Stay Or Go: The Best Friends

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Fred Show is on. It's stay or go. John
is here. Let's talk to John. Hi John morning, Hey,
Good morning John. We got your scenario, your situation. We
have it here. You can hit us up any anytime,
all over the place. Fredchowradio dot com, Fredshie Radio on

(00:22):
Instagram and the DMS or whatever. So what's going on
with you? And we're gonna hear you out and then
we're gonna talk about you behind your back?

Speaker 2 (00:28):
Go ahead, please, Okay, Well, thanks for taking my call.
I don't know if I'm just being paranoid about this,
but my girlfriend has a friend that she's really really
close with, like you know, like really almost as close
as we open, but maybe in some ways closer than

(00:49):
the two of us are. And you know, my girlfriend straight,
she's never had any kind of history of of, you know,
a same sex relationship, or at least she's never told.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
Me we're John all the way like that close, like
we're going all the way there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
Yeah, Well, I mean that's why I think it's a
little bizarre. But I'm wondering if their relationship is a
normal friendship between two women, or if it's like something
more than that. I don't know, they Yeah, they hang
out all the time. Like if she's not with me,

(01:28):
she's with her, and they have sleepovers. They're very affectionate
and like she sent me you know, vio FaceTime her
when they're having their sleepovers and they're like, they're not
and she's not in a guest room. They're in the
same bed. And sometimes they you know, the kiss to
say hi and by not on the cheek, on the
lips and if they're.

Speaker 3 (01:51):
Yeah, okay, all right, what else?

Speaker 1 (02:04):
What other evidence do you have here? We need the
whole story.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
I mean, yeah, yeah, Well, if they're hanging out, they'll
sort of kind of cuddle or pickle each other's backs.
It's like really cute little qut stuff. Yeah, they play
with each other. Hey, I've seen that we've been together
before and watching a movie and show be you know,

(02:27):
playing with her hair. They don't even they don't go
to the bathroom without each other.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
They're doing well that that's not uncommon. The bathroom thing
is I don't understand that. I mean, I understand the
social aspect of it, but like I don't I'm not
like Rufie, let's go to the bathroom pe next to
each other, like you're already you're already in the bathroom. Yeah,
he always falls me in. It's weird.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
This isn't a this isn't a public restaurant talking about
let me clarify that.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Oh wait a minute, and yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
Like, yeah, that's what I mean.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yeah, is you're upset that you're not being included? Is
that right?

Speaker 4 (03:09):
I think you Sidi homie, I've got a girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
Yes, Do you actually, like, does your gut tell you
that there's a physical dynamic between the two of them?

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Sometimes yes and other times no? And I would say
sixty percent of the time no, but than forty percent
of time.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
Yet, would you consider that cheating if there were, if
those two were getting.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
It on, I don't know, that's I mean, yeah, yeah,
I think so, because if it's not, if it was
something that was communicated to me and I was like
on the word, then yeah, of course. But if it's
not like something that she's upfront with and it seems
like it's being kept from me, which if it's not one,

(03:53):
that's the other obvious, you know, it has to be.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
If they if they were straightforward with you. Let's say
it is a physical relation. Let's say it's a romantic
relationship where dabbles in that regard. Would you allow her
to have that parallel to you? Would you allow her
to have that with you? I mean, what do you
do if you find out that this is in fact inappropriate.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
I think that if if it were and I was
like allowed to be a part of it, I think
I'd be.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
Right right. I don't know, I mean I do know.

Speaker 5 (04:25):
Like sometimes like Fred will talk about how like male
female like traditional friendships. I guess you know, if this
doesn't include you, please don't at me, but like are
pretty different, Like you will be like, oh, you know,
you sleep in the same bed as your girlfriend sometimes,
Like I would never do that, or go into the
bathroom like you and I never do that, or like
getting ready in the same room while someone's like showering.
Guys would probably not do that. But if there's a

(04:47):
ton of girls getting ready, it's not that odd.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
So I have to But if it feels like this
is targeted towards one particular person, I mean, I guess
if she was this way with a bunch of people,
maybe you know, but like I mean, you're talking about
sleepovers in the same in bed with one woman. You're
talking about kissing on the lips with one woman. You're
talking about, you know, the old tickle trick. It is

(05:12):
your friend?

