September 6, 2023 • 28 mins
A few things to keep in mind as you are developing relationship and what matters. We discuss Gideon going on a Hike with his buddy, we discuss transactional relationships and maybe don't call just for help.
And actually I think you started off by saying, well, there's all different types of relationships. There's a very transactional relationship. There's a deeper bonded relationship. There's family relationships, there's friendships. I would, I would challenge you and the listener to think about these relationships and how important they are and be able to classify them accordingly, because I think the last parting thought on it is make sure that you celebrate these big milestones with people.
And that looks different for everybody. It might be birthdays, might be anniversaries. It might be them graduating from college, them getting married, you know, whatever. Spend the time to, to celebrate their milestones and celebrate with them so that you have a stronger relationship. Any other thoughts on relationships?
I think something important to remember is also to not just forgive, but when you're the one to mess up, to say sorry, because I like that. I'm currently going through a course, it's digital marketing and analytics. So we talk a lot about. Keeping relationships with companies and one of the biggest things to grow like trust with company, which is huge in the marketing industry is when you have a problem to solve it quickly and efficiently and make the other party happier.
And from that, it there builds a stronger relationship than was there before. And I think that works with friendships or any other type of relationship too, is to say sorry when you're wrong and figure out the way, the right way to fix it, as
powerful thanks Gideon, that was very powerful.
I think something that tags along
on, well, wow, excuse me, something that tags along really well with that. It's something we used to say in a group I was a part of where one of our most important traits that we needed to have in order to be a valuable member of the group is vulnerability. So you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable so that we can all learn and grow at the same pace.
And so, like for me, like with relationships, it takes a certain level of vulnerability to take someone who is something you know, to someone you're in a relationship with, whether that be a, a friend, you know, colleague, you take some level of vulnerability to meet someone. So I think, I think vulnerability
is important.
I like that. And as we've done, or doing more studies, Brene Brown is on vulnerability and, and that I think as a society we're understanding the, how critical that is and how important being vulnerable in that situation and allowing that to open up. To develop into a bigger relationship because if you're not vulnerable what happens you end up with a lot of transactional relationships Versus saying, Oh yeah, Hey, I really need your help.
And that's okay. Great. Thanks. Thanks. Great points, gentlemen. So listen, or go out there, celebrate the differences, be vulnerable. As for forgiveness, make it right. When you do something wrong, set your boundaries. And celebrate the victims and yep, and showing some support every once in a while. Go for that hike.
Just so you guys know he's crying right now. So just we need to give
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dad (00:05):
that looks different for everybody.
It might be birthdays, might beanniversaries.
It might be them graduating fromcollege, them getting married,
you know, whatever.
Spend the time to, to celebratetheir milestones and celebrate
with them so that you have astronger relationship.
(00:25):
Any other thoughts onrelationships?
Gid (00:28):
I think something important to remember is also to not just
forgive, but when you're the oneto mess up, to say sorry,
because I like that.
I'm currently going through acourse, it's digital marketing
and analytics.
So we talk a lot about.
Keeping relationships withcompanies and one of the biggest
(00:51):
things to grow like trust withcompany, which is huge in the
marketing industry is when youhave a problem to solve it
quickly and efficiently and makethe other party happier.
And from that, it there builds astronger relationship than was
there before.
And I think that works withfriendships or any other type of
(01:12):
relationship too, is to saysorry when you're wrong and
figure out the way, the rightway to fix it, as well as the
forgiveness.
Dad (03:44):
Gideon, when was the last time a friend has asked you to
do something with them?
When was the last
Gid (03:50):
time?
This
Dad (03:51):
week.
Okay, do you have a date inmind?
A date?
August.
Not like one to go on, but adate.
Gid (03:58):
Oh, like oh, okay.
Dad (04:00):
I was like, I'm kidding.
I do mean, I do mean, do youhave a time frame?
When did that happen?
Gid (04:05):
I think it was like
Dad (04:06):
Monday.
I would think it was today.
I think it was in the last maybetwo hours.
You had a friend ask you to dosomething that you might not
have wanted to do.
Gid (04:16):
Oh, yeah.
No, I get what you mean.
Dad (04:19):
Do you want to share with the listener what happened?
I didn't
Gid (04:22):
want to go on a hike.
Ashton (04:25):
What a sad guy.
Who would reject a wonderfulhike?
That's so
Gid (04:29):
lame.
A wonderful hike through thethick, thick, thick forest.
Dad (04:34):
Okay, so.
You're so nice.
Any guesses on what today'stopic might be on then?
Hikes.
Might be.
That's close.
Nature walks.
Relationships nice and thereason why I wanted to talk
about relationships briefly Iwant a mom's favorite singers
that she introduced me to Hasthese lyrics and he passed away
(04:54):
this week Jimmy Buffett passedaway.
He has a song called fruitcakeshe says here comes a big one
relationships.
We all got him.
We all want him What do we dowith them?
Here we go.
I'll tell you so his thing is Hetalks about how how in
relationships we all want them.
We all got them We don't knowwhat to do with them when we've
(05:16):
got them So today I want to talka little bit about relationships
because we all do have them, anyI mean, let's list off some
different types of relationshipsreal quick for the listener to
think about well You've
Ashton (05:28):
got for me.
You've got parent relationships.
You've got siblingrelationships.
You've got friend relationships.
You've got other like extendedfamily relationships Romantical
romantical relationships againGood working relationships and
Dad (05:44):
want to be romantical relationships friendzones.
