April 29, 2025 • 16 mins
Paige is having issues with her boyfriend after he confesses he has a work wife and things have gotten flirty. He justifies this behavior because years ago she had hooked up with someone, but has been remorseful and has never done it since... Fred and the crew weigh in on whether or not she should stay or go!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The show is on. It's stay or Go? All right?
(00:04):
Page is here? Good morning, Page? How you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Welcome, I'm saying, good morning.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
I'm okay, how are you Page?
Speaker 3 (00:11):
I'm doing all right, except for the fact that now
I have to apparently buy my mom a trip around
the world or something.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
But I don't know. Now everybody's texting.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
It sounds expensive.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Everybody texting up here going no, everybody knows you got
to do this. I'm like, and what do you get
mom for Mother's Day? A card? Don't let me, don't
let me find out. Don't let me find out that
y'all need get mom a tack or tape parade or
something on mothers that y'all tell me to send it
to Italy.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
It's wow. So what's going on with you? And Stay
or Go?
Speaker 3 (00:39):
I understand that you're having an issue with your boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Yeah I am. So we've been dating for three years,
and you know, it's three years, so there's lots of
good moments, bad moments, I'm sure you know. But I
really just think that we could be together forever. He's
he's comfortable.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Okay, all right, so three years together, you see a
future so what you're going on is because there's an issue.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
So what's the issue?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah, well, two years ago I cheated on him, which
I feel awful about. But it was one night. I
never did it again. It was at a work conference
and it was like this happy hour and a dinner
and honestly, I was drunk, and I don't want to
give an excuse about it, but it's honestly my biggest regret,
(01:32):
and I don't think it was really had any meaning
to it. And I told him about it and I
thought we worked through it and he did forgive me,
but it didn't come up again because it's not something
I really want.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
To bring up, right, and in fairness, if you guys
work through something and then there's forgiveness, you don't get
to just throw that in there.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
You know.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
It's not like every year when you guys get in
a fight. Yeah, a big blowout. And by the way,
when you cheated on me, because it's like, well, I mean,
if we really forgave me that, we don't get to
just keep you know. And I'm sure some men, but
in my experienced, women are very very good at keeping
an inventory of all the things I've ever done that
upset you so that we can bring them all up
(02:15):
as bomb boom every it's like, oh really, I'm gonna
Oh you think you won this one?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Remember that time he shoot.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
It on me?
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Boom?
Speaker 3 (02:24):
You remember that one time it was my birthday and
you and you gave me a suitcase two weeks before
you didn't give me a gift of my boom anyway.
So okay, all right, So so it was forgiven.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
But correct, That's what I thought.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Why are we talking?
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yeah, Well, three months ago he came clean that his
work wife scenario that he has with his wife or
work wife and not me, that it's been a bit
flirty and the text had been kind of intimate and
that they also made out in his car one night.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Oh wow, okay, And the work wife's thing, like so
this woman is on his team or sits next to him,
or has an office next to him, or you've heard
this work usban workwife, which I don't really love.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
I don't know, I don't know. I don't love when
people brag.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
About that your wife, this woman is not your life,
you know.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I mean you're basically saying to me when you say that, like,
I spend way more time with this person and get
along with them most of the time better than you.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
It's like I've also known him for longer, you know,
she just joined not so long ago.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
For we ain't equal. Okay, we ain't equal.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I got to sleep in bed with you and listen
to your farts or whatever, and this lady, you know
what I mean, So like we ain't equal. Okay, So
this year having a guy inappropriate? Now, was that as
far as it went? They just kissed her?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Was it more?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Well? You know, he said that there's no more contact
between them. I don't know. I mean, they work together,
but he says that there's none.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Just that.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I think it's wrong.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
And wait, so did he leave jobs or something?
