June 12, 2023 • 44 mins
On this episode of ADJUSTED, we welcome a special guest, Timothy Alexander. TA shares his story and inspiration for overcoming a catastrophic injury.
Season 5 is brought to you by Berkley Industrial Comp. This episode is hosted by Greg Hamlin and guest co-host Allison Marlow, Sr. VP Business Development & Marketing for Berkley Industrial Comp.
Visit the Berkley Industrial Comp blog for more!
Got questions? Send them to marketing@berkindcomp.com
For music inquiries, contact Cameron Runyan at camrunyan9@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Greg Hamlin (00:12):
Hello, everybody and welcome to ADJUSTED. I'm
your host Greg Hamlin coming atyou from beautiful Birmingham,
Alabama and Berkeley industrialcomp. And I'm excited to share
with you this rebroadcastedepisode. This is one of my
absolute favorite people thatI've ever met. And that's
Timothy Alexander. So I've metTimothy Alexander TA twice. And
(00:36):
both times I left inspired,motivated and with a desire to
be a better human being. I justdon't think there's anybody you
could meet that could do thisbetter than Timothy Alexander,
as he talks about how he'sovercome a catastrophic injury
and became a paraplegic. Hisdetermination to walk his
(00:57):
determination to stay positive,and his determination to
reengage in making a differencein the world rather than staying
in a back bedroom really inspireme. And it's made me think a lot
about how powerful our thoughtsare in controlling our outcomes.
And so I hope you enjoy thisepisode with TA as much as I
(01:19):
did. So with that, we'll move tothe episode. Hello, everybody,
and welcome to Adjusted. This isa workers compensation claims
podcast for workers compensationenthusiast. I think there are a
few of them out there somewherein the world. I'm your host,
Greg Hamlin, and I am withBerkeley industrial comp and
(01:40):
Sweet Home Alabama. And with meis my guest host today.
Allison Marlow (01:44):
Hey, it's Alison Marlowe. And thank you, Greg,
for having me back. Today,you're having a conversation
with one of my favorite peoplein this whole world TA. And I'm
so excited to be able to sharehis story with our listeners.
Greg Hamlin (01:58):
That's exactly it.
So our guest today is TimothyAlexander. You know, he's a
amazing individual has amazingstory to share with us today. I
met ta a few years ago at one ofour company retreats. And as we
were thinking about topics tocover for our workers
compensation podcast, I reallywanted a chance for all of you
to hear what it's like from theperspective of somebody who's
(02:20):
gone through a difficult injury.
And so, you know, Timothy's toldhis story on TED talk on all
over. And it's really aninspiration. So we're glad to
have you with us today, Tim.
Timothy Alexander (02:34):
Ya know, it's an honor to be here. And thank
you all so much. And, Allison,thank you for all you do for
always allowing me to share mystory, whether it be on stage,
whether it be with his son, andnow whether it be on his
podcast, I really do appreciateyou all and all the
opportunities that you all grant
Allison Marlow (02:51):
me. Oh, thank you.
Greg Hamlin (02:53):
We appreciate having you for sure, too. So
yes. So I know I've heard thestory about some of our
listeners have not probablyheard, you know, do you mind
sharing how you those who can'tsee because this is an audio
Timothy Alexander TAs in awheelchair. So I thought I would
have him share his story with ustoday of how he came from being
(03:16):
a high school athlete, too, towhere he is today.
Timothy Alexander (03:22):
Yep. So it's funny you asked, I was actually
just giving the same message,short message this morning with
our football team, justreminding them on how I went
from walking one day to rollingthe next, I was a five star
athlete with the opportunity togo and play ball anywhere in the
country. And I remember runningoff the field on the Friday
night before my accidenthappens. And my coach said, look
(03:44):
into stance. Look at all thesepeople here to see you. You're
gonna make everyone proud,you'll be able to go on and
choose any university you wantto go to. And I had a heart full
of joy and I had tears full ofjoy. Because my senior year was
a very, very rough year in mylife. My house burned down my
senior year, my grandmotherpassed my senior year, I lost my
(04:07):
brother, my middle brother in acar accident my senior year. And
on top of all of that, just somany things happen. And then on
top of that, again, My accidenthappened my senior year, the day
after I told my mom, she went Ihave to work a minimum wage job
to provide for three young men.
I'm going to earn an education.
(04:27):
I'm going to make it to the NFLand I'm going to come back and
do something for my family. Notjust because I was great at
football, not because I wastalented, not because I was
skilled, but only because I havecame to a place in my mind that
I knew if I can do anything inthis world that was going to
allow me to change my lifelinethat was going to allow me to
(04:51):
make a difference than where Icome from and where I'm going.
Football was going to be thatvehicle that would drive me
there and it will It's not justabout me playing football
forever. But again, I look atfootball as the vehicle that
gets me to my next destination.
And so when I had my caraccident, it was a very, very
rough, it was very, verytraumatizing. Because I went
(05:14):
from walking one day to rollingthe mix. I went from walking one
day to being able to dressmyself and do everything on my
own. And to the next day, I'mbeing told, I may be a
vegetable, the rest of my life,someone may have to feed me,
someone may have to clothe meand do all these different
things, at 17 years old. And soyou go from having complete
(05:36):
independence, to having nodependents, wearing diapers and
opinions and all these differentthings that will make you want
to give up. And I'm not going toeven lie to you, I didn't want
to give up because I couldn'timagine a life like this. So I
was depressed. I was suicidal, Itried to take my life. You know,
my mom played a big role in mylife, by just getting me to
(05:58):
understand that it is what itis, but it's about what you make
it. I remember, I woke up out ofa coma. And I was tied to the
bed and I had a trach in afeeding tube, I had a tube in my
lungs, and I whispered to mymom, if I got to be like this
the rest of my life, you mightas well pull the plug. So my mom
gets up and walks over to thehospital bed. And my mom says my
(06:22):
son, my son, blink your eyes, ifyou can hear me, the doctors are
saying you're not gonna make it,they believe you're going to be
a vegetable. But son, blink youreyes, and you can hear me and so
I blinked my eyes. And my momsaid you will live and not die.
And so I always like to stopright there. Because everybody
always looks at me with a blankstare, but they're blinking. And
(06:45):
they always want to know aboutwhat was so important about the
blank. Well, I do understandwhatever your occupation is,
whenever you are a professionalin some sort, no one has to tell
you to immerse yourself in youroccupation. No one has to tell
you to immerse yourself in yourwhatever it is that you do
(07:09):
professionally. You just have aniche, right? The lawn man, he's
the best lawn and when he gotthat motorcycling, okay, and so
my mom knew because she workedin the hospital field in the
healthcare field. My mom knewthat, okay, if the doctors are
telling me that my son is braindead, and he may be brain dead
(07:29):
the rest of his life, and I cangive him a command, and he
respond to the command, then Iknow he will be okay. And me
being okay. It was not aninstant gratitude. It was a
delayed gratitude. And so my momknew that if he can blame that,
let me know. He may not look theway I want him to look now. But
(07:51):
later on, he will, because he iswhat they call responsive. And
so in that moment, when I didnot have anything else to hold
on to recovery came because Iheld on to what I heard. And
that's my message for thepeople. You know, it's not that
(08:12):
we don't talk a lot is that westopped talking, right? It's my
mom used to tell me all thetime, when I'm not talking to
you, then you should know we gotto my coach tells me, hey, if
I'm not talking to you, we havea problem. But just as we talked
to everyone else, we got tocontinue talking to ourselves,
(08:35):
and recovery often stopped.
Because we stopped talking toourselves, we stopped motivating
ourselves, we stoppedencouraging ourselves. We
stopped believing againourselves. And we look for
everyone else to encourage us tobelieve in us and to motivate
us. But at the end of the day,well we have to understand, what
(08:58):
do you do when you have in amoment? What do you do when your
loved one is not around? What doyou do when a doctor, the nurse,
the janitor, whoever it is thatyou depend on? What do you do
when they're not around? I wasjust able to grow in those
moments when I had nobody butmyself. But I started first with
(09:19):
my mind. And so my competitiveadvantage on how on how I've
been able to recover 15 yearslater, is because I recover in
my mind first every single day.
We call it football. We call itin football. Ball security is
job security. Well, mentalstability is mental security.
(09:42):
And if you are not mentallystable, then you are just a
loose cannon getting ready to gooff. And so when I was depressed
and suicidal, I said okay, itdoesn't take rocket scientists.
I I've been going to thepsychiatrist I We go on to these
counselors. But at the end ofthe day, it's about me taking
action, and to my own hand, andthinking the opposite of worse.
