February 23, 2025 • 41 mins
In this episode, old friends reunite as the host catches up with Amorette, a childhood best friend. They reflect on the deep connection that has kept their friendship strong despite life's challenges, including battling breast cancer and enduring difficult divorces. The episode delves into Amorette's courageous journey through drug and alcohol addiction, exploring her background, the lowest points of her struggle, and the inspiring steps she took to overcome her addictions. Amorette talks candidly about living with addiction, her attempts at recovery, and how she ultimately succeeded in transforming her life. Their conversation provides a raw and insightful look at the complexities of addiction and the importance of making proactive choices for recovery. This episode is a testament to resilience, friendship, and the power of personal transformation.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, happy Monday.
This episode is going to feellike catching up with an old
friend.
Because it is.
I'm so excited to introduce youto my friend, Amaret.
She and I have known each othersince we were in elementary
school.
Complete besties.
(00:20):
We were Charlie Brown obsessed.
I was Woodstock and she wasSnoopy.
And honestly, those nicknamesstuck with us for years.
You know those friendships thatjust click.
That was us.
We were completely inseparable.
We did everything together.
Well, life as it often doestakes us in different paths.
(00:44):
As we grew up, we both movedaround a lot, living in
different states, but somehow wealways managed to stay
connected.
And it's funny how life works,right?
Even when you're not talking toyour friend on a daily basis,
your lives can seem like you'venever skipped a beat.
(01:05):
And our lives were parallel toeach other in some wild ways.
We both navigated the choppywaters of breast cancer.
We trudged through some verydifficult divorces.
We said goodbye to both of ourparents and of course faced our
fair share of bumps along theway.
(01:28):
But Amarette's journey, like somany of ours, has had its own
unique twists and turns.
And today we're going to diveinto a part of her story that
takes a lot of courage to share.
Drug and alcohol addiction is acomplex and deeply challenging
situation.
I know that it can affectindividuals of all On multiple
(01:50):
levels, both physically,psychologically, socially,
emotionally.
It's hard to watch a loved onego through that.
She woke up one day grabbedahold of the reins and decided
to change her life.
She chose to kick a habit thathad become a daily part of her
(02:10):
existence.
Today we're going to get aglimpse into what Amarette's
life was like during heraddiction and more importantly,
how she overcame it.
Teresa (02:20):
Hi, Amarette, it is so wonderful to have you here
today.
Amorette (02:25):
Hi, really good to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Teresa (02:30):
Absolutely.
Isn't it amazing how life bringsus back together after all these
years?
Amorette (02:37):
I can't believe it I was doing the math I guess we
met like seven years old I mean,we've known one another for
Teresa (02:48):
Right.
We won't put the age out there.
It's been forever.
Amorette (02:51):
Forever
Teresa (02:52):
we're going to be talking about your journey
through addiction and thecourage you found to turn it
around.
Can you talk about what yourlife was like before addiction
Amorette (03:06):
It seems like an element of addiction was
swirling around me from the dayI was born.
There's a history of addictionin my family.
My grandparents and my mom it'sthat generational curse.
I didn't really know what itwas.
I knew that there were some,family issues
Teresa (03:24):
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
for joining us today.
We hope you have a great day.
And we'll see you next time.
(03:47):
Bye bye.
Amorette (03:50):
was in, a deep path of what she was going through.
I'd always been this great kid,for the most part.
And you knew me back then, whichis so funny that we're having
this conversation.
Teresa (04:00):
Yeah.
Amorette (04:01):
Always excelled in school and, love my animals and
participated and did all ofthose things.
I'm the youngest, and was kindof left to my own devices.
I remember, I found my mom hadblackberry brandy of all things.
and I found it and I remember,in that moment, I'm just going
to drink it.
And I did, and it changed a chipinside of me and opened a door,,
(04:26):
of major escapism, of course.
And so that, you know, thenyou're drinking,
Teresa (04:31):
Transcripts provided by Transcription Outsourcing, LLC.
Amorette (04:49):
what was life like before addiction?
I don't really have an answerbecause I didn't really know
life
Teresa (04:55):
What was your form of escape?
Amorette (04:57):
I went through different cycles.
I would say the one that waswith me the longest and the
hardest for me to overcome andthe most difficult to
acknowledge one that I wanted tokeep near and dear to me.
Was alcohol.
I had a raging cocaine addictionwhen I was in my late teens, 18,
19, through a series ofsurgeries and things like that.
(05:19):
I developed a raging painkilleraddiction.
And even before that, when I wasat the height of my professional
career, I developed a ragingaddiction to Xanax.
Teresa (05:33):
So I'm going to go ahead and start the video, and I'm
going to show you how to do it.
So I'm going to go ahead andstart the video, and I'm going
to show you how to do it.
That's the most accessible one,right?
Amorette (05:53):
Yeah I say that the biggest addiction was alcohol.
I suppose the biggest addictionreally was getting out of
myself.
Fundamentally, it was escaping,the central being of who I am,
that was appealing to me, Iguess on certain levels of,,
Teresa (06:14):
So uh, I'm kind of trying to figure out what's
going on.
Um, I thought I'd uh, talk toyou about some of the things
that we're doing here at theCenter for the Art of Arts and
Sciences.
Um, I thought I'd give you alittle bit of a twist on some of
the things that we've been doinghere at the Center for the Arts
(06:39):
and Sciences.
You
Amorette (06:40):
and, I leaned into that for a very long time.
Teresa (06:45):
Yeah, if you dove into,, the blackberry alcohol at such a
young age and discovered that itnumbed all of these thoughts
that you were trying to escapefrom, I could see where that
becomes really appealing,because.
That stuff's no longer in yourbrain.
You're now relaxed.
(07:05):
I would imagine the craving foran escape like alcohol or drugs
Only increased over time.
Amorette (07:15):
Yeah, absolutely.
I had, really great success at arelatively young age and kind of
hit that In that respect, I wasa quick.
Study, but in other respects,I'm a late bloomer the internal
growth, because it wasn't like alot of coping mechanisms were
taught You just figured it outand, Without understanding or
(07:40):
learning certain ways or healthyways of coping.
It wasn't until the past 18months, I'm learning handle
things more, you know, in a morehealthy way.
Teresa (07:54):
We were in our twenties when we got together after
elementary school.
You and I were let's have a goodtime.
Life is fantastic because we'reall in this space of F U N,
right?
So I couldn't see that there wasa problem when we got together
because what you were doingmatch what I was doing.
(08:16):
I had a different reason, whichwas, Hey, let's have fun.
And you're like, I want to numbeverything that's going on in my
life because this is an amazingfeeling for me.
Amorette (08:27):
yeah, exactly.
It was certainly the funquotients of, course.
But there were other, deeperlayers that I didn't even
realize at the time.
Teresa (08:38):
What do you think some of your lowest points were
during your addiction?
Amorette (08:44):
oh gosh, so many, I think most recently, just
dealing with the most recent,when I, was, Diagnosed with my
1st cancer.
I was actively using throughoutthat 1st diagnosis while I was
going through chemo while I wasgoing through radiation
Teresa (09:02):
Okay.
Amorette (09:14):
so shocking when you're, going through these
things that are really intenseand I didn't have the emotional
capacity to reach out to friendsand family.
I was always like, I got this,don't worry about me.
So it was a very lonely journeythat I chose to take.
I was actively using throughboth of my diagnosis.
The 2nd 1 and I had all thesurgeries and, had pain
(09:38):
medication.
