August 20, 2023 • 27 mins
How much of our craving for connection is influenced by societal fragmentation? From the shared euphoria at high-energy concerts to the simple bonding over a Barbie movie, we explore how our collective quest for connection drives us to these shared experiences. Yet, we go a step further to dissect the role of technology and social media, often blamed for our societal divide, and put forth a different perspective. We make a case for these platforms as conduits for our shared human experience, if used authentically.
Navigating relationships, both online and offline, can be a tricky endeavor. In this episode, we tackle the uncomfortable but necessary art of setting boundaries, dismissing the idea of needing to be liked by everyone, and fostering relationships based on understanding and respect. We also delve into how our past shapes our responses and how to navigate tough discussions. To add an extra layer of depth, we invite a ghost writer to shed light on the process of translating personal stories and experiences into compelling narratives. Join us for this insightful conversation about fostering genuine human connections in our fragmented society.
Thank you for stopping by. Please visit our website: All About The Joy and add, like and share. You can also support us by shopping at our STORE - We'd appreciate that greatly. Also, if you want to find us anywhere on social media, please check out the link in bio page.
Music By Geovane Bruno, Moments, 3481
Editing by Team A-J
Host, Carmen Lezeth
DISCLAIMER: As always, please do your own research and understand that the opinions in this podcast and livestream are meant for entertainment purposes only. States and other areas may have different rules and regulations governing certain aspects discussed in this podcast. Nothing in our podcast or livestream is meant to be medical or legal advice. Please use common sense, and when in doubt, ask a professional for advice, assistance, help and guidance.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Carmen Lezeth (00:00):
Hi everyone.
Welcome to All About the Joythe podcast.
I'm Carmen Lezeth and, asalways, I am really grateful for
people who take the time tolisten to my podcast.
I also wanna give a shout outto everyone who is so supportive
of our live stream on Thursdaynights at 6 pm Pacific time.
(00:21):
Thank you so much.
We're gonna have a guest thisupcoming Thursday, which will be
really fun and interesting,because he is a writer and he's
actually a ghost writer.
So if you were ever interestedin possibly writing about your
own life or your own stories, oryou have an idea for a book,
(00:42):
but you're not necessarilysomebody who wants to write it
themselves, you're gonna meetsomebody who does this for a
living.
So that should be really aninteresting interview.
So we'll have him on onThursday and I would share his
name, but I don't want to yet.
So look it.
I'm just saying thank you.
Seriously, I am shocked by howmany people are liking our pages
(01:04):
, especially on LinkedIn.
If you could follow us onYouTube and follow us on
Facebook, that'd be great too.
What it does is it really justhelps us solidify that we have a
base of people that areinterested in what we're doing,
and it just helps me, as a smallbusiness, to be able to move
forward.
So, you know, we always talkabout wanting to support small
(01:26):
businesses, and I'm just reallyappreciative of everyone who has
taken the time to do that, andmuch quicker than I really
thought.
So thank you.
All right, let's get on with it.
This past week, we talked aboutjust kind of an interesting
dynamic that I want to dive intoagain, which is based on a
(01:47):
tweet that actually wasn't atweet.
You know I keep saying that.
By the way, I have now sinceeliminated my Twitter account,
and I have to tell you it waskind of one of the best things
I've done in a really long time,mostly because I don't want to
support Twitter anyways.
It's become kind of this reallynegative space for me
(02:08):
personally ever since Elon Muskdid turn around and purchase it.
It feels like it's just not agreat healthy place for me, and
so I wasn't really interactingon there, but I was using it as
a place to still promote my livestreams and some of my small
social media posts that I'vebeen doing, and I realized
(02:30):
there's not a lot of interactionthere.
Fair enough, because I'm nottaking the time to do it as well
.
So yeah, and also, I don'tthink we need to have every
single piece of social media.
I don't think we have to poston every.
It's just too much.
You know, I've also never had aPinterest account.
I know there's a lot of peoplewho use Pinterest and I'm a fan
(02:51):
of Pinterest.
I don't use it at all, so Ihave no ills about it, but it's
just not something I use and Ithink that's okay.
So, anyway, I got rid of thataccount and I've been checking
out threads and a formercoworker of mine and now friend
of mine, Joel Lava, had postedthis thread and here's what it
(03:14):
says Barbenheimer and TaylorSwift show that as our society
becomes more fragmented,humanity craves bonding events
that create connection.
So, in my simple way of viewingthis thread, this statement
that Joel talked about, I'mgoing to say this we see
(03:35):
evidence every day in our liveswhere we are so fragmented as a
society, right, where we seethat we are losing connection
between each other.
And then there are thesemoments where something happens,
and in this case, the Barbiemovie or Oppenheimer movie, or
the Beyoncé concerts or theTaylor Swift concerts I'll even
(03:59):
throw in the Harry styleconcerts where everybody is
gravitating towards beingtogether to enjoy something.
Right, because if not, nobodywould be buying tickets or they
wouldn't be these crazed kind ofamazing sold out shows, even
though they're so expensive.
It's just an interestingdynamic to see, because what
(04:22):
he's saying and what I believeto be true I think we all know
this is that we all crave to bewith other human beings.
