Michelle Bong "The Power of Resilience in Overcoming Adversities"

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I'm Makini Smith. After going through a divorce, my
sister passing away, experiencing narcissistic abuse and some significant
health scares, I realized through sharing my story that
I wasn't alone in my suffering. Suffering, subjective distress
generated by the experience of being out of balance,
in a deep dive to holistically heal mind, body

(00:21):
and soul is where I discovered peace, clarity and
connection. It is impossible to be truly wise without
some real life hardship and we cannot develop post
traumatic wisdom without making it through and most importantly,
through it together. Social connection builds resilience and resilience

(00:43):
helps create post traumatic wisdom. And that wisdom leads
to hope. Hope for you and others, witnessing and
participating in your healing and hope for your community.
A healthy community is a healing community and a
healing community is full of hope because it has
seen its own people weather, survive and thrive. Have

(01:22):
you ever faced struggles that made you question your
strength? In my first book, A Walk in My
Stilettos, how to get through the struggle with Grace,
I share my personal journey through adversity, teen motherhood,
divorce and loss, showing you how to navigate life's
toughest seasons with grace. This book isn't just my
story, it's my roadmap to resilience. Grab your copy

(01:46):
today and start walking in your own power. Available
on amaz or@mckinneysmith.com Today's guest is Michelle Bong. She's
a trailblazer in the lash and brow beauty industry,
redefining beauty as a vital form of self care.

(02:08):
Starting her career in dental assisting, she made a
bold transition Into Beauty in 2011, driven by a
passion for accessibility, self expression and confidence. As the
founder of the Lash Artisan Group, Michelle has spent
over a decade building a thriving beauty empire in

(02:29):
Toronto dedicated to elevating industry standards. Her innovative spirit
led to the creation of Elevate Brows, a revolutionary
at home brow solution that delivers effortless salon quality
results. Michelle's expertise and vision earned her a spot
on Dragon's Den season 19, propelling Elevate Brow into

(02:54):
188 Walmart locations across Canada and making professional beauty
more accessible than ever. Please welcome to the show,
Michelle Bong.
Thank you so much for having me today. I'm
so excited to start an amazing conversation with you.
I'm looking forward to jumping right in. Like I

(03:15):
feel like even before we hit record and we
started talking, I feel like I was talking to
someone I've already known for a while. You're so
easy to talk to and I think because I
already related to your story based on what I
had Heard from the event that you were speaking
at that I was attending, I know that the
listeners are going to get so much gems, and
I think they should make sure they have a

(03:35):
notepad ready, so if they need to pause and
go and get one, go and do so.
Or they might be just, like, in awe. Like,
how did she go through that much trauma and
made it out on the other?
It could go either way. But, you know, it's
funny, when you just said that, it reminded me.
So my. My mentor, Bob Proctor, he passed away,

(03:59):
but his wife Linda had wrote the foreword for
my first book. So when she read my story,
and she was like, how does a person your
age experience this much trauma in your short amount
of time of life and still, like, you're. You're
positive. You're like, how.
Yeah, so 100% I can relate to you.
Yeah.
And that's funny you mentioned Bob Proctor, because when

(04:20):
I first did a lot of self realization and
work on myself, I watched the Secret, and that
was like, his first big thing. And I just
remember being like, oh, okay, you can manifest a
lot of things and it can happen, but, like,
how do you do that? Right? So, yeah, no,
like, there's a lot of self work and self

(04:43):
sort of motivation involved when you're in the moment
of realizing at the moment in time that yet
you feel like you're alone in the situation and
that there's no resources to help you because you
just didn't know any better. Right. So, yeah, so
when you mentioned that, I was like, yeah, I
love that. That's how we all kind of. That's
how we all survive. Was because of Bob Proctor,

(05:05):
maybe.
Yeah. Yeah, I was. I was actually going through
my divor. A friend of mine forced me to
watch the documentary the Secret. I wasn't. I'm gonna
say I wasn't mentally ready for it, so I
kind of watched it, but I wasn't really absorbing
the information. And then, you know, I. I kept
doing vision boards and things like that. And then
later down the line, an opportunity, you know, arose

(05:27):
for me to meet Bob in person. And I
told the story in the podcast too many times,
so I'm just gonna skip over it. But when
I went to meet him in person, I didn't
even think it was, like, a legit experience. And
at that meeting, I ended up meeting his wife,
Linda. We stayed connected. We started doing, like, coffee
dates, and, you know, she welcomed me into their
home. And I met his. His daughter Colleen. She

(05:50):
was the one who got me into public speaking
and Then his son Brian. I actually had him
on the podcast probably within the last five to
10 episodes. But that whole family just. Oh, my
gosh, amazing. They changed my entire life.
But then there you just said it, right? Like,
imagine having a parent that could guide you through

(06:10):
life, right? Like, just that alone, right? And that's
why they're successful and just not even, like, let's
say career, but, like, who they are, who they
want to be, who they can in terms of
resonate for others around them. And I think that
that's where we lacked. Right? And I think that's
just cultural challenges that, you know, whether it is

(06:33):
in an Asian household. But there's a lot of
things that we lacked, and I think that that's
what makes it different. Growing up, seeing, you know,
when we immigrated to Canada, and then you saw
different families and. And I remember watching, like, Family
Matters or, you know, Full House, and you're like,
I want that family. Right? Like, my fairy tale

(06:55):
wasn't about, like, this prince coming to save me
on, you know, with his, like, suit and armor
right. On a horse. It was like, I want
that love. I want that family. Like, how do
I get that? And I think that was. I
think also in the moment in time, you are
ignorant to a lot of things, and ignorant is

(07:16):
bliss, I guess, because then you just kind of
live through life being like, oh, I'm happy. You
know, like. Right. Like, even with, like, racism, like,
I realize now that I faced a lot of
that, and I. And at the moment in time,
like, my parents didn't talk about that, nor did
I understand that it was racist to me. And

(07:36):
I just felt like, oh, whatever, they're just not
good people. Right? And I just kind of went
through life, but then, you know, understanding things, like,
I think the hard part of growing up is
then realizing that, like, a lot of the things
that were decisions made in the moment in time
was just the resources that you had to survive.

