July 7, 2025 • 31 mins
Are your emotions actually holding the key to manifesting what you want?
We’ve all been told to “think positive” and “keep the vibes high” when it comes to manifesting, but what if that approach is actually slowing you down?
In this episode of the Plenty podcast, I’m inviting you into a whole new way of thinking about manifestation—one that’s rooted not in performance or pretending, but in neuroscience and truth-telling.
We’re talking about manifestation that works—no faking, just the real you. And that starts with what I call emotional metabolism: the process of fully feeling and moving through our emotions so they don’t clog our energetic systems and block our desires from flowing in.
You’ll hear:
- Why "good vibes only" is a myth that keeps us stuck
- What it really means to be a vibrational match for what we want
- How to metabolize emotions like grief, anger, and sadness (and why it’s essential to do so)
- My favorite nervous system tools (like havening) to help you feel safe while feeling deeply
- Why truth, not just positivity, is the most magnetic frequency of all
If you’ve been doing all the “right” manifesting practices and still feel like something’s missing, this episode is for you.
🎤 Let’s Dive into the Good Stuff on Plenty 🎤
00:26 Introduction to Abundance and Feelings
01:07 Debunking Manifestation Myths
02:01 The Law of Attraction and Self-Worth
03:56 Addressing Systemic Issues in Manifestation
04:25 The Importance of How We Do Things
05:51 Emotional Metabolism Explained
06:57 The Power of Positive Intent
08:08 Frequency and Resonance in Manifestation
11:28 The Spectrum of Emotions
13:57 Misconceptions About Emotional Expression
15:33 Childhood Conditioning and Emotional Safety
17:31 Historical Responses to Current Stimuli
19:44 Allowing Emotional Experiences
20:43 Nervous System Tools for Emotional Safety
23:25 Clearing Emotional Blockages
29:38 Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Repression
✨ Magic Maker with Emily Fletcher ✨
If you’ve ever found yourself doing all the things to manifest your desires—vision boards, journaling, thinking only positive thoughts—but still feel like things just aren’t landing… I want to introduce you to a dear friend and someone whose work I deeply respect: Emily Fletcher, founder of Ziva Meditation.
Emily is hosting a free live workshop called Magic Maker on July 22nd, and I cannot recommend it enough.
She’s worked with over 50,000 people—including Navy SEALs, Broadway stars, and Fortune 100 execs—and she’s teaching how to magnetize love, health, and abundance using her embodied manifesting method that blends neuroscience, ancient wisdom, and deep truth-telling.
This is not fluff. It’s the real deal. And it's SO aligned with what we talk about here on Plenty—especially the emotional and energetic clarity that lets you actually receive what you desire.
You’ll learn:
✨ How to clear hidden blocks (like unprocessed emotions and nervous system overwhelm)
✨ How to get clear on what you truly want
✨ And how to become a vibrational match—not through pretending, but through presence and resonance
I’ll be there. I’d love for you to join me.
✨ Save your free spot at 👉👉 here
Let’s stop trying harder and start allowing more. Let’s make magic.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kate Northrup (00:00):
We are all just looking to feel more alive. And
(00:03):
the biggest block for feelingalive for almost every single
one of us is that we are notletting ourselves feel our
feelings because we've beenconditioned that it is not safe
or productive to do so. Welcometo Plenty. I'm your host Kate
Northrup and together we aregoing on a journey to help you
(00:24):
have an incredible relationshipwith money, time, and energy,
and to have abundance on everypossible level. Every week,
we're gonna dive in with expertsand insights to help you unlock
a life of plenty.
Let's go fill our cups. You knowhow people say good vibes only?
(00:47):
That sort of drives me crazy,and I'll tell you why. Today, I
wanna talk about manifestingwithout performing. We've talked
on plenty before about why Idon't like the phrase fake it
till you make it, and so oftenwe've learned manifesting, and I
thought this too.
(01:08):
I used to think that manifestingmeant doing my vision boards
perfectly, policing my thoughts,repeating the same journal
affirmation 55 times, only everbeing happy and positive and
upbeat, until I actually learnedthat I had misunderstood what
(01:31):
manifesting was. And the studyof magnetism and resonance
actually helps us to debunk themyths about manifesting. So if
you've been out here trying hardto get what you want by being
(01:51):
positive and happy and peppy andgood vibes only all the time and
policing your thoughts, I thinkyou're gonna enjoy this episode.
So perhaps you've made thevision boards. Perhaps you've
been trying really hard tochange your thoughts.
Perhaps you've actually beenavoiding feeling negative
(02:14):
emotions because you've thought,uh-oh, if I feel anything other
than quote unquote good, thenI'm going to manifest something
bad. And unfortunately the waythat sometimes manifestation is
taught is really shallow and notactually in relationship to our
(02:36):
true experience of being humans.What we know about the law of
attraction, what we know aboutmanifestation is that we attract
who we are, not what we want.And we attract what we think we
(02:57):
deserve as well. But it's notreally even a thought.
We attract how we are vibrating.And I'm going to tell you what
that means in case you're like,I don't understand what you're
talking about, right? So ifyou've been doing all the right
things, if you've been tryingreally hard to get it right,
(03:19):
you're going to love this newparadigm of manifesting. So what
we know is that our behaviorcreates our results. Right?
In life, you do certain things,and then you get a certain
result. However, there's acouple of very important missing
(03:40):
pieces because life is not quiteas three d as that, and you can
have one person who's doing allthe right things, and another
person who's doing all the rightsame things, and one of them may
be getting an incredible result,and the other one may not. Now I
can never do an episode onmanifesting without addressing
(04:00):
systemic issues, right? So thereare overlying systems of
oppression that make it so thatwe do not all have an even
playing field, and so that somepeople have a much easier time
because of unconscious bias andso many things that are baked
into our thoughts, our systems,our institutions. And this
(04:23):
episode is not about that, but Ido want to address it.