Yep friendzones is arelationship I'd agree.
So what does it take as youthink through all those
different types ofrelationships?
What what are some of let's justmaybe do and maybe it's an old
Johnny Carson thing.
Maybe the top ten Relationshipthings you need to have what
are, and let's take a little bitof time.
(06:04):
Do you want to, if you want toblow through all 10 of them or
if you just want to do one,let's do one at a time and kind
of talk about it for a second.
I was going to say you need
Ashton (06:11):
another person to have a relationship with.
That's step one.
Dad (06:14):
There's a interpersonal relationship and intrapersonal.
Probably not.
Okay.
So you need another person, butwhat, what type of things do you
need to do to keep arelationship going or, you know,
not transactional, right?
What's a transactionalrelationship?
You go to the bank.
Here's my deposit.
Teller gives you back a receiptsaid, thanks for the deposit.
(06:35):
What other, I mean, there's lotsof transactional relationships.
Oh
Ashton (06:38):
yeah, transactional one is easy.
Like, I had an example come tomind where, like, I've done this
and I've had it done to me whereyou text an old friend and you
friend and you're like, hey,it's been a long time, hope
you're doing well.
Also, I need this thing, whichfor me is kind of transactional
because you're still friendswith that person and it's like,
(07:01):
it's cool to talk to him, butit's still like the reason
they're reaching out is becausethey need something or the
reason you're reaching out isbecause you need something.
So for me that becomes like atransactional
Dad (07:09):
thing.
It might become a transactionalsituation, but it's probably not
a transactional relationship.
I see what you're saying.
I can appreciate that.
There's times that you're like,Oh, my, it's really not a
friend.
It's a transaction.
That's a good point.
Because if you text somebody outof the blue and say, Hey, I need
this.
They're like, Oh, great.
Ashton again, wants to borrow mysynthesizer, whatever.
(07:31):
I don't know.
Some other traditionaltransactional relationships.
I think they've gone down.
Right, like self checkout lanesnow.
Do you have to say anything to Ilove self checkout lanes.
See, and it's funny to see allthe old people, they hate them.
They're like, I don't work here,why do I have to check out?
Gid (07:51):
Yeah, no, I was a cashier, so I got those people.
Ashton (07:55):
Mine is, I don't work here, why do I have to talk to
anybody?
Dad (07:57):
Right, see that's, and that's just a different of age.
So, so, transactionalrelationships I think are
becoming less, so let's talkabout more.
Like relationships that eitherwant to develop or that you
have, what are some keycomponents of, of relationships
just in general, like a top 10.
Gid (08:14):
Oh, that's a lot.
Okay, so
Dad (08:17):
let's just spend time on one at a time.
Okay, so what's your top?
I mean, it doesn't have to beyour top one.
Just just throw one out thereimportant part of relationship
Gid (08:25):
An important part of relationship is connection
Elaborate connection like, youknow, the other person and you
have something to connect overLike that's really the first
part about meeting somebody ishaving something to connect with
So like if you're at aconvention or at school, you're
like well You're at school, sothat's a connection.
You're at this convention, sothat's a connection, Mike.
(08:48):
I'd agree.
There's just places to go withthat, so a connection.
Ashton (08:50):
Combination of
Dad (08:51):
circumstance.
Yeah, so I think that's how youwould set one up and get one
going.
But let's say now that you'veestablished a relationship,
you're in a relationship.
Maintaining it.
Yeah, maintaining it.
So sorry I didn't ask that.
Alright.
What do you think some of thetop things that are needed in to
maintain a relationship?
Probably just keep in touch.
Ooh.
That's the main thing.
That was my number one.
I put down communication asnumber one.
(09:13):
How different, how do youcommunicate?
Ashton (09:17):
Well I mean, you can call someone, text someone you
know, reach out to them.
A lot of times people post onsocial media, it's like if
there's people that I'm tryingto keep connections with, I'll
always just like, comment orlike or something to show like,
hey, I'm still like, paying
Dad (09:35):
attention, you know.
Yeah, and that's good for somepeople, right?
That's enough.
Right.
And other people, they're goingto need more than that.
Right.
Some people need a lot ofcommunication, almost over
communication.
Other people want just that onetouch.
Hey, Ashna, right.
Like your post, you know, oryeah.
Happy birthday via text.
(09:55):
It's probably good enough forsome relationships and others.
You need to pick up the phoneand call them.
And some of them, you know,sending a text means more to
them.
So you're going to text them,right?
So the, the communication needsto be between really the two
people, right?
It's the sender and thereceiver.
But communication is a big one.
I think sometimes relationshipssuffer because there's no check
(10:18):
in miscommunications happen allthe time.
And we all spend a whole episodeon communication.
Yeah.
Oh, we probably have four orthree.
So that's, that's goodcommunication.
Great.
When you get in anything elsethat comes to mind.
Ashton (10:36):
This might be a fringe one, but honesty with someone
that you're trying to trying tostay connected with friends with
relationship with, yeah,
Dad (10:43):
I, I put that one just under like forgiveness, you
know, relationship forgivenessis also resolved conflicts.
It was probably buying, buyingtogether.
I think that's, I think
Ashton (10:52):
that's kind of what I was going for.
Cause it's like, you know, inorder to keep a healthy
relationship, like the.
Emotions and all that got to behealthy.