(07:59):
And. And then when you realize when you meet
different people, like Bob Proctor, that, holy crap, like,
I did it out of survival mode and not
necessarily, like, a tactic.
Yeah, right.
That I was given. It was just like, how
do I just survive? Because I want to prove
people wrong.
Yes. Yeah, girl, you. You're preaching to the fire.

(08:22):
Oh, my goodness. I feel like I'm going to
be jumping everywhere in this because I'm just like,
well, remember that time and this time. That time.
Oh, my goodness, I. I feel like.
There'S so much that we can talk about, and
we'll probably even Maybe one day have to do,
like, a. A part two, But I guess let's,
like, even start there, because you said when you

(08:43):
immigrated to Canada, so you're. I feel like even
when someone is, like, firstborn Canadian, they have challenges
because of the expectations that their family has on
them. So I guess in terms of when you
came to Canada and had to experience the differences
in culture, the differences in how you were treated,

(09:05):
how do you think that's affected who you are
today?
I think, again, I was so ignorant to it,
right? Because it was just the fact that, you
know, we were immigrating to a new country, and
as per my parents, it was for better opportunities.
And it's definitely, like, a huge sacrifice, right, for
them, you know, and the thing is, when you

(09:26):
look at them at that time, they're just like
your parents. They're old. And then now thinking back,
I'm like, they were in their mid-30s, like, making
this move, right? And you're just like, wow. Like,
and my dad was 40 at the time, so
it's like, wow, you did that? Like, I don't
know if I could do that at 40. Going
to a whole new country and starting all over,

(09:46):
right? I mean, it might be easier now to
do that because we just have so many options.
But back then, definitely not. So, you know, making
that sacrifice to give your kids a better life
and education was huge. And so as children, you're
just like, yay. You know, I get to go
somewhere new and live this whole new life. And
I think in the moment, you just kind of

(10:08):
go through it. And again, I was so oblivious
to everything because I didn't grow up and grow
up in a household where my parents explained everything
to me, right? Like, everything was just like, nope,
don't do that. Do this. Right? So you didn't
know any difference in terms of life situations that
you go through, whether you're between 10 and 18?

(10:30):
Because it just never was talked about. And a
lot of it then was just learned from school
and TV shows, right? And what you heard at
school, and that was it. And so then, really,
you just trusted anybody around you, right? Because you
just. In the moment in time, it was like,
everybody's nice, right? Everybody's gonna help you out because
you didn't know any better. So I think that,

(10:53):
you know, looking back, like, there are so many
things that happened, and you're just like, holy. I'm,
you know, my sister and I joke. We're like,
I don't know how we're successful individuals now. Like,
why are we not on the street, you know,
homeless. Like, remember that time we went to Mexico
and you just got in the car with some
random Mexican, took you around the island, and I'm

(11:13):
like, yeah, see you later. Have a good time.
And then I'm like, oh, my gosh. Now, thinking
back, like, that was so dangerous and nothing happened.
But, yeah, you know, again, ignorance is bliss. And
so I think that's why they were childhood memories.
And now a lot of it is childhood traumas,

(11:34):
which is a lot of the things where, you
know, maybe now I understand what midlife crisis is
because I'm trying to work through those traumas, and
I'm like, oh, my goodness. Like, that affected me,
and this is why I am the way I
am today. So, yeah, there's still a lot of
figuring out.
Completely, completely understand. I actually just had therapy this

(11:58):
morning, and it's like, working through and trying to
understand, okay, the things that happen as a. The
memories or the experiences that we had, especially if
we didn't have the parents that we needed growing
up, how they affect our adult life today, how
those. How those, I guess, traumas and childhood wounds

(12:19):
have now become our trauma responses, our everyday actions,
thoughts, feelings. Right? So at. At the event that
we both met at, you were speaking and you
were talking about, as a teen, an experience that
you had when you moved to Canada. And I
totally could relate because I, too, was a teen

(12:40):
mom. And I know that society wasn't very nice
to me at the time, so I would love
if you could share that story with the listeners.
Yeah, so I got pregnant at 14, gave birth
to my daughter literally a month after my 15th
birthday. So when I found out I was pregnant,
I was eight months pregnant. Let's just say I

(13:02):
had no idea how it even worked. I trusted
a, you know, a high school boy that was
three years older than me. And again, it's that
trust system, right? Because you're just like, okay, this
is what it means. And when he told me
everything, it was like, this is what you're supposed
to do for love, right? Because growing up in
an Asian household, it's very much like, okay, you

(13:24):
stay together. You don't break up. And as a
woman, you do everything for the male, right? And
so parents never talked to me about sex. And
so I trusted this guy. And I actually didn't
even know that I did anything bad when it.
You know, in a way that when it happened,
and I was literally the same weight as I

(13:47):
am now in terms of, like, carrying a child,
I couldn't even Tell I was pregnant. I was
playing volleyball, basketball until one evening I was sitting
in bed and my stomach was moving and I
was like, what is happening? And I was also
not getting my period on a regular basis. So
I was getting it like every three months, every
four months. So it was never regular. So it

(14:08):
wasn't like, oh, Michelle, you missed your period. Like,
how did you not know? And so right away
when that happened, I went to a walk in
clinic, still with the guy at the time we
went in and he was just like, you're eight
months pregnant. And the first thing I said was,
I just remember it was like a really sterile
room. You know how walking clinics are. But it

(14:31):
was just like very cold, sterile, like yellow dim
lighting. And I sat on the bed and he's
like, you're eight months pregnant. And I was like,
I don't want it because my parents are going
to get mad, like, my dad's going to kill.
And I just kicked into survival mode where I
was like, I need to get rid of this.
Like, I can't have it because my parents even

(14:53):
know I had a boyfriend. Right. Like, so, So
I was like, how? Like, what, what is gonna
happen? Like, I can laugh about it now, but
yet, like, as I'm describing this, it is so
vivid in my memory. And back then there were
walk in clinics for like, I guess it's called
youth clinics. I don't know if there's anything like
that now. So we went into a walk in.

