When You Feel Behind in Life (You’re Not Late, You’re Right on Time) | Mid Week Tease

This week on The Mid Week Tease, Adelle unpacks a quiet but familiar feeling, that sense that everyone else is moving faster than you. You know it, the comparison, the “shoulds,” the sinking thought that maybe you’ve missed your moment.

In this episode, Adelle explores timeline anxiety, how it shows up, why we experience it, and how to soften it with truth and self-compassion.

In this episode, she shares:
Why “life timelines” are myths we inherit, not truths we must follow
How comparison culture disconnects us from our own rhythm
Why growth isn’t linear, it loops, pauses, and redirects
How to redefine success on your terms

This is your reminder that healing, purpose, and success are not races they’re rhythms.
And you can’t be behind on a path that’s uniquely yours.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Midwi Te's with me adele Jngle, where
I share some random and not too random thoughts on things.
And in this episode, let's talk about that feeling you
get when you start to think have I been left
behind in life? Today we're talking about something that so
many of us struggle with, that sinking feeling that you're

(00:23):
behind in life. I know you felt it, like when
you scroll through social media and suddenly it feels like
everybody's moving faster than you. It's like they're thriving, they're glowing,
they're achieving, they're healing. If you're in business like meet
they're launching and you you're just there. You're like, did
I miss a memo somewhere? Like why don't I have

(00:45):
it all figured out? You know? And that feeling actually
has a name. It's called timeline anxiety. Right. It's when
we start to measure our worth by milestones that were
never ours to begin with. So I thought let's talk
about that this week. I mean, from the time we're young,
we're handed a checklist, right, by twenty you should have

(01:07):
this by twenty five, you should have this by age thirty.
You should be there by thirty five you should have
it all figured out. But sometimes I wonder who wrote
that list, right, and why are we following it so
faithally even when it doesn't fit us? And honestly, does
anyone ever have this thing called life figured out? I
am thirty six right now, and I can tell you, man,

(01:30):
just live. Throw the checklist out of the window, because
it just doesn't work. And it's not that you're not
working hard enough as to why it's not being actualized. One,
it's not realistic. Two, they so much that it's out
of your control. Just throw it out of the window

(01:53):
and then start living, you know. And I feel like
when we talk about those timelines, specifically for women and
then African women, these timelines are like woven into our upbringing, right,
So they're reinforced by family, by culture, by religion, and
when they're told to us it sounds like love, like
people just want what's best for us, But honestly, I

(02:16):
think they become invisible cages, right, pushing us to chase
a version of success that has nothing to do with
who we are or what we truly desire. Right, And
then you start to feel like if you are not
meeting those timelines, you're failing, which is a lie because
the truth is there is no universal timeline. There exists

(02:39):
only yours. And let's talk about the comparison that comes
with this madness. Right. So, you see someone online and
you think we're the same age, Why does she seem
so far ahead? Right? Or she's already healed from her
heartbreak and she's moved on, she's announced a new relationship. Me,

(03:00):
I'm still here crying, cry myself to sleep. Very nice.
Comparison is hectic, and I had to realize that comparison
is not always envy. I think we only think about
it that way. Comparison sometimes is grief, and you have
to allow yourself the space to grieve the life you

(03:20):
imagined you'd have by now. And when you don't allow
yourself to process that grief, it pops up as comparison.
But grieve it because you were socialized to believe that
by age twenty twenty five, thirty thirty five, forty forty
five fifty, your life needed to look a specific way,
and now you're finding out quae ground things are very different.

(03:43):
Grieve the life you imagined you'd have by now, and
then go back to the drawing board and start designing
it for yourself, because the life you imagined you'd have
by now wasn't a life you designed. Uh uh, it's
a life that you were told you you had to have,
you know what I mean. There was no space for individuality,

(04:05):
for dreaming, for curiosity, for experimentation. You were just told
by twenty five, this is what it needs to look like.
Grieve it, let it out of your system, because if
you don't, it pops up. As I said, it pops
up as comparison. And what I've learned is when you're
busy comparing yourself to others, what you're doing is disconnecting

(04:27):
from your own rhythm, and it turns life into a race.
When life is a rhythm, it's not a race because
like we're all not headed in the same direction in
terms of experiences. We're headed in the same direction in
terms of death, but not in terms of experiences. And
so that rhythm is yours and yours alone. And don't forget,

(04:50):
no one posts their detours, their silent doubts, their failed attempts,
but those are also part of the story. I recently on
my instant story because I've been feeling so overwhelmed and
just so exhausted in my personal life and my business life.
Like with work, we have been shooting for the past

(05:10):
three weeks going on four, so my entire schedule has
been thrown up in the air. And with shooting, for
those who don't know, you have early call times, so
you need to be on set by six thirty. By seven,
you're in makeup, and then you're dressing up, and then
you're trying to remember this interview that I prepped for.