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Because how is it that they don't have contact if
they worked together, like, did he how was he able
to cut her off? I guess is my question? Like
he was able to cut it completely off.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
He says that he's actively avoiding her. Okay, I genuinely,
I'm not in the office, so I don't know. I
don't have a camera in the office.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Blinding all right, So we're going to take him at
his word. I guess, then, I guess, So you did
your deal, and and I guess you moved on. He
had this inappropriate thing with his coworker, and he claims
that he's now has he has boundaries, and he came
to you to come clean because you knew it was inappropriate. Okay,
So I assume that you're going to show him the
same grace, right Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
But he's saying that what he did was wrong, but
what I did was worse, and that that it's incomparable,
and that it's not even really bad what he did,
and that I don't really deserve a full, true apology.
What he did wasn't so bad comparatively, and it's kind
of keeping score. It's just very like take for cat
(05:07):
to me.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
So because you had a full on sexual well I
shouldn't say, relationship experience with another person years ago, now,
this thing that he did, in his opinion is not
so bad, and it's like, you know, you should get
over this quickly because well, you did this to me,
right right?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
So that again, is that is that okay? Or if
he makes out with somebody else, it's okay because I
slept with somebody. It's very it doesn't feel good to me,
especially since we talked through it. And there was apologies made,
and it's never happened again and it never will. So
I don't like it.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
And you're finding you're finding in his in his sort
of I mean, he did come clean to you and
ask for your forgiveness, I guess, but you're finding his
kind of laissez faire attitude like this what I mean?
Speaker 5 (05:55):
What?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Hey, but it was nowhere near as bad as what
you did, which I don't know. I might argue, and
this may be unpopular, but at one time, one off
physical interaction while drinking with a dude you know, at
a work conference that you've never seen again, that might
not I mean, it's bad, but I might argue that
(06:16):
an ongoing emotional affair with someone you see every day,
that's almost deeper and in some ways worse.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Now.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I know that we're not keeping score here, but for
him to be like mine's not as bad as yours,
I don't necessarily think that's true.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I don't either, and I but I also don't want
to keep score. I don't think that that works in
a relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
And so what are you wondering here? Like?
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Can I stay with a guy who this is how
we're going to do stuff? Like or I guess my
other question would be, as long as he doesn't sleep
with someone, every is everything he does that that's not
nice to you or not good for the relationship. Is
he going to throw that one out?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
You know? Are is he doing the thing I was
just talking my birthday?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Would he say, oh, well, you slept with somebody.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Yeah, you shouldn't have gotten with that guy? Are conference which.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Is saying, oh, well, you slept with somebody. I don't
like it, girl, because it can they can be pushed
to something further. And then if I make a small mistake,
is he going to say, well, you know, let's think
about when you like, slept with somebody. I guess this
mistake is not so bad, but you know, it's piling up.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I don't I don't like how sorry I left the
towel on the ground, But you shouldn't have slept with
that guy three years? You know, it's like, and you're right,
But at the same time, if you're gonna move on,
then you've got to move on. And I under and
I know that's easier said than done, much easier said
than done. But if that takes months or years or whatever,
it is fine. But like I think once you get
(07:38):
to the point of relationship where you guys have moved
past whatever the issue is, so long as that behavior
doesn't return, then that then we're done with that. We
work through that. You cannot just continue to bring that up.
And it sounds like as opposed to just taking complete
ownership of what he did that was wrong. It's what
I know, it was wrong, but yours was wronger, which yeah,
(07:58):
I don't know, I don't I might argue his was
worse if we're going to play that game, which I
don't think you were willing to or trying to play.
But hey, you having an ongoing emotional relationship, and you
wrote in the email, but you felt to mention by
the way that this woman at work, the work wife
is married to another man. You wrote that in the email,
(08:19):
So he was having an extra amount of affair as well.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Knowingly it's a lot going on. So and this dude
is his hands are not clean here, I don't know
one's hands separate ways.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
So you think at this point and I'd like them
to be clean.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
I would. I don't know if you have to break
up with him yet, but I think you have to
have a firm conversation, and Keithy doesn't agree with this.
I just look on her face. I think you have
to have a firm conversation. We were like, look, I
messed up. I acknowledge that I came to you. You
didn't catch me. I came clean. You forgave me. I'm
sure that was hard. We moved on. Now you did this.
