May 9, 2025 • 23 mins
Episode 74: Unbecoming Everything You are Not.
Unbecoming to Become: The Path to True Self
In this poignant episode of 'Conversations with Kimen,' the host explores the profound quote, 'Maybe the point of life is not becoming something, but unbecoming all those things you're not.' Through personal anecdotes and reflections on life's challenges, the episode delves into the concepts of individuality, empathy, and the journey of self-acceptance. With insights about the competitive nature of athletes, the impact of childhood experiences, and transformative life moments, the host underscores the importance of shedding societal expectations to uncover one's true self. Listeners are encouraged to follow their path and embrace their authentic being.
00:00 Introduction: The Power of Unbecoming
00:43 The Competitive Edge of Athletes
01:41 Life's Lessons and Compassion
04:14 A Journey of Solitude and Introversion
11:04 Battling Inner Demons
14:47 The Path to Enlightenment
22:27 Conclusion: Embracing Your True Self
23:09 Outro: Stay Connected
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
There's this quote Ican't stop thinking about,
and it's maybe the point of lifeis not becoming something, but
unbecoming all those things you're not.
So you can be who you're reallymeant to be in this life.
(00:29):
And I know I've talked about thisin uniqueness, how there's no one
on this planet if you're not a twin.
There's nobody on this planetthat has the same DNA you have.
And if you take a look at some of theattributes of amazing athletes, they
(00:50):
have what I call the competitive edge.
I mean, they're ultra competitiveall the time, and it's.
It's funny because it's never enough,no matter how great things happen, no
matter how big their PB is, they alwaysfeel like they could have done more,
they qualify for the Olympics.
Well, you know, I let up at 33k. I could have been a sub 29.
(01:16):
Uh oh.
It's sub 2 29 marathoner.
Um, yeah, I might, yeah, Iwon it, but like I didn't hit.
My, I didn't get a pb.
Like it's like this.
These amazing, amazing athletes havethis competitive edge, which drives
them forward, but it also kind of shakesthem up when things don't go their way.
(01:41):
But getting back to the point, it'slike, if you think of it in life, we
spend this life growing up, going throughdifferent circumstances, and these
circumstances teach us lessons, right?
I know I've heard stories of peoplewho are so strong and independent, and
if you take a look back in their life,they were probably had, you know, a
(02:05):
father that left when they were youngand then there was a lot of pressure put
on them because this is how life works.
It puts us through things to makeus strong, and yet typically.
Being strong is a compensationfor feeling not strong.
(02:28):
And if you met, ever met anamazingly compassionate human being.
These people don't happen by chance.
This is by design.
The pe, the most kind and compassionatepeople have been through things
you probably can't even imagine.
And they're compassionate, not.
(02:53):
Not in spite of what went through, theywent through, but because, because going
through hard times awakens you to howit feels to be in a really tough moment.
And if you can take that and turnit into something like a compassion
for a human being and empathywhen you see somebody hurting, and
(03:15):
this is my life, you have to act.
Because you know what it feels like andthe last thing you ever want is to see
another person go through pain alone.
And like I said before, I know Ican't take another person's pain
(03:36):
away, nor do I want to in a way.
And if I can explain that, becausethe pain is what's making them grow.
I remember a close friend of mineone time, she was so upset and
I was like, oh God, I just wishI could take this pain from me.
From you.
And she turned to me and shesaid, don't take my pain.
(04:00):
I, I need my pain.
It makes me grow.
And I thought, oh wow.
What a level of wowenlightenment of understanding.
But the trouble is as we go throughlife, like for myself, I was, you know,
when I was very young, I have a memoryof sitting in a crib and I'm in a room.
(04:30):
I, I know it was the living roombecause there was a couch there and
the, the blackout blinds are pulled,but there's light coming through.
And there's dust like sparkling
in, in that beam of light.
And my mom's laying on the couch sleepingprobably, and I just want attention.
