January 14, 2025 • 28 mins
Episode #187
In this week's episode, Terri is joined by Coach Bethany to discuss best practices they have gleaned from their clients and Community-member success stories:
- Consistently showing up for Community and coaching meetings, even when struggling. [02:38]
- Avoiding the habit of finishing others' leftover food, wasting food, or consuming gifted food, and, rather, recognising it as ‘not your food’. [05:20]
- Tracking food intake for a couple of weeks to increase awareness of unconscious eating habits. [07:57]
- Defining clear, measurable metrics of success, such as clothing fit or body measurements, rather than relying solely on the scale. [10:33]
- Setting both interpersonal boundaries (with others) and intrapersonal boundaries (with oneself) to support fasting goals. [13:17]
- Accepting and embracing the ‘in-between’ phase, where progress is being made but final goals have not yet been reached. [15:40]
- Scheduling fasts in advance and planning around social events to maintain consistency. [19:08]
- Comparing consistency in fasting to other areas in your life. [24:14]
- Immersing yourself in the topic of fasting to stay motivated and inspired. [25:47]
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This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional care by a doctor or other qualified medical professional. You should always speak with your physician or other healthcare professional before doing any fasting, changing your diet, taking or adjusting any medication or supplements, or adopting any treatment for a health problem. The use of any other products or services purchased by you as a result of this podcast does not create a healthcare provider-patient relationship between you and any of the experts affiliated with this podcast. Information and statements regarding dietary supplements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Before we get started with today's episode,
I would like to quickly read you our podcast
disclaimer.
This podcast is for educational
purposes only, and it is
not a substitute for professional
care by a doctor or other qualified
medical professional.
You should always speak with your physician
(00:27):
or other healthcare professionals before
doing any fasting, changing
your diet in any way, taking or
adjusting any medications, or supplements
or adopting any treatment plan
for a health problem.
The use of any other products or
services purchased by you as a result
of this podcast does not create
(00:50):
a healthcare provider-patient
relationship between you and any
of the experts affiliated with this
podcast.
Any information and statements
regarding dietary supplements have not
been evaluated by the Food and Drug
Administration and are not intended
to diagnose, treat, cure,
(01:11):
or prevent any disease.
All right. And now we'll get started with
today's episode.
Welcome back to another episode of The
Fasting Method podcast.
This is Coach Terri Lance and I'm
joined today with Coach Bethany.
How are you, Bethany?
I'm doing great, Terri.
How are you?
(01:32):
I'm good.
Well, Bethany, I know that, as we talked
a little bit about what we wanted
to share today, you had a great idea
to really talk about kind of the best
practices that really help people
to be successful.
So I am going to
toss it over to you because I know you've
(01:52):
put some thought into how we could
help people.
I have. I have to credit some
of my clients with this topic
because several clients have asked
during their intake session
with me, at the end when
I turn it over to them, and I say, "Do you
have any questions?" several of them
(02:13):
have asked, "What makes someone successful
in this process?" And I always think it's
such a brilliant question because it
shows that they've put thought into
how they are going to show up, and
also because people know the ways that
they have tried
and been unsuccessful.
So I think it's a really thoughtful question
(02:34):
to ask - "What is it?
What can I do?"
So the first thing that I want to throw
out there is I've noticed
that people who are successful
in their fasting journey,
coaching clients specifically,
they come to meetings regularly,
regardless of how well
(02:57):
they stuck to their plan.
They come if they have stuck to their
plan perfectly, they come
if they've over-- quote-unquote
'overachieved', they come
if they have not gotten any fasting
done and they have done some, what
we call, 'off-roading', food wise.
They come to that coaching meeting and they
(03:18):
are transparent with what's been going on.
And I always say to people
who come to coaching meetings
who have not been acting
in accordance with their plan, I always say,
"I'm really impressed by the fact that
you're here," because that's harder.
It's harder to show up for a meeting and say,
(03:39):
"Hey, I did not do what I said I was going to
do." That's a lot harder than
coming and saying, "Yep, give me a gold
star. I've done my three 36s,
and I also did a 24, and I--"
you know, X, Y, Z.
So that is one thing that I
have noticed that makes people very
successful and it goes hand-in-hand with
(03:59):
consistency.
Absolutely. And I take it also to mean
showing up for yourself.
You know, they're not showing up for you,
they're showing up for themselves even
though they're maybe struggling a little bit
or, like you said, just kind of off-roading
for whatever reason.
It reminds me of when I was a therapist.
I worked in a large office and
(04:21):
I would get a phone message, you know,
a little piece of paper with 'phone message'
on it, and it would say, "Dr.
Lance, your 4 o'clock canceled
today. They're too anxious to come
in." And, as a psychologist, I thought,
"Isn't that when I can best help?"
Come and show up for yourself
when you're struggling.
(04:42):
Get the support that you need when you're
struggling, not just when you're
doing well and thriving.
Share when it's difficult because
that's where you need the most support.
That's exactly what I say to my coaching
clients.
A coach is useful, even in
the best of times, but,
(05:03):
especially when you're struggling.
Why not use the experience
of someone who has gone through it (which all
of our coaches have) and also who has seen
others go through it?