Speaker 6 (05:13):
Is she straight?

Speaker 1 (05:14):
You're the friend the girl the other girl?

Speaker 7 (05:17):
Uh I know?

Speaker 4 (05:19):
Okay, huh So maybe they're maybe just you're just missing
the signs man.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Maybe they're trying to invite you an you're just not
jumping on.

Speaker 5 (05:29):
My friends breathed my hair, I braided Paulina's here the
other day. That would be playing.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
With her hair.

Speaker 6 (05:33):
That was.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
Lobby right, there was not only fans. Yes, wow, Okay,
so your gut tells you maybe, but you want transparency
and you want communication. But it's also very well possible
that this is just a close friendship and it has
nothing to do with with sex at all. But okay,

(05:59):
would the friend does the friendship itself threaten you? No?

Speaker 2 (06:05):
No, because we have a great relationship, But if if
they were, if there was something that was lacking in
a relationship that she was looking for somewhere else. And
also she's been like this like with her from what
she tells me, like her entire life.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
So have you asked her about this? Have you said, hey, look,
you know, you guys seem awfully close like, is there
anything more going on there? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah, calling a radio station is not my first option.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
Oh it's not not. I mean we're not licensed at all.
Now I am offended. So what does she say? You're crazy?
You know, that's silly. We're just we're just friends.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, she just kind of like laughed it off. She
didn't call me crazy or anything, but she just like
last it off and you're being silly, and you know.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
Huh, okay, all right, let me take some phone calls
on this. Eight five five five three five. Maybe there's
nothing to this man. Maybe it's maybe they're just they're
just close, right, I mean, if she wanted to be
with her, she'd probably be with her. I feel like,
you know, if they were like getting it on, getting
it on. Maybe not.

Speaker 4 (07:07):
And if it's not affecting your guys relationship, what's the issue?
You know what I'm saying, Like, if you and your
girlfriend are perfectly fine whatever in the bedroom and everywhere else,
and I don't understand the issue.

Speaker 1 (07:18):
If she has a really close girlfriend, yeah, I guess
you're spending a lot of time together. Would you be okay?

Speaker 8 (07:33):
If Jess was having sleepovers at her age, yes, with
her female yes, I'm going to sleep at Kaylen's house.

Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah, that's perfectly fine. Okay, okay, right, hey John, let
me take some calls. Have a good day, man, good luck,
and have the radio one. We're gonna talk about you
right now. Behind your back, you can't say okay, okay,
good thank you bye, have a good day. A text
eight five five five three five. These girls have serious
codependency issues, whether they went through a trauma together or

(08:00):
neither of them have been in a serious relationship before,
so they'd never had someone come before their friendship. I
suppose that could be true.

Speaker 5 (08:09):
I have some friendships like that, Like we're codependent on
each other for sure.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
And I guess if you if you're relying on your
friend for a lot of the things that you should
be relying on your boyfriend for, then that's the problem.
I mean, if she, if she, you know, confides in
I mean, it's almost the non sexual stuff that would
worry me more, like do you confide in her when
you should be confiding in me? Do you do you
go to her when you're you know, sad or feeling
a certain kind of way for comfort when you should

(08:34):
come to me, you know what I mean? Like that
that would worry me more. I think I agree with that.
Then just some kind of weird physical relationship. Hey Lauren, Hello,
And I call it weird because it would be weird
if you have a boyfriend and then you and then
you have this sort of secret other physical thing.

Speaker 7 (08:52):
Well what do you think, Lauren, I mean I think
that she should say. I think that's fine. I have
but a similar situation, except my best friend is a
gay man actually, and we I mean we've been friends
for more time than we've not been friends, and it's.

