Fallen Heroes, Fatherhood, and Navigating Grief

Hey, What’s Up! It’s Tommy.

Thanks for joining me on this episode of Spectrum in Camouflage. Today’s show is a bit heavier than usual, and I want to share something really personal. Our local community lost a brother—a firefighter named John Saunders—someone I’ve known and worked with for nearly a decade. This tragedy shook us deeply, and it's left a weight that’s hard to put into words.

In this episode, I talk through the guilt, grief, and mental load that can come from loss—especially when you feel like you should’ve been there but weren’t. I reflect on what it means to show up for others, even when you're not sure how. I also draw a connection to our journey with our autistic son, Wyatt, and the regrets that can come from decisions we made before we knew what we know now.

I want to be real with you—grief isn’t linear. Whether it’s grieving a loss, a diagnosis, or the feeling that you could’ve done something differently, it takes time. And if you’re in that space right now, you’re not alone. Your pain is valid. Your questions are valid. And your healing matters.

This one’s for John, for his family, for my brothers on the department, and for every parent out there carrying unseen weight.

Key Takeaways

• Grief and guilt often come together, especially after sudden loss or difficult decisions.
• "Pain shared is pain divided" — reaching out matters more than you think.
• It’s okay to question the past, but we must keep moving forward with hope.
• Stress is relative—what overwhelms one person might not affect another the same way.
• There’s no shame in wanting your child to be as healthy and expressive as possible.
• You’re not alone in wondering “what if?”—especially in the autism parenting journey.
• Your story, your strength, and your healing can help someone else later on.

Visit spectrumincamouflage.com to explore more episodes and resources.

If you want to connect, share your story, or just talk, email me at [e-mail].

Together, we can create a community to support autistic kids and their families.

Let’s learn, grow, and make a difference—one step, one piece of the puzzle, one child at a time.

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