That's bad. You need to say that's bad. You need
(08:58):
to own it. I need to feel like you wantunderstand
you made a mistake independent of what I did, and
then we're moving on. And if you don't think he
can do that, then this relationship will never work. If
he realizes, okay, fine, look I can't. You're right, I'm
trying to compare these things. They're independent things, they're mutually exclusive.
I should have done it, and so I'm sorry. Well,
(09:18):
and if you forgive me, then we're moving on together
and hopefully this never happens again. Short of that, then
this dude is going to make excuses forever.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
You're right, I really need to just sit him down
and say this is what's really bothering me. I think
I've probably avoided the conversation, and.
Speaker 6 (09:35):
Kicky, you don't think you just oh no, she needs
to go. They're three years in. They're playing this tiffer
tag game. She cheated, he cheated. They sleeping with people
at work. This messy.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
She needs to go.
Speaker 6 (09:45):
Absolutely, this is a boyfriend, grog, get another one, Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I mean it is interesting that there was the infidelity
and that hurt him, I'm sure deeply, as it would anybody,
and it was a huge problem, and that you guys
work through it, and then he goes and does it
like I would think there would be, and an additional
sensitivity to that kind of behavior, like it was so
bad for me, now I'm gonna go do it. It's
almost like he knew that he thought he had a
(10:10):
pass or something. It's like in his mind it was like,
I can try this out over here because if I
get caught, well, remember.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Yeah, where did that?
Speaker 7 (10:19):
She's not gonna go anywhere because, like you said, you
did it, No I didn't. We're even kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
That's how he's gonna see it forever.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Peige.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
I'm gonna take some phone calls on this and have
the radio on of the iHeart app whatever and and
let's see what happens. But thank you for sharing and
it's a tough one. Good luck, thank you eight five
three five.
Speaker 6 (10:37):
I am she's not innocent either, you know, like she
she made her mistakes. But it seems like this guy
has kind of been just sitting around plotting on his
time to get her back. And he got his lick back,
and now it's just like, okay, both be out and
messy and cheating.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
So you need to leave each other.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
And I think you got choices here, like if you were,
if you were betrayed in some way, you either move past,
work through it, move past, forgive and then it's not
like it never happened. But as far as like ammunition
is concerned, it's not fair game anymore. But at the
same time, I said, it's you could also just leave too,
you know. So if he thought that he had to
(11:14):
pass somewhere down the line, then he's then then he
should have just laughed, Like if that's.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
The way he's thinking that, Like can you ever forget?
You have to forget. I don't think you forget.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
You have to forgive, yeah, And you can't just throw
it in everywhere, of course, like.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
You forgot the bananas at the store. You know you can't.
Speaker 7 (11:33):
But maturing is also like realizing exactly you can't forgive. Like,
for example, I would not be able to move past it,
bring it up every five minutes, I know I would
so maturing I think for me would be realizing I
can't be in this relationship anymore, as much as it hurts,
I can't do it.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
You know, you've betrayed me.
Speaker 8 (11:48):
Yeah, Chasey very quiet here, Yeah, I mean you you can't.
I've had experience with this, and you can't if you're
going to get over it, you have. You're not going
to forget it ever, but you you have to sort
of look past it in order to progress, right, if
that's what you choose to do. But just like what
you're saying, like you can't bring it up again, you
can't talk about it again like people did what they did.
(12:10):
You chose what you chose, and if it was early
on in a relationship and now we're farther down the
line and now he decides to do it, like to me,
that's a bigger issue because now we have so much
more invested.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
You know, if it's years.
Speaker 8 (12:22):
Or however long in between, and now you're choosing to
do it, so like now we're taking huge steps back,
so I don't I don't know if it's possible to continue.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Well, I don't love the whole Well mine's not as
bad as yours, because honestly, we could get into that
if you want to.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Like honestly, I.