Speaker 6 (09:16):
Very much.

Speaker 7 (09:19):
It's just a romantic friendship.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
Like there's nothing.

Speaker 9 (09:22):
Sexual about it.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
It's just a romantic friendship. You mean, it's just a
platonic friendship.

Speaker 7 (09:29):
I mean, it's platonic, but it has an element of.

Speaker 1 (09:35):
Romance being romantic. Okay, so you would ask you would
be great if he liked what you have basically.

Speaker 9 (09:42):
I mean, I don't.

Speaker 7 (09:44):
I don't even know if that would necessarily change things
between the two of us. We just have a.

Speaker 8 (09:48):
Great affection for each other, love for each other.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
And I'm sorry if you mentioned this, but you have
a boyfriend, I mean, could you have a relationship concurrent?
I do, Yes, Is he threatened by this at all. No,
because it sounds like you would choose to be with
your friend.

Speaker 7 (10:09):
I would not choose to be I mean I would not.
You're not it's not we're not compatible in that way.

Speaker 6 (10:16):
But it's gotten.

Speaker 1 (10:18):
That's what I'm saying. If I didd a woman and
she said she had a romantic relationship with another man,
that would I would. You're supposed to have a romantic
relationship with me, and that's I mean, I would think
that it's exclusive unless it's unless it's not.

Speaker 5 (10:30):
Do you just mean like affectionate, because that's probably a
better word than romantic.

Speaker 7 (10:35):
I mean it is.

Speaker 9 (10:37):
We do have great affection for each Yeah.

Speaker 8 (10:39):
Absolutely, we do everything together. We've got I mean, we've
gone to the bathroom together, We've slept in the same
bed with each other.

Speaker 9 (10:47):
It's not.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
What a bet on they went to the bathroom, bathroom
in the back room.

Speaker 7 (10:54):
Okay, I got it to the bathroom.

Speaker 5 (10:58):
I have gay friends like that too.

Speaker 1 (10:59):
Yeah. All right, Well, hey, look if it works for you,
if if this friendship can can work concurrently with the
relationship you're in, and if he's not feeling jealous about it,
then I guess there are boundaries and I suppose it's okay.

Speaker 7 (11:12):
I'm just saying there doesn't necessarily have to be a sexual.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
Aspect to it. Yeah, but that's a friendship. But but
that's that's interesting because just because you don't have sex,
to my point earlier, doesn't mean this isn't threatening. Doesn't
mean that I shouldn't be concerned about, you know, emotional
boundaries just because you're not, I mean, because you could
you could just be having sex with someone and and
that could be considered cheating depending on your definition and

(11:38):
and and and the terms of your relationship. But but
have a very sound, communicative, you know, emotional relationship with me.
Sometimes people I think think about cheating only as it
pertains to physical interaction. But if you if you connect
with another human better than you connect with me, that's
going to eventually get in the way of what we're

(11:59):
trying to do. No, it's not better. I think it's
just different.

Speaker 5 (12:02):
Like I go to like Jonathan and Jason a lot,
and they're they're males, obviously, right, but like there's nothing,
absolutely nothing sexual about it and will not allow right.

Speaker 1 (12:11):
Well, No, but what I'm saying is it sounds like
she relies on her friend or like like the connection
with her friend is stronger than the connection with her boyfriend,
and I guess that it's not. You're saying, I'm very
confused about the terms of this relationship. I think so.

Speaker 7 (12:27):
I mean, I definitely have a very deep emotional connection
with my boyfriend and a.

Speaker 8 (12:32):
Very romantic relationship with him too. It's not like I
rely on my best friends to that aspect of the relationship, just.

Speaker 7 (12:40):
An addition to I have the other very close person than.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
I have in my life. Okay, fair enough, Thank you, Lauren,
have a good day.

