his
(29:31):
COVID battle it I remember, you know, we have so
many friends in common. We hadn't met yet at the time,
but I remember hearing what you guys were going through,
and suddenly it seemed like every single person I knew
anywhere was like, do you know what's going on with
(29:51):
this Nick and Amanda couple in La And I mean,
you were so generous, with so much pain, you had
every right not to take time out of your day
to try to help other people. But while you guys
(30:12):
were going through this battle of his sickness, you you
tried to tell so many people you know, you you became,
at least for me as again someone who didn't know
you personally yet such a guidepost, like a beacon, because
(30:33):
you just told the truth and everyone was so scared
and people didn't know what was happening, and it was
so hard to know where we were going to get
any sort of information. And then you know, you had
all this disinformation happening, people claiming, you know, oh, don't worry,
it's like the flu. No it's not, and you were like,
(30:56):
let me tell you what's happening to my husband, Like,
let me explain what this does to someone's body. It
it struck me as being.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Oh, I'm gonna get emotional.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Sorry.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
It struck me that you took something so.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Tragic and chose to give to other people like it
was such a profound active service to watch in a
time when like everyone should have been serving you. You know,
I'm like you you should have had someone like make
you a meal train and you were like trying to
(31:41):
tell people how to get vaccinated.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
Yeah, that chains thanks to tell Geller. Actually she set
up that meal chain.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Anyway, sorry, I thank you, that's it.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Thank You're just a gem of a human. And I
I know you've.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
You've talked about it and shared about it, and you
don't have to repeat anything you.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Don't want to.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
But I just I guess I wonder, like, looking back
on five years, what, how do you kind of process
that journey?
Speaker 2 (32:17):
You know the fact that.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
We were all so isolated and yet you were having
this incredibly intimate moment with so many people. I don't know.
I just I guess I wonder, like how it I
don't want to say how it feels to you now
that's a stupid word, but you know how how it settles?
Speaker 2 (32:36):
I guess, m h.
Speaker 4 (32:39):
I It's like the oddest thing, to be honest, like
it I've processed it so many times, and yet I
as like I have never processed it. And what was
I I was watching something the other day I think
I was watching a movie and something will just trigger something,
and then like I can't even focus because I'm like
(33:02):
back in that world. And then when I think about it,
I'm like so completely like I can't believe that happened,
that I get kind of like pulled away, and then
I try to process it again in that respect, and
then sometimes I feel like I've processed it so much
(33:23):
that it's not near to me anymore, and then I
feel bad that you am moving away from it, and
then I feel guilty about that. And then the times
where I'm too close to it and I feel guilty
about being holding on to it, I think that's just trauma, though,
I think, yeah, which is why I think it's so
(33:46):
important to understand that healing is such a journey and
it never stops because and you have to keep treating it,
because it's going to process so many times in so
many different ways, because keep growing and I keep living,
and I have done that keeps growing and keeps living, so.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
Our lives are moving forward.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
So it's impossible not to love and attach myself to
that time in my life. But also I have to
learn how to separate myself from that time in my life.
Both feel wrong. So it's very it's it's a very
hard it's a very hard thing to process. And and
(34:31):
I think that's when like any kind of anniversary, be
at our wedding anniversary or Knick's birthday, or Elvis's birthday
or his death anniversary or my birthday, are very very
hard because it's just a remembrance of time, and any
time you can clock that time is I think, just
(34:52):
also a trigger.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
So I don't know, I think it's.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
It's it's I don't know if I'll ever not be
healing from that. And I also think that, hey, you know,
it's just it's just life. It's a part of my life.
It's a scar that is in me, that will always
be in me. And there's a lot of beautiful parts
about that scar, and there's a lot of really hard
parts about that scar. Yeah, I still can't believe it happened.
(35:19):
Like I mean, there's so many times where I cannot
believe that happened.
Speaker 3 (35:24):
And it's like talk about that little girl.
