Facing Fear and Finding Peace: Emotional Support for Pet Care Decisions

In this episode of Peace of Mind for Pet Parents, Dr. Karen Wylie and Gail Pope dive into a topic that often lingers unspoken: Fear. Together, they explore how fear manifests when navigating a difficult or terminal diagnosis for a beloved pet. From the fear of making the wrong decision to the anxiety of the unknown, Dr. Karen and Gail discuss how fear can shape the caregiving journey. They also reflect on the importance of acknowledging and addressing these emotions—not only to find peace of mind but to better support pets through their own challenges.

Through thoughtful conversation, Dr. Karen and Gail share insights on caring for both pets and their caregivers, emphasizing the need to live in the moment, practice acceptance, and embrace the deep bond between humans and animals. Whether you’re currently caring for an aging or ill pet or seeking support in understanding your own emotions, this episode offers valuable guidance and compassion.

Tune in to learn:

• How fear can impact caregiving decisions.
• Why acknowledging fear is a vital step in self-care for pet parents.
• Ways to find reassurance and peace of mind as you navigate your pet’s journey.

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Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes and not a substitute for professional advice.

Episode Transcript

Gail Pope (00:00):
Welcome to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents, the podcast by Brighthaven Caregiver Academy.

(00:05):
I'm Gail Pope.

Karen Wylie (00:07):
And I'm Karen Wylie.
And together we're here to support you in navigating life with your aging or ill pets.
We know how deeply you care for your beloved companions, and we're here to offer guidance, understanding, and resources for this meaningful journey.

Gail Pope (00:24):
Each episode, we'll explore topics that address the daily challenges, emotional realities, and choices you face as a pet parent, helping you and your pets find peace, comfort, and joy.
Whether it's making sense of a new diagnosis, adjusting to changing needs, or simply seeking a place to feel understood, you're not alone.

(00:45):
Thank you for being here with us.

Karen Wylie (00:48):
Thank you for joining us for this episode of Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
Gail, you were mentioning the overall concern about fear, the worry of fear, and how that plays out for each of us when we get a difficult diagnosis on our pets, and from that point moving forward.

Gail Pope (01:08):
Funnily enough, this is one that came to me in my shower that I wanted to open up for myself and kind of try to think it through a little bit.
And my thought began with something that isn't talked about an awful lot.
Something that as human beings, we kind of, all of us, regardless of our beliefs and dreams, the fears aren't really talked about.

(01:36):
You know, I think we all have this innate fear that for some it's much more fear of death and for others it's less fear of death.
But I think it's there for all of us, even those, you know, we believe in transition.
We believe that death is a transition to X, Y, Z.

(01:56):
But therein lies Another little bit of fear, we can trust that there's X, Y, Z ahead, but we still fear the path to it.
We still fear, well, I wonder what it is?
You know, I mean, yes, let's be excited, but the fear goes along with the excitement.
So I think then fear of death, as you began with, as I began with, and you were talking about navigating a terminal diagnosis, that's when all of this comes into play, but we don't really open it up.

(02:25):
You know, it's fear of will I be able to do enough?
Fear of, can I handle this?
Will it be my fault?
Will he die?
I mean, there are just so many little pieces that fit in to this big four letter word.

Karen Wylie (02:41):
A really big four letter word because, like you say, we don't talk about it.
We may not even think about it.
Because when we get difficult diagnoses, we're very focused on understanding what's going on and what it does and what it means.
We're so focused on what to do for our pet that we're not really thinking about ourselves and what's going on with us.

(03:05):
And yet, if we don't look at what's happening to us at the same time, it's going to affect our care decisions.
It's all mixed in there, and I think it's really important that you pulled out these layers.

Gail Pope (03:20):
Yeah, well.
I, it really is something that I think we, we're learning as we grow, we're learning to talk to each other, to others, to family, to friends.
We, we're learning to open up a little bit to live in the moment, learn from our animals, practice acceptance.

(03:41):
And we're, you know, we have these back and forth conversations about all these beautiful things, but we don't talk to each other about what's really scaring us.
And it's kind of coming back to me now that in the course of all the different consultations I've done, it's something again, that I have never directly addressed.

(04:07):
And I think we say to each other things like, in my brain knows, but my eyes and my being don't quite know what this process, whether it be a natural end, whether it be a euthanasia end, or whether it be in the journey, but it's all building inside of us at that point.
But that's not what we talk about and we don't address those thoughts as, oh, this is my fear.

Karen Wylie (04:36):
Yes.

Gail Pope (04:37):
And then address that as, you know, I hope I'm not sounding muddled.

Karen Wylie (04:41):
Oh, that's really good.
You're making perfect sense.

Gail Pope (04:44):
It's the unsaid word in the room that we, we acknowledge it.
I think we do acknowledge the fact that I feel fearful that X, Y, Z, whatever it is, is going to happen, or could be as simple as I fear his death or I just fear death that way.
It's not somebody else's.
It's an innate feeling inside of all of us.

(05:08):
I think the time has come to talk it out.

Karen Wylie (05:11):
I think so too.
What you said a couple of minutes ago about how this comes up in your consultations but hasn't been directly addressed.
Why do you think that is?
Why do you think you haven't brought it up in your consultations with pet parents or not brought it up perhaps as often as you think it could be or should be?

Gail Pope (05:36):
Good question.
And, you know, as I think about it, I think I have addressed it.
But instead of addressing it emotionally and talking about my client and how she's feeling, I think what I do is, that kind of comes into the care for the caregiver piece that I always talk about, but in answering their questions.

