Episode 37: In-Spector

Episode Transcript

Aaron (00:00):
dad jokes and Paul Bunyan again, pun intensive And welcome
to punch intensive. We have agroup of panelists on the line
today. Well, not all of them, butsome of them are on the, the

(00:23):
chair and one is on a couchactually. so who are these
people? Well, as usual, we have apiece of man pizza man, and the
guy who gives pizza chance, GaryHallock, avid reader of library
of Brooks, Steve Brooks. Theperson who's getting most of the
best puns, Erika Etten bookwriter, joke, writer, and bike

(00:44):
rider. Bill Kreider. I made acabinet out of skis and put my
sports spheres in it. Andy balland ski. And there's me airborne
air Jordan air in and air out.Aaron Fazel. We begin with zinger
of the week zinger the week, truetales and testaments of the wit
in word perpetrated in real lifeby ours. Truly. let's go ahead

(01:05):
and start off with my co-producerGary Hallock. Gary is the former
producer of the O Henry pun offand current. Oh, I don't know
what, what is your job for thepen off these days, Gary?

Gary (01:20):
I'm currently the reducer. I'm trying to reduce my profile.

Aaron (01:24):
Cool. So tell us something clever. You said this
week, Gary.

Gary (01:28):
my wonderful wife, Chris was making soup and sandwich for
lunch. And, we have this kind ofongoing tug of war about the loaf
of bread. the end pieces thathave all the crust on them,
everything, some people hatethem. Some people love them.
Right. She wants to use them forcurtains or something. I said,
don't set these things aside,make a sandwich out of it. she's
always making sandwiches outmiddle pieces. And I said, why

(01:50):
can't you do that? She says,cause are thin they break apart
in the toaster. so she refuses toput these in the toaster. I'm
always so frustrated and shewon't play along with me. And she
says, if you want it your way,you'll just have to heal
yourself. Well, she sent me uphere. So she says the heel is
your deal. And I said, ah,because the heel is your ordeal.

(02:15):
She's, over there. I'm well bred.

Aaron (02:22):
that's a good way to kick things off. So you know him from
the band, the lime lighters, orif you don't, you know him as a
punt off MC or if you don't, youknow him from winning all those
Phnom competitions in thenineties, Steve Brooks. Hello,
Steve,

Steve (02:36):
Hey there, Aaron.

Aaron (02:38):
do you have a good zinger of the week for us?

Steve (02:40):
Well, my girlfriend is also a songwriter and we were
working on a song together thisweek and I told her I was her
partner in rhyme.

Aaron (02:55):
That's really good.

Gary (02:56):
Steve, do you remember, years ago when we were getting
together for something you pulledthe zinger on me? I've been
enjoying for probably 20 years.my ear was all clogged up. You

Steve (03:07):
uh, no, I don't, make me make me laugh again. After 20
years,

Gary (03:11):
I've been swimming and I had water in my ear or something.
I was kind of annoyed about it.and you said, Oh, so the drain
hasn't left you station,

Aaron (03:21):
Ah, that's pretty good. Yeah. We have a couple, a couple
of other guests here too. Infact, we have a guest we haven't
seen in a long time, but a longtime contestant and occasional
pun off of winter. If I'm notmistaken, Andy Balinsky hello,
Andy. I should also add that,listeners who have actually been
in the old Henry pawn off verylikely interfaced with Andy and

(03:41):
or his wife since they'd been,working with the registrations
for years and years. Andy, goahead. Tell us, you're a singer
of the week.

Andy (03:50):
I play Irish traditional music, and there's a very clever
t-shirt that somebody. came upwith that shows somebody holding
a Irish flute, in their fist andit says, resistance is flue tile.
that was my one main instrument Iplay as the whistle. I've been
trying to come up with some sortof t-shirt the best one I've come
up with so far is, to have likea, Tin whistle, blasting off like

(04:12):
a rocket and say ballisticwhistle.

Aaron (04:14):
Oh, yeah.

Steve (04:18):
Plenty Whistler. Aren't you.

Aaron (04:20):
Yeah.

Gary (04:23):
If he was having trouble in the bathroom, it'd be an
incontinent ballistic.

Aaron (04:28):
and we have putter around town, including Punderdome and
frequent guests of this podcast.relationship guru, Erica Edson.
Hello, Erica. What's using herthe week.

Unknown (04:40):
I got in the elevator at my apartment building the other
day. And this young woman walkedin and her tee-shirt just had
cats all over. It was justpictures of cats. So I went out,
I said, I'm allowed to cat callyou today, right?

Aaron (04:57):
how did she react?

Unknown (04:59):
Well, I think she got it, but did not find me funny. So
I said, you know, I'm a comedianin my head. Sorry.

