March 29, 2025 • 27 mins
Episode 66: My Theme Song: I'm Not Giving Up!
Embracing Inner Strength: Conversations on Personal Growth and Self-Care
In this deeply introspective episode, Kimon shares his journey of personal growth and self-acceptance. He reflects on his early childhood memories, the transformation from introvert to empath, and the significance of having a theme song that inspires resilience. Kimon discusses the importance of nurturing one's 'inner child,' overcoming past traumas, and developing a compassionate inner dialogue. Through personal anecdotes, he illustrates how to navigate life's hardships and come out stronger. He emphasizes the necessity of self-care, setting personal goals, and urges listeners to adopt the mindset of 'not giving up' despite challenges. This episode is a heartfelt invitation to look within and find strength, compassion, and purpose.
00:00 Introduction: The Power of a Personal Theme Song
01:25 Early Childhood Memories and Self-Reliance
04:36 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Compassion
07:22 Overcoming Personal Struggles and Finding Purpose
09:49 Inner Child Work and Self-Acceptance
18:40 The Importance of Self-Care and Persistence
24:29 Conclusion: Embracing Your Human Being
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Last year I had this amazing group ofpeople pace me on the track for a 5,000.
And leading up to that, I heard this song,
and if you've lifted the episode, Ithink it was in last August, I've chosen
a theme song for my life and I think,mm. That wouldn't be a bad idea, right?
(00:32):
Something like a rallying cry for you,like a personal rallying cry, a personal
thing that gets you up, gets youmoving, stirs emotion within you,
drives you to a better place.
(00:52):
And that that song, it basicallygoes, I'm not giving up.
Like I'm not giving up on you.
And I thought that's incredible.
'cause it's so different thanwhen I was a lot younger.
(01:14):
It's like I grew up with this important,like with this thought process and
I believe it came from this moment.
Um.
When I was very, veryyoung, probably a toddler.
It was like the first memory I have.
Um, I'm in a crib in, Iknow I'm in the living room
(01:39):
and there was this, uh, therewas a, some blackout blinds.
The curtains, and they wereslightly cracked, so there was
a bit of light coming through.
And there was little dustparticles floating through that
light, like little sparklies.
(02:01):
And I could see my momwas sleeping on the couch
and I wanted attention, butsomething within me knew
that if I have to ask for it,
it, it just means that I'm not importantenough to just have it when I want it.
(02:25):
And although it made me sad to think thatI wasn't very important, I realized that
it's okay that I wouldbe okay being alone.
And it's interestingly after that,my mom, at some point, my mom
realized that I was this reallyincredible kid who never cried, never
(02:49):
cried, never asked for anything.
She said I was really greatat entertaining myself.
Like sometimes she'd forget I'meven there 'cause not a peep.
And the other interesting thing waslike I had this habit of going into
the cupboards in the kitchen when thesun was shining through the window and
(03:11):
I'd grab like a stainless steel, uh,pot or pan and I'd reflect the light
from this pot or pan onto the ceiling.
And it makes me wonder if that decisionI made as a toddler lying in that crib,
came to truth, came to life, right,and that I decided that I would
(03:35):
have to be okay in this world.
I alone
because I wasn't important.
And it's interesting because I didbecome, over the years, I became quite
an introvert and like, if you know me,you'll, you'll see I'm very extroverted,
but I don't really need a lot ofpeople in my life, in fact, and part
(04:01):
of me knows that I don't need anyone.
But when I'm completely alone, itreminds me of this feeling I had as
this little toddler that, yeah, I'mnot important and that's why I'm alone.
So it's not a really positive thing.
Like I think a lot of our greateststrengths come from, uh, a weakness
(04:25):
that we're compensating for.
And so the more we use that strength,the more we feel the weakness.
But over the years I learned to finda way to deal with things like this.
Like I realized that
I do have people in my lifeand I make a powerful choice to
(04:48):
have these people in my life.
Like literally, if you are in mylife, something you need to know.
Is, there is something so amazingabout you, something so special about
you to me, that I will go against myvery nature as, uh, as an introvert,
as somebody who doesn't need anybody.
As somebody who kind of desires to bealone, I will go against that nature
(05:13):
to have you in my life, which means Ivalue you deeply if you're in my life,
you know?
That was one of the many things,and don't get me wrong, okay,
don't, I'm not like woe is me stuff.
