March 12, 2025 • 11 mins
Arejay returns to her podcast after a hiatus due to personal reasons. She reflects on the importance of giving oneself space and the power of saying "no." Arejay emphasizes that "no" can be beneficial personally and can positively impact others, promoting trust and comfort in asserting boundaries.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:04):
So it's been a minute for sure, I am back, and I wanted to let you know, like, where I've been, what's going on. Because normally I try not to leave these long lulls. It's normally a weekly show. Life has been lifeing real fucking hard, but I'm back, and I'm really excited to be back with you. So I had my grandmother, my paternal grandmother had passed away, and so I had family that came in. She was in hospice for a little bit before that, so I had family that had come in to see her, so they were staying with us. Then she passed. So then it became like, you know, figuring out the funeral. But it was also when I was trying to get ready for a retreat in Costa Rica rica that I was attending for, like, I'd be in Costa Rica for nine days, and the retreat itself was seven days, so there was that. And then I came back, and I stepped back into, like, grandma's funeral, and then into being laid off. So life's been lifeing. I finally feel like I'm getting, like, stable ground back under me and have the capacity and space to show back up, right? And the first lesson I want you to take from that is actually being able to give yourself space and pause when you need to right? I generally try to give people a heads up if I know I'm going to need to do that. But sometimes life just comes at us too fast, and it's just a matter of like, you just gotta take what you need to take for you to be okay. So Costa Rica was amazing. It's my first trip there. A lot of the lessons and insights and things are commingling and marinating, and so those are telling and so as we progress, I'm sure those will be showing up. I will be sharing them with you. I'll probably label it as a Costa Rica series, but the series won't be necessarily back to back, but they'll all just be kind of labeled Costa Rica, so that those will be easier to find as you may be looking for them today, the main lesson, or insight, reflection, whatever you want to call it, that I want to bring to you today, though, is around the sacredness and the power and The impact of our no and part of it is, you know, in in the retreat in Costa Rica and everything exploring a lot of the way we interacted, it was very, it was a very aware and consent based interaction at all times, right? So we weren't just like, if something came up and we're like, oh, we're just gonna, like, vent normally. That wasn't the case. If you wanted to say something to someone or whatever, you would ask if they had space for to ask if that was okay, and then, you know, based on their answer, you would progress from there. But one of the things that really stood out in that was around a person who can use their no effectively and comfortably, is a is a person who's yes you can trust, right? And I'm gonna let that sit there for a minute, because it might take a second, but basically, the people who can say no comfortably and powerfully and assuredly right when that's an option for them and they're more likely to say it if that's their truth, whereas someone who is more in like their people pleasing like no is a very uncomfortable word for them. It's not something that's normally well received. It's not something that they can receive Well, it's not something they really ever want to say to people. So a lot of their yeses are false. Yeses simply because they're scared of saying no. So it was a really interesting dynamic to watch unfold and to participate in, and to be able to witness, you know, the different reactions and and like, yeah, sometimes we'd forget, you know, because it's not the normal way of operating in most of society right now, I would say so so to have those forgetful moments and to remind each other and to be in that type of interaction was really special. It was really intriguing. It also allowed, like so much more insight. And so I want to encourage you, especially those of you who have trouble with no, whether that be hearing someone's no or telling someone No, to dig into that a little bit more and to play with it and to practice because it really is something that is very potent, and It's something that can shift a lot of things. And I also wanted to share still around know that sometimes your no is it's ultimately helping you in the long run, and sometimes your no is for others, not just for yourself, right? So I'm going to give you two examples. So an example where your no is beneficial and you receive because of it, right? The job that I just left, I was their first, like, remote employee because or out of state, remote employee. And so when they first saw that I was out of state, whenever, you know, we were in negotiations and everything, they asked me. They had wanted to bring me on as a 1099, contractor employee. And I didn't want that. So I was asked, like, oh, you know, like, Could we do you as a 1099, and I told them no, like, I wanted to be a w2 employee. And so so they took that back to, like, leadership, and talked about it a little bit. And so they finally agreed. And because of that, so because of my No, then my no three years ago, to being a 1099 contractor, I'm now able to, you know, I can submit for unemployment. So I've put myself in a better situation than what I would have been in, like, if I had just been 1099 because I just would have been dropped and, like, who knows what would happen, right? So sometimes your nose put you in a better