129. Monica Yates on Being the Breadwinner, Burning Out & Finding Her Feminine Again

Episode Transcript
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Monica Yates (00:00):
The need to control is an illusion of

(00:02):
safety. When we feel like, oh,I'm in control and you then feel
safe, that is an illusion ofsafety. It's not actual safety.
True safety is your ability tolet go and trust. Okay.
Today, I have a spicy guest. Shesaid some things that are
controversial and I liked it, Ihave to say.

Kate Northrup (00:20):
She has some edgy things to say about the
masculine and the feminine andfeminism in general.
Breadwinning, money,receptiveness, surrender,
trauma. We really covered a lotof territory. What I love about
Monica is she and I have two twovery similar things in common
that are unusual, which is thatour paths in business started

(00:43):
with Well, mine didn't, butlike, it was in love affairs
with, learning about themenstrual cycle and then moving
into nervous system healing fromthat place. So, she's the only
other human I know who movedfrom periods to healing our
nervous systems and I'm soexcited you to meet her.
She is delightful. She isunfiltered. She is super fun.

(01:07):
She makes a shit ton of money asa young woman, and, she's
pregnant with her first, and Ijust absolutely loved getting to
know Monica Yates. She has abrand new book called Becoming
Her.
She is the host of the toppodcast Feminine As Fuck. Enjoy
Monica. Welcome to Plenty. I'myour host Kate Northrup and

(01:27):
together we are going on ajourney to help you have an
incredible relationship withmoney, time, and energy, and to
have abundance on every possiblelevel. Every week, we're gonna
dive in with experts andinsights to help you unlock a
life of plenty.

(01:49):
Let's go fill our cups.

[voiceover] (01:51):
Please note that the opinions and perspectives of
the guests on the Plenty podcastare not necessarily reflective
of the opinions and perspectivesof Kate Northrup or anyone who
works within the Kate Northrupbrand.

Welcome, Monica. Thank you, Kate. I'm so excited
be here. Yeah. Well, I wassaying that I'm so glad that you
connected with me because as Iwas researching and getting to
know you better for thisepisode, I knew of your podcast.
However, I was like, it isuncanny how similar, at least on
the surface Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.What we do is. And I'm so

(02:26):
excited to dive into thatbecause when other people have
found their own way in totallydifferent ways to very similar
conclusions, for me, itsolidifies and it validates that
all my crazy ideas are true.
Yes. So I love that you too gothere, well, through a number of

(02:49):
ways. Yeah. But that one ofthose things was in falling in
love with your menstrual cycle.Like, that's not the usual path
No.
For most people. So can you tellme how you fell in love with
your period?

Yes. I mean, I grew up hating being a woman.
Like, I really did. I had reallybad conditioning and programming
just around men having it somuch easier, and everything
being harder for women. And, youknow, I was always told women
have the bad end of the stick.
Next time I'm coming back as aman and just, you know, over
time, obviously, that makes youfeel like inherently shit,

(03:27):
basically. Could I swear on thispodcast? Okay. About being a
woman. And so I grew up with areally bad period.
Like, I my period would be soheavy. I would bleed through a
maternity pad and tampons. Like,I'd be wearing the tampon and
the maternity pad at the sametime. I was constantly in pain,
like, mostly female listeners,so it's gonna be TMI. Like like,

(03:48):
huge blood clots.
Like, not okay. Right? And, ofcourse, you know, also in
Australia, you just go to thedoctor, and their solution is
put you on the pill. Yeah. And,you know, I grew up in a very
healthy family, so it wasn'tlike my mom would just pass,
like, pass out pills to just fixeverything.
You know, we had a naturalapproach, but she wasn't taught
this stuff. So she didn't knowany better. So we go to the

(04:10):
doctor. We go to the GP becauseyou don't really do gyno's,
like, unless you have, like, aspecific thing in Australia. We
went to the GP, and her solutionis, like, go on the pill to fix
this.
I think a lot of women now knowit doesn't fix anything. All it
does is put a big fat Band Aidon it. So long story short, I
was on the pill, and I was like,this is fabulous. I don't have a
period, like, I can control myperiod, you know, all that kind

(04:31):
of stuff. And also just like,yay, I'm not gonna fall
pregnant, blah blah blah, allthose things.
And, of course, now I know,like, actually, I still could
have fallen pregnant. Right?Because you could still fall
pregnant on the pill, and it'sjust you know, you don't my
whole thing is I am absolutelynot anti birth control. I am
anti true informed consent.Right?
And we are not given all theinformation as women. And so

(04:53):
then I was I I finished school,and I was actually training to
become a ski instructor inWhistler, and I stopped getting
the breakthrough bleedaltogether. And no. Sorry. I
started bleeding every twoweeks.
So then my doctor was like, oh,we'll just put you on a higher
dose. I went on the highestdose, stopped getting my
breakthrough bleed because it'snot an actual period altogether.

(05:14):
And I was then like, oh, youknow, I don't think this is a
100% right. So then I came offthe pill, and it took me
eighteen months to get my periodback. I lost so much weight.
I was premenopausal. Like, ifyou saw me on the street, you
would have fully thought I wasanorexic. And I was eating more
than my dad. I was skin andbones. I was eating so much
food, wasn't able to digest anyof it.

(05:35):
So, like, I would go to thebathroom and, you know, like
zucchini noodles, they didn'tget digested. Like, they were
there in the toilet. Wow. Andwhat actually then got me just
the period side of things tothen really into feminine and
masculine energy and traumahealing was because it wasn't
the herbs. It wasn't a, youknow, certain diet that I was
on.
It wasn't like I had to slowdown my exercise. I was doing

(05:57):
everything right in terms ofsupplement, nutrition, all the
things. And what got my periodback was I started dating a guy
that was super into the kind offeminine and masculine. And, you
know, I wasn't into the femininemasculine at that point because
I had all this wounding aroundbeing a feminine woman Yeah. As
many of us do.
Long story short, he basically,like, forced me into my feminine
in, like, a way that I deeplycraved, but I also felt like,

(06:18):
oh, this is so, like, naughty.You know? But I'm like, oh my
god. It was so hot at the sametime. And he forced me kind of
into my feminine three months,and it takes ninety days for
your follicle to come around tothen ovulate.
And three months into datinghim, I got my period back. And I
even write about it in my book.I tried to like contact him
even, like years later, whenonce I'd done all this work on

(06:41):
myself, because back then I wassuch a cold hard bitch. Like, I
truly was. I was.
I was so masculine. I had this,like, dichotomy in me, right,
where I deeply wanted to allow aman to lead me, but I felt like
that was so wrong even though Icraved it. And, you know, he
would say when we starteddating, like, you you start to

(07:05):
do you started tastingdifferent. You know? And that's
what got me into, like, wait,there has to be some correlation
between me dating this guy andthen getting my period back.
And that's when I really starteddiving into the research and
pulling all of these differentpieces together of how men
influence women's hormones. Andthat was really then the start

(07:27):
of everything back in, like, '20what was that? Like, 2016. And
then things really picked up in2018, and now here we are. Wow.
Yeah. That was my journey.

Amazing story.

Thank you.