'cause like literally all these thingsthat I've been through in my life are
(05:34):
exactly what fueled the human being.
I'm a am now.
They're what taught me.
Like we don't learnstrength without challenge.
We don't learn compassion without pain.
(05:54):
You see
if you can move past your pain, if you canmove past the victim part of your pain,
then what you will see
is you'll become moreand more compassionate
and you'll learn that maybe you wentthrough that there was a purpose
(06:18):
that it taught you.
You know what it feelslike to really hurt.
And if you're in, in my life, um, inmy practice and you're hurting and
you come and see me, you'll see whoI am around that told so many people.
This is a safe place.
You don't have to let that out.
(06:39):
But if you feel comfortable,let let it out here.
You never ever have to talkto me, but if you ever need to
talk, I'm right here, right now.
And I've told many people when I'mscared and worried that maybe it's so
tough that there's this slight chancethat they might m make a permanent
(07:00):
decision off a temporary problem.
And I've told them, listen, if you'reever not okay, please, please let me know.
Like reach out to me 24 7 365.
I'll be there.
I just don't want to lose you.
That's how much I care.
(07:22):
But the interesting thing about allthat is, the way I found my path to
that is through a lot of things, alot of tough times, a lot of mistakes.
You know, I honestly, there was a lotof years that my internal dialogue and
even myself was not very nice to me.
I'm calling myself a loserand I suck and I'll never get
(07:45):
anything right and I have no hope.
And that like literally my life,all I was doing in this world was
taking up like displacing a certainamount of air until the time I died,
and then my body would rot and itwouldn't displace that air anymore.
And that's.
(08:05):
Literally, I didn't think Ihad any chance of e ever having
a huge impact in this world.
There were times when I was so depressedthat I turned to substances to try to
make me feel better alcohol, drugs.
There was even times when I,
(08:28):
I had such anger that I wouldhit things with my hands.
I wouldn't hit people becauseI don't want to hurt people.
And at least I never went afterpeople in that way through anger,
but I would take it outta myself.
And then if you've listened tothe last few episodes, you'll
(08:51):
find that you moments, therewas this moment in my life when
I was pretty much likeseriously contemplating.
Stopping my existence on this planet.
And then this one moment withthis amazing little being
(09:14):
who showed me there was somethingabout me that was special.
And through my tears, I dedicated therest of my life in that moment to trying
to find out what that little being saw.
And I can't say that I've seen itall, and nor can I say I ever want to.
(09:36):
I want it to grow.
I never wanna limit it.
I want to keep on doing more good work.
I want to keep on refining.
You know,
recently the, the bigmotivator for this, this.
Specific episode was, I was, Iwas watching this little reel
(10:00):
on, um, on Instagram, and I don'teven know who the person was.
I, I believe they were talkingto Drew Barrymore, so probably
some, somebody famous.
And after I explained it to mywife, she said, oh, that, yeah,
that's called Inner Child Work.
And I thought, Hmm, that's interesting.
(10:22):
But it went kind of like this.
Not exactly like this, but kindof went, I'm kind of paraphrasing.
I'd like you to thinkabout this for a minute.
'cause I'm really thinking about this now.
Imagine at the very beginning of yourlife you were given this human being,
(10:44):
this little human being,
and.
Your, your one job on this planet
is to take care of this human being,
to nurture them.
Maybe sometimes you're gonnapush 'em a little bit, but you're
(11:05):
gonna push 'em out of love,
like push 'em out of their comfort zone.
But more, more than that.
When they go through reallytrying times, you're gonna be
there with that human being
and like buck up little camper,or You got this or it's okay.
(11:30):
Just lie down and rest for a little.
While's all gonna be okay.
I love you.
I care about you.
I believe in you.
And this little human being as they wentthrough life, you were, your job was just
to like support the 100% no matter what.
(11:54):
And it's like the song, I'm not, I'mnot giving up, I'm not giving up.
No, not yet.
Even when I'm down to my last breath.
So don't give up on me.
And so you go through life through,through the early years, through the
teen years supporting this, this littleone through the most trying times
(12:18):
in the moments where it feels likeall hope is lost and you're the only
person with this human being, you wouldhelp and nurture and support them,
and you'll be a confidant.
And the biggest cheerleader,
(12:41):
you see this little human beingthat was given to you as you Like.
For me, it's kimon, so when Icame to this Earth, I was given
kimon and my job was to help.
