September 11, 2025 • 19 mins
Have you ever noticed how much time we spend talking about what it means to be good rather than actually being good? This paradox sits at the heart of today's episode, where we dive deep into Marcus Aurelius' timeless challenge: "Waste no time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one."
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Wes (00:01):
Welcome back to the Accordion of West podcast, the
podcast where we explore thepowerful virtues that shape our
character.
I'm your host, wes, and todaywe're talking about a quote that
is as direct and powerful todayas it was nearly 2000 years ago
.
It's a quote from the Romanemperor and stoic philosopher,
(00:26):
marcus Aurelius, and it hits uswith a simple, no-nonsense
command Waste no time arguingabout what a good man should be
Be one.
This quote cuts through all thephilosophical debates, all the
(00:57):
self-help books and all thewell-intentioned plans.
It's a direct challenge to thegap that exists between our
ideals and our actions.
We live in a world obsessedwith talking about what's good,
what's right, what's fair.
We debate politics, we dissectmorality on social media.
(01:22):
And we spend hours planning howwe'll become a better person
next week, next month or nextyear, but, as Marcus Aurelius
reminds us, all of that talk isa form of waste.
This episode, we're going tounpack this idea.
We'll explore why we fall intothe trap of endless discussion,
(01:44):
what it truly means to be oneand, most importantly, how we
can practically bridge the gapbetween our words and our deeds.
So let's focus on the first partof that quote.
Waste no time arguing aboutwhat a man should be.
(02:07):
Think about how much of ourlives we spend in this mental
and verbal space.
We read self-help books, listento podcasts like this one.
Please continue to listen andget lost in the endless scroll
of online debates.
And get lost in the endlessscroll of online debates.
We convince ourselves that byintellectually engaging with
(02:29):
virtue, we are somehow becomingmore virtuous, but as long as it
remains in the realm of theory,it's just a distraction.
The endless talk is a form ofprocrastination.
It gives us a false sense ofprogress.
We get a temporary high fromfeeling like we're on the other
(02:51):
side of goodness Without havingto do the difficult work of
embodying it.
It's the person whopassionately talks about the
importance of exercise but nevergoes to the gym.
Or the leader who preachesintegrity but cuts corners in
private.
It's a comfortable place tolive because it allows us to
(03:15):
feel virtuous without the riskof failure or the effort of
change.
Now for the second and mostimportant part of the quote be
one.
This is not a suggestion.
It's a command.
The word be is an action word.
It's a call to embody yourvalues.
(03:37):
It's a reminder that characteris not a costume you put on.
It's a quality that is builtfrom the inside out through
consistent action.
So what does it mean to be one?
It's moving from a state ofknowing to a state of doing.
(04:02):
For example, be patient.
Don't just talk about beingpatient.
Be patient with the person whocuts you off in traffic.
Be patient with a loved one whois struggling.
Be patient with yourself whenlearning a new skill.
The act of consciously choosingpatience is what builds it as a
(04:25):
part of your character.
Now I am, uh, I would like tocall myself a very, very, very
patient man, but one thing I donot have patience for, and I
know this sounds fucked up.
It's patience and me learning anew skill.
Sometimes I'm like yo I need toknow this today to affect my
(04:48):
tomorrow.
But I needed it last week and Iknow I can't be the only one
that thinks that Like whenever,and I guess this is just me and
my career and stuff like that.
Like I'm always trying to learnthe new hot, sexy thing, like I
want to be that guy like theguru, the what do you call it?
A shmee subject matter expert.
(05:14):
That's what I thrive on.
But the crazy thing is I alsodon't really want to be talking
to people about those things atwork, those things at work.
But that's the one thing I donot have patience for is my
ability to pick up this newskill quickly, and that might be
because I I'm not interested inthe skill, but that's you know,
(05:38):
as I'm saying that out loud,that could be very well it, but
hey, patience, I got all thepatience for in traffic it's I
don't know what you, I don'tknow what you holding, what
you're packing, what you'redealing with.
Like yo, you did that.
I'm gonna take it as a you knowthat was a mistake and I'm
gonna keep it moving.
Um, I don't want none of thatsmoke Another example.
(06:06):
Be honest.
Be honest with yourself aboutyour own flaws and weaknesses.