Now, the way that we all dothings actually is going to
determine the results that weget. And my grandfather, who I
never met, he passed away beforeI was born, but he was, everyone
says, my mother always says, hesaid, The way you do it No. No.
(04:49):
He said, How you do it is whatyou get. And that is a quote
from Wilbur Northrop.
So how you do it is what youget. And so it's not always what
we're doing. It's the way we arebeing as we do the thing we're
doing. And most people areasking the wrong question when
(05:11):
it comes to what they want. Solet's say you want to have, you
know, $500,000 a year in yourbusiness.
Most people will then say, okay,what do I need to do in order to
get that? And that is not theright question, and and I'm sure
you've heard people say thisbefore, the the quality of our
life is determined by thequality of the questions we ask.
(05:33):
So how do I do it is the wrongquestion. The right question or
a more powerful question, ahigher quality question is, who
do I need to be in order to be amatch for that result? Now the
missing piece for most people isa process that I call emotional
(05:57):
metabolism or stress metabolism.
They're very similar. I'mactually about to teach this in
Relaxed Money. It's module two.It's all about emotions and
money, and it is the biggestmissing piece. I grew up in the
power of positive thoughtmovement.
I will never forget when I was14, and my mom had been passed a
(06:20):
cassette tape from my granny,Edna, who was Wilbur's wife, and
Edna, my granny, had somehowfound out about Abraham Hicks in
the nineties, like the earlynineties before compact discs
were a thing, before CDs. So mymom had a subscription on
(06:43):
cassette tapes to the AbrahamHicks lectures, like, a million
years ago. And I'll neverforget, she would pick me up
from school or pick me up fromher friend's house, and she'd be
listening to Abraham Hicks onher, you know, cassette player
in her, I think she drove like alike some sort of a Mazda
minivan. And I would always kindof roll my eyes, because I was
(07:04):
like, mom, can't we just listento music? However, when I was
14, she told me about the powerof pure positive intent.
The thing that I didn'tunderstand literally until a
couple of years ago is that whatshe was sharing with me, the
magic of the power of purepositive intent, is the same as
(07:25):
the magic of resonance. And wehave to unpack this for a
minute, because most people makethe mistake that I made at 14.
And what she had told me was ifyou can hold a thought of pure
positive intent for seventeenseconds, then you will activate
(07:47):
the law of attraction, and youwill manifest a match to that
thought. What actually is trueis that we need to learn to hold
a vibration, a frequency forseventeen seconds or more, and
(08:08):
it has a lot more to do with theactual coherence of our system,
our heart coherence, because weknow that the heart has an
electromagnetic field that'slike 65 times the size of the
electromagnetic field of thebrain. And this is from the data
from the Institute of HeartMath.
(08:29):
So what I had misunderstoodbecause of the way it was taught
to me and because, you know, wealways oversimplify things is
and because our culture is soobsessed with the mind, with the
conscious mind, I thought I hadto hold the actual thought. And
to be honest, if you try to holdthe same thought for seventeen
(08:49):
seconds, it's actually, like,really hard. Our brain is like,
squirrel, now I'm thinking aboutthe groceries, now I'm thinking
about something else, oh, thecolor blue. Like, we are just
all over the place. So haveholding one thought for
seventeen seconds is reallyhard.
However, what was actuallyunderneath what my mom was
trying to teach me, and reallywhat Abraham Hicks has been
(09:12):
going on about since thenineties, or I don't even know
when, you know, when Estherstarted channeling Abraham. But
anyway, what is underneath thatis actually the truth, which is
frequency, which is resonance.We cannot exclusively think our
way into a frequency, into avibration, into resonance.
(09:38):
Actually, resonance, frequency,vibration is a byproduct of
something going on much deeperwithin our full body, which
includes the brain, but is notexclusive to the brain. So yes,
does our brain have brain waves?
Absolutely. But I just told youthat the electromagnetic field,
(10:00):
the waves that are going outfrom our heart, are actually 65
times more powerful than thoseof our brain. And so if we are
exclusively trying to manifestwith our conscious thought,
we're missing like 99% of ourmanifesting power, and we're
(10:21):
actually making it way harderfor ourselves than necessary.
Now how do we actually achievecoherence? How do we actually
get our whole being ness?
Right? Who do I need to be inorder to get that result? How do
we get our being ness to be amatch for what we desire? It's
(10:43):
not just feeling good all thetime. So it's not just thinking
positive thoughts, because youcannot think your way into a
feeling exclusively, especiallyif your nervous system is
dysregulated.
So we live in a world with a lotof stimuli, right? And we have
trillions of pieces of stimulusat any given thought that's
(11:04):
available to our brain to takein, and our brain whittles it
down and whittles it down andwhittles it down so that we are
only holding in ourconsciousness about seven pieces
of information at a time, andour brain just doesn't have the
capacity to be able to hold ontoa positive thought for that
(11:26):
long. And what people miss isthen they think, Okay, well if
it's not just positive thought,then it must just be that I need
to feel good all the time. Andthat means that if I feel angry,
if I feel sad, if I'mexperiencing grief, if I'm
feeling jealousy, if I'm feelingoverwhelmed, if I'm feeling any
other way other than happy,positive, hopeful, enthusiastic,
(11:49):
then I'm screwing it up, thenI'm doing it wrong. But what's
actually true is that let's sayyou had a pipe, right, and your
pipe on the one end of the pipewas what you wanted to manifest,
and on the other end of the pipewas like where you are now.
And what needed to happen is youneeded to get like water through
the pipe in order to get to theend where you want to manifest.
(12:13):
And our our emotions, all ofthem, positive, negative, right,
emotions are actually neutral,we just label them as humans,
our emotions clog the pipes. Andespecially the unprocessed ones.
So the whole idea here is tometabolize our emotions and
(12:38):
metabolize our stress so thatthey are not blocking the pipe.
And we have gotten this wrong bythinking we need to either think
our way out of a negativeemotion or repress our way out
of a negative emotion, right?