Of course, it makes perfect sense to me that
your hormones would shiftthrough an experience of being
able to finally let go andreceive and be in your feminine.
And not to say that being inyour feminine is exclusively
surrendering and receivingThere's and letting many faces
of the feminine which we cantalk about, but that's one of

(08:02):
the biggest ones that many highachieving women crave, is like,
can I just put it down? And I'llnever forget, I was dating a guy
in New York, and I was takingclasses at Mama Gena's School of
Womanly Arts,

he I was like Her and book was one of the first
book I books I read on all ofthis postseason. I remember I
was on the beach at Byron Bay. Iread that book, and I was like,
oh, like, wow.

Yeah.

And just like that eye it was eye opening. Right?
Anyway, sorry. Cut you off.

She was here earlier today.

Oh my god.

Of course she was. Of course she was. Yeah. Of
course. So I love that.
So I was, you know, reallylearning about the feminine and
the masculine more. I I grew upwith some of this conversation,
and I said to him, like, I wishbecause I am such a leader.
Like, I was born on the firstday of the astrological new

(08:54):
year. I am a total Aries. I lovestarting things.
I am an excellent leader.

K. And Fellow Firesign here, so

I love it. Amazing. When's your birthday?

December 11, Sagittarius.

Love it. So no problem with leading or taking
charge, but I so craved therelaxation of knowing that
someone else had it. Yeah. And Isaid to him, I just wish you
would take the reins sometimes.And he was like, I would love to
if you would just put them down.

Like if you would let him, right? Yeah.

He was like, you just have to put them down. You
can't I can't have the reins ifyou won't let go.

Yeah,

right. And that craving is so real. Yeah. Now I
find that this is changing, butmodern day feminism, certainly
the feminism of the seventies,eighties, and 90s was absolutely
wonderful. Stand on theshoulders of these women, also a
bit of a backlash or a shadow ofit was this thing of like, I

(09:54):
don't need a man, I will be aman.
And it left us with this feelingof like, ah, I'm smart, I'm
successful. A man is not afinancial plan. I'm doing it for
myself, but also can someoneopen the door, but also I feel
bad about the fact that I wantsomeone else to open the door
and make a dinner reservationand just tell me what to do
because I freaking love it whenmy husband tells me what to do.

(10:17):
I'm like, thank God. Just giveme instructions.
Oh, when I get the text from Halof like, this is

the plan. Basically, even just flying
here, it was like, have you tobe ready at 05:00. Make sure x y
zed is packed. Here's what'sgonna like, and I'm like,
literally wet knickers.

Like, it is just the best feeling. That's gonna
be the title of this episode.Wet knickers? I always say it's
a panty dropper. So similar.
It's the Australian version. Butthey get Oh my god. So funny. So
you meet I wanna know when thisguy quote unquote forced you

(10:54):
into your feminine. Tell me somepractical examples of what that
actually looked like Okay.
In your dating life.

Okay. I've never even shared this. I love this
question. Oh. So yeah.
So I have, like, one vividmemory, for example, where he
pushed me up against a wall, andI just even just saying it right
now, I'm like, oh, I thought youjust love that. Right? And and I
just remember being, like, soturned on. Like, so, like
because when when when you feelas a woman, like, he is in a

(11:22):
healthy, sexy way, just, like,putting you into that surrender,
which some of us, you know, highachieving, kind of leading
women, we really deeply craveof, like, that forcing into the
feminine because we don't evenhave to, like, do it for
ourselves. So, you know, I wasdeeply craving that.
And so he kind of, you know, putme against a wall and just
started making out with me. AndI remember feeling, like, so

(11:45):
turned on, so soft, so like thatexhale in my body, but then my
head, like, this is so wrong.Like, get off me. You shouldn't
do this. Like, this isn't.
Because it was like, oh, I'mgiving up my power. And that was
really the conditioning of,like, if a man is holding open
the door or doing something foryou or leading, then I'm giving
up my power. Other things wouldeven be like, we so I was living

(12:06):
in Melbourne at the time. He wasliving in Sydney. And, you know,
I'd fly to Sydney, for example,and he'd pick me up with, like,
flowers and all that.
And I would always be like,like, when's the other shoe
gonna drop? Like, even justthat. Like, what does he want?
Like, why is he giving meflowers? Like, the inability to
receive.
I know so many women strugglewith that. Right? Where, you
even if someone wants to giveyou help, it's like, well, what

(12:26):
do I have to do in return? Theycan't just receive it. Or even,
you know, somebody complimentsyou.
You have to just compliment themback, even if you don't even
like their outfit, instead ofjust being like, thank you.

Right. It was like transactional

as opposed to Actually receiving the
experience. Yeah. So like, yeah,him bringing me flowers, other
little things like him justplanning the date. You know, I'd
rock up to Sydney for theweekend. He'd plan out the
weekend, and I remember therebeing times where I'm like,
well, I don't wanna do that.
So, like, you know, I shouldjust then be like, no. No. This
is what I wanna do. This is whatwe're gonna do. Like, what I

(13:00):
want matters more.
And it's not to say you don'tspeak your truth, because
there's a phrase that I createdcalled empoweredly submissive,
which really is that the thewomen that can truly be the most
receptive and and submissive ina healthy way are actually the
most empowered. Because in orderfor you to be truly in that

(13:21):
surrendered state, you have tofeel so safe to say no. You have
to have that open throat chakrato put your foot down when you
need to blah blah blah. But youjust most of the time, we just
don't actually don't want tobecause it feels so nice when
someone else takes the lead.But, you know, back then, I just
thought, no.
No. Doing what a man has plannedand me not getting a say or me
not having a say, like, that iswrong. Versus, you know, there's

(13:44):
two sides to this. Obviously,one, if I didn't wanna do that,
I'm allowed to say I don't wannado that. But then the other side
of it is like remembering, well,you don't always get what you
want, Monica.
Right? And I think sometimes,especially these days with all
of the female empowerment, it'slike, well, my needs matter
more. And we forget men wannafeel safe too in relationships.
Men wanna feel heard. Men wannafeel listened to.

(14:05):
They wanna feel seen. And like,even now to this day, it's like
it's not all about me. If Hal,my husband, if he wants to do
something and I don't want to,I'm gonna be like, let's go do
it. Because that's just the giveand take of a relationship. It's
not just about us.
And I think that back then, andI've noticed it even now with
clients, and I remind them, andit's like, oh, God. They're
like, oh, triggered, but this isactually so true, and this is so

(14:26):
me. It's like, we get so intothis female empowerment, and
like, well, you know, my needsmatter, and I gotta speak my
truth, that it can getmisinterpreted for us forgetting
there are two people in arelationship. And there is that
give and take, and sometimes, wehave to do things we don't wanna
do.

Yeah. And we actually can find pleasure in
anything. The truth is that evenwhen you don't want to do it, if
we just also open to theexperience, 99% of the time, we
can just have fun. Wait. Can you

give an example that you feel like recently for
you?

What's an intangible way you didn't wanna
obsessed with soccer. And okay.So already I'm like I'm out. A
100%. And we are seasons ticketsholders to enter Miami, our
local soccer team with Messi.
It's like a big deal for somepeople. For some people. Yeah.
Not for us. Not for thelisteners.
I'm super not interested insoccer. However, once a season,

(15:29):
I go to the game and I pick myoutfit, and I wear the pink and
black. Luckily, have greatcolors, so it's pink and Their
logo is super cute. The wholething, I have a hat, I have my
he even bought me Inner MiamiAdidas. She she like it's a
whole thing.
Okay. I plan my outfit. We go. Imake it like my Sporty Spice

(15:50):
night Yeah. And like Love it.
And then I make him go home athalftime. Yeah. Yeah. I love
that. Like, you've

made fun of something.

