October 26, 2025 • 44 mins
In part two of Steve's story, we journey through one of the most vulnerable seasons of his life, navigating his newborn son Zayn’s medical crisis, multiple surgeries, and the weight of financial strain. Steve opens up about the reality of asking for help, what fatherhood has taught him about presence, and how that season reshaped his view on love, faith, and masculinity.
This is a story about courage in vulnerability, partnership in pain, and the quiet strength it takes to keep going. In this episode, you’ll hear:
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Stay connected:
This is a story about courage in vulnerability, partnership in pain, and the quiet strength it takes to keep going. In this episode, you’ll hear:
- The emotional and financial weight of a child’s medical emergency.
- What it means to ask for help and let go of ego.
- Fatherhood, faith, and learning to be fully present.
- Deep gratitude for community and love that sustains through crisis.
- The transformation that happens when hardship forces reflection.
Have a powerful story to tell?
Submit it here: forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is Adela on Jngle and welcome to another
episode of legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one. Hey, you welcome to this episode of legally Clueless.
And this is what's coming up.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The doctor confirms and he's like, you guys need surgery
and it needs to be fast, like if not then tomorrow.
So here ask one simple question. Do you guys have insurance?
I'm like no, for him, we don't. Insurance like any
other thing, is a product and their terms and conditions.
So under the terms that we had cover for mom,
(00:39):
we were not able to get coverage for the child
in that moment getting into the point of delivery, the
priority was her, So I took the package that made
the most sense with regards to what needs we had
at the time, which was delivery. We can hope to
go to a public hospital. But guess what the doctor's
down strike Before he leaves, he also gives us us
(01:00):
an estimation of how much we'll spend eight hundred seven
hundred apples depending on how treatment goes. As a young
person in business, I get like a tat K This time,
and the next time I see another thatica is like
in two three months. So if you stretch that thing,
it's so making sense. And that's what pushes us into
(01:21):
making some decisions that look very unreasonable, but it is
because of your circumstances. So we are caught without insurance
and that's like a reality of it. And I felt
but I really felt like as a man, I had feeled.
I felt like I had fallen short of the expectation
that was there of me to take care of this family.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
That is part two of Steve's story. So that's coming
up a little later in this episode. But welcome, well go,
welcome to another episode. If you are an OG member,
where are my word's going? If you are an OG member,
Welcome to the family. If you are a newbie, Welcome.
(02:00):
You chose an incredible episode to listen to. However, if
you have not listened to part one, you may want
to listen to the previous episode and then jump into
this one. This particular podcast goes out every single Monday.
On Wednesday, we have the midwik TI's Thursday, we have
for Mannerleist women, and Fridays we have asked a therapist
make sure you also sign up for our newsletter. A
(02:22):
link to that is in the show notes, and it
goes out every single Wednesday. I'm really glad that you're here.
Thank you for listening and being part of this community
where we just celebrate African stories in all their complexity
and carriage, and we also connect through those stories so
that we can continue walking towards our best selves. Before
(02:44):
we jump into the story, I do want to clarify
two comments that came up in last week's episode from
someone called Pikachew and someone called d D who loved
the podcast. But we're asking or wondering why we split
into part one, part two, and even sometimes part three.
I think the picture you thought it felt unnecessary, it
(03:06):
really isn't. So we have two reasons why we do that.
The first one is a lot of our stories are
pretty heavy and touch on heavy themes, and it's hard
to put them all into one episode. It can really
make an episode extremely triggering, and so since inception from
the very beginning of this podcast, we always split up stories,
(03:29):
especially when they're themes that could be quite heavy. That's one.
The second thing is the data from our wonderful community
shows that y'all don't like episodes that go past fifteen minutes.
So sometimes a story is super long. One recording could
take even two hours, and we want to honor the
(03:49):
storyteller and honor their context and not edit out things
that are important to them to tell you. And so
there is no way we're going to put a two
hour story in one episode. No way we're going to
put a one and a half hour long story in
one episode, because the data shows that fifteen minutes is
the max for you. And so that's why we split
(04:11):
it in part one, part two. I hope that clears
it up for you, and yeah, thank you for being
part of this family. So let's jump right into it.
Last week we heard part one of Steve Atara's story
and it was just like a powerful reflection on choosing
alignment over approval, trusting his wife's intuition was really what
(04:32):
was my takeaway from last week, which is so powerful
for him to highlight. This week we continue with part two,
and it's deeply emotional, deeply deeply emotional. I mean he
opens up about the long and difficult journey in seeking
emergency surgery and treatment for his baby, saying the recovery
(04:55):
journey that was hectic, the financial strain, and something he
talks about that I need to get better at and
I don't know if it's the same for you, is
learning to ask for help. So let's jump right into
part two of Steve's story. A hundred African stories are
legally cureless stories from Africa.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Basically, he'd developed a blockage in his digestive system. The
small in destines to be exact. Whether that happened, you know,
progressively from bath or just from an instance of the moment,
I do not know, but it looked like it was
happening progressively because of how the symptoms were building up.
(05:48):
So what happens is that when he feeds, he's not
able to keep it down because there's a blockage that
is preventing the natural movement of his bowel. So it's
not able to push whatever is did into the system.
So what they really now need to do is get
into his into his system and take care of the
(06:10):
blockage that looks different in different situations. We needed to
run for the tests, we needed to get more expert
opinion on the same and so this doctor, he the
doctor who initially made confirmed these diagnoses he shat us down.
(06:33):
Baby still crying, by the way, from morning all through afternoon,
he's just crying continuously. If he's not sleeping, he's crying.
So the doctor confirms and he's like, yeah, you guys
need surgery and it needs to be first, needs to
be like if not, then tomorrow. So here ask one
(06:55):
simple question, do you guys have insurance? Like no, for him,
we don't. He was a newborn. We hadn't. We had
barely you know, settled with him. Mum is covered, but
child is not. Okay, what do you do? You could
be ah and yeah co sharife. No, I think you know, insurance,
(07:25):
like any other thing, is a product and there are
terms and conditions that come with products. So under the
terms that we had cover for mom, they we were
not able to get coverage for the child in that moment.
And this happens because I think, one I thank God
(07:48):
that I'm I'm informed to make certain decisions with an
awareness of the terms and conditions of it. So getting
into the point of delivery, the priority was her. So
I took the package that made most sense with regards
(08:10):
to what needs we had at the time, which was delivery.
So they are providers now who are able to the
insurance providers now who are able to give you coverage
for certain things that cover certain things and do not
cover others. So it wasn't really an insurance issue for us,
But it was mostly a resource issue because one, I
(08:35):
am young in business, I am just starting off something
we're trained in all ways, So how do I how
do I still continue to secure my family? What I
do is get what I'm able to get. We had
NHIF at the time, but of course, because again of
(08:58):
the trains that we're going through. As a person trying
to start off something, you're probably not able to keep
up with payments and so you're falling. So back off
and KIO. And at the time, you're probably not imagining
something of this sort could happen to you. You're thinking,
I happened, so it can't be that it happened. As
the doctor is asking me these questions, I'm like, man,
(09:19):
it happened. The one thing I felt could not happen
has happened. We have a medical emergency and we're not covered.