(12:58):
Like a lot of people grew up ina household where it was, you
know, don't cry or I'll give yousomething to cry about, or go
back upstairs and don't comedown until you have a smile on
your face, or any sort ofrejection of anything that was
not happy, compliant, andpositive. But we're meant to
(13:19):
experience a full spectrum ofemotions as humans. That's
actually part of our superpower,and actually what we know,
there's some significant datathat shows us that unprocessed
anger, unprocessed grief,unprocessed emotions, meaning
repressed or suppressedemotions, cause disease in our
(13:41):
body, dis ease. It clogs up thepipes. And not only does it make
it so that our bodies becomeill, it also is a lot of kinks
in, now I'm using a new analogy,but like it's a kink in the
hose.
So now we've moved from a pipe,now we have a hose, but either
way, we're trying to get peakenergetic flow. Our emotions,
(14:04):
when we don't feel them, cause akink in the hose or a clog in
the pipe. It's like a gianthairball. And unfortunately,
traditional forms of manifestingtaught that we needed to be good
vibes only and positive all thetime, and no one ever came
certainly not our parents andnot society, no one came and
(14:24):
told us how to actually processour emotions in healthy ways. I
taught a workshop last fall, andwe did in person some practices
around processing healthy anger,processing healthy sadness,
processing healthy joy.
And what happened, what was sointeresting with some of the
(14:47):
some of the participants, theysaid, I'm afraid to express my
anger because I'm afraid that ifI express my anger, I'm going to
hurt someone, that I'm Iactually will become dangerous.
Or I'm afraid to cry. I'm afraidto begin to even break the seal
on the amount of sadness andgrief I feel in my body, because
(15:11):
I feel like if I start to cry, Iwill go down a hole that has no
bottom, and I will never stopcrying. It will never end.
That's what it can feel likebecause we've been taught to be
afraid of our emotionallandscape instead of to be
curious about our emotionallandscape.
(15:32):
And for many people, it was notactually safe to feel their
feelings in their childhoodhome. So you may have actually
been abused for feeling yourfeelings physically or
emotionally. You may have beenyelled at. You may have been
shunned. You may have receivedneglect because of healthy
(15:57):
emotional expression.
And most of our caregivers justdidn't also have the support,
the tools, the training to feeltheir emotions in healthy ways.
And so we developed thesecompensatory strategies, which
are to suppress or repress ourfeelings. And suppressing your
emotions means you, like, youdidn't even know you felt it to
(16:20):
begin with. Like, it is so fardeep down in there that, like,
it's not even registering.Repressing is, oh, I'm aware
that I'm feeling sad right now,and I'm going to do something.
I'm going to quickly get towork. I'm going to pick up my
phone. I'm going to scroll. I'mgoing to have a drink. I'm going
to, you know, go on socialmedia.
I'm going to shop. I'm going todistract myself, so that I don't
(16:42):
feel that feeling because thatfeeling doesn't feel safe. Now
if you're listening to this,chances are good that you are no
longer living in an environmentwhere your safety depends on the
emotional tenor of someone elsewho's a caregiver. Right? And so
at this point, now it's actuallysafe to learn how to feel your
(17:05):
feelings because you no longerneed to suppress or repress them
in order to survive.
But it takes a minute. And formany people, the nervous system
patterning is so deep inrepression and suppression that
they don't even know they'redoing it, and they may be
(17:25):
experiencing all sorts ofsymptoms or things coming out
sideways, like an example wouldbe your, everything's going
great, and then your childbreaks a glass and you
completely lose it and snap,like your response to the
stimulus is out of proportion tothe stimulus itself. When that
(17:49):
happens, you may have heard thisphrase before, if it's
historical, it's no. If it'shysterical, it's historical.
Meaning when our response tosomething in our current present
day life is out of proportion tothat thing itself, it is because
we're unearthing stored emotionsfrom our history that need that
(18:11):
are coming out now becausethey've been so backed up that
it's it's now time.
Now I know that we are talkingabout manifesting, and now I'm
talking about feelings, andyou're like, I'm not sure what's
happening right now. What I amtrying to say to you is that
your years of unfelt feelingsare creating a kink in the hose
or a clog in your pipe, or let'ssay you are trying to receive a
(18:35):
radio signal, but your antennais broken or all tangled up, all
of those are the same thing.Unfelt feelings get stored in
our nervous system, and theyblock our ability to manifest
what we want, like a clog in thepipe, a kink in the hose, or a
tangled antenna, because ourability to allow energy to flow
(19:01):
through our bodies happensthrough our nervous system,
because our nervous system worksaccording to electricity. And
electricity, light, comesthrough us according to our
neural patterning. And ourability to allow more light to
come through our bodies dependson us metabolizing old emotions.
(19:25):
So I have a couple of tips foryou around this. Our Relaxed
Money students go much deeper onthis particular topic, but for
today, we're just gonna go hotand fast. Okay? Number one, most
feelings will pass after aboutninety seconds if you let
yourself go all the way in. Sothe other day, I was watching a
(19:46):
video.
It was a case study of one ofour Relaxed Money students, and
I was so moved by what thisperson had shared that I burst
into tears, and all of a sudden,I had all this grief come up,
and I was like for real crying.Like not, oh, I have tears in my
eyes, I need to dab them. Like Iwas for real having a guttural
(20:08):
sob that was activated bywatching this video. I turned
away from my screen, I walkedacross my office, and I just
allowed myself to have that fullexperience of the guttural sob.
I did not start to attach astory to it.
(20:29):
I did not go into why am Icrying? What's wrong with me?
What is this about? This is sounexpected. Why would this video
make me cry this way?
I did not go into my mind. Ijust allowed my body to have the
full emotional experience. Itlasted about ninety seconds.