You know, use that experience.
We are there to help you navigate that
time.
Absolutely.
Another thing I've noticed
(05:23):
that people who are successful
in this journey do-- and this is very
specific, okay, but
I want to put it out there because it's both
specific and it's common, and, for
our community, for the demographic
in our community, I think it's very relevant.
They don't finish their
kids' plates or their grandchildren's
(05:45):
plates if they're watching them.
They stop doing that if that has
been a habit.
Whether it's that they get containers
that they can store it in or they get more
comfortable with the idea of food
waste, they no longer
use themselves, their
own bodies, as kind of the 'cleanup crew'
(06:06):
after their kids.
Terri, do you have any experience with
clients who have broken that habit?
You know, Bethany, it's funny that you say
that. I can't think of specific examples
that we've talked really in detail about
that, but it is a brilliant
piece that you're identifying.
You might be familiar with one
of my favorite little catchphrases -
(06:28):
that's not my food.
I always encourage people, you know, what is
your food, and then focus on just eating your
food. And, to me, this really extrapolates
to the food that's left on your
kids' plate, or your grandchildren's plate,
or food that your teenager has
on the counter.
That's not your food.
And I know it's a little more complicated
(06:50):
than this with food, but I say, "Look,
if your grandkids were staying with you for
the weekend, would you use their
toothbrush?
No, because it's not your toothbrush.
Would you wear their pajamas?
No, because they're not your pajamas."
So really making that about
'that is their food'.
(07:10):
And, as you highlighted, Bethany, I think the
reason so many of us have learned to do
this is we feel bad
wasting food, throwing something
away. It's waste at this
point anyway.
Is it going to go on your waist, literally,
or is it going to go to the trash?
So this is a perfect example
(07:32):
of a success tool.
I've seen another example of this,
and it's when people are gifted
treats or candies,
they're gifted or they're brought into the
office and people feel guilty
about not consuming them.
Well, it's not going to
really help anyone if you
(07:54):
consume them.
As you said, it's waste either way.
So along those lines,
another thing I have noticed
is that, people who have success
in this journey, they are willing
to, for a certain amount of time,
not a long time, maybe two weeks max,
they're willing to write down what
(08:16):
they are eating.
It's not that they're logging macros,
or counting calories, or using any kind
of app. They're jotting it down, either
on a piece of paper or on, you know, a simple
app on their phone, and they're just bringing
awareness to what they
are consuming.
Because I cannot tell you the number of
(08:38):
times I've had an intake session with someone
and I say, "Okay, what do you eat on
a regular basis?"
And they list really supportive,
healthy foods.
And then once we really dig in,
especially when they start writing down what
they're eating, what they discover is
(08:59):
maybe most of what they're eating
are supportive foods but there are
also three times a day,
outside of those meal times,
when they might be consuming
a drink that's the equivalent of eating a
cupcake, or they might be
dipping into a candy bowl.
So bringing awareness to
(09:20):
what they eat is another behavior that I've
seen can help make people successful.
I love your emphasis on bringing
awareness to it without becoming
rigidly wedded to it.
You know, some people take this to mean every
single bite and slice
and everything has to be documented.
(09:41):
And for some of us, that may be necessary,
but it's really about being consciously
aware so that we're not
kind of erroneously consuming
things that we don't even pay attention to,
and then wondering why things aren't working
well for us.
Exactly. So one client,
(10:02):
she actually had a pretty good laugh
after doing this, which I thought was a
really beautiful response to this.
But she had a good laugh and she said, "I had
no idea I ate M&Ms every day.
She said, "If you had asked me, I would have
said, 'No, not me.
I don't do that," but she realized, in
writing down what she ate, that, over the
course of nine days, she
(10:24):
had eaten M&Ms every single day.
So it really can bring awareness to
what you are consuming, in addition to what
you thought.
Another one I love, and
this is something that we do very early
on in the coaching process at
TFM, is we define
very clear measurements
(10:45):
of success.
We decide how we are going to track success,
and people who see results
track those consistently.
Now, I'm a huge fan
of objective data.
It does not mean that subjective is
irrelevant. So, for people
(11:05):
who do not like to use the scale
(you know, not everyone has a relationship
with the scale that's productive),
I would say another alternative to
an objective measure might be circumference
measurements.
It might be measuring with a tape measure
around your waist and your hips.
It might be body-fat percentage.
(11:26):
I've even seen people use
the same pair of pants
as kind of their litmus test for how
they're doing. That's a little less objective
because, of course, it's dependent on how you
are perceiving, but you can feel
when a pair of pants is fitting more loosely.
So the people who are successful, I've
noticed, track those very consistently.
(11:49):
I love that one, Bethany, especially because,
for so many of us,
when our primary-objective
data is the scale, we have
a lot of emotion connected with that.
And I'm not someone who weighs
myself hardly ever,
but I certainly know when my body is
(12:10):
changing. I know because that
pair of pants doesn't fit or
my shirts are looser
in a certain area.
I know what's happening in my body
even when I don't necessarily have a
number of pounds to connect with it.
And so that idea of
using something consistently so that
(12:32):
you know how you're doing.