Speaker 8 (12:38):
Mean, cheating is cheating to me at the end of
the day, like it does not matter who it's with
or what the stipulation is.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
But I don't think he's gonna like the way.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I don't like that argument because it's like, well, actually,
let's let's break this down. You know, how long was
yours going on? What were you talking about? Were you
talking about this relationship? Were you talking about that relationship?
You know, this is an ongoing thing. This person's still around,
this person still, you know what I mean? As opposed again,
I have slept with someone. No, I don't know where
Steve lives now, you know, I ain't talking to Steve anymore.
(13:05):
I hope his name isn't I hope. I don't know
if it's Steve, Carl Craig. What's your kid name, Jose?
It was Jose Aldo. Hi, good morning, Aldough. Now you
are the cheater, but you're on the phone high What
do you want to say?
Speaker 4 (13:17):
When does it end? I mean, if allegedly or assumedly
this relationship is moving toward, you know, a marriage. When
does the kissy face with a coworker? When does that
become not okay? When does the relationship become so involved
that it's not okay?
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
And when does this cycle stop? You know, like, Okay,
he got his So are we done now? I mean,
is this the last time we're ever going to talk
about this kind of thing?
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Or no?
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Right, even you're bested in the relationship and you aren't.
I mean, it's sort of like that simple. And if
you're not playing catch up or something, either you do
wherever you do, it's either helping the relationship or turning
the relationship.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
And why would you have any interest in keeping that
is a card? Like why if you've forgiven, which I
don't think he has, why would you have any interest
in keeping something that's really going to hurt someone as
a card to use, you.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Know what I mean? Like you would you wouldn't wanted to.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
I wouldn't want to put somebody through what you've been
through if you really cared.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
He hadn't forgiven, if he's got him forgiven that he
even brings it up, you know, or anything, because I mean,
what's his game plan? Okay, now I've done this, Now
what can I do? I'm continuing, you know, with this
with this co work girl. We don't know if he's
continuing or not, but you know, I sort of suspect,
especially if he doesn't see the problem, if he doesn't
(14:38):
see what he did, if he doesn't recognize.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
It, that's a big one for me to do it again.
I agree. I agree. Thank you Aldo, thanks for listening,
for calling.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Okay, thank you.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Have a good day, Christina. Christina, you're saying he's not
over it.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
No, he's not.
Speaker 5 (14:53):
He has not forgiven her. He might have said he
forgave her, but he haven't. And he's still even to
hold it over her head and he's not over it
at all, and he's also using it to you know,
manipulate her. Now now he's saying, no, it's okay that
I do this stuff because you did it and it's
not totally different.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
So it's over. They got to go.
Speaker 5 (15:13):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, because he's trying to make excuses for
himself and it's not if he has like basically a
relationship with his work life, yeah, which is very different.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
So yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, Christina, have a good day.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
Yeah you too.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Someone text you this is not a tough one, Fred,
They have to go the separate ways. I guess the
reason I'm saying it's tough is because you're going to
have to make an assessment is this is this.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
How it's always going to be?
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Or is this he screwed up and he's having a
hard time owning it and we have to work through
this together and he hasn't fully forgiven me, and is
this a guy?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
You know?
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Can we make it through this after three years? And
then are we done with this? And there's a lot
of things, a lot of presuppositions you have to make.
There's a lot of stuff that you got to decide.
And my guess would be that between the reef defense,
the like the the I guess what's the word I'm
looking for sort of the uh, what is it when
(16:09):
you the reoffending at least from him to her? And
but really for me, it's the lack of ownership and
the comparison. It's like, is this how you're gonna operate now? Like, well,
mine's not as bad as yours because I didn't, you know,
put the thing in the thing. It's like, no, that's worse, right,
that's worse or as bad. So why are we doing that?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Tiff for town is never gonna work.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Yeah, so that I guess that's what I'm saying is.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Do you walk? Do you want?
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Because you screwed up and you kind of planted the seed,
but yet he forgave you. So I guess you just
have to ask yourself, are we gonna do? We need
to burn this whole thing down, because you know what
I mean, That's why I think it's hard.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Let it burn.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
The Entertainmer Report and show Biz Kiki and Dana a tiebreaker.