(05:32):
Can I remember all the things that we meant to
talk about? And you go through that for four or
five days, and then I got one day to like breathe.
The next day, I was going back into Nairoba, checking
into my hotel, preparing for the Moth. I had told
you about this a few episodes ago, the Moth mainstage,
trying to memorize my story that I was going to give,

(05:55):
trying to go through the host notes because I was hosting,
and in between that, trying to also check in with
my team in terms of pre production for the thing
that we're starting to shoot tomorrow. And so I posted
on my answer stories that I feel so overwhelmed. And
in my personal life, I lost my uncle in the

(06:16):
States and I've been trying to navigate that. It did
bring up more or what am I trying to say?
It triggered a heavier sense of grieving my mom, which
normally happens when someone close to you dies. Grief triggers
other grief, and so I was just like trying to

(06:38):
show up. And while I was doing that, you know,
I kind of had like an argument or a rift
with someone who's so dear and so so so important
to me, and like trying to navigate that and understand
what it means. And then because your uta, as always knows,
the worst time to bring you crumps is the best

(06:59):
time for them to show up, you know what I mean, cramping?
And so I shared my ancestory, like, yo, I'm not
the only one. I'm feeling really overwhelmed. Yeah, and the
business stuff is good stuff because it's wonderful to be
working and there's an element of gratitude, but it's a lot,
and so it's exhausting. And I was so shocked that

(07:20):
very many people responded and like, yeah, I do feel this.
So I do feel that, And I think I remember
making a mental note and being like, I need to
share this a bit more. I think People only see
the finished products, but they don't see the doubts. While
I'm working on all this business stuff, I'm doubting the
hell out of myself, right, I am pivoting, I am scared,

(07:45):
I'm failing. These are all parts of the story. But
people don't post that often, you know, so you're not behind,
You're just not seeing the whole picture. So instead of
asking why not me, try asking what's mind trying to
teach me? Right now? Me? My rhythm, my journey, my life?
Is there a lesson here? Is there something I can

(08:05):
lean in to? Is there something I need to lean
back from your journey? I think the other thing is
to also remember that the way we think about healing
and purpose needs to change. We like to think about
it being a straight line, like it's progress, success, peace,
But yo, hey, real growth is messy. It curves, it pauses,

(08:29):
it loops back on itself. To be honest, I think
in my personal life, I'm probably caught up in a loop.
I've identified it. There's a loop I'm currently like I'm
back at And at a point I was like, oh man,
that I was done with this shit? What's going on?
What the back here? But I was making the mistake

(08:51):
of thinking that healing and purpose follow a straight line progress, success, peace.
M It's messy. It curves, it loops, and you find
yourself back at something that you thought you were past,
but you're not. You know, maybe the relationship that didn't
work wasn't a setback, it's a redirection. Maybe that season

(09:11):
that felt like nothing was happening was actually your roots
growing deeper. It's just not a straight line, right, So
think of yourself like a seed underground. Let me tell
you gardening has taught me things because from the surface
right now, I've just planted onions. From the surface, it
looks like nothing's moving, and I'm always like, hey, I
need to see things. I need to see things. And

(09:34):
my gardener, James, is always like Bado Bado. He's younger
than me, but so much he has so much ease
and patience with these things. He teaches me a lot.
It's always like Bado Badho. And from the surface it
looks like nothing is moving. But beneath the soil, everything
that is essential is happening. It's happening quietly, it's happening

(09:59):
without a sea, patiently, but it's happening. So if you
feel you're inner season where you aren't seeing the growth,
you're not seeing the shiny after effects of growth, or
you feel like you're delayed. Just trust that preparation is

(10:19):
happening beneath the surface. Just always remember my onions or
my carrots when I put them in the nursery bed.
Just because we're not seeing progress doesn't mean it's not happening.
The very essential things are happening. You're not late, you're learning.
Let's talk about success because also while we're redefining things,

(10:41):
we need to think about what we you know, how
we view success, because what if success isn't about speed,
but it's about alignment. So it's not about how fast
you reach something, but whether it truly fits you when
you do, and if you look at it in that sense.

(11:02):
We often forget that moving slower can mean moving more
intentionally right, and that the moments of peace are also
a form of progress. So a good place to start
is to ask yourself this question. If no one was watching,
what would success look like to me? If there was

(11:22):
no posting about it, no telling the friend what'sapp group
about it? What would it look like to me? Would
it be calm mornings? Would it be a creative project?
Would it be a healed hurt? Would it hurt huh more?
You hat the one that pumps blood? Would it be

(11:43):
joy that doesn't need an audience? What would your answer be?
If no one was watching? What would success look like
to me? Let me tell you. I would answer this
as it would look like peaceful days. It would look
like calm mornings. Ay aaa, that is success to me.

(12:05):
It would look like being able to creatively express myself
and my business and get paid for it. That doesn't
even need an audience. It would look like me creating
such bomb shows that people get moved by and take

(12:26):
pieces from the productions we have here that can aid
them or inspire them, or enlighten them or awaken them. Hey,
if I do that, success is there. It would look
like me honoring every part of me, even when it

(12:47):
means saying bye to people or things that I love.
That's my answer. What's yours? If no one was watching?
What would success look like? To me? If you feel
inspired to you can answer that question in the common
section wherever it is you're listening to this on. But
if you want it to be private, that's also great.

(13:08):
But just always remember, how can you be behind on
a path that's uniquely yours? How? Because this path was
made only for you, isn't it. So then you're the
one who's setting the pace. So how can you be
too slow or too fast or too how it's uniquely yours.

(13:30):
So the next time you feel behind, just pause and
take a breath, and remember you are not being left behind.
You're being prepared. You're not off track, you're being redirected.
You're not late. You're right on time for your life.
And you can just let other people run their race.

(13:52):
You just keep your rhythm, keep your rhythm right now.
If you're listening to this and and you remember a
particular moment that you felt behind in life, maybe you
could share in the common section what helped you find
peace with your own timing so that we can share tips.

(14:13):
Because this really is a community. And if you resonated
with this episode, make sure you share it with the
people that you love. Thanks for listening to the Midwig
tis a legally Clueless Africa production. Episodes go out every Wednesday,
and you can learn more about us by going to
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