March 25, 2025 • 29 mins
Some pet illnesses don’t follow a predictable path. They aren’t terminal — but they aren’t easy, either.
In this episode, Gail Pope and Karen Wylie explore what it means to support a beloved pet through a difficult-to-manage diagnosis. These are conditions that shift daily, keep you on constant alert, and require pet parents to develop a whole new rhythm of care. From diseases like chronic kidney disease, diabetes, collapsing trachea, and cognitive dysfunction to the emotional toll of daily monitoring and uncertainty — this is real caregiving.
You’ll hear personal stories from the BrightHaven sanctuary and from our homes, offering insight into what it *really* feels like to care for a pet when every day is different. We talk about:
- The difference between chronic, difficult, and terminal diagnoses
- How to adapt daily routines and share caregiving across the family
- Emotional challenges like fear, guilt, and fatigue
- Tips for involving pet sitters, neighbors, and friends when you need help
- Why self-care is essential for sustainable caregiving
- How love — and a little organization — can bring peace of mind
Whether your pet is aging, newly diagnosed, or in an unpredictable phase of illness, this episode offers support, encouragement, and practical wisdom. You’re doing your best — and you don’t have to do it alone.
📌Thanks for listening! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review 🐶⭐🐱
Learn More from BrightHaven Caregiver Academy For free resources, upcoming workshops, and a supportive community dedicated to navigating life with your aging or ill pet:
- Visit our website: brightpathforpets.com
- Join us on Youtube: www.youtube.com/@brighthaven_animals
Connect with Us on Social:
- Facebook: www.facebook.com/brightpathforpets
- Instagram: @brightpathforpets
Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes and not a substitute for professional advice.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents, the podcast by BrightHaven Caregiver Academy.
I'm Gail Pope.
And I'm Karen Wiley.
And together we're here to support you in navigating life with your aging or ill pets.
I. We know how deeply you care for your beloved companions, and we're here to offer guidance, understanding, and resources for this meaningful journey.
(00:25):
Each episode we'll explore topics that address the daily challenges, emotional realities, and choices you face as a pet parent helping you and your pets find peace, comfort, and joy.
Whether it's making sense of a new diagnosis, adjusting to changing needs, or simply seeking a place to feel understood, you're not alone.
(00:48):
Thank you for being here with us.
Karen Wylie (00:51):
Hello everyone and welcome back to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
I'm Karen here with Gail and today we're gonna dive into the second life-changing diagnosis type that we wanted to talk about and that is the difficult to manage diagnoses.
Last time we talked about chronic conditions which are those long term illnesses that require ongoing care and are often stable or generally stable at least part of the time.
(01:21):
And today we're going to shift our focus to a different challenge, which is the diagnoses that can be unpredictable.
They're often a little more complex and can be resistant to easy management.
These are the kinds of conditions that keep all of us as pet parents up at night.
"Am I doing enough?" "Am I getting this right?"
(01:43):
So Gail let's get into this.
What makes a diagnosis fall into a difficult to manage category and how is it different from the chronic category that we've already talked about?
Gail Pope (01:58):
Good question.
I think the first thing that springs to my mind is that it changes the life of the animal and also the caregiver because you have to start allowing different time, different schedule, different medicine.
There are a lot of different changes particularly in the area perhaps of mobility, diet.
(02:22):
There are lots of different things that can change as you move further along the scale to a more difficult to manage illness.
Karen Wylie (02:32):
How do you think that affects a pet parent's need to know in terms of information learning?
Are they able to depend on their vet for everything or what's happening to them day to day with their pet at home with a difficult to manage diagnosis?
Gail Pope (02:52):
I guess that depends on the person, doesn't it?
To a great extent.
Some people accept challenge.
You know, "I'm gonna do this.
I'm in control.
Okay, let me write it all down.
I'm really organized.
I've got medicine, I've got care, I've got appointments." Everything is a challenge.
It's almost a joy because I know, I felt this myself— "I'm organized. I know what I've got to do. I understand the illness, and now we can get on with life."
(03:19):
That's some people, other people particularly I think when you don't have that much experience and you're dealing with something that has a known unknown quality to it like cancers for instance, I think they scare us more than anything.
But when you're dealing with something like that has its unknown quality then I think emotionally it becomes a much harder challenge.
(03:42):
I know I feel it working with, we've talked about Purrci here and there, I know before but working with something that can be unknown, that can be potentially very scary when it happens.
For instance, a male cat who has a blocked bladder, that's become an emergency situation.
I think you live in a different state with that kind of an illness because you're on the edge of a cliff a lot of the time.
(04:10):
You only start to learn to look for the small things that might herald something about to happen.
So it's like being a firefighter, you are always on guard— ready.
Again, with those more difficult to manage situations sometimes I guess Mother Nature steps into the middle.
Everything gets planned.
You work your way into feeling comfortable with whatever medication you're using, whether it's conventional or holistic, and a routine gets set and you sail along very happily.
(04:42):
You may hit a little roadblock here or there, but once you hit that plateau of, "Whew, wow! This is amazing. We're doing really well."
That's the goal, isn't it?
Karen Wylie (04:52):
That is definitely the goal.
I think like what you're saying with your current situation with Purrci is that some days it is a chronic condition and other days, as you're beginning to identify not getting quite as enough urine from him, then that's where your watchfulness goes up.
And then it can easily get into that difficult to manage time.
Gail Pope (05:15):
Yeah.
And again, there's that old word fear.
Karen Wylie (05:18):
Yeah.
Gail Pope (05:19):
And when once fear, and because I still feel very fearful if I notice a symptom with him, and I know it could be an emergency situation, I don't think we can control that kind of fear.
It's fear of a sudden anything with any of our animals.
Karen Wylie (05:36):
Right?
Gail Pope (05:36):
If something happens, like they choke on something they're eating, up comes our fear because we are their guardian.
