May 22, 2023 • 39 mins
The girls have an idea for a new bit, run down the Top 10 Red Flags when you're dating, and Aly has a Bumble Backtrack update! WELCOME TO BUNS & BANTER - WE’RE GLAD YOU’RE HERE! xo Lauren & Aly
Follow Lauren and Aly on social media at: @shmitinthemitt and @alymaconair
Follow Lauren and Aly on social media at: @shmitinthemitt and @alymaconair
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Welcome to Buns and Banter, apodcast buy work Busties for work Busties.
Hey, I'm Lauren and I'm Ali. We're both morning show hosts for iHeartMedia.
We're both millennials, and we're bothtrying to figure out how to build
the lives we dream about, dating, marriage, career, career and being
a mom. How to get througha week without crying. Welcome to Buns
(00:26):
and Banter. We're glad you're here. Okay, big deep breath, Not
too big of a breath, becauseI just breathed in. You caught me
as soon as I was coming infor the episode. Today, I've walked
into and breathed in a spiderweb inour studio, which is just so gross.
And that's a studio that you useevery single day, and there's nothing
(00:49):
worse than that to me, becauseyou it's like glue or something. It's
like you can't get it all outof you. And now I just have
this really awful phobia that somehow thespider got in me and it's just like
laying it's like somewhere in my body, like those really terrifying cartoons you saw
as a kid. I thought thatthat was going to be way more of
a thing as an adult. Right. Spiders laying eggs in or around specifically
(01:14):
my ears, Yes, all thecrevasses, but the ears flipped me out.
I still I will not sleep atnight if all my holes aren't covered.
Oh, you don't seem naked ever. No, but like with a
comforter, oh, like I haveto have and it has to be pulled
up right at my ears, Icannot. I just feel like there's always
(01:34):
things trying to crawl into you orget into you. Maybe that's a woman
thing, you know. It wasthat And when I was little, my
mom used to yell at us whenwe would like put hats on in the
store. She'd be like, lice. Oh and still to this day.
And I'm a hat girly. Ilove a hat. Yes, I am
(01:55):
trying on the hats at the storebefore I buy them. I'm not buying
this because what happened between now,between the store and the home. What
is magically going to clean this hat? I'm just gonna put it on my
head, right, I suppose Icould lice all them. But yeah,
that was a big thing for mymom when we were kids. You don't
put hats on at the store becausethey could have lice. I love that.
(02:15):
I just walking into a spider webthat devolved into our childhood phobius.
I felt the same thing about watermelons. If you accidentally ate a seed,
you'd grow on in your belly.This story is really messed up. This
is such a messed up story.But this is my childhood. My dad,
(02:36):
when I was little, told methat if I ate the stems of
broccoli, i'd grow boy parts work. Yeah, oh no, yeah,
So for like as a child,terrified, terrified, Oh my god,
terrified. But yeah, I don'tI think like maybe he said it like
once as a joke and it wasjust one of those things that like,
(02:59):
he probably doesn't remember, but you'rea sponge, but as a kid,
yep, yeah, yes, Ormaybe he never told me that at all,
and I dreamed the whole thing up. Where in the world you had
to have heard that somewhere that yoursubconscious wouldn't have just made that up.
I don't know. Kids say wildstuff though. Were you a bus rider?
(03:19):
I heard the craziest stuff on thebus. I was a short,
short lived my bus rider experienced becauseI used to fall asleep on the bus
and that was fine at the endof the day because my sister also rode
the bus with me so she couldwake me up. But when my sister
went to middle school and I wasstill in elementary school, then it became
a problem. There were more thanone occasions where the bus driver was like,
(03:43):
on the way back to the busgarage, like, holy shit,
there's a kid in the back.So then I started I started getting ride
home. Oh my heard so speakingof sponges, I think I need to
start making this a bit in everyepisode because my children just hear things and
decide on the most inopportune times tobring them up. Oh yes, I
(04:08):
love it, and like I havea five year old and a two year
old. If you're not, Ihave five year old son, tow year
old daughter, and my son Willis just such a chatterbox and lives for
making new relationships. So the otherday, the lovely gentleman from DTE we're
at our house, ah doing somegas meter upgrades, and I was like,
(04:29):
perfect, beautiful day. We'll gooutside with the kids, so they're
like out of the way of youknow, whatever worth they need to get
done. And Will has gotten veryinto climbing trees and so we have this
really great tree in our front yard, good climbing tree. For the first
time he was able to climb upat himself. So he like got the
tree that you posted the picture ofthat man is such a cute picture,
by the way, go look atit on Schmidy's social media. Schmidt in
(04:53):
the mit, thank you it was. That was a good one. So
he climbs on that tree, getsthis little spot and he's five rights.
So he's like, this is thetallest I've ever been in my whole life.
And I was like, oh cool, dude, Like what can you
see up there? He's like,I can probably see downtown, like,
you know, just so excited.Then he waits for the DTE guys,
(05:13):
complete strangers. It's not like we'rein there making conversation with them to leave
our house. The guys like,you guys are all set, thank you
so much, and Will goes,hey, you see me up of this
tree, and they're very friendly andthey're like, oh yeah, buddy,
you're so high up there. Hegoes, I'm really tall. It's cool.
You know, I've got My momwould would probably sit up here and
(05:33):
drink wine because we couldn't find her. Wow, would I climbing a tree
lead to mom's drinking situations? Hasthere been a situation drink wine in a
tree but at a treehouse? Hasthere been a situation where you've been drinking
wine and hiding from them, becausethat's what it sounds like. I yes,
(05:57):
maybe on the regular, but Ido again. I looked at him
and I'm like, buddy, that'sthat's an inside the house conversation. And
the DTE guys like, that's okay. I think we're gonna see a lot
of families stay that like to drinkwine and trees because they're just like up
and down the neighborhood doing their work. And I'm just every I could have
(06:19):
one every single week for things thatmy kids say, Oh will Love's point
when I could be having water ina water bottle, like back from a
run, Not that I would ever, but could be, And I'll go,
Mom, looks like wine. Yeah, that's not only due. That's
I am a contributing member of society. It's just when you see me,
(06:40):
I'm off the clock and I'm justhaving a sip. And what you do
off the clock is your own business. And I'm still a great parent.
You are but I love that hisview of me is hiding in a tree
with like my bottle of barefoot.Yeah, we're making this a bit.
It's gonna be shit the little schmidysay, Oh my god, shit from
the little Schmidt Yep, yes,yeah, he's full of it. So
(07:03):
that was a really lovely shout outto Mark and Jordan from DTE. Got
to meet them after the weird winecomment, because then I felt like that
was something I shouldn't let just liethere. I was like, I'm not
you don't need to call anyone.I'm not gonna sit this tree and drink
wine, have a great day.Do you tell people that come to your
house, like contractors or DTE men, like, do you tell them what
(07:24):
you do? No? I don'teither, because it does it like ever
come up. It's come up forme a few times because they will specifically
ask like, oh, so whatdo you do for a living, And
I can't. I can't tell atthat point if they're asking that, if
they're like leading, trying to leadbecause they already know, or if they're
really just like curious, like dothey ask everybody? Right? Probably like
(07:45):
to make small talk? I think, yeah, I've not been asked very
often. I think they're weird andmore weird about that, like you're home
during the day, because that's probablynot normal for the like appointments they have.
Yeah, but what do you say? I always say work in marketing.
I say I work in media.Yeah I can't, or oh I
worked downtown. That kind of likejust get really, I don't know,
(08:05):
I don't know, and it's we'reprobably really overthinking this, although we're not
because we were talking about stalker storiesjust a couple yeah days ago. Yeah,
and there have been some some prettyserious incidents that have happened with different
media personnel in gren Rapids. ButI try to be as broad as possible
and also on the dating apps too. It always freaks me out when people
(08:28):
are like, what do you dofor a living? If you pointedly ask
me what I do for a living, I'll say like, oh, I
work in media, and then ifyou keep pushing, I will tell you.