Aaron (05:08):
I think we can all relate to that. I'm sure that, our next
guests, the guy who rings thepunt off bell bill Crider can,
hello bill. You got a zinger ofthe week for us.

Bill (05:19):
Well, actually I do here in Texas, it's been very, very hot
and very dry. In fact, it's sofar in July, it has not rained in
the whole month And, we've goneon watering restrictions. we have
a garden, which is. Weathering,even as we speak. And, my wife
was getting very excited becausetoday's the day when we can water

(05:40):
our garden. she got up and shewas very animated. Oh, it's, it's
great. I can water today. And, Itold her don't get too excited.
You're just going to go outside.And what's your plants?

Aaron (05:51):
Okay.

Bill (05:52):
did. She didn't enjoy that one.

aaaaaaaaa (05:55):
I didn't for the first second then I got it. Well, all
right, well, I'll tell you whatlet's go ahead and take a real
quick break. and when we comeback, We will show you that when
it comes to punting, we meanbusiness and we are back. We're

(06:21):
going to play a game actuallythat was greeted by me and Erica
a few months ago.

Aaron (06:26):
It's called mind your own business. You're the consultant
for the store they want you togive them a very clever name,
bonus points for giving them aclever catch phrase as well. So
I, going to have a sociallydistant party in the coming
weeks. And I'm looking for somesocially distance safe snacks. I
don't know what that means, but,when I call your store, what do I

(06:47):
hear?

Andy (06:48):
hello, freedom lay down where we'll serve you snacks on a
sofa.

Aaron (06:54):
There you go. How about you, Steve?

Steve (06:56):
Hello, welcome to Frodo Lake corn chips. They're the
chips that everybody's talkingabout.

Aaron (07:07):
Oh,

Steve (07:09):
And actually before that one, you say ring, ring, ring.

Aaron (07:20):
One does not simply pun in order.

Gary (07:23):
I was his ring psycho.

Aaron (07:26):
Hey, Gary ring, ring, ring.

Gary (07:29):
hello. Welcome to Gary's snack shop where our snacks are.
Good and plenty cheap. But if youwant alcohol, you'll not be able
to get any liquor or ice here.Liquor ice, liquor, ice.

Unknown (07:47):
ring, ring, ring. Welcome to you. Bet snacks.
Here's where we lay all yourchips on the table.

Aaron (07:53):
Nice. Alrighty, Andy, you're up.

Andy (07:57):
ring, ring, ring. Hello. Welcome to Cheetos. Never win.
the fastest snack in the West.

Aaron (08:07):
I'll do one, ring, ring, ring. Hello. Welcome to Aaron's
popcorn shack where all of ourpuns and taglines are corny.

Gary (08:17):
Hi, welcome to Redenbacher is buck room where you can get
the best in pornography.

Aaron (08:25):
Wow, Gary, you know, I feel like I'm a bad influence on
you or something. These episodesgo on, they get more and more
lewd. And Erica, I'm going tocall your business as well. Ring,
ring, ring.

Unknown (08:38):
My eyes kind of lewd to, welcome to chips and Dales, where
you get ruffled.

Aaron (08:47):
Uh, the problem is that, I was planning on having my
socially distant party on my deckin the back and some of the
planks are rotted, so I have togo to a hardware store and I want
to support a newer business. SoI'm calling around some other
hardware stores Hey bill ring,ring, ring.

Bill (09:03):
Welcome to the Scandinavian hammers for we sell hammers by
the pound. If you need a quote,we'll take a swing at it.
Scandinavian hardware store.

Aaron (09:13):
was, Oh, a few of me. So let's move on to Andy, Andy.

Andy (09:17):
welcome to car painters, anonymous, where we'll sell
hardwares to all those people wholike to do hardware and fix up
their cars.

Aaron (09:28):
What's the pun. What are you

Bill (09:29):
Per painters.

Andy (09:30):
and carpenters

Aaron (09:32):
Oh, no, that's great. That's great. As everyone here
knows, I usually don't get them.That doesn't mean they're bad.
All right, Steve, you're up ring,ring, ring.

Steve (09:41):
Hello, welcome to latter day saints, where our motto is.
If you've got the money, we'vegot the climb.

Aaron (09:55):
Hey, Gary ring, ring, ring.

Gary (09:56):
Hello, you have reached planks, but no planks hardware
store. Do you have Ord feet walkon over? We'll show you some of
our floor samples.

Aaron (10:07):
Erica ring, ring, ring.

Unknown (10:09):
Welcome to your tool, but we're still nuts about you.

Aaron (10:16):
I love it.

Andy (10:17):
Welcome to miter saw where if you're doing something illegal
with our hardware, we won't tellwe might or saw nothing.

