KeKe's Court: It's My Big Day!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Order of she's a fresh show. It's Kiki's court, alright,
it's the honor of old kikileik cow take it away.
Wow its sound effects too.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Okay, let's step into the courtroom. This case says, Hey, Kiki.
My name is Cassie, and I've gone no contact with
my mother and it's been the hardest thing I have
ever had to do. I am my mother's only living daughter.
I had an older sister that died a few months
after birth, so I never got a chance to meet her,
but my mother has made sure to keep her memory alive.

(00:33):
My mom talks about my sister all the time. Every year,
she makes the family celebrate my late sister's birthday. At
all of my graduations, my mom brings a picture of
my sister and sits it on the front seat of
the graduation in her memory. And if I'm being honest,
I feel like it's a bit weird considering how many
years it's been since my sister passed. My final straw

(00:55):
was while planning my wedding, my mom kept bringing up
my sister. She asks first if I would make her
an honorary bridesmaid and add her name to the wedding
website and programs. Then she took it a step further
and requested that I reserve and decorate a seat on
the front row of my wedding with a photo of
my sister for me.

Speaker 3 (01:14):
That was the final straw.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
I told my mom, please stop making your grief the
front page of our lives. My dad feels the same,
but he won't speak up, so I had to. I
told her, no, I will not add a grief session
to my wedding. This is supposed to be the happiest
day of my life. My mom called me selfish and
we haven't spoken in three months since the argument.

Speaker 3 (01:35):
My wedding is coming up soon. Should I just.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
Give in and let my mom steal my moment again?
Or should I stand my ground?

Speaker 1 (01:43):
Now this isn't not that it matters but necessarily, but
it isn't the infant just after birth, right, So, like,
we're not talking about and again I'm not saying that
grief is grief. Losing a human being is what it is.
But we're not talking about someone you know, with whom
we shared a bond that well, maybe a bond, but
like we don't we never had a conversation with this person.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Okay, I'm just being clear of this. Yeah, the Cassie
has never met her sister. You know, her sister passed
before she was However, until that happens to you, I
feel like, as a parent losing a child, you don't
know what that feels like.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
Yeah, no, I'm not minimizing. I'm just trying to understand
the sort of the strength of the connection, how the
connection ties to the girl who's writing in the Kiki's chord,
who's wedding it is. You know, I don't know if
there was something that maybe they've been a little older
and they shared something together, like a hobby or a

(02:40):
you know what I mean. You know what I mean? Yeah, Okay,
Like my grandfather was honored at my at my sister's wedding.
Now we didn't do like the whole empty chair thing,
but like I don't know, everybody there knew him and
and everyone was sad that he wasn't there, and there
was context, and so I understood that completely anyway.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
And that's just that your sister's decisions. Yeah, right, right,
deision though exactly. So this really has me torn, honestly,
Like I've you know, I've lost siblings before, and I
understand the pain that her mom may feel. But again,
this is her wedding and it is her day, and
you have made your grief the front page of it
seems like all of her biggest moments in life, and

(03:21):
I hate that for Cassie. So I do feel like
in this instance, like you should. I don't think you
should go no contact with your mom. I don't think
you should she shouldn't come to the wedding. I think
you all should have a nice little conversation. Your mom
needs some therapy. I think some type of grief counseling
that is overdue and she really needs that. And I

(03:41):
feel like if you can help her in any way
to get that, then you guys can move forward. But
I don't think that you need to make that the
center of your wedding if that's not what you're comfortable with,
because at the end of the day, it is your wedding.
And so Cassie, I think you know, if your mom
can't compromise in that, in that arena, then I think you.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
Should stand your And I know that's tough.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
I mean, who doesn't want their mother at their wedding,
But like, she can't keep taking over your moments with
her grief.

Speaker 3 (04:08):
I feel you on that.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
You guys are the Jerry eight five five three five
mm hmm.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
It's so tough.

Speaker 4 (04:14):
She's in that shadow that she can never get out of.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
Right, she didn't ask, right, you know, ask for that?

Speaker 5 (04:19):
And oh yeah, maybe she can go to therapy like
with her mom, because obviously she's her mother's only living child.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
I'm assuming, yep. So I think that further rest of
their lives.