Then I had a major back issueand that required 2 surgeries
I'd gotten so deep into thepainkillers, that essentially I
wouldn't even recognize myselfthinking back on that person,
but ultimately really losteverything, lost relationships,
(09:59):
lost any kind of, working thinghad a beautiful home in L.
A.
Had a beautiful home in PalmSprings.
I basically lost them both.
I, you know, foreclosed oranything like that.
Essentially just had to startcompletely over.
And moved back to Texas where Iswear I'd never go back.
(10:21):
And.
Teresa (10:22):
Where it all started,
Amorette (10:24):
started.
Gone was the elite status withinan industry that I'd worked so
hard to have gone were theexpensive and, sexy
embellishments in terms of homeand all of that stuff.
And I been stripped down tonothing, but I still had my
raging addiction.
(10:44):
And that was the, lowest points
Teresa (10:48):
You were wildly successful.
I remember you hit your strideand success long before I did,
and I was always so impressedand proud.
I didn't realize there was anaddiction problem I think the
second time we got together waswhen we were both going through
some really shitty divorces.
(11:10):
We were in San Francisco and Iremember this vividly.
We leaned into our dear buddy,
Amorette (11:17):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Teresa (11:20):
and saw those specifically.
And, again, we were doing thistogether and it seemed to me
that, Hey, we're going throughcrappy divorces.
It's really hard and this is ourway to cope and it's temporary
We went to a restaurant togetherin LA and we both had couple of
(11:42):
drinks but it wasn't till we gotin the car and you were driving
that I was Scared shitless cuz Iwas like, what the fuck?
How is she so
Amorette (11:52):
hmm.
Mm
Teresa (11:52):
up
Amorette (11:54):
hmm.
Teresa (11:55):
drank the same amount of booze And you're taller than I
am.
I just couldn't figure that oneout.
I might've said, you need toslow down.
You're scaring me.
For you it was Hey, this is allgood.
Nothing's going to happen.
Don't worry about it.
And it wasn't until we got backto your home that I realized,
there's something else going on.
(12:15):
I just couldn't figure it out.
Amorette (12:17):
yeah.
God, I'm so sorry for that.
I would imagine, I was in themiddle of the full on pill
addiction and you stack all thatstuff up and you're not even,
the person who you really areyou just described that
experience and I am certainthere's probably another hundred
(12:38):
just like it that, stack up overtime I knew there was a point
where, things had gone totallyoff the reservation knew I had a
problem, big problem.
How do you, get out of it?
The physical withdrawal fromthose drugs is, awful.
I'd been to rehab twice, it wasa combination of, alcohol and
(13:05):
benzodiazepines.
Xanax basically, had to bemedically taken off that cause
that'll kill you.
I had another stent in rehab andit was a similar thing.
There's a whole backstory ofwhat the hell happened with the
second rehab.
But, um, time, you know, I waslike, well, two things.
I couldn't afford to go to rehabI'd lost everything.
(13:26):
You know, how do I stop, thetaper theory that's not going to
happen for me.
So I went cold Turkey and it'sbeen almost five years now off
of opiates.
Teresa (13:37):
Okay.
Amorette (13:38):
In Texas, when I'd moved there I sealed myself up
and when I say the amount ofdrugs that I was taking was
astronomical, I mean, 500 pillsa month, plus, plus,
Teresa (13:52):
Wow.
Amorette (13:53):
It was, monster amounts and, spending every bit
of money that I had in gettingthose pills and all prescribed
so I had a massive tolerance anda massive addiction but got
through it and to say sickdoesn't even scratch the
surface, Um, but I also knew orthought, you know what, I've
Teresa (14:15):
Um,
Amorette (14:15):
to feel this pain and experience this because will
make it so horrific about thethought of ever going back and,
Teresa (14:24):
Right.
Bye.
Amorette (14:31):
but came out on the other side.
And it took me a long time torewire my brain.
I took a break from alcohol,about a
Teresa (14:40):
Is that
Amorette (14:53):
There's no version for me of one and done.
There's no version of casuallydrinking.
I've tried everything I'vetried.
Well, I'll have beer and wine,no hard alcohol or all the
tricks that we play for me,it's.
One drink becomes an absoluteobsession I stopped fooling
(15:15):
myself.
I've been sober now fromalcohol.
It's going on on 9 months.
I had 3 years of not drinking.
But I never.
Acknowledged, the depth of theproblem that I had, because I
always wanted to kind of givemyself a, you know, an exit a
backdoor exit,
Teresa (15:32):
Yeah,
Amorette (15:33):
you know, so, I never really went very public with it
because.
And going public with it, you'respeaking truth to it, and you've
got a different set ofaccountability.
Teresa (15:43):
Right
Amorette (15:43):
I don't participate in AA, meaning I don't go to
meetings and things.
It's not a, a knock on that, atall.
But I don't personally.
I do use a community app and aplatform that keeps me,
accountable to myself.
And then by talking about it andrevealing it, it adds a layer of
(16:05):
accountability because there'dbe no version of, let's go out
for a couple of beers, you know,because once you
Teresa (16:11):
Right
Amorette (16:12):
to be like, what the fuck are you doing?
Teresa (16:13):
When you went back to Texas and started this cleanup
did you have any support aroundyou, friends or family that were
cheering you on and helping youthrough those darker days of.
Or was this strictly you did itall on your own?
Amorette (16:33):
I did it on my own.
and when I moved.
Andy, who, you know, is mypartner.
Really went into her world andAnd it was a new, relationship.
We met first in 1992, so we'dknown one another, but not
really knew one another.
She knew what was happening.
(16:54):
She wasn't aware of the depthsof it.
She doesn't have an addictionproblem.
And she certainly hadn't beenaround a person at that stage of
her life who had a wild drugproblem.
So, I was ashamed,
Teresa (17:06):
Right.
Amorette (17:07):
I have a hard time asking for help anyway.
For me, it was the best path wasjust to, suffer through on my
own.
She would check on me and thingslike that.
But it was definitely a solojourney.
Teresa (17:22):
That's amazing that you had that turnaround, right?
Cause you had already triedrehab twice and the fact that
you went once and then went backagain and that didn't impact you
enough to make the change andyet you were able to do it on
your own is, is pretty amazing.
Amorette (17:44):
Yeah, something shifted inside of me and it
really,
Teresa (17:49):
Yeah.
Right.
Amorette (17:50):
do this or I'm going to die and going through
withdrawal it was kind of 50 50of which direction I want to go.
It was like an inner voice andinner strength and each day
would get better after a certainpoint I could, see what life may
(18:10):
be on the other side.
Once you're past a certainpoint, 24, 48, period of time
it's like, well, God, I'vereally been through hell now.
I can't start the clock over,you know, gone
Teresa (18:22):
Right.
Amorette (18:23):
So let's just keep going one foot in front of the
other,
Teresa (18:26):
What was it like?
The first 24 hours being offeverything, what did your body
go through?
Amorette (18:34):
It's like you've got an alien inside of your body
screaming it's the horrificscenes that we've seen in movies
is pretty much what it is.
It's physical, it's emotionalit's mental, and, really on top
of that, it's spiritual.
It's a very.
Dark and scary place.
Teresa (18:57):
I bet.
Amorette (18:58):
There's no relief, That's the thing you eventually
get there, I'd looked at doing,Suboxone programs and things
like that.
And I was like, okay, I knowmyself well enough, then I'm
going to be addicted toSuboxone.
And the reality is I don't wantto be on anything.