What's the other thing the next level of this conversation,
we can hope to go to a public hospital but
guesse what the doctor's down strike, so we can't go
(09:43):
to Katra or wherever. So the doctor is really with us,
is like, guys, it's going to be an expensive thing.
You guys need money, and you need it first. I
can make a few referrals to you, but it will
be an expert and if affair, here's a list of hospitals.
(10:05):
You guys, decide and call me back Altery five and
he leaves. Before he leaves, he also gives us us
an estimation of how much we'll spend eight hundred seven
hundred appards depending on how you know, treatment goes, depending
on the complications that come up eight to a million booth.
(10:29):
I'm like, we're afraid, man. I could not see front
from back. The child is cry, you know, right next
to us. This and mum who was just you know,
received a child, and you know, the family is rejoicing
on our side. It's baby crying and mom crying as well.
They're even coming to ask, you know, guys, what's what's happening,
(10:53):
And we can't tell them much. So I don't know.
I was in despair for some moments. You know, even now,
you know now right now, the medics, aund strike over
terms of employment and you know a lot of those
things and it doesn't mean much to us right now
(11:14):
because we do not need it. But for the first time,
I found myself in this position here, this thing has
affected me and I have no options. So I had
to call people. That's now the thing. You have to
(11:35):
have people around you. I called who I knew best.
I could call people around us, who I knew. Well,
it's not really to ask for money, but is to
tell them we're in a situation, we're in trouble. And
we called a couple of our friends and even our
(11:56):
pastor came. So even for them, it was like, man,
how is this Like the baby was just perfect, you know,
how is this happening? But anyway, we did not spend
a lot of time talking, but just acting. I'm so
grateful that they were able to help us move around
(12:19):
and make decisions. Eventually, we were referred to Kijabi Hospital
and we went that evening. So baby has been crying
for morning. They went to the hospital at around nine am.
We're going to Kijabe at around ten pm, so we
haven't even carried clothes or anything. We just went and
(12:42):
it's raining heavily. Our friends, you know, they drove us.
I thank God again for them. They drove us to
the Kijabe in rain I checked us in and left.
They gave us the clothes, their jackets and whatever they
had on their hands. And so we were left there
now to fa to ourselves. Remember now our first child
(13:02):
is at home with a nanny. We didn't even tell
you we were going. You know, it's we thought it
would be consultation then back. But it's now a life
threatening situation. So to me here cooky jab then we
have to make arrangements for them as well, to be
to be to be in a situation where they're taken
(13:22):
care of, and so we start the process of treatment
and preparation for surgery. I don't know how much I
can get into this, but I think for the first time,
I you know, a lot of times we give statistics
(13:43):
in Kenya, we say probably seventy percent of the population
in Kenya leaves unless than a dollar a day. So
when you say that's seventy percent, you don't picture yourself there.
You know, it's like it's it's not a me problem,
(14:05):
it's a you could I say, one at a sac
of coin but I said, and I said, wait, I
think I'm part of that statistic of these statistics that
people keep throwing around. Less than a dollar day is
not really that Lona can do me one fifty hours
of Billy ors Eco. It's not when when when when
(14:27):
people throw around these statistics, it is not that I
thought about it and I'm said, wait, I'm part of
of this populations that people are talking about, the struggling
population where I'm not necessarily spending one hundred and fifty
booth a day or less than that. But as a
young person in business, I get like Attica this time,
(14:50):
and the next time I see another Thartica is like
in in I don't know when, two three months. So
if you stretch that thing, it's it's so making sense,
and that's what pushes us into making some decisions that
look very and reasonable. But it is because of your circumstances.
(15:11):
So we are caught without insurance, and that's like a
reality of it. And I felt, but I really felt
like as a man, I had failed. I felt like
I had fallen short of the expectation that was there
of me to take care of this family. And it
was heavy on me. It was really heavy, so much
so that it I think it affected my ability to
(15:40):
see solutions around it. So the child is in hospital.
I'm trying to take him through the Kawaida tests. They
have to do blood tests, they have to do x rays,
they have to do all these things that are very straining,
and every time you do that, it's ting, ting ting.
(16:00):
Ah Man. Anyway, the prayer was that we would get
a solution. I was still hoping that he would not
need to go through surgery at the time, but it
was looking more and more like that. So they take
him into Hdu. I think it was then that I
began to understand the seriousness of the situation, because as
(16:24):
we got in there, I looked around and all the
children I could see in that room looked like they
were near death. You know, their own machines there in
pain on strong pain killers. They look like I've been
there for months. It's a tricky place to be in.
(16:46):
They gave him a bed, but because of the pressure
of cases coming in from outside, because of the strike
from meds, we had a demand of places. So they're
event struggling on who deserves this place more than the other.
On that moment, you're speaking for a child more. But
(17:09):
when you look at when you think about it, the
other person also needs the same thing that you need.
But you know, you get what you get. And we
settling there and next day he has surgery, goes well,
comes back to rest on the evening complications that need
(17:32):
him to get another surgery immediately after. So all now
this time, it's now Monday, it's getting into Tuesday. I
haven't told my clients what happens. So people are calling
me for work. They're asking how far you know is
it needed? So I have to send for my gear
(17:53):
to come, my laptops and everything so that I can
continue with projects in Kijab. I think when I look back,
I am grateful again that God always holds us town
the same way he helped me through in different situations.
So these people that we have called family friends have
(18:14):
stood in the gap for us. They have bad what
bills that were we had in card till then you know,
someone just comes with a ten K, a five K
or a K and like you just sort out what
you need to sort out. You just buy what you
need to buy. And I could tell that there was
(18:37):
a covering that was around us in that way because
we had not event. For some people, we are not
even called to ask naj we need this and that
it was just you guys take We hadn't even talked
about the insurance thing. We hadn't talked about it. But
people would do that a family man. I think there
(18:59):
are people who come and send in a whole depository
that is needed for surgery and that one is sorted.
So even as all these things is all this is happening,
in my mind, I am praying and hoping that that
is the last of it that anyone needs to send,
you know, because you don't want to also put people
(19:23):
in that situation of coming to rescue you from that thing.
But it is happening in real time and it needs
to happen. So once or twice I did find myself
in a situation where I have to call someone and
tell them they urge, I need this match, please help
(19:45):
us at this out, and the person would send no questions.
I know money is a sensitive thing, especially between people
who know each other. I know that I'm more sensitive
to that that I think, given the person who is
I'm asking for. So I'm very careful on what I promise.