We're social human beings, so wewant to connect, we want to
talk, and I know people thinkit's really cool to be like oh,
I love being alone.
No, you don't.
You're good being alone andmaybe you have more tendencies
(04:45):
to be okay being by yourself.
But at the end of the day, weare all social beings and the
reason why, or one of thereasons why, we end up in a
spiral of depression or sadnessor sickness or illness or mental
health is when we do notinteract with other people.
(05:05):
So stop saying that like it'ssome cool thing, like, yeah, I'm
fine being alone.
No, you're not.
And here's the other thing thatI think is really an interesting
thing that people do is theykeep saying, yeah, well, covid
made us be on social media.
Social media has been aroundway before COVID happened.
(05:27):
Did it force us to usetechnology better so that we
could continue to have theseinteractions, so that we could
work, so that we could stayconnected with other people.
Absolutely, absolutely.
But it was, you know, anextreme situation and we walked
through it.
But this idea that now we'reblaming COVID as this reason why
(05:51):
we were forced to be online isjust another piece of bullshit
really that we keep tellingourselves.
You know, I mean, being onlineis a tool.
Using technology as a tool is agood thing.
So being online is not I'vesaid this a million times and
maybe somebody smarter, withmore degrees, or somebody who
(06:12):
has the resources to make itinto a book.
You know, it's always somebodyelse who takes like any thread
of idea from other people andthen make it into a big,
extravagant thing, and I'm finewith it if it helps humanity.
Here's the thing being online orbeing in person is the same
exact thing when it comes toconnecting and socializing with
(06:36):
other people.
If you are authenticallyyourself online.
I'm not talking about peoplewho you know don't use their
actual names or don't show theirface, or you know you have no
way to know who they are andthey could be a bot or they're
not a bot.
You know you have the right todo whatever you want, but what
I'm talking about is actualpeople who go online as
(06:58):
themselves.
You can find out who they areby just typing in their name.
You can see their websites, oryou can see their live streams
or their YouTube or whateverlike you start to learn who they
are, right.
So there are plenty.
You know, gary V is probablyone of my favorite people.
You know he seems to beauthentically who he is, whether
he's in person or he's on anysocial media.
(07:22):
You know you're not confused.
You know his name, you know whohe is.
I'm talking about those people.
So when you use technology as atool, you are socializing.
Now, are there differences frombeing online and being in person
?
Of course and we talked alittle bit about that in the
live stream, and I do think youknow people get upset with me
(07:44):
because when I go in to be aconsultant at companies, people
think that I'm a big fan of workfrom home.
I'm not a big fan of work fromhome.
I think some people do reallywell working from home, I think
others do not, and no matterwhat, there is something that
you lose.
I love technology and I loveyou know that we can do Zoom or
(08:06):
we can do these kind ofconversations online, but there
is something lost, and thenthere's also something gained
about being able to be online.
Right, there is this amazingability to be more efficient, to
work quietly, to not be at thewater cooler.
So I really believe that thattechnology and being online is
(08:27):
just another tool.
It's another, you know, tool inthe toolbox that we use to
become better people, to be ourauthentic selves, and in doing
that, we are still creatingconnections.
We are still craving theability to be acknowledged by
other people.
(08:47):
Right, we are still doingsomething that allows us to
interact with our family members, our, you know, our coworkers,
interacting with friends, doingthe live stream that I do.
All about the joy.
That whole idea is aboutgetting people together once a
week, like we used to do back inthe day when we didn't have all
(09:09):
this computer and technology.
But it would be your ownneighborhood, right, you would
come home from work or rehearsalor whatever it is, and you
would sit on the stoop, you know, you would just hang out in the
neighborhood and talk aboutyour day, you know, and that's
what I'm trying to do with thatlive stream, with all about the
joy on Thursday nights, right At6pm Pacific time, just in case
(09:31):
you don't know.
But that's one of the thingsI'm trying to do is finding
connections with people on aregular basis just to laugh a
little bit or vent a little bit,or because we all crave that.
Right?
We all have a need to connectwith each other, and the reason
why we become so fragmented as asociety when it comes to this
(09:54):
topic, as far as I'm concerned,is because we don't appreciate
the power that being online is.
We keep thinking it's aseparate entity, so people go in
online and don't realize thatyou have to nurture and you have
to do all the same things youneed to do in real life in order
(10:17):
to establish relationships.
Right?
I have said this over and overand over again and I'm going to
say it again I am friendly withpeople, whether it's online or
in person, or at work or in theneighborhood, right?
It doesn't matter Online or inreal life.
(10:38):
I am friendly with people allthe time.
But do not get it twisted justbecause I'm friendly with you
doesn't mean we're friends.
The ability to be friends withpeople requires history.
It requires a give and take.
It requires the ability to havearguments, to have
(11:01):
disagreements and not turnaround and name call to be angry
and not be able to work throughthings.
Like I find it fascinating thatpeople think that just because
you've had a few interactionswith them online, that now you
owe them something, right, andit's like no, no, no, we have
not developed a relationship yet.