Speaker 4 (35:29):
I look back on that chunk of my life, that
COVID part of my life, and all even like I have,
you know, Instagram saves everything, so like there's times where
something will pop up and then I'll see something. It's like,
I don't even recognize that version of myself. Like it's
such a fight or flight moment in life. And I
think that you talked about my honesty and thank you
(35:52):
so much for everything you said. I think that in
our lives when you're going through like severe trauma or
life and death situations, it's just all the bullshit is removed.
You're just being honest. There's nothing else to talk about.
Is just it's just pure honesty and truth. That's it,
Like that nothing matters other than that when death is
(36:13):
on the table. So I think that was just a
version of myself that came out because nothing else mattered
right to the world. I mean, we were all worried
about death at that moment in our lives. You know,
you got COVID that means you could die possibly. Yeah,
it was just such a weird time in our world
(36:34):
and life.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Yeah, And you know, I think what you just said
reminds me. I heard you say something recently that I
thought was so beautiful that you haven't had a fight
with anyone since Mack past, because what's the point in
fighting with anybody? And it almost feels like that's one
(36:57):
of those everything's whittled death to just what's necessary things
that you took from that journey. And again, just as
an observer, you know, I've watched you write a memoir
that has also been so incredibly honest, Find joy again,
(37:20):
like get back into your dance, which I imagine is
so healing for you. You know, doing Dancing with the Stars,
we were all like so geeked and excited. You know,
You've you've shared really beautiful stories with your audience on
the talk. It's really interesting to watch you share the
honest truth and also really courageously. I would say, find
(37:43):
your joy again. I just wonder about in this place
where you're so tender and you also have no bulsh left,
I would imagine it actually takes some like ferocious courage
to claim your joy in public out loud.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Yeah, it does. You're absolutely right, it really does. Because
I think in a beautiful way, the world got to
know me and my story, but also in a very
hard way. It's like they're still attached to that story.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
And I'm very grateful for it.
Speaker 4 (38:21):
And I have a beautiful community of people that support
me that I know and that I don't know. At
the same time, yeah, like, I'm also a forty three
year old woman that has a lot of life to live,
and it would want me to live that life as
beautiful and big and as full as possible. I know
(38:44):
that I would want the same thing for him if
the roles are reversed, And yeah, I do. I have
a gorgeous son, And like, I'm gonna still like I'm
not perfect. I'm gonna make mistakes, I'm gonna do silly things,
I'm gonna do smart things.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
But yeah, I think you're right. People do get attached
to who they think you should be or what they
think you should do.
Speaker 4 (39:06):
And you know, it's also like, well, no one actually
lives my life except for me and I and I'm
I am proud of how I'm living my life.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
So yeah, we'll be back in just a minute after
a few words from our favorite sponsors. You are a
generative person. You know, even when you think about every
every step of your career, you know, dance to Broadway
(39:40):
to moving up through that world to you know, film
and TV and the show and the and the writing.
I mean, it's like you you continue to gather creative
inspiration forms of expression, and to me goes that says
(40:02):
to me like, oh, that my friend is like a
very entrepreneurial person like you are. You always want to
learn something and then learn another thing. And I feel
like when I saw the announcement that you were expanding
into wellness, you know again as a dancer, as a mom,
and creating supplements, I was like, I'm obsessed with that
(40:24):
for her, you know, like it just felt it felt
like the next right thing for you to get your
hands on something completely brand new and completely your own
and completely creative. Where do you think the idea came from?
I mean, does it go way back to early days
of career or does it also track to the fact
(40:44):
that a public health crisis was so incredibly personal for
you and your family, and health has become wealth essentially.
Speaker 4 (40:54):
Yeah, well, definitely health is so wealth, you know. It's
I've always loved creating things. My first creation was my
jump rope with my fitness company, and then I created
a fitness Oh my god, I created this matt that
I sold for a while, and then I created a
(41:15):
CBD muscle relief pain cream.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
I love creating products that I believe.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
Will be beneficial and helpful to people, and so cut
to you know, this chapter.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
In my life, I do many things.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
One of them is I'm an influencer, so I, you know,
get paid to influence products or things or whatever. And
the amount of supplements I have influenced over the years
I can imagine.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
And some of them I love, and some of them,
you know, I don't like. And a lot of them.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
Though, are you know, extremely expensive pills or powders that
I would try and then sit on my counter and
I would get over them, you know, because like how
many pills can we take? And I think that powder
tasted good, but now I think it tastes like grass.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
And I.
