November 3, 2025 • 46 mins
In this episode, Ann shares a deeply personal journey that began in the hallways of all-girls schools in Kenya, where curiosity, identity, and faith collided. She speaks openly about being labelled and isolated for exploring her identity, how her family and community reacted, and the painful but powerful road that led her back to self-acceptance and healing.
This story is a reminder of how silence and misunderstanding can wound but also how courage, honesty, and grace can rebuild us.
Listen now to hear Ann’s journey of becoming through shame, silence, and ultimately, self-acceptance.
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Share your story: forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8
This story is a reminder of how silence and misunderstanding can wound but also how courage, honesty, and grace can rebuild us.
Listen now to hear Ann’s journey of becoming through shame, silence, and ultimately, self-acceptance.
🔗 Join the Legally Clueless Africa community:
Newsletter: www.legallycluelessafrica.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
YouTube: www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube
Share your story: forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is adele On Jngle and welcome to another
episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one. Hey you welcome to episode three hundred and
fifty of Legally Clueless. Thank you so much for being
(00:21):
part of this family. As always, I'm so glad that
you're here listening to these raw, unfiltered and very real
stories of Africans just navigating life. If you're an OG member,
I appreciate you. If this is your first time listening,
welcome to the family and make sure you subscribe wherever
it is that you're listening, because we have this show
(00:43):
that goes out on Mondays. On Wednesdays, we have the
midwik TI's Thursdays, we have for Man of Us Women Fridays,
we have Aska Therapist. What also goes out on Wednesday
is our newsletter, which is quite handy if I do
say so myself. For you who's on your heel journey.
To sign up for it, go to Legally Clueless Africa
dot com. A link is in the show notes. Make
(01:05):
sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel because in a
couple of days, season three for Manderless Women comes your
way and it always drops first on YouTube. But all
that aside is really awesome to have you here. Let's
jump back to this episode. This week you're going to
meet Anne, who is an incredible storyteller opening up about
(01:29):
her journey through identity, acceptance and faith. A lot comes
up in a story, but one thread is definitely the
painful realities of being labeled and isolated just for exploring
her identity. Let's get into it. One hundred African stories
on legally Clueless Stories from Africa.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
So Hi, my name is Ankievid. I'm born again. I
got to grow up in Killingnaga since when I was
I think two years old up until now, so that's
basically where my lifestyle revolves. Mostly before I came to
Nai Ruby, I studied in Sagana Primary school for well,
(02:21):
it's called Lower Sagana. It is upper and lower. I
can't tell why my parents chose the lower one, but
I was in Lawa Sagana for five years. After that is,
after the preschool and all that, I also did that
in Sagana. So from class one up until class five,
class four, that is, I was in Laoisagana. Then I
(02:42):
went to Bishopala, a sister school, which I hated. I
don't know who's been in a sister school and has
enjoyed the experience. I meet to find one. Well, I
didn't get to love being in a sister school because
those sisters were so well, let me just call it ruthless.
They used to beat us, they used to be so
(03:05):
rude and oh my god. Well, to some level, I
got to enjoy the fact that I was dancing there,
because I have been a dancer all my life, since
I was a very young baby. So in Bishoppello, the
only thing I think I remember enjoying was dancing. Apart
from that, we used to have extreme strict you know,
(03:28):
teachers and your sisters everywhere, from the dormitory to the catering, sports,
in class, everywhere. They were so strict on us. So
I didn't get to enjoy my stay at Bishop Palo.
But then afterwards, I just did one year and then
I requested to be transferred, and so my parents decided
(03:51):
to take me far away from Kissing Jaga. I went
to I don't know which county, but the school is
called Krimoilu. It's on your way to keep busy from krrying.
You got to keep busy. Those are the days we
didn't have you know, thicker super highway. So I used
to travel from around six am to six pm on
(04:13):
the roads going to school with a bag, you know,
full of snacks and books and shopping.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Yo.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
But it was such a great experience. And then afterwards
my parents decided they need me around. So once I
was called to the size of Ruth Valley for my
high school studies, they were like, no, let's bring you closer.
So I was taken to Caua Girls in Maranga. So
now that's where I think my young adulthood began because
(04:44):
it was it was it was one trial after another,
just you know, testing and trying anything and everything. And
I think that's why I got to get a feel
of being a lesbian because well it started on a
class three. That was the first time I kissed a
girl out of curiosity. I mean, we keep on watching movies.
(05:07):
What are these people doing? So myself and my best
friend or like, let's try it out. You're like, oh okay.
So after trying out, you get to have another moment
to watch a movie together, you decide to kiss again.
So I now I can't tell how many times we
got to kiss, but well we kissed again I think
in class seven during the holidays and all that. But
(05:29):
I never used to take it sis. So now in
high school at Kahua Girls, we decide to take it
to another level. So I have a girlfriend. We are
in a click and we decided these are the tommies.
These are they? You know films. I don't even remember
the names we used to call them, but we used
to have girlfriends now all right, So now I'm in
(05:49):
Cahoa Girls, I'm in now form one. We just started
high school and immediately how we were positioned. I was
a class cleaner, and you know, I got to choose
a girlfriend from my fellow class cleaner. I think it's
because most of the times we get to work together
(06:09):
to look out for each other. Maybe the duty is
asking why this area is not clean, and then she
steps in and cleans it for me or I do
it for her. So we got to become so close.
And then now the best friend to my girlfriend also
had another now boyfriend who was also a class cleaner.
So I think we formed a group of lesbians within ourselves,
(06:32):
like a support group kinder because we used to stand
in for each other every other day. So we're informed one.
We just started testing out things and then informed two
we decide to make it, you know, go higher to
some other levels. And that's when I think, now we've
got cats. So the management at Kahuya Girls were really
(06:56):
strict and they decided to call us out. I remember
that time. That's when we used to have a campus six.
I don't remember the year, but now I know os
Cool our deputy. We used to nickname her Wamoney and
now us. We were eight, so we were one moona eight.
So because every other time people are studying, it's you know,
(07:19):
during at the prep time or amoney is they're calling
us to the office. She used to be called missus Wamunju,
but we used to call Hermoni. So there were mony
eight who are always outside during prep times. Either you know,
we are having cases with her. Either they're doing inspection
in our boxes. I don't know what they are looking for. Luckily,
well not luckily, Yes, it's luckily because we never used
(07:42):
to have objects in our dormitories or you know, lockers boxes. No,
we just used to I think, love on each other,
write notes to one another, do things for one another.
The affection had not gone, you know, to their extreme
ends of being a lesbian. We were just you know,
(08:03):
at the surface area where you're just showing each other love,
writing notes to one another and all that. But now
the management definitely thought there was something extra to that.
So this particular week they decided to get us grounded.
We were not going to class. We used to be
pinned at a playground. Everyone at tree, Like how many
(08:27):
meters twenty to thirty meters away from one another. Everyone
pinned on a tree. So you're going to stand there
the whole day until your teacher comes. They used to
give us particular teachers comes and picks you, goes with
you to the dormitory, inspects you. They pick your I
remember used to have these particular books. I don't remember
what we used to call them, but we used to
have a book for your friends. They write things about
(08:49):
you and then they either sick photos about you, like
sweet memories that you've had together. And remember we're informed too,
so we don't have so much memories, but we are
so open to you, you know, just doing life together.
So we have a lot of experiences. We've noted down
on those notebooks, so they used to carry such things
they carry let's say you're having earrings to wear during
funk keys and all that are acute watch or a
(09:12):
chain like anything. They'll just feel like I don't know,
but well, the best thing about all this is the
fact that they never got what they were looking for.
But I think they were looking for sex toys and
things that you know, we're going to stimulate now them
giving us a g because they wanted to send us
away from the school totally, like completely, So that is
(09:35):
me in form too. I think second term and first
term that it was just hectic and something else that
happened when I was in from two Cahuhir the teachers
decided to strike continuously for like three four months. We
go back to school, they're striking. We go back again
with they're just striking. We try, you know, just taking
(09:58):
a break from a school for like a man, go
back to school, that they strike again, So that you
just decided that they were not going to teach. And
what I loved about the area where we were schooling
at there are a lot of schools. So I remember
this particular post from What's Up. Randomly during the holidays,
someone said November twenty something, let's show them we can
also strike. That was just a text from one of
(10:20):
the students in a boys school I think, and then
it's circulated to the Maranga schools. I am telling you.
On that day, the number of schools that are just
passing outside of our get calling us let's go, guys,
it's time. Today's the day, and we were like, no,
we're not also good remaining back. So that particular night
we also decided let's move out. So it was exciting,
(10:42):
you know, just seeing us work. You know, if you
know where Maranga is and work, who here is. It's
such a distance. It's like reseone CBD and it's all
hell and valley's hell and valleys. Maranga is full of hells.
So guys were able to work from school to Moranga
and then now pick matats from there to their home places.