You gotta keep yourself and theperson you're in a relationship
with all in a good
Dad (11:04):
good spot Good place.
Yeah, and I think that that thatcheck in right that that hey,
how are we doing?
You know, am I giving you whatyou need?
Are you getting what you neednow?
Is that gonna happen in everyrelationship?
I can tell you guys do itdifferent the girls Right.
Jeff, Jeff Fox really does agreat line on that.
He comes in and, and you know,little joke is that, Hey, Bob's
(11:28):
getting a divorce.
Okay.
Does he need anything?
I don't know.
I didn't ask him, you know, howdid you not ask him?
Right?
Yeah.
The whole premise is, yeah, Igave you the one line text that
I got from him.
I'm getting a divorce.
What else do you want from him?
You know?
But women, yeah.
There's a lot more detail now.
Yeah, yeah.
Now that's not all women, but,but historically, right.
(11:51):
So yeah, I think you're right.
I think there needs to be thatcheck-in and, and then that can
bring up what.
Is there ever any disagreements?
Yes.
Yep, that's how it works.
So what would you call that?
If you have a disagreement, whatdo you have to go through?
Conflict resolution.
Oh, I love it.
(12:11):
Yep.
Yep.
Conflict resolution.
And what, what might that be?
Just calling out the conflict.
Ashton (12:19):
For me.
Like, or.
Dad (12:23):
Honesty.
Honesty is a big one.
And sometimes though, do you asthe other person always know
what's bugging you about saidoffender and party?
No, I don't.
And sometimes that's the hardestpart, right?
Because you're like, look, I'mfrustrated.
You frustrated me, but I don'tknow exactly what it is that's
frustrating me.
(12:43):
Gideon
Ashton (12:43):
looks like he doesn't have the same experience ever.
Gid (12:45):
No, I connect.
It's connected.
Okay.
Anyway, yeah.
Dad (12:51):
Keep going.
Yeah.
So, so with, with this goingthrough the resolved conflicts,
we, we, we've spent a bunch oftime on resolved conflicts in
the past, right?
Talking through what, what aresome of the things we talked
through with resolvingconflicts?
Do you remember that?
Make them.
I feel, you know, you and Idisagreed on that.
We talked through that in one ofour podcasts, but unresolving
(13:13):
conflicts.
What's a couple other thingsthat helps, helps a
relationship?
Fun stuff, I think.
Love it.
Yeah.
Fun stuff.
I call it quality time, right?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
So to you going for the hike,was that quality time?
That was time.
That you
Ashton (13:30):
denied.
Denied.
You denied a friend of yours,that quality time.
You're like
Gid (13:35):
looking at him as you're saying that, that's so mean.
Dad (13:38):
Anyways.
Yeah, we're recording from the,the, the more expensive
woodshed.
We're up at the cabin today.
I record an episode becausewe're actually on the holiday
weekend.
Yeah.
Quality time is prettyimportant.
Sometimes it's just time becausethe other party sometimes has to
dictate what quality time is.
Yeah.
We've talked about that beforetoo.
Correct.
(13:59):
Yeah.
A lot of talk about quality timeand having to spend time
together.
I think in order to have areally good relationship, you
have to have some type of trust,right?
You have to trust the otherparty.
Yeah.
And sometimes it's trusting notto do what you want.
That's right.
Trusting that they're going todo.
They're going to be in theirown, they see the world
differently.
(14:20):
Yeah, trusting
Ashton (14:21):
or understanding where someone's coming from.
Cause you can either trustsomeone to be there or get, hold
your back, get your back orwhatever.
Or you can trust someone to dowhat they're going to do anyway.
Right,
Dad (14:30):
and I think that's that trust and respect, right?
So you're like, look, I'm goingto trust you to do this.
I, you know, and there's a lotof times as a dad.
We put you guys at a certain ageor a certain situation and we'll
go, Oh, you're always doingthis.
And you might've only done once.
You might've done it 15 times,but it's always, you know, like
(14:52):
that, that was 12 years ago.
That's not, I'm not the sameguy.
Right.
That trust and respect I thinkneeds to be there in a good
relationship.
Another thing that has to happenis there needs to be some type
of support.
So when your friend goes, Hey,do you want to go hiking?
No, just kidding.
You should support that
Ashton (15:09):
friend.
Dad (15:11):
I'm just kidding.
Wait.
Any words Gideon?
No.
No, because there's other timesthat you support.
Right?
And there's other times that yousupport and help each other.
And you really sometimes have tovalidate it.
That leads into the next one.
And that's really understandingthe healthy boundaries.
(15:32):
Right.
Ashton (15:32):
And in keeping with our example, Gideon set healthy
boundaries, he needs it so muchtime.
Dad (15:38):
Do you feel picked on yet?
This was not intended, when Iactually came up with this, this
is just a funny byproduct of it.
No,
Gid (15:44):
it's fine.
It's, it's, it's whatever.
It's whatever.
Ashton (15:48):
Are you being, Gideon, are you being honest with us
right now?
No.
Dad (15:52):
Then you're going to have to forgive us later.
What's a, what's a healthyboundary though?
In this scenario, were youreally setting a boundary?
No, you just were like, dude,I'm not going to go.
I'm not going to walk throughthat thick brush.
I know there's nothing up there,but I'll help you.
Did you not get him a radio andyou had the radio by in case he
got in trouble?
But, but how's help setting upsome healthy boundaries?