Steve (10:26):
Welcome to you've got nails where all our products are
good for your sense of hammer.

Aaron (10:39):
All right. Erica ring, ring, ring.

Unknown (10:41):
welcome too. I came, I saw, I concrete.

Aaron (10:47):
what is it? Vinny. Vinny. Renty. Okay, Gary,

Gary (10:51):
Welcome to homeless Depot, where you always have trouble
making your wrench check.

Steve (11:00):
Oh, man, how low can you go?

Aaron (11:05):
so, I ended up buying those planks, and I was pretty
much done and I was gonna move onto, our next break, except I
realized, you know, what, none ofthese people have seen me in
forever. and, I really need toimprove my appearance. So, I'm
going to call around to somemakeup stores and, see what we
can, find out. So bill, I'm gonnalet you start ring, ring, ring.

Bill (11:27):
How'd he thanks you for calling homely Depot. If you're
playing ugly, we'll fix you up.

Aaron (11:35):
Alright. Andy, do you have a makeup store?

Andy (11:37):
ring, ring, ring. Welcome to mascarpone where you will look
more beautiful than the horse yourode in on.

Aaron (11:45):
Ring, ring, ring.

Gary (11:48):
you have reached max factory samples. We're having a
close out this week on vanishingcream. the shelves are empty.

Aaron (12:01):
I just, I just love that. Look on your face. So embarrassed
Erica ring, ring, ring.

Unknown (12:10):
welcome to the QT coal shop. Nailed it. That one was
pretty polished. I thought.

Aaron (12:22):
ring, ring, ring

Steve (12:23):
welcome. Do cream of the crop where you'll have the base
time you ever had.

Andy (12:29):
Ring ring, Ring Welcome to from blusher with love. we'll
have no cheeky jokes here.

Aaron (12:36):
this game is a real bonding experience. Eh, alright.
Go ahead. Gary. Ring, ring, ring.

Gary (12:43):
You have reached Turners. I can Tina for all your needs in
eyecare. but it's okay if you'rejust looking because we like it.
When you say eyebrows, it posesno threat to us.

Aaron (12:57):
That's awesome. okay. I got one. He didn't have a
tagline, but a ring ring. Ring.Hello. Thanks for calling
lipstick it to the man.

Bill (13:06):
Ring ring, ring. Welcome to make up for men. Don't be
embarrassed if you mustache forhelp.

Aaron (13:13):
That's good,

Steve (13:17):
Welcome to the eyeshadow. where our products are built to
lash.

Aaron (13:27):
Alright, Erica, bring ring, ring.

Unknown (13:29):
Welcome to the hair salon where it's getting there.
It's getting there. Okay, welcometo the hair salon where you're
cut short and die.

Aaron (13:43):
Oh, die, die, die, die. Yeah.

Bill (13:49):
in tombstone, Arizona, there actually is a, hair salon
called curl up and die.

Aaron (13:55):
Oh, yeah.

Unknown (13:56):
Oh, that would have been better.

Steve (13:58):
Here's a variation on that. what would do the hair
salon where life so bleach andthen your died.

Aaron (14:05):
Yeah.

Andy (14:07):
Yeah.

Aaron (14:09):
Hey Gary ring, ring, ring.

Gary (14:11):
Hi, welcome to the epoxy lips now where we won't stick it
to you. Hey, during this week,our lipstick gloss

Aaron (14:25):
I think that's a good place to wrap up. seeing as how I
am now ready for the party. Sohopefully I will see you guys,
when I get around to sending outan invite, which will probably
be, I don't know, two and a halfyears from now. but, we are in
fact going to take that break.but when we come back, we'll take
an N out of punny and small it upa bit, stick around. and we are

(14:56):
back. So impetus of the followingdiscussion is a weekly puzzle.
Email lists, that, Gary hasbelonged to for well over 20
years. And, I don't know ifanyone else in this group other
than Erica and I, Oh yeah, ofcourse, Bill's been doing it for
forever as well. Eric and I.Joined it relatively recently.

(15:19):
and, it's, it's a lot of funpeople make up their own puzzles
and then, group will submit theiranswers and, it's just a good way
to run the, brain, every week. SoErica was in fact, the person who
came up with the puzzle onfather's day weekend, and she had
some really good ones in there.and I wanted to talk about those,
some of the alternate answersand, some of us, especially

(15:42):
Steve, can chime in on the, is ita pun aspect? Actually, I guess
we all can, but Steve being theMC that he is, so Gary, why don't
you go ahead and take the reinshere.