(11:05):
And so that particular semister No term was the last
time I had in Cahuir because my dad was like,
I don't think this school is doing you justice. You
need to transfer to a better school. And for me,
I remember we already had notes to take to our
parents about us being lesbians and then being needed to
take us back to school after the schools had opened.
(11:27):
So I was like, yes, let's let's just go. In fact,
that school is the world. I'm not even performing. I
was performing poorly. I think I used to either become
position forty seven out of fifty. The best I did
was forty six when you have been an average student
all my life or topmost around, let's number five out
(11:50):
of thirty in a class where you know, I performed
very poorly when I was now in primary, but not
in high school position forties well, where I just used
to you know, play around, and so I decided to
back up the idea to have me transfer. So what
happens before Ankie Bailey decides to get transferred was I
(12:14):
had called my mom and told her there were some
issues in school and that she might be called to school.
But then she was like, I think my small brother
at that time had a minor injury on the town.
He just fell from a seat or I don't remember
the story, but he was very sick at that particular moment.
(12:36):
So my mom was not concentrating because my small brother
was really young. So she told me, I'm going to
give her the story once I go home, because I
was calling her from school, so I had hinted to
them that I was going to be sent home, but
I needed their support because it was an accusation being made.
(12:58):
So I don't know if they remember, but at that
point when they were deciding to transfer, but I think
we did transfer. We did a lot of strikes happened,
so that was not it was no longer, you know,
any any like something major for them to follow up
through because I mean, you're not going to be staying
in that school any longer, so we don't need to
(13:20):
get to understand what is happening. So when we were transferring,
I don't I don't remember going to the offices. I
think my dad went. I don't know if they told
him and he decided not to tell me, but my
dad went and collected the transfer. Later I was asked
to clear I didn't have any other issues with any
of the teachers, but I read a note. I don't
(13:42):
know why. I don't remember having issues with teachers, but
I read a note that my big brother sent to me.
I wrote it before transferring that a lot of teachers
were talking bad about me transferring, performing poorly, being a
bad girl, like which school is going to trust accept
you with all that. Well, I don't remember that, so
(14:04):
I don't think it was you know, a big back then,
apart from the fact that I saw her later that
I just you know, wrote to myself back then. I
think afterwards, now I get to transferred to a new
school and everything is chilled. But I remember I took
two days before getting my uniforms. So the first night
(14:29):
I'm in a class and I get to appear on
the Newsmaker list. My jas still don't have the uniform
for that particular school. So when the newsmakers have been
called by the deputy teacher, then she just puts me
and she's like a young girl, you don't even have
the uniform for this school and you're already making news.
(14:49):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
With?
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Who talking about? Anyway? So I think I got received
in Kurguia girls now that was now my new school
with some particular image in their heads, because who appears
in the Newsmakers list within the first night in a
new school. But I also don't understand why the class
(15:13):
prefect wrote my name. I mean, I'm new. Just come
and tell me stom making nights because you're going to
appear on my list and you're going to be given punishment.
So the following day, I'm there pushing wilbarrows and you know,
carrying firewood taking it to the kitchen, and I'm in
a different uniform. So that was an alarm. It trained
(15:35):
an alarm to a lot of the lectures the teachers
in that school, like you can't just be helping people
carry wilberrows. You must have done something, I mean carry
firewood with wilburrow. Yeah. So that is how I got
welcomed to Kuga Girls. And that was the beginning of
my issues because now that was I had to repeat
(15:59):
from two number one when I went for the interview
at Cagua Girls before leaving. After leaving cahuha I, there
was no space in form three. And then my dad
reminded me that I have not been performing. I was like,
I can't go back to Cahoya. Anything that has to
take me away from Khoya. I'm for it. Let me
(16:21):
just repeat from too. I'm okay. So now I repeat
from two and well. Life life in Kreuga Girls was
a bit flexible because according to the history, Khua is
above girls performance wise, standard wise, everything wise is above
(16:42):
care just that has hockey players. That's what I know
that's different with Khure, different from Cahua girls. So I'm
in Karuguya. I'm now in Form two again. I have repeated,
and I mean, I don't remember the class, but I
the name of the class. I don't remember how we
(17:03):
used to name our classes, but I mean this particular
class that doesn't like me. Well, people just got a
perspective about Auntie Vailey that they didn't like. I think
it's because I was a tomboy. And in Karga Girls,
they really tried playing it low key like there There
were not lesbian stories in Karuga Gouls when I was joining,
(17:24):
but I got to support them because I was like,
I know you are acting like one. You're one. There's
this thing we used to call gada. It's well funny enough,
it's in the dictionaries. Geta is the ability of a
gay to be able to lookate to know another gay.
So I got to Kurugia girls. They're not showing, they're not,
you know, acting like it, but I can't tell you.
(17:44):
Let's be a neural. Let's be a neural lesbian. So
I used to approach them and just maybe sit talked
them and just try act in a particular way around them,
and then they give me our positive feedback and I'm like,
thank you, I knew it. And next, so what I
used to do is write notes to girls. So I'll
find something that I like about you, and then I'll
(18:07):
note it down on a paper, and then I'll ask
you to meet me, and then I'll ask us to
be friends and all that. So I used to enjoy
it because I see you take the notes, because I'll
slid it in your locker when you're not in. Then
I watch from afar. I see the excitement. I see
how you're surprised, and you're like, is that who just
(18:27):
wrote me these notes? And then I don't remember ever
having anyone who refused what I was asking, like let's
be friends. And then when we are friends, I get
now to you know, just be chiky around you. And
I remember some of the girls used to tell me
what they want, like can you do this to me?
Can you? We were just kids, because well at four
(18:54):
two is where now you boardyed us starts to demand
a lot of you know, sexual desires and you're having
all kind of arousement and you need someone to take
care of it. And here I'm kivererly telling you, yeah,
I can do it well. I used to do it
well because I never got any complaint, and most of
them used to come back and they're like, can Nikis again,
(19:17):
can you do this to me? And then well, I
think I was enjoying my life so much, and the
fact that I have repeated from two now teachers like
me because in class I can answer questions like I
like I became a bright student in Krugier Girls. That's
one thing. I never got to understand what I did
different because you can't tell me in Kahoha will do
(19:41):
physics and I will, you know, copy from a lot
of people, and then I still get two out of fifty,
like two, what was I doing? And then now I'm
in Karuguya Girls and I'm getting forty something out of fifty.
I think the standards also matter to some level. I
(20:03):
got to appreciate how they do the classifications, you know,
the Kenyan way of doing classifications to take you from
one school to another school by the government, because I
think for me, it was going to favor me if
I went to the school that I was sent to,
but my parents refused so they took me to a
school that they preferred. So this particular school that they
(20:25):
preferred was high above my intellectual skills, or maybe I
just don't know how to deal with such people, because
a few months later I was in a new school,
same class, and now I'm top. I'm at the top
of evel, not in our position nor two, but I
was all in stopped ten. So I really enjoyed that.
(20:46):
So I also got the backup of having favor now
from the teachers. So the students now hated me even more.
I didn't get to follow through how they got to
have a sit down and then forward me to the principle.
So this is second term of form two in still
(21:07):
the new school. I mean second time. You're not still
part of the school very well, like conversant with everything
they do. Yes, you know the rules and all that,
but you're still new to some level. So I mean
from two second term, our principle has gone for a trip.
And then so my classmates what they did. They wrote
(21:29):
a letter. I don't know how many classmates. I don't
know who was the lead because I never got to
follow through, but they wrote a letter to the principle
telling her that there's a lady in the class who's
spilling the name of the class and making them to
fail in class, because you know, I am distracting other
students from learning and all that, and I am doing
(21:51):
one to three things which they really dislike because it's
turnishing the name of the class. Well, there one to
three things. They ever exaggerated everything now because I don't
know when it came to the sexual bit about it.
I don't know if they wrote I was having sex
toys or something because they exaggerated the story. But I
(22:12):
love the fact that I got favored with the principle
because she didn't get to put it out there what
was written, because they wrote a lot of bad things
about me. But this particular night, she was to come
in and then release us on the following day for
our midterm. So now she's back, she gets a note.
She calls me to the office at around nine pm.
(22:35):
That's how late she came in, So she's not even
rested from the trip. She's just coming to release us
for the medtim and then now she'll have, you know,
sometime to rest and all that. So she calls me
and has three other ladies in the office and she
tells me, we have a letter from your classmates and
they don't like what you're doing. You're furnishing their name.
(22:57):
You just found them. They were doing Okay, they were
and all that. Right now they're not leading anymore because
they're saying your the reason you're doing one to three things,
which is really affecting the class, and now the one
to three things is where they decided to make sure
they amplify the things. So one of the teachers I
remember she was an English teacher and English I don't
(23:19):
remember her name, but she was really light skin and tall.