I have two clients who use this
and, for one, [laughs] we call it
the 'denim shorts' check-in.
In the point of the coaching session where
I say, you know, "Do you want to report any
objective data changes?" she says [laughs],"Oh, the
denim shorts check-in." And then for another
client, it's a pair of maroon, velvet
(12:54):
pants that she has had for
years and years that she pulls out every
holiday season.
So it does not have to be the scale,
but I think that it should be something
that helps you track your progress along
the way.
I love it. Someone could say, "I'm two inches
away from the denim shorts
working just right." [laughter] I love it.
(13:17):
Well, Bethany, one of my best
practices for success is
a little less specific
and a little more kind of conceptual,
but it's about setting boundaries.
And I think it's important for all of us,
for real success, to
work on two types of boundaries.
(13:38):
Interpersonal boundaries.
So setting boundaries with other people in
our life that, you know,
if they're eating snack food, maybe
they eat it in the other room or
they warn me before they bring it into the
room or something.
But setting boundaries so that
maybe they don't bring me that food, or don't
offer it to me, or don't use food
(14:01):
as a way to connect with me.
So the first one - interpersonal.
And then the other one is intrapersonal
- within ourselves.
Some people, when I talk about this, they're
pretty familiar with their need
to set interpersonal ones (the
ones with other people in their lives) but
(14:22):
they hadn't really thought much about their
own boundaries with themselves.
Our sneaky, snake brain can really
talk us into things if we don't
have clear internal
boundaries that we're willing to
follow to keep ourselves on track
and make choices for ourselves
(14:42):
that help us get where we're going.
You know, Terri, what you said earlier about
'that's not my food', that to
me is an example of an intrapersonal
boundary.
It's recognizing what is mine
versus-- you know, what am I going to choose
to engage in versus not.
I'm so glad you brought that up.
(15:02):
I hadn't even tied it back to that.
And I think, for some of us, it then
becomes, "It's not that
I don't want that food or wouldn't
enjoy that food, it's
a boundary for me because I
want specific outcomes.
I want food freedom," or, "I want less
inflammation," or, "I want better
(15:23):
blood sugar control," or, "I want
greater fat percentage loss."
That's where the personal boundaries
come from.
It's not that I don't want it.
I choose not to engage in it right now
because I want these other things more.
I love that one.
Another conceptual one that
(15:45):
I've noticed (this is really
tough and, to be honest, this is really
something that I am challenged
by, chronically)
is, people who have success
getting to their goals and maintaining the
success they've had, they get
comfortable, or they at least accept,
(16:06):
living in what
I call the in-between.
You know, you've left your previous
habits behind and you're not
yet at your goal.
And so in a way that can be exciting
because you are moving towards something.
It's also really uncomfortable
because you're still practicing,
(16:28):
you're still learning, and you haven't yet
achieved what you set out to do.
And so the more people can
just really accept that
this is where they are in the process right
now and continue to take steps
forward.
It's something I always notice and admire
because, as I said, it's tough for me to do
(16:50):
in whatever I'm working towards.
It's something that I consciously have to
engage in self-talk about,
regardless of what I'm working on.
It's so interesting that you say that,
Bethany, because I've had so many people
say to me early on in the coaching process,
"I will do well with this once
I see results."
(17:12):
And I kind of cringe a little
internally because I know that's not
how it works.
Ideally, it would work that way, but for most
of us it doesn't.
We have to commit and do,
sometimes a lot of action, before
we see those specific results
we're looking for.
And so I encourage people
(17:34):
to even think about other areas of their
lives because I feel like this one is very
different, particularly around weight loss.
But if someone says, "Hey, I'm in a four-year
college program and it's my first semester.
If I could see results and know that
I'm going to have a degree and get a job
and live happily ever after, I'd
(17:54):
finish the semester, but I'm not sure."
I don't see people kind of
cutting themselves off early
on in some of these other big
life efforts that they're engaged in,
but, often when it comes to weight loss,
we have that belief that I
can only do this if I'm
(18:16):
seeing the results right away.
That's a really interesting reflection,
especially because there are many
examples, external examples,
to them.
You know, they've seen people who
have stayed with the fasting
and experienced results, and yet
there is some trouble kind of translating
(18:37):
that belief, for some people, to
their own story.
Yeah, I think it really does require, for
so many of us, at first at
least, a little bit of a leap of faith.
"I've watched other people succeed with this.
It all makes sense, everything I've learned
about it.
I'm going to have to commit and
(18:57):
give my body time to
come into those results," rather
than, "I need to see the results first."
Really big part of this process, I think.
To take it back to something more
specific and concrete,
I've noticed that people who
have success with this are those who fast
(19:19):
consistently.
We've said that millions of times here on
the podcast and other channels in TFM,
but I've noticed that those who are
consistent are often able
to be consistent because they schedule
their fasts ahead of time.
So in some way,
whether it's on paper, on their
(19:41):
digital calendar, in an app,
they lay out their week
and they say, "Okay, well, I've got my
children's recital on Tuesday
night. I know we're going to be going out
after that so that's not going to be a
fasting day." Whatever it may be,
they work around things
(20:01):
and they set out-- they literally
block out their fasts
ahead of time.
