Naked in The Middle of New York to Sober on Stage

This is Braydon Lynch's story In this episode, we dive into one of the rawest stories you’ll ever hear about addiction, relapse, and recovery. Our guest shares how his addiction spiraled out of control — from growing up in a small hockey town to chasing validation in comedy and social media — until one night in Times Square, New York, brought him to his absolute rock bottom.

Naked, lost, and locked out of his hotel at 4:30 AM, he hit a breaking point. But instead of ending his life, a moment of grace — and a prayer — turned everything around. This shocking yet inspiring story shows how addiction can strip us down to nothing, but recovery can build us back up stronger than ever.

If you’ve ever struggled with addiction or know someone who has, this conversation is for you. It’s about shame, resilience, higher power, and the hope that comes from choosing life.

🔔 Follow us for more powerful recovery stories, sober tools, and unfiltered conversations about mental health and addiction.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hi there, welcome back or welcome to Recovering Out Loud
Podcast, the show where we get real about mental health and
addiction. I'm so glad you're here.
If you or someone you love is struggling with drugs or
alcohol, please reach out for help.
Send me a message on all social media platforms at Recovering
Out Loud Pod or by e-mail at [e-mail].

(00:26):
You are no longer alone. Oh OK and dude so who tapes your
sets? Like who is that?

(00:47):
I set that all up, yeah. You really so you don't have a
guy that like so you just set upa camera on a tripod and run
your set and. Yeah.
And then I have mics that I pluginto that and then I'm like that
I bring up on stage. That's awesome.
Wow. And then you clip your own stuff
and put it on. Yeah, that's the part that I
could get someone to do for me. Yeah, you're now the third

(01:07):
comedian I've had in here. I appreciate you.
I think you know a few of them. I had Andrew in here and then
Mark Anthony, Who I Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I've known him since high schooland he's a great dude.
Man, I didn't know he was sober.No, he's not.
He's not. But I was like, I got to have
this guy on here and he fucking made me.
He just made me laugh. I love comedy, dude.

(01:28):
I fucking love stand up comedy. And I'm really happy that you
came down, Braden. I appreciate you.
But yeah, we'll get into a little bit about your journey
and how, you know, what brought you into sobriety.
But I also want to know about like the comedic process and
like what that's like doing sober.
So I guess we'll, we'll start off just why don't you tell us

(01:49):
like a little bit about growing up and what was that, what that
was like and how you found your first.
It was drink drinking, right? Was your your thing?
Yeah. For the whatever.
Yeah. Drinking and cannabis was, was,
you know, a big part and that kind of took off in high school.
So I like I grew up in, I grew up in Saskatchewan in a small
hockey town and there's like 5000 people.

(02:12):
So played hockey at a young age.And I think like a lot of that
was like you were kind of like determined, like yourself worth
based on like how good you were at hockey because that's how the
community perceived you or so itfelt anyways, when I started
getting, you know, into teenagers, teenage years and
stuff. I'm still playing hockey.

(02:36):
My dad, he worked a lot. He worked in oil and gas.
My mom was stay at home mom. And it was I had a good family.
I had a good upbringing, but there was a lot of chaos.
There was a lot of there was a lot of drinking in the
household. There was a lot of fights and I
internalized a lot of that. I walked around on egg shells,

(02:57):
you know, as, as even as a kid, you know, I would walk around on
egg shells, you know, afraid that, you know, if I did
something, you know, a fight would start or I'd get yelled at
or something, right? So I lashed out.
You know, in schools I was kind of always the class clown, you
know, looking for validation or approval for from people there
because I maybe wasn't getting it at home.

(03:20):
And then when I was like in grade 9 and grade 10, that's
when I found booze and I found weed and like, I, I was like, I
drank alcoholically from the start.
I was just like the partier and it was just like, the more you
do, the more people would watch.And I was like, oh, here's my
validation. It was almost like I was doing
stand up. You know, we're looking for

(03:41):
approval from people 'cause I'd be like, oh look, I can drink
that beer or, oh, there's beer or there's a cigarette butt in
that beer and nobody wants to drink it.
Sure, I'll do that, you know, just for attention, right?
Whether it was girls or guys, you know, I just wanted people
to, you know, and I'm still a bit like that.
But yeah, it, cannabis was the thing that when I found it, I

(04:04):
was like, oh, this is my guy. Like this makes it all better,
you know, And I, I would blow off opportunities.
I would, you know, all my responsibilities were out the
door from from the time I was like 15 years old on I just
smoked pot and smoked pot and itjust like it, it numbed it

(04:26):
numbed me more than anything else did.
And you know, I still drank throughout, but you know, I
would go to school high. I was just always getting high.
And another part of like the growing up in the hockey town
was like playing hockey at a young age.
I think this is something that alot of hockey players or young
men, it's maybe a little different now, but I think it's

(04:50):
caused a little behavioral problems.
I would say it did for me. In my experience growing up and
playing hockey, I was taught that you can drop the gloves if
somebody emotionally activates you.
That was how you dealt with likeconflict or something like that,
right? Like somebody rubbed you the
wrong way on the ice, you got heated, you were frustrated.

(05:11):
It was OK to drop the gloves andphysically assault someone.
You know it. That was accepted in hockey.
And so I, that was really how I learned how to manage my
emotions. Emotions, you know, at a young
age was, you know, if I got upset and, you know, also what
I'd see from my parents, you know, if they were emotionally
activated, you know, they weren't like physically abusive

(05:32):
towards me, but they would be emotionally abusive.
They would, you know, they wouldget in fights and stuff like
that, like verbal arguments. And so that's kind of how I
learned how to manage my emotions was like, oh, I can get
a reaction by, you know, either like fighting somebody or by
being like, you know, emotionally abusive or, you

(05:53):
know, using my words to like, lash out at somebody.
So that was kind of how I learned how to manage my
emotions and everything. Did that come out a lot in like
outside of hockey too? Were you fighting at school and
shit? Yeah, yeah.
So in the later part of, in the later part of like high school,
I was actually even on, yeah, even as a kid, I had a.

