March 28, 2024 • 49 mins
Millennials will know Torrey DeVitto from some of the hottest TV shows of the early 2000s, such as One Tree Hill, The Vampire Diaries, and Pretty Little Liars!
The 'Chicago Med' alum joins Sophia to chat about their time together on One Tree Hill, including how she emotionally prepared to play such an unstable character as Nanny Carrie and what it was like dealing with fan reactions on social media and in person. The actress also reveals what it was like growing up in a spiritual and rock n' roll household with a dad who was Billy Joel's drummer!
Plus, Torrey opens up about why it was so important to share her personal experience with abortion, how her family felt about her going public, and the current threat to women's health.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Progress. Hello, my whip smarties. This week, I am so
so excited because we're doing a bit of a crossover
between drama Queens and work in Progress. My lovely co
(00:25):
star friend and absolute of our galpal world from Wintree Hill,
Tory DeVito, is here today. You all know her from
our show as playing the wild and crazy Nanny Carey,
which she did so beautifully. You might also know her
from Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries, or Chicago med.
(00:45):
Tory is such an amazing person. She is an outspoken
advocate for animals. She incorporates conscious decisions into every aspect
of her life. She works on awareness and prevention against
sexual assault and violence, serving on the board of directors
for Safe Bay, and she is just all around one
(01:06):
of the most inspiring people that I know. I'm really
excited to talk to her today about her personal journey,
her career, her advocacy, her engagement and more. I do
just want to go ahead and give a little disclaimer
here that there are parts of our conversation that touch
on sexual assault and sexual violence today, So I want
(01:27):
you to have a trigger warning and feel, you know,
okay to listen to this conversation and if you don't,
that's okay too.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
We love you.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Let's dive in with Tori. Hey, yeah, Ni, how are you?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
I'm good? How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I'm good? I was so excited that we get to
do this.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I know me too.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Are you in Michigan?
Speaker 3 (01:59):
I am? I am.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I'm at my mom's house because it's too rainy for
good wife.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I at the farm.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
So oh yeah, you sweet soul. Well we'll have to
say thank you to your mom.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I Actually I love that you're talking about being at
your mom's because part of what I love to do
with people on the show is like take a big
rewind because everybody knows you as you are as this
adult woman, this you know, successful actor, they know you
from TV. But I always like to rewind with people
(02:31):
and see if from this vantage point, now, if you
look at your history and like, if you were to
observe yourself at eight or nine years old, would you
recognize Tori as a child, Like, do you see a
through line in your personality or performing or were you
a totally different kid I have.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
It's funny because I've questioned that before, and luckily for me,
I've been journaling my whole life. I recently found journals
from when I was like six and seven, and I'm
the same. It also was a little disconcerting. I was like,
how am I still questioning all the things that I'm
questioning now?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Then? Like, why have I not?
Speaker 2 (03:16):
You know?
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I feel like am I lacking my evolution a little bit?
Because what? So?
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah? Obviously, jan, but I loved you know, I loved
musical theater. Then I love big voices. Then I still
love big voices. I'm very dramatic in that way, always
have been. So yeah, she hasn't changed that much.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Oh, I love that.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
I guess.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I think it's sort of cool if you consider that
as an adult you're asking questions that are similar to
the ones you were asking as a kid. Maybe that
just means you were a really wise kid, you know, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
I mean something there for sure. Yeah, I mean yeah,
it's interesting. It's like I was questioning life.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I was really into spirituality, but I didn't understand it.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
So to me, it like came in different.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Waves of Ouiji board and then angels and Greek mythology,
and I didn't understand what anything was. But I was
asking very similar questions. It's so weird.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Are you asking questions about spirituality now.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
I mean all the time.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Every day, I feel like to once because I feel
like I love to dabble in everything, So I'm always
I love reading different books about different things, and you know,
different forms of expression of spirituality and different healing.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Methods and all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
And I'm constantly you know, I just I really believe
that anything is possible and nothing's possible, so might as
well have fun. Like that's like what I always go
back to. But yeah, I never set on just one
thing when it comes to my spiritual journey.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Do you know what I mean. It's it's colorful, it's
a rainbow, it's constantly evolving.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, I feel that way too, And I think for
me again, it's like, maybe it's everything, maybe it's nothing.
I can ask the question of myself and think, well,
maybe it's because I grew up in such a mixed
bag family, and so I wanted to understand what everyone
in my family believed, which was all different, and then
I wanted to understand what other families believed. And for me,
(05:20):
it's like pulling on the thread in a way makes
me realize everyone essentially believes the same thing, even though
there are so many different versions of that thing to
believe in, and I sort of love that. I love
that there's so many options, and in a way, I
think it helps me feel like I don't need to win,
(05:41):
and I don't need to know who's right. But I
do think it's kind of special that humans are, that
we're looking for something a little bit bigger, that we're
looking for some sort of a purpose. And I just
always come back to like maybe we're all fascinated about
spirituality or religion, because really what we're fascinated about is
each other, and like that's where we make our communities.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Totally, I do, I totally agree with that. I do
feel like everyone's.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Constantly looking for that something bigger or looking for a
way to be tethered, whether they know it or not.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Right, it's like, you know, I do believe.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
That we are all souls and we do connect through
that soul connection, and so you know, I did. I
have heard you know, and I love this book of
Course and Miracles, and they talk about how being in
individual bodies is a very human experience and something that
our souls are not really meant to do. So we
are always looking for that connection because being so individual
(06:35):
is like an alien experience.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Yeah, I always found that pretty casculating.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
It's actually kind of cool too, because it makes me
think of something else about your childhood, because I know
when you were growing up your dad was a drummer
for Billy Joel. Yeah, And when I think about artists
of that sort of size and scope, and like, what
it's like to be in an arena tour, right, Like
it is a spiritual experience when you get that many
(07:03):
people in a room and everyone is like singing to
the same songs and dancing to the same music. I
remember hearing Regina Specter a couple of years ago talking
about what it was like to play big festivals, and
she said, you know, when you play a festival, it's
the only time you get one hundred thousand people together
for love instead of for war.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
And I was like, oh my god, I just give
me a chill. Right, I've never.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Thought about it that way, was it. I almost wonder
if growing up like on tour and around music of
that level, Like, I wonder if that made you really
spiritually curious too.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Yeah, you know, I never thought of it that way,
but it's so true.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
It's the one time, you get everybody who has totally
different opinions there for the same reason.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
That's really cool.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Now, I don't know, I mean I do think that,
you know, I grew up going to church with my mother.
I grew up in the rock and roll industry with
my mother and my friend. So it was like a
mixed bag of so much stuff, so many opinions, so
many different people. And so I think from a very
(08:09):
young age I did realize like, oh, we're all just
humans trying to figure it out.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Nobody hasn't figured it.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Out, and at the end of the day, we all
just want love, you know, and and so you know,
no matter who it was. And so I do think
getting to grow up in that environment, meeting so many
different people definitely had its impact on my view.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
It also helped me when I got into this business
because I remember, especially when I first started.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
You meet all these people, and you know, you're on
these like silly shows or whatever. You get these like
a big attitudes, which I know you've dealt with before,
and it's like, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
What some of the like, you know, most I caught like.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Stevie Nicks, for God's sake, and she doesn't act like this,
Like then what are we doing here? So it gave
me that perspective of like we are just people, We're
just fun, Like what is the act?
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Get down and match.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah, it's like if you're lucky enough to get to
do this work, you should you should remember how sort
of silly it is. Like it's a big deal and
it's also not it's both.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, was it totally.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
When you started working, because I know, you know, you
started modeling and then you started acting. Did you did
you always know that you wanted to be an actor?
Was there like a motivation there for you?
Speaker 3 (09:29):
No?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So I grew up playing violin since I was six,
and I used to travel when I was high school overseas.
I played in a big orchestra in Florida. I always
thought that was going to be my past. So if
I did enjoy performing, But then I kind of like
fell into an acting class because I started modeling and
(09:49):
I didn't like it and I was very shy, and
so the photographer told my mom, she was like, you
should put her in an acting class to kind of
open her up.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
And I was like, oh, this is what I like,
not that.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And then I remember my dad sitting me down in
my bedroom and he was like, look, I see where
you want to go to LA for acting after high school.
And I think that's great. He's like, I went on
my first tour when I was eighteen. I feel like
I'm passing the baton.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Like go ahead, he was.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Like, but I feel like I need to choose. He's like,
try to be great at what you do.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Like I see you.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Dabbling in so many different things, and he's like, you know,
if violence is going to be the main focus, make
it that.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
If acting is going to be the main focus, make
it that.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
And it's so kind of interesting because I really took
that to heart for so long, and there's kind of
two parts of that. I was so appreciative because my
dad taught me work ethic. My dad lives, sleeps, eats, drums.
He is a drummer. He would die without music like
I always do. It was like music and then us
like I did that, man is music? May am not
(10:55):
that way. There is not one thing that has totally
captured me. And that wait, I love dabbling, I really do.
I love writing, I love acting, I love music. I
love this one day, I love this one day, I
love that And I always felt a little insignificant because
of that for a while, and then I had to
learn that, Okay, just because my dad is a master
of one doesn't.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Mean I can't be a jack of all trades. Like
I had to.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Learn that in my own way that I had this
enormous pressure of my dad saying, be a master at something,
don't be a jack of all trades.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
And I was like, oh god, what does that mean?
So that was like a really cool gift.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
And then you know, I had somebody say to me,
They're like, well, if everybody was a master, we would
have no masters.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
And I was like, oh.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
My god, yes, I am the jack of all trades.
