October 22, 2015 • 45 mins
In the first ever episode of The Rosenthal and Jeselnik Vanity Project, Gregg Rosenthal and Anthony Jeselnik introduce you to the podcast, tell you a funny story about Jeselnik meeting Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and predict this weekend's games.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Are you are listening to the Rosenthal and jessel Nick
Vanity Project, or, as I like to call it, the
biggest mistake of Anthony's career, Like why are you yelling? Ah?
(00:20):
Welcome aboard, this is happening the Vanity Project. It's our
first show. Thank you for listening. It's really our second
show because we tried to tape a video show Anthony
about six seven weeks ago. In the NFL was not
really a big fan of it. They were not on board.
(00:40):
We didn't just try it. We did it, you know,
we did it. We did it the best we could.
And I think the note that came back was I
did not laugh. Yeah, that that was one. No laughter.
I laughed, I heard some I could. I heard some
good feedback, but from the NFL no laughter. Another quote
was I hated it. That was one. So that the project,
the project was a little dead on arrival for a
(01:02):
little a little bit, but we got it back now
an audio form and we're gonna try to do this
every week. We're like audio form. You know, they said that.
I think a lot of people the NFL just thought
I wasn't good looking enough to really carry a TV show.
Uh So, Yeah, now we're here on radio, and I've
got a great I've got a great voice, I've got
great tones coming out of me. Why yeah, why would
they want you on their airwaves? I I think, I think, uh,
(01:26):
you know, we've got the title the Vanity Project, but
now you're already messing it up right off the bat,
like it's the Rosenthal and Justly Nick Vanity project. We
have to stick to it. What did I say? You
said the Vanity Project. Well, that's like shortening it. But
it's like shortening it the wrong WAYF you called it
the Rosenthal and Justly Nick, that would make sense to me. Well,
either way, it's it's kind of the way the the NFL,
I guess is looking at it from my perspective, you know,
(01:48):
from my thing. I I if you're not familiar with me,
if you're a fan of Anthony, I'm a writer at
NFL dot Com, NFL Media. I've been here for three
or four years, which if you are going to be
a writer, it's like the it's like the top level
you can be as far as you know, it's like
NFL network. Uh kind of editor slash writer. And then
right below that, I would say novelist, you know, but
you're you're killing it, killing it after I I did
(02:10):
what eight or nine years before that, Pro Football Talk
NBC Sports dot Com. You, of course, you're a famous comedian.
You've had your own show, The Jessel Knick Offensive on
Comedy Central. You were just the host of Last Comics Standing.
Don't bring that up over a gun on NBC. Why
not bring that up? You did a great job. I
did a great job. I was just unhappy with the
final product, you know what I mean. It's like if
(02:32):
we did this, if we did this at the end,
they were like, oh, hey, great job, guys, but we
edited out all the jokes and put it on the
air with your name on it. That's what Last Comic
Standing was. Well, that that is pretty much what's gonna
happen here. That's I feel like the subtext of the
entire show is that you're gonna try to get me fired,
that you're we're going to talk about subjects and it's
(02:53):
gonna get edited out, and then you're gonna end up
getting angry or booted off doing this in the first day.
Oh yeah, I have bitten every single hand it's ever
fed me. Even if you're not even trying to feed me.
You know, if I just see a hand, I try
to bite it. Um, it happens to me a lot
in the bathroom. They didn't even want this title, by
the way. No, they fought us in the title. They
said the title was kind of too cocky, The Vanity Project.
And you're like, have you ever seen Anthony Justin do anything? Yeah,
(03:14):
they were saying it was too negative, like this is
like the nicest thing that anyone's ever said about you,
The Vanity Project. Well, let's really let's talk about why
we have the show, Greg, because I mean, they know
who we are, they know who you are than who
we are, but they don't know why we have a
show together. Like, why would I ever want to do this?
Why would I ever take time out of my schedule
to be a part of something like this. Why don't
you explain? Well, it's yeah, it's a bad career move,
(03:36):
but you're doing it because we're friends. Going back to college,
were best friends. We're best friends. Controversial decision at my wedding, Um,
you know, well we'll get into that some other time,
but we are we are best friends and we have
been since uh freshman year of college at two Lane. Um.
We we met. We we were in the same fraternity
(03:58):
at two Lane. We both moved out here together in
Los Angeles when we graduated from college. We also spent
the summer out here before that. You know, we've kind
of lived out here at the same time. We've lived
in New York at the same time. And this is
our chance to do something cool together, something creative. This
is your chance to do something cool period. You wanted
to do it. I wanted to do it. I wanted
(04:20):
to do it. I wanted to do something like when
I don't when I'm on podcast, you know, I never
have to care that much because I'm a guest. Usually
I can just get that read East and ellis one yes.
But now that I'm doing this with you, I'm gonna
put in just as much effort, Like this will be
no different. So I kind of like just watching you scorm.
I'm not squirming. I mean I I look at it
as a chance of two friends. You get a chance.
(04:42):
How many chances in life are you gonna get to
do something with your friend that that could be cool,
creative and that people alike. Well, the NFL network as
any say, probably zero, probably no chances. So let's let's
get to some We're gonna talk football on this show.
We're gonna talk full comedy, football, comedy, friendship, entertainment. Yeah,
(05:03):
we're gonna talk about our friendship. How about children, what's
going on in life? Yeah, you're the godfather uh to
my daughter and and my son. Don't forget about him. Well,
you boys have to remind you, you know, well you
decided to choose him. Um, you know I had asked
you to be my god uh father to my daughter
a long time ago, and then you you said it
would be unfair to come over and not give my
(05:23):
son Walker presence as well. Exactly I spoiled like your
daughter just turned four years old, and tell him what
I gave her for for for fourth birthday? What did
you give her? Now? I remember I gave her. I
gave her sapphire studded hair Oh my gosh, sapphire studded hairclips,
which she responded to with I already have a hairclip.
(05:43):
And then I gave her a diamond necklace which your
wife will not let her wear. Well, you went, you
went to the Emmy Sweets gift and sweets before and
you wouldn't have gone out and bought her hundred dollar
you know, hundreds of dollars worth of diamonds. It would
have been like a smash and grab type of thing.
We're just gone into a case and just gone buck
while until I came out with stuff. But you happened
to the birthday party was on the same day that
you went to this Emmy gift being sweet and then
(06:06):
just bam, I just went to places and I was like,
give me something for a four year old girl, and
I like that. We don't really do that. We actually
give these to celebrities so they can wear them, and
I said, give it to him, and you thought you
were being a hero, but ultimately I just put them away.
I was like, this, these are not you know, appropriate
gifts for four year old. She's just gonna eat them
or throw them away. But I'll give it back to her,
you know, when she's eighteen or something. Yeah, you guys
acted like I gave her naked pictures of myself. So
(06:29):
what have you been up to lately? Anthony? You it's
been a big week for you. Your Netflix special came out.
Thoughts and Prayers just came out on Friday. It's been
very well received. Article in the New York Times today,
I was gonna bring that up. I mean, this is
that that has to be the first article ever written
about you in the New York Times, I think, I mean,
you've been probably mentioned before, but this was basically a
think piece about you. Yeah. It was about like how
(06:52):
how political correctness isn't ruining my comedy. It helps it,
you know, because I kind of go against that, and
every way it was. It was a great article. Was
an honor to have and mentioned. And I just finished
a tour. I was on tour with Oddball Festival UH
for the last eight weeks, and actually I had a
great I had a football running on Sunday I finished that.
We finished the tour in Dallas, Dallas, Texas, and I
got to meet Tony Romo. Tony Romo, Yes, I got
(07:15):
to be perfect. I got to meet Tony Romo. And
I'll say this before I tell the story. I like
Tony Romo as much as I can like a cowboy.
Does that make sense? Like I'm a Steelers guy. You
know that. I don't really like other players. I don't
play fantasy because I don't have to root for anyone else.
But I like Tony Romo. He seems a good guy
kind I have Red Sox fans felt about Derek Jeter
for the most part, They're like, well, you know, yeah,
(07:37):
they respect the way he plays the game. You know,
he seems like a cool guy. If he played on
my team, I'd be like, oh, he's my favorite, but
he's not. Um. So, I get to the show and
they're like, Oh, Tony Romo is gonna be here. Tony Romo,
I guess was in the movie train Wreck with Amy Schumer,
which I saw, but I don't remember him in it,
but I guess he's in it. I didn't see Tony
Romo and that he I think he must have done
a quick cameo or something. Was he in that scene
(07:58):
with my r of Albert the worst scene in any
movie ever? I love that. I love that scene. You're
wrong about that. It's a great movie and that's the
one of the worst scenes. Marv's one of the best
act one of the unknown um acting talents of this century.
Marv Albert, Well, you know what, I agree to disagree,
all right. So I get them like Tony rom was
(08:20):
gonna be there, and I'm like, Okay, I'm not that excited,
but I'm like all right, whatever. That just means like
more celebrities backstage, so I'm kind of wondering. I'm trying
to avoid them. And in my in my dressing room,
I have like a rider where I have alcohol in
the there's a bottle of tequila, bottle of vodka. Tonight,
I'm drinking vodka. At the end of the tour, I've
got I have pulled myself a drinking. I'm wandering around
and the tour manager comes up to me and he's
got a little concerned. As I goes, Anthony, we might
(08:42):
have to get you another bottle of vodka. I say, why,
what does that mean? Because I mean, this is my bottle.
It's in my contract, like something bad has happened if
it's not there anymore. I like that it's in your contract.
Oh yeah, everyone has. Everyone's gotta ride or something. Backstage.
Mine is mostly full of booze, maybe a pizza, some
turkey sandwiches, And they say the the vodka has gone.
Tony Romo took your vodka. Wow. Now you know, I'm
(09:05):
not a violent person, but I get angry pretty quick.
And I immediately become furious because I imagined Tony Romo
walking into my dressing room, a room with my name
on the door, walking and taking my bottle of vodka
and leaving, and I'm furious. I'm like, where is he?
Show him to me right now. He might have seen
you ahead of time and been like, this guy thinks
he's the best looking guy here. He sees you as
(09:25):
a threat. I mean, I'm sure he sees me, but
I think he probably just saw me walking around was like,
that looks tasty. I want it what that guy's having.
You know, a lot of people look at me and
they think, what's he doing? How can I copy it?
But I'm ticked him, like where is he? And they go, no, no, no,
Tony didn't take it. They say Amy gave it to him.
He said, could you have any vodka? She's like, does
(09:45):
Amy Schumer? And in Amy's defense, I had just told
her that earlier in the day, I threw up in
a Starbucks. That's how hungover I was. Threw up in
a Starbucks at three in the afternoon. So I don't
need that vodka. But it's still mine, you know. So
I'm a little annoyed. I'm a little bit I'm gonna
let it go. I'm gonna let it go, but I'm
still kind of ticked about Tony Romo drinking my vodka.
He's having fun backstage. All of the crew they are
(10:07):
all Seahawks fans and they're furious they just lost that
game and they hate Tony Romo and they're like, antone,
keep with we took your vodka, and I do you
mean to get him out of the backstage? You mean
to clear him out? So right before I go on stage,
they walk up and then like Tony, you gotta you
gotta get out of He's like looking at them like,
I'm Tony Romo. Don't they go It's for performers, and
they just like, with as much disrespect as they can
push him with this add He's still kind of smiling,
and I'm about to walk out. The crew says Anthony,
(10:29):
will be really funny if at the end of your
set you say the cowboys all right, and this is
fifteen thousand people in Dallas on a Sunday night. I
go out and I kill I have a great set.