Be honest with others, evenwhen the truth is difficult or
uncomfortable.
That is where integrity isforged.
I'm definitely honest aboutmyself.
I'm definitely honest withmyself about my flaws.
I know I'm a big procrastinator.
(06:32):
I know I don't live in a moment.
I know I mean well, but uh,sometimes I am not.
I'm not reading the roomproperly.
Be kind, don't just talk aboutkindness.
A small, genuine act ofkindness today, without
expecting anything in return.
(06:52):
Offer a sincere compliment,hold a door open for a stranger
or simply listen to someone withyour full attention.
D cumulative effect of theseacts is what defines you.
Character isn't built in grand,sweeping gestures.
(07:17):
It's built in the thousands ofsmall daily choices you make.
It's about doing the rightthing, even when it's difficult,
when no one else is there toapplaud you.
The being is not a destination.
It's a daily practice.
(07:37):
So how do we bridge this gapbetween our ideals and our
actions?
How do we move from arguing tobeing?
There are a few practical stepsyou can start today.
One you can identify one traitthat you want to work on.
Try not to embody all thevirtues at once.
(07:59):
You'll only overwhelm yourself.
Pick just one quality that youwant to work on.
Maybe it's patience, maybe it'sintegrity, maybe it's courage.
Yeah, maybe just focus on onething for the next week.
(08:22):
Sometimes it's as simple astaking one small action.
Break that virtue down into asingle, concrete and manageable
action that you can take today.
For integrity, it could bekeeping a small promise you made
(08:43):
.
For courage, it could be askingone difficult question in a
meeting.
For patience, it could betaking three deep breaths before
you respond to a frustratingemail.
You can also practice mindfulawareness Throughout your day.
(09:04):
Be present and aware of theopportunities to act on chosen
virtue.
The key is to notice the momentwhen the choice presents itself
, the moment you feel frustrated, the moment you are tempted to
lie, the moment you are, youfeel a surge of fear and also
(09:24):
just accept the imperfection ofit all.
I mean you will fail, you willmake mistakes.
The goal isn't to be perfect.
It's the goal to be a personwho is constantly trying,
constantly learning andconstantly getting back on that
(09:45):
path, the path of uh, you know,the path of being.
The being is in the trying.
Now this quote resonates withme because I've been told that I
have a problem with showing upfor my friends and showing up
(10:09):
for my family as far as likesupport, like they feel like I
do the bare minimum when itcomes to things, the impression
that I am I can't be bothered orI really don't care about them
(10:29):
because of the effort I'm notputting into into them and so
our relationships and and ittook for me to hear that let's
just say too many times for, for, for comfort to uh, to want to
change that about myself orbegin to change that about
myself.
(10:50):
Um, and most recently, I wastalking to one of my friends and
you know, uh, they were goingthrough something I'm not I'm
not going to discuss on thepodcast, but it was one of those
things where I was, you know,since I'm trying to be different
and trying to uh, I don't knowwhat this looks like like the
support of Wes or the overly soI don't want to say overly
(11:13):
supportive, but being the righttype of uh support system for
the, the person I'm trying tosupport, because that varies.
I didn't to support becausethat varies.
I don't know what I should do.
Sometimes I don't know what'stoo much.
I don't know what's too little.
I'm trying to figure it out,but my heart is in the right
(11:34):
place and I was discussing thatwith one of my friends and I
guess they felt that, like Isaid, I'm not going to discuss
what they were going through,but I guess, what I wanted to do
and how I wanted to supportthem, I guess they felt like it
was too much at that time.
Like yo, you're already doingenough.
You're already doing a lot.
You don't need to do that.
(11:55):
And it was pretty much feelingreally down on themselves.
And I'm like yo, if I'm goingto be your friend, I have to act
like your friend.
I have to, I have to exudethose qualities of a friend.
I have to exude those qualitiesof someone that's reliable or
support person and things ofthat nature, and things of that
(12:23):
nature.
And and the fact that I actuallyheard myself say that out loud,
I'm like, damn, I'm really, I'mreally uh, I'm really
progressing in my emotional andand and and my mental capability
when it comes to, uh, justwanting to be a better person.
I'm, I'm getting better atbeing, I'm being, I'm getting
better at being around and beingin the now and in the observant
and being present.