And then the ones who get likereally excited about it, it's a
red flag. Oh, I'm soglad you brought this up, because you
(08:48):
didn't even I came in here likeblaze and hot about this because I saw
this article today and it thought it'dbe really interesting to talk about a dating
expert has run down the top tenred flags in a relationship. Oh yes,
oh yes, I'm sure you're notgoing to be any of these.
Not You're not, I not us. I am one giant walking red flag
(09:11):
any one of my ex boyfriends.Okay, so this, oh, this
is going to get controversial. Sothis is relationship expert Jake Maddock, to
be fair, grain assault because italso says he's a self described dating expert.
Okay, that was my next question. Why what makes him an expert?
He's just been on a lot ofdates. Oh yeah, perfect,
(09:33):
he's a backtrack bumble if you didn'tsee last week's episode, Oh, I
have an update on that. Okay, So we're gonna go through the flags
and then see this is beautiful.So he's revealed one of the biggest red
flags. And I think this issomething a lot of couples talk about.
Not wanting to have sex with yourpartner is an immediate flag to leave the
relationship. Well yeah, but thatthat takes time to get to that point.
(09:54):
I see, right, I don'tthink and I and by that point
I might not even know I wouldnotice what I notice I don't know this
is gonna be so fantastic. Nextup, bad communication, Yes, total
and complete red flag I and noteven in terms of like you undercommunicate or
(10:20):
you overcommunicate, but sometimes your styleof communication, yes, is not jelling
with your partner. I've been inrelationships where I'm a very communicative person and
my partner is as well. Butthe ways in which we communicate with each
other. I've had a therapist actuallytell me and a partner like, you
(10:41):
guys are living in two different worlds, Like you're communicating, but you might
you might as well be. Youare speaking different languages when you communicate with
each other. And that was sofrustrating, and the relationship obviously did not
survive. Was it eye opening slightlyin a good way where You're like,
I would never I would never havethought of it like that. It was
(11:03):
a huge relief because I do considermyself a good communicator. I would consider
that as a friend of yours.I think you're a good communicator, thank
you very much. So that's avery nice compliment to me. It shouldn't
be. Yeah, And to havesomeone that I'm in a relationship with like
the person you care the most aboutin the world tell you that you are
(11:24):
a shitty communicator and like you're notdoing it right and you suck at it
was a huge mind like absolutely,it was just it was a moment where
I was like, oh my god, have I sucked it this the whole
time? And I just didn't know, like, am I delusional? And
then for a therapist to be like, no, you're actually a really good
communicator and you have like very goodinsight. You just start speaking two different
(11:50):
languages. Both of you are,but like slightly in your mind were like
I knew that you were the problem. Maybe a little again, We're just
really good at all the things.Oh number three A lack of chemistry totally,
I have to be I think thatgets lost a lot of time in
the conversation because you don't want tosound like a ship person. But it's
(12:11):
okay that you want to feel attractedand turned on by a person like personality.
Is not all of it? Isthat terrible to say? No,
that is not terrible to say.However, you could be a beauty queen.
I mean terrible And if there ain'tnothing going on behind those eyes,
yeah, I am not attracted toyou. I'm not No I know we've
(12:35):
met. I call them the glassdolls. Just a little lights are on
nobody home not sure. Yeah,guys and girls alike. Because I'll be
the first to admit one of thebiggest things that attracted me to my now
husband his hair. Oh he hasgreat hair. I dated that frow hard
real good. Yeah, this isa really interesting one. Different life goals,
(12:58):
immediate red flag and the relationship.Yes, I don't know. I
just kids, career stuff, andit's I don't think that these are red
flags that you should necessarily take personally, you know, like a red flag
that maybe you should take personally,like you're a bad person. Like maybe
if they tell you, like youhave to be a certain weight in order
(13:20):
to date me, oh like thatthat would indicate that you're just like a
shitty person. Yes, But havingdifferent life goals in someone like I just
think that's a difference of um,Like, that's not anything to take personal.
Like I wouldn't take that personally ifsomeone was like, no, my
five year plan is literally to owna castle, and I'd be interested in
(13:43):
that relationship. That's not that's notmy life goal. That's not I don't
think this is gonna work do yousee Are you someone that sees life goals
being able to change, Like,let's specifically talk the example of kids.
I have seen so many relationships goon for so long and then it gets
to the point and it's like,well, I thought you're gonna change your
mind and the other person's like,I told you from the start, it
(14:03):
was never going to change my mindabout that. I don't want children,
or I do want children. Thisis an ender for me, Like,
if you don't, we need tobe done. Like I had really good
friends that broke up after eight yearsover that, and she was just super
She was like, I'm sorry,I told you from the start. Didn't
feel like I was designed to bea mom, didn't want to be a
mom. You were down with that, And he just thought she would change
(14:26):
her mind or her friends would starthaving children and she would feel like that's
what she wanted to do. Andshe's like, no, I'm super sorry.
It sucks. We've been together almosta decade, but I'm not going
to selfishly keep dating you when youwant to be a dad and I don't
want to be a mom. Wow, I think there's some life goals that
I don't think change, right,I think Carre right, it's interesting in
(14:50):
our business when I saw that one, I think it can be very challenging
to meet, to date and staywith someone in media because a lot of
this job. We're both very luckyto have gotten jobs in a city we
love and have stayed this long becausea lot of our colleagues it's you bounce
around. You're constantly looking for eithera bigger market or better pay or a
new opportunity. And when you're takinglike a family along with that too,
(15:13):
I've seen marriages break for that.Yes that's hard. Yes, yeah,
that is extremely hard, and thereare just some jobs that are tougher to
make a relationship work. I oftenthink of jobs where people are on the
road all the time. Yeah,like traveling sales. I don't know what
else that would be, or liketouring musicians or artists. Like I live
(15:35):
next to a truck driver. He'son the road like two hundred days a
year. Yeah, that's a lotof You've got to really find the person
who is comfortable being alone, andthen your schedules match up so that when
you are home you can spend thatquality time together. Because that's a huge
thing for me, is quality time, So that would be you're taking care
(15:58):
of a lot of your own needs. H'm saying general lack of effort about
old Schmidty would have gotten dirtier there, new Schmitty. She's a mom now,
guys, but she can still getit. And I'm going to make
her tell me the dirtier things shewas thinking of. After this, he
says, another big red flag,general lack of effort and not being able
(16:22):
to meet your needs where they're at. Absolutely, I have a brilliant friend.
She's a flight attendant, Amanda,shout out to you. She does
listen. I love that. Yes, And her dad gave her amazing advice,
and he said, when you aredating someone, that is the best
the relationship. In theory should beyou should be on your best behavior when
(16:48):
you're dating someone, because chances arethe relationship probably isn't going to get easier
as time goes on. Yeah,They're only going to be added layers of
complication. Right, So if thatinitial effort and that foundation is not laid
strong in the beginning, bye,Wow. She told me that, and
(17:11):
I'd like a gut punch advice.I had a full epiphany. I had
a full epiphany. So those thoseguys that you match with on the apps
that like you just like it nevermakes it out of the chat, Like
you talk about meeting up, andyou talk about meeting up, and then
you exchange numbers and you text aboutmeeting up, but you just like are
both busy and can't find the timeto know it's never in real life.
(17:34):
Done with those done. That wasa hype moment, Like if you can't
even prioritize a first date, sothat's well, that's a good one.
Yeah, I like that a lot. This is an interesting one. They
don't care about protecting your relationship andyou're not improving together. Two and three
(18:00):
on the list What does protecting arelationship mean to you? So I was
I was thinking about that one,and I thought, I think I'm very
guilty of this, and it's areally, really tough thing to admit to
myself. I don't think I protectmy relationship as well as I should,
because I think I prioritize a lotmore over my relationship. Like what that's
(18:22):
work outside. You're gonna say,well that's different. See look, but
see that you we're programmed that way. There's there's so many times where like
I'll miss picking up my son fromschool, and it's his most favorite part
of the day. He told methat repeatedly. I love when you pick
me up from school. And it'sonly like a four minute drive from his
(18:42):
school to our house, but helikes to talk to me about what he
did that day, and it's justhim and me, one on one time.