At the end, I'm like and then the crowd's going
crazy for me. And so my final night of the tour.
So Lizabeon, thank you so much, Dallas, the cowboys, and
I turned and and the crowd just immediately goes from
(10:50):
cheering to booze, like thunderbous booze. And I turned to
walk around. I go to hand the mike to what
I think is gonna be Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross has
been hosting the tour, and said, Tony Romo walks out
and takes the mic from me like he's going to
introduce Amy, and he's kind of smiling, but he's also like,
I heard full of what you said. So I just go, oh,
I know you. You're the who took my vodka. And
then I handed the mic in front of fifteen thou people,
(11:13):
and I thought about dropping the mic on the ground.
That would have been amazing. It would have been amazing,
but also been not been as classy as just yelling
the cowboys. And so that's what I think of when
I think of you, when I think of this entire story,
I come out with it that class. Yeah, you can
picture me wearing a tuxedo as I tell it. But
then I walked backstage and the entire crew was looking
(11:34):
at me like they just saw a ghosts like we can't.
We were joking, we said yeah, the Cowboys to all
of these people. But I am a hero now to
that entire crew. And in Tony Romo's defense, afterward, he
came up to me, we talked. He was very nice,
he was very complimentary. But when he went out on stage,
he takes the mic and he's like, Hey, every in
the place is going nuts. They love Tony Rome. When
he goes, I don't know who that guy was, but
(11:56):
I think he said some some pretty inexcusable things about
the Cowboys, and the crowd is kind of like, what
like an excuse? Okay, He's like, how about we never
invite him back to Dallas ever again? Huh? And I'm
just sitting backstage, like, right, Tony, you're gonna ban me.
I don't think so. Tony Romo has that kind of power.
He really does. They use a god in uh in Dallas.
They loved him, so he loved him. You're not really
(12:18):
missing much and not going back to Dallas. I like Dallas.
That that that story made me think a couple of things.
First of all, Tony Romo he should be a hero
to Seahawks fans for what he did dropping the extra
point in the two thousand seven Playoffs. Great moment for Seattle.
Jeff Ross was Tony. Jeff Ross was gonna bring him
out and roast him before he introduced Amy, and everyone
(12:40):
was so excited than Tony was like, no, don't roast me.
But when after he introduced Amy, Ross came out and
he goes, oh, sorry, guys, Tony Romo just fell and
got injured himself backstage again crazy. I also want to know, like,
what what led to the Starbucks Starbucks puking? I mean,
like had described that moment in terms of the different
low moments of your life. Where where does that rank.
(13:02):
I've seen you puke in some like ugly places, so
I guess maybe it doesn't rank that high. No, it's
pretty empair. I mean the fact that it was like
four in the afternoon and I just eatn like oatmeal
and a cup of coffee. That was tough. But whenever
I go to Austin, Austin, Texas, what does it to me.
I'm not a bit I'm not like a crazy drinker.
But I enjoy my too. I enjoy hurting myself in
certain ways. But yeah, Austin two nights in Austin, Texas,
(13:23):
I will be throwing up in a in a coffee
house the next day. But I did make it to
a bathroom, which is everyone's first question, because if you
throw up in a bathroom Starbucks, it's way better than
throwing up in the middle of a Starbucks. Yeah, that's
like one of the cleanest places you could be a
Starbucks night and day. Let's uh, let's go through some headlines,
shall we? Should we go through the stories of the day,
(13:44):
don't you don't. I don't know if we can top
that story each show would be nice if like, yeah,
this is a show about sports and comedy, you know
what I mean? If I could tell another professional athlete
themselves every week, that's pretty amazing about it. Um, But
why don't we go through some of the headline You
go through the headlines, I'll jump in if I feel
like it. If not, I've got my phones. I can
(14:04):
just kind of scroll through some things. Cameron Heyward been
in the news this week, my boys, steel You're of
course a big Steelers fan, big Steeler fan. I loved Ironhood.
I loved his dad because he played for pitt Yeah,
and he played for the Saints. We of course they're
kind of closet Saints fans. At least, I am a
little bit adopted. Yeah, they're mind like my second favorite team. Ah.
(14:25):
He got in trouble this week, of course, fined by
the NFL for wearing his eye black the iron Head
on it, you know, honoring his father. It's express cancer month,
but he just wanted to honor his father who he lost,
and he did it for a second straight week, even
after or uh he was fined. Um, it turns out
(14:47):
the NFL and him worked out some sort of agreement.
I don't know if they reduced the fines or who knows.
Maybe they agreed to donate something to a certain charity
they have. They've dropped, dropped the issue. What happen? The
NFL is in the right here. I mean, I understand
why they're doing it. I understand. I mean I think
that the best way you can honor your father is
by writing his nickname on your face for a little,
(15:09):
for a couple of hours a week. You know, that's
you can't really mess with that. I think it would
be funny if he got like the iron Head eye
black just tattooed on his face, and then what would
they do? Yeah, they couldn't do anything about it. Or
they might just go back and say edited for content. Ah,
did I go too far? That joke's not gonna make it.
That's not gonna make it. They're just gonna cut that.
(15:30):
Maybe not I was thinking of. I was thinking of,
like when I initially saw you were in the New
York Times today, I was thinking of immediately emailing that too.
Um the particular Shadowy League figure that said he didn't
laugh at our show, that he hated our show the
first time, And I was gonna be like, just let
us have the title that we want. They have. This
(15:50):
guy has an article in the New York Times. But
then I was looking and in the third paragraph of
the article, it basically mentions all the different types of
joke that you had, and it said something like molestation. Uh,
cancer was one of them. What else did they have?
Pretty much all the greatest hits, all the bad ones.
(16:11):
They could add breast cancer. That would be good to
add the um the other headline this week, I don't
know how to get out of that. Donuts, Donuts, Donut Time,
what they called the donut Party. The Minnesota Vikings have
a donut club which they get together every Saturday morning,
(16:36):
very early in the morning in the morning, well at
seven fifty in the morning, the Minnesota Vikings have an
unveiling of the donuts, but you can't touch them for
the first ten minutes, which seems ridiculously childish. I don't
think so. I think that was like the part that
made sense to me was that they make everybody like
when I heard When I first heard about the story,
(16:56):
I first I thought, like, people are gonna get mad
at them, you know, like if this this is the Vike,
but it was the Steelers. Because I just heard Donut Party,
I'm like, are you telling me the entire team wakes
up like three hours before they have to on a
Saturday morning, eats as many donuts as they can. Because
that's what it sounded like. That's not that's not great
athletic behavior. Well not only that, but Jared Allen, who
was featured in the piece of Former Viking, had the
(17:17):
right idea that one of the they had many rules
of donut club, and including don't talk about donut club,
but that's been blown out of the water with this article.
One of them was you have to show up on time.
There's no one shows up late. But Jared Allen got
around it. By he would pay for the donuts. Every week.
It's strolling an hour and a half or two hours
later when they actually had to be there. He seemed
like he knew what he was talking about. I mean
(17:38):
they're talking, they're acting like donuts are some sort of contraband,
like the like the toughest thing that you could smuggle
in that you have to take a look at it
for ten minutes. And it's only three dozen donuts. It's
not that many. I mean, I don't know what donuts cost,
but it can't be it can't be that much. Yeah,
but it does sound like a bad idea. It's not healthy.
If they were like getting together eating kale or like
protein shakes Saturday morning, I can put your J. J.
(18:00):
Watt like knocking down three dozen donuts. They had shirts,
I know, so they get together every Saturday morning. They
all have the donuts. It's a special team bonding thing.
One thing I thought immediately was like, they're not doing this.
The Miami Dolphins aren't doing this, you know, the New
York Giants aren't doing this because there's something to do
in New York or Miami, Like this would only happen
(18:20):
in in with multimillionaire athletes living in Minnesota. Well only
once voting season is over, that's smoot. When I first
heard about this, I thought it sounded like fraternity hazing,
you know what I mean? It sounds like like the
what do they call it, the Cracker game, which we
don't have to go define, but I think people will
know what the Cracker game is. Um. It sounded like
a gross what the Cracker game is. And we were
(18:41):
in a fraternity, but we never had to using with
the Cracker game, have to do something like that, I
I find do you find like I don't usually volunteer
the information that I was in a fraternity. I'm embarrassed
by it. We weren't very fraternity games, like we we
like we pledged as freshman and went through all the
hell of like hazing, and then once we got in,
we were like, this is stupid. Why did we do
all this? And we never really showed up much after that.
(19:02):
We weren't really good fraternity members now, and they didn't
Two lanes different because it's just kind of like you
go out into bar. You know, you can go to
bars when you're eighteen. No one's really living in the
fraternity house. In particular, like three or four people are,
but not that the whole fraternity. It's just kind of
like a a party thing. But even then I'm embarrassed.
And then the one we were in was the most lazy,
(19:22):
like young fraternity ever. Yeah. I just remember having to
do a lot of push ups. Remember once having to
like hang from a statue in the middle of Audubon
Park and put a giant bra on like Lady Justice
while you guys all ran laps around the fountain. What
you remember. This was like four in the morning. It
was a rough that was it was hell weak. I
don't remember anything. And then for the most part I remember.
(19:42):
I remember the crab oil was used. That was kind
of scarring. I didn't have to mess with that because
I was I was pretty. I was so lazy and
I had to mess that. I got to leave early
every day to go work my job cold calling high
school students. That's what I did, but that was not
good at One thing that you know, listeners would definitely
not know about me, but you know about me is
that I have the worst memory of anyone I've ever known.
(20:06):
And one reason why I like to keep you around,
other than you know your celebrity. And uh, the exorbitant
gifts that you give to my kids are that you
remember things about my past, my college experience, you know,
time in New York, really anything to do with the
last ten years. When you can tell me about it,
it's like hearing in the story for the first time.
(20:28):
It's like awakenings. Yeah, I once reminded you about your wedding?
What about it? Just did it happen now? And I also,
I mean, I think I get deserve more credit than that.
I think that I think I'm responsible for your entire
sports wedding career. How do you figure? Okay, you want
me to break it down. Okay, we lived in l
A together. What were you doing when you first got
to l A. I was actually holding the job that
(20:52):
you could have had, or should have had initially were
slated to have. I was an assistant at a movie
action company, UM Hallway Pictures that had a deal with
Warner Brothers. We just kind of geared towards making African American, uh,
you know style movies. Information you should have been like,
(21:13):
I was an assistance. I like the details. Cut everything
Greg said and just put in you weren't assistant, Greg
and so I and I told you. I was like,
you should be a sports writer, Greg, reach of your dreams,
start a blog online and start writing sports stories every day.