Kimon moved towards his finalpurpose, his biggest purpose, his
biggest things on this planet.
And honestly, there's a lot of timeswhen I really wasn't nice to Kimon.
(13:06):
Called him names, told him he sucked.
I, I remember a picture of myself whenI was 12 and it was like probably the
first bout of self-awareness I ever had.
And all I said was this,this chubby little kid.
I. And I was embarrassed.
(13:26):
And then I used that againstKim and you're so fat.
And then when we moved and I didn'tfit in, I was like, you're a loser.
I'm so ashamed.
And how I dealt with that was.
(13:47):
Yeah, I isolated myselffrom everybody else and this
internal dialogue was so cruel
and yet, you know, the little humanbeing I was GU given, kept on going
no matter what, no matter what I threwat this little human being, this kimon
(14:08):
kept on going, kept on fightingthrough the years when I would.
Expressed my anger on inanimateobjects by hitting my hands
on them or hitting myself.
He kept on going through theyears of drinking and drugs and
(14:29):
not sleeping and self-loathing.
He kept on going.
And I didn't have a dream that Ibelieved in, like in the back of my mind.
Maybe it was coming from him or maybeit was coming from my future that
(14:53):
I wanted to do something that helped.
I just wanted to make a difference.
I wanted to, I don't evenknow if be somebody, is it?
'cause I really don't care aboutaccolades or credit or any crap like that.
I just wanted to make a difference.
And I, I had sayings that I madeup like, life is pain and pain is
(15:15):
life, and if you're not a cause ofthe pain, you're a victim of it.
And I really don't want to be either.
I,
and then, like I said, I'm just movingthrough life and I, this little being
wakes me up to something, you know.
(15:37):
Is that my future, calling to me,telling me that I, I ha can be, I
will be more, I will be something, Iwill have an impact on this planet.
I am not just taking up displacing air
and then I committed myself to, I'm tryingto see what that was and there was a lot
(15:59):
of stuff I needed to get outta the way.
A lot of negative thoughts and and such.
So I dived into self-help era.
One after another.
Like I was a smoker at onetime and I understand that that
was a passive form of suicide.
And like the last thing I wantto do is die because life is
just starting to come alive.
(16:20):
I'm starting to move in a direction.
So why in the world?
And I'm trying to shorten this lifebecause I need every minute if I'm
actually actually gonna actualize.
Who I'm here to be,
or at least come as close as Ipossibly can before this body gives up.
(16:46):
So I started doing things and youknow, the, the funny thing is, it's
like life is like a chacha, right?
Two steps forward, two steps back,two steps forward, two steps back.
And yet for some, some reason, and it wasprobably that little being that started
me on this path, who really showed methat was something in me that was valuable
(17:09):
that every time I felldown, I got backed up.
And at, at one point I realizedthat I really need to jet forward.
So the, my strategy was, if I can drivemyself into a deep enough depression.
When I break free, freefrom that, I will shoot.
It's like the bow, right?
You pull back the arrow andthe further you pull it back,
(17:32):
the further you sh you fly.
And then at some point in myexistence I realized, wow, that's
really stupid, like unevolved.
Now it's time to just move forward.
Just continue more forward.
And I realized this amazing thingis like sometimes you're gonna get
knocked down and sometimes you're gonnaget knocked down so hard that you're
(17:54):
lying on the on your back in a ditch.
And what a great place to be whenyou're lying on your back in a
ditch like you're looking up.
All you can see is stars, right?
And you know that any single, whenyou're at the lowest point of your
life, any movement is moving up.
I, I don't recommend drivingyourself down to that level.
(18:17):
I'm just saying that if youare there right now, it's a
very optimistic place to be.
'cause once you hit bottom, then allyou can go is up everything, every
single movement IST improvement.
Wow.
I love that.
Every single movement is an improvement
(18:38):
and.
It's, it's funny because I still didn'thave the energy to keep this going at
times, and at times I'd hit a wall andI get tired, try to fight it, and there
came a point where I decided to accept it.
So if I'm tired, I rest.
(19:00):
And resting doesn't mean quitting.
Resting just means I need a minute.
And like if you are in a space in thislife right here, right now, that you
need a minute, then honor yourself.
Honor your needs, and take a minute andtaking a minute even, and don't even worry
about what anybody else thinks or saysor anything because this is about you.
(19:22):
This is your life.
This is you taking care of yourhuman being, and only you know
what your human being needs.