(12:47):
And you know, it kind of mademe happy.
Okay, I'm seeing progress andstuff like that.
So every time I have a momentlike that, it makes me want to
do more, it makes me want to domore, it makes me want to do
better, like, for example, mynephew.
My nephew just started schoolback up and I'm like, ok, I said
(13:08):
I want to be the cool uncle,the fun uncle.
So let me, let's, what unclethings can I do?
What should I be doing in thissituation?
Because you know that sometimesyour kids, your, your nephews
or your nieces, whoever yourcousins, your little cousins all
they want is your time.
If they think you're a coolperson and I am happy to say my,
(13:28):
I feel like my nephew thinksI'm a cool person I don't think
that sometimes, but he does sothe best thing to do was just to
do stuff with him like, uh, wewent to go get a haircut, we
went to go pick up some shoes.
He got some shoes, I got someshoes, went to eat Like it was
(13:48):
things of that nature and not tosay I don't hang out with my
nephew or my family and thingslike that, my nephew or my
family and things like that.
But it was a, it was a momentto be intentional with uh, the
time I spent with him and how Ibonded with him and seeing his
(14:11):
uh, seeing his back to schoolpictures that my, that my sister
sent me and he had on the shoesthat I got him and the nice
haircut and he was ready forschool.
It, I'm not gonna lie, itreally made my day.
It uh and it, uh, it warmed myheart in a way that I didn't.
I've never had it warmed, notto say I've no one's ever warmed
(14:36):
my heart, but this was adifferent type of feeling and uh
, and I uh.
At that moment I got what itmeans to be present.
I got what it means to toactually uh kind of live and not
just have life happen to you.
(14:57):
I also understood that mewanting to be a better person is
not a okay, I did this onething I should be done, or I'm
talking about it and not putforth the effort.
I'm talking about it, but I'malso not putting forth the
effort.
So it's just as good, because Iknow my flaws and I want to say
(15:23):
that was a turning point no, I'mnot gonna say I want to say I'm
gonna say that was a turningpoint for me because I got a
positive internal response fromthat.
I didn't do those things to forhim to like me or anything like
that.
I did it because I said I was,that's who I want to be.
(15:44):
These are the characteristicsof, uh, what I feel like is a
good uncle I should be doingthat stuff more.
The characteristics of being agood friend I should be doing
that more.
And it's turning out to be very,very fruitful.
(16:05):
My family sees me differentlywhen stuff like that happens.
My friends see me differently.
I'm thriving on the fact that Iam actively developing I don't
want to say actively developinga tribe, but just good
(16:28):
relationships, because at theend of the day, that's kind of
all we have is our relationshipswith people, because all the
material things can come and goright.
So I'm forever going to talkabout being a good man, but I'm
(16:48):
definitely going to being a goodman, or being a good me, being
who I say I'm going to be.
I'm always going to talk aboutit, but I'm definitely putting
actions behind it.
I don't know, I guess I canchalk it up to getting older, uh
, wiser, grayer, but it isfollowing or or, or attempt not
(17:16):
attempting, but yeah, attemptingto to to improve upon those
things such as, you know, yourpatience and stuff like that.
It's, it's hard work.
I wake up every day literallysaying, all right, this is what
you're going to do.
All right, you're going toactually be aware, don't be on
(17:38):
cruise control, don't have awhat do you call it?
A, uh, a flow chart life whereone person says how you're doing
and you say, I'm all right andyou keep it moving like well.
If I thought you say I'm okaybecause you're programmed to
think you're you know to sayyou're okay or I'm good or good
(17:58):
morning.
Good morning, like that type ofthing.
Like, spice it up, don't liveon uh cruise control.
So, yeah, it's it's.
I struggle with it.
I'll probably uh continue to uhget better.
Uh, it's not something thatI'll probably uh achieve,
(18:20):
because nobody's perfect, butI'm.
I'm here for the journey.
I'm here for continue to getbetter.
It's not something that I'llprobably achieve, because
nobody's perfect, but I'm herefor the journey.
I'm here for the challenge.
Ultimately, this quote is adirect challenge to our ego.
It tells us to stop seekingexternal validation through our
words and start building astrong inner character through
(18:43):
our actions.
It's a call to stop debatingour values and start living them
.