But and then I ask him all sorts of questions.
I have a lot of commentary. Hethinks it's hysterical because
he's just like the things younotice Yeah. About these players
that have nothing to do with thegame. It's like absolutely
ridiculous.
Women watching sports. Thiswould be me. This would totally
be me. And like, shout outListen, I have girlfriends who
are actually like die hardsports fans, and that's

(16:20):
wonderful. I'm just not likethat.
And so, I don't know, but I alsowant to be enthusiastic about
what he's enthusiastic about,because what I'm excited about
is a lit up man. Yeah. And,like, I want him to have lots
going on beyond our marriage.Yes. And so I wanna support that
and be enthusiastic about it.
I just don't go most of thetime. Yes. But I

go love once this we need we need a I think
sometimes people forget that,you know, even though, yes,
you're together in arelationship, I'm really big on
your independence

Yeah.

Actually can help make the relationship. So, like,
supporting your man to go and dothe things that he likes to do
or do the things alone canliterally, like, improve your
sex life.

Oh, a 100%. Yeah. No. It's so much more
interesting that he's, like, upto all these things and has all
these together. Especiallybecause we work together.
Yeah. We're, like, quite Yes. Init. Yeah. So I wanna know, how
did so you and I have manythings in common.
So the period thing, becomingobsessed with periods, number
one. Number two Your girls arelucky, or maybe they're not,

(17:26):
depending on those. Depending.Might not be lucky. Mom a taught
lot about menstrual wisdom inthe period, and I was super not
interested.
So my girls will be who my girlswill be. So the other thing we
have in common is that we didn'trealize when you don't grow up
in an environment that'sexplicitly traumatic with abuse

(17:47):
or substances or giant loss,there can be this feeling of
like, yeah, my childhood waspretty good, I must not have any
trauma. And I was reading aboutthat with you, and I wanted to
dig deeper because it was alsolater in my life that I

(18:09):
realized, actually my nervoussystem was pretty jacked up, and
we, especially in times of theinternet and social media, we
really love to play the TraumaOlympics of whose is worse and
mine isn't, and that literallyhelps nobody. So can you talk
about how you realized thatactually you did have some

(18:32):
nervous system healing to do?

Yeah. One of the really big eye opening moments
was after I had a really bad skiaccident, and I was in a
wheelchair, and we were still myfamily was still skiing. They
were like, do wanna go home toAustralia? And I was like, do
not wanna go back to the summer,like, with this big leg brace
on. Anyway, so they were skiing,and I was just mom left me for
like an hour or something in thehotel lobby, and I was in my
wheelchair, and then I wastrying to get to the bathroom,

(18:55):
and I was struggling.
And this lady came up to me, andshe's like, can I help you? And
so she helped me get to thebathroom, and then we were
talking afterwards, And I toldher about the accident and what
had just happened. And she shewas then telling me about her
husband that was basically aboutto die, she has two little boys.
And I was like, oh my gosh. Ihave no reason to be complaining

(19:15):
right now.
I'm so sorry. And she said tome, and I will never forget
this. She said to me, you haveevery reason to complain because
you've had a change in yourreality. And that for me, and I
I've goosebumps that. Like, Ishare that story often because
of what you said of so many ofus that grew up in this, quote,
unquote, perfect childhood.
We can feel like that kind ofprogramming of, I have nothing

(19:36):
to complain about becausesomebody else has it worse. And,
yeah, maybe, you know, somebodyelse has it worse, but all
you're then doing is gaslightingyourself. Right? And when you
understand that trauma issubjective, and trauma isn't
about what you know, when youlook back on your childhood, you
might think, I had a perfectchildhood. But that's not what
you're looking at.

(19:56):
It's about how you felt as alittle girl or as a little boy
in that instance. And yourparents might not have actually
been meaning to make you feelunsafe or unloved or unworthy or
whatever, but you perceive that,and that perception is then what
becomes the trauma. Andunderstanding that trauma is
subjective is really importantbecause, you know, two people

(20:16):
could have the identicalsituation happen to them, and
one person finds that reallytraumatic and it affects them
for the rest of their life. Andanother person, they didn't
really perceive it as thattraumatic, so it doesn't affect
them. And I think for a lot ofpeople, we can be looking at
things from this, like, outsideadult perspective, but we
understand perspective.
A child version of us doesn'tunderstand perspective. And I

(20:39):
was at a Tony Robbins event longtime ago, like, maybe it was
like '20 probably 2016 when Imet the same guy. That's where I
met him. And and I remembersaying to my mom, which which is
so fucked up. I said this toher.
I said I said, I wish you gaveme a harder childhood because
then I would have this, like,you know, poor girl to hero

(21:00):
story. And I really thought backthen that the only way for me to
help people because I alwaysknew I wanted to help people. I
always kind of had that. My nameactually means to advise and
counsel. Like, I always had thatin me.
And I thought though, like, oh,well, if I wanna be like Oprah
or Tony Robbins or anybodythat's helped people, they've
all had these, like, horrificstories that they've come from

(21:23):
and then made this name forthemselves. And it's kind of
like, you know, going to whatyou're going off what you said
with the social media thing,it's like, do we idolize a
little bit of like, do weidolize trauma? Do we idolize
trauma porn. Yeah. Do yeah.
My god. I love that phrase.Like, do we idolize a hotter
upbringing because then it givesus permission to have a bigger

(21:45):
life, do more healing, blah blahblah.

And what I'm sure you know, but I do want to
highlight is that there's ourpersonal traumas, but there's
also our ancestral and ourcollective traumas. And our
bodies are carrying those aroundjust as much as our personal.
And I love what you said aboutperspective. And and the truth
is so many of the things thatour nervous systems are carrying

(22:08):
happened in childhood, andchildren don't have that
perspective. And no one else canbe the arbiter of what it
possibly could be for us.
And I will say that bygaslighting ourselves, like you
mentioned, and saying, Oh,that's not bad enough to count.

(22:30):
We, A, aren't doing our healingwork, so it keeps us stuck in
those patterns, which helpsliterally nobody, actually the
opposite. It only makes us toact out in unconscious ways. So
A, it helps nobody, and it keepsus from actually doing the
healing work. And then it also,as you are pointing out,
glamorizes and romanticizes theit was so terrible, and then it

(22:56):
was amazing, and then it alsodeepens the lie that suffering
makes us more valuable.
And then we manufacturesuffering in any opportunity we
can find unconsciously.

Right. And also, I didn't mention this before, but
the I, like, I call it the microtrauma. Right? So the feelings
of, like, not feeling enough,feeling like, oh, I have to get
grade a's all the time in orderto be loved, like, those little
micro traumas that a lot of ushave experienced, especially if
you grew up in the quote unquoteperfect childhood. You know,
what I've actually noticed in myclients is often those people,
they actually have more healingto do because they've been more

(23:35):
unconscious about how thosethings affect them.
So then, you know, when they're16, 17, you know, 25 years old,
etcetera, they keep attractingin these unconscious, you know,
situation. They keep they keepattracting things in
unconsciously, which thencontinues to exacerbate the
trauma. It makes that kind offeeling if I'm not enough become

(23:57):
bigger and bigger and bigger,where then they come to me at 35
or 40, and it wasn't even likethe childhood stuff was
actually, quote unquote, thatbad. It's all of these other
adult situations that have thenbecome so traumatic as a result
of that. You know, even theother day, I was on a
consultation call, and thiswoman, she said to me, she said,
you know, like, I don't reallyneed a therapist.