And remember.
Taking a break doesn't mean you quit.
It just means I need a break.
And I've seen things go on in my life.
(19:43):
I've seen people have such, suchhorrendous times that go on and on
and on and on and on and on and on,and at the end of this, it could
be two years later, they have thegreatest breakthrough of their life.
So literally
everything's moving you towards whoyou're really meant to be on this planet.
(20:06):
And there came a point in my lifewhere I found where I need to be
in the practice I am in right now.
And even that took time.
It's like, you know, it's likeyou, when you start something new,
it is gonna take some energy.
(20:27):
Like if you're in a newrelationship, you're in a new job.
There's work to be done, and yeah,there's gonna be times when it's
tarring, but that's okay because likeif you can really see where things are
leading, like where you're going, andif you really, really, really love your
human being and want them to have thegreatest experience in the greatest
(20:49):
life, then you will be patient and youwill trust that this is all on purpose.
And it's interesting, it's like there wasa time when I didn't think I had any more
space or time in my life for something,but then I realized I do waste a lot of
(21:09):
time here and there watching TV, sittingon the couch, and I realized, well,
sometimes I stay up too late and like Iwant to build something else in my life.
Like at 1.1 of my athletes washaving a really tough time.
They were injured, and I was like,what do you have to lean into when
your main thing isn't going great?
(21:29):
And they looked at me like, whatdo you have besides your work?
I'm like, oh God, touche.
I am such a bloody hypocrite.
That's when I bought a cameraand I started taking pictures
so that that added to my life.
And it's funny, I justdisplaced some other things.
(21:53):
And after doing some trips with someamazing athletes, I, I realized like,
like my physical form is out of shapeand I'm overweight and, and I don't feel
really great or energized all the time.
And that's like reallywhat I wanted to do.
And if I was really caring for my humanbeing, I would start working on that.
So I took on running.
(22:13):
And in order to take on running, Irealized I'm gonna need some goals.
So I, you know, started with like, okay,I'm just gonna run every, I'm gonna walk
around every second day and, and then,um, escalate until I get to the point of
running a half an hour, um, continuous.
And then it was like, okay, so nowI'm gonna run a 5K, like the distance
(22:35):
and 10 K and I'm gonna run 21.1, thenI'm gonna run a race like a 5K race.
And then added the 5,000, added the 10 K.
But one of my biggest dreams was tolike, because I'd started working with
athletes, was like, do a shakeout runwith the athletes on a support trip.
(22:59):
And I got to do that with the women'scross country team in London, Ontario,
um, for the CrossCountry, uh, youthSports CrossCountry Championships and the
men's and women teams dominated that day.
But the biggest win for me waslike it was only about 600 meters,
but I got to achieve that goal.
(23:21):
So that was me takingcare of my human being.
And then I came back and startedgetting into runner running, and
I did a 10 K. And then I hurt myself.
My hip tendonitis, tendons, tendinopathy.
(23:42):
Not, not specifically diagnosed, but,
and I was pretty, pretty bummedout thinking this is gonna go on
for a long time and like, you know,kinda spiraling down a rabbit hole.
And then I, I put that song onmy playlist, I'm not giving up.
(24:06):
And literally every time Ihear it, I get emotional.
Because I realize what I'm, whoI'm singing to, I'm giving, I'm
not giving up on my human being
and I'll fight, and I always do,
(24:26):
even when my heart turns black and blue.
So my, my life now is committedto a number of things.
First off, I'm looking forwhat that little being saw.
I'm looking and I want it to actuallygrow as I look, and I want it to
become bigger and bigger and beexpansive and not ever be limited.
(24:46):
Not ever, like I see the whole, no, Idon't ever wanna see the whole thing.
I just want it to keep on.
Expanding my life is about Itaking care of my human being,
taking my human being to everythingthey want, and supporting them
when the days are bad and cheeringfor them when the days are good.
(25:07):
And working with them physically,mentally, emotionally.
I'm not giving up.
Do you think you could take that on?
Could you take, could youtake on the truth that,
(25:28):
that you are your human being and thatyou're entrusted with this human being.
For your whole life, to nurture,to support, to console, to love,
to be kind, to, can yoube nicer to yourself?
(25:51):
Get 'em next time.
Okay.
What would your be life be like
if you spent this moment forward?
To not only looking for the beauty within,but also nurturing your human being.
(26:13):
I would love to see that
taken care.