Speaker 3 (12:48):
Thank you you too.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
I don't know that you can unless you're in an
open relationship. I'm not sure that I would be comfortable
with someone describing more than one romantic right. That's what
throws me off. Romance party, you have romance with more
than one man, even if sex isn't involved. I still
I wonder if that's okay. I mean, it's okay, if
it's okay, but you know what I mean, I wonder,

(13:09):
I don't know, I wonder if it's not a little blurry.
Hey Raven, Yes, hi Raven, good morning, So say or go.
This dude is concerned because he feels like his girlfriend
has a very very close relationship with his girlfriend with
her girlfriend rather and he's wondering if it's not you know,
maybe if it's not a little deeper than he thinks.
What do you think, Raven?

Speaker 8 (13:31):
I think, I honestly think that he should say, because
it really isn't that big of a deal. I know
it might seem weird, but a lot of girls have
that type of relationship with another girl, even if they're
not by or or with a you know, a sexual
orientation like that. Like I'm speaking from experience as well,

(13:53):
like sometimes he just have this perfect relationship with like
your best friend or the person that m that you
just want to cuddle and be it and almost it's
borderlines actual, but it's not going to go anywhere. It's
not going that far, and that's not what they're there for.
It's that type of soul connection. But I will say

(14:17):
that I feel like they need to open communication even
further talk about it, and I think he just has
to get out of the mentality of the whole well
I want to join or or like you know, like.

Speaker 9 (14:31):
Oh, well now now it's my turn.

Speaker 8 (14:35):
To get on and on it, you know, Like I.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
Hate that I feel like in the case of your friends,
you know who you're that close with, where it's sort
of teetering on the line, who would you favor if
it came down to that person or your boyfriend.

Speaker 8 (14:52):
I would definitely go with my boyfriend for sure.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
Okay, Well, then I think that's that's healthy. I think
it's a situation where you favor the person who or
not in a romantic relationship with. I think that's when
what's the point of the romantic relationship then, you know
what I mean, Like, if you can't establish that kind
of connection, if you're constantly favoring the other person, then
I think boundaries are not established, and that's a problem.
Whether there's sex or not. I mean, I've been in

(15:16):
these relationships before. You know where it's It happens all
the time, dating by committee, whether there's one or two
or three or five. You know, girls who are you know,
everything goes to them first, they work it out and
then and then the person comes to me. You judge
and jury and it's like, no, we're in the relation.
I'm not dating them, I'm dating you. And they weren't

(15:36):
there for whatever issue we're having. We were there, So like,
am I dating you or am I dating them? It's
almost like you should go date them. I guess because
you got it all figured out. I think that's that
everyone thinks about sex. But really it comes down to communication.

Speaker 6 (15:51):
Yep.

Speaker 8 (15:52):
Oh yeah, it comes down to communicating one hundred Like
you're completely.

Speaker 7 (15:56):
Right, like you just have to communicate further and long as.

Speaker 8 (16:00):
It becomes it doesn't become an overbearing problem. And as
long as there isn't like this, you know, like, hey,
we don't like you like group activity.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
Like then that I think it's fine.

Speaker 8 (16:13):
And just let it happen as long as it's healthy.
But you do have to communicate. But he's definitely say
let's be more open minded too, and don't don't be like, well, I.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
Guess it's threesome, as he did bring that up, so
who knows. Maybe maybe this is sort of he's building
this up in his head like like it's more than
it should be because because he's kind of opening to
the bathroom together. Let's go, Hey, Teresa, good morning, Teresa,

(16:49):
good morning, Hi, good morning morning. Hey, what do you
want to say?

Speaker 9 (16:53):
I want to say that he should leave. I think
that they're starting from romance pick feeling relationship like she's
putting a lot into her best friend, Like why is
she cuddling with her? Like what is it that her
boyfriend is not providing her that she's latching on to
her friend for Like this is how these types of

(17:14):
situations start. Oh, she's my friend, She's just my best friend.
I need advice, Like, oh, we do everything together, Like
it's an excuse. I'm a woman, trust me, Like I've seen.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
This video before. And then she gets stuck in the
dishwasher and the only way out is yeah, yeah, I know.
What are these types of situation?