That is so sweet. It isso sweet. But I can't tell
you how many times, like I'mcalling my husband, who is like also
in the middle of something and going, oh, something came up, can
you pick up? Or you know, we had something planned, you know,
(19:03):
that afternoon for Chris and I todo, and I'm sitting on my
phone putting up like a social postfor something I need to do, or
working ahead for possible conversations to haveon my morning shows the next day.
I don't think that's protecting your relationshipbecause I would see that as the other
person just going I guess I'll justmake your dinner and pull down the bed
(19:26):
sheets for whenever you decide to cometo bed, And like, I think
I'm really really bad about that.I mean, I relate. It's hard.
It's hard because we're career driven womenand this is when like this is
when people will say that in anegative way. Yeah, right, Like,
well you're not prioritizing your family.Where are you? Where are your
kids? Why are you never withthem? Yeah that moment. I went
(19:49):
on a couple dates with a guyand we were talking about past relationships,
which I don't think is super tabooto do. I know a lot of
people are like, oh, talkabout your ex is on a date.
I want to know everything. Iwant to know everything, and then I
want to know what you heard,because it's always good. But he was
(20:10):
talking about his last relationship was hardbecause he considered his ex to be a
workaholic. Yeah, And I waslike, oh shit, hi, because
and that's one thing that I wishI was better at. I just have
not figured out or mastered how towork a set schedule with this job and
(20:34):
then like shut it down and havethe other part of your day. Yeah,
we obviously have our shows in themorning that are this time to this
time, but then there are otherthings that come up throughout the day,
like a social post that we mightneed to do or which we could schedule
that stuff out, Like there aresolutions to some of these problems, but
(20:56):
it's just not a perfect world.That's my daying life Mond, you know,
And maybe it's lazy to think thatway, but it's like, yeah,
I could schedule out, but wheream I doing that work? During
a show, during the recording ofcommercials, during meetings, you know,
while we're sitting on the couch watchingwhatever, Bluey, But I have to
read the subtitles. I can't beon my phone. True, you see
(21:19):
so many exams that I'm not arelationship. Okay, it's okay, I've
I've had my own like epiphany momentsin the last few months too. I
think we talked about this on maybetwo or three episodes ago. I'm trying
to put everything I do in mylife through a filter of will this matter
(21:40):
in five minutes, five months,five years, And like, in a
very morbid way, a lot ofwhat I do is will I care about
this on my deathbed? But here'smy hang up with that is that in
the moment I'm like, yep,I'm going to remember this forever, this
one is in there, and boltlie. Literally five minutes later, I'm
(22:02):
like, huh, I do notcare about that, you know. Yeah,
That's what I'm trying is like mymy at night anxiety. That's where
I've really been doing it. I'mlike looking ahead to all the things the
next day, and I'm freaking out, and I'm like, are you going
to think about this on your deathbed? Probably? Probably? So I'm just
having a hard time, like evenrunning things through that filter. I'm like,
(22:22):
how can I be sure? Howcan I be sure? Thank God,
we are the same. We're goingto live together and our old age
after all the people around us havedied, and we're just gonna we're gonna
thrive in our anxiety were and we'regonna be like remember that time. I
think we'd remember it, And lookwe're still thinking about it. Yeah,
(22:47):
let's have more wine. Yeah.Last one I want to do on this
list because I thought this was verystrange and there's no real, no real
explanation on this one reason to leaveyour relationship red flag. If they can
live without you? Oh, Ihad that same reaction. Oh I can,
(23:07):
I mean I can live without anybody. It feels codependent, doesn't it.
Like I think I get really sadwhen I think about like Chris dying
like an in a shocking way,or at a younger age than I'd like,
or whatever, right, but youwould survive. I think I could
(23:27):
survive. I don't know that you'dthrive. How would you eat? I
wouldn't And that's probably what makes memore sad than like the loss of his
companionship. No, I'll starve,but I don't. I don't know.
It doesn't sound like a healthy relationshipto be with someone. And you're like,
I don't know what I would doif you ever left me. It's
(23:48):
a sweet thing to say, Idon't know what I would do without you.
I've never thought that was romantic.I'm like, I think at wedding
crash or scene where it's like,don't run because mind you, I'm like,
it does seems stage five clingery tome. Yeah, and then like
freaks me out a little bit,like why do you need me so much?
(24:10):
I don't like, don't write,don't It's nice to feel needed and
appreciated, Yeah, but I don'twant to feel like you can't function and
be a whole person. And ifI die, like I'm going to haunt
you a little bit, and Iwant you to take some time and like
grieve me. I was amazing,but then probably move on a little bit,
(24:34):
a little bit what's a little bitlike if you I'm like Rip Schmidty,
the world lost an icon, sorrowfuland prayer. Yeah, so sad.
Let's say five years later? Yeah, yeah, I think that's I
think that's fine. Can you startdating? Can he can he remarry?
(24:55):
Oh? Man, See that's crazy. I don't think I could wrap my
head around that. I don't thinkhe would, not, not for anything
other than we talk all the timeabout how lazy we would be if we
lost the other one. I wouldI don't think I'd ever get back into
the tating world, don't. Ithink you listen to enough of this podcast
(25:15):
if you're in a relationship, stickit out, which is so not something
I would say normally part of thetop ten red blacks, But it's brutal
out here, like the reason thereis a reason why so many millennials are
never going to get married and theyare going to end up single, and
(25:37):
it's because it is such a vastwasteland of decay and just a general lack
of optimism, which checks out rightfor the millennials. Yea, it really
does. Could be another once ina generation event, please, Yeah,
(25:59):
and like we can do everything alone? Now, what is so, but
the other side of that, Idon't disagree, and that's what I hear
from from you and a couple ofmy other friends in the dating world.
So what happened to the other peopleout there in the millennial generation? Like
why are there's so many f boysand people that are just like poo poo
poo, Like why don't they wantto get married? Or why are like
(26:22):
you when you've been ghosted and stuffby guys that seem really really great?
Yeah, why is like there's somuch of that when it feels like the
other half of the generations like,guys, we're just trying to be kind
and have a nice time. Mygenuine opinion on this is that dating apps
have made it so that anyone isattainable. There's always going to be a
(26:45):
next one. Oh so if itdoesn't work out with this one, I'll
just go on the app and findanother one, so less effort being put
in. Yeah, And I thinkthat it gives you the illusion that there
is there's always something else out there, so you're always like you're constantly seeking
(27:08):
because there is so much, there'sso much abundance, like there are so
many I'd never thought of it thatway, but it does sound correct.
It's like, what do they say, shooting fish in apparel? Yes,
yes, stop doing that, stopbeing that way. But it's it's it's
totally. It's kind of crazy too, because it's like these people, these
(27:33):
are people who and this has happenedto me recently, So this is what
I'm basing this on. When Iwas ghosted, like that guy was taught
he was he wanted to get married, he wanted to have kids. He
wasn't saying like he wanted to marryme, but we were just talking about
life goals, like what does yourlife look like? He wanted to get
married, he wanted to have kids, he wanted to settle down, but
(27:56):
like actively not doing any of thosethings, which just feels, i mean
right, just feels like talk like, oh, this is what I'm supposed
to say, because oh but Ilike that, and I don't necessarily know
that he's out there like ghosting abunch of women like he did ghost me,
but we like that could just bebecause he wasn't into me, like
(28:17):
maybe I wasn't event well, adifferent topic for a different day, but
maybe you feel so good about myselfI have. It's what we're here to
do. And also it's all true. Maybe this is the problem you're giving
me such an inflated ego. Neverbut I'm out of here with these wild,
unrealistic expectations. Bring me on yournext day and I will just hype
(28:38):
from like I am a catch.She can't understand why you haven't wiped me
yet because I'm sweet. So I'vebeen waiting to hear about the bumble backtrack
the update. Oh my god,was it a thrilling time? Oh this
(29:00):
guy ilbeit a couple of hours likeonly so I'm time though. Spoiler alert,
so in case you need to becaught up on this situation. I
recently matched with someone on a datingapp who I had matched with before and
it didn't end well and I couldn'treally remember why. I remember they had
said something to me that I didn'tlike, and then we just like never
(29:26):
talked again, and then rematched onthis dating app, which I didn't even
know it was possible, which Iwas like, I can't figure out if
he knows that and he's trying toget back in which is what we talked
about on the last episode, orif he just doesn't remember I thought he
(29:48):
was trying to get back in.I think he didn't remember, but we'll
never know because it ended very abruptly. He messaged me. I messaged him
back, and I just I'd like, hey, I've had a browse of
your profile, and it just seemsthat there are some conflicting sentiments on the
profile, like what, Well,it says you are looking for a girl
(30:14):
who wants more than attention, Butwhen it says what type of relationship you're
looking for, it says something shortterm and something casual, so completely opposite
things, wouldn't That's how I interpretit it? Yes? And he said,
well, how do you interpret agirl looking for more than just attention?