Speaker 4 (42:05):
Just got to the point where as a mom, and
as a single mom and somebody that's just trying to
find things in the day to make me feel like
a whole human being and that I can keep moving
in life, I just felt like there was a need
for a supplement company that allowed a woman or a
(42:28):
man or anyone to be able to take five minutes
put a powder and water, have it taste great, have
it be affordable, have it be accessible, and have them
feel good about what they just did.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
And yeah, so I created proper there it is.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
It's so cutie.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
I got my box. Oh god, I've brought it anywhere
from the kitchen.
Speaker 4 (42:54):
But the point of it is is that I truly
believe I'm not the same person every day. I don't
need the same supplement every day. Some days I'm feeling
under the weather, so I want to boost my immunity.
Some days I'm not eating great, so I want to
have my greens. Some days I'm super anxious and I
need a power that'll call my anxiety. So I created
(43:16):
five powders, and then we just launched our Daily Glow,
which is the six powder, so that you can it's
like it's your fun, like.
Speaker 3 (43:25):
What do I need today?
Speaker 4 (43:26):
And mix some and you can use two or three
of them in a day whatever you need. But it's
all about They're twenty eight dollars, which is so affordable,
available at Target, Amazon and on our website. But like,
they not only are affordable, but they taste so good
that it's like you you don't even mind getting all
(43:47):
the greens in your day because it's like a bright
green apple and it's so refreshing. So it was more
so just that Sophia just being like at a point
in my life that where I've I've influenced a lot
of things. Mom, I'm just doing things in my day
to try to make me feel better. I do love health,
I do love wellness. I'm obsessed with longevity. So it's yeah,
(44:08):
just giving. I always think about, because I'm from Ohio,
I always think about, like Linda in Ohio, what does
Linda in Ohio need? Yes, you know, she doesn't live
in New York City or LA. She's not getting NAD injections,
she's not sitting under red lamps.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
She's going to Target and.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
She's trying to find one thing that will help her
feel better in her day.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
And so that's why I created Brockberd.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
I love it and what I think is so I
mean for me, as you know, your friend and a recipient.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
Of the line. What I love.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
About what you're talking about is the simplicity of it.
I will never forget After a show that I'd worked on,
my sweet writer had went on this like old Twitter thread.
We've we've created this series together that was supposed to
be about like foreign adversarial espionage in the NSSA, And
it turned out that when we made it, some things
(45:07):
had shifted in our landscape and suddenly that seemed like
American reality. And yeah, the network was like, we're not
going to become targets of the most powerful people in
the country.
Speaker 2 (45:20):
So this show's not going to go on the air.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
We laugh about it now, but we were very sad.
And the backstory matters because my sweet writer was like,
here's what I'm going to talk about, the amazing people
who put this show together.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
And he went on this like.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
Gorgeous thread rampage on Twitter and was talking about like
our collaboration and our writing, and he goes, and You've
never slept better or felt better than when you work
with this woman because she carries around a bag with
thirty five potions and things and bottles and whatever, and
she makes you take all your vitamins every day. And
it turned into like a little bit of a thing
(45:58):
for a while with people being like what's in the
pack and like what are the thirty five things you take?
Speaker 2 (46:02):
And I hit a point where I just was like I.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
Can't do this, Like I yes, I feel better when
I make sure I'm getting everything I need and I'm
getting the vitamins and minerals I need, But I don't
have it in me to figure out what to take
with what food so it doesn't make me nauseous, and
to figure out how to carry all this shit around
with me all the time, Like at least when I
go to set, I have like a little read and
(46:26):
this is an hour after you yeah, and it's like
what And you know when I go to set, I
wheel around a little bag like a grandma like a trolley,
so I can do it. But in my life I
don't have time for this. And when I got your line,
I was like, oh, I have time for this, And
I love that I can say this is most of
(46:46):
everything I need and if I want a combo, I
can double down on this. I can, you know, to
your point, energy and greens and whatever it is. And
it just feels like somebody solved a problem that I
know I have.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
I didn't know how to solve.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
So on behalf of myself and everyone nodding along to
this conversation, thank you.