(10:06):
And the opposite of worse isbetter. The opposite of negative
is positive. And so I had to dothat. But I had to make up in my
mind that my recovery was notjust going to be an one day's
work, it was going to be anevery day's work. So I spend a
lot of time on my mind. Becauseat any moment, Allison at any
(10:30):
moment, Greg, if I'm notmentally stable, then I can
easily go back to beingdepressed and suicidal. Because
I am in a wheelchair, peoplewalk in front of me, every
single day, people run in frontof me every single day, I see
how different I am by looking atpeople every day. But I have to
(10:51):
remind myself that it is thedifference that allows me to
make a greater difference. Andso I got to be different than
anybody in this world bychoosing to start with my mind.
That's how I went from beingparalyzed from the neck down to
fill in came back. Because onceI got myself back in the game, I
(11:11):
said, I will win my mind. First.
Greg Hamlin (11:15):
I think that's huge that you talked about the
importance of mindset. And Ireally do think that's yeah,
that's a principle that couldapply to almost anything is he
starts with your thoughts. Yeah.
So how did how do you when youare going through the early
stuff the first few days,months, even maybe a year of of
going through that terribleaccident? How did you control
your mind? Because I would thinkit'd be really hard with with
(11:38):
the things you were talkingabout to not have those
thoughts, just run, run circlesin your brain? Yeah.
Timothy Alexander (11:46):
Well, when I couldn't control my mind, my mom
controlled it for me. And shecontrolled it by not bringing
any negative information to mymind. So all I can do was think
positive. My mom just told methe other day, son, there were
days where the doctors told me,Hey, get the family together,
because he's not going to makeit. And I knew if you would have
(12:10):
saw me crying, or you even wouldhave heard that, that injury
would have took you out quickerthan anything. So my mom had to
control my mind. And I'll neverforget, when I took matters into
my own hand, I'll never forgetmeeting with Dr. Tice, here at
UAB was going on my last weekbecause I had to cut my back
(12:30):
open when I broke my spine andgave me a titanium plate with
five screws. So I got a huge cutgoing down the middle of my back
where they opened me open like awater mill. And this was the
same week where I had just triedto commit suicide three times in
one week. And so I told myself,as soon as I get to the doctor,
(12:52):
and the doctor asked me thatthey always on a scale of one to
10. What's their pain? I'm like,right? And I'm like, I put my
mom out in a row. I said Dr.
Tice, I don't need you to talkto me like I'm a patient. I
don't need to talk you to talkto me. Give me this PhD talk. I
don't need any of that. What Ineed is for you to be completely
(13:17):
honest, because I don't want tobe here. And I've already tried
to commit suicide, right? So isit anything you can do to help
me? And Dr. Tice, took off hiswhite jacket, sat down on a
seat. And he said, Tim, yourmind will kill you quicker than
(13:40):
his injury will. If you don'tget your mind right. The best
information I can give you isget your mind right. And it was
on that day when Dr. Thais toldme to get your mind right is
when I went on this hiatus andTrent being transformed by the
(14:01):
renewing of my mind. I thoughtdifferently. I talked
differently. I spokedifferently. I as you hear me, I
never address myself as a guy ina wheelchair. Always say let me
walk here. Let me walk there isbecause I'm playing mind games.
And the best mind game to playis the positive mind game with
(14:22):
your own mind. Because you areyour thoughts. If you tell your
mind, oh, I'm just going throughthe motions, then you're just
gonna be going through themotions. When somebody asks you
how you're doing and you'relike, Well, I'm guessing that
your body is alreadylackadaisical announced. And so
I just say it again. You knowwhat? Words are something that
(14:44):
you don't get back when wordscome out of your mouth. They go
find what you say and bring itand drop it right at your seat.
And so I wanted my words to goout there and grabbed the best,
not the worst. And so I am very,very cautious. And what I say, I
am very, very cautious and whatI think, because again, you are
(15:09):
what you think you are yourthoughts, you are what you think
about day in and day out. And tome the goal mind is your mind.
And so once I started first inmy mind, I just talked about
this today, too. I coach fivestar athletes, we coach
champions, and I told themtoday, your competitive
(15:30):
advantage is not how fast youare, not how strong you are, not
how skilled you are, not howversatile you are, your
competitive advantage is yourmind. And so for me, my
competitive advantage becamedifferent than anyone else with
my situation. Because I waswilling to be a different
(15:52):
thinker, right? It starts withthe mind. And adversity is what
pushed me to just really fall inlove with my mind. And what do
you know, my mind shocked me andland me where I am today. Wow.
Greg Hamlin (16:10):
That's amazing how how there's so much to unpack
there about how how did you endup? I know you're talking about
working with division. You know,these five star athletes talk to
us about how you ended upinvolved in football again,
after going through this? Yeah.
Timothy Alexander (16:28):
Yeah, so after I ended up in football, I
could not watch football forlike a year because it would
depress me, and it makes mesuicidal. And I said, You know
what, man, I can't run from myproblems. Because if I keep
running, I'll be running and Inever deal with it. And
eventually one day running fromis gonna have my back up against
the wall to where I got to dowith it. And so I had a friend
(16:50):
that tell me, you're going to bea great motivational speaker one
day. And I didn't even know whata motivational speaker was. I'm
like, man, what is that? Like, Ihave no idea what that is. And
so I knew I had a great story totell. So I started off just
trying to just go back and be apart of society. I started look
(17:10):
using my life as a livingexample of my quote, We don't
need it to be easy, we just needit to be possible. It wasn't
easy being 17 years old, wearingdiapers in the pants. It wasn't
easy, being 17 years old, andI'm having to go through my
alphabets 100 times a day. Itwasn't easy, being 17 years old,
(17:31):
not having control of my bladderand have a control about things
that you really wish you hadcontrol over. But I could not
run from it anymore. I had todeal with it. People ask me all
the time. How did you deal withyour issues, it's simple, I just
dealt with, right. And by medealing with them, the more I
was impressed by dealing with mysituations, the more I began to
(17:55):
grow in the midst of adversity.
And so I came, I came across aquote by ever Einstein early in
my journey that says in themiddle of adversity lies
opportunity. And so those toughmoments in my life, where I
wanted to give up, those wereopportunity moments. Those were
moments for I used to say forGod to get the glory or, you
(18:16):
know, being resilient to get theglory, you know, all these
different things. But those werethe moments of no pain, no gain.
And so once I graduated highschool, I've said to myself, if
I graduated high school, inspite of I can graduate anywhere
in spite of so I went to WallaceState Community College and at
(18:36):
Wallace State Community College,I made sure that every athlete,
every student I came in contactwith, I reminded them to whom
much is given, much is required.
If you're not an athlete, ifyou're just a student, man, fall
in love with being a student. Iknow school sucks, but you got
to embrace it. Because guesswhat, you you you longed for
(19:00):
school, when you can't go toschool. I don't care what
children are saying. When theschools open back up. Everybody
was trying to go back to school,because it's like, Man, I cannot
spend another day in this house.
Right? Well, for two years, Iwas on bed rest. For two years.
All I had was four walls. Icouldn't go to school. I
(19:23):
couldn't go here. I couldn't gothere. So when you when you loan
for something, when you end upgetting it, you try to really
maximize it. So when I graduatedfrom wild State Community
College, I said you know what?
I'm gonna further my dreams andI'm going back to school to play
football. But I knew me goingback to play football had
(19:44):
nothing to do with me going tothe NFL. I was actually telling
everybody man, I'm playing forsomeone greater than you and my
number one assignment at thattime in life because it's
changed now. That my son from2010 all the way to graduated
from 2015 was led every teacherathlete, let everyone know that
(20:08):
let everyone know that. Takeadvantage of it why you can't,
because you never know when youcan't take advantage of
learning, take advantage ofworking, take advantage of being
alive, because you never knowwhen you can't. And if you are
not mentally prepared for that,like I wasn't, then life is
(20:29):
gonna be rough for you. So goahead and use my life as an
example, to go ahead and getyour mind right. That way, you
don't have to go through what Iwent through, you can learn from
me what I went through, I wouldnot wish on my worst enemy.
Because I still deal with thatevery single day, I had to let
(20:51):
friends go, I had to let familygo, just so I can have a piece
that surpassed all. And evenwhen I made the football team
and became the first paraplegicand Deewan history to ever
receive a full ride in football.
I still was challenged becauseeverybody was like, they just
gave you that feeling sorry foryou. And I'm like, No, they did
(21:12):
it. I don't even feel sorry formyself. So although I was not
running up and down the footballfield, I was running through my
teammates. I was doing push upsand rain, sleet or shine. I
remember one day, a severe fluidcame, we was all outside and
they was like, Tim, what are yougoing to do? I'm like, man, just
(21:33):
take the wheelchair, get thewheelchair out of here, because
it's made out of aluminum. Theguys picked me up and we went to
like this storm shelter. Andstill to this day, if you ask
any player, or anybody at UAB,about Tim in a wheelchair, they
are saying, Tim is not in awheelchair. He's just, he's just
short. I know what I'm saying.