And that also goes back to that
intrapersonal boundary setting
that you were talking about before, Terri,
because there are people who
don't want to say no to things.
If certain events come up, if certain invites
(20:22):
come their way, they don't want
to say no. And I find that,
by putting it on a calendar, it makes
them more easily able
either to say, "No, but how about that
day?" when it's an eating day, or
they can say yes, but it doesn't interrupt
their fasting schedule.
They just go on with their schedule and
(20:43):
they go to whatever event came up.
So that's a very concrete thing
that I've seen time and time again help
people out.
It's funny that you talk about that,
Bethany, because I have recently
started experiencing this differently.
Early in my fasting journey, I lived alone,
I didn't spend a lot of time with other
(21:05):
people socially, at times
it was during Covid, I lived alone, you
know, I didn't see anyone.
And so it didn't matter. My dogs didn't care
if I ate or not, they didn't care
as long as I gave them their food.
And now I'm in a different situation.
I'm living with other people, I'm
having dinner with other people multiple
(21:26):
nights a week, and, all of a sudden,
if I am on a kind of period
of time where I'm fasting regularly,
it changes everything.
And so, in the past few months,
I have been to about
four or five dinners where I'm not eating,
but I still go because I don't want to miss
(21:47):
that social opportunity, that important
connection with friends.
And I actually have one tonight.
I'm fasting tonight.
We have an invite for beef bourguignon,
dinner, and I'm not eating.
I will certainly take a
to-go container and bring home my
serving for tomorrow.
But this is new for me, even
(22:09):
this far in my journey, to really
acknowledge, if I want to consistently
fast, sometimes it's going to happen
while I have social events.
I can't always just move my fast
to a different day. Sometimes I can,
but, if I want to really do this
consistently, sometimes I need to be
willing to not engage in the food portion
(22:31):
of a program.
Terri, that's really impressive that
you are able to
go to those social events
and not eat, both boundary-wise
and just to abstain
while fasting.
It reminds me that-- what you said about
bringing the takeout container reminds
me that there's really
(22:53):
not a lot of time
investment, active
time investment, when you think about
fasting. It is very different
than something like training for
a marathon, which is absolutely
time intensive, and it's active time
spent just doing that.
(23:14):
Where people often kind of miscalculate
is they don't plan enough
for their eating days.
And so the flip side of that is that I've
noticed that people who have a lot
of consistency
week after week after week,
they plan, they spend time
(23:34):
thinking about their grocery list,
time to go to the grocery store, time to
prepare food.
And it gets a lot easier the more
you do it, it becomes kind of more
second nature, but that is, I
think, the most time-intensive part
of this journey is the food preparation.
And the cool thing about it is that, if
(23:56):
you're fasting several times a week, you
don't have to do as much meal preparation.
But I have noticed that the people who are
successful, they do think
about, "Okay, what am I going to break this
fast with?" They don't get 41 hours into
a 42-hour fast and think,
"Oh gosh, I have no groceries."
Absolutely.
The other part of the consistency thing
(24:18):
that I want to go back to, Bethany, is,
again, kind of comparing it to other areas
in our lives.
I don't know anyone who, let's say,
gets to a competitive level in
a music skill or
an athletic ability or something,
and they say, "Hey, you know what?
I practiced my violin twice
(24:39):
over the past two months." They're
not ready to compete, they're not
ready to perform.
They practice daily.
And I think sometimes
I hear people very excited about
fasting, but they'll say, "I've
fasted twice in the past two months.
I don't know why it's not working."
(25:00):
Consistency is what develops
the skill and reaches
the results that we're looking for.
Not perfection, but consistency,
consistent commitment to it
and following through with the actions.
Again, if I want to become a good skier,
I can't say, "I skied twice this
(25:22):
year. I don't know why my skills aren't
improving much." That's not
consistency.
So thinking about how
much you're committing to
it. Like you said, for many of us,
the actual fasting part isn't
much of a time commitment.
The planning around it takes
(25:44):
time and conscious thought.
Absolutely. And one thing I've heard from
clients, and it always surprises
me because I hear it from coaching clients
as well, is that one thing that really
helps them with consistency is
immersing themselves in
the topic of fasting.
So they get to do that
(26:05):
a lot through the Community, through our
Community groups and the forums.
They also will seek things out.
They'll listen to this podcast, they'll
listen to other fasting,
maybe they'll listen to keto podcasts,
whatever it is that makes them
inspired.
They'll listen to podcasts that tell people's
stories of healing, of reversing
(26:26):
their type two diabetes, of losing, you know,
100+ pounds, whatever it is,
and they'll stay in that mode.
So it's not like they, you know,
fast, as you said, once a month
and then kind of dip out of it.
They're kind of always thinking about it
and that helps during the therapeutic
phase of this process, certainly.
(26:47):
Yeah, it's a part of prioritizing this
work. If it's going to be therapeutic,
it's got to be a high priority.
Otherwise, you know, it's a hobby,
you do it once in a while.
But, if we really want the full benefit
of this, we've got to really do it as
a lifestyle and as a high
level of commitment.