Gary (15:53):
Well, we call it the rogue griddle and, all the participants
just get a chance to interpretwhatever they like as a riddle,
but it's basically a way topresent puns and Erica's theme
was dad jokes. And. Becauseeverybody's got a dad and
hopefully everybody's dad,inculcated them into the world of
humor and puns in a not so gentleway. so she was celebrating

(16:13):
father's day and she presented uswith a bunch of these dad jokes
for us to fill in the blanks on.And most people, recognized most
of them. but what Aaron wasgetting at is we could use this
as a jumping off place to, try todecide whether or not. A dad joke
is really a pun or, or just a, abad joke, but let's go ahead and
analyze some of these,

Aaron (16:35):
Well, I'll tell you what, let's start off with the first
one that was on her list. I thinkit's probably the most famous. Is
that a fair, fair way of sayingit?

Gary (16:43):
Yeah, it, was from Ws Gilbert 150 years ago. Does that

Aaron (16:47):
Oh, I honestly didn't realize that that's pretty funny.

Gary (16:50):
When is a door, a longer a door? When is a door no longer a

Aaron (16:57):
When it's a jar,

Gary (17:06):
Does that ring a bell? Adorable?

Andy (17:11):
door, isn't a door when it's a pun.

Gary (17:16):
I believe we can cross the threshold now, just not a pun.
and why do lawyers drink toomuch?

Andy (17:23):
Types of something fishy secrets act.

Aaron (17:27):
What, what was the official answer to that one,
Erica?

Unknown (17:31):
That was the answer I came up with.

Gary (17:34):
Yeah, added because some of them have so much trouble passing
the bar and they're always wantto try a case.

Aaron (17:42):
Uh,

Andy (17:49):
in England, the cognitive barristers.

Gary (17:52):
Okay. And drink that old Bailey scotch. Right? So next up
was your, your love means nothingto me. Why

Bill (18:01):
You're on a tennis court.

Gary (18:06):
If you can afford tennis courts, probably.

Bill (18:09):
Only love So that one is, not really a pun.

Gary (18:14):
That's it? Yeah. That's kind of a marginal one. The love
love means nothing to me.

Aaron (18:19):
but it's

Gary (18:20):
That would,

Bill (18:21):
It's based on a upon, but the answer isn't a pun because
we're on a tennis court. That'snot a pun.

Gary (18:28):
right. That's true. The answer is not a

Steve (18:31):
the riddle is upon, but the answer is not.

Aaron (18:34):
right, right

Gary (18:34):
yes. Let's go onto the next one. which might also be
marginal. Why did the ghost takethe elevator?

Bill (18:42):
To lift his spirits?

Unknown (18:45):
Ooh, bill. You're good. I actually really, it didn't
exactly make sense in thecontext, but Gary, you submitted
an answer for this one thatwasn't a perfect

Gary (18:55):
because, because the ghost was afraid of stairs.

Aaron (18:59):
That's great.

Bill (19:01):
Maybe it was the fried elevator.

Gary (19:04):
elevator. Okay. this one I would definitely careful of. What
did one shape ask the other whenit repaid its loan,

Andy (19:22):
did you write these ones or did you triangles until they fit?

Unknown (19:27):
I saw a sleaze outside and he gave me some ideas. You
was scaling a mountain

Aaron (19:34):
we know she's not cutting any corners.

Unknown (19:36):
and then I fell. I got a rectangle. Okay. I'm done now.

Gary (19:43):
why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

Bill (19:45):
It's too tired.

Unknown (19:47):
And this one we've heard. Yeah.

Gary (19:49):
Everybody has a dad except Aaron. Apparently had no dad.

Aaron (19:53):
Well, no, that's true. My dad did not tell dad jokes. He's
a funny guy, but not that kind offunny.

Steve (19:59):
Well that's because he was always dad tired.

Bill (20:05):
actually, I never heard dad jokes. I only told dad jokes. my
biological father died when I was13. I was very young and he never
told dad jokes. I didn't have anyrelationship with them. And I had
a stepfather but he never toldjokes any kind of jokes. So I
never heard that jokes, but Itold dad jokes to my kids all the

(20:29):
time and I still do.

Gary (20:32):
you know, I've been in the punting business for, well, over
30 years semi-professionally andI never even heard the term dad
joke until about two or threeyears ago. I don't know where it
came from or how long it's beenin circulation, but. But it just
astounded me to realize that thewhole world knows, puns as dad
jokes. It's like, it's likesynonymous

Unknown (20:53):
Which is interesting I just did this Facebook live pun
UK thing, They gave you thistopics in advance. So I wrote a
few things and all of mine werehow we would do puns at O Henry
where you sort of break up wordsand all of that. And all of
theirs are what we would call,call dad jokes, which I consider

(21:13):
a whole joke surrounding apunchline. That's usually one
syllable that's simply like is ahomophobe or something that
simply replaces another one. Idid terribly because I was coming
up with these like fun, complexones. And I realized halfway
through, I got changed my wholestrategy because this is not
working at all. So then I, I likewent like bottom of the barrel,
like roll your eyes puns becausethat's what they were looking

(21:37):
for. So it's just a totallydifferent style.