I have assessed this situation. If the dogs have said
(20:06):
they need a hand like eight handd to a million
in terms of all through this whole journey, then what
are my chances of being able to pay you back
your five k? You know, unless I get a breakthrough,
because even in the business I've been working on, I
can't even say that's money I make right now in
(20:28):
a year, you know. So I had to be very
honest with myself in knowing that this is not the
time to put up the savior mentality of a man,
because I think for the longest time, you know, we
have won that. And I think this situation came sooner
(20:53):
than I thought it would because it forced me to
confront a vulnerability that typically, you know, we don't want
to take as men, which is I need help and
I may not be able to to thank you for
that help in the way of returning it back. I
(21:18):
just need help right now. So it was very, very,
very challenging for me. But now listen, this is the part.
It is that there's something greater at play here than
(21:41):
my ego as a man. My ego has been superseded
by a life threatening situation for my child. So something
else has kicked in and this is the instinct to protect.
So I am willing to go around my ego to
(22:02):
protect because ultimately that is the reason that is my
why I cannot say that I'm unable to ask for
help because it's uncomfortable. So who then does this child
rely on to state the case for them? So I
(22:26):
think that is something I had to really awaken myself,
awaken myself to quite early in that process. It's like
everything pushed aside. Why am I doing this? It's for Zene.
He needs to survive this. So what am I willing
to do to make it happen? What am I willing
to do as a man to ensure that this boy survives?
(22:51):
Surely asking for help is the least I could do
Because I have failed to be the one to provide,
Why then can't I be a champion for this? So
we managed, and we did talk to people, we did mobilize,
and it happened. We got surgery for him. Now I
(23:12):
was thinking this thing would be surgery and we're out,
but it is surgery. And then you have a situation
where the child is in a recovery mode with interventions
that have been made to help him just survive. The
situation for some time before they do another surgery. So
(23:36):
to MEROADI home and I had a corner. But you
have to go home with him that you managing the
condition from that till he recovers and then a rudy
so they had to leave an opening in his stomach
to help him, to help his insides heal and till
(24:00):
they put it back. I'm giving this detail because it
is the full breadth of what I experienced and the
kind of battles that we fought, and I thought as
a man. So I cannot now then just say that
I am outside providing the maman adil. I have to
(24:23):
be present. I have to be there to ensure that
I help in changing this child because it is not
an easy thing. It is exhausting because you do it
almost trice as much as you do for a normal
child to prevent irritation on the skin. So I have
(24:48):
to be present. I have to be there, not just
to say that I am paying the bills or I'm
trying to find a way to pay the bills. In fact,
what I did is that as we were in Kijabe,
I got a place to sleep yup like outside of
hospital and had camp there China dur I transferred my
(25:12):
life to Kijab. Meanwhile, our dear child has to stay
with our sister and the nanny because this is better now.
The older child, we we might not be able to
meet him soon because we're still trying to figure this out.
(25:35):
So he's there with our sister. He's doing well, and
I think we we were fortunate to have someone who
could stay with him. So I was forced to be present,
and I knew that had to happen to be there
for changing the child, to know how to see whatever
wounds that he had to know how to, you know,
(25:57):
put him down to rest, to know how to clean
him up, to wash him. And I think that's when now,
even as as a as a married couple, I think
that was one of the most edifying chapters of our
life starts for because it is a hardship that you
(26:21):
had not expected, but you have to manage it together.
I remember because now I've realized not even any work
that I go out there will be able to meet
whatever needs we have. We need to do a fun drive.
So how do we do it. Let's design a poster.
(26:43):
So because I do design work naturally, I'm the one
to design it. I think I think I remember telling
my wife is the hardest job I've ever I've ever done,
because as I was designing it, I think it was
like it's like you remember in school how we used
(27:10):
to living cobla chape And I realized then it's like
good after you're going to look for the very thing
that is going to be the source of such a
wish for you in a short while. So you're wondering.
You know, you can't go get out the smallest one
because at a germs, so you have to go get
(27:32):
what is reasonable. So poster for andre I designed it.
How much are we asking for? What is it for?
What is the condition? And then now we have to
post it. It is going beyond our because we don't
want now to baden our close circles with this thing.
(27:54):
It is not a one step process. It is a
multi step process that needs a lot of support continuous.
Some of the medication that you would spend in a
week would would would some there, some ointments would buy
that you know, a jar would cost like two k
and in a week it's over, you know, So for
(28:15):
our household that is making close to nothing during that period,
it's a lot. Remember, you still have to eat, you know,
you still have to to you still have to survive
as a family. So I I designed this thing and
it was so heavy, but I said, you know, the
same thing, whatever it takes. And we distributed that poster Instagram,
(28:43):
WhatsApp groups. Amen, it was heavy. I think. I think
that that's one of the hardest things I have done professionally,
just being able to design a fan drive for my
own son, a poster for a fundrey for my own
son and for my family. But we put it out there.
(29:08):
So as we did, we begin to see messages of
trickling in. You know, this match has been sent, This
match has been sent, This match has been sent, and
within a few days we have what we need for surgery.
So this is the process of it. We get into hospital,
(29:32):
he's checked in, they did the first procedure. They do
the first procedure, which is successful. They have taken some
samples from his system and they have gone to do
some laptos to them that will take time. As he
is on that evening, as he's recovering from that procedure,
(29:54):
a complication happens where there's a rapture in his intercen.
When that happens, they have to go back in and
repair that rapture. When they repair that rapture, they have
to still make his system work because even in the
context of that repair, he still has to fit. He
(30:15):
still has to you know, he still has to pass
a stool, but he can't use where the area that
has been repaired in his interest. So they have to
to pouse that area for a while. So when they
pose that area, that's when they redirect and have an
opening on the side of his stomach. It's called a colostomy,
(30:39):
so that is what he has. The surgery. Now we
did the foundraiser forwards to return his system back to
normal from that colostomy back. As we wait for the
initial results, they are taken to understand what caused this blockage.
So it's a pretty it's a it's a it's a
(31:03):
it was a step of a series of issues that
came up that even for us was allowed to play chest.
But it is that we went to gub Initially he
successfully went through some procedures, then we went back home
awaiting the next step. As we await that next step,
we realize we do not have funds to to to
(31:27):
do what is ahead and even survive in the here
and now because now he needs medication, he needs the awugntments,
he needs care, and we also need to survive. So
how do we do it? Yeah, so I think it
was that a realization that for what is ahead we
(31:52):
might not be able to bear. So what do we do?
We need more help. We really just genuinely need more help,
something to help us cover what is needed as we
figure things out. So as we did this fund raiser,
we are at home, he's still taking care of this
child in his condition, and we managed to get the
(32:13):
target of money. It wasn't a lot, by the way.
We had We had foreseen around three hundred care for
some people right now, that's like, you know, he spent
that in a day or something. Yeah, it's like money
that people have, but it's not in our hands at
the moment. So but when you manage to raise that money,
(32:34):
he's still recovering form he hasn't he's not ready for
that procedure, so you still have to continue managing him.