(11:21):
It's kind of like if I meetsomebody at the grocery store
and you know we have a fewconversations now they think
that I'm their best buddy orwhatever, just because we were
talking in the vegetable orfruit aisle or something.
You know what I mean in theproduce section.
Relationships, no matter whetherthey are online or whether they
(11:41):
are in real life, offline, taketime, take patience, take an
amount of respect that I thinkpeople don't have online, and
that's kind of what I want totalk about too.
Like if you don't respect humanbeings online.
Like, for example, if you goonline under a different name.
(12:02):
That's your choice, okay.
I also have an account that Isometimes go online because I
don't want to be bothered.
I never comment on that, butI'm just going to say it
straight up.
I never use my real name when Igo to shop or look at stuff.
I don't use that real emailaddress because I don't want all
(12:25):
of the algorithms and everybodyto know that I'm going here or
going there or checking this outor whatever.
Sometimes I just want to be anobserver.
But when you take that pretendpersona and you start developing
it so that it becomes a crueland bad person and you start
(12:46):
interacting with people with theworst parts of who you are,
that's where we start to get introuble and that's what a lot of
people do online.
The irony is that in doing that, you're just isolating yourself
because we end up not likingyou and hating you anyway.
When you are always pretendingto be someone, you're always
(13:08):
behind a curtain.
Nobody ever really knows whoyou are and you're using that to
be cruel or to be mean or to beevil or to do the things I
guess you want to do but wouldnever do under your own name,
your own brand.
That's when you start.
Not only are you hurting otherpeople.
(13:29):
Hopefully other people arelearning to just avoid and
dismiss and ignore nasty humanbeings online, just like you
would in real life.
If you come across someone who'sjust screaming and yelling at
the top of their lungs at thestreet corner.
Do you go up and startinteracting with them?
Do you start turning around andbeing like, hey, why are you
(13:51):
doing this?
No, most of us will walk awaybecause we know that person has
maybe some issues, is a littlebit volatile.
I'm going to stay away fromthem.
Maybe I will do this otherthing, which is maybe call the
cops to make sure that they arehelped before they hurt somebody
else.
We do all these things to stayaway from the crazy, nasty
(14:12):
people.
So why is it that, when you'reonline and you come across these
people who are not being theirauthentic selves, why are you
interacting with those people?
Why are you taking so much timeand energy to prove them wrong
or right?
What is it about people who arenot their actual selves that is
(14:34):
triggering you to argue andfight with these people?
That is what you need to do.
And here's the other thing Ifyou come across people online
that you don't like, you do nothave to interact with them,
whether they're being theirauthentic selves or not.
Here's the funny part, I feellike, because I see online the
(14:58):
same way as I see in real life.
I am not confused by the factthat I like some people and I
don't like other people.
And here's the hard part formost people.
I know a lot of people don'tlike me, Holler, that's a real
life too.
The people who like me like meand the people who don't are not
(15:20):
in my life, and you know what?
I think that's a good thing.
This idea that everybody has tolike you or that you're so
fascinating that we have tofigure out who you are and talk
to you that is a weird ego thingon your part.
If you have an interaction withsomebody that you don't like
online, Papi please move on, doyour thing.
(15:44):
I know I can tell you peoplewho don't like me in real life
and people who don't like meonline, and I'm okay with that
because my ego isn't so messedup that I think that everyone on
the planet is supposed to agreewith me, like me or want to be
(16:04):
around me.
So why am I talking about this?
I'm talking about this becauseI feel again I'm going to go
back to the thing that Joeltalked about we are craving
connections, but it's notbecause of social media, it's
not.
It's because we're human beings.
That's what we do, and we areaccidentally fragmenting
(16:28):
ourselves, isolating ourselvesby lying to ourselves all the
time by thinking that beingonline means that we don't have
to do the work to have the realrelationships we want to have
because we're online.
Just because you exist does notmean I have to appreciate you
(16:51):
like you, be in the room withyou or put up with your
bullshittery, and the same goesfor you.
And here's the great thing Onceyou start realizing in real
life or on the interwebs orwhatever on the internet, once
you start to realize thateveryone doesn't have to be in
your life or, like you, youstart letting go of people who
(17:16):
do not benefit your life, itmakes it really easy to walk
away.
You know, do I have some regrets?
Absolutely.
I had one roommate when I firstmoved to Los Angeles and we
were the best of friends and wenever had a relationship, but he
(17:37):
was my roommate and we had verydifferent lives.
But what ended up happening waswe would go to the beach
together at night, we'd be eachother's wingman, you know, quote
, unquote.
I mean I was his wingwoman andhe was my wingman, and we'd go
to a bar or we'd go out to arestaurant, and you know what I
mean.
It was just really kind of afun relationship and then
(17:57):
something happened between usand we ended up not talking
anymore and it was kind of aterrible thing, like there were
very few people that I dismissin my life, even if I know it's
in my best interest or theirbest interest that I have any
regrets about.
You know this person I miss somuch all the time.
I love him and I miss him, youknow.
(18:18):
But I also know that it's inhis best interest and my best
interest that we are no longerfriends because we can't be
right, because we both crossedthe line and we can't seem to
figure out how to get connectedagain.
And you know what.
That's what happens.