Speaker 5 (04:28):
I think this is something that's going to come up
or like at least effect both of them.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
And I don't think losing a child is.

Speaker 5 (04:34):
Easy at age one hundred, you know, if your kid's
a hundred, or if your kid is you know, five
days old, I think it's it's so tough either way, right,
But this is.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
About the mom, because that's why I was trying to
quantify that the nature of the connection between the bride
and her sister, and there isn't one you never met
because this this day is about the bride, It is
not about the mom, and the mom is as you know,
projecting her her grief onto not only her living child,

(05:00):
but also this day and it seems like everything else.
And so that that's why I kind of wanted to understand,
Like women's it just so we're clear here they never
even met, no, and so she's she clearly isn't processing
this well. And it's to your point, this, this poor
girl is living in the shadow of this, you know, this,

(05:20):
this deceased young girl who she never knew it. She's
not her fault, it's not it's Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
And then like the fact that the father he feels
the same. He agrees with Cassie, but he won't speak
up to his wife. I mean that's even hard too.
So I feel like maybe there needs to be a
family therapy session.

Speaker 3 (05:39):
Yeah, with the mom.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
That kind of happens because God, like I cannot imagine
if every one of my moments' is like, oh but
if your.

Speaker 4 (05:47):
Sister, you know, like your sister were here, Yeah, your
sister were here.

Speaker 1 (05:51):
It's just so said.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
She's got to work through it. It's really sad, but
she has to work through it.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
The mom does, man, Yeah, right, because it's like everything
you do, it's like you don't amount to this this
figure of this person who never got to live, right,
But you are living, and you are here and you're
able to fulfill you know, sort of this role, but
it's like it's not good enough because because this other
child's not there. Man, that's really hard.

Speaker 4 (06:17):
The mom props are having another child after losing a child.
That's got to be super tough. Yeah, to make the
decision to have another child, but to have that you're
overshadowing that.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
She can't keep putting us on the living the living child,
and now look at what's hapening. She stands to lose
her living child too because this kid can't get out
from under the other one. Yeah, I mean there's there's
definitely some grieving that needs to happen, and yeah, I
think therapy's a good idea. Hey Emily, good morning, Hey Emily, Hi,
welcome to Keiki's court. What do you want to say?

Speaker 6 (06:50):
Okay, first off, I totally do sympathize with every sympathize. Wow,
I can talk this morning.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
That's okay. We can never we most days we can't talk.
So it's no big deal.

Speaker 6 (07:00):
Love it anyways. Like the mom I feel, I do
feel for her, I really do. But she would never
be asked to share the spotlight or split her wedding
day with someone who was alive. I understand. You know,
honoring people, you know, with nice photos, the empty chair
even you know, if that's what you choose to do. However,
I feel like the wedding should be the one event

(07:21):
where the mom understands, like, you know, the spotlight should
be on her daughter and her daughter's marriage and the fiance.
And you know, it's like it's if this is the
one thing the mom can rely and let the sister
go for the days she should.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah, this is hard.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
It's so hard. Like I usually am, you know, pretty one.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
Side, but this time I was like, uh, I need
to know what you all think, because I mean, for me,
I've lost the sibling, but we had a relationship.

Speaker 3 (07:49):
You know, we were really close.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
So he will be whenever I find a man, he
will be honored at my wedding. I think about him
on my biggest days.

Speaker 1 (07:55):
But that's my that's your call.

Speaker 3 (07:57):
Yeah, that's your call to do that, you know, right
right right at least go ahead.

Speaker 6 (08:02):
I think that's the bad part is because the mom
is forced it on her all these years. You know,
it's almost making her feel resentful of someone you've never met,
and like.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
That's not fair to her either, yea, yeah, yeah, Emily,
thank you, have a good day.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
You too.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yeah, I can't even make jokes about this.

Speaker 3 (08:19):
No, it's not funny.

Speaker 7 (08:22):
You know, you know me.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
I'll try light in the mood a little bit, but
I can't joke. You're not going you're not going to
You're not going to, right. But I'll tell you something
like and I this isn't this doesn't happen in my
life personally. But and I don't want to get like
too much into anyone else's business. But I know I've
watched in my life someone have to live not in

(08:47):
the shadow per se, but sort of always being compared
to someone who doesn't live up to the level that
that person is by their parents. It's like someone in
the someone who's not carrying their weight, is always being
lifted up while the other family members are having to
to sort of do all the work while this other
person does nothing, but like every little thing they do

(09:09):
is the greatest thing they've ever seen. It's very painful.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
Oh that's so annoying.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
It's very painful for the person I'm thinking of here.
And and in this case, that person didn't even get
to live a life, and yet it is still being compared.
It's like, what about me?