And you did that. And then I bought you a
(21:34):
Peter gammon'sobble head doll, which I think was the inspiration
for you to really take that next step and leave
Los Angeles and become a professional sports writer. And now
here we are, well, you know, your whole bit is
you know sarcasm, right, So I'm not even sure if
you really did tell me to start writing in a
sports blog that actually sounds told you to do that,
(21:55):
because I did do that. Yeah, I started writing a
baseball blog while I was in Los Angeles, and then
I got really tired of doing various assistant jobs and
I was a page at NBC and other stuff and
got sick of it and then left l A. I could,
I could say that your entire career is at least
partially that I'm responsible for it. How did how did
(22:20):
you make ends meet? When we were out here? I
gave you like every job that you ever got, and
you got fired from half of them. I had a job.
I had a job at NBC Productions, and I was
kind of an assistant to a producer there as well,
and she would have you know, jobs and shows. I
think you worked as an accounting clerk at American Dreams.
(22:43):
I believe was I got you that job? You got
fired from that? No, I got laid off the end
of the season. I didn't get fired. And then the
woman had re hired me on Deadwood, and then she
rehired me on the unit when I stabbed turned the
back ms literally it literally, stabbing her in the back
would have been more pleasant than what I actually did
to her. Well, now I want to know what you
did there. Not to get too far off topic, because
(23:04):
that story about the the email my accent, we'll tell
another episode. We'll see if the NFL lets us keep going.
Maybe during the playoffs, I'll tell that story. Well, part
of my whole pitch was like, this is gonna be
really real. You know what I mean? This is these
are two friends, um that have us friends best friends,
that have a genuine relationship that's actually written to the
(23:26):
contract that I have to say that each time Anthony insists.
And I think one thing that you've got to think about, Anthony,
is if that's how it is, how real you're really
comfortable getting you know what I mean, Listen, I don't
think about things, Greg, I know about them because your
whole bit on stage, I mean, it's not a bit
(23:47):
if you used to if you use the word stick
right now, I'm leaving. Whose my mind cut that? Please? Uh?
You know you I wouldn't you know? What would you?
How it would people describe you on stage? It's kind
of woudn't say it's a character, but it's an amped
up version of yourself in real life. You're a You're
a pretty nice guy. I'm much nicer than I am
(24:08):
on stage. I would just go on stage, I'm like,
I'm like Darth Vader had and the Devil had a baby,
you know what I mean, that sort of thing. But
off stage, I'm just like, slightly slightly, I'm I'm pretty
much only nice to you and your immediate family. But
that's enough. Can you're really nice to us? Yeah? You
used to be nice to some members of your family,
maybe maybe less less of now your brother. I guess
i'd throw that. That's what I'm trying to get in
(24:30):
in here, is that you know, if we're gonna do this,
you know you have to be comfortable, they're getting really real.
I'm I'm happy to get real. I just feel like
the sole responsibility of being real is on me. I
feel like you couldn't be real, you know, on the
real world. That's how unreal you are, that's how fake
you are as a person, and that if the responsibility
of being real is on me, then I get to
dole out how we do it. I'm not going to
(24:51):
tell all of my stories. It's not okay what you
just said right now. We're best friends, you know what
I mean, That's what happens. So I guess we can
each claim responsibility for each other's career. Were an one,
you know what I mean. I looked at you and
I was like, how do I not end up like that?
I mean, what what can I do? I was living
my dream pretty early. I got a job at Rhoda
(25:13):
World and was was loving it pretty early. I went
to a lot of give me a break. I went
to a lot of your lousy um early stand up sets.
You were great from the beginning, and I and I
thought you were going to do big things right away
because I saw all the no talent hacks that were
around you that I was forced in anyone that lives
in Los Angeles inevitably has some sort of stand up
(25:33):
friend or something where they have to go to a
lot of these shows. And it's the most painful thing
ever because I would, I mean, it was a regular
part of my life to go to you know, these
stand up shows where it was you one or two
pretty funny people and like seven people where you could
not be less comfortable watching them perform. I felt bad
if you, guys, you would have to come to that
because they called bringer shows. We have to like bring
five friends to watch you. So not only that, I
(25:55):
am I making guys watch these hold people. You're seeing
me do the exact same jokes at every single night
that was. I do owe you a debt for that.
Except were you with the first show I ever did?
I don't think so you weren't. I don't know. Did
I have an option ie with the every once in
a while, like to just kind of give you something
that lets you know you don't have me all the way?
(26:18):
You know, I just want to, you know, keeps you
wanting more. Fred Jackson this week, do you know a
team he's on? Now? Back the headlines? Why not? Let's
do it? I mean, we'll keep talking. Uh Fred Jackson
this week? Do you know what team he's on now?
He's on the Seattle Seaks. I don't want to test you.
You're a pretty big NFL fan. Just for people listening
(26:39):
to this, Anthony's not one of these um people you
see on television that says they're a fan just to
kind of like that that's going to get them in
with the male demo or something. I mean, you're a
pretty hardcore sports fan watching Sports Center every night that
I'm not really worried about my placement in the mid demo.
I think I got it. I got it nailed out. Uh.
But but you know, I am a fan. I'm a
diehard Steelers, but I followed the rest of the league.
(27:01):
You know, I know what's up. Um, Fred Jackson got
into a big car crash. Fred Jackson has been one
of my favorite players. I wouldn't even say a big
car crash when he hit a street sign, but it
was played up like it was a big story initially
on TMZ and that proved to be, uh, factually wrong.
We never had any of that on NFL Network. But
(27:21):
he but he did get into an accident. Um initially
it was said that Marshawn Lynch was there and they
were drag racing. He was not drag racing. He just
showed up afterwards, uh, and was seeing you know, it
was on his way out of the out of work,
and he was seeing that his teammate was all right.
He was all right, there's no charges, there's no nothing.
Seahawks Backfield's gonna be fine. Um. But did you when
(27:44):
you heard that they were drag racings? Did you believe it?
Because I believed because it was on TMZ. But it's
still but TMZ they get things right sometimes. Like it's
like those guys have such nice cars, like Marshawn Lynch
has a Lamborghini in his driveway that uh, I met
a guy on this tour who he says he's from
Seattle and he's the same driver as Marshawn Lynch. This
guy picks up Marshaw on every like whenever Marshawn needs
(28:06):
to arrive for something, whether they're going to games or
going going on the road whatever, he says, he pulls
into Marshawn's drive when it's a really small driveway, big house,
small driveway, and he's got a Lamborghini, a brand new
Lamborghini in the front, sitting there, and whenever the guy
pulls in to pick up Marshawn, Marshawn comes out, puts
his luggage in the guy's car, and then so the
guy can turn around in the driveway, he walks up,
picks up the front of the Lamborghini with his hands,
(28:29):
lifts it up like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Twins turning off
a car alarm, and then moves it over a few
inches so the guy can back up and move around. Superhero,
Could you imagine lifting up your car every time someone
had to turn around your driveway? Like amazing. It sounds
like a car I want, But it doesn't sound like
a guy who would race his team might have to practice, Like, Hey,
I'll race you to that street sign. Whoever hits it
(28:50):
first wins. I could see those idiots doing that, Fred Jackson,
it's not an idiot. Maybe Lynch, I don't know. They
both seemed crazy. Um, What's what else do we want
to talk about? How about how about NFL network? Um
really kick started a story this week and I was
(29:10):
there when it happened, at least when it got on air.
And you know this whole hubbub happened that I don't
know if you saw this, that that briefly the NFL
network UM showed some nudity during the show last Sunday
for an interview where Albert Brier was interviewing Adam Pacman
(29:31):
Jones formerly Pacman Jones in the Bengals locker room. But
in the background there was a bunch of Bengals guys
and you know, they briefly showed some nudity and uh,
you know, the players or the the analysts afterwards cracked
up a little bit about it. You know, it was
clearly embarrassed. It was never shown again. The NFL network
eventually apologized about it, but it's become a real story
(29:52):
because the Bengals complained, you know, one of their players
that was pictured nude UM was really upset and offended
by in the NFL. LPA president Eric Winston, who's also
on the Bengals UH says this is an issue for them.
It's been an issue for a while that they don't
that that that nudity having to be naked in front
of players is like is a problem, which totally makes
(30:15):
sense to me. Said, and what other workplace are we
gonna have to be do you have to be naked
in front of it? It's not about being guy girl
sports writers there anything like what other things like we
need to have more time and there is a ten
minute cooling off period where they get to change and everything,
but it's not enough time because you've got to play,
you know, the coach is given a big speech and
you've gotta shower and all that, and that they want
(30:36):
to come up with the situation so that this never
happens and that they never have to have you know,
their wang in front of America again, or any of
the sports writers. I feel like this is like a
really passive aggressive way for you to tell me to
put close on right now. I feel like the reason
we do a podcast so I can wear whatever I
want and this is how uncomfortable. Um, but yeah, I
think there's a lot of ways that the NFL can
deal with this. One of course, bathing suits for every
(30:58):
player you wanted all times. Another thing is body paints,
body paint, ritual body paints. That would be good. You
can see them naked, but you don't really know what's
going on. That feels like it would be more time consuming,
you know, like who would be putting on the bat
the body paint like before the game, Heyward Hayward would
paint them up, put put his put his dad's initials
all over the players bodies spram down. Um no, I
(31:21):
think that would be. That would be very like Zaki
wearing a bikini or was he naked? You don't know,
it's body paints. Um, I believe the King. I always
I always thought the body paint thing was a little
I don't know. It's like people that got really excited
about the sports Illustrated some body paint issue, Like I
get it, but it's like there's porn everywhere. Plus they
look even better in just the bathing it's still like
(31:42):
airbrush like I would like, wouldn't you that the bathing
suit like that? That's great? That was great. I mean
at a certain pointed because Greg wasn't funny. Is any
of this gonna be on the show eventually? Brandon? Are
we just talking to ourselves at this point? I don't
see why any of it will get cut. Okay, none
of it seems too much. Well, we'll see what happens. Alright.
(32:06):
It's not my favorite, so one of our things if
it works. You know, one thing you know, just speaking
to the listeners, and please give us feedback, give me feedback,
give Greg. Yeah, Anthony, I'm not going to check your feedback.
I don't need to know. You're very un social media
friendly or just unfriendly in general. Yeah, I kind of
ignore if you if you if you like, if you
(32:28):
take the compliments, you also have to take the insults.
And I don't care about there that criticism. You know.
I I perform publicly, like live, so the audience tells
me what I need to know. I don't need some
I don't need some fourteen year old in Iowa tweeting
at me that he didn't like my last joke, whether
he doesn't think this podcast is funny enough or that
that you should be replaced. You know. I don't want
I don't want to be reading things like that. But
(32:49):
you can, you can. You can tweet Greg and I
love it. That was one thing, you know, and that
Anthony came up with in the NFL, and NFL was
considering that have someone play for this podcast, like just
have a guy that was like, hey, it's Anthony's longtime friend,
but with more personality, maybe like five or six inches taller,
(33:10):
you know, ability to roll with the punches, come up
with some jokes a little better. Who are they going
to get for that? I don't know, Fred Savage, I
get a lot on Twitter speaking of which, really I
know Fred. I worked for Fred once. Really Yeah, he
directed the Garflonus episode I was on. Edited to keep
Greg's job, just truined to take that out. Um. What
(33:31):
I was trying to get to was, you know, I
want this is an evolving show. The title could change, right.