I am not the master of one craft. So it
was really cool to know that about yourself because I
think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to
be so great at that one thing, and not everybody's
built for that.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
You know, I totally agree, And I think especially when
you're a deeply curious person and really as as part
of what makes us interesting is that we go out
and we experience all these different things and then we
come back and tell a story about them. And I think,
you know, if you're just so focused on the one
(12:12):
thing I don't know, I would think as an actor
it would actually sort of narrow your ability to do
your job.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Yeah, that's really interesting, And I never thought of it
that way either, because yeah, we do have to We
have to learn so many different crafts within our craft
to honor whatever character we're playing at the time.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Yeah. Yeah, it's so different every time. And if you
think about like even the two universes we've worked in together,
from One Tree Hill to the you know, Chicago universe,
Like who could be more different than Brooke Davis and
Nanny Carey to like me playing a cop and you
playing a doctor, Like we literally have to learn such
different skill sets kind of crazy. And you, I mean,
(12:51):
what what a wild experience too when you think about
like version one of us, because not only did you
come in and I know we talked about this a
lot on Drama Queens, but I'll ask you some questions
about it here today anyway, But I think about like
not only you playing Nanny Carey on our show on
One Tree Hill, but you were on One Tree Hill
(13:12):
and Pretty Little Liars, and and you were on Vampire Diaries.
So it's like three of our sort of most iconic
shows of this like decade span in you know, teen
focused television. Was that wild for you? Did you were
(13:36):
you just like, oh, there's something I meant to do
in this universe? Like what was that experience? Like doing
three big pillar properties like that?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
It was pretty trippy because at one point I was
doing all three at the same no, no, no, I was
just doing vamparaties and pretty lit liars at the same time,
I think, But yeah, they came right after one. It
was it was pretty trippy because it felt it like
I was like, second, like I grew up watching shows
like this, and now like the three that are really
here right now, like I'm doing a thing on all times.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Like it was.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
It was a pretty It still is a pretty experience,
I have to be honest, because you have like you know,
when somebody comes up they're like, oh you're you were also,
Oh my god, you're also, And I'm like, yeah, that's
like not to like be like, oh, good job.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
But it was like, you know, it's just really all luck.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
We auditioned for how many things a year and we
get like maybe one two, So it is weird that
they all happen to be in that same kind of
teen pop culture environment. But yeah, I really I'm so
grateful for that because there's no one that controls this
world more than teens, especially teen girls. And so I
always say like, I feel like I am might I
(14:45):
have my career because of teen girls.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Really we love them. That's so neat.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
We love them.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
We'll be back in just a minute, but here's a
word from our sponsors. So you did share with us
on the other show about this, but for our work
in progress listeners, what felt really important to you when
you were playing Nanny Carey Because all of us brought
(15:12):
up to you when we discussed this at first that
it was such a like such a wild role, and
you brought that, you know, horror movie level fear to
all of us through this person. But you also really
humanized her. You didn't just play her as a villain,
And and was it hard to kind of wrap your
(15:34):
head around becoming that person every day when you had
to go to work.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Yeah, you know, it was interesting because I think that
one of the things that's important about doing.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
A characters you have to find stuppy for your character.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
And when I put together and learned that she had
lost a son of her own a child of her own,
and I thought to myself, like, I can't imagine what
that must do to the psyche. And I allowed that
loss and grief to drive her to basically break, you know,
her sanity and do all the things that she did.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Then after that it was like it not that it
was easy to do.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Those things, but I had such a justification for it,
and I felt so bad for her, do you know
what I mean, Like it felt so bad for her.
And then it was so it was so easy and
so fun to show up for because I remember it
was the first time in my career where I was like,
oh my god, like I'm not just like playing the
girlfriend or the what you know, Like I get to
like emotionally show up and do things like somebody's allowing
(16:41):
me to do things.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
So it was like that was beyond thrilling.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Yeah, and it is fun to play someone who's crazy,
like to get to lean in and just do wild
things out of the ordinary because an actor is so exciting.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Totally. I always say it for free therapy.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Yeah, I mean, did you enjoy it? Like were there
days where you just thought, Oh, I'm really going to
lean into this and make this so wild and just
have a ball.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Totally. I enjoyed it so much.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
I mean, obviously, in the moment, I was so like, oh,
intense about wanting to make sure that I was like
gonna nail it.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
But when you leave and you know that feeling of exhaustion.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
After putting yourself out there emotionally and you just feel depleted,
But it's like the best feeling in the world as
an actor when you go home with that level of
exhaustion knowing I did it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
I did in my job the way I wanted to
do it.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Because there's nothing worse than when you come home from
a scene and you're like, oh, I couldn't get there.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
I didn't do it the way I wanted to. Dang it.
I wish I had you a hand.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
But when you walk away and you're like, ah, yes,
no matter what anybody says about it, I know I
walked away from that scene feeling like I nailed it,
so screw what everybody else says, right, And I did
feel that way a lot in that season of the
show when she was the crazy nanny, So that always
felt so good.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
That's really exciting. Was it an interesting thing? To go
from playing a villain on our show and then going
into Pretty Little Liars and playing another character that garnered
a lot of, like very strong reaction from the fans.
I mean, how did you kind of process that? Because
I know, you know, I know for Paul, for example,
(18:25):
on One Tree Hill playing Dan Scott, he got a
lot of really intense feedback from fans. And you know,
as we were on One Tree Hill and then you
went onto Pretty Little Liars, social media had launched. Was
it hard to kind of be on the receiving end
of online you know, criticism and anger at your characters
or or did you always have a good relationship to
(18:47):
being able to separate the two?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
He was. It was bizarre because people were very angry,
especially with One Tree Hill Pretty Lot Liars.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
My character started off very questionable and very.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Like she was not her homents of being likable, but
was unlikable kind of from the beginning, so that was
kind of who she was. But with One Tree Hill, like,
people were mad because they loved joy and game together
and it was like, how dare.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
You come in here? And I was like, okay, it's
not real, it's not real.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
So it was exciting because you always feel like, oh,
I must be doing something right if people are just upset.
I did get nervous sometimes when people will come to
me in public and like I hate you, and you're like, okay,
that was weird. I always thought it was funny when
I would actually meet friends of friends and they'd be like,
oh my god, you're so nice.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
It wasn't expecting you to be this nice.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
And I'm like, oh my god, that's bizarre that somebody
has like a preconceived notion that I might be a
horrible bitch. You know what I mean. You're like, wait what,
But you know, I find obviously, obviously more and more
difficult is when and when those shows become popular and
then rather than just thinking about your character and getting
(20:06):
out of your character, people start to do sing things
about you like you outside your character, and when those
attacks come in, that's a whole different tough skin. I'm
sure you know that you have to build, and that's
the most challenging part out.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Of all this, I think for sure.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
I totally agree, and especially because as humans we already
carry self doubt. We are so worried about, you know,
ever hurting other people. All of these things that are
just what it's like to exist in the world, and
then you're trying to bolster yourself, but you're on the
(20:47):
receiving end of the opinions of millions of people. And
I think people forget that that, like they people assume that,
you know, quote unquote, fame builds you up, but actually
what it does is it just why's the sort of
firing squad that you face every day in addition to
the firing squad of your own mind? And so it
(21:08):
can be really hard, I think, to figure out how
to hold onto your sense of self and not allow,
you know, the cacophony of other people's critiques to penetrate you,
especially when they're not based in fact. You know they're
not true, and you're like, wait, what's happening to me?
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Right when you see these outlandish rumors about yourself or something,
and you're like, where does this even get concocted?
Speaker 3 (21:33):
From? Who at the time to create this?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
And then you want to say you want to right
the wrongs, and you're like, oh my gosh, I would
be wasting so much energy.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
You just can't litigate it.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
You can't, you can't. But I thought to me, because
I was kind of freaked out. I was like, you know,
thought is energy, right, So.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
If I have all these people directing energy towards me
every day, that have to be hitting me in some way.
So my really really good friends, she was like, Okay,
I want you to sit at night. She's like, create
like a hologram version of yourself and connect that to
the outside world and that's where the comments will be
directed to.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
So guess what, you guys, You're not hitting me anymore.
You're hitting my holograms.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
That's so smart though, to create a sort of a
practice of separating yourself from that.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yeah, you have to separate it, and then physically separating
myself clearly from being in Michigan with a huge physical separation,
which is so lovely.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, I mean that's pretty incredible. It's interesting because you know,
to your point, that kind of energy and the input
of all these people, I think can make it really
hard to go out and you know, stand in public spaces.
And something that you and I have in common is
like we are here to serve. We're outspoken women. We
(22:56):
try to do as much good with our platforms as
we can and show up as advocates and activists and
that can put a target on your back, and then
you know, we're in this crazy upside down world that
we're in now, where you know, decades generations of progress
for people and for women in particular are being rolled back.
(23:16):
And I was so grateful After Dobbs was overturned, you
publicly shared a story that you've shared, you know, privately
in your community, but you talked about having had abortion
care at twenty one and having the self awareness to
(23:37):
know that you really have to shield yourself from negativity
in these big public spaces. How did you decide to
sort of leap over that hurdle knowing that you were
absolutely going to make women feel less alone, but also
knowing that that was going to expose like you know,
your personal life and your trials and tribulations to strangers. Like,
(24:03):
how do you decide when to kind of bear your
soul for the potential to help other people?
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:11):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
For me, it's just like it becomes an all encompassing feeling, right,
Like I respect, Like some people get so hard on
certain people for not using their voices, especially certain actors
or musical celebrities, And I always think to myself, I'm like,
how can you judge that like it is not. It
is very scary to put yourself out there, your opinions
(24:33):
out there.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
People are scary, do you know what I'd tell People
are scary, and some people want to protect themselves and
their families, and they have every right to do that.