(24:18):
Like, I'm a very positiveperson, so, like, I don't need
help with those things. But justbefore, she'd also told me, I
don't feel like I'm enough. Ialways wonder why my boyfriend,
like, why is he with me? Like,what do I have to offer? She
doesn't feel safe to be seen,especially in the workplace.
Like, she doesn't feel likeshe's kind of bold enough and
strong enough, if you will, anda few other things. And I'm

(24:38):
like, it's it was interestinghow again, like, was that
gaslighting. Was like, well, I'mpositive, so I don't have any
healing to do. And I thinksometimes that, you know, we
cannot give ourselves permissionto do the work in any capacity,
whether it's money work, whetherit's trauma work, whatever it
is, because we think, well, I'mnot in this deep, dark hole. And
why do we have to wait untilwe're in this deep, dark hole to

(24:59):
give ourselves permission to doany work.
I think that it's a beautifulplace to also be in when you're
like, life's actually reallygood, but I just want more for
myself. But a lot of women don'tgive themselves permission for
that. Even with the money stuff,I feel like that's a classic
case. Well, I have enough money,so I shouldn't be asking for any
more. I'm sure you see that allthe time.
All the time. And it's it's thatpermission piece as women. Like,

(25:19):
we aren't given, and we aren'tgiving ourselves the permission
to be happier, to have a betterlife, to want more, to make more
money, etcetera. It's so true.

I've seen you talk about being a breadwinner
and how that can affect thepolarity in our relationships,
and I'm wondering if you canspeak to, I work with a lot of
women who maybe run a businessand have become the person who's

(25:53):
more financially responsible.Maybe they're not the 100% the
breadwinner, and there was atime where my mastermind was
completely by accident, prettymuch exclusively women who made
all the money in their in theirmarriage. Okay. And for some,
that was to the detriment oftheir marriage. For some, it
wasn't.
There were, you know, a numberof things that could come up,

(26:15):
and and I have shared on thepodcast my own journey around
this as the face of our brand. Ican get into, like, my, I would
say, my, like, lower expressionself has historically this has
done a lot of work around this,but has historically gotten
into,

like, it's but also, like, I just wanna say,
it's hard being the breadwinner.Like, I'm like, even though I
talk about it, and, like, we'llget into this, you know, never
in the history of women have weever made so much money, had so
much on our shoulders. And sowhen I talk about this, I love
to just remind women, especiallywhen they're asking me, like,
it's it's hard. Right? I'm notsitting here being like, oh,

(27:09):
it's so easy being thebreadwinner.
Like, I've figured out how tomake it shitloads easier, and
I'm sure you have too. Right?But it requires it requires
work. Because it's not like manyof us have had parents that were
in this dynamic where we thenknew like, it was modeled to us
in a healthy way. Yes.
Definitely not. I did

grow up with a mother who made a lot of money.

K.

And sometimes it was modeled in a healthy way and
sometimes not. You know, it'sjust like a variety. So I'm
curious, just go so, like, forcontext, you work with your
husband. Yes. Yes.
And in what capacity?

Yep. So Tell me

your Yes. Constellation.

So I started the business well, I mean, I started
the business a long time beforeit actually, you know, was
making any money, but it not anovernight success for anyone
wondering. Yeah. Yeah. Because Ireally, like, I so I just had to
clarify that. I'm like, itreally was not it took me four
years to get to a point where Iwas like, oh, I'm making enough
money to be able to live offthis.
You know, it started as a foodblog. Like, you know, it yeah.

(28:08):
No way. Yeah. It did I did notwake up in the morning going,
oh, this is my purpose.
Didn't happen for me. Anyway, sowhen I met Hal back in 2022, I
had already made like, I wasalready making 7 figures a year.
I had a very well built outbusiness, very sustainable. I'd
been doing it for a long time.And so, yeah, I mean, the

(28:28):
business started making a lot ofmoney 2018, a lot in 2019, and
then it just kind of scaled fromthere.
And so by the by the time I methim, I was I mean, to give some
context, like, when we met, hecouldn't he thought I was
daddy's money. Like, he didn'tyou know, he was very, very new
to this world, and so he had noidea.

So anyway A lot of people don't even know our
world exists. No. They don't.It's like, wait.

What? Yeah. When he saw my apartment in New York,
he was like he was so worriedthat I was basically going
bankrupt and just having allthis debt. I had to be like,
this is my

bank account for him. He'd be like, oh, okay.
Everything is okay. She's notcompletely delusional. Yeah.
She exactly. He really thought Iwas,

and I'm like, fair enough. Right? Anyway so so he
then started working for me ohgosh. May it's it's been, like,
maybe two years now. And, youknow, in the beginning, it was
there was there's multipledynamics here.
Right? He works for me, and I amthe breadwinner. And it's like
my business pays him. Right?It's not just like, oh, I'm the
breadwinner, but he workssomewhere else.
In the beginning, it was reallyhard, to be honest, because, you

(29:27):
know, I had already created thisreally successful business. I
didn't trust him in the businessbecause, like, the trust was
built, and he had no idea thisworld existed. He you know, it
wasn't like he was running hisown business, so he understood
all the entrepreneur stuff. Andalso, like, yeah, it was hard to
let go of control because thisis my baby. Like, I know what my
audience needs.

(29:48):
I know what is right. And he'scoming in with this man brain,
you know, which can sometimes behard. Now, I am like even just
on the way here, I'm like, mygod. I would I could not do this
without him. Right?
Like, I love working togethernow. I'm so so so grateful for
it because it's also allowed meto be more in my feminine, you
know, yes, in work, but alsooutside of work, which has been

(30:09):
really great. But in terms of,like, the breadwinner dynamic,
so, yeah, he you know, we saythat we, you know, depending on
the context, we either worktogether or he works for me kind
of thing. But, I mean,technically, by paper, he works
for me, but we don't treat itlike that. Yeah.
Especially with where we are nowand where we have been for at
least the last kind of, youknow, year and a half in

(30:29):
business, the support that hebrings, the ideas that he
brings, like, I am so gratefulto have like like, us women on
the team will always just belike, oh, thank God for the men
because we can all reallyappreciate what the men bring.
And just like, I could neverhave an all female team. Let me
just say it like that. Because Ijust love the groundedness that

(30:50):
he's able to bring.

I so feel that. Yeah. I have had an all female
team at times because Mike hasfrom day one, he started helping
me build, like, in 02/2011.Yeah. Wow.
So it's been a long time. Yeah.Yeah. But then he was doing some
other things, and then and thenI I basically unconsciously took

(31:13):
a torch to the whole businessand was like, oops, I burned it
down. I'm so pumped.
Please save me. I super createda damsel in distress moment so
he could come in and save mebecause I was like, I guess it
would have been so muchhealthier to be like, hey, babe,
can you come back and run thiscompany But he with size twenty

(31:35):
twenty. Whatever. I created alot of drama and chaos so that
he could come in and whiteknight it, and he totally nailed
it. So I really feel that thatfoundation, also the
straightforwardness.
You know, I love just thestraight shooter. Mike and I are

running Two points.