But more times than not, when Idismiss people right away, it's
(18:40):
when you show me who you are.
This is in real life again, oron the Internet.
When you show me who you are,I'm good.
I am good with making adecision to walk away from you,
because it is in my bestinterest to do that and it's
also in your best interest to dothat, even if you don't realize
(19:04):
it is.
Here's the thing, when you canstart to understand that other
people walk into your life orback into your life, and it's
amazing the reason why it's soeasy for me to dismiss people.
I've been doing this for way toolong, by the way, because at
first it was a survivalmechanism for me as a kid,
(19:24):
dismissing people that were nothelping me or lying to me or
just hurting me right.
I was able to realize I thinkby force as a kid, that I needed
to make those decisions to runaway from people who were not in
my corner.
And then over time, I startedto see the benefits of that,
(19:44):
because it can be isolating todo that.
But when you realize that it'sbetter to be by yourself than to
be around toxicity, the doorsopen up and you start to meet
and see other people that youweren't able to see before,
because when you're in thattunnel, you can't see anything
(20:04):
else except what's right there.
So when you move that away, youcan walk forward and you start
to see other people, and I thinkthat's why it's so easy for me.
I don't pay attention to peopleonline or in real life who are
not worthy of my attention, andthat doesn't mean I don't
(20:29):
forgive people, like if we makea mistake and they forgive me
and I'm not saying that's a realrelationship when you get to
that place where you can havelike I'm not trying to pretend,
like people must be nice to meall the time or we're not gonna
be friends no real friendships.
Real friendships are abouthaving real connections and that
(20:49):
means pluses and minuses andnegative and positive moments
and being able to work throughthose as friends my best friends
and you've met a couple of themso far but Andrea is one of my
best friends.
We've known each other for aridiculous long time and the
thing that I love about it islike I don't even think we've
(21:09):
had a fight in a long time,because we know each other so
well now that there's nothing wedon't approach each other with
in a way that we understand thatwe can both take it in.
Like even if she has to tell mesomething really horrible,
something I need to hear, sheknows me so well that she knows
how to approach me and I do thesame thing with her.
(21:31):
But you're talking 20 years ofgoing back and forth and having
conversations.
That's what a relationship is.
So this idea that being onlineis different than being in real
life, I think is part of theproblem why people are so
fragmented Because people goonline and they are not their
(21:53):
best selves, they are not theirmost authentic selves.
They are not doing their duediligence in working on
relationships to make them whatthey can be.
And so if you're not having anyrelationships in real life and
all you're doing is going onlineand being a nasty person or an
inauthentic person or namecalling and being angry at the
(22:17):
planet and the world and neverbeing able to see your own
problems and your own issues,you can't change nobody else.
How do people that are grownmotherfudgeon people not
understand for the life of themthat you will never change other
(22:39):
people?
My job on the planet is not tofix you.
My job on the planet is to onlyfix and improve and do the best
I can for me.
That's it.
I have no interest whatsoeverespecially if you're an adult,
(23:00):
to sit and try to teach you whatyou did wrong and who you are
and blah, blah, blah.
No, I'm not gonna do thatonline.
I'm not gonna do it in reallife.
You are grown.
You are grown if you areincapable of seeing that you are
the common denominator in everyone of your situations and you
(23:21):
can't take the time to try toreassess and look at yourself
and be like why is it?
Every time I'm in thissituation I get this response?
I don't know what to tell youbecause that has nothing to do
with being online.
That has everything to do withyou understanding who you are in
the world.
(23:43):
So connections are importantbecause we're human beings.
The internet is a tool for usto use to keep having these
relationships, and the greatthing about the interwebs is
that we can have relationshipsand meet people from everywhere.
Now I don't have to go to Italyto meet somebody who lives in
(24:07):
Italy to try to connect withthem and build a relationship.
I can meet them online and Ican Start having a relationship
with that person and seeing ifwe can become friends, you know.
So, for those of you who don'tknow, I'm totally talking about
Nazim, because I want to govisit him and his wife in Italy.
(24:28):
But, in all seriousness, I feellike this is a really important
part of what we were talkingabout on Thursday and I couldn't
really expand on it.
But I do believe that we arefragmented right now as a
society, but it's because we asindividuals are not doing our
(24:50):
due diligence to use the toolswe have in front of us to really
work on the relationships wewant to have.
If you really want to have arelationship with someone,
whether online or in real life,then you need to do the work to
have that friendship, to havethat relationship.
And if you're not willing to dothe work, if you just want to
(25:13):
keep blaming people or blamingthe internet, or blaming
politics or, you know, twitteror whatever it is you want to
blame, then you're going to keepbeing miserable, you're going
to keep being sad and you'regoing to keep not finding joy.
I know right.
You see how I brought that allaround.
It's always all about the joy.
How can you find joy in everysingle situation?
(25:39):
And if you ask yourself thatquestion, you can start trying
to figure out why am I alwayssad?
Why am I always miserable?
Why am I always in toxicrelationships?
Why am I not meeting morepeople?
Why am I?
You're the common denominator.
You have to figure out foryourself how to find some of
(26:00):
that joy.
It's not easy, but it is doable.