(15:14):
Sorry, a youth clinic. And I guess in the
90s, you know, like, teen mom is such a
big thing back then, right? Like, it was such
a status of like teen moms. Like, you're bad,
you know, and you're.
In the promiscuous, you're this, you're that.
Yeah. And so I walked in being like, I

(15:35):
can't keep this baby. Like, we need to find
a way to give this baby away. And so
that was probably my saving grace in terms of
like, I had somebody that I could go and
talk to because who was I going to talk
to? I couldn't go to my mom. And I,
I feel like growing up too, I didn't have
the best relationship with my mom. And then my
dad, like, who talks to an Asian dad? Like,

(15:57):
you just, you know, he's the guy that goes
to work and comes home and pays the bills
and, and like, you know, you just avoid.
And so when I went in there, I kind
of gave the down low of like, my parents
don't, you know, they don't even know, I have
a boyfriend, I'm now eight months pregnant. I can't
keep this baby. Like, I need to get rid
of it. So they actually went through this whole

(16:17):
like sort of plan of like, okay, we can
find people to adopt your child.
You can have the baby and then like you
can give it away. And then I guess there's
rules back then where like grandparents have rights too.
So you can't give away your child without your
parents having permission first, I guess, or, or having
rights. So I was like, oh my God, like

(16:38):
that can't happen. We even sourced out the fact
that like I was going to lie to, you
know, lie about me going on this field trip
to the school so I could be away for,
for two days to have this baby. And then,
but then I was also going to lie to
my parents that I was on this field trip
with the school for two nights.
And so it was really in depth. And I
don't know if the guidance counselor was just kind

(16:59):
of like going along with me. And then, so
she just like comforted me and, and just like
always, you know, was really like in agreeance with
me. But again, I don't know if there was
like a bigger plan in her head to, to
like obviously let my parents know.
So then I have found an OB that could
take me in as well. And it was like

(17:20):
a thing that I just went to see every
week just to make sure I was okay because
I hadn't gotten check up like a checkup done
for months, right? And I guess two weeks later
into that pregnancy, I was sitting at home and
I was wearing this like oversized pajamas because I
had.
And the weird part was like I had always
worn oversized T shirts and pajamas, which also led

(17:43):
to a whole different story because my parents always
bought us clothes. Being like, you're going to grow
into it, right? So I was always wearing medium
large, right? Like my shoe size was always an
8 and I'm actually a 7. And I only
really found that out like maybe a few years
ago, like, you don't need to buy size live
anymore, right? That's a whole other trauma. And so

(18:04):
I just remember sitting beside my mom and she's
like, she kind of pokes at me and she
was like, oh, like, like are like how come
your belly so bloated, right? And I was like,
oh, nothing.
And I kind of just like, oh, I gotta
go to bed now. And I just ran off.
And then the next day she came home from
buying groceries and as I was walking down steps

(18:25):
and I was still in my pajamas. Like, you
know, like the dress pajamas. And she was coming
through the garage door, and she sees me walking
down the stairs, and she's like, michelle, lift up
your pajama dress right now. And in that moment,
I was. I was like. Like, I don't know.
I. Like, I didn't know what to do. I
ran to the bathroom and I. And I closed

(18:46):
the door. And she's like, open the door right
now and. And lift up your pajama dress. And
I did. And immediately she was just, like, bawling.
And she's like, oh, my God, I'm gonna get.
Just again. It's so vivid in my mind. And
she's like, did you get raped? Right? Like, because
they didn't know that I had a boyfriend. They

(19:06):
didn't know, obviously I was pregnant. So in her
head, she went straight to like, did you get
raped? Like, so then it became this thing where
we had to, you know, obviously I had to
tell her the story. I've been going to a
guidance counselor, and we went to the youth clinic,
and everything was kind of, like, out in the
open now. So, you know, when everything got put

(19:30):
out into the open, it was like, okay, like,
we're gonna help you, you know, like, obviously, we're
not gonna give away the baby. The. The dad
side of the family was supportive as well. And
it was like, we'll do whatever it takes.
Like, you gotta finish high school. You have to,
you know, take care of yourself, and then we're
going to help you raise the bait. That was

(19:51):
the story sort of, like, given in perspective with
the fact that there is, like, you know, the
doctor involved, the guidance counselor involved at home. It
was a situation. It was like, how could you
do this? How did you. Why would you do
this to us? We told you, you know, like,
you should be focusing on your school, your career.
And it was like, now what are you going
to do with your life? Now you're a waste.

(20:12):
Now. You're worthless. Now you're going to be a
nobody. Like, you know. And so it became a
really volatile relationship between my mom, actually, and myself
versus my dad, who I was.
I was most terrified of my dad, right? Because
he was strict Asian man who never said much.
But yet in that moment in trauma, I was

(20:35):
like, wow, you actually are the more caring one.
It's weird. It's weird how that person then becomes
like, okay, don't worry. We'll figure it out. Like,
you know, I remember him. Him being like, just
don't do it again, you know, And I was
like, whoa. And yet you were the one that
would clear your throat, and I would panic in
a moment being like, oh, my goodness, I better
start behaving right now.

(20:56):
And you're more gently gentle parenting person that I.
I could probably come and talk to about this
or I could have, right? And where my mom
was just, like, it was just the start of
our really rough relationship. And I think in that
moment in time, I just shifted to, like, wow,
like, I really only have myself to depend on.

(21:19):
Like, I have to make choices to prove them
wrong, right? Like, you're at the furthest point of
where you want to be, not knowingly. And so,
like, how are you going to get out of
it? And it was just like, survival mode. And
these are all the things I have to do,
which was, you know, have this baby still finish
school.
School and figure it out then. Right? And with
all the things that they had said, it was

(21:40):
like, okay, well, I'm going to prove you wrong.
Right? Like, I. I guess I was driven by.
Or maybe you're just built in with that. Right?
I think you know who you are as a
person, and you're built in to say, like, do
I prove you wrong or do I just go
into that mode of, like, I guess you're right.
You know, I'm just going to be a nobody.
And like, yeah, I screwed up. I screwed up

(22:02):
and that's it. Right? So I think that when
I pivoted my mindset immediately, not knowingly, it. It
changed everything right into who I am today. Yeah.
Wow.
I've. I have goosebumps as you're even telling your
story. Like, I'm trying not to get emotional. So

(22:23):
I know, I know the listeners are definitely going
to feel this one, especially any of the listeners
who are. Have also been teen moms, because the
initial reaction is never. Or I have never heard
of the initial reaction being one of immediately, like,
supporting. It's always shame and guilt. It's always, you
know, you've done something horrible. You've ruined the rest