And I said, well, tome, that says you're looking for
(30:37):
some sort of vulnerability to be sharedin, like a connection, Like you're
not just looking for a pen palor someone to like check in with,
you know, like not someone tojust send a picture too, and then
be like, oh my god,hot, pick right just like that.
Yes, And he was like,and you can't do that in a short
(31:00):
term casual relationship. What does ashort term casual relationship mean to you?
And I was very forward. Isaid, in my opinion, you don't
really dig super deep in a shortterm casual relationship, and to me that
means like hookups, Like you're lookingfor hookups. Yeah. I think it's
a very respectful way saying I'm justhere to I'm just DTF and there's nothing
(31:22):
wrong with her. That's what you'relooking for, and you're being honest about
it. That's okay, that's notwhat I'm looking for at the moment,
but it's up to you. Soafter I sent him my little synopsis and
interpretations of the questions that he askedme, immediately unmatched me. Immediately I
(31:45):
laughed out loud, Oh, outloud. He was, I mean,
like he was cute too. Yeah. So it was like he couldn't interesting
and this is meant as a compliment. He couldn't handle you. Like now,
now I feel like whatever he said, a girl not looking for attention,
short term whatever he was looking for. One of the doll had the
(32:08):
doll faces, Like I said,pretty maybe not a lot going on upstairs.
The fact that you said all thatback and he's like, oh,
I can't even read something. I'mtaking liberties here. I can't even read
some of those big words. Iswhat I take that as. Yeah,
And it was, and now thatI think about it, like I was
really psychoanalyzing and like using a lotof those well, because this wasn't your
(32:30):
first time a relationship that prioritizes physicalintimacy, Like I actually typed that out
and sent it, So that's kindof doche now that I'm no never,
I'm just you're a woman that knowswhat she wants, and it really second
time he's wanted to do. Well, oh the bumble backtrack. I just
(32:52):
wonder, like what they think whenthey see pictures, because you can pictures
are worth a thousand words. Yeah, And I I'm sure I'm not alone
in this. When I see someone'sprofile, I absolutely create a narrative of
who I think this person is inmy head, just based on their photos.
And then sometimes you talk to thesepeople and you're like flop dud,
(33:15):
Yeah, and that's okay, that'sokay what it's for. But it's my
own insanity. It's my own versionof them that I create. And then
when they don't live up to that, I'm like, oh, I'm disappointed,
Like, oh, I wonder whyI just can't the fact that he
immediately was just like wow, Iliterally meant for you to text back like
(33:37):
an I know right or something likethat. Can't handle it by good bye?
Backtrack. Yeah, I gotta beable to have a conversation with you,
because think about it, that's theother when I was looking through those
red flags, I'm like, somebodyyou can live without, Like we were
just talking about, Oh my gosh, is it not so painful when like
(33:59):
a couple becomes empty nesters and realizethey have nothing in common. It's my
biggest fear. I know. That'swhy I like you. Still you still
have to do stuff like when youhave kids or whatever it is, or
you're busy schedules, because I meanthese like divorced seventy year olds that are
like, while our last kid movedout like five years ago, and it
(34:22):
turns out we hate each other,like we just we have nothing to talk
about, we have nothing to dobecause our entire relationship has been devoted to
like children or work. Yep,you've got to have You've got to be
able to have the conversations, thefun times, the battles. Yeah,
I like. I like that.I think it's you know, it's refreshing,
It gets things out. You can'tjust backtrack bumble would have been an
(34:47):
absolute disaster, man. Yeah,but I mean it was. It was
kind of a crazy two hours becauseI really wasn't expecting a lot out of
it. Like I really wanted tojust figure out if he had known that
we had matched before or like hereally didn't a little bit guilty and that
(35:10):
like it was kind of a contentswipe, if you will, which should
never make you feel guilty. It'sfor our audience, it's for you.
Yeah, that was a great swipe. So but and then like there was
also an element of like, oh, rejected again. I'm not super like
(35:30):
busted up about it, right,but I'm just I'm offering my services the
next time you have like a dinnerdate. I will just sit in the
booth across the way and every sooften be like, ah, but like,
since amazing, it's not me,right, it's not because that at
a certain point, I'm gonna haveto take a good, long, hard
(35:52):
look in the mirror and be like, we're not that denominator strongly dis agree,
as does everyone zero chance it's youdie on that hill. Well that
makes me feel a little bit betterfor now. For now, that's all
we can do. We'll see,we'll see how it goes to do.
(36:15):
So, speaking of like recurring bits, yes, we're going to add I
liked what was it the Schmidt talkingshit? Yeah, yeah, we're going
to add that in. I likeit because my two year old can't talk
yet. But when she really reallycan wait for it, because her eyes
(36:36):
and her body language already hurts myfeelings. So when she matches words with
that. But my five year oldis just so kind and wonderful. Then
when he says things that aren't itreally is funny because he doesn't realize he's
doing it. The best character analysisof your children that I have ever seen
in video form on your social mediais the video of Sophia stealing Will's food.
(36:58):
Oh my god, did you seeshe has no shame? Not only
did I see it, but Iwas like, this is this is these
are this is them, this istheir essence yep. And Will's just sitting
there like and so reach writer getand she makes it a whole thing.
She's like on her knees, She'slike, hold on, I can't,
(37:21):
I can't quite, and then justall the food, Yeah, I love,
I love, and then the eyeslike I did absolutely nothing wrong.
There. It was in my vicinity. Yeah, yeah, that's gonna be
it's gonna be real eye opening.Yeah, it's gonna make you want to
have kids. When't you find thatperson in life? If ever, if
(37:43):
I ever do find anyone. Umchanging the subject back to reoccurring bits,
because I got so much feedback lastweek about our sweaty feet hmm, a
lot of our listeners. I'm sosorry, really quick. I hope you
can't hear that. My stomach isgrowing and I just am so embarrassed that
that's being picked up by the microphone. Oh I didn't hear it. Jesus,
(38:04):
Sorry, guys. Continue, Well, it's because we're hungry. My
god. You probably haven't eaten today. No I haven't. No, we've
got to keep the feet looking skinny. I'd really tell you what thanking on
this. I'll tell you what.So many of our listeners are also in
the sweaty feet club. I willnot say any of your names and put
you on blast, but I didreceive more than one DM from you guys
(38:28):
about also having sweaty, stinky beatthat makes me feel good. Suggestion switch
your synthetic socks to one cotton apparentlythat helps. I'll be honest with you,
I had no idea socks remain outof anything other than cotton. I
guess we got to start reading thelabel. But I think we should start
(38:50):
doing a recurring bit called Uncomfortably Close. It'll be details like that, because
so many episodes of Buns and Banterwhere and we always are like you guys
learned so much about us on thesepodcasts, and then we're sharing like these
insider which we shouldn't be sharing onthe internet, but here we are for
(39:13):
those girls. We do it forthe views. But yeah, I think
that that is something that we shouldstart uncomfortably close. Uncomfortably I'm sitting here
right now, so uncomfortable about theocean sweats, sitting in my brown slats.