I don't want to be any med and Iwas on, percocet Oxycontin and
(19:18):
on top of that other things thatI'd been prescribed that I'd
just gone down this, crazy pathI really wanted to have a clean
break and, I went through thefire to get there.
Teresa (19:35):
When you lose everything you've worked so hard for, your
home in LA was absolutelygorgeous.
Amorette (19:43):
Yeah, looking back on, life I could have done things so
much differently.
But I think certain things hadto happen.
And I was a hard case, I guess,and so it wasn't like, you know,
punched in the gut.
It was like taking a jackhammerto my head was what was required
(20:06):
to get through to me.
Teresa (20:08):
Right.
Amorette (20:09):
much as I regret not.
Taking better care of the thingsI'd worked for and taking better
care of myself of myrelationships and such.
I'm forever grateful,, if that'swhat it took and apparently it
did, then that's what it took.
And it's part of my journey.
I have to think so much, egoand, things like that.
(20:31):
But if, use in the wrong way,or, could be a dark force.
And for me, it was.
So I guess the abject humilityof, no longer having kind of
access I had to money and power,because they were just were just
gone.
So it's like, holy shit.
Now, what do I do?
(20:52):
But the first thing I, I knewthat I had to do was have at
least be clear minded to startsetting a path forward of
rebuilding.
So it's like just being
Teresa (21:04):
Yeah,
Amorette (21:04):
stripped down.
Teresa (21:06):
We're strong people in general, you and I are both the
type of person, and I've talkedabout this on other podcasts
where it can be tough to ask forhelp.
That in itself is admittance of,I don't have what it takes to
get through this on my own.
I need help.
And that's really hard for us.
We didn't have people steppingin and controlling what we did
(21:30):
or what we didn't do and we hadto make decisions on our own, at
a very young age.
Amorette (21:37):
yeah.
Teresa (21:38):
I know how to get through it.
Nobody's been here to help me.
I can do this on my own.
I don't need you.
Thank you very much.
The reality is it sure is nicewhen we've learned that lesson
and have reached out for helpand it makes such a huge
difference when you have asupport system.
So given.
(21:59):
Where you were when you madethis courageous decision to
change your life to where youare now, what's different,
Amorette (22:11):
I think the most radical change is that I've
gotten to know, who I am.
We talked a little bit about,using.
Whatever substance to get out ofyourself and to escape and to,
almost creating a fantasy worldand identifying is that certain
(22:32):
person who really wasn't, thereal me,
Teresa (22:35):
right?
Amorette (22:36):
It was like, I was play acting or something,
Teresa (22:39):
You were in your own movie,
Amorette (22:40):
exactly.
I was in my own movie.
And part of that, as you know,my mom died in December of 23.
And, so much of, a person, and Iknow your mom has passed, for me
Teresa (22:52):
right?
Amorette (22:53):
dad's gone too, and I know your dad's gone.
I think when, when you lose yourparents and I know when I lost
my mom, I felt incredible griefand my mom and I had
Teresa (23:05):
Yeah.
Amorette (23:06):
tight.
We, we were kind of it wasalmost like a trauma bond from
the time I was born.
Teresa (23:12):
Hmm.
Amorette (23:13):
and when she passed, it was incredibly sad and in
grief and all of those things,but there was also a sense of
relief.
And when I say that, I don'tmean a relief that she was gone
or there wasn't theresponsibility.
It's that part of my identity orwhat I come to identify myself
as.
(23:33):
And some of it was real heavystuff that I identified with,
Teresa (23:38):
Silence.
Silence.
Amorette (23:53):
of our family dynamic or the black sheep of, or the
one who took care of mom or theone who I.
the secrets or of that stuffthat was had been part of my
birthright I also had somereally positive stuff too.
So I don't want to imply that itwas, so horrific, but some of
those negative things that hadbeen part of my identity that I
(24:16):
was carrying, no longer existedand.
It was a real growth.
We had her memorial in Houstonin February of 24 and I.
Got sober from alcohol well,from everything, but from
alcohol in June of 24.
(24:36):
It happened really quickly aftermy mom's passing.
Teresa (24:40):
Silence.
Okay.
You Yeah, you went through posttraumatic growth,
Amorette (25:12):
Yeah,
Teresa (25:14):
you had Andy, she was new in your life.
Did you to talk about Yourexperiences, your emotions,
everything that you are goingthrough,
Amorette (25:25):
Yes.
I'm able to share and that kindof thing.
But with her, what wasdifferent, is that she gave a
good example, and led by exampleand the way that she leads her
life, wildly honest.
You know, honest with herselfand honest outwardly.
And, for me, I don't really haveto pretend it doesn't have to be
(25:48):
this huge drama.
But I also don't have to pretendand, carry mask everything's
okay, or the mask everything'sso dark because, it was a blend
for me, really helpful, andcontinues to be,, he's a strong
person, personality who, callsme on my stuff, which I need,
Teresa (26:12):
She's a role model, she gives you a lot of nutrients, to
your spirit and soul to helpyou.
Grow as a person Now you've metsomebody who's shown you that
The decision you made to cleanup was the right choice, but
look at the life you can livewithout that stuff and thrive,
(26:35):
right?
You don't have to hide behindthe drugs and the alcohol to get
through life.
You can actually spend some timetalking to somebody and that in
itself can be very therapeutic.
Or maybe there's other thingsthat you've discovered to help
you in those moments of, ah,shit, today doesn't feel like a
(26:55):
great day.
How am I going to cope with it?
Amorette (26:59):
yeah, some of the things I've done, are not
retreating and isolating, whichI was a big one for me.
And so being present, beingsuper, try to be super mindful
of being in the present, notliving in the past, not getting
so caught up in the future.
(27:21):
And that feels very grounding tome.
the place that we live, I mean,in Taos is its own, centered,
energetic, healing place.
Teresa (27:33):
It's like a retreat, especially from LA, right?
Amorette (27:37):
Exactly.
And thank God.
I mean, it's so incredible to behere.
Things turned around on my workfronts, so fast from really the
moment I, put down in June.
I would say within, months, it'sdone a 180 and so it was
Teresa (27:58):
Okay.
Amorette (28:24):
projects or, on the consulting side or what have
you, being really present ineach 1 of those.
And that.
Teresa (28:32):
Bye bye.
Amorette (28:36):
to be fully immersed in that and I have to be busy.
I just do and I have to becreative.
Escaping and numbing yourself isthe worst possible way that I
should, my, my existence shouldbe because if I'm numb.
Teresa (28:53):
Transcripts are available
Amorette (28:53):
not, proactive and working in something.
It's just way too much time.
That my mind, even though I sayI'm numb, it's not really, it's
still operating, in a, unhealthyway, a million.
miles an hour.
Teresa (29:10):
Are you able to be around, people, friends, family
at dinners or social eventswhere there's alcohol being
served?
Amorette (29:21):
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Andy drinks, she has a
Teresa (29:24):
Okay.
Amorette (29:25):
wine at night So there's wine in the house.
That's not a trigger for me somuch a triggers for me are
emotional states I say, probablymy biggest trigger is anger.
Anger is a difficult emotion forme that I wanted to escape from
(29:46):
but what's so interesting aboutthis process is that it is a
little bit chicken in the eggbecause when I'm not using I'm
far less angry, you know, it's.
Deal and so now if a situationcomes up and I'm just extremely
bothered, it doesn't have thesame level of intensity.
That it, had, while I was using,
Teresa (30:09):
And is that because you have a new way of coping?
You said Andy's verytransparent.
She's very honest.