(20:50):
Then I went into the bathroom,and I dabbed my tears, and I
went about my day. For somepeople, if emotional expression
doesn't feel as safe, and that'snot something you're well
practiced in, and you feel anemotion coming up, you can
actually use a nervous systemtool as the emotion comes up to
(21:11):
signal to your body that it'ssafe to feel, and then after
expressing the emotion in asmall, doable way, you can use
titration, small, doable piecesover time, you could then use
another high payoff nervoussystem tool at the end after
you've expressed that emotion tothe degree that feels safe to do
(21:35):
so in that moment, so thatyou're then essentially book
ending that emotional expressionwith signaling to your body, I
am safe, and then you haveemotional expression, and then
re regulating with a nervoussystem healing tool.
One nervous system healing toolis called havening. If you
listen to plenty, you've heardthis one before, but if you're
(21:56):
new here, welcome. And haveningis simply taking your hands and
rubbing them against each otherslowly, and then maybe using one
hand and going over yourforearm, and then using the
other hand to go over yourforearm very slowly, so you're
just having the experience andyou can tell even if you're just
(22:18):
listening on the podcast, evenif you're not watching this
video on YouTube or Spotify, youcan tell that my voice just
slowed down and that the tone ofmy voice just changed, which is
a signal that my nervous systemhas just come into greater
resonance or regulation. I'mjust now signaling to my body,
(22:38):
you are safe. And I'm in anactivated state.
I'm recording all day, right? SoI'm gonna be in a more
sympathetic dominant state,which is appropriate for being
in a higher activation, like I'mhere to deliver to you and be
articulate and have my face onand the whole thing. But even in
that state, when I add inhavening, suddenly my peripheral
(23:01):
vision just opened up wider, Ifeel more fully present, I
actually can't talk as fast whenI'm doing this practice, so it's
really fascinating to use thesetools and notice what happens in
your body. So that's oneexample. You can do a tool
before, then some emotionalexpression, then a tool after.
(23:23):
Now for me, I've had years ofpracticing full emotional
expression, so I don't getscared when I have tears come up
or when I have anger come up. Iexpress them, and then usually
it really shifts pretty fastwithin ninety seconds, and then
I'm able to go about my day,integrate the experience, take
some breaths, maybe do havening,do a washing machine, which is
(23:47):
another tool I teach, and thengo back. And what that has done
is that's essentially like theRoto Rooter, or maybe that's the
wrong, I don't know. Anyway,it's like Drano. Right?
It's like Drano for yourmanifesting pipes. So you just
clear it out, and then you goabout your day. We do not need
to know the content. We do notneed to have a story about the
(24:10):
feeling we're feeling in orderfor it to pass through our body.
In fact, attaching meaning andgoing into story can often take
us out of the embodiedexperience of feeling the
feeling.
We actually want to just let ourbody feel the feeling all the
way in and all the way throughas much as we can, and then move
(24:32):
on. It doesn't really matter thewhy, because what we're going
for is a frequency and avibration. And the vibration of
authenticity, the vibration, thefrequency, the resonance of
truth is the most powerfulfrequency there is. So I learned
from my friend Josh Pice, who'sthe founder of Committed
(24:54):
Impulse. I went to his actingclass for like eight weeks in
New York City.
I had no intention of becomingan actor, but I did want to
learn how to tell the truth withmy body as an entrepreneur, as
as someone who does publicspeaking, who communicates for a
living. And what he taught wasso profound, because he teaches
(25:17):
actors to stop quote unquoteperforming, because what ends up
happening is actors and speakersand all sorts of people, we go
in to any kind of scenario inwhich we're trying to impress
someone, or communicatesomething, or a sales situation,
or, you know, a monologue, orwhatever, and we start to put on
(25:41):
all these layers of performance.And now we're lying, because
we've practiced, practiced,practiced, practiced doing it
this one certain way, and we doit in a way that we think the
person on the other side wantsus to do it. We are very well
trained to do that, of course,because as children, we were
(26:02):
trying to get our parents tolove us. And for a lot of
caregivers, they requiredchildren to be a certain way in
order to deliver their love in acertain way.
So for a lot of folks, love wasnot unconditional. It was
conditional according to are youshowing up the way that is
(26:25):
convenient and comfortable forme, and I will only love, adore,
and care for you in this certainway if you're showing up in the
way that makes it comfortablefor me. So of course we end up
as these little automatons as asadults still doing those
performances, and then for thoseof us who are in communication
careers, it continues. So backto Josh's class. He taught us
(26:51):
that when you are watching aplay, if you go to live theater,
when an animal, so like when adog walks on stage or when a
young child walks on stage, allof a sudden it does not matter
what else is happening on thatstage, all eyes are on the dog
(27:12):
or the child.
Why? Why are they so magnetic?Because they are always telling
the truth. They are always theydon't have all the layers of
performance and trying to bewhat you want them to be, and
therefore you can't take youreyes off them. That's why we are
(27:36):
so captivated by animals andchildren, because they're always
telling the truth with theirwhole being.
That is magnetism. That is thefrequency that I'm talking
about. That is true resonance.Now if we want to, as adults,
(27:57):
become magnets for exactly whatit is that is in our highest
possible experience, we need tomaster the process of emotional
metabolism so that we can clearout the pipes and so that we can
be operating in a resonance, ina frequency of truthfulness. Not
(28:19):
in a resonance or frequency ofgood, but actually in a
resonance or frequency of oftruthfulness, of authenticity.
And what's so fascinating aboutthe experience of telling the
truth with our bodies, meaning Iam in an embodied experience of
being in exactly what I'm in,whether it's grief, sadness,
(28:42):
joy, excitement, boredom,whatever. What's so cool about
that is on some level, like youknow how when you're crying, or
when you're really angry, itkind of like hurts so good?
Right? Like when you have areally good cry, when you have a
really good scream, when you'vereally like let it out, it
actually feels really good.That's resonance.
(29:07):
That's the frequency and thevibration of being a match for
what we truly desire. Becausewhat all of us truly desire is
that which makes us come alive.And aliveness is the experience
of feeling the full spectrum ofhuman emotion all the way in,
all the way through the highs,the lows, the in betweens, like
(29:29):
actually being fully presenthere for it. And on some level,
that's really what every singleone of us is here for. It's not
really actually about a house ora car or any kind of level of
achievement or gold star oraward or love match or anything.