Next on The Fred Show,
The show is on. It's stay or Go? All right?
(00:04):
Page is here? Good morning, Page? How you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Welcome, I'm saying, good morning.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
I'm okay, how are you Page?
Speaker 3 (00:11):
I'm doing all right, except for the fact that now
I have to apparently buy my mom a trip around
the world or something.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
But I don't know. Now everybody's texting.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
It sounds expensive.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Everybody texting up here going no, everybody knows you got
to do this. I'm like, and what do you get
mom for Mother's Day? A card? Don't let me, don't
let me find out. Don't let me find out that
y'all need get mom a tack or tape parade or
something on mothers that y'all tell me to send it
to Italy.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
It's wow. So what's going on with you? And Stay
or Go?
Speaker 3 (00:39):
I understand that you're having an issue with your boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Yeah I am. So we've been dating for three years,
and you know, it's three years, so there's lots of
good moments, bad moments, I'm sure you know. But I
really just think that we could be together forever. He's
he's comfortable.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Okay, all right, so three years together, you see a
future so what you're going on is because there's an issue.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
So what's the issue?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah, well, two years ago I cheated on him, which
I feel awful about. But it was one night. I
never did it again. It was at a work conference
and it was like this happy hour and a dinner
and honestly, I was drunk, and I don't want to
give an excuse about it, but it's honestly my biggest regret,
(01:32):
and I don't think it was really had any meaning
to it. And I told him about it and I
thought we worked through it and he did forgive me,
but it didn't come up again because it's not something
I really want.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
To bring up, right, and in fairness, if you guys
work through something and then there's forgiveness, you don't get
to just throw that in there.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
You know.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
It's not like every year when you guys get in
a fight. Yeah, a big blowout. And by the way,
when you cheated on me, because it's like, well, I mean,
if we really forgave me that, we don't get to
just keep you know. And I'm sure some men, but
in my experienced, women are very very good at keeping
an inventory of all the things I've ever done that
upset you so that we can bring them all up
(02:15):
as bomb boom every it's like, oh really, I'm gonna
Oh you think you won this one?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Remember that time he shoot.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
It on me?
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Boom?
Speaker 3 (02:24):
You remember that one time it was my birthday and
you and you gave me a suitcase two weeks before
you didn't give me a gift of my boom anyway.
So okay, all right, So so it was forgiven.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
But correct, That's what I thought.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Why are we talking?
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yeah, Well, three months ago he came clean that his
work wife scenario that he has with his wife or
work wife and not me, that it's been a bit
flirty and the text had been kind of intimate and
that they also made out in his car one night.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Oh wow, okay, And the work wife's thing, like so
this woman is on his team or sits next to him,
or has an office next to him, or you've heard
this work usban workwife, which I don't really love.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
I don't know, I don't know. I don't love when
people brag.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
About that your wife, this woman is not your life,
you know.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I mean you're basically saying to me when you say that, like,
I spend way more time with this person and get
along with them most of the time better than you.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
It's like I've also known him for longer, you know,
she just joined not so long ago.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
For we ain't equal. Okay, we ain't equal.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I got to sleep in bed with you and listen
to your farts or whatever, and this lady, you know
what I mean, So like we ain't equal. Okay, So
this year having a guy inappropriate? Now, was that as
far as it went? They just kissed her?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Was it more?
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Well? You know, he said that there's no more contact
between them. I don't know. I mean, they work together,
but he says that there's none.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Just that.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I think it's wrong.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
And wait, so did he leave jobs or something?