So thank you for stopping by, asalways, I really appreciate it.
Again, please follow us onFacebook.
We have a page there, all aboutthe joy.
You can also just find me right, @carmenlezeth.
You can Google my name and youcan turn around and go to Carmen
(26:25):
Suarez.
com or Carmen Lezeth.
com and you can find everythingyou need there to just try to
follow us, but also go toallaboutthejoy.
com and all the links are thereto help us out.
If you go to double A JOY .
com, which is All About The Joy.
com, you can also find the linksthere to all the pages as well.
(26:48):
I appreciate everyone doingtheir best to be as supportive
as possible and again I lookforward to talking to all of you
at the next live stream oragain here on the podcast.
Until next time, thanks forstopping by.
All about the joy.
Be better and stay beautifulfolks.
Have a sweet day.
Hi everyone.
Welcome to All About the Joythe podcast.
I'm Carmen Lezeth and, asalways, I am really grateful for
people who take the time tolisten to my podcast.
I also wanna give a shout outto everyone who is so supportive
of our live stream on Thursdaynights at 6 pm Pacific time.
(00:21):
Thank you so much.
We're gonna have a guest thisupcoming Thursday, which will be
really fun and interesting,because he is a writer and he's
actually a ghost writer.
So if you were ever interestedin possibly writing about your
own life or your own stories, oryou have an idea for a book,
(00:42):
but you're not necessarilysomebody who wants to write it
themselves, you're gonna meetsomebody who does this for a
living.
So that should be really aninteresting interview.
So we'll have him on onThursday and I would share his
name, but I don't want to yet.
So look it.
I'm just saying thank you.
Seriously, I am shocked by howmany people are liking our pages
(01:04):
, especially on LinkedIn.
If you could follow us onYouTube and follow us on
Facebook, that'd be great too.
What it does is it really justhelps us solidify that we have a
base of people that areinterested in what we're doing,
and it just helps me, as a smallbusiness, to be able to move
forward.
So, you know, we always talkabout wanting to support small
(01:26):
businesses, and I'm just reallyappreciative of everyone who has
taken the time to do that, andmuch quicker than I really
thought.
So thank you.
All right, let's get on with it.
This past week, we talked aboutjust kind of an interesting
dynamic that I want to dive intoagain, which is based on a
(01:47):
tweet that actually wasn't atweet.
You know I keep saying that.
By the way, I have now sinceeliminated my Twitter account,
and I have to tell you it waskind of one of the best things
I've done in a really long time,mostly because I don't want to
support Twitter anyways.
It's become kind of this reallynegative space for me
(02:08):
personally ever since Elon Muskdid turn around and purchase it.
It feels like it's just not agreat healthy place for me, and
so I wasn't really interactingon there, but I was using it as
a place to still promote my livestreams and some of my small
social media posts that I'vebeen doing, and I realized
(02:30):
there's not a lot of interactionthere.
Fair enough, because I'm nottaking the time to do it as well
.
So yeah, and also, I don'tthink we need to have every
single piece of social media.
I don't think we have to poston every.
It's just too much.
You know, I've also never had aPinterest account.
I know there's a lot of peoplewho use Pinterest and I'm a fan
(02:51):
of Pinterest.
I don't use it at all, so Ihave no ills about it, but it's
just not something I use and Ithink that's okay.
So, anyway, I got rid of thataccount and I've been checking
out threads and a formercoworker of mine and now friend
of mine, Joel Lava, had postedthis thread and here's what it
(03:14):
says Barbenheimer and TaylorSwift show that as our society
becomes more fragmented,humanity craves bonding events
that create connection.
So, in my simple way of viewingthis thread, this statement
that Joel talked about, I'mgoing to say this we see
(03:35):
evidence every day in our liveswhere we are so fragmented as a
society, right, where we seethat we are losing connection
between each other.
And then there are thesemoments where something happens,
and in this case, the Barbiemovie or Oppenheimer movie, or
the Beyoncé concerts or theTaylor Swift concerts I'll even
(03:59):
throw in the Harry styleconcerts where everybody is
gravitating towards beingtogether to enjoy something.
Right, because if not, nobodywould be buying tickets or they
wouldn't be these crazed kind ofamazing sold out shows, even
though they're so expensive.
It's just an interestingdynamic to see, because what
(04:22):
he's saying and what I believeto be true I think we all know
this is that we all crave to bewith other human beings.
We're social human beings, so wewant to connect, we want to
talk, and I know people thinkit's really cool to be like oh,
I love being alone.
No, you don't.
You're good being alone andmaybe you have more tendencies
(04:45):
to be okay being by yourself.
But at the end of the day, weare all social beings and the
reason why, or one of thereasons why, we end up in a
spiral of depression or sadnessor sickness or illness or mental
health is when we do notinteract with other people.
(05:05):
So stop saying that like it'ssome cool thing, like, yeah, I'm
fine being alone.
No, you're not.
And here's the other thing thatI think is really an interesting
thing that people do is theykeep saying, yeah, well, covid
made us be on social media.
Social media has been aroundway before COVID happened.
(05:27):
Did it force us to usetechnology better so that we
could continue to have theseinteractions, so that we could
work, so that we could stayconnected with other people.