Speaker 4 (47:06):
Well. I think that it's important that in wellness we
don't make ourselves feel guilty. Like good fitness too, Like,
don't feel guilty if today you can only do five
or ten minutes, that's not tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (47:21):
You know, don't feel guilty if you didn't. Don't.
Speaker 4 (47:24):
I don't ever want anybody to look at my supplement
line Proper on your countertop and walk by and feel guilty.
I want you to feel inspired. So I hate when
pills just look at me. I call it my supplement graveyard, yes,
where I'm like, I know I should take them, but
it's four pills and it's like I already took three weeks,
(47:46):
like I.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Just can't do it, and so you.
Speaker 4 (47:49):
Feel guilty about not doing something good for yourself. And
I just never want that to be the case. And
so Proper isn't about like you have to take your
daily greens on a daily baby. Sure you can, but
you can also just take it when you need it
so that you feel good about that choice at that
moment on that day.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
I love that so much.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
When you think about, you know, all of these projects
you've brought into the world, they're all things that it
strikes me that you mother, you know, you create something
and you get it ready to release out to people.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
And I think.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
Raising kids is kind of like that, you know. I
had a conversation on the show a few months ago,
what an insane thing I'm about to say. It was
Michelle Obama, and she talked about how her mom's best
advice was that she was raising adults, not raising babies. Like, yeah,
you raise your babies, but you want them to be
adults when they go out into the world. And I
(48:50):
guess I wonder you know now, I'm at the stage
where everyone in my life has littles and it's so
much fun to be surrounded by kids all the time.
Speaker 2 (49:00):
And yours is six, and like he's still a.
Speaker 1 (49:05):
Baby, but he's on his way to adulthood, right, Like
what do you see in him? Are there things in
the same way that you can look back at your
ten year old self and see yourself in her. Are
there things you can see in him now by six
where you go, oh, that's how you're going to be
when you're fifteen, Or oh, I see something about you
(49:26):
that you'll take out into the world as an adult
man someday.
Speaker 4 (49:30):
Yeah, yes, Like perfect example, is this happened I don't
know about a month ago, but he still sleeps with me,
and we climb into bed and.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
I had had I had just like had a night.
I was I was sad.
Speaker 4 (49:47):
So we got into bed and I said to Elvis.
I was like, I was like, Elvis, I'm really sorry.
I was like, Mommy was on her phone a lot
tonight and I was like, I'm sorry about that, buddy.
I was like, I I feel like I didn't spend
any time with you tonight. And I was like, I
just I miss dad. And he goes he lifts up
(50:10):
his arm and he goes, come here, mom, and like
asked me to like come in and cuddle like I
do to him. Yeah, I entertained the thought, and I
like got under his little arm and like put my
head gently on his chest, his little chest and he's
so tall and skinny right now that he's like, you know,
(50:30):
just bones and so like I gently laid down.
Speaker 3 (50:32):
He was like, mom, you're heavy. And I was like
adult and he's like, you're like a ten cop fleet
and I was like okay, right, and then I was
like and he like but he.
Speaker 4 (50:44):
Was trying to like console like he knew that I
was sad, and he knew that I needed like a
hug and love. And so then I pulled his arm
away and I was like, get in here. I was like,
you'll be bigger than me one day, and you can
you can hug me then and then he's so sweet hot.
But like, I think it's those things where I just
(51:07):
I hopefully am seeing like who he will be at
fifteen kind of man he'll be, you know at twenty five.
Speaker 3 (51:14):
Yeah, a partner.
Speaker 4 (51:16):
So I just, yeah, I treasure that little kid. He's
a good little boy.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Oh it's so so sweet. Well, when you think about.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
All these things, you know, all the all the things
you hold, your family and your work and your company.
Speaker 2 (51:32):
And you know, your.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Navigation of the sort of ends of the spectrum of
all of this experience as you look forward, because you've
done so much, what feels like it's ahead, what feels
like you're work in progress out on the horizon.