Do you feel like you've adoptedthat as well and that's how you
get through moments of anger,
Amorette (30:27):
I've learned to number 1, things don't escalate as
quickly.
And when I say it escalate, Imean, an internal escalation.
I have adopted a better senseof.
stepping away.
The self kind of the self tape.
Is this really such a big deal?
I would say it's irritating andit doesn't have to be this all
(30:52):
consuming thing.
I think taking whatever it is,uh, break or a walk or I mean,
some of these really fundamentalthings that we do know, count to
10 works great.
Redirect, step away and let meput it in perspective.
And I think what I've realized,I can be very hypersensitive and
(31:14):
feel, impact.
And it's like, okay, wait asecond.
I think you're tripping.
I think that's really in yourhead.
This is not something, I kind ofgot that ability to be like, why
is this bothering me so much orwhat have you?
I think it's a combination ofbeing aware and like, Oh God,
this is just a, me thing.
Teresa (31:34):
Knowing yourself really well to a point where I now know
what this is.
I need to take a break.
And see this through, whateverthat trigger or moment is,
there's times where I might getabsolutely stressed out about
(31:55):
something and it's like, Oh, ifI just have a drink, I'll feel
better.
Maybe you just step away.
Maybe you lay down on the floorand put some calm.
meditation music on.
And it could be one minute ofthat.
And all of a sudden you're in avery different state and you're
like, holy shit, how come Inever did this before?
(32:15):
This works like magic.
Amorette (32:17):
now.
Yeah It's true.
It could just be two minutes andit's like, oh, I have a totally
different perspective instead ofjust laying into that one and
then just complicating it.
It's like I was complicating somany things and I think part of
it would be, a bit of an excuse,you know?
So it's like, well, thishappens.
So this gives me permission toThose skills, which I'm honing
(32:39):
and probably will be until theday I leave this planet.
Getting to know who I am.
And, also, trusting that person,is important.
Teresa (32:50):
Right.
Amorette (32:51):
of honoring that person, and trusting that
person.
and as I get to know, myselfbetter, yes.
Teresa (33:01):
A lot's changed in your life, from when you were young.
Life can be hard at times, butwe get to create the enjoyment
around us
Amorette (33:11):
absolutely.
And hang on to every piece ofjoy that we have, it's like
gold, And being really gratefulfor those moments and trying to
stay in gratitude.
I was never really an entitledperson.
I don't think I'm sure therewere aspects.
Everything had to be torn downfor me.
I was a difficult case, I guess,so everything's tripped away.
(33:35):
It's amazing how grateful youare for small victories and
other things that are perceivedsmall, but are in fact, really
big deals.
And so it's just a differentexistence.
Teresa (33:47):
But as complicated of his case that you felt you were.
Your story is so unique in termsof being able to do this alone,
making the decision to turn itaround because you realize that
wasn't serving you.
Not everybody makes it throughthe way that you did.
(34:08):
It's really tremendous you wereable to do that and you're on
the other side.
Amorette (34:15):
Yeah,
Teresa (34:16):
It's really commendable.
I've never heard a story wheresomeone can do this on their
own.
You really were ready to make achange and the universe was
there to support you and helpyou get through it,
Amorette (34:30):
absolutely.
It was just driven internally.
I had to do it.
I really didn't have a choice.
I mean, it was either do it ordie.
Really?
Teresa (34:39):
You didn't want to die.
That was a big reason for you tosay I'm not ready to go yet.
I need to change this
Amorette (34:47):
Yes.
Teresa (34:48):
I'm, very proud of you friend
Amorette (34:50):
thank you.
Teresa (34:51):
You've really gone through something very tough.
You and I've gone throughcancer, we've gone through
divorces.
But I got to believe for youthis trumped everything
Amorette (35:03):
for sure, it was the most difficult, of any of it,
Teresa (35:08):
Yeah.
Mm hmm.
Amorette (35:10):
stuff, you know, so it was, without dealing with that,
there was no getting a life.
There was no, version of,remaining active and addiction
in any of its forms, whether itwas, opiates or, alcohol, there
was just no, way, to fullyparticipate in life and create
Teresa (35:33):
Right.
Amorette (35:35):
You know, thriving life,
Teresa (35:38):
Yep.
As we wrap up to anybodylistening who knows somebody,
maybe they're, going throughthis themselves what advice
would you give them?
Amorette (35:51):
There is a path forward.
There is recovery.
But you do have to be an activeparticipant in that.
However, you choose to, ifyou're questioning whether I'll
just say from from the personwho perhaps may be suffering
from addiction, if you'realready questioning that
something's up, something's up,you know, I mean,
Teresa (36:13):
Right.
Amorette (36:14):
like something's up they say, getting the denial
piece of it is in the acceptanceof that you have a problem is
the 1st step.
It is the 1st step.
It's the absolute 1st step.
And then.
I think then making activechoices and whether that active
choice is, you know, reachingout to someone, going to a
(36:36):
meeting, with therapist, I mean,whatever form, I think it's not
one size fits all, or whatevercombination of things, that can
help you, get out of it that thebottom line is my experience,
there's there's no way of kindof using or kind of being in or
1 foot out 1 foot in.
(36:57):
If you're struggling from a trueaddiction, there are no half
measures, it
Teresa (37:04):
Right.
Amorette (37:04):
work that way.
I think much of it is coming toterms with that and and.
Teresa (37:10):
Mm hmm.
Amorette (37:12):
there's just such an incredible difference I think
that, overcoming and having ahealthy, respect for an
addiction that you've come outof, there is a sense of, beating
something of, successfullymoving through, a negative.
Aspect of a person's life.
Teresa (37:32):
You're the perfect model for that.
I'm incredibly proud of you forrecognizing what was going on
with yourself, taking action tomake that change and more than
anything.
Sharing that story here foreverybody to listen to because
you don't.
(37:54):
Get exposed to these storieswhere someone has conquered this
on their own.
Amorette (38:00):
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And, for, someone who may have afriend or a loved one or
whatever, who's struggling, Ithink
Teresa (38:09):
Um,
Amorette (38:13):
I, it's, I know difficult cause it's like, we're
kind of trained to be polite andthat kind of thing.
Or fear of losing the friendshipor offending someone or
whatever.
I think honesty, is absolutelythe best way, whether it's, Hey,
what's going on?
Because I've noticed this.
What's happening?
I'm here to talk.
How can I help you even if it'spushed away?
(38:37):
But it does, in my opinion,resonate in that person's mind
it's not about shaming.
It's about an acknowledgementbecause, you know, trying to
hide and shuffle things aroundor pretend like something's not
happening when it's like, okay,oh, my, the house is burning
down.
Like, hello, you know, I think.
(38:57):
helps crack that door.
I think is helpful.
And, what it also does is itpreserves the sanctity of the
other person, not the addicts,but the other person, because
you're not saying I'm buyinginto your make believe lands.
So it puts up some boundaries,and I think that's a necessity.
Teresa (39:19):
I've enjoyed everything that you've shared.
I've learned a lot from theconversation that we've had.
I'm sure many people listeninghave also, I appreciate the
honesty.
The courage to even come forwardand share this and I know it'll
make a change for somebody.
Amorette (39:34):
I hope there's, a positive impact, it's healthy
for me too.
It's speaking into something andrevealing.
Also, it's helpful in both ways.
Amarette's story is trulyheroic.
It's remarkable how she bravelydecided to make this change in
(39:58):
her life and for her ability toovercome such a profound
addiction what really struck mewas her emphasis on the
importance of taking activesteps towards recovery.
She highlighted that there's nosingle magic.
Bullet.