Bill (21:40):
British are totally different. And Irish puns are
totally incomprehensible to me

Unknown (21:47):
Because you don't understand the accent or the

Bill (21:49):
no, the joke, spent a month in Ireland and I did not get one
of their puns and they did notget one of mine. it was like we
were in totally differentlanguages.

Gary (21:59):
Is anybody ever pulled the Cockney rhyming slang on you? Cut
me. Rhyming slang is so annoyingbecause wants to be a pun so bad,
but it's not.

Aaron (22:08):
here's when I think it was interesting. So what do you
call it? when somebody does this.Raspberry. Right. And so that
comes from Cockney rhyming slang.so it's fart, tart raspberry
tart. So it's called a raspberrybecause of that rhyme.

Gary (22:35):
You see how funny it isn't.

Aaron (22:36):
and then, and maybe we can make this a game sometime.
when you know about them, you cantry to, reverse engineer, gag and
frankly, I'm rarely successful.

Gary (22:46):
reminds me of the riddles that the Riddler on Batman use to
throw it Batman and then he'dfigure it out and nobody could
figure that out.

Bill (22:55):
most of the slang in American English comes from Irish
and there are whole books inIreland about that fact, the
Irish understand our slang muchbetter than we do.

Aaron (23:06):
Sorry. Did you say American slang?

Bill (23:08):
slang is mostly from Irish Uh, not off the top of my head.
read some of the books and stuffon it when I was in Ireland. And
it turns out that a lot ofAmerican slang comes from Irish.

Steve (23:22):
I don't know, it sound to me, like a whiskey business.

Bill (23:25):
yes. Going back to dad jokes, you don't want to hear the
dad joke that I texted to my sonstoday. just ordered a chicken and
an egg from Amazon. I'll get backto you.

Gary (23:38):
that's an implied joke where you give somebody the
elements of it and then let themfigure out their own punch.

Aaron (23:44):
To me, dad joke means, you know, it was roughly
equivalent to low hanging fruit.Right? I think, I think that's
the idea of a dad. Joke is. Yeah.Yeah. Precisely. That's that's
what I was

Gary (24:00):
Here's here's another example of that. Rene Descartes
goes into a bar and the bartendersays, do you want a drink? And he
says, I think not. And hedisappeared.

Unknown (24:08):
I find it fast, just the different types of puns, like the
simplest, the ones that it's theexact same word and exact same
sound. And it just meansdifferent stuff like love or,
spelled differently, but soundsthe same, but different meaning
or where you break up. Thesyllables, like I made one
earlier today, the theme wasbuses and I just got a bunch of

(24:30):
blank stares. I said, wish buseswere accessible to everyone D
rich and Depot, which I thoughtwas good, but it was not the
style. And it also reminded mehow you have to play to your
audience. That would be hilariousfor any of us in the right place.

(24:53):
It was not funny at all. I lookedlike a doofus in this UK thing.

Gary (24:59):
most of your dad jokes on this rental were in rental form,
which is basically a rhetoricalquestion. but if you're in real
life and you throw things likethat at people, it's a bit
annoying for somebody give you, Apun in the form of a rhetorical
question, because they're forcingyou to answer something that you
can't necessarily answer and theyknow the answer and you don't.

(25:22):
and that's one of my leastfavorite ways to interact with
people, where the people in theUK contest doing rhetorical
question puns like that,

Unknown (25:29):
No, they were making statements.

Gary (25:32):
because I would think as a comedy show in a competition or
something like that, you couldn'tdo that. Cause you're forcing the
audience to interact with you

Unknown (25:39):
Right. It would be more like the attorney one, Attorneys
are always drunk because they'remembers of the bar, you know, it
would be more of a statement likethat. can I tell you how this
whole thing started with the dadjoke? So I had been compiling
them because when quarantinestarted, I needed to entertain
myself and we have a little dogpark area attached to my building

(26:02):
with a glass door. So I startedanonymously posting. These jokes.
So on one side, you see the jokeand then through the glass door,
on the other side, you see thepunchline and I would sign it,
joke, bandit. And I had the wholebuilding guessing who have a joke
band. It was, I ran out afterlike 20 and like who could, I
only had so much computer paperleft, but it was really fun.