I'm sure he doesn't have any infections it is. Anyway,
we do manage and get back to hospital, he gets
the surgery done, it's successful. When the tests come back,
(33:01):
the doctor said he doesn't. They thought he had a
condition that had caused the blockage of his system, and
that would have meant more treatment in the future, more procedures,
but it came back inconclusive. All these we really had
(33:23):
to pray for this child. I remember one time my
wife just said, we need to take him to church.
We were not going to church by the way, during
this time, because of course the obvious reasons. But on
that Sunday, she's like, she needs to go to church,
and we went. And I did not know because the
(33:45):
idea was just to have our pastor prayer over him.
But it ended up being a session of prayer that
really triggered a lot of things. That parents came up
with their children who are not well. Other people who
are well came up for prayer. And this is an
(34:09):
area of life, that of our life that I'm not
afraid to, you know, confirm, is that really prayer has
been our backing. We are people of faith. If anything
has been able to carry us through the different motions
that we have had, it is prayer. Now, you know,
(34:34):
I don't want to defend that life. I don't want
to defend that decision. But I think it is important
that anyone who you know would be hearing this to
understand that we have been people of faith and that
so far has helped us. Then today is over ten
(34:56):
months old. He's happy, he's cheerful, is energetic, he's very
very opinionated in how he behaves. I see a bright
future for him. But as a man, I had to
make decisions that might not have been very comfortable for me.
(35:18):
If you told me this is what something would have
been battling in a dating phase, I don't think i'd
have believed you. And even if I would have, I
don't think I would have ever conceived myself as being
unable to pay a medical bill that is that much?
Speaker 1 (35:39):
I like?
Speaker 2 (35:40):
How as in how am I unable to pay that?
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Like?
Speaker 2 (35:43):
What am I missing? I have and I have understanding,
I have knowledge of what to do. I have experience
and clients that I can you know I can I
can rely on. So what are you telling me? But
I think and this is what I saw a quote somewhere,
you know, someone say that the older I get, the
(36:06):
more I understand my father. So it is just a
thinking right now of situations we my judge as very
simple as not being as simple until you're there, Like
(36:27):
it's not as easy to think about it until you
find yourself in that situation. And the older I get,
the more I appreciate that. I'm more appreciative of what
the men before have done, what they have achieved. Of
course we have shortcomings, they have shortcomings, but it's to
basically respect those who have gone ahead of you, and
(36:53):
I'm learning to do that more and more. I'm learning
not to judge situations as fast as even not judge
at all. You know, I'd have an opinion, but what
does that really matter. I Am not in that situation,
so I don't know what it takes. I learned to
(37:16):
respect my wife, not that I didn't, but you know,
sometimes you I think there are things we hold at
the back of our minds with a bit a pine
of pride, you know, like when someone tells you something
and you think you know better, but you won't say it.
You think that you understand it better, but you won't
(37:37):
really say it like that. So I have learned more
and more to appreciate her as my wife and as
our caretaker. I joke nowadays, they say, you know in
this room. You're the you're the you're the doctor, you're
(37:58):
the fundye 're the caregiver, you're the chef. So there's
so much they do, and there's so much that they
are wired to do that it becomes crazy when you
begin to think about it. And I hope that I'm
able to express it to harm and more. So. Yeah,
(38:22):
that's been our hour, our story. But I thought to
share that experience because I think in the times that
we're living in the country now, we have millennials. I
saw a photo recently, you know, a guy chasing another
guy frantically. The guy behind is number thirty two or thirty,
(38:51):
I don't know. The guy in front is the guy
born in nineteen ninety two, Like life is catching up
that we are the parents we criticized. Now we are
the system that we criticized. So it is now time
for us to sit at that place where we were
(39:13):
pointing at and begin to understand what it takes to
be there. If you thought that providing for you for
you as a son or a daughter was easy, then
now try and provide for yours under the current circumstances. Yeah.
If you thought that being present was very easy, now
(39:40):
be present as you try to meet the demands that
are on you. Yeah, you have to make a decision,
and one will affect the other because to be present,
you have to make sacrifices to be physically present, like
I try to be present now physically emotionally, I say
(40:02):
that I like that my children would be able to
see me, to hear me, and to feel me around
the house. That's the only way, like they're able to
get things from me. So if I adopt that, then
it means there's a life I have to forego, and
that is a life of continuous departing, departure from whom
(40:28):
I have to know and to say no to certain things.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally Cullous.
What a powerful story, What an absolutely powerful story. Oh
my goodness. When I was listening to this second part
of the story, like, honestly, my tears were just balancing,
(40:53):
balancing tears when he was talking about his business and
the decisions he made in terms of what insurance covered
to get and then being told that the surgery is
going to cost you upwards of eight hundred thousand kenn
of shillings, not even having the option of going to
a government facility because the doctors won't strike. Let me
(41:16):
tell you, like I had to pause, I really had
to pause. Oh my god, I had to pause. That
just felt like so much. And when he spoke about
how he felt like a failure because of that, it
really hurts because there's so many people who have failed
canyons and humans really, because this is an issue across
(41:40):
different countries across the continent as well. Where minister of
health doesn't do their job, it actually costs lives, right,
so because of corruption, they eat the money that's meant
to pay the doctors. Corruption is violent, y'all. It actually
is a matter of life or death. Like goodness, Let's
(42:01):
not even talk about the economic environment that makes it
hard for businesses to make sustainable revenue. That's also a problem.
Do you see how it plays into like real life issues. Yeah,
I had, I had balancing tears. What I also loved
(42:22):
was just a reminder from his story that sometimes healing,
growth and even strength don't look like having control over something.
They can look like surrender and leaning into your community
and asking for help and just having that courage that
comes out as vulnerability, like literally telling the people who
(42:44):
care about you, Hey, I can't afford ABCD and I
need it like immediately. That is actually strength, you know,
it's not weakness. And yeah, I also had balancing tea.
I feel like the my dear sore just balancing throughout
this story. My goodness, it was just a beautiful reminder
(43:06):
that asking for help isn't failure. It really is a
form of bravery. But I want to know what you
connected with, what resonated with you. Please drop it in
the comments section. As you heard earlier in the episode,
I do read your comments and I love stumbling on them,
and I love you for being part of this community.
So drop your comments. I can't wait to read it
(43:27):
on whatever platform you're listening to this on now. If
you have listened to all of the storytellers who jump
on this show and you want to share your story
on this podcast, head over to our show notes. There
is a link to our storyteller form. Fill it out
in one of our correspondents. We'll get back to you.