It was Originally it was gonna be, uh, the Anthony,
Greg and Anthony Show, because Anthony insisted that his name
be first and last. Um. Eventually that got overruled. Uh,
(33:52):
the network didn't really like it was gonna be the
Greg and Anthony Vanity Project. But they didn't really like that.
They wanted Jesselnik to be in there because they think
just America is going to iTunes and randomly searching. Not
just America. I think it's international now, So we went
with that. So that could change. And what what I'm
trying to get to is it's a pretty free flowing podcast, clearly, Um,
(34:13):
but we might you know, want to come up with
some weekly segments. Sure we could do that. And if
you guys have things you want to know, you want
to hear us talk about, you want to ask us questions,
feel free to uh, feel free to do that and
Greg will take a look at him. So I did
throughout some questions this week. Uh, it was a little
or asked for some questions on Twitter. It was a
little last minute. What's least minute? Greg, Well, we've been
(34:35):
planning this for quite some time. What what time do
you send out the things we have? And we were
on the phone last night, for instance, for a while
when you said last minute, do you mean like a
couple of days ago when I send out like you know,
we were sending out emails. Frankly, I've done more preparation
for this than just about anything else. Um, a couple
hours before before the show didn't get great. It didn't
(34:56):
get a ton of response, It didn't get great responses. Uh.
How many followers do you have on Twitter? I've got
over a hundred for sure. Uh, yeah, over one fifteen
or so, over a thousand. There you go, look at that,
A breaking digits just from our friendship. That's great. Please,
(35:18):
now it's gonna really explode. I don't I wish I
could follow you on Twitter my best friend, but I can't. Yeah,
it was a little disappointed with you and some of
your you know, high Acdane and celebrity friends once followed me,
but then they got sick of my They've got sick
of my football analysis. I get it. Yeah, you don't
want to hear about good analysis Buccaneers offensive line or whatever.
(35:39):
So please send us, send us more questions next time.
Tell us tell us what you think of the show. Um,
but I do got a couple of them, so uh
edited for content, Let's go to uh Eric. The last
name was a little confused Laren Laryen tebby Laren to
be would you trust leaving your daughter or god daughter? Um?
(36:01):
I added that, uh, you know, in your case with
Ben Roethlisberger as a babysitter, will you go first? You
go first? Okay, I'm happy that I'm happy to leading
this first of all, since it's a god daughter's situation.
Nice and I love, I adore your god daughter. But
I would leave her with just about anybody. I don't
think I'm really legally responsible for what would happen. So,
(36:23):
and I think that Ben has turned what I call
the Jesus corner. You know, when like players getting so
much trouble, they just start saying Jesus in every interview
they give, and then it like means they're forgiven and
it's okay after that. Ben's in super Jesus territory right now.
He makes uh he makes some name. Yeah, he makes
Russell Wilson look like the guy from the Exorcist. Uh So,
(36:45):
I'm I would trust Ben with just about anybody edited
to keep your interest. Sure, would you be afraid that
he would throw your daughter for three fifty yards? Because
that would be pretty wan a pretty big screw up baby.
Sitting wise, who was the player in the NFL that
you would most trust your daughter with? Oh? Wow, that's
a great question, because I feel like Tom Brady. I
immediately thought of just because you know, you know, wouldn't
(37:08):
he wouldn't feed her, She'd starved to death. What do
you what does that even mean? He's a weird he's
a weirdo. He eats. Wouldn't give her, he wouldn't give
her soda. But that's good. You don't want her having soda.
I give her soda a chance. I got she's grown,
girl's very against it. Um who else is? Look at
the very responsible. What about Peyton Manning. No, he's from
New Orleans. No, you don't want I mean, I love
(37:30):
I like the Mannings. They're from New Orleans and all that,
But just I I feel like he hasn't. I don't
think he's he's the one carrying the fathering load in
that family? Does he even he does have that? Have
you ever seen Peyton Manning's wife? No, does anyone know
that she's I mean she she's out there. I thought
he was married to that lady who owns Papa John's.
(37:53):
It's really stretched face right back, that one. You should
stay on the mic and just laugh the whole time.
But it's gonna be great, Uh, great for the show.
So uh, Anthony, you had this idea of how we
would end each show every week. You wanted to make
(38:13):
some predictions, and but I'll let you because here's what
I wanted. I wanted to do, Like Greg and I
are gonna talk. You're gonna hear are you know us talking?
It's fun to hear friends discuss things, a lot of
them football related. But at the end, I want to
have the kind of a heart out and be able
to kind of do predictions for what I think is
going to happen the next week, and it's gonna be
kind of like a comedy bit where we're gonna try
(38:35):
it and if it doesn't work, like if if it works,
you're gonna hear us do the bit. If not, as
soon as I'm done talking right now, there's gonna be
a cut and then you're gonna hear us say, well,
that didn't work, and that will be the end of
the show. And either way, I think the comedy value
is is sky high. And you came up when we
first you know, we're talking about doing this show back
in the summer. I mean you came up with all
(38:57):
sorts of crazy ideas, clearly not sober when you came
up and came up with them at all. Last night though,
we were just talking that this was a sober idea,
and uh, and I'm pretty excited for it. I'm really not.
I'm worried. I'm worried about it. You should be a
little worried, and I was not so. But we talked
and then I got less sober and I came up
with this idea. But here's the idea. It's it's predictions.
(39:17):
Greg is gonna give me the matchups. I'm not gonna
tell you who's gonna win. I'm just gonna tell you
whether or not I believe the matchup is going to
end up being crunk or funky funky fresh. And if
you don't know the difference, I don't really have time
to explain. It's not that long a podcast. But I
will tell you which one I believe will be. In
the next week, maybe we'll go back and see if
(39:37):
I was right. But what is even the difference? You're
gonna have to find out. But what I told you
when I told them got my wife this idea that
she did start dying of laughter. Well, I think because
you're married or she doesn't get a lot of humor
in her marriage, so that whenever I can kind of
step in and uh, you know, take the brunt, she does.
She is a big jes like fans I want. It
took me the time to when you're it's taken a
little bit. You you she warmed up and when you over. Okay,
(39:59):
let let's go through. Okay, through are some some of
the big games of the week. Uh, let's really start
on on the Sunday games. Depending on when people are
listening to this, um New Orleans at Indie Annapolis, New
Orleans at Indie in Indianapolis, I'm gonna have to say,
that's gonna be That's gonna be funky, funky fresh. If
it was in New Orleans, I would have gone crunk,
(40:21):
you know. I feel like New Orleans is a great
crunk field advantage. But if they're gonna be an indie
Indie coming off that embarrassing loss to the Pats, I
think it's gonna be a funky, funky fresh game for sure,
and you can take that to the bank. The Jets
at the Patriots this weekend. Jets at Patriots, this is
gonna I wish you would save this till the end,
but I'm gonna have to go crunky, crunky fresh. Uh.
(40:43):
It's kind of a mixture of the two. Again, if
it had been in New York, I would have said funky,
funky fresh. Going to Foxboro, You're gonna get a little
crunk in there. You can't not, you know what I mean.
It's kind of just the fox Bow mentality. I think
the Patriots have a lot to prove in terms of
how how fresh they are, but not so much how funky. Though.
I think they've kind of proved their funkiness. So I'm
gonna say crunky, crunky fresh. I like how you describe
(41:05):
whether it would be different if it was in New
York but in New England, because that's when you think
New England in foxbur you think crunk. M No, you
know I messed it up. I've ruined the whole thing. No,
I think it's still going pretty well. Dallas at New
York Dallas. I mean, that's a big game in the
NFC Dallas that you New York Tony Robbo won't be
back for this. You know your buddy still he's still
(41:28):
drinking my vodka somewhere. Uh, let's see Cowboys in New York.
I'm gonna have to go crunk. That's it. That's it's
you know, it's it's a coin flip. To be honest.
I could have said funky, funky fresh and been confident,
But I'm gonna say crunk. Why would you not be honest?
I'm I'm being almost too honest. Maybe if I lied,
then we wouldn't be wouldn't be going through these questions.
(41:50):
Philadelphia at Carolina, good Sunday night game this week. That's
a great Sunday Night game. Uh, you know what I'm
gonna say. The first top is gonna be krunk. The
first half is gonna be crunk as hell if I could,
if I'm allowed to talk like that on the on
the show. Second half a little less crunk, a little
more funky funky fresh. And then the fourth quarter if
you're if you're like allergic to funky funky fresh, turn
(42:12):
the TV off and throw it out the window because
you're gonna die. So I reminded you wanted to go
through sixty games of this and I'm kind of cutting
it off. Last one Monday Night Football, the Baltimore Ravens. Uh.
I thought they were gonna be a good team, so
that's why they're in prime time one in five. But
going to my favorite team other than the Patriots this year,
(42:34):
the team of the Around the NFL podcast there at
the Arizona Cardinals. The Arizona Cardinals are coming off that
lost to the Steelers, which was a beautiful game. Baltimore
needs this one, so I'm gonna have to say. I'm
gonna say across the board funky funky fresh on this one,
and I mean, no one else is gonna agree with me.
I know when the NFL network people are gonna that's
(42:55):
the saying that you would go funky funky Freshman, that
it's the most obvious crunk thing of the week. You
have Arians and the Kangle Hat, you have Carson Palmer,
you have Tyrone Matthew, you have pet Patrick Peterson, you
have the whole desert thing. And if that doesn't scream chrunk,
what screams cronk Anthony? Other games? Give me the give
(43:16):
me the next sixth team. That's it. That's over. There's
no way that's making it in is it? That's definitely
making it. And that was great improvisational gold. You know,
we brought back funky funky fresh I feel, and you
know what, let's let's leave it in and the next
week if I was wrong about any of these, we
can go back and cut it out. Now here's the question, though,
(43:39):
what describes it being wrong? Do we have a classification
for that? It'll be well, it'll be let's not be
up to Brandon. I was just excited for the game
that you didn't throw in there. Based on Anthony's love
of location, going Bills Jaguars in London. Oh okay, well,
all right, and then you helped the show for the
(44:01):
first time. There was Great Jaguars in London, Bill's Jaguars
in London, six thirty in the morning. You have to
wake up and listen and watch it only on Yahoo
being streamed internationally, first time ever where you were. That
is even be the first NFL game that no one watches.
Chronker funky funky fresh. This is a great chance for
(44:21):
me to break up my accent. It's gonna be krunk, mate,
is he would you like a little funky funky fresh love?
That's the worst thing. That's why they don't have you
play characters on TV shows. It's just you know, if
you if you're out of show, you're just playing Anthony Jesslinik. Yeah,
I know, of course I only played comedians. Is that
(44:41):
Crocodile Dundee two? Like? What's that? That was? That was?
That was the Queen of England? That was the Queen?
All right, Bill's Jags Funky funky fresh, funky funky funky
fresh fresh. Um, well, who knows, maybe no one even
heard the rest of that segment. You said that there's
a chance that we would cut it all out, but
let's be honest. Once you do three or four minutes
(45:02):
on anything. You're gonna fall in love with it. We
would never cut anything. I think this is the best
part I would I would edit this to make at
the beginning of the podcast this is the end. Then
how would you close it? We do need to close it.