And so but for me, like I don't have that feeling.
I feel like it's more important for me to get
that out there, to make other women feel like they're
(24:56):
less alone, to get this story out there for the
greater good. And I'm willing to take that risk, and
I respect those who are not willing to take that risk,
you know. And so that's kind of how it happened.
You know, I had a miss I had an abortion
at twenty one, a miscarriage at twenty nine, and I
had to take the abortion pills at twenty.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Nine and I had an abortion.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
So either way without those like with my miscarriage, I
would have died if that stuff would it, if that
if that would have stayed inside of me.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
And so people don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
It's such a broader conversation and so for me, I
would like I have to share that because it is
so scary where we're getting to it is so so
scary and it's unfathomable as well. And so but I
will say my mother hates it. She loved it because
she she loves who I am and what I stand for.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
But she's like, people are so scary. I hate that you.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Oh my, I'm like, mom, just trust everything's okay, you know,
But yeah, it's I think.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
I'm sure your parents feel the same way. Your family
member sometimes. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think it's scarier
for the people who love us than it is for us. Sometimes,
I agree.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Yeah, that's a really that's a really good way to
put it, because for me it does. I think in
the way you're discussing it, it feels like an inevitability,
Like showing up and talking about these things is something
I feel called to do, like I have to do it.
And yeah, it's terrifying for the people that love me
because they know what comes with that. Yeah, And I think,
(26:32):
but I think it's all connected, right, Like people who
want to deny that reproductive care is healthcare, Like you're
talking about your experience having a miscarriage, which so many
of the women in our community have been through, so
many of us have have dealt with you know, all
the trials and tribulations of fertility, and it is unbearably complex,
(26:55):
and people don't want to acknowledge that what we're talking
about is healthcare. What we're talking about our medical procedures.
And and I think to your point, when you can
just lay the facts bear, you can remind people of
what reality looks like. And you know, we all saw
a couple of weeks ago when Alabama banned IVF, and
(27:17):
then there were doctors that were like, well, we're doing
this so people can have more babies.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
And it's like.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
IVF is how people have babies, Like you don't even
know what the procedure is, and you're making laws about it. Like,
maybe let's leave this stuff up to the doctors, you know,
right right, I mean.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
It all falls under two.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Like I just if they even understood the complexity of
a female body in general, maybe maybe just a little
bit of this way, could you imagine?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Could you imagine?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
It is really so wild. But I do think that
the more we can destigmatize the conversations, the more we
can have frank discussions about medical procedures and how how
people plan and choose their families. You know, the more
we can also set not only ourselves but all women
(28:08):
and people who want to have families up to have
the futures that they want when they are capable of
having those things. And that that feels like an important
part of the conversation too.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Yes, that's very big and important part of the conversation. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I would imagine you know, as we said, the internet
can be loud and toxic. But I would also imagine
that there were a lot of people, you know, fans
and friends alike, who were probably so grateful that you
opened up that conversation in the week of you having
it publicly. It was what was that kind of experience
(28:45):
like for you?
Speaker 2 (28:46):
That connectivity is I feel like what being a human
being is supposed to feel like certain messages I was
receiving of, I feel less alone, I feel seen.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Thank you for saying this.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
And so I had a lot of friends that reached
out that were like, I don't feel comfortable using my
voice like this, but this also happened.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
To me, so thank you.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
And it was like, this is what being part of
a community, being a woman, being collectively women together, you know,
being human beings together, being female identifying persons together. Yeah,
and so that makes it all worth it. That turns
that into that moment of like, I can't not do this, do.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
You know what I mean? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Does that make you really want to continue to stay
active and involved? And you know, had women's reproductive freedoms
to the long list of all the groups that you
advocate for already.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. It is going to be a life
long fite of mine for sure.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
And you know, I hope that the battle we're in
right now does to take all my life to get
out of. But I'm sure other things will pop up
within the female reproductive rights. Female rights, you know's a
huge category filled with things. Oh but yes, that's so
so important to me. You know, I have so many
women in my family. It's crazy.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
We're we're just cousins alike.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I have like sisters, I have three sisters, a ton
of female cousins, so many aunts. My grandma basically raised
all of us, was like a matriarchy of our family.
And so it's like I just grew up around so
many females, and I still so many females that it's
like I can't not do you know what I mean,
It's just it's too important.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Yeah, I totally feel that too. Are there nonprofits or
organizations that you've started working with that you're really inspired by.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Yeah, I've started working with the National Abortion Foundation NAF
and AF whom I really love, done a lot of.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
Stuff with planned parenthood.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
And then also, I know this isn't you know, reproductive rights,
but I still work with Safe Bay who that is
so important to me because we go in and we
talk to high schoolers and even middle schoolers believe it
or not, about sexual consent and their rights and the
(31:24):
things that are protecting them in schools that they don't
even know are protecting them, and how they have to
knowledge themselves because a lot of adults don't even know
this information and getting to them when they're young, and
I am so inspired by young people these days. They
have knowledge and courage that I couldn't have even dreamt
of when I was in high school. Like these kids
(31:45):
they want knowledge and so that to me, like being
able to connect with the younger generation like that, to
show them their no show them their power, show them
their yeses is so amazing and important to me.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
And that's the word the Safe Bay that does.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
That I love really incredible. We'll be back in just
a minute after a few words from our favorite sponsors.
Some of the things that have been so inspiring for
me to learn about when we have conversations like this,
you know, conversations around consent, conversations around how to have
(32:21):
you know, these discussions with young people, is that the
more informed they are and the more that they see
themselves in stories, the more they're also able to identify
what is happening to them. And you know, it's one
of these big conversations we're having around book banning, right
is there's groups saying, well, you know, kids shouldn't read
(32:42):
stories like this, and it's like, well, if kids read
stories about sexual abuse, if they read stories about consent,
if they read stories about healthy relationships, they can identify
their experiences in those stories, and actually they're much more
prone to have safe relationships, safe sex, eventually, you know,
safe relations with each other. And that that's something that
(33:07):
I find, to your point, so inspiring about right now,
as we have more research than ever, we know what
works and what doesn't, like, we have all the proven
metrics at our fingertips, and we can do better for
kids than anybody ever did for us.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
For sure, absolutely, you know, I nobody gave me this
information when I was growing up, and I think I
was I think I was twenty two, maybe.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Even a little bit older. No, no, no, I I
was older.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
I was in my mid twenties and I went to
a play called flot the play with Daphne's unigat, and
I was dumbfounded at the end of the play and
I looked at her and I was like, I'm in
my mid twenties and I had no idea that rape
was anything other than sexual penetration. I didn't know because
(33:57):
the girl the guy assaulted her with his hand and
she said she was raped, and I was like, that's rape.
And I started thinking about experiences I had in high
school because I didn't know my know and I was
scared to not be liked. And everything crumbled for me
in that moment, and I felt so sad for yourself
for things that I had gone through because I didn't
(34:17):
know that I could speak up.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
I didn't know that I could say no. And I
was watching this plane. I was like, I am a
grown ass woman who didn't even know what pape was.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Like that is so and in that moment, I was like,
there's never going to be a young girl that crosses
my path that doesn't know this information as well.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
It was mind blow because they don't teach us this stuff.
I don't empower us with this stuff.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
And so I love that that is starting to change
with that generation that is like, we are not accepting
this anymore. This is not like a boys boys culture anymore.
Like no, no, absolutely not.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
And I'm like, no, I meant to that.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Yeah, it's really inspiring to see the ship and to
your point, it only comes with knowledge. Yeah, how did
you find Safe Bay in the first place?
Speaker 2 (35:09):
So I was actually in Chicago, I think it was
season one of MED and I watched this documentary Audrey
and Daisy on Netflix. It had just come out, and
I was incensed, like I was on fire after it,
Like it was so sad for those who don't know.
It's about girls who were sexually assaulted and raped, and
(35:29):
it centers around for girls and I wouldn't believe the
protection that the community gave the boys. And oh my god,
there was no justice for these girls. And I looked
them up afterwards it was like midnight, and I saw
that they had started at a foundation together.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
The girls got together. They didn't know each other.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Before the documentary, they got together and they started Safe
Bay and I reached out to my policis and I
was like, please get me in touch with them. I
need to be in touch with them, and I did,
and we've been working together ever since. And I just
think the bravery of these girls is just beyond And
it's a youth led organization and they all know they're.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
Getting a little bit older.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
They're in their twenties now, and so they keep bringing in,
you know, younger people to make sure that people.
Speaker 3 (36:21):
You know, a lot of kids don't want to talk
to adults about this stuff.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
They want to feel heard, you know, that it's not
somebody like, hey, I'm cool too.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
You're like, no, you're getting old. So they're just doing
it so right.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
And you know, unfortunately, we did end up losing one
of the founder's Daisy.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
She ended up taking her life in twenty twenty.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
And I thought that, you know, is another part of
the story that's so important because sometimes people think even
when somebody does get justice or when their story is heard,
the healing goes on forever and ever and it's never over,
and so it's just an ongoing conversation. But yeah, meeting
these girls and being a part of this organization has
(37:03):
been just one of the highlights of my adult.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Life for sure.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
And one thing we really stress in Safe Bay men
are such a huge part of the conversation and I
love mess Like I know it sounds like when I
talk all the time that I'm like, grow the guy
like this is, but no, we need men right now.