Well, I've got, I've, for,
Ashton (16:13):
for me, someone who teaches in high schools and
stuff I'm, I'm younger and so Ican connect with teenagers a bit
more, but you still need to haveall those healthy boundaries.
Because sometimes kids will beoh yeah, we're friends.
And it's like, no, we're not.
Dad (16:28):
Yeah, I can be friendly.
Right.
But we're not friends.
We're
Gid (16:33):
not about
Dad (16:33):
to go hang
out
Ashton (16:34):
later.
Right, so it's just kind oflike, that's a very important
boundary.
And there are other boundarieswith, you know, other friends.
Like, if you and your friendshave different moral or standard
systems, you can, like, if afriend group wants to do
something that you don't want tobe a part of, you can be like,
hey, you know what, that's notreally for me, that's a boundary
of mine.
They could have something on theflip side where,
Dad (16:54):
you know, it goes both ways.
When is the easiest time to setup those boundaries?
Do you think in a relationship?
Now?
Yeah.
Early.
Yeah.
And if you haven't done so now'sa great time.
Why?
Because if you've crossed in thepast, they start maybe feeling
like, oh, you just don't want tohang out with me.
Instead of you just being reallydirect and that goes back to him
to say, Hey, I felt like thissituation crossed the line.
(17:16):
I feel like you sharing like theguys working out in the gym.
Hey, they're getting a divorced.
Well, if you would have went andstarted asking all those
personal questions, the guyswould have been like, whoa,
whoa, whoa, bro, you crossed myboundaries.
Yeah, no, that's, you know, but,but I'm just here to lift, bro.
I don't, yeah, this is, this isa boundary that you've now
officially crossed, right?
So.
(17:36):
I think another, another one is,and this is part of that healthy
boundaries.
It's okay to be different,celebrate your differences.
Say, Hey, it's okay.
We are different.
We're supposed to be different.
And that's really been somethingthat I've seen a lot in society
right now is, is that you end upwith the same friend groups, you
(17:58):
end up with the same people, youhang out with the same people
over and over.
And so what happens is you, youdon't celebrate the differences
as much.
I have a friend that I talked toon Facebook and him and I see
the world very different andI'll reach out to him say, Hey,
we're just going to seedifferent on this one, but
here's my two or three points,you know, of why I think I'm
right.
He can give two or three points.
(18:19):
Normally he just defends hisoriginal post.
And then I say, great, we'restill good.
And we move on.
And I realized we're justdifferent and that's okay.
But it took me a while.
I didn't, I didn't realize wecould be different in like my
twenties and thirties at that.
If we didn't think the same, wedidn't have anything to be
friends with.
What do you think?
I think you guys as a youngergeneration understand that
(18:40):
better than we did.
I
think
Ashton (18:43):
that's fair.
I think I think, yeah, it'seasier than ever to separate
yourself from people who youthink differently from.
Oh,
Dad (18:50):
good.
Isolation almost,
Ashton (18:52):
right?
Yeah, well, there's that, andthen it's also like...
Like, we live in a very what'sthe right word for it?
Politically...
Charged?
Charged.
Yeah, charged.
It's not exactly what I'mlooking for, but it works.
Politically charged world wherepeople share a lot of different
opinions.
And I know for me, it's, it'smade it very important for me to
separate the politics from thethe end of the world.
(19:28):
You know, so it may mean that Idon't want to have a deeper
friendship with that individualper se but we can still be fine
colleagues, which is justanother
Dad (19:41):
relationship, right?
Yeah, that's a good point.
It's a different type ofrelationship and you set
different boundaries for it,right?
And I think works work works.
Companies work really hard atsetting up boundaries like, Hey,
we don't talk about this atwork.
Let's keep off politics out ofthe office.
(20:01):
You know, let's keep romanticrelationships out of the office,
et cetera.
So there's a lot involved in, inhaving good relationships and
just having a relationship.
And actually I think you startedoff by saying, well, there's all
different types ofrelationships.
There's a very transactionalrelationship.
There's a deeper bondedrelationship.
(20:21):
There's family relationships,there's friendships.
I would, I would challenge youand the listener to think about
these relationships and howimportant they are and be able
to classify them accordingly,because I think the last parting
thought on it is make sure thatyou celebrate these big
milestones with people.
(20:42):
And that looks different foreverybody.
It might be birthdays, might beanniversaries.
It might be them graduating fromcollege, them getting married,
you know, whatever.
Spend the time to, to celebratetheir milestones and celebrate
with them so that you have astronger relationship.
(21:04):
Any other thoughts onrelationships?
Gid (21:07):
I think something important to remember is also to not just
forgive, but when you're the oneto mess up, to say sorry,
because I like that.
I'm currently going through acourse, it's digital marketing
and analytics.
So we talk a lot about.
Keeping relationships withcompanies and one of the biggest
(21:29):
things to grow like trust withcompany, which is huge in the
marketing industry is when youhave a problem to solve it
quickly and efficiently and makethe other party happier.
And from that, it there builds astronger relationship than was
there before.
And I think that works withfriendships or any other type of
(21:50):
relationship too, is to saysorry when you're wrong and
figure out the way, the rightway to fix it, as
Dad (21:57):
powerful thanks Gideon, that was very powerful.
I think something that tagsalong
Ashton (22:02):
on, well, wow, excuse me, something that tags along
really well with that.
