Reconnecting with Joel Lava: On Directing Films, Online Dating, and Life Lessons

It's not every day you get to reconnect with a good old friend! So, buckle up as we embark on a fun ride with DGA Director Joel Lava. He'll reminisce about the time he spent with the late Dick Butkus, how he found his way to film directing with little guidance from anyone and he'll share some of the ways in which he'd advise someone today how to get there.  Amidst some other chuckles over surprise guests in the chat room, Star Wars fandom versus Star Trek, and Joel's clear dabble with the ‘dark side', we'll also take a peep into Joel's directorial adventures and his recent enlightening interview on Canvas Rebel.

Purposely, we take a left turn and dive into the dating scene!  We all know online dating is a complex matrix of perceptions, expectations, and reality checks. We delve into the intriguing opinion of men hitting their prime in their fifties – a stark contrast to the realities of online dating from our younger years. Joel, our insightful guest, walks us through his experiences navigating the online dating world and shares valuable guidance on balancing personal life with "relationships".

We do get back to what we came for and we'll round off the show with a fascinating peek into the multifaceted realm of film directing. You'll learn about the hurdles of shooting out of order, the importance of being tech-savvy, and the absolute power some directors wield on set. We also tackle why investing in personal growth is paramount. So, join us on this funny and enlightening journey of old-school stories, giggles, straight-up laughter - complete embarrassment,  inspiration, and just some good'ole life lessons!

*A very special thank you to Cristian Coțovan for his help in editing this episode.

Thank you for stopping by. Please visit our website: All About The Joy and add, like and share. You can also support us by shopping at our STORE - We'd appreciate that greatly. Also, if you want to find us anywhere on social media, please check out the link in bio page.

Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth


DISCLAIMER: As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast. Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance.

Episode Transcript

Carmen Lezeth (00:00):
Hi everybody, welcome to All About the Joy
Rick, hello, Hello hello JoelLava is with us, hi, Joel.

Joel Lava (00:06):
Hi, Joel, I have forgotten.

Carmen Lezeth (00:08):
You know what's so funny?
I was trying to figure out howlong it's been since we've seen
each other.
Do you know how long it's been?

Joel Lava (00:13):
No, it might be like 20 years.

Carmen Lezeth (00:16):
It's like 20 years.
I think the last time I saw youwas Because I don't know if I
saw you over at Bergamot Station.
I think it was on Euclid right,correct?
You were never at BergamotStation.
So yeah, we're talking like 20years.
So did you miss me?

Joel Lava (00:31):
Of course.
Well, I've talked to you sincethen.
You've helped me out.

Carmen Lezeth (00:35):
I and let's talk about that I always help you out
, right.

Joel Lava (00:41):
The one time I asked you.
Yes, you helped me.

Carmen Lezeth (00:43):
Oh my God, I help you on anything you're working
on.
I've joined any page thatyou've started on gun control or
whatever you're doing, I amalways the first one, always.

Joel Lava (00:55):
I appreciate you.

Carmen Lezeth (00:56):
But I've had to beg you for help.
Have you realized therelationship?

Joel Lava (01:01):
You did not beg, you ask and I answer.

Carmen Lezeth (01:03):
You don't answer, but that's okay, let's move on.
I'm here, I know, I know, but Itold Rick.
I said you know, what's sofunny is I felt like you kind of
invited yourself and I wasexcited that you did.
Yeah, I felt like it was kindof cool because I would have
asked you to be here but Ididn't think you would do it.

(01:24):
I'll be honest with you.

Joel Lava (01:26):
Why, why would no one want to be on this amazing show
?

Carmen Lezeth (01:30):
Oh, I did not say that We've had plenty of people
.
That's not what I said.
But that was cute.
I adore you.
No, I don't know, I justthought you wouldn't want to be
as short, so I was excited whenthat topic came up, which we'll
talk about later.
But I do want to talk aboutsomething else first.
And Rick, I'll let you talk atleast like for two minutes,
because I know I always do thisto you.

(01:52):
So first I want to say I knowthat you worked with Dick
Buttkiss, right, and he justdied.

Joel Lava (01:57):
I know it's so sad.
I just texted my friend who isthe creative director for that
project and we both texted TearCrying Emojis.
He was nice.
He was nice.
We bonded over watches becauseI had a bunch of watches I wore
pre-pandemic.

Carmen Lezeth (02:12):
And not anymore.
You don't wear the watchesanymore.

Joel Lava (02:15):
I do so much work from home, I don't need them.

Carmen Lezeth (02:18):
Okay, so you guys bonded over that.
But wait so how long ago was itwhen you worked on that project
with him?

Joel Lava (02:23):
It was like five plus years ago.

Carmen Lezeth (02:26):
It was five or six years ago, yeah.

Joel Lava (02:27):
Yeah, and he was really cool.
It was with Kristin Cavallari.

Carmen Lezeth (02:31):
Yeah.

Joel Lava (02:32):
He was gung ho.
I mean he'd done a lot ofacting so he knew what to do.

Carmen Lezeth (02:37):
Yeah, he was actually pretty good.
I mean, I was wondering if youI mean directed him or helped
him in any way whatsoever, or ifhe just walked on stage.
You know, was on stage.

Joel Lava (02:47):
We wanted him to like scream like he's doing a really
intense pet pocket camera.
So I was he.
Let me dial him up or down, youknow, just like any actor like,
because he's acting and stuff.
So Kristin Cavallari was nicetoo.

Carmen Lezeth (03:02):
Yeah, and it seemed like a cool spot.
It was for Pinterest orsomething.

Joel Lava (03:06):
Yeah, nfl Pinterest.

Carmen Lezeth (03:08):
Yeah, so I'm sorry for your loss.
I thought that was, and I sawthat come through, I was like,
oh man, he's going to be in abad mood, you know.
But okay, cool, all right.
Well, let's talk about youbeing a director.
I did see, and everyone shouldgo read.
Well, first of all, joelabbacomis your website and all your
spots are on there, and I knewyou when you were just a little

(03:30):
animator, so is that what youdid at Brand New School?

Joel Lava (03:34):
It is.
I was still directing stuff onthe side and doing well at it,
but making money wise.
It was more animating.

Carmen Lezeth (03:43):
Okay, so you just did this interview on I forget
the name of this Canvas Rebel.
They just interviewed hiMelanie, hi Stephen.

Joel Lava (03:50):
Do you know all these people you're saying hi to?

Carmen Lezeth (03:52):
Yeah, these are actually Rick's people.
They come and visit us everyweek, unlike you, who doesn't
watch or listen to my podcastson a weekly basis.

Joel Lava (04:01):
That's correct.

Rick Costa (04:03):
Unless he's watching a replay.
You never know.

Joel Lava (04:07):
I don't listen to anything.
Live, it would always be.

Carmen Lezeth (04:10):
Well, I was impressed because you said
that'd be a great topic for AATJ.

Joel Lava (04:15):
Because I don't remember what that topic was but
I only listen to podcasts atdouble speed, so but I've
listened to Me too, me too.

Carmen Lezeth (04:22):
Okay, well, you could listen to mine on double
speed.

Joel Lava (04:25):
I did.
I listened to you talking aboutthe boat chair.

Carmen Lezeth (04:28):
Yeah, that was a good one.
Yeah, that was a good one.
Yeah, I saw your stuff on thattoo.

Rick Costa (04:32):
I did.

Carmen Lezeth (04:32):
Okay, so I wanted to talk about this interview on
Canvas Rebel with you because Ithought it was good, but then
it left me wanting moreinformation, like I felt like
there was.
The rest of the interview hadprogressed.
So first I want to ask you kindof the boring question and this
is where I didn't want tointerview, because I can't
believe you're a Star Warsperson.

(04:54):
Whatever, we're Star Trek onthis show, we're not Star Wars,
but no, no, no.

Rick Costa (04:59):
I like Star Wars too , no don't.

Joel Lava (05:01):
I don't think my son has seen a Star Trek, but he's
all in on Star Wars.

Carmen Lezeth (05:05):
Yeah Well, but Rick, why are you going side
with him?
Is this what you're going to do?