So she told me she was not making fun of
me now because I'm really short. She was asking me, you,
with your heights, you're not the man in this relationship.
What are you using to give them pleasure? What kind
(23:41):
of pleasure are you even giving them? Like? She was
so rude. She was making fun of me the whole time.
And after I think an hour, the principal was done
with the other teachers. Because I was open, I was
telling them, yeah, I do it, this is how I
do it. I write notes. Then the principal was asking me,
why do you do you write notes to other fellow
girls and them things they hear from a boy. Why
(24:03):
would you do that? I'm like, but I just enjoy it.
Is it wrong? Like I just enjoyed writing the letter.
So I was being genuine and the principal saw it,
so she sent her with the other ladies, the lady
teachers now the female teachers who are in the office
with her, and we got to talk up until around
(24:23):
almost one am. From nine pm. That's when you know
when you're going for me. And we never used to
have night preps. You just have night and in a
free night to prepare yourself to do cleaning and all that,
so that the following morning you get released very early
in the morning and leave. So people are not in
their classes, you know, at the dormitories, preparing themselves to
(24:44):
leave tomorrow. And then I get to have my time
with them principal. After the ladies left, well not the
female teachers. Once they stepped out, we now got to
have such an intimate moment with the principal. I explained
everything to her from where it began, because for me,
it wasn't something bad. I was like, well, I yeah,
(25:05):
I kissed a girl at you know, class three, But
we were just trying something that we saw on a movie,
and then we got to try again because we missed,
you know, just feeling the same feeling and you didn't
know who to feel such, you know, feelings or kind
of ways with. You don't know who to express it to.
So we decided to kiss again and again. And then
(25:25):
now I am in high school, I just found myself
liking girls. And then she asked me if I've ever
had someone who was in my life who made me
feel the same. Then I realized in class five, when
I was at a sister's school, that particular school was
a girl's school. Only it was a girl's school basically
no no boys, but a primary school, which I tend
(25:50):
to hear people say it's not good to have primary
schools for particular genders, they need to be together. Well
I don't understand that, but well that's the first place
I got to have someone make me like fall in
love with them. Who was a girl. She was in
class eight, I was in class five. But she never
(26:10):
used to do anything to me. She was just caring.
I remember being told that I'd leave my class during
preps time and I want to go and sit next
to her locker, and she'd allow that because she was
the head girl. I mean, so she used to give
me some good attention and make me feel at home
and all that. So I think that's the only time
I remember feeling that because at home, I didn't have
(26:33):
a sister. Apart from my best friend, I didn't have
any other female friend who I used to be close to.
So well, I got that favor from my principal. And
then the following day, she decides to tell me that
she won't give me a letter to take home. She
wants me to go and explain it to my parents
(26:55):
that I will be home for an extra week after
everyone else goes back. Then I go back with them,
like my parents back to school, they take me back.
That was the hardest thing ever. I'd fail in class
but still be able to tell my parents like, well,
I'm positioned for seven out of fifty, but this particular one,
(27:16):
this one was heavy. So another favor happens. My parents
are not around home during that weekend, so they've gone
to Chago. They're having some I think it was a burial,
And then I decided to text my mom, so, Hi,
we're home for the mid tim but I've been told
to go back a week later because I am my
(27:38):
lesbian so and I have a case to discuss with
you together with the principal. So my mom asks me,
what does that mean? Sounds like does it mean you're
not understanding me? Or do you want me to elaborate
what exactly happened? So I didn't respond to that text,
and then she immediately calls me and tells me, don't
tell your father. I'll come home and we will discuss.
(28:00):
I was like okay. So she comes back, it's on
a Saturday night, she doesn't talk to me. Sunday comes,
she doesn't talk to me. Monday comes in and I'm like, okay,
now there's an issue because you can tell when your
parents is not happy with you, like they won't talk
to you, they won't act normally to you. They usually
go to you know, up country and they'll bring you
(28:20):
a lot of you know, fruits and all the good
things from sharks and all that. But this particular time,
she has nothing for me and she's not telling me anything.
So I knew there was an issue. So on Monday
at around six am and she calls me. I used
to have a bicycle that I used to ride a lot,
like I was just a total tomboy, Like I used
to wear shorts and t shirts and sports shoes or
(28:42):
open shoes that men would wear. And then I used
to ride a bicycle a lot, and then I had
shaved my hair, so it was just like, yeah, a
perfect tomboy. So she calls me in the morning while
she woke me up but via a phone call, and
then tells me to go to her best friend house.
And I was like, okay, let me take a shower
(29:02):
and take breakfast because I just woke up. Then she was,
you know, specifical at that particular moment, she twisted her
tone and now became so tough, and then she was like, no,
come as you are, don't take anitty. I was like, okay, okay, okay,
now there's an issue. Let me just where as I am.
Immediately ride my bicycle. Within five minutes, I was there.
(29:25):
So I got to the door. The moment I opened
the door, my mom was furious. She wanted to choke
me with her hands, like you know, I am done
with you. I am finishing you today. But the best
friend was like, Mama, an kindly sit down. You want
her to speak, you have to give her time. To speak,
sit down and listen to her. And then she was
(29:47):
just sitting there like a mediator, you know. One seat
to her left, another seat to her right. That is
now me and my mom, my mother, and then she's
at the center. Then she asked me talk once my
mom wants to open her mouth. Mama, she's called my blessing.
Mama blessing is like, no, Mama, and wait, your tourney
is coming. I proceed. I loved the session because it
(30:08):
was given time to explain myself. Then afterwards she wanted
to beat me so bad. Ma. My blessing was like,
you just asked her to come and tell us the truth.
She's not lied to us. Why would you beat her? Well,
I first supported and so one week went down without
them talking to me. You're still in the same house.
We now need to go back to school, and they
(30:29):
take me. They take me back to school. I find
a panelist, a full office of panelists, and then my
principal is there. That is I think the board. They
were having a board meeting. I don't know if it
was about me, but well, the fact that they were there,
that's all that, you know, matters. And then the principal
(30:50):
asks my parents to step in. Then comes and whispers
to me, I want you to tell them, like five
just five words of you know what exactly you told
me you do, and then step out. So I was like, okay, okay,
five words, Okay, I I like girls, I like. I
(31:11):
tried creating five words in my head. I was not
getting the perfect five words to tell them what exactly
is happening. But I stept in said whatever I said,
and then I stept out, and within like the next
five minutes, my parents are also out. So I was like, okay,
so now what's happening? So the principal comes out, whispers
to us and tells us, so, now I want to
(31:31):
give you guys a location. She paid for me my
first therapy ever, like she decides to just send me
to therapy immediately. We didn't waste time in school. She
just gave me my parents because my dad and I
was driving, she gave my dad the location. I think
it was in Juja because I just remember we got
(31:54):
to Juja and then went and drove in and drove
in and drove in some miles in. So why, yeah,
that's the howards were You're going to find a woman.
She's a therapist. I need you guys to talk to
her as a family and have catered for everything that
was it. And then now return and back to school.
Now this is where disaster, you know started. My life
(32:20):
changed completely in high school after I came back from
that therapy. Because now I'm back to school. Everyone is
looking at me, like, look at her, she's the one.
Don't dare talk to her. Then I go to the dormitory.
I try fetching water, touch someone's bucket. They pour up
water like they don't want to use that. What I anymore?
(32:41):
I use a cap to just fetch water to brush
my teeth. If there's anyone around that, they just shift,
they move away from me. Then I found my box
and my you know, my staff in class. They had
been stolen. My books were teared, they were torn, and
then my spectacles were broken. Then I told my dad
to get me another pair of spectacles. That particular day
(33:03):
they came in with a new pad lock. The following day,
my local was broken as well my spectacles. I had
a new calculated to stolen. My textbooks were missing. I
had such a rife a rough you know, part of
the rest of my phone too, and early Form three.
(33:25):
By the time I was getting from for I think
I had gotten used to, you know, getting that called
kind of treatment and all that. So now this is
from two second term. The other half I don't have
a escimate my dest mat decided to shift and sit
at the back on her own. When the teachers used
to ask her, why are you sitting alone? Shows like
I can't sit with her, I'd rather sit You want
(33:48):
me next to you? It's okay, I'll come and sit
next to the teachers table, but I'll not sit next
to Auntkievilly. No one wants to sit with me. No
one wants to share textbook with me. My textbooks have
been stolen. Well, one thing I I got to realize
is my parents Number one. They never used to have
any reaction towards me being sent home and you know,
(34:10):
me being a lesbian. They just gave me cold treatment.
They never used to talk to me, They never used
to question me, even when after we went for their
appear I remember that particular day they were told, oh,
they have an issue. They need to talk to their daughter.
They need to sit me down and know what the
issue is. Because back in from the first Form two
at Cahuha. I remember writing notes to them and asking them,
(34:33):
can you guys just give me some little attention because
Number one, they used to be away all the time.