(04:55):
But something in that little kid
like knew that if I cry for it,
um, it's just like begging for attention.
It's, it's not, that's not real.
If I have to cry for it, and if Iwasn't, if I was enough, then I would
(05:18):
just have the attention that I needed.
So at that point in my life,I decided that I'll be alone.
And it's interesting becauseI became quite an introvert
that didn't need people.
My mom said when I was a very young child.
I never cried.
I was she for sometimesshe forgot I was there.
(05:41):
So this was the beginning ofmy path of being an introvert,
which was really tough for me becauseyou see everybody else hanging out
with friends and having best friends,and as an introvert, you think
that's what you should be doing.
You should have them.
But when you're in a crowd ofpeople with everybody buying for
(06:03):
attention, like trying to monopolizea conversation, um, yeah, it's like
you just don't feel comfortable.
You don't feel like that'swhere she should be.
And like, and typically if you try tobreak into the conversation, you'll do it.
You kind of fumble through and thenyou'll be embarrassed and you'll
(06:25):
learn just to keep your mouth shut.
Yes.
So I was this introvert who was alone, whowasn't important enough to get attention,
who couldn't actually speak in front of agroup of people, and I didn't think they
really cared what I had to say anyway.
(06:48):
Yeah, it was, there was times in my lifewhen I spent all this time alone thinking
that, you know, it just wasn't worth it.
And I spent, I remember when I wasyoung, I used to tell my par people,
my parents, I was, I was depressed.
And they're like, what do you haveto depress, be depressed about?
(07:11):
'cause it wasn't okay to be depressed.
Depression wasn't a good thing.
It was like that was wrong.
You have no reason to be depressed.
Stop being depressed typething is what I heard.
So I started telling people I was sick.
And it's interesting because peoplewill accept that you're sick over,
you're depressed when you're a child.
(07:32):
So here I am an introvert who doesn'tfeel like he has anything to add,
who's not important enough,
whose strength is being in solitude.
Walking through life trying to maneuver.
As I became a teenager,
(07:55):
I really didn't fit in.
There was a lot of, alot of kind of bullying.
Uh, it's interesting 'cause I was gentlegiant, like I was a big kid, but people
knew I probably wouldn't fight back.
And the reason I wouldn't fight back isI understood pain so much growing up that
(08:15):
I really didn't want to hurt anybody.
And I'd rather, I'd rather be the one thatgot hurt than hurt another human being.
I even created this poem like kind of poemthing or saying thing, it's like life is
pain and pain is life, and if you're not acause of the pain, you're a victim of it.
(08:37):
And I'd rather be a victimof it than hurt someone.
Yeah, it's, it's interesting.
It's like my life was driving medown deeper and deeper, deeper.
I would spend a lot of time anddepression, like I, even to, to this
day, I really don't love my birthday.
I don't love to celebrate it.
(08:58):
You
know, it's like I liken it to this.
Over the years as things were going,I was going through things I would
put on another piece of armor.
Like, I'll be alone.
(09:19):
That's a breath breast pain.
Um, you know, I'm not important.
You know, that's, that'sanother piece of armor.
Um, I'm quiet.
That's my shield.
(09:40):
And over the years all the decisionsI made through everything I went
through, through being bullied,
I just kept on like adding layersand layers and layers of armor
and no one ever was able to see.
(10:02):
Who I was inside because Iwas so hidden behind all this.
And on top of that, I worked onpushing everybody out of my life.
Yeah, because like if you're livinga life where you're not important, I
(10:25):
then why would anybodywant to be in your life?
It's like, I wondered.
It was strange when somebodyshowed interest in being my
friend or wanting to date me.
I would like, I would belike, what is wrong with them?
Which is pretty bad, but itkind of shows the state of mind
(10:49):
and it, it came to a head at one point
where I just, I just didn'twant to be here anymore.
And then I had thiscircumstance that happened.