Absolutely, absolutely.
But it was, you know, anextreme situation and we walked
through it.
But this idea that now we'reblaming COVID as this reason why
(05:51):
we were forced to be online isjust another piece of bullshit
really that we keep tellingourselves.
You know, I mean, being onlineis a tool.
Using technology as a tool is agood thing.
So being online is not I'vesaid this a million times and
maybe somebody smarter, withmore degrees, or somebody who
(06:12):
has the resources to make itinto a book.
You know, it's always somebodyelse who takes like any thread
of idea from other people andthen make it into a big,
extravagant thing, and I'm finewith it if it helps humanity.
Here's the thing being online orbeing in person is the same
exact thing when it comes toconnecting and socializing with
(06:36):
other people.
If you are authenticallyyourself online.
I'm not talking about peoplewho you know don't use their
actual names or don't show theirface, or you know you have no
way to know who they are andthey could be a bot or they're
not a bot.
You know you have the right todo whatever you want, but what
I'm talking about is actualpeople who go online as
(06:58):
themselves.
You can find out who they areby just typing in their name.
You can see their websites, oryou can see their live streams
or their YouTube or whateverlike you start to learn who they
are, right.
So there are plenty.
You know, gary V is probablyone of my favorite people.
You know he seems to beauthentically who he is, whether
he's in person or he's on anysocial media.
(07:22):
You know you're not confused.
You know his name, you know whohe is.
I'm talking about those people.
So when you use technology as atool, you are socializing.
Now, are there differences frombeing online and being in person
?
Of course and we talked alittle bit about that in the
live stream, and I do think youknow people get upset with me
(07:44):
because when I go in to be aconsultant at companies, people
think that I'm a big fan of workfrom home.
I'm not a big fan of work fromhome.
I think some people do reallywell working from home, I think
others do not, and no matterwhat, there is something that
you lose.
I love technology and I loveyou know that we can do Zoom or
(08:06):
we can do these kind ofconversations online, but there
is something lost, and thenthere's also something gained
about being able to be online.
Right, there is this amazingability to be more efficient, to
work quietly, to not be at thewater cooler.
So I really believe that thattechnology and being online is
(08:27):
just another tool.
It's another, you know, tool inthe toolbox that we use to
become better people, to be ourauthentic selves, and in doing
that, we are still creatingconnections.
We are still craving theability to be acknowledged by
other people.
(08:47):
Right, we are still doingsomething that allows us to
interact with our family members, our, you know, our coworkers,
interacting with friends, doingthe live stream that I do.
All about the joy.
That whole idea is aboutgetting people together once a
week, like we used to do back inthe day when we didn't have all
(09:09):
this computer and technology.
But it would be your ownneighborhood, right, you would
come home from work or rehearsalor whatever it is, and you
would sit on the stoop, you know, you would just hang out in the
neighborhood and talk aboutyour day, you know, and that's
what I'm trying to do with thatlive stream, with all about the
joy on Thursday nights, right At6pm Pacific time, just in case
(09:31):
you don't know.
But that's one of the thingsI'm trying to do is finding
connections with people on aregular basis just to laugh a
little bit or vent a little bit,or because we all crave that.
Right?
We all have a need to connectwith each other, and the reason
why we become so fragmented as asociety when it comes to this
(09:54):
topic, as far as I'm concerned,is because we don't appreciate
the power that being online is.
We keep thinking it's aseparate entity, so people go in
online and don't realize thatyou have to nurture and you have
to do all the same things youneed to do in real life in order
(10:17):
to establish relationships.
Right?
I have said this over and overand over again and I'm going to
say it again I am friendly withpeople, whether it's online or
in person, or at work or in theneighborhood, right?
It doesn't matter Online or inreal life.
(10:38):
I am friendly with people allthe time.
But do not get it twisted justbecause I'm friendly with you
doesn't mean we're friends.
The ability to be friends withpeople requires history.
It requires a give and take.
It requires the ability to havearguments, to have
(11:01):
disagreements and not turnaround and name call to be angry
and not be able to work throughthings.
Like I find it fascinating thatpeople think that just because
you've had a few interactionswith them online, that now you
owe them something, right, andit's like no, no, no, we have
not developed a relationship yet.
(11:21):
It's kind of like if I meetsomebody at the grocery store
and you know we have a fewconversations now they think
that I'm their best buddy orwhatever, just because we were
talking in the vegetable orfruit aisle or something.
You know what I mean in theproduce section.
Relationships, no matter whetherthey are online or whether they
(11:41):
are in real life, offline, taketime, take patience, take an
amount of respect that I thinkpeople don't have online, and
that's kind of what I want totalk about too.
Like if you don't respect humanbeings online.
Like, for example, if you goonline under a different name.
(12:02):
That's your choice, okay.
I also have an account that Isometimes go online because I
don't want to be bothered.
I never comment on that, butI'm just going to say it
straight up.
I never use my real name when Igo to shop or look at stuff.
I don't use that real emailaddress because I don't want all
(12:25):
of the algorithms and everybodyto know that I'm going here or
going there or checking this outor whatever.