It's about making choices,reaching out to a friend, a
(40:20):
support group, a therapist, orit could be a combination of
these approaches depending onwhat works best for the
individual that's trying toovercome this addiction.
As she wisely pointed out,recovery is a personalized
journey and it's up to us Tomake those choices.
(40:45):
Thanks for tuning in until nexttime.
Hi, happy Monday.
This episode is going to feellike catching up with an old
friend.
Because it is.
I'm so excited to introduce youto my friend, Amaret.
She and I have known each othersince we were in elementary
school.
Complete besties.
(00:20):
We were Charlie Brown obsessed.
I was Woodstock and she wasSnoopy.
And honestly, those nicknamesstuck with us for years.
You know those friendships thatjust click.
That was us.
We were completely inseparable.
We did everything together.
Well, life as it often doestakes us in different paths.
(00:44):
As we grew up, we both movedaround a lot, living in
different states, but somehow wealways managed to stay
connected.
And it's funny how life works,right?
Even when you're not talking toyour friend on a daily basis,
your lives can seem like you'venever skipped a beat.
(01:05):
And our lives were parallel toeach other in some wild ways.
We both navigated the choppywaters of breast cancer.
We trudged through some verydifficult divorces.
We said goodbye to both of ourparents and of course faced our
fair share of bumps along theway.
(01:28):
But Amarette's journey, like somany of ours, has had its own
unique twists and turns.
And today we're going to diveinto a part of her story that
takes a lot of courage to share.
Drug and alcohol addiction is acomplex and deeply challenging
situation.
I know that it can affectindividuals of all On multiple
(01:50):
levels, both physically,psychologically, socially,
emotionally.
It's hard to watch a loved onego through that.
She woke up one day grabbedahold of the reins and decided
to change her life.
She chose to kick a habit thathad become a daily part of her
(02:10):
existence.
Today we're going to get aglimpse into what Amarette's
life was like during heraddiction and more importantly,
how she overcame it.
Teresa (02:20):
Hi, Amarette, it is so wonderful to have you here
today.
Amorette (02:25):
Hi, really good to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Teresa (02:30):
Absolutely.
Isn't it amazing how life bringsus back together after all these
years?
Amorette (02:37):
I can't believe it I was doing the math I guess we
met like seven years old I mean,we've known one another for
Teresa (02:48):
Right.
We won't put the age out there.
It's been forever.
Amorette (02:51):
Forever
Teresa (02:52):
we're going to be talking about your journey
through addiction and thecourage you found to turn it
around.
Can you talk about what yourlife was like before addiction
Amorette (03:06):
It seems like an element of addiction was
swirling around me from the dayI was born.
There's a history of addictionin my family.
My grandparents and my mom it'sthat generational curse.
I didn't really know what itwas.
I knew that there were some,family issues
Teresa (03:24):
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
for joining us today.
We hope you have a great day.
And we'll see you next time.
(03:47):
Bye bye.
Amorette (03:50):
was in, a deep path of what she was going through.
I'd always been this great kid,for the most part.
And you knew me back then, whichis so funny that we're having
this conversation.
Teresa (04:00):
Yeah.
Amorette (04:01):
Always excelled in school and, love my animals and
participated and did all ofthose things.
I'm the youngest, and was kindof left to my own devices.
I remember, I found my mom hadblackberry brandy of all things.
and I found it and I remember,in that moment, I'm just going
to drink it.
And I did, and it changed a chipinside of me and opened a door,,
(04:26):
of major escapism, of course.
And so that, you know, thenyou're drinking,
Teresa (04:31):
Transcripts provided by Transcription Outsourcing, LLC.
Amorette (04:49):
what was life like before addiction?
I don't really have an answerbecause I didn't really know
life
Teresa (04:55):
What was your form of escape?
Amorette (04:57):
I went through different cycles.
I would say the one that waswith me the longest and the
hardest for me to overcome andthe most difficult to
acknowledge one that I wanted tokeep near and dear to me.
Was alcohol.
I had a raging cocaine addictionwhen I was in my late teens, 18,
19, through a series ofsurgeries and things like that.
(05:19):
I developed a raging painkilleraddiction.
And even before that, when I wasat the height of my professional
career, I developed a ragingaddiction to Xanax.
Teresa (05:33):
So I'm going to go ahead and start the video, and I'm
going to show you how to do it.
So I'm going to go ahead andstart the video, and I'm going
to show you how to do it.
That's the most accessible one,right?
Amorette (05:53):
Yeah I say that the biggest addiction was alcohol.
I suppose the biggest addictionreally was getting out of
myself.
Fundamentally, it was escaping,the central being of who I am,
that was appealing to me, Iguess on certain levels of,,
Teresa (06:14):
So uh, I'm kind of trying to figure out what's
going on.
Um, I thought I'd uh, talk toyou about some of the things
that we're doing here at theCenter for the Art of Arts and
Sciences.
Um, I thought I'd give you alittle bit of a twist on some of
the things that we've been doinghere at the Center for the Arts
(06:39):
and Sciences.
You
Amorette (06:40):
and, I leaned into that for a very long time.
Teresa (06:45):
Yeah, if you dove into,, the blackberry alcohol at such a
young age and discovered that itnumbed all of these thoughts
that you were trying to escapefrom, I could see where that
becomes really appealing,because.
That stuff's no longer in yourbrain.
You're now relaxed.
(07:05):
I would imagine the craving foran escape like alcohol or drugs
Only increased over time.
Amorette (07:15):
Yeah, absolutely.
I had, really great success at arelatively young age and kind of
hit that In that respect, I wasa quick.
Study, but in other respects,I'm a late bloomer the internal
growth, because it wasn't like alot of coping mechanisms were
taught You just figured it outand, Without understanding or
(07:40):
learning certain ways or healthyways of coping.
It wasn't until the past 18months, I'm learning handle
things more, you know, in a morehealthy way.
Teresa (07:54):
We were in our twenties when we got together after
elementary school.
You and I were let's have a goodtime.
Life is fantastic because we'reall in this space of F U N,
right?
So I couldn't see that there wasa problem when we got together
because what you were doingmatch what I was doing.
(08:16):
I had a different reason, whichwas, Hey, let's have fun.
And you're like, I want to numbeverything that's going on in my
life because this is an amazingfeeling for me.
Amorette (08:27):
yeah, exactly.
It was certainly the funquotients of, course.
But there were other, deeperlayers that I didn't even
realize at the time.
Teresa (08:38):
What do you think some of your lowest points were
during your addiction?
Amorette (08:44):
oh gosh, so many, I think most recently, just
dealing with the most recent,when I, was, Diagnosed with my
1st cancer.
I was actively using throughoutthat 1st diagnosis while I was
going through chemo while I wasgoing through radiation
Teresa (09:02):
Okay.
Amorette (09:14):
so shocking when you're, going through these
things that are really intenseand I didn't have the emotional
capacity to reach out to friendsand family.
I was always like, I got this,don't worry about me.
So it was a very lonely journeythat I chose to take.
I was actively using throughboth of my diagnosis.
The 2nd 1 and I had all thesurgeries and, had pain
(09:38):
medication.
Then I had a major back issueand that required 2 surgeries
I'd gotten so deep into thepainkillers, that essentially I
wouldn't even recognize myselfthinking back on that person,
but ultimately really losteverything, lost relationships,
(09:59):
lost any kind of, working thinghad a beautiful home in L.
A.
Had a beautiful home in PalmSprings.
I basically lost them both.
I, you know, foreclosed oranything like that.