Well, Bethany, I imagine you and I could come
(27:09):
back with some other best practices
at some time in the future.
I think you have given us so many
great thoughts today.
I encourage everyone to think
about how these fit for them
and how they can work on
integrating these best
practices as fit
(27:30):
for them, and see if they
can kind of change their trajectory
in this journey by really sinking
into some of these and making them work for
them.
Absolutely, Terri.
I'd love to come back and, you know, I'll
have more as I see more and more clients
go through this journey with success,
and I'm excited to see it.
(27:51):
Absolutely. We will definitely be back
again, Bethany, and w e'll cover some more
of these things as well as other topics.
I know we have some other episodes that we
have been talking about doing, so I look
forward to catching up with you again soon.
And until then, everyone, happy fasting.
Before we get started with today's episode,
I would like to quickly read you our podcast
disclaimer.
This podcast is for educational
purposes only, and it is
not a substitute for professional
care by a doctor or other qualified
medical professional.
You should always speak with your physician
(00:27):
or other healthcare professionals before
doing any fasting, changing
your diet in any way, taking or
adjusting any medications, or supplements
or adopting any treatment plan
for a health problem.
The use of any other products or
services purchased by you as a result
of this podcast does not create
(00:50):
a healthcare provider-patient
relationship between you and any
of the experts affiliated with this
podcast.
Any information and statements
regarding dietary supplements have not
been evaluated by the Food and Drug
Administration and are not intended
to diagnose, treat, cure,
(01:11):
or prevent any disease.
All right. And now we'll get started with
today's episode.
Welcome back to another episode of The
Fasting Method podcast.
This is Coach Terri Lance and I'm
joined today with Coach Bethany.
How are you, Bethany?
I'm doing great, Terri.
How are you?
(01:32):
I'm good.
Well, Bethany, I know that, as we talked
a little bit about what we wanted
to share today, you had a great idea
to really talk about kind of the best
practices that really help people
to be successful.
So I am going to
toss it over to you because I know you've
(01:52):
put some thought into how we could
help people.
I have. I have to credit some
of my clients with this topic
because several clients have asked
during their intake session
with me, at the end when
I turn it over to them, and I say, "Do you
have any questions?" several of them
(02:13):
have asked, "What makes someone successful
in this process?" And I always think it's
such a brilliant question because it
shows that they've put thought into
how they are going to show up, and
also because people know the ways that
they have tried
and been unsuccessful.
So I think it's a really thoughtful question
(02:34):
to ask - "What is it?
What can I do?"
So the first thing that I want to throw
out there is I've noticed
that people who are successful
in their fasting journey,
coaching clients specifically,
they come to meetings regularly,
regardless of how well
(02:57):
they stuck to their plan.
They come if they have stuck to their
plan perfectly, they come
if they've over-- quote-unquote
'overachieved', they come
if they have not gotten any fasting
done and they have done some, what
we call, 'off-roading', food wise.
They come to that coaching meeting and they
(03:18):
are transparent with what's been going on.
And I always say to people
who come to coaching meetings
who have not been acting
in accordance with their plan, I always say,
"I'm really impressed by the fact that
you're here," because that's harder.
It's harder to show up for a meeting and say,
(03:39):
"Hey, I did not do what I said I was going to
do." That's a lot harder than
coming and saying, "Yep, give me a gold
star. I've done my three 36s,
and I also did a 24, and I--"
you know, X, Y, Z.
So that is one thing that I
have noticed that makes people very
successful and it goes hand-in-hand with
(03:59):
consistency.
Absolutely. And I take it also to mean
showing up for yourself.
You know, they're not showing up for you,
they're showing up for themselves even
though they're maybe struggling a little bit
or, like you said, just kind of off-roading
for whatever reason.
It reminds me of when I was a therapist.
I worked in a large office and
(04:21):
I would get a phone message, you know,
a little piece of paper with 'phone message'
on it, and it would say, "Dr.
Lance, your 4 o'clock canceled
today. They're too anxious to come
in." And, as a psychologist, I thought,
"Isn't that when I can best help?"
Come and show up for yourself
when you're struggling.
(04:42):
Get the support that you need when you're
struggling, not just when you're
doing well and thriving.
Share when it's difficult because
that's where you need the most support.
That's exactly what I say to my coaching
clients.
A coach is useful, even in
the best of times, but,
(05:03):
especially when you're struggling.
Why not use the experience
of someone who has gone through it (which all
of our coaches have) and also who has seen
others go through it?
You know, use that experience.
We are there to help you navigate that
time.
Absolutely.
Another thing I've noticed
(05:23):
that people who are successful
in this journey do-- and this is very
specific, okay, but
I want to put it out there because it's both
specific and it's common, and, for
our community, for the demographic
in our community, I think it's very relevant.
They don't finish their
kids' plates or their grandchildren's
(05:45):
plates if they're watching them.
They stop doing that if that has
been a habit.
Whether it's that they get containers
that they can store it in or they get more
comfortable with the idea of food
waste, they no longer
use themselves, their
own bodies, as kind of the 'cleanup crew'
(06:06):
after their kids.
Terri, do you have any experience with
clients who have broken that habit?