Do you have it? Do you have any um any
partying words? Because this this really could be the first
and last UM time we ever do this. It's very possible. Um,
(45:24):
why don't you end on like a real note? Tell
me how are how are my godchildren? And how how
is your daughter and your son? Well? Um Walker has
been fast
Are you are listening to the Rosenthal and jessel Nick
Vanity Project, or, as I like to call it, the
biggest mistake of Anthony's career, Like why are you yelling? Ah?
(00:20):
Welcome aboard, this is happening the Vanity Project. It's our
first show. Thank you for listening. It's really our second
show because we tried to tape a video show Anthony
about six seven weeks ago. In the NFL was not
really a big fan of it. They were not on board.
(00:40):
We didn't just try it. We did it, you know,
we did it. We did it the best we could.
And I think the note that came back was I
did not laugh. Yeah, that that was one. No laughter.
I laughed, I heard some I could. I heard some
good feedback, but from the NFL no laughter. Another quote
was I hated it. That was one. So that the project,
the project was a little dead on arrival for a
(01:02):
little a little bit, but we got it back now
an audio form and we're gonna try to do this
every week. We're like audio form. You know, they said that.
I think a lot of people the NFL just thought
I wasn't good looking enough to really carry a TV show.
Uh So, Yeah, now we're here on radio, and I've
got a great I've got a great voice, I've got
great tones coming out of me. Why yeah, why would
they want you on their airwaves? I I think, I think, uh,
(01:26):
you know, we've got the title the Vanity Project, but
now you're already messing it up right off the bat,
like it's the Rosenthal and Justly Nick Vanity project. We
have to stick to it. What did I say? You
said the Vanity Project. Well, that's like shortening it. But
it's like shortening it the wrong WAYF you called it
the Rosenthal and Justly Nick, that would make sense to me. Well,
either way, it's it's kind of the way the the NFL,
I guess is looking at it from my perspective, you know,
(01:48):
from my thing. I I if you're not familiar with me,
if you're a fan of Anthony, I'm a writer at
NFL dot Com, NFL Media. I've been here for three
or four years, which if you are going to be
a writer, it's like the it's like the top level
you can be as far as you know, it's like
NFL network. Uh kind of editor slash writer. And then
right below that, I would say novelist, you know, but
you're you're killing it, killing it after I I did
(02:10):
what eight or nine years before that, Pro Football Talk
NBC Sports dot Com. You, of course, you're a famous comedian.
You've had your own show, The Jessel Knick Offensive on
Comedy Central. You were just the host of Last Comics Standing.
Don't bring that up over a gun on NBC. Why
not bring that up? You did a great job. I
did a great job. I was just unhappy with the
final product, you know what I mean. It's like if
(02:32):
we did this, if we did this at the end,
they were like, oh, hey, great job, guys, but we
edited out all the jokes and put it on the
air with your name on it. That's what Last Comic
Standing was. Well, that that is pretty much what's gonna
happen here. That's I feel like the subtext of the
entire show is that you're gonna try to get me fired,
that you're we're going to talk about subjects and it's
(02:53):
gonna get edited out, and then you're gonna end up
getting angry or booted off doing this in the first day.
Oh yeah, I have bitten every single hand it's ever
fed me. Even if you're not even trying to feed me.
You know, if I just see a hand, I try
to bite it. Um, it happens to me a lot
in the bathroom. They didn't even want this title, by
the way. No, they fought us in the title. They
said the title was kind of too cocky, The Vanity Project.
And you're like, have you ever seen Anthony Justin do anything? Yeah,
(03:14):
they were saying it was too negative, like this is
like the nicest thing that anyone's ever said about you,
The Vanity Project. Well, let's really let's talk about why
we have the show, Greg, because I mean, they know
who we are, they know who you are than who
we are, but they don't know why we have a
show together. Like, why would I ever want to do this?
Why would I ever take time out of my schedule
to be a part of something like this. Why don't
you explain? Well, it's yeah, it's a bad career move,
(03:36):
but you're doing it because we're friends. Going back to college,
were best friends. We're best friends. Controversial decision at my wedding, Um,
you know, well we'll get into that some other time,
but we are we are best friends and we have
been since uh freshman year of college at two Lane. Um.
We we met. We we were in the same fraternity
(03:58):
at two Lane. We both moved out here together in
Los Angeles when we graduated from college. We also spent
the summer out here before that. You know, we've kind
of lived out here at the same time. We've lived
in New York at the same time. And this is
our chance to do something cool together, something creative. This
is your chance to do something cool period. You wanted
to do it. I wanted to do it. I wanted
(04:20):
to do it. I wanted to do something like when
I don't when I'm on podcast, you know, I never
have to care that much because I'm a guest. Usually
I can just get that read East and ellis one yes.
But now that I'm doing this with you, I'm gonna
put in just as much effort, Like this will be
no different. So I kind of like just watching you scorm.
I'm not squirming. I mean I I look at it
as a chance of two friends. You get a chance.
(04:42):
How many chances in life are you gonna get to
do something with your friend that that could be cool,
creative and that people alike. Well, the NFL network as
any say, probably zero, probably no chances. So let's let's
get to some We're gonna talk football on this show.
We're gonna talk full comedy, football, comedy, friendship, entertainment. Yeah,
(05:03):
we're gonna talk about our friendship. How about children, what's
going on in life? Yeah, you're the godfather uh to
my daughter and and my son. Don't forget about him. Well,
you boys have to remind you, you know, well you
decided to choose him. Um, you know I had asked
you to be my god uh father to my daughter
a long time ago, and then you you said it
would be unfair to come over and not give my
(05:23):
son Walker presence as well. Exactly I spoiled like your
daughter just turned four years old, and tell him what
I gave her for for for fourth birthday? What did
you give her? Now? I remember I gave her. I
gave her sapphire studded hair Oh my gosh, sapphire studded hairclips,
which she responded to with I already have a hairclip.
(05:43):
And then I gave her a diamond necklace which your
wife will not let her wear. Well, you went, you
went to the Emmy Sweets gift and sweets before and
you wouldn't have gone out and bought her hundred dollar
you know, hundreds of dollars worth of diamonds. It would
have been like a smash and grab type of thing.
We're just gone into a case and just gone buck
while until I came out with stuff. But you happened
to the birthday party was on the same day that
you went to this Emmy gift being sweet and then
(06:06):
just bam, I just went to places and I was like,
give me something for a four year old girl, and
I like that. We don't really do that. We actually
give these to celebrities so they can wear them, and
I said, give it to him, and you thought you
were being a hero, but ultimately I just put them away.
I was like, this, these are not you know, appropriate
gifts for four year old. She's just gonna eat them
or throw them away. But I'll give it back to her,
you know, when she's eighteen or something. Yeah, you guys
acted like I gave her naked pictures of myself. So
(06:29):
what have you been up to lately? Anthony? You it's
been a big week for you. Your Netflix special came out.
Thoughts and Prayers just came out on Friday. It's been
very well received. Article in the New York Times today,
I was gonna bring that up. I mean, this is
that that has to be the first article ever written
about you in the New York Times, I think, I mean,
you've been probably mentioned before, but this was basically a
think piece about you. Yeah. It was about like how
(06:52):
how political correctness isn't ruining my comedy. It helps it,
you know, because I kind of go against that, and
every way it was. It was a great article. Was
an honor to have and mentioned. And I just finished
a tour. I was on tour with Oddball Festival UH
for the last eight weeks, and actually I had a
great I had a football running on Sunday I finished that.
We finished the tour in Dallas, Dallas, Texas, and I
got to meet Tony Romo. Tony Romo, Yes, I got
(07:15):
to be perfect. I got to meet Tony Romo. And
I'll say this before I tell the story. I like
Tony Romo as much as I can like a cowboy.
Does that make sense? Like I'm a Steelers guy. You
know that. I don't really like other players. I don't
play fantasy because I don't have to root for anyone else.
But I like Tony Romo. He seems a good guy
kind I have Red Sox fans felt about Derek Jeter
for the most part, They're like, well, you know, yeah,
(07:37):
they respect the way he plays the game. You know,
he seems like a cool guy. If he played on
my team, I'd be like, oh, he's my favorite, but
he's not. Um. So, I get to the show and
they're like, Oh, Tony Romo is gonna be here. Tony Romo,
I guess was in the movie train Wreck with Amy Schumer,
which I saw, but I don't remember him in it,
but I guess he's in it. I didn't see Tony
Romo and that he I think he must have done
a quick cameo or something. Was he in that scene
(07:58):
with my r of Albert the worst scene in any
movie ever? I love that. I love that scene. You're
wrong about that. It's a great movie and that's the
one of the worst scenes. Marv's one of the best
act one of the unknown um acting talents of this century.
Marv Albert, Well, you know what, I agree to disagree,
all right. So I get them like Tony rom was
(08:20):
gonna be there, and I'm like, Okay, I'm not that excited,
but I'm like all right, whatever. That just means like
more celebrities backstage, so I'm kind of wondering. I'm trying
to avoid them. And in my in my dressing room,
I have like a rider where I have alcohol in
the there's a bottle of tequila, bottle of vodka. Tonight,
I'm drinking vodka. At the end of the tour, I've
got I have pulled myself a drinking. I'm wandering around
and the tour manager comes up to me and he's
got a little concerned. As I goes, Anthony, we might
(08:42):
have to get you another bottle of vodka. I say, why,
what does that mean? Because I mean, this is my bottle.
It's in my contract, like something bad has happened if
it's not there anymore. I like that it's in your contract.
Oh yeah, everyone has. Everyone's gotta ride or something. Backstage.
Mine is mostly full of booze, maybe a pizza, some
turkey sandwiches, And they say the the vodka has gone.
Tony Romo took your vodka. Wow. Now you know, I'm
(09:05):
not a violent person, but I get angry pretty quick.
And I immediately become furious because I imagined Tony Romo
walking into my dressing room, a room with my name
on the door, walking and taking my bottle of vodka
and leaving, and I'm furious. I'm like, where is he?
Show him to me right now. He might have seen
you ahead of time and been like, this guy thinks
he's the best looking guy here. He sees you as
(09:25):
a threat. I mean, I'm sure he sees me, but
I think he probably just saw me walking around was like,
that looks tasty. I want it what that guy's having.
You know, a lot of people look at me and
they think, what's he doing? How can I copy it?
But I'm ticked him, like where is he? And they go, no, no, no,
Tony didn't take it. They say Amy gave it to him.
He said, could you have any vodka? She's like, does
(09:45):
Amy Schumer? And in Amy's defense, I had just told
her that earlier in the day, I threw up in
a Starbucks. That's how hungover I was. Threw up in
a Starbucks at three in the afternoon. So I don't
need that vodka. But it's still mine, you know. So
I'm a little annoyed. I'm a little bit I'm gonna
let it go. I'm gonna let it go, but I'm
still kind of ticked about Tony Romo drinking my vodka.
He's having fun backstage. All of the crew they are
(10:07):
all Seahawks fans and they're furious they just lost that
game and they hate Tony Romo and they're like, antone,
keep with we took your vodka, and I do you
mean to get him out of the backstage? You mean
to clear him out? So right before I go on stage,
they walk up and then like Tony, you gotta you
gotta get out of He's like looking at them like,
I'm Tony Romo. Don't they go It's for performers, and
they just like, with as much disrespect as they can
push him with this add He's still kind of smiling,
and I'm about to walk out. The crew says Anthony,
(10:29):
will be really funny if at the end of your
set you say the cowboys all right, and this is
fifteen thousand people in Dallas on a Sunday night. I
go out and I kill I have a great set.