Essentially just had to startcompletely over.
And moved back to Texas where Iswear I'd never go back.
(10:21):
And.
Teresa (10:22):
Where it all started,
Amorette (10:24):
started.
Gone was the elite status withinan industry that I'd worked so
hard to have gone were theexpensive and, sexy
embellishments in terms of homeand all of that stuff.
And I been stripped down tonothing, but I still had my
raging addiction.
(10:44):
And that was the, lowest points
Teresa (10:48):
You were wildly successful.
I remember you hit your strideand success long before I did,
and I was always so impressedand proud.
I didn't realize there was anaddiction problem I think the
second time we got together waswhen we were both going through
some really shitty divorces.
(11:10):
We were in San Francisco and Iremember this vividly.
We leaned into our dear buddy,
Amorette (11:17):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Teresa (11:20):
and saw those specifically.
And, again, we were doing thistogether and it seemed to me
that, Hey, we're going throughcrappy divorces.
It's really hard and this is ourway to cope and it's temporary
We went to a restaurant togetherin LA and we both had couple of
(11:42):
drinks but it wasn't till we gotin the car and you were driving
that I was Scared shitless cuz Iwas like, what the fuck?
How is she so
Amorette (11:52):
hmm.
Mm
Teresa (11:52):
up
Amorette (11:54):
hmm.
Teresa (11:55):
drank the same amount of booze And you're taller than I
am.
I just couldn't figure that oneout.
I might've said, you need toslow down.
You're scaring me.
For you it was Hey, this is allgood.
Nothing's going to happen.
Don't worry about it.
And it wasn't until we got backto your home that I realized,
there's something else going on.
(12:15):
I just couldn't figure it out.
Amorette (12:17):
yeah.
God, I'm so sorry for that.
I would imagine, I was in themiddle of the full on pill
addiction and you stack all thatstuff up and you're not even,
the person who you really areyou just described that
experience and I am certainthere's probably another hundred
(12:38):
just like it that, stack up overtime I knew there was a point
where, things had gone totallyoff the reservation knew I had a
problem, big problem.
How do you, get out of it?
The physical withdrawal fromthose drugs is, awful.
I'd been to rehab twice, it wasa combination of, alcohol and
(13:05):
benzodiazepines.
Xanax basically, had to bemedically taken off that cause
that'll kill you.
I had another stent in rehab andit was a similar thing.
There's a whole backstory ofwhat the hell happened with the
second rehab.
But, um, time, you know, I waslike, well, two things.
I couldn't afford to go to rehabI'd lost everything.
(13:26):
You know, how do I stop, thetaper theory that's not going to
happen for me.
So I went cold Turkey and it'sbeen almost five years now off
of opiates.
Teresa (13:37):
Okay.
Amorette (13:38):
In Texas, when I'd moved there I sealed myself up
and when I say the amount ofdrugs that I was taking was
astronomical, I mean, 500 pillsa month, plus, plus,
Teresa (13:52):
Wow.
Amorette (13:53):
It was, monster amounts and, spending every bit
of money that I had in gettingthose pills and all prescribed
so I had a massive tolerance anda massive addiction but got
through it and to say sickdoesn't even scratch the
surface, Um, but I also knew orthought, you know what, I've
Teresa (14:15):
Um,
Amorette (14:15):
to feel this pain and experience this because will
make it so horrific about thethought of ever going back and,
Teresa (14:24):
Right.
Bye.
Amorette (14:31):
but came out on the other side.
And it took me a long time torewire my brain.
I took a break from alcohol,about a
Teresa (14:40):
Is that
Amorette (14:53):
There's no version for me of one and done.
There's no version of casuallydrinking.
I've tried everything I'vetried.
Well, I'll have beer and wine,no hard alcohol or all the
tricks that we play for me,it's.
One drink becomes an absoluteobsession I stopped fooling
(15:15):
myself.
I've been sober now fromalcohol.
It's going on on 9 months.
I had 3 years of not drinking.
But I never.
Acknowledged, the depth of theproblem that I had, because I
always wanted to kind of givemyself a, you know, an exit a
backdoor exit,
Teresa (15:32):
Yeah,
Amorette (15:33):
you know, so, I never really went very public with it
because.
And going public with it, you'respeaking truth to it, and you've
got a different set ofaccountability.
Teresa (15:43):
Right
Amorette (15:43):
I don't participate in AA, meaning I don't go to
meetings and things.
It's not a, a knock on that, atall.
But I don't personally.
I do use a community app and aplatform that keeps me,
accountable to myself.
And then by talking about it andrevealing it, it adds a layer of
(16:05):
accountability because there'dbe no version of, let's go out
for a couple of beers, you know,because once you
Teresa (16:11):
Right
Amorette (16:12):
to be like, what the fuck are you doing?
Teresa (16:13):
When you went back to Texas and started this cleanup
did you have any support aroundyou, friends or family that were
cheering you on and helping youthrough those darker days of.
Or was this strictly you did itall on your own?
Amorette (16:33):
I did it on my own.
and when I moved.
Andy, who, you know, is mypartner.
Really went into her world andAnd it was a new, relationship.
We met first in 1992, so we'dknown one another, but not
really knew one another.
She knew what was happening.
(16:54):
She wasn't aware of the depthsof it.
She doesn't have an addictionproblem.
And she certainly hadn't beenaround a person at that stage of
her life who had a wild drugproblem.
So, I was ashamed,
Teresa (17:06):
Right.
Amorette (17:07):
I have a hard time asking for help anyway.
For me, it was the best path wasjust to, suffer through on my
own.
She would check on me and thingslike that.
But it was definitely a solojourney.
Teresa (17:22):
That's amazing that you had that turnaround, right?
Cause you had already triedrehab twice and the fact that
you went once and then went backagain and that didn't impact you
enough to make the change andyet you were able to do it on
your own is, is pretty amazing.
Amorette (17:44):
Yeah, something shifted inside of me and it
really,
Teresa (17:49):
Yeah.
Right.
Amorette (17:50):
do this or I'm going to die and going through
withdrawal it was kind of 50 50of which direction I want to go.
It was like an inner voice andinner strength and each day
would get better after a certainpoint I could, see what life may
(18:10):
be on the other side.
Once you're past a certainpoint, 24, 48, period of time
it's like, well, God, I'vereally been through hell now.
I can't start the clock over,you know, gone
Teresa (18:22):
Right.
Amorette (18:23):
So let's just keep going one foot in front of the
other,
Teresa (18:26):
What was it like?
The first 24 hours being offeverything, what did your body
go through?
Amorette (18:34):
It's like you've got an alien inside of your body
screaming it's the horrificscenes that we've seen in movies
is pretty much what it is.
It's physical, it's emotionalit's mental, and, really on top
of that, it's spiritual.
It's a very.
Dark and scary place.
Teresa (18:57):
I bet.
Amorette (18:58):
There's no relief, That's the thing you eventually
get there, I'd looked at doing,Suboxone programs and things
like that.
And I was like, okay, I knowmyself well enough, then I'm
going to be addicted toSuboxone.
And the reality is I don't wantto be on anything.
I don't want to be any med and Iwas on, percocet Oxycontin and
(19:18):
on top of that other things thatI'd been prescribed that I'd
just gone down this, crazy pathI really wanted to have a clean
break and, I went through thefire to get there.
Teresa (19:35):
When you lose everything you've worked so hard for, your
home in LA was absolutelygorgeous.
Amorette (19:43):
Yeah, looking back on, life I could have done things so
much differently.
But I think certain things hadto happen.