You know, Bethany, it's funny that you say
that. I can't think of specific examples
that we've talked really in detail about
that, but it is a brilliant
piece that you're identifying.
You might be familiar with one
of my favorite little catchphrases -
(06:28):
that's not my food.
I always encourage people, you know, what is
your food, and then focus on just eating your
food. And, to me, this really extrapolates
to the food that's left on your
kids' plate, or your grandchildren's plate,
or food that your teenager has
on the counter.
That's not your food.
And I know it's a little more complicated
(06:50):
than this with food, but I say, "Look,
if your grandkids were staying with you for
the weekend, would you use their
toothbrush?
No, because it's not your toothbrush.
Would you wear their pajamas?
No, because they're not your pajamas."
So really making that about
'that is their food'.
(07:10):
And, as you highlighted, Bethany, I think the
reason so many of us have learned to do
this is we feel bad
wasting food, throwing something
away. It's waste at this
point anyway.
Is it going to go on your waist, literally,
or is it going to go to the trash?
So this is a perfect example
(07:32):
of a success tool.
I've seen another example of this,
and it's when people are gifted
treats or candies,
they're gifted or they're brought into the
office and people feel guilty
about not consuming them.
Well, it's not going to
really help anyone if you
(07:54):
consume them.
As you said, it's waste either way.
So along those lines,
another thing I have noticed
is that, people who have success
in this journey, they are willing
to, for a certain amount of time,
not a long time, maybe two weeks max,
they're willing to write down what
(08:16):
they are eating.
It's not that they're logging macros,
or counting calories, or using any kind
of app. They're jotting it down, either
on a piece of paper or on, you know, a simple
app on their phone, and they're just bringing
awareness to what they
are consuming.
Because I cannot tell you the number of
(08:38):
times I've had an intake session with someone
and I say, "Okay, what do you eat on
a regular basis?"
And they list really supportive,
healthy foods.
And then once we really dig in,
especially when they start writing down what
they're eating, what they discover is
(08:59):
maybe most of what they're eating
are supportive foods but there are
also three times a day,
outside of those meal times,
when they might be consuming
a drink that's the equivalent of eating a
cupcake, or they might be
dipping into a candy bowl.
So bringing awareness to
(09:20):
what they eat is another behavior that I've
seen can help make people successful.
I love your emphasis on bringing
awareness to it without becoming
rigidly wedded to it.
You know, some people take this to mean every
single bite and slice
and everything has to be documented.
(09:41):
And for some of us, that may be necessary,
but it's really about being consciously
aware so that we're not
kind of erroneously consuming
things that we don't even pay attention to,
and then wondering why things aren't working
well for us.
Exactly. So one client,
(10:02):
she actually had a pretty good laugh
after doing this, which I thought was a
really beautiful response to this.
But she had a good laugh and she said, "I had
no idea I ate M&Ms every day.
She said, "If you had asked me, I would have
said, 'No, not me.
I don't do that," but she realized, in
writing down what she ate, that, over the
course of nine days, she
(10:24):
had eaten M&Ms every single day.
So it really can bring awareness to
what you are consuming, in addition to what
you thought.
Another one I love, and
this is something that we do very early
on in the coaching process at
TFM, is we define
very clear measurements
(10:45):
of success.
We decide how we are going to track success,
and people who see results
track those consistently.
Now, I'm a huge fan
of objective data.
It does not mean that subjective is
irrelevant. So, for people
(11:05):
who do not like to use the scale
(you know, not everyone has a relationship
with the scale that's productive),
I would say another alternative to
an objective measure might be circumference
measurements.
It might be measuring with a tape measure
around your waist and your hips.
It might be body-fat percentage.
(11:26):
I've even seen people use
the same pair of pants
as kind of their litmus test for how
they're doing. That's a little less objective
because, of course, it's dependent on how you
are perceiving, but you can feel
when a pair of pants is fitting more loosely.
So the people who are successful, I've
noticed, track those very consistently.
(11:49):
I love that one, Bethany, especially because,
for so many of us,
when our primary-objective
data is the scale, we have
a lot of emotion connected with that.
And I'm not someone who weighs
myself hardly ever,
but I certainly know when my body is
(12:10):
changing. I know because that
pair of pants doesn't fit or
my shirts are looser
in a certain area.
I know what's happening in my body
even when I don't necessarily have a
number of pounds to connect with it.
And so that idea of
using something consistently so that
(12:32):
you know how you're doing.
I have two clients who use this
and, for one, [laughs] we call it
the 'denim shorts' check-in.
In the point of the coaching session where
I say, you know, "Do you want to report any
objective data changes?" she says [laughs],"Oh, the
denim shorts check-in." And then for another
client, it's a pair of maroon, velvet
(12:54):
pants that she has had for
years and years that she pulls out every
holiday season.
So it does not have to be the scale,
but I think that it should be something
that helps you track your progress along
the way.
I love it. Someone could say, "I'm two inches
away from the denim shorts
working just right." [laughter] I love it.
(13:17):
Well, Bethany, one of my best
practices for success is
a little less specific
and a little more kind of conceptual,
but it's about setting boundaries.