At the end, I'm like and then the crowd's going
crazy for me. And so my final night of the tour.
So Lizabeon, thank you so much, Dallas, the cowboys, and
I turned and and the crowd just immediately goes from
(10:50):
cheering to booze, like thunderbous booze. And I turned to
walk around. I go to hand the mike to what
I think is gonna be Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross has
been hosting the tour, and said, Tony Romo walks out
and takes the mic from me like he's going to
introduce Amy, and he's kind of smiling, but he's also like,
I heard full of what you said. So I just go, oh,
I know you. You're the who took my vodka. And
then I handed the mic in front of fifteen thou people,
(11:13):
and I thought about dropping the mic on the ground.
That would have been amazing. It would have been amazing,
but also been not been as classy as just yelling
the cowboys. And so that's what I think of when
I think of you, when I think of this entire story,
I come out with it that class. Yeah, you can
picture me wearing a tuxedo as I tell it. But
then I walked backstage and the entire crew was looking
(11:34):
at me like they just saw a ghosts like we can't.
We were joking, we said yeah, the Cowboys to all
of these people. But I am a hero now to
that entire crew. And in Tony Romo's defense, afterward, he
came up to me, we talked. He was very nice,
he was very complimentary. But when he went out on stage,
he takes the mic and he's like, Hey, every in
the place is going nuts. They love Tony Rome. When
he goes, I don't know who that guy was, but
(11:56):
I think he said some some pretty inexcusable things about
the Cowboys, and the crowd is kind of like, what
like an excuse? Okay, He's like, how about we never
invite him back to Dallas ever again? Huh? And I'm
just sitting backstage, like, right, Tony, you're gonna ban me.
I don't think so. Tony Romo has that kind of power.
He really does. They use a god in uh in Dallas.
They loved him, so he loved him. You're not really
(12:18):
missing much and not going back to Dallas. I like Dallas.
That that that story made me think a couple of things.
First of all, Tony Romo he should be a hero
to Seahawks fans for what he did dropping the extra
point in the two thousand seven Playoffs. Great moment for Seattle.
Jeff Ross was Tony. Jeff Ross was gonna bring him
out and roast him before he introduced Amy, and everyone
(12:40):
was so excited than Tony was like, no, don't roast me.
But when after he introduced Amy, Ross came out and
he goes, oh, sorry, guys, Tony Romo just fell and
got injured himself backstage again crazy. I also want to know, like,
what what led to the Starbucks Starbucks puking? I mean,
like had described that moment in terms of the different
low moments of your life. Where where does that rank.
(13:02):
I've seen you puke in some like ugly places, so
I guess maybe it doesn't rank that high. No, it's
pretty empair. I mean the fact that it was like
four in the afternoon and I just eatn like oatmeal
and a cup of coffee. That was tough. But whenever
I go to Austin, Austin, Texas, what does it to me.
I'm not a bit I'm not like a crazy drinker.
But I enjoy my too. I enjoy hurting myself in
certain ways. But yeah, Austin two nights in Austin, Texas,
(13:23):
I will be throwing up in a in a coffee
house the next day. But I did make it to
a bathroom, which is everyone's first question, because if you
throw up in a bathroom Starbucks, it's way better than
throwing up in the middle of a Starbucks. Yeah, that's
like one of the cleanest places you could be a
Starbucks night and day. Let's uh, let's go through some headlines,
shall we? Should we go through the stories of the day,
(13:44):
don't you don't. I don't know if we can top
that story each show would be nice if like, yeah,
this is a show about sports and comedy, you know
what I mean? If I could tell another professional athlete
themselves every week, that's pretty amazing about it. Um, But
why don't we go through some of the headline You
go through the headlines, I'll jump in if I feel
like it. If not, I've got my phones. I can
(14:04):
just kind of scroll through some things. Cameron Heyward been
in the news this week, my boys, steel You're of
course a big Steelers fan, big Steeler fan. I loved Ironhood.
I loved his dad because he played for pitt Yeah,
and he played for the Saints. We of course they're
kind of closet Saints fans. At least, I am a
little bit adopted. Yeah, they're mind like my second favorite team. Ah.
(14:25):
He got in trouble this week, of course, fined by
the NFL for wearing his eye black the iron Head
on it, you know, honoring his father. It's express cancer month,
but he just wanted to honor his father who he lost,
and he did it for a second straight week, even
after or uh he was fined. Um, it turns out
(14:47):
the NFL and him worked out some sort of agreement.
I don't know if they reduced the fines or who knows.
Maybe they agreed to donate something to a certain charity
they have. They've dropped, dropped the issue. What happen? The
NFL is in the right here. I mean, I understand
why they're doing it. I understand. I mean I think
that the best way you can honor your father is
by writing his nickname on your face for a little,
(15:09):
for a couple of hours a week. You know, that's
you can't really mess with that. I think it would
be funny if he got like the iron Head eye
black just tattooed on his face, and then what would
they do? Yeah, they couldn't do anything about it. Or
they might just go back and say edited for content. Ah,
did I go too far? That joke's not gonna make it.
That's not gonna make it. They're just gonna cut that.
(15:30):
Maybe not I was thinking of. I was thinking of,
like when I initially saw you were in the New
York Times today, I was thinking of immediately emailing that too.
Um the particular Shadowy League figure that said he didn't
laugh at our show, that he hated our show the
first time, And I was gonna be like, just let
us have the title that we want. They have. This
(15:50):
guy has an article in the New York Times. But
then I was looking and in the third paragraph of
the article, it basically mentions all the different types of
joke that you had, and it said something like molestation. Uh,
cancer was one of them. What else did they have?
Pretty much all the greatest hits, all the bad ones.
(16:11):
They could add breast cancer. That would be good to
add the um the other headline this week, I don't
know how to get out of that. Donuts, Donuts, Donut Time,
what they called the donut Party. The Minnesota Vikings have
a donut club which they get together every Saturday morning,
(16:36):
very early in the morning in the morning, well at
seven fifty in the morning, the Minnesota Vikings have an
unveiling of the donuts, but you can't touch them for
the first ten minutes, which seems ridiculously childish. I don't
think so. I think that was like the part that
made sense to me was that they make everybody like
when I heard When I first heard about the story,
(16:56):
I first I thought, like, people are gonna get mad
at them, you know, like if this this is the Vike,
but it was the Steelers. Because I just heard Donut Party,
I'm like, are you telling me the entire team wakes
up like three hours before they have to on a
Saturday morning, eats as many donuts as they can. Because
that's what it sounded like. That's not that's not great
athletic behavior. Well not only that, but Jared Allen, who
was featured in the piece of Former Viking, had the
(17:17):
right idea that one of the they had many rules
of donut club, and including don't talk about donut club,
but that's been blown out of the water with this article.
One of them was you have to show up on time.
There's no one shows up late. But Jared Allen got
around it. By he would pay for the donuts. Every week.
It's strolling an hour and a half or two hours
later when they actually had to be there. He seemed
like he knew what he was talking about. I mean
(17:38):
they're talking, they're acting like donuts are some sort of contraband,
like the like the toughest thing that you could smuggle
in that you have to take a look at it
for ten minutes. And it's only three dozen donuts. It's
not that many. I mean, I don't know what donuts cost,
but it can't be it can't be that much. Yeah,
but it does sound like a bad idea. It's not healthy.
If they were like getting together eating kale or like
protein shakes Saturday morning, I can put your J. J.
(18:00):
Watt like knocking down three dozen donuts. They had shirts,
I know, so they get together every Saturday morning. They
all have the donuts. It's a special team bonding thing.
One thing I thought immediately was like, they're not doing this.
The Miami Dolphins aren't doing this, you know, the New
York Giants aren't doing this because there's something to do
in New York or Miami, Like this would only happen
(18:20):
in in with multimillionaire athletes living in Minnesota. Well only
once voting season is over, that's smoot. When I first
heard about this, I thought it sounded like fraternity hazing,
you know what I mean? It sounds like like the
what do they call it, the Cracker game, which we
don't have to go define, but I think people will
know what the Cracker game is. Um. It sounded like
a gross what the Cracker game is. And we were
(18:41):
in a fraternity, but we never had to using with
the Cracker game, have to do something like that, I
I find do you find like I don't usually volunteer
the information that I was in a fraternity. I'm embarrassed
by it. We weren't very fraternity games, like we we
like we pledged as freshman and went through all the
hell of like hazing, and then once we got in,
we were like, this is stupid. Why did we do
all this? And we never really showed up much after that.
(19:02):
We weren't really good fraternity members now, and they didn't
Two lanes different because it's just kind of like you
go out into bar. You know, you can go to
bars when you're eighteen. No one's really living in the
fraternity house. In particular, like three or four people are,
but not that the whole fraternity. It's just kind of
like a a party thing. But even then I'm embarrassed.
And then the one we were in was the most lazy,
(19:22):
like young fraternity ever. Yeah. I just remember having to
do a lot of push ups. Remember once having to
like hang from a statue in the middle of Audubon
Park and put a giant bra on like Lady Justice
while you guys all ran laps around the fountain. What
you remember. This was like four in the morning. It
was a rough that was it was hell weak. I
don't remember anything. And then for the most part I remember.
(19:42):
I remember the crab oil was used. That was kind
of scarring. I didn't have to mess with that because
I was I was pretty. I was so lazy and
I had to mess that. I got to leave early
every day to go work my job cold calling high
school students. That's what I did, but that was not
good at One thing that you know, listeners would definitely
not know about me, but you know about me is
that I have the worst memory of anyone I've ever known.
(20:06):
And one reason why I like to keep you around,
other than you know your celebrity. And uh, the exorbitant
gifts that you give to my kids are that you
remember things about my past, my college experience, you know,
time in New York, really anything to do with the
last ten years. When you can tell me about it,
it's like hearing in the story for the first time.
(20:28):
It's like awakenings. Yeah, I once reminded you about your wedding?
What about it? Just did it happen now? And I also,
I mean, I think I get deserve more credit than that.
I think that I think I'm responsible for your entire
sports wedding career. How do you figure? Okay, you want
me to break it down. Okay, we lived in l
A together. What were you doing when you first got
to l A. I was actually holding the job that
(20:52):
you could have had, or should have had initially were
slated to have. I was an assistant at a movie
action company, UM Hallway Pictures that had a deal with
Warner Brothers. We just kind of geared towards making African American, uh,
you know style movies. Information you should have been like,
(21:13):
I was an assistance. I like the details. Cut everything
Greg said and just put in you weren't assistant, Greg
and so I and I told you. I was like,
you should be a sports writer, Greg, reach of your dreams,
start a blog online and start writing sports stories every day.
And you did that. And then I bought you a
(21:34):
Peter gammon'sobble head doll, which I think was the inspiration
for you to really take that next step and leave
Los Angeles and become a professional sports writer. And now
here we are, well, you know, your whole bit is
you know sarcasm, right, So I'm not even sure if
you really did tell me to start writing in a
sports blog that actually sounds told you to do that,
(21:55):
because I did do that. Yeah, I started writing a
baseball blog while I was in Los Angeles, and then
I got really tired of doing various assistant jobs and
I was a page at NBC and other stuff and
got sick of it and then left l A. I could,
I could say that your entire career is at least
partially that I'm responsible for it. How did how did
(22:20):
you make ends meet? When we were out here? I
gave you like every job that you ever got, and
you got fired from half of them. I had a job.