(21:55):
Because of how my mindset how mymindset just got them to
understand like, man, don't bedon't don't look at what you
see, fall in love with the mind,which is what you don't see.
That's why concussion is so hardto figure out because you never
know if a person is concussed ornot. And so when people see me,
(22:16):
I want them to know beyondreasonable doubt that this man
is healed and hold. Because hestarts with his mind, it may not
look like it, right. But onceyou talk to me, and you hear me,
and you see my mind, you will belike, Man, this guy is in a
better place. So I got involvedwith football, because I said I
(22:37):
would be the example to remindthese guys to take pride in what
you do. And once you be at all,which is appreciate where you
are, work hard for what youwant, that earns you the right
to see the results that youwant. And so because I was
appreciative, I appreciate beingable to go back to school,
because I remember when Icouldn't go to school. I
(22:59):
appreciate being on a footballteam. You don't see too many
guys in a wheelchair in thefootball team. So because I was
appreciative. I was willing andwilling to work that earned me
the right to see the resultsthat I want. Because I made a
conscious, intentional decision.
And I will start with my mindevery single day. Yeah, wow.
Allison Marlow (23:22):
Every time that I get to have an opportunity to
talk with Uta, you just amazeme. And I want to go back for a
second. It's something that yousaid about Dr. Tyson struck me,
you had the mindset of saying, Idon't I don't want to hear the
medical jargon. I don't want tohear the what ifs I want to hear
the reality and and that justleads me to you know, you you
(23:44):
spoke about him and you spokeabout your mom and then helping
you with your mindset. Who elsein your life has been able to
help you through this journeyand you spoke touched a little
bit on that sometimes you gottalet people go from your life if
they're failing you from yourprogress and to get to the
recovery you want to get to. Sojust love to hear a little bit
(24:05):
more about, you know, yourperspective on really both
family and friends and theimpact that they have on your
recovery.
Timothy Alexander (24:13):
Yeah, you know, my family and my friends,
they, they had a tremendousimpact. But I really am thankful
for my family that wascompletely honest with me. You
know, I have this thing that Icall complete transparency,
which is being brutally honest.
Right? Because when that doctorcomes in there to tell you, you
better get it together. He beingbrutally honest, sometimes they
(24:36):
say doctors are right. You knowwhat I'm saying? But when when I
was in a situation where I waswhen I was trying to become
healed and hope I didn't needanyone beating around the bush
on me. I needed completehonesty, so I could face reality
completely. Right. And so myfamily members says that it will
(24:59):
hurt them to see me how they sawme. It hurt me to cut ties with
them. Because when I came aroundthem, they made me sad and
depressed. Because I'm notrealizing I'm hurting anymore.
But they cried, Oh, I'm sorry,this had to happen to you. And
you just get to a place in yourlife where you you want to stop
(25:20):
here in the Tsar? Because I'mnot sorry, no more. Right. And
so I had to cut my friends andsome of my closest family away,
because they did not get thatright, that I don't want to talk
about the woods and this thingthat I don't even want to talk
about, what if I don't walkagain. And so if you don't
(25:40):
respect that, or respect meenough to do that, then I gotta
go with my certain weight, myfriend that fell asleep behind
the wheel. Everybody asked me,Do you still talk to him? No, I
do not. Do I have a problem withhim? No, I do not. But at that
time, when we had that caraccident, my friend could not go
on with his life, because he wasblaming himself. And at that
(26:02):
time, I was blaming him. Right?
You know, just being honest. Butthen I knew that if I wanted to
be healed, and hold and have apeaceful life, that I had to
operate in forgiveness, not justforgiving him, but forgiving
(26:23):
myself and saying, Hey, whathappened has happened, we're
gonna move forward to thefuture, I'm gonna go this way,
you go that way. And once webecome mentally stable, then we
can meet back at the top of theladder, you get what I'm saying.
But most people may not do that.
Most people, families, plantplants funerals, before the
(26:47):
doctor even tell them to plantheir funeral. Right? And so I
just got my, my close knitfamily, my wife, my family, my
friends, my loved ones, everyoneknows, Jess beyond, right? Just
beyond. And by being honest withme at the front, will allow me
(27:08):
to embrace anything someone saysfor me in the middle of my
journey, right? Becauseexpectations has already been a
friend. That's why I tellathletes, hey, I'm not telling
you, you're gonna come in hereand start. However, I do know,
if you willing to put in thework, you have a 99.9% chance.
(27:31):
So one thing we do know, youwill never be able to say what
Coach ta lied to me? No, he wastoo honest. That's what he was.
And that's how I live my life.
All because truth sets us free.
And I have been able to be freefrom depression, free from
suicidal. Because the doctorsaid, hey, it's a 5% chance that
(27:54):
you may gain your strength back.
But it's also a 5% chance thatyou may not. And so I say am I
gonna worry about the 5%? Maynot? Or am I gonna worry about
the 5% you made? So I bit thebullet and said, I'm going with
(28:15):
the 5% chance that I made. But Ihad to be honest with my sales.
So when someone asked me, Hey,did the doctor say what is the
doctor saying? The doctor isstill saying 15 years later, you
have a 5% chance and you may ormay not walk. But that's not
what I'm saying. Right? I haveto be respectful and be honest,
(28:36):
to hear what the doctors saying.
But at the end of the day, it'sabout what I choose to do with
it. So yes, I do hear, but I'mnot allowing what I hear to
affect the truth that I believethat one day I will be walking
again. It may not happen now.
But eventually it happenedlater. Which is why I truly
(28:56):
believe in the growth mindset oflooking at every difficulty as a
challenge that leads to growth.
Greg Hamlin (29:03):
That's amazing. So you said something I was really,
I was a little off topic. ButI'm curious because I guess
that's my nature. You mentionedyour wife. Did you meet her
before the accident or after?
Yeah. How did you meet
Timothy Alexander (29:15):
her? Yeah, I met my I met my wife after the
car accident. You know, I'mactually I met her after my car
accident met her at UAB mysenior year. And it was very,
very different for her. Youknow, my wife is a very, very
sweet hearted, you know, sheworks for basketball here at
UAB. And I remember when I mether all the boys on the team was
(29:37):
like, no way you're gonna beable to talk to her man, that
girl. And, and I was like, what,don't let the wheelchair fool
you. You know, I went and justpursued her and still to this
day and when we talk about itperiodically, I always ask her
to make sure that her answer isstill the same. Just as it was
(30:01):
years ago as why you gave me achance, and she just simply
said, Man, you were so confidentI had to. It was just being
confident. Yeah, just being Iwas just confident
understanding. I know I'm in awheelchair. But what what does
that mean? Right? You know, Iknow it's different. And we
don't see as much. And you don'tsee where chair relations like
(30:23):
that here in the south, youreally, if you want to see
something like that, you got togo to the west coast or go
somewhere where the states aremore accessible. But I knew that
in spite of my dilemma, that Istill had something to offer.
And it wasn't about who didn'tsee it, it was about me seeing
it. And it's still difficultbecause I'm still in a
(30:43):
wheelchair, and the same issuesthat I have to deal with. She
deals with some time, right?
This is she deals with, when shesee a couple of running and
walking and playing balltogether. She's human, you're
gonna be like, Man, I wish meand my I could do that. And so
being mentally stable, is like,hey, we can't do that. We just
got to find a different way ofdoing. So we can play
(31:06):
basketball, I just got to go andget me a wheelchair basketball
chair, you know, we can playtennis, we can run we can't
swim, we just got to do itdifferently. You get what I'm
saying is always is it's allabout those who are recovering
the best thing that I can tellsomeone who is recovering, take
away every excuse you can make.
(31:29):
I used to not go over peoplehouse who didn't have steps, who
had steps. Because I'm like,ain't no way in the world. I'm
climbing up no stairs. However,that was causing me to miss
opportunity from family, fromfriends from network and from
loved one. So I took away thatexcuse step saying Don't stop me
by not going to stop me. And bytaking away excuse that provided
(31:52):
me an opportunity to go fartherand do more. And that's how I
still recover. Because I takeaway excuses from my own life.
So when I'm coaching others orworking with others, most
definitely I'm gonna try to takeaway excuse for them too.
Allison Marlow (32:06):
That's a great point too, because a lot of
times people are looking for asilver bullet and everything's
gonna be great. Yeah. And onceyou know once that bullet hits
your your say, you're gonna berecovered, your life's gonna be
great. And what I love aboutyour message and what you're
really sharing with us today isthat mindset isn't just one and
done it, you got to take it andkeep going and keep going and
(32:28):
keep going and looking for everynew opportunity to get you to
that next step that you want toget into life. Your your life's
not over to your point, justbecause it's not the way you
want it to be.
Timothy Alexander (32:39):
Right, right.
It's so funny you say thatbecause before I became social
with other people, I had to workon that one myself. I just ran
into a lady the other day, shewas like, Do you remember used
to come to the restaurant once aweek? And and say table for two.