Gary (26:26):
you're like a walking Burma shave sign. I want to switch
gears here a little bit becausehow many of the ones that Eric
had real legitimate puns. And getpeople sending me lists puns all
the time, you know, straightfrom, what Joel McCall used to
say with like page 28 of boys'life, 1947 or whatever, you know,
But every once in a while, I getsome that I actually haven't seen

(26:48):
before, or that I actuallyhaven't appreciated it a long
time. And I'm going to ramble offsome of these, just go ahead say,
punter, no pun on these and trynot get too far out of the way.
the meaning of opaque is unclear.

Aaron (27:03):
pot

Steve (27:04):
Oh,

Gary (27:05):
say, Steve? I wasn't going to get a brain transplant, but
then I changed my mind.

Aaron (27:15):
that's really, I don't know. I

Steve (27:17):
a pun because instead of altering the meaning of offering
something changed, it means toexchange something.

Gary (27:26):
Yeah. And then my mind mind is not really a synonym for
brain, but

Steve (27:33):
it's close enough. I'm

Gary (27:34):
yeah. Okay. have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very
time consuming.

Aaron (27:42):
a pine.

Unknown (27:46):
Or you consume something.

Bill (27:49):
It's not based on the word sounding alike or It's a good
joke, but it's not a pun.

Gary (27:55):
different, a

Unknown (27:56):
it is

Gary (27:57):
word zooming.

Aaron (27:58):
Well, you can certainly argue time,

Gary (28:05):
Eating a clock would be time consuming. It kind of, it
kind of doubles up on you therebecause you're, you're, you're
playing on the word time andyou're playing on the word
consuming. And when you add thetwo of them together, even though
they're individually weektogether, it's funnier, I think
it's not really upon, let's go tothis one. A man tried to assault
me with milk cream, eggs, andbutter. How dairy.

Steve (28:33):
That's just a poultry floor.

Gary (28:35):
I'm reading a book about Eddie gravity. I can't put it
down. out of fun, not a fun.

Steve (28:45):
none of the words. That joker are being used with double
meanings. you could argue thatthe whole phrase can't put it
down, has a double meaning, butupon his do with double meanings
of words, not a phrases, not allplays on words or puns.

Aaron (29:02):
So basically a play on a phrase is not a pun.

Steve (29:05):
Right. it's what we call cliches in the punt off.

Gary (29:08):
all right, I'm throwing this one for a loop. Then if the
book is about how to euthanize adog,

Steve (29:14):
Same, same argument. It's a phrase, but there are no puns
in the, in the answer.

Andy (29:21):
if you're euthanizing a duck,

Steve (29:23):
Yeah, no. If it was a duck, it would be different.

Aaron (29:30):
Andy saved it. Okay.

Gary (29:34):
deny that one's We can always make them better. We can
always turn them into puns. And Ithink that's lesson here if
something is a marginal pun, it'snot really good enough. It's
never good enough unless it's areal pun. And so there's, hardly
a set up here that we couldn'tturn into a real PUD if we tried
hard enough I've got 15 or 20more of these on those lists but

(29:55):
I think we've already expired ourtime for this segment. So we'll,
we'll

Aaron (30:00):
Yeah. Yeah. and thank you, Erica, for, uh, being the
unintentional initiator of this.We're going to go and take a
break, but after this, yourpuddle punks, lingers, and then
goes home and we're back. Allright. We're going to do the old

(30:25):
puns slingers game. We'll justget into it. The topic is
ailments and we'll start withAndy.

Steve (30:42):
know, if you're looking for love, I do not recommend
going to a shingles bar.

Gary (30:50):
I have a table that I use periodically find my elements.

Unknown (31:00):
I really respect when she finds her cues and minds her
piece.

Bill (31:07):
No. My wife is an AP iRest and I didn't know this, but they
have. Allergies to humans. Youcan tell it because it's the bees
knees.

Andy (31:25):
what was it we were talking about before? Was that those
raspberry tarts.

Steve (31:30):
there's a new disease that has emerged in the, members of
professional sports teams inCanada. They call it the hockey
pox.

Gary (31:42):
Aaron help. How come you, how come you passed again? You
pass each time.

Aaron (31:49):
I'm just passing a stone.

Unknown (31:51):
I really like pizza and I know my pizza a lot, so I'm,
influenced Zara is a Scrabbleword that is short for pizza.

Aaron (32:04):
It gives me pizza mind.

Bill (32:05):
Well, speaking of those Canadian hockey players, I heard
that some of them caughtsmallpox.

Andy (32:11):
there's really good group of, um, Uh, baseball players. Um,
and they, none of them have yetreached a age 20 and they, they,
they, aren't a lot of money.Yeah. And I really wish I owned
them. I, but I know, I know thatit's wrong to, uh, to cover at
night

Aaron (32:35):
Yeah.