We are all just looking to feelmore alive, and the biggest
(29:50):
block for feeling alive foralmost every single one of us is
that we are not lettingourselves feel our feelings
because we've been conditionedthat it is not safe or
productive to do so. Themanifesting world, some of it,
has taught us that we have tofeel quote unquote good all the
time, which has only furtheredthe repression and the
(30:12):
suppression of emotions, thatit's really time that we break
that cycle. So in summary, ifyou would like to take your
manifesting to the next level,you need to learn how to
metabolize your emotions, and itis something you can absolutely
do. I've given you some tipshere, and if this is something
you wanna dive more deeply into,my friend Emily Fletcher is
(30:35):
teaching a class. I think it'scalled Audacious Magic, but all
you have to do is go tokatenorthrup.com/magic, and you
can learn all about embodiedmanifestation from Emily.
She's the founder of ZivaMeditation. She is an absolute
lighthouse, powerhouse, and shehas an incredible methodology
(31:00):
for, she doesn't call itemotional metabolism, but she
calls it whatever she calls it.And she and I are very much
sisters on the same path,teaching similar things in
different ways that are totallyour own. So if you want to dive
deeper over there with Emily, goto katenorthup.com/magic. And if
this was helpful for you, pleaseshare it.
(31:22):
Go out there, feel yourfeelings, become a vibrational
match for that which you desire,which is to truly feel alive,
and I will see you next time.
We are all just looking to feel more alive. And
(00:03):
the biggest block for feelingalive for almost every single
one of us is that we are notletting ourselves feel our
feelings because we've beenconditioned that it is not safe
or productive to do so. Welcometo Plenty. I'm your host Kate
Northrup and together we aregoing on a journey to help you
(00:24):
have an incredible relationshipwith money, time, and energy,
and to have abundance on everypossible level. Every week,
we're gonna dive in with expertsand insights to help you unlock
a life of plenty.
Let's go fill our cups. You knowhow people say good vibes only?
(00:47):
That sort of drives me crazy,and I'll tell you why. Today, I
wanna talk about manifestingwithout performing. We've talked
on plenty before about why Idon't like the phrase fake it
till you make it, and so oftenwe've learned manifesting, and I
thought this too.
(01:08):
I used to think that manifestingmeant doing my vision boards
perfectly, policing my thoughts,repeating the same journal
affirmation 55 times, only everbeing happy and positive and
upbeat, until I actually learnedthat I had misunderstood what
(01:31):
manifesting was. And the studyof magnetism and resonance
actually helps us to debunk themyths about manifesting. So if
you've been out here trying hardto get what you want by being
(01:51):
positive and happy and peppy andgood vibes only all the time and
policing your thoughts, I thinkyou're gonna enjoy this episode.
So perhaps you've made thevision boards. Perhaps you've
been trying really hard tochange your thoughts.
Perhaps you've actually beenavoiding feeling negative
(02:14):
emotions because you've thought,uh-oh, if I feel anything other
than quote unquote good, thenI'm going to manifest something
bad. And unfortunately the waythat sometimes manifestation is
taught is really shallow and notactually in relationship to our
(02:36):
true experience of being humans.What we know about the law of
attraction, what we know aboutmanifestation is that we attract
who we are, not what we want.And we attract what we think we
(02:57):
deserve as well. But it's notreally even a thought.
We attract how we are vibrating.And I'm going to tell you what
that means in case you're like,I don't understand what you're
talking about, right? So ifyou've been doing all the right
things, if you've been tryingreally hard to get it right,
(03:19):
you're going to love this newparadigm of manifesting. So what
we know is that our behaviorcreates our results. Right?
In life, you do certain things,and then you get a certain
result. However, there's acouple of very important missing
(03:40):
pieces because life is not quiteas three d as that, and you can
have one person who's doing allthe right things, and another
person who's doing all the rightsame things, and one of them may
be getting an incredible result,and the other one may not. Now I
can never do an episode onmanifesting without addressing
(04:00):
systemic issues, right? So thereare overlying systems of
oppression that make it so thatwe do not all have an even
playing field, and so that somepeople have a much easier time
because of unconscious bias andso many things that are baked
into our thoughts, our systems,our institutions. And this
(04:23):
episode is not about that, but Ido want to address it.
Now, the way that we all dothings actually is going to
determine the results that weget. And my grandfather, who I
never met, he passed away beforeI was born, but he was, everyone
says, my mother always says, hesaid, The way you do it No. No.
(04:49):
He said, How you do it is whatyou get. And that is a quote
from Wilbur Northrop.
So how you do it is what youget. And so it's not always what
we're doing. It's the way we arebeing as we do the thing we're
doing. And most people areasking the wrong question when
(05:11):
it comes to what they want. Solet's say you want to have, you
know, $500,000 a year in yourbusiness.
Most people will then say, okay,what do I need to do in order to
get that? And that is not theright question, and and I'm sure
you've heard people say thisbefore, the the quality of our
life is determined by thequality of the questions we ask.
(05:33):
So how do I do it is the wrongquestion. The right question or
a more powerful question, ahigher quality question is, who
do I need to be in order to be amatch for that result? Now the
missing piece for most people isa process that I call emotional
(05:57):
metabolism or stress metabolism.
They're very similar. I'mactually about to teach this in
Relaxed Money. It's module two.It's all about emotions and
money, and it is the biggestmissing piece. I grew up in the
power of positive thoughtmovement.
I will never forget when I was14, and my mom had been passed a
(06:20):
cassette tape from my granny,Edna, who was Wilbur's wife, and
Edna, my granny, had somehowfound out about Abraham Hicks in
the nineties, like the earlynineties before compact discs
were a thing, before CDs. So mymom had a subscription on
(06:43):
cassette tapes to the AbrahamHicks lectures, like, a million
years ago. And I'll neverforget, she would pick me up
from school or pick me up fromher friend's house, and she'd be
listening to Abraham Hicks onher, you know, cassette player
in her, I think she drove like alike some sort of a Mazda
minivan. And I would always kindof roll my eyes, because I was
(07:04):
like, mom, can't we just listento music? However, when I was
14, she told me about the powerof pure positive intent.