(22:45):
of your life. So I can completely, completely relate.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's definitely. It's funny how much
I've grown as a person, and yet those words
are still so ingrained in me. Right? So. And
it's funny, as I've built my businesses and. And

(23:06):
sort of, like, built the family that I want
and knowingly know what I want to build as
a person in terms of, like, wealth or the
network and the people that I surround myself with,
I still constantly think, like, like, when is it
ever enough? Like, am I doing it for the

(23:27):
fact that, like, I'm still trying to prove my
worth? Because I've had situations where people are like,
okay, so when are you done? Like, what? Like.
Or why are you never celebrating what you've created?
Right? And I was just like, yeah, like, I
did it. Okay, what's next? Right? And so I'm
like, am I doing it because I. I'm just
such a goal orientated person or is it because

(23:49):
I'm still trying to prove my worth? And until
somebody says, which is maybe my parents, like, good
job. I am proud of you. I love you.
Like, I've never heard I love you from my
parents.
Wow.
And they've never hugged me, which is, you know,
again, normalized as going through childhood being like, okay,

(24:09):
I guess this is just not a thing. And
then you're just like, oh, wait, no, it is
a thing. It's just, you know, you grew up
just knowing that that wasn't a thing for you.
So you think it's normal. Right. But then you
realize, no, that's not normal. But it's also too
late to change the way that you are. Right.
But I think that that's where my struggle is

(24:31):
being like, okay, when is it ever enough? Am
I doing it for me? Or is it just
like, because I've been conditioned that I've been doing
it since I was 15?
Yeah. Wow, that's a big aha moment. And again,
I can completely relate where it's probably only been
the last, where I stopped chasing all the accolades,

(24:53):
waiting for the, you're, you know, you're doing a
great job or I'm proud of you. Interesting enough,
I think it was probably, maybe at the beginning
of the pandemic was the first time I had
heard my mom say, I'm proud of you. And
I don't even think it was directly related to
me. It was a podcast episode that I had

(25:15):
done with a woman that she loved the conversation.
Right. But I thought to myself, I waited 40
years to hear this and I'm like, oh, wow,
okay. I was chasing all these accolades to hear
I'm proud of you. Because, you know, as a
teen mom, you hear all the other things. And
it was, you know, chasing the awards and chasing

(25:38):
the. All of these, I guess, what do you
call them? It's like levels of success.
Yeah.
Realizing, okay, well, onto the next thing. Onto the
next thing. And like you not celebrating the small
wins because you're like, okay, well, it's. I just
gotta move on to the next thing. And about
five years ago, I went through a severely traumatizing

(26:00):
experience. And I thought, what is actually really important
to me? And the question that you ask yourself
of, like, am I chasing these things because I'm
trying to get the validation from the parents that
didn't give it to me, or is this something
that I truly want? And that's when I took
a step back and I started saying no to
all of the, you know, nominations for awards and

(26:20):
all these different things. And I was just like,
are these things really that important? Have I even
celebrated the other things that I've done? And I
had to give myself that validation for everything that
I've done, including, like, raise three children to be
adults. That in itself, right? Like, that's hard. So

(26:43):
giving myself the validation and realizing the validation that
I was craving, especially from my mom, that I
may never receive that. So it was like, okay,
well, if I don't receive that from her, how
am I going to continue for the rest of
my life, you know, with these certain behaviors and
looking inward at what had to change within me

(27:04):
and being okay with me? And realizing also, like
you said, that whole conditioning, like our parents, you
know, culturally, they've been conditioned with certain things, and.
And because of that belief system and that paradigm,
it's like, in their mind, okay, well, I can't
go against that without even questioning, you know, what
their beliefs are, where they. Where their beliefs came
from. But I was like, well, I can't go

(27:26):
against that because that's embarrassment, that's ridicule, that's judgment.
That's all those things. And then they start to
impose those things onto us, unknowingly realizing how much
hurt and trauma that that's causing. Right? So when
you talked about when your parents first moved here
and that being big for them and all those
things, it's like, now that I've been doing the

(27:46):
work, for me to actually have a little bit
of grace and understanding, to be like, okay, based
on their environment, based on their conditioning, this is.
And I'm not dismissing any of their actions, but
it's like having some grace and understanding for where
they were in time, where things were in time,
to not be angry or resentful about their actions.

(28:11):
So you bring up a good point in terms
of that, because, yes, they didn't. You know, it's
funny how after so much of working on myself
and then sharing that part of my journey and
saying, like, well, you know, how is it that
as a mother, though, you could not do this

(28:33):
for your child because Now I can relate. Well,
I'm 43, and my mom at that time, why
couldn't she do the things that I would do
for my children? Right? So I think that I
look at it at a different lens, being like,
you are a mother. And then I would hear
that same feedback where it's like, well, but, you
know, Michelle, they had a different, you know, it

(28:55):
was a different time. It was, you know, they
didn't have all the resources. Their parents didn't have
enough information to give them. That's what they lived
by. And I was like, but why are we
able to change? And they're not, Right? So I,
yes, I want to give them grace for the
fact that there isn't as much resources out there,
and it is who they are. A lot of

(29:17):
it is based on ego and pride, Right. Like,
for my mom, especially, like, there's so much ego
and pride. Like, I had to realize that I
remember even just as a teen and having so
many arguments with her and realizing that I will
never win any argument with her, and I had
to be the more mature person to be like,
okay, you can have the last word. Because I.