I took a job, it didn't go well.
There's a lot to it,
(11:12):
and I was driving home, driving allnight, half asleep, looking at the
oncoming traffic, thinking it wouldjust be easy just to swerve in front
of one of the big trucks, and thenall the problems would be solved.
But for some reason I stopped,pulled over and I went to sleep.
And when I woke up I felt a bitbetter, but I still felt like,
(11:39):
like everything was done.
Like it was all over.
And I remember I went, I called mybrother and he was living with his
girlfriend and uh, she had a youngchild, probably about two or so.
And said, Hey, can I crash atyour place for a day or two?
And he said, yeah, come on down.
(12:01):
And
I was, you know, laying there.
I couldn't sleep thinking about, Idon't know what, what do I do now?
Like, like I was probablythe lowest point in my life.
And at some point in the night I fellasleep and I woke up and there was.
(12:23):
A little head of hair sleeping on thecouch beside me was a sectional coach,
and I realized in that moment thatthis young child had left, like it
wasn't warm in this room, it was cold.
She'd left her room andshe came up on the couch
to sleep beside me.
(12:45):
And the thing that hit me really big is.
You know, children aren't logical.
They know, they know what they likeor what's, you know, there's something
that was special about me that shesaw and she just wanted, even in the
cold, she wanted to be beside me.
(13:08):
And I broke down in thatmoment, and I realized
that I, I, I don't know what she saw.
But I decided to dedicatethe rest of my life
to trying to figure out what she saw.
(13:29):
And you know, even, even now as I'mtalking, I'm, you know, I'm, you
know, I'm having a challenging, I'dsay a challenging week right now.
And although most people wouldn't know it,
um.
(13:50):
But
I did dedicate my life at that momentto finding what you saw, and that's
when I started working on myself.
And it's like all this armor thatI built up, uh, on me, around me,
I started breaking it down pieceby piece, and it was amazing.
(14:10):
People started coming into mylife with things to help me like.
People who could see, like I, I had thisfriend and she could just, she could
see through all my armor and she sawwho I was, that depth and she would not
relate to anything but what she saw.
That was all she would pay attention to.
(14:32):
And it's incredible when you seea human, a human being sees you
at that level because eventuallyyou start to show up like that.
And peace of after peace of armor.
It started coming off.
I remember this circumstance, I don'tknow if you've ever heard of this, like
have you ever heard of the mythologicalbattle of your with your dragon?
(14:55):
And this is this thought processthat like these mythological warriors
would go into battle with thegreatest thing that held them back,
the greatest battle of their life.
And they would, you know, they'd haveall their armor and their sword and
have you ever seen pictures of these?
They're, they look like warriors, right?
(15:20):
And there was this one part of my lifethat I knew if I never, ever let it go,
that I was bound and determinedto live just the way I was
living for the rest of my life.
And it really wasn't a great way to live.
So I started this mantra of I surrender,
(15:48):
and I think it was likeprobably three full days.
I surrender.
I surrender, and my inner inner criticwas going, you can't let this go.
You're gonna be alone.
You'll be alone forever.
And I'm, I surrender.
I surrender.
You're gonna be all alone.
Everybody's gonna leave you.
Everybody's gonna hate you.
(16:08):
I surrender.
I surrender.
And at the time I was,I was doing karma yoga.
If you understand what karma yoga is,it's like I did some service for a
yoga studio in exchange for free yoga.
And the third night was the nightthat I was cleaning the studio
(16:30):
and something inside me knewthe battle was about to start.
The true battle, the mythological battle.
And it was incredible because it'slike within my mind and inside
me there was this storm ragingand everything outside was calm.
Everybody would, nobody couldsee what I was going through.
(16:51):
And I walked into that yogastudio like everybody's gone.
And I knew it was timeto fight that dragon.
And in my mind's eye, Icould see that dragon.
It was there and I. Pulled outmy sword and I was gonna charge.
