Touring History 6-5-25

TOURING HISTORY PODCAST - JUNE 5TH SCRIPT

Estimated Runtime: 10-12 minutes

 

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OPENING / SPONSOR INTRODUCTION

LANE: Welcome to Touring History, the only podcast brave enough to tackle the chaos of June 5th while caffeinated beyond human limits. I'm Lane.

DAVE: And I'm Dave. Before we dive into today's historical mayhem, we need to talk about our sponsor, Death Wish Coffee. Now, I know what you're thinking—"another coffee sponsor pushing weak morning water." But Death Wish isn't just coffee, it's... well, it's basically liquid ambition.

LANE: Founded in 2012 in Saratoga Springs, New York, Death Wish Coffee started when founder Mike Brown had customers literally demanding his strongest cup of coffee. So naturally, he created what is essentially a blend of naturally high-caffeine robusta beans mixed with smooth arabica beans that delivers twice the caffeine of regular coffee. It's like regular coffee's older brother who went to prison and came back really, really strong.

DAVE: They're USDA Organic and Fair Trade Certified, sourcing beans from India, Peru, and throughout South and Central America. So you can feel good about your choice to vibrate at frequencies visible to the naked eye. Check them out at deathwishcoffee.com—because life's too short for weak coffee and too long for decaf.

LANE: Speaking of things that are too long, let's get to June 5th. Dave, I have to ask—what is it about this date that makes history go absolutely bonkers?

DAVE: Well Lane, June 5th is like that friend who seems normal until you spend an entire day with them and realize they're completely unhinged. Today we're covering everything from wars to presidential deaths to the worst dam failure you've never heard of. It's like a highlight reel of human ambition meeting reality in the worst possible ways.

 

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FAMOUS BIRTHDAYS

LANE: But first, let's celebrate the people who chose to enter this world on such a chaotic date. June 5th gave us Mark Wahlberg in 1971, who went from talking to plants in "The Happening" to talking to transforming cars in... well, several movies that exist.

DAVE: We also got Troye Sivan in 1995, Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy in 1979, and Brian McKnight in 1969. But my personal favorite is Suze Orman, born in 1951, who has spent decades telling people to stop buying lattes while we're here promoting the strongest coffee known to mankind. There's some beautiful irony there.

LANE: It's like the universe has a sense of humor. Speaking of the universe having a sense of humor, let's talk about 1870 and why Constantinople had one of history's worst days.

 

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1870 - THE GREAT FIRE OF CONSTANTINOPLE

DAVE: June 5th, 1870. Constantinople—now Istanbul, but let's not get into that whole thing—experienced what can only be described as nature's equivalent of a really bad Yelp review. The Great Fire of Constantinople killed thousands and basically said, "You know what this ancient city needs? Less of itself."

LANE: This wasn't just any fire, Dave. This was a fire that looked at the Ottoman Empire and said, "I bet I can make your day worse." Thousands died, and entire neighborhoods just... weren't neighborhoods anymore. It's the kind of disaster that makes you appreciate modern fire departments, building codes, and the fact that we don't build entire cities out of what is essentially kindling.

DAVE: And speaking of things that would make your day significantly worse, let's jump ahead to 1947 and talk about America's brilliant plan to rebuild Europe after we'd all finished blowing it up.

 

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1947 - THE MARSHALL PLAN PROPOS