Ep.72: The Power of Being Difficult: How to Reclaim Your Boundaries and Your Voice with Tonya Lester
We are beyond excited to welcome the brilliant Tonya Lester to the couch this week! As a psychotherapist, writer, and author of the new book Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself, Tonya joins us for a raw and resonant conversation about how women lose their voices in relationships, how to reclaim them, and why it’s never too late to start showing up fully for yourself.
We dig into some of the most pressing issues we see with women in midlife—emotional labor, resentment, perfectionism, and the dreaded “burned out pursuer” dynamic. Tonya shares powerful truths about why many marriages break down long before anyone leaves, what holds women back from setting boundaries, and how we can all take emotional risks to wake up to the lives we want. This is an honest, compassionate, and deeply validating episode that will leave you feeling seen, fired up, and ready to push back in all the right ways.
Episode Highlights:
[0:26] – Welcoming Tonya Lester and her powerful new book
[2:04] – From acting to therapy: Tonya’s journey into couples work
[4:28] – The repeated story of women hitting their breaking point
[7:47] – What pushback really looks like in relationships
[10:04] – Burned out pursuers: when women have nothing left to give
[13:50] – Why powerful women lose their voice in marriage
[15:34] – The “bad deal” many women are stuck in
[16:03] – Are women outgrowing men?
[17:24] – The invisible labor of “man keeping”
[18:49] – How women are penalized for assertiveness at work
[22:55] – Perfectionism: it’s not about excellence, it’s about anxiety
[27:29] – Visibility, risk-taking, and the fear of not being good enough
[30:23] – Reclaiming your life force after years of disconnection
[31:58] – Weather vane emotions: resentment, jealousy, anger
[35:52] – The long, slow process of waking up to your needs
[38:36] – What if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for?
[40:58] – Modeling empowered living for the next generation
[42:05] – Tonya’s biggest hope for readers of Push Back
Links and Resources:
- Tonya Lester’s website: https://www.tonyalester.com/
- Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself — Available on Amazon, Bookshop, and Barnes & Noble
- Psychology Today Blog: Staying Sane Inside Insanity
- Follow Tonya on Instagram: @tonyalesterpsychotherapy
If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life ful
Pre-order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launches February 3rd. Secure your copy today and get VIP bonuses available only before launch day. https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book
🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you!
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