Touring History 6-13-25

TOURING HISTORY PODCAST SCRIPT

June 13th, 2025 - Episode 50

 

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DAVE: Welcome back to Touring History, the podcast where we learn that every day in the past was basically humanity playing a really complicated game of "What Could Possibly Go Wrong?" I'm Dave.

LANE: And I'm Lane, and before we dive into today's collection of constitutional milestones and questionable German engineering projects, we need to talk about something that makes perfect sense in an imperfect world—Rückspiegel Specs™, the only eyewear that lets you see the past with 20/20 hindsight!

DAVE: You know, Lane and I have been doing this show long enough to realize that most historical disasters could have been prevented if people had just been able to see what was coming. Well, now they can.

LANE: Rückspiegel Specs™ use patented ChronoVision™ technology to show you exactly how your current decisions will look to future historians. Are you about to start a land war in Asia? Your Rückspiegel Specs™ will flash red. Thinking about building an unsinkable ship? The lenses will fog up with warning.

DAVE: Each pair comes with adjustable temporal settings. You can see 10 years into the future, 50 years, or go full "What will my great-grandchildren think of this?" mode. Perfect for politicians, military strategists, and anyone considering getting a face tattoo.

LANE: Which we're going to need today, because June 13th includes everything from constitutional rights to space exploration to some very questionable military technology. So grab your favorite prophetic eyewear—preferably Rückspiegel Specs™, available at foresight-eyewear-dot-com-slash-obvious-mistakes—and let's see what humanity accomplished on this particular day.

 

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BIRTHDAYS: FROM VILLAINS TO HEROES TO TWINS

DAVE: Let's start with birthdays, because June 13th decided to give us a really interesting range of human achievement and... complexity.

LANE: Malcolm McDowell, born 1943, probably best known for playing Alex DeLarge in A Clockwork Orange, which is either a brilliant dystopian masterpiece or the most disturbing movie ever made, depending on your perspective.

DAVE: McDowell has this ability to play characters who are simultaneously charismatic and terrifying. Alex DeLarge, the villain in Star Trek Generations who kills Captain Kirk—he's like the go-to guy when you need someone who's charming but also deeply unsettling.

LANE: It's a very specific acting skill. Most people can do "nice" or "evil," but McDowell specializes in "evil but you kind of want to have dinner with him anyway."

DAVE: And then we've got Chris Evans, born 1981, who went from playing a character literally called "the Human Torch" to playing Captain America, which is like career progression from "guy who's on fire" to "moral center of the universe."

LANE: Chris Evans as Captain America is interesting because he had to play someone who's genuinely good without being boring. That's harder than it sounds—moral perfection is usually terrible for drama.

DAVE: Right, Superman is boring because he's too perfect. But Evans managed to make Captain America feel like a real person who just happens to have unshakeable moral principles.

LANE: And speaking of people who built careers on being identical, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, born 1986.

DAVE: The Olsen twins basically invented the concept of "child star as business empire." They weren't just actresses; they were a brand that happened to be two people.

LANE: What's fascinating about the Olsen twins is that they figured out how to transition from child stars to actual businesspeople. Most child actors either disappear