Speaker 3 (37:20):
We need them. I love them. They need to make
for a conversation.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
And I'm always impressed with those boys that show up
at the high school cafeteria and want to learn about
Safe By.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
I want to support. I'm like, yep, amazing.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Well, because that's the thing, right is, systems are what
hurt people, and the system of patriarchy that makes women
victims of sexual violence also does violence to men. And
what so many people don't talk about when we have
these conversations is it's you know, it's one in four
of us. By the time we're twenty two, it's one
(37:52):
in six of them. So we have to start figuring
out how to undo the violence that is encouraged in
male spaces. Men need safe spaces too. So I love
that you're I love that you're talking about that. And
one of my very first calls anytime anything happens in
(38:12):
my life is my best friend Kenny. Like I wouldn't
be where I am without him. And I think it's
so important for us to, you know, to solve it together.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
And do you think that loving to you know, advocate
and also welcome people into conversation like this is is
like part of what the spirit is behind you going
and launching your Instagram, live chat, launching stream of consciousness.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
I also felt like, so there's a part of me
too that I love, like spirituality and wellness and all
that kind of stuff. And I get so frustrated with
all these companies and blogs that make it seem like
you have to be a multi millionaire to be a
part of the wellness industry. You know, you can make
your own milk for very, very inexpensively.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
You know, you know, you could do so much.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
You could, You could heal yourself. All you need is
your mind and your body to really do all these things.
Go outside, take your shoes off for your feet on
the ground, and meditate, And so that was kind of
the driving forces.
Speaker 3 (39:17):
I was like, Okay, I want to get some of
the things that I want to learn about and I
want to talk about out there, and so maybe.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
Some people won't want to hear it, so let's just
do a snippet and then if they like it, they
can continue following this other person.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
You know, Okay, can you can you tell listeners of
the podcast what to expect when they tune in.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Yeah. So with the IG Live, it's somebody new every week.
It's somebody who I have kind.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Of found through Instagram or books or whatever podcasts, and
who inspires me or is talking something that either I
know about and I want to know more about, or
I genuinely don't know anything about. And I'm always so
impressed because I'll get somebody on. And I had somebody
on the other day who decodes things through dreams, and
(40:08):
I thought to myself, Okay, I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Learn that a safe means you're in trouble whatever.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Who knows it gots so deep and so interesting that
I was like, oh, and that's I think the funnest,
most fun part for me is like I get so
inspired after these conversations, like I'm lit up by them,
Like you know, they make me want to learn more.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
And so I hope that's kind of what it leaves
everybody else feeling too, you know.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Yeah, I love that. I think I think that's kind
of one of the best parts of everything in the
Internet age is that we can actually just ask each
other questions. We can do this like I'm I'm currently
in New York and you're in Michigan and we're on
zoom recording conversation we're having, like what it's so it's
so cool. So I love that you're doing that. And
(40:55):
then I do want to ask you a very exciting
personal question because last time we did this on the
other show, I was like, Okay, we're not talking about it,
so maybe we're just like not talking about it. But
then obviously at the end of our chat, we all
were like gushing over your engagement and we're just so
happy for you. And I know that all the fans
are like, wait, how did they meet? And they also
(41:16):
want to congratulate you. So I'm bringing all the listeners
in so we can gush about your sweet man for
a minute.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
His name is Jared. He he's originally from Michigan.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
He's just the kindest, most aware person, so much so
that I almost didn't even know how to accept him
in my life at some point, because when you're used to,
like when you're not used to somebody who's so nurturing
and amazing, and.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
I was like, what is this?
Speaker 2 (41:47):
What is this?
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Oh girl, tell me about it?
Speaker 3 (41:52):
Right?
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Yeah, when you're like wait, you're like wait a second,
you're you're like hold on. So if I yet toxic
was bad? And then I thought, was normal? What's better
than normal?
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Is it good?
Speaker 3 (42:05):
Can I have that?
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Can I have that where you're healthy, you're you're saying
you're emotionally available? What is that?
Speaker 3 (42:17):
But yeah, no, he's amazing.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
So my my cousin Alexandra so I so a little
bit of Michigan background. My mother is originally from Michigan,
and so I grew up. I was living in New York,
That's where I was born, and we would come to
Michigan every summer to visit my family. So my cous
a lot of my cousins you know, grew up here.
And one of my cousins randomly, one day I was.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Filming, actually my last day.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
No. I came back for this finale of Chicago Med
season seven to kind of like with Nick's good guy,
I felm just seemed with him. And my I came
to pick me up to bring me back to Michigan,
and she was like, we were talking about dating, and
I was like, well, I'm out here on the farm.
I'm not going to meet anybody, and I don't want
(43:02):
to meet anybody in LA or New York because they're
not going to want to live here and I want
to stay in Michigan.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
She's like, Oh, I wish I had somebody to hook
you up.
Speaker 4 (43:08):
But she's like, actually, I used to know this guy
in college and I always thought he was so cute,
and you know, he likes reading and he loves Stephen King,
Like I really think you guys are all into like
the same things.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
She's like, can I put you guys in touch?
Speaker 2 (43:23):
And I was like sure, why not? Just thinking like whatever,
this systems got to work. So she d ms him
on Instagram because they haven't spoken since college. Mind you wow,
So this has been like a very long time, and
so she randomly thought of him, like randomly, So she
dms him and he said he woke up in the
middle of the night. He didn't have his glasses on,
so it was all blurry and he was like, oh,
(43:45):
maybe I want to look at this in the morning.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
He looks at it in the morning. She sent him
a link to my profile.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
He like clicked on it and he's like, oh, yeah, sure,
you know, like dating's hard in your thirties.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
I'd love to meet your cousin, he goes.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
After I sent that message, he went back to my profile,
realized how many followers I had, and then I was
an actor and he was like, oh, shoot, her cousin
sent me the wrong profile. So now I just agreed
to date this actress and I don't even know what
her cousin looks like. So we wrote her back and
he's like, oh, I think he sent the wrong profile,
(44:21):
and she's like, no, I think that's my that it
really is my cousin.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
He thought he was getting catfish, like it was like
a prank that she was trying to play.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
That is amazing.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
So anyways, we got in touch.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
I had left to go do a film for a month,
so we just kind of communicated via the phone, and
then we met up on our first date and one
of my favorite restaurants in my little.
Speaker 3 (44:43):
Farmtown and the rest is history. And it, honestly, it's like.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
I've created my own Hallmark movie. You guys, it's like,
it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
He is so sweet.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
He had like the red Fox lab. You know, he
wears flannels. He like had an old re done like
Jeep from like, you know, the seventies and eighties. Love it.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Em and his brothers own.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Their family business, mechanical contracting business that's been in their
family for eighty five years.
Speaker 3 (45:10):
I was like, oh, yeah, is this real life?
Speaker 1 (45:13):
No, it really is like a perfect Talmart Christmas movie.
Is what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
Really?
Speaker 3 (45:18):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (45:21):
Well, we're all so happy for you, honey.
Speaker 3 (45:23):
It's it's exciting.
Speaker 1 (45:25):
Yeah, it's just amazing. So when you you know, when
you look ahead, obviously we're not going to get into
any of the you know, details for the world about
timing or planning or whatnot. But when you look kind
of ahead at this year, you know, there's so much
that's exciting on the horizon, and you've found your person
and you've found your place, and you feel so settled.
(45:49):
What what as you look at the future feels like
your work in progress?
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Oh my gosh, so much right now I'm stepping into
so many new shoes.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
You know, I've realized, you know, I've been in relationships
before and whatever, But I was always traveling, or that
person was always traveling.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
I've never settled in with somebody.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
I've never created you created a life with somebody and
a home with somebody.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
And so this is like, in a weird way, all
very new for me, and.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
Being out here in Michigan and really getting centered and
really being confident in my decision to be here and
knowing that my place in the industry will be what
it's meant to be and.
Speaker 3 (46:36):
I don't need to force it to appease anybody. Everything
will just fall a place.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
And that's been really scary and really new for me too,
of being like I need to honor where I want
to be and be happy and I can't just be
in this grind every day in LA because it's not
making me happy.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
And so my work in progress is definitely just.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
Like continuing to press the path and center myself and
really let you know, evolution in life and all that
just kind of lay out for me.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
Also this not only is there a wedding on the
horizon this year, I'm also turning forty. I mean we
also got home. It's their best. It's a big year.
It's a big breaking year.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
Forty is so good.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
I can't wait. Yeah, I really don't wait.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
It's so good.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
Everything changes in the best way.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
Yeah, I feel like I've been waiting for it. Instead
of that, I'm like, well, I'm almost forty, then I'll
be hop Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Yeah, it's very like it feels deeply chic, and there
is to your point, there's just such a knowledge of
self that everybody says it and you go, yeah, but
you know, I'm you know, I'm I'm curious, and I'm
a reader and I'm an activist and I know myself.
And then something happens and you're like, oh my god,
all the people wiser and older than you were right
(48:01):
and I had no right clue. So I'm so I
love that it's all coming to such a cool moment
of culmination for you.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
I love it too.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
And then and also the last little piece of that
is like, you know, standing in myself even more.
Speaker 3 (48:16):
And I think that that's something that comes to these two.
I feel like we hit certain moments in our life.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Where we think I'm standing in myself more than ever,
and then you wake up and you realize, oh my god,
if I had known what I know now, then I
realized I wasn't in myself at all.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
And you know, even if something as.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
Little as I put an audition on tape yesterday and
I felt so good about it, and normally what makes
me feel good is the validation I get back. And
I thought, to myself, even if my team hates this tape,
I'm not redoing it because I'm happy with it. And
I've never said that before, and it was so freeing
to go. I don't care what anyone else thinks right now.
(48:55):
If I'm happy with it, that's all that matters, and
that's it.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
It's heart. But some days it's hard. Some days he's brain.
Some days it's hard.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
It is, but I think that's that's it, right, It's
figuring out how to get to more days where you
can live that way and feel that way.
Speaker 3 (49:11):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
Oh, I love it.