Rick Costa (05:09):
No, my first love is Star Trek, but I like Star Wars
too, though.

Carmen Lezeth (05:13):
Okay, whatever, rick, after this show, you're
fired Can you talk a little bitabout what's in the article,
talk a little bit about how youdid Star Trek, and then I want
to focus on this thing aboutmentorship that you kind of
talked about in the article.

Joel Lava (05:28):
I mean, I've been making movies since I was a kid,
with the Super A and that'sjust always what I wanted to do.
Like seventh grade I did areenactment of I think it was
the Battle of Goliad, becauseI'm from Texas.
Oh, that's cool.
We had like a cannon firing,just like the Fablemen's.

Carmen Lezeth (05:46):
I was yeah it sounds like Steven Spielberg.
I was just going to say itsounds like Steven.

Joel Lava (05:49):
Spielberg.
And then, yeah, film school andI did cable access and in my
life plan I was already supposedto be more like David Fincher
or exactly like David Fincher atthis point, but I am in the DGA
, I do direct, I'm also creativedirector for motion graphics
and VFX design branding.

Carmen Lezeth (06:10):
Why didn't you go to animation?

Joel Lava (06:12):
I was working in Chicago on film crews as a PA in
art department and 12 plus hourdays and it's just very insular
there.
It's not like LA, where you canmove up quick.
It's very much like high schooland it moves really slow and I
was like I can't do this anymore.
I wasn't making enough moneyand I wasn't being.
It was not a track towardsanything.

(06:34):
So I quit Cold Turkey andstarted temping and I taught
myself after effects, htmls,illustrator and then just
followed them.

Carmen Lezeth (06:46):
Okay.
So you come to LA, you startdoing animation.
You're still doing movies onwhich, by the way, I had no idea
.
I don't know why I would thinkI would know, but I knew all
these guys were wanting to bedirectors and that's why we
started.
I mean, I started doing all theapplications to be in the DGA
at Brand New School when wemoved over to Bergamot Station,

(07:07):
so I had no idea that you werealso on that track, but I guess
most of you would have beenright Kind of, I guess, yeah.

Joel Lava (07:14):
So I was directing music videos and stuff in
Chicago and then I moved out toLA but then went right up to San
Francisco to work at ILM andthen I came back to LA in 2000.
And every time, like I said inthe article, every time I've
taken months off at a time towork on a personal project
elevated my next step in mycareer, getting noticed and

(07:34):
stuff.
So is this the end?

Carmen Lezeth (07:36):
goal, or is it feature films or what's in store
for you?
Next?
I've been playing the lottery,a lot.
Oh, my God.

Joel Lava (07:47):
Rosalie, how are you?

Carmen Lezeth (07:48):
Oh my God, that is so Wow.
I am still happy to see you.

Joel Lava (07:54):
All right, now I can't talk anymore.
Oh why?
Because Rosalie and I haveknown each other a long time,
too Longer than you, Rick, whoyou?

Carmen Lezeth (08:08):
just met, like you were like thinking longer
than me.
You've actually known Ricklonger than you as well.
But we didn't really know eachother, joel, we didn't really
talk much at Brandy's school,yeah we did.

Joel Lava (08:20):
We got into it, did we fight.

Carmen Lezeth (08:23):
I felt like we fought a lot.
Well, that was sort of.

Joel Lava (08:28):
You have a spicy personality so I didn't think of
it as fighting.
Okay, spicy.

Carmen Lezeth (08:34):
I think there's gonna be some fighting later in
this.
I'm trying to keep my cool, butoh, go on baby.

Joel Lava (08:39):
This is from my kids for Father's Day.
Oh, that's cool, mr La-ba-la-ba.

Carmen Lezeth (08:45):
Oh cool.

Joel Lava (08:47):
Yeah so that's what it was, and I was directing all
the way through, all doingeverything else, and I was like,
oh, what do I want to do?
I was like, yeah, I would stillhave to do a feature.
I'm trying to get into TVepisodic directing and yes.

Carmen Lezeth (09:02):
I was really shocked that.
I mean I just I totally stalkyou.
So I look at your Facebook page.
I do.
I totally stalk some of mypeople from Brandy's school who
I liked a little bit.
Joel is on the bottom of thatlist, but he's at least in the
list.

Rick Costa (09:19):
He's on the list, so that's good.

Carmen Lezeth (09:22):
Hi is up here.

Joel Lava (09:23):
Joel is actually why am I so low on?
What's this list that I'm solow on?

Carmen Lezeth (09:27):
I don't know.
I don't remember us having afriendly.

Joel Lava (09:32):
Boy, this interview sure is going in a different
direction than I expected.
This is a really interview.

Carmen Lezeth (09:38):
I'm just messing with you Because you said See,
it's so funny how you forget.
You said you're taking a bigrisk having me on.
So I had to think about whatthat meant.

Joel Lava (09:47):
Well, it's because it was a different topic.
By the way you can tell I'm adirector because I'm properly
framed with my eyes in the upperthird.

Carmen Lezeth (09:55):
And I'm not.
I'm not Okay.
So let's talk a little bit moreabout the mentor part, because
I was intrigued by a couplethings in that article.
So one of them is you mentionedthat you had talked to a mentor
and you asked them what youcould do better, and they just
said keep plugging away.
And so my question is Icouldn't figure out in the rest

(10:18):
of the article was that a goodthing?
I mean, I think you made it agood thing or did you want
someone to say you know what?
You should do this this way, dothis that way?

Joel Lava (10:27):
Well, it was both.
First of all, it wasn't amentor.
It was someone who hadgraduated my school like 10 to
20 years before me, and so Ijust went there wanting advice
and I showed him my directorreal-time, which wasn't good.
I just wanted him to point out,because I look at that reel and
I see the glaring weaknessesthat you know like, essentially,
holes in your reel.
These are holes.
These are where you need tokeep working.

(10:48):
These are where you should keepplugging away, getting better.
So plugging away is good, butat the time when you're out of
school, it's like I feel morelike a fire hose.
So plugging away is you're justflailing without any direction,
and so I was mad because hecould have actually broken my
stuff down and done a crit andhe didn't and that.
So that still pisses me off,because it was more like getting

(11:09):
blown off.

Carmen Lezeth (11:10):
Okay, yeah, okay.
That's what I read.
I agree with that.

Joel Lava (11:13):
I've worked with a lot of interns and all that, and
I don't I.
If their stuff isn't good, Igive them constructive criticism
.
You can say here's what's goodand here's where it needs to be
better and here's the creativebrief that we're trying to
achieve, and you've kind of goneoff.
I mean, I don't just go keepplugging away and then walk away
.

Carmen Lezeth (11:32):
So Right, Do you have a laptop on your lap?
Yeah, I'm sitting on in my bedand you're sitting in your bed,
okay, no, it's just going tokill me for editing.
It's okay, though.
You're just a director, not aneditor.

Joel Lava (11:45):
I'm doing cinema.
Verite, let's go.

Carmen Lezeth (11:47):
Yeah, it's going to have like this all so many
things, hey, jr.

Joel Lava (11:52):
Oh my God, jr Saldano , what the hell.

Carmen Lezeth (11:54):
How are we?
I know JR.

Joel Lava (11:56):
Wait, how did these people know about this?

Carmen Lezeth (11:57):
We are live streaming on LinkedIn and on
Friend.
With Bound.
I already told you.

Joel Lava (12:03):
I can't say half the shit I was going to say.
If this is on LinkedIn, it'snot on.

Carmen Lezeth (12:07):
LinkedIn.
I'm just pretending, I told youLinkedIn.
Twitch, youtube, facebook.

Joel Lava (12:12):
Oh, I'm sweating.
I was going to be saying somuch borderline, misogynistic
crap that now people who arelike these are people who could
hire me I have to present likepublic persona Do you want to
play in dress?

Carmen Lezeth (12:29):
I know, do you want to go get dressed or
something?

Joel Lava (12:33):
Yeah, I wouldn't be doing a freaking Zoom for my
son's bedroom.