The thing that I didn'tunderstand literally until a
couple of years ago is that whatshe was sharing with me, the
magic of the power of purepositive intent, is the same as
(07:25):
the magic of resonance. And wehave to unpack this for a
minute, because most people makethe mistake that I made at 14.
And what she had told me was ifyou can hold a thought of pure
positive intent for seventeenseconds, then you will activate
(07:47):
the law of attraction, and youwill manifest a match to that
thought. What actually is trueis that we need to learn to hold
a vibration, a frequency forseventeen seconds or more, and
(08:08):
it has a lot more to do with theactual coherence of our system,
our heart coherence, because weknow that the heart has an
electromagnetic field that'slike 65 times the size of the
electromagnetic field of thebrain. And this is from the data
from the Institute of HeartMath.
(08:29):
So what I had misunderstoodbecause of the way it was taught
to me and because, you know, wealways oversimplify things is
and because our culture is soobsessed with the mind, with the
conscious mind, I thought I hadto hold the actual thought. And
to be honest, if you try to holdthe same thought for seventeen
(08:49):
seconds, it's actually, like,really hard. Our brain is like,
squirrel, now I'm thinking aboutthe groceries, now I'm thinking
about something else, oh, thecolor blue. Like, we are just
all over the place. So haveholding one thought for
seventeen seconds is reallyhard.
However, what was actuallyunderneath what my mom was
trying to teach me, and reallywhat Abraham Hicks has been
(09:12):
going on about since thenineties, or I don't even know
when, you know, when Estherstarted channeling Abraham. But
anyway, what is underneath thatis actually the truth, which is
frequency, which is resonance.We cannot exclusively think our
way into a frequency, into avibration, into resonance.
(09:38):
Actually, resonance, frequency,vibration is a byproduct of
something going on much deeperwithin our full body, which
includes the brain, but is notexclusive to the brain. So yes,
does our brain have brain waves?
Absolutely. But I just told youthat the electromagnetic field,
(10:00):
the waves that are going outfrom our heart, are actually 65
times more powerful than thoseof our brain. And so if we are
exclusively trying to manifestwith our conscious thought,
we're missing like 99% of ourmanifesting power, and we're
(10:21):
actually making it way harderfor ourselves than necessary.
Now how do we actually achievecoherence? How do we actually
get our whole being ness?
Right? Who do I need to be inorder to get that result? How do
we get our being ness to be amatch for what we desire? It's
(10:43):
not just feeling good all thetime. So it's not just thinking
positive thoughts, because youcannot think your way into a
feeling exclusively, especiallyif your nervous system is
dysregulated.
So we live in a world with a lotof stimuli, right? And we have
trillions of pieces of stimulusat any given thought that's
(11:04):
available to our brain to takein, and our brain whittles it
down and whittles it down andwhittles it down so that we are
only holding in ourconsciousness about seven pieces
of information at a time, andour brain just doesn't have the
capacity to be able to hold ontoa positive thought for that
(11:26):
long. And what people miss isthen they think, Okay, well if
it's not just positive thought,then it must just be that I need
to feel good all the time. Andthat means that if I feel angry,
if I feel sad, if I'mexperiencing grief, if I'm
feeling jealousy, if I'm feelingoverwhelmed, if I'm feeling any
other way other than happy,positive, hopeful, enthusiastic,
(11:49):
then I'm screwing it up, thenI'm doing it wrong. But what's
actually true is that let's sayyou had a pipe, right, and your
pipe on the one end of the pipewas what you wanted to manifest,
and on the other end of the pipewas like where you are now.
And what needed to happen is youneeded to get like water through
the pipe in order to get to theend where you want to manifest.
(12:13):
And our our emotions, all ofthem, positive, negative, right,
emotions are actually neutral,we just label them as humans,
our emotions clog the pipes. Andespecially the unprocessed ones.
So the whole idea here is tometabolize our emotions and
(12:38):
metabolize our stress so thatthey are not blocking the pipe.
And we have gotten this wrong bythinking we need to either think
our way out of a negativeemotion or repress our way out
of a negative emotion, right?
(12:58):
Like a lot of people grew up ina household where it was, you
know, don't cry or I'll give yousomething to cry about, or go
back upstairs and don't comedown until you have a smile on
your face, or any sort ofrejection of anything that was
not happy, compliant, andpositive. But we're meant to
(13:19):
experience a full spectrum ofemotions as humans. That's
actually part of our superpower,and actually what we know,
there's some significant datathat shows us that unprocessed
anger, unprocessed grief,unprocessed emotions, meaning
repressed or suppressedemotions, cause disease in our
(13:41):
body, dis ease. It clogs up thepipes. And not only does it make
it so that our bodies becomeill, it also is a lot of kinks
in, now I'm using a new analogy,but like it's a kink in the
hose.
So now we've moved from a pipe,now we have a hose, but either
way, we're trying to get peakenergetic flow. Our emotions,
(14:04):
when we don't feel them, cause akink in the hose or a clog in
the pipe. It's like a gianthairball. And unfortunately,
traditional forms of manifestingtaught that we needed to be good
vibes only and positive all thetime, and no one ever came
certainly not our parents andnot society, no one came and
(14:24):
told us how to actually processour emotions in healthy ways. I
taught a workshop last fall, andwe did in person some practices
around processing healthy anger,processing healthy sadness,
processing healthy joy.
And what happened, what was sointeresting with some of the
(14:47):
some of the participants, theysaid, I'm afraid to express my
anger because I'm afraid that ifI express my anger, I'm going to
hurt someone, that I'm Iactually will become dangerous.