We are responsible and we've got to figure out what it is we need to do to help.
So those kinds of situations, obviously we're not talking about acute things in this stage, we're talking about ongoing, but they can still be very fearful.
(06:00):
Very fearful.
Karen Wylie (06:01):
I agree.
I think with these type of diagnoses and I think a common one that we would find with cats would be kidney disease and perhaps an elevation from one stage to another that we're monitoring.
And then also as one disease combines with another as happens when animals are aging also when people age.
(06:24):
As one organ system has difficulty, others start adapting and not always in the best ways.
As things do continue to progress, I found myself, and I'm just going to use my example with Mr. Hope who was my palliative care patient for two and a half years that I was fortunate to have after a cardio diagnosis.
(06:47):
Everything was really very stable for a year and a half and then the kidney disease began to progress along with the heart disease and so forth.
But I would find my mornings as I would be waking up and not seeing him there in bed.
So I'd be like, okay, so let me check out his other favorite places and that'd be my first thing that I would do every morning.
(07:12):
I would be starting my day getting ready to heat some water for my black tea, got to have my caffeinated tea, and I would be eyeballing as I'm walking to put the Kettle on the stove, I'm eyeballing his favorite places to find him.
To make sure that he's stable.
(07:33):
He didn't have a blood clot or a saddle thrombus overnight, which would've been a, an issue for his heart or anything else.
And so for me, the fear issue was the morning.
Gail Pope (07:44):
Yeah.
Karen Wylie (07:44):
It's not to say that I didn't have to monitor everything throughout the day.
Every couple hours I'm doing my check, "Is he there or is he up in his window? It's about the time of the morning he'd be in the window." But that's how I coped with it and how I monitored it.
It was like if there were different times of day that
Gail Pope (08:00):
Yes.
Karen Wylie (08:01):
There was a different level of anxiety which I fueled into my monitoring, my observational efforts.
But each one of us is going to need to find a way to handle it and find a balance between, getting that sense of relief, "Okay, everything's okay right now" for the moment because you start to understand that you can't control everything.
(08:28):
Finding that I don't even know if I can call it a sweet spot because it's always changing
Gail Pope (08:33):
Changes
Karen Wylie (08:34):
so it's like you can't aim for a particular kind of response.
I think those 5 or 10 minutes for me in the morning with Mr. Hope, I'd make sure I give him all of his pills and make sure he gets his treat for being such a good boy.
Then it would be like "Sigh, okay. Let me have my tea."
Seriously.
That was my morning ritual for a year and a half with him.
(08:56):
I was fortunate to have him for two and a half years of pilling and observation and worry.
But you have to find your way.
You have to find your way through.
Gail Pope (09:06):
Definitely.
I think you just highlighted something that is probably true for almost anybody who has this deep love of animals or their own animal if you like.
You took me back to the sanctuary days with what you were talking, because I remember the very first thing you do when you wake up in the morning when you've got lots of animals is want to be sure that everyone's okay.
(09:30):
It's the last thing you do before you go to bed at night.
Sometimes in the middle of the night, you might have to get up and do it.
But again, first thing in the morning, it would be just walking around the whole house, checking that people are where they're meant to be, where they usually are.
Taking note of those who are in the litter box, "When you last walked by, she was still in the litter box. Oh my goodness."
(09:52):
Just picking up all odd little things that you might see.
And I think we all do it to one extent or another first thing in the morning, last thing at night.
Because if you've got an animal or a human in your house, who is suffering with, I wouldn't necessarily use the word suffering, but who has a chronic illness, that has become a little more part of daily management.
(10:17):
Your radar— you develop this.
Just got to keep watching.
I do that all the time with the dogs particularly just double check.
I mean they both sleep on the other side of my desk here but I find myself every now and again doing this.
Making sure that they're where they were and everything's alright.
Just part of being a mother, isn't it?
As well as coping with a serious illness.
Karen Wylie (10:39):
Yeah, because it's motherhood but amped up a little bit.
Gail Pope (10:43):
Yeah
Karen Wylie (10:43):
Because it's not just the watching them play and making sure they have a healthy meal.
It's that monitoring and learning what to look for and I guess you have to develop your eye of what to look for before you can relax at all.
When you're starting out, you don't know what to look for.
Gail Pope (11:01):
Right
Karen Wylie (11:01):
and so everything's a crisis and everything's worthy of a text or a call to the clinic.
Gail Pope (11:07):
And the other thing that you have to also learn if you can, is the balance between your new lifestyle as a professional caregiver along with your family life.
You've got family around you, other animals.
You may have a husband and children or whatever but they're used to their routine.
Karen Wylie (11:30):
Yes.
Gail Pope (11:30):
So it's a blending of getting things right, because if you change everything to make this work, that's not going to work.
Whereas if you turn it the other way around, that's not going to work either.
So you have to look very carefully at how to fit in what you do at certain times so that your human family, if you like, don't feel neglected.
Karen Wylie (11:49):
Absolutely
Gail Pope (11:50):
And you're not caring for yourself because you're so worrying about what's happening when and with other people.
Once you get a system down that is flexible here and there, then everybody can play their part and sometimes the family can help;
obviously in monitoring, letting you know, "I just saw Charlie go out in the garden and have a poo, did you want to go and look?" You know that.
Karen Wylie (12:13):
Yeah, all the fun parts.
The fun parts of being a pet parent, but it's so true.
And when you are able to involve other members of the family.
I think it really does help a tremendous amount.
There's likely certain aspects of the care that one member of the family is going to be more comfortable doing or just even better at.
(12:38):
And although it's important that everybody be able to do everything or the primary caregiver can never leave the house; which can be really a problem if they have a job outside the home or have other obligations and it can shift too.
Back in the days, 30 years ago when I was breeding rough Collies and Birman cats over the years, starting out my husband did the injections because he was a biology professor in his previous life.