(29:38):
I just. I just know I can't win this
conversation. Conversational argument. And I think till today, I
kind of still view it that way. So then
I, I. Because I want a relationship. I don't
want to get into anything further with her if
it's a battle that I can never win. And
then knowing that, the fact is that, again, she's

(30:00):
just from that generation where ego and pride is
so important. Like, status of who you are, who
you've become is so important. And that for them
is their achievements. Right? And so for them, it's
like, well, I came here to Canada. My kids
are now successful. That is their pride and achievement.
Where for us, like, okay, no, no, no. My

(30:21):
pride and achievement is like, who I am as
a person to my family, to my children and
the people around me. And what is my legacy
when I. When I'm not around anymore? Right. And
so I think that I've realized that, okay, yes,
I give them grace for the fact that they
are who they are and didn't have the resources
to change. Maybe. But then I'm like, we also

(30:43):
live in a time where now you also have
the resources and you're also still not willing to
change. So is it just like, you can't train
an old dog, right? Like that scene? And I'm
just like, okay, but, you know, there was also
the fact that you're a mom and you need
to love your kids regardless of anything. Right? And
so, again, going through, you know, motherhood, it's like
that same realization now. Like, oh, my gosh, like,

(31:06):
I remember when my mom did that, and I
could never do that to my children. Right. But
for them, you know, what it came down to,
it was just like, it's tough love, right? And
that was their way of raising children. It's like,
it's tough love. And so, yeah, I mean, I
can.
Completely understand how, like, your, Your, Your. Your thoughts

(31:30):
and how you feel about that. And I can
also agree with it because it took me a
while to get to the space of, you know,
that's what our parents did with what they had,
blah, blah, blah at the time. But also that
question that you have of, well, as a mom,
I feel like part of. And I'll use my

(31:53):
own mom as an example where it's like, you
know, at this age, I've tried to share some
things with her that happened in the past, and
there's a level of delusion and not wanting to
hold no accountability. And it's like, I don't know
what you're talking about. You're just saying that to
be hurtful. I think, like you said, that whole
ego and pride, it shuts them down because it's
like, well, if they acknowledge things that they did

(32:17):
in the past that did hurt you, or if
they accept their portion of blame for certain things
and they have to hold themselves responsible and accountable.
Again, the whole shame, the whole judgment of other
people. I think previous generations have been so consumed
with the. The, I guess, the thoughts and feelings

(32:39):
of other people that they didn't prioritize their children,
the thoughts and feelings of their children. And I
think us, this generation, because we are now. And
I don't know if it's the access to things.
I don't know if it's just the openness of
these conversations, but I feel like we are now
in a place where we are. We're doing generational

(33:03):
healing because if we look at how we operate
because of how we were treated, and there are
many things as when I was raising my children
as teenagers where other moms didn't agree because they
were still in that, I guess, Caribbean thought process
of, no, well, you need to do this and
you need to. And I'm like, but they're individual
people. I. Not only can I not treat all

(33:25):
three the same, but I'm not going to treat
them how I was treated. That hurt me. Like,
you know, so I feel like that we are
now in a different position. And yes, our parents
have access to the same information we do, but
I think they are still stuck at wherever their
trauma stopped or wherever their trauma happened. They're still

(33:47):
stuck there. So their actions, it's almost like opening
up Pandora's box to, like, a whole new world
of hurt that they probably feel like they're too
old to even process and deal with.
Yeah. So you brought up something that I just
realized. The line that my mom would use all
the time, and she would always say, like, if
I had an opinion to something based on a

(34:09):
conversation we were having, she, she would say, you're
so westernized. And then I was like, okay, so
now, like, thinking back, like, it's because you were
trying to separate, like, who you are from where
you came from. And now you're in this new
country, and so the thought process in this new
country is a bit more liberated. And so you're,

(34:31):
maybe you're not agreeing with it because you were,
again, taught this way and you're stuck in that
old way. And, or maybe it's the fact that
you cherish tradition. I don't know. Maybe. Right. Like,
we'll never know. Because again, I don't think that
I could ever have an open conversation about this,
like you said, because it would just kind of

(34:51):
go in and out of one ear or not
ever admitting that they did wrong. So my middle
sister, so I'm the oldest, and then I have
two younger sister, and so the middle one is
very open and honest with her, and they have
conversations, and she will always come back to me
and tell me. My sister will tell me that
every time she talks about whatever it is, my

(35:14):
mom will just cry or she will blame it
on my dad. Well, your dad made me do
this. Or your dad said this. Right. And I
think, again, it's just not wanting to admit her
wrongs and just really validating. Like, no, no, no.
I did what was right at the time. Right.
But then again, it goes to like, well, but
you can now create a better relationship if you
want to, but you just choose not to because,

(35:36):
again, you know, you won't let it go. Yeah,
yeah.
I, I, I feel like they're, they're holding on
to because of their pride, they're holding on to
a belief or a narrative, and rather than healing
the present and move forward, they want to hold
on to this and feel like this, like if

(35:57):
they let go of it, then knows what's gonna
happen. I can again, relate because there's a situation
with my mom as well, where I'm just like,
if you could just acknowledge and accept our truth
that we are trying to share with you, we
could all heal and move on. But you insist
on either denying other people's truths or saying that

(36:21):
we're only saying certain things to hurt you, instead
of you saying, okay, that is how you feel.
That is your perspective of what happened. Just even.
That would be wonderful.
Yeah. So I just started using the tactic of
now showing them love and care. So it's funny,

(36:42):
one time I had made enough money. I remember
when I was first, like, running my business, and.
And three years in, I made enough money, and
they wanted to go back to Asia for, like,
a month. And so I called up their travel
agency, and I said, I'll pay for it. Right?
It was like $5,000 or something like that.
And they walked in a couple days later and
found out it was paid. And there. And she's

(37:04):
like, who paid? Like, who paid? And so then
finally, the travel agent said, oh, like your daughter.
And they called me and was not even. I
can't even describe it. They weren't grateful. They were
like, why? Like, why we need to pay you
back? Like, why? Like, almost.
I feel like it was almost like they were

(37:24):
so happy and sad at the same time, realizing
that, like, oh, my gosh, like, my daughter just
did this for me. And I'm in shock because
I feel bad. And it's not even. I can't
even explain it, because I just remember my mom,
like, her voice was so shaky when she was
trying to say, but why? You shouldn't have done

(37:46):
that. We could have taken care of ourselves because
that was sort of how they treated us. It
was like, you're gonna take care of yourself. We
brought you to this country. You're gonna go to
school, and you're gonna get a job, and you're
gonna be able to take care of your. Like,
that was our job, right? And so, like, you
shouldn't have done that for us, because we would
have never done that for you. Right. In that

(38:06):
sense of, like, showing more love than they already
have. And then I just. And I got off
the phone being like, what just happened? Because this
conversation did not. Like, I thought, you know, in
a normal conversation, it would have been like, oh,
my God, thank you so much.
Like, thank you so much for doing that. Like,
we appreciate you so much. Like, you didn't need