(06:14):
Fight in the parking lot before I came in here I.
I fought a lot when I was a kid and when I was in high school
and stuff like that. Like I remember we would play
like, like street hockey games, you know, And I would, I'd end
up fighting somebody or I'd go to a buddy's birthday party and
it would turn into like me fighting like the three guys
there. And like, generally, because it
was just like, I got to a point where I couldn't handle what was

(06:36):
going on. And then it would just like the
fist, the cuffs were out. And yeah, that was like, it
really came to a spearhead. When I was in high school, my
parents, they got a divorce. It was a messy divorce.
They separated. And after they separated, I got
like, I was in like 3 or 4 like major fights within like a

(06:57):
couple weeks. Like the cops were involved and
I had like, you know, those charges got dropped, but they
were like, you know, I fought a guy in the lobby of our like
hockey rink. You know, kids were running
around and I'm like fighting this guy.
Like I just had no, there was nobrakes on that.
And so, yeah, I started lashing out at people basically because

(07:18):
of what was going on at home. I was lashing out at people.
And anybody who you know, that Iremember there was a guy who he
had, he had said something that emotionally activated my, my
girlfriend at the time. And she told me that, you know,
he had, he was mean to her. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to
kick his ass. And she was like, please don't

(07:38):
like, please don't like, I feel bad for the guy, like I don't
want that. And as soon as I seen him, I
like threw him into a locker. I gave him a couple shots to the
ribs. And like, you know, looking back
at it, you know, I've made most of those amends.
I've apologized to most of thosepeople that I harm.
But yeah, I definitely came out.You mentioned like the weed kind

(08:02):
of numbing you out by the way, the wanting to be as accepted
and fit in and like the attention.
I can resonate with that. And a lot of people that sit in
this chair, I'm finding more andmore that that's a lot of the
reason why people start using drugs and drinking is 'cause
like it's, it's an in, right? It's like I don't feel connected
now. I do, you know, all these

(08:23):
people. For me, it's like all these
people are on cocaine or drinking.
And once I start doing it, I feel like I'm a part of, you
know what I mean? I, I feel like there's like this
buzz in the room and everyone's laughing at my jokes.
Like to your point, my jokes arefunnier.
Like I'm, I'm just a man, right?And then it works until it
doesn't. So I I can resonate with that
completely. And it's like, well, it's like
they say, like, you know, the opposite of addiction is

(08:45):
connection, right? And like, that's literally an
addiction. It gets to a point where, OK,
yeah, this worked for us to havelike, you know, oh, I'm oh, I'm
feeling like I fit in or I have validation from others.
But more often than not, it eventually if somebody gets
sober, it ends up with isolation.
And then you're stuck being thatperson you were off the start

(09:08):
just alone, like using in your room, waking up in the morning
drinking wine, you know, like I was.
And just feeling like, so like, just like the guilt and shame
and just like hating yourself like so much like to the very
core. That's how it was for me
anyways. Just being so afraid to of like
somebody finding out how bad it is, you know where you're at.

(09:31):
I remember being at a party one time and you know, we're all
doing lines in a room and I put mine out and it was like 3 times
bigger than everyone else's. And I noticed that right.
But I like, I didn't, it just, that's what I need to do, you
know what I mean? And I remember one guy looked at
me. He goes like, you're gonna do
all that. And like I'm getting goosebumps
thinking about it because those were the kind of things that
pushed me into isolation where Iwas like, I can't, like I'm not

(09:55):
like everyone else, you know what I mean?
Like these guys are doing coke like once a month maybe at that
time and they're going home at the end of the night, right?
I'm finding the after hours and,you know, drink until I I can't
anymore, you know what I mean? So that was like, that was a
moment for me where I was like, something's something's wrong
here. This is different, right?
And then to your point, you get that guilt and shame of like,
why am I so fucked up, right? And what do I do about it?

(10:18):
Yeah. Why am I unique?
Yeah. And that's where I feel like
that's something that, you know,with me being in, I've started
to realize that like, oh, I'm not unique.
I'm not fucking, I'm not special.
I just have this thing, I have this, this disease of, you know,
I would say addiction, not, not just alcoholism.

(10:41):
I have addiction like the disease of addiction.
I mean whether it's. Whether it's gambling, whether
it's women, whether it's tuna. I got addicted to red tuna
sashimi the first time I got. Sold.
Shit's good. Yeah, like one in the morning.
I'm ordering up tuna and like, my girlfriend at the time is
like, what are you doing? I'm like, I need it.
I just need it like, you know, Ican.

(11:02):
Anything that makes me feel better or takes me out of my
comfort zone, I'm all in on it. And I can't do it in moderation.
Yeah, I can't. Or Timbits, right?
Timbits you, You made a video about Timbits the other day.
I was dying. I go through all these different
little things when I get sober and I'm like, oh, yeah, this is
where I'm like, really? And then I go, oh, OK, this is a
problem. I got to cut that out, you know?

(11:23):
But I mean, to have the self-awareness is is that's the
gift of recovery, right? It's like, OK, I'm doing this
thing. You can kind of like zoom out a
bit. I'm doing this thing.
This could get out of hand. It's not going to kill me, but
this is the pattern is what leads me down the road, right?
Yeah. And I think it's a mix of like
when you get sober, it's like finding what things that give

(11:46):
you, what things can give you that dopamine rush or give you
that addiction thing that you'rethat you're looking for that are
healthy, you know, like working out, you know, things like that
or reading, you know, anything that can give you a dopamine fix
that's going to make your life better or make you a productive
member of society. It's like, all right, sign me
up. Yeah.

(12:06):
Those things I can do. But those are always the things
I don't want to. Do you know I'm?
Like, I don't want to go work out.
Like, why would I do that, you know, have a healthy life.
No, Come on. Hard work.
Yeah. I'd rather, you know, hack darts
and drink coffee, you know? Right.
Like, and that's just, you know,that's just part of like that

(12:26):
dopamine feeding cycle. Right.
Would you say comedy falls into that category too?
Like, can you get addicted to the laughs too?
Yeah, I think like comedy. I, I've, I've gotten addicted to
comedy, getting addicted to doing sets.
And again that, you know, I got into comedy because I was
looking for that validation. I was looking for that approval

(12:47):
from others, that thing that I always was craving for the same
thing that I do in my relationships.
You know, I'll be a people pleaser in relationships because
I'm like, oh, please validate me, tell me I'm enough.
And like, does that go all the way back to my parents?
Like, and it's not that they were like in the wrong, they
just didn't know how to be like,Hey, you're good enough.
Like this is fine. This is OK.

(13:09):
So does that stem all the way back to this like inner child in
me? That's like, hey, somebody tell
me I'm worth it. I don't know.
I know that That's why I starteddoing stand up was I wanted the
approval of I wanted everybody in my old hometown, everybody I
grew up with, you know, old bullies and stuff like that.
I wanted them to see, holy shit,that guy's like living his

(13:31):
dream. That guy's doing stand up comedy
in front of like, you know, and I wanted to be, you know, the
biggest stage ever, be on TV, all that and be like, I showed
you, you know, And then that became like, I got addicted to
like the approval of the audience, like random strangers,
you know, people I'll never meet.
I'm like, I'll be on stage and I'll be like, oh, please, like

(13:51):
what? Oh, I need to get a laugh.
Oh, why can't I get a laugh on that, you know, And then I'll go
up and do a set where I know I'mgoing to do only my best jokes
just so that I get laughs all the time because, oh, there
might be a pretty girl in the audience or oh, you know,
there's a big audience here. I want them all to like me.
Whereas like I'm like, well, whydon't I try new jokes?