(13:07):
So dealing with syringes and measuring things, he knew there was a painless way to do it.
Whereas I would be hovering.
I was not yet comfortable with it.
So we would often devise, you know I would do the pilling because I learned to be very good at pilling in a way that I had more success than he did.
Then at the beginning he would handle subQ fluids at night for example.
(13:31):
I learned how to do it.
At the beginning he was more comfortable with it and so we had found our path through of who would do what.
While at the same time, we each learned how to do everything but we did find what each other was better at or more comfortable with.
But you have to trust the other members of the family to help you and
Gail Pope (13:51):
Yes.
Karen Wylie (13:51):
Require teaching them how to do certain things.
Gail Pope (13:56):
Absolutely, it's all about balance.
Everything that goes in it and that can be really tricky.
You hit on a really big part is if the caregiver has a job that takes them out of the house and they don't have family, sometimes it could be really difficult to balance how to care for the animal that may need help during the daytime.
Can they get home at lunchtime from work?
Karen Wylie (14:19):
Absolutely.
Gail Pope (14:19):
Or not.
And some people simply don't have that much flexibility in their schedule, and that can be really tough.
Karen Wylie (14:27):
Very true.
I know we're fortunate, I think, to have more pet sitters now who are focusing on geriatric pets.
More of them who can fill in for those lunch hour times to let an older dog out an extra time rather than waiting till mom or dad gets home eight or nine hours later.
(14:47):
I know, Gail— one of our hub members, another Gail, was saying that she has someone come in at lunchtime to check on her pet.
And there are services out there just depending on where you are but might be worthwhile looking around for those who might be able to fill in for you occasionally.
Gail Pope (15:08):
Yes.
All the way from a friend or a neighbor to a professional.
Depending on who you can find and who you can afford.
Karen Wylie (15:17):
Right.
Gail Pope (15:18):
When you step into the more difficult management of these kind of illnesses, it can be very stressful for your wallet as well as your heart.
Karen Wylie (15:29):
Absolutely.
Some of the neighbors will be willing to learn what they need to do for your pet while you're gone and others may be uncomfortable.
Again, it's helping everybody learn a little bit more about what to do on your own for your own pets.
Which sometimes we don't know what we're capable of doing and learning until our pets are diagnosed with something and it's a particular challenge that requires us to learn
Gail Pope (15:54):
Definitely.
Karen Wylie (15:55):
How to support them.
Now you were just talking about the babies I refer to as the white GrandPaws — Ollie and Andy.
Would you classify both of them as also entering into the cognitive challenges or where are they in that area?
Because they're 15 to 16 is that approximately what you understand them to be?
Gail Pope (16:19):
Yes, I would.
They're very difficult but not in your normal medical respects.
Mainly because Ollie is completely blind and deaf.
However, he thinks he's a puppy and he rolls around and plays but he also has a mild collapsing trachea.
So when I hear him coughing, if you see me doing that quite often it's because I've heard cough.
(16:43):
But yes, because of his blindness and deafness, I've had to learn a different way of being.
I learned very early on that he lives in his own world of energy and my energy clearly is a part of his world.
Whereas, I don't feel his energy obviously as strongly because if I get up from this desk now and walk across there, even if he's asleep, most often he will get up and come after me and I'm, "How the hell did you know that I got up?"
Karen Wylie (17:13):
He felt the vibrations of you moving, absolutely.
Gail Pope (17:17):
He's almost deaf.
He's almost blind.
He does hear noises.
It is the classic, he'll hear a noise but he looks over there when the noise came from over there.
So he's not very good with his hearing at all.
He doesn't see very much but he sees close up.
He is more emotional.
(17:38):
His anxiety is really strong.
He's restless, he's anxious, he worries.
You can tell he's worried all the time about everything.
Again, if I get up and go anywhere, if he's asleep, he'll stay asleep, unlike Ollie.
But he just, wherever I go, he wants to be with me.
And then if I go to the front door as though I'm going out he pleads,
(17:59):
"Don't leave me." But they're amazing dogs because they had a really hard life before they came to me and they're still, I would say, still adjusting in many ways.
Many ways, I wouldn't go out and leave them for more than a few hours.
Oh, and of course neither of them is potty trained and I've been totally unsuccessful in that.
So they both wear belly bands and they're pretty good for the most part.
(18:23):
But I'm afraid, Ollie, it's ingrained in him.
I'm a man and when I smell something that is pretty delightful, I have to lift my leg.
Now, I don't see him doing it nearly as much as when he first came, but there are the odd occasions.
Actually, if somebody new or different has been in the house and especially if they've had an animal with them.
Karen Wylie (18:45):
Oh goodness, yes.
Gail Pope (18:46):
And that has to get marked so his diaper does get wet on those occasions.
Karen Wylie (18:52):
That adds a lot of fuel to my next question 'cause I was gonna say, what do you find yourself doing as caregiver?
Gail Pope (18:59):
Yeah.
Yes.
It's changed
Karen Wylie (19:00):
For those babies 'cause you've had them, what, a year and a half or so now?
Gail Pope (19:04):
Yeah.
And that again goes to daily routine on a day when I'm actually here and I can schedule myself how I want to.
Between every two to three hours, depending on if they're fast asleep.
When I'm looking at the clock and thinking, "Ooh, I need to take them out."
I take them out into the back garden and they won't stay out there if I go indoors.
(19:27):
I learned that early on.
So we all go out in the garden and it's good for me because I tend to sit at my desk.
So we walk up and down and they sniff and I keep walking up and down in the hopes that they've got rid of as much pee as possible.
Then I put their diapers back on and we come back in again.
Then once a day, and I can't time this for a particular time, I put their leashes on and coats if necessary, and we go for a walk.