Sometimes I just want to be anobserver.
But when you take that pretendpersona and you start developing
it so that it becomes a crueland bad person and you start
(12:46):
interacting with people with theworst parts of who you are,
that's where we start to get introuble and that's what a lot of
people do online.
The irony is that in doing that, you're just isolating yourself
because we end up not likingyou and hating you anyway.
When you are always pretendingto be someone, you're always
(13:08):
behind a curtain.
Nobody ever really knows whoyou are and you're using that to
be cruel or to be mean or to beevil or to do the things I
guess you want to do but wouldnever do under your own name,
your own brand.
That's when you start.
Not only are you hurting otherpeople.
(13:29):
Hopefully other people arelearning to just avoid and
dismiss and ignore nasty humanbeings online, just like you
would in real life.
If you come across someone who'sjust screaming and yelling at
the top of their lungs at thestreet corner.
Do you go up and startinteracting with them?
Do you start turning around andbeing like, hey, why are you
(13:51):
doing this?
No, most of us will walk awaybecause we know that person has
maybe some issues, is a littlebit volatile.
I'm going to stay away fromthem.
Maybe I will do this otherthing, which is maybe call the
cops to make sure that they arehelped before they hurt somebody
else.
We do all these things to stayaway from the crazy, nasty
(14:12):
people.
So why is it that, when you'reonline and you come across these
people who are not being theirauthentic selves, why are you
interacting with those people?
Why are you taking so much timeand energy to prove them wrong
or right?
What is it about people who arenot their actual selves that is
(14:34):
triggering you to argue andfight with these people?
That is what you need to do.
And here's the other thing Ifyou come across people online
that you don't like, you do nothave to interact with them,
whether they're being theirauthentic selves or not.
Here's the funny part, I feellike, because I see online the
(14:58):
same way as I see in real life.
I am not confused by the factthat I like some people and I
don't like other people.
And here's the hard part formost people.
I know a lot of people don'tlike me, Holler, that's a real
life too.
The people who like me like meand the people who don't are not
(15:20):
in my life, and you know what?
I think that's a good thing.
This idea that everybody has tolike you or that you're so
fascinating that we have tofigure out who you are and talk
to you that is a weird ego thingon your part.
If you have an interaction withsomebody that you don't like
online, Papi please move on, doyour thing.
(15:44):
I know I can tell you peoplewho don't like me in real life
and people who don't like meonline, and I'm okay with that
because my ego isn't so messedup that I think that everyone on
the planet is supposed to agreewith me, like me or want to be
(16:04):
around me.
So why am I talking about this?
I'm talking about this becauseI feel again I'm going to go
back to the thing that Joeltalked about we are craving
connections, but it's notbecause of social media, it's
not.
It's because we're human beings.
That's what we do, and we areaccidentally fragmenting
(16:28):
ourselves, isolating ourselvesby lying to ourselves all the
time by thinking that beingonline means that we don't have
to do the work to have the realrelationships we want to have
because we're online.
Just because you exist does notmean I have to appreciate you
(16:51):
like you, be in the room withyou or put up with your
bullshittery, and the same goesfor you.
And here's the great thing Onceyou start realizing in real
life or on the interwebs orwhatever on the internet, once
you start to realize thateveryone doesn't have to be in
your life or, like you, youstart letting go of people who
(17:16):
do not benefit your life, itmakes it really easy to walk
away.
You know, do I have some regrets?
Absolutely.
I had one roommate when I firstmoved to Los Angeles and we
were the best of friends and wenever had a relationship, but he
(17:37):
was my roommate and we had verydifferent lives.
But what ended up happening waswe would go to the beach
together at night, we'd be eachother's wingman, you know, quote
, unquote.
I mean I was his wingwoman andhe was my wingman, and we'd go
to a bar or we'd go out to arestaurant, and you know what I
mean.
It was just really kind of afun relationship and then
(17:57):
something happened between usand we ended up not talking
anymore and it was kind of aterrible thing, like there were
very few people that I dismissin my life, even if I know it's
in my best interest or theirbest interest that I have any
regrets about.
You know this person I miss somuch all the time.
I love him and I miss him, youknow.
(18:18):
But I also know that it's inhis best interest and my best
interest that we are no longerfriends because we can't be
right, because we both crossedthe line and we can't seem to
figure out how to get connectedagain.
And you know what.
That's what happens.
But more times than not, when Idismiss people right away, it's
(18:40):
when you show me who you are.
This is in real life again, oron the Internet.
When you show me who you are,I'm good.
I am good with making adecision to walk away from you,
because it is in my bestinterest to do that and it's
also in your best interest to dothat, even if you don't realize
(19:04):
it is.
Here's the thing, when you canstart to understand that other
people walk into your life orback into your life, and it's
amazing the reason why it's soeasy for me to dismiss people.
I've been doing this for way toolong, by the way, because at
first it was a survivalmechanism for me as a kid,
(19:24):
dismissing people that were nothelping me or lying to me or
just hurting me right.
I was able to realize I thinkby force as a kid, that I needed
to make those decisions to runaway from people who were not in
my corner.
And then over time, I startedto see the benefits of that,
(19:44):
because it can be isolating todo that.