And I think it's important for all of us,
for real success, to
work on two types of boundaries.
(13:38):
Interpersonal boundaries.
So setting boundaries with other people in
our life that, you know,
if they're eating snack food, maybe
they eat it in the other room or
they warn me before they bring it into the
room or something.
But setting boundaries so that
maybe they don't bring me that food, or don't
offer it to me, or don't use food
(14:01):
as a way to connect with me.
So the first one - interpersonal.
And then the other one is intrapersonal
- within ourselves.
Some people, when I talk about this, they're
pretty familiar with their need
to set interpersonal ones (the
ones with other people in their lives) but
(14:22):
they hadn't really thought much about their
own boundaries with themselves.
Our sneaky, snake brain can really
talk us into things if we don't
have clear internal
boundaries that we're willing to
follow to keep ourselves on track
and make choices for ourselves
(14:42):
that help us get where we're going.
You know, Terri, what you said earlier about
'that's not my food', that to
me is an example of an intrapersonal
boundary.
It's recognizing what is mine
versus-- you know, what am I going to choose
to engage in versus not.
I'm so glad you brought that up.
(15:02):
I hadn't even tied it back to that.
And I think, for some of us, it then
becomes, "It's not that
I don't want that food or wouldn't
enjoy that food, it's
a boundary for me because I
want specific outcomes.
I want food freedom," or, "I want less
inflammation," or, "I want better
(15:23):
blood sugar control," or, "I want
greater fat percentage loss."
That's where the personal boundaries
come from.
It's not that I don't want it.
I choose not to engage in it right now
because I want these other things more.
I love that one.
Another conceptual one that
(15:45):
I've noticed (this is really
tough and, to be honest, this is really
something that I am challenged
by, chronically)
is, people who have success
getting to their goals and maintaining the
success they've had, they get
comfortable, or they at least accept,
(16:06):
living in what
I call the in-between.
You know, you've left your previous
habits behind and you're not
yet at your goal.
And so in a way that can be exciting
because you are moving towards something.
It's also really uncomfortable
because you're still practicing,
(16:28):
you're still learning, and you haven't yet
achieved what you set out to do.
And so the more people can
just really accept that
this is where they are in the process right
now and continue to take steps
forward.
It's something I always notice and admire
because, as I said, it's tough for me to do
(16:50):
in whatever I'm working towards.
It's something that I consciously have to
engage in self-talk about,
regardless of what I'm working on.
It's so interesting that you say that,
Bethany, because I've had so many people
say to me early on in the coaching process,
"I will do well with this once
I see results."
(17:12):
And I kind of cringe a little
internally because I know that's not
how it works.
Ideally, it would work that way, but for most
of us it doesn't.
We have to commit and do,
sometimes a lot of action, before
we see those specific results
we're looking for.
And so I encourage people
(17:34):
to even think about other areas of their
lives because I feel like this one is very
different, particularly around weight loss.
But if someone says, "Hey, I'm in a four-year
college program and it's my first semester.
If I could see results and know that
I'm going to have a degree and get a job
and live happily ever after, I'd
(17:54):
finish the semester, but I'm not sure."
I don't see people kind of
cutting themselves off early
on in some of these other big
life efforts that they're engaged in,
but, often when it comes to weight loss,
we have that belief that I
can only do this if I'm
(18:16):
seeing the results right away.
That's a really interesting reflection,
especially because there are many
examples, external examples,
to them.
You know, they've seen people who
have stayed with the fasting
and experienced results, and yet
there is some trouble kind of translating
(18:37):
that belief, for some people, to
their own story.
Yeah, I think it really does require, for
so many of us, at first at
least, a little bit of a leap of faith.
"I've watched other people succeed with this.
It all makes sense, everything I've learned
about it.
I'm going to have to commit and
(18:57):
give my body time to
come into those results," rather
than, "I need to see the results first."
Really big part of this process, I think.
To take it back to something more
specific and concrete,
I've noticed that people who
have success with this are those who fast
(19:19):
consistently.
We've said that millions of times here on
the podcast and other channels in TFM,
but I've noticed that those who are
consistent are often able
to be consistent because they schedule
their fasts ahead of time.
So in some way,
whether it's on paper, on their
(19:41):
digital calendar, in an app,
they lay out their week
and they say, "Okay, well, I've got my
children's recital on Tuesday
night. I know we're going to be going out
after that so that's not going to be a
fasting day." Whatever it may be,
they work around things
(20:01):
and they set out-- they literally
block out their fasts
ahead of time.
And that also goes back to that
intrapersonal boundary setting
that you were talking about before, Terri,
because there are people who
don't want to say no to things.
If certain events come up, if certain invites
(20:22):
come their way, they don't want
to say no. And I find that,
by putting it on a calendar, it makes
them more easily able
either to say, "No, but how about that
day?" when it's an eating day, or
they can say yes, but it doesn't interrupt
their fasting schedule.
They just go on with their schedule and
(20:43):
they go to whatever event came up.
So that's a very concrete thing
that I've seen time and time again help
people out.
It's funny that you talk about that,
Bethany, because I have recently
started experiencing this differently.