And then I realized in this last moment,
yeah,
(17:12):
slaying the, the dragon, the physical actof violence against the one thing that's
holding you back that'll never stop it.
And so I took off myarmor one piece at a time.
I'm dropping it as waswalking towards the dragon.
(17:34):
I knelt down on my knees and I,
I just beared my throat and I said, takemy life, take my friends, take everything.
But this ends now, it's likefighting will not end this.
(17:58):
The only thing that canend it is surrender.
And then the moment the dragon was goneand I had this sense of peace like I'd
never had before, and my mind was quiet,and as I'm walking, I can almost feel
molecules or air flowing over my body.
Now that didn't last.
(18:20):
It's like the way I look at thisis like Shar Gima, the Buddha.
Tells a story.
Um, the Buddhist believe in reincarnationover and over and over and over again, and
this is all a pathway to enlightenment.
So he was stuck in a karmic battlewith, uh, another being at one point
(18:41):
where in one incarnation, sitar Gimawould be the hunter with a spear,
and the other being would be a cat.
And sitar Gama would.
Slay the, the cat with the spear.
And then when that life was over,in order to balance the karma,
(19:02):
they came back with roles reverse.
The cat was now the hunter,Shar Gima was now the cat.
And they would slay it.
The, the other bing would slay.
Csar, Gima.
And then of course, and this wenton from millennia, they kept on
going back and forth and back andforth and back and forth until at
one certain point in the existence.
(19:24):
Of Shar Katima.
He was raising the spirit about tobalance the karma, he thought, and he
realized this will never end this battle.
And he put down the sword orthe spear and he ended it.
And thus that cycle was done.
See, the only way to stop isforgiveness and surrender.
(19:51):
And the interesting thing is likewhen you go through massive, massive
battles in your life, when you tearoff all this armor and you come out
as who you are here and meant to be,
I always liken it to this, thisother, um, tale of this young monk
who decided he really wanted tounderstand what enlightenment was.
(20:14):
So he was spending years and yearstraveling through the mountains,
through country after country, tryingto find out what is enlightenment.
And at the end of a couple years, he'slike, he's coming down this mountainside,
and he's just like, he's dejected.
He's like, I guess I'll neverfigure out what enlightenment is.
(20:34):
And often the distance he seesthis really, really old man with
weathered and wrinkled skin.
And this old man is kind of hunchedover and he's got massive, massive pile
of wood connected to like a backpack.
I'm like, and he's, he's trudging up themountain and suddenly the young man goes.
(20:57):
He knows, I know.
He knows.
He knows when he runs down to this.
Oh, sir. Sir, sir, please, please, I cansee that you know what enlightenment is.
Please, please tell me.
I really need to knowwhat enlightenment is.
And the wise old man, hedoesn't actually say anything.
He just unhooks one arm out ofthe backpack and drops part of
(21:17):
the wood and unhooks the other,and he stretches and into the sun,
and the young man goes, I got you droppedthe Oh, and you're, yeah, I, that's in.
I get it.
I get it.
And he's dancing down the hill.
I know what enlightenment is.
I know what enlightenment is.
(21:37):
And then he runs, he, he gets about50 meters away and he goes, uhoh, he
runs back, sir, sir, sir. But whathappens after enlightenment and the
old man hooks one arm through andthe other arm through and he goes
back to climbing out the mountain.
The truth is there's nowhere to get to.
(21:59):
There are moments of amazing, like inanything you do, any success in life.
There's nowhere to rest your laurels.
There's no final point.
It's a process.
There's, there's you, you'venever, you'll never arrive.
(22:23):
You'll just keep seeking
and.
Like I said, if you can start pullingapart all that armor, all the beliefs,
all the things that keep you frombeing who you really are in this life,
and if you can drop all that and juststep into who you were meant to be,
(22:47):
then you'll be on yourpurpose of your life.
Like I said, the quote, maybe lifeisn't about trying to become something.