(19:53):
I think all the neighbors love watching these two blind, silly old dogs with the old lady going down the road with dogs walking in different directions.
Ollie likes to be in front.
He knows where he is going, he's blind as a bat and he'll he sometimes runs into things.
On the other hand, it's interesting how blindness affects people in different ways, and animal in different ways.
(20:19):
If there's a car parked at the side of the road, he will be running forward and then he stops and the energy from that blockage of the air— he knows it's there.
He will react to different things that have suddenly appeared somewhere.
(20:39):
So it's interesting, and Andy is much weaker.
He doesn't have the strength.
So Andy walks behind and I keep pacing myself to keep Ollie back.
And every now and again, they'll both want to stop and their leashes get tangled up and, oh, we get into a frightful muddle.
Then Ollie will generally trip me up at some point which is another embarrassing moment.
Karen Wylie (21:03):
Or entertainment for the neighborhood.
Just depends on how you look at things in your role in life.
Gail Pope (21:10):
No I've never had two small dogs in this kind of a situation.
I've never done that before.
Our dogs have, I guess in the sanctuary days, mostly volunteers would take them out or they were the kind of dogs you just walk along and we go for a walk and we talk about being happy and balanced and looking at the trees and the flowers.
(21:33):
These two, it is not like that at all.
So It's a big change.
It's a big change.
Karen Wylie (21:38):
I'm very fortunate in that, right now I don't have anybody, knock on wood, I don't have anyone that I'm either monitoring for chronic difficult or terminal condition.
Callie is our oldest.
She's just coming up on 12.
So far so good.
But I think because I am not in that vigilant mode at the moment, I really remember very clearly what those feelings are like when you are needing to monitor especially as certain diseases come into that difficult to manage category like kidney disease.
(22:16):
We spoke about where the stages of disease can be changing or cognitive dysfunction, we hear about it more often for dogs but of course it also happens for cats.
Gail Pope (22:26):
I think the two illnesses that I would put at the top of the list.
I would never have said cognitive dysfunction before.
But yeah, I'm getting more and more familiar with it now and it's very hard on the heart.
Very hard on the heart, particularly.
It's hard because you can't establish a routine, particularly because things change all the time.
(22:50):
So that's tough.
I think the one that has really scared me the most dealing with it over the years has been diabetes.
I think learning how to cope with a diabetic especially if it's a really difficult case.
I got very clear at one point in the early days of the sanctuary, we brought in several diabetic cats and found that careful monitoring, changing their diets to a raw diet within months they were no longer diabetic.
(23:27):
So I got really, "Oh, I can walk on water with this." But then you get the next level, the animals that come that have been diabetic for a lot longer and they're in that more middle stage.
I think fear really crept in because then you're worried morning, noon, and night.
I think you can end up pricking an ear and checking the levels too often because you're so worried about them.
(23:51):
So again, talking yourself off a ledge and getting comfortable with how to progress on a daily basis and how to pull that fear level back.
Karen Wylie (24:01):
Yes, yes.
Part of it, just thinking of diabetes, for example even 25 years ago, emergency rooms for people didn't have any way to check someone's blood for blood sugar.
That's something that's fairly new.
And for humans,
we have type 1, 2, 1 ½, and 3 and all these various levels.
(24:24):
The more you learn about a disease, the better able you're probably going to be.
The less anxiety you're going to have, I guess is what I'm going to say.
So with diabetes, if you understand what spikes your cat's blood sugar and how it comes down.
"Does it come down in one hour or two hour or three hour?" It's going to be a little different than how it is with humans, but if you start understanding and you keep food stable exactly like you were doing with the raw diet, then you can manage.
(24:53):
What is difficult to manage becomes a little more manageable I guess.
Gail Pope (24:56):
Definitely.
Karen Wylie (24:57):
Yeah.
I know there's going to be a lot of different, difficult to manage diseases that we'll be focusing in on.
We continue these episodes.
But it's probably from a time perspective, it's probably time for us to consider how to wrap up this discussion.
Gail Pope (25:13):
Yeah, I think so.
Karen Wylie (25:14):
Yeah.
So I guess what I will ask you to think about, what's one thing you would want pet parents to take away from this conversation?
If they are finding themselves with a pet that has a difficult to manage condition, and they're trying to figure out their balance?
Gail Pope (25:31):
A lot.
The most important for me, it would be two things.
One would be self-care.
That's creeping into more and more of the consultation work I do because if you don't care for yourself, you are going to be emotionally, physically off balance.
So you've gotta start by honoring yourself in as much as a little time here and there for you.
(25:56):
Just taking time to breathe.
Be in the moment and know that all is well.
I think that's a beautiful saying that is so powerful.
All is well.
However worried, however anxious, however nervous, just all is well.
It's okay.
It's going to be all right.
And then, it's working a routine.
I think I hesitate because it's always difficult to stick to a routine.
(26:19):
If you haven't got a foundation for how it's going to work, then life can become so discombobulated.
So I think it's getting life organized as much as you can for routine, taking care of yourself and know you're doing your best.
You're doing it with love and that's it.
I think as long as we all tell ourselves we're doing our best and know that we are doing our best because we love so deeply, and we have to just go with that moment.
Karen Wylie (26:52):
I think that's absolutely beautiful because we're making the very best choices we can at each moment.
And knowing that diseases progress conditions evolve, we are monitoring and doing the very best we can along the way.
If today's conversation resonated with you at all, we'd love to hear from you.
(27:15):
What challenges are you facing with your pet, and what small victories are you having along the way with your difficult to manage diagnoses in your pet?
Do share with us in the comment sections and join our caregiver community.
We'd love to have you with us and perhaps in our membership hub that is opening in a couple weeks.
(27:36):
And if you do find this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with friends and other fellow pet parents who are also struggling because no one should have to navigate this path alone and you don't have to.
So thank you for spending some time with us today.