Speaker 9 (17:35):
And I totally agree with what you've been saying this
whole time. He should go, He should save himself for
hurt and pain because obviously there's something secretive going on
and they don't want him to be a part of it.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
Yeah, Teresa, thank you, have a good day, you too.
I mean, if your friend relationships are if you're if
you have a friend or a multiple friend relationship, that
is deeper. I mean, it might be deeper, but if
if it interacts at negatively with the romantic relationship you're
trying to have, then well that's a problem, regardless of
whether it's sexual or not. Hey, Rico hey, you're going

(18:10):
on bro, Hey man, what happened? Rico? Tell me everything?

Speaker 6 (18:13):
Yeah, well, I mean, long story short, I don't want.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
To keep keep going.

Speaker 7 (18:18):
Uh.

Speaker 6 (18:19):
The biggest my best friend, like dude, we were in supperable.
We were calling each other every day.

Speaker 1 (18:24):
Male or female female okay, okay, yeah.

Speaker 6 (18:29):
So uh, I mean she was so cool. So got
on earth, so like I was, I.

Speaker 7 (18:35):
Mean here and there, I would hit on.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
Her, you know, as a joke.

Speaker 6 (18:39):
Obviously, you just you know, because whatever, you know.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
Unless it wasn't that job.

Speaker 6 (18:50):
Okay, well maybe it wasn't.

Speaker 1 (18:52):
Maybe it wasn't a said exactly. It's it's a joke
when she says no, when she says yes, it's not
okay all right, so you.

Speaker 7 (19:04):
Yeah, no no.

Speaker 6 (19:05):
But hey, So so then she got with this one guy,
and I'm like, hey, really think about about it. See
see see how he makes you feel or whatever. You know,
I would just give her this little advice. So so
like like at the end kind of when she was
gonna start with him, we almost slept together.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
Yeah, so then like no, go ahead, go ahead, finish up.
We kill go ahead and finish it.

Speaker 6 (19:35):
So so like when they started together, she like basically
told me we can that she couldn't see me, see
me anymore, She uh that I couldn't call her anymore,
that lose her number. I'm like, you know what, that's
completely fine. I understand.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
And you guys weren't that gout of friends anyway, you know,
And that's my point. She was able to identify that
you were going to prevent her from proceeding in another
relationship with another man, and I guess she decided that that,
you know, being able to do that and have those
boundaries was more important than being your friend, which is
a shame. But rico, thank you man, have a good day.

(20:14):
Gotta go, all right, Yeah, that's the thing. And I
don't know, you know, some of you guys have different
terms or ruvie of for examples married. So but like
if I if I couldn't give a woman objective advice
about a relationship with another man, that I can't be
her friend truly by definition like friend, and I have

(20:34):
to just say I have to make that like when
when sometimes if you get friend zoned and someone's like, well,
we can be friends, it's like, no, we can't be friends.
We can't be friends because I can't separate myself from
the part of me that likes you romantically, or the
part of meat at once slept with you or whatever.
You know, people will do that every now and again.
They'll be like, men do it too, you know, we
hooked up for a while and then it fizzles. Well,
we could be friends, and so my definite in my

(20:56):
mind if you're like, let's be friends, and I'm like no,
because if you call me and you want to talk
about your boyfriend and I'm going to give you bad
advice because it benefits me because I want you to
come back to me then, or because I feel like
it conflicts with my interests, then I can't be your
friend and I have to separate myself. And it sounds
like that's what this lady said, you know, or this
guy rather the homeboy he just called. It sounds like

(21:18):
what she said to him was, look, I can't this
is too blurry, I can't do this right. Yeah, which
sucks because sometimes people are okay just being friends, you
know what I mean. I feel like this happens to
women more than men because men tend to sexualize things.
And then it's like a woman can actually be a
friend with a guy and he can't do it. Yeah,
but it was a joke. Fred, there's only a joke. Yeah,

(21:40):
they're just joking. He was choking. Unless you say yes,
this phone call takes a whole different times.