(14:13):
Well, what if the new joke doesn't go good and then they
think that I'm a failure? Then that inner child is like,
oh, you suck. You didn't get your approval.
It's crazy, man. And I feel like you can get a
big thing for me is like, I'll get addicted to like social
media, like the follows and like, like posting and like the,
the metrics and stuff on it. Because it's like, it like we've

(14:35):
been conditioned now in the in 2025, like this era to be like,
oh, your worth is based on how many followers you have, how
many likes you have. And it's like, it's crazy that
people are like, oh, that's whatI'm going to use to validate me.
That's what I'm gonna use as a metric.
Yeah, no, absolutely. I agree 100%.

(14:56):
And especially if you do it sortof full time, right, there's a
lot of people that kind of half ass use Instagram for still to
check. Like my wife, she uses it just
to check what her friends are doing.
Like yeah, yeah, I used to be like that and I kind of miss it
to be honest. Yeah, because now I'm like doing
it full time and yeah, it's likeI have to check myself every
day, dude. Like I literally journal about
it because it, it's frustrating.It's like, how do I just let

(15:18):
this go? Like it doesn't matter.
I'm putting out content that is hopefully helping one person and
in in your realm, helping people, whether it's laughing,
because dude, laughter, fuck, man.
I can't tell you how many times I've been like in a in a weird
place, whatever emotionally and I've laughed at a video and I
just, I forget about my problemsfor 30 seconds, right.
Yeah, so, but yeah, I mean, it's, it's, it's really

(15:39):
difficult to kind of just let goand put it out there and
whatever happens happens. Like it sounds so easy just to
talk about and surrender, but surrender is, it's a it's a
bitch, man. You've so you've you've relapsed
right a few times. Yeah, yeah, me too.
How did you like, how did you bounce back from that and what
did that look like? So this this recent time that I

(16:00):
relapsed was 37 days ago. I had a slip.
It was one day I, I had some stuff going on.
I, I don't even know what it I got like I got into an argument
with my mom and then my head went to, oh, I need to pick up a

(16:24):
drink. Oh, I need to numb this.
I don't want to feel how I'm feeling right now.
But also, I knew in that moment that, OK, if I pick up or I
drink, you know, that that's going to lead to me dying.
That's going to lead to me dying.
I didn't care. I didn't care.
And I said the way I was feeling, the shame and the guilt

(16:45):
I had in my chest. I listened to all these voices
in my head saying you're a fuck up, you're a failure.
You've treated everyone terribleyour whole life.
Like, you do deserve that, you know?
So yeah, drink. If you end up dying, good.
You know, good for the world, good for.
And that's where my disease takes me.
That's where my disease and my like stinking thinking so to.

(17:08):
Speak will take me. Fuck it.
Yeah. Fuck it.
And so then I drank and then it was crazy 'cause I had a bunch
of people. I do, I do online meetings a
lot, Monday and Friday, Thursdays.
And they're guys kind of scattered like LA and, and here,

(17:28):
you know, in Toronto and kind ofall over North America.
But it's a really tight knit group, you know, and all these
guys started calling as soon as I told my sponsor I drank, they
were all calling. And I'm like, oh, why weren't
you calling? You know, why weren't you
calling last week? You know, why didn't you pick up
when I called you last week? But I mean, that's, you know,
everybody gets busy and that's like, is that me?

(17:51):
I was. The thing is, is when you drink
or when you relapse after you'vehad time, it's not fun.
Like there's nothing worse than having a belly full of booze and
a head full of recovery because you're just like, I don't want
to do this. Like, you know, and you know how
guilty it is, you can't have fundoing it.
And so a bunch of the guys from our group were calling me and

(18:15):
calling me and I was like, I'm not picking up.
I'm not picking up. And then finally I picked up my
like best buddies call and and we chatted and he gave me the
riot act. He's like, really, you thought
this was the reason? Like So what you were dealing
with emotional shit. Like, you know, you think that
this is going to make it better.You know, it's not like get in
the meeting tonight, like air itout and like get back on the

(18:37):
horse. And I was like, I'm not going on
the meeting. And then the next day I went out
golfing and this is where it gotcrazy.
I was out golfing the next day and I was like, OK, I don't
really want to drink. I don't want this to become a
runaway. I know my life is infinitely
better when I'm sober than it isto be in high or drunk.
So I went out on the golf course.

(18:58):
I had some 0 beers and I smoked a couple joints.
I go off the game, I go back andin the back of my head I was
like, OK, well I'm going to go to the casino and I'll have a
beer. Maybe at the casino.
I didn't know if I was going to drink or not.
I was like, maybe I'll do the zeros.
I had a hunch I was going to drink.
I was definitely going to smoke the joint and go to the casino.

(19:20):
I get into my truck, my truck won't start and I'm like, oh
perfect, here's my reason to drink.
You know, once I get my truck started, I'm going to go and I'm
going to because pour me woe is me.
So instead of calling a tow truck, I go and I asked like 6
guys for booster cables in the parking lot.
Nobody's got booster cables. This is like Deer Creek an hour

(19:40):
outside of Toronto. And finally I go and I asked
this last guy and the guy goes, yeah, I got cables.
He goes, I'll meet you over by your truck.
Cool. Couple minutes later he comes
up. I got my truck.
The hood's popped as he pulls his vehicle up and he gets out.
I saw his face and he was a member of my Home group.

(20:02):
Fuck off. Yeah, he showed me how to make
coffee. The very first service position.
Wow. Six years ago.
I know, dude. And I looked at him and I was
like, somebody's like, all right, we'll see you later and
said his name. And I was like, then I repeated
his name. I'm like, are you a member of
the Hill? And he's like, I thought that
was you, Raiden. And I was just like, Oh my God,

(20:25):
man. And he's just like, he's just
like, well, this is my act of service for the day.
But as I saw him, I was like, isit odd or is it God like there's
this is not by chance. This is an hour outside of
Toronto. Like it was just.
Especially in the middle of thatwhere you're at too, like.
Yeah, the middle of where I was at.
I told him that I slipped yesterday.

(20:45):
I told him. And he's like, we'll just get
back on. Like, you know, everything will
work out. Like, don't be hard on yourself
and, you know, get back to meetings, call your sponsor.
And I just knew that it was like, God and my higher power
being like, dude, I'm right here.
Like, yeah, you're in this headspace, but like.
Here's the answer. Here's the answer.