We'll be back next time with another conversation to support you and your beloved pet.
(27:58):
And I believe next time Gail, it's going to be terminal diagnoses, which is our third area.
So that will be what we'll tackle in our next discussion.
And until then, take a deep breath and trust yourself and cherish each and every moment together with your pets, regardless of what they're doing.
(28:19):
Bye everybody.
Gail Pope (28:21):
Thank you very much.
Thank you for joining us on Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
We hope today's episode has offered you support and insight as you care for your aging or ill pets.
Remember, it's not just about the end.
It's about living well at every stage of life To continue your journey with us, explore more resources at BrightHaven Caregiver Academy's website— BrightPathforPets.com where you'll find guides, assessments, and a caring community of pet parents like you.
(28:59):
Until next time, may you and your pets find comfort, connection, and peace in every moment.
Take care.
Welcome to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents, the podcast by BrightHaven Caregiver Academy.
I'm Gail Pope.
And I'm Karen Wiley.
And together we're here to support you in navigating life with your aging or ill pets.
I. We know how deeply you care for your beloved companions, and we're here to offer guidance, understanding, and resources for this meaningful journey.
(00:25):
Each episode we'll explore topics that address the daily challenges, emotional realities, and choices you face as a pet parent helping you and your pets find peace, comfort, and joy.
Whether it's making sense of a new diagnosis, adjusting to changing needs, or simply seeking a place to feel understood, you're not alone.
(00:48):
Thank you for being here with us.
Karen Wylie (00:51):
Hello everyone and welcome back to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
I'm Karen here with Gail and today we're gonna dive into the second life-changing diagnosis type that we wanted to talk about and that is the difficult to manage diagnoses.
Last time we talked about chronic conditions which are those long term illnesses that require ongoing care and are often stable or generally stable at least part of the time.
(01:21):
And today we're going to shift our focus to a different challenge, which is the diagnoses that can be unpredictable.
They're often a little more complex and can be resistant to easy management.
These are the kinds of conditions that keep all of us as pet parents up at night.
"Am I doing enough?" "Am I getting this right?"
(01:43):
So Gail let's get into this.
What makes a diagnosis fall into a difficult to manage category and how is it different from the chronic category that we've already talked about?
Gail Pope (01:58):
Good question.
I think the first thing that springs to my mind is that it changes the life of the animal and also the caregiver because you have to start allowing different time, different schedule, different medicine.
There are a lot of different changes particularly in the area perhaps of mobility, diet.
(02:22):
There are lots of different things that can change as you move further along the scale to a more difficult to manage illness.
Karen Wylie (02:32):
How do you think that affects a pet parent's need to know in terms of information learning?
Are they able to depend on their vet for everything or what's happening to them day to day with their pet at home with a difficult to manage diagnosis?
Gail Pope (02:52):
I guess that depends on the person, doesn't it?
To a great extent.
Some people accept challenge.
You know, "I'm gonna do this.
I'm in control.
Okay, let me write it all down.
I'm really organized.
I've got medicine, I've got care, I've got appointments." Everything is a challenge.
It's almost a joy because I know, I felt this myself— "I'm organized. I know what I've got to do. I understand the illness, and now we can get on with life."
(03:19):
That's some people, other people particularly I think when you don't have that much experience and you're dealing with something that has a known unknown quality to it like cancers for instance, I think they scare us more than anything.
But when you're dealing with something like that has its unknown quality then I think emotionally it becomes a much harder challenge.
(03:42):
I know I feel it working with, we've talked about Purrci here and there, I know before but working with something that can be unknown, that can be potentially very scary when it happens.
For instance, a male cat who has a blocked bladder, that's become an emergency situation.
I think you live in a different state with that kind of an illness because you're on the edge of a cliff a lot of the time.
(04:10):
You only start to learn to look for the small things that might herald something about to happen.
So it's like being a firefighter, you are always on guard— ready.
Again, with those more difficult to manage situations sometimes I guess Mother Nature steps into the middle.
Everything gets planned.
You work your way into feeling comfortable with whatever medication you're using, whether it's conventional or holistic, and a routine gets set and you sail along very happily.
(04:42):
You may hit a little roadblock here or there, but once you hit that plateau of, "Whew, wow! This is amazing. We're doing really well."
That's the goal, isn't it?
Karen Wylie (04:52):
That is definitely the goal.
I think like what you're saying with your current situation with Purrci is that some days it is a chronic condition and other days, as you're beginning to identify not getting quite as enough urine from him, then that's where your watchfulness goes up.
And then it can easily get into that difficult to manage time.
Gail Pope (05:15):
Yeah.
And again, there's that old word fear.
Karen Wylie (05:18):
Yeah.
Gail Pope (05:19):
And when once fear, and because I still feel very fearful if I notice a symptom with him, and I know it could be an emergency situation, I don't think we can control that kind of fear.
It's fear of a sudden anything with any of our animals.
Karen Wylie (05:36):
Right?
Gail Pope (05:36):
If something happens, like they choke on something they're eating, up comes our fear because we are their guardian.
We are responsible and we've got to figure out what it is we need to do to help.
So those kinds of situations, obviously we're not talking about acute things in this stage, we're talking about ongoing, but they can still be very fearful.
(06:00):
Very fearful.
Karen Wylie (06:01):
I agree.
I think with these type of diagnoses and I think a common one that we would find with cats would be kidney disease and perhaps an elevation from one stage to another that we're monitoring.
And then also as one disease combines with another as happens when animals are aging also when people age.
(06:24):
As one organ system has difficulty, others start adapting and not always in the best ways.
As things do continue to progress, I found myself, and I'm just going to use my example with Mr. Hope who was my palliative care patient for two and a half years that I was fortunate to have after a cardio diagnosis.
(06:47):
Everything was really very stable for a year and a half and then the kidney disease began to progress along with the heart disease and so forth.