And you would be sitting theretalking to yourself? You know,
like I paid myself I spent timewith myself. I took myself to
(33:02):
the movies. I took myself out ondates I found out for myself.
What made me happy? What? Whatmade me smile. What made me look
sorry about this shot. What whatmade me downtown. I had to I had
to find out within myself. Whatmade me happy what made me look
(33:25):
forward what what things made mejust just get butterflies, all
these different things. Becauseeven the great Greek philosopher
Aristotle, he says, You got toknow thyself, right? You got to
know thyself. And so I spent twoyears just working on myself. I
didn't date anyone. I didn'ttalk to anyone. I got myself
(33:48):
back. I took a two year hiatusfrom 2008, the 2010 until I got
to UAB. But I spent two years ongetting my mind, right, because
I knew the flesh is weak, butthe mind is willing. And as long
as I was great with my mind,everything was going to take
(34:08):
care of itself. And so now Itravel by myself some time, I
still go out to eat by myself. Istill take pride in spending
time with Tim, I spend an hour aday with myself, no phone, no
nothing. Just talking to myself,letting myself know how proud I
am. Now, it's not always an hourwhen maybe 20 minutes here, 20
(34:31):
minutes there. But by before theend of the day, I have taken an
hour to myself, but I have to dothat. After this podcast, I'm
going to have a celebratoryswim. I'm celebrating this
opportunity. Like that's justwhat I do. That's just what I
do. Because again, I'm thankfulthat I can even talk about
(34:54):
things like this, because Iremember it was a time where I
couldn't talk About, does itmake me cried and make me sad?
It'll just bring back so manymemories. And sometimes
counselors will tell you, hey,once you burn it, don't talk
about it anymore. Like don'teven try to think about it. And
I'm like, man, no, you overcomeby what you're talking about
(35:17):
what you go through. Because tome, it's not about what you go
through. It's about what yougrow through. And that's what
I've been able to do is, again,not just do it on one day. But
do this every day, Allison isvery tough. I read another quote
by Albert Einstein, who said,for one, he said, for one
negative input, he had toreplace that one negative input
(35:42):
with 11 Positive inputs. And I'mlike, man, I've been doing that.
Because if I have one badthought, I get myself seven
great thoughts, and it's verytough to do is very challenging
is very like, man, do I reallygot to do this? And I'm like,
Yeah, you do. Because that onethought is just going to be
(36:04):
sitting there on your mind. Andjust that one thought, it's one
thought that can either move youforward and move you backwards.
That's why I believe we are one,one thought away from a life
changing moment, which is changeis recovery. And so what do I
call full body recovery, arecovered mind, a recovered body
is full body recovery. Becausethe athlete know, when I tear my
(36:29):
ACL, yes, my ACL has to heal, mybody has to heal also. But guess
what your mind has to heal, too.
And so if your ACL does heal,and your mind is not heal, you
just have body recovery. So youmay go out there and get hurt
again. But when your body ishealed, and your mind is healed,
(36:52):
that's what I call full bodyrecovery. So,
Greg Hamlin (36:56):
so when you have I'm sure there's still times
every now and then where you getdiscouraged what, when you have
those moments where you're like,Man, I today, I'm not feeling
it. Because I know, all of us.
Lots of people listeningprobably have moments where the
where they say little, thelittle devil on the shoulder
starts whispering in your ear,and you're like, Man, I just
don't think I can do today. Sowhen that happens, what
(37:18):
motivates you, Pastor? How doyou deal with that when that
happens?
Timothy Alexander (37:22):
I just got done swimming. The other day at
a YMCA in Jacksonville, Floridawent in the shower. And I was
showering on the shower bench.
And I ended up falling off theshower bench hitting the floor.
So be sliding all around, I'mdisgusted. I'm like, I can't
believe I'm on this nasty flora.
(37:43):
I'm like, I hope I don't getstaph infection. You know. And
every time I got up, I wasslipping, fall right back down.
And I'm trying to force it. I'mtrying to use my strength to get
me up off the ground, will fallagain, is nobody to come help
(38:04):
me. All I can do is help myself.
And in that moment, I get soworked up that I'm crying
because I can't do anythingabout it. I'm so frustrated that
I'm not even thinking, okay, thewater is still running, rinse
yourself off. That way you won'tslip. But it took me to just
take a moment to embrace thatpain. What I like to call it
(38:28):
this is what I like to do. And Ihope you all it makes sense. I
call it you got to embrace thatpain. You got to feel that pain.
You got to breathe, and youbreathe and allows you to take
action. What am I trying to say?
When you go to a doctor and youget ready to give but they say
(38:48):
hey, you got to give some bloodtoday. So they're letting you
know, get ready to embrace I'mabout right. So once they tell
you you're getting ready to getblood today, then they say
you're gonna feel a lot of pain.
But what I want you to do iskeep breathing. Because if you
don't, you may pass out. Andwhen I count to three, you're
going to feel a steak. But whatI want you to do is not move and
(39:12):
make sure you keep breathing. Soyou don't pass out what they're
doing is telling you, hey, somepain is about to come. But now
that I'm giving you it from thefront, I want you to embrace his
pain. I want you to feel it andthree, you're gonna feel it, I
want you to breathe. And by thetime you get ready to move
forward is already done. Becausemoving forward and is to me is
(39:33):
trying and that's the best thingyou can do. But you're never
gonna be able to move forwardall worked up. You're never
gonna be able to move forward,jazz all destroyed. So like I
tell people when they're crying.
It is if any if we watchedsomebody cry right now, it's
(39:55):
innate that we're going to dothis. Yeah. Because you don't
want anybody he feel thosetears. But what I have learned
in my, in my journey, drop him,let those drop off. You
remember, I don't know if youever seen the movie cry baby.
But he kept those tears that hecried in that jar for a reason.
(40:17):
Because it reminded him ofeverything that he went through,
right. And so when you allowyourself to feel those tears,
unless you know, man, that youare human, you are in the game,
it is hurting you. But you gotto feel that pain sometimes. And
so that's why when I'm crying, Idon't drop my tea, I don't wipe
(40:38):
them. I need to feel that pain.
Because I know I'm about to gainsomething based off what I'm
feeling. And people don't dothat. My cousin's No, man, I'm
sorry to cry right now. Feelthem drop them. Because you need
to feel how that feels. You needto become one with your inner
feelings. And by doing that,those, those Sarpo tears are
(40:59):
gonna go to happy tears, land,you know, you can do it. And so
when I got up off the ground,when I was able to stop crying,
and just embrace, and take amoment and think about what
needs to be done, I said, Man,this is why I can't give up.
Because once you just take sometime to really think about what
it is that's true. What it isthat you have control of your
(41:23):
understanding is really not thatbad. Right. Now, to some people,
they may be like, Man, you crazyand crazy, right? But again,
it's really not that bad.
Because it can always be worse.
Greg Hamlin (41:39):
That's true. That's very true. That's very true.
Well, yeah, I've loved havingyou on our podcast, you are an
inspiration to me and everythingyou do. And and for those who
haven't met yet, encourage themto reach out because you, you
make me want to be better. And Ireally do think your thought
(42:00):
about it all starts with yourmind. I think that is so true
that our thoughts lead to ouractions and our actions are who
we are. And you really, reallyshow a lot of people that
there's hope out there for whatcan come next. So we just we
just really glad to have youwith us today. Thank you. Any
any final words of wisdom beforewe wrap up for the day?
Timothy Alexander (42:22):
You know, I would tell anyone that's
recovering. When life seems mostpainful, you got to work twice
as hard to stay mentally stable.
Because life will check you lifewill try us, life will challenge
you. But life will also championyou too. And that's the thing
that I love about life, lifechallenge me. But it also
champion means and I'm achampion every single day,
(42:46):
because I respond to thechallenge of life. And what's
the challenge of life. Every dayyou wake up and you get an
opportunity to be better thanwhat you was yesterday, you can
have a champion, a champion dayby champion in your mind. So
allow life to challenge you. Imean, I get challenged on the
(43:07):
highway all the time. Right? Youknow, and all these different
things, but life also championsme too, because I understand
that perseverance producescharacter, and character hope.
So you got to count it great joywhen you face these trout.
Because once you become maturein these areas, you will say,
(43:29):
Man, I'm happy. I may not bewhere I want to be, but I'm
thankful I'm not how I used to
Greg Hamlin (43:37):
be. I love that.
That is fantastic. I love that.