(21:06):
When I was down and out and I needed a boost, a a was there.
That's crazy. Yeah, it was crazy.
So after that, I'm like, I haven't had a drink since that.
I'm not gonna. I still smoked a joint that
night and I went to the casino, but I'm out.
Guilty as. I you need dopamine somewhere.
I said I can, I shouldn't do this, I shouldn't do this, but I

(21:26):
did. I mean, but that was the last
thing I did. That could have went way
differently, though, right? Like, if that didn't happen,
who? I mean, I just, I, I play out so
many scenarios in my head, right?
Where you mean you were ready toself destruct, right?
You could be dead. You could have died, right?
Drink and drive. There's so many, there's so many
avenues that that could have went in.
Yeah, yeah. And that was just a shot that

(21:47):
you needed at the time to be like, OK, like this is the
direction we need to be heading in, right?
Yeah. And I think it was also like the
day that I drank, I was like, oh, I'm not enjoying this.
Like, I don't like this. I'm like the beer that I'm
drinking. I don't like it.
I, you know, I would think aboutit being sober, being like, oh,
a beer that's good, that tastes good as I was drinking, I'm

(22:08):
like, this is like, shit like this isn't good.
I don't enjoy this. Honestly, it's just a little
weird. But Donald Trump got me sober
because there was no, I like theNapa Valley red wine and I
couldn't get Napa Valley red wine.
So I was like, yeah, well, it's not worth it, you know, I'm not
going to drink. So in a weird roundabout way,

(22:29):
his tariffs in that thing you. Know we don't, have we?
Don't have American booze. I was like, wow, there's no
point in drinking wine, you know, if I can't have my
favorite, you know? My dad went to a party the other
day where he was bragging to me about how the people had so much
money that they paid someone to go to Alberta to get bourbon and

(22:50):
bring it back to Ontario for their party because there's
people that were drinking bourbon there.
I was like, Oh my God. That's wild.
But it's like that's where and and so that just shows also like
the level of addiction that you can have for something where
it's like, Oh no, like I only have my thing.
You know, I'm not going to drinkOntario red wine.

(23:10):
I'm not going to drink BC. It's like no Napa Valley.
I got to spend 80 bucks or something on a bottle of wine,
which is just stupid, you know, but for whatever reason it
wasn't available. So I didn't get the wine and I
wasn't off to the races, but. Well, I'm glad you're here, man.
I mean, it's for me, it, it's mylast relapse was a bad one.

(23:33):
It took me 4 months to get back in.
And to your point, like I maybe had moments where I was like,
this is nice. And, and, and when I, when I
think back now, I don't miss thehigh.
And I say this all the time. Like I don't, it's not the high
that I miss. It's it's the lack of
responsibility that I liked being able to just kind of throw
your phone away, not work, look at your calendar, not have to be

(23:55):
an adult, kick your shoes off. That's that's where my cravings
go, right. And so like my last relapse,
there was a lot of that, but I had four months of that where I
was surfing from hotel to hotel because my wife kicked me out.
I was like living the dream in some moments because I had
freedom it, which is it's asinine, right?
It's insane because I was dying every day inside.

(24:16):
Like I hated it. I absolutely hated it.
But that little bit of, again, like that little bit of lack of
responsibility, I got this undercontrol because I can do
whatever I want. I can choose my next move.
That's what it is for me. It's like this illusion of
control that drugs and alcohol bring me.
But it it's absolute chaos, right?
Absolute chaos. And yeah, it's your point.
It's like I was not having fun. But it was really hard for me to

(24:39):
go back to rehab the third time.And I'm happy I did because, I
mean, I got to a point where I, for one, I ran out of money.
I didn't run out of drugs. I ran out of money.
And I would have found a place to keep going, but I was just at
a point where I was getting kicked out of the Royal York
downtown because I couldn't afford to stay another night.
And I think I've told the story before, but I'll tell it again

(25:00):
quickly. I'm sitting in the lobby and I'm
trying to like move funds aroundon my phone to like stay there
another night because I wanted to keep going.
And it was just so exhausting, dude.
Like I was so exhausted. I had ordered Uber Eats and a
similar situation where everything was just going wrong.
Like the, the guy delivered my food like 6 blocks down.
I hadn't eaten in like, you know, 24 hours.

(25:21):
I had to go and get my food. Like it was just all these
things where just like, dude, just stop.
Like, you know, you have a, we arehab bed waiting for you.
Just you know what I mean? And couldn't find money, all
this stuff. And they're like, Sir, we're
going to have that like clear out your room.
I'm like, OK, you know, fine. I'll go get my stuff.
She's like, no, no, the securityguard is coming down.
He'll escort you out. And I was like, oh, fuck, you

(25:41):
know, my room, I had like, probably, you know, every single
countertop had drugs on it, right?
All my like I was doing ketamineand coke at the time and all
these pills and everything was all over the place.
I was like, no, no, like, don't worry.
That guy, she's like, no, no, he's going to come.
So I'm sitting in the lobby and it probably, it felt like an
hour waiting for the guy. I mean, I was probably 10
minutes. And I to your point, I'm in my
head, I'm like, all these peoplein the lobby know exactly what's

(26:03):
going on. They're all looking at me.
What a piece of shit. Like, how did I get here again?
Like I was doing so well. How did I get here again?
I'm getting kicked out of a hotel.
All these people are living their lives and here I am like
lower than dirt, right? So the guy comes he's, he's got
like the James Bond fucking earpiece and he's wearing a
suit. I'm like, Oh my, I'm going to
jail. Like 100% I'm going to jail.

(26:23):
He's like, let's go. We get in the elevator.
It's like 4 floors. Felt like it was 60 floors,
right? Just me and him in the elevator.
At one point I turned to him andI just go, buddy, like, do you
mind if like, and I'm like, I'm drawing up this conversation in
my head, like, OK, we gotta likeask him so we don't go to jail,
right? Like, do you mind if I just,
like, clean out my room and you,like, give me a few minutes.
He looks at me. He just goes, oh, yeah, of

(26:44):
course, no problem. And we go to my room and he
leaves. He's like, I'll be back in 20
minutes. I was like, oh, thank God.
Open the door. My clothes are everywhere.
It took me like half an hour. And then, of course, what's the
first thing I do? I take a bump of ketamine and
I'm walking around my room cleaning up.
And I don't know if you've ever done ketamine before.
I'm like fucking like teetering over.
I can't see I'm, I'm sweating. I'm trying to clean up.
I'm like, like, why is that my first response?