Steve (32:35):
you know, what kind of dress, a chicken where's

Gary (32:41):
so there was this flock of geese that was flying along and
they were getting thirsty. Sothey stopped at a service station
to drink some water from the hostof the service station, but it
got polluted with a bunch ofpetroleum products. And so they
flew off again, and went intoformation, but they all had
guests trick reflux.

Aaron (33:08):
Yes.

Unknown (33:11):
I get such a headache every time the birds try to steal
my wheat and my barley from myfarm, all I can yell is my grain.

Andy (33:25):
I have a dream of, being able to be turned into a large
Australian bird, uh, justtemporarily, afraid to do it
because what if something happensto me while I'm in that form? I
wouldn't want to die. Or Maria,she started South American bird.

Aaron (33:42):
you know, I, took my car to the mechanic. they did a
rotation for me, but then it felloff of the lift. so my car was
sick and tired.

Steve (33:53):
that was on my, my girlfriend's garden and I was
helping her to pick peas. we hada basket that was just full of
peas. but then one of us bumpedinto the basket and the piece
flew up into the air, I'vethought about trying to catch
them, but I decided just to letthem fall on the ground because I
was afraid of catching her peas.Nope,

Gary (34:19):
Oh boy, I've given me way too much time to prepare these
things. So it was babysitting mygranddaughter. I mentioned I have
a granddaughter who wasbabysitting rainwater. and I
realized that she had a problemwith her feet, you know, taking
off her stockings. And herstockings had turned color, and,
uh, realized, Oh, there died sortof like a sky blue. And I was

(34:40):
like, Oh, these are my baby'sblue socks. She had his appalling
Bunyan's.

Unknown (34:44):
Oh, Gary, I should have saw that one coming.

Aaron (34:48):
Ms. Paul Bunyan come up so much in this podcast.

Gary (34:52):
You see,

Aaron (34:53):
thing.

Gary (34:54):
it in the intro again. Our recurring nightmare joke is

Aaron (35:04):
That's pretty great.

Andy (35:05):
hungry. What should I do

Steve (35:15):
you're going to a casino. And you're worried about catching
a cough,

Aaron (35:21):
Oh, wow,

Gary (35:22):
No. I like to watch the old, black and white silent
films, like Buster Keaton and.Buster Keaton? No, I didn't
Buster Keaton, but I liked thatCharlie chapstick

Steve (35:37):
in there? Somewhere that I missed?

Aaron (35:39):
what's the ailment right now.

Gary (35:42):
chapped lips.

Aaron (35:45):
ya. Or the worst,

Unknown (35:53):
I really like to go see concerts of the number two winner
of American idol probably 12years ago. And I shell out a lot
of money for that. Those are myand pains. My, my clay Aiken pain

Bill (36:14):
it's certainly not an original one, but I'm concerned
that this fall with all COVIDproblems going on. That, if we
can't get the country going againthat, uh, this fall, we're going
to have a great deal ofelectrical dysfunction.

Andy (36:29):
I would Zeke a chance to make this fun.

Aaron (36:32):
Ben Zika chance,

Steve (36:37):
you know, I've decided that, most years I like to hang a
Risa on my door at Christmastime, but this year I'm not going
to do it cause I'm afraid ofcatching. you'll rethread Titus.

Gary (36:56):
I used to live with a guy in the dorm, and, he was always
coming up with these littlewitticisms and stuff. His name
was Arthur and I, and I said thatyou really should write some of
these down are Arthur, right? Assome

Unknown (37:12):
This one requires an accent. You guys can't see me
over here. Myopia is that you canall see me.

Andy (37:28):
That wasn't malaria.

Aaron (37:31):
That was malarious. And that's why we're going to stop
right there.

Unknown (37:35):
tie?

Aaron (37:38):
we're going to go ahead and take a break. And, when we
come back, we will get a gripadvice, grip stick around and we
are back. okay. So real quickly,as of this recording, Gary has

(38:04):
the, 2020 Oh Henry off beencanceled yet.

Gary (38:06):
not in the official capacity, but it seems like the
writing is on the wall

Aaron (38:10):
and you can always go to dot com and for that matter, you
can, probably find stuff in theshow notes, if anything happens
between now and when this drops,Okay. Speaking of which, pun
intensive.com instagram.com/planintensive, all those social
medias, is anyone want to give apersonal plug? Something that
they're doing out in the wildthat, our audience might be,

(38:33):
willing to or interested inconsuming?