What a great way to wrap up. TaWell, we appreciate you having
us with us today. That's the endof our episode today. But we
hope you'll join us for futurepodcasts releasing every two
weeks on Monday. And if youcan't get enough adjust in your
life, then check out our blogfrom our resident blogger
(43:59):
Natalie dangles, she this dropson the opposite week of the
podcast and it can be found atWWW dot Burk in comp.com. And
also if you liked or listenedplease get please give us a
review on Apple's podcastplatform. We also want to be
sure to express Special thanksto Cameron Runyon for our
(44:19):
excellent music. If you needmore music in your life, you can
contact him directly by Lokilocating his email in our show
notes. Thanks again for all yoursupport. Remember, do write
think differently. And don'tforget to care
Hello, everybody and welcome to ADJUSTED. I'm
your host Greg Hamlin coming atyou from beautiful Birmingham,
Alabama and Berkeley industrialcomp. And I'm excited to share
with you this rebroadcastedepisode. This is one of my
absolute favorite people thatI've ever met. And that's
Timothy Alexander. So I've metTimothy Alexander TA twice. And
(00:36):
both times I left inspired,motivated and with a desire to
be a better human being. I justdon't think there's anybody you
could meet that could do thisbetter than Timothy Alexander,
as he talks about how he'sovercome a catastrophic injury
and became a paraplegic. Hisdetermination to walk his
(00:57):
determination to stay positive,and his determination to
reengage in making a differencein the world rather than staying
in a back bedroom really inspireme. And it's made me think a lot
about how powerful our thoughtsare in controlling our outcomes.
And so I hope you enjoy thisepisode with TA as much as I
(01:19):
did. So with that, we'll move tothe episode. Hello, everybody,
and welcome to Adjusted. This isa workers compensation claims
podcast for workers compensationenthusiast. I think there are a
few of them out there somewherein the world. I'm your host,
Greg Hamlin, and I am withBerkeley industrial comp and
(01:40):
Sweet Home Alabama. And with meis my guest host today.
Allison Marlow (01:44):
Hey, it's Alison Marlowe. And thank you, Greg,
for having me back. Today,you're having a conversation
with one of my favorite peoplein this whole world TA. And I'm
so excited to be able to sharehis story with our listeners.
Greg Hamlin (01:58):
That's exactly it.
So our guest today is TimothyAlexander. You know, he's a
amazing individual has amazingstory to share with us today. I
met ta a few years ago at one ofour company retreats. And as we
were thinking about topics tocover for our workers
compensation podcast, I reallywanted a chance for all of you
to hear what it's like from theperspective of somebody who's
(02:20):
gone through a difficult injury.
And so, you know, Timothy's toldhis story on TED talk on all
over. And it's really aninspiration. So we're glad to
have you with us today, Tim.
Timothy Alexander (02:34):
Ya know, it's an honor to be here. And thank
you all so much. And, Allison,thank you for all you do for
always allowing me to share mystory, whether it be on stage,
whether it be with his son, andnow whether it be on his
podcast, I really do appreciateyou all and all the
opportunities that you all grant
Allison Marlow (02:51):
me. Oh, thank you.
Greg Hamlin (02:53):
We appreciate having you for sure, too. So
yes. So I know I've heard thestory about some of our
listeners have not probablyheard, you know, do you mind
sharing how you those who can'tsee because this is an audio
Timothy Alexander TAs in awheelchair. So I thought I would
have him share his story with ustoday of how he came from being
(03:16):
a high school athlete, too, towhere he is today.
Timothy Alexander (03:22):
Yep. So it's funny you asked, I was actually
just giving the same message,short message this morning with
our football team, justreminding them on how I went
from walking one day to rollingthe next, I was a five star
athlete with the opportunity togo and play ball anywhere in the
country. And I remember runningoff the field on the Friday
night before my accidenthappens. And my coach said, look
(03:44):
into stance. Look at all thesepeople here to see you. You're
gonna make everyone proud,you'll be able to go on and
choose any university you wantto go to. And I had a heart full
of joy and I had tears full ofjoy. Because my senior year was
a very, very rough year in mylife. My house burned down my
senior year, my grandmotherpassed my senior year, I lost my
(04:07):
brother, my middle brother in acar accident my senior year. And
on top of all of that, just somany things happen. And then on
top of that, again, My accidenthappened my senior year, the day
after I told my mom, she went Ihave to work a minimum wage job
to provide for three young men.
I'm going to earn an education.
(04:27):
I'm going to make it to the NFLand I'm going to come back and
do something for my family. Notjust because I was great at
football, not because I wastalented, not because I was
skilled, but only because I havecame to a place in my mind that
I knew if I can do anything inthis world that was going to
allow me to change my lifelinethat was going to allow me to
(04:51):
make a difference than where Icome from and where I'm going.
Football was going to be thatvehicle that would drive me
there and it will It's not justabout me playing football
forever. But again, I look atfootball as the vehicle that
gets me to my next destination.
And so when I had my caraccident, it was a very, very
rough, it was very, verytraumatizing. Because I went
(05:14):
from walking one day to rollingthe mix. I went from walking one
day to being able to dressmyself and do everything on my
own. And to the next day, I'mbeing told, I may be a
vegetable, the rest of my life,someone may have to feed me,
someone may have to clothe meand do all these different
things, at 17 years old. And soyou go from having complete
(05:36):
independence, to having nodependents, wearing diapers and
opinions and all these differentthings that will make you want
to give up. And I'm not going toeven lie to you, I didn't want
to give up because I couldn'timagine a life like this. So I
was depressed. I was suicidal, Itried to take my life. You know,
my mom played a big role in mylife, by just getting me to
(05:58):
understand that it is what itis, but it's about what you make
it. I remember, I woke up out ofa coma. And I was tied to the
bed and I had a trach in afeeding tube, I had a tube in my
lungs, and I whispered to mymom, if I got to be like this
the rest of my life, you mightas well pull the plug. So my mom
gets up and walks over to thehospital bed. And my mom says my
(06:22):
son, my son, blink your eyes, ifyou can hear me, the doctors are
saying you're not gonna make it,they believe you're going to be
a vegetable. But son, blink youreyes, and you can hear me and so
I blinked my eyes. And my momsaid you will live and not die.
And so I always like to stopright there. Because everybody
always looks at me with a blankstare, but they're blinking. And
(06:45):
they always want to know aboutwhat was so important about the
blank. Well, I do understandwhatever your occupation is,
whenever you are a professionalin some sort, no one has to tell
you to immerse yourself in youroccupation. No one has to tell
you to immerse yourself in yourwhatever it is that you do
(07:09):
professionally. You just have aniche, right? The lawn man, he's
the best lawn and when he gotthat motorcycling, okay, and so
my mom knew because she workedin the hospital field in the
healthcare field. My mom knewthat, okay, if the doctors are
telling me that my son is braindead, and he may be brain dead
(07:29):
the rest of his life, and I cangive him a command, and he
respond to the command, then Iknow he will be okay. And me
being okay. It was not aninstant gratitude. It was a
delayed gratitude. And so my momknew that if he can blame that,
let me know. He may not look theway I want him to look now. But
(07:51):
later on, he will, because he iswhat they call responsive. And
so in that moment, when I didnot have anything else to hold
on to recovery came because Iheld on to what I heard. And
that's my message for thepeople. You know, it's not that
(08:12):
we don't talk a lot is that westopped talking, right? It's my
mom used to tell me all thetime, when I'm not talking to
you, then you should know we gotto my coach tells me, hey, if
I'm not talking to you, we havea problem. But just as we talked
to everyone else, we got tocontinue talking to ourselves,
(08:35):
and recovery often stopped.
Because we stopped talking toourselves, we stopped motivating
ourselves, we stoppedencouraging ourselves. We
stopped believing againourselves. And we look for
everyone else to encourage us tobelieve in us and to motivate
us. But at the end of the day,well we have to understand, what
(08:58):
do you do when you have in amoment? What do you do when your
loved one is not around? What doyou do when a doctor, the nurse,
the janitor, whoever it is thatyou depend on? What do you do
when they're not around? I wasjust able to grow in those
moments when I had nobody butmyself. But I started first with
(09:19):
my mind. And so my competitiveadvantage on how on how I've
been able to recover 15 yearslater, is because I recover in
my mind first every single day.
We call it football. We call itin football. Ball security is
job security. Well, mentalstability is mental security.
(09:42):
And if you are not mentallystable, then you are just a
loose cannon getting ready to gooff. And so when I was depressed
and suicidal, I said okay, itdoesn't take rocket scientists.
I I've been going to thepsychiatrist I We go on to these
counselors. But at the end ofthe day, it's about me taking
action, and to my own hand, andthinking the opposite of worse.
(10:06):
And the opposite of worse isbetter. The opposite of negative
is positive. And so I had to dothat. But I had to make up in my
mind that my recovery was notjust going to be an one day's
work, it was going to be anevery day's work. So I spend a
lot of time on my mind. Becauseat any moment, Allison at any
(10:30):
moment, Greg, if I'm notmentally stable, then I can
easily go back to beingdepressed and suicidal. Because
I am in a wheelchair, peoplewalk in front of me, every
single day, people run in frontof me every single day, I see
how different I am by looking atpeople every day. But I have to
(10:51):
remind myself that it is thedifference that allows me to
make a greater difference. Andso I got to be different than
anybody in this world bychoosing to start with my mind.