It's something we used to say ina group I was a part of where
one of our most important traitsthat we needed to have in order
to be a valuable member of thegroup is vulnerability.
So you need to allow yourself tobe vulnerable so that we can all
(22:23):
learn and grow at the same pace.
And so, like for me, like withrelationships, it takes a
certain level of vulnerabilityto take someone who is something
you know, to someone you're in arelationship with, whether that
be a, a friend, you know,colleague, you take some level
of vulnerability to meetsomeone.
(22:45):
So I think, I thinkvulnerability
Dad (22:46):
is important.
I like that.
And as we've done, or doing morestudies, Brene Brown is on
vulnerability and, and that Ithink as a society we're
understanding the, how criticalthat is and how important being
vulnerable in that situation andallowing that to open up.
To develop into a biggerrelationship because if you're
not vulnerable what happens youend up with a lot of
(23:08):
transactional relationshipsVersus saying, Oh yeah, Hey, I
really need your help.
And that's okay.
Great.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Great points, gentlemen.
So listen, or go out there,celebrate the differences, be
vulnerable.
As for forgiveness, make itright.
When you do something wrong, setyour boundaries.
(23:29):
And celebrate the victims andyep, and showing some support
every once in a while.
Go for that hike.
Ashton (23:35):
Just so you guys know he's crying right now.
So just we need to give
that looks different for everybody.
It might be birthdays, might beanniversaries.
It might be them graduating fromcollege, them getting married,
you know, whatever.
Spend the time to, to celebratetheir milestones and celebrate
with them so that you have astronger relationship.
(00:25):
Any other thoughts onrelationships?
Gid (00:28):
I think something important to remember is also to not just
forgive, but when you're the oneto mess up, to say sorry,
because I like that.
I'm currently going through acourse, it's digital marketing
and analytics.
So we talk a lot about.
Keeping relationships withcompanies and one of the biggest
(00:51):
things to grow like trust withcompany, which is huge in the
marketing industry is when youhave a problem to solve it
quickly and efficiently and makethe other party happier.
And from that, it there builds astronger relationship than was
there before.
And I think that works withfriendships or any other type of
(01:12):
relationship too, is to saysorry when you're wrong and
figure out the way, the rightway to fix it, as well as the
forgiveness.
Dad (03:44):
Gideon, when was the last time a friend has asked you to
do something with them?
When was the last
Gid (03:50):
time?
This
Dad (03:51):
week.
Okay, do you have a date inmind?
A date?
August.
Not like one to go on, but adate.
Gid (03:58):
Oh, like oh, okay.
Dad (04:00):
I was like, I'm kidding.
I do mean, I do mean, do youhave a time frame?
When did that happen?
Gid (04:05):
I think it was like
Dad (04:06):
Monday.
I would think it was today.
I think it was in the last maybetwo hours.
You had a friend ask you to dosomething that you might not
have wanted to do.
Gid (04:16):
Oh, yeah.
No, I get what you mean.
Dad (04:19):
Do you want to share with the listener what happened?
I didn't
Gid (04:22):
want to go on a hike.
Ashton (04:25):
What a sad guy.
Who would reject a wonderfulhike?
That's so
Gid (04:29):
lame.
A wonderful hike through thethick, thick, thick forest.
Dad (04:34):
Okay, so.
You're so nice.
Any guesses on what today'stopic might be on then?
Hikes.
Might be.
That's close.
Nature walks.
Relationships nice and thereason why I wanted to talk
about relationships briefly Iwant a mom's favorite singers
that she introduced me to Hasthese lyrics and he passed away
(04:54):
this week Jimmy Buffett passedaway.
He has a song called fruitcakeshe says here comes a big one
relationships.
We all got him.
We all want him What do we dowith them?
Here we go.
I'll tell you so his thing is Hetalks about how how in
relationships we all want them.
We all got them We don't knowwhat to do with them when we've
(05:16):
got them So today I want to talka little bit about relationships
because we all do have them, anyI mean, let's list off some
different types of relationshipsreal quick for the listener to
think about well You've
Ashton (05:28):
got for me.
You've got parent relationships.
You've got siblingrelationships.
You've got friend relationships.
You've got other like extendedfamily relationships Romantical
romantical relationships againGood working relationships and
Dad (05:44):
want to be romantical relationships friendzones.
Yep friendzones is arelationship I'd agree.
So what does it take as youthink through all those
different types ofrelationships?
What what are some of let's justmaybe do and maybe it's an old
Johnny Carson thing.
Maybe the top ten Relationshipthings you need to have what
are, and let's take a little bitof time.
(06:04):
Do you want to, if you want toblow through all 10 of them or
if you just want to do one,let's do one at a time and kind
of talk about it for a second.
I was going to say you need
Ashton (06:11):
another person to have a relationship with.
That's step one.
Dad (06:14):
There's a interpersonal relationship and intrapersonal.
Probably not.
Okay.
So you need another person, butwhat, what type of things do you
need to do to keep arelationship going or, you know,
not transactional, right?
What's a transactionalrelationship?
You go to the bank.
Here's my deposit.
Teller gives you back a receiptsaid, thanks for the deposit.
(06:35):
What other, I mean, there's lotsof transactional relationships.
Oh
Ashton (06:38):
yeah, transactional one is easy.
Like, I had an example come tomind where, like, I've done this
and I've had it done to me whereyou text an old friend and you
friend and you're like, hey,it's been a long time, hope
you're doing well.