(38:26):
to, but, oh, my goodness. Dad and I are
so happy. Thank you. Thank you. Right? And it
just became this, like, why did you do that?
Like, you shouldn't have done that. You know, like,
it became this. Like, it just left me and
shocked me. Like, I don't know what just happened,
right? Because I always tell myself, like, I don't
ever want to regret it at the end of
the day, Like, I don't want to be that
person that sat there being like, I should have

(38:48):
done all the things because I still wanted. I
still want to be that good daughter. Like, I
still want to be that person that, you know,
walks away being like, I have no regrets. Like,
I built relationships where I needed to, and I
worked on them where I needed to, and not
just being like, okay, whatever.
Like, if they don't want to give me that
in return, I'm just going to ignore. Because I
know that one day it would. It would bite

(39:09):
me in the ass in a way, right? And
so I throw. I try to throw love, you
know, back into conversations. Like, my dad's in Asia
right now, and he's been there since November. And
his, you know, he's so happy when he's there.
And I just think, you know, go back there,
like, live there six months out of the year,
because you're just like a totally different person. And

(39:30):
he, you know, grew up teaching us Taekwondo, and
he's a master in taekwondo, and he will bring
his outfit. He will meet up with old friends
and go to sessions, right? And so he sent
us a ton of videos, and he's out there,
you know, like, handing out black belts with his
friends and. And when they're having, like, testing sessions
and just out there actually demonstrating Taekwondo.

(39:50):
And I said, you know, dad, I said to
him on WhatsApp, I'm like, I'm so proud of
you. You are, like, in a place where you're
the happiest. I'm like, I'm so happy for you
that you're so happy. And, you know, like, he
reads it, but it just kind of goes in
one ear and out the other. And it's like,
at least give me an emoji, like, acknowledge, like
a thumbs up or something, right? Like, and I

(40:11):
was just like, you know, at least if he
hears it and sees it, right? Like, who's ever
told him that, right? Like, right. Maybe that's why.
Maybe that's why he doesn't respond. He doesn't know
how to receive that, right?
Or, like, you just don't. You never knew how
to reciprocate that because you don't hear it enough,
right? And so I was like, you know, if
I just be that person, right? And he'll always

(40:34):
know that, even though. That we don't have conversations
about it. But if I am that person even
on WhatsApp, and it's not having an in person
conversation, because I can imagine how that would go.
It would just be like, okay. Right. So I
just think that if I just start doing that.
Right. It makes me feel like I'm trying to
build that relationship.

(40:55):
Yeah.
And that they would know where I stand. And
maybe it shows. Like, hey, I'm doing the work
too. Right.
Yeah.
But, yeah, I just, I. So I try to
just share, you know, what I'm trying to do
to them and hoping that they eventually understand.
Yeah, I completely get it. Yeah. I feel like

(41:16):
there's some, like, every time you talk and you
share a little bit more about your life, I
can relate in so many ways. Like from the
moment you spoke at the event, I'm like, I
can completely relate.
Oh, gosh. I feel like sometimes am I just
like, you know, talking to the air because everybody's
just like, where is this dysfunctional person coming from?

(41:39):
I feel like sometimes, especially in our own families,
because they're coming from a different cultural norm, because
they're coming from a different belief system. Now we're
here, you know, living in Canada, we're, you know,
focused on building businesses and focused on our personal
development. And they're just like, what is wrong with
you? Right. It's. I went for a walk with

(42:01):
a therapist in the spring and we were talking
about. Because she, she's like, she's a therapist that's
on my social media. And we were talking about
how, you know, people reject change. You know, that
they, it's not necessarily that they're rejecting you, it's
rejecting the change. Right. I know that change is

(42:23):
inevitable. Right. Nothing stays the same. But for some
people, the change is so uncomfortable. They are doing
their best to hold onto what they know, and
any form of change brings extreme discomfort for them.
So you living your best life right now. You
building your business, you showing love, your family, you

(42:44):
doing all those things for them. That's different.
Right.
So it's not even that they're necessarily rejecting you
or what you're doing for them. It's just, this
is so different for them. It's so foreign for
them that their brain is like, what is happening.
Right. So I feel like the more that we
continue to do that, we can show them that

(43:07):
different is possible, that different can be good, but
it's just us continuing to be an example of
that because their paradigm doesn't know that, like, their
thought process, their, you know, habitual way of thinking
is just like, what is this?
Yeah, like it's, it's what works, right? Like, to
them, that's what they're thinking. Like, it worked then.

(43:28):
And so why do I need to make, you
know, make any changes? I think that I've been
built to, like, I love change. Like, I'm always
scared to do it, but I, I love change.
And that's just because again, coming from survival mode
at 15, right, it was just like, try this,
do this, right? Like, if I have to go
to school, go get a job after school, come
home at midnight, do my homework and, you know,

(43:50):
do it all again. It was like, I'll do
it right? And, and you just, again, based on
survival mode. You just allowed that to happen over
time because, you know, for when I just remember
growing up being that teen mom and every time
we were in a mall and I was pushing
a stroller, and as soon as my parents saw

(44:11):
a friend that was in the mall, it was
like immediately, like shoved me off the stroller. And
they're pushing and being like, oh, I'm just taking
care of this child. So nobody knew, right? Like,
even though I already had this baby, nobody even
knew I had a child because they were hiding,
right? And so it was just like conforming to
whatever was happening. So change was always so, like,

(44:31):
I, I guess, like, strong in my life that,
you know, when I have change, it's like, oh,
whatever, like it doesn't, you know, like if I
was broke, you know, tomorrow and I had to
start, it'd be like, okay, like, let me see
what else I could do, right? Because that was
my survival mode and I didn't know any different,
right? Which then also leads to so many benefits
now because I think, you know, I, I, I

(44:53):
know we, you know, there's that goal setting thing
that we talked about, right? Like, where we're like,
we want to achieve this and this and this
and this. And as I'm learning more about myself
and who I am and what I want in
life, I now look back at my life and
I was like, wait, hold on. I've 10x my
life in so many ways that I, you know,
again, that moment of like never celebrating, never looking

(45:17):
at what I actually did to get to where
I am at today, I now look back being
like, okay, if I feel stuck at achieving that
next thing, well, let's look back back in my
life and like I did 10x my life in
so many ways that it is going to be
doable for the next step. It's just that, like,
if I'm stuck, right. Like, let's, let's look back
at how we did it the last time. Yeah,

(45:39):
but, you know, when you talked about people not
wanting change, I think it's just that autopilot mode
of, like, I wake up, I do this, I
do that, and then I do it all over
again the next day. And, you know, which is
great, but, like, you can never really grow who
you are as a person, whether. And we're not

(45:59):
talking about, like, finances, we're talking about you as
an individual. And, and as I get older, I'm
like, man, a lot of things that I didn't
value or I did value changed in a, you
know, in, in the, in increments of like, 10
here or there, or what I actually believed in
before is not what I believed in, believe in
now.
Right.