Make sure you also join our community online on Instagram
(43:50):
and TikTok, where legally Clueless Africa linked to both those
pages is in the show notes. Subscribe to her YouTube
channel so you can watch our shows. Season three of
Man Women is coming up. Oh you're gonna love the
women who are coming your way in this season. And
don't forget to sign up for our Nie letter on
our website, legally Cluelessafrica dot com. A link to that
(44:12):
is in the show notes. But thank you so much
for listening to this episode to the very end. I
truly truly appreciate you. Got nothing but love for you,
and I know that you have everything it takes to heal.
That's it for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can
share this podcast with your friends. You can keep it
for yourself. I'm not judging. Just make sure you're here
(44:35):
next week for the next episode.
My name is Adela on Jngle and welcome to another
episode of legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one. Hey, you welcome to this episode of legally Clueless.
And this is what's coming up.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
The doctor confirms and he's like, you guys need surgery
and it needs to be fast, like if not then tomorrow.
So here ask one simple question. Do you guys have insurance?
I'm like no, for him, we don't. Insurance like any
other thing, is a product and their terms and conditions.
So under the terms that we had cover for mom,
(00:39):
we were not able to get coverage for the child
in that moment getting into the point of delivery, the
priority was her, So I took the package that made
the most sense with regards to what needs we had
at the time, which was delivery. We can hope to
go to a public hospital. But guess what the doctor's
down strike Before he leaves, he also gives us us
(01:00):
an estimation of how much we'll spend eight hundred seven
hundred apples depending on how treatment goes. As a young
person in business, I get like a tat K This time,
and the next time I see another thatica is like
in two three months. So if you stretch that thing,
it's so making sense. And that's what pushes us into
(01:21):
making some decisions that look very unreasonable, but it is
because of your circumstances. So we are caught without insurance
and that's like a reality of it. And I felt
but I really felt like as a man, I had feeled.
I felt like I had fallen short of the expectation
that was there of me to take care of this family.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
That is part two of Steve's story. So that's coming
up a little later in this episode. But welcome, well go,
welcome to another episode. If you are an OG member,
where are my word's going? If you are an OG member,
Welcome to the family. If you are a newbie, Welcome.
(02:00):
You chose an incredible episode to listen to. However, if
you have not listened to part one, you may want
to listen to the previous episode and then jump into
this one. This particular podcast goes out every single Monday.
On Wednesday, we have the midwik TI's Thursday, we have
for Mannerleist women, and Fridays we have asked a therapist
make sure you also sign up for our newsletter. A
(02:22):
link to that is in the show notes, and it
goes out every single Wednesday. I'm really glad that you're here.
Thank you for listening and being part of this community
where we just celebrate African stories in all their complexity
and carriage, and we also connect through those stories so
that we can continue walking towards our best selves. Before
(02:44):
we jump into the story, I do want to clarify
two comments that came up in last week's episode from
someone called Pikachew and someone called d D who loved
the podcast. But we're asking or wondering why we split
into part one, part two, and even sometimes part three.
I think the picture you thought it felt unnecessary, it
(03:06):
really isn't. So we have two reasons why we do that.
The first one is a lot of our stories are
pretty heavy and touch on heavy themes, and it's hard
to put them all into one episode. It can really
make an episode extremely triggering, and so since inception from
the very beginning of this podcast, we always split up stories,
(03:29):
especially when they're themes that could be quite heavy. That's one.
The second thing is the data from our wonderful community
shows that y'all don't like episodes that go past fifteen minutes.
So sometimes a story is super long. One recording could
take even two hours, and we want to honor the
(03:49):
storyteller and honor their context and not edit out things
that are important to them to tell you. And so
there is no way we're going to put a two
hour story in one episode. No way we're going to
put a one and a half hour long story in
one episode, because the data shows that fifteen minutes is
the max for you. And so that's why we split
(04:11):
it in part one, part two. I hope that clears
it up for you, and yeah, thank you for being
part of this family. So let's jump right into it.
Last week we heard part one of Steve Atara's story
and it was just like a powerful reflection on choosing
alignment over approval, trusting his wife's intuition was really what
(04:32):
was my takeaway from last week, which is so powerful
for him to highlight. This week we continue with part two,
and it's deeply emotional, deeply deeply emotional. I mean he
opens up about the long and difficult journey in seeking
emergency surgery and treatment for his baby, saying the recovery
(04:55):
journey that was hectic, the financial strain, and something he
talks about that I need to get better at and
I don't know if it's the same for you, is
learning to ask for help. So let's jump right into
part two of Steve's story. A hundred African stories are
legally cureless stories from Africa.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Basically, he'd developed a blockage in his digestive system. The
small in destines to be exact. Whether that happened, you know,
progressively from bath or just from an instance of the moment,
I do not know, but it looked like it was
happening progressively because of how the symptoms were building up.
(05:48):
So what happens is that when he feeds, he's not
able to keep it down because there's a blockage that
is preventing the natural movement of his bowel. So it's
not able to push whatever is did into the system.
So what they really now need to do is get
into his into his system and take care of the
(06:10):
blockage that looks different in different situations. We needed to
run for the tests, we needed to get more expert
opinion on the same and so this doctor, he the
doctor who initially made confirmed these diagnoses he shat us down.
(06:33):
Baby still crying, by the way, from morning all through afternoon,
he's just crying continuously. If he's not sleeping, he's crying.
So the doctor confirms and he's like, yeah, you guys
need surgery and it needs to be first, needs to
be like if not, then tomorrow. So here ask one
(06:55):
simple question, do you guys have insurance? Like no, for him,
we don't. He was a newborn. We hadn't. We had
barely you know, settled with him. Mum is covered, but
child is not. Okay, what do you do? You could
be ah and yeah co sharife. No, I think you know, insurance,
(07:25):
like any other thing, is a product and there are
terms and conditions that come with products. So under the
terms that we had cover for mom, they we were
not able to get coverage for the child in that moment.
And this happens because I think, one I thank God
(07:48):
that I'm I'm informed to make certain decisions with an
awareness of the terms and conditions of it. So getting
into the point of delivery, the priority was her. So
I took the package that made most sense with regards
(08:10):
to what needs we had at the time, which was delivery.
So they are providers now who are able to the
insurance providers now who are able to give you coverage
for certain things that cover certain things and do not
cover others. So it wasn't really an insurance issue for us,
But it was mostly a resource issue because one, I
(08:35):
am young in business, I am just starting off something
we're trained in all ways, So how do I how
do I still continue to secure my family? What I
do is get what I'm able to get. We had
NHIF at the time, but of course, because again of
(08:58):
the trains that we're going through. As a person trying
to start off something, you're probably not able to keep
up with payments and so you're falling. So back off
and KIO. And at the time, you're probably not imagining
something of this sort could happen to you. You're thinking,
I happened, so it can't be that it happened. As
the doctor is asking me these questions, I'm like, man,
(09:19):
it happened. The one thing I felt could not happen
has happened. We have a medical emergency and we're not covered.
What's the other thing the next level of this conversation,
we can hope to go to a public hospital but
guesse what the doctor's down strike, so we can't go
(09:43):
to Katra or wherever. So the doctor is really with us,
is like, guys, it's going to be an expensive thing.