Also, I need this thing, whichfor me is kind of transactional
because you're still friendswith that person and it's like,
(07:01):
it's cool to talk to him, butit's still like the reason
they're reaching out is becausethey need something or the
reason you're reaching out isbecause you need something.
So for me that becomes like atransactional
Dad (07:09):
thing.
It might become a transactionalsituation, but it's probably not
a transactional relationship.
I see what you're saying.
I can appreciate that.
There's times that you're like,Oh, my, it's really not a
friend.
It's a transaction.
That's a good point.
Because if you text somebody outof the blue and say, Hey, I need
this.
They're like, Oh, great.
Ashton again, wants to borrow mysynthesizer, whatever.
(07:31):
I don't know.
Some other traditionaltransactional relationships.
I think they've gone down.
Right, like self checkout lanesnow.
Do you have to say anything to Ilove self checkout lanes.
See, and it's funny to see allthe old people, they hate them.
They're like, I don't work here,why do I have to check out?
Gid (07:51):
Yeah, no, I was a cashier, so I got those people.
Ashton (07:55):
Mine is, I don't work here, why do I have to talk to
anybody?
Dad (07:57):
Right, see that's, and that's just a different of age.
So, so, transactionalrelationships I think are
becoming less, so let's talkabout more.
Like relationships that eitherwant to develop or that you
have, what are some keycomponents of, of relationships
just in general, like a top 10.
Gid (08:14):
Oh, that's a lot.
Okay, so
Dad (08:17):
let's just spend time on one at a time.
Okay, so what's your top?
I mean, it doesn't have to beyour top one.
Just just throw one out thereimportant part of relationship
Gid (08:25):
An important part of relationship is connection
Elaborate connection like, youknow, the other person and you
have something to connect overLike that's really the first
part about meeting somebody ishaving something to connect with
So like if you're at aconvention or at school, you're
like well You're at school, sothat's a connection.
You're at this convention, sothat's a connection, Mike.
(08:48):
I'd agree.
There's just places to go withthat, so a connection.
Ashton (08:50):
Combination of
Dad (08:51):
circumstance.
Yeah, so I think that's how youwould set one up and get one
going.
But let's say now that you'veestablished a relationship,
you're in a relationship.
Maintaining it.
Yeah, maintaining it.
So sorry I didn't ask that.
Alright.
What do you think some of thetop things that are needed in to
maintain a relationship?
Probably just keep in touch.
Ooh.
That's the main thing.
That was my number one.
I put down communication asnumber one.
(09:13):
How different, how do youcommunicate?
Ashton (09:17):
Well I mean, you can call someone, text someone you
know, reach out to them.
A lot of times people post onsocial media, it's like if
there's people that I'm tryingto keep connections with, I'll
always just like, comment orlike or something to show like,
hey, I'm still like, paying
Dad (09:35):
attention, you know.
Yeah, and that's good for somepeople, right?
That's enough.
Right.
And other people, they're goingto need more than that.
Right.
Some people need a lot ofcommunication, almost over
communication.
Other people want just that onetouch.
Hey, Ashna, right.
Like your post, you know, oryeah.
Happy birthday via text.
(09:55):
It's probably good enough forsome relationships and others.
You need to pick up the phoneand call them.
And some of them, you know,sending a text means more to
them.
So you're going to text them,right?
So the, the communication needsto be between really the two
people, right?
It's the sender and thereceiver.
But communication is a big one.
I think sometimes relationshipssuffer because there's no check
(10:18):
in miscommunications happen allthe time.
And we all spend a whole episodeon communication.
Yeah.
Oh, we probably have four orthree.
So that's, that's goodcommunication.
Great.
When you get in anything elsethat comes to mind.
Ashton (10:36):
This might be a fringe one, but honesty with someone
that you're trying to trying tostay connected with friends with
relationship with, yeah,
Dad (10:43):
I, I put that one just under like forgiveness, you
know, relationship forgivenessis also resolved conflicts.
It was probably buying, buyingtogether.
I think that's, I think
Ashton (10:52):
that's kind of what I was going for.
Cause it's like, you know, inorder to keep a healthy
relationship, like the.
Emotions and all that got to behealthy.
You gotta keep yourself and theperson you're in a relationship
with all in a good
Dad (11:04):
good spot Good place.
Yeah, and I think that that thatcheck in right that that hey,
how are we doing?
You know, am I giving you whatyou need?
Are you getting what you neednow?
Is that gonna happen in everyrelationship?
I can tell you guys do itdifferent the girls Right.
Jeff, Jeff Fox really does agreat line on that.
He comes in and, and you know,little joke is that, Hey, Bob's
(11:28):
getting a divorce.
Okay.
Does he need anything?
I don't know.
I didn't ask him, you know, howdid you not ask him?
Right?
Yeah.
The whole premise is, yeah, Igave you the one line text that
I got from him.
I'm getting a divorce.
What else do you want from him?
You know?
But women, yeah.
There's a lot more detail now.
Yeah, yeah.
Now that's not all women, but,but historically, right.
(11:51):
So yeah, I think you're right.
I think there needs to be thatcheck-in and, and then that can
bring up what.
Is there ever any disagreements?
Yes.
Yep, that's how it works.
So what would you call that?
If you have a disagreement, whatdo you have to go through?
Conflict resolution.
Oh, I love it.
(12:11):
Yep.
Yep.
Conflict resolution.
And what, what might that be?
Just calling out the conflict.