Speaker 3 (49:15):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (49:15):
I'm so happy for you.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
This was so great.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
Thank you for coming and hanging today. I always love
getting to see you.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
I know you too.
Speaker 3 (49:24):
Thanks for having me
Progress. Hello, my whip smarties. This week, I am so
so excited because we're doing a bit of a crossover
between drama Queens and work in Progress. My lovely co
(00:25):
star friend and absolute of our galpal world from Wintree Hill,
Tory DeVito, is here today. You all know her from
our show as playing the wild and crazy Nanny Carey,
which she did so beautifully. You might also know her
from Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries, or Chicago med.
(00:45):
Tory is such an amazing person. She is an outspoken
advocate for animals. She incorporates conscious decisions into every aspect
of her life. She works on awareness and prevention against
sexual assault and violence, serving on the board of directors
for Safe Bay, and she is just all around one
(01:06):
of the most inspiring people that I know. I'm really
excited to talk to her today about her personal journey,
her career, her advocacy, her engagement and more. I do
just want to go ahead and give a little disclaimer
here that there are parts of our conversation that touch
on sexual assault and sexual violence today, So I want
(01:27):
you to have a trigger warning and feel, you know,
okay to listen to this conversation and if you don't,
that's okay too.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
We love you.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Let's dive in with Tori. Hey, yeah, Ni, how are you?
Speaker 3 (01:50):
I'm good? How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I'm good? I was so excited that we get to
do this.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I know me too.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Are you in Michigan?
Speaker 3 (01:59):
I am? I am.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I'm at my mom's house because it's too rainy for
good wife.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I at the farm.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
So oh yeah, you sweet soul. Well we'll have to
say thank you to your mom.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I Actually I love that you're talking about being at
your mom's because part of what I love to do
with people on the show is like take a big
rewind because everybody knows you as you are as this
adult woman, this you know, successful actor, they know you
from TV. But I always like to rewind with people
(02:31):
and see if from this vantage point, now, if you
look at your history and like, if you were to
observe yourself at eight or nine years old, would you
recognize Tori as a child, Like, do you see a
through line in your personality or performing or were you
a totally different kid I have.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
It's funny because I've questioned that before, and luckily for me,
I've been journaling my whole life. I recently found journals
from when I was like six and seven, and I'm
the same. It also was a little disconcerting. I was like,
how am I still questioning all the things that I'm
questioning now?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Then? Like, why have I not?
Speaker 2 (03:16):
You know?
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I feel like am I lacking my evolution a little bit?
Because what? So?
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah? Obviously, jan, but I loved you know, I loved
musical theater. Then I love big voices. Then I still
love big voices. I'm very dramatic in that way, always
have been. So yeah, she hasn't changed that much.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Oh, I love that.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
I guess.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
I think it's sort of cool if you consider that
as an adult you're asking questions that are similar to
the ones you were asking as a kid. Maybe that
just means you were a really wise kid, you know, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
I mean something there for sure. Yeah, I mean yeah,
it's interesting. It's like I was questioning life.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I was really into spirituality, but I didn't understand it.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
So to me, it like came in different.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Waves of Ouiji board and then angels and Greek mythology,
and I didn't understand what anything was. But I was
asking very similar questions. It's so weird.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Are you asking questions about spirituality now.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
I mean all the time.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Every day, I feel like to once because I feel
like I love to dabble in everything, So I'm always
I love reading different books about different things, and you know,
different forms of expression of spirituality and different healing.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Methods and all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
And I'm constantly you know, I just I really believe
that anything is possible and nothing's possible, so might as
well have fun. Like that's like what I always go
back to. But yeah, I never set on just one
thing when it comes to my spiritual journey.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Do you know what I mean. It's it's colorful, it's
a rainbow, it's constantly evolving.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, I feel that way too, And I think for
me again, it's like, maybe it's everything, maybe it's nothing.
I can ask the question of myself and think, well,
maybe it's because I grew up in such a mixed
bag family, and so I wanted to understand what everyone
in my family believed, which was all different, and then
I wanted to understand what other families believed. And for me,
(05:20):
it's like pulling on the thread in a way makes
me realize everyone essentially believes the same thing, even though
there are so many different versions of that thing to
believe in, and I sort of love that. I love
that there's so many options, and in a way, I
think it helps me feel like I don't need to win,
(05:41):
and I don't need to know who's right. But I
do think it's kind of special that humans are, that
we're looking for something a little bit bigger, that we're
looking for some sort of a purpose. And I just
always come back to like maybe we're all fascinated about
spirituality or religion, because really what we're fascinated about is
each other, and like that's where we make our communities.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Totally, I do, I totally agree with that. I do
feel like everyone's.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Constantly looking for that something bigger or looking for a
way to be tethered, whether they know it or not.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
Right, it's like, you know, I do believe.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
That we are all souls and we do connect through
that soul connection, and so you know, I did. I
have heard you know, and I love this book of
Course and Miracles, and they talk about how being in
individual bodies is a very human experience and something that
our souls are not really meant to do. So we
are always looking for that connection because being so individual
(06:35):
is like an alien experience.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Yeah, I always found that pretty casculating.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
It's actually kind of cool too, because it makes me
think of something else about your childhood, because I know
when you were growing up your dad was a drummer
for Billy Joel. Yeah, And when I think about artists
of that sort of size and scope, and like, what
it's like to be in an arena tour, right, Like
it is a spiritual experience when you get that many
(07:03):
people in a room and everyone is like singing to
the same songs and dancing to the same music. I
remember hearing Regina Specter a couple of years ago talking
about what it was like to play big festivals, and
she said, you know, when you play a festival, it's
the only time you get one hundred thousand people together
for love instead of for war.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
And I was like, oh my god, I just give
me a chill. Right, I've never.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Thought about it that way, was it. I almost wonder
if growing up like on tour and around music of
that level, Like, I wonder if that made you really
spiritually curious too.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Yeah, you know, I never thought of it that way,
but it's so true.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
It's the one time, you get everybody who has totally
different opinions there for the same reason.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
That's really cool.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Now, I don't know, I mean I do think that,
you know, I grew up going to church with my mother.
I grew up in the rock and roll industry with
my mother and my friend. So it was like a
mixed bag of so much stuff, so many opinions, so
many different people. And so I think from a very
(08:09):
young age I did realize like, oh, we're all just
humans trying to figure it out.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Nobody hasn't figured it.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Out, and at the end of the day, we all
just want love, you know, and and so you know,
no matter who it was. And so I do think
getting to grow up in that environment, meeting so many
different people definitely had its impact on my view.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
It also helped me when I got into this business
because I remember, especially when I first started.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
You meet all these people, and you know, you're on
these like silly shows or whatever. You get these like
a big attitudes, which I know you've dealt with before,
and it's like, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
What some of the like, you know, most I caught like.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Stevie Nicks, for God's sake, and she doesn't act like this,
Like then what are we doing here? So it gave
me that perspective of like we are just people, We're
just fun, Like what is the act?
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Get down and match.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah, it's like if you're lucky enough to get to
do this work, you should you should remember how sort
of silly it is. Like it's a big deal and
it's also not it's both.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, was it totally.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
When you started working, because I know, you know, you
started modeling and then you started acting. Did you did
you always know that you wanted to be an actor?
Was there like a motivation there for you?
Speaker 3 (09:29):
No?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So I grew up playing violin since I was six,
and I used to travel when I was high school overseas.
I played in a big orchestra in Florida. I always
thought that was going to be my past. So if
I did enjoy performing, But then I kind of like
fell into an acting class because I started modeling and
(09:49):
I didn't like it and I was very shy, and
so the photographer told my mom, she was like, you
should put her in an acting class to kind of
open her up.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
And I was like, oh, this is what I like,
not that.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
And then I remember my dad sitting me down in
my bedroom and he was like, look, I see where
you want to go to LA for acting after high school.
And I think that's great. He's like, I went on
my first tour when I was eighteen. I feel like
I'm passing the baton.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Like go ahead, he was.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Like, but I feel like I need to choose. He's like,
try to be great at what you do.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Like I see you.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Dabbling in so many different things, and he's like, you know,
if violence is going to be the main focus, make
it that.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
If acting is going to be the main focus, make
it that.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
And it's so kind of interesting because I really took
that to heart for so long, and there's kind of
two parts of that. I was so appreciative because my
dad taught me work ethic. My dad lives, sleeps, eats, drums.
He is a drummer. He would die without music like
I always do. It was like music and then us
like I did that, man is music? May am not
(10:55):
that way. There is not one thing that has totally
captured me. And that wait, I love dabbling, I really do.
I love writing, I love acting, I love music. I
love this one day, I love this one day, I
love that And I always felt a little insignificant because
of that for a while, and then I had to
learn that, Okay, just because my dad is a master
of one doesn't.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Mean I can't be a jack of all trades. Like
I had to.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Learn that in my own way that I had this
enormous pressure of my dad saying, be a master at something,
don't be a jack of all trades.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
And I was like, oh god, what does that mean?
So that was like a really cool gift.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
And then you know, I had somebody say to me,
They're like, well, if everybody was a master, we would
have no masters.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
And I was like, oh.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
My god, yes, I am the jack of all trades.