And I was a hard case, I guess,and so it wasn't like, you know,
punched in the gut.
It was like taking a jackhammerto my head was what was required
(20:06):
to get through to me.
Teresa (20:08):
Right.
Amorette (20:09):
much as I regret not.
Taking better care of the thingsI'd worked for and taking better
care of myself of myrelationships and such.
I'm forever grateful,, if that'swhat it took and apparently it
did, then that's what it took.
And it's part of my journey.
I have to think so much, egoand, things like that.
(20:31):
But if, use in the wrong way,or, could be a dark force.
And for me, it was.
So I guess the abject humilityof, no longer having kind of
access I had to money and power,because they were just were just
gone.
So it's like, holy shit.
Now, what do I do?
(20:52):
But the first thing I, I knewthat I had to do was have at
least be clear minded to startsetting a path forward of
rebuilding.
So it's like just being
Teresa (21:04):
Yeah,
Amorette (21:04):
stripped down.
Teresa (21:06):
We're strong people in general, you and I are both the
type of person, and I've talkedabout this on other podcasts
where it can be tough to ask forhelp.
That in itself is admittance of,I don't have what it takes to
get through this on my own.
I need help.
And that's really hard for us.
We didn't have people steppingin and controlling what we did
(21:30):
or what we didn't do and we hadto make decisions on our own, at
a very young age.
Amorette (21:37):
yeah.
Teresa (21:38):
I know how to get through it.
Nobody's been here to help me.
I can do this on my own.
I don't need you.
Thank you very much.
The reality is it sure is nicewhen we've learned that lesson
and have reached out for helpand it makes such a huge
difference when you have asupport system.
So given.
(21:59):
Where you were when you madethis courageous decision to
change your life to where youare now, what's different,
Amorette (22:11):
I think the most radical change is that I've
gotten to know, who I am.
We talked a little bit about,using.
Whatever substance to get out ofyourself and to escape and to,
almost creating a fantasy worldand identifying is that certain
(22:32):
person who really wasn't, thereal me,
Teresa (22:35):
right?
Amorette (22:36):
It was like, I was play acting or something,
Teresa (22:39):
You were in your own movie,
Amorette (22:40):
exactly.
I was in my own movie.
And part of that, as you know,my mom died in December of 23.
And, so much of, a person, and Iknow your mom has passed, for me
Teresa (22:52):
right?
Amorette (22:53):
dad's gone too, and I know your dad's gone.
I think when, when you lose yourparents and I know when I lost
my mom, I felt incredible griefand my mom and I had
Teresa (23:05):
Yeah.
Amorette (23:06):
tight.
We, we were kind of it wasalmost like a trauma bond from
the time I was born.
Teresa (23:12):
Hmm.
Amorette (23:13):
and when she passed, it was incredibly sad and in
grief and all of those things,but there was also a sense of
relief.
And when I say that, I don'tmean a relief that she was gone
or there wasn't theresponsibility.
It's that part of my identity orwhat I come to identify myself
as.
(23:33):
And some of it was real heavystuff that I identified with,
Teresa (23:38):
Silence.
Silence.
Amorette (23:53):
of our family dynamic or the black sheep of, or the
one who took care of mom or theone who I.
the secrets or of that stuffthat was had been part of my
birthright I also had somereally positive stuff too.
So I don't want to imply that itwas, so horrific, but some of
those negative things that hadbeen part of my identity that I
(24:16):
was carrying, no longer existedand.
It was a real growth.
We had her memorial in Houstonin February of 24 and I.
Got sober from alcohol well,from everything, but from
alcohol in June of 24.
(24:36):
It happened really quickly aftermy mom's passing.
Teresa (24:40):
Silence.
Okay.
You Yeah, you went through posttraumatic growth,
Amorette (25:12):
Yeah,
Teresa (25:14):
you had Andy, she was new in your life.
Did you to talk about Yourexperiences, your emotions,
everything that you are goingthrough,
Amorette (25:25):
Yes.
I'm able to share and that kindof thing.
But with her, what wasdifferent, is that she gave a
good example, and led by exampleand the way that she leads her
life, wildly honest.
You know, honest with herselfand honest outwardly.
And, for me, I don't really haveto pretend it doesn't have to be
(25:48):
this huge drama.
But I also don't have to pretendand, carry mask everything's
okay, or the mask everything'sso dark because, it was a blend
for me, really helpful, andcontinues to be,, he's a strong
person, personality who, callsme on my stuff, which I need,
Teresa (26:12):
She's a role model, she gives you a lot of nutrients, to
your spirit and soul to helpyou.
Grow as a person Now you've metsomebody who's shown you that
The decision you made to cleanup was the right choice, but
look at the life you can livewithout that stuff and thrive,
(26:35):
right?
You don't have to hide behindthe drugs and the alcohol to get
through life.
You can actually spend some timetalking to somebody and that in
itself can be very therapeutic.
Or maybe there's other thingsthat you've discovered to help
you in those moments of, ah,shit, today doesn't feel like a
(26:55):
great day.
How am I going to cope with it?
Amorette (26:59):
yeah, some of the things I've done, are not
retreating and isolating, whichI was a big one for me.
And so being present, beingsuper, try to be super mindful
of being in the present, notliving in the past, not getting
so caught up in the future.
(27:21):
And that feels very grounding tome.
the place that we live, I mean,in Taos is its own, centered,
energetic, healing place.
Teresa (27:33):
It's like a retreat, especially from LA, right?
Amorette (27:37):
Exactly.
And thank God.
I mean, it's so incredible to behere.
Things turned around on my workfronts, so fast from really the
moment I, put down in June.
I would say within, months, it'sdone a 180 and so it was
Teresa (27:58):
Okay.
Amorette (28:24):
projects or, on the consulting side or what have
you, being really present ineach 1 of those.
And that.
Teresa (28:32):
Bye bye.
Amorette (28:36):
to be fully immersed in that and I have to be busy.
I just do and I have to becreative.
Escaping and numbing yourself isthe worst possible way that I
should, my, my existence shouldbe because if I'm numb.
Teresa (28:53):
Transcripts are available
Amorette (28:53):
not, proactive and working in something.
It's just way too much time.
That my mind, even though I sayI'm numb, it's not really, it's
still operating, in a, unhealthyway, a million.
miles an hour.
Teresa (29:10):
Are you able to be around, people, friends, family
at dinners or social eventswhere there's alcohol being
served?
Amorette (29:21):
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Andy drinks, she has a
Teresa (29:24):
Okay.
Amorette (29:25):
wine at night So there's wine in the house.
That's not a trigger for me somuch a triggers for me are
emotional states I say, probablymy biggest trigger is anger.
Anger is a difficult emotion forme that I wanted to escape from
(29:46):
but what's so interesting aboutthis process is that it is a
little bit chicken in the eggbecause when I'm not using I'm
far less angry, you know, it's.
Deal and so now if a situationcomes up and I'm just extremely
bothered, it doesn't have thesame level of intensity.
That it, had, while I was using,
Teresa (30:09):
And is that because you have a new way of coping?
You said Andy's verytransparent.
She's very honest.
Do you feel like you've adoptedthat as well and that's how you
get through moments of anger,
Amorette (30:27):
I've learned to number 1, things don't escalate as
quickly.
And when I say it escalate, Imean, an internal escalation.
I have adopted a better senseof.
stepping away.
The self kind of the self tape.
Is this really such a big deal?
I would say it's irritating andit doesn't have to be this all
(30:52):
consuming thing.