space later, right? They set you up for a better outcome in the future. And sometimes your nose impact more than just you. So in the Getting ready for Costa Rica, one of the things like, I didn't have a swimsuit. I used to get them custom made, and the woman that would do the swimwear, she got a wonderful opportunity that was like her dream job. So she closed up shop and left. And I didn't have any references or anything like that, so I just hadn't had a swimsuit for years, and I found a shop that does them, that does do customs, so I had them do a bikini. Now I am a larger woman. And because of that, it was funny, because, you know, talking to some of my elders, they were like, oh, like, aren't you? Wouldn't you rather have a one piece, though? Like, but isn't it? Wouldn't you feel more comfortable with the one piece? Wouldn't it be better if you had a one piece? And I kept saying no, and finally I had to tell them. I was like, Look, I am just as fat in a one piece as I am in a bikini, right? But I'm more comfortable in the bikini. So this is what's happening. And at that time, like I didn't really think anything of it. It was just me standing up for what was more comfortable. And since my money was the one paying for it like I'm going to be, and what's more comfortable for me? And then I got to the retreat, and there was another woman who's a larger sized woman, and she wasn't a one piece, which that's great. I think it's great if you're in the one piece, if you're in the two piece, I don't care, right? Whatever you're comfortable and happy in do that, right? But so she was in one piece, and she saw me in the bikini, and we got to talking. It started a conversation. It was so funny. And ultimately, she I was serving as an inspiration to her by showing up in that two piece. Right now, when I said, No, I still want a two piece, it had nothing to do with her, at least not to my knowledge anyway, right? Like it had nothing to do with another person, or whatever it was really just I'm paying for it. This is what I'm comfortable in. Like my size is my size, whether I have one piece of fabric covering it, or it's two pieces, or it's broken up into any other weird combination you can think of whatever, but that no later on, went to serve as something that inspired someone else. So our nose can be very precious things, right? They can put us in a better position. They can be an inspiration to others. They can help you be more trustworthy and be better trusted, right? Because if you learn to be comfortable with the no both with delivering that as an answer and receiving that as an answer, without
(10:06):
taking it personal, without the immediate like panic of what if this person rejects me, like if you just remove that, and you learn to be firm in your no and comfortable in your no there's so many things that can unfold and happen with so much more ease, so much more grace, so much more peace and so much more amicability. So that's what I wanted to share with you today. Have a wonderful night.
So it's been a minute for sure, I am back, and I wanted to let you know, like, where I've been, what's going on. Because normally I try not to leave these long lulls. It's normally a weekly show. Life has been lifeing real fucking hard, but I'm back, and I'm really excited to be back with you. So I had my grandmother, my paternal grandmother had passed away, and so I had family that came in. She was in hospice for a little bit before that, so I had family that had come in to see her, so they were staying with us. Then she passed. So then it became like, you know, figuring out the funeral. But it was also when I was trying to get ready for a retreat in Costa Rica rica that I was attending for, like, I'd be in Costa Rica for nine days, and the retreat itself was seven days, so there was that. And then I came back, and I stepped back into, like, grandma's funeral, and then into being laid off. So life's been lifeing. I finally feel like I'm getting, like, stable ground back under me and have the capacity and space to show back up, right? And the first lesson I want you to take from that is actually being able to give yourself space and pause when you need to right? I generally try to give people a heads up if I know I'm going to need to do that. But sometimes life just comes at us too fast, and it's just a matter of like, you just gotta take what you need to take for you to be okay. So Costa Rica was amazing. It's my first trip there. A lot of the lessons and insights and things are commingling and marinating, and so those are telling and so as we progress, I'm sure those will be showing up. I will be sharing them with you. I'll probably label it as a Costa Rica series, but the series won't be necessarily back to back, but they'll all just be kind of labeled Costa Rica, so that those will be easier to find as you may be looking for them today, the main lesson, or insight, reflection, whatever you want to call it, that I want to bring to you today, though, is around the sacredness and the power and The impact of our no and part of it is, you know, in in the retreat in Costa Rica and everything exploring a lot of the way we interacted, it was very, it was a very aware and consent based interaction at all times, right? So we weren't just like, if something came up and we're like, oh, we're just gonna, like, vent normally. That wasn't the case. If you wanted to say something to someone or whatever, you would ask if they had space for to ask if that was okay, and then, you know, based on their answer, you would progress from there. But one of the things that really stood out in that was around a person who can use their no effectively and comfortably, is a is a person who's