But actually about unbecoming everythingyou're not, so you can actually be
who you are meant to be in this light.
(23:08):
Thanks for listening.
Thank you for listening to thisepisode of conversation with Kimen.
Please follow me on Instagramat conversations with Kimen
and feel free to direct message me.
Also, please share my podcast withanyone you may feel would benefit
(23:32):
from its content and let them know.
And you can find me atconversations with Kimen on Apple
podcasts, Spotify, and Podbean.
Have an amazing day.
There's this quote Ican't stop thinking about,
and it's maybe the point of lifeis not becoming something, but
unbecoming all those things you're not.
So you can be who you're reallymeant to be in this life.
(00:29):
And I know I've talked about thisin uniqueness, how there's no one
on this planet if you're not a twin.
There's nobody on this planetthat has the same DNA you have.
And if you take a look at some of theattributes of amazing athletes, they
(00:50):
have what I call the competitive edge.
I mean, they're ultra competitiveall the time, and it's.
It's funny because it's never enough,no matter how great things happen, no
matter how big their PB is, they alwaysfeel like they could have done more,
they qualify for the Olympics.
Well, you know, I let up at 33k. I could have been a sub 29.
(01:16):
Uh oh.
It's sub 2 29 marathoner.
Um, yeah, I might, yeah, Iwon it, but like I didn't hit.
My, I didn't get a pb.
Like it's like this.
These amazing, amazing athletes havethis competitive edge, which drives
them forward, but it also kind of shakesthem up when things don't go their way.
(01:41):
But getting back to the point, it'slike, if you think of it in life, we
spend this life growing up, going throughdifferent circumstances, and these
circumstances teach us lessons, right?
I know I've heard stories of peoplewho are so strong and independent, and
if you take a look back in their life,they were probably had, you know, a
(02:05):
father that left when they were youngand then there was a lot of pressure put
on them because this is how life works.
It puts us through things to makeus strong, and yet typically.
Being strong is a compensationfor feeling not strong.
(02:28):
And if you met, ever met anamazingly compassionate human being.
These people don't happen by chance.
This is by design.
The pe, the most kind and compassionatepeople have been through things
you probably can't even imagine.
And they're compassionate, not.
(02:53):
Not in spite of what went through, theywent through, but because, because going
through hard times awakens you to howit feels to be in a really tough moment.
And if you can take that and turnit into something like a compassion
for a human being and empathywhen you see somebody hurting, and
(03:15):
this is my life, you have to act.
Because you know what it feels like andthe last thing you ever want is to see
another person go through pain alone.
And like I said before, I know Ican't take another person's pain
(03:36):
away, nor do I want to in a way.
And if I can explain that, becausethe pain is what's making them grow.
I remember a close friend of mineone time, she was so upset and
I was like, oh God, I just wishI could take this pain from me.
From you.
And she turned to me and shesaid, don't take my pain.
(04:00):
I, I need my pain.
It makes me grow.
And I thought, oh wow.
What a level of wowenlightenment of understanding.
But the trouble is as we go throughlife, like for myself, I was, you know,
when I was very young, I have a memoryof sitting in a crib and I'm in a room.
(04:30):
I, I know it was the living roombecause there was a couch there and
the, the blackout blinds are pulled,but there's light coming through.
And there's dust like sparkling
in, in that beam of light.
And my mom's laying on the couch sleepingprobably, and I just want attention.
(04:55):
But something in that little kid
like knew that if I cry for it,
um, it's just like begging for attention.
It's, it's not, that's not real.
If I have to cry for it, and if Iwasn't, if I was enough, then I would
(05:18):
just have the attention that I needed.
So at that point in my life,I decided that I'll be alone.
And it's interesting becauseI became quite an introvert
that didn't need people.
My mom said when I was a very young child.
I never cried.
I was she for sometimesshe forgot I was there.
