Touring History 6-14-25

TOURING HISTORY PODCAST SCRIPT

Episode: June 14th - "Flags, Monkeys, and Near-Death Asteroids"

Runtime: 10-12 minutes

Hosts: Lane & Dave

 

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OPENING

LANE: Welcome to Touring History, the podcast where we pretend we're qualified to talk about the past. I'm Lane—

DAVE: And I'm Dave, and before we dive into today's cavalcade of historical chaos, we need to thank our sponsor, Randy's Donuts. You know, Randy's has been a World Famous icon since 1952—

LANE: —which, fun fact, is actually one of our stories today—

DAVE: —and that giant donut on the roof in Inglewood has become one of LA's most iconic landmarks. I mean, when Iron Man sits inside your donut sign to eat actual donuts, you know you've made it. When you're dealing with the kind of historical disasters we're about to discuss, you need donuts from a place that's survived Hollywood and still makes them fresh.

LANE: Speaking of substance, Dave, it's June 14th, which means we have birthdays, flag controversies, space monkeys, and—oh God—we're doing the asteroid story again, aren't we?

DAVE: Oh, we're absolutely doing the asteroid story. But first...

 

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BIRTHDAY SECTION

LANE: Birthdays! Starting with Marla Gibbs, who's 94 today. You know her from The Jeffersons, but here's the thing that gets me—she didn't even start acting professionally until she was in her 40s.

DAVE: That's actually fascinating because it connects to this whole pattern I've noticed about people who—

LANE: —Dave, we have Boy George turning 64, Lucy Hale at 36, Jesy Nelson at 34, and Kevin McHale at 37. Can we just acknowledge that Boy George is 64? Like, that's a sentence that exists now.

DAVE: You know what's weird? All these people, different generations, but they all had to navigate fame in completely different media landscapes. Marla Gibbs dealt with three networks and that was it. Boy George had MTV. Lucy Hale had social media from day one—

LANE: And Kevin McHale went from Glee to... well, that's a whole other conversation about how show business chews people up. But speaking of things that endure, Dave, let's talk about flags.

 

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HISTORICAL EVENTS - CHRONOLOGICAL

1775 - Continental Army Established

VIDEO PROMPT: Colonial-era military camp with men in rough uniforms gathering around makeshift tables, Continental Congress delegates in wigs pointing at maps, dusty Philadelphia streets

DAVE: June 14th, 1775. The Continental Congress establishes the Continental Army, and I have to ask—was this the most optimistic military decision in history?

LANE: Oh, here we go. Dave's got opinions about 18th-century military strategy.

DAVE: No, but think about it! They're like, "We're going to fight the most powerful military in the world with... farmers. And maybe some of them have guns."

LANE: To be fair, it worked out. Eventually. After a lot of people died and France bailed us out.

DAVE: Which brings us to two years later...

1777 - Stars & Stripes Flag Design Approved

VIDEO PROMPT: Independence Hall meeting room with delegates examining fabric swatches, Betsy Ross-style figure sewing by candlelight, early American flag designs spread across wooden tables

LANE: June 14th, 1777—Congress approves the Stars and Stripes flag design. And Dave, this is where your flag obsession really kicks in, doesn't it?

DAVE: Look, I'm not obsessed with flags, I just think it's fascinating that they spent time during a war to argue about fabric arra