(27:07):
But it's like you said it. I was so uncomfortable and
there's so many emotions of like, Oh my God, like, how did I
get here that I couldn't handle it?
And I need to do drugs to like cope with that feeling.
And so I eventually got out. I'm dragging my clothes like a
homeless guy down the street andI call my wife and I'm like, I'm
done, right? Like I'm absolutely done.
I don't want to feel like this anymore.
I don't want to use anymore. And you know, that was almost

(27:29):
nine months ago and hopefully this is my last time 'cause I
hear this set a lot. But I, I agree with it.
It's like I I definitely have another relapse in me, but I
don't know if I have another recovery man.
I can honestly say that. You know, that's where I was
with this last one where I was just like, OK, I got to nip this
in the bud quick because I know how bad it can get.

(27:50):
Like the bottom, my bottom before that, like this doesn't
really sound like a bottom. Like, oh, that was your aha
moment. You had like an argument with
your mom and then you drank for one day.
The bottom came like months before that, like last summer, I
had had like, so Long story short, like I got ran over by a

(28:11):
car when I was when I was, you know, I was in active addiction.
I got ran over by a car. Then I got sober and there was
there was like I got after like 5 years I got a settlement and
after I got that settlement I like went off.

(28:32):
So dangerous. Like it dude.
It was just like. Just giving that amount of
money. Yeah, And I was just like, Oh my
God, dude. So I was like, I was all over
the place, man. I went to Costa Rica for a
month. I went to like Scotland,
Ireland, Portugal for three weeks.
Went to Mexico twice. Dude, I was drunk one night at
the fucking comedy bar. I was drunk there and in the

(28:56):
morning I woke up on an airplanelanding in fucking Mexico.
I booked a trip to Mexico while I was black.
And you got yourself there, so I.
Got there, gone on the airport like.
We're a fishing people flight. Oh yeah, we're determined.
Well, I think what it. Was was I had been cut off a
couple months before I got cut off of the one flight.
I, I can't remember if I got kicked out of the I don't think

(29:19):
I got kicked off the flight, butI definitely wasn't allowed to
sit in the one seat. I think maybe they kicked me off
the flight. I can't quite remember how it
was. I think it was I had paid for
the emergency exit and then theywouldn't let me sit there
because I was too drunk. That you're not helping anybody.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, you're not going
to help anybody. I'm like yeah, yeah.
And I got this. So I think I was so like, hyper

(29:41):
aware of that, that I like, wentthrough all the motions and I
was like, oh, I'm going to be like, I'm good.
And yeah, I like, like, came to on the plane.
We were like just landing. And I kind of came to and I
like, looked at the girl next tome.
I'm like, are we landing in Mexico?
And she was like, yeah, I'm like, fuck.
I knew it because I'd been looking at it the day before.
I'd been looking at flights. And it was like, it was a cheap

(30:04):
flight. And like, you know, I was like,
all right. And so then I was like, I didn't
know though. I landed and I'm like, fuck, who
did I book a hotel room? Did I book everything?
I didn't know that. As soon as my phone clicked on,
I was like, oh, I, I got a deal on the flights, the hotel rooms
I like, got a super good deal onit.
I'm like, man, I'm bargain shopping while I'm hammered.

(30:25):
I don't have a problem. Yeah, yeah, it's.
Pretty good, right? I have a solution.
Yeah. And so then I I posted a thing.
I was at the pool then I had a beer and I posted a thing and
and it was my, she's my ex now. But we were off and on and we
had been off and on at the time and she called me and she's
like, are you in fucking Mexico right now?
And I'm like, yeah, it appears so.

(30:48):
And she's like, I am so disappointed in you.
Like she just gave me the riot act.
And I was just kind of like, whatever.
And I went on like a run for like 4 or five days.
And like, I was like, I was at that point where it was like, I
honestly didn't care, man. I was like, it was like you
said, like to fuck it. I was like, oh, I'm gone.
Like I don't have a responsibility.

(31:08):
I don't need that. But what does it matter?
Like, oh, I'm going to do the same thing back in Toronto.
I might as well do it on a beachor a hotel in Mexico, right?
And so I had like, so I blew allthis money over like a two year
period. And then last year I was in New
York. I went down there for your

(31:29):
comedy show. And at the comedy show, I
started doing blow with these guys.
And then that night we're doing blow to like 4 in the morning
downtown, like lower Manhattan, NY.
Like, I don't even know how I got home.
Like, anyways, I get back to thehotel and this story's crazy.

(31:50):
I'll match like your hotel's story, the shame of it.
So I get her. So I'm staying downtown, Times
Square, New York, and I get backto the hotel, it's like 3 in the
morning, something like that. I got a bag, I got a bottle of
wine and I got some joints and I'm like, what am I going to do?
Drink in my hotel room? My hotel room is so small and

(32:12):
like depressing. I was like, yeah, I'm going to
try and get on the roof. And so I like took like I went
out to the top floor, took a fire escape and I got, I'm
resourceful, man. When I'm drunk, I'm resourceful.
I get out onto the rooftop and, and it was crazy, dude.
The view, there were all these skyscrapers.
It was like an Adam Sandler movie, you know?

(32:33):
And I sat up on top of the roof like, like the sun was down, you
know, I'm looking at all the skyscrapers in the night and I'm
drinking booze. And like, it was, it was kind of
cool, I'm not going to lie. But once Coke was gone, once the
wine was gone and once the joints were gone, I was like,
well, maybe I should just jump. You know, if I'm up here, maybe

(32:55):
I should just jump. And I didn't because I was like,
oh, I want to try like a, a Jewish, like New York bagel.
I was like, I'm going to have a bagel tomorrow.
That was the thought, yeah, that.
Was the thought. Then I was like, OK, don't kill
yourself. Go have like the locks.
And it's like the locks. And so here I think it's called,
Yeah. So I wanted to get the bagel in
the morning. So I go down to my room, I pass

(33:17):
out and I wake up like 20 minutes later and I've got like
crippling anxiety. Like I'm coming off the coke now
and I'm like, dude, just do it. Like go up there and jump off.
Like who cares? My family at that time wasn't
talking to me. My ex was gone.
Like I literally damaged every relationship of my life.

(33:38):
And I just didn't feel like there was a point in anything.
And I was like, all right, I'm going to go up there and I'm
going to jump. But I sleep naked.
So I'm like, what am I going to put my clothes on to do it?
Like, no, I'm going to do it naked.
Because if I just jumped off, myfriends would be like, dude, you
hear about Brayden, like he jumped off a hotel and you're
like, yeah, but you hear he did it naked.

