April 9, 2025 • 9 mins
Arejay discusses the distinction between "want" and "desire," arguing that desire is more fulfilling because it stems from a place of abundance rather than lack. She suggests that the life we desire is not necessarily on the other side of tasks we dislike but rather on the other side of being our most authentic selves.
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Episode Transcript
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Arejay (00:07):
I saw a post on Facebook today and it said, the life you
want is on the other side of theshit you don't want to do, and
is it really? I don't think itis. So I think that the life,
(00:28):
first off, not really interestedin the life you want, because
want is not a very satisfyingword to me, and I like desire
more. And part of what I'verealized about why desire
resonates with me so much betterthan want is the different
(00:53):
frequencies of the words,essentially, and when you look
at like the etymology of the twowords want, is coming from a
place of lack, right? It'scoming from a place of scarcity.
And whereas desire is comingmore from like the divine, and
(01:19):
it's also possible to havesomething and still desire that
thing, right, and desire more ofthat thing, whereas with want
like the actual like, Thedefinition in the etymology
(01:39):
suggests that it's an absence ofthe thing, which is why you want
it. So I'm not really interestedin want. I like desire way
better. So the life I desire iswhat we're going for, not the
life I want. And the next part,though, is I think perhaps there
(02:04):
was a time when that felt moretrue, but we have so many like
tools and ways to get thingsdone and taken care of and
accomplished that aren'tnecessarily requiring us to do
it that I don't that doesn'tvibe right now. It might be on
(02:29):
the other side of things thatyou're scared to do right, but
we can be scared of doing athing that we really, really
want to do right, that wereally, actually desire, but
it's just terrifying because wehaven't seen it, or we don't
know what going through thatlooks like, or we don't know
(02:51):
what the other side of it lookslike, or we might feel that if
we do do what it is that we'redesiring like, are we going to
lose something that we currentlyhave, right? So there's a bit of
uncertainty there. So I thinksometimes the life that we
(03:13):
desire is on the other side ofthe things that we might be
afraid of doing, but I reallythink it's probably more
accurate that the life that wedesire is on the other side of
being the most embodied andexpressed, authentic version of
(03:34):
ourself, that we can be right,and it's a continual refinement,
and it's a continual shift,because as we grow and evolve
like that, expression willchange. And it's really going to
be though how, how you can yoube in this moment, and how true
(03:59):
to yourself and your desires andyour needs and your areas that
you need to improve, right? Howopen and honest can you be about
those? How accepting can you beof all of those, and how can you
(04:22):
live from and express from allof those? And that's going to
be, you know, the relationshipof how much of the life you
desire, you're going to be ableto actually live an experience.
(04:43):
So a lot of times we see we seesomething, or we see someone
living a life in a particularway, and we're like, oh my gosh,
that would be great, right? Anda lot of times you don't
actually know what it took forthem to get there. And sometimes
(05:04):
we see it, and it looks reallypretty to us, right? But to
them, it's fucking miserable. Soit's kind of a Be careful what
you wish for thing, right?Because they may not have even
desired it at this point. It'sjust something that looks good
to us from the outside, right?So I would caution you to take
care about when you'reperceiving something and
(05:28):
perceiving a lifestyle thatsomeone has and you're like, oh,
I want that right to kind ofcheck in and see like, what is
it about that that's appealingto you, right? And is that? Is
it something that's just surfacelevel, and is it going to
(05:50):
actually make you happy, right?But really take some time to
check in with like, who, who youare currently, like, what you
know your values are, what'strue and alive for you. And how
does that match up? Right?Because sometimes we want
(06:15):
something and we don't actuallydesire something. It's it's a,
ooh, I don't have and it wouldbe nice, because it would make
things easier, seemingly right,or better seemingly but if you
actually look and take the timefor like to understand what it
(06:40):
is that you require and that youdesire and that you value, and
it's like, really alive for you,and isn't stuff that's like
conditioned. Sometimes yourealize that that shit is not
actually at all what you desire.You really want no part in it,
and you're not interested. Socheck in with yourself first
(07:02):
before you just start going forthings that look good or that in
your mind you want, and actuallycheck in like with your heart
and with your spirit. And do youactually desire that like? Does
it light you up? Or is itsomething that just is, like,
(07:25):
this kind of you're trying tofill a hole, right? Because the
two feel very, very different.Like, when it's desire, it's
something that you are openingto. It's something that's like,
really alive. Your mind doesn'teven necessarily have any part
(07:47):
in it, right? Whereas, when it'ssomething you want, like, your
mind is very active and involvedin like, it would be great,
because x, y, z, like, we havethis laundry list of things.
Whereas, like, when it'ssomething that you desire, it's
just Oh, like, yes, and there's,there's not necessarily, like, a
(08:10):
logic behind it. I mean, you canfigure out a logic later,
because we are very good atusing our rationalization
skills, and we can rationalizeanything, which is part of the
danger of only using a rationalside right because you because
our brains can reallyrationalize and reason out in
(08:31):
anything we want, like, what dowe want to support? What
argument do we want to support?Our brain will go find
information and go findreferences and focus on whatever
is going to support that story.So I would say that the life you
desire is really on the otherside of how much of your true
(08:57):
self you can know you can honorand you can embody. body be and
live.