Yeah. That's it. We're we're running a mentorship
together, like a mastermindmentorship together, which we've
never done before. That's fun.Wonder how that's going.
We just started, but I'll justtell you, even having him, and
there's one guy so far in theprogram also as a participant,
And I was like, woah. Just howmuch less they talk. Oh, I know.

(32:16):
They can get the same point outin half the amount of time. Oh,
this is efficient.
So, yeah, like, deep out of men.Love them. Yeah. Okay. So
there's a chapter in your bookwhere you talk about, like,
where have the masculine mengone, and, like, what is so
there's my mother has thisphrase, which is probably not
PC, but I mean, this You broughtan Australian on.

(32:38):
Like, if the Australian iscoming on I love it. It cannot
like, it's r rated. We don't doyeah. We don't do PC. So my mom
refers to sort of like the airyfairy, like deep in their
feelings men as two what doesshe call them?
Two pound frizzies. I literallyhave no idea where that is.
Okay. So it's like the whole,like, soft boy thing. Or what do
they call them?
Like, soy boys. Oh, I've neverheard that.

Yeah. People say soy boys. I say soft boy. Okay.
Just like on it's like the deadfish handshake.
No one's gonna give me a deadand I'm like, I immediately hate
you. Limp energy, floppy. Yeah.Really gross. Floppy.
Really gross. No wet knickers.

Yeah. You're right wet. Knickers. Not a panty
dropper. So I wanna know what,in your perspective, what
happened Now listen, it's great.
Men can be more in theirfeminine, women can be more in
their masculine. I was hangingwith a woman the other night who
is firmly in her masculine. Sheis consciously with a man who is
more strong and is feminine,that works great for them

(33:34):
because it is a that is who theyare, and they're expressing
their innate selves, and sothat's perfect.

Beautiful.

For those of us who are really craving the like,
thank you for having me sort offeeling like we like being
directed. Tell me what to do.Yeah, literally. What has
happened with men in youropinion? Because you also do
work with men, which is unusualfor I just find that that's

(34:01):
unusual for women in love it.
Women in our space. They're sostraightforward. Right? Where I
give them the homework, andthey're like, oh, done. Like,
they like, they do it, and I'mlike, oh, wow.
Like, they actually just do it.You know? Anyway. Don't have to
leave you 35 boxers about theirfeelings about it.

There's no boxers.

Like, I don't get the messages. I'm like, hey.
Checking in. No. Nothing.
Crickets. I'm like, alright.Like, anyway but I love working
with women. Right? Because Iit's just a different it's a
totally different experience.

Totally. Totally different. So, yeah, what's
happened with men? I thinkthere's multiple layers of it.
But one of the big things, andthat I really address in my
book, and you kinda mentioned itbefore, Kate, is that, you know,
there's been all these waves offeminism.
And, obviously, the first,second, and even kind of third
wave of feminism, important.Right? Especially when it comes
to the equal pay and our abilityto vote. Like, we I'm not saying

(34:51):
those things weren't important.What's then happened, though, is
it's kind of become a manhunt.
Right? Feminism we've we've goneso far from the definition of
feminism. You know, itoriginally was for all of us to
feel equal, and now it's like,oh, women are basically better
than men. That's what it'sreally become. And, you know,
then we obviously had the me toomovement.

(35:11):
Again, first first wave of it,so important. Right? So so so
important. But then we had thesecond wave of it, and it was
actually there's quite a bitthat I put in this book about
it. There's been, you know, manycases of women kind of abusing
the Me Too movement, which is areal shame.
And these men, they lose theirwhole lives, their whole

(35:32):
reputation. They can never get ajob again. They can never get
the respect again. And when, youknow, after the court case, when
they actually realize, oh, theman is not guilty, or the woman
finally goes, actually, I'vemade this whole thing up,
because there are cases of that.Where is the public apology for
the men?
There is none. And, you know,this isn't to say that there

(35:53):
isn't, of course, the situationswhere men are abusive and blah
blah blah, but I think we alsoforget as women that there are
bad women in the world. Thereare abusive women in the world.
Even just on the note of, like,you know, sexual abuse, do we
ever talk about men's sexualabuse and how they also are in
that they they are

also Certainly not enough.

You don't. Right? You don't hear about it. You
probably you probably actuallyknow some men that have had some
kind of sexual abuse. Who havebeen sexually abused.
And that really affects them.And would they ever, you know,
feel comfortable talking aboutthat? Most of the time, no. And
not just because, like, that'sreally hard for a man to talk
about, taking that out of it.But because how many women would

(36:32):
go, yeah, but you're not awoman.
You don't know what it's like tobe a woman and have this happen
to you. And it's right. Theydon't know, but we don't know
what it's like to be a man andhave this happen to them. And so
the second wave of the Me Toomovement, what we've seen, and
this is not just like anecdotalresearch, this is, like,
hardcore research, is that men,they do not want to be put in
work positions with women astheir subordinates. So many men

(36:55):
are now basically like, morethan half of men in the
workplace, they actually wouldrather not get the promotion or
climb the corporate ladder if itrisks a situation with a woman
where she misunderstands what hesays, his directness, his
shortness, and that causes a HRnightmare.
I did a survey for about fiveyears with men, and they wrote

(37:15):
in anonymously, and there's manystories in the book about with,
like, what they shared. Justgiving them a platform to be
like, can you share what it'slike being a man? Like, I have
no information from you. Right?Like, I'm not gonna track you
down.
I don't even know what your nameis kind of thing. Actually,
don't know what the name is, butno, like, last name, email
address, that kind of thing.And, you know, there are stories
of men where they've beenwrongly accused of something in

(37:37):
the workplace. HR's evenadmitted, we know you didn't do
this, but we cannot risk havinga bold man like you in the
workplace in this kind ofclimate. And I'm like, it's you
know, many people have saidthis.
This isn't just me. If you area, you know, man in today's
world, especially a white man,you are in the worst place to be

(37:59):
in. And it just makes me sad.Right? Because it's like, this
whole point of feminism, thewhole point of us fighting for
all of this, it wasn't even itshouldn't have been just about
us.
It was meant for us to feel likeequals. We got there, and now
the pendulum has swung so far tothe other side. And I'm not
gonna say we all need to go backto being housewives. My whole

(38:19):
mission with the book is to givewomen the permission to be the
woman they wanna be, and to helpwomen to realize that the way
that we can make men feel safeto be the masculine man again,
to hold open our doors andwhatnot, is through us. Right?
Like, I've realized that the waythat we make men become men

(38:40):
again is not me just talking tothem. It's not me telling them
this is how to be a masculineman. Because that's all well and
good, but they don't feel safeto be a masculine man. It's we
have to do the work as women. Wehave to say thank you when a man
holds open the door.
Like, when a man want you know,like, pushes the elevator to the
side so we can get out first, weappreciate that versus saying,
no. No. It's fine. You can go.Or when a man wants to put our

(39:03):
bag in the overhead bins

Always on the airplane.

Yeah. Even if you can do it yourself.