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Because how is it that they don't have contact if
they worked together, like, did he how was he able
to cut her off? I guess is my question? Like
he was able to cut it completely off.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
He says that he's actively avoiding her. Okay, I genuinely,
I'm not in the office, so I don't know. I
don't have a camera in the office.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Blinding all right, So we're going to take him at
his word. I guess, then, I guess, So you did
your deal, and and I guess you moved on. He
had this inappropriate thing with his coworker, and he claims
that he's now has he has boundaries, and he came
to you to come clean because you knew it was inappropriate. Okay,
So I assume that you're going to show him the
same grace, right Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
But he's saying that what he did was wrong, but
what I did was worse, and that that it's incomparable,
and that it's not even really bad what he did,
and that I don't really deserve a full, true apology.
What he did wasn't so bad comparatively, and it's kind
of keeping score. It's just very like take for cat
(05:07):
to me.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
So because you had a full on sexual well I
shouldn't say, relationship experience with another person years ago, now,
this thing that he did, in his opinion is not
so bad, and it's like, you know, you should get
over this quickly because well, you did this to me,
right right?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
So that again, is that is that okay? Or if
he makes out with somebody else, it's okay because I
slept with somebody. It's very it doesn't feel good to me,
especially since we talked through it. And there was apologies made,
and it's never happened again and it never will. So
I don't like it.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
And you're finding you're finding in his in his sort
of I mean, he did come clean to you and
ask for your forgiveness, I guess, but you're finding his
kind of laissez faire attitude like this what I mean?
Speaker 5 (05:55):
What?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Hey, but it was nowhere near as bad as what
you did, which I don't know. I might argue, and
this may be unpopular, but at one time, one off
physical interaction while drinking with a dude you know, at
a work conference that you've never seen again, that might
not I mean, it's bad, but I might argue that
(06:16):
an ongoing emotional affair with someone you see every day,
that's almost deeper and in some ways worse.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Now.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I know that we're not keeping score here, but for
him to be like mine's not as bad as yours,
I don't necessarily think that's true.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I don't either, and I but I also don't want
to keep score. I don't think that that works in
a relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
And so what are you wondering here? Like?
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Can I stay with a guy who this is how
we're going to do stuff? Like or I guess my
other question would be, as long as he doesn't sleep
with someone, every is everything he does that that's not
nice to you or not good for the relationship. Is
he going to throw that one out?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
You know? Are is he doing the thing I was
just talking my birthday?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Would he say, oh, well, you slept with somebody.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Yeah, you shouldn't have gotten with that guy? Are conference which.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Is saying, oh, well, you slept with somebody. I don't
like it, girl, because it can they can be pushed
to something further. And then if I make a small mistake,
is he going to say, well, you know, let's think
about when you like, slept with somebody. I guess this
mistake is not so bad, but you know, it's piling up.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I don't I don't like how sorry I left the
towel on the ground, But you shouldn't have slept with
that guy three years? You know, it's like, and you're right,
But at the same time, if you're gonna move on,
then you've got to move on. And I under and
I know that's easier said than done, much easier said
than done. But if that takes months or years or whatever,
it is fine. But like I think once you get
(07:38):
to the point of relationship where you guys have moved
past whatever the issue is, so long as that behavior
doesn't return, then that then we're done with that. We
work through that. You cannot just continue to bring that up.
And it sounds like as opposed to just taking complete
ownership of what he did that was wrong. It's what
I know, it was wrong, but yours was wronger, which yeah,
(07:58):
I don't know, I don't I might argue his was
worse if we're going to play that game, which I
don't think you were willing to or trying to play.
But hey, you having an ongoing emotional relationship, and you
wrote in the email, but you felt to mention by
the way that this woman at work, the work wife
is married to another man. You wrote that in the email,
(08:19):
So he was having an extra amount of affair as well.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Knowingly it's a lot going on. So and this dude
is his hands are not clean here, I don't know
one's hands separate ways.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
So you think at this point and I'd like them
to be clean.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
I would. I don't know if you have to break
up with him yet, but I think you have to
have a firm conversation, and Keithy doesn't agree with this.
I just look on her face. I think you have
to have a firm conversation. We were like, look, I
messed up. I acknowledge that I came to you. You
didn't catch me. I came clean. You forgave me. I'm
sure that was hard. We moved on. Now you did this.