I want to thank you for joiningme on the According to West
podcast.
Until next time, may you havethe courage to stop arguing
about what a good person youshould be and simply be one.
Welcome back to the Accordion of West podcast, the
podcast where we explore thepowerful virtues that shape our
character.
I'm your host, wes, and todaywe're talking about a quote that
is as direct and powerful todayas it was nearly 2000 years ago
.
It's a quote from the Romanemperor and stoic philosopher,
(00:26):
marcus Aurelius, and it hits uswith a simple, no-nonsense
command Waste no time arguingabout what a good man should be
Be one.
This quote cuts through all thephilosophical debates, all the
(00:57):
self-help books and all thewell-intentioned plans.
It's a direct challenge to thegap that exists between our
ideals and our actions.
We live in a world obsessedwith talking about what's good,
what's right, what's fair.
We debate politics, we dissectmorality on social media.
(01:22):
And we spend hours planning howwe'll become a better person
next week, next month or nextyear, but, as Marcus Aurelius
reminds us, all of that talk isa form of waste.
This episode, we're going tounpack this idea.
We'll explore why we fall intothe trap of endless discussion,
(01:44):
what it truly means to be oneand, most importantly, how we
can practically bridge the gapbetween our words and our deeds.
So let's focus on the first partof that quote.
Waste no time arguing aboutwhat a man should be.
(02:07):
Think about how much of ourlives we spend in this mental
and verbal space.
We read self-help books, listento podcasts like this one.
Please continue to listen andget lost in the endless scroll
of online debates.
And get lost in the endlessscroll of online debates.
We convince ourselves that byintellectually engaging with
(02:29):
virtue, we are somehow becomingmore virtuous, but as long as it
remains in the realm of theory,it's just a distraction.
The endless talk is a form ofprocrastination.
It gives us a false sense ofprogress.
We get a temporary high fromfeeling like we're on the other
(02:51):
side of goodness Without havingto do the difficult work of
embodying it.
It's the person whopassionately talks about the
importance of exercise but nevergoes to the gym.
Or the leader who preachesintegrity but cuts corners in
private.
It's a comfortable place tolive because it allows us to
(03:15):
feel virtuous without the riskof failure or the effort of
change.
Now for the second and mostimportant part of the quote be
one.
This is not a suggestion.
It's a command.
The word be is an action word.
It's a call to embody yourvalues.
(03:37):
It's a reminder that characteris not a costume you put on.
It's a quality that is builtfrom the inside out through
consistent action.
So what does it mean to be one?
It's moving from a state ofknowing to a state of doing.
(04:02):
For example, be patient.
Don't just talk about beingpatient.
Be patient with the person whocuts you off in traffic.
Be patient with a loved one whois struggling.
Be patient with yourself whenlearning a new skill.
The act of consciously choosingpatience is what builds it as a
(04:25):
part of your character.
Now I am, uh, I would like tocall myself a very, very, very
patient man, but one thing I donot have patience for, and I
know this sounds fucked up.
It's patience and me learning anew skill.
Sometimes I'm like yo I need toknow this today to affect my
(04:48):
tomorrow.
But I needed it last week and Iknow I can't be the only one
that thinks that Like whenever,and I guess this is just me and
my career and stuff like that.
Like I'm always trying to learnthe new hot, sexy thing, like I
want to be that guy like theguru, the what do you call it?
A shmee subject matter expert.
(05:14):
That's what I thrive on.
But the crazy thing is I alsodon't really want to be talking
to people about those things atwork, those things at work.
But that's the one thing I donot have patience for is my
ability to pick up this newskill quickly, and that might be
because I I'm not interested inthe skill, but that's you know,
(05:38):
as I'm saying that out loud,that could be very well it, but
hey, patience, I got all thepatience for in traffic it's I
don't know what you, I don'tknow what you holding, what
you're packing, what you'redealing with.
Like yo, you did that.
I'm gonna take it as a you knowthat was a mistake and I'm
gonna keep it moving.
Um, I don't want none of thatsmoke Another example.
(06:06):
Be honest.
Be honest with yourself aboutyour own flaws and weaknesses.
Be honest with others, evenwhen the truth is difficult or
uncomfortable.
That is where integrity isforged.
I'm definitely honest aboutmyself.