And what would your life be likeif you took on my theme song?
I'm not Giving Up.
(26:35):
Even when I'm down to my last breath
and I'll wait.
Makes, makes one think, doesn't it?
Thank you for listening.
(26:55):
Thank you for listening to thisepisode of conversation with Kimen.
Please follow me on Instagramat conversations with Kimen
and feel free to direct message me.
Also, please share my podcast withanyone you may feel would benefit
(27:16):
from its content and let them know.
And you can find me atconversations with Kimen on Apple
podcasts, Spotify, and Podbean.
Have an amazing day.
Last year I had this amazing group ofpeople pace me on the track for a 5,000.
And leading up to that, I heard this song,
and if you've lifted the episode, Ithink it was in last August, I've chosen
a theme song for my life and I think,mm. That wouldn't be a bad idea, right?
(00:32):
Something like a rallying cry for you,like a personal rallying cry, a personal
thing that gets you up, gets youmoving, stirs emotion within you,
drives you to a better place.
(00:52):
And that that song, it basicallygoes, I'm not giving up.
Like I'm not giving up on you.
And I thought that's incredible.
'cause it's so different thanwhen I was a lot younger.
(01:14):
It's like I grew up with this important,like with this thought process and
I believe it came from this moment.
Um.
When I was very, veryyoung, probably a toddler.
It was like the first memory I have.
Um, I'm in a crib in, Iknow I'm in the living room
(01:39):
and there was this, uh, therewas a, some blackout blinds.
The curtains, and they wereslightly cracked, so there was
a bit of light coming through.
And there was little dustparticles floating through that
light, like little sparklies.
(02:01):
And I could see my momwas sleeping on the couch
and I wanted attention, butsomething within me knew
that if I have to ask for it,
it, it just means that I'm not importantenough to just have it when I want it.
(02:25):
And although it made me sad to think thatI wasn't very important, I realized that
it's okay that I wouldbe okay being alone.
And it's interestingly after that,my mom, at some point, my mom
realized that I was this reallyincredible kid who never cried, never
(02:49):
cried, never asked for anything.
She said I was really greatat entertaining myself.
Like sometimes she'd forget I'meven there 'cause not a peep.
And the other interesting thing waslike I had this habit of going into
the cupboards in the kitchen when thesun was shining through the window and
(03:11):
I'd grab like a stainless steel, uh,pot or pan and I'd reflect the light
from this pot or pan onto the ceiling.
And it makes me wonder if that decisionI made as a toddler lying in that crib,
came to truth, came to life, right,and that I decided that I would
(03:35):
have to be okay in this world.
I alone
because I wasn't important.
And it's interesting because I didbecome, over the years, I became quite
an introvert and like, if you know me,you'll, you'll see I'm very extroverted,
but I don't really need a lot ofpeople in my life, in fact, and part
(04:01):
of me knows that I don't need anyone.
But when I'm completely alone, itreminds me of this feeling I had as
this little toddler that, yeah, I'mnot important and that's why I'm alone.
So it's not a really positive thing.
Like I think a lot of our greateststrengths come from, uh, a weakness
(04:25):
that we're compensating for.
And so the more we use that strength,the more we feel the weakness.
But over the years I learned to finda way to deal with things like this.
Like I realized that
I do have people in my lifeand I make a powerful choice to
(04:48):
have these people in my life.
Like literally, if you are in mylife, something you need to know.
Is, there is something so amazingabout you, something so special about
you to me, that I will go against myvery nature as, uh, as an introvert,
as somebody who doesn't need anybody.
As somebody who kind of desires to bealone, I will go against that nature
(05:13):
to have you in my life, which means Ivalue you deeply if you're in my life,
you know?
That was one of the many things,and don't get me wrong, okay,
don't, I'm not like woe is me stuff.
'cause like literally all these thingsthat I've been through in my life are
(05:34):
exactly what fueled the human being.
I'm a am now.
They're what taught me.
Like we don't learnstrength without challenge.
We don't learn compassion without pain.
(05:54):
You see
if you can move past your pain, if you canmove past the victim part of your pain,
then what you will see
is you'll become moreand more compassionate
and you'll learn that maybe you wentthrough that there was a purpose
(06:18):
that it taught you.
You know what it feelslike to really hurt.
And if you're in, in my life, um, inmy practice and you're hurting and
you come and see me, you'll see whoI am around that told so many people.