That's how I went from beingparalyzed from the neck down to
fill in came back. Because onceI got myself back in the game, I
(11:11):
said, I will win my mind. First.
Greg Hamlin (11:15):
I think that's huge that you talked about the
importance of mindset. And Ireally do think that's yeah,
that's a principle that couldapply to almost anything is he
starts with your thoughts. Yeah.
So how did how do you when youare going through the early
stuff the first few days,months, even maybe a year of of
going through that terribleaccident? How did you control
your mind? Because I would thinkit'd be really hard with with
(11:38):
the things you were talkingabout to not have those
thoughts, just run, run circlesin your brain? Yeah.
Timothy Alexander (11:46):
Well, when I couldn't control my mind, my mom
controlled it for me. And shecontrolled it by not bringing
any negative information to mymind. So all I can do was think
positive. My mom just told methe other day, son, there were
days where the doctors told me,Hey, get the family together,
because he's not going to makeit. And I knew if you would have
(12:10):
saw me crying, or you even wouldhave heard that, that injury
would have took you out quickerthan anything. So my mom had to
control my mind. And I'll neverforget, when I took matters into
my own hand, I'll never forgetmeeting with Dr. Tice, here at
UAB was going on my last weekbecause I had to cut my back
(12:30):
open when I broke my spine andgave me a titanium plate with
five screws. So I got a huge cutgoing down the middle of my back
where they opened me open like awater mill. And this was the
same week where I had just triedto commit suicide three times in
one week. And so I told myself,as soon as I get to the doctor,
(12:52):
and the doctor asked me thatthey always on a scale of one to
10. What's their pain? I'm like,right? And I'm like, I put my
mom out in a row. I said Dr.
Tice, I don't need you to talkto me like I'm a patient. I
don't need to talk you to talkto me. Give me this PhD talk. I
don't need any of that. What Ineed is for you to be completely
(13:17):
honest, because I don't want tobe here. And I've already tried
to commit suicide, right? So isit anything you can do to help
me? And Dr. Tice, took off hiswhite jacket, sat down on a
seat. And he said, Tim, yourmind will kill you quicker than
(13:40):
his injury will. If you don'tget your mind right. The best
information I can give you isget your mind right. And it was
on that day when Dr. Thais toldme to get your mind right is
when I went on this hiatus andTrent being transformed by the
(14:01):
renewing of my mind. I thoughtdifferently. I talked
differently. I spokedifferently. I as you hear me, I
never address myself as a guy ina wheelchair. Always say let me
walk here. Let me walk there isbecause I'm playing mind games.
And the best mind game to playis the positive mind game with
(14:22):
your own mind. Because you areyour thoughts. If you tell your
mind, oh, I'm just going throughthe motions, then you're just
gonna be going through themotions. When somebody asks you
how you're doing and you'relike, Well, I'm guessing that
your body is alreadylackadaisical announced. And so
I just say it again. You knowwhat? Words are something that
(14:44):
you don't get back when wordscome out of your mouth. They go
find what you say and bring itand drop it right at your seat.
And so I wanted my words to goout there and grabbed the best,
not the worst. And so I am very,very cautious. And what I say, I
am very, very cautious and whatI think, because again, you are
(15:09):
what you think you are yourthoughts, you are what you think
about day in and day out. And tome the goal mind is your mind.
And so once I started first inmy mind, I just talked about
this today, too. I coach fivestar athletes, we coach
champions, and I told themtoday, your competitive
(15:30):
advantage is not how fast youare, not how strong you are, not
how skilled you are, not howversatile you are, your
competitive advantage is yourmind. And so for me, my
competitive advantage becamedifferent than anyone else with
my situation. Because I waswilling to be a different
(15:52):
thinker, right? It starts withthe mind. And adversity is what
pushed me to just really fall inlove with my mind. And what do
you know, my mind shocked me andland me where I am today. Wow.
Greg Hamlin (16:10):
That's amazing how how there's so much to unpack
there about how how did you endup? I know you're talking about
working with division. You know,these five star athletes talk to
us about how you ended upinvolved in football again,
after going through this? Yeah.
Timothy Alexander (16:28):
Yeah, so after I ended up in football, I
could not watch football forlike a year because it would
depress me, and it makes mesuicidal. And I said, You know
what, man, I can't run from myproblems. Because if I keep
running, I'll be running and Inever deal with it. And
eventually one day running fromis gonna have my back up against
the wall to where I got to dowith it. And so I had a friend
(16:50):
that tell me, you're going to bea great motivational speaker one
day. And I didn't even know whata motivational speaker was. I'm
like, man, what is that? Like, Ihave no idea what that is. And
so I knew I had a great story totell. So I started off just
trying to just go back and be apart of society. I started look
(17:10):
using my life as a livingexample of my quote, We don't
need it to be easy, we just needit to be possible. It wasn't
easy being 17 years old, wearingdiapers in the pants. It wasn't
easy, being 17 years old, andI'm having to go through my
alphabets 100 times a day. Itwasn't easy, being 17 years old,
(17:31):
not having control of my bladderand have a control about things
that you really wish you hadcontrol over. But I could not
run from it anymore. I had todeal with it. People ask me all
the time. How did you deal withyour issues, it's simple, I just
dealt with, right. And by medealing with them, the more I
was impressed by dealing with mysituations, the more I began to
(17:55):
grow in the midst of adversity.
And so I came, I came across aquote by ever Einstein early in
my journey that says in themiddle of adversity lies
opportunity. And so those toughmoments in my life, where I
wanted to give up, those wereopportunity moments. Those were
moments for I used to say forGod to get the glory or, you
(18:16):
know, being resilient to get theglory, you know, all these
different things. But those werethe moments of no pain, no gain.
And so once I graduated highschool, I've said to myself, if
I graduated high school, inspite of I can graduate anywhere
in spite of so I went to WallaceState Community College and at
(18:36):
Wallace State Community College,I made sure that every athlete,
every student I came in contactwith, I reminded them to whom
much is given, much is required.
If you're not an athlete, ifyou're just a student, man, fall
in love with being a student. Iknow school sucks, but you got
to embrace it. Because guesswhat, you you you longed for
(19:00):
school, when you can't go toschool. I don't care what
children are saying. When theschools open back up. Everybody
was trying to go back to school,because it's like, Man, I cannot
spend another day in this house.
Right? Well, for two years, Iwas on bed rest. For two years.
All I had was four walls. Icouldn't go to school. I
(19:23):
couldn't go here. I couldn't gothere. So when you when you loan
for something, when you end upgetting it, you try to really
maximize it. So when I graduatedfrom wild State Community
College, I said you know what?
I'm gonna further my dreams andI'm going back to school to play
football. But I knew me goingback to play football had
(19:44):
nothing to do with me going tothe NFL. I was actually telling
everybody man, I'm playing forsomeone greater than you and my
number one assignment at thattime in life because it's
changed now. That my son from2010 all the way to graduated
from 2015 was led every teacherathlete, let everyone know that
(20:08):
let everyone know that. Takeadvantage of it why you can't,
because you never know when youcan't take advantage of
learning, take advantage ofworking, take advantage of being
alive, because you never knowwhen you can't. And if you are
not mentally prepared for that,like I wasn't, then life is
(20:29):
gonna be rough for you. So goahead and use my life as an
example, to go ahead and getyour mind right. That way, you
don't have to go through what Iwent through, you can learn from
me what I went through, I wouldnot wish on my worst enemy.
Because I still deal with thatevery single day, I had to let
(20:51):
friends go, I had to let familygo, just so I can have a piece
that surpassed all. And evenwhen I made the football team
and became the first paraplegicand Deewan history to ever
receive a full ride in football.
I still was challenged becauseeverybody was like, they just
gave you that feeling sorry foryou. And I'm like, No, they did
(21:12):
it. I don't even feel sorry formyself. So although I was not
running up and down the footballfield, I was running through my
teammates. I was doing push upsand rain, sleet or shine. I
remember one day, a severe fluidcame, we was all outside and
they was like, Tim, what are yougoing to do? I'm like, man, just
(21:33):
take the wheelchair, get thewheelchair out of here, because
it's made out of aluminum. Theguys picked me up and we went to
like this storm shelter. Andstill to this day, if you ask
any player, or anybody at UAB,about Tim in a wheelchair, they
are saying, Tim is not in awheelchair. He's just, he's just
short. I know what I'm saying.
(21:55):
Because of how my mindset how mymindset just got them to
understand like, man, don't bedon't don't look at what you
see, fall in love with the mind,which is what you don't see.