I'm definitely honest withmyself about my flaws.
I know I'm a big procrastinator.
(06:32):
I know I don't live in a moment.
I know I mean well, but uh,sometimes I am not.
I'm not reading the roomproperly.
Be kind, don't just talk aboutkindness.
A small, genuine act ofkindness today, without
expecting anything in return.
(06:52):
Offer a sincere compliment,hold a door open for a stranger
or simply listen to someone withyour full attention.
D cumulative effect of theseacts is what defines you.
Character isn't built in grand,sweeping gestures.
(07:17):
It's built in the thousands ofsmall daily choices you make.
It's about doing the rightthing, even when it's difficult,
when no one else is there toapplaud you.
The being is not a destination.
It's a daily practice.
(07:37):
So how do we bridge this gapbetween our ideals and our
actions?
How do we move from arguing tobeing?
There are a few practical stepsyou can start today.
One you can identify one traitthat you want to work on.
Try not to embody all thevirtues at once.
(07:59):
You'll only overwhelm yourself.
Pick just one quality that youwant to work on.
Maybe it's patience, maybe it'sintegrity, maybe it's courage.
Yeah, maybe just focus on onething for the next week.
(08:22):
Sometimes it's as simple astaking one small action.
Break that virtue down into asingle, concrete and manageable
action that you can take today.
For integrity, it could bekeeping a small promise you made
(08:43):
.
For courage, it could be askingone difficult question in a
meeting.
For patience, it could betaking three deep breaths before
you respond to a frustratingemail.
You can also practice mindfulawareness Throughout your day.
(09:04):
Be present and aware of theopportunities to act on chosen
virtue.
The key is to notice the momentwhen the choice presents itself
, the moment you feel frustrated, the moment you are tempted to
lie, the moment you are, youfeel a surge of fear and also
(09:24):
just accept the imperfection ofit all.
I mean you will fail, you willmake mistakes.
The goal isn't to be perfect.
It's the goal to be a personwho is constantly trying,
constantly learning andconstantly getting back on that
(09:45):
path, the path of uh, you know,the path of being.
The being is in the trying.
Now this quote resonates withme because I've been told that I
have a problem with showing upfor my friends and showing up
(10:09):
for my family as far as likesupport, like they feel like I
do the bare minimum when itcomes to things, the impression
that I am I can't be bothered orI really don't care about them
(10:29):
because of the effort I'm notputting into into them and so
our relationships and and ittook for me to hear that let's
just say too many times for, for, for comfort to uh, to want to
change that about myself orbegin to change that about
myself.
(10:50):
Um, and most recently, I wastalking to one of my friends and
you know, uh, they were goingthrough something I'm not I'm
not going to discuss on thepodcast, but it was one of those
things where I was, you know,since I'm trying to be different
and trying to uh, I don't knowwhat this looks like like the
support of Wes or the overly soI don't want to say overly
(11:13):
supportive, but being the righttype of uh support system for
the, the person I'm trying tosupport, because that varies.
I didn't to support becausethat varies.
I don't know what I should do.
Sometimes I don't know what'stoo much.
I don't know what's too little.
I'm trying to figure it out,but my heart is in the right
(11:34):
place and I was discussing thatwith one of my friends and I
guess they felt that, like Isaid, I'm not going to discuss
what they were going through,but I guess, what I wanted to do
and how I wanted to supportthem, I guess they felt like it
was too much at that time.
Like yo, you're already doingenough.
You're already doing a lot.
You don't need to do that.
(11:55):
And it was pretty much feelingreally down on themselves.
And I'm like yo, if I'm goingto be your friend, I have to act
like your friend.
I have to, I have to exudethose qualities of a friend.
I have to exude those qualitiesof someone that's reliable or
support person and things ofthat nature, and things of that
(12:23):
nature.
And and the fact that I actuallyheard myself say that out loud,
I'm like, damn, I'm really, I'mreally uh, I'm really
progressing in my emotional andand and and my mental capability
when it comes to, uh, justwanting to be a better person.
I'm, I'm getting better atbeing, I'm being, I'm getting
better at being around and beingin the now and in the observant
and being present.
(12:47):
And you know, it kind of mademe happy.
Okay, I'm seeing progress andstuff like that.