Or I'm afraid to cry. I'm afraidto begin to even break the seal
on the amount of sadness andgrief I feel in my body, because
(15:11):
I feel like if I start to cry, Iwill go down a hole that has no
bottom, and I will never stopcrying. It will never end.
That's what it can feel likebecause we've been taught to be
afraid of our emotionallandscape instead of to be
curious about our emotionallandscape.
(15:32):
And for many people, it was notactually safe to feel their
feelings in their childhoodhome. So you may have actually
been abused for feeling yourfeelings physically or
emotionally. You may have beenyelled at. You may have been
shunned. You may have receivedneglect because of healthy
(15:57):
emotional expression.
And most of our caregivers justdidn't also have the support,
the tools, the training to feeltheir emotions in healthy ways.
And so we developed thesecompensatory strategies, which
are to suppress or repress ourfeelings. And suppressing your
emotions means you, like, youdidn't even know you felt it to
(16:20):
begin with. Like, it is so fardeep down in there that, like,
it's not even registering.Repressing is, oh, I'm aware
that I'm feeling sad right now,and I'm going to do something.
I'm going to quickly get towork. I'm going to pick up my
phone. I'm going to scroll. I'mgoing to have a drink. I'm going
to, you know, go on socialmedia.
I'm going to shop. I'm going todistract myself, so that I don't
(16:42):
feel that feeling because thatfeeling doesn't feel safe. Now
if you're listening to this,chances are good that you are no
longer living in an environmentwhere your safety depends on the
emotional tenor of someone elsewho's a caregiver. Right? And so
at this point, now it's actuallysafe to learn how to feel your
(17:05):
feelings because you no longerneed to suppress or repress them
in order to survive.
But it takes a minute. And formany people, the nervous system
patterning is so deep inrepression and suppression that
they don't even know they'redoing it, and they may be
(17:25):
experiencing all sorts ofsymptoms or things coming out
sideways, like an example wouldbe your, everything's going
great, and then your childbreaks a glass and you
completely lose it and snap,like your response to the
stimulus is out of proportion tothe stimulus itself. When that
(17:49):
happens, you may have heard thisphrase before, if it's
historical, it's no. If it'shysterical, it's historical.
Meaning when our response tosomething in our current present
day life is out of proportion tothat thing itself, it is because
we're unearthing stored emotionsfrom our history that need that
(18:11):
are coming out now becausethey've been so backed up that
it's it's now time.
Now I know that we are talkingabout manifesting, and now I'm
talking about feelings, andyou're like, I'm not sure what's
happening right now. What I amtrying to say to you is that
your years of unfelt feelingsare creating a kink in the hose
or a clog in your pipe, or let'ssay you are trying to receive a
(18:35):
radio signal, but your antennais broken or all tangled up, all
of those are the same thing.Unfelt feelings get stored in
our nervous system, and theyblock our ability to manifest
what we want, like a clog in thepipe, a kink in the hose, or a
tangled antenna, because ourability to allow energy to flow
(19:01):
through our bodies happensthrough our nervous system,
because our nervous system worksaccording to electricity. And
electricity, light, comesthrough us according to our
neural patterning. And ourability to allow more light to
come through our bodies dependson us metabolizing old emotions.
(19:25):
So I have a couple of tips foryou around this. Our Relaxed
Money students go much deeper onthis particular topic, but for
today, we're just gonna go hotand fast. Okay? Number one, most
feelings will pass after aboutninety seconds if you let
yourself go all the way in. Sothe other day, I was watching a
(19:46):
video.
It was a case study of one ofour Relaxed Money students, and
I was so moved by what thisperson had shared that I burst
into tears, and all of a sudden,I had all this grief come up,
and I was like for real crying.Like not, oh, I have tears in my
eyes, I need to dab them. Like Iwas for real having a guttural
(20:08):
sob that was activated bywatching this video. I turned
away from my screen, I walkedacross my office, and I just
allowed myself to have that fullexperience of the guttural sob.
I did not start to attach astory to it.
(20:29):
I did not go into why am Icrying? What's wrong with me?
What is this about? This is sounexpected. Why would this video
make me cry this way?
I did not go into my mind. Ijust allowed my body to have the
full emotional experience. Itlasted about ninety seconds.
(20:50):
Then I went into the bathroom,and I dabbed my tears, and I
went about my day. For somepeople, if emotional expression
doesn't feel as safe, and that'snot something you're well
practiced in, and you feel anemotion coming up, you can
actually use a nervous systemtool as the emotion comes up to
(21:11):
signal to your body that it'ssafe to feel, and then after
expressing the emotion in asmall, doable way, you can use
titration, small, doable piecesover time, you could then use
another high payoff nervoussystem tool at the end after
you've expressed that emotion tothe degree that feels safe to do
(21:35):
so in that moment, so thatyou're then essentially book
ending that emotional expressionwith signaling to your body, I
am safe, and then you haveemotional expression, and then
re regulating with a nervoussystem healing tool.
One nervous system healing toolis called havening. If you
listen to plenty, you've heardthis one before, but if you're
(21:56):
new here, welcome. And haveningis simply taking your hands and
rubbing them against each otherslowly, and then maybe using one
hand and going over yourforearm, and then using the
other hand to go over yourforearm very slowly, so you're
just having the experience andyou can tell even if you're just
(22:18):
listening on the podcast, evenif you're not watching this
video on YouTube or Spotify, youcan tell that my voice just
slowed down and that the tone ofmy voice just changed, which is
a signal that my nervous systemhas just come into greater
resonance or regulation. I'mjust now signaling to my body,
(22:38):
you are safe. And I'm in anactivated state.
I'm recording all day, right? SoI'm gonna be in a more
sympathetic dominant state,which is appropriate for being
in a higher activation, like I'mhere to deliver to you and be
articulate and have my face onand the whole thing. But even in
that state, when I add inhavening, suddenly my peripheral
(23:01):
vision just opened up wider, Ifeel more fully present, I
actually can't talk as fast whenI'm doing this practice, so it's
really fascinating to use thesetools and notice what happens in
your body. So that's oneexample. You can do a tool
before, then some emotionalexpression, then a tool after.