No. Like, I have amazing muscle mass, and I
always I can definitely lift mysuitcase. But, like, I'm always
saying lift your suitcase.

It's the best. And, yeah, and the and the point
is

for your help.

Because the point is isn't to say, oh, I can do
this. If you have two arms andyou got yourself out of the
house and onto that airplaneClearly. Everybody knows. Like,
you lifted the suitcase off thebed. Right?
You can lift the suitcase. Andwhen we as women are constantly
trying to flex our you know,really what I say is, like,
we're trying to flex ourenoughness, that actually is
showing how insecure you are inyour womanhood, in your

(39:40):
femininity being a woman. And Isay this because that was me.
You know, back in the day, I wasso I didn't feel enough
inherently as a woman. I thoughtthe only way to really be, like,
enough in today's world is tobasically be a man.
So what did I do? I would provethat I could do everything that
a man could do. Excuse me. Now,I don't need to prove that. Now,

(40:02):
I'm insulted, especially beingpregnant.
Now, I'm insulted when, youknow, a man just walked through
the door in front of me. I'mlike, seriously, dude? Yeah.
Right? And but it's hard becauseI am

the repopulating the planet. Planet here.

But, you know, but it's hard, Kate, because I was
recently on an on a on a planeride, and I was really
struggling to get my bag up. Youknow, when people are like
they've got, like, dumb shit inthe overhead lockers where I'm
like, this could go under theseat, and you still wouldn't
even know it's there. Right?Like, it's anyway, and I
couldn't get my bag up, andnobody was helping me, and I was
getting all hot. And the onlywoman that was about to help me
had a broken arm.

(40:35):
And of course, there's all thesemen around, and they weren't
helping. And these two men thencame up to me afterwards when I
was waiting for my bag at the,like, circle thingy at the end.
And they were like, hey, we justwanted to say we're really sorry
for not coming up to help you.And I was like, it's okay. You
probably didn't know whether Iwas gonna accept the help or
not.
And they were like, honestly,that's exactly what it was. We

(40:55):
were like, do we go up to her?Do we ask? Do we try to help
her? Or do we not?
Because they shared. We had,like, a full on conversation.
And they basically shared, youknow, I've been in situations
before where I go and help awoman, and my boss gets chopped
up. Yeah. Yeah.
And so it's like, it's thatwhole thing of, like, I'm damned
if I do. I'm damned if I don't.Men don't know what they're
allowed to do anymore, andthat's why I say we, as women,

(41:18):
need to be the ones to let themlead. We need to ask sometimes.
We need to give them thatpermission.
And then when they do it, weneed to deeply, deeply
appreciate it. And, like, I'mthat chick that's like like,
even today, when I was at arestaurant, this guy made a joke
about me being pregnant. Like,not in a mean way, in a nice
way. Like, oh, yep. She has topay the bill because she ate it
all.

(41:38):
And I and and he was like, oh, Ididn't mean to insult you. I was
like, no. You didn't insult me,like and then he said,
congratulations or whatever. AndI was like, thank you for just
saying that because I can't tellyou how many people even, they
look at me, but they don't sayanything. And I'm like, I'm
pregnant.
Like, you're not gonna say thewrong thing. But, you know, so
many people are like, oh, don'tknow whether I can say it, don't
know whether I'm gonna insulther. We're all so afraid. This

(41:58):
guy was European. So he like, inEurope, we just say what we
wanna say.
Right? And I'm like, yeah.That's why we all love Europe.

Well, it's the beautiful thing about Miami, I
have to say. It's like a un PCplace because it's so
multicultural. Okay. We're notall playing by the same rules,
and it's actually quiterefreshing. Yeah.

That would be nice. Well, that's why I love
living in Atlanta because theamount of times I'm at home
depot trying to pick up thissoil, like you're not pregnant.
Trying to pick up this soil onthe back of the cards because I
have my whole, like, veggiepatch obsession. And I like, we
were, like, early into livingthere, and this guy, like, not
in a sexual way, he was, like,maybe 60. Right?
He's like yelling at me fromthree rows over. And initially,

(42:34):
I'm like, what does this guywant? Like, why is he yelling at
me? You know what he was doing?He was telling me to stop
lifting the soil so he couldcome over and lift the soil for
me.
And, you know, it's just wedon't we talked about this kind
of at the beginning. We don'treceive. We don't know how to
ask for help. We don't know howto just say thank you. And I
believe that it's it's gotten tothis point because of this,

(42:56):
like, overactive radicalfeminism and the female
empowerment that's gone too far,essentially, where we women, you
know, it's a combination.
We either think we're betterthan men, or for a lot of us, we
think that we are so much worsethan men that we have to be men
in order to feel worthy as womenrather than actually realizing

(43:18):
the beauty and the privilege andthe worth that we have
inherently as women. And sowhilst we can pick our own bags
up, I don't want to. Yeah. Idon't need to prove it to
anybody. Right.
You know? So yeah. So beautiful.Thank you.

I do wanna circle back because I realized, like,
we got into your situation withbreadwinning, but I did wanna
ask you for those who are in asituation where they are finding
that their nontraditionaldynamic where the woman is
making all or more than, wherethat is affecting their

(43:54):
polarity. What are yourrecommendations in that
scenario?

My first recommendation would honestly be
heal your relationship withmoney, so go to Kate for that.
Great.

You're in the right place if you're listening
to plenty.

Yep. Right. Heal your relationship with money,
and I say that because,obviously, we all know that if
we have a really messed uprelationship with money, then
this situation's gonna be 10times harder because we're not
gonna feel like, oh, it's justgonna keep flowing. We're not
gonna be Because

it's it's rooted in scarcity.

Right. Exactly. We're in this, like, scarcity
tense energy in our body. Sothat would be number one. Number
two is you need to redefine whatwhat it means for him to be the
provider and the protector.
Right? There is the the yeah.Back in the day, the way that he
was the provider and theprotector was what he brought
home from the workday, butthat's actually not the case

(44:43):
anymore, which is a beautifulthing. And I give the example
of, like, you know, you could bewith a man that's making
millions more than you and,like, he's flying you around the
world, blah blah blah. But ifyou do not feel like he has got
your back, if you do not feelprotected by him, if he's not
sending you the text being,like, send me the Uber driver's
name so I can track your status.

(45:04):
Like, I love it when when I'm,like, away from Hal. And if my
location is off for some reason,he'll be like, your location's
off. Turn your location on. I'mlike, yes. Track me, babe.
Like, I want that. You know?Like, just even as, like, a
little example, there's so manyways that they can provide and
protect that's irrelevant tomoney. So one, you need to know

(45:24):
that for yourself and yourparticular relationship. Other
thing that I would say kind of alittle bit on this note is that
a lot of us have devalued thefeminine qualities.
We've devalued the moretraditional feminine tasks at
home. And this is for women andmen on this note. You know, we
we spend two hours doing thelaundry and making dinner and
tidying up the house, and wethink we've wasted our time.