So every time I have a momentlike that, it makes me want to
do more, it makes me want to domore, it makes me want to do
better, like, for example, mynephew.
My nephew just started schoolback up and I'm like, ok, I said
(13:08):
I want to be the cool uncle,the fun uncle.
So let me, let's, what unclethings can I do?
What should I be doing in thissituation?
Because you know that sometimesyour kids, your, your nephews
or your nieces, whoever yourcousins, your little cousins all
they want is your time.
If they think you're a coolperson and I am happy to say my,
(13:28):
I feel like my nephew thinksI'm a cool person I don't think
that sometimes, but he does sothe best thing to do was just to
do stuff with him like, uh, wewent to go get a haircut, we
went to go pick up some shoes.
He got some shoes, I got someshoes, went to eat Like it was
(13:48):
things of that nature and not tosay I don't hang out with my
nephew or my family and thingslike that, my nephew or my
family and things like that.
But it was a, it was a momentto be intentional with uh, the
time I spent with him and how Ibonded with him and seeing his
(14:11):
uh, seeing his back to schoolpictures that my, that my sister
sent me and he had on the shoesthat I got him and the nice
haircut and he was ready forschool.
It, I'm not gonna lie, itreally made my day.
It uh and it, uh, it warmed myheart in a way that I didn't.
I've never had it warmed, notto say I've no one's ever warmed
(14:36):
my heart, but this was adifferent type of feeling and uh
, and I uh.
At that moment I got what itmeans to be present.
I got what it means to toactually uh kind of live and not
just have life happen to you.
(14:57):
I also understood that mewanting to be a better person is
not a okay, I did this onething I should be done, or I'm
talking about it and not putforth the effort.
I'm talking about it, but I'malso not putting forth the
effort.
So it's just as good, because Iknow my flaws and I want to say
(15:23):
that was a turning point no, I'mnot gonna say I want to say I'm
gonna say that was a turningpoint for me because I got a
positive internal response fromthat.
I didn't do those things to forhim to like me or anything like
that.
I did it because I said I was,that's who I want to be.
(15:44):
These are the characteristicsof, uh, what I feel like is a
good uncle I should be doingthat stuff more.
The characteristics of being agood friend I should be doing
that more.
And it's turning out to be very,very fruitful.
(16:05):
My family sees me differentlywhen stuff like that happens.
My friends see me differently.
I'm thriving on the fact that Iam actively developing I don't
want to say actively developinga tribe, but just good
(16:28):
relationships, because at theend of the day, that's kind of
all we have is our relationshipswith people, because all the
material things can come and goright.
So I'm forever going to talkabout being a good man, but I'm
(16:48):
definitely going to being a goodman, or being a good me, being
who I say I'm going to be.
I'm always going to talk aboutit, but I'm definitely putting
actions behind it.
I don't know, I guess I canchalk it up to getting older, uh
, wiser, grayer, but it isfollowing or or, or attempt not
(17:16):
attempting, but yeah, attemptingto to to improve upon those
things such as, you know, yourpatience and stuff like that.
It's, it's hard work.
I wake up every day literallysaying, all right, this is what
you're going to do.
All right, you're going toactually be aware, don't be on
(17:38):
cruise control, don't have awhat do you call it?
A, uh, a flow chart life whereone person says how you're doing
and you say, I'm all right andyou keep it moving like well.
If I thought you say I'm okaybecause you're programmed to
think you're you know to sayyou're okay or I'm good or good
(17:58):
morning.
Good morning, like that type ofthing.
Like, spice it up, don't liveon uh cruise control.
So, yeah, it's it's.
I struggle with it.
I'll probably uh continue to uhget better.
Uh, it's not something thatI'll probably uh achieve,
(18:20):
because nobody's perfect, butI'm.
I'm here for the journey.
I'm here for continue to getbetter.
It's not something that I'llprobably achieve, because
nobody's perfect, but I'm herefor the journey.
I'm here for the challenge.
Ultimately, this quote is adirect challenge to our ego.
It tells us to stop seekingexternal validation through our
words and start building astrong inner character through
(18:43):
our actions.
It's a call to stop debatingour values and start living them
.
I want to thank you for joiningme on the According to West
podcast.
Until next time, may you havethe courage to stop arguing
about what a good person youshould be and simply be one.
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