That's why concussion is so hardto figure out because you never
know if a person is concussed ornot. And so when people see me,
(22:16):
I want them to know beyondreasonable doubt that this man
is healed and hold. Because hestarts with his mind, it may not
look like it, right. But onceyou talk to me, and you hear me,
and you see my mind, you will belike, Man, this guy is in a
better place. So I got involvedwith football, because I said I
(22:37):
would be the example to remindthese guys to take pride in what
you do. And once you be at all,which is appreciate where you
are, work hard for what youwant, that earns you the right
to see the results that youwant. And so because I was
appreciative, I appreciate beingable to go back to school,
because I remember when Icouldn't go to school. I
(22:59):
appreciate being on a footballteam. You don't see too many
guys in a wheelchair in thefootball team. So because I was
appreciative. I was willing andwilling to work that earned me
the right to see the resultsthat I want. Because I made a
conscious, intentional decision.
And I will start with my mindevery single day. Yeah, wow.
Allison Marlow (23:22):
Every time that I get to have an opportunity to
talk with Uta, you just amazeme. And I want to go back for a
second. It's something that yousaid about Dr. Tyson struck me,
you had the mindset of saying, Idon't I don't want to hear the
medical jargon. I don't want tohear the what ifs I want to hear
the reality and and that justleads me to you know, you you
(23:44):
spoke about him and you spokeabout your mom and then helping
you with your mindset. Who elsein your life has been able to
help you through this journeyand you spoke touched a little
bit on that sometimes you gottalet people go from your life if
they're failing you from yourprogress and to get to the
recovery you want to get to. Sojust love to hear a little bit
(24:05):
more about, you know, yourperspective on really both
family and friends and theimpact that they have on your
recovery.
Timothy Alexander (24:13):
Yeah, you know, my family and my friends,
they, they had a tremendousimpact. But I really am thankful
for my family that wascompletely honest with me. You
know, I have this thing that Icall complete transparency,
which is being brutally honest.
Right? Because when that doctorcomes in there to tell you, you
better get it together. He beingbrutally honest, sometimes they
(24:36):
say doctors are right. You knowwhat I'm saying? But when when I
was in a situation where I waswhen I was trying to become
healed and hope I didn't needanyone beating around the bush
on me. I needed completehonesty, so I could face reality
completely. Right. And so myfamily members says that it will
(24:59):
hurt them to see me how they sawme. It hurt me to cut ties with
them. Because when I came aroundthem, they made me sad and
depressed. Because I'm notrealizing I'm hurting anymore.
But they cried, Oh, I'm sorry,this had to happen to you. And
you just get to a place in yourlife where you you want to stop
(25:20):
here in the Tsar? Because I'mnot sorry, no more. Right. And
so I had to cut my friends andsome of my closest family away,
because they did not get thatright, that I don't want to talk
about the woods and this thingthat I don't even want to talk
about, what if I don't walkagain. And so if you don't
(25:40):
respect that, or respect meenough to do that, then I gotta
go with my certain weight, myfriend that fell asleep behind
the wheel. Everybody asked me,Do you still talk to him? No, I
do not. Do I have a problem withhim? No, I do not. But at that
time, when we had that caraccident, my friend could not go
on with his life, because he wasblaming himself. And at that
(26:02):
time, I was blaming him. Right?
You know, just being honest. Butthen I knew that if I wanted to
be healed, and hold and have apeaceful life, that I had to
operate in forgiveness, not justforgiving him, but forgiving
(26:23):
myself and saying, Hey, whathappened has happened, we're
gonna move forward to thefuture, I'm gonna go this way,
you go that way. And once webecome mentally stable, then we
can meet back at the top of theladder, you get what I'm saying.
But most people may not do that.
Most people, families, plantplants funerals, before the
(26:47):
doctor even tell them to plantheir funeral. Right? And so I
just got my, my close knitfamily, my wife, my family, my
friends, my loved ones, everyoneknows, Jess beyond, right? Just
beyond. And by being honest withme at the front, will allow me
(27:08):
to embrace anything someone saysfor me in the middle of my
journey, right? Becauseexpectations has already been a
friend. That's why I tellathletes, hey, I'm not telling
you, you're gonna come in hereand start. However, I do know,
if you willing to put in thework, you have a 99.9% chance.
(27:31):
So one thing we do know, youwill never be able to say what
Coach ta lied to me? No, he wastoo honest. That's what he was.
And that's how I live my life.
All because truth sets us free.
And I have been able to be freefrom depression, free from
suicidal. Because the doctorsaid, hey, it's a 5% chance that
(27:54):
you may gain your strength back.
But it's also a 5% chance thatyou may not. And so I say am I
gonna worry about the 5%? Maynot? Or am I gonna worry about
the 5% you made? So I bit thebullet and said, I'm going with
(28:15):
the 5% chance that I made. But Ihad to be honest with my sales.
So when someone asked me, Hey,did the doctor say what is the
doctor saying? The doctor isstill saying 15 years later, you
have a 5% chance and you may ormay not walk. But that's not
what I'm saying. Right? I haveto be respectful and be honest,
(28:36):
to hear what the doctors saying.
But at the end of the day, it'sabout what I choose to do with
it. So yes, I do hear, but I'mnot allowing what I hear to
affect the truth that I believethat one day I will be walking
again. It may not happen now.
But eventually it happenedlater. Which is why I truly
(28:56):
believe in the growth mindset oflooking at every difficulty as a
challenge that leads to growth.
Greg Hamlin (29:03):
That's amazing. So you said something I was really,
I was a little off topic. ButI'm curious because I guess
that's my nature. You mentionedyour wife. Did you meet her
before the accident or after?
Yeah. How did you meet
Timothy Alexander (29:15):
her? Yeah, I met my I met my wife after the
car accident. You know, I'mactually I met her after my car
accident met her at UAB mysenior year. And it was very,
very different for her. Youknow, my wife is a very, very
sweet hearted, you know, sheworks for basketball here at
UAB. And I remember when I mether all the boys on the team was
(29:37):
like, no way you're gonna beable to talk to her man, that
girl. And, and I was like, what,don't let the wheelchair fool
you. You know, I went and justpursued her and still to this
day and when we talk about itperiodically, I always ask her
to make sure that her answer isstill the same. Just as it was
(30:01):
years ago as why you gave me achance, and she just simply
said, Man, you were so confidentI had to. It was just being
confident. Yeah, just being Iwas just confident
understanding. I know I'm in awheelchair. But what what does
that mean? Right? You know, Iknow it's different. And we
don't see as much. And you don'tsee where chair relations like
(30:23):
that here in the south, youreally, if you want to see
something like that, you got togo to the west coast or go
somewhere where the states aremore accessible. But I knew that
in spite of my dilemma, that Istill had something to offer.
And it wasn't about who didn'tsee it, it was about me seeing
it. And it's still difficultbecause I'm still in a
(30:43):
wheelchair, and the same issuesthat I have to deal with. She
deals with some time, right?
This is she deals with, when shesee a couple of running and
walking and playing balltogether. She's human, you're
gonna be like, Man, I wish meand my I could do that. And so
being mentally stable, is like,hey, we can't do that. We just
got to find a different way ofdoing. So we can play
(31:06):
basketball, I just got to go andget me a wheelchair basketball
chair, you know, we can playtennis, we can run we can't
swim, we just got to do itdifferently. You get what I'm
saying is always is it's allabout those who are recovering
the best thing that I can tellsomeone who is recovering, take
away every excuse you can make.
(31:29):
I used to not go over peoplehouse who didn't have steps, who
had steps. Because I'm like,ain't no way in the world. I'm
climbing up no stairs. However,that was causing me to miss
opportunity from family, fromfriends from network and from
loved one. So I took away thatexcuse step saying Don't stop me
by not going to stop me. And bytaking away excuse that provided
(31:52):
me an opportunity to go fartherand do more. And that's how I
still recover. Because I takeaway excuses from my own life.
So when I'm coaching others orworking with others, most
definitely I'm gonna try to takeaway excuse for them too.
Allison Marlow (32:06):
That's a great point too, because a lot of
times people are looking for asilver bullet and everything's
gonna be great. Yeah. And onceyou know once that bullet hits
your your say, you're gonna berecovered, your life's gonna be
great. And what I love aboutyour message and what you're
really sharing with us today isthat mindset isn't just one and
done it, you got to take it andkeep going and keep going and
(32:28):
keep going and looking for everynew opportunity to get you to
that next step that you want toget into life. Your your life's
not over to your point, justbecause it's not the way you
want it to be.
Timothy Alexander (32:39):
Right, right.
It's so funny you say thatbecause before I became social
with other people, I had to workon that one myself. I just ran
into a lady the other day, shewas like, Do you remember used
to come to the restaurant once aweek? And and say table for two.
And you would be sitting theretalking to yourself? You know,
like I paid myself I spent timewith myself. I took myself to
(33:02):
the movies. I took myself out ondates I found out for myself.