This is a safe place.
You don't have to let that out.
(06:39):
But if you feel comfortable,let let it out here.
You never ever have to talkto me, but if you ever need to
talk, I'm right here, right now.
And I've told many people when I'mscared and worried that maybe it's so
tough that there's this slight chancethat they might m make a permanent
(07:00):
decision off a temporary problem.
And I've told them, listen, if you'reever not okay, please, please let me know.
Like reach out to me 24 7 365.
I'll be there.
I just don't want to lose you.
That's how much I care.
(07:22):
But the interesting thing about allthat is, the way I found my path to
that is through a lot of things, alot of tough times, a lot of mistakes.
You know, I honestly, there was a lotof years that my internal dialogue and
even myself was not very nice to me.
I'm calling myself a loserand I suck and I'll never get
(07:45):
anything right and I have no hope.
And that like literally my life,all I was doing in this world was
taking up like displacing a certainamount of air until the time I died,
and then my body would rot and itwouldn't displace that air anymore.
And that's.
(08:05):
Literally, I didn't think Ihad any chance of e ever having
a huge impact in this world.
There were times when I was so depressedthat I turned to substances to try to
make me feel better alcohol, drugs.
There was even times when I,
(08:28):
I had such anger that I wouldhit things with my hands.
I wouldn't hit people becauseI don't want to hurt people.
And at least I never went afterpeople in that way through anger,
but I would take it outta myself.
And then if you've listened tothe last few episodes, you'll
(08:51):
find that you moments, therewas this moment in my life when
I was pretty much likeseriously contemplating.
Stopping my existence on this planet.
And then this one moment withthis amazing little being
(09:14):
who showed me there was somethingabout me that was special.
And through my tears, I dedicated therest of my life in that moment to trying
to find out what that little being saw.
And I can't say that I've seen itall, and nor can I say I ever want to.
(09:36):
I want it to grow.
I never wanna limit it.
I want to keep on doing more good work.
I want to keep on refining.
You know,
recently the, the bigmotivator for this, this.
Specific episode was, I was, Iwas watching this little reel
(10:00):
on, um, on Instagram, and I don'teven know who the person was.
I, I believe they were talkingto Drew Barrymore, so probably
some, somebody famous.
And after I explained it to mywife, she said, oh, that, yeah,
that's called Inner Child Work.
And I thought, Hmm, that's interesting.
(10:22):
But it went kind of like this.
Not exactly like this, but kindof went, I'm kind of paraphrasing.
I'd like you to thinkabout this for a minute.
'cause I'm really thinking about this now.
Imagine at the very beginning of yourlife you were given this human being,
(10:44):
this little human being,
and.
Your, your one job on this planet
is to take care of this human being,
to nurture them.
Maybe sometimes you're gonnapush 'em a little bit, but you're
(11:05):
gonna push 'em out of love,
like push 'em out of their comfort zone.
But more, more than that.
When they go through reallytrying times, you're gonna be
there with that human being
and like buck up little camper,or You got this or it's okay.
(11:30):
Just lie down and rest for a little.
While's all gonna be okay.
I love you.
I care about you.
I believe in you.
And this little human being as they wentthrough life, you were, your job was just
to like support the 100% no matter what.
(11:54):
And it's like the song, I'm not, I'mnot giving up, I'm not giving up.
No, not yet.
Even when I'm down to my last breath.
So don't give up on me.
And so you go through life through,through the early years, through the
teen years supporting this, this littleone through the most trying times
(12:18):
in the moments where it feels likeall hope is lost and you're the only
person with this human being, you wouldhelp and nurture and support them,
and you'll be a confidant.
And the biggest cheerleader,
(12:41):
you see this little human beingthat was given to you as you Like.
For me, it's kimon, so when Icame to this Earth, I was given
kimon and my job was to help.
Kimon moved towards his finalpurpose, his biggest purpose, his
biggest things on this planet.
And honestly, there's a lot of timeswhen I really wasn't nice to Kimon.
(13:06):
Called him names, told him he sucked.
I, I remember a picture of myself whenI was 12 and it was like probably the
first bout of self-awareness I ever had.
And all I said was this,this chubby little kid.
I. And I was embarrassed.
(13:26):
And then I used that againstKim and you're so fat.
And then when we moved and I didn'tfit in, I was like, you're a loser.
I'm so ashamed.
And how I dealt with that was.