(33:59):
It's like, well, he was a funny guy, right?
So I was like, OK, I'm going to do it naked.
So I get out there and like I goto jump.
I can't do it. And I start crying.
I pray. I'm like, God, why?
Like, why do I? Why am I so messed up?
Why do I think this way? Everything right and I'm like,
OK, I've decided I'm going to live, you know I'm not going to

(34:21):
jump. But now I go down to get back in
my room and my room's locked andI'm.
And you're naked? Yeah.
So it's all like 4:30 in the morning and I'm like, well, 4:30
in the morning, I'll be able to go down to the lobby.
I'll just go to the front desk and get a key from them.
Like that's just, that's my onlyoption.
I don't have another. I've tried kicking the door down
it didn't work so I go down the fire escape and I like walk down

(34:44):
the stairs. I found there was like laundry
hamper. I found like a hand.
Why did you have to? Oh, from the roof?
You went down the laundry. Yeah.
So I went down the stairs, right?
I didn't want to go down the elevator.
I was like, I was hiding, man, I'm Naked.
And so I'm like going down the fire escapes And I found like
this laundry thing and there wasn't like a full size towel.
It was like a little hand towel.So I like just barely wrapped

(35:05):
it. Like couldn't even cover me.
It just covered my dink. And so I got that and I get down
into the lobby and I'm like, allright, just run up to the front
desk, get a key, no problem, right?
I step out of the fire escape stairs and Times Square, New
York, 4:30 in the morning, 70 people in the body pumping,
pumping. And I'm just like, I should have

(35:27):
jumped. I'm just like, what the fuck am
I going to do? So I see like I look over the
elevator was just closing. I like jumped into the elevator
because I'm like 70 people staring at me naked.
Jump in the elevator, there's a couple in there and they're like
looking at me, like what the fuck?
And I'm just like, like, look down.
I think I maybe said something smart to him, like good morning,

(35:48):
like, you know, I don't know. So I get to my floor, I go up to
my room and I like just try likebreaking down the door.
I'm like banging on it, still naked.
I'm like, fuck, got to get in, got to get in.
I can't get in, so I go and I goback into the OR into the fire
escape and I'm just on the stairs and I just like broke
down and I just started crying and I was on my knees and I

(36:11):
prayed and I was like, God, I'm like, Get Me Out of this,
please. I'm like, please, I'm sorry.
Like I'll work out the relationships with my family.
I'll get sober again. You know, I'll work on my mental
health. Like I'll do therapy.
Like please just Get Me Out of this.
I need you right now. Please Get Me Out of this.
Soon as I said that prayer, I walked down one flight of stairs

(36:35):
and on the side of the OR on thewall, there was a phone just
sitting on the wall phone. And right above it said lobby.
I pick it up or no, yeah, it said lobby.
And I pick it up and this girl goes front desk and I'm like, I
got locked down to my hotel room.
I'm Naked. And she just goes, we'll send
someone up like she's heard it. But I swear, if you went there

(36:59):
right now, that phone's not there.
That was my God. Like that was my higher power.
He put that phone there. He bailed me out.
And at that time I was like, that was the bottom.
Like that was like really, really bad.
That was the bottom. And then I was like, OK, I need,
I need I, I didn't get sober right after that.
You know, I went to a psych era,not a psychiatrist.

(37:22):
I should have went there. I went to What's the Palm
readers? Oh, it's like, yeah.
It's like yeah, yeah. Afterward, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I went to one of them the next day and I was like, let's see if
she knew what last night it was like.
But yeah, so the wheels were, the wheels were back in motion
at that time, 'cause I had had two years before that.

(37:42):
And then I went out and it was like 3 years.
And that's where this like really came to.
Yeah, yeah. And that's crazy.
I mean, it's like as you tell that story, you know, you can
laugh about it and, and it sounds like, you know, it's just
one of those, again, one of those stories.
But even as I tell my stories too, it's like you remember what
that was like, you know, and those feelings, like not a lot

(38:05):
of things in life bring that amount of chaos in your brain
and your emotions. And it's it's just a horrible
place to be, right? It's a horrible place to be.
And then like, I'm going to killmyself.
I'm not going to kill myself like this back and forth.
It's just like, yeah, that's where addiction brings us,
right. That's where addiction brings
us. But I mean, yeah, if everybody
had one bottom, like, there'd bea lot less treatment centers and

(38:27):
a lot less addiction resources because we wouldn't need it.
We're stubborn, right? And addiction is patient.
It's cunning. It's baffling.
It's powerful. So yeah, I can resonate with
that for sure. That's hectic, man.
Yeah, I was not. What's comedy like today?
Like what have you been? So did you used to do stand up

(38:50):
like hammered or have you all? Yeah.
So what's the how is that? What's that like the difference?
I don't know, it's weird becauseI felt like I was always like
like drinking or something. Gave me an edge when I was on
stage. I'd always, you know, I always
thought that I'd do well, you know, when I was drunk.

(39:11):
But there are, there's definitely shows that I didn't
do well when I was drunk, but I didn't remember them because I
was like, Oh, who cares? You know, I, but for the most
part, like I did do really good when I was drunk.
And I, I told myself that like, Oh, I need to have a couple of
years before I go up. Oh, I need a little buzz on to
get up. Because when I go on stage, if

(39:34):
I've been drinking, my Saskatchewan comes out like way
more. But and on stage like people
kind of like that here in like alittle different.
Especially if they're not from. Yeah, so I always thought that
it gave me an advantage, but nowthat I've been sober and I
perform, I'm like, oh, no. Like it's just like anything

(39:54):
that you think you're better at drunk, like you're better at it
sober with like a full brain andlike a full, you know, emotions,
not being numb. Like that's a big one is like
like pot. Like I'd always smoke pot before
going on stage. And then like, I'd be like, I'd
have a good act, I'd have a goodset.
But like, I'm also like numbing,like, you know, 50% of my

(40:18):
emotions, you know, before I go up there, I'm not being like
energetic and I'm being like, you know what I mean?
It's not you. Right.
No, So now that I'm like completely like unfiltered and
it's like 100% raw coming from the gut, it's complete sober
emotions and stuff come out and I'm like, my ACT is way better

(40:39):
now than it than it ever was. My brain's quicker.
It's like formulates jokes faster.
Sometimes. It's like like when I, when I
had the slip 37 days ago, I had,I came up with ideas because I
had like smoked a joint. Then I was like, oh, that's a
good joke. That's a good premise.
I should do that. And I was just like, like the

(41:02):
creativity. And I'm like, see, I need this.
I need this. But in reality, I'm not doing
any of those jokes right now. I think I tried them.
I think I tried them once or twice and they didn't do well.
And I'm like, oh, this wasn't asfunny as I thought.
It was, you know, we don't do that to you.
Yeah. I do perform better.