Ashton (12:19):
For me.
Like, or.
Dad (12:23):
Honesty.
Honesty is a big one.
And sometimes though, do you asthe other person always know
what's bugging you about saidoffender and party?
No, I don't.
And sometimes that's the hardestpart, right?
Because you're like, look, I'mfrustrated.
You frustrated me, but I don'tknow exactly what it is that's
frustrating me.
(12:43):
Gideon
Ashton (12:43):
looks like he doesn't have the same experience ever.
Gid (12:45):
No, I connect.
It's connected.
Okay.
Anyway, yeah.
Dad (12:51):
Keep going.
Yeah.
So, so with, with this goingthrough the resolved conflicts,
we, we, we've spent a bunch oftime on resolved conflicts in
the past, right?
Talking through what, what aresome of the things we talked
through with resolvingconflicts?
Do you remember that?
Make them.
I feel, you know, you and Idisagreed on that.
We talked through that in one ofour podcasts, but unresolving
(13:13):
conflicts.
What's a couple other thingsthat helps, helps a
relationship?
Fun stuff, I think.
Love it.
Yeah.
Fun stuff.
I call it quality time, right?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
So to you going for the hike,was that quality time?
That was time.
That you
Ashton (13:30):
denied.
Denied.
You denied a friend of yours,that quality time.
You're like
Gid (13:35):
looking at him as you're saying that, that's so mean.
Dad (13:38):
Anyways.
Yeah, we're recording from the,the, the more expensive
woodshed.
We're up at the cabin today.
I record an episode becausewe're actually on the holiday
weekend.
Yeah.
Quality time is prettyimportant.
Sometimes it's just time becausethe other party sometimes has to
dictate what quality time is.
Yeah.
We've talked about that beforetoo.
Correct.
(13:59):
Yeah.
A lot of talk about quality timeand having to spend time
together.
I think in order to have areally good relationship, you
have to have some type of trust,right?
You have to trust the otherparty.
Yeah.
And sometimes it's trusting notto do what you want.
That's right.
Trusting that they're going todo.
They're going to be in theirown, they see the world
differently.
(14:20):
Yeah, trusting
Ashton (14:21):
or understanding where someone's coming from.
Cause you can either trustsomeone to be there or get, hold
your back, get your back orwhatever.
Or you can trust someone to dowhat they're going to do anyway.
Right,
Dad (14:30):
and I think that's that trust and respect, right?
So you're like, look, I'm goingto trust you to do this.
I, you know, and there's a lotof times as a dad.
We put you guys at a certain ageor a certain situation and we'll
go, Oh, you're always doingthis.
And you might've only done once.
You might've done it 15 times,but it's always, you know, like
(14:52):
that, that was 12 years ago.
That's not, I'm not the sameguy.
Right.
That trust and respect I thinkneeds to be there in a good
relationship.
Another thing that has to happenis there needs to be some type
of support.
So when your friend goes, Hey,do you want to go hiking?
No, just kidding.
You should support that
Ashton (15:09):
friend.
Dad (15:11):
I'm just kidding.
Wait.
Any words Gideon?
No.
No, because there's other timesthat you support.
Right?
And there's other times that yousupport and help each other.
And you really sometimes have tovalidate it.
That leads into the next one.
And that's really understandingthe healthy boundaries.
(15:32):
Right.
Ashton (15:32):
And in keeping with our example, Gideon set healthy
boundaries, he needs it so muchtime.
Dad (15:38):
Do you feel picked on yet?
This was not intended, when Iactually came up with this, this
is just a funny byproduct of it.
No,
Gid (15:44):
it's fine.
It's, it's, it's whatever.
It's whatever.
Ashton (15:48):
Are you being, Gideon, are you being honest with us
right now?
No.
Dad (15:52):
Then you're going to have to forgive us later.
What's a, what's a healthyboundary though?
In this scenario, were youreally setting a boundary?
No, you just were like, dude,I'm not going to go.
I'm not going to walk throughthat thick brush.
I know there's nothing up there,but I'll help you.
Did you not get him a radio andyou had the radio by in case he
got in trouble?
But, but how's help setting upsome healthy boundaries?
Well, I've got, I've, for,
Ashton (16:13):
for me, someone who teaches in high schools and
stuff I'm, I'm younger and so Ican connect with teenagers a bit
more, but you still need to haveall those healthy boundaries.
Because sometimes kids will beoh yeah, we're friends.
And it's like, no, we're not.
Dad (16:28):
Yeah, I can be friendly.
Right.
But we're not friends.
We're
Gid (16:33):
not about
Dad (16:33):
to go hang
out
Ashton (16:34):
later.
Right, so it's just kind oflike, that's a very important
boundary.
And there are other boundarieswith, you know, other friends.
Like, if you and your friendshave different moral or standard
systems, you can, like, if afriend group wants to do
something that you don't want tobe a part of, you can be like,
hey, you know what, that's notreally for me, that's a boundary
of mine.
They could have something on theflip side where,
Dad (16:54):
you know, it goes both ways.
When is the easiest time to setup those boundaries?
Do you think in a relationship?
Now?
Yeah.
Early.
Yeah.
And if you haven't done so now'sa great time.
Why?
Because if you've crossed in thepast, they start maybe feeling
like, oh, you just don't want tohang out with me.
Instead of you just being reallydirect and that goes back to him
to say, Hey, I felt like thissituation crossed the line.