You guys need money, and you need it first. I
can make a few referrals to you, but it will
be an expert and if affair, here's a list of hospitals.
(10:05):
You guys, decide and call me back Altery five and
he leaves. Before he leaves, he also gives us us
an estimation of how much we'll spend eight hundred seven
hundred appards depending on how you know, treatment goes, depending
on the complications that come up eight to a million booth.
(10:29):
I'm like, we're afraid, man. I could not see front
from back. The child is cry, you know, right next
to us. This and mum who was just you know,
received a child, and you know, the family is rejoicing
on our side. It's baby crying and mom crying as well.
They're even coming to ask, you know, guys, what's what's happening,
(10:53):
And we can't tell them much. So I don't know.
I was in despair for some moments. You know, even now,
you know now right now, the medics, aund strike over
terms of employment and you know a lot of those
things and it doesn't mean much to us right now
(11:14):
because we do not need it. But for the first time,
I found myself in this position here, this thing has
affected me and I have no options. So I had
to call people. That's now the thing. You have to
(11:35):
have people around you. I called who I knew best.
I could call people around us, who I knew. Well,
it's not really to ask for money, but is to
tell them we're in a situation, we're in trouble. And
we called a couple of our friends and even our
(11:56):
pastor came. So even for them, it was like, man,
how is this Like the baby was just perfect, you know,
how is this happening? But anyway, we did not spend
a lot of time talking, but just acting. I'm so
grateful that they were able to help us move around
(12:19):
and make decisions. Eventually, we were referred to Kijabi Hospital
and we went that evening. So baby has been crying
for morning. They went to the hospital at around nine am.
We're going to Kijabe at around ten pm, so we
haven't even carried clothes or anything. We just went and
(12:42):
it's raining heavily. Our friends, you know, they drove us.
I thank God again for them. They drove us to
the Kijabe in rain I checked us in and left.
They gave us the clothes, their jackets and whatever they
had on their hands. And so we were left there
now to fa to ourselves. Remember now our first child
(13:02):
is at home with a nanny. We didn't even tell
you we were going. You know, it's we thought it
would be consultation then back. But it's now a life
threatening situation. So to me here cooky jab then we
have to make arrangements for them as well, to be
to be to be in a situation where they're taken
(13:22):
care of, and so we start the process of treatment
and preparation for surgery. I don't know how much I
can get into this, but I think for the first time,
I you know, a lot of times we give statistics
(13:43):
in Kenya, we say probably seventy percent of the population
in Kenya leaves unless than a dollar a day. So
when you say that's seventy percent, you don't picture yourself there.
You know, it's like it's it's not a me problem,
(14:05):
it's a you could I say, one at a sac
of coin but I said, and I said, wait, I
think I'm part of that statistic of these statistics that
people keep throwing around. Less than a dollar day is
not really that Lona can do me one fifty hours
of Billy ors Eco. It's not when when when when
(14:27):
people throw around these statistics, it is not that I
thought about it and I'm said, wait, I'm part of
of this populations that people are talking about, the struggling
population where I'm not necessarily spending one hundred and fifty
booth a day or less than that. But as a
young person in business, I get like Attica this time,
(14:50):
and the next time I see another Thartica is like
in in I don't know when, two three months. So
if you stretch that thing, it's it's so making sense,
and that's what pushes us into making some decisions that
look very and reasonable. But it is because of your circumstances.
(15:11):
So we are caught without insurance, and that's like a
reality of it. And I felt, but I really felt
like as a man, I had failed. I felt like
I had fallen short of the expectation that was there
of me to take care of this family. And it
was heavy on me. It was really heavy, so much
so that it I think it affected my ability to
(15:40):
see solutions around it. So the child is in hospital.
I'm trying to take him through the Kawaida tests. They
have to do blood tests, they have to do x rays,
they have to do all these things that are very straining,
and every time you do that, it's ting, ting ting.
(16:00):
Ah Man. Anyway, the prayer was that we would get
a solution. I was still hoping that he would not
need to go through surgery at the time, but it
was looking more and more like that. So they take
him into Hdu. I think it was then that I
began to understand the seriousness of the situation, because as
(16:24):
we got in there, I looked around and all the
children I could see in that room looked like they
were near death. You know, their own machines there in
pain on strong pain killers. They look like I've been
there for months. It's a tricky place to be in.
(16:46):
They gave him a bed, but because of the pressure
of cases coming in from outside, because of the strike
from meds, we had a demand of places. So they're
event struggling on who deserves this place more than the other.
On that moment, you're speaking for a child more. But
(17:09):
when you look at when you think about it, the
other person also needs the same thing that you need.
But you know, you get what you get. And we
settling there and next day he has surgery, goes well,
comes back to rest on the evening complications that need
(17:32):
him to get another surgery immediately after. So all now
this time, it's now Monday, it's getting into Tuesday. I
haven't told my clients what happens. So people are calling
me for work. They're asking how far you know is
it needed? So I have to send for my gear
(17:53):
to come, my laptops and everything so that I can
continue with projects in Kijab. I think when I look back,
I am grateful again that God always holds us town
the same way he helped me through in different situations.
So these people that we have called family friends have
(18:14):
stood in the gap for us. They have bad what
bills that were we had in card till then you know,
someone just comes with a ten K, a five K
or a K and like you just sort out what
you need to sort out. You just buy what you
need to buy. And I could tell that there was
(18:37):
a covering that was around us in that way because
we had not event. For some people, we are not
even called to ask naj we need this and that
it was just you guys take We hadn't even talked
about the insurance thing. We hadn't talked about it. But
people would do that a family man. I think there
(18:59):
are people who come and send in a whole depository
that is needed for surgery and that one is sorted.
So even as all these things is all this is happening,
in my mind, I am praying and hoping that that
is the last of it that anyone needs to send,
you know, because you don't want to also put people
(19:23):
in that situation of coming to rescue you from that thing.
But it is happening in real time and it needs
to happen. So once or twice I did find myself
in a situation where I have to call someone and
tell them they urge, I need this match, please help
(19:45):
us at this out, and the person would send no questions.
I know money is a sensitive thing, especially between people
who know each other. I know that I'm more sensitive
to that that I think, given the person who is
I'm asking for. So I'm very careful on what I promise.
I have assessed this situation. If the dogs have said
(20:06):
they need a hand like eight handd to a million
in terms of all through this whole journey, then what
are my chances of being able to pay you back
your five k? You know, unless I get a breakthrough,
because even in the business I've been working on, I
can't even say that's money I make right now in
(20:28):
a year, you know. So I had to be very
honest with myself in knowing that this is not the
time to put up the savior mentality of a man,
because I think for the longest time, you know, we
have won that. And I think this situation came sooner
(20:53):
than I thought it would because it forced me to
confront a vulnerability that typically, you know, we don't want
to take as men, which is I need help and
I may not be able to to thank you for
that help in the way of returning it back. I
(21:18):
just need help right now. So it was very, very,
very challenging for me. But now listen, this is the part.