My mom owned a restaurant, a mini like just a cafe.
My dad was always outside the country. My big brother
is away from another school, away from earth, so I
used to be alone with the house help and some
(34:54):
of the times my small brother. So at this particular moment,
I felt neglected, and I used to write notes, and
my dad used to question me, like, you know, you're
not even acknowledging the fact that you have both parents alive.
You're you know, having school fees, you never like anything,
and then you're here questioning if they are if they
are my real parents. But I used to ask that
(35:15):
a lot because I don't understand how you can be
my parents. But you don't want to listen to me
in the way. My mom used to treat me bad.
She used to beat me all the time. Any slight mistake,
even playing with boiss a mistake to her. This is
going to sound bad, but playing with Mostlims used to
be something really bad to her. They never gave me
(35:36):
a particular kind of reaction which I can say, well,
definitely they were annoyed, but they never used to show
that they seemed and bothered. Like I think it's the
fact that they didn't know how to react to it
in the first place, because I got to realize now
after during CONVID is when I got struck to them
some bit more and get to understand them. And I
(35:59):
think it's the fact that they don't have that knowledge
of this particular thing does exist and how to deal
with it when you find your kids in it. So
they didn't have that knowledge, so they didn't know how
to react to it. The only time I remember my
father hinting in that story is one particular day, we're
(36:19):
just having a ride. He's driving his car and he
tells me, he asks me, how is your life going about?
You know? Then he signals some you know something with
his face, and I'm like, I think he means my
life being a lesbian. So I was like, well, it's
it's okay right now. And then he was like, if
(36:41):
you ever have any challenges with you know, with boys
or anyone just you know, tries to be chicken around you,
just tell me let me know. And now I was like, okay,
that was it. I have never had any conversation in
my twenty eight years with my mom about boys. You
see those serious conversations between a daughter and mother. I've
(37:03):
never had them with my mom. So even before then,
we had never had such a conversation. So this particular moment,
she didn't talk to me about it. She didn't even react.
She was just giving me the silent treatment. How I
got to cope with it is now, I mean, I'm
in school, I'm back to school. No one knows truck
(37:23):
to me, No one wants to do anything to me.
At the dining hall, I find, you know, every time
we used to place our plates on the table and
then get our balls with food and come and serve
each other. So we used to have an appointed table server,
so they'd serve everyone and leave my plate empty. So
from breakfast to dinner, I never used to eat. So
(37:44):
most of the time, I remember, I used to find
myself at the canteen. Luckily we used to have one,
so I used to go get some bands and I
had it that in class. Then I used to have
a flute. I just can't recorder, so I used to
play flute in class a lot, just do music. And
then sometimes I God now to become spiritual, so I
got to find my place with God. So anytime people
(38:06):
are going to eat, I was just firsting. So we
used to have a prayer station behind our library, so
I go there. I remember we used to have particular corners,
very good corners that you can just hide and pray.
So I used to go there and cry and cry
to God and cry to God. Then after the bell rings,
I go back to class. So at this particular moment,
(38:26):
I remember, I don't know. I think my mom asked
for me to be spied on, and then she realized
I was not eating, but not the issue was they
didn't ask me why I'm not eating. I also had
a toothache issue, so I was like, I let me
just sort myself out. After all, I can't tell my
parents to pay for me you know, special diet. I
can't tell them I'm being you know, a'm missing my
(38:50):
food and all that. I can't report it to anyone.
So I used to stay stick by myself and just
survive like that. So I got to develop answers so much.
And this this time my mom came to school and
she beat me so much, like you know, to an extent.
There was a particular meeting that was happening in our
not dining hall. We used to have at this particular
(39:11):
hall where we used to go for see uca and
all that. So there was a meeting happening there and
I remember one of the people who are vending books
came to talk to me. Moment she was like, Mama
Vita shule at Chiamlimo, Yeah, copper coming body, because she
was beating me openly and we are outside and office,
we were waiting for the deputy to come. And when
(39:33):
she was beating me because I'm not eating, without listening
to me why I'm not eating? So I felt hated
and I was like, the only person I'm going to
talk to, I think is God, because now apparently I
can't talk to my classmates, I can't talk to my parents,
and the fact that I had not developed a close
relationship with my big brother, so there I didn't have
anyone to talk to. But well, I got a lot
(39:57):
of favor again because once you're out for our suspension
in that particular school, you couldn't, you know, participate in
the curriculum activities. But now my principle allowed me. In fact,
I was in charge of music. And then this particular moment,
I was given two dances. I was doing lower dance
and Baganda dance, and I was told to do auditions.
(40:19):
And you know from two now we're in Form three form.
The reason want to be, you know, the ones leading
in these things and all that, especially baganda because they're
going to shake their bodies and you know, the bodies
are just developing and all that. And I'm told to audition.
I didn't have any firm don my Baganda dance only
had for months and Form twos because I mean, you guys,
(40:41):
are you just want to drink because of other reasons,
but you're not doing it correctly according to me. So
I decided to have for months and Form twos only,
and for the first time, we got to the Nationals,
competing against Mary Hill, which was being prinked by my
music teacher in Kahu here now the music teacher who
was teaching me in we did the same lower dance
(41:03):
and then now Baganda dance. It was different, but the
fact that I was competing against my teacher without a trainer.
I was the trainer. We were using my teacher's phone,
our English teacher's phone to google baganda dance. Let me
just look at the styles, because they had the baganda
dance in the previous years, but they didn't have particular
exciting styles for me. I'm a my dancer, so I
(41:24):
like it when we do it in a particular way.
And I'm also a perfectionist, so I made sure we're
doing it correctly, and that's how we got to the
nationals for the first time without a trainer. It sounds like, yo, guys,
M so what are you saying, you guys want to
hit on me. God keeps on elevating me. We go
to you know, for red crows, walks and all that.
All these world people are like we were asking why
(41:45):
is she going for activities? She's not supposed to be going,
like she just came from having a suspension. So I
think that boosted my confidence knowing that the principle and
the teachers were on my side. So even when the
students used to mistreat me and all that, I knew
(42:06):
I had a backup, which was the teachers to some level.
I remember Inform four, I was asked to become a
spy and give them a list of lesbians who are
now informed two definitely not nitch on them. I'm like,
I can't find them. I can't because now I think
they thought because I am so close to them, I
(42:26):
was going to nurse that snitching on people. But I
used to enjoy my you know, I enjoyed my phone
for and I remember That's how I got to top.
I think I was in there second or well was
I in the yeah, second room in out of five rooms,
and the five the fifty one was one hundred plus
packed students, that is during the index numbers. So I
(42:48):
was I think index number for the K two out
of two hundred brand. So I was like, you guys
thought you're going to affect my studies and all that,
But I did so well. Even after a year I
was done with Form four, I remember being called back
again to train Baganda Dans and I was like, favor
following me. Even after I am done with the school
out here, I got to test the Watters. I became
(43:09):
a real lesbian now. But then I got ed and
decided to calm down and come back to Jesus fully now.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Yes, catch more African stories in the next episode of
Legally culls that and story and Wow, what our journey
first and foremost considering our cultural or social cultural context.
I just have to say a big thank you to
Anne for sharing her story with us right and listening
(43:43):
to a story made me reflect deeply on how much
shame and silence we still attach the conversations around identity,
especially when we look at like boarding schools or the
average school system in Kenya, and I'm very sure in
other parts of our continent, and you can just feel
the lack of under standing from teachers, from classmates, and
even parents who just pushed her further into isolation. But
(44:07):
I think I also took away that even in that darkness,
she found a sense of resilience, even when she was
talking about dance and how she lit up, you could
hear her talking about that. But it also reminds us
like the journey to finding identity is not always going
to be acceptable to others, you know, but you still
(44:30):
have to go on that journey no matter what the
end result is. I must stress that, because in Anne's situations,
she's found comfort and solvice in religion, that's not the
case for very many people. And that's okay. I really
want to stress that there should be no shame towards
(44:52):
any community especially vulnerable communities that are already facing shame.
I love about the work that we do here, and
my experience with it is that I've recorded so many
African stories, some whose truths are so different from mine,
(45:14):
but that process of recording those stories has expanded me
to the point where my truth can sit very comfortable
or comfortable what's the word comfortably across your truth? And
there doesn't need to be shame. That's one thing I
(45:36):
really accredit the work that I've done as part of
this family that's legally clueless Africa. It's really really expanded me.
And I hope from Anne's story you don't take any shame.