Carmen Lezeth (12:38):
All right, let's go, let's do this.
Let's go, joe.
Oh my God, I'm going to letRick ask his questions and then
you can leave.
You are so great.
Dude I sent you the links tolook at this show.
Do you like to be friends withthe same people you're friends
with?

Joel Lava (12:55):
All right, let's keep going.

Carmen Lezeth (13:01):
I feel so bad.
I'm going to knock you outbecause I feel like you're
uncomfortable now.
I did see the promos.

Rick Costa (13:09):
The promos I recognized was Shadow Hunters,
because I like that show.
Oh wow.
And Preacher.

Carmen Lezeth (13:15):
Preacher is what I'm called.

Rick Costa (13:16):
Yeah, those two I watched and I was like, oh yeah,
that was really good.
Yeah, those promos were reallygood.

Joel Lava (13:20):
I'd shot both of those for the first season, when
everyone's really cool, yeah,exactly.

Carmen Lezeth (13:27):
Do you have any other questions, Rick?

Rick Costa (13:29):
Well, for people that don't really know what does
a director do, maybe just tryto break it down for a
six-year-old.

Carmen Lezeth (13:35):
Oh, yeah, as opposed to like a
cinematographer.

Joel Lava (13:38):
Let's see how do I do it.

Carmen Lezeth (13:40):
You want me to explain it in my version, and
then you can fix it.

Joel Lava (13:44):
Yeah, that'll be interesting.

Carmen Lezeth (13:45):
Okay.
So, from my point of view as anactor and somebody who watches
and works with directors all thetime, and this is basically
like the CEO of a company theyrun everything, they are
involved in everything, theyknow everything that's going on
and they are able to handle it,or they delegate it to the right

(14:07):
people to handle it, but theyare in charge of all of it, as
opposed to, say, acinematographer or director of
photography is somebody who onlyhandles cameras and handles
those shots and handles theirlane, basically.
So that's how I see a director.
A director has their hands andeverything and is in charge of
all of it.

Joel Lava (14:27):
The director takes the script and turns it into
what you see.
Fine, it goes into it.
Yeah, the director is in charge.
So location scouting, workingwith the art departments to
build sets, props.
He works with wardrobeObviously, works with actors to
help them do what they're doing,talked with the DP, crafts
compositions and camera movesand coordinates all the effects.

(14:50):
So if you're shooting passesand things on green screen, you
have to have everything plannedout and knowing if you're
shooting something happening ona green screen you need a light
effect or foreground explosion.
You know that has to happen incoordination with what's going
on in post and you have toremember where if an actor says
something a certain way out oforder, you have to make sure

(15:10):
they're running with the rightumption and intonation so it
lines up with when you shoot theother part, stuff like that.

Carmen Lezeth (15:17):
Well, you won't explain that, because people
don't realize that films are notfilmed in order.
You know, like people don'trealize that films are done out
of order.
So I love what you just said,that you also have to say that
part again about the intonationsand what an actor is doing.

Joel Lava (15:34):
Well, for instance, a movie, film, commercial,
anything of it takes place infive locations.
You don't shoot, but you bouncearound through time and you go
from the house to the park andback to the house.
You shoot everything at thehouse all at once.
So you change wardrobe andchange lighting for different
times a day and to make sure itflows within the story, but you
shoot it all each location atthe same time.

Carmen Lezeth (15:56):
Right, and then in the editing room you go back
and put everything in right.
So, you put whatever people youneed.
It's like a little puzzle.

Joel Lava (16:06):
Yeah, it's for intonations.
It's, yeah, like when you'reshooting, even at the same
location, you shoot a scene fromdifferent angles and you have
to make sure people their eyelines are right and their
reactions match with how it'sgoing to flow.
And with TV directing a littlebit, in film directing sometimes
the director is not eveninvolved in the edit.

(16:27):
You just shoot your stuff andthen you're done and it gets
handed off.

Carmen Lezeth (16:31):
Oh really, I didn't know that.
I guess that makes sense,because you're only there for
that episode, right?

Joel Lava (16:36):
The DGA has, you're required to give the director
four days of the first look,first cut, and then after that
they can refine it.
In reality it's just aformality and as the director
gets his cut they throw it in.

Carmen Lezeth (16:50):
Right, okay, that makes sense.
I did not realize that, though,but that does make sense.

Rick Costa (16:55):
So I was going to say it's kind of like you
oversee everything and make surewhat's supposed to happen
happens.

Joel Lava (17:01):
In a very simplistic way, I'm trying to but you're
obviously supposed to bring yourvision and style and everything
.
So yeah, five directors willdirect the same script five
different ways.
Right.

Rick Costa (17:14):
Yeah, I remember I was seeing the other day
somebody.
The actor was doing a differentproject but they needed him and
he said I can give you threedays.
So they had to shoot all thescenes with that actor for those
three days but it was not allin sequence so they had to
re-sequence it afterward,obviously.

Carmen Lezeth (17:30):
Look at Rick getting all involved in film.
I love Megan.

Rick Costa (17:33):
I love it.

Carmen Lezeth (17:35):
I'm trying to understand it all.
Yeah.
You take the vision from thepage to the screen and that's
what I said.
That's cool Joy.
Well, now I feel bad aboutbringing up hot topics because I
don't want to embarrass you nowthat you notice that so many of
our old school friends areseeing it.
He's so funny.
I love him.
He hasn't changed one, butthat's exactly who I begin.

(17:56):
Joy just said I wondered why itwas not shot in sequence.
What was not shot in sequence?

Rick Costa (18:02):
Like I was saying for the example of the actor
that wasn't available, yeah.

Carmen Lezeth (18:07):
So, Joel, I was going to talk to you about other
stuff, but now I'm feeling bad.

Joel Lava (18:10):
Oh, let's do it, let's do it.
That's why I'm here.

Carmen Lezeth (18:13):
Are you sure?

Rick Costa (18:15):
Yeah, let's go Okay.

Carmen Lezeth (18:16):
So the reason why this came up was because we
were emailing back and forth,whatever.
And I said men in their fiftiesare actually at their prime and
hot.
And you said I think that wouldbe an interesting conversation
for A-H-E-J.
So I said, well then, come onthe show and talk about it.
So do you disagree with that ordo you agree?

(18:39):
That's my first question.

Joel Lava (18:41):
Well, I think you, you're over 40, right?
Yes, so I guess what I'm sayingis people my age, people
younger than me, don't think I'mattractive.

Carmen Lezeth (18:55):
Okay, so you're saying attractive and I'm saying
hot, so I think those are twodifferent things.
Well, so let's get one thingout of the way You've always
been attractive, so that's justsilly talk.
Like I can't.
I can't boost your ego todaythat I can't do.
You were born pretty.
You already know that.
Look at it.
He's like I don't know what tosay no like I'm now.

Joel Lava (19:18):
I'm newly single.
I dip my toe into the watersand I've discovered the hard way
that having a five next to myage just completely took me off
the market for everyone who hasa four or a three.

Carmen Lezeth (19:34):
Okay, wait, how did you?
Okay?
That's not true.
How did you dip your toe intothe market?
I guess.

Joel Lava (19:40):
Like on a half.

Carmen Lezeth (19:41):
Yeah, no.
Why Dude?
Why?
Why would you do the datingonline?

Joel Lava (19:46):
Because, I'm in a place.
I'm in a place where I don'thave a lot of time or desire to
put out effort there, and if Ihave to like make it a hobby,
like go places where humans arein the meat space, then humans
Sure.

Rick Costa (20:02):
Humans Okay.

Carmen Lezeth (20:04):
Okay.
So, joel, if you don't havetime for a relationship, then
you're going to get as much asyou put into the effort.
I don't know anybody who's inan actual dating situation,
myself included, who is doing iton apps.
The way you do it is this wayyou let all your friends know
that you're nearly single and wemaybe introduce you or go out

(20:27):
to dinner or you know, Iactually okay.
The first time we startedtalking recently, like in the
past couple of years or whateverit was I asked you you want to
meet up for coffee?
And you were like I'm so busy,I have my kids, and I was like
dude, this guy thinks everyone'safter him.
I'm going to get up withsomebody If you're ready, if

(20:51):
you're dipping your toe.