Right now. We are this.We are same but different
Welcome to Buns and Banter, apodcast buy work Busties for work Busties.
Hey, I'm Lauren and I'm Ali. We're both morning show hosts for iHeartMedia.
We're both millennials, and we're bothtrying to figure out how to build
the lives we dream about, dating, marriage, career, career and being
a mom. How to get througha week without crying. Welcome to Buns
(00:26):
and Banter. We're glad you're here. Okay, big deep breath, Not
too big of a breath, becauseI just breathed in. You caught me
as soon as I was coming infor the episode. Today, I've walked
into and breathed in a spiderweb inour studio, which is just so gross.
And that's a studio that you useevery single day, and there's nothing
(00:49):
worse than that to me, becauseyou it's like glue or something. It's
like you can't get it all outof you. And now I just have
this really awful phobia that somehow thespider got in me and it's just like
laying it's like somewhere in my body, like those really terrifying cartoons you saw
as a kid. I thought thatthat was going to be way more of
a thing as an adult. Right. Spiders laying eggs in or around specifically
(01:14):
my ears, Yes, all thecrevasses, but the ears flipped me out.
I still I will not sleep atnight if all my holes aren't covered.
Oh, you don't seem naked ever. No, but like with a
comforter, oh, like I haveto have and it has to be pulled
up right at my ears, Icannot. I just feel like there's always
(01:34):
things trying to crawl into you orget into you. Maybe that's a woman
thing, you know. It wasthat And when I was little, my
mom used to yell at us whenwe would like put hats on in the
store. She'd be like, lice. Oh and still to this day.
And I'm a hat girly. Ilove a hat. Yes, I am
(01:55):
trying on the hats at the storebefore I buy them. I'm not buying
this because what happened between now,between the store and the home. What
is magically going to clean this hat? I'm just gonna put it on my
head, right, I suppose Icould lice all them. But yeah,
that was a big thing for mymom when we were kids. You don't
put hats on at the store becausethey could have lice. I love that.
(02:15):
I just walking into a spider webthat devolved into our childhood phobius.
I felt the same thing about watermelons. If you accidentally ate a seed,
you'd grow on in your belly.This story is really messed up. This
is such a messed up story.But this is my childhood. My dad,
(02:36):
when I was little, told methat if I ate the stems of
broccoli, i'd grow boy parts work. Yeah, oh no, yeah,
So for like as a child,terrified, terrified, Oh my god,
terrified. But yeah, I don'tI think like maybe he said it like
once as a joke and it wasjust one of those things that like,
(02:59):
he probably doesn't remember, but you'rea sponge, but as a kid,
yep, yeah, yes, Ormaybe he never told me that at all,
and I dreamed the whole thing up. Where in the world you had
to have heard that somewhere that yoursubconscious wouldn't have just made that up.
I don't know. Kids say wildstuff though. Were you a bus rider?
(03:19):
I heard the craziest stuff on thebus. I was a short,
short lived my bus rider experienced becauseI used to fall asleep on the bus
and that was fine at the endof the day because my sister also rode
the bus with me so she couldwake me up. But when my sister
went to middle school and I wasstill in elementary school, then it became
a problem. There were more thanone occasions where the bus driver was like,
(03:43):
on the way back to the busgarage, like, holy shit,
there's a kid in the back.So then I started I started getting ride
home. Oh my heard so speakingof sponges, I think I need to
start making this a bit in everyepisode because my children just hear things and
decide on the most inopportune times tobring them up. Oh yes, I
(04:08):
love it, and like I havea five year old and a two year
old. If you're not, Ihave five year old son, tow year
old daughter, and my son Willis just such a chatterbox and lives for
making new relationships. So the otherday, the lovely gentleman from DTE we're
at our house, ah doing somegas meter upgrades, and I was like,
(04:29):
perfect, beautiful day. We'll gooutside with the kids, so they're
like out of the way of youknow, whatever worth they need to get
done. And Will has gotten veryinto climbing trees and so we have this
really great tree in our front yard, good climbing tree. For the first
time he was able to climb upat himself. So he like got the
tree that you posted the picture ofthat man is such a cute picture,
by the way, go look atit on Schmidy's social media. Schmidt in
(04:53):
the mit, thank you it was. That was a good one. So
he climbs on that tree, getsthis little spot and he's five rights.
So he's like, this is thetallest I've ever been in my whole life.
And I was like, oh cool, dude, Like what can you
see up there? He's like,I can probably see downtown, like,
you know, just so excited.Then he waits for the DTE guys,
(05:13):
complete strangers. It's not like we'rein there making conversation with them to leave
our house. The guys like,you guys are all set, thank you
so much, and Will goes,hey, you see me up of this
tree, and they're very friendly andthey're like, oh yeah, buddy,
you're so high up there. Hegoes, I'm really tall. It's cool.
You know, I've got My momwould would probably sit up here and
(05:33):
drink wine because we couldn't find her. Wow, would I climbing a tree
lead to mom's drinking situations? Hasthere been a situation drink wine in a
tree but at a treehouse? Hasthere been a situation where you've been drinking
wine and hiding from them, becausethat's what it sounds like. I yes,
(05:57):
maybe on the regular, but Ido again. I looked at him
and I'm like, buddy, that'sthat's an inside the house conversation. And
the DTE guys like, that's okay. I think we're gonna see a lot
of families stay that like to drinkwine and trees because they're just like up
and down the neighborhood doing their work. And I'm just every I could have
(06:19):
one every single week for things thatmy kids say, Oh will Love's point
when I could be having water ina water bottle, like back from a
run, Not that I would ever, but could be, And I'll go,
Mom, looks like wine. Yeah, that's not only due. That's
I am a contributing member of society. It's just when you see me,
(06:40):
I'm off the clock and I'm justhaving a sip. And what you do
off the clock is your own business. And I'm still a great parent.
You are but I love that hisview of me is hiding in a tree
with like my bottle of barefoot.Yeah, we're making this a bit.
It's gonna be shit the little schmidysay, Oh my god, shit from
the little Schmidt Yep, yes,yeah, he's full of it. So
(07:03):
that was a really lovely shout outto Mark and Jordan from DTE. Got
to meet them after the weird winecomment, because then I felt like that
was something I shouldn't let just liethere. I was like, I'm not
you don't need to call anyone.I'm not gonna sit this tree and drink
wine, have a great day.Do you tell people that come to your
house, like contractors or DTE men, like, do you tell them what
(07:24):
you do? No? I don'teither, because it does it like ever
come up. It's come up forme a few times because they will specifically
ask like, oh, so whatdo you do for a living, And
I can't. I can't tell atthat point if they're asking that, if
they're like leading, trying to leadbecause they already know, or if they're
really just like curious, like dothey ask everybody? Right? Probably like
(07:45):
to make small talk? I think, yeah, I've not been asked very
often. I think they're weird andmore weird about that, like you're home
during the day, because that's probablynot normal for the like appointments they have.
Yeah, but what do you say? I always say work in marketing.
I say I work in media.Yeah I can't, or oh I
worked downtown. That kind of likejust get really, I don't know,
(08:05):
I don't know, and it's we'reprobably really overthinking this, although we're not
because we were talking about stalker storiesjust a couple yeah days ago. Yeah,
and there have been some some prettyserious incidents that have happened with different
media personnel in gren Rapids. ButI try to be as broad as possible
and also on the dating apps too. It always freaks me out when people
(08:28):
are like, what do you dofor a living? If you pointedly ask
me what I do for a living, I'll say like, oh, I
work in media, and then ifyou keep pushing, I will tell you.
And then the ones who get likereally excited about it, it's a
red flag. Oh, I'm soglad you brought this up, because you
(08:48):
didn't even I came in here likeblaze and hot about this because I saw
this article today and it thought it'dbe really interesting to talk about a dating
expert has run down the top tenred flags in a relationship. Oh yes,
oh yes, I'm sure you're notgoing to be any of these.