(17:16):
I feel like you sharing like theguys working out in the gym.
Hey, they're getting a divorced.
Well, if you would have went andstarted asking all those
personal questions, the guyswould have been like, whoa,
whoa, whoa, bro, you crossed myboundaries.
Yeah, no, that's, you know, but,but I'm just here to lift, bro.
I don't, yeah, this is, this isa boundary that you've now
officially crossed, right?
So.
(17:36):
I think another, another one is,and this is part of that healthy
boundaries.
It's okay to be different,celebrate your differences.
Say, Hey, it's okay.
We are different.
We're supposed to be different.
And that's really been somethingthat I've seen a lot in society
right now is, is that you end upwith the same friend groups, you
(17:58):
end up with the same people, youhang out with the same people
over and over.
And so what happens is you, youdon't celebrate the differences
as much.
I have a friend that I talked toon Facebook and him and I see
the world very different andI'll reach out to him say, Hey,
we're just going to seedifferent on this one, but
here's my two or three points,you know, of why I think I'm
right.
He can give two or three points.
(18:19):
Normally he just defends hisoriginal post.
And then I say, great, we'restill good.
And we move on.
And I realized we're justdifferent and that's okay.
But it took me a while.
I didn't, I didn't realize wecould be different in like my
twenties and thirties at that.
If we didn't think the same, wedidn't have anything to be
friends with.
What do you think?
I think you guys as a youngergeneration understand that
(18:40):
better than we did.
I
think
Ashton (18:43):
that's fair.
I think I think, yeah, it'seasier than ever to separate
yourself from people who youthink differently from.
Oh,
Dad (18:50):
good.
Isolation almost,
Ashton (18:52):
right?
Yeah, well, there's that, andthen it's also like...
Like, we live in a very what'sthe right word for it?
Politically...
Charged?
Charged.
Yeah, charged.
It's not exactly what I'mlooking for, but it works.
Politically charged world wherepeople share a lot of different
opinions.
And I know for me, it's, it'smade it very important for me to
separate the politics from thethe end of the world.
(19:28):
You know, so it may mean that Idon't want to have a deeper
friendship with that individualper se but we can still be fine
colleagues, which is justanother
Dad (19:41):
relationship, right?
Yeah, that's a good point.
It's a different type ofrelationship and you set
different boundaries for it,right?
And I think works work works.
Companies work really hard atsetting up boundaries like, Hey,
we don't talk about this atwork.
Let's keep off politics out ofthe office.
(20:01):
You know, let's keep romanticrelationships out of the office,
et cetera.
So there's a lot involved in, inhaving good relationships and
just having a relationship.
And actually I think you startedoff by saying, well, there's all
different types ofrelationships.
There's a very transactionalrelationship.
There's a deeper bondedrelationship.
(20:21):
There's family relationships,there's friendships.
I would, I would challenge youand the listener to think about
these relationships and howimportant they are and be able
to classify them accordingly,because I think the last parting
thought on it is make sure thatyou celebrate these big
milestones with people.
(20:42):
And that looks different foreverybody.
It might be birthdays, might beanniversaries.
It might be them graduating fromcollege, them getting married,
you know, whatever.
Spend the time to, to celebratetheir milestones and celebrate
with them so that you have astronger relationship.
(21:04):
Any other thoughts onrelationships?
Gid (21:07):
I think something important to remember is also to not just
forgive, but when you're the oneto mess up, to say sorry,
because I like that.
I'm currently going through acourse, it's digital marketing
and analytics.
So we talk a lot about.
Keeping relationships withcompanies and one of the biggest
(21:29):
things to grow like trust withcompany, which is huge in the
marketing industry is when youhave a problem to solve it
quickly and efficiently and makethe other party happier.
And from that, it there builds astronger relationship than was
there before.
And I think that works withfriendships or any other type of
(21:50):
relationship too, is to saysorry when you're wrong and
figure out the way, the rightway to fix it, as
Dad (21:57):
powerful thanks Gideon, that was very powerful.
I think something that tagsalong
Ashton (22:02):
on, well, wow, excuse me, something that tags along
really well with that.
It's something we used to say ina group I was a part of where
one of our most important traitsthat we needed to have in order
to be a valuable member of thegroup is vulnerability.
So you need to allow yourself tobe vulnerable so that we can all
(22:23):
learn and grow at the same pace.
And so, like for me, like withrelationships, it takes a
certain level of vulnerabilityto take someone who is something
you know, to someone you're in arelationship with, whether that
be a, a friend, you know,colleague, you take some level
of vulnerability to meetsomeone.
(22:45):
So I think, I thinkvulnerability
Dad (22:46):
is important.
I like that.
And as we've done, or doing morestudies, Brene Brown is on
vulnerability and, and that Ithink as a society we're
understanding the, how criticalthat is and how important being
vulnerable in that situation andallowing that to open up.
To develop into a biggerrelationship because if you're
not vulnerable what happens youend up with a lot of
(23:08):
transactional relationshipsVersus saying, Oh yeah, Hey, I
really need your help.
And that's okay.
Great.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Great points, gentlemen.
So listen, or go out there,celebrate the differences, be
vulnerable.
As for forgiveness, make itright.
When you do something wrong, setyour boundaries.
(23:29):
And celebrate the victims andyep, and showing some support
every once in a while.
Go for that hike.
Ashton (23:35):
Just so you guys know he's crying right now.
So just we need to give
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