Joel Lava (20:53):
That was the truth.
I was busy when that happened.

Carmen Lezeth (20:57):
I know.
So what I'm saying is is youcan't.
You can't say, because youdipped your toe into a dating
app for five minutes, that nowthat means everyone who's 30 or
40 or whatever.

Joel Lava (21:08):
No, because I can't even get a response.
I'm a ghost, I'm invisible.

Carmen Lezeth (21:12):
So you've been trying it for how long?

Joel Lava (21:15):
A month or so.

Carmen Lezeth (21:17):
Oh my God, all right, we're done talking to
Joel Lavitt.
It was really nice.

Joel Lava (21:21):
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
I'm not, I'm not looking for arelationship, so that's probably
one problem.

Carmen Lezeth (21:28):
That's what we talked about, right?
What did I say?
What did I send you?

Joel Lava (21:32):
Secondly, what I'm saying is I'm not even getting
like like people I don't likeall right.
When I was in my twenties and Iwas going on apps or whatnot,
it was instantaneous, whateverit is.
And now I'm coming in 20 plusyears later.
Not only I'm just not even.

(21:53):
People aren't even talking Likeit's like.
My profile doesn't even existon the app, whereas the last
time I did this, it was much 20years ago.

Carmen Lezeth (22:02):
20 years ago.

Joel Lava (22:03):
Because here's what I found, here's what I've, here's
what I remember.
Here's the part where I'm nolonger going to get any work
because this is on LinkedIn.
I forgot a lot of.
I still have game, but I forgotsome things Such as I forgot
now.
These are just generallyspeaking, broad strokes.
Women in their twenties allbelieve they are secretly

(22:27):
lineage from royalty and theybelieve that they're all
princesses and should be treatedas such.

Carmen Lezeth (22:32):
Okay, I'm going to stop.
I'm going to stop sweetie, whatare you doing?
What are you doing?
Stop You're.
You're so doing this wrong onevery level.
We do not categorize all women.
First of all.
Why do you want to datesomebody in their twenties?

Joel Lava (22:46):
I'm not.

Carmen Lezeth (22:46):
I'm not with that problem.

Joel Lava (22:48):
I didn't say I was trying to.
I'm saying I'm remembering whatit was like.

Carmen Lezeth (22:52):
Okay, let's not categorize all women when we're
live, you know.
If you want to have a privateconversation, it's good, but
that's the first mistake.

Joel Lava (22:59):
I thought that's what this podcast was about.

Carmen Lezeth (23:02):
I thought we're keeping it real.
All women in their twentiesthink they're princesses.
Go ahead.

Joel Lava (23:07):
No, I said I'm I'm generalizing, and especially on
the apps.

Carmen Lezeth (23:10):
Okay, alma just said maybe you're not marketing
yourself correctly.
That's what I think, alma.
Go ahead.

Joel Lava (23:17):
I think, is when you read, when you read profiles on
the apps and I'm, the people intheir twenties are like you,
better come with it, you'regoing to have to keep up with me
.
Blah, blah, blah.
And then in the thirties,thirties, they're trying to hold
on to their twenties and intheir forties they're getting
hit on by guys in their twenties, so they don't want to talk to
a guy who's their age or older.

(23:38):
What was that?

Carmen Lezeth (23:39):
What was that?
I said?
That's true, that's true,that's true.

Joel Lava (23:43):
I guess you were just telling me how wrong I was, so
it's a weird feeling.
Well, no, that one.

Carmen Lezeth (23:48):
That one part is true for some reason, as in my
experience, as I get older themen are getting younger who are
interested, but here's the funnypart not interested in the
younger guys at all.
Right, the reason why I thinkmen in their fifties are in
their prime and kind of hot isbecause and I say this
respectfully to all men, don't,don't come at me, but there.

Joel Lava (24:12):
Are you talking about all men?
You're being so general about.

Rick Costa (24:17):
You said in there in their fifties, or all men in
their fifties.

Carmen Lezeth (24:20):
Men in their fifties, it feels like they're
and I'm generalizing and I'msaying in my experience, but men
in their fifties tend tofinally kind of meet, I guess
what I would call a maturity anda sexiness that I find fabulous
, like they're cool inthemselves, they know what they
want, like as far as like theywant to, they know what their

(24:41):
job, career goals are.
You know they're not lookingfor themselves whatever, and and
I actually find that very sexyI think men in their fifties are
actually at their prime, youknow so that's what I was
telling you.

Joel Lava (24:55):
You find maturity to be sexy all the time.

Carmen Lezeth (24:58):
Not, not age wise , I mean Maturity, as far as,
like you know, you act like anadult, you have responsibilities
, you know what you're doing.
I tend to think that the menlike when I was in my thirties,
I dated a guy in his fifties andit didn't work because we were
not connected Generationally andthere were other things.
But I found his maturity Verysexy.

(25:20):
Women in their 20s on the appsare usually not looking for
relationship to you.
They want someone who's goingto offer them Experiences.
Well, that's a good way to putit Alma Experiences you mean,
we're looking for a sugar?
daddy.
I think she meant more sacks.
I don't know if she meant sugardaddy.

Joel Lava (25:36):
I think.
I think she's saying women intheir 20s want a sugar daddy.

Carmen Lezeth (25:41):
I don't, I'll know.
What do you mean exactly?
I thought you meant more likeyou know someone who's going to
offer them experiences, fun, youknow joy like just you know
they're not looking.

Rick Costa (25:51):
Oh, she's saying oh, she said both that was a good
diplomatic answer.

Joel Lava (25:56):
They're looking for someone to offer experiences
like hey, let me take you tomama's.
Hey, let's go on a ski trip.
Hey.

Carmen Lezeth (26:05):
Okay.
So you're looking for what?
You're not looking for arelationship.
You're just looking to hang outin our sex.
You're looking just to hang outI.

Joel Lava (26:14):
I'm look, yeah, but my generalization about the age
groups are just that.
It's just generalizations.
Obviously there's people intheir 20s looking to settle down
.
There's people in their 30s and20s who are very emotionally
mature.
I'm just making a broad show.

Carmen Lezeth (26:30):
Okay, are you looking to eventually make sure
I married again?
I'm not trying to get you introuble, are you?

Joel Lava (26:36):
well, see, that's what.
That's what.
I will be the last person thatHallmark cards hires to write
for them.
No, I'm in a place now.
I'm in a place now where, yeah,like I'm not putting women down
at all, like women are great, Ithink they should be our
president and all that stuff,but what I'm saying is like,
yeah, no, I'm, I'm I.

(26:56):
If I never go on a date again,life I'll be okay.
So I'm trying to work throughthat.
That's where I'm at right now.
I'm speaking of joy.
I'm trying to find joy andeveryday existence.
I'm trying to get better atloving myself and and if someone
enters my life through that butyou know, we got to love
ourselves before we can livesomeone else I agree.

Carmen Lezeth (27:17):
That's good, that that's exactly right.
So why the apps then?

Joel Lava (27:23):
I'm trying to.
I'm also an Al-Anon and there'ssomething called contrary
action and I'm trying to takecontrary action.

Carmen Lezeth (27:32):
Okay, I know Al-Anon yeah.

Joel Lava (27:34):
I'm taking contrary action to Make myself do step
out of my comfort zone tofurther betterment of my general
well-being.

Carmen Lezeth (27:44):
I Would have never guessed, if we, you and I
were having this conversation,that this would be the topic,
but it's kind of cool actuallycompanionship and fun would be
welcome.

Joel Lava (27:55):
Yeah, I guess one of the reasons I can't really date
right now.
I mean, there's a ton ofreasons, both logistical and
emotional.
I I just the idea of beingjudged negatively by a woman.
I can't allow it, so I'veremoved myself from that
equation.

Carmen Lezeth (28:11):
I am not.
I am not judging you negatively.
I just want you to know I'm allpositive for you.