What made me happy? What? Whatmade me smile. What made me look
sorry about this shot. What whatmade me downtown. I had to I had
to find out within myself. Whatmade me happy what made me look
(33:25):
forward what what things made mejust just get butterflies, all
these different things. Becauseeven the great Greek philosopher
Aristotle, he says, You got toknow thyself, right? You got to
know thyself. And so I spent twoyears just working on myself. I
didn't date anyone. I didn'ttalk to anyone. I got myself
(33:48):
back. I took a two year hiatusfrom 2008, the 2010 until I got
to UAB. But I spent two years ongetting my mind, right, because
I knew the flesh is weak, butthe mind is willing. And as long
as I was great with my mind,everything was going to take
(34:08):
care of itself. And so now Itravel by myself some time, I
still go out to eat by myself. Istill take pride in spending
time with Tim, I spend an hour aday with myself, no phone, no
nothing. Just talking to myself,letting myself know how proud I
am. Now, it's not always an hourwhen maybe 20 minutes here, 20
(34:31):
minutes there. But by before theend of the day, I have taken an
hour to myself, but I have to dothat. After this podcast, I'm
going to have a celebratoryswim. I'm celebrating this
opportunity. Like that's justwhat I do. That's just what I
do. Because again, I'm thankfulthat I can even talk about
(34:54):
things like this, because Iremember it was a time where I
couldn't talk About, does itmake me cried and make me sad?
It'll just bring back so manymemories. And sometimes
counselors will tell you, hey,once you burn it, don't talk
about it anymore. Like don'teven try to think about it. And
I'm like, man, no, you overcomeby what you're talking about
(35:17):
what you go through. Because tome, it's not about what you go
through. It's about what yougrow through. And that's what
I've been able to do is, again,not just do it on one day. But
do this every day, Allison isvery tough. I read another quote
by Albert Einstein, who said,for one, he said, for one
negative input, he had toreplace that one negative input
(35:42):
with 11 Positive inputs. And I'mlike, man, I've been doing that.
Because if I have one badthought, I get myself seven
great thoughts, and it's verytough to do is very challenging
is very like, man, do I reallygot to do this? And I'm like,
Yeah, you do. Because that onethought is just going to be
(36:04):
sitting there on your mind. Andjust that one thought, it's one
thought that can either move youforward and move you backwards.
That's why I believe we are one,one thought away from a life
changing moment, which is changeis recovery. And so what do I
call full body recovery, arecovered mind, a recovered body
is full body recovery. Becausethe athlete know, when I tear my
(36:29):
ACL, yes, my ACL has to heal, mybody has to heal also. But guess
what your mind has to heal, too.
And so if your ACL does heal,and your mind is not heal, you
just have body recovery. So youmay go out there and get hurt
again. But when your body ishealed, and your mind is healed,
(36:52):
that's what I call full bodyrecovery. So,
Greg Hamlin (36:56):
so when you have I'm sure there's still times
every now and then where you getdiscouraged what, when you have
those moments where you're like,Man, I today, I'm not feeling
it. Because I know, all of us.
Lots of people listeningprobably have moments where the
where they say little, thelittle devil on the shoulder
starts whispering in your ear,and you're like, Man, I just
don't think I can do today. Sowhen that happens, what
(37:18):
motivates you, Pastor? How doyou deal with that when that
happens?
Timothy Alexander (37:22):
I just got done swimming. The other day at
a YMCA in Jacksonville, Floridawent in the shower. And I was
showering on the shower bench.
And I ended up falling off theshower bench hitting the floor.
So be sliding all around, I'mdisgusted. I'm like, I can't
believe I'm on this nasty flora.
(37:43):
I'm like, I hope I don't getstaph infection. You know. And
every time I got up, I wasslipping, fall right back down.
And I'm trying to force it. I'mtrying to use my strength to get
me up off the ground, will fallagain, is nobody to come help
(38:04):
me. All I can do is help myself.
And in that moment, I get soworked up that I'm crying
because I can't do anythingabout it. I'm so frustrated that
I'm not even thinking, okay, thewater is still running, rinse
yourself off. That way you won'tslip. But it took me to just
take a moment to embrace thatpain. What I like to call it
(38:28):
this is what I like to do. And Ihope you all it makes sense. I
call it you got to embrace thatpain. You got to feel that pain.
You got to breathe, and youbreathe and allows you to take
action. What am I trying to say?
When you go to a doctor and youget ready to give but they say
(38:48):
hey, you got to give some bloodtoday. So they're letting you
know, get ready to embrace I'mabout right. So once they tell
you you're getting ready to getblood today, then they say
you're gonna feel a lot of pain.
But what I want you to do iskeep breathing. Because if you
don't, you may pass out. Andwhen I count to three, you're
going to feel a steak. But whatI want you to do is not move and
(39:12):
make sure you keep breathing. Soyou don't pass out what they're
doing is telling you, hey, somepain is about to come. But now
that I'm giving you it from thefront, I want you to embrace his
pain. I want you to feel it andthree, you're gonna feel it, I
want you to breathe. And by thetime you get ready to move
forward is already done. Becausemoving forward and is to me is
(39:33):
trying and that's the best thingyou can do. But you're never
gonna be able to move forwardall worked up. You're never
gonna be able to move forward,jazz all destroyed. So like I
tell people when they're crying.
It is if any if we watchedsomebody cry right now, it's
(39:55):
innate that we're going to dothis. Yeah. Because you don't
want anybody he feel thosetears. But what I have learned
in my, in my journey, drop him,let those drop off. You
remember, I don't know if youever seen the movie cry baby.
But he kept those tears that hecried in that jar for a reason.
(40:17):
Because it reminded him ofeverything that he went through,
right. And so when you allowyourself to feel those tears,
unless you know, man, that youare human, you are in the game,
it is hurting you. But you gotto feel that pain sometimes. And
so that's why when I'm crying, Idon't drop my tea, I don't wipe
(40:38):
them. I need to feel that pain.
Because I know I'm about to gainsomething based off what I'm
feeling. And people don't dothat. My cousin's No, man, I'm
sorry to cry right now. Feelthem drop them. Because you need
to feel how that feels. You needto become one with your inner
feelings. And by doing that,those, those Sarpo tears are
(40:59):
gonna go to happy tears, land,you know, you can do it. And so
when I got up off the ground,when I was able to stop crying,
and just embrace, and take amoment and think about what
needs to be done, I said, Man,this is why I can't give up.
Because once you just take sometime to really think about what
it is that's true. What it isthat you have control of your
(41:23):
understanding is really not thatbad. Right. Now, to some people,
they may be like, Man, you crazyand crazy, right? But again,
it's really not that bad.
Because it can always be worse.
Greg Hamlin (41:39):
That's true. That's very true. That's very true.
Well, yeah, I've loved havingyou on our podcast, you are an
inspiration to me and everythingyou do. And and for those who
haven't met yet, encourage themto reach out because you, you
make me want to be better. And Ireally do think your thought
(42:00):
about it all starts with yourmind. I think that is so true
that our thoughts lead to ouractions and our actions are who
we are. And you really, reallyshow a lot of people that
there's hope out there for whatcan come next. So we just we
just really glad to have youwith us today. Thank you. Any
any final words of wisdom beforewe wrap up for the day?
Timothy Alexander (42:22):
You know, I would tell anyone that's
recovering. When life seems mostpainful, you got to work twice
as hard to stay mentally stable.
Because life will check you lifewill try us, life will challenge
you. But life will also championyou too. And that's the thing
that I love about life, lifechallenge me. But it also
champion means and I'm achampion every single day,
(42:46):
because I respond to thechallenge of life. And what's
the challenge of life. Every dayyou wake up and you get an
opportunity to be better thanwhat you was yesterday, you can
have a champion, a champion dayby champion in your mind. So
allow life to challenge you. Imean, I get challenged on the
(43:07):
highway all the time. Right? Youknow, and all these different
things, but life also championsme too, because I understand
that perseverance producescharacter, and character hope.
So you got to count it great joywhen you face these trout.
Because once you become maturein these areas, you will say,
(43:29):
Man, I'm happy. I may not bewhere I want to be, but I'm
thankful I'm not how I used to
Greg Hamlin (43:37):
be. I love that.
That is fantastic. I love that.
What a great way to wrap up. TaWell, we appreciate you having
us with us today. That's the endof our episode today. But we
hope you'll join us for futurepodcasts releasing every two
weeks on Monday. And if youcan't get enough adjust in your
life, then check out our blogfrom our resident blogger
(43:59):
Natalie dangles, she this dropson the opposite week of the
podcast and it can be found atWWW dot Burk in comp.com. And
also if you liked or listenedplease get please give us a
review on Apple's podcastplatform. We also want to be
sure to express Special thanksto Cameron Runyon for our
(44:19):
excellent music. If you needmore music in your life, you can
contact him directly by Lokilocating his email in our show
notes. Thanks again for all yoursupport. Remember, do write
think differently. And don'tforget to care
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