It is that there's something greater at play here than
(21:41):
my ego as a man. My ego has been superseded
by a life threatening situation for my child. So something
else has kicked in and this is the instinct to protect.
So I am willing to go around my ego to
(22:02):
protect because ultimately that is the reason that is my
why I cannot say that I'm unable to ask for
help because it's uncomfortable. So who then does this child
rely on to state the case for them? So I
(22:26):
think that is something I had to really awaken myself,
awaken myself to quite early in that process. It's like
everything pushed aside. Why am I doing this? It's for Zene.
He needs to survive this. So what am I willing
to do to make it happen? What am I willing
to do as a man to ensure that this boy survives?
(22:51):
Surely asking for help is the least I could do
Because I have failed to be the one to provide,
Why then can't I be a champion for this? So
we managed, and we did talk to people, we did mobilize,
and it happened. We got surgery for him. Now I
(23:12):
was thinking this thing would be surgery and we're out,
but it is surgery. And then you have a situation
where the child is in a recovery mode with interventions
that have been made to help him just survive. The
situation for some time before they do another surgery. So
(23:36):
to MEROADI home and I had a corner. But you
have to go home with him that you managing the
condition from that till he recovers and then a rudy
so they had to leave an opening in his stomach
to help him, to help his insides heal and till
(24:00):
they put it back. I'm giving this detail because it
is the full breadth of what I experienced and the
kind of battles that we fought, and I thought as
a man. So I cannot now then just say that
I am outside providing the maman adil. I have to
(24:23):
be present. I have to be there to ensure that
I help in changing this child because it is not
an easy thing. It is exhausting because you do it
almost trice as much as you do for a normal
child to prevent irritation on the skin. So I have
(24:48):
to be present. I have to be there, not just
to say that I am paying the bills or I'm
trying to find a way to pay the bills. In fact,
what I did is that as we were in Kijabe,
I got a place to sleep yup like outside of
hospital and had camp there China dur I transferred my
(25:12):
life to Kijab. Meanwhile, our dear child has to stay
with our sister and the nanny because this is better now.
The older child, we we might not be able to
meet him soon because we're still trying to figure this out.
(25:35):
So he's there with our sister. He's doing well, and
I think we we were fortunate to have someone who
could stay with him. So I was forced to be present,
and I knew that had to happen to be there
for changing the child, to know how to see whatever
wounds that he had to know how to, you know,
(25:57):
put him down to rest, to know how to clean
him up, to wash him. And I think that's when now,
even as as a as a married couple, I think
that was one of the most edifying chapters of our
life starts for because it is a hardship that you
(26:21):
had not expected, but you have to manage it together.
I remember because now I've realized not even any work
that I go out there will be able to meet
whatever needs we have. We need to do a fun drive.
So how do we do it. Let's design a poster.
(26:43):
So because I do design work naturally, I'm the one
to design it. I think I think I remember telling
my wife is the hardest job I've ever I've ever done,
because as I was designing it, I think it was
like it's like you remember in school how we used
(27:10):
to living cobla chape And I realized then it's like
good after you're going to look for the very thing
that is going to be the source of such a
wish for you in a short while. So you're wondering.
You know, you can't go get out the smallest one
because at a germs, so you have to go get
(27:32):
what is reasonable. So poster for andre I designed it.
How much are we asking for? What is it for?
What is the condition? And then now we have to
post it. It is going beyond our because we don't
want now to baden our close circles with this thing.
(27:54):
It is not a one step process. It is a
multi step process that needs a lot of support continuous.
Some of the medication that you would spend in a
week would would would some there, some ointments would buy
that you know, a jar would cost like two k
and in a week it's over, you know, So for
(28:15):
our household that is making close to nothing during that period,
it's a lot. Remember, you still have to eat, you know,
you still have to to you still have to survive
as a family. So I I designed this thing and
it was so heavy, but I said, you know, the
same thing, whatever it takes. And we distributed that poster Instagram,
(28:43):
WhatsApp groups. Amen, it was heavy. I think. I think
that that's one of the hardest things I have done professionally,
just being able to design a fan drive for my
own son, a poster for a fundrey for my own
son and for my family. But we put it out there.
(29:08):
So as we did, we begin to see messages of
trickling in. You know, this match has been sent, This
match has been sent, This match has been sent, and
within a few days we have what we need for surgery.
So this is the process of it. We get into hospital,
(29:32):
he's checked in, they did the first procedure. They do
the first procedure, which is successful. They have taken some
samples from his system and they have gone to do
some laptos to them that will take time. As he
is on that evening, as he's recovering from that procedure,
(29:54):
a complication happens where there's a rapture in his intercen.
When that happens, they have to go back in and
repair that rapture. When they repair that rapture, they have
to still make his system work because even in the
context of that repair, he still has to fit. He
(30:15):
still has to you know, he still has to pass
a stool, but he can't use where the area that
has been repaired in his interest. So they have to
to pouse that area for a while. So when they
pose that area, that's when they redirect and have an
opening on the side of his stomach. It's called a colostomy,
(30:39):
so that is what he has. The surgery. Now we
did the foundraiser forwards to return his system back to
normal from that colostomy back. As we wait for the
initial results, they are taken to understand what caused this blockage.
So it's a pretty it's a it's a it's a
(31:03):
it was a step of a series of issues that
came up that even for us was allowed to play chest.
But it is that we went to gub Initially he
successfully went through some procedures, then we went back home
awaiting the next step. As we await that next step,
we realize we do not have funds to to to
(31:27):
do what is ahead and even survive in the here
and now because now he needs medication, he needs the awugntments,
he needs care, and we also need to survive. So
how do we do it? Yeah, so I think it
was that a realization that for what is ahead we
(31:52):
might not be able to bear. So what do we do?
We need more help. We really just genuinely need more help,
something to help us cover what is needed as we
figure things out. So as we did this fund raiser,
we are at home, he's still taking care of this
child in his condition, and we managed to get the
(32:13):
target of money. It wasn't a lot, by the way.
We had We had foreseen around three hundred care for
some people right now, that's like, you know, he spent
that in a day or something. Yeah, it's like money
that people have, but it's not in our hands at
the moment. So but when you manage to raise that money,
(32:34):
he's still recovering form he hasn't he's not ready for
that procedure, so you still have to continue managing him.
I'm sure he doesn't have any infections it is. Anyway,
we do manage and get back to hospital, he gets
the surgery done, it's successful. When the tests come back,
(33:01):
the doctor said he doesn't. They thought he had a
condition that had caused the blockage of his system, and
that would have meant more treatment in the future, more procedures,
but it came back inconclusive. All these we really had
(33:23):
to pray for this child. I remember one time my
wife just said, we need to take him to church.