Not You're not, I not us. I am one giant walking red flag
(09:11):
any one of my ex boyfriends.Okay, so this, oh, this
is going to get controversial. Sothis is relationship expert Jake Maddock, to
be fair, grain assault because italso says he's a self described dating expert.
Okay, that was my next question. Why what makes him an expert?
He's just been on a lot ofdates. Oh yeah, perfect,
(09:33):
he's a backtrack bumble if you didn'tsee last week's episode, Oh, I
have an update on that. Okay, So we're gonna go through the flags
and then see this is beautiful.So he's revealed one of the biggest red
flags. And I think this issomething a lot of couples talk about.
Not wanting to have sex with yourpartner is an immediate flag to leave the
relationship. Well yeah, but thatthat takes time to get to that point.
(09:54):
I see, right, I don'tthink and I and by that point
I might not even know I wouldnotice what I notice I don't know this
is gonna be so fantastic. Nextup, bad communication, Yes, total
and complete red flag I and noteven in terms of like you undercommunicate or
(10:20):
you overcommunicate, but sometimes your styleof communication, yes, is not jelling
with your partner. I've been inrelationships where I'm a very communicative person and
my partner is as well. Butthe ways in which we communicate with each
other. I've had a therapist actuallytell me and a partner like, you
(10:41):
guys are living in two different worlds, Like you're communicating, but you might
you might as well be. Youare speaking different languages when you communicate with
each other. And that was sofrustrating, and the relationship obviously did not
survive. Was it eye opening slightlyin a good way where You're like,
I would never I would never havethought of it like that. It was
(11:03):
a huge relief because I do considermyself a good communicator. I would consider
that as a friend of yours.I think you're a good communicator, thank
you very much. So that's avery nice compliment to me. It shouldn't
be. Yeah, And to havesomeone that I'm in a relationship with like
the person you care the most aboutin the world tell you that you are
(11:24):
a shitty communicator and like you're notdoing it right and you suck at it
was a huge mind like absolutely,it was just it was a moment where
I was like, oh my god, have I sucked it this the whole
time? And I just didn't know, like, am I delusional? And
then for a therapist to be like, no, you're actually a really good
communicator and you have like very goodinsight. You just start speaking two different
(11:50):
languages. Both of you are,but like slightly in your mind were like
I knew that you were the problem. Maybe a little again, We're just
really good at all the things.Oh number three A lack of chemistry totally,
I have to be I think thatgets lost a lot of time in
the conversation because you don't want tosound like a ship person. But it's
(12:11):
okay that you want to feel attractedand turned on by a person like personality.
Is not all of it? Isthat terrible to say? No,
that is not terrible to say.However, you could be a beauty queen.
I mean terrible And if there ain'tnothing going on behind those eyes,
yeah, I am not attracted toyou. I'm not No I know we've
(12:35):
met. I call them the glassdolls. Just a little lights are on
nobody home not sure. Yeah,guys and girls alike. Because I'll be
the first to admit one of thebiggest things that attracted me to my now
husband his hair. Oh he hasgreat hair. I dated that frow hard
real good. Yeah, this isa really interesting one. Different life goals,
(12:58):
immediate red flag and the relationship.Yes, I don't know. I
just kids, career stuff, andit's I don't think that these are red
flags that you should necessarily take personally, you know, like a red flag
that maybe you should take personally,like you're a bad person. Like maybe
if they tell you, like youhave to be a certain weight in order
(13:20):
to date me, oh like thatthat would indicate that you're just like a
shitty person. Yes, But havingdifferent life goals in someone like I just
think that's a difference of um,Like, that's not anything to take personal.
Like I wouldn't take that personally ifsomeone was like, no, my
five year plan is literally to owna castle, and I'd be interested in
(13:43):
that relationship. That's not that's notmy life goal. That's not I don't
think this is gonna work do yousee Are you someone that sees life goals
being able to change, Like,let's specifically talk the example of kids.
I have seen so many relationships goon for so long and then it gets
to the point and it's like,well, I thought you're gonna change your
mind and the other person's like,I told you from the start, it
(14:03):
was never going to change my mindabout that. I don't want children,
or I do want children. Thisis an ender for me, Like,
if you don't, we need tobe done. Like I had really good
friends that broke up after eight yearsover that, and she was just super
She was like, I'm sorry,I told you from the start. Didn't
feel like I was designed to bea mom, didn't want to be a
mom. You were down with that, And he just thought she would change
(14:26):
her mind or her friends would starthaving children and she would feel like that's
what she wanted to do. Andshe's like, no, I'm super sorry.
It sucks. We've been together almosta decade, but I'm not going
to selfishly keep dating you when youwant to be a dad and I don't
want to be a mom. Wow, I think there's some life goals that
I don't think change, right,I think Carre right, it's interesting in
(14:50):
our business when I saw that one, I think it can be very challenging
to meet, to date and staywith someone in media because a lot of
this job. We're both very luckyto have gotten jobs in a city we
love and have stayed this long becausea lot of our colleagues it's you bounce
around. You're constantly looking for eithera bigger market or better pay or a
new opportunity. And when you're takinglike a family along with that too,
(15:13):
I've seen marriages break for that.Yes that's hard. Yes, yeah,
that is extremely hard, and thereare just some jobs that are tougher to
make a relationship work. I oftenthink of jobs where people are on the
road all the time. Yeah,like traveling sales. I don't know what
else that would be, or liketouring musicians or artists. Like I live
(15:35):
next to a truck driver. He'son the road like two hundred days a
year. Yeah, that's a lotof You've got to really find the person
who is comfortable being alone, andthen your schedules match up so that when
you are home you can spend thatquality time together. Because that's a huge
thing for me, is quality time, So that would be you're taking care
(15:58):
of a lot of your own needs. H'm saying general lack of effort about
old Schmidty would have gotten dirtier there, new Schmitty. She's a mom now,
guys, but she can still getit. And I'm going to make
her tell me the dirtier things shewas thinking of. After this, he
says, another big red flag,general lack of effort and not being able
(16:22):
to meet your needs where they're at. Absolutely, I have a brilliant friend.
She's a flight attendant, Amanda,shout out to you. She does
listen. I love that. Yes, And her dad gave her amazing advice,
and he said, when you aredating someone, that is the best
the relationship. In theory should beyou should be on your best behavior when
(16:48):
you're dating someone, because chances arethe relationship probably isn't going to get easier
as time goes on. Yeah,They're only going to be added layers of
complication. Right, So if thatinitial effort and that foundation is not laid
strong in the beginning, bye,Wow. She told me that, and
(17:11):
I'd like a gut punch advice.I had a full epiphany. I had
a full epiphany. So those thoseguys that you match with on the apps
that like you just like it nevermakes it out of the chat, Like
you talk about meeting up, andyou talk about meeting up, and then
you exchange numbers and you text aboutmeeting up, but you just like are
both busy and can't find the timeto know it's never in real life.
(17:34):
Done with those done. That wasa hype moment, Like if you can't
even prioritize a first date, sothat's well, that's a good one.
Yeah, I like that a lot. This is an interesting one. They
don't care about protecting your relationship andyou're not improving together. Two and three
(18:00):
on the list What does protecting arelationship mean to you? So I was
I was thinking about that one,and I thought, I think I'm very
guilty of this, and it's areally, really tough thing to admit to
myself. I don't think I protectmy relationship as well as I should,
because I think I prioritize a lotmore over my relationship. Like what that's
(18:22):
work outside. You're gonna say,well that's different. See look, but
see that you we're programmed that way. There's there's so many times where like
I'll miss picking up my son fromschool, and it's his most favorite part
of the day. He told methat repeatedly. I love when you pick
me up from school. And it'sonly like a four minute drive from his
(18:42):
school to our house, but helikes to talk to me about what he
did that day, and it's justhim and me, one on one time.