But I would find my mornings as I would be waking up and not seeing him there in bed.
So I'd be like, okay, so let me check out his other favorite places and that'd be my first thing that I would do every morning.
(07:12):
I would be starting my day getting ready to heat some water for my black tea, got to have my caffeinated tea, and I would be eyeballing as I'm walking to put the Kettle on the stove, I'm eyeballing his favorite places to find him.
To make sure that he's stable.
(07:33):
He didn't have a blood clot or a saddle thrombus overnight, which would've been a, an issue for his heart or anything else.
And so for me, the fear issue was the morning.
Gail Pope (07:44):
Yeah.
Karen Wylie (07:44):
It's not to say that I didn't have to monitor everything throughout the day.
Every couple hours I'm doing my check, "Is he there or is he up in his window? It's about the time of the morning he'd be in the window." But that's how I coped with it and how I monitored it.
It was like if there were different times of day that
Gail Pope (08:00):
Yes.
Karen Wylie (08:01):
There was a different level of anxiety which I fueled into my monitoring, my observational efforts.
But each one of us is going to need to find a way to handle it and find a balance between, getting that sense of relief, "Okay, everything's okay right now" for the moment because you start to understand that you can't control everything.
(08:28):
Finding that I don't even know if I can call it a sweet spot because it's always changing
Gail Pope (08:33):
Changes
Karen Wylie (08:34):
so it's like you can't aim for a particular kind of response.
I think those 5 or 10 minutes for me in the morning with Mr. Hope, I'd make sure I give him all of his pills and make sure he gets his treat for being such a good boy.
Then it would be like "Sigh, okay. Let me have my tea."
Seriously.
That was my morning ritual for a year and a half with him.
(08:56):
I was fortunate to have him for two and a half years of pilling and observation and worry.
But you have to find your way.
You have to find your way through.
Gail Pope (09:06):
Definitely.
I think you just highlighted something that is probably true for almost anybody who has this deep love of animals or their own animal if you like.
You took me back to the sanctuary days with what you were talking, because I remember the very first thing you do when you wake up in the morning when you've got lots of animals is want to be sure that everyone's okay.
(09:30):
It's the last thing you do before you go to bed at night.
Sometimes in the middle of the night, you might have to get up and do it.
But again, first thing in the morning, it would be just walking around the whole house, checking that people are where they're meant to be, where they usually are.
Taking note of those who are in the litter box, "When you last walked by, she was still in the litter box. Oh my goodness."
(09:52):
Just picking up all odd little things that you might see.
And I think we all do it to one extent or another first thing in the morning, last thing at night.
Because if you've got an animal or a human in your house, who is suffering with, I wouldn't necessarily use the word suffering, but who has a chronic illness, that has become a little more part of daily management.
(10:17):
Your radar— you develop this.
Just got to keep watching.
I do that all the time with the dogs particularly just double check.
I mean they both sleep on the other side of my desk here but I find myself every now and again doing this.
Making sure that they're where they were and everything's alright.
Just part of being a mother, isn't it?
As well as coping with a serious illness.
Karen Wylie (10:39):
Yeah, because it's motherhood but amped up a little bit.
Gail Pope (10:43):
Yeah
Karen Wylie (10:43):
Because it's not just the watching them play and making sure they have a healthy meal.
It's that monitoring and learning what to look for and I guess you have to develop your eye of what to look for before you can relax at all.
When you're starting out, you don't know what to look for.
Gail Pope (11:01):
Right
Karen Wylie (11:01):
and so everything's a crisis and everything's worthy of a text or a call to the clinic.
Gail Pope (11:07):
And the other thing that you have to also learn if you can, is the balance between your new lifestyle as a professional caregiver along with your family life.
You've got family around you, other animals.
You may have a husband and children or whatever but they're used to their routine.
Karen Wylie (11:30):
Yes.
Gail Pope (11:30):
So it's a blending of getting things right, because if you change everything to make this work, that's not going to work.
Whereas if you turn it the other way around, that's not going to work either.
So you have to look very carefully at how to fit in what you do at certain times so that your human family, if you like, don't feel neglected.
Karen Wylie (11:49):
Absolutely
Gail Pope (11:50):
And you're not caring for yourself because you're so worrying about what's happening when and with other people.
Once you get a system down that is flexible here and there, then everybody can play their part and sometimes the family can help;
obviously in monitoring, letting you know, "I just saw Charlie go out in the garden and have a poo, did you want to go and look?" You know that.
Karen Wylie (12:13):
Yeah, all the fun parts.
The fun parts of being a pet parent, but it's so true.
And when you are able to involve other members of the family.
I think it really does help a tremendous amount.
There's likely certain aspects of the care that one member of the family is going to be more comfortable doing or just even better at.
(12:38):
And although it's important that everybody be able to do everything or the primary caregiver can never leave the house; which can be really a problem if they have a job outside the home or have other obligations and it can shift too.
Back in the days, 30 years ago when I was breeding rough Collies and Birman cats over the years, starting out my husband did the injections because he was a biology professor in his previous life.
(13:07):
So dealing with syringes and measuring things, he knew there was a painless way to do it.
Whereas I would be hovering.
I was not yet comfortable with it.
So we would often devise, you know I would do the pilling because I learned to be very good at pilling in a way that I had more success than he did.
Then at the beginning he would handle subQ fluids at night for example.
(13:31):
I learned how to do it.
At the beginning he was more comfortable with it and so we had found our path through of who would do what.
While at the same time, we each learned how to do everything but we did find what each other was better at or more comfortable with.
But you have to trust the other members of the family to help you and
Gail Pope (13:51):
Yes.
Karen Wylie (13:51):
Require teaching them how to do certain things.
Gail Pope (13:56):
Absolutely, it's all about balance.
Everything that goes in it and that can be really tricky.