(41:23):
It's tough managing sometimes the sometimes the emotions of
it. Like if it's a big show, the
nerves come in and it's like, Ohyeah, I got to get used to like
being nervous again, you know? Yeah, that's tough.
But but being nervous and going on stage can play in your, like,
can play in your favor. Like you can take those
butterflies and like fly the butterflies in your stomach that

(41:45):
you have like that nervousness and you can like you can ride
them like you can fly with that nervousness.
Like it makes it better I find, but it is tough.
Like sometimes even after doing really good on like a big pack
show, you do really good and then you come off you're like.
Holy. Fuck, like you get a kick, like
being on stage in front of a crowd of audience is like a high

(42:06):
in itself, you know? Like you get a dopamine rush
from it. So when you come off you're
harsh. Just like, like just pounding.
I'm, I've been managing it for the most part now, but it's more
so the atmosphere could be toughtoo, managing like, you know,
you're hanging out in bars with other, you know, friends who you

(42:27):
used to drink with all the time.And they're drinking it.
And everybody's respectful. Nobody's being like, hey, man,
have a shot. Like, you know, oh, what are you
doing? Like, everybody knows how like,
I fucking burned my life to the ground from drinking.
So they're not going to be like,yeah, that would be a good idea
for Brayden to relapse. Like everybody's like, no, I
respect that you don't. And everybody's like, happy that

(42:48):
I don't because I'm a better person when I'm sober.
But it is tough navigating, you know, being around certain
people, not certain people, justjust people drinking.
You know, you, I can handle it. I can take it.
But then once people get it, once it's like 11:00 at night
and you see a little more sloppyor there's a switch.

(43:09):
There's a switch and you go, oh,it's time for me to go, It's
time for me to go. Yeah, and, and I mean, that's
the difference now too, for for me too.
I don't really go out to clubs as much as I used to when I
first got sober because I do love dancing.
I love music. I, I don't really go to bars
because to me, like, so I have to have a motive before I go

(43:30):
anywhere in sobriety. And like, I have to, I have to
have the right motive. I'll say that if I'm going as it
says in the literature, like if I'm going to things to steal
vicarious pleasure from people, you know what I mean?
Or I'm just going because like, you know, I miss drinking and
like I, I just want to be a partof the buzz or whatever.
I, I try to go now, I try to go in with the motive of I'm going

(43:51):
to bring good conversation to the, to the party.
And because I do, I enjoy conversations.
Why I started a podcast. I enjoy good conversations.
There's a lot of interesting people out there, but I have to
check that shit before I go, especially with nightclubs,
especially because my last relapse, I spent a lot of time
going to after hours by myself. Like, you know, you meet the odd
person in passing and like, you know, there's a lot of

(44:13):
interesting people out there, you know, in denial or maybe not
in denial. Maybe they're, I don't know.
It's not for me to say. But yeah, I've, I've met some
very interesting people in that that lifestyle that I don't miss
whatsoever. But but yeah, so I try to, I try
to, like I said, try to have a good motive before I go.
And if I'm going with any other reason other than like I'm going

(44:36):
to just enjoy the conversation, then I, I really don't, you
know, I try not to, to go. But to your point, there is a, a
point where it just, there's no purpose for me to be there
anymore because people have passed that threshold.
People start turning into zombies in the, in the, you
know, with respect to the clubbing scene.
And but for the bar scene or, oranything like that, they yeah,

(44:59):
there's, there's comes a point where people just kind of turn
off and you're like, yeah, I'm, I've, I've gotten everything I
can out of this situation and time to move on, right?
How do you handle? I'm assuming you've bombed
before, right? Never.
Everyone that comes here, they only I, but I'm always curious
to, to like because like a lot of people handle it really well.

(45:22):
And what's what's that like and how do you kind of bounce back
from there? Yeah, I mean, I'm, I'm someone
where I'll say I don't bomb often.
There's a few bombs that I remember, none that I can really

(45:42):
remember in sobriety. I don't think I've really bombed
in sobriety. The worst bomb I had was in
Edinburgh Fringe festival in Scotland and I was blacked out
drunk. Like I wasn't blacked.
I I knew what was happening, butI was like that whole festival.

(46:02):
I was drinking non-stop. I was doing coke.
I was smashing Guinness like I was just, I was off the rails.
I had lost my voice and I did a show in front of like it was
sold out. It was my own show, sold out 50
people. They were all from South England
and off the start I like I called them cunts, but I meant

(46:26):
to like bring it back on to me and be like, oh, I'm a cunt too.
But I didn't do that. So all these like posh, like
London, like South England, people like preppy, like Oxford
folk were like he just called those cunts.
And they I did, I did a show forit was like 55 minutes straight
and they maybe laughed twice. That's rough.

(46:47):
Twice people like got up and laughed.
This family got up and laughed and I was just like, man, I was
trying to give them everything. I was like rasping my jokes and
I'm like. Hey, why will you laugh you?
Know, and I just kept going and going and I was just like, at
the end of it, I went thank you,I mean, Brayden Lynch.

(47:08):
And not one of them clapped. Oh my God.
I turned my back on them and I just put on music and I waited
and I kept looking until they were all gone and then I laughed
and I was just like what happened?
And then I numb myself that night.
I kept getting drunker and I wasjust like, I think there was a
part of me that was like no, go home early because I took it

(47:28):
bad. I was like so in my head like
just beating myself up and I waslike what happened there man.
All the other shows are being good.
And so like Edinburgh Fringe is a festival that goes for like 4
weeks straight or three weeks straight.
So you got shows every single night and then you got to like
bring people to your shows. So I woke up the next day and I

(47:50):
was like, all right, tomorrow will be better.
Like, you know, bounce back. I sold out the next night and it
was like one of the like top tensets of my life.
Like I had laughs like every, I'm like, how did it go from
like massive bomb to being like,Oh, I'm a superstar and I don't
know how I, how I did that. But like the thoughts and stuff

(48:11):
in my head at that time were like, oh, you should quit
comedy. You suck.
You're the worst. Like, of course they hated you.
You hate yourself. Like all those voices, man.
And it's tough when that happenseven like, so I've been doing
more acting now and I've been learning that I have to do that

(48:31):
with acting 'cause there's just as much rejection.
There's more rejection in actingthan there is success.
And I've gotten a few gigs. But, you know, even last week I
thought I booked a commercial, you know, they asked if I was
available for the shoot date. And I'm like, yeah, I'm like,
I'm in the avails. That means it's between like me
and maybe one other guy. And so I'm like, yeah, I got it.

(48:53):
I'm sober again. Things are going good, you know,
And that was on Friday. Then this Monday came, didn't
hear from them. Tuesday didn't hear from them.
And then it just went to, oh, you're a piece of shit.
There's that rejection. And like, I'm the worst with
rejection. And I'm just like, oh, you're
going to be alone the rest of your life.