That is so sweet. It isso sweet. But I can't tell
you how many times, like I'mcalling my husband, who is like also
in the middle of something and going, oh, something came up, can
you pick up? Or you know, we had something planned, you know,
(19:03):
that afternoon for Chris and I todo, and I'm sitting on my
phone putting up like a social postfor something I need to do, or
working ahead for possible conversations to haveon my morning shows the next day.
I don't think that's protecting your relationshipbecause I would see that as the other
person just going I guess I'll justmake your dinner and pull down the bed
(19:26):
sheets for whenever you decide to cometo bed, And like, I think
I'm really really bad about that.I mean, I relate. It's hard.
It's hard because we're career driven womenand this is when like this is
when people will say that in anegative way. Yeah, right, Like,
well you're not prioritizing your family.Where are you? Where are your
kids? Why are you never withthem? Yeah that moment. I went
(19:49):
on a couple dates with a guyand we were talking about past relationships,
which I don't think is super tabooto do. I know a lot of
people are like, oh, talkabout your ex is on a date.
I want to know everything. Iwant to know everything, and then I
want to know what you heard,because it's always good. But he was
(20:10):
talking about his last relationship was hardbecause he considered his ex to be a
workaholic. Yeah, And I waslike, oh shit, hi, because
and that's one thing that I wishI was better at. I just have
not figured out or mastered how towork a set schedule with this job and
(20:34):
then like shut it down and havethe other part of your day. Yeah,
we obviously have our shows in themorning that are this time to this
time, but then there are otherthings that come up throughout the day,
like a social post that we mightneed to do or which we could schedule
that stuff out, Like there aresolutions to some of these problems, but
(20:56):
it's just not a perfect world.That's my daying life Mond, you know,
And maybe it's lazy to think thatway, but it's like, yeah,
I could schedule out, but wheream I doing that work? During
a show, during the recording ofcommercials, during meetings, you know,
while we're sitting on the couch watchingwhatever, Bluey, But I have to
read the subtitles. I can't beon my phone. True, you see
(21:19):
so many exams that I'm not arelationship. Okay, it's okay, I've
I've had my own like epiphany momentsin the last few months too. I
think we talked about this on maybetwo or three episodes ago. I'm trying
to put everything I do in mylife through a filter of will this matter
(21:40):
in five minutes, five months,five years, And like, in a
very morbid way, a lot ofwhat I do is will I care about
this on my deathbed? But here'smy hang up with that is that in
the moment I'm like, yep,I'm going to remember this forever, this
one is in there, and boltlie. Literally five minutes later, I'm
(22:02):
like, huh, I do notcare about that, you know. Yeah,
That's what I'm trying is like mymy at night anxiety. That's where
I've really been doing it. I'mlike looking ahead to all the things the
next day, and I'm freaking out, and I'm like, are you going
to think about this on your deathbed? Probably? Probably? So I'm just
having a hard time, like evenrunning things through that filter. I'm like,
(22:22):
how can I be sure? Howcan I be sure? Thank God,
we are the same. We're goingto live together and our old age
after all the people around us havedied, and we're just gonna we're gonna
thrive in our anxiety were and we'regonna be like remember that time. I
think we'd remember it, And lookwe're still thinking about it. Yeah,
(22:47):
let's have more wine. Yeah.Last one I want to do on this
list because I thought this was verystrange and there's no real, no real
explanation on this one reason to leaveyour relationship red flag. If they can
live without you? Oh, Ihad that same reaction. Oh I can,
(23:07):
I mean I can live without anybody. It feels codependent, doesn't it.
Like I think I get really sadwhen I think about like Chris dying
like an in a shocking way,or at a younger age than I'd like,
or whatever, right, but youwould survive. I think I could
(23:27):
survive. I don't know that you'dthrive. How would you eat? I
wouldn't And that's probably what makes memore sad than like the loss of his
companionship. No, I'll starve,but I don't. I don't know.
It doesn't sound like a healthy relationshipto be with someone. And you're like,
I don't know what I would doif you ever left me. It's
(23:48):
a sweet thing to say, Idon't know what I would do without you.
I've never thought that was romantic.I'm like, I think at wedding
crash or scene where it's like,don't run because mind you, I'm like,
it does seems stage five clingery tome. Yeah, and then like
freaks me out a little bit,like why do you need me so much?
(24:10):
I don't like, don't write,don't It's nice to feel needed and
appreciated, Yeah, but I don'twant to feel like you can't function and
be a whole person. And ifI die, like I'm going to haunt
you a little bit, and Iwant you to take some time and like
grieve me. I was amazing,but then probably move on a little bit,
(24:34):
a little bit what's a little bitlike if you I'm like Rip Schmidty,
the world lost an icon, sorrowfuland prayer. Yeah, so sad.
Let's say five years later? Yeah, yeah, I think that's I
think that's fine. Can you startdating? Can he can he remarry?
(24:55):
Oh? Man, See that's crazy. I don't think I could wrap my
head around that. I don't thinkhe would, not, not for anything
other than we talk all the timeabout how lazy we would be if we
lost the other one. I wouldI don't think I'd ever get back into
the tating world, don't. Ithink you listen to enough of this podcast
(25:15):
if you're in a relationship, stickit out, which is so not something
I would say normally part of thetop ten red blacks, But it's brutal
out here, like the reason thereis a reason why so many millennials are
never going to get married and theyare going to end up single, and
(25:37):
it's because it is such a vastwasteland of decay and just a general lack
of optimism, which checks out rightfor the millennials. Yea, it really
does. Could be another once ina generation event, please, Yeah,
(25:59):
and like we can do everything alone? Now, what is so, but
the other side of that, Idon't disagree, and that's what I hear
from from you and a couple ofmy other friends in the dating world.
So what happened to the other peopleout there in the millennial generation? Like
why are there's so many f boysand people that are just like poo poo
poo, Like why don't they wantto get married? Or why are like
(26:22):
you when you've been ghosted and stuffby guys that seem really really great?
Yeah, why is like there's somuch of that when it feels like the
other half of the generations like,guys, we're just trying to be kind
and have a nice time. Mygenuine opinion on this is that dating apps
have made it so that anyone isattainable. There's always going to be a
(26:45):
next one. Oh so if itdoesn't work out with this one, I'll
just go on the app and findanother one, so less effort being put
in. Yeah, And I thinkthat it gives you the illusion that there
is there's always something else out there, so you're always like you're constantly seeking
(27:08):
because there is so much, there'sso much abundance, like there are so
many I'd never thought of it thatway, but it does sound correct.
It's like, what do they say, shooting fish in apparel? Yes,
yes, stop doing that, stopbeing that way. But it's it's it's
totally. It's kind of crazy too, because it's like these people, these
(27:33):
are people who and this has happenedto me recently, So this is what
I'm basing this on. When Iwas ghosted, like that guy was taught
he was he wanted to get married, he wanted to have kids. He
wasn't saying like he wanted to marryme, but we were just talking about
life goals, like what does yourlife look like? He wanted to get
married, he wanted to have kids, he wanted to settle down, but
(27:56):
like actively not doing any of thosethings, which just feels, i mean
right, just feels like talk like, oh, this is what I'm supposed
to say, because oh but Ilike that, and I don't necessarily know
that he's out there like ghosting abunch of women like he did ghost me,
but we like that could just bebecause he wasn't into me, like
(28:17):
maybe I wasn't event well, adifferent topic for a different day, but
maybe you feel so good about myselfI have. It's what we're here to
do. And also it's all true. Maybe this is the problem you're giving
me such an inflated ego. Neverbut I'm out of here with these wild,
unrealistic expectations. Bring me on yournext day and I will just hype
(28:38):
from like I am a catch.She can't understand why you haven't wiped me
yet because I'm sweet. So I'vebeen waiting to hear about the bumble backtrack
the update. Oh my god,was it a thrilling time? Oh this
(29:00):
guy ilbeit a couple of hours likeonly so I'm time though. Spoiler alert,
so in case you need to becaught up on this situation. I
recently matched with someone on a datingapp who I had matched with before and
it didn't end well and I couldn'treally remember why. I remember they had
said something to me that I didn'tlike, and then we just like never
(29:26):
talked again, and then rematched onthis dating app, which I didn't even
know it was possible, which Iwas like, I can't figure out if
he knows that and he's trying toget back in which is what we talked
about on the last episode, orif he just doesn't remember I thought he
(29:48):
was trying to get back in.I think he didn't remember, but we'll
never know because it ended very abruptly. He messaged me. I messaged him
back, and I just I'd like, hey, I've had a browse of
your profile, and it just seemsthat there are some conflicting sentiments on the
profile, like what, Well,it says you are looking for a girl
(30:14):
who wants more than attention, Butwhen it says what type of relationship you're
looking for, it says something shortterm and something casual, so completely opposite
things, wouldn't That's how I interpretit it? Yes? And he said,
well, how do you interpret agirl looking for more than just attention?