That's bad. You need to say that's bad. You need
(08:58):
to own it. I need to feel like you wantunderstand
you made a mistake independent of what I did, and
then we're moving on. And if you don't think he
can do that, then this relationship will never work. If
he realizes, okay, fine, look I can't. You're right, I'm
trying to compare these things. They're independent things, they're mutually exclusive.
I should have done it, and so I'm sorry. Well,
(09:18):
and if you forgive me, then we're moving on together
and hopefully this never happens again. Short of that, then
this dude is going to make excuses forever.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
You're right, I really need to just sit him down
and say this is what's really bothering me. I think
I've probably avoided the conversation, and.
Speaker 6 (09:35):
Kicky, you don't think you just oh no, she needs
to go. They're three years in. They're playing this tiffer
tag game. She cheated, he cheated. They sleeping with people
at work. This messy.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
She needs to go.
Speaker 6 (09:45):
Absolutely, this is a boyfriend, grog, get another one, Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I mean it is interesting that there was the infidelity
and that hurt him, I'm sure deeply, as it would anybody,
and it was a huge problem, and that you guys
work through it, and then he goes and does it
like I would think there would be, and an additional
sensitivity to that kind of behavior, like it was so
bad for me, now I'm gonna go do it. It's
almost like he knew that he thought he had a
(10:10):
pass or something. It's like in his mind it was like,
I can try this out over here because if I
get caught, well, remember.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Yeah, where did that?
Speaker 7 (10:19):
She's not gonna go anywhere because, like you said, you
did it, No I didn't. We're even kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
That's how he's gonna see it forever.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
Peige.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
I'm gonna take some phone calls on this and have
the radio on of the iHeart app whatever and and
let's see what happens. But thank you for sharing and
it's a tough one. Good luck, thank you eight five
three five.
Speaker 6 (10:37):
I am she's not innocent either, you know, like she
she made her mistakes. But it seems like this guy
has kind of been just sitting around plotting on his
time to get her back. And he got his lick back,
and now it's just like, okay, both be out and
messy and cheating.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
So you need to leave each other.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
And I think you got choices here, like if you were,
if you were betrayed in some way, you either move past,
work through it, move past, forgive and then it's not
like it never happened. But as far as like ammunition
is concerned, it's not fair game anymore. But at the
same time, I said, it's you could also just leave too,
you know. So if he thought that he had to
(11:14):
pass somewhere down the line, then he's then then he
should have just laughed, Like if that's.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
The way he's thinking that, Like can you ever forget?
You have to forget. I don't think you forget.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
You have to forgive, yeah, And you can't just throw
it in everywhere, of course, like.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
You forgot the bananas at the store. You know you can't.
Speaker 7 (11:33):
But maturing is also like realizing exactly you can't forgive. Like,
for example, I would not be able to move past it,
bring it up every five minutes, I know I would
so maturing I think for me would be realizing I
can't be in this relationship anymore, as much as it hurts,
I can't do it.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
You know, you've betrayed me.
Speaker 8 (11:48):
Yeah, Chasey very quiet here, Yeah, I mean you you can't.
I've had experience with this, and you can't if you're
going to get over it, you have. You're not going
to forget it ever, but you you have to sort
of look past it in order to progress, right, if
that's what you choose to do. But just like what
you're saying, like you can't bring it up again, you
can't talk about it again like people did what they did.
(12:10):
You chose what you chose, and if it was early
on in a relationship and now we're farther down the
line and now he decides to do it, like to me,
that's a bigger issue because now we have so much
more invested.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
You know, if it's years.
Speaker 8 (12:22):
Or however long in between, and now you're choosing to
do it, so like now we're taking huge steps back,
so I don't I don't know if it's possible to continue.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Well, I don't love the whole Well mine's not as
bad as yours, because honestly, we could get into that
if you want to.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Like honestly, I.
Speaker 8 (12:38):
Mean, cheating is cheating to me at the end of
the day, like it does not matter who it's with
or what the stipulation is.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
But I don't think he's gonna like the way.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
I don't like that argument because it's like, well, actually,
let's let's break this down. You know, how long was
yours going on? What were you talking about? Were you
talking about this relationship? Were you talking about that relationship?