Joel Lava (28:17):
But the the topic was dating in the 50s and the fact
is, like I'm saying, let's justkeep it in the 40s and 50s.
What I found in my in my briefforay into the Dating and it is
brief, I don't have a lot ofdata is that, like I said, women
in their 40s Are getting hit onby younger guys, as are women

(28:38):
in their 50s.
So it's just sort of like theworst of all worlds and, like
you said, the apps may not bethe way to do it the apps are
not way to do this.

Carmen Lezeth (28:48):
They're not.
But if you don't have time tohang out, if you don't have time
to have cup coffee with peopleor meet people, I don't, I don't
know you're, you're kind ofdigging yourself in.
This is actually moreinteresting that there's a night
football.

Joel Lava (29:01):
I have a date tomorrow during lunch to play a
board game with a woman and Imight drive up to Northern Ish
California to see someone.
But that was a okay a littlebit.

Rick Costa (29:15):
Is that via apps, or are you just people you know,
or apps?

Carmen Lezeth (29:19):
Okay, so that's good then.

Joel Lava (29:21):
I don't know what you're getting.
Yeah, I want to be surprised.
I think that's actually fun,that'll be perfect.
Yeah, so what I I put on one ofmy profiles was just basically,
I didn't say free mail s, butthat's what I put, not for like
sex, for anything.
If you need an extra for tennisdoubles or to go to an event,
just call me and I'll be there,because I just want to have

(29:43):
experience without any, withoutany pressure and expectations.

Carmen Lezeth (29:48):
Okay, I think this is a good thing, so this
sounds more positive than howyou started.

Joel Lava (29:52):
Well, you know, I, like I said, the connection here
is bad.
I've got profess potentialemployers one, and you know I
lost.
I lost my way.

Carmen Lezeth (30:01):
Okay, okay, no, look at it, it's okay, I won't.
I won't put up clips of you anddon't worry about it, it's fine
.

Joel Lava (30:09):
Carmen, if you, if you were going through a social
event and you just didn't wantto go stag, you call me, I'm
there.

Carmen Lezeth (30:16):
I know okay, good , but.

Rick Costa (30:18):
I what if you're too busy?

Carmen Lezeth (30:20):
You're too busy I told you.
Here's my thing I have so manyfriends, right, I have a lot of
people who are single, beautiful, smart women, and I'm not
saying all of them would beperfect for you, but the minute
I knew you were on this road, Itold you come in, have have
coffee with me, or whatever,because I wanted to ask you this

(30:43):
and you were not ready then.
But it sounds like you're readynow and so we'll talk.

Joel Lava (30:48):
I wouldn't, I, I wouldn't do that to you.

Carmen Lezeth (30:51):
I don't think I'm in the state of mind to me.
Have me look you up with yourbody.
Have you hook?
Hook you up with one of myfriends?

Joel Lava (30:58):
Yeah, like.
Yeah, we can talk about thatseparately.

Carmen Lezeth (31:01):
The first God, maybe you're right.
Okay, never mind.

Joel Lava (31:05):
The person.
I believe the people will looklike their pictures.

Rick Costa (31:09):
Yet Well, a lot of times, though, they will use a
picture of them, but like from15, 20 years ago, which is not
exactly there.

Joel Lava (31:16):
But well, I'll tell you this.
The app I'm using is calledstir.
It's for single parents.
Never heard of it, so thosepictures are shockingly.
I'll just say this they are notflattering pictures.
I it's almost like stir saidput your leaf flattering
pictures up of yourself.

Carmen Lezeth (31:31):
I don't understand it, but so you've
been surprised when you'veactually met people.

Joel Lava (31:36):
I've only met one person in person.

Carmen Lezeth (31:38):
Did they look like their picture or were you
pleasantly surprised?
Yes, do you meet them onlinefirst.
Yeah, did you meet them onlinefirst?

Joel Lava (31:46):
Yeah, through the app .

Carmen Lezeth (31:47):
Yeah, yeah, I, okay, I I've told many people
this in the past I met Robert.
We were on Yahoo Personals backwhen it was really taboo and
nobody was using it, you knowwhat I mean and nobody was
talking about it.
And you know we talked for likesix months.
I would not visit him in LasVegas.
And you know, one thing led toanother and you know we're still

(32:07):
friends now.
But I think the whole app thingjust has to be one part of your
strategy.
You know, if, if you're reallyinterested in meeting a lot of
people and trying to findsomebody, or you want to have
sex or Whatever it is, you knowI mean that there's a whole
thing you got to kind of getinto doing, but it's not the
only tool available.
I think doing things like thismeeting people on online chats

(32:31):
too is a good one.

Joel Lava (32:32):
Look at ass.

Carmen Lezeth (32:33):
I'm a back-up big girl.

Rick Costa (32:36):
By the way.
I think you're actually singletoo right, I think so I should
have all put that out there.

Carmen Lezeth (32:44):
That's hilarious, you know I think.

Rick Costa (32:46):
Initially, though, you were saying on the apps if
you have 50 in your age, thenyou don't exist.
They just pass you by.
Yes, well, then it's a dash,you don't want them anyway.

Carmen Lezeth (32:59):
No way.
I was just gonna say like Idon't know why you would want
somebody.
Who I mean?
If somebody is looking at youand they're not interested in
you and it's and you reallythink it's because of their age,
why would you want that personaround you?

Joel Lava (33:12):
anyways, that doesn't you know what I?

Carmen Lezeth (33:14):
mean Like I'd be like dodge the bullet.

Joel Lava (33:16):
Let me let me be more precise.
The other app on the on the appstir Other single parents.
I am getting responses.
Okay the other app called field, which is more like Tinder.

Carmen Lezeth (33:32):
I don't exist and that bothers you.
Why is that?
A ego thing, for you know.

Joel Lava (33:37):
I the part of it is because the last time I did this
I was the cat's meow.
Now I'm an invisible old ghostand I don't like that.

Carmen Lezeth (33:44):
That's an ego thing and well, you know what,
not every app is gonna be theright app for you, and maybe the
one you're doing Right.
And I'm starting to think.

Joel Lava (33:53):
Field very likely is not the right app, and I did not
say I was looking forrelationships, so if that
person's not someone I want tohave a relationship with, that's
not necessarily a factor.

Carmen Lezeth (34:05):
On which one?
The Tinder-like one.

Joel Lava (34:07):
Yeah, by the way, I was having lunch with someone
today and he got a call from hiswife saying that she just found
out not only does their sonhave COVID, but now she has it.
And I was like, oh, do I walkaway?
But he's already breathed on me.
I didn't know what to do, so Ijust continued having lunch.

Carmen Lezeth (34:26):
I'm sorry I laughed, but you'll be okay.

Rick Costa (34:28):
Oh, do you know what I just remembered, I got an
appointment, I got to go.
Bye, good to see you.

Carmen Lezeth (34:32):
You're vaccinated ?
Yeah, joel, you were always,and I don't care, I'm gonna
embarrass you.
You remind me so much of Alden.
It kind of annoys me.
Alden's like my brother fromanother mother, but he's, you
know, born pretty awesome guy.
Blah, blah, blah, whatever.
So, yeah, things change as weget older.
It doesn't mean you're any lesshot, it's just using the wrong

(34:53):
app.
You know what I mean.
Like there's, you just said theother app to doing.
Well, you know, but that's anego thing for you Got to get
over that.

Joel Lava (35:01):
I think it's been a hard year because the
professionally, the work driedup for the first time in my life
, I felt ageism for the firsttime in my life and I've worked
wise and I felt ageism for thefirst time in my, in the in the
being attractive zone, and alsofinalized my divorce.

(35:22):
So a lot happens here to makeme start this podcast with you
not on the best foot.

Carmen Lezeth (35:28):
Okay, that's fair and look at it.
I think that's actually areally honest answer and that
actually makes more sense to meand I kind of knew that.
I kind of got that from youeasily, you know, and I also
still don't remember us havingsuch deep conversations.

Rick Costa (35:43):
So you know I do how much time since the divorce was
finalized.
How much time has passed, may?
Oh, so it's not even a year.

Joel Lava (35:51):
It's new.
Yeah, carmen, we would talkabout serious shit.