I think taking whatever it is,uh, break or a walk or I mean,
some of these really fundamentalthings that we do know, count to
10 works great.
Redirect, step away and let meput it in perspective.
And I think what I've realized,I can be very hypersensitive and
(31:14):
feel, impact.
And it's like, okay, wait asecond.
I think you're tripping.
I think that's really in yourhead.
This is not something, I kind ofgot that ability to be like, why
is this bothering me so much orwhat have you?
I think it's a combination ofbeing aware and like, Oh God,
this is just a, me thing.
Teresa (31:34):
Knowing yourself really well to a point where I now know
what this is.
I need to take a break.
And see this through, whateverthat trigger or moment is,
there's times where I might getabsolutely stressed out about
(31:55):
something and it's like, Oh, ifI just have a drink, I'll feel
better.
Maybe you just step away.
Maybe you lay down on the floorand put some calm.
meditation music on.
And it could be one minute ofthat.
And all of a sudden you're in avery different state and you're
like, holy shit, how come Inever did this before?
(32:15):
This works like magic.
Amorette (32:17):
now.
Yeah It's true.
It could just be two minutes andit's like, oh, I have a totally
different perspective instead ofjust laying into that one and
then just complicating it.
It's like I was complicating somany things and I think part of
it would be, a bit of an excuse,you know?
So it's like, well, thishappens.
So this gives me permission toThose skills, which I'm honing
(32:39):
and probably will be until theday I leave this planet.
Getting to know who I am.
And, also, trusting that person,is important.
Teresa (32:50):
Right.
Amorette (32:51):
of honoring that person, and trusting that
person.
and as I get to know, myselfbetter, yes.
Teresa (33:01):
A lot's changed in your life, from when you were young.
Life can be hard at times, butwe get to create the enjoyment
around us
Amorette (33:11):
absolutely.
And hang on to every piece ofjoy that we have, it's like
gold, And being really gratefulfor those moments and trying to
stay in gratitude.
I was never really an entitledperson.
I don't think I'm sure therewere aspects.
Everything had to be torn downfor me.
I was a difficult case, I guess,so everything's tripped away.
(33:35):
It's amazing how grateful youare for small victories and
other things that are perceivedsmall, but are in fact, really
big deals.
And so it's just a differentexistence.
Teresa (33:47):
But as complicated of his case that you felt you were.
Your story is so unique in termsof being able to do this alone,
making the decision to turn itaround because you realize that
wasn't serving you.
Not everybody makes it throughthe way that you did.
(34:08):
It's really tremendous you wereable to do that and you're on
the other side.
Amorette (34:15):
Yeah,
Teresa (34:16):
It's really commendable.
I've never heard a story wheresomeone can do this on their
own.
You really were ready to make achange and the universe was
there to support you and helpyou get through it,
Amorette (34:30):
absolutely.
It was just driven internally.
I had to do it.
I really didn't have a choice.
I mean, it was either do it ordie.
Really?
Teresa (34:39):
You didn't want to die.
That was a big reason for you tosay I'm not ready to go yet.
I need to change this
Amorette (34:47):
Yes.
Teresa (34:48):
I'm, very proud of you friend
Amorette (34:50):
thank you.
Teresa (34:51):
You've really gone through something very tough.
You and I've gone throughcancer, we've gone through
divorces.
But I got to believe for youthis trumped everything
Amorette (35:03):
for sure, it was the most difficult, of any of it,
Teresa (35:08):
Yeah.
Mm hmm.
Amorette (35:10):
stuff, you know, so it was, without dealing with that,
there was no getting a life.
There was no, version of,remaining active and addiction
in any of its forms, whether itwas, opiates or, alcohol, there
was just no, way, to fullyparticipate in life and create
Teresa (35:33):
Right.
Amorette (35:35):
You know, thriving life,
Teresa (35:38):
Yep.
As we wrap up to anybodylistening who knows somebody,
maybe they're, going throughthis themselves what advice
would you give them?
Amorette (35:51):
There is a path forward.
There is recovery.
But you do have to be an activeparticipant in that.
However, you choose to, ifyou're questioning whether I'll
just say from from the personwho perhaps may be suffering
from addiction, if you'realready questioning that
something's up, something's up,you know, I mean,
Teresa (36:13):
Right.
Amorette (36:14):
like something's up they say, getting the denial
piece of it is in the acceptanceof that you have a problem is
the 1st step.
It is the 1st step.
It's the absolute 1st step.
And then.
I think then making activechoices and whether that active
choice is, you know, reachingout to someone, going to a
(36:36):
meeting, with therapist, I mean,whatever form, I think it's not
one size fits all, or whatevercombination of things, that can
help you, get out of it that thebottom line is my experience,
there's there's no way of kindof using or kind of being in or
1 foot out 1 foot in.
(36:57):
If you're struggling from a trueaddiction, there are no half
measures, it
Teresa (37:04):
Right.
Amorette (37:04):
work that way.
I think much of it is coming toterms with that and and.
Teresa (37:10):
Mm hmm.
Amorette (37:12):
there's just such an incredible difference I think
that, overcoming and having ahealthy, respect for an
addiction that you've come outof, there is a sense of, beating
something of, successfullymoving through, a negative.
Aspect of a person's life.
Teresa (37:32):
You're the perfect model for that.
I'm incredibly proud of you forrecognizing what was going on
with yourself, taking action tomake that change and more than
anything.
Sharing that story here foreverybody to listen to because
you don't.
(37:54):
Get exposed to these storieswhere someone has conquered this
on their own.
Amorette (38:00):
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And, for, someone who may have afriend or a loved one or
whatever, who's struggling, Ithink
Teresa (38:09):
Um,
Amorette (38:13):
I, it's, I know difficult cause it's like, we're
kind of trained to be polite andthat kind of thing.
Or fear of losing the friendshipor offending someone or
whatever.
I think honesty, is absolutelythe best way, whether it's, Hey,
what's going on?
Because I've noticed this.
What's happening?
I'm here to talk.
How can I help you even if it'spushed away?
(38:37):
But it does, in my opinion,resonate in that person's mind
it's not about shaming.
It's about an acknowledgementbecause, you know, trying to
hide and shuffle things aroundor pretend like something's not
happening when it's like, okay,oh, my, the house is burning
down.
Like, hello, you know, I think.
(38:57):
helps crack that door.
I think is helpful.
And, what it also does is itpreserves the sanctity of the
other person, not the addicts,but the other person, because
you're not saying I'm buyinginto your make believe lands.
So it puts up some boundaries,and I think that's a necessity.
Teresa (39:19):
I've enjoyed everything that you've shared.
I've learned a lot from theconversation that we've had.
I'm sure many people listeninghave also, I appreciate the
honesty.
The courage to even come forwardand share this and I know it'll
make a change for somebody.
Amorette (39:34):
I hope there's, a positive impact, it's healthy
for me too.
It's speaking into something andrevealing.
Also, it's helpful in both ways.
Amarette's story is trulyheroic.
It's remarkable how she bravelydecided to make this change in
(39:58):
her life and for her ability toovercome such a profound
addiction what really struck mewas her emphasis on the
importance of taking activesteps towards recovery.
She highlighted that there's nosingle magic.
Bullet.
It's about making choices,reaching out to a friend, a
(40:20):
support group, a therapist, orit could be a combination of
these approaches depending onwhat works best for the
individual that's trying toovercome this addiction.
As she wisely pointed out,recovery is a personalized
journey and it's up to us Tomake those choices.
(40:45):
Thanks for tuning in until nexttime.
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