Touring History 5-29-25

TOURING HISTORY PODCAST - MAY 29TH SCRIPT

Co-hosts: Lane & Dave
Sponsor: Legends Athletic Wear (Legends.com)

 

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OPENING

LANE: Welcome back to Touring History, the podcast where we prove that literally anything can happen on any given day, and somehow we're qualified to talk about it. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave, a man who just discovered that Constantinople fell on the same day someone climbed Mount Everest, which feels like the universe's way of saying "balance, my children, balance."

LANE: Speaking of balance, today's episode is brought to you by Legends Athletic Wear at Legends.com. Because whether you're conquering mountains or just conquering your morning jog, you need gear that won't give up on you before you give up on yourself.

DAVE: Which, let's be honest, happens faster than we'd like to admit. But first, let's celebrate some people who didn't give up on being born...

 

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BIRTHDAYS WORTH MENTIONING

LANE: May 29th gave us some genuinely impressive humans, starting with John F. Kennedy in 1917. A president so charismatic that even his failures somehow looked presidential.

DAVE: Also born today: La Toya Jackson in 1956, who proved that being the "other Jackson" is still being a Jackson, which is more than most of us can say about our families.

LANE: Melissa Etheridge arrived in 1961, giving us rock music with actual substance, and Annette Bening in 1958, who somehow made being married to Warren Beatty look like a reasonable life choice.

DAVE: And Carmelo Anthony in 1984, a basketball player so good at scoring that he made an entire generation of New Yorkers believe the Knicks might actually win something. Spoiler alert: they didn't.

LANE: Happy birthday to all of them, and may they continue to wear comfortable, high-quality athletic wear from Legends.com during their birthday workouts.

 

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THE FALL THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING (1453)

DAVE: Now, let's travel back to 1453, when Constantinople fell to the Ottoman Empire on May 29th. This was basically the end of the Byzantine Empire, which had been hanging on for over a thousand years like that friend who insists they're "almost ready to leave" at every party.

LANE: The siege lasted 53 days, which in medieval terms was basically a Netflix binge. Sultan Mehmed II finally broke through the walls, and suddenly the center of Eastern Christianity became the center of the Ottoman Empire.

DAVE: This event effectively ended the Middle Ages and kicked off the Renaissance, proving that sometimes the best way to start something new is to definitively end something really, really old.

LANE: It's like cleaning out your closet, except with cannons and the fate of civilizations hanging in the balance.

 

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RHODE ISLAND FINALLY SHOWS UP (1790)

DAVE: Speaking of finally showing up, let's jump to 1790 when Rhode Island became the last of the original thirteen colonies to ratify the U.S. Constitution. They held out for three years, which is either impressive dedication to principle or the political equivalent of being fashionably late.

LANE: Rhode Island was basically that person who reads every single term of service agreement before clicking "Accept." Annoying? Yes. But also probably smart, considering they were agreeing to be part of a country that hadn't quite figured out what it wanted to be yet.

DAVE: They finally ratified it by just two votes, which means American history was nearly very different because of what amounts to a group project where two people actually did the reading.