I am not the master of one craft. So it
was really cool to know that about yourself because I
think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to
be so great at that one thing, and not everybody's
built for that.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
You know, I totally agree, And I think especially when
you're a deeply curious person and really as as part
of what makes us interesting is that we go out
and we experience all these different things and then we
come back and tell a story about them. And I think,
you know, if you're just so focused on the one
(12:12):
thing I don't know, I would think as an actor
it would actually sort of narrow your ability to do
your job.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Yeah, that's really interesting, And I never thought of it
that way either, because yeah, we do have to We
have to learn so many different crafts within our craft
to honor whatever character we're playing at the time.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Yeah. Yeah, it's so different every time. And if you
think about like even the two universes we've worked in together,
from One Tree Hill to the you know, Chicago universe,
Like who could be more different than Brooke Davis and
Nanny Carey to like me playing a cop and you
playing a doctor, Like we literally have to learn such
different skill sets kind of crazy. And you, I mean,
(12:51):
what what a wild experience too when you think about
like version one of us, because not only did you
come in and I know we talked about this a
lot on Drama Queens, but I'll ask you some questions
about it here today anyway, But I think about like
not only you playing Nanny Carey on our show on
One Tree Hill, but you were on One Tree Hill
(13:12):
and Pretty Little Liars, and and you were on Vampire Diaries.
So it's like three of our sort of most iconic
shows of this like decade span in you know, teen
focused television. Was that wild for you? Did you were
(13:36):
you just like, oh, there's something I meant to do
in this universe? Like what was that experience? Like doing
three big pillar properties like that?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
It was pretty trippy because at one point I was
doing all three at the same no, no, no, I was
just doing vamparaties and pretty lit liars at the same time,
I think, But yeah, they came right after one. It
was it was pretty trippy because it felt it like
I was like, second, like I grew up watching shows
like this, and now like the three that are really
here right now, like I'm doing a thing on all times.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Like it was.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
It was a pretty It still is a pretty experience,
I have to be honest, because you have like you know,
when somebody comes up they're like, oh you're you were also,
Oh my god, you're also, And I'm like, yeah, that's
like not to like be like, oh, good job.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
But it was like, you know, it's just really all luck.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
We auditioned for how many things a year and we
get like maybe one two, So it is weird that
they all happen to be in that same kind of
teen pop culture environment. But yeah, I really I'm so
grateful for that because there's no one that controls this
world more than teens, especially teen girls. And so I
always say like, I feel like I am might I
(14:45):
have my career because of teen girls.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Really we love them. That's so neat.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
We love them.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
We'll be back in just a minute, but here's a
word from our sponsors. So you did share with us
on the other show about this, but for our work
in progress listeners, what felt really important to you when
you were playing Nanny Carey Because all of us brought
(15:12):
up to you when we discussed this at first that
it was such a like such a wild role, and
you brought that, you know, horror movie level fear to
all of us through this person. But you also really
humanized her. You didn't just play her as a villain,
And and was it hard to kind of wrap your
(15:34):
head around becoming that person every day when you had
to go to work.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Yeah, you know, it was interesting because I think that
one of the things that's important about doing.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
A characters you have to find stuppy for your character.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
And when I put together and learned that she had
lost a son of her own a child of her own,
and I thought to myself, like, I can't imagine what
that must do to the psyche. And I allowed that
loss and grief to drive her to basically break, you know,
her sanity and do all the things that she did.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Then after that it was like it not that it
was easy to do.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Those things, but I had such a justification for it,
and I felt so bad for her, do you know
what I mean, Like it felt so bad for her.
And then it was so it was so easy and
so fun to show up for because I remember it
was the first time in my career where I was like,
oh my god, like I'm not just like playing the
girlfriend or the what you know, Like I get to
like emotionally show up and do things like somebody's allowing
(16:41):
me to do things.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
So it was like that was beyond thrilling.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Yeah, and it is fun to play someone who's crazy,
like to get to lean in and just do wild
things out of the ordinary because an actor is so exciting.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Totally. I always say it for free therapy.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Yeah, I mean, did you enjoy it? Like were there
days where you just thought, Oh, I'm really going to
lean into this and make this so wild and just
have a ball.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Totally. I enjoyed it so much.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
I mean, obviously, in the moment, I was so like, oh,
intense about wanting to make sure that I was like
gonna nail it.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
But when you leave and you know that feeling of exhaustion.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
After putting yourself out there emotionally and you just feel depleted,
But it's like the best feeling in the world as
an actor when you go home with that level of
exhaustion knowing I did it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
I did in my job the way I wanted to
do it.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Because there's nothing worse than when you come home from
a scene and you're like, oh, I couldn't get there.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
I didn't do it the way I wanted to. Dang it.
I wish I had you a hand.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
But when you walk away and you're like, ah, yes,
no matter what anybody says about it, I know I
walked away from that scene feeling like I nailed it,
so screw what everybody else says, right, And I did
feel that way a lot in that season of the
show when she was the crazy nanny, So that always
felt so good.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
That's really exciting. Was it an interesting thing? To go
from playing a villain on our show and then going
into Pretty Little Liars and playing another character that garnered
a lot of, like very strong reaction from the fans.
I mean, how did you kind of process that? Because
I know, you know, I know for Paul, for example,
(18:25):
on One Tree Hill playing Dan Scott, he got a
lot of really intense feedback from fans. And you know,
as we were on One Tree Hill and then you
went onto Pretty Little Liars, social media had launched. Was
it hard to kind of be on the receiving end
of online you know, criticism and anger at your characters
or or did you always have a good relationship to
(18:47):
being able to separate the two?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
He was. It was bizarre because people were very angry,
especially with One Tree Hill Pretty Lot Liars.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
My character started off very questionable and very.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Like she was not her homents of being likable, but
was unlikable kind of from the beginning, so that was
kind of who she was. But with One Tree Hill, like,
people were mad because they loved joy and game together
and it was like, how dare.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
You come in here? And I was like, okay, it's
not real, it's not real.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
So it was exciting because you always feel like, oh,
I must be doing something right if people are just upset.
I did get nervous sometimes when people will come to
me in public and like I hate you, and you're like, okay,
that was weird. I always thought it was funny when
I would actually meet friends of friends and they'd be like,
oh my god, you're so nice.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
It wasn't expecting you to be this nice.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
And I'm like, oh my god, that's bizarre that somebody
has like a preconceived notion that I might be a
horrible bitch. You know what I mean. You're like, wait what,
But you know, I find obviously, obviously more and more
difficult is when and when those shows become popular and
then rather than just thinking about your character and getting
(20:06):
out of your character, people start to do sing things
about you like you outside your character, and when those
attacks come in, that's a whole different tough skin. I'm
sure you know that you have to build, and that's
the most challenging part out.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Of all this, I think for sure.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
I totally agree, and especially because as humans we already
carry self doubt. We are so worried about, you know,
ever hurting other people. All of these things that are
just what it's like to exist in the world, and
then you're trying to bolster yourself, but you're on the
(20:47):
receiving end of the opinions of millions of people. And
I think people forget that that, like they people assume that,
you know, quote unquote, fame builds you up, but actually
what it does is it just why's the sort of
firing squad that you face every day in addition to
the firing squad of your own mind? And so it
(21:08):
can be really hard, I think, to figure out how
to hold onto your sense of self and not allow,
you know, the cacophony of other people's critiques to penetrate you,
especially when they're not based in fact. You know they're
not true, and you're like, wait, what's happening to me?
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Right when you see these outlandish rumors about yourself or something,
and you're like, where does this even get concocted?
Speaker 3 (21:33):
From? Who at the time to create this?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
And then you want to say you want to right
the wrongs, and you're like, oh my gosh, I would
be wasting so much energy.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
You just can't litigate it.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
You can't, you can't. But I thought to me, because
I was kind of freaked out. I was like, you know,
thought is energy, right, So.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
If I have all these people directing energy towards me
every day, that have to be hitting me in some way.
So my really really good friends, she was like, Okay,
I want you to sit at night. She's like, create
like a hologram version of yourself and connect that to
the outside world and that's where the comments will be
directed to.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
So guess what, you guys, You're not hitting me anymore.
You're hitting my holograms.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
That's so smart though, to create a sort of a
practice of separating yourself from that.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yeah, you have to separate it, and then physically separating
myself clearly from being in Michigan with a huge physical separation,
which is so lovely.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, I mean that's pretty incredible. It's interesting because you know,
to your point, that kind of energy and the input
of all these people, I think can make it really
hard to go out and you know, stand in public spaces.
And something that you and I have in common is
like we are here to serve. We're outspoken women. We
(22:56):
try to do as much good with our platforms as
we can and show up as advocates and activists and
that can put a target on your back, and then
you know, we're in this crazy upside down world that
we're in now, where you know, decades generations of progress
for people and for women in particular are being rolled back.
(23:16):
And I was so grateful After Dobbs was overturned, you
publicly shared a story that you've shared, you know, privately
in your community, but you talked about having had abortion
care at twenty one and having the self awareness to
(23:37):
know that you really have to shield yourself from negativity
in these big public spaces. How did you decide to
sort of leap over that hurdle knowing that you were
absolutely going to make women feel less alone, but also
knowing that that was going to expose like you know,
your personal life and your trials and tribulations to strangers. Like,
(24:03):
how do you decide when to kind of bear your
soul for the potential to help other people?
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:11):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
For me, it's just like it becomes an all encompassing feeling, right,
Like I respect, Like some people get so hard on
certain people for not using their voices, especially certain actors
or musical celebrities, And I always think to myself, I'm like,
how can you judge that like it is not. It
is very scary to put yourself out there, your opinions
(24:33):
out there.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
People are scary, do you know what I'd tell People
are scary, and some people want to protect themselves and
their families, and they have every right to do that.
And so but for me, like I don't have that feeling.
I feel like it's more important for me to get
that out there, to make other women feel like they're
(24:56):
less alone, to get this story out there for the
greater good. And I'm willing to take that risk, and
I respect those who are not willing to take that risk,
you know. And so that's kind of how it happened.