We were not going to church by the way, during
this time, because of course the obvious reasons. But on
that Sunday, she's like, she needs to go to church,
and we went. And I did not know because the
(33:45):
idea was just to have our pastor prayer over him.
But it ended up being a session of prayer that
really triggered a lot of things. That parents came up
with their children who are not well. Other people who
are well came up for prayer. And this is an
(34:09):
area of life, that of our life that I'm not
afraid to, you know, confirm, is that really prayer has
been our backing. We are people of faith. If anything
has been able to carry us through the different motions
that we have had, it is prayer. Now, you know,
(34:34):
I don't want to defend that life. I don't want
to defend that decision. But I think it is important
that anyone who you know would be hearing this to
understand that we have been people of faith and that
so far has helped us. Then today is over ten
(34:56):
months old. He's happy, he's cheerful, is energetic, he's very
very opinionated in how he behaves. I see a bright
future for him. But as a man, I had to
make decisions that might not have been very comfortable for me.
(35:18):
If you told me this is what something would have
been battling in a dating phase, I don't think i'd
have believed you. And even if I would have, I
don't think I would have ever conceived myself as being
unable to pay a medical bill that is that much?
Speaker 1 (35:39):
I like?
Speaker 2 (35:40):
How as in how am I unable to pay that?
Speaker 1 (35:43):
Like?
Speaker 2 (35:43):
What am I missing? I have and I have understanding,
I have knowledge of what to do. I have experience
and clients that I can you know I can I
can rely on. So what are you telling me? But
I think and this is what I saw a quote somewhere,
you know, someone say that the older I get, the
(36:06):
more I understand my father. So it is just a
thinking right now of situations we my judge as very
simple as not being as simple until you're there, Like
(36:27):
it's not as easy to think about it until you
find yourself in that situation. And the older I get,
the more I appreciate that. I'm more appreciative of what
the men before have done, what they have achieved. Of
course we have shortcomings, they have shortcomings, but it's to
basically respect those who have gone ahead of you, and
(36:53):
I'm learning to do that more and more. I'm learning
not to judge situations as fast as even not judge
at all. You know, I'd have an opinion, but what
does that really matter. I Am not in that situation,
so I don't know what it takes. I learned to
(37:16):
respect my wife, not that I didn't, but you know,
sometimes you I think there are things we hold at
the back of our minds with a bit a pine
of pride, you know, like when someone tells you something
and you think you know better, but you won't say it.
You think that you understand it better, but you won't
(37:37):
really say it like that. So I have learned more
and more to appreciate her as my wife and as
our caretaker. I joke nowadays, they say, you know in
this room. You're the you're the you're the doctor, you're
(37:58):
the fundye 're the caregiver, you're the chef. So there's
so much they do, and there's so much that they
are wired to do that it becomes crazy when you
begin to think about it. And I hope that I'm
able to express it to harm and more. So. Yeah,
(38:22):
that's been our hour, our story. But I thought to
share that experience because I think in the times that
we're living in the country now, we have millennials. I
saw a photo recently, you know, a guy chasing another
guy frantically. The guy behind is number thirty two or thirty,
(38:51):
I don't know. The guy in front is the guy
born in nineteen ninety two, Like life is catching up
that we are the parents we criticized. Now we are
the system that we criticized. So it is now time
for us to sit at that place where we were
(39:13):
pointing at and begin to understand what it takes to
be there. If you thought that providing for you for
you as a son or a daughter was easy, then
now try and provide for yours under the current circumstances. Yeah.
If you thought that being present was very easy, now
(39:40):
be present as you try to meet the demands that
are on you. Yeah, you have to make a decision,
and one will affect the other because to be present,
you have to make sacrifices to be physically present, like
I try to be present now physically emotionally, I say
(40:02):
that I like that my children would be able to
see me, to hear me, and to feel me around
the house. That's the only way, like they're able to
get things from me. So if I adopt that, then
it means there's a life I have to forego, and
that is a life of continuous departing, departure from whom
(40:28):
I have to know and to say no to certain things.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally Cullous.
What a powerful story, What an absolutely powerful story. Oh
my goodness. When I was listening to this second part
of the story, like, honestly, my tears were just balancing,
(40:53):
balancing tears when he was talking about his business and
the decisions he made in terms of what insurance covered
to get and then being told that the surgery is
going to cost you upwards of eight hundred thousand kenn
of shillings, not even having the option of going to
a government facility because the doctors won't strike. Let me
(41:16):
tell you, like I had to pause, I really had
to pause. Oh my god, I had to pause. That
just felt like so much. And when he spoke about
how he felt like a failure because of that, it
really hurts because there's so many people who have failed
canyons and humans really, because this is an issue across
(41:40):
different countries across the continent as well. Where minister of
health doesn't do their job, it actually costs lives, right,
so because of corruption, they eat the money that's meant
to pay the doctors. Corruption is violent, y'all. It actually
is a matter of life or death. Like goodness, Let's
(42:01):
not even talk about the economic environment that makes it
hard for businesses to make sustainable revenue. That's also a problem.
Do you see how it plays into like real life issues. Yeah,
I had, I had balancing tears. What I also loved
(42:22):
was just a reminder from his story that sometimes healing,
growth and even strength don't look like having control over something.
They can look like surrender and leaning into your community
and asking for help and just having that courage that
comes out as vulnerability, like literally telling the people who
(42:44):
care about you, Hey, I can't afford ABCD and I
need it like immediately. That is actually strength, you know,
it's not weakness. And yeah, I also had balancing tea.
I feel like the my dear sore just balancing throughout
this story. My goodness, it was just a beautiful reminder
(43:06):
that asking for help isn't failure. It really is a
form of bravery. But I want to know what you
connected with, what resonated with you. Please drop it in
the comments section. As you heard earlier in the episode,
I do read your comments and I love stumbling on them,
and I love you for being part of this community.
So drop your comments. I can't wait to read it
(43:27):
on whatever platform you're listening to this on now. If
you have listened to all of the storytellers who jump
on this show and you want to share your story
on this podcast, head over to our show notes. There
is a link to our storyteller form. Fill it out
in one of our correspondents. We'll get back to you.
Make sure you also join our community online on Instagram
(43:50):
and TikTok, where legally Clueless Africa linked to both those
pages is in the show notes. Subscribe to her YouTube
channel so you can watch our shows. Season three of
Man Women is coming up. Oh you're gonna love the
women who are coming your way in this season. And
don't forget to sign up for our Nie letter on
our website, legally Cluelessafrica dot com. A link to that
(44:12):
is in the show notes. But thank you so much
for listening to this episode to the very end. I
truly truly appreciate you. Got nothing but love for you,
and I know that you have everything it takes to heal.
That's it for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can
share this podcast with your friends. You can keep it
for yourself. I'm not judging. Just make sure you're here
(44:35):
next week for the next episode.
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