(05:41):
So this was the beginning ofmy path of being an introvert,
which was really tough for me becauseyou see everybody else hanging out
with friends and having best friends,and as an introvert, you think
that's what you should be doing.
You should have them.
But when you're in a crowd ofpeople with everybody buying for
(06:03):
attention, like trying to monopolizea conversation, um, yeah, it's like
you just don't feel comfortable.
You don't feel like that'swhere she should be.
And like, and typically if you try tobreak into the conversation, you'll do it.
You kind of fumble through and thenyou'll be embarrassed and you'll
(06:25):
learn just to keep your mouth shut.
Yes.
So I was this introvert who was alone, whowasn't important enough to get attention,
who couldn't actually speak in front of agroup of people, and I didn't think they
really cared what I had to say anyway.
(06:48):
Yeah, it was, there was times in my lifewhen I spent all this time alone thinking
that, you know, it just wasn't worth it.
And I spent, I remember when I wasyoung, I used to tell my par people,
my parents, I was, I was depressed.
And they're like, what do you haveto depress, be depressed about?
(07:11):
'cause it wasn't okay to be depressed.
Depression wasn't a good thing.
It was like that was wrong.
You have no reason to be depressed.
Stop being depressed typething is what I heard.
So I started telling people I was sick.
And it's interesting because peoplewill accept that you're sick over,
you're depressed when you're a child.
(07:32):
So here I am an introvert who doesn'tfeel like he has anything to add,
who's not important enough,
whose strength is being in solitude.
Walking through life trying to maneuver.
As I became a teenager,
(07:55):
I really didn't fit in.
There was a lot of, alot of kind of bullying.
Uh, it's interesting 'cause I was gentlegiant, like I was a big kid, but people
knew I probably wouldn't fight back.
And the reason I wouldn't fight back isI understood pain so much growing up that
(08:15):
I really didn't want to hurt anybody.
And I'd rather, I'd rather be the one thatgot hurt than hurt another human being.
I even created this poem like kind of poemthing or saying thing, it's like life is
pain and pain is life, and if you're not acause of the pain, you're a victim of it.
(08:37):
And I'd rather be a victimof it than hurt someone.
Yeah, it's, it's interesting.
It's like my life was driving medown deeper and deeper, deeper.
I would spend a lot of time anddepression, like I, even to, to this
day, I really don't love my birthday.
I don't love to celebrate it.
(08:58):
You
know, it's like I liken it to this.
Over the years as things were going,I was going through things I would
put on another piece of armor.
Like, I'll be alone.
(09:19):
That's a breath breast pain.
Um, you know, I'm not important.
You know, that's, that'sanother piece of armor.
Um, I'm quiet.
That's my shield.
(09:40):
And over the years all the decisionsI made through everything I went
through, through being bullied,
I just kept on like adding layersand layers and layers of armor
and no one ever was able to see.
(10:02):
Who I was inside because Iwas so hidden behind all this.
And on top of that, I worked onpushing everybody out of my life.
Yeah, because like if you're livinga life where you're not important, I
(10:25):
then why would anybodywant to be in your life?
It's like, I wondered.
It was strange when somebodyshowed interest in being my
friend or wanting to date me.
I would like, I would belike, what is wrong with them?
Which is pretty bad, but itkind of shows the state of mind
(10:49):
and it, it came to a head at one point
where I just, I just didn'twant to be here anymore.
And then I had thiscircumstance that happened.
I took a job, it didn't go well.
There's a lot to it,
(11:12):
and I was driving home, driving allnight, half asleep, looking at the
oncoming traffic, thinking it wouldjust be easy just to swerve in front
of one of the big trucks, and thenall the problems would be solved.
But for some reason I stopped,pulled over and I went to sleep.
And when I woke up I felt a bitbetter, but I still felt like,
(11:39):
like everything was done.
Like it was all over.
And I remember I went, I called mybrother and he was living with his
girlfriend and uh, she had a youngchild, probably about two or so.