Speaker 8 (09:23):
Right?

Speaker 1 (09:23):
You know?

Speaker 2 (09:24):
It's like because they do the least all the time,
the moment they actually do something, it's like yay.

Speaker 1 (09:29):
Yeah, oh my god, exactly, yeah, like what yeah, no, exactly,
It's like what about me? It's like, well, but we
expect more from me, But why why don't I expect
more from me? Why can't I be the loser? Why
can't I? Why can't I? Why can't I just be
above the loser standard?

Speaker 7 (09:44):
Here?

Speaker 1 (09:45):
You know? Yes? Yeah, yeah, Claire.

Speaker 9 (09:48):
Hi, good morning, Hi, good morning?

Speaker 1 (09:50):
Hey, would you kiki skirt? What you want to say?

Speaker 9 (09:53):
Yeah? I just wanted to say it. So I'm in
the mom's shoes. So I actually did lose my first
baby and I had another. Yes, thank you. It's hard,
so like I have to deal with my own grief,
but I don't want to put that on my living son.
And my living son he never met my son that
passed away, so it's like I don't want to take

(10:14):
away from any of his big moments. But at the
same time, it's like kind of a battle too. Like
Christmas cards, do I put like a picture of my
son that passed because I want to like honor him
and remember him, and I don't want people to forget
that he was around to it one time. But at
the same time, it's like I don't want to overshadow
my living son.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
So yeah, yeah, and I think you should do what
makes you feel good, what makes you feel comfortable in
that you know, you're not you're not putting pressure on
your kids to do something.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
But it's not like your living son's birthday party. We're
having like this whole thing for the one you know
what I mean, it's like that that. Yeah, I think
the major issue here, well, it's one that she feels
like she's does she can never amount to what this
what this this spirit of this other person or what
could have been too it's being projected onto her day.
That's the biggest thing for me, Like if the mom

(11:05):
needs to grieve on the birthday, or the mom needs
to grieve privately, or the mom wants to have a
picture in the house or not, we don't have to
forget this person existed, but not on my birthday, not
on my wedding day, not on the day my kid's
born or whatever else is because that's about me, right, Yeah, Yeah.

Speaker 9 (11:21):
It's like that's that's one of the big things for me,
is like I never want my son to feel like
he's in the shadow, because like I don't want to
put that burden on him. So yeah, yeah, definitely agree
with on this one.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
Well, Clai, thank you for sharing. I'm sorry for your loss.
I know it's a very very personal thing to call
and talk about, so thank you. Yeah, have a good day,
glad you called. Hey, Gabby, good morning, good morning.

Speaker 9 (11:41):
How are you?

Speaker 1 (11:42):
Hey? Great? What do you want to say?

Speaker 8 (11:44):
So I actually can speak from personal experience about this.
I lost my baby actually in May.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
I'm so sorry. Sorry, I really think.

Speaker 8 (11:53):
That, like for the first time ever, I like disagree
with you guys just a little bit because unfortunately, like
you can't pick and choose like when your grief comes
and goes. And I understand, like the daughter may not
have met her sister and things like that, but I'm
actually pregnant again.

Speaker 9 (12:11):
Thank you. So I just I just think that, like it's.

Speaker 3 (12:14):
Kind of a fine line.

Speaker 9 (12:15):
And I see where the mom is coming from.

Speaker 8 (12:17):
I see where the daughter's coming from, but I think like,
unfortunately the mom doesn't get to pick and choose when
she grieves her other child.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
You know, Yeahvy, do you see how like there's a
time and a place like, I mean totally three hundred
and sixty four days a year, and at least internally,
you can acknowledge that. And I have no idea what
that's like. I'll never know. I'm not obviously not going
to be a mother. I'm not going to carry a child.
Hopefully I never lose a child, but like this, this
is a day that is definitively not about the mom. Yeah.