yes you can trust, right? And I'm gonna let that sit there for a minute, because it might take a second, but basically, the people who can say no comfortably and powerfully and assuredly right when that's an option for them and they're more likely to say it if that's their truth, whereas someone who is more in like their people pleasing like no is a very uncomfortable word for them. It's not something that's normally well received. It's not something that they can receive Well, it's not something they really ever want to say to people. So a lot of their yeses are false. Yeses simply because they're scared of saying no. So it was a really interesting dynamic to watch unfold and to participate in, and to be able to witness, you know, the different reactions and and like, yeah, sometimes we'd forget, you know, because it's not the normal way of operating in most of society right now, I would say so so to have those forgetful moments and to remind each other and to be in that type of interaction was really special. It was really intriguing. It also allowed, like so much more insight. And so I want to encourage you, especially those of you who have trouble with no, whether that be hearing someone's no or telling someone No, to dig into that a little bit more and to play with it and to practice because it really is something that is very potent, and It's something that can shift a lot of things. And I also wanted to share still around know that sometimes your no is it's ultimately helping you in the long run, and sometimes your no is for others, not just for yourself, right? So I'm going to give you two examples. So an example where your no is beneficial and you receive because of it, right? The job that I just left, I was their first, like, remote employee because or out of state, remote employee. And so when they first saw that I was out of state, whenever, you know, we were in negotiations and everything, they asked me. They had wanted to bring me on as a 1099, contractor employee. And I didn't want that. So I was asked, like, oh, you know, like, Could we do you as a 1099, and I told them no, like, I wanted to be a w2 employee. And so so they took that back to, like, leadership, and talked about it a little bit. And so they finally agreed. And because of that, so because of my No, then my no three years ago, to being a 1099 contractor, I'm now able to, you know, I can submit for unemployment. So I've put myself in a better situation than what I would have been in, like, if I had just been 1099 because I just would have been dropped and, like, who knows what would happen, right? So sometimes your nose put you in a better space later, right? They set you up for a better outcome in the future. And sometimes your nose impact more than just you. So in the Getting ready for Costa Rica, one of the things like, I didn't have a swimsuit. I used to get them custom made, and the woman that would do the swimwear, she got a wonderful opportunity that was like her dream job. So she closed up shop and left. And I didn't have any references or anything like that, so I just hadn't had a swimsuit for years, and I found a shop that does them, that does do customs, so I had them do a bikini. Now I am a larger woman. And because of that, it was funny, because, you know, talking to some of my elders, they were like, oh, like, aren't you? Wouldn't you rather have a one piece, though? Like, but isn't it? Wouldn't you feel more comfortable with the one piece? Wouldn't it be better if you had a one piece? And I kept saying no, and finally I had to tell them. I was like, Look, I am just as fat in a one piece as I am in a bikini, right? But I'm more comfortable in the bikini. So this is what's happening. And at that time, like I didn't really think anything of it. It was just me standing up for what was more comfortable. And since my money was the one paying for it like I'm going to be, and what's more comfortable for me? And then I got to the retreat, and there was another woman who's a larger sized woman, and she wasn't a one piece, which that's great. I think it's great if you're in the one piece, if you're in the two piece, I don't care, right? Whatever you're comfortable and happy in do that, right? But so she was in one piece, and she saw me in the bikini, and we got to talking. It started a conversation. It was so funny. And ultimately, she I was serving as an inspiration to her by showing up in that two piece. Right now, when I said, No, I still want a two piece, it had nothing to do with her, at least not to my knowledge anyway, right? Like it had nothing to do with another person, or whatever it was really just I'm paying for it. This is what I'm comfortable in. Like my size is my size, whether I have one piece of fabric covering it, or it's two pieces, or it's broken up into any other weird combination you can think of whatever, but that no later on, went to serve as something that inspired someone else. So our nose can be very precious things, right? They can put us in a better position. They can be an inspiration to others. They can help you be more trustworthy and be better trusted, right? Because if you learn to be comfortable with the no both with delivering that as an answer and receiving that as an answer, without
(10:06):
taking it personal, without the immediate like panic of what if this person rejects me, like if you just remove that, and you learn to be firm in your no and comfortable in your no there's so many things that can unfold and happen with so much more ease, so much more grace, so much more peace and so much more amicability. So that's what I wanted to share with you today. Have a wonderful night.
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