(46:19):
So I think that, yeah, it's scary to have
that change, but it's also comfort, right? Like, if
you're comfortable. And so for me, I. I always
say, like, it's never too late to do anything
or time is irrelevant. Like, time is actually the
one person that does not give a crap about
you. Like, whether you had trauma, like, it doesn't

(46:42):
matter. Like, it will keep going. So it's just
like, are you moving with it or are you
going to stay behind and never make the change
or the move to get to where you want
to be? Right. So I think, you know, when
we talk about Bob Proctor, it's like the universe
has so much to give you, like, the abundance
of things, and you have to, you know, get

(47:05):
out of that narrative of like, okay, well, I
can't do it, or I don't have time to
do it, or, you know, like, I. I don't.
I don't want to do it because this and
this and this could happen. Right. For me, it's
like the what if, like, what if I don't
do it? What if I don't? Right.
Yeah, I love it. I love that thought process

(47:27):
because that's also, I guess, where I transitioned into.
And it was through all the material that not
only that I learned through Bob, but through becoming
a consultant for him where we had to learn
certain mindset practices. So when you talk about, like,
the autopilot, it's like, we are. We are wired
to be the way that we are. Think about
the thermostat in your house, right? So the. It's

(47:47):
like the psycho cybernetics mechanism or whatever. It's like
the airplane, right? So when there's turbulence that happens
and it goes off course, the Cypress Cybernetics brings
it back on course. Same thing with the thermostat
in the house. So that's how we are as
people. So it's like, we can try to change,
but if the. If we don't intentionally do things
differently than the. The. What do you call it?

(48:09):
Psycho cybernetics, it brings you back to what you're
used to. That's your norm, right? And I feel
like being an entrepreneur is a personal development journey
because not every day is the same, right?
A hundred percent. Oh, my goodness. Touch on something
that. It's funny that you say that, because it
was something that I really sort of like, realized

(48:34):
last year was like, there is more personal growth
that's required for you to get to different stages
of your business, and you can't be at your
best or your business best if you're not at
your best. Right? It goes from leadership to, like,
being creative and the flow and the juices of
all the things you want to do for your

(48:54):
business. Like, and I was just like, I had
no idea. I had to work on me. Like,
I remember times where I'm like, I don't need
to hear anything about, like, oh, this is what
you need to do for relationships. And, like, I
just want to know if my business is going
to work out, right? Like, I just want to
do this. And, like. And the thing is, it
was like, I started my business being like, how

(49:16):
do I do it? What do I need to
do? And now it's, who do I need to
talk to? What are the questions I need to
ask? Right? And it's so different because I'm like,
you can always learn to do what you need
to do to start a business. It's that. It's
that simple nowadays. But it's like, well, who do
you know? Who do you. Who do you go

(49:37):
to to ask the right questions? And who are
you? What are your values? And do they align
with the business and the intention? So, yeah, it's
a great point that you brought up, because I'm
like, yes, there. There's so much more. And you're
like, I didn't think. I didn't know I had
problems until I started a business. Like, I was
good. I was good with myself until I started
your business. I was like, okay, Michelle, you got

(49:59):
a lot of problems.
I remember a few years ago, I was in
this Facebook group, and it was a bunch of
entrepreneurs, and it was, you know, to help Each
other. It was supposed to be like this big
mastermind. And I remember one of the organizers of
that group making fun of another group that they
were in because there was a lot of personal
development things in the other group. And they're like,

(50:19):
oh, you know, I don't care about this fluff
stuff. Like, I want to understand how to increase
my bottom line and all these things.
And I was that person, though. I was that
person when I read.
That in the group. And I was thinking to
myself, yeah, but in order for us to be
successful on our business, like, like you said, if
you are not able to maintain relationships, if you

(50:40):
don't have the emotional intelligence to speak to people
properly or to interact with people, how far is
your business going to go? So I kind of
removed myself from that group because it started to
go down downhill after that. Because even people who
are only focused on transactions within their business. How
far is your business going to go? How long
is it going to last? Like, as a business
owner, you understand not only about the relationships with

(51:03):
the people that you need to connect with to
grow your business or the employees that you may
have or the accounts that you may have for
the business. It's all about relationships. People, you know,
that you may meet on social media that can
help take your business to the next step. All
these things are about our relationships with people?
Yeah, 100%. And I think in the moment when
I had first started, I think you just. You

(51:24):
don't know how big your business will go or
that, you know, you're just thinking like, oh, it's
just me. I'm running the business on my own.
I just got to do this and this, right?
Everything was like, how. And this is. These are
the structures and the protocols that I'm supposed to
do as a business owner. And then you realize,
like, when you need those relationships, you're like, oh,
shoot, okay, now I gotta talk to people. Now

(51:46):
I need to go to networking events and know
how to start conversations, right? So that's. That's how
it all started. And then you're like, oh, great,
now. And then when you start talking to people,
you're like, oh, well, I could do this too,
and I can make this bigger by doing this
and this. And then that's where you start realizing,
right? A lot of the things, oh, shoot, I
need to work on this, I need to work
on that. You know, And I'm. And it's funny,

(52:07):
I always say that I'm such a. I am
an introvert, and I'm just a really high functioning
introvert. And I. Yeah, right. Like, I don't know
how we do it, but it's like just right.
You do everything out of necessity sometimes, but you
know that that necessity is going to 10x your
life, so you have to do it. And so

(52:28):
there's that again. I got to push myself through
being scared, out of fear and change to do
the thing that I've done it so much, but
yet I'm still that introvert. Right. So I thought
it would change. Like, I thought I'd be this
extrovert actor. Be like, all right, let's go to
any of it. No, it's like, no. And that's
the thing. It's like, you know, if you don't

(52:49):
do those things, you're just stuck on Autopilot. And
the 20 of the all the things that you
come up with is like, those are your golden
nuggets. Like you, if you stay stuck in your
80, that's why there's that 80, 20 rule, right?
You, you'll always forget. Like, well, what if I
should have done that? I should have done that?
No.
So, yeah, like, there's so many, like other questions

(53:14):
I, I want to ask, but obviously I want
to respect your time. I feel like we'll definitely
have to have a part two if you're open
to it because there's like a whole world of
questions. Like, we didn't even really get into, like
some of the business stuff. So before we do
the final segment of the show, I would love
if you could tell the listeners where they could
stay connected with you, where they can learn more
from you and about you businesses.