Speaker 4 (51:56):
Yeah, well, you know, like you said before, I love creating.
So I have like I have, I'm very much it's
and I think it's from Broadway, never feeling like completely stable,
you know, it's an actor performing, you know, And so
I kind of cast a net of like ten different things,
and I kind of have them all like burning, so
(52:17):
that if one goes out, I still have nine, and
then if one like starts really getting hot, then like
I can kind of fine tune the others so you know,
I'm really excited about Proper and all the fun things
that we have in store for that, and there's a
lot coming down the pipeline. So that's like my entrepreneurial
business side. I get to travel a lot for fitness
(52:40):
and teach, and I love teaching fitness so much because
I love what fitness community is, and I love helping people,
and I love challenging people, and I love helping people
understand that fitness can be fun and filled with joy
and filled with gratitude instead of yes please yeah, instead
of you know, pushing hard and hurting your body and
(53:04):
all that stuff. So I love I love all of
the things on the horizon for just teaching and connecting
with people all over the world with that. And then yeah,
my you know, creative brain is always you know, trying
to do more movies and TV shows and hosting and
all that stuff. So there's fun things pipeline with that.
(53:25):
I don't know, I just feel like we're in a
day and age where and I feel like you probably
related to this too, is like I feel very lucky
that I get to do a lot of things, and
there's times where I feel lost, and there's times where
I feel like I can't do this and I don't
know what I'm thinking, And then there's times where I'm like, I.
Speaker 3 (53:43):
Can absolutely do this. I can Yeah, who's going to
tell me no?
Speaker 4 (53:47):
You know? And if they tell me no, one day,
they'll tell me yes, So like we'll just keep pushing
and it's fun, so that like keeps me going. So
I don't know. I just love all the different things.
And I am equally passionate about all of them. If
you see me teaching a fitness class or you see
me like acting in the show or hosting a red carpet, like,
(54:07):
I'm equally passionate about all.
Speaker 3 (54:09):
Of those things. Yeah, I love them all equally. I
don't want to choose, like I just I want to
do them all.
Speaker 1 (54:16):
I love that I will never forget, you know. Really
early in my career being told like you have to
pick a lane. Yeah, and I remember thinking, why am
I supposed to reduce the subjects that I'm interested in
the things I find fascinating? Why shrink that? And I
(54:38):
think we're really lucky that through our adulthood, the ability
for people to be multi hyphenets really feels like it's shifted. Yeah,
I'm happy we're here.
Speaker 3 (54:49):
I think so too. Yeah. I think still needs some shifting,
but we're getting there.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
Yeah, we're on our way.
Speaker 3 (54:56):
Yeah, definitely
Host
Sophia Bush
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Ruthie's Table 4
For more than 30 years The River Cafe in London, has been the home-from-home of artists, architects, designers, actors, collectors, writers, activists, and politicians. Michael Caine, Glenn Close, JJ Abrams, Steve McQueen, Victoria and David Beckham, and Lily Allen, are just some of the people who love to call The River Cafe home. On River Cafe Table 4, Rogers sits down with her customers—who have become friends—to talk about food memories. Table 4 explores how food impacts every aspect of our lives. “Foods is politics, food is cultural, food is how you express love, food is about your heritage, it defines who you and who you want to be,” says Rogers. Each week, Rogers invites her guest to reminisce about family suppers and first dates, what they cook, how they eat when performing, the restaurants they choose, and what food they seek when they need comfort. And to punctuate each episode of Table 4, guests such as Ralph Fiennes, Emily Blunt, and Alfonso Cuarón, read their favourite recipe from one of the best-selling River Cafe cookbooks. Table 4 itself, is situated near The River Cafe’s open kitchen, close to the bright pink wood-fired oven and next to the glossy yellow pass, where Ruthie oversees the restaurant. You are invited to take a seat at this intimate table and join the conversation. For more information, recipes, and ingredients, go to https://shoptherivercafe.co.uk/ Web: https://rivercafe.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/therivercafelondon/ Facebook: https://en-gb.facebook.com/therivercafelondon/ For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iheartradio app, apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com