(49:14):
You suck. You should quit acting.
Nothing's going right. You're a loser.
And I just listen to all those voices and it's tough, man.
I've been talking to my to my sponsor about it.
And he's like, yeah, but those things aren't true.
He's like, you are a success. He's like you got to the he's
like you got to the last stage before book and the commercial.

(49:36):
It was between you and one otherguy out of probably 100 others.
Like you are a success. You didn't drink today.
That's a success. Yeah, yeah.
Like he's like stop like beatingyourself up.
And he'll always say that he's like, there's nothing I could
say to you that is worse than what you say to yourself.
And it's like that's just true with every alcoholic or addict,

(49:59):
right? Like we just beat ourselves up
non-stop. So that's a the part where I'm
like, I'm still learning how to navigate that a bit.
I'm still trying to grow in thata little bit and be like, oh,
there's rejection there or oh, that person doesn't like me.
Oh, that woman doesn't want to date me.
How to like just be OK with thatwithout this inner child, this

(50:22):
inner kid going see, I told you we were fuck up or we're like
whatever, or like I just want tobe loved.
Like I don't know, man. I try and do it like I've
noticed if I have my regular routine, I do my gratitude list,
I pray, I meditate. I find it easier that I can
catch those voices when they start coming and going.

(50:44):
Oh, that's not true. You're here, you're now, you
know, where are you here? What time is it now?
They'll be like, did I drink today?
No, I didn't. I am a success.
And it's like, it's so tough reminding yourself of those of
those wins, you know, especiallywith the way the world is right
now, you know, all the negativity in the past couple
weeks, it's, it's easy to get caught up in that stuff.

(51:06):
But a couple weeks ago, I was feeling this way, feeling this
rejection and stuff. And I was walking down like TIFF
was on. And I was like, oh, you know, I
would love to be like in one acting in one of these movies
and stuff like that. And like, oh, I'm never going to
get there. I'm a failure.
Da da da da da da da da da voices in my head going.

(51:27):
And I just stopped. And I was like, dude, you were
in a movie last month. You have an agent.
You consistently go for callbacks, you're doing stand up
comedy, you have a comedy tour coming up next month.
You're recording an album. What do you mean you're a
failure? You've done all the things.
Years ago, before I even moved out here, this was all I ever

(51:49):
wanted. I had wrote down on a piece of
paper, I hope, I wish one day. I wish I would wish on like 11
elevens on Shooting Stars. I would say I wish that I live
in Toronto and I and I act and Ido comedy and I have a condo
downtown. I have all those things down
there. So why do if I have all those

(52:10):
things that I wish for 10 years ago, why, if I have the life
that I wish for, do I still finda way to be like, you're a
loser, you're a mess up, you're a failure, you suck, you don't
have any like what? What do you mean?
I'm literally living my dream life, yet I convince myself

(52:31):
every day, my disease rather, ormy negative thinking convinces
me every day or tries to convince me every day that I
don't that I'm a failure and I need to worry about something.
But that's also an indication ofbeing like, oh, maybe I'm not in
the moment right now. Maybe I'm not in the present.
How can I bring this back to like, you know, getting out of
my head? That's where I think when people

(52:53):
talk about like service in the program, that's a huge thing
because it gets you out of your head and you know, and that
maybe that's where I'm falteringright now.
And you know, even just saying this out loud right now is kind
of like a check and balance for me being like, oh, maybe I
should do more service. Maybe I should help more people,
you know, then I would get out of my head instead of waking up

(53:14):
and going, oh, I need to do this.
Oh, I need to do a tour here. Oh, I need to get success on
this platform. Or why don't I have this?
Yeah, Why don't I have this? Why don't I have that?
I can relate so much, man. I it's so hard for us to be
grateful. Like it really gratitude eludes
me like every single day. And that's why the gratitude
list was so important because one of my favorite quotes too,
as you were saying that, and I can relate to that so much.

(53:37):
But one of my favorite quotes and I wanted to get this printed
on AT shirt. It was like, remember when you
wanted what you have now and youyou said that, right?
It's like there was a day where you're like, dude, I'd do
anything to fucking get in a fucking movie or get to Toronto
or, and now you have it and it'slike, yeah, well, you know,
what's next, right? You're like, what's, what's the,

(53:57):
because it's never enough. The material things are never
enough, you know? And that's why gratitude comes
in and plays such a big role. But it's, it's really tough,
man. So I appreciate you saying that
because I think a lot of people can resonate with that, you
know? Yeah, I think.
So just being happy where you'reat, being where your feet are,
it's it's a skill that needs to be practiced every day.
I have a tough time with the gratitude list.
Like I'll find that I'll just say the same things everyday and

(54:20):
like it still works. Those are things I am grateful
for. But I'll be like is there
anything else? Surely there could be something
new I'm grateful for. Then it's like I I'll write down
weird things on my gratitude list, like I'm grateful for, you
know, my ex and causing, you know, the toxicity that she did
because now I've changed, you know, I'm grateful for my life

(54:43):
experiences that made me hit a bottom like, which is like some
people think that's counterintuitive, but I think
there's a good thing. It's kind of like a remember
thing, you know? Yeah, that adversity is a gift.
It just you just don't see it yet, right?
100%. Oh, it's amazing, man.
Let's wrap up with this 'cause I, I got a lot today.
Thanks for coming down man. I appreciate it.

(55:04):
Let's wrap up with this. Thank you.
If you could say something to someone coming off of fresh
relapse right now, what would you say to them?
Be kind to yourself. Just yeah, as my sponsor told
me, picture yourself as like a newborn baby.

(55:26):
You know, if you were holding a newborn baby, there's nothing
that that newborn baby could do that would make you be like, oh,
you're stupid or like smack it or anything.
Like you're going to treat that with like, the most care and
love a baby in your arms. That's how you should treat
yourself. Love that.

(55:47):
Forgive yourself. There's an old you and now
there's a new you coming off a relapse.
Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself.
Treat yourself like that new baby and get to meetings.
Get to meetings. Go to a meeting every day.
Get a sponsor. Call your sponsor.

(56:09):
Try and work the steps. And when you're thinking of
drinking, call someone. Call someone who's done it,
who's done the 12 steps, who's or who's sober if that's not
your Ave. If 12 steps isn't your Ave. just
surround yourself with like minded people.
But like first and foremost likebe kind and forgive yourself and

(56:32):
be loving towards yourself. Love that.
Yeah, that sounds awesome man. Thanks so much brother.
Appreciate it. Thank you buddy.
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The discussions and stories shared on this podcast are for
informational and motivational purposes only.
This content is not a substitutefor professional medical advice,

(56:56):
addiction treatment, or therapy.If you or someone you know is
struggling with addiction, please consult A licensed
physician, addiction specialist,or mental health professional.