(45:46):
We've been unproductive. Oh mygosh.
I didn't do these three hours ofwork I needed to do because I
was doing all this laundry. Andwe've devalued what that brings
to our family. And so even juststarting to actually like, it
can be helpful. I used to dothis in the beginning. It could
be helpful to put, like, adollar value in your mind on the
value of you folding yourchildren's laundry or his

(46:08):
laundry.
And also then, when he's foldingyour laundry for you, you
actually are able to feel thevalue of that. Like, I remember
when Hal and I first starteddating, and he's, like, not into
this stuff at all. And so he wasvery uncomfortable if I was
like, oh, it's fine. Like, I'llI can pay for the hotel because,
like, I wanna take this hotel.And he didn't fully get it.
He didn't get, like, the whole,like, I need the vibes and the

(46:29):
energy, like, you know, becauseto him, it's like, if there's a
bed, then we're fine. Right?

Absolutely suggests to me that we stay in a
Residence Inn with the kids, I'mlike how's I stop doing it now.
Like and now he does it as ajoke, but I'm just like, babe.
Yeah. Like, such a hard No.Note.
Like, it's such a hard note. Ohmy god. I just love it. I feel

(46:53):
like they can have so much tobond about. Just like, two men
trying to deal with the womenthat want the vibes.

Anyway anyway, and so, yeah, when we were first
started dating, I I would sharewith him, like, just an FYI,
like, you booking the flight,sending me the details, like,
dealing with the bag, getting mein the Uber, like, and just
telling me what to do and whereto be, this is the value of that
to me. And I would put a numberon it. So so I it would be
helpful for me, but it wouldalso be helpful for him to

(47:19):
understand that, you know, thatis how much I value these
things. And I think for a lot ofus women that are the
breadwinners or are making just,like, a large amount of money,
and even just, you know, if youlisten to this podcast, you're
in this kind of group. You'veprobably done work around
valuing the things that somebodyelse would be like, oh, I can
just do that myself.
It's a waste of money to havesomebody else pay to do that.

(47:41):
Right? Right. So we all canvalue, you know, somebody else
doing our laundry for us. Ithink that can be a really,
really helpful thing for us toto do and also to then share
with our partner.
And then the other thing wouldbe for no. I mean, one more tip
that I could give everybody. Imean, I would be let go of
control. Yes. I would say thatone.

(48:02):
Like and I know that's so mucheasier said than done, but
you've gotta remember that theneed to control is an illusion
of safety. When we feel like,oh, I'm in control, and you then
feel safe, that is an illusionof safety. It's not actual
safety. True safety is yourability to let go and trust.
Right?
And so working on your controlissues and the trauma around

(48:27):
that and your why you actuallyfeel the need to control in
order to feel safe is reallyimportant. And I say that
because, you know, you kind ofelicited to this before of,
like, we'll get into the wholekind of, like, the nuances of
feminine energy. Right? But I'mreally big on now. It was
different, obviously, when Ifirst started my business
because the world was kindadifferent.
I've realized women now don'tbenefit from, like, here's a

(48:50):
list of feminine qualities.Here's a list of masculine
qualities. It puts us intooverthinking. Totally. I have
clients that are like, oh mygod.
I've been too masculine all daybecause I've been directing and
having discernment, I drew a fewboundaries. And anyway and so
the control, you know, if youare I give the example. If
you're a Virgo and you're like,oh, but I love planning the
holidays and blah blah blah thatlights you up. Okay. Well, that

(49:11):
could technically then be Yeah.
You in your feminine. Right?Even though, you know, you
planning the holiday istechnically a masculine thing.
But if you planning the holidayis because you don't trust him
to plan the holiday well enough,that is a trauma response. Yeah.
Just to make that example of anuance Perfect example. That is
a trauma response. So, like,when I I don't plan the holidays

(49:32):
because I well, I don't reallywanna plan the holidays. And the
one time Hal let me pick thehotel, it, of course, was, like,
the furthest it was beautiful.Right?
Like, if anyone like, it's inlike the hills of the Italian
Dolomites, blah blah blah. Butof course, he was like, it is
four hours from the nearestfucking airport. Like, of
course, you pick this. Ofcourse, the one time I let you

(49:52):
pick it, it's like in the worstgeographical location. It was
beautiful once you were there,but we got there at, like, 4AM.
Anyway, he'll never let me gowith that one. And after that, I
was like, yeah, I fully trustyou to just always plan hotels
because he thinks of things thatI don't think of. I understand
there are plenty of women whoreally get off to the planning
of trips, so and that can thenbe still you and your feminine.

(50:12):
Just notice that difference,though, with the control.

And is it a feeling in our bodies when we're
trying to be in control? How dowe know?

What's the sign? Because you won't feel safe to
let go. Yeah. Like, your body,like, somatically, will not feel
safe to be like, oh, okay. Youplan it.
Right? And I and I wanna say, ifyou're first dating this guy, so
the trust is being built, it'sgonna be harder because the
trust is being built. You'relike, but do you know what I
want? Blah blah blah. But theneven still, how can the trust be

(50:46):
built if you don't give him theopportunity to show you he knows
what you want?

You'll love this. So when Mike and I Mike and I
first met platonically, andthen, like, he did a lot of
follow-up. I was unclear if hewas networking or pursuing me.
Anyway Really not networking?Really not?
He was leaving long, thought outcomments on my blog Oh, wow.
Back in 02/2010. What a hot wayfor a man to be chasing you back

(51:15):
then, right, on the blog. Idon't know what's going on. But
anyway, due to my intuition, Iquote unquote randomly invited
him to drive across the countrywith me for five days.
Out of the blue, barely knew theman. And twenty four hours
later, he was like, I'm in, andalso he emailed me a complete

(51:36):
itinerary for the trip includingthe items he needed me to bring,
the items he would be bringing,and where we would be staying
each night. Like, he had alreadyplanned out the whole thing Hot.
And mapped it out, and I waslike, okay. Yeah.
Like, what you do to that?Right? You're like, oh, like,
half the greatest. Right? It wasamazing.
Yeah. And so that was that wasone of my first signs, but

(51:59):
still, I I thought that it wasgonna be a platonic
relationship, which washysterical. It's funny. So many
women will be like that.

Right? Of, like, like, when I told my girlfriend,
oh, yeah. I'm going to Atlantafor a comedy show. She's like,
hey. One, Monica does not go tocomedy shows.
Two, Monica does not go toAtlanta. And I'm sitting there
like, no. No. No. Like, yeah.
It's not a big deal. I just,like, met him skiing. Like, it's
not a thing. She's like,

oh, yeah. It's not a thing. Yeah. It's a
fucking thing. Got to getpregnant.
Exactly. Oh my gosh. Okay. As wekind of, like, round things out,
I'm curious about yourrelationship with money. My
show's called Plenty, and itreally is about tapping into our
source of abundance.

(52:41):
But it's also about money. And Iwanna know, you have been making
a large amount of money for ayoung woman. Yes. And I wanna
know what edges, if any, you'vecome up against with that.

So around with specifically money or even just
like outside of money? Well, itbe like outside of money.