There's no shame to be taken. I hope you take
(45:58):
away the power of self ex septums and the power
of finding peace with who you are even when the
world refuses to understand you. Now, I want to hear
your thoughts on un story. Drop the comments where it
is that you're listening to this on and if you
want to share your story, make sure that you sign
up in our storyteller form. A link to it is
(46:20):
in the show notes. Make sure you stay connected with
our community, really join the family by signing up for
a newsletter on our website and follow us on Instagram,
TikTok and YouTube. We're at Legally Clueless Africa, but they're
all linked in the show notes. And until next time,
remember I truly appreciate you, and I really think that
(46:42):
you have every single thing it takes to heal. That's
it for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can share
this podcast with your friends, you can keep it for yourself.
I'm not judging. Just make sure you're here next week
for the next episode.
My name is adele On Jngle and welcome to another
episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one. Hey you welcome to episode three hundred and
fifty of Legally Clueless. Thank you so much for being
(00:21):
part of this family. As always, I'm so glad that
you're here listening to these raw, unfiltered and very real
stories of Africans just navigating life. If you're an OG member,
I appreciate you. If this is your first time listening,
welcome to the family and make sure you subscribe wherever
it is that you're listening, because we have this show
(00:43):
that goes out on Mondays. On Wednesdays, we have the
midwik TI's Thursdays, we have for Man of Us Women Fridays,
we have Aska Therapist. What also goes out on Wednesday
is our newsletter, which is quite handy if I do
say so myself. For you who's on your heel journey.
To sign up for it, go to Legally Clueless Africa
dot com. A link is in the show notes. Make
(01:05):
sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel because in a
couple of days, season three for Manderless Women comes your
way and it always drops first on YouTube. But all
that aside is really awesome to have you here. Let's
jump back to this episode. This week you're going to
meet Anne, who is an incredible storyteller opening up about
(01:29):
her journey through identity, acceptance and faith. A lot comes
up in a story, but one thread is definitely the
painful realities of being labeled and isolated just for exploring
her identity. Let's get into it. One hundred African stories
on legally Clueless Stories from Africa.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
So Hi, my name is Ankievid. I'm born again. I
got to grow up in Killingnaga since when I was
I think two years old up until now, so that's
basically where my lifestyle revolves. Mostly before I came to
Nai Ruby, I studied in Sagana Primary school for well,
(02:21):
it's called Lower Sagana. It is upper and lower. I
can't tell why my parents chose the lower one, but
I was in Lawa Sagana for five years. After that is,
after the preschool and all that, I also did that
in Sagana. So from class one up until class five,
class four, that is, I was in Laoisagana. Then I
(02:42):
went to Bishopala, a sister school, which I hated. I
don't know who's been in a sister school and has
enjoyed the experience. I meet to find one. Well, I
didn't get to love being in a sister school because
those sisters were so well, let me just call it ruthless.
They used to beat us, they used to be so
(03:05):
rude and oh my god. Well, to some level, I
got to enjoy the fact that I was dancing there,
because I have been a dancer all my life, since
I was a very young baby. So in Bishoppello, the
only thing I think I remember enjoying was dancing. Apart
from that, we used to have extreme strict you know,
(03:28):
teachers and your sisters everywhere, from the dormitory to the catering, sports,
in class, everywhere. They were so strict on us. So
I didn't get to enjoy my stay at Bishop Palo.
But then afterwards, I just did one year and then
I requested to be transferred, and so my parents decided
(03:51):
to take me far away from Kissing Jaga. I went
to I don't know which county, but the school is
called Krimoilu. It's on your way to keep busy from krrying.
You got to keep busy. Those are the days we
didn't have you know, thicker super highway. So I used
to travel from around six am to six pm on
(04:13):
the roads going to school with a bag, you know,
full of snacks and books and shopping.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Yo.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
But it was such a great experience. And then afterwards
my parents decided they need me around. So once I
was called to the size of Ruth Valley for my
high school studies, they were like, no, let's bring you closer.
So I was taken to Caua Girls in Maranga. So
now that's where I think my young adulthood began because
(04:44):
it was it was it was one trial after another,
just you know, testing and trying anything and everything. And
I think that's why I got to get a feel
of being a lesbian because well it started on a
class three. That was the first time I kissed a
girl out of curiosity. I mean, we keep on watching movies.
(05:07):
What are these people doing? So myself and my best
friend or like, let's try it out. You're like, oh okay.
So after trying out, you get to have another moment
to watch a movie together, you decide to kiss again.
So I now I can't tell how many times we
got to kiss, but well we kissed again I think
in class seven during the holidays and all that. But
(05:29):
I never used to take it sis. So now in
high school at Kahua Girls, we decide to take it
to another level. So I have a girlfriend. We are
in a click and we decided these are the tommies.
These are they? You know films. I don't even remember
the names we used to call them, but we used
to have girlfriends now all right, So now I'm in
(05:49):
Cahoa Girls, I'm in now form one. We just started
high school and immediately how we were positioned. I was
a class cleaner, and you know, I got to choose
a girlfriend from my fellow class cleaner. I think it's
because most of the times we get to work together
(06:09):
to look out for each other. Maybe the duty is
asking why this area is not clean, and then she
steps in and cleans it for me or I do
it for her. So we got to become so close.
And then now the best friend to my girlfriend also
had another now boyfriend who was also a class cleaner.
So I think we formed a group of lesbians within ourselves,
(06:32):
like a support group kinder because we used to stand
in for each other every other day. So we're informed one.
We just started testing out things and then informed two
we decide to make it, you know, go higher to
some other levels. And that's when I think, now we've
got cats. So the management at Kahuya Girls were really
(06:56):
strict and they decided to call us out. I remember
that time. That's when we used to have a campus six.
I don't remember the year, but now I know os
Cool our deputy. We used to nickname her Wamoney and
now us. We were eight, so we were one moona eight.
So because every other time people are studying, it's you know,
(07:19):
during at the prep time or amoney is they're calling
us to the office. She used to be called missus Wamunju,
but we used to call Hermoni. So there were mony
eight who are always outside during prep times. Either you know,
we are having cases with her. Either they're doing inspection
in our boxes. I don't know what they are looking for. Luckily,
well not luckily, Yes, it's luckily because we never used
(07:42):
to have objects in our dormitories or you know, lockers boxes. No,
we just used to I think, love on each other,
write notes to one another, do things for one another.
The affection had not gone, you know, to their extreme
ends of being a lesbian. We were just you know,
(08:03):
at the surface area where you're just showing each other love,
writing notes to one another and all that. But now
the management definitely thought there was something extra to that.
So this particular week they decided to get us grounded.
We were not going to class. We used to be
pinned at a playground. Everyone at tree, Like how many
(08:27):
meters twenty to thirty meters away from one another. Everyone
pinned on a tree. So you're going to stand there
the whole day until your teacher comes. They used to
give us particular teachers comes and picks you, goes with
you to the dormitory, inspects you. They pick your I
remember used to have these particular books. I don't remember
what we used to call them, but we used to
have a book for your friends. They write things about
(08:49):
you and then they either sick photos about you, like
sweet memories that you've had together. And remember we're informed too,
so we don't have so much memories, but we are
so open to you, you know, just doing life together.
So we have a lot of experiences. We've noted down
on those notebooks, so they used to carry such things
they carry let's say you're having earrings to wear during
funk keys and all that are acute watch or a
(09:12):
chain like anything. They'll just feel like I don't know,
but well, the best thing about all this is the
fact that they never got what they were looking for.
But I think they were looking for sex toys and
things that you know, we're going to stimulate now them
giving us a g because they wanted to send us
away from the school totally, like completely, So that is
(09:35):
me in form too. I think second term and first
term that it was just hectic and something else that
happened when I was in from two Cahuhir the teachers
decided to strike continuously for like three four months. We
go back to school, they're striking. We go back again
with they're just striking. We try, you know, just taking
(09:58):
a break from a school for like a man, go
back to school, that they strike again, So that you
just decided that they were not going to teach. And
what I loved about the area where we were schooling
at there are a lot of schools. So I remember
this particular post from What's Up. Randomly during the holidays,
someone said November twenty something, let's show them we can
also strike. That was just a text from one of
(10:20):
the students in a boys school I think, and then
it's circulated to the Maranga schools. I am telling you.
On that day, the number of schools that are just
passing outside of our get calling us let's go, guys,
it's time. Today's the day, and we were like, no,
we're not also good remaining back. So that particular night
we also decided let's move out. So it was exciting,
(10:42):
you know, just seeing us work. You know, if you
know where Maranga is and work, who here is. It's
such a distance. It's like reseone CBD and it's all
hell and valley's hell and valleys. Maranga is full of hells.
So guys were able to work from school to Moranga
and then now pick matats from there to their home places.
(11:05):
And so that particular semister No term was the last
time I had in Cahuir because my dad was like,
I don't think this school is doing you justice. You
need to transfer to a better school. And for me,
I remember we already had notes to take to our
parents about us being lesbians and then being needed to
take us back to school after the schools had opened.