I had a job at NBC Productions, and I was
kind of an assistant to a producer there as well,
and she would have you know, jobs and shows. I
think you worked as an accounting clerk at American Dreams.
(22:43):
I believe was I got you that job? You got
fired from that? No, I got laid off the end
of the season. I didn't get fired. And then the
woman had re hired me on Deadwood, and then she
rehired me on the unit when I stabbed turned the
back ms literally it literally, stabbing her in the back
would have been more pleasant than what I actually did
to her. Well, now I want to know what you
did there. Not to get too far off topic, because
(23:04):
that story about the the email my accent, we'll tell
another episode. We'll see if the NFL lets us keep going.
Maybe during the playoffs, I'll tell that story. Well, part
of my whole pitch was like, this is gonna be
really real. You know what I mean? This is these
are two friends, um that have us friends best friends,
that have a genuine relationship that's actually written to the
(23:26):
contract that I have to say that each time Anthony insists.
And I think one thing that you've got to think about, Anthony,
is if that's how it is, how real you're really
comfortable getting you know what I mean, Listen, I don't
think about things, Greg, I know about them because your
whole bit on stage, I mean, it's not a bit
(23:47):
if you used to if you use the word stick
right now, I'm leaving. Whose my mind cut that? Please? Uh?
You know you I wouldn't you know? What would you?
How it would people describe you on stage? It's kind
of woudn't say it's a character, but it's an amped
up version of yourself in real life. You're a You're
a pretty nice guy. I'm much nicer than I am
(24:08):
on stage. I would just go on stage, I'm like,
I'm like Darth Vader had and the Devil had a baby,
you know what I mean, that sort of thing. But
off stage, I'm just like, slightly slightly, I'm I'm pretty
much only nice to you and your immediate family. But
that's enough. Can you're really nice to us? Yeah? You
used to be nice to some members of your family,
maybe maybe less less of now your brother. I guess
i'd throw that. That's what I'm trying to get in
(24:30):
in here, is that you know, if we're gonna do this,
you know you have to be comfortable, they're getting really real.
I'm I'm happy to get real. I just feel like
the sole responsibility of being real is on me. I
feel like you couldn't be real, you know, on the
real world. That's how unreal you are, that's how fake
you are as a person, and that if the responsibility
of being real is on me, then I get to
dole out how we do it. I'm not going to
(24:51):
tell all of my stories. It's not okay what you
just said right now. We're best friends, you know what
I mean, That's what happens. So I guess we can
each claim responsibility for each other's career. Were an one,
you know what I mean. I looked at you and
I was like, how do I not end up like that?
I mean, what what can I do? I was living
my dream pretty early. I got a job at Rhoda
(25:13):
World and was was loving it pretty early. I went
to a lot of give me a break. I went
to a lot of your lousy um early stand up sets.
You were great from the beginning, and I and I
thought you were going to do big things right away
because I saw all the no talent hacks that were
around you that I was forced in anyone that lives
in Los Angeles inevitably has some sort of stand up
(25:33):
friend or something where they have to go to a
lot of these shows. And it's the most painful thing
ever because I would, I mean, it was a regular
part of my life to go to you know, these
stand up shows where it was you one or two
pretty funny people and like seven people where you could
not be less comfortable watching them perform. I felt bad
if you, guys, you would have to come to that
because they called bringer shows. We have to like bring
five friends to watch you. So not only that, I
(25:55):
am I making guys watch these hold people. You're seeing
me do the exact same jokes at every single night
that was. I do owe you a debt for that.
Except were you with the first show I ever did?
I don't think so you weren't. I don't know. Did
I have an option ie with the every once in
a while, like to just kind of give you something
that lets you know you don't have me all the way?
(26:18):
You know, I just want to, you know, keeps you
wanting more. Fred Jackson this week, do you know a
team he's on? Now? Back the headlines? Why not? Let's
do it? I mean, we'll keep talking. Uh Fred Jackson
this week? Do you know what team he's on now?
He's on the Seattle Seaks. I don't want to test you.
You're a pretty big NFL fan. Just for people listening
(26:39):
to this, Anthony's not one of these um people you
see on television that says they're a fan just to
kind of like that that's going to get them in
with the male demo or something. I mean, you're a
pretty hardcore sports fan watching Sports Center every night that
I'm not really worried about my placement in the mid demo.
I think I got it. I got it nailed out. Uh.
But but you know, I am a fan. I'm a
diehard Steelers, but I followed the rest of the league.
(27:01):
You know, I know what's up. Um, Fred Jackson got
into a big car crash. Fred Jackson has been one
of my favorite players. I wouldn't even say a big
car crash when he hit a street sign, but it
was played up like it was a big story initially
on TMZ and that proved to be, uh, factually wrong.
We never had any of that on NFL Network. But
(27:21):
he but he did get into an accident. Um initially
it was said that Marshawn Lynch was there and they
were drag racing. He was not drag racing. He just
showed up afterwards, uh, and was seeing you know, it
was on his way out of the out of work,
and he was seeing that his teammate was all right.
He was all right, there's no charges, there's no nothing.
Seahawks Backfield's gonna be fine. Um. But did you when
(27:44):
you heard that they were drag racings? Did you believe it?
Because I believed because it was on TMZ. But it's
still but TMZ they get things right sometimes. Like it's
like those guys have such nice cars, like Marshawn Lynch
has a Lamborghini in his driveway that uh, I met
a guy on this tour who he says he's from
Seattle and he's the same driver as Marshawn Lynch. This
guy picks up Marshaw on every like whenever Marshawn needs
(28:06):
to arrive for something, whether they're going to games or
going going on the road whatever, he says, he pulls
into Marshawn's drive when it's a really small driveway, big house,
small driveway, and he's got a Lamborghini, a brand new
Lamborghini in the front, sitting there, and whenever the guy
pulls in to pick up Marshawn, Marshawn comes out, puts
his luggage in the guy's car, and then so the
guy can turn around in the driveway, he walks up,
picks up the front of the Lamborghini with his hands,
(28:29):
lifts it up like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Twins turning off
a car alarm, and then moves it over a few
inches so the guy can back up and move around. Superhero,
Could you imagine lifting up your car every time someone
had to turn around your driveway? Like amazing. It sounds
like a car I want, But it doesn't sound like
a guy who would race his team might have to practice, Like, Hey,
I'll race you to that street sign. Whoever hits it
(28:50):
first wins. I could see those idiots doing that, Fred Jackson,
it's not an idiot. Maybe Lynch, I don't know. They
both seemed crazy. Um, What's what else do we want
to talk about? How about how about NFL network? Um
really kick started a story this week and I was
(29:10):
there when it happened, at least when it got on air.
And you know this whole hubbub happened that I don't
know if you saw this, that that briefly the NFL
network UM showed some nudity during the show last Sunday
for an interview where Albert Brier was interviewing Adam Pacman
(29:31):
Jones formerly Pacman Jones in the Bengals locker room. But
in the background there was a bunch of Bengals guys
and you know, they briefly showed some nudity and uh,
you know, the players or the the analysts afterwards cracked
up a little bit about it. You know, it was
clearly embarrassed. It was never shown again. The NFL network
eventually apologized about it, but it's become a real story
(29:52):
because the Bengals complained, you know, one of their players
that was pictured nude UM was really upset and offended
by in the NFL. LPA president Eric Winston, who's also
on the Bengals UH says this is an issue for them.
It's been an issue for a while that they don't
that that that nudity having to be naked in front
of players is like is a problem, which totally makes
(30:15):
sense to me. Said, and what other workplace are we
gonna have to be do you have to be naked
in front of it? It's not about being guy girl
sports writers there anything like what other things like we
need to have more time and there is a ten
minute cooling off period where they get to change and everything,
but it's not enough time because you've got to play,
you know, the coach is given a big speech and
you've gotta shower and all that, and that they want
(30:36):
to come up with the situation so that this never
happens and that they never have to have you know,
their wang in front of America again, or any of
the sports writers. I feel like this is like a
really passive aggressive way for you to tell me to
put close on right now. I feel like the reason
we do a podcast so I can wear whatever I
want and this is how uncomfortable. Um, but yeah, I
think there's a lot of ways that the NFL can
deal with this. One of course, bathing suits for every
(30:58):
player you wanted all times. Another thing is body paints,
body paint, ritual body paints. That would be good. You
can see them naked, but you don't really know what's
going on. That feels like it would be more time consuming,
you know, like who would be putting on the bat
the body paint like before the game, Heyward Hayward would
paint them up, put put his put his dad's initials
all over the players bodies spram down. Um no, I
(31:21):
think that would be. That would be very like Zaki
wearing a bikini or was he naked? You don't know,
it's body paints. Um, I believe the King. I always
I always thought the body paint thing was a little
I don't know. It's like people that got really excited
about the sports Illustrated some body paint issue, Like I
get it, but it's like there's porn everywhere. Plus they
look even better in just the bathing it's still like
(31:42):
airbrush like I would like, wouldn't you that the bathing
suit like that? That's great? That was great. I mean
at a certain pointed because Greg wasn't funny. Is any
of this gonna be on the show eventually? Brandon? Are
we just talking to ourselves at this point? I don't
see why any of it will get cut. Okay, none
of it seems too much. Well, we'll see what happens. Alright.
(32:06):
It's not my favorite, so one of our things if
it works. You know, one thing you know, just speaking
to the listeners, and please give us feedback, give me feedback,
give Greg. Yeah, Anthony, I'm not going to check your feedback.
I don't need to know. You're very un social media
friendly or just unfriendly in general. Yeah, I kind of
ignore if you if you if you like, if you
(32:28):
take the compliments, you also have to take the insults.
And I don't care about there that criticism. You know.
I I perform publicly, like live, so the audience tells
me what I need to know. I don't need some
I don't need some fourteen year old in Iowa tweeting
at me that he didn't like my last joke, whether
he doesn't think this podcast is funny enough or that
that you should be replaced. You know. I don't want
I don't want to be reading things like that. But
(32:49):
you can, you can. You can tweet Greg and I
love it. That was one thing, you know, and that
Anthony came up with in the NFL, and NFL was
considering that have someone play for this podcast, like just
have a guy that was like, hey, it's Anthony's longtime friend,
but with more personality, maybe like five or six inches taller,
(33:10):
you know, ability to roll with the punches, come up
with some jokes a little better. Who are they going
to get for that? I don't know, Fred Savage, I
get a lot on Twitter speaking of which, really I
know Fred. I worked for Fred once. Really Yeah, he
directed the Garflonus episode I was on. Edited to keep
Greg's job, just truined to take that out. Um. What
(33:31):
I was trying to get to was, you know, I
want this is an evolving show. The title could change, right.
It was Originally it was gonna be, uh, the Anthony,
Greg and Anthony Show, because Anthony insisted that his name
be first and last. Um. Eventually that got overruled. Uh,
(33:52):
the network didn't really like it was gonna be the
Greg and Anthony Vanity Project. But they didn't really like that.