Carmen Lezeth (35:55):
I don't remember that.
Are you sure to me or someother black?

Joel Lava (35:58):
That's why you liked me, because I would actually
talk to you about things thatweren't about 20 year old.
Fuck boy shit.

Carmen Lezeth (36:06):
Okay, wait, you got to explain.
I'll have to explain a littlebit.
What are you?
Are you talking about whenwe're at brand new school?

Joel Lava (36:12):
That's the only time we talked.

Carmen Lezeth (36:14):
I know.
I know I'm sorry, I know wewent to that diner and had lunch
.

Joel Lava (36:19):
We got into a deep conversation about lighting
black people.

Carmen Lezeth (36:22):
Okay, you're going to have to explain that,
because I have no idea what youjust said.
What oh lighting?

Rick Costa (36:26):
Lighting on the back On a film set.
Somebody darker skinnedlighting yeah.

Carmen Lezeth (36:31):
Oh my God, I was like what are you talking about?
Yeah, that I actually doremember having that
conversation.
Okay, I'll tell you why I likedyou.
I'm being very serious.

Joel Lava (36:41):
I mean, you were also a much shorter I'm not fishing
for you to say this, by the way.

Carmen Lezeth (36:46):
I know you're not .
I'm saying it because I wantyou.
You were also a mature person.
You weren't high maintenance,and that's what I liked about
you.
You were easy.
You know, you were just.

Joel Lava (36:56):
you came in, did your work, you got paid.
No, because in the land of theblind, the one-eyed man is king.
Where we worked was with abunch of extremely immature
people it was very much pre-metoo I won't say his name sitting
in the back where a bunch ofwork.
One of the was just pagingthrough a magazine and there's
what he's like paging.

(37:17):
I'm reenacting him and he wentdude, this chick is hot.
I'm going to go take a shit now.
So that was the workplace youwere at yeah, I looked good in
Paris.

Rick Costa (37:28):
Yeah, good job.

Carmen Lezeth (37:30):
You were also.
I mean, I also.
I mean, it was also a bunch ofboys, it was all men, you know.
And so there was also that partof it, too, where I was always
acting like the mom, even thoughthat's not what I intended to
do, but there was a lot ofcaretaking that had to.
You know what I mean.
Like there was a lot of peoplealways needing help with

(37:50):
something.
So, Daniel, a matter of highversus low maintenance, right
yeah?

Joel Lava (37:56):
It was a company with a bunch of cocky, wealthy young
20-somethings without an HRdepartment.

Carmen Lezeth (38:05):
Yeah, joel Irons, sharpen's Iron what I don't
know what that means.

Rick Costa (38:10):
I know what that is it's a Bible verse actually.

Carmen Lezeth (38:12):
It's a biblical thing.

Joel Lava (38:14):
No, that's game of thrills, just kidding.
The game of thrills.

Carmen Lezeth (38:17):
Well, I was the HR, I was everything but the
creative.
That was the whole point.
But we didn't enforce anythingbecause it was a little boys
club and yeah.
Yeah, we can talk about thatlater too.

Joel Lava (38:32):
It's something, yeah.
So like, here's the thing, Ihave time for my kids, for
myself and my friends, andthere's just not much time left
for anything else At this pointin my life.

Carmen Lezeth (38:42):
No, you do have time.
You're going to go playwhatever some game tomorrow at
lunch.

Joel Lava (38:46):
You do have time, yeah, but it's taking all my
contrary action Like I don'twant to do it, but I'm forcing
myself to.

Carmen Lezeth (38:54):
Yeah, force yourself to do it.
Yeah, rosalie, you guys werebabies back then.
I was the mature on pointperson.
I'm just going to say thatstraight up because I had to be
and it took me a long time toreally accept the fact of how
much of a burden the businessend was put on me.
Like now that I'm older and Ican reflect back, I realize I

(39:18):
did so much for Brand New Schoollike ridiculous amount of work
for Brand New School and itangers me now that I didn't do
better for myself while I wasthere.
I was really taking advantageof there but I didn't know any
better.
So yeah, we were babies backthen.

Rick Costa (39:35):
It sounds like you kept the wheels turning.

Joel Lava (39:38):
Yeah, ash said you make time when you want it, and
that's exactly right.
I don't want it, but I need it.
I'm forcing myself to.

Carmen Lezeth (39:45):
Yeah, I don't know.

Joel Lava (39:47):
This is how I'm looking at dating, and I know
this is not a good way to lookat it.
It's like an ice bath.

Carmen Lezeth (39:53):
Oh God, I can't keep doing this with him.
I want to hit him so badly.
Ok, explain yourself.

Joel Lava (40:00):
Do you want me to call in, like what?

Carmen Lezeth (40:02):
No, no, no, no, no.
It's OK.
It's OK, no, no.
I just want you to tell me whatyou mean by the ice bath thing,
like so you want to get in it,but it's really really cool.

Joel Lava (40:12):
No, it's something that you don't want to do and
it's not enjoyable, but you'rehappy, you did it afterwards.
So take that.
Ladies, get my phone number.
I'm ready to go, which is onhis website, by the way.

Carmen Lezeth (40:27):
That was like.
That was like a set of actualcell phone.
It's on your website.
I thought that was interesting.

Rick Costa (40:33):
Yeah, I saw that too .

Carmen Lezeth (40:35):
I'm just glad you're putting yourself out
there.

Joel Lava (40:37):
Well, the same reason I would need it Hold on a
second.

Carmen Lezeth (40:40):
We've got to read it.
Why would you need somethingyou don't want?
Nothing wrong with being single.

Joel Lava (40:44):
Well, for instance, it's like working out.
I don't we don't always want towork out, but we feel good once
we're kind of doing it anddefinitely after.

Carmen Lezeth (40:52):
That's what we talked about working out and
eating right.
We had a good conversationabout that recently too.
We were going back and forthabout that.

Joel Lava (40:59):
There's a lot of things that are good for us,
that we don't necessarily wantto do, but we make ourselves so
just like eating healthy andworking out.
For me, that includes dating.

Carmen Lezeth (41:09):
OK.
Well, I think you need to datebecause you need to get your
mojo back.
I think there's a differentthing, like what are you doing?
You know?
Can I tell you one of?

Joel Lava (41:16):
my mojos that I forgot.

Carmen Lezeth (41:18):
I lost.

Joel Lava (41:19):
Tell me.
So they're over the course ofmy 20s, when I really was dating
, I didn't always take this tack, but when I first started I
didn't even have the confidenceto do this.
But I didn't necessarily evensay this, but I had the ethos of
if, as soon as I meet someone,you say, hey, we're going to go

(41:40):
out Friday, I'll pick you up ateight, wear something sexy, like
just that way, versus becausethat that's.
That's a track that works,especially in your 20s.
You're not in your 20s anymore.
You don't remember what youwere like.
But instead of being like, hey,what are you doing?
Are you free?
Maybe would you like to go outsometime?
But like that kind of peopledon't like that.

Carmen Lezeth (42:01):
The alpha male like All mom right there with
you.

Joel Lava (42:06):
It's called FWB.

Carmen Lezeth (42:08):
I say just have fun and enjoy yourself.
It sounds like you're near afriend with Ben, someone who is
just as busy as you butunderstands the rules without
all the complications.
To which I say what I'm tryingto explain to him, but he
doesn't listen.

Joel Lava (42:21):
Hold on, do you think I don't know that?
That's exactly what I need.
You don't just walk outside andscream it and they all pop out.

Carmen Lezeth (42:29):
Joel is the new Austin Joel powers.

Joel Lava (42:34):
The person up north that I might meet through the
app would be a FWB.
It's already been written.
Do you need contracts now andstuff when you date someone?

Carmen Lezeth (42:45):
No, you don't.
I've explained this beforebecause people are always like
Carmen, why are you still single?
Because I don't want all ofthat.
I do have friends with benefits.
We can talk later about whatthat means and how I do it, but
I've always had that I have twospecific friends, two guy

(43:05):
friends.
There's no rules or whatever,but there are rules there are
rules you have to talk about,but there's nothing you write
down or whatever, just NDAs.