(11:27):
So I was like, yes, let's let's just go. In fact,
that school is the world. I'm not even performing. I
was performing poorly. I think I used to either become
position forty seven out of fifty. The best I did
was forty six when you have been an average student
all my life or topmost around, let's number five out
(11:50):
of thirty in a class where you know, I performed
very poorly when I was now in primary, but not
in high school position forties well, where I just used
to you know, play around, and so I decided to
back up the idea to have me transfer. So what
happens before Ankie Bailey decides to get transferred was I
(12:14):
had called my mom and told her there were some
issues in school and that she might be called to school.
But then she was like, I think my small brother
at that time had a minor injury on the town.
He just fell from a seat or I don't remember
the story, but he was very sick at that particular moment.
(12:36):
So my mom was not concentrating because my small brother
was really young. So she told me, I'm going to
give her the story once I go home, because I
was calling her from school, so I had hinted to
them that I was going to be sent home, but
I needed their support because it was an accusation being made.
(12:58):
So I don't know if they remember, but at that
point when they were deciding to transfer, but I think
we did transfer. We did a lot of strikes happened,
so that was not it was no longer, you know,
any any like something major for them to follow up
through because I mean, you're not going to be staying
in that school any longer, so we don't need to
(13:20):
get to understand what is happening. So when we were transferring,
I don't I don't remember going to the offices. I
think my dad went. I don't know if they told
him and he decided not to tell me, but my
dad went and collected the transfer. Later I was asked
to clear I didn't have any other issues with any
of the teachers, but I read a note. I don't
(13:42):
know why. I don't remember having issues with teachers, but
I read a note that my big brother sent to me.
I wrote it before transferring that a lot of teachers
were talking bad about me transferring, performing poorly, being a
bad girl, like which school is going to trust accept
you with all that. Well, I don't remember that, so
(14:04):
I don't think it was you know, a big back then,
apart from the fact that I saw her later that
I just you know, wrote to myself back then. I
think afterwards, now I get to transferred to a new
school and everything is chilled. But I remember I took
two days before getting my uniforms. So the first night
(14:29):
I'm in a class and I get to appear on
the Newsmaker list. My jas still don't have the uniform
for that particular school. So when the newsmakers have been
called by the deputy teacher, then she just puts me
and she's like a young girl, you don't even have
the uniform for this school and you're already making news.
(14:49):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
With?
Speaker 2 (14:50):
Who talking about? Anyway? So I think I got received
in Kurguia girls now that was now my new school
with some particular image in their heads, because who appears
in the Newsmakers list within the first night in a
new school. But I also don't understand why the class
(15:13):
prefect wrote my name. I mean, I'm new. Just come
and tell me stom making nights because you're going to
appear on my list and you're going to be given punishment.
So the following day, I'm there pushing wilbarrows and you know,
carrying firewood taking it to the kitchen, and I'm in
a different uniform. So that was an alarm. It trained
(15:35):
an alarm to a lot of the lectures the teachers
in that school, like you can't just be helping people
carry wilberrows. You must have done something, I mean carry
firewood with wilburrow. Yeah. So that is how I got
welcomed to Kuga Girls. And that was the beginning of
my issues because now that was I had to repeat
(15:59):
from two number one when I went for the interview
at Cagua Girls before leaving. After leaving cahuha I, there
was no space in form three. And then my dad
reminded me that I have not been performing. I was like,
I can't go back to Cahoya. Anything that has to
take me away from Khoya. I'm for it. Let me
(16:21):
just repeat from too. I'm okay. So now I repeat
from two and well. Life life in Kreuga Girls was
a bit flexible because according to the history, Khua is
above girls performance wise, standard wise, everything wise is above
(16:42):
care just that has hockey players. That's what I know
that's different with Khure, different from Cahua girls. So I'm
in Karuguya. I'm now in Form two again. I have repeated,
and I mean, I don't remember the class, but I
the name of the class. I don't remember how we
(17:03):
used to name our classes, but I mean this particular
class that doesn't like me. Well, people just got a
perspective about Auntie Vailey that they didn't like. I think
it's because I was a tomboy. And in Karga Girls,
they really tried playing it low key like there There
were not lesbian stories in Karuga Gouls when I was joining,
(17:24):
but I got to support them because I was like,
I know you are acting like one. You're one. There's
this thing we used to call gada. It's well funny enough,
it's in the dictionaries. Geta is the ability of a
gay to be able to lookate to know another gay.
So I got to Kurugia girls. They're not showing, they're not,
you know, acting like it, but I can't tell you.
(17:44):
Let's be a neural. Let's be a neural lesbian. So
I used to approach them and just maybe sit talked
them and just try act in a particular way around them,
and then they give me our positive feedback and I'm like,
thank you, I knew it. And next, so what I
used to do is write notes to girls. So I'll
find something that I like about you, and then I'll
(18:07):
note it down on a paper, and then I'll ask
you to meet me, and then I'll ask us to
be friends and all that. So I used to enjoy
it because I see you take the notes, because I'll
slid it in your locker when you're not in. Then
I watch from afar. I see the excitement. I see
how you're surprised, and you're like, is that who just
(18:27):
wrote me these notes? And then I don't remember ever
having anyone who refused what I was asking, like let's
be friends. And then when we are friends, I get
now to you know, just be chiky around you. And
I remember some of the girls used to tell me
what they want, like can you do this to me?
Can you? We were just kids, because well at four
(18:54):
two is where now you boardyed us starts to demand
a lot of you know, sexual desires and you're having
all kind of arousement and you need someone to take
care of it. And here I'm kivererly telling you, yeah,
I can do it well. I used to do it
well because I never got any complaint, and most of
them used to come back and they're like, can Nikis again,
(19:17):
can you do this to me? And then well, I
think I was enjoying my life so much, and the
fact that I have repeated from two now teachers like
me because in class I can answer questions like I
like I became a bright student in Krugier Girls. That's
one thing. I never got to understand what I did
different because you can't tell me in Kahoha will do
(19:41):
physics and I will, you know, copy from a lot
of people, and then I still get two out of fifty,
like two, what was I doing? And then now I'm
in Karuguya Girls and I'm getting forty something out of fifty.
I think the standards also matter to some level. I
(20:03):
got to appreciate how they do the classifications, you know,
the Kenyan way of doing classifications to take you from
one school to another school by the government, because I
think for me, it was going to favor me if
I went to the school that I was sent to,
but my parents refused so they took me to a
school that they preferred. So this particular school that they
(20:25):
preferred was high above my intellectual skills, or maybe I
just don't know how to deal with such people, because
a few months later I was in a new school,
same class, and now I'm top. I'm at the top
of evel, not in our position nor two, but I
was all in stopped ten. So I really enjoyed that.
(20:46):
So I also got the backup of having favor now
from the teachers. So the students now hated me even more.
I didn't get to follow through how they got to
have a sit down and then forward me to the principle.
So this is second term of form two in still
(21:07):
the new school. I mean second time. You're not still
part of the school very well, like conversant with everything
they do. Yes, you know the rules and all that,
but you're still new to some level. So I mean
from two second term, our principle has gone for a trip.
And then so my classmates what they did. They wrote
(21:29):
a letter. I don't know how many classmates. I don't
know who was the lead because I never got to
follow through, but they wrote a letter to the principle
telling her that there's a lady in the class who's
spilling the name of the class and making them to
fail in class, because you know, I am distracting other
students from learning and all that, and I am doing
(21:51):
one to three things which they really dislike because it's
turnishing the name of the class. Well, there one to
three things. They ever exaggerated everything now because I don't
know when it came to the sexual bit about it.
I don't know if they wrote I was having sex
toys or something because they exaggerated the story. But I
(22:12):
love the fact that I got favored with the principle
because she didn't get to put it out there what
was written, because they wrote a lot of bad things
about me. But this particular night, she was to come
in and then release us on the following day for
our midterm. So now she's back, she gets a note.
She calls me to the office at around nine pm.
(22:35):
That's how late she came in, So she's not even
rested from the trip. She's just coming to release us
for the medtim and then now she'll have, you know,
sometime to rest and all that. So she calls me
and has three other ladies in the office and she
tells me, we have a letter from your classmates and
they don't like what you're doing. You're furnishing their name.
(22:57):
You just found them. They were doing Okay, they were
and all that. Right now they're not leading anymore because
they're saying your the reason you're doing one to three things,
which is really affecting the class, and now the one
to three things is where they decided to make sure
they amplify the things. So one of the teachers I
remember she was an English teacher and English I don't
(23:19):
remember her name, but she was really light skin and tall.
So she told me she was not making fun of
me now because I'm really short. She was asking me, you,
with your heights, you're not the man in this relationship.
What are you using to give them pleasure? What kind
(23:41):
of pleasure are you even giving them? Like? She was
so rude. She was making fun of me the whole time.
And after I think an hour, the principal was done
with the other teachers. Because I was open, I was
telling them, yeah, I do it, this is how I
do it. I write notes. Then the principal was asking me,
why do you do you write notes to other fellow
girls and them things they hear from a boy. Why
(24:03):
would you do that? I'm like, but I just enjoy it.