Early in my fasting journey, I lived alone,
I didn't spend a lot of time with other
(21:05):
people socially, at times
it was during Covid, I lived alone, you
know, I didn't see anyone.
And so it didn't matter. My dogs didn't care
if I ate or not, they didn't care
as long as I gave them their food.
And now I'm in a different situation.
I'm living with other people, I'm
having dinner with other people multiple
(21:26):
nights a week, and, all of a sudden,
if I am on a kind of period
of time where I'm fasting regularly,
it changes everything.
And so, in the past few months,
I have been to about
four or five dinners where I'm not eating,
but I still go because I don't want to miss
(21:47):
that social opportunity, that important
connection with friends.
And I actually have one tonight.
I'm fasting tonight.
We have an invite for beef bourguignon,
dinner, and I'm not eating.
I will certainly take a
to-go container and bring home my
serving for tomorrow.
But this is new for me, even
(22:09):
this far in my journey, to really
acknowledge, if I want to consistently
fast, sometimes it's going to happen
while I have social events.
I can't always just move my fast
to a different day. Sometimes I can,
but, if I want to really do this
consistently, sometimes I need to be
willing to not engage in the food portion
(22:31):
of a program.
Terri, that's really impressive that
you are able to
go to those social events
and not eat, both boundary-wise
and just to abstain
while fasting.
It reminds me that-- what you said about
bringing the takeout container reminds
me that there's really
(22:53):
not a lot of time
investment, active
time investment, when you think about
fasting. It is very different
than something like training for
a marathon, which is absolutely
time intensive, and it's active time
spent just doing that.
(23:14):
Where people often kind of miscalculate
is they don't plan enough
for their eating days.
And so the flip side of that is that I've
noticed that people who have a lot
of consistency
week after week after week,
they plan, they spend time
(23:34):
thinking about their grocery list,
time to go to the grocery store, time to
prepare food.
And it gets a lot easier the more
you do it, it becomes kind of more
second nature, but that is, I
think, the most time-intensive part
of this journey is the food preparation.
And the cool thing about it is that, if
(23:56):
you're fasting several times a week, you
don't have to do as much meal preparation.
But I have noticed that the people who are
successful, they do think
about, "Okay, what am I going to break this
fast with?" They don't get 41 hours into
a 42-hour fast and think,
"Oh gosh, I have no groceries."
Absolutely.
The other part of the consistency thing
(24:18):
that I want to go back to, Bethany, is,
again, kind of comparing it to other areas
in our lives.
I don't know anyone who, let's say,
gets to a competitive level in
a music skill or
an athletic ability or something,
and they say, "Hey, you know what?
I practiced my violin twice
(24:39):
over the past two months." They're
not ready to compete, they're not
ready to perform.
They practice daily.
And I think sometimes
I hear people very excited about
fasting, but they'll say, "I've
fasted twice in the past two months.
I don't know why it's not working."
(25:00):
Consistency is what develops
the skill and reaches
the results that we're looking for.
Not perfection, but consistency,
consistent commitment to it
and following through with the actions.
Again, if I want to become a good skier,
I can't say, "I skied twice this
(25:22):
year. I don't know why my skills aren't
improving much." That's not
consistency.
So thinking about how
much you're committing to
it. Like you said, for many of us,
the actual fasting part isn't
much of a time commitment.
The planning around it takes
(25:44):
time and conscious thought.
Absolutely. And one thing I've heard from
clients, and it always surprises
me because I hear it from coaching clients
as well, is that one thing that really
helps them with consistency is
immersing themselves in
the topic of fasting.
So they get to do that
(26:05):
a lot through the Community, through our
Community groups and the forums.
They also will seek things out.
They'll listen to this podcast, they'll
listen to other fasting,
maybe they'll listen to keto podcasts,
whatever it is that makes them
inspired.
They'll listen to podcasts that tell people's
stories of healing, of reversing
(26:26):
their type two diabetes, of losing, you know,
100+ pounds, whatever it is,
and they'll stay in that mode.
So it's not like they, you know,
fast, as you said, once a month
and then kind of dip out of it.
They're kind of always thinking about it
and that helps during the therapeutic
phase of this process, certainly.
(26:47):
Yeah, it's a part of prioritizing this
work. If it's going to be therapeutic,
it's got to be a high priority.
Otherwise, you know, it's a hobby,
you do it once in a while.
But, if we really want the full benefit
of this, we've got to really do it as
a lifestyle and as a high
level of commitment.
Well, Bethany, I imagine you and I could come
(27:09):
back with some other best practices
at some time in the future.
I think you have given us so many
great thoughts today.
I encourage everyone to think
about how these fit for them
and how they can work on
integrating these best
practices as fit
(27:30):
for them, and see if they
can kind of change their trajectory
in this journey by really sinking
into some of these and making them work for
them.
Absolutely, Terri.
I'd love to come back and, you know, I'll
have more as I see more and more clients
go through this journey with success,
and I'm excited to see it.
(27:51):
Absolutely. We will definitely be back
again, Bethany, and w e'll cover some more
of these things as well as other topics.
I know we have some other episodes that we
have been talking about doing, so I look
forward to catching up with you again soon.
And until then, everyone, happy fasting.
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