Could be around like visibility or just like
success quote unquote whatever.But if there is anything where
you had to grow and expandaround money,

I I kinda wanna know reason why I say that is
because, yeah, I mean, I made myfirst million in a year when I
was 25 or 26, and it it thatdidn't cause me to lose a lot of
friends. Starting my businesscaused me to lose a lot of
friends and, like, quote unquotefriends. Right? And, I mean, it
didn't affect me. I've alwaysbeen very kind of like, well, if

(53:36):
you don't like me, like, fuckit.
Right? I'm glad that I had thatto lean on kind of thing. But I
also noticed, especially when Ithis started when I was still
living in Sydney, where peoplewould treat me differently when
they actually started to realizehow much money I was making. I
remember in 2019, I it was I'dlike I had like 40 or 50 x to my

(53:57):
it was like I went from making,like, 30,000 the previous year
to making $600,000 the nextyear. I So dramatically.
Yeah. That is. And so I rememberpeople just starting to treat me
differently, and me justthinking, like, why? I'm the
same person. Like, I acted nodifferent.
I didn't even, like, reallystarted dressing differently.

(54:17):
Right? I was just like, youknow, my mom did say at one
point, like, babe, now thatyou're making this money, maybe
you can like throw out thefucking the the jumper, which is
what do you guys call a jumper?Like a sweatshirt? The
sweatshirt that has like holesaround

the neckline. Alright. Fine. It's time

to throw one out. But Okay, mom.

Yeah. And so I did make sure I got an
investment on my

clothing, but that was a really big edge in the
sisterhood wounding part of it.And I feel like a lot of women,
that can hold them back. Andeven starting their business It
is

incredibly common. You know, even as women
being like Who what are peoplegonna think?

I don't want people to see this on Instagram.
Mhmm. I don't want so and so, orlike a family member to see it
on Instagram. And so that was areally that was a big edge that
I had to come up across. I mean,I grew up with an intensely
scarce relationship with money.
To the point, Kate, where when Iwas still living in Sydney, this
would have been, like, 2018, Iwould not buy breakfast food
because it was cheaper then.Because I would have to spend

(55:14):
less on food each week. Like, anextremely scarce relationship

So you would just skip breakfast.

Skip breakfast. Because not because I wanted to.
I am like breakfast is myfavorite meal. Right? Okay.
We have like meal

in the day, I will spend less money.

Correct. And so I wouldn't buy breakfast food. And
I didn't do that for for toolong, but it really to me, it
was like, oh, this is great.I'll then have more money kinda
thing. So I had a really, reallyscarce relationship with money.
And I can't even remember whatstarts up like, what got me into
money mindset back then. Butwhen I started doing the money
mindset work and reading somebooks and then getting into the

(55:50):
and investing in courses, itreally just became so apparent
to me that, like, this has justbeen handed to me. Right? Yeah.
My my dad was very scarce withmoney because of his upbringing.
I mean, they lost everythingmoving from The UK to Australia.
Like, they, like, came on aboat, like, even realize that.
They came on a boat kind ofthing. They lost everything. And

(56:10):
so, of course, his relationshipwith money was really tight.
But what what was interesting,and I'm sure you've seen this
case a lot, it wasn't that moneywas tight growing up. Like, I
went to a private school. Myparents are still together.
Like, we lived in New York andthen Australia. We would travel
every year, but it was just thatprogramming of save, save, save,
save, save, and don't spend.

(56:31):
Because if you spend, then youhave less. And it wasn't until I
understood the energetics ofmoney and really like, oh, that
money is an energy. It's notactually like a physical thing.
Right? It is just an energy andlike the whole energy and
motion.
That was a really big thing forme of like energy emotion. Then
what I realized, once I kind ofhealed that, I knew for me that

(56:52):
what worked really well is I'msomebody that really feeds off
environments. So I always had tobe in, like, expansion,
expansion, expansion. And soeven in during 2020, I was stuck
in London then during COVID, andI wasn't gonna just have, like,
a one bedroom apartment for justme. What did I get?
A townhouse with three bedroomsand a backyard. Because I knew

(57:15):
investing in that environment,the the flow on effect was gonna
be so big for me. And that'swhen I made my first million
that year. And it wasn't to sayit was the house necessarily,
but it's just like, I cannottell you and I know you talk
about this. I think you did areel on this the other day of
like, you know, one of thenumber one sources of stress and
reasons for divorce is money.

(57:36):
Yeah. Is stress around money. Ithink a lot of people, they
don't invest their time, theirmoney, their energy into healing
their relationship with money,but they fail to realize the
dramatic impact theirrelationship with money is
having on every area of theirlife. Mean, to the point of like
food, like what you're eating,to your like, to health, to to

(57:57):
your sex life, to yourrelationships

There's not an area of festive touch.

Everything. And so when I I mean, yeah, I won't
keep rambling, but it wasn't somuch that I came up on that many
edges. It was like I justrealized that I always need to
keep doing the money mindsetwork. I always say that to my
clients of, you know, we live inan economy. Everybody around you
is fucking scarce.
Everybody is like, oh, this,that, the other on the news.
Like, everybody's scared aboutmoney. And so it's one thing

(58:23):
where it's like, don't stopdoing the work on this, whereas
I really believe and I see with,like, feminine energy work. My
whole, like, philosophy and howI built my whole business is you
heal your trauma, you go in, yougo deep, you rip the Band Aid
off, and then once you've pulledall the shit away, you don't
have to go to a retreat everyyear and do 500 courses because

(58:43):
now you're just continuing tointegrate, to embody, to, like,
literally just, like, becomeher, like the book. Heal,
embody, radiate.
Right? You just you just keepgoing naturally becoming
yourself. But I think withmoney, it's different. I think
with money, you have to keepsurrounding yourself with the
positive messages around money,doing the journaling, doing the
affirmations, doing all of that.Because otherwise, it'll like,

(59:06):
the scarcity will come backbecause of how bad our
environment is.
Wow.

It was just like a great commercial for my
business. Keep coming back.Yeah. We need Monica back at the
podcast. Right?
Thank you, Monica. It's so funto get to know you. Yeah. It's
been great. I'm excited tocontinue, you know, offline.
If people wanna connect withyou, get your book Yes. Learn

(59:33):
more, where should they go?

Website is the best place,
monicayateshealth.com. The bookis becoming her. I mean, it's an
extension of a lot of what we'vespoken about today. And for any
women listening that really feellike they need a permission slip
to be the woman they wanna be.This isn't about, oh, you have
to be a successful entrepreneur.
If your dream is to havechickens and bake muffins all
day, this book is gonna serveyou. This book, I wrote it so

(59:58):
that women could feel like theycould be their version of a
woman. Not, oh, we've been takenout of the housewife, and now we
all have to be the girl boss.So, yeah, Becoming Her.

Kate Northrup (01:00:08):
Becoming Her. Yeah. Get your book. All the
links will be in the show notes,and then you also have an
amazing podcast.

Monica Yates (01:00:13):
Yes. And my podcast is Feminine as Fuck.
Amazing.

Kate Northrup (01:00:16):
Easy to read about this. Yes. Easy to read
about this. Thank you for beinghere. Thank you, Kate.
This is great. What if managingmoney felt effortless? You've
worked so hard to earn money, sowhy does it feel stressful?
Well, I wanna introduce you tosomething brand new that I've
created called the money resetbecause abundance starts in your

(01:00:38):
body, not in your bank account.This free audio experience will
help you rewire your nervoussystem for wealth, stop the
money in money out cycle andcreate a foundation for true
wealth, and relax into a newrelationship with money.
Plus, it comes with the fiveminute calm cash flow ritual. So

(01:01:03):
you can have financial clarityand magnetism anytime you want.
All you need to do to get thefree money reset is go to
katenorthrop.com/reset.

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