Is it wrong? Like I just enjoyed writing the letter.
So I was being genuine and the principal saw it,
so she sent her with the other ladies, the lady
teachers now the female teachers who are in the office
with her, and we got to talk up until around
(24:23):
almost one am. From nine pm. That's when you know
when you're going for me. And we never used to
have night preps. You just have night and in a
free night to prepare yourself to do cleaning and all that,
so that the following morning you get released very early
in the morning and leave. So people are not in
their classes, you know, at the dormitories, preparing themselves to
(24:44):
leave tomorrow. And then I get to have my time
with them principal. After the ladies left, well not the
female teachers. Once they stepped out, we now got to
have such an intimate moment with the principal. I explained
everything to her from where it began, because for me,
it wasn't something bad. I was like, well, I yeah,
(25:05):
I kissed a girl at you know, class three, But
we were just trying something that we saw on a movie,
and then we got to try again because we missed,
you know, just feeling the same feeling and you didn't
know who to feel such, you know, feelings or kind
of ways with. You don't know who to express it to.
So we decided to kiss again and again. And then
(25:25):
now I am in high school, I just found myself
liking girls. And then she asked me if I've ever
had someone who was in my life who made me
feel the same. Then I realized in class five, when
I was at a sister's school, that particular school was
a girl's school. Only it was a girl's school basically
no no boys, but a primary school, which I tend
(25:50):
to hear people say it's not good to have primary
schools for particular genders, they need to be together. Well
I don't understand that, but well that's the first place
I got to have someone make me like fall in
love with them. Who was a girl. She was in
class eight, I was in class five. But she never
(26:10):
used to do anything to me. She was just caring.
I remember being told that I'd leave my class during
preps time and I want to go and sit next
to her locker, and she'd allow that because she was
the head girl. I mean, so she used to give
me some good attention and make me feel at home
and all that. So I think that's the only time
I remember feeling that because at home, I didn't have
(26:33):
a sister. Apart from my best friend, I didn't have
any other female friend who I used to be close to.
So well, I got that favor from my principal. And
then the following day, she decides to tell me that
she won't give me a letter to take home. She
wants me to go and explain it to my parents
(26:55):
that I will be home for an extra week after
everyone else goes back. Then I go back with them,
like my parents back to school, they take me back.
That was the hardest thing ever. I'd fail in class
but still be able to tell my parents like, well,
I'm positioned for seven out of fifty, but this particular one,
(27:16):
this one was heavy. So another favor happens. My parents
are not around home during that weekend, so they've gone
to Chago. They're having some I think it was a burial,
And then I decided to text my mom, so, Hi,
we're home for the mid tim but I've been told
to go back a week later because I am my
(27:38):
lesbian so and I have a case to discuss with
you together with the principal. So my mom asks me,
what does that mean? Sounds like does it mean you're
not understanding me? Or do you want me to elaborate
what exactly happened? So I didn't respond to that text,
and then she immediately calls me and tells me, don't
tell your father. I'll come home and we will discuss.
(28:00):
I was like okay. So she comes back, it's on
a Saturday night, she doesn't talk to me. Sunday comes,
she doesn't talk to me. Monday comes in and I'm like, okay,
now there's an issue because you can tell when your
parents is not happy with you, like they won't talk
to you, they won't act normally to you. They usually
go to you know, up country and they'll bring you
(28:20):
a lot of you know, fruits and all the good
things from sharks and all that. But this particular time,
she has nothing for me and she's not telling me anything.
So I knew there was an issue. So on Monday
at around six am and she calls me. I used
to have a bicycle that I used to ride a lot,
like I was just a total tomboy, Like I used
to wear shorts and t shirts and sports shoes or
(28:42):
open shoes that men would wear. And then I used
to ride a bicycle a lot, and then I had
shaved my hair, so it was just like, yeah, a
perfect tomboy. So she calls me in the morning while
she woke me up but via a phone call, and
then tells me to go to her best friend house.
And I was like, okay, let me take a shower
(29:02):
and take breakfast because I just woke up. Then she was,
you know, specifical at that particular moment, she twisted her
tone and now became so tough, and then she was like, no,
come as you are, don't take anitty. I was like, okay, okay, okay,
now there's an issue. Let me just where as I am.
Immediately ride my bicycle. Within five minutes, I was there.
(29:25):
So I got to the door. The moment I opened
the door, my mom was furious. She wanted to choke
me with her hands, like you know, I am done
with you. I am finishing you today. But the best
friend was like, Mama, an kindly sit down. You want
her to speak, you have to give her time. To speak,
sit down and listen to her. And then she was
(29:47):
just sitting there like a mediator, you know. One seat
to her left, another seat to her right. That is
now me and my mom, my mother, and then she's
at the center. Then she asked me talk once my
mom wants to open her mouth. Mama, she's called my blessing.
Mama blessing is like, no, Mama, and wait, your tourney
is coming. I proceed. I loved the session because it
(30:08):
was given time to explain myself. Then afterwards she wanted
to beat me so bad. Ma. My blessing was like,
you just asked her to come and tell us the truth.
She's not lied to us. Why would you beat her? Well,
I first supported and so one week went down without
them talking to me. You're still in the same house.
We now need to go back to school, and they
(30:29):
take me. They take me back to school. I find
a panelist, a full office of panelists, and then my
principal is there. That is I think the board. They
were having a board meeting. I don't know if it
was about me, but well, the fact that they were there,
that's all that, you know, matters. And then the principal
(30:50):
asks my parents to step in. Then comes and whispers
to me, I want you to tell them, like five
just five words of you know what exactly you told
me you do, and then step out. So I was like, okay, okay,
five words, Okay, I I like girls, I like. I
(31:11):
tried creating five words in my head. I was not
getting the perfect five words to tell them what exactly
is happening. But I stept in said whatever I said,
and then I stept out, and within like the next
five minutes, my parents are also out. So I was like, okay,
so now what's happening? So the principal comes out, whispers
to us and tells us, so, now I want to
(31:31):
give you guys a location. She paid for me my
first therapy ever, like she decides to just send me
to therapy immediately. We didn't waste time in school. She
just gave me my parents because my dad and I
was driving, she gave my dad the location. I think
it was in Juja because I just remember we got
(31:54):
to Juja and then went and drove in and drove
in and drove in some miles in. So why, yeah,
that's the howards were You're going to find a woman.
She's a therapist. I need you guys to talk to
her as a family and have catered for everything that
was it. And then now return and back to school.
Now this is where disaster, you know started. My life
(32:20):
changed completely in high school after I came back from
that therapy. Because now I'm back to school. Everyone is
looking at me, like, look at her, she's the one.
Don't dare talk to her. Then I go to the dormitory.
I try fetching water, touch someone's bucket. They pour up
water like they don't want to use that. What I anymore?
(32:41):
I use a cap to just fetch water to brush
my teeth. If there's anyone around that, they just shift,
they move away from me. Then I found my box
and my you know, my staff in class. They had
been stolen. My books were teared, they were torn, and
then my spectacles were broken. Then I told my dad
to get me another pair of spectacles. That particular day
(33:03):
they came in with a new pad lock. The following day,
my local was broken as well my spectacles. I had
a new calculated to stolen. My textbooks were missing. I
had such a rife a rough you know, part of
the rest of my phone too, and early Form three.
(33:25):
By the time I was getting from for I think
I had gotten used to, you know, getting that called
kind of treatment and all that. So now this is
from two second term. The other half I don't have
a escimate my dest mat decided to shift and sit
at the back on her own. When the teachers used
to ask her, why are you sitting alone? Shows like
I can't sit with her, I'd rather sit You want
(33:48):
me next to you? It's okay, I'll come and sit
next to the teachers table, but I'll not sit next
to Auntkievilly. No one wants to sit with me. No
one wants to share textbook with me. My textbooks have
been stolen. Well, one thing I I got to realize
is my parents Number one. They never used to have
any reaction towards me being sent home and you know,
(34:10):
me being a lesbian. They just gave me cold treatment.
They never used to talk to me, They never used
to question me, even when after we went for their
appear I remember that particular day they were told, oh,
they have an issue. They need to talk to their daughter.
They need to sit me down and know what the
issue is. Because back in from the first Form two
at Cahuha. I remember writing notes to them and asking them,
(34:33):
can you guys just give me some little attention because
Number one, they used to be away all the time.
My mom owned a restaurant, a mini like just a cafe.
My dad was always outside the country. My big brother
is away from another school, away from earth, so I
used to be alone with the house help and some
(34:54):
of the times my small brother. So at this particular moment,
I felt neglected, and I used to write notes, and
my dad used to question me, like, you know, you're
not even acknowledging the fact that you have both parents alive.