You know, this is an ongoing thing. This person's still around,
this person still, you know what I mean? As opposed again,
I have slept with someone. No, I don't know where
Steve lives now, you know, I ain't talking to Steve anymore.
(13:05):
I hope his name isn't I hope. I don't know
if it's Steve, Carl Craig. What's your kid name, Jose?
It was Jose Aldo. Hi, good morning, Aldough. Now you
are the cheater, but you're on the phone high What
do you want to say?
Speaker 4 (13:17):
When does it end? I mean, if allegedly or assumedly
this relationship is moving toward, you know, a marriage. When
does the kissy face with a coworker? When does that
become not okay? When does the relationship become so involved
that it's not okay?
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
And when does this cycle stop? You know, like, Okay,
he got his So are we done now? I mean,
is this the last time we're ever going to talk
about this kind of thing?
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Or no?
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Right, even you're bested in the relationship and you aren't.
I mean, it's sort of like that simple. And if
you're not playing catch up or something, either you do
wherever you do, it's either helping the relationship or turning
the relationship.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
And why would you have any interest in keeping that
is a card? Like why if you've forgiven, which I
don't think he has, why would you have any interest
in keeping something that's really going to hurt someone as
a card to use, you.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Know what I mean? Like you would you wouldn't wanted to.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
I wouldn't want to put somebody through what you've been
through if you really cared.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
He hadn't forgiven, if he's got him forgiven that he
even brings it up, you know, or anything, because I mean,
what's his game plan? Okay, now I've done this, Now
what can I do? I'm continuing, you know, with this
with this co work girl. We don't know if he's
continuing or not, but you know, I sort of suspect,
especially if he doesn't see the problem, if he doesn't
(14:38):
see what he did, if he doesn't recognize.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
It, that's a big one for me to do it again.
I agree. I agree. Thank you Aldo, thanks for listening,
for calling.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Okay, thank you.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Have a good day, Christina. Christina, you're saying he's not
over it.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
No, he's not.
Speaker 5 (14:53):
He has not forgiven her. He might have said he
forgave her, but he haven't. And he's still even to
hold it over her head and he's not over it
at all, and he's also using it to you know,
manipulate her. Now now he's saying, no, it's okay that
I do this stuff because you did it and it's
not totally different.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
So it's over. They got to go.
Speaker 5 (15:13):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, because he's trying to make excuses for
himself and it's not if he has like basically a
relationship with his work life, yeah, which is very different.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
So yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, Christina, have a good day.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
Yeah you too.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Someone text you this is not a tough one, Fred,
They have to go the separate ways. I guess the
reason I'm saying it's tough is because you're going to
have to make an assessment is this is this.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
How it's always going to be?
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Or is this he screwed up and he's having a
hard time owning it and we have to work through
this together and he hasn't fully forgiven me, and is
this a guy?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
You know?
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Can we make it through this after three years? And
then are we done with this? And there's a lot
of things, a lot of presuppositions you have to make.
There's a lot of stuff that you got to decide.
And my guess would be that between the reef defense,
the like the the I guess what's the word I'm
looking for sort of the uh, what is it when
(16:09):
you the reoffending at least from him to her? And
but really for me, it's the lack of ownership and
the comparison. It's like, is this how you're gonna operate now? Like, well,
mine's not as bad as yours because I didn't, you know,
put the thing in the thing. It's like, no, that's worse, right,
that's worse or as bad. So why are we doing that?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Tiff for town is never gonna work.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Yeah, so that I guess that's what I'm saying is.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Do you walk? Do you want?
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Because you screwed up and you kind of planted the seed,
but yet he forgave you. So I guess you just
have to ask yourself, are we gonna do? We need
to burn this whole thing down, because you know what
I mean, That's why I think it's hard.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Let it burn.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
The Entertainmer Report and show Biz Kiki and Dana a tiebreaker.
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