(13:47):
Yeah, I isolated myselffrom everybody else and this
internal dialogue was so cruel
and yet, you know, the little humanbeing I was GU given, kept on going
no matter what, no matter what I threwat this little human being, this kimon
(14:08):
kept on going, kept on fightingthrough the years when I would.
Expressed my anger on inanimateobjects by hitting my hands
on them or hitting myself.
He kept on going through theyears of drinking and drugs and
(14:29):
not sleeping and self-loathing.
He kept on going.
And I didn't have a dream that Ibelieved in, like in the back of my mind.
Maybe it was coming from him or maybeit was coming from my future that
(14:53):
I wanted to do something that helped.
I just wanted to make a difference.
I wanted to, I don't evenknow if be somebody, is it?
'cause I really don't care aboutaccolades or credit or any crap like that.
I just wanted to make a difference.
And I, I had sayings that I madeup like, life is pain and pain is
(15:15):
life, and if you're not a cause ofthe pain, you're a victim of it.
And I really don't want to be either.
I,
and then, like I said, I'm just movingthrough life and I, this little being
wakes me up to something, you know.
(15:37):
Is that my future, calling to me,telling me that I, I ha can be, I
will be more, I will be something, Iwill have an impact on this planet.
I am not just taking up displacing air
and then I committed myself to, I'm tryingto see what that was and there was a lot
(15:59):
of stuff I needed to get outta the way.
A lot of negative thoughts and and such.
So I dived into self-help era.
One after another.
Like I was a smoker at onetime and I understand that that
was a passive form of suicide.
And like the last thing I wantto do is die because life is
just starting to come alive.
(16:20):
I'm starting to move in a direction.
So why in the world?
And I'm trying to shorten this lifebecause I need every minute if I'm
actually actually gonna actualize.
Who I'm here to be,
or at least come as close as Ipossibly can before this body gives up.
(16:46):
So I started doing things and youknow, the, the funny thing is, it's
like life is like a chacha, right?
Two steps forward, two steps back,two steps forward, two steps back.
And yet for some, some reason, and it wasprobably that little being that started
me on this path, who really showed methat was something in me that was valuable
(17:09):
that every time I felldown, I got backed up.
And at, at one point I realizedthat I really need to jet forward.
So the, my strategy was, if I can drivemyself into a deep enough depression.
When I break free, freefrom that, I will shoot.
It's like the bow, right?
You pull back the arrow andthe further you pull it back,
(17:32):
the further you sh you fly.
And then at some point in myexistence I realized, wow, that's
really stupid, like unevolved.
Now it's time to just move forward.
Just continue more forward.
And I realized this amazing thingis like sometimes you're gonna get
knocked down and sometimes you're gonnaget knocked down so hard that you're
(17:54):
lying on the on your back in a ditch.
And what a great place to be whenyou're lying on your back in a
ditch like you're looking up.
All you can see is stars, right?
And you know that any single, whenyou're at the lowest point of your
life, any movement is moving up.
I, I don't recommend drivingyourself down to that level.
(18:17):
I'm just saying that if youare there right now, it's a
very optimistic place to be.
'cause once you hit bottom, then allyou can go is up everything, every
single movement IST improvement.
Wow.
I love that.
Every single movement is an improvement
(18:38):
and.
It's, it's funny because I still didn'thave the energy to keep this going at
times, and at times I'd hit a wall andI get tired, try to fight it, and there
came a point where I decided to accept it.
So if I'm tired, I rest.
(19:00):
And resting doesn't mean quitting.
Resting just means I need a minute.
And like if you are in a space in thislife right here, right now, that you
need a minute, then honor yourself.
Honor your needs, and take a minute andtaking a minute even, and don't even worry
about what anybody else thinks or saysor anything because this is about you.
(19:22):
This is your life.
This is you taking care of yourhuman being, and only you know
what your human being needs.
And remember.
Taking a break doesn't mean you quit.
It just means I need a break.
And I've seen things go on in my life.
(19:43):
I've seen people have such, suchhorrendous times that go on and on
and on and on and on and on and on,and at the end of this, it could
be two years later, they have thegreatest breakthrough of their life.
So literally
everything's moving you towards whoyou're really meant to be on this planet.
(20:06):
And there came a point in my lifewhere I found where I need to be
in the practice I am in right now.
And even that took time.
It's like, you know, it's likeyou, when you start something new,
it is gonna take some energy.