And said, Hey, can I crash atyour place for a day or two?
And he said, yeah, come on down.
(12:01):
And
I was, you know, laying there.
I couldn't sleep thinking about, Idon't know what, what do I do now?
Like, like I was probablythe lowest point in my life.
And at some point in the night I fellasleep and I woke up and there was.
(12:23):
A little head of hair sleeping on thecouch beside me was a sectional coach,
and I realized in that moment thatthis young child had left, like it
wasn't warm in this room, it was cold.
She'd left her room andshe came up on the couch
to sleep beside me.
(12:45):
And the thing that hit me really big is.
You know, children aren't logical.
They know, they know what they likeor what's, you know, there's something
that was special about me that shesaw and she just wanted, even in the
cold, she wanted to be beside me.
(13:08):
And I broke down in thatmoment, and I realized
that I, I, I don't know what she saw.
But I decided to dedicatethe rest of my life
to trying to figure out what she saw.
(13:29):
And you know, even, even now as I'mtalking, I'm, you know, I'm, you
know, I'm having a challenging, I'dsay a challenging week right now.
And although most people wouldn't know it,
um.
(13:50):
But
I did dedicate my life at that momentto finding what you saw, and that's
when I started working on myself.
And it's like all this armor thatI built up, uh, on me, around me,
I started breaking it down pieceby piece, and it was amazing.
(14:10):
People started coming into mylife with things to help me like.
People who could see, like I, I had thisfriend and she could just, she could
see through all my armor and she sawwho I was, that depth and she would not
relate to anything but what she saw.
That was all she would pay attention to.
(14:32):
And it's incredible when you seea human, a human being sees you
at that level because eventuallyyou start to show up like that.
And peace of after peace of armor.
It started coming off.
I remember this circumstance, I don'tknow if you've ever heard of this, like
have you ever heard of the mythologicalbattle of your with your dragon?
(14:55):
And this is this thought processthat like these mythological warriors
would go into battle with thegreatest thing that held them back,
the greatest battle of their life.
And they would, you know, they'd haveall their armor and their sword and
have you ever seen pictures of these?
They're, they look like warriors, right?
(15:20):
And there was this one part of my lifethat I knew if I never, ever let it go,
that I was bound and determinedto live just the way I was
living for the rest of my life.
And it really wasn't a great way to live.
So I started this mantra of I surrender,
(15:48):
and I think it was likeprobably three full days.
I surrender.
I surrender, and my inner inner criticwas going, you can't let this go.
You're gonna be alone.
You'll be alone forever.
And I'm, I surrender.
I surrender.
You're gonna be all alone.
Everybody's gonna leave you.
Everybody's gonna hate you.
(16:08):
I surrender.
I surrender.
And at the time I was,I was doing karma yoga.
If you understand what karma yoga is,it's like I did some service for a
yoga studio in exchange for free yoga.
And the third night was the nightthat I was cleaning the studio
(16:30):
and something inside me knewthe battle was about to start.
The true battle, the mythological battle.
And it was incredible because it'slike within my mind and inside
me there was this storm ragingand everything outside was calm.
Everybody would, nobody couldsee what I was going through.
(16:51):
And I walked into that yogastudio like everybody's gone.
And I knew it was timeto fight that dragon.
And in my mind's eye, Icould see that dragon.
It was there and I. Pulled outmy sword and I was gonna charge.
And then I realized in this last moment,
yeah,
(17:12):
slaying the, the dragon, the physical actof violence against the one thing that's
holding you back that'll never stop it.
And so I took off myarmor one piece at a time.
I'm dropping it as waswalking towards the dragon.
(17:34):
I knelt down on my knees and I,
I just beared my throat and I said, takemy life, take my friends, take everything.
But this ends now, it's likefighting will not end this.
(17:58):
The only thing that canend it is surrender.