Joel Lava (43:16):
I was thinking, do you say I think it was on Larry
David, he touched on it.
It was like I now would like totake your panties off and I
would like to slide my handbetween your legs.
New consent to this.

Carmen Lezeth (43:30):
Hey, this is a family show.
Bring it down, bring it down ornot.

Joel Lava (43:34):
I say that with joy.

Carmen Lezeth (43:36):
Yeah.

Joel Lava (43:37):
Joy makes it better.

Carmen Lezeth (43:39):
Yeah, with joy, makes it better I lived in it.

Joel Lava (43:43):
I thought, joy meant like-.

Carmen Lezeth (43:45):
You're such a dork To you by too much info
Exactly.
Thank you, daniel.
Look, I think you're in a placewhere you need to do this and
that totally makes sense.
I think what Ash was sayingearlier is I'm under the belief
that you know, unfortunately, Ithink most of my friends who
have gotten married end up indivorce.

(44:05):
I only have a few friends thatI knew the minute they got
married or they were dating,that it would last forever.
And they're still together, andthey've been together since
high school.
You know what I mean.
So wait, what are people saying?
All kinds of joy.
My precious ears see.
Some of our people are freakingout.
Friends with benefits is betteryou got to find the right

(44:26):
people who can handle it.
Yeah, but here's the thing too,joel.
You might think that's what youwant, but you don't know, and I
think it's good that you'reputting yourself out there to
figure it out.

Joel Lava (44:36):
I don't think a lot of people can handle Spencer's
benefits.
I think that really what I needis the most cliche thing is
literally I need to join a cluband start new hobbies and just
experience life by doing newthings.
But that's so cliche, but it'strue.

Carmen Lezeth (44:55):
Yeah, I think you do need to put yourself out
there, and I'm glad you are.
I just I don't know if the appsI'm not.
I've been done with the appsfor about 20 years.
Hey, brian, how are you?
Good evening everyone.
And Carmen.
Oh my God, this is my nemesis.

Rick Costa (45:11):
Brian from Texas.

Carmen Lezeth (45:13):
Yeah, okay, joel, what else you got?

Joel Lava (45:16):
I'm from Texas.

Carmen Lezeth (45:17):
Yeah, but you're from Austin, a good part of
Texas, the only part of Texasanyone would want to step foot
in.
He's from another part of Texas, Houston, I believe Blah and
you left Texas.
And okay, I have a question foryou, because Brian go lose his
shit.
Do you think Texas is betterthan California?

Joel Lava (45:40):
Oh my God, I mean again.
I grew up in a blue Texas withDemocratic governors and
senators and Richards, barbaraJordan, so that Texas was
definitely better thanCalifornia.
But now, I mean now Texas islike freaking Afghanistan.
It's horrible.

Carmen Lezeth (45:59):
Right, Okay, thank you.
Brian's gonna lose his shitlater, so it's all good, he's
gonna start typing really bad.
He always fights with me aboutthe Red Sox and about Houston
and about Texas and hating LosAngeles, so whatever that's his
thing, he's my nemesis.
You know Bobby Flay, Texas.
Who's Bobby Flay?
Am I supposed to know who thatis?

Rick Costa (46:20):
I've noticed that a lot of people that have acted
for a while and then theystopped, they're like now I
wanna be a director.
Why do you think that might be?

Carmen Lezeth (46:29):
Cause they're crazy.

Joel Lava (46:30):
Well because they're crazy?
Oh Cause it's more creativecontrol, I think.
Cause if you've acted for awhile and you feel like you're
in command of your craft, younaturally wanna expand that to a
larger creative vision, whichwould mean directing.

Carmen Lezeth (46:44):
But if they wanna do it doesn't mean that they're
good at it.
It's kind of like when WhitneyHouston, amazing singer, decided
that she would do some actingand as much as I love her and
love that movie horrible acting,I don't care what anyone says.
The bodyguard it's a great, funmovie, but she's not an actress
, you know.
But I think everybody thinksthey can direct but they don't

(47:08):
understand.
It's really hard.
Being a director is a hard job.
You gotta be really good at it.

Rick Costa (47:14):
If somebody wanted to pursue that, what would you
suggest?

Joel Lava (47:17):
Well, keep plugging away.

Carmen Lezeth (47:20):
Don't do it Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it
.

Joel Lava (47:22):
Wow, no, but seriously if you've never
directed, yeah, just grab youriPhone and set up, just do like
a two minute dialogue scene oranything, but just keep it
really simple and really shortso that you're not overwhelmed
and never completes and justkind of build up from there.
And I also think and I didn'tdo this this is great advice for

(47:43):
anyone in any artistic field.
I think is literally copysomething you admire.
Literally, when you're learningto draw, you're copying like
comic books, you're copyingexactly what your favorite.
So if you're directing,literally recreate your favorite
scene shot for shot, samecamera angles, same everything.
Storyboard it out first like ascene from Indiana Jones or

(48:06):
something.
Take like a one minute sequence, storyboard it out first, then
shoot it shot for shot.

Carmen Lezeth (48:12):
If you think everyone knows what a storyboard
is, people don't know what astoryboard is.

Joel Lava (48:16):
All right.
Well then, let's just say justshoot it shot for shot.
Try and put the camera in theexact same positions in the
actors, and you'll be thinkingand seeing it how that director
did.
So that's literally the bestway to learn.
I'm not saying to createoriginal work, but to learn.

Carmen Lezeth (48:31):
Yeah, too adorable.
Do you write scripts, Joe?

Joel Lava (48:34):
I've tried, and that's part of the reason why
I'm not David Fincher yet,because I don't have anything.

Carmen Lezeth (48:39):
Okay, all right, cool.
I love telling stories.
I think telling stories isgreat.
I think writing them down andhaving someone act them out.
I think people are confused howhard it is to create a movie
Like people, and then I thinkRick is learning that.
Right, rick, you're starting toget a flavor, because I keep
forcing you.

(49:00):
Well, it's not just me, but I'mlike that's not how it works.

Rick Costa (49:03):
I have a natural curiosity anyway, and I don't
think people realize how manypeople are involved.
They just see what you see inthe screen, but there's so many
more people behind the scenes.
People don't think about that.

Carmen Lezeth (49:14):
Yeah, and people, you should always watch the
credits, because if you wouldwatch the credits, especially
like on a Marvel movie, I mean,it's thousands of people that
made this one piece of art.
You know, ryan says I've alwayswanted to be a stunt performer,
especially Jackie Chan's team.
Well, maybe I'll have my friend, who's a stunt double, on here.
That's a good idea, brian.

(49:35):
Maybe I'll do that for you sothat he could be on here.
Yeah, no, I am not delusionalenough to think I could ever be
a director.
It's not what I ever wanted todo, but I am fascinated by
storytelling and possibly takingone of my stories and making it
into a film, like havingsomebody do that.
So that's kind of what I'mthinking of in the future.

(49:58):
But, yeah, I would never takethat on.
I think it's so much work, likeon a whole other level, not my
thing.

Rick Costa (50:06):
Thomas said yes, always amazed at how many
companies are used to do thespecial effects.

Carmen Lezeth (50:10):
yeah, Brian's making fun of me.
You have patience to be adirector.
I do not say I feel the sameway.
Well, we've hit the hour mark,which is usually when we cut off
our show.
Is Ted on right now?
I can check, he was here, butBrian, I have no patience for
you, wow.
Well, you're right, I reallydon't have patience.

(50:33):
I know what my weaknesses are,and I think that's kind of the
difference between a lot ofpeople is I'm not confused by my
strengths and my weaknesses.

Rick Costa (50:42):
Well, a director, just to bring some more
simplicity.
As you're filming, the directorreally is the head, honcho, the
chief.

Carmen Lezeth (50:51):
Did you think I was lying to you I?

Rick Costa (50:53):
just want to hear from Joel.