(53:35):
Absolutely. So of course, social media. So you can
follow my personal account at Underscore, Michelle Bomb, or
my businesses at Lash Artisan, or.
Perfect. I will definitely have all your links in
the detailed section of the episode so they don't
have to search too far.
Okay, perfect. Thank you.
Thank you. You're welcome. So the final segment of

(53:57):
the show, it's like a, a quick, rapid fire.
You can choose to answer one word, one sentence.
But I don't like to make anyone feel claustrophobic.
So if you feel the need to unpack, you're
more than welcome to do so.
Okay, Sounds good.
Okay. If you could leave the listeners with one
powerful affirmation, what would it be?

(54:18):
Okay, so my favorite quote by Tony Robbins is
that we overestimate what we can achieve in a
year and underestimate what we can achieve in a
decade.
I love that. Okay. Name a book that has
changed or Greatly impacted your life.
So I would say play bigger. And that book

(54:42):
shows you how to create your category, niche in
business and what it means and the three steps
of, like, understanding if you are in something that
will create virality. So that's my. Yeah. One of
the books that I love reading, Love.
Okay, what's one piece of advice that you wish
you had received earlier in your journey?

(55:04):
Okay, so I would say confidence. And I think
I always linked confidence to beauty. But, like, confidence
in, like, trusting your voice is. Is so crucial,
right? Like, I doubted my voice every time I
would say something and being like, did I offend

(55:27):
that person? Did I say the right thing? Did
I even say the right thing that they were
asking? Like, you know, so the confidence and trusting
your voice, where you can say it, leave and
be like, yep, that's my opinion. And I, you
know, being unapologetic in a good way.
Love it. Okay. What have you become better at

(55:49):
saying no to in the last five years? That
could be distractions, invitations, family.
Oh, my go. So I. I have to be
honest, I have not been good at that. I.
Unfortunately, that's my personality and that's been a part
of me, which I am still working on. So
I have not been able to say no to

(56:10):
much, especially to my children. And, you know, that's
where the poll is right now, where I wanted
to spend more time on my business. And I
thought that if I allowed my business to sort
of stay stagnant while they were young and I
gave them the time, that as they grew older,
I could focus on my business. And that completely

(56:32):
has been the opposite. Like, they need me more
now. And so I just haven't been able to
say no. Like, no to three soccer games on
a Saturday, no to. Through three trainings every day
to my four children. Like, and so I just
try to make it work around it, which then
I lose sleep. But that's okay, right? Like, as

(56:55):
a mother, juggling business, being a mom, those are
the sacrifices right now. And eventually I will have
my time.
I get it. I get it. Okay. What's something
that the younger version of Michelle would wish you

(57:16):
got back into?
I would say that nothing, really. Only because I
sacrificed so much of my childhood. Right. Being a
teen mom at 15 and having to prove so
much that I really didn't do much with my

(57:37):
life then. And I think that, you know, it's
funny, I just posted a reel recently and I
was so emotional posting it now that I'm just
re living that moment as I was posting that
reel and. And typing it out. And, you know,
there was that reel of, like, I met my
younger self for coffee. And I. And I was
reading what everybody was saying, which was like, you

(57:57):
know, I had to tell her, like, this is
what we've done. You know, this is what. You
know, that these. All these things would happen. Right.
And I. And I was different. Like, I remember
writing that reel being, like, I had to thank
her for sacrificing what she did to give me
the life I have today.

(58:17):
Oh, don't apologize.
And I said, like, I had to say that,
you know, thank you. Like, in the moment when
you didn't believe in yourself for doing that. And
so sorry.
Don't apologize.
Yeah, I don't talk about this often enough that
it's still, again, traumas that I didn't realize were

(58:40):
so traumatic. And I had to thank her because
now it's given me all the things that I
could do so that I could do now that
I missed out on. Yes, that was my answer.
Thank you so much, Michelle. Thank you for being

(59:01):
so transparent with your story. Thank you for sharing
your time and your energy with us today. I
truly, truly, truly appreciate you. I mean, you could
be anywhere in the world right now doing anything
else, but you're. You're here today, so thank you.
No, you're welcome. I want to share so that,
you know, I want to make sure that anybody
who feels stuck. Right. Is able to come out

(59:24):
on the other side because it is possible. And
I always say, like, I don't have it figured
out, so if I've done it, you can, too,
honestly. And I hope my story helps.
Oh, it definitely will. It's helped me today, so
thank you.
Well, thank you for having me on.
That's a wrap for today's episode. If you are
looking for inspiration on overcoming challenges with grace, check

(59:46):
out my first book, A Walk of My Stilettos,
how to get through the struggle with grace. My
personal journey is your roadmap to resilience, available now
on Amazon or@mckinneysmith.com thank you to all you healers
out there that continue to tune in each week.
Because of you, we rank in the top 1.5%

(01:00:07):
of podcasts globally. If today's episode resonated with you,
please subscribe, rate the show, and leave us a
review on Apple Podcasts. Now think of one person
that would benefit from today's conversation. Share this episode
with them. Someone out there needs Michelle's testimony. Screenshot

(01:00:29):
this episode and you can tag Michelle at Underscore.
Michellebong you can tag myself hereal McKinney Smith. And
let's keep this conversation going. A healthy community is
a healing, healing community. And a healing community is
full of hope. So let's continue to heal her.

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