You're you know, having school fees, you never like anything,
and then you're here questioning if they are if they
are my real parents. But I used to ask that
(35:15):
a lot because I don't understand how you can be
my parents. But you don't want to listen to me
in the way. My mom used to treat me bad.
She used to beat me all the time. Any slight mistake,
even playing with boiss a mistake to her. This is
going to sound bad, but playing with Mostlims used to
be something really bad to her. They never gave me
(35:36):
a particular kind of reaction which I can say, well,
definitely they were annoyed, but they never used to show
that they seemed and bothered. Like I think it's the
fact that they didn't know how to react to it
in the first place, because I got to realize now
after during CONVID is when I got struck to them
some bit more and get to understand them. And I
(35:59):
think it's the fact that they don't have that knowledge
of this particular thing does exist and how to deal
with it when you find your kids in it. So
they didn't have that knowledge, so they didn't know how
to react to it. The only time I remember my
father hinting in that story is one particular day, we're
(36:19):
just having a ride. He's driving his car and he
tells me, he asks me, how is your life going about?
You know? Then he signals some you know something with
his face, and I'm like, I think he means my
life being a lesbian. So I was like, well, it's
it's okay right now. And then he was like, if
(36:41):
you ever have any challenges with you know, with boys
or anyone just you know, tries to be chicken around you,
just tell me let me know. And now I was like, okay,
that was it. I have never had any conversation in
my twenty eight years with my mom about boys. You
see those serious conversations between a daughter and mother. I've
(37:03):
never had them with my mom. So even before then,
we had never had such a conversation. So this particular moment,
she didn't talk to me about it. She didn't even react.
She was just giving me the silent treatment. How I
got to cope with it is now, I mean, I'm
in school, I'm back to school. No one knows truck
(37:23):
to me, No one wants to do anything to me.
At the dining hall, I find, you know, every time
we used to place our plates on the table and
then get our balls with food and come and serve
each other. So we used to have an appointed table server,
so they'd serve everyone and leave my plate empty. So
from breakfast to dinner, I never used to eat. So
(37:44):
most of the time, I remember, I used to find
myself at the canteen. Luckily we used to have one,
so I used to go get some bands and I
had it that in class. Then I used to have
a flute. I just can't recorder, so I used to
play flute in class a lot, just do music. And
then sometimes I God now to become spiritual, so I
got to find my place with God. So anytime people
(38:06):
are going to eat, I was just firsting. So we
used to have a prayer station behind our library, so
I go there. I remember we used to have particular corners,
very good corners that you can just hide and pray.
So I used to go there and cry and cry
to God and cry to God. Then after the bell rings,
I go back to class. So at this particular moment,
(38:26):
I remember, I don't know. I think my mom asked
for me to be spied on, and then she realized
I was not eating, but not the issue was they
didn't ask me why I'm not eating. I also had
a toothache issue, so I was like, I let me
just sort myself out. After all, I can't tell my
parents to pay for me you know, special diet. I
can't tell them I'm being you know, a'm missing my
(38:50):
food and all that. I can't report it to anyone.
So I used to stay stick by myself and just
survive like that. So I got to develop answers so much.
And this this time my mom came to school and
she beat me so much, like you know, to an extent.
There was a particular meeting that was happening in our
not dining hall. We used to have at this particular
(39:11):
hall where we used to go for see uca and
all that. So there was a meeting happening there and
I remember one of the people who are vending books
came to talk to me. Moment she was like, Mama
Vita shule at Chiamlimo, Yeah, copper coming body, because she
was beating me openly and we are outside and office,
we were waiting for the deputy to come. And when
(39:33):
she was beating me because I'm not eating, without listening
to me why I'm not eating? So I felt hated
and I was like, the only person I'm going to
talk to, I think is God, because now apparently I
can't talk to my classmates, I can't talk to my parents,
and the fact that I had not developed a close
relationship with my big brother, so there I didn't have
anyone to talk to. But well, I got a lot
(39:57):
of favor again because once you're out for our suspension
in that particular school, you couldn't, you know, participate in
the curriculum activities. But now my principle allowed me. In fact,
I was in charge of music. And then this particular moment,
I was given two dances. I was doing lower dance
and Baganda dance, and I was told to do auditions.
(40:19):
And you know from two now we're in Form three form.
The reason want to be, you know, the ones leading
in these things and all that, especially baganda because they're
going to shake their bodies and you know, the bodies
are just developing and all that. And I'm told to audition.
I didn't have any firm don my Baganda dance only
had for months and Form twos because I mean, you guys,
(40:41):
are you just want to drink because of other reasons,
but you're not doing it correctly according to me. So
I decided to have for months and Form twos only,
and for the first time, we got to the Nationals,
competing against Mary Hill, which was being prinked by my
music teacher in Kahu here now the music teacher who
was teaching me in we did the same lower dance
(41:03):
and then now Baganda dance. It was different, but the
fact that I was competing against my teacher without a trainer.
I was the trainer. We were using my teacher's phone,
our English teacher's phone to google baganda dance. Let me
just look at the styles, because they had the baganda
dance in the previous years, but they didn't have particular
exciting styles for me. I'm a my dancer, so I
(41:24):
like it when we do it in a particular way.
And I'm also a perfectionist, so I made sure we're
doing it correctly, and that's how we got to the
nationals for the first time without a trainer. It sounds like, yo, guys,
M so what are you saying, you guys want to
hit on me. God keeps on elevating me. We go
to you know, for red crows, walks and all that.
All these world people are like we were asking why
(41:45):
is she going for activities? She's not supposed to be going,
like she just came from having a suspension. So I
think that boosted my confidence knowing that the principle and
the teachers were on my side. So even when the
students used to mistreat me and all that, I knew
(42:06):
I had a backup, which was the teachers to some level.
I remember Inform four, I was asked to become a
spy and give them a list of lesbians who are
now informed two definitely not nitch on them. I'm like,
I can't find them. I can't because now I think
they thought because I am so close to them, I
(42:26):
was going to nurse that snitching on people. But I
used to enjoy my you know, I enjoyed my phone
for and I remember That's how I got to top.
I think I was in there second or well was
I in the yeah, second room in out of five rooms,
and the five the fifty one was one hundred plus
packed students, that is during the index numbers. So I
(42:48):
was I think index number for the K two out
of two hundred brand. So I was like, you guys
thought you're going to affect my studies and all that,
But I did so well. Even after a year I
was done with Form four, I remember being called back
again to train Baganda Dans and I was like, favor
following me. Even after I am done with the school
out here, I got to test the Watters. I became
(43:09):
a real lesbian now. But then I got ed and
decided to calm down and come back to Jesus fully now.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Yes, catch more African stories in the next episode of
Legally culls that and story and Wow, what our journey
first and foremost considering our cultural or social cultural context.
I just have to say a big thank you to
Anne for sharing her story with us right and listening
(43:43):
to a story made me reflect deeply on how much
shame and silence we still attach the conversations around identity,
especially when we look at like boarding schools or the
average school system in Kenya, and I'm very sure in
other parts of our continent, and you can just feel
the lack of under standing from teachers, from classmates, and
even parents who just pushed her further into isolation. But
(44:07):
I think I also took away that even in that darkness,
she found a sense of resilience, even when she was
talking about dance and how she lit up, you could
hear her talking about that. But it also reminds us
like the journey to finding identity is not always going
to be acceptable to others, you know, but you still
(44:30):
have to go on that journey no matter what the
end result is. I must stress that, because in Anne's situations,
she's found comfort and solvice in religion, that's not the
case for very many people. And that's okay. I really
want to stress that there should be no shame towards
(44:52):
any community especially vulnerable communities that are already facing shame.
I love about the work that we do here, and
my experience with it is that I've recorded so many
African stories, some whose truths are so different from mine,
(45:14):
but that process of recording those stories has expanded me
to the point where my truth can sit very comfortable
or comfortable what's the word comfortably across your truth? And
there doesn't need to be shame. That's one thing I
(45:36):
really accredit the work that I've done as part of
this family that's legally clueless Africa. It's really really expanded me.
And I hope from Anne's story you don't take any shame.
There's no shame to be taken. I hope you take
(45:58):
away the power of self ex septums and the power
of finding peace with who you are even when the
world refuses to understand you. Now, I want to hear
your thoughts on un story. Drop the comments where it
is that you're listening to this on and if you
want to share your story, make sure that you sign
up in our storyteller form. A link to it is
(46:20):
in the show notes. Make sure you stay connected with
our community, really join the family by signing up for
a newsletter on our website and follow us on Instagram,
TikTok and YouTube. We're at Legally Clueless Africa, but they're
all linked in the show notes. And until next time,
remember I truly appreciate you, and I really think that
(46:42):
you have every single thing it takes to heal. That's
it for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can share
this podcast with your friends, you can keep it for yourself.
I'm not judging. Just make sure you're here next week
for the next episode.
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