But when you realize that it'sbetter to be by yourself than to
be around toxicity, the doorsopen up and you start to meet
and see other people that youweren't able to see before,
because when you're in thattunnel, you can't see anything
(20:04):
else except what's right there.
So when you move that away, youcan walk forward and you start
to see other people, and I thinkthat's why it's so easy for me.
I don't pay attention to peopleonline or in real life who are
not worthy of my attention, andthat doesn't mean I don't
(20:29):
forgive people, like if we makea mistake and they forgive me
and I'm not saying that's a realrelationship when you get to
that place where you can havelike I'm not trying to pretend,
like people must be nice to meall the time or we're not gonna
be friends no real friendships.
Real friendships are abouthaving real connections and that
(20:49):
means pluses and minuses andnegative and positive moments
and being able to work throughthose as friends my best friends
and you've met a couple of themso far but Andrea is one of my
best friends.
We've known each other for aridiculous long time and the
thing that I love about it islike I don't even think we've
(21:09):
had a fight in a long time,because we know each other so
well now that there's nothing wedon't approach each other with
in a way that we understand thatwe can both take it in.
Like even if she has to tell mesomething really horrible,
something I need to hear, sheknows me so well that she knows
how to approach me and I do thesame thing with her.
(21:31):
But you're talking 20 years ofgoing back and forth and having
conversations.
That's what a relationship is.
So this idea that being onlineis different than being in real
life, I think is part of theproblem why people are so
fragmented Because people goonline and they are not their
(21:53):
best selves, they are not theirmost authentic selves.
They are not doing their duediligence in working on
relationships to make them whatthey can be.
And so if you're not having anyrelationships in real life and
all you're doing is going onlineand being a nasty person or an
inauthentic person or namecalling and being angry at the
(22:17):
planet and the world and neverbeing able to see your own
problems and your own issues,you can't change nobody else.
How do people that are grownmotherfudgeon people not
understand for the life of themthat you will never change other
(22:39):
people?
My job on the planet is not tofix you.
My job on the planet is to onlyfix and improve and do the best
I can for me.
That's it.
I have no interest whatsoeverespecially if you're an adult,
(23:00):
to sit and try to teach you whatyou did wrong and who you are
and blah, blah, blah.
No, I'm not gonna do thatonline.
I'm not gonna do it in reallife.
You are grown.
You are grown if you areincapable of seeing that you are
the common denominator in everyone of your situations and you
(23:21):
can't take the time to try toreassess and look at yourself
and be like why is it?
Every time I'm in thissituation I get this response?
I don't know what to tell youbecause that has nothing to do
with being online.
That has everything to do withyou understanding who you are in
the world.
(23:43):
So connections are importantbecause we're human beings.
The internet is a tool for usto use to keep having these
relationships, and the greatthing about the interwebs is
that we can have relationshipsand meet people from everywhere.
Now I don't have to go to Italyto meet somebody who lives in
(24:07):
Italy to try to connect withthem and build a relationship.
I can meet them online and Ican Start having a relationship
with that person and seeing ifwe can become friends, you know.
So, for those of you who don'tknow, I'm totally talking about
Nazim, because I want to govisit him and his wife in Italy.
(24:28):
But, in all seriousness, I feellike this is a really important
part of what we were talkingabout on Thursday and I couldn't
really expand on it.
But I do believe that we arefragmented right now as a
society, but it's because we asindividuals are not doing our
(24:50):
due diligence to use the toolswe have in front of us to really
work on the relationships wewant to have.
If you really want to have arelationship with someone,
whether online or in real life,then you need to do the work to
have that friendship, to havethat relationship.
And if you're not willing to dothe work, if you just want to
(25:13):
keep blaming people or blamingthe internet, or blaming
politics or, you know, twitteror whatever it is you want to
blame, then you're going to keepbeing miserable, you're going
to keep being sad and you'regoing to keep not finding joy.
I know right.
You see how I brought that allaround.
It's always all about the joy.
How can you find joy in everysingle situation?
(25:39):
And if you ask yourself thatquestion, you can start trying
to figure out why am I alwayssad?
Why am I always miserable?
Why am I always in toxicrelationships?
Why am I not meeting morepeople?
Why am I?
You're the common denominator.
You have to figure out foryourself how to find some of
(26:00):
that joy.
It's not easy, but it is doable.
So thank you for stopping by, asalways, I really appreciate it.
Again, please follow us onFacebook.
We have a page there, all aboutthe joy.
You can also just find me right, @carmenlezeth.
You can Google my name and youcan turn around and go to Carmen
(26:25):
Suarez.
com or Carmen Lezeth.
com and you can find everythingyou need there to just try to
follow us, but also go toallaboutthejoy.
com and all the links are thereto help us out.
If you go to double A JOY .
com, which is All About The Joy.
com, you can also find the linksthere to all the pages as well.
(26:48):
I appreciate everyone doingtheir best to be as supportive
as possible and again I lookforward to talking to all of you
at the next live stream oragain here on the podcast.
Until next time, thanks forstopping by.
All about the joy.
Be better and stay beautifulfolks.
Have a sweet day.
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