(23:23):
Now for me, I've had years ofpracticing full emotional
expression, so I don't getscared when I have tears come up
or when I have anger come up. Iexpress them, and then usually
it really shifts pretty fastwithin ninety seconds, and then
I'm able to go about my day,integrate the experience, take
some breaths, maybe do havening,do a washing machine, which is
(23:47):
another tool I teach, and thengo back. And what that has done
is that's essentially like theRoto Rooter, or maybe that's the
wrong, I don't know. Anyway,it's like Drano. Right?
It's like Drano for yourmanifesting pipes. So you just
clear it out, and then you goabout your day. We do not need
to know the content. We do notneed to have a story about the
(24:10):
feeling we're feeling in orderfor it to pass through our body.
In fact, attaching meaning andgoing into story can often take
us out of the embodiedexperience of feeling the
feeling.
We actually want to just let ourbody feel the feeling all the
way in and all the way throughas much as we can, and then move
(24:32):
on. It doesn't really matter thewhy, because what we're going
for is a frequency and avibration. And the vibration of
authenticity, the vibration, thefrequency, the resonance of
truth is the most powerfulfrequency there is. So I learned
from my friend Josh Pice, who'sthe founder of Committed
(24:54):
Impulse. I went to his actingclass for like eight weeks in
New York City.
I had no intention of becomingan actor, but I did want to
learn how to tell the truth withmy body as an entrepreneur, as
as someone who does publicspeaking, who communicates for a
living. And what he taught wasso profound, because he teaches
(25:17):
actors to stop quote unquoteperforming, because what ends up
happening is actors and speakersand all sorts of people, we go
in to any kind of scenario inwhich we're trying to impress
someone, or communicatesomething, or a sales situation,
or, you know, a monologue, orwhatever, and we start to put on
(25:41):
all these layers of performance.And now we're lying, because
we've practiced, practiced,practiced, practiced doing it
this one certain way, and we doit in a way that we think the
person on the other side wantsus to do it. We are very well
trained to do that, of course,because as children, we were
(26:02):
trying to get our parents tolove us. And for a lot of
caregivers, they requiredchildren to be a certain way in
order to deliver their love in acertain way.
So for a lot of folks, love wasnot unconditional. It was
conditional according to are youshowing up the way that is
(26:25):
convenient and comfortable forme, and I will only love, adore,
and care for you in this certainway if you're showing up in the
way that makes it comfortablefor me. So of course we end up
as these little automatons as asadults still doing those
performances, and then for thoseof us who are in communication
careers, it continues. So backto Josh's class. He taught us
(26:51):
that when you are watching aplay, if you go to live theater,
when an animal, so like when adog walks on stage or when a
young child walks on stage, allof a sudden it does not matter
what else is happening on thatstage, all eyes are on the dog
(27:12):
or the child.
Why? Why are they so magnetic?Because they are always telling
the truth. They are always theydon't have all the layers of
performance and trying to bewhat you want them to be, and
therefore you can't take youreyes off them. That's why we are
(27:36):
so captivated by animals andchildren, because they're always
telling the truth with theirwhole being.
That is magnetism. That is thefrequency that I'm talking
about. That is true resonance.Now if we want to, as adults,
(27:57):
become magnets for exactly whatit is that is in our highest
possible experience, we need tomaster the process of emotional
metabolism so that we can clearout the pipes and so that we can
be operating in a resonance, ina frequency of truthfulness. Not
(28:19):
in a resonance or frequency ofgood, but actually in a
resonance or frequency of oftruthfulness, of authenticity.
And what's so fascinating aboutthe experience of telling the
truth with our bodies, meaning Iam in an embodied experience of
being in exactly what I'm in,whether it's grief, sadness,
(28:42):
joy, excitement, boredom,whatever. What's so cool about
that is on some level, like youknow how when you're crying, or
when you're really angry, itkind of like hurts so good?
Right? Like when you have areally good cry, when you have a
really good scream, when you'vereally like let it out, it
actually feels really good.That's resonance.
(29:07):
That's the frequency and thevibration of being a match for
what we truly desire. Becausewhat all of us truly desire is
that which makes us come alive.And aliveness is the experience
of feeling the full spectrum ofhuman emotion all the way in,
all the way through the highs,the lows, the in betweens, like
(29:29):
actually being fully presenthere for it. And on some level,
that's really what every singleone of us is here for. It's not
really actually about a house ora car or any kind of level of
achievement or gold star oraward or love match or anything.
We are all just looking to feelmore alive, and the biggest
(29:50):
block for feeling alive foralmost every single one of us is
that we are not lettingourselves feel our feelings
because we've been conditionedthat it is not safe or
productive to do so. Themanifesting world, some of it,
has taught us that we have tofeel quote unquote good all the
time, which has only furtheredthe repression and the
(30:12):
suppression of emotions, thatit's really time that we break
that cycle. So in summary, ifyou would like to take your
manifesting to the next level,you need to learn how to
metabolize your emotions, and itis something you can absolutely
do. I've given you some tipshere, and if this is something
you wanna dive more deeply into,my friend Emily Fletcher is
(30:35):
teaching a class. I think it'scalled Audacious Magic, but all
you have to do is go tokatenorthrup.com/magic, and you
can learn all about embodiedmanifestation from Emily.
She's the founder of ZivaMeditation. She is an absolute
lighthouse, powerhouse, and shehas an incredible methodology
(31:00):
for, she doesn't call itemotional metabolism, but she
calls it whatever she calls it.And she and I are very much
sisters on the same path,teaching similar things in
different ways that are totallyour own. So if you want to dive
deeper over there with Emily, goto katenorthup.com/magic. And if
this was helpful for you, pleaseshare it.
(31:22):
Go out there, feel yourfeelings, become a vibrational
match for that which you desire,which is to truly feel alive,
and I will see you next time.
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