Speaker 8 (12:46):
So we actually attended a wedding a couple of months
ago and there was a it was a close family member,
and there was a memorial table and they didn't honor
our daughter who passed away. And I was like a
little bit salty about that, but we kind of we
kind of just acknowledged it and left it as it was.
But I think for some people, when it's a baby,
like they don't understand the like the grasp of it,

(13:11):
like like you said, when it's an adult, like, oh well,
we had a conversation with that person, we talked to them,
we related to them, but like when it's a baby,
I think it's different for people.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah, okay, all right, well Gabby, thank I'm sorry for
your lost congratulations and thank you for calling.

Speaker 6 (13:25):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
Have a good day you too, Oh, that is true.

Speaker 2 (13:29):
I feel like sometimes people don't give the same like
weight of grief of a baby versus a person an
adult life, you know, and it really hurts the same,
It hits the same, and you can never tell when
it's when a person will get over it. But I
just think, you know, it's on our it's on us
to control our grief and to deal with it and
get the tools that we need to get to continue life.

(13:50):
And we can't project that on everybody else, you know.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah, I just keep going back to a time and
a place.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yeah, it hurts more like with the promise of like
what could have been, like.

Speaker 1 (14:02):
You had for your baby or you know, obviously like
I was thinking that, Klin. But it's hard. It's hard
to quantify, right, Like, yeah, it's sure what could have been,
But also does that make it any more or less
said than if someone who we knew what could have
been and they died and maybe weren't able to achieve it.
You know, It's it's so hard to say. It's in
the eye of the beholder. I think, hey, Melissa, this
is happening to.

Speaker 7 (14:20):
You, well, not not necessarily, but yes, I'm in the
process of wedding planning. My mom did this little girl
before I did. And you know Devil's advocate here, maybe
the mom's not being aspushy as it's being played out
to be.

Speaker 8 (14:38):
I don't know.

Speaker 7 (14:38):
My mom has been dropping hands here and there, just
somethings that I should do, the things that I could include,
and I take it. I take it into consideration. If
it's something that works, when I'll include it. If it's
something that doesn't, then then no, And it's worth at
least discussing if she has a strong opinion on it. Obviously,

(14:59):
this he's like a touchy subject.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
So let me ask you this, Melissa. Do you I
don't have to know that all the context is obviously
very private, but have you always felt like you're living
in this? Because this seems like more than just about
the day. This seems like something that's a theme, like
that she's constantly being reminded of this other child that
could have been and is into all these things, and
now on my wedding day, you're going to pile it

(15:22):
on and do it again. I suppose if it like,
if your mom makes you feel valued and makes you
feel like she's grateful for you and happy that you're
there and celebrates you. And then this one time she says,
what if we were to all honor so and so?
That's one thing, but I feel like this is like
enough is enough kind of a situation that's fair.

Speaker 7 (15:40):
Yeah, I my mom has always been supportive of what
I do. I don't think that she's overbearing in her
her I guess past issues in this department, but yeah,
I don't know. I guess those topics are so sensitive
that sometimes we pick up on things that aren't there.

(16:00):
So maybe she's feeling these things. But it's not necessarily
the mom being overbearing about it. It's just this thing
that she didn't ask for that is brought up here
and there.

Speaker 1 (16:12):
This just seems like it's bubbling over like again, I
don't know if yeah, if we're just coming up now,
like hey, we're getting the family together, this big milestone,
and man, were really great to honor so and so? Okay,
all right, but that's not as triggering as again, we're
going to do this again. What about me? It's my day,
you know.

Speaker 7 (16:30):
And there's so many like tiktoks, reels whatever with wedding
ideas nowadays, like that the second you start wedding planning,
you get bombarded with everything wedding planning all the time.
So like, I'm sure this mom saw some sort of
TikTok videos somewhere out there that's like, hey, we can
include her and this is how we can do it,
and she maybe she's got a mindset.

Speaker 3 (16:52):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (16:52):
Yeah, Melissa, thank you and congratulations, see you too. Thanks,
have a good day. She's like, thanks them over it, dude,
this do the damn wedding.

Speaker 8 (17:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
I feel like most people, it's like, oh, this is exciting.
Now I get to plan this whole thing and hear
what everybody else thinks about it too. The Entertainment Reporting
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