(06:04):
When I get the diagnosis, you know, how will I understand and what if the vet doesn't have time to talk?
I mean, there are just so many little places.
Where they're expressing fear, I'm registering it because I feel it with them.

Karen Wylie (06:20):
Yes.

Gail Pope (06:21):
But instead of addressing it head on and talking about it, I address the problem that they're facing that's making them feel like it.
So in some ways, yes, I do address it, but again, it's still sitting in the corner of the room, not being actually directly acknowledged.

Karen Wylie (06:38):
Right, especially when consultations are so often one time conversations you're addressing the urgent need, the urgent problem, which is very much focused on the pet.

Gail Pope (06:51):
The practical.

Karen Wylie (06:52):
Right.
The very practical and the choices they might make about how to feed their pet differently or approach their care plan differently or the decisions that they're going to make.
And certainly the fear definitely, is that the root of the decision making process because although we have that same dilemma sometimes in making decisions for other members of our family, we are the guardians of our pets and the decisions to be made are on our shoulders all the time.

(07:27):
And we're making it for our pet.
And that's, I guess, where we often talk about how important it is to get the pet's perspective on things so that perhaps that would reduce at least part of the fear or some of the fear in some areas where you feel like you understand what your pet would want, or you're, you know, monitoring the quality of life of your pet in an ongoing way rather than just as a one time event.

Gail Pope (07:57):
Yeah, I, you know, that's an interesting thought about bringing animal communication into this and what do our animals want.
Again, we're focused on what they want, but I wonder if they would say, I want to reassure you and I, I want, you know, I want to alleviate your fear.

(08:21):
Again, that's the fear equation.
That's something I do in consultations where I'll say to people, and this is another subject and I won't go into it now, but about the cleansing nature of tears.
And they'll confide that they go to the bathroom and they have a good cry and then they go back out and they're bright and cheery with their pet and they'll be doing the washing up at the kitchen sink.

(08:46):
And again, that, you know, they're talking to Johnny in the next room and being cheerful.
And, you know, I say to them, just your animal knows you.
They're not just looking at the outside.
They know you, they know you inside and out, and they know your emotional well being.

(09:06):
So, I wonder if our animals would say, I really want to help you be less afraid.

Karen Wylie (09:11):
Especially since the pets live in the moment.

Gail Pope (09:14):
Yeah.

Karen Wylie (09:14):
We all should do a whole lot more than we do.
But so many of our fears are about the future.
It's the fear, we may be feeling the fear at the moment, but, it's really our thought processes about how we're going to handle the various small decisions and big decisions along the way.

Gail Pope (09:38):
Exactly.
And so I think if we can learn to acknowledge them, well, again, this all comes back to care for the caregiver.

Karen Wylie (09:46):
Yes.

Gail Pope (09:47):
No, it's part of caring for ourselves is to acknowledge the fears we've got and be okay with it or not.
And if not, then maybe we need to take a little more time to just sit quietly.
Maybe we, you know, meditation, maybe Reiki, you know, maybe the world of energy can actually help us let go.

(10:08):
I mean fear brings tension.

Karen Wylie (10:10):
Very much so.
Yeah.

Gail Pope (10:12):
And you know, I'm kind of doing it now.
Oh, you feel the way everything in you tenses.
So, just sitting and breathing, just counting, sitting in front of your computer and counting 6 breaths would probably, again, really help you, as long as you're acknowledging that fear is what you need to let go from your body and your mind, obviously.

Karen Wylie (10:34):
Right.

Gail Pope (10:35):
We all have to, we have to look at different ways we can help.

Karen Wylie (10:38):
Absolutely.
Because you know, as you were saying, there are so many different fears or the fear comes up in so many different ways.
You know, sometimes it's the fear of death itself.
So often it's constantly second guessing ourselves.
Am I doing the right thing all the time? or is there something different I should be doing? And that can be a fear as well of not doing enough.

Gail Pope (11:09):
Yup.
Oh yeah.

Karen Wylie (11:10):
Along the way.
And then, you know, that's part of achieving peace of mind, though, is addressing these fears, because otherwise, whether you have, you're fortunate enough to have your pet for many months and years beyond a difficult diagnosis, or a shorter time, you do want to have that peace of mind that you do feel like you did enough.

Gail Pope (11:38):
Okay, well, we've brought that conversation right the way back to the beginning,

Karen Wylie (11:43):
to the beginning,

Gail Pope (11:44):
where we are,

Karen Wylie (11:45):
right,

Gail Pope (11:46):
Striving for peace of mind for parents,

Karen Wylie (11:48):
Striving for peace of mind.
That's right.

Gail Pope (11:51):
It's beautiful.
Thank you.
That was really, really a lovely conversation.

Karen Wylie (11:56):
And we will, I think, have more conversations about how fear comes up for us and how we can address it to achieve that peace of mind.
We're all, it's a goal for all of us with our pets.
Thank you for being with us for this episode of Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
If you have found value in this conversation, we would invite you to subscribe.

(12:21):
We'd love to hear from you and we'll look forward to seeing you next time.

Gail Pope (12:25):
We certainly will.
Thank you.

Outro (12:28):
Thank you for joining us on Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
We hope today's episode has offered you support and insight as you care for your aging or ill pets.
Remember, it's not just about the end.
It's about living well at every stage of life.
To continue your journey with us, explore more resources at BrightHaven Caregiver Academy's website- brightpathforpets.com,

(12:54):
where you'll find guides, assessments, and a caring community of pet parents like you.
Until next time, may you and your pets find comfort, connection, and peace in every moment.
Take care.