And then the moment the dragon was goneand I had this sense of peace like I'd
never had before, and my mind was quiet,and as I'm walking, I can almost feel
molecules or air flowing over my body.
Now that didn't last.
(18:20):
It's like the way I look at thisis like Shar Gima, the Buddha.
Tells a story.
Um, the Buddhist believe in reincarnationover and over and over and over again, and
this is all a pathway to enlightenment.
So he was stuck in a karmic battlewith, uh, another being at one point
(18:41):
where in one incarnation, sitar Gimawould be the hunter with a spear,
and the other being would be a cat.
And sitar Gama would.
Slay the, the cat with the spear.
And then when that life was over,in order to balance the karma,
(19:02):
they came back with roles reverse.
The cat was now the hunter,Shar Gima was now the cat.
And they would slay it.
The, the other bing would slay.
Csar, Gima.
And then of course, and this wenton from millennia, they kept on
going back and forth and back andforth and back and forth until at
one certain point in the existence.
(19:24):
Of Shar Katima.
He was raising the spirit about tobalance the karma, he thought, and he
realized this will never end this battle.
And he put down the sword orthe spear and he ended it.
And thus that cycle was done.
See, the only way to stop isforgiveness and surrender.
(19:51):
And the interesting thing is likewhen you go through massive, massive
battles in your life, when you tearoff all this armor and you come out
as who you are here and meant to be,
I always liken it to this, thisother, um, tale of this young monk
who decided he really wanted tounderstand what enlightenment was.
(20:14):
So he was spending years and yearstraveling through the mountains,
through country after country, tryingto find out what is enlightenment.
And at the end of a couple years, he'slike, he's coming down this mountainside,
and he's just like, he's dejected.
He's like, I guess I'll neverfigure out what enlightenment is.
(20:34):
And often the distance he seesthis really, really old man with
weathered and wrinkled skin.
And this old man is kind of hunchedover and he's got massive, massive pile
of wood connected to like a backpack.
I'm like, and he's, he's trudging up themountain and suddenly the young man goes.
(20:57):
He knows, I know.
He knows.
He knows when he runs down to this.
Oh, sir. Sir, sir, please, please, I cansee that you know what enlightenment is.
Please, please tell me.
I really need to knowwhat enlightenment is.
And the wise old man, hedoesn't actually say anything.
He just unhooks one arm out ofthe backpack and drops part of
(21:17):
the wood and unhooks the other,and he stretches and into the sun,
and the young man goes, I got you droppedthe Oh, and you're, yeah, I, that's in.
I get it.
I get it.
And he's dancing down the hill.
I know what enlightenment is.
I know what enlightenment is.
(21:37):
And then he runs, he, he gets about50 meters away and he goes, uhoh, he
runs back, sir, sir, sir. But whathappens after enlightenment and the
old man hooks one arm through andthe other arm through and he goes
back to climbing out the mountain.
The truth is there's nowhere to get to.
(21:59):
There are moments of amazing, like inanything you do, any success in life.
There's nowhere to rest your laurels.
There's no final point.
It's a process.
There's, there's you, you'venever, you'll never arrive.
(22:23):
You'll just keep seeking
and.
Like I said, if you can start pullingapart all that armor, all the beliefs,
all the things that keep you frombeing who you really are in this life,
and if you can drop all that and juststep into who you were meant to be,
(22:47):
then you'll be on yourpurpose of your life.
Like I said, the quote, maybe lifeisn't about trying to become something.
But actually about unbecoming everythingyou're not, so you can actually be
who you are meant to be in this light.
(23:08):
Thanks for listening.
Thank you for listening to thisepisode of conversation with Kimen.
Please follow me on Instagramat conversations with Kimen
and feel free to direct message me.
Also, please share my podcast withanyone you may feel would benefit
(23:32):
from its content and let them know.
And you can find me atconversations with Kimen on Apple
podcasts, Spotify, and Podbean.
Have an amazing day.
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