You hit on a really big part is if the caregiver has a job that takes them out of the house and they don't have family, sometimes it could be really difficult to balance how to care for the animal that may need help during the daytime.
Can they get home at lunchtime from work?
Karen Wylie (14:19):
Absolutely.
Gail Pope (14:19):
Or not.
And some people simply don't have that much flexibility in their schedule, and that can be really tough.
Karen Wylie (14:27):
Very true.
I know we're fortunate, I think, to have more pet sitters now who are focusing on geriatric pets.
More of them who can fill in for those lunch hour times to let an older dog out an extra time rather than waiting till mom or dad gets home eight or nine hours later.
(14:47):
I know, Gail— one of our hub members, another Gail, was saying that she has someone come in at lunchtime to check on her pet.
And there are services out there just depending on where you are but might be worthwhile looking around for those who might be able to fill in for you occasionally.
Gail Pope (15:08):
Yes.
All the way from a friend or a neighbor to a professional.
Depending on who you can find and who you can afford.
Karen Wylie (15:17):
Right.
Gail Pope (15:18):
When you step into the more difficult management of these kind of illnesses, it can be very stressful for your wallet as well as your heart.
Karen Wylie (15:29):
Absolutely.
Some of the neighbors will be willing to learn what they need to do for your pet while you're gone and others may be uncomfortable.
Again, it's helping everybody learn a little bit more about what to do on your own for your own pets.
Which sometimes we don't know what we're capable of doing and learning until our pets are diagnosed with something and it's a particular challenge that requires us to learn
Gail Pope (15:54):
Definitely.
Karen Wylie (15:55):
How to support them.
Now you were just talking about the babies I refer to as the white GrandPaws — Ollie and Andy.
Would you classify both of them as also entering into the cognitive challenges or where are they in that area?
Because they're 15 to 16 is that approximately what you understand them to be?
Gail Pope (16:19):
Yes, I would.
They're very difficult but not in your normal medical respects.
Mainly because Ollie is completely blind and deaf.
However, he thinks he's a puppy and he rolls around and plays but he also has a mild collapsing trachea.
So when I hear him coughing, if you see me doing that quite often it's because I've heard cough.
(16:43):
But yes, because of his blindness and deafness, I've had to learn a different way of being.
I learned very early on that he lives in his own world of energy and my energy clearly is a part of his world.
Whereas, I don't feel his energy obviously as strongly because if I get up from this desk now and walk across there, even if he's asleep, most often he will get up and come after me and I'm, "How the hell did you know that I got up?"
Karen Wylie (17:13):
He felt the vibrations of you moving, absolutely.
Gail Pope (17:17):
He's almost deaf.
He's almost blind.
He does hear noises.
It is the classic, he'll hear a noise but he looks over there when the noise came from over there.
So he's not very good with his hearing at all.
He doesn't see very much but he sees close up.
He is more emotional.
(17:38):
His anxiety is really strong.
He's restless, he's anxious, he worries.
You can tell he's worried all the time about everything.
Again, if I get up and go anywhere, if he's asleep, he'll stay asleep, unlike Ollie.
But he just, wherever I go, he wants to be with me.
And then if I go to the front door as though I'm going out he pleads,
(17:59):
"Don't leave me." But they're amazing dogs because they had a really hard life before they came to me and they're still, I would say, still adjusting in many ways.
Many ways, I wouldn't go out and leave them for more than a few hours.
Oh, and of course neither of them is potty trained and I've been totally unsuccessful in that.
So they both wear belly bands and they're pretty good for the most part.
(18:23):
But I'm afraid, Ollie, it's ingrained in him.
I'm a man and when I smell something that is pretty delightful, I have to lift my leg.
Now, I don't see him doing it nearly as much as when he first came, but there are the odd occasions.
Actually, if somebody new or different has been in the house and especially if they've had an animal with them.
Karen Wylie (18:45):
Oh goodness, yes.
Gail Pope (18:46):
And that has to get marked so his diaper does get wet on those occasions.
Karen Wylie (18:52):
That adds a lot of fuel to my next question 'cause I was gonna say, what do you find yourself doing as caregiver?
Gail Pope (18:59):
Yeah.
Yes.
It's changed
Karen Wylie (19:00):
For those babies 'cause you've had them, what, a year and a half or so now?
Gail Pope (19:04):
Yeah.
And that again goes to daily routine on a day when I'm actually here and I can schedule myself how I want to.
Between every two to three hours, depending on if they're fast asleep.
When I'm looking at the clock and thinking, "Ooh, I need to take them out."
I take them out into the back garden and they won't stay out there if I go indoors.
(19:27):
I learned that early on.
So we all go out in the garden and it's good for me because I tend to sit at my desk.
So we walk up and down and they sniff and I keep walking up and down in the hopes that they've got rid of as much pee as possible.
Then I put their diapers back on and we come back in again.
Then once a day, and I can't time this for a particular time, I put their leashes on and coats if necessary, and we go for a walk.
(19:53):
I think all the neighbors love watching these two blind, silly old dogs with the old lady going down the road with dogs walking in different directions.
Ollie likes to be in front.
He knows where he is going, he's blind as a bat and he'll he sometimes runs into things.
On the other hand, it's interesting how blindness affects people in different ways, and animal in different ways.
(20:19):
If there's a car parked at the side of the road, he will be running forward and then he stops and the energy from that blockage of the air— he knows it's there.
He will react to different things that have suddenly appeared somewhere.
(20:39):
So it's interesting, and Andy is much weaker.
He doesn't have the strength.
So Andy walks behind and I keep pacing myself to keep Ollie back.
And every now and again, they'll both want to stop and their leashes get tangled up and, oh, we get into a frightful muddle.
Then Ollie will generally trip me up at some point which is another embarrassing moment.
Karen Wylie (21:03):
Or entertainment for the neighborhood.