Steve (38:38):
Well, if I had any gigs, I'd be happy to plug them right
now. I do have a brand new videoup on YouTube a very timely and
funny. New song that I wrote formy band, the lime lighters, The
song is about social distancingand we recorded the video. Well,
socially distanced. the song.It's called six feet apart and

(39:00):
it's gone

Aaron (39:05):
Oh, that's great. Well, maybe we can make it go even more
virally. In fact, here is alittle clip right here Andy, you
have anything going on? You wantto share with the world

Andy (39:27):
my wife, Julia since March has made over 1500 face masks.
She's been giving them away toNavajo nation, to frontline
workers. she's sells them aswell. out of a quilt fabric, she
uses sleep on it as a businessname, which is not a pun, cause
she, she, she used to makepillowcases, but uh, if we were
going to come up with a separatebusiness name for it, we would

(39:47):
call it masking for a friend isupon

Aaron (39:53):
should I put a link in the show notes for, your website
Erica. Why don't you tell us whatyou're up to lately.

Unknown (40:01):
Um, on Thursday, July 30th is the online version of the
Washington D C upon competition,hun DMV, which a Liko Henry has.
I think has fewer competitors,but it's 10 or 12 people doing a
monologue upon monologue on anytopic. And then there's a very

(40:21):
abridged tournament after. SoI'll be performing in that with
my, yet to be written you Googlepun, DMV, tickets are$6

Gary (40:31):
You can just, you can actually watch the previous one
that was archived on YouTube too.I think. Right.

Unknown (40:37):
Probably

aaaaaaaaa (40:43):
Cool. All right, I'm going to go ahead and wrap up.
But before we do, we have for yousome sage advice know, by now we
have all become experts on bingewatching and are feeling the need
to limit the amount of time wespend mindlessly consuming the
usual Strack. you've probably.Have seen all the star Wars films
that feature Mark Hamilton's oftimes.

Aaron (41:04):
So here are a few tips for breaking bad habits, weeding
out the dead wood as we get downto the wire. So experts, have you
run across any undiscovered gemsavailable for streaming or
bingeing? Bill Kreider?

Bill (41:21):
Well, I've been bingeing on a show where they throw some
people out in the jungle or thedeserts without any clothes on.
the show is called naked andafraid, but, I think that they
should call Snicket and afraidbecause, uh, they feature
serpents and a lot of them,

Aaron (41:38):
Sounds good.

Andy (41:40):
Well, I'm partial to Ken burns documentaries on PBS, which
you can stream if you're amember. he covers topics, from,
Spanish lions in the civics.Roar, uh, frozen snow leopards,
in a documentary called the feetnumb roar. Um, the elevator
sounds and come try Muzak. therewas one about a fight over

(42:01):
nightcrawlers. it's called Batesbrawl. got one about alien
families. it's about Mark's twin.and he's got one about the woolen
fabrics of wartime Riveters, uh,the Rosie felts, and then his
best one really is one about histime as a referee in women's
baseball, it's called cancer. Theumpire of all my ladies.

Aaron (42:27):
We'll have to check that one out for sure. Erica actin

Unknown (42:30):
Very quick advice. when binge-watching always ask for
series advice,

Steve (42:39):
Well, the show that I've been binge watching this week is
about a mutiny on the bountyhunters. you're not required to
watch this show. It's notmandatory fun, but you know what?
It's a good show to watch. ifyou're a little kid who's
aspiring to be a country singerand you want to work on your baby

(43:00):
Yodel, but really if you watchit, I think you will have a
blaster. after all, what have yougot to Lucas?

Aaron (43:13):
I wanted to add that. I'm a static to recommend you take
in. If you're a lady true talesof fictional Saifai and amazing
series by the demon Lindelofhimself, you might not like how
confusing the first few episodesare, but the payoff makes it
worth your watch, man. Catch iton HBO. That was really silly,

(43:36):
but honestly, watch Watchman.It's amazing.

Gary (43:41):
Well, you know, if you've been home bound with young kids
these past few months, by now,you're likely suffering from
severe Disney spells. I had theearlier some unkind things to say
about Disney in an earlierepisode. So I don't want to
repeat her pandemic jab at themagical kingdom, but that sort of
thing never lends well, you know,uh, still perhaps. you should

(44:02):
Mickey clean break away from allthat goofy stuff and sample
something else. And I mayrecommend some. of the low
budget, Disney ripoffs, which youcan usually stream for free. I
think you can find them all onHulu tube or one of those places.
such as, I love this one, honeyice shrink wrap the kids, uh, or

(44:23):
the, or the what about the Rodinwho has a true passion for body
modification? a tattoo. mypersonal favorite probably though
was booty and the beef. butthat's not really a kids film, so
it probably should stay away fromthat one.

Aaron (44:39):
you. brilliant. All right. And I'm Erin Faisal. I'm
signing off with the catchphrase. We'll see you in two
weeks.