I saw a post on Facebook today and it said, the life you
want is on the other side of theshit you don't want to do, and
is it really? I don't think itis. So I think that the life,
(00:28):
first off, not really interestedin the life you want, because
want is not a very satisfyingword to me, and I like desire
more. And part of what I'verealized about why desire
resonates with me so much betterthan want is the different
(00:53):
frequencies of the words,essentially, and when you look
at like the etymology of the twowords want, is coming from a
place of lack, right? It'scoming from a place of scarcity.
And whereas desire is comingmore from like the divine, and
(01:19):
it's also possible to havesomething and still desire that
thing, right, and desire more ofthat thing, whereas with want
like the actual like, Thedefinition in the etymology
(01:39):
suggests that it's an absence ofthe thing, which is why you want
it. So I'm not really interestedin want. I like desire way
better. So the life I desire iswhat we're going for, not the
life I want. And the next part,though, is I think perhaps there
(02:04):
was a time when that felt moretrue, but we have so many like
tools and ways to get thingsdone and taken care of and
accomplished that aren'tnecessarily requiring us to do
it that I don't that doesn'tvibe right now. It might be on
(02:29):
the other side of things thatyou're scared to do right, but
we can be scared of doing athing that we really, really
want to do right, that wereally, actually desire, but
it's just terrifying because wehaven't seen it, or we don't
know what going through thatlooks like, or we don't know
(02:51):
what the other side of it lookslike, or we might feel that if
we do do what it is that we'redesiring like, are we going to
lose something that we currentlyhave, right? So there's a bit of
uncertainty there. So I thinksometimes the life that we
(03:13):
desire is on the other side ofthe things that we might be
afraid of doing, but I reallythink it's probably more
accurate that the life that wedesire is on the other side of
being the most embodied andexpressed, authentic version of
(03:34):
ourself, that we can be right,and it's a continual refinement,
and it's a continual shift,because as we grow and evolve
like that, expression willchange. And it's really going to
be though how, how you can yoube in this moment, and how true
(03:59):
to yourself and your desires andyour needs and your areas that
you need to improve, right? Howopen and honest can you be about
those? How accepting can you beof all of those, and how can you
(04:22):
live from and express from allof those? And that's going to
be, you know, the relationshipof how much of the life you
desire, you're going to be ableto actually live an experience.
(04:43):
So a lot of times we see we seesomething, or we see someone
living a life in a particularway, and we're like, oh my gosh,
that would be great, right? Anda lot of times you don't
actually know what it took forthem to get there. And sometimes
(05:04):
we see it, and it looks reallypretty to us, right? But to
them, it's fucking miserable. Soit's kind of a Be careful what
you wish for thing, right?Because they may not have even
desired it at this point. It'sjust something that looks good
to us from the outside, right?So I would caution you to take
care about when you'reperceiving something and
(05:28):
perceiving a lifestyle thatsomeone has and you're like, oh,
I want that right to kind ofcheck in and see like, what is
it about that that's appealingto you, right? And is that? Is
it something that's just surfacelevel, and is it going to
(05:50):
actually make you happy, right?But really take some time to
check in with like, who, who youare currently, like, what you
know your values are, what'strue and alive for you. And how
does that match up? Right?Because sometimes we want
(06:15):
something and we don't actuallydesire something. It's it's a,
ooh, I don't have and it wouldbe nice, because it would make
things easier, seemingly right,or better seemingly but if you
actually look and take the timefor like to understand what it
(06:40):
is that you require and that youdesire and that you value, and
it's like, really alive for you,and isn't stuff that's like
conditioned. Sometimes yourealize that that shit is not
actually at all what you desire.You really want no part in it,
and you're not interested. Socheck in with yourself first
(07:02):
before you just start going forthings that look good or that in
your mind you want, and actuallycheck in like with your heart
and with your spirit. And do youactually desire that like? Does
it light you up? Or is itsomething that just is, like,
(07:25):
this kind of you're trying tofill a hole, right? Because the
two feel very, very different.Like, when it's desire, it's
something that you are openingto. It's something that's like,
really alive. Your mind doesn'teven necessarily have any part
(07:47):
in it, right? Whereas, when it'ssomething you want, like, your
mind is very active and involvedin like, it would be great,
because x, y, z, like, we havethis laundry list of things.
Whereas, like, when it'ssomething that you desire, it's
just Oh, like, yes, and there's,there's not necessarily, like, a
(08:10):
logic behind it. I mean, you canfigure out a logic later,
because we are very good atusing our rationalization
skills, and we can rationalizeanything, which is part of the
danger of only using a rationalside right because you because
our brains can reallyrationalize and reason out in
(08:31):
anything we want, like, what dowe want to support? What
argument do we want to support?Our brain will go find
information and go findreferences and focus on whatever
is going to support that story.So I would say that the life you
desire is really on the otherside of how much of your true
(08:57):
self you can know you can honorand you can embody. body be and
live.
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