Joel Lava (50:54):
I'm just bringing clarity to people that want to
understand, I would say yes,yeah, I mean.
Obviously, if it's a commercial, you're really the clients call
the ultimate shots, forinstance, and on some movies the
actor or the studio may beoverly influential, but in a
vacuum, yes, on a set, thedirector is the head honcho.

Carmen Lezeth (51:16):
Steven Spielberg is the head of his film, without
a doubt.
You know what I mean.
Like, when you get to thatplace, there's not going to be
no studio, no client, nobodygoing to be telling Steven
Spielberg.
You know what?
We don't like the blue, weprefer green.
He going to be like it's goingto be blue.
You know what I mean?

Joel Lava (51:33):
No one's going to say blue.
For instance, chloe Zhao didthe Eternals after she did the
movie with Frances McDormandpooping in a van and apparently,
as I understand it, she a lotof the action sequences were
already planned out.
They did animatics and stuff.
So a lot of that stuff was doneregardless of that.

(51:57):
She was directing it.
So there's divisions of laborlike that.
They hire someone like Chloe totry to bring more humanity to
the story, but for actionsequences and a lot of stuff a
lot of decisions were alreadybeing made without her.

Carmen Lezeth (52:11):
I wouldn't want that.
I mean, would you want that,joe?
I mean, if you're going todirect a film, right, okay, yeah
, I can't even imagine you'dwant that, yeah.

Joel Lava (52:19):
Now I don't know specifically how true that is at
all True, that is, yeah, itdoesn't make sense.

Carmen Lezeth (52:24):
It doesn't make sense, yeah.

Joel Lava (52:26):
Because there's one, these Marvel movies.
You know, at least up until nowthey've just been churning them
out.
So they're already doing LookDev, which is developing looks
of the news, whatever they'redoing, animatics, which is doing
digital sequences before theyshoot them as a guide.
So they're just going forwardbefore a lot of the details and
players are locked in, likeactors and directors and

(52:49):
everything.

Carmen Lezeth (52:49):
Right, right Now, that makes sense, huh, okay,
well, I mean, rick, do you haveany more questions for him about
film?
I was having much more fun withall the other stuff, but we
don't have you on the show again.

Joel Lava (53:01):
You owe me another one.
I feel like I failed you.

Carmen Lezeth (53:04):
I am going to have a sweetie.
What is wrong with you?

Joel Lava (53:07):
Not at all.
Oh, because I was talking aboutlike bad things and ways that
kids can't hear it.

Carmen Lezeth (53:14):
Okay, I just want to say this Rick, you know me
well enough now.
Do you see why I adore this man?
You get me right, but he'scompletely clueless, Like it's
so funny.
Joel, I adore you, I thinkyou're a sweetheart.
I want you to come back on theshow when we have your internet

(53:34):
better and you know what I meanand you're a w.
I mean, I'm not gonna lie toyou.
I saw how you reacted when yousaw people on LinkedIn jumping
on and I know you're like, no,it's fine, whatever, but I want
you, now that you know, I wantyou to come back on the show and
we can have another.
And maybe you can come on withsome other people, like when we
have Tony on or Andrea would befun to have you on with her, and

(53:56):
maybe Rosalie will come on.
That would be fun.

Joel Lava (53:59):
For the record, I offered to go to your place and
sit with you for this, so I know, I know, I know.

Carmen Lezeth (54:05):
You did offer that, and that was like clearly
you didn't see the show, youdon't have to be here, but we
can do that too, so it's allgood.

Rick Costa (54:12):
Brian's got a question.
He said what's your mainspecialty that you like to
direct?

Joel Lava (54:16):
Well, that's a very layered question because I've
like been pigeonholed into somethings and I want to move out.
So what I want to do versuswhat I do and can.
But I mean I want to direct,like I would love to do like an
action comedy.
So there's like because to me,a great action comedy like
Midnight Run has funny parts, ithas heartwarming parts, it has

(54:38):
action, so I would like to doall of that.
I mean I love, I lovechoreography, whether it's
dancing or fighting action kindof stuff.
I love that.
That's also fun.
And music videos.
But yeah, I want to dosomething that has emotion and
humanity in it, like emotionalpull, but it doesn't mean I want

(54:59):
to do terms of endearment, youknow.

Carmen Lezeth (55:02):
Right, can you direct me, joel, that's your boy
or no?
That's funny, do you?
I mean, you do commercials, butthat's just this next level.
Right, that's not ultimate youwant to do, but the commercials
you do.
What I love about them is thatthey're storytelling Like you.
Actually, you can tell thedifference.

(55:23):
You're not selling, you're notjust selling, you're actually
telling a story, you know, untilthey're like mini films.

Joel Lava (55:30):
That's what I like about the stuff you're doing and
the best case scenario yeah, Imean 30, a great commercial is
like a 30 second story, which isactually pretty hard to do when
you got to pack so much in.
And that comes from the writing, though.
I mean commercials areobviously very collaborative
with clients and writers anddirectors and creative directors
, but yeah, they're like minipoems.

Carmen Lezeth (55:52):
Right, you can direct the comedy of Carmen and.

Joel Lava (55:55):
I'll be the editor.
I'll do that.
Let's do it.
Let's take it.
Oh my God.

Carmen Lezeth (55:59):
I would just hit him.
It would just mean hitting himover and over and over again,
right.

Joel Lava (56:05):
I like stuff like this.
As a director, though, I wouldmake that an engaging story.

Carmen Lezeth (56:10):
You know what you actually would?
Oh, yeah, he would.
He would.
Daniel says I had drama honorsin high school and did drama in
college as well.
Oh, you're still about acting.
So you know he's not an actor,right, but you do a lot of
casting, right?
Do you get involved in thecasting aspects of things, joel?

Joel Lava (56:29):
Oh yeah, For sure.
Like auditions and the way itworks in the commercial world is
you do the auditions and youlet them know which lines and
how to say it.
Then I pick my top five andthen I also do my
recommendations and I usuallyget like 50% of the time.

Carmen Lezeth (56:49):
Right.
But then the client says, oh,we need, we want this person or
whatever.
Then that kind of sometimessucks if it's not your person,
right yeah.

Joel Lava (56:57):
Because that's commercial.
Occasionally they'll picksomeone that I can tell won't do
well or it'll be hard to direct, and then you get on set and
they don't have the range.
That's why they weren't mychoice, and but you have to make
it work.

Carmen Lezeth (57:09):
Yeah, I hate commercial acting.
You really.
I lost an agent because I toldthem not doing any more
commercials.
I was great doing commercialsfor voiceover acting that I was
great at, but I hated going inbecause it was.
It was such a quick turnaround,right.
You find out that day that youhave an audition for a
commercial and then go and yousee the storyboards and I am not

(57:34):
that person.
I need time with the material.
I am totally like I need.
It's hard to do commercialacting and I say bravo to all my
friends who've made money doingcommercials.
I'm so proud of that, you know,especially during the strike.
But yeah, I made my money doingvoiceover work and I'm so
grateful that's when I made mymoney and I was doing voiceover

(57:56):
work when I was at Brandy'sschool I bet you didn't know
that Of course.
You were doing your directingand I was doing my voiceover
stuff.
All right, I feel like yourinternet's getting better.

Joel Lava (58:07):
Yeah.

Carmen Lezeth (58:07):
Is that weird when we're done?

Joel Lava (58:10):
That's Murphy's law.

Carmen Lezeth (58:11):
It is Murphy's law, all right.
Well, everyone, I am going tocut this off, but thank you so
much for stopping by.
I appreciate, joel.
I adore you, I do, and I'm gladyou came on here.
Wait, are you going to promiseme that you're going to come
back on?
I want it recorded.

Joel Lava (58:25):
I promise.

Rick Costa (58:26):
Okay, cool All right , yeah, I think we scratched the
surface.
We got more.
We got more.

Carmen Lezeth (58:32):
And we want his internet working really well so
that we can really get into it.
All right, everyone Bye.
Thank you so much.
See you soon.
Bye, Brian.

Joel Lava (58:40):
Thank you, it was an honor and a pleasure.

Carmen Lezeth (58:44):
Thanks for stopping by.
All about the joy Be better andstay beautiful.
Folks have a sweet day.