And I said, well, tome, that says you're looking for
(30:37):
some sort of vulnerability to be sharedin, like a connection, Like you're
not just looking for a pen palor someone to like check in with,
you know, like not someone tojust send a picture too, and then
be like, oh my god,hot, pick right just like that.
Yes, And he was like,and you can't do that in a short
(31:00):
term casual relationship. What does ashort term casual relationship mean to you?
And I was very forward. Isaid, in my opinion, you don't
really dig super deep in a shortterm casual relationship, and to me that
means like hookups, Like you're lookingfor hookups. Yeah. I think it's
a very respectful way saying I'm justhere to I'm just DTF and there's nothing
(31:22):
wrong with her. That's what you'relooking for, and you're being honest about
it. That's okay, that's notwhat I'm looking for at the moment,
but it's up to you. Soafter I sent him my little synopsis and
interpretations of the questions that he askedme, immediately unmatched me. Immediately I
(31:45):
laughed out loud, Oh, outloud. He was, I mean,
like he was cute too. Yeah. So it was like he couldn't interesting
and this is meant as a compliment. He couldn't handle you. Like now,
now I feel like whatever he said, a girl not looking for attention,
short term whatever he was looking for. One of the doll had the
(32:08):
doll faces, Like I said,pretty maybe not a lot going on upstairs.
The fact that you said all thatback and he's like, oh,
I can't even read something. I'mtaking liberties here. I can't even read
some of those big words. Iswhat I take that as. Yeah,
And it was, and now thatI think about it, like I was
really psychoanalyzing and like using a lotof those well, because this wasn't your
(32:30):
first time a relationship that prioritizes physicalintimacy, Like I actually typed that out
and sent it, So that's kindof doche now that I'm no never,
I'm just you're a woman that knowswhat she wants, and it really second
time he's wanted to do. Well, oh the bumble backtrack. I just
(32:52):
wonder, like what they think whenthey see pictures, because you can pictures
are worth a thousand words. Yeah, And I I'm sure I'm not alone
in this. When I see someone'sprofile, I absolutely create a narrative of
who I think this person is inmy head, just based on their photos.
And then sometimes you talk to thesepeople and you're like flop dud,
(33:15):
Yeah, and that's okay, that'sokay what it's for. But it's my
own insanity. It's my own versionof them that I create. And then
when they don't live up to that, I'm like, oh, I'm disappointed,
Like, oh, I wonder whyI just can't the fact that he
immediately was just like wow, Iliterally meant for you to text back like
(33:37):
an I know right or something likethat. Can't handle it by good bye?
Backtrack. Yeah, I gotta beable to have a conversation with you,
because think about it, that's theother when I was looking through those
red flags, I'm like, somebodyyou can live without, Like we were
just talking about, Oh my gosh, is it not so painful when like
(33:59):
a couple becomes empty nesters and realizethey have nothing in common. It's my
biggest fear. I know. That'swhy I like you. Still you still
have to do stuff like when youhave kids or whatever it is, or
you're busy schedules, because I meanthese like divorced seventy year olds that are
like, while our last kid movedout like five years ago, and it
(34:22):
turns out we hate each other,like we just we have nothing to talk
about, we have nothing to dobecause our entire relationship has been devoted to
like children or work. Yep,you've got to have You've got to be
able to have the conversations, thefun times, the battles. Yeah,
I like. I like that.I think it's you know, it's refreshing,
It gets things out. You can'tjust backtrack bumble would have been an
(34:47):
absolute disaster, man. Yeah,but I mean it was. It was
kind of a crazy two hours becauseI really wasn't expecting a lot out of
it. Like I really wanted tojust figure out if he had known that
we had matched before or like hereally didn't a little bit guilty and that
(35:10):
like it was kind of a contentswipe, if you will, which should
never make you feel guilty. It'sfor our audience, it's for you.
Yeah, that was a great swipe. So but and then like there was
also an element of like, oh, rejected again. I'm not super like
(35:30):
busted up about it, right,but I'm just I'm offering my services the
next time you have like a dinnerdate. I will just sit in the
booth across the way and every sooften be like, ah, but like,
since amazing, it's not me,right, it's not because that at
a certain point, I'm gonna haveto take a good, long, hard
(35:52):
look in the mirror and be like, we're not that denominator strongly dis agree,
as does everyone zero chance it's youdie on that hill. Well that
makes me feel a little bit betterfor now. For now, that's all
we can do. We'll see,we'll see how it goes to do.
(36:15):
So, speaking of like recurring bits, yes, we're going to add I
liked what was it the Schmidt talkingshit? Yeah, yeah, we're going
to add that in. I likeit because my two year old can't talk
yet. But when she really reallycan wait for it, because her eyes
(36:36):
and her body language already hurts myfeelings. So when she matches words with
that. But my five year oldis just so kind and wonderful. Then
when he says things that aren't itreally is funny because he doesn't realize he's
doing it. The best character analysisof your children that I have ever seen
in video form on your social mediais the video of Sophia stealing Will's food.
(36:58):
Oh my god, did you seeshe has no shame? Not only
did I see it, but Iwas like, this is this is these
are this is them, this istheir essence yep. And Will's just sitting
there like and so reach writer getand she makes it a whole thing.
She's like on her knees, She'slike, hold on, I can't,
(37:21):
I can't quite, and then justall the food, Yeah, I love,
I love, and then the eyeslike I did absolutely nothing wrong.
There. It was in my vicinity. Yeah, yeah, that's gonna be
it's gonna be real eye opening.Yeah, it's gonna make you want to
have kids. When't you find thatperson in life? If ever, if
(37:43):
I ever do find anyone. Umchanging the subject back to reoccurring bits,
because I got so much feedback lastweek about our sweaty feet hmm, a
lot of our listeners. I'm sosorry, really quick. I hope you
can't hear that. My stomach isgrowing and I just am so embarrassed that
that's being picked up by the microphone. Oh I didn't hear it. Jesus,
(38:04):
Sorry, guys. Continue, Well, it's because we're hungry. My
god. You probably haven't eaten today. No I haven't. No, we've
got to keep the feet looking skinny. I'd really tell you what thanking on
this. I'll tell you what.So many of our listeners are also in
the sweaty feet club. I willnot say any of your names and put
you on blast, but I didreceive more than one DM from you guys
(38:28):
about also having sweaty, stinky beatthat makes me feel good. Suggestion switch
your synthetic socks to one cotton apparentlythat helps. I'll be honest with you,
I had no idea socks remain outof anything other than cotton. I
guess we got to start reading thelabel. But I think we should start
(38:50):
doing a recurring bit called Uncomfortably Close. It'll be details like that, because
so many episodes of Buns and Banterwhere and we always are like you guys
learned so much about us on thesepodcasts, and then we're sharing like these
insider which we shouldn't be sharing onthe internet, but here we are for
(39:13):
those girls. We do it forthe views. But yeah, I think
that that is something that we shouldstart uncomfortably close. Uncomfortably I'm sitting here
right now, so uncomfortable about theocean sweats, sitting in my brown slats.
Right now. We are this.We are same but different
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