They wanted Jesselnik to be in there because they think
just America is going to iTunes and randomly searching. Not
just America. I think it's international now, So we went
with that. So that could change. And what what I'm
trying to get to is it's a pretty free flowing podcast, clearly, Um,
(34:13):
but we might you know, want to come up with
some weekly segments. Sure we could do that. And if
you guys have things you want to know, you want
to hear us talk about, you want to ask us questions,
feel free to uh, feel free to do that and
Greg will take a look at him. So I did
throughout some questions this week. Uh, it was a little
or asked for some questions on Twitter. It was a
little last minute. What's least minute? Greg, Well, we've been
(34:35):
planning this for quite some time. What what time do
you send out the things we have? And we were
on the phone last night, for instance, for a while
when you said last minute, do you mean like a
couple of days ago when I send out like you know,
we were sending out emails. Frankly, I've done more preparation
for this than just about anything else. Um, a couple
hours before before the show didn't get great. It didn't
(34:56):
get a ton of response, It didn't get great responses. Uh.
How many followers do you have on Twitter? I've got
over a hundred for sure. Uh, yeah, over one fifteen
or so, over a thousand. There you go, look at that,
A breaking digits just from our friendship. That's great. Please,
(35:18):
now it's gonna really explode. I don't I wish I
could follow you on Twitter my best friend, but I can't. Yeah,
it was a little disappointed with you and some of
your you know, high Acdane and celebrity friends once followed me,
but then they got sick of my They've got sick
of my football analysis. I get it. Yeah, you don't
want to hear about good analysis Buccaneers offensive line or whatever.
(35:39):
So please send us, send us more questions next time.
Tell us tell us what you think of the show. Um,
but I do got a couple of them, so uh
edited for content, Let's go to uh Eric. The last
name was a little confused Laren Laryen tebby Laren to
be would you trust leaving your daughter or god daughter? Um?
(36:01):
I added that, uh, you know, in your case with
Ben Roethlisberger as a babysitter, will you go first? You
go first? Okay, I'm happy that I'm happy to leading
this first of all, since it's a god daughter's situation.
Nice and I love, I adore your god daughter. But
I would leave her with just about anybody. I don't
think I'm really legally responsible for what would happen. So,
(36:23):
and I think that Ben has turned what I call
the Jesus corner. You know, when like players getting so
much trouble, they just start saying Jesus in every interview
they give, and then it like means they're forgiven and
it's okay after that. Ben's in super Jesus territory right now.
He makes uh he makes some name. Yeah, he makes
Russell Wilson look like the guy from the Exorcist. Uh So,
(36:45):
I'm I would trust Ben with just about anybody edited
to keep your interest. Sure, would you be afraid that
he would throw your daughter for three fifty yards? Because
that would be pretty wan a pretty big screw up baby.
Sitting wise, who was the player in the NFL that
you would most trust your daughter with? Oh? Wow, that's
a great question, because I feel like Tom Brady. I
immediately thought of just because you know, you know, wouldn't
(37:08):
he wouldn't feed her, She'd starved to death. What do
you what does that even mean? He's a weird he's
a weirdo. He eats. Wouldn't give her, he wouldn't give
her soda. But that's good. You don't want her having soda.
I give her soda a chance. I got she's grown,
girl's very against it. Um who else is? Look at
the very responsible. What about Peyton Manning. No, he's from
New Orleans. No, you don't want I mean, I love
(37:30):
I like the Mannings. They're from New Orleans and all that,
But just I I feel like he hasn't. I don't
think he's he's the one carrying the fathering load in
that family? Does he even he does have that? Have
you ever seen Peyton Manning's wife? No, does anyone know
that she's I mean she she's out there. I thought
he was married to that lady who owns Papa John's.
(37:53):
It's really stretched face right back, that one. You should
stay on the mic and just laugh the whole time.
But it's gonna be great, Uh, great for the show.
So uh, Anthony, you had this idea of how we
would end each show every week. You wanted to make
(38:13):
some predictions, and but I'll let you because here's what
I wanted. I wanted to do, Like Greg and I
are gonna talk. You're gonna hear are you know us talking?
It's fun to hear friends discuss things, a lot of
them football related. But at the end, I want to
have the kind of a heart out and be able
to kind of do predictions for what I think is
going to happen the next week, and it's gonna be
kind of like a comedy bit where we're gonna try
(38:35):
it and if it doesn't work, like if if it works,
you're gonna hear us do the bit. If not, as
soon as I'm done talking right now, there's gonna be
a cut and then you're gonna hear us say, well,
that didn't work, and that will be the end of
the show. And either way, I think the comedy value
is is sky high. And you came up when we
first you know, we're talking about doing this show back
in the summer. I mean you came up with all
(38:57):
sorts of crazy ideas, clearly not sober when you came
up and came up with them at all. Last night though,
we were just talking that this was a sober idea,
and uh, and I'm pretty excited for it. I'm really not.
I'm worried. I'm worried about it. You should be a
little worried, and I was not so. But we talked
and then I got less sober and I came up
with this idea. But here's the idea. It's it's predictions.
(39:17):
Greg is gonna give me the matchups. I'm not gonna
tell you who's gonna win. I'm just gonna tell you
whether or not I believe the matchup is going to
end up being crunk or funky funky fresh. And if
you don't know the difference, I don't really have time
to explain. It's not that long a podcast. But I
will tell you which one I believe will be. In
the next week, maybe we'll go back and see if
(39:37):
I was right. But what is even the difference? You're
gonna have to find out. But what I told you
when I told them got my wife this idea that
she did start dying of laughter. Well, I think because
you're married or she doesn't get a lot of humor
in her marriage, so that whenever I can kind of
step in and uh, you know, take the brunt, she does.
She is a big jes like fans I want. It
took me the time to when you're it's taken a
little bit. You you she warmed up and when you over. Okay,
(39:59):
let let's go through. Okay, through are some some of
the big games of the week. Uh, let's really start
on on the Sunday games. Depending on when people are
listening to this, um New Orleans at Indie Annapolis, New
Orleans at Indie in Indianapolis, I'm gonna have to say,
that's gonna be That's gonna be funky, funky fresh. If
it was in New Orleans, I would have gone crunk,
(40:21):
you know. I feel like New Orleans is a great
crunk field advantage. But if they're gonna be an indie
Indie coming off that embarrassing loss to the Pats, I
think it's gonna be a funky, funky fresh game for sure,
and you can take that to the bank. The Jets
at the Patriots this weekend. Jets at Patriots, this is
gonna I wish you would save this till the end,
but I'm gonna have to go crunky, crunky fresh. Uh.
(40:43):
It's kind of a mixture of the two. Again, if
it had been in New York, I would have said funky,
funky fresh. Going to Foxboro, You're gonna get a little
crunk in there. You can't not, you know what I mean.
It's kind of just the fox Bow mentality. I think
the Patriots have a lot to prove in terms of
how how fresh they are, but not so much how funky. Though.
I think they've kind of proved their funkiness. So I'm
gonna say crunky, crunky fresh. I like how you describe
(41:05):
whether it would be different if it was in New
York but in New England, because that's when you think
New England in foxbur you think crunk. M No, you
know I messed it up. I've ruined the whole thing. No,
I think it's still going pretty well. Dallas at New
York Dallas. I mean, that's a big game in the
NFC Dallas that you New York Tony Robbo won't be
back for this. You know your buddy still he's still
(41:28):
drinking my vodka somewhere. Uh, let's see Cowboys in New York.
I'm gonna have to go crunk. That's it. That's it's
you know, it's it's a coin flip. To be honest.
I could have said funky, funky fresh and been confident,
But I'm gonna say crunk. Why would you not be honest?
I'm I'm being almost too honest. Maybe if I lied,
then we wouldn't be wouldn't be going through these questions.
(41:50):
Philadelphia at Carolina, good Sunday night game this week. That's
a great Sunday Night game. Uh, you know what I'm
gonna say. The first top is gonna be krunk. The
first half is gonna be crunk as hell if I could,
if I'm allowed to talk like that on the on
the show. Second half a little less crunk, a little
more funky funky fresh. And then the fourth quarter if
you're if you're like allergic to funky funky fresh, turn
(42:12):
the TV off and throw it out the window because
you're gonna die. So I reminded you wanted to go
through sixty games of this and I'm kind of cutting
it off. Last one Monday Night Football, the Baltimore Ravens. Uh.
I thought they were gonna be a good team, so
that's why they're in prime time one in five. But
going to my favorite team other than the Patriots this year,
(42:34):
the team of the Around the NFL podcast there at
the Arizona Cardinals. The Arizona Cardinals are coming off that
lost to the Steelers, which was a beautiful game. Baltimore
needs this one, so I'm gonna have to say. I'm
gonna say across the board funky funky fresh on this one,
and I mean, no one else is gonna agree with me.
I know when the NFL network people are gonna that's
(42:55):
the saying that you would go funky funky Freshman, that
it's the most obvious crunk thing of the week. You
have Arians and the Kangle Hat, you have Carson Palmer,
you have Tyrone Matthew, you have pet Patrick Peterson, you
have the whole desert thing. And if that doesn't scream chrunk,
what screams cronk Anthony? Other games? Give me the give
(43:16):
me the next sixth team. That's it. That's over. There's
no way that's making it in is it? That's definitely
making it. And that was great improvisational gold. You know,
we brought back funky funky fresh I feel, and you
know what, let's let's leave it in and the next
week if I was wrong about any of these, we
can go back and cut it out. Now here's the question, though,
(43:39):
what describes it being wrong? Do we have a classification
for that? It'll be well, it'll be let's not be
up to Brandon. I was just excited for the game
that you didn't throw in there. Based on Anthony's love
of location, going Bills Jaguars in London. Oh okay, well,
all right, and then you helped the show for the
(44:01):
first time. There was Great Jaguars in London, Bill's Jaguars
in London, six thirty in the morning. You have to
wake up and listen and watch it only on Yahoo
being streamed internationally, first time ever where you were. That
is even be the first NFL game that no one watches.
Chronker funky funky fresh. This is a great chance for
(44:21):
me to break up my accent. It's gonna be krunk, mate,
is he would you like a little funky funky fresh love?
That's the worst thing. That's why they don't have you
play characters on TV shows. It's just you know, if
you if you're out of show, you're just playing Anthony Jesslinik. Yeah,
I know, of course I only played comedians. Is that
(44:41):
Crocodile Dundee two? Like? What's that? That was? That was?
That was the Queen of England? That was the Queen?
All right, Bill's Jags Funky funky fresh, funky funky funky
fresh fresh. Um, well, who knows, maybe no one even
heard the rest of that segment. You said that there's
a chance that we would cut it all out, but
let's be honest. Once you do three or four minutes
(45:02):
on anything. You're gonna fall in love with it. We
would never cut anything. I think this is the best
part I would I would edit this to make at
the beginning of the podcast this is the end. Then
how would you close it? We do need to close it.
Do you have it? Do you have any um any
partying words? Because this this really could be the first
and last UM time we ever do this. It's very possible. Um,
(45:24):
why don't you end on like a real note? Tell
me how are how are my godchildren? And how how
is your daughter and your son? Well? Um Walker has
been fast
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