The rain was pounding on my window to the same degree that tears were streaming down my face. I had just left a counseling session talking through my sense of self-identity.
I was desperate to uncover who God made me.
The problem was I had spent most of my life trying to be something others would respect. I wanted to be something that others would need. You could say it's part of being an , but more likely, it's birthed out of the broken places in me. I had picked up the desire to be needed.
The issue was that I had spent most of my life striving to earn others' respect. I aimed to become someone others would rely on. You could attribute it to being an enneagram two, but it's more likely rooted in my own brokenness. I adopted the longing to be needed.
Out of this, my identity became a conglomeration of many different things that masked who I was more than it helped me live true to who God made me. From there, I created my own form of identity crisis.
I struggled to understand myself and my purpose, creating this gaping wound that seemed to fester in all areas of my life. In many cases, leaving me feeling worthless while also falling victim to anything promising to help me 'become.'
There is a lot of chatter in the world about self-identity. It's the theme of the self-help industry that has taken over bookshelves worldwide.
I don't disagree; we need to understand ourselves (to have a solid self-identity) to live our best selves. But it's not so much about understanding who you are but whose you are.
It could be the word 'self' in self-identity that throws us for a loop, leaving us chasing what it was never intended to be. But your self-identity is less about amplifying yourself and more about your connection to something greater. It's recognizing your place not as an independent being but interconnected with God.
Your self-identity is your sense of self, not your created self but your God-created being. Understanding this changes things because when you change your self-identity, you change how your body responds to all of your life. That includes the food that you eat.
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