You know, I had a miss I had an abortion
at twenty one, a miscarriage at twenty nine, and I
had to take the abortion pills at twenty.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Nine and I had an abortion.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
So either way without those like with my miscarriage, I
would have died if that stuff would it, if that
if that would have stayed inside of me.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
And so people don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
It's such a broader conversation and so for me, I
would like I have to share that because it is
so scary where we're getting to it is so so
scary and it's unfathomable as well. And so but I
will say my mother hates it. She loved it because
she she loves who I am and what I stand for.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
But she's like, people are so scary. I hate that you.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Oh my, I'm like, mom, just trust everything's okay, you know,
But yeah, it's I think.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
I'm sure your parents feel the same way. Your family
member sometimes. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think it's scarier
for the people who love us than it is for us. Sometimes,
I agree.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Yeah, that's a really that's a really good way to
put it, because for me it does. I think in
the way you're discussing it, it feels like an inevitability,
Like showing up and talking about these things is something
I feel called to do, like I have to do it.
And yeah, it's terrifying for the people that love me
because they know what comes with that. Yeah, And I think,
(26:32):
but I think it's all connected, right, Like people who
want to deny that reproductive care is healthcare, Like you're
talking about your experience having a miscarriage, which so many
of the women in our community have been through, so
many of us have have dealt with you know, all
the trials and tribulations of fertility, and it is unbearably complex,
(26:55):
and people don't want to acknowledge that what we're talking
about is healthcare. What we're talking about our medical procedures.
And and I think to your point, when you can
just lay the facts bear, you can remind people of
what reality looks like. And you know, we all saw
a couple of weeks ago when Alabama banned IVF, and
(27:17):
then there were doctors that were like, well, we're doing
this so people can have more babies.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
And it's like.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
IVF is how people have babies, Like you don't even
know what the procedure is, and you're making laws about it. Like,
maybe let's leave this stuff up to the doctors, you know,
right right, I mean.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
It all falls under two.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Like I just if they even understood the complexity of
a female body in general, maybe maybe just a little
bit of this way, could you imagine?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Could you imagine?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
It is really so wild. But I do think that
the more we can destigmatize the conversations, the more we
can have frank discussions about medical procedures and how how
people plan and choose their families. You know, the more
we can also set not only ourselves but all women
(28:08):
and people who want to have families up to have
the futures that they want when they are capable of
having those things. And that that feels like an important
part of the conversation too.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Yes, that's very big and important part of the conversation. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I would imagine you know, as we said, the internet
can be loud and toxic. But I would also imagine
that there were a lot of people, you know, fans
and friends alike, who were probably so grateful that you
opened up that conversation in the week of you having
it publicly. It was what was that kind of experience
(28:45):
like for you?
Speaker 2 (28:46):
That connectivity is I feel like what being a human
being is supposed to feel like certain messages I was
receiving of, I feel less alone, I feel seen.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Thank you for saying this.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
And so I had a lot of friends that reached
out that were like, I don't feel comfortable using my
voice like this, but this also happened.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
To me, so thank you.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
And it was like, this is what being part of
a community, being a woman, being collectively women together, you know,
being human beings together, being female identifying persons together. Yeah,
and so that makes it all worth it. That turns
that into that moment of like, I can't not do this, do.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
You know what I mean? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Does that make you really want to continue to stay
active and involved? And you know, had women's reproductive freedoms
to the long list of all the groups that you
advocate for already.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. It is going to be a life
long fite of mine for sure.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
And you know, I hope that the battle we're in
right now does to take all my life to get
out of. But I'm sure other things will pop up
within the female reproductive rights. Female rights, you know's a
huge category filled with things. Oh but yes, that's so
so important to me. You know, I have so many
women in my family. It's crazy.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
We're we're just cousins alike.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I have like sisters, I have three sisters, a ton
of female cousins, so many aunts. My grandma basically raised
all of us, was like a matriarchy of our family.
And so it's like I just grew up around so
many females, and I still so many females that it's
like I can't not do you know what I mean,
It's just it's too important.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Yeah, I totally feel that too. Are there nonprofits or
organizations that you've started working with that you're really inspired by.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Yeah, I've started working with the National Abortion Foundation NAF
and AF whom I really love, done a lot of.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
Stuff with planned parenthood.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
And then also, I know this isn't you know, reproductive rights,
but I still work with Safe Bay who that is
so important to me because we go in and we
talk to high schoolers and even middle schoolers believe it
or not, about sexual consent and their rights and the
(31:24):
things that are protecting them in schools that they don't
even know are protecting them, and how they have to
knowledge themselves because a lot of adults don't even know
this information and getting to them when they're young, and
I am so inspired by young people these days. They
have knowledge and courage that I couldn't have even dreamt
of when I was in high school. Like these kids
(31:45):
they want knowledge and so that to me, like being
able to connect with the younger generation like that, to
show them their no show them their power, show them
their yeses is so amazing and important to me.
Speaker 3 (31:56):
And that's the word the Safe Bay that does.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
That I love really incredible. We'll be back in just
a minute after a few words from our favorite sponsors.
Some of the things that have been so inspiring for
me to learn about when we have conversations like this,
you know, conversations around consent, conversations around how to have
(32:21):
you know, these discussions with young people, is that the
more informed they are and the more that they see
themselves in stories, the more they're also able to identify
what is happening to them. And you know, it's one
of these big conversations we're having around book banning, right
is there's groups saying, well, you know, kids shouldn't read
(32:42):
stories like this, and it's like, well, if kids read
stories about sexual abuse, if they read stories about consent,
if they read stories about healthy relationships, they can identify
their experiences in those stories, and actually they're much more
prone to have safe relationships, safe sex, eventually, you know,
safe relations with each other. And that that's something that
(33:07):
I find, to your point, so inspiring about right now,
as we have more research than ever, we know what
works and what doesn't, like, we have all the proven
metrics at our fingertips, and we can do better for
kids than anybody ever did for us.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
For sure, absolutely, you know, I nobody gave me this
information when I was growing up, and I think I
was I think I was twenty two, maybe.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Even a little bit older. No, no, no, I I
was older.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
I was in my mid twenties and I went to
a play called flot the play with Daphne's unigat, and
I was dumbfounded at the end of the play and
I looked at her and I was like, I'm in
my mid twenties and I had no idea that rape
was anything other than sexual penetration. I didn't know because
(33:57):
the girl the guy assaulted her with his hand and
she said she was raped, and I was like, that's rape.
And I started thinking about experiences I had in high
school because I didn't know my know and I was
scared to not be liked. And everything crumbled for me
in that moment, and I felt so sad for yourself
for things that I had gone through because I didn't
(34:17):
know that I could speak up.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
I didn't know that I could say no. And I
was watching this plane. I was like, I am a
grown ass woman who didn't even know what pape was.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Like that is so and in that moment, I was like,
there's never going to be a young girl that crosses
my path that doesn't know this information as well.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
It was mind blow because they don't teach us this stuff.
I don't empower us with this stuff.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
And so I love that that is starting to change
with that generation that is like, we are not accepting
this anymore. This is not like a boys boys culture anymore.
Like no, no, absolutely not.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
And I'm like, no, I meant to that.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Yeah, it's really inspiring to see the ship and to
your point, it only comes with knowledge. Yeah, how did
you find Safe Bay in the first place?
Speaker 2 (35:09):
So I was actually in Chicago, I think it was
season one of MED and I watched this documentary Audrey
and Daisy on Netflix. It had just come out, and
I was incensed, like I was on fire after it,
Like it was so sad for those who don't know.
It's about girls who were sexually assaulted and raped, and
(35:29):
it centers around for girls and I wouldn't believe the
protection that the community gave the boys. And oh my god,
there was no justice for these girls. And I looked
them up afterwards it was like midnight, and I saw
that they had started at a foundation together.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
The girls got together. They didn't know each other.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Before the documentary, they got together and they started Safe
Bay and I reached out to my policis and I
was like, please get me in touch with them. I
need to be in touch with them, and I did,
and we've been working together ever since. And I just
think the bravery of these girls is just beyond And
it's a youth led organization and they all know they're.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
Getting a little bit older.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
They're in their twenties now, and so they keep bringing in,
you know, younger people to make sure that people.
Speaker 3 (36:21):
You know, a lot of kids don't want to talk
to adults about this stuff.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
They want to feel heard, you know, that it's not
somebody like, hey, I'm cool too.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
You're like, no, you're getting old. So they're just doing
it so right.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
And you know, unfortunately, we did end up losing one
of the founder's Daisy.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
She ended up taking her life in twenty twenty.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
And I thought that, you know, is another part of
the story that's so important because sometimes people think even
when somebody does get justice or when their story is heard,
the healing goes on forever and ever and it's never over,
and so it's just an ongoing conversation. But yeah, meeting
these girls and being a part of this organization has
(37:03):
been just one of the highlights of my adult.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Life for sure.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
And one thing we really stress in Safe Bay men
are such a huge part of the conversation and I
love mess Like I know it sounds like when I
talk all the time that I'm like, grow the guy
like this is, but no, we need men right now.
Speaker 3 (37:20):
We need them. I love them. They need to make
for a conversation.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
And I'm always impressed with those boys that show up
at the high school cafeteria and want to learn about
Safe By.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
I want to support. I'm like, yep, amazing.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
Well, because that's the thing, right is, systems are what
hurt people, and the system of patriarchy that makes women
victims of sexual violence also does violence to men. And
what so many people don't talk about when we have
these conversations is it's you know, it's one in four
of us. By the time we're twenty two, it's one
(37:52):
in six of them. So we have to start figuring
out how to undo the violence that is encouraged in
male spaces. Men need safe spaces too. So I love
that you're I love that you're talking about that. And
one of my very first calls anytime anything happens in
(38:12):
my life is my best friend Kenny. Like I wouldn't
be where I am without him. And I think it's
so important for us to, you know, to solve it together.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
And do you think that loving to you know, advocate
and also welcome people into conversation like this is is
like part of what the spirit is behind you going
and launching your Instagram, live chat, launching stream of consciousness.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
I also felt like, so there's a part of me
too that I love, like spirituality and wellness and all
that kind of stuff. And I get so frustrated with
all these companies and blogs that make it seem like
you have to be a multi millionaire to be a
part of the wellness industry. You know, you can make
your own milk for very, very inexpensively.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
You know, you know, you could do so much.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
You could, You could heal yourself. All you need is
your mind and your body to really do all these things.