(20:27):
Like if you're in a newrelationship, you're in a new job.
There's work to be done, and yeah,there's gonna be times when it's
tarring, but that's okay because likeif you can really see where things are
leading, like where you're going, andif you really, really, really love your
human being and want them to have thegreatest experience in the greatest
(20:49):
life, then you will be patient and youwill trust that this is all on purpose.
And it's interesting, it's like there wasa time when I didn't think I had any more
space or time in my life for something,but then I realized I do waste a lot of
(21:09):
time here and there watching TV, sittingon the couch, and I realized, well,
sometimes I stay up too late and like Iwant to build something else in my life.
Like at 1.1 of my athletes washaving a really tough time.
They were injured, and I was like,what do you have to lean into when
your main thing isn't going great?
(21:29):
And they looked at me like, whatdo you have besides your work?
I'm like, oh God, touche.
I am such a bloody hypocrite.
That's when I bought a cameraand I started taking pictures
so that that added to my life.
And it's funny, I justdisplaced some other things.
(21:53):
And after doing some trips with someamazing athletes, I, I realized like,
like my physical form is out of shapeand I'm overweight and, and I don't feel
really great or energized all the time.
And that's like reallywhat I wanted to do.
And if I was really caring for my humanbeing, I would start working on that.
So I took on running.
(22:13):
And in order to take on running, Irealized I'm gonna need some goals.
So I, you know, started with like, okay,I'm just gonna run every, I'm gonna walk
around every second day and, and then,um, escalate until I get to the point of
running a half an hour, um, continuous.
And then it was like, okay, so nowI'm gonna run a 5K, like the distance
(22:35):
and 10 K and I'm gonna run 21.1, thenI'm gonna run a race like a 5K race.
And then added the 5,000, added the 10 K.
But one of my biggest dreams was tolike, because I'd started working with
athletes, was like, do a shakeout runwith the athletes on a support trip.
(22:59):
And I got to do that with the women'scross country team in London, Ontario,
um, for the CrossCountry, uh, youthSports CrossCountry Championships and the
men's and women teams dominated that day.
But the biggest win for me waslike it was only about 600 meters,
but I got to achieve that goal.
(23:21):
So that was me takingcare of my human being.
And then I came back and startedgetting into runner running, and
I did a 10 K. And then I hurt myself.
My hip tendonitis, tendons, tendinopathy.
(23:42):
Not, not specifically diagnosed, but,
and I was pretty, pretty bummedout thinking this is gonna go on
for a long time and like, you know,kinda spiraling down a rabbit hole.
And then I, I put that song onmy playlist, I'm not giving up.
(24:06):
And literally every time Ihear it, I get emotional.
Because I realize what I'm, whoI'm singing to, I'm giving, I'm
not giving up on my human being
and I'll fight, and I always do,
(24:26):
even when my heart turns black and blue.
So my, my life now is committedto a number of things.
First off, I'm looking forwhat that little being saw.
I'm looking and I want it to actuallygrow as I look, and I want it to
become bigger and bigger and beexpansive and not ever be limited.
(24:46):
Not ever, like I see the whole, no, Idon't ever wanna see the whole thing.
I just want it to keep on.
Expanding my life is about Itaking care of my human being,
taking my human being to everythingthey want, and supporting them
when the days are bad and cheeringfor them when the days are good.
(25:07):
And working with them physically,mentally, emotionally.
I'm not giving up.
Do you think you could take that on?
Could you take, could youtake on the truth that,
(25:28):
that you are your human being and thatyou're entrusted with this human being.
For your whole life, to nurture,to support, to console, to love,
to be kind, to, can yoube nicer to yourself?
(25:51):
Get 'em next time.
Okay.
What would your be life be like
if you spent this moment forward?
To not only looking for the beauty within,but also nurturing your human being.
(26:13):
I would love to see that
taken care.
And what would your life be likeif you took on my theme song?
I'm not Giving Up.
(26:35):
Even when I'm down to my last breath
and I'll wait.
Makes, makes one think, doesn't it?
Thank you for listening.
(26:55):
Thank you for listening to thisepisode of conversation with Kimen.
Please follow me on Instagramat conversations with Kimen
and feel free to direct message me.
Also, please share my podcast withanyone you may feel would benefit
(27:16):
from its content and let them know.
And you can find me atconversations with Kimen on Apple
podcasts, Spotify, and Podbean.
Have an amazing day.
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