Just depends on how you look at things in your role in life.
Gail Pope (21:10):
No I've never had two small dogs in this kind of a situation.
I've never done that before.
Our dogs have, I guess in the sanctuary days, mostly volunteers would take them out or they were the kind of dogs you just walk along and we go for a walk and we talk about being happy and balanced and looking at the trees and the flowers.
(21:33):
These two, it is not like that at all.
So It's a big change.
It's a big change.
Karen Wylie (21:38):
I'm very fortunate in that, right now I don't have anybody, knock on wood, I don't have anyone that I'm either monitoring for chronic difficult or terminal condition.
Callie is our oldest.
She's just coming up on 12.
So far so good.
But I think because I am not in that vigilant mode at the moment, I really remember very clearly what those feelings are like when you are needing to monitor especially as certain diseases come into that difficult to manage category like kidney disease.
(22:16):
We spoke about where the stages of disease can be changing or cognitive dysfunction, we hear about it more often for dogs but of course it also happens for cats.
Gail Pope (22:26):
I think the two illnesses that I would put at the top of the list.
I would never have said cognitive dysfunction before.
But yeah, I'm getting more and more familiar with it now and it's very hard on the heart.
Very hard on the heart, particularly.
It's hard because you can't establish a routine, particularly because things change all the time.
(22:50):
So that's tough.
I think the one that has really scared me the most dealing with it over the years has been diabetes.
I think learning how to cope with a diabetic especially if it's a really difficult case.
I got very clear at one point in the early days of the sanctuary, we brought in several diabetic cats and found that careful monitoring, changing their diets to a raw diet within months they were no longer diabetic.
(23:27):
So I got really, "Oh, I can walk on water with this." But then you get the next level, the animals that come that have been diabetic for a lot longer and they're in that more middle stage.
I think fear really crept in because then you're worried morning, noon, and night.
I think you can end up pricking an ear and checking the levels too often because you're so worried about them.
(23:51):
So again, talking yourself off a ledge and getting comfortable with how to progress on a daily basis and how to pull that fear level back.
Karen Wylie (24:01):
Yes, yes.
Part of it, just thinking of diabetes, for example even 25 years ago, emergency rooms for people didn't have any way to check someone's blood for blood sugar.
That's something that's fairly new.
And for humans,
we have type 1, 2, 1 ½, and 3 and all these various levels.
(24:24):
The more you learn about a disease, the better able you're probably going to be.
The less anxiety you're going to have, I guess is what I'm going to say.
So with diabetes, if you understand what spikes your cat's blood sugar and how it comes down.
"Does it come down in one hour or two hour or three hour?" It's going to be a little different than how it is with humans, but if you start understanding and you keep food stable exactly like you were doing with the raw diet, then you can manage.
(24:53):
What is difficult to manage becomes a little more manageable I guess.
Gail Pope (24:56):
Definitely.
Karen Wylie (24:57):
Yeah.
I know there's going to be a lot of different, difficult to manage diseases that we'll be focusing in on.
We continue these episodes.
But it's probably from a time perspective, it's probably time for us to consider how to wrap up this discussion.
Gail Pope (25:13):
Yeah, I think so.
Karen Wylie (25:14):
Yeah.
So I guess what I will ask you to think about, what's one thing you would want pet parents to take away from this conversation?
If they are finding themselves with a pet that has a difficult to manage condition, and they're trying to figure out their balance?
Gail Pope (25:31):
A lot.
The most important for me, it would be two things.
One would be self-care.
That's creeping into more and more of the consultation work I do because if you don't care for yourself, you are going to be emotionally, physically off balance.
So you've gotta start by honoring yourself in as much as a little time here and there for you.
(25:56):
Just taking time to breathe.
Be in the moment and know that all is well.
I think that's a beautiful saying that is so powerful.
All is well.
However worried, however anxious, however nervous, just all is well.
It's okay.
It's going to be all right.
And then, it's working a routine.
I think I hesitate because it's always difficult to stick to a routine.
(26:19):
If you haven't got a foundation for how it's going to work, then life can become so discombobulated.
So I think it's getting life organized as much as you can for routine, taking care of yourself and know you're doing your best.
You're doing it with love and that's it.
I think as long as we all tell ourselves we're doing our best and know that we are doing our best because we love so deeply, and we have to just go with that moment.
Karen Wylie (26:52):
I think that's absolutely beautiful because we're making the very best choices we can at each moment.
And knowing that diseases progress conditions evolve, we are monitoring and doing the very best we can along the way.
If today's conversation resonated with you at all, we'd love to hear from you.
(27:15):
What challenges are you facing with your pet, and what small victories are you having along the way with your difficult to manage diagnoses in your pet?
Do share with us in the comment sections and join our caregiver community.
We'd love to have you with us and perhaps in our membership hub that is opening in a couple weeks.
(27:36):
And if you do find this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with friends and other fellow pet parents who are also struggling because no one should have to navigate this path alone and you don't have to.
So thank you for spending some time with us today.
We'll be back next time with another conversation to support you and your beloved pet.
(27:58):
And I believe next time Gail, it's going to be terminal diagnoses, which is our third area.
So that will be what we'll tackle in our next discussion.
And until then, take a deep breath and trust yourself and cherish each and every moment together with your pets, regardless of what they're doing.
(28:19):
Bye everybody.
Gail Pope (28:21):
Thank you very much.
Thank you for joining us on Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
We hope today's episode has offered you support and insight as you care for your aging or ill pets.
Remember, it's not just about the end.
It's about living well at every stage of life To continue your journey with us, explore more resources at BrightHaven Caregiver Academy's website— BrightPathforPets.com where you'll find guides, assessments, and a caring community of pet parents like you.
(28:59):
Until next time, may you and your pets find comfort, connection, and peace in every moment.
Take care.
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