Go outside, take your shoes off for your feet on
the ground, and meditate, And so that was kind of
the driving forces.
Speaker 3 (39:17):
I was like, Okay, I want to get some of
the things that I want to learn about and I
want to talk about out there, and so maybe.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
Some people won't want to hear it, so let's just
do a snippet and then if they like it, they
can continue following this other person.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
You know, Okay, can you can you tell listeners of
the podcast what to expect when they tune in.
Speaker 3 (39:38):
Yeah. So with the IG Live, it's somebody new every week.
It's somebody who I have kind.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Of found through Instagram or books or whatever podcasts, and
who inspires me or is talking something that either I
know about and I want to know more about, or
I genuinely don't know anything about. And I'm always so
impressed because I'll get somebody on. And I had somebody
on the other day who decodes things through dreams, and
(40:08):
I thought to myself, Okay, I'm going to.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Learn that a safe means you're in trouble whatever.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Who knows it gots so deep and so interesting that
I was like, oh, and that's I think the funnest,
most fun part for me is like I get so
inspired after these conversations, like I'm lit up by them,
Like you know, they make me want to learn more.
Speaker 3 (40:29):
And so I hope that's kind of what it leaves
everybody else feeling too, you know.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Yeah, I love that. I think I think that's kind
of one of the best parts of everything in the
Internet age is that we can actually just ask each
other questions. We can do this like I'm I'm currently
in New York and you're in Michigan and we're on
zoom recording conversation we're having, like what it's so it's
so cool. So I love that you're doing that. And
(40:55):
then I do want to ask you a very exciting
personal question because last time we did this on the
other show, I was like, Okay, we're not talking about it,
so maybe we're just like not talking about it. But
then obviously at the end of our chat, we all
were like gushing over your engagement and we're just so
happy for you. And I know that all the fans
are like, wait, how did they meet? And they also
(41:16):
want to congratulate you. So I'm bringing all the listeners
in so we can gush about your sweet man for
a minute.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
His name is Jared. He he's originally from Michigan.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
He's just the kindest, most aware person, so much so
that I almost didn't even know how to accept him
in my life at some point, because when you're used to,
like when you're not used to somebody who's so nurturing
and amazing, and.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
I was like, what is this?
Speaker 2 (41:47):
What is this?
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Oh girl, tell me about it?
Speaker 3 (41:52):
Right?
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Yeah, when you're like wait, you're like wait a second,
you're you're like hold on. So if I yet toxic
was bad? And then I thought, was normal? What's better
than normal?
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Is it good?
Speaker 3 (42:05):
Can I have that?
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Can I have that where you're healthy, you're you're saying
you're emotionally available? What is that?
Speaker 3 (42:17):
But yeah, no, he's amazing.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
So my my cousin Alexandra so I so a little
bit of Michigan background. My mother is originally from Michigan,
and so I grew up. I was living in New York,
That's where I was born, and we would come to
Michigan every summer to visit my family. So my cous
a lot of my cousins you know, grew up here.
And one of my cousins randomly, one day I was.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
Filming, actually my last day.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
No. I came back for this finale of Chicago Med
season seven to kind of like with Nick's good guy,
I felm just seemed with him. And my I came
to pick me up to bring me back to Michigan,
and she was like, we were talking about dating, and
I was like, well, I'm out here on the farm.
I'm not going to meet anybody, and I don't want
(43:02):
to meet anybody in LA or New York because they're
not going to want to live here and I want
to stay in Michigan.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
She's like, Oh, I wish I had somebody to hook
you up.
Speaker 4 (43:08):
But she's like, actually, I used to know this guy
in college and I always thought he was so cute,
and you know, he likes reading and he loves Stephen King,
Like I really think you guys are all into like
the same things.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
She's like, can I put you guys in touch?
Speaker 2 (43:23):
And I was like sure, why not? Just thinking like whatever,
this systems got to work. So she d ms him
on Instagram because they haven't spoken since college. Mind you wow,
So this has been like a very long time, and
so she randomly thought of him, like randomly, So she
dms him and he said he woke up in the
middle of the night. He didn't have his glasses on,
so it was all blurry and he was like, oh,
(43:45):
maybe I want to look at this in the morning.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
He looks at it in the morning. She sent him
a link to my profile.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
He like clicked on it and he's like, oh, yeah, sure,
you know, like dating's hard in your thirties.
Speaker 3 (43:57):
I'd love to meet your cousin, he goes.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
After I sent that message, he went back to my profile,
realized how many followers I had, and then I was
an actor and he was like, oh, shoot, her cousin
sent me the wrong profile. So now I just agreed
to date this actress and I don't even know what
her cousin looks like. So we wrote her back and
he's like, oh, I think he sent the wrong profile,
(44:21):
and she's like, no, I think that's my that it
really is my cousin.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
He thought he was getting catfish, like it was like
a prank that she was trying to play.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
That is amazing.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
So anyways, we got in touch.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
I had left to go do a film for a month,
so we just kind of communicated via the phone, and
then we met up on our first date and one
of my favorite restaurants in my little.
Speaker 3 (44:43):
Farmtown and the rest is history. And it, honestly, it's like.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
I've created my own Hallmark movie. You guys, it's like,
it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
He is so sweet.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
He had like the red Fox lab. You know, he
wears flannels. He like had an old re done like
Jeep from like, you know, the seventies and eighties. Love it.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Em and his brothers own.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Their family business, mechanical contracting business that's been in their
family for eighty five years.
Speaker 3 (45:10):
I was like, oh, yeah, is this real life?
Speaker 1 (45:13):
No, it really is like a perfect Talmart Christmas movie.
Is what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
Really?
Speaker 3 (45:18):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (45:21):
Well, we're all so happy for you, honey.
Speaker 3 (45:23):
It's it's exciting.
Speaker 1 (45:25):
Yeah, it's just amazing. So when you you know, when
you look ahead, obviously we're not going to get into
any of the you know, details for the world about
timing or planning or whatnot. But when you look kind
of ahead at this year, you know, there's so much
that's exciting on the horizon, and you've found your person
and you've found your place, and you feel so settled.
(45:49):
What what as you look at the future feels like
your work in progress?
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Oh my gosh, so much right now I'm stepping into
so many new shoes.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
You know, I've realized, you know, I've been in relationships
before and whatever, But I was always traveling, or that
person was always traveling.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
I've never settled in with somebody.
Speaker 2 (46:13):
I've never created you created a life with somebody and
a home with somebody.
Speaker 3 (46:19):
And so this is like, in a weird way, all
very new for me, and.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
Being out here in Michigan and really getting centered and
really being confident in my decision to be here and
knowing that my place in the industry will be what
it's meant to be and.
Speaker 3 (46:36):
I don't need to force it to appease anybody. Everything
will just fall a place.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
And that's been really scary and really new for me too,
of being like I need to honor where I want
to be and be happy and I can't just be
in this grind every day in LA because it's not
making me happy.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
And so my work in progress is definitely just.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
Like continuing to press the path and center myself and
really let you know, evolution in life and all that
just kind of lay out for me.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
Also this not only is there a wedding on the
horizon this year, I'm also turning forty. I mean we
also got home. It's their best. It's a big year.
It's a big breaking year.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
Forty is so good.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
I can't wait. Yeah, I really don't wait.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
It's so good.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
Everything changes in the best way.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
Yeah, I feel like I've been waiting for it. Instead
of that, I'm like, well, I'm almost forty, then I'll
be hop Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Yeah, it's very like it feels deeply chic, and there
is to your point, there's just such a knowledge of
self that everybody says it and you go, yeah, but
you know, I'm you know, I'm I'm curious, and I'm
a reader and I'm an activist and I know myself.
And then something happens and you're like, oh my god,
all the people wiser and older than you were right
(48:01):
and I had no right clue. So I'm so I
love that it's all coming to such a cool moment
of culmination for you.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
I love it too.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
And then and also the last little piece of that
is like, you know, standing in myself even more.
Speaker 3 (48:16):
And I think that that's something that comes to these two.
I feel like we hit certain moments in our life.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Where we think I'm standing in myself more than ever,
and then you wake up and you realize, oh my god,
if I had known what I know now, then I
realized I wasn't in myself at all.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
And you know, even if something as.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
Little as I put an audition on tape yesterday and
I felt so good about it, and normally what makes
me feel good is the validation I get back. And
I thought, to myself, even if my team hates this tape,
I'm not redoing it because I'm happy with it. And
I've never said that before, and it was so freeing
to go. I don't care what anyone else thinks right now.
(48:55):
If I'm happy with it, that's all that matters, and
that's it.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
It's heart. But some days it's hard. Some days he's brain.
Some days it's hard.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
It is, but I think that's that's it, right, It's
figuring out how to get to more days where you
can live that way and feel that way.
Speaker 3 (49:11):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (49:13):
Oh, I love it.
Speaker 3 (49:15):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (49:15):
I'm so happy for you.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
This was so great.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
Thank you for coming and hanging today. I always love
getting to see you.